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1
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,804
Do you remember the first time
your husband saw you naked?
2
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,210
Do you remember what it felt like?
3
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,085
Do you remember what he felt like?
4
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:14,891
- Holy motherfuckin' fuck!
- Oh, my God!
5
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,008
- Holy fuck!
- Oh, my God!
6
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,129
- Again?
- Fuck, yeah.
7
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,889
Now, this might be a little harder.
8
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,611
Do you remember the second time
your husband saw you naked?
9
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,525
Annie, you coming?
10
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,560
- We're gonna be late.
- Wake up, sleepyhead!
11
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,250
- Annie!
- Shit.
12
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,330
Hey, guys. I totally overslept.
13
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,327
- Okay. Well, you can meet us.
- Okay. That sounds...
14
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:53,884
- I saw your butt. Just standin' there.
- Did you?
15
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,883
I never seen your butt before.
16
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,530
I had no choice.
17
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,248
We accidentally left the door open.
18
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,725
I mean, can you even imagine a world
where you accidentally leave the door open?
19
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:17,890
I love fucking you.
20
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,849
I fucking love you.
21
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,411
For Jay and I,
22
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:26,720
the next few months were a blur
23
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:31,249
of constant naked, sweaty, ugly,
amazing sex.
24
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,287
Okay. I got it.
25
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:37,921
Oh, God!
26
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,284
I'll probably be pretty hungry after this.
It's been a while since I've eaten.
27
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:42,805
I can make you a sandwich.
28
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,644
We could probably make a burrito
out of shit we have here.
29
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:45,721
Okay.
30
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:51,805
No!
31
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,008
Holy Mary, mother of...
32
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,764
And let's face it.
33
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,800
The erections.
34
00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:59,882
Oh, God. Do you remember the erections?
35
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,962
Erections everywhere.
36
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:04,408
If the Wind blew.
37
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,601
If he ate certain foods.
38
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,767
If he watched any movie.
39
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,682
If he got sleepy.
40
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:20,971
If he woke up.
41
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,201
Good morning.
42
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:26,046
Sometimes, I swear his erection
knew I was in the area before Jay did.
43
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,121
Annie?
44
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:34,647
Everywhere we went, everything we did,
was another opportunity to have sex.
45
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,208
Do you think we should be doing this
right here?
46
00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:41,291
Baby, honestly, I don't think
anyone can tell what's happening.
47
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,964
It's not that it was just sex.
48
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:48,647
But we knew that there was always
more sex just around the corner.
49
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,442
Then, it happened.
50
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,366
Dad.
51
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:57,487
Mom.
52
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,322
Jay and I have some big news.
53
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,521
We're in love.
We're pregnant and we're getting married.
54
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:05,571
- Come again?
- Honey, wait. What?
55
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,607
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. I took the test three times.
56
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,365
No, honey. No, I mean,
are you sure that now is the right time?
57
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:16,125
You're both very, very young
and who knows what the future holds?
58
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:18,121
Greg?
59
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,047
J3'!-
60
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:21,845
Yeah. Where are you from again?
61
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:27,043
Mr. and Mrs. Grovner,
I know that we just met.
62
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:31,285
But when I first met Annie,
I knew that she was the one.
63
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,761
And so I think, once you get to know me,
64
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:38,209
you're gonna feel a lot better
about this moment than you do right now
65
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,610
because I really love your daughter.
66
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:43,727
I love you.
67
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,324
Oh, boy.
68
00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:53,330
Well, goodbye, sex.
69
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:54,726
- Dad!
- Walt.
70
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,609
- What?
- What?
71
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,563
- They're not right, are they?
- No, of course not.
72
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,085
I don't think.
73
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,324
- We're not too young?
- Oh, we're young. You know?
74
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,562
But we definitely know each other.
75
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,726
Greg, right?
76
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,405
Yes, I'm Greg.
77
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,722
Look, here's what I think. They're right.
78
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,167
We don't know what the future holds.
79
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:21,089
But I also think
that whatever the world throws at us,
80
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,923
let's deal with it, right?
81
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,041
- Yeah.
- You know?
82
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,804
But what about the sex part?
83
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:31,124
Are you still gonna wanna have sex with me
even when I am big and fat and pregnant,
84
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,009
and then later when I'm somebody's mother?
85
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,651
- Yeah! Yeah.
- Really?
86
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,441
Babe, my dick can see the future.
That's why we call it Nostracockus.
87
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,369
What about you?
Are you gonna wanna have sex with me?
88
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:43,930
Yes, I'm gonna wanna have sex with you.
89
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,001
- Yeah?
- Yes!
90
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,040
Do you know why
I'm gonna wanna have sex with you?
91
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,761
- My butt?
- Because of your butt, babe.
92
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,762
We promised ourselves
nothing would change.
93
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:55,285
That we wouldn't let it.
94
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,240
And even though it was awkward sometimes,
95
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:58,770
we made it work.
96
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,001
If you could just turn a little bit more
97
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,161
- to the right.
- Yep.
98
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,730
I think we're good.
99
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,567
That's... I'm maxed out.
My stomach's in the way.
100
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:06,846
You know what? I'm gonna grab boob.
101
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,287
Yeah, just be careful. They're really sensitive.
And not in a good way.
102
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,488
- Got it. Very gently grabbin' boob.
- Okay, gently.
103
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,046
And here comes the penis.
104
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,327
That's gonna be the name of my album.
105
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,210
We were determined. And often, successful.
106
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:21,806
Then came the event.
107
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,121
Motherfucker!
108
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,487
You're doing an amazing job, babe.
You're doing great!
109
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,686
Tell her she's doing great!
110
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,200
He's crowning, if you'd like to see.
111
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:30,486
Yeah.
112
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:35,320
Wow!
113
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:41,089
That is one incredibly versatile hole.
114
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,850
You're tellin' me.
115
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,651
From that moment on,
everything was completely different.
116
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:47,966
No two ways about it.
117
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:51,001
I'll be back.
118
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,684
Not that we didn't try.
119
00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:56,046
Got it.
120
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,920
And if one made it difficult,
two made it almost impossible.
121
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,806
Honey,
122
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,526
let's try to have sex next weekend
123
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,729
when my mom comes over for lunch, okay?
124
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,366
I'm gonna do you like a fucking...
125
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:19,162
Now, do you remember
the last time your husband saw you naked?
126
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:20,765
- Jay.
- Yeah.
127
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,160
I need a little help here.
128
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,611
I may be late for my thing
if I don't get in here
129
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,680
and take a shower right away.
Can we switch places?
130
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,044
You know, don't even think about it.
131
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:37,648
The big question is,
how the hell do you get it back?
132
00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,603
All right, guys! Let's get goin'!
133
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,762
Clive, if you wanna wear your uniform,
you gotta get changed, bud.
134
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,808
One minute. This is really important.
135
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,120
What are you workin' on?
136
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,329
It's my video yearbook presentation
for graduation on Monday.
