All language subtitles for The Love Boat s03e13 The Harder They Fall.eng

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Well, I think we've covered
everything on the agenda,

with one exception.

We have two very important
passengers traveling with us

this cruise -- Jack mcteague
and ed Taylor.

Those names sound familiar.

I know --
"smilin'" Jack mcteague

and ed "flash" Taylor.

They were middleweights.

They had a very famous fight
years ago.

They were the only two boxers
in history

to ever knock out the referee.

[ Chuckling ]

Thank you, Howard cosell,
but this Jack mcteague is

a vice president of the line.

And ed Taylor is a very
important travel agent.

They are not ex-fighters.

It's possible.

No way.

Captain, people rise
to important positions

from the bottom all the time.

Not if they keep arguing
with their boss.

Right.

You're right.

When you're right,
you're right.

Right, sir.

I love the privileges of rank.

Hold it, will you, please?

Hold it right there.

Look at all this junk.

Helen, I told you we were just
visiting Mexico,

not invading it.

Ed, relax!

I only brought two trunks.

Two trunks?

One for each day.

I have been giving travel advice
for 25 years, Helen,

and now my own wife j--

it's nice to meet you.

Oh, no.

It can't be.

I don't believe it.

It's him.

Who?

Jack mcteague.

"Smiling" Jack mcteague.

I can recognize that crooked
mouth anyplace.

Isn't that the one you had the
boxing match with years ago?

Oh, let's go say hello.

Hold it.
Say hello...To that bum?

Never. Never.

Ed, you haven't seen him
in over 40 years.

Why are you still mad at him?

'Cause my jaw still hurts,
that's why.

Take it that way, will you?

Come on. Move.

All right.

Thank you, ladies.

Goodbye. Enjoy your cruise.

Bye-bye.

Hello. Thank you.

Mr. Chet hanson.

Promenade 352.

That's right.

Aren't you young for this job?

No, sir.

And Ms. Kim Patterson --
promenade 352.

Maybe I am too young.

We're going to be married...

Very soon.

Oh, Chet, darling,
you don't need to explain me

to the whole world.

Does he, miss?

Unh-unh. You see, I get the same
salary no matter how much

or how little I know.

And I get zilch either way.

Chet?

That's my wife.

Have an interesting trip.

Chet!

Chet.

Hi.

Ooh. I, uh, brought some papers
for you to sign.

It couldn't wait?

Well, not if you want
the divorce quickly.

I'm sure you understand what I
mean, don't you, miss Patterson?

Completely.

Well, where do you want me
to sign?

Uh, here, hold this.

Just, uh...
Right there, darling.

Carol, if we're to the point
of signing divorce papers,

i don't think you ought to be
calling me "darling."

I thought we were being very
civilized

about this whole thing.

However, I do see your point.

Oh, initial that clause right
there, you stupid jerk.

Thank you.

Well, have a nice cruise,
everyone.

Carol, that's the way
you get off.

Oh, I'm not getting off.

What?

Well, you know how I am
about driving.

I get lost.

So I thought that if we all went
on the cruise together,

then when we get back

you could drop me off
at our apartment.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Could you please tell me how to
get to aloha 142?

Certainly, uh...Ms. Dalrymple.

Just up the stairs
and around to your left.

Uh, hi, I'm Dr. Bricker.
I'll show you to your cabin.

It's right next to my office.

Dr. Bricker.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Your office is on the other side
of the ship.

Haven't you heard?

Business has been so good
I opened a branch.

Perhaps I should show
Ms. Dalrymple --

that way I can save her
from the clutches

of certain
love boat lounge lizards.

Lounge lizards?

May I help you, ma'am?

Oh, yes.

I've been on a plane all day.
I'd like to go to my cabin.

No problem. Steward.

Would you take Ms. Dalrymple up
to cabin a-142 and bring her

a pot of tea and some biscuits.

Thank you very much.

You go with him.
He'll get you all fixed up.

Ms. Dalrymple.

Yes?

Welcome aboard.

Thank you.

