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The weary gunfighter
walked slowly through the saloon.
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The long miles from Cheyenne
had taken their toll.
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Who’s saying that stuff?
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He scanned the room
with a suspicious eye.
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Years of being on the wrong side
of the law
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had taught him that a tough man
can get out of a situation,
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00:00:51,559 --> 00:00:53,799
but a smart man
never gets himself into one.
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Please quit doing that.
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I just want to have a shot of whiskey
in peace.
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But the gunfighter would find
no peace
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for the Henderson boys were waiting
in the corner
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to kill him for the two hundred dollars
bounty on his head.
15
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Is that true? You boys try
to kill me like this voice is saying?
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No.
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- Lied the older Henderson Boy.
- How do you know I’m lying?
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The oldest Henderson boy asked the air.
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No, I didn’t ask the air,
I’m asking you, you fuckin’... voice!
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Said the oldest Henderson boy.
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Would you please stop saying
‘said the oldest Henderson boy’?
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Implored Tommy...
The oldest Henderson boy.
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Meanwhile, the younger Henderson's hand
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twitched by the Colt Peacemaker
on his right hip.
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He was thinking of shouting
"Look out behind you!"
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to trick the gunfighter into
turning around
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so he could shoot him in the back.
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No! I was not!
29
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Come on Johnny, again with
the "look out behind you?"
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What were you going to say
was behind him this time?
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Nothin’.
32
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Johnny lied.
He was going to say "A bear."
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A bear? In a saloon Johnny?
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Johnny’s face turned red.
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He began wishing he was in a safe place.
At home. In bed. With his dolls.
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What?!? I ain’t got no dolls!
37
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To calm his nerves, he pictured himself
combing his dolls’ hair
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and pouring them each a cup of tea.
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Nooooo.
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Wait. Wait.
You have tea parties with your dolls?
41
00:02:18,679 --> 00:02:21,319
But something about the younger
Henderson’s vulnerability
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opened a door in the Gunfighter’s heart.
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Nope. No it didn’t.
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Inside a sea of confusing emotions
bubbled to the surface.
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No!
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He started imagining himself holding
the younger Henderson
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and stroking his greasy hair.
48
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Nope.
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He pictured his first kiss
with the younger Henderson.
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They both giggle at how clumsy it was.
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They know
the next one will be even better.
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I am seriously not picturing that.
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But inside he was.
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- No I’m not.
- But he was.
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No I’m not. And that’s the final word.
56
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- But he was.
- God damn it!
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Why don’t you two get a room?
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Hey, why should we trust this voice anyway?
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Just then the gunfighter had an idea.
60
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Hey you, think of a number between
one and a hundred
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and then we’ll see if the voice
really knows what we’re thinking.
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Ok. Got it.
63
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Sally, the whore, began thinking
of her favorite number, which was 32.
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She then thought of her lady parts
and how itchy they were,
65
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before decided to change her mind
and go with 76...
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her second favorite number.
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The voice is right!
68
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32 is my favorite number!
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But then I changed my mind to 76!
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And your cootch?
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Been itching something horrible
since Saturday, Bill.
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You know anything about that?
73
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No.
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He did.
But we’ll get to that in a minute.
75
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Looks like that voice
really does know everything.
76
00:03:50,079 --> 00:03:53,599
The gunfighter noticed for the first time
that the bartender was black.
77
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This was still unusual in the West
78
00:03:56,119 --> 00:03:58,959
but the Gunfighter decided
he was ok with it.
79
00:04:00,159 --> 00:04:01,279
Thanks?
80
00:04:01,439 --> 00:04:03,479
The people in the town prided themselves
81
00:04:03,639 --> 00:04:05,519
for their progressive attitudes
about race.
82
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:06,639
That’s right!
83
00:04:06,799 --> 00:04:08,479
But would they still feel that way
84
00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:11,599
if they knew that Sam had been sleeping
with Ned Schilling’s wife?
85
00:04:11,799 --> 00:04:12,879
What?!?
86
00:04:13,039 --> 00:04:17,239
Relax Ned, everyone’s been with her.
87
00:04:17,759 --> 00:04:20,119
- Guilty.
- Yeah. You’re right.
88
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And Elijah Jessup’s sister.
89
00:04:22,719 --> 00:04:24,519
Well, Sam’s got to die.
90
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:27,719
Watch yourself Jessup.
91
00:04:27,879 --> 00:04:30,359
You best put that gun down
or I’ll cut you in half.
92
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That music seems kind of...
ominous, don’t it?
93
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Ominous, what’s that mean?
94
00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:44,439
Like, you know,
something bad's about to happen.
95
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:46,399
Like a needless gunfight.
96
00:04:46,559 --> 00:04:49,879
The stage was set for an awesome
ballet of death.
97
00:04:50,119 --> 00:04:52,519
Blood would be spilled,
but who would be the first to...
98
00:04:52,679 --> 00:04:55,599
Wait a second!