137
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,084
That is super impressive, man.
138
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:02,961
- Where'd you learn how to do that?
- It's really easy, Dad.
139
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,566
Hey, save it as something
other than "Video 1" for me, will ya?
140
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,529
It's fine. It's Video 1.
141
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,284
Hey, Clive.
I asked you to do something, right?
142
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,640
Don't condescend to me.
143
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,800
It's time to go to school.
I'll meet you in the car.
144
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:15,766
Nell, are you ready?
145
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,321
Later.
146
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,127
- All right, gang! Let's go!
- Wait, honey. Hold on!
147
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:21,761
I'm going!
148
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,365
"M going, too!
149
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,484
Mommy packed me two kinds of sandwiches.
Jelly and peanut butter.
150
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,244
- Yes, honey.
- Wow.
151
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,681
Bye, honey. Good luck with your game.
152
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,808
- Good luck at work!
- Thanks, baby.
153
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,211
Clive, buckle up your sister, will ya?
154
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,203
- Honey, did you pack all of her stuff?
- Yeah, yeah, of course.
155
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,725
Don't forget to stop by and grab...
156
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,485
Light bulbs. I am on top of it. Hey.
157
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,126
It's gonna go great.
158
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,531
God, is this actually happening?
159
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,570
Am I gonna sell the blog for money?
Like, real money? Is that possible?
160
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,005
It would be amazing. For everything.
161
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,809
Dad, I can't be late again!
162
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,882
- Yes! I'll be right there, guys!
- Let's go!
163
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,803
Yes, Clive! I heard...
164
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,451
Is it just me or is the big one
becoming kind of a dick?
165
00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,171
Don't say that. Seriously, babe.
166
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,368
No, I'm just sayin' he's
acting like a dick.
167
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,566
Don't say that.
168
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,564
Hey, we should have sex sometime soon.
169
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,569
- I would love that.
- Yeah, me, too.
170
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:08,767
Maybe Thursday.
171
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,842
Fantastic. 'Cause it feels like
it's been a long time.
172
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:12,126
- It has, right?
- Yeah.
173
00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:15,006
The last time was when we got
those towels from Bed Bath & Beyond.
174
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,809
- That's right. That was a while ago.
- Yeah, the linen sale.
175
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,450
Look, we can't talk about this right now,
176
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:19,726
because we both have
someplace to be.
177
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,165
Not the fight “me. Gotta get gem'.
178
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,890
It's just been so hard
to find the moment with the kids.
179
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,769
At the end of the day,
we're just both so exhausted.
180
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,240
- Just tell me about it.
- You know?
181
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,363
Maybe one of these nights, we'll have sex
instead of watching Project Runway.
182
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,005
We'll TiVo Project Runway.
183
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,004
That's probably why they invented TiVo.
So people could have sex.
184
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,120
Daddy? I still don't get it.
185
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:43,331
Why do we keep having all of these days?
And then, going to bed at night?
186
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,085
And then, having all of these days?
187
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,322
And then, going to bed at night?
188
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,844
Well, that's sort of what life is.
189
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,969
When will it end?
190
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,281
It won't.
191
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,801
- Well, it'll end when we die.
- Don't do that, buddy. Okay?
192
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:03,928
Won't I get bored of doing this stuff
again and again and again?
193
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,121
No.
194
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,690
But you and Mommy are bored.
195
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,202
Well, that's what happens with marriage.
196
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,281
Who are you?
197
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,325
Dad, Nell's doing it again.
198
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,731
Nell, get your finger out of your butt.
199
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,203
Is anyone gonna clean her finger?
200
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,290
Hey! Stop! No!
201
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,600
- Nell!
- No. stop.
202
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,928
- Do you mind if I join you?
- I don't mind!
203
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,729
No! Stop. Stop!
204
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:36,410
As you know, Piper Brothers is the world's
number one toy and child product brand
205
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,643
in the zero-to-four age range
for over 50 years.
206
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,961
We're looking to bring Piper Brothers
into the future.
207
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:45,601
And a big part of that is developing
the Piper Brothers online community
208
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,081
in a way that's befitting
of the Piper Brothers name.
209
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:49,571
But also in a way that says,
210
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,520
"This is not
your grandfather's Piper Brothers."
211
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,082
But in order for us to do that,
we need content.
212
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,242
Hey, everybody! Annie!
213
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:57,646
- Hi.
- Hank Rosenbaum.
214
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,762
Such a pleasure. Thank you so much.
215
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,683
I've heard so much about you.
216
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,171
- Please, sit down.
- Thank you.
217
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,767
Can I get you anything?
Coffee? Finger sandwich? Sliced pineapple?
218
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,282
No, no. I'm fine with just water. Thanks.
219
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,481
Well, I just wanna stick
my head in and say hi
220
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,562
and to tell you
that I'm a big fan of what you do.
221
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,688
Thanks. That's really nice to hear.
222
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,570
We think you have brand potential.
The model Piper Brothers mother.
223
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:20,766
We really believe in you.
224
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,685
And I always say that
belief is the only metric that matters.
225
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,205
We didn't bring you here
to wow you with incredible numbers
226
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:31,604
because numbers are really just
an algorithm for passion and values.
227
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,648
It's like I was telling my wife, Schlomit,
228
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:37,247
I think I found the voice
of Piper Brothers' values.
229
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:41,881
Thanks!
230
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,930
Are you sure we can't get you
a finger sandwich or a slice of pineapple?
231
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:48,800
I'm okay.
232
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,804
There are certain content guidelines
we'd like to discuss.
233
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,804
- How do you mean?
- Little things.
234
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,089
"Do you remember the first time
your husband saw you naked?"
235
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,207
Right.
236
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,005
"The erections?
Do you remember the erections?"
237
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,811
- No, I remember that part.
- "Erections everywhere."
238
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,570
That's an unusual post for me.
239
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,563
It's a great post. I enjoyed it.
240
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,608
But what we're looking for from you
241
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,803
is your authentic, wholesome voice.
242
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,486
It's the kind of content that Piper
Brothers mothers are so hungry for.
243
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:19,531
Look, I love being a mother.
And I love writing about it.
244
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,368
Well, we will make you
a meaningful proposal.
245
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,771
And we're very excited.
246
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,326
Should we have some pineapple?
247
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,687
We can have someone
get you some pineapple.
248
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,207
Band's coming
to the Los Angeles area tomorrow.
249
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,965
Meantime, here's the new single.
It's called Spank Me.
250
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:39,960
I swear to you, man.
I think I am in love with this girl.
251
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,605
- Max, that's big news.
- Yeah.
252
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:44,889
It's, like, we... I don't know.
We just connect.
253
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:49,443
Like, we have these really long, like,
super intense conversations. You know?
254
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,683
About religion, and snowboarding.
255
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,247
And then, like, out of nowhere,
256
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,721
she'll just text me her boobs.
257
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,360
She just texted you
a picture of her boobs out of the blue?