Carry on, gentlemen.

[ Air horn blows ]

Why would Carol do such a thing?

Coming on the cruise with us.

You'd understand if you'd read
as many books on psychology

as I have.

Your wife is acting out
chapter 3

of "don't only be your own
best friend but marry yourself."

There's actually a book called
"marry yourself"?

By Dr. Sonny stone.
He's on all the talk shows.

Carol doesn't read books
like that.

That's not the reason
she's here.

As Dr. Sonny stone said
on the dinah show,

"always show psychology, but
never let your psychology show."

[ Chuckles ]

[ Knock on door ]

Mm.

[ Sighs ]

Hi.

Chet, darling, remember this
dress?

I never could get this zipper
by myself.

[ Zipper zips ]

There you are.

Oh, thank you, one and all.

Carol, what the hell are you
doing to me?!

Shh! Please, don't shout...
Especially late at night.

Why not?!

I'm in the cabin next door.

The next cabin?

Yes. And they certainly
don't build ships

the way they used to.

These walls are paper thin.

So if I get too loud

laughing with someone I might
meet on shipboard,

you be sure to let me know.

Ooh -- remember, shh.

You know what a light sleeper
I am.

[ Screaming ]

What's the matter?

My cabin! My cabin!

What about it?

There's a spider in my cabin.

Oh. Spider?

Would you like me to go in there
and take care of it?

Would you?

Sure.

[ English accent ]
Rocky, this is the warden. Give yourself up, son.

Please.

Right.

Are you sure he's still in here?

You can't miss him.
He's over there by the bed.

He's furry and huge.

Could you be a little bit more
specific?

I don't want to kill the wrong
one,

'cause there are two of them
in here.

I'm kidding!
Kidding.

This is a big joke to you,
isn't it?

Here I am, a grown woman,

practically in shock over some
dinky little spider.

Well, for your information, I
was having a perfectly rotten

day before I even saw that
damn spider.

So the last thing I need
is for you to come in here

and make fun of me!

I-I'm gonna get it right now.

Uh...

I don't see him.

Where is he?

I don't know.

Maybe he heard us come in and
went into hiding.

He's on your arm!

No! Ow! Ow!

Stop! Stop!

[ Sighs ]

Is it dead?

No, but it's numb.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, no. Listen, hey, I should
apologize to you.

I made fun of you,
and I'm sorry.

I don't even know why I did it.
Except...

Well, I'm scared stiff of
spiders myself,

and I didn't want you to know
about it.

Then that makes me doubly
grateful to you.

[ Knock on door ]

Oh, hello.

We were passing by and thought
we heard...Screaming.

No problem, doc.
We were just killing spiders.

Killing spiders?

I've heard it called a lot of
things, but never that.

[ Playing classical music ]

Mrs. Taylor, that is a
particularly beautiful gown

you're wearing this evening.

Outstanding.

Thank you.

I just reached into the closet

and pulled out the first thing
I came to.

And if you believe that, how
about a game of liar's poker?

Good evening.
Excuse me.

Captain, I believe you know
Mr. and Mrs. Mcteague.

Nice to see you again.

This is Dr. Bricker.

And may I introduce
Mr. and Mrs. Taylor.

Enjoy your dinner.

Ed and I know each other
very well.

Oh, good.

I was worried you wouldn't hit
it off.

Do you want to hear something
ridiculous?

Isaac thought that you two were
old-time boxers.

We are old-time boxers.

He's always been
a reliable source.

Is it true that you two knocked
out the referee?

Now that's funny.

Well, the referee didn't think
it was so funny.

Poor guy stepped right in
between us when I was about to

land my Sunday punch on --

what was your nickname?
Flush?

Flash!

Well, it should have been flush.
You went down enough times.

I'll admit my punching wasn't
as accurate as his.

During the whole fight he kept
pounding my fist with his face.

While you're admitting all these
things, why don't you admit that

you had to have your jaw wired
shut for 6 months?

Don't you start with me again.
You understand?

Do you believe these two?

[ Clinking ]

End of round one.