Ballet of death? What the hell?
99
00:04:55,799 --> 00:04:58,359
I think this voice
wants us to kill each other.
100
00:04:58,519 --> 00:05:01,679
Meanwhile the gunfighter
saw his opening to shoot Tommy dead.
101
00:05:01,999 --> 00:05:05,879
No... no wait, that one really is a lie.
See, my hand isn’t even near my gun.
102
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:09,679
Ok you got me. That one wasn’t true.
But this one is.
103
00:05:09,879 --> 00:05:13,239
Yesterday Tommy Henderson
made sweet love to Bill Jessup’s wife.
104
00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:14,599
Noo!
105
00:05:15,119 --> 00:05:17,119
You made sweet love to our mama?
106
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:20,039
Here’s the thing about that.
107
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Oh you’re dead Henderson!
108
00:05:22,119 --> 00:05:24,799
Said Gabriel, who had recently delivered
a load of cream
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00:05:24,959 --> 00:05:27,079
to the back porch of his brother's wife.
110
00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:30,479
He did her in the butt.
111
00:05:30,639 --> 00:05:31,439
What?!?
112
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,239
How could you? Your own brother!
113
00:05:33,439 --> 00:05:37,439
Yet even as Bill reacted with disgust
the irony was not lost on him...
114
00:05:37,599 --> 00:05:40,319
You know what? I see where you’re going
with this
115
00:05:40,479 --> 00:05:43,759
and I'm just gonna retract my disgust
right now if that's possible...
116
00:05:43,919 --> 00:05:47,159
For he had been regularly sneaking
into Paul Valentine’s barn...
117
00:05:47,319 --> 00:05:52,239
Ok! We’re good... We’re good here...
I think we should just move on...
118
00:05:52,479 --> 00:05:55,839
Where he’d been having sex
with Paul’s favorite sheep, Martha.
119
00:05:55,999 --> 00:05:56,879
Oh boy.
120
00:05:57,039 --> 00:05:59,239
Martha, Bill? Martha?
121
00:05:59,399 --> 00:06:01,319
That is why I’m so itchy!
122
00:06:01,679 --> 00:06:04,639
You know what? We all
just need to take a deep breath here.
123
00:06:05,559 --> 00:06:07,559
We’re playing right into
the voice’s hands.
124
00:06:07,719 --> 00:06:10,879
Sure there’s been a surprising amount
of infidelity in this town,
125
00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:13,879
and the beastiality should probably stop.
126
00:06:14,039 --> 00:06:17,959
And I might be gay! But if we start
shooting, the voice wins.
127
00:06:18,439 --> 00:06:20,639
I think the voice has given us
an opportunity.
128
00:06:20,799 --> 00:06:24,479
In a world where our deepest,
darkest secrets are unveiled one by one,
129
00:06:24,719 --> 00:06:27,439
maybe we'll stop doing the things
that we're ashamed of...
130
00:06:27,599 --> 00:06:31,159
and start to embrace the things about
ourselves that we're afraid to accept.
131
00:06:31,399 --> 00:06:33,919
Hell, this could be the beginning
of a new utopia...
132
00:06:34,199 --> 00:06:37,319
a society based on tolerance
and fairness...
133
00:06:37,519 --> 00:06:39,959
where it doesn't matter whether
you're rich or poor...
134
00:06:40,119 --> 00:06:41,079
Or a woman!
135
00:06:41,239 --> 00:06:42,959
Well, let's not get carried away here...
136
00:06:43,119 --> 00:06:46,639
but the point is that the voice
is showing us the worst side of ourselves,
137
00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:50,359
and we need to show it our best.
Who’s with me...?
138
00:06:54,759 --> 00:06:57,879
It was a good speech and things
might have turned out differently
139
00:06:58,079 --> 00:07:01,919
if the crowd never found out that
the gunfighter had just last night
140
00:07:02,079 --> 00:07:06,159
shot and killed the youngest son
of John McCullers because he quote,
141
00:07:06,439 --> 00:07:09,999
"Had some breath that smelled like
the ass end of a Chinaman."
142
00:07:13,799 --> 00:07:16,039
Well, you must be Mr. McCullers.
143
00:07:31,359 --> 00:07:34,159
It was a true ballet of death.
144
00:07:34,879 --> 00:07:40,279
When the gruesome bloodbath was over,
not a single person was left standing.
145
00:07:41,119 --> 00:07:44,119
Except for Sally, the itchy whore,
146
00:07:45,239 --> 00:07:48,479
who celebrated
by scratching her front porch.
147
00:07:50,199 --> 00:07:52,679
Little did she know
that she would be mauled to death
148
00:07:52,879 --> 00:07:55,279
by a rabid wolf the very next day.
149
00:07:55,479 --> 00:07:57,039
Well, fuck.
150
00:07:57,559 --> 00:08:00,519
THE GUNFIGHTER
11559
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