258
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,324
Oh, buddy. Good for you.
259
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,608
- Enjoy this time.
- Thank you, dude.
260
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:06,846
- That's amazing.
- Yeah.
261
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,763
I once sent Annie a picture of my dick.
262
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,411
She was at a PTA meeting. It was horrible.
263
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,162
- Did you go full dick?
- Yeah. I...
264
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,490
For a man, I feel like it's dick or...
That's kind of your only option.
265
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:19,641
Yeah, I avoid my dick.
266
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,883
I usuallyjust do, like,
you know, the sexier parts of me.
267
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,843
Like, part bag, part leg.
268
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,844
You know? I'll go undercarriage. So...
269
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,566
I'll have my friend, Doug, come over
and we'll just knock it out real fast.
270
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,484
Your friend comes over
and takes a picture of your balls?
271
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,085
Yeah. Yeah. You know Doug, right?
272
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,690
- Your neighbor?
- Yeah.
273
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,489
He's actually a really good photographer.
274
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:40,607
He works from home.
275
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:41,681
- And, so...
- Hey, guys.
276
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,250
- Hey, Rosie.
- Hello, Rosie.
277
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,762
- New iPads are here.
- Thank you. I have been waiting for these.
278
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,041
- How many of those things do you have?
- Two at a time.
279
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,003
One for new music. One for back catalogue.
280
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,765
I have this complicated syncing system,
but it works out.
281
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,561
- Well, what do you do with the old ones?
- I just give 'em as gifts.
282
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,048
- Hey, babe. How'd it go?
- They wanna buy it!
283
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,566
That's amazing! What did they say?
Did they make an offer?
284
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:04,687
They're going to.
285
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,001
They said it would be "meaningful."
Whatever that means.
286
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,208
I think that means a lot of money.
287
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:10,725
- Right?
- I know!
288
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,086
Well, we have to celebrate.
289
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,880
Slow down. They haven't made the offer yet.
290
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,048
They're going to.
And that's reason to celebrate.
291
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,849
I can get Sam to cover me tonight.
What do you wanna do?
292
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,042
I don't know.
Should we take the kids somewhere fun?
293
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,840
Like pizza and roller skating or something?
294
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,449
Totally! I can't wait.
I'll see you in a couple hours.
295
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,762
Okay, hon. Love you.
296
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,122
- Hello?
- Hey, Mom.
297
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,486
What's wrong, honey?
298
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,404
Nothing's wrong.
299
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,324
What are you doing tonight?
300
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:54,486
All right,
who's ready for some roller skating?
301
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,560
Annie?
302
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,482
Clive? Nelly?
303
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,925
Annie, you here?
304
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,084
All right.
305
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,165
Hello.
306
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:17,961
Hey-
307
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:19,167
- Hey, babe.
- Hi.
308
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,447
Where are the kids?
309
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,681
They're at my mom's.
310
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,763
They are? I thought that we were gonna go
down to the...
311
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,161
Holy shit! WOW!
312
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:28,681
Hi.
313
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,241
Wow. Look at you.
314
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,443
- Too much?
- No, it's great.
315
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:33,686
I was thinking...
316
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,524
Yeah! Yes!
317
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:37,970
The kids, how long are they...
318
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,208
- They're sleepin' over.
- Yes!
319
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,604
'Cause I was thinking that...
320
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,209
Maybe we could celebrate,
just the two of us.
321
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,681
I get it.
322
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,965
That's a great idea. This is, like,
the best idea you've ever had.
323
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,724
You look amazing.
324
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:58,442
Do you own these underwear?
'Cause I've never seen those before.
325
00:15:58,560 --> 00:15:59,527
Come on.
326
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:03,002
This is so exciting. I'm
so excited right now.
327
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:09,520
And now you're on the bed.
328
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,722
This is great. I love where this is headed.
329
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,849
Your narrating, it's so hot.
330
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,570
She said, encouragingly.
331
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,730
Get over here
and take these roller skates off of me.
332
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,161
I love it when you talk that way
about your roller skates.
333
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:25,881
Double knot.
334
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,920
Okay.
335
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,207
Here, maybe...
336
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,645
- No, no, no, I got it.
- Okay.
337
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,848
Okay, that should do it.
338
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:53,686
And a-one...
339
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,246
Fuck!
340
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,971
That got a lot less hot
real quick, didn't it?
341
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,406
- Should we continue?
- Yes.
342
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,728
- Babe. That was like...
- Toothy.
343
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,848
- Okay, just relax.
- Do I not seem relaxed?
344
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,490
No, I mean both of us.
What I'm talking about.
345
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,927
- We'll both relax. We'll just relax.
- If we both relaxed, it'd be good.
346
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,331
Just...
347
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,364
Sorry. I'm sorry.
348
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:54,922
- I don't know. I just got in my head a little bit.
- What is happening with us right now?
349
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,601
- It was just weird for a second. I'm sorry.
- Okay, it's fine. Here's what we're gonna do.
350
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:00,765
- All right.
- Here we go.
351
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,490
- Let's do this thing.
- It's on.
352
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,843
- What?
- We have hit boob.
353
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,162
We've got a man on second base.
354
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,523
It's a baseball term
but it also means touching your boob.
355
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,762
I know what it means.
Why don't we go to third.
356
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,207
What?
357
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:30,681
What?
358
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,690
Too much in my own head.
359
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,121
I think I've been dreaming
about this moment for so long
360
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,407
- when we could, like, drop everything
- Yeah.
361
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,006
- And just properly schtup.
- Right, right.
362
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,687
Instead of when you're like,
half conscious and can't resist, you know?
363
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,125
You think I wanna resist?
364
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,123
Of course I know that you wanna have sex.
365
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,283
Sometimes I just wonder
if you wanna have sex that much.
366
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,045
I do. I do wanna have sex that much.
367
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,849
But sometimes I just feel like you're tired
368
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,968
you know, you're tired
or you're stressed out.
369
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,041
- And maybe...
- Me?
370
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,805
I don't know, I wonder sometimes
if you're still, you know, attracted to me.
371
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,167
Are you kidding? You're a fuckin' sexpot.
372
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:04,486
You think I'm a sexpot?
373
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,721
Instant boner.
374
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,200
That's what I always say about you.
375
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,166
My wife, instant boner-giver.
376
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,329
Tell me more about this boner of yours.
377
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,565
He's a good guy.
378
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,051
Proud. Strong.
379
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:19,807
Great sense of humor.
380
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,170
Let's go fuck on the kitchen floor.
381
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,600
There he is.
382
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:30,761
You comm"?
383
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:43,009
I'm so glad that I mopped yesterday.
384
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,206
Yeah, totally.
385
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,762
Honey? Babe, babe, honey.
386
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,601
Do you wanna go somewhere else?
387
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,001
My God, thank God you said something.
388
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,731
My knees hurt, like, really bad.
They really hurt.