Go back to your corners
and shut up.

Good evening, Mr. Hanson.

Good evening.

Ma'am.

And what will you have this
evening, Mrs. Hanson?

I think I'll have
the swordfish.

He wasn't talking to you.

Well, he said Mrs. Hanson.

He was talking to Kim.

You didn't marry her since I
last saw you, did you?

The waiter made a mistake.
He thought she was my wife.

I once made the same mistake
myself.

[ Laughter ]

Really?

Oh, captain, that was a
sensational idea you had --

sending Jack and ed off by
themselves.

An inspiration.

Well, I really can't take credit
for it.

It's an old trick of
Thomas Jefferson's.

Let two adversaries alone
over a glass of ale,

and before long,
they're bosom buddies.

That's good.

I was lucky,
you punch-drunk pug!

You watch your tongue, or I'll
lay you out right now.

I've been dreaming about this
for years.

In another few seconds
you'll be dreaming again.

Excuse me.

Mr. Taylor.
Mr. Mcteague.

Please, captain, stay out of
this.

We're gonna settle this once
and for all.

As captain of this ship, I can't
permit this kind of behavior.

Well, as vice president of
the line, I outrank you.

Now shove off!

Gentlemen, this is not the time
nor the place.

Okay.
Some other time and place.

You name it.

The day after tomorrow,
11:00 A.M.

Okay, chump, you got it.

Chump? Don't you --

Sylvia, come on.
Let's go to bed.

I want to dance.

[ Indistinct arguing ]

Isaac, orange juice,
straight up.

Yes, sir.

Never a dull moment, is there,
captain?

Absolutely not.

Oh, I hope you don't think I was

being too forward when you came
onboard.

I was really quite flattered.

I'm not used to all that
attention.

Well, in that case, would you
care to dance?

Thank you.

Hello, Claire.

Hi.

Boy, I like that dress almost as
much as the towel you had on.

Gopher.

How do think I felt?
I almost left without my shoe.

Thank you again for everything.

Any time.

Would you, um, like to dance?

I'd love to.

Oh, captain, I --

oh, no,
you two go right ahead.

I'm just waiting for someone.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, there you are.

Do you know that I've been
waiting for you for 20 minutes.

What?

Please, no questions.

I never thought Carol would do
anything like this.

I think we'll get off the ship
at the first port, fly home,

let her finish the cruise
all by herself.

And let her occupy my space?
Never.

Kim, darling, she wouldn't be
occupying your space.

Your space will get off
the ship along with my space.

Darling, don't you see what's
happening here?

Your wife is being what
Dr. Sonny stone calls

huckleberry Hitler.

Do you know what
huckleberry Hitler is?

No, and I don't want to know.

[ Knock on door ]

[ Knocking continues ]

Is everybody decent?

As decent as we're gonna get.

What do you want?

Well, if I'm interrupting
anything, I can come back later.

You're not interrupting anything
now.

If you come back later,
who knows.

Kim!

She's right.
She's right, Chet.

She understands our
sophisticated,

present-day world.

As a matter of fact, Kim, that's
why I came over here tonight.

I need to ask your advice
about sex on shipboard.

Carol!

Well, I have to ask somebody's
advice.

Now, there was this very
attractive man at the bar

who kept flirting with me.

Now, look at that, I still use
the word "flirt."

Is there a more current phrase?

You mean he came on to you?

Right.

When this very attractive man
came on to me,

I didn't know what to do.

I mean, I've been married most
of my adult life,

and all that time I've been
completely faithful.

No offense, Chet.

Do you mind if I ask you
the name of your perfume?

It's very seductive, isn't it,
Chet?

Very nice.

Maybe I could borrow some, hmm?

For my man at the bar.

No.

Well, I probably don't need it
anyway,

the way he kept bumping up
against me at the bar.

In that case, my advice is make
sure you don't mistake

rough seas for passion.

Thanks.

Well, hopefully it will be calm
tonight.

The sea, that is.

Well.

Well.

I had a very nice time.

Good night.

Could we try that again?

That handshake was sort of
unsatisfying.

You noticed too, huh?

What are we doing?

I mean, this sort of thing
doesn't usually happen to me.

It practically never happens
to me.

Gopher, I don't think we should
be doing any more of this.

Even though it feels good
and right,

one thing can lead to another,
and...

I don't know you all that well,

though what I do know
I like a lot.

But we can't always do what we
want to do.

So...good night.

You buy any of that?

No.

Neither did I.

Jack, what time is it?

5:00 A.M.

A.M.?

As in "a morning"?

Well, this is the time you get
up when you're in training.

Training?

You mean you're gonna go through
with that silly fight?

Of course I'm gonna go through
with it.

It's a matter of pride,
it's a matter of honor,

it's a matter of --

stupidity.

At least you could give me
a little support.

Flash Taylor's wife

is probably giving him
all the encouragement she can.

You are out of your mind.

I don't care what you say,
Helen,

I'm going through with this.

Help. Help.
Help me up, Helen.

Ed, you are in no shape
for this.

Besides, Jack is twice as heavy
as you are.

I'll dazzle him with my
footwork.

Anyway, I'm in better shape than
that Turkey.

At least I exercise.
I play golf.

You ride around all day in a
golf cart drinking martinis.

That's not true...

Bloody Marys.

Now, ed -- ed.

Ed! Don't do this to me.

I have nothing to wear
to a funeral at sea!

Morning.

How long you been up?

Not long.

You okay?

I was just thinking about

what kind of woman you must
think I am.

Oh, Claire --

let me finish.

I am not the kind of woman that

ordinarily spends the night with
someone she's just met.

I'm not like that at all.

At all.

[ Sighs ]

I don't think you are.

You're shy and sensitive.

And married.

What?!

I'm separated --
almost 3 months.

My husband left me, gopher,

after 19 years of marriage,
goodbye, thank you very much,

and he was gone.

The only man until last night.

You heard from him?

Once.

About a week after he'd gone,
I got a postcard from Madrid

asking me to forward his
American express card.

Apparently he left home
without it.

I'm sorry.

This is like a soap opera.

Frustrated housewife
comes on ship,

sets sights on unsuspecting
young officer.

I'll bet you hear that one a lot
in your work.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

We cruise ship cowboys are

in and out of the sack
all the time.

All the time.

I see.

How many experiences like this
have you had?

Including you?

One.

[ Giggles ]

Oh...
Here comes Carol.

Let's take a walk.

Don't be silly.

We're not spending
the rest of the cruise

running from your wife.

I don't want to hear about her
attractive man in the bar again.

But you told me you didn't
believe there even was

an attractive man in the bar.

You said you thought
she made it up.

She did make it up.

I don't want to hear about it
again, anyway.

I'm going for a walk.

Chet, darling, sit down.

Well, all right.

But I'm leaving if she mentions
the attractive man in the bar,

and don't you mention it.

I won't.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. How's your attractive man
in the bar?

Did I say that?

He's just fine.

His name's Philip.

Carol, there's no such man.
Please don't give him a name.

I didn't give him a name.

He came with it.

Sit down.

I want to talk to you.

I understand you.

Sometimes it's better
to get everything

right out in the open.

You're trying to hang on to
Chet.

Kim, please.

I'm just trying to explain
to Carol

that her continuing
psychological dependence on you

has nothing to do with your
obvious inadequacies as a man.

Inadequacies as a man?

Carol, just look at him.

He's really not that much,
you know?

And he's certainly not worth
making yourself unhappy over.

I guess you're right.

Yeah.

Yeah, you are.

Now, wait a minute.

Please, stay out of this, Chet,
darling.

Stay out of this?

Kim, I want to thank you.

You've really opened my eyes.

It's bad enough two older men
are having a fight.

Today I was told someone on the
ship is taking bets on it.

Sir, I can't believe
that's true.

Who on this ship --

hey, Isaac, another 5 bucks on
smilin' Jack, okay?

Well, I'd hate to set my watch
by those two.