389
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,730
I know. My tailbone is killing me
and I can see my to-do list.
390
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,244
- Should we try the couch?
- Yeah.
391
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,200
- Sex on the couch, of course, yeah.
- Let's go.
392
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,241
Let's go.
393
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,089
- It'll just be a minute.
- Okay.
394
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,165
- No.
- No?
395
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,127
Do you have allergies?
396
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,282
Yeah, all week. I've had
allergies all week.
397
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,806
- It's 'cause of the pressure change.
- Is that what it is?
398
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,688
- This used to totally work, remember?
- Totally work.
399
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,531
This was like my move. You loved this.
400
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:02,770
Shit, man!
401
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,330
- What is happening?
- It's okay.
402
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,926
Is it possible that we have somehow
forgotten how to have sex?
403
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,241
- Do not say that.
- Because we used to be great at this.
404
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,611
Yeah, we were. We were.
405
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,524
I was like Shaquille O'Neal in the sack.
I had that kind of game.
406
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,682
- What?
- Shaquille O'Neal's a weird comparison.
407
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,000
I'm just trying to say
408
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:19,921
- that I was a dominant player.
- Yeah, I know.
409
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,008
- I would've gone with Derek Fisher for you.
- Derek Fisher?
410
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,969
- What? He's a great player.
- Okay.
411
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:25,889
- I feel like we're tryin' to say the same thing.
- Okay.
412
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,042
- You were like LeBron James.
- Thanks, honey.
413
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,408
We were like Derek Fisher
and LeBron James having sex.
414
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:33,846
I'm saying we were world-class.
415
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,684
And now, what is happening?
416
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,050
I don't know. I mean, we're older.
417
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:42,481
We're parents.
418
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:43,925
Yeah, but we're not dead!
419
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,288
I still think about sex all the time.
420
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,880
I know. I use your computer.
421
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,083
- The porn.
- Yeah.
422
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,562
You and I used to watch porn together
all the time.
423
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,404
I still watch porn every once in a while.
424
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:56,806
- You do?
- Yeah.
425
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,480
But the quality of writing
has really gone downhill.
426
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,246
I like it best
when it feels like they're really in love.
427
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,448
Yeah, I feel like we're getting
different things out of porn.
428
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:05,487
Maybe.
429
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,961
I just watch it
for the naked women having sex.
430
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,646
And the porn guys
don't get in the way or anything?
431
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:14,721
Don't even see 'em.
They're completely invisible to me.
432
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,090
Should we watch some porn?
433
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,484
Just feels kind of depressing.
434
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:22,607
Yeah.
435
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,684
Do we have any of that tequila left?
436
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,405
That's a good idea.
437
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,005
- That's a really good idea.
- Right.
438
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,243
Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
We are gonna drink some tequila.
439
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,166
We're gonna pull ourselves
out of this sad little moment
440
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:36,685
that we're having and after that...
441
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:40,446
We're gonna be
Derek Fisher and LeBron fucking James.
442
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:41,920
That's exactly what we're gonna do.
443
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,964
I'm gonna call my mom
and make sure the kids went to sleep okay.
444
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:57,601
Hey-
445
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:58,801
Hey-
446
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,409
Yeah. I just got that today.
I'm super excited about it.
447
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:05,723
It's got a higher-resolution display,
which means more pixels,
448
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,764
and they upgraded the camera.
449
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,963
- What?
- I just had this idea.
450
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:12,969
All right. Let's hear it.
451
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,325
Let's make a porn.
452
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,321
Excuse me?
453
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:23,008
Let's video ourselves having sex.
454
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,401
- Absolutely. Yeah, totally.
- Really?
455
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,564
Yeah. The more I think about it, yes,
that's a great idea.
456
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:37,685
- I think it's kind of hot, right?
- Babe, I think that is a great idea.
457
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:38,841
Here, cheers.
458
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,251
Look at us. Annie and Jay.
459
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,210
Send the kids off to Grandma's house,
make a little porn.
460
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:44,770
- Maze! tov.
- To porn.
461
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:45,921
Chug it.
462
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,001
I mean, drink to that.
463
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,006
Yeah.
464
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,407
We don't even have to watch
it if we don't want to.
465
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,130
Or we could. Either way.
466
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,045
Okay, honey,
467
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:03,406
what's our storyline?
468
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:04,481
- Story?
- Yeah.
469
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:05,766
- I'm not sure the story's that important.
- Yeah.
470
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:06,961
Come on.
471
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,365
I have another idea.
472
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,764
Well, I would like to hear that idea.
473
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,081
- Because you're clearly in the zone.
- This is it.
474
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,889
This is what we're gonna do.
475
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:17,291
The Joy of Sex.
476
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:20,091
- We still have that.
- Every position, right now.
477
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,242
I like that. I like that a lot.
478
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,721
- Every single one?
- Yep. We're not gonna skip one.
479
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,130
- Even...
- Yeah. Even that.
480
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,929
- Yes!
- But also...
481
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,244
Totally. It's in the book.
482
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,402
And we'll video the whole thing.
483
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,562
You're a genius. No, I married a genius.
484
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,881
I need another drink. I need to be drunker.
485
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,565
Okay.
486
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,085
- Here I go.
- Get here. Okay.
487
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:44,920
Action.
488
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,481
- Hello.
- Hi.
489
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,042
And welcome to Annie and Jay's,
490
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,844
A Night With Annie and Jay.
491
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,161
I'm Jay and this is my lovely wife, Annie.
492
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,926
And tonight,
we intend to demonstrate every position
493
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:05,840
'm The Joy of Sex.
494
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,923
Are you speaking to our students, honey?
495
00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,088
Why, yes, I am, Annie.
496
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,210
And this is our dojo.
497
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:15,600
Our sex dojo.
498
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,170
Our sex dojo. That's right.
499
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,924
Annie, the book, please.
500
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,770
Here you go, Professor.
501
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,126
Thank you, Annie.
502
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:24,167
Well.
503
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,529
Wow. Wow. Okay.
504
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,206
- Look at that bush.
- Well, look at his bush.
505
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,250
- I'm talking about his bush.
- Is that still his bush?
506
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:36,009
I can't tell where
her bush ends and his begins.
507
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,242
People were furrier in the '70s.
508
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,127
- "Matrimonial."
- That's right. Wow.
509
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:45,645
Matrimonial.
510
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,201
Can we start with something
other than missionary?
511
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,682
Absolutely. We can loop back around
to missionary.
512
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,524
- Right.
- It's not goin' anywhere.
513
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,001
Okay, close your eyes, my dear.
514
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:58,490
- Say "stop" when I...
- Stop!
515
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:01,641
"Flanquette."
516
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,484
Flanquette!
517
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,643
That is what I'm talkin' about.
518
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:06,801
- I feel good about this one.
- Me, too.
519
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:07,927
Okay. So you see what's happening?
520
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,240
- That's my leg.
- Yeah, okay.
521
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,209
- But that's your leg.