Oh, I wish they would come to
their senses.

I am so worried.

Oh, dear, I would be, too,
if I were you.

What was that supposed to mean?

No offense, Helen, but it's
quite obvious who would win

a fight between our two
husbands.

Are you trying to tell me that
your Jack could beat my ed?

I think he would
clean his clock.

[ Chuckles ]

Ed would make mincemeat of Jack.

Your ed wouldn't last
two rounds.

Jack wouldn't last one.

Would you like to put $50 on it?

You're on.

I'll see you at the fight.

Oh, and, uh, I'll bring
a stretcher for your husband.

I'll bring two for yours.

Mr. Taylor, you're not a young
man anymore.

This kind of strenuous activity
can be harmful.

I'm sure that your wife would
say the same thing.

Oh, Mrs. Taylor, please say
something here.

Look at you.

You're dogging it.

My grandmother can move faster
than that.

Pick up the pace.

Yes, dear.

Mrs. Taylor!

Doc, you're about the same
height as smiling Jack.

How would you like to be my
husband's sparring partner?

At my age?

Oh, no.
Don't look at me.

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Excuse me.

Come on.
Move the legs.

Get it going.
Come on.

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!

Sylvia, what are you doing?

You need some work
on the heavy bags.

Oh, come on.
I'm exhausted.

I've been running all morning.

Come on.
Give it the old one-two.

I haven't got strength enough
for the old one.

Are you a quitter?
Come on. Hit it.

Come on. Come on.
Hit me.

Come on.

That's it.
Come on.

That's it. Come on.
Move. Move.

Married 37 years and he's still
an animal.

Jack, get up.

Jack.

Get up.

[ Snoring ]

Will you get --

capt. Stubing: Ladies and
gentlemen, good afternoon,

and welcome to puerto vallarta.

And 6 bottles of
the Louis quatorze 1972.

Got it.

Claire.

Hmm?

Are you getting bored?

Don't start that again.

Okay.

Are you sure you don't want to
go into puerto vallarta?

I'm sure.

There's really only one thing I
wanted to do in Mexico,

and it's not gonna happen
anyway,

so there's no sense in worrying
about it.

What's that?

I don't want to say.
It's so silly.

Come on.

Unh-unh.

Please.

Okay...

I wanted to stand on a balcony
in the moonlight

and be serenaded by a gorgeous
Latin with bedroom eyes

and incredibly tight pants.

Just count the bottles.

How about a kiss?

Sure. Come on down.

You come up.

What?

I've never had a kiss
on a ladder before.

It's good to try new things.

[ Door opens ]

Hey, gopher, I need -- oh.
[ Chuckles ]

Sorry.
I just wanted to find out

how much sangria we had
for tonight.

15 gallons.
Now beat it.

Certainly.

[ Door closes ]

Chet, first you didn't want to
go into puerto vallarta,

and now you're sitting there not
saying a word.

What's the matter?

You spent the entire morning

telling my wife how undesirable
I am.

I only told her you were
undesirable

so that she would stop
hanging on to you.

Then you really think I am
desirable?

Really, really desirable.

Uh-oh.

Here comes Carol.

Hi. Can I sit down?

You know, Kim,
I just had to tell you

how grateful I am to you
for this morning --

you know, for showing me
how silly I am

for hanging on to Chet
like this.

Chet, I have to thank you, too,

for showing me you're not worth
hanging on to.

It's the least I could do.

And you also made me realize,
Kim,

that it's wrong to hang on to
things.

I mean, it's wrong to hang on to
people,

but it's wrong to hang on to
things.

And so I'm returning this
locket,

with a picture of the two of us

on our very first date
at the amusement park.

Remember?

What am I supposed to do
with it?

Take it.

All right.

All right.

[ Chuckles ]

Boy, we had a good time that
night, didn't we?

And here's a piece of string --

I saved it from our honeymoon.

I tied it around my finger

to remind me of something
about you.

What's a piece of string got to
do with our honeymoon?

To remind you of what about me?

Oh, well, some things are just

too personal to share
with ex-husbands.

[ Slow guitar music plays ]

♪ Are there stars out tonight? ♪

♪ I don't know if it's cloudy
or bright ♪

♪ 'cause I only have eyes
for yo-o-o-o-u ♪

♪ I don't care
if we're in a garden ♪

♪ or on a crowded Avenue ♪

♪ you are here and So am I ♪

♪ maybe millions of people
stroll by ♪

♪ but they all disappear
from view ♪

♪ and I only have eyes
for yo-o-o-o-u ♪

Bravo!

Bravo!

[ Latin accent ]
Muchas gracias.

I am sorry I could not manage
the bedroom eyes,

but the pants are cutting off
my circulation.

You are crazy.

[ Normal voice ]
Yes, ma'am...About you.

Claire.

Gopher, I'd like you to meet
Nelson fenner, my husband.

I should have guessed I'd find
you here.

Excuse me.
I'm busy.

Don't do this.
We have to talk, gopher.

I said that I am busy,
Mrs. Fenner.

Oh, boy, you are really
making me angry.

Oh, I'm making you angry?

First you tell me that your
husband has left you,

then he shows up out of nowhere
and you take off with him,

and now you are telling me that
I am making you angry.

Gopher --

Claire, just don't worry
about it.

I'll bow out.

The hell you will!

I told Nelson he couldn't just
wander back into my life

and lay claim on me
like some grubstake.

Nothing's changed between us,
gopher.

What I really need to know is
how you feel.

Would you like your old job
back?

I'd like more than that.

Oh.
[ Breathes heavily ]

You okay?

Me? Sure.

I could run
another 5 or 10...Feet.

Jack, I was just thinking uh,
um...

Do you want to say something?

Maybe.

What?
About the fight tomorrow?

Well, I'd almost consider
calling it off,

except Helen would kill me.

Sylvia would do the same thing
to me.

You should see that woman
throw a punch.

Well, good luck tomorrow.

Thank you, ed.
You too.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, god.

Well, you're a hard man
to track down.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

I don't think so.

Come on. Why don't you let me
buy you a drink?

No, thank you.

Look, I just want a minute of
your time, and then I will go.

Please.

Okay. Um...

Ah. Thank you.

My, um, timing with Claire
hasn't been too good recently.

I left at the wrong time,

and, obviously, I came back at
the wrong time...

...but I still love her.

I always have.

Then why'd you run away?

[ Chuckles ]

Well, I'm still trying to work
on that one myself.

Maybe it's because I turned 40
and there didn't seem to be

anything to look forward to
in my life anymore.

Our office hired a new
receptionist.

She was cute and bubbly, and she
always said the right thing.

She'd look at my wrinkles and
she would see character lines.

I don't know whether I was
in love with her

or just the adventure
of the whole thing.

I was just getting ready
to break it off,

and she dumped me.

I'm sorry.

What?

Sure.
If you were still with her,

you wouldn't be here fouling up
my love life.

You know, Claire really cares
about you.

It's mutual.

Ah...

Well, I was afraid of that.

My lousy timing.

Well, I better be going.

I can't compete with you.
Not here.

This is your turf.

I think you should know that

when this boat docks in
Los Angeles I'm gonna be there,

and I'm gonna fight like hell
to get her back.

I'll see you.

Mr. Fenner.

Oh, please, call me Nelson.

[ Sighs ]

Nelson.

Uh, this may sound a little
weird...

Good luck.

[ Chuckles ]

Same to you.

So Carol wasn't at dinner.

So what?
What are you so worried about?

I'm not worried.
She wasn't in her cabin, either.

You called her cabin?

I convinced her to stop
hanging on to you,

and now you're hanging on to
her.

I just want to make sure
she's all right.

Maybe there is a Philip.
Maybe he's a homicidal maniac.

[ Knock on door ]

Chet, I couldn't sleep.

I've been wandering around
the deck all night

thinking about us.

Thank goodness
you're all right.

He didn't hurt you, did he?

Did who hurt me?

Nobody.