- Okay.
522
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,362
- So, it's like...
- Yep. All right.
523
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,160
- Let's do this. Let's do it.
- Let's do it.
524
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:21,801
What?
525
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,607
- Come here. Come here.
- Okay, here we go.
526
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:26,925
- Hi.
- Hi.
527
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,605
- Okay, ready? Okay.
- Yeah.
528
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:32,681
- Go.
- Go.
529
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,844
- You're amazing at that.
- Really?
530
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,445
- My gosh.
- Still?
531
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:45,726
Are you kidding me?
532
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,848
You were like a machine.
533
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,202
Like a battering ram.
534
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:51,681
Thank you.
535
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,204
- Honey?
- Yeah?
536
00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:56,647
Erase that video, okay?
537
00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:58,447
Yeah.
538
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,807
I don't want the kids
to ever, ever, ever, ever, ever...
539
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,450
No, I'll erase it. No worries.
540
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,569
- You don't forget, okay?
- I won't forget.
541
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,162
I love fucking you.
542
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,889
I fucking love you.
543
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:29,564
No! No, not my own son!
544
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:45,847
So as long as we get them both down
for their second naps by 2:00-ish,
545
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:47,843
then the nighttime is a little better.
546
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,969
Yeah, if we don't get them down by 2:00-ish
we're totally fucked.
547
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,242
"Totally fucked." That's nice.
548
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:54,731
This is just an expression.
549
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,167
- How else would you describe this?
- I would describe this as...
550
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:58,810
- Super fucked?
- ...a gift of life. You're welcome.
551
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,484
You guys are bouncing
the shit out of those babies.
552
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,005
You're bouncing 'em hard.
553
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,286
You guys are doing great.
554
00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:04,850
It's getting a lot easier, though.
555
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:06,888
We're seeing
the light at the end of the tunnel.
556
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,611
- Yeah.
- You guys should have seen us a month ago.
557
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,205
I don't even know who I was then.
558
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,203
Oh, my God. These are the salad days.
559
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,124
Yeah, it sounds really
intense, but you got it!
560
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,611
So, are you guys thinking of having more?
561
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:18,806
No.
562
00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:24,207
Isn't it crazy that the boys are
graduating fourth grade? Isn't that crazy?
563
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,124
And Howard is graduating fifth grade.
When did that happen?
564
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,726
Since when did kids
graduate from fourth and fifth grade?
565
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,725
It used to be school just ended.
There wasn't a ceremony for everything.
566
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,040
- Just...
- ignore him.
567
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:36,565
- I will.
- Yeah.
568
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,723
- I love your blog, by the way.
- Thank you.
569
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,723
Do you think Piper Brothers
is gonna go for it?
570
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:42,801
Fingers crossed.
571
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:45,564
Hey. 900d people.
572
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,722
- Hi, honey. Hi.
- Hello, you. Hi.
573
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,840
- You're really wet. Look at you.
- Yeah. I should go put on some dry clothes.
574
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,168
I'm gonna come with you
575
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,322
'cause we gotta talk about that... About...
576
00:28:58,560 --> 00:28:59,721
- The thing.
- Yes, the thing.
577
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:01,842
Totally. We have to talk about a thing.
578
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:03,007
Thank you.
579
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,208
Jesus. Kill me.
580
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,682
Hey. Hello, pal.
581
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,411
- Gentlemen.
- Hey, Howie.
582
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:11,681
It's Howard.
583
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,250
Just Howard.
584
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,001
Sorry.
585
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:17,920
You know what?
I just gave up a Super Soaker.
586
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,411
Why don't you get in there, bud?
587
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,091
- Maybe I will.
- Yeah.
588
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,851
- I do enjoy Super Soakers.
- Yeah!
589
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,921
You can see the difference
in personalities already.
590
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,002
This one loves watermelon.
591
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:31,969
This one's kind of an asshole.
592
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,288
I think everyone had fun, right?
593
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,010
Totally. it was great.
594
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,206
What about Pun“ and Km'?
595
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,011
Kinda hate each other, right?
596
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,122
Sure seemed like it, yeah.
597
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,370
"Enjoyed your video"?
598
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,248
Where's the pizza cutter?
599
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,291
Babe, do you see the pizza cutter
out there anywhere?
600
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:23,041
Yes?
601
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:25,081
J3'!-
602
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,243
Jay, the pizza cutter?
603
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:35,765
It's yours.
604
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,325
I have so many of them. Enjoy.
605
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,164
Fuck me.
606
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,725
- Honey, are there any more plates outside?
- Just a second.
607
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,566
- Hello!
- Hi!
608
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:07,091
Hello!
609
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:10,521
Hello!
610
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:11,965
- Honey...
- Fuck!
611
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,881
That sweater nice, girl.
612
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:18,726
Thanks.
613
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,725
Was it... Did I...
614
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:26,121
Could...
615
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,363
What the hell is going on?
616
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:39,161
It's...
617
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:43,241
When...
618
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:53,004
You know the cloud?
619
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:54,807
So what you're saying
620
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,042
is that instead of erasing the video
like you said that you would,
621
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:58,770
you actually ended up sending it
622
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:02,765
to everyone that you ever given
one of those fucking iPads to?
623
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,002
- That is not at all what happened.
- No?
624
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,606
Well, technically, yes!
It's exactly what happened.
625
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,809
But it was so accidental,
it doesn't even qualify as...
626
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:14,281
Thank you.
627
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:15,361
Hank Rosenbaum!
628
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,249
- What?
- The Piper Brothers guy!
629
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,766
- You gave him one?
- Yes! I told you I needed one for work.
630
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,605
- I put my entire presentation on it.
- You did?
631
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,162
I'm supposed to be
the model Piper Brothers mother!
632
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,004
Maybe he hasn't seen it yet.
633
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,527
As a matter of fact, Annie, I'm willing
to bet that none of these people
634
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:32,728
have even noticed
that the video is on there yet.
635
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:33,921
Except for this text, but...
636
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:37,446
What text?
637
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,449
I received a text.
638
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,722
- From who?
- It's unclear.
639
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,047
I'm not sure how to hurt
you right now, Jay.
640
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,646
- I know. But let's take a deep breath.
- Shit!
641
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,804
Come sit down next to me.
Come sit down. Come here.
642
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,327
- Let's look at what's actually happened.
- Okay.
643
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:00,720
We made a video
644
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,360
of ourselves having sex
645
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:04,806
for about three hours,
646
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:06,331
and it was amazing, right?
647
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:07,811
- Yeah, no, it was great.
- Okay.
648
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,491
And then you asked me to erase it
and I forgot.
649
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,848
- You forgot?
- I forgot.
650
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:17,722
And now our video
has been synced to several devices.
651
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:21,051
All of which, though,
are basically in the possession of friends.
652
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:22,844
- God.
- And acquaintances.
653
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,081
And the mailman.
654
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:25,767
Oh, God!