What, may I ask, are you doing
here?

I have decided to keep
neurotically hanging on to Chet,

at least until the cruise is
over.

Thatagirl.

I want my piece of string back.

As a matter of fact, Chet,

that's what started me thinking
about this whole thing --

that piece of string.

It just drove me crazy that I
couldn't remember what it was

that string was supposed to
remind me of about you.

Was it to remind you how tender
and kind I am?

No. It wasn't that, but you are
very kind and very tender.

Thank you.

Was it to remind you how virile
and sexy I was?

Was?

I mean was when you first tied
the string around your finger.

Even if it had been that,

I couldn't tell you in mixed
company.

Why don't I walk you back to
your cabin,

and on the way you can tell me

all the nice things that you
remember about me.

Chet, where the hell do you
think you're going?!

Home.

[ Clanging ]

Ladies and gentlemen, the fight
of the century --

"smilin'" Jack mcteague...

[ Cheers and applause ]

...against --

against ed "flash" Taylor!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Boo!

Remember what I told you now.

You're tough. You're bad.
You're mean.

What was that second one?

Follow my strategy --
dance and jab.

Dance and jab.
Keep moving.

Dance. Jab. Dance. Jab.

Yes, dear. All right!
Don't tell me, tell my legs.

Can I have a last call for bets?

Last call for bets.

All right. Fine.

Let's have the fighters
to the center of the ring.

Now, listen, I want a clean
fight, and I want a fair fight.

Now, I want you to shake hands,

and when you hear the bell,
start fighting.

Round one!

[ Clangs ]

[ Cheering ]

Captain stubing, what are you
doing here?

Well, I always thought this was
my office.

And people generally knock
before they enter.

Well, sir, those two men are
going to kill each other

up on the lido deck.

Mcteague and Taylor?

Yes.

Just this morning I told them I
would not permit any fighting.

You must be mistaken.

You're right, sir.

There's a cool breeze up on
deck,

that must be why they're wearing
those gloves.

Gloves?

[ Pop ]

Gloves?

Jab! Jab!

You're not paying attention --
move, dance.

Come on.

Excuse me, please.

Come on, ed!

They did it again.

Oh, are you all right, sir?

For heaven's sake.

Hi.

Hi.

I had a nice chat with Nelson
last night.

Did you?

He's not a bad guy.

Give me some credit.

I was married to him
for 19 years.

You're still married to him.

I thought we agreed not to talk
about this.

He still loves you, you know?

I know.

Do you still love him?

Maybe.

Maybe I'm just more married
than I thought I was.

I don't know.

Well, of course there's only one
way to find out --

go back and you try it again,
at least for a while.

Of course,
you already know that.

What makes you so worldly wise
all of a sudden?

Well, I think I know you
pretty well.

Also, I read a lot of harlequin
romances.

You're crazy.

Yes, ma'am...About you.

Now, how about another serenade?

Tonight we are offering a frisky
medley of Broadway show tunes.

You know what I'd really like?

What?

I'd like you just to hold me.

For you, kid, the world.

I don't know if I should have
dinner with you.

What?

I have to see what
Dr. Sonny stone says

about dating on the rebound.

Sonny's all for it.

You know him?

Know him?
We were college roommates.

Tell the truth, captain, which
side of your jaw hurts the most?

Right here.

[ Laughter ]

Let's say we spend our vacations
together again next year, huh?

Good idea.

Oh, excellent.

May I recommend the mountains?

[ Laughter ]

Mary.

Captain, thank you.

Come on, flush.

Flash.

Ah, one second, darling.

Carol, you don't throw confetti
when you're coming home.

It's not confetti --
it's our divorce papers.

Goodbye.

Well...nice knowing you.

The best of luck to you,
gopher.

Right.

Why, it's, uh,

it's just a good thing we didn't
say "I love you."

This goodbye bit would be
a little rough.

Yeah.
We sure played that smart.

Take care of yourself.

You too.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

You know, sometimes it helps
to talk about it.

Yeah...

And sometimes it doesn't.

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