655
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,491
- Who sent you that text, Jay?
- I don't know. I don't know, Annie.
656
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:29,846
Did you call the number?
657
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,890
That is actually a really good idea.
658
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:34,769
Oh, my God.
659
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,049
Your call has been forwarded...
660
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:41,765
- Voice mail!
- Okay!
661
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,763
Hi, this is Jay Hargrove.
662
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,568
Could you give me a call back
at your earliest convenience, please?
663
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,366
I believe you have the number. Bye.
664
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:54,847
That's it?
665
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:56,410
What the hell else
was I supposed to say to the guy?
666
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:58,209
"Who the fuck is this?"
667
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,521
I wouldn't call back
if someone left that on my machine.
668
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,644
Okay, we have to get
these iPads back right now.
669
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:06,761
Hello?
670
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:08,569
- Hi, Mom!
- Hi, honey.
671
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:10,722
Is there any chance that you might be able
672
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,565
to come and watch the kids for us,
like, right away?
673
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:14,721
Right now?
674
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,484
We really need you to, like, right away
675
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:17,971
if you could come over.
676
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,565
VVhY, I suppose.
677
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,688
- Thanks, Mom. That's so great. Thanks.
- Annie.
678
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:22,841
Hold on a second. What?
679
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,524
It might be worth asking your mom
680
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:26,805
to bring her iPad.
681
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,484
Are you kidding me?
682
00:34:29,240 --> 00:34:31,004
And could you bring your iPad, too?
683
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,129
- My iPad?
- Yeah.
684
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:34,611
- Okay.
- Great, okay.
685
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:36,520
- What are you not gonna forget?
- The iPad.
686
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:38,961
So say goodbye,
hang up and then come right away.
687
00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:40,401
Okay. All right.
688
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:42,608
- Can you hang up?
- Okay, honey.
689
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:44,606
Okay, hang up now, Mom.
690
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,091
Okay, say goodbye.
691
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:47,241
Okay, hang up.
692
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,322
- Bye.
- Okay, bye!
693
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,162
- Who else has these things?
- Let's think about it.
694
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,840
Robby, the mailman...
695
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,762
Every time you say "mailman," Jay,
696
00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:59,241
I'm just gonna hit you.
697
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,561
- You see, it was Christmas...
- I don't give a shit.
698
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:05,486
Mailman, Robby, Hank,
my mother, and who else?
699
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:08,687
Oh, my God!
700
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:09,761
Clive?
701
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:11,683
- May I see that for a second, honey?
- Why?
702
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,762
- Just for a second.
- I was using that!
703
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,121
- What the hell?
- I can't take any chances.
704
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,645
Okay, kid! Come on, Jay!
705
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,126
Grandma's here for some mysterious reason!
706
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:24,522
Oh, my gosh! Is that the iPad I gave you?
I love that iPad.
707
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:26,563
- Can I borrow it?
- Why is Grandma here?
708
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:28,961
- Grandma!
- Grandma!
709
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,485
Okay. Grandma's gonna
watch you guys
710
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,484
while Mommy and Daddy go out.
You guys can order Chinese food.
711
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,130
- I hate Chinese food.
- Okay. Then order a pizza.
712
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,329
Once again, enjoy this iPad. I had to
make sure it was working. Enjoy that.
713
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,846
- Let's go! Thank you.
- What about my iPad?
714
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:42,046
Thank you.
715
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:50,448
Man. The construction on these things
is just unbelievable.
716
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,124
Jay! Come on, Jay, let's go!
717
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:53,565
Let's go to Robby and Tess' house first!
Let's go!
718
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,085
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Sorry! Got it!
719
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,164
So I'm just trying to understand
720
00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:03,801
why it is that you don't erase these things
before you give them to people.
721
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,611
I have amazing playlists
and people want them. That's the gift.
722
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,170
The gift is the playlist, not the iPad.
723
00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:11,687
When I update my music library,
it syncs to their iPads.
724
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,491
I use an app called Frankensync
to sync the playlists.
725
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:18,007
I upgraded to this new app,
Bride of Frankensync,
726
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:21,289
and now, apparently, it
syncs all of my shit
727
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,166
to everywhere
'cause it's a very powerful app!
728
00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:27,449
How do you forget to erase your sex tape?
729
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:31,366
It kept slipping my mind and then,
the next thing I knew, it went up!
730
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:33,010
It went up to the cloud!
731
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:34,525
And you can't get it down from the cloud?
732
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:35,761
Nobody understands the cloud!
733
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:37,731
It's a fucking mystery!
734
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:42,885
Look, all that's happened here is there's
been a very minor syncing mishap.
735
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:44,200
This is not minor!
736
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,726
And I wish that you would
just admit that you fucked up
737
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,451
instead of trying to convince me
that this isn't a big deal
738
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:51,164
'cause it is a big deal.
739
00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:52,571
You know what, Annie?
740
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,005
I'm on there, too.
741
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:57,880
Who gives a shit? Nobody cares about you.
Nobody wants to watch you having sex.
742
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:00,201
You said it yourself.
Nobody cares about the guy!
743
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,641
It's the woman that has
to live with it forever.
744
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,201
- Who is it?
- "Guess who?" Smiley face.
745
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:07,560
- Who the fuck is this?
- Fuck!
746
00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:11,371
It's gotta be Tess. it's gotta be Tess.
747
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:12,891
- You think?
- Yeah!
748
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,288
With the whole "XOXO smiley face" thing?
Yeah. It's Tess.
749
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,084
Right, is that really a Tess thing,
750
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,164
or is that more of
like a very, very common thing?
751
00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:22,890
No, it's a Tess thing.
752
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:24,849
She mustjust be joking around.
753
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:28,049
Except her number is in my phone
so it would say, "Tess."
754
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,487
Well, maybe she got a new phone.
755
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,922
She probably saw what it was
and stopped watching it immediately
756
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,162
because she has
so much respect for our privacy.
757
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:37,845
This makes perfect sense.
758
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,770
Right. Okay.
759
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:41,763
Okay, great. It's Tess.
760
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:43,285
- I'd buy it.
- Yeah.
761
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,442
She picks up the iPad,
sees there's a sex tape on there,
762
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:48,330
pushes play, it's us,
immediately stopped it,
763
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,129
- 'cause she respects us.
- Yes.
764
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:51,964
Then she went out and got
a new phone and a new phone number.
765
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:53,081
Yeah.
766
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:54,525
So do you think
that means Robby has seen it, too?
767
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,762
Well, if he's seen it,
you're gonna have to get a new best friend.
768
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,047
We're just gonna cut
Robby and Tess out of our lives?
769
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,647
Yeah, that's right. And if the
mailman has seen it, we're movin'.
770
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,202
Wait. What if it's not Tess?
771
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,170
Okay, look. We're just gonna feel this out,
and if it doesn't seem like it's her,
772
00:38:15,240 --> 00:38:17,163
- we just don't say anything at all. Okay?
- Of course.
773
00:38:17,240 --> 00:38:19,561
No, no. They do not need
to know about this. Okay?
774
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:23,162
Babe, it's gonna be pretty easy
to tell if they've seen it or not.
775
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:31,881
Hey!
776
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:33,246
- Hey.
- Hey!
777
00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:34,721
What's going on?
778
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:37,446
What's going on with you?
779
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,731
Nothing. Nothing. Just hanging out.
780
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:45,246
It's our anniversary, actually,
so Marta took Howard to a movie
781
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:49,405
and we're just hanging
out, watching some...
782
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,642
Hey! What are you guys doing here?
783
00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:54,085
_H€Y-
_H€Y-
784
00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:58,325
We're so sorry to drop by like this
on your anniversary and all.
785
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,091
Yeah, why didn't you guys mention
it was your anniversary?
786
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,481
- 'Cause it's our 12th anniversary?
- Yeah.
787
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:08,121
Like, who cares, right? So...
788
00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:09,401
You guys wanna come in?
789
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:15,881
Or not.
790
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:18,686
What were you guys watching?
791
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:27,361
This is really embarrassing.
792
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,160
Just tell us what you guys were watching.
793
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,320
- Yeah. It's not a big deal.
- What were you watching?
794
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:34,805
Okay, all right, all right.
795
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,644
We're watching
the first season of Breaking Bad.
796
00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:39,564
It's really embarrassing
how far behind we are.
797
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,530
That's a great show.
You guys really are far behind.
798
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:43,801
- That's all right.
- Don't tell us what happens!
799
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,770
Hey, while we're here,
remember that iPad I gave you?
800
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,047
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
801
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:50,131
I need that back.
802
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:54,044
- Okay.
- Was that why you...
803
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:57,482
Is that why you came here to our house,
to get your iPad back?
804
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:00,400
Well...
805
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:05,847
- I have some stuff on it that I need.
- What? Dirty pictures or something?
806
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,244
You guys make a sex tape?
807
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:10,485
Did you guys watch it?
808
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,125
I was kidding.
809
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,323
What the fuck?
810
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,367
And then Jay received this text that said,
811
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,848
"Loved your video.
Thanks for sharing. XOXO."
812
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:26,888
And you thought that was from me?
813
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:28,200
Well, it sounded like you.
814
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,920
I don't think if I'd seen your sex tape,
I would have done "XOXO."
815
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:34,483
- I was hoping it was you...
- Because if it wasn't me, then who is it?
816
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:35,846
No, I get it. I get it.
817
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:38,848
Could we back up forjust a second?
818
00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:41,890
So you taped yourself
having sex for three hours?
819
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,161
Yes.
820
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:45,645
Why did you do that?
821
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:47,721
Never mind.
822
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,127
- Who has sex for three hours?
- We did.
823
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,044
That's the length of the movie Lincoln.
You did the full Lincoln.
824
00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:57,528
Well, guys, I'm sorry, you know,
but I'm not the one who sent that text.
825
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,327
God, this isn't happening.
826
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,641
Okay, who else has these things?
827
00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:05,007
You guys, the mailman...
828
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:07,486
Hank Rosenbaum.
829
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,483
- Piper Brothers guy?
- Yes!
830
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:10,925
The guy that wants to buy your blog?
831
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,843
And who's very concerned about my image.
832
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:13,921
Okay, I'm an idiot!
833
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:15,525
- No! Come on!
- You messed up.
834
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:16,601
No.
835
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,000
He is. Let him have that.
836
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:19,361
I would have killed you.
837
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,360
I mean,
if you had thought about it for a second,
838
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,846
you'd know to just
password-protect your shit.
839
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,361
- I would have killed you in your sleep.
- Or just fucking delete it.
840
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,010
Oh, my God. Wait!
841
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:29,161
- Wait a minute!
- What?
842
00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:30,969
My sister is his florist!
843
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,247
My God,
do you think she knows where he lives?
844
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,368
Yeah, I think she's been to his house.
She's his florist!
845
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:36,441
Hold on. What's the plan here?
846
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:37,806
We're just gonna show up
at this guy's house?
847
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,689
- Yeah!
- And we're coming with you!
848
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,250
Oh, my God. It'll be a fun night!
We have a sitter!
849
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,010
- I'll call Rochelle.
- Yeah!
850
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,402
Hey, my sister thought
the every position thing was a great idea!
851
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,369
You told your sister?
What is up?
852
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,841
Big supporter of you.
Well, I thought she'd be thrilled.
853
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:53,921
Hey-
854
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:55,521
iPad.
855
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,922
- Yeah, yeah. Boy, what a mess.
- No. Can I have it?
856
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:03,523
- The iPad.
- Yeah.
857
00:42:04,240 --> 00:42:07,369
- You came over here to get it.
- I need the iPad, please.
858
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:10,011
- What if I can't get it right now?
- Just give me the iPad.
859
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:12,208
- What if I just erase the video myself?
- Dude.
860
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,481
Okay. You're gonna have to give me
all that music again.
861
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,927
- Dude!
- Fine! Jeez!
862
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,160
Did you just pull this out of your pants?
863
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:25,881
Yeah.
864
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:27,371
I feel like a second ago,
865
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,687
you said you couldn't remember
where it was.
866
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:31,486
I forgot.
867
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:34,160
Fair enough.
868
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,604
- It's an easy mistake to make.
- Okay.
869
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,884
- So, what are we gonna do?
- Yeah. What's the plan, gang?
870
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,883
Should we pretend we have a flat,
871
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,764
and none of us had our cell phones?
872
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,286
We knock.
You're like, "Hank! What a surprise!"
873
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:55,285
Yes. And then ljump in and I say,
"Hi. I'm your florist's sister, Tess."
874
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:58,887
Feel like this is just a super weird way
to spend your anniversary.
875
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,406
For a 12th anniversary,
I think it's pretty solid.
876
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,528
You know what?
You guys stay in the car. It's our mess.
877
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:05,210
We can go clean it up. Right, babe?
878
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,200
I think we'd really like
to be part of the plan.
879
00:43:07,240 --> 00:43:08,571
Let us participate.
880
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,291
Guys, we're gonna be in and out up there.
We're gonna knock on the door.
881
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:15,166
Yes, it'll be a little awkward at first.
But I really think it'll be fine.
882
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:19,890
Okay, so this is what we're gonna do.
883
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,406
I'll distract him,
you say you have to go to the bathroom,
884
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,165
and then you search the house for the iPad.
Good? Okay, let's go.
885
00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:28,608
Annie. Annie, can you hold on one second?
That house is huge.
886
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:30,364
We'll tell him you have diarrhea.
887
00:43:30,720 --> 00:43:32,165
First of all, that's embarrassing.
888
00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:34,641
And second of all,
who tells someone that they have diarrhea?
889
00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:35,960
Food poisoning.
890
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,327
Okay. How about I distract him
and you have the food poisoning?
891
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,971
No. I am not gonna have food poisoning.
You're gonna have food poisoning.
892
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:44,123
The person who forgets
to erase the sex tape has food poisoning.
893
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:45,565
It's in the book.
894
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:49,880
Annie!
895
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:52,166
Well, I'll be!
896
00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:53,651
Hank? Hey!
897
00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,563
- What a surprise.
- This is so crazy.
898
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:56,766
You live here?
899
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,605
I'm sorry. I'm lost. You
two know each other?
900
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,728
This is Hank, honey.
Remember I was telling you about Hank?
901
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:03,006
Hank Rosenbaum?
902
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:04,206
Hank Rosenbaum!
903
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:05,406
This is my husband, Jay.
904
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,642
Jay. The famous Jay.
905
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:09,802
In the flesh. It's a pleasure to meet you.
906
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:11,086
Likewise.
907
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,686
What a crazy coincidence, honey. Right?
908
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:15,569
We were just randomly in the neighborhood.
909
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:20,168
We've been knocking on doors
trying to collect money for a charity.
910
00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:21,321
What charity?
911
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,165
- It's for... Charity for...
- For kids.
912
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:28,325
Yeah, for kids that have oversized...
913
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:29,527
- Kidneys.
- Kidneys.
914
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:30,887
They got these
915
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:33,050
enormous kidneys.
916
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:34,161
It's so sad.
917
00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:36,163
- You have to see it.
- So we're just trying to help them out.
918
00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:40,086
"Hey, Dad. Da.
What is this bulge in me back, Da?"
919
00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:43,721
"That's your kidney, son. Get on with it."
920
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,564
They're British orphans.
921
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,484
Yeah, so we're just out
to try to raise some money for it.
922
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:52,241
Anyhow, would you possibly
want to contribute?
923
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,045
Yes. Please. Come in.
I will get my checkbook.
924
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,600
Thanks. That's just so generous of you.
925
00:44:58,720 --> 00:45:01,485
Hey, do you think
that Jay could use your bathroom?
926
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:03,364
Because he has diarrhea.
927
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,567
Food poisoning.
He has the shits, as they say.
928
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,966
Sure, it's right down the hall. Go crazy.
929
00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:11,121
Thank you.
930
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:14,921
Well, come on in
and make yourself comfortable.
931
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,081
Thank you.
932
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,207
It's a really lovely house.
933
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:25,850
Thank you. Put on some music.
934
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:27,888
Sure.
935
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:30,125
Shit! Fuck!
936
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:32,640
What the fuck?
937
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:37,963
Would you like something to drink?
938
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:40,321
What?
939
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:44,201
I'm sorry.
Let me turn this down so we can talk.
940
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:47,803
Can I get you something to drink?
941
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:49,920
Sure.
942
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:53,846
Schlomit and the kids are away,
so I'm just spreading my wings.
943
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,923
Drinking some scotch.
944
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:58,844
Fifty years old.
945
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:00,690
The good stuff.
946
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:06,922
Here's to our bright future together.
947
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:09,011
Whatever it may hold.
948
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:21,166
That's a really interesting painting.
949
00:46:21,240 --> 00:46:23,641
- Do you like it?
- Yeah.
950
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:25,650
I had it commissioned.
951
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,921
It's a moment from the movie The Lion King.
952
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,004
Except it's me in place of Rafiki.
953
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,128
So, that's me
954
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:40,081
presenting Simba to all of the creatures
from the Pride Lands to behold.
955
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:44,003
It's beautiful.
956
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:45,491
Thank you.
957
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:47,246
You know what?
958
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,240
I'm gonna put on
something a little more festive.
959
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:09,247
Hi.
960
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:11,809
Hey, hey, little guy.
961
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:17,487
Sta)'-
962
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:19,201
Stay!
963
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:25,646
Sit!
964
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:30,127
You seem, I don't know, nervous.
965
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,488
It's just a little awkward
showing up at your house
966
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:34,528
and asking you for a donation, is all.
967
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:36,324
I'm glad you're here.
968
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:38,642
I could use the company.
969
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,086
I know.
970
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:00,488
No, no, no! Please! No! No!
971
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:02,085
No! Stay!
972
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:03,161
Heel!
973
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,571
I was hoping that we would get a chance
to get to know each other.
974
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,564
Me, too. What a wonderful coincidence.
975
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:13,644
There's no such thing as coincidence.
That's what Schlomit always says.
976
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:16,285
Is this your family?
977
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,488
Yeah. That's all of us at Aspen.
978
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:22,363
There's Schlo and my son,
Benyamin, and Sarah.
979
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:23,487
They're very sweet.
980
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:29,291
No! No!
981
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:30,441
Help!
982
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:31,921
Hank!
983
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,082
No! Not my face! Not my face!
984
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:35,161
Help!
985
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:50,485
I didn't wanna do that.
986
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:53,560
Fuck with me,
you're gonna get hit by a book.
987
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:55,682
That's what's gonna happen.
988
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:04,608
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
989
00:49:07,720 --> 00:49:09,404
You know, it's funny.
990
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:12,962
When the family's away
you find yourself thinking about things
991
00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:15,691
that you don't think about all the time.
992
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:16,966
I bet.
993
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:20,203
You think about who you were,
and who you've become.
994
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:23,925
Would you like to do some cocaine?
995
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:26,121
I'm sorry?
996
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:28,528
I'm just doin' some blow
while the family's away.
997
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:29,647
Would you like a bump?
998
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,131
No, I don't think that's really...
999
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:36,201
I see.
1000
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:38,803
I mean, not that I have a problem with...
1001
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:40,530
I mean, I do have a...
1002
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,325
Is this some sort... It's a test?
1003
00:49:46,240 --> 00:49:48,163
Okay, I see what's happening here.
1004
00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:51,403
You're thinking about all that talk
about Piper Brothers values.
1005
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:55,485
But if you think situationally,
friendship is a Piper Brothers value.
1006
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:56,721
One of the big ones.
1007
00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:58,724
And that's all that's happening here.
1008
00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:01,451
We're just hanging around,
getting to know one other,
1009
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:02,925
and doin' some rails.
1010
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,526
But if that's not your thing...
1011
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:10,641
Well...
1012
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,288
Okay. Right.
1013
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:14,885
Better make sure that Jay's not lost.
1014
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,446
No, no, no! He's fine. Let's do cocaine!
1015
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:19,127
Supefl
1016
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:36,281
Shit!
1017
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:41,526
Are you okay?
1018
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:52,762
See? That's what I'm saying.
We get older and we forget.
1019
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:55,730
People, they stop doing the things
that they love.
1020
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,962
And for some people, it could be surfing.
1021
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:00,042
For some people, it could be traveling.
1022
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:03,642
For me, it's gettin' high
and listen' to freakin' Slayer.
1023
00:51:03,720 --> 00:51:08,601
Thatjust, like, blows my mind
that that's what it is for you.
1024
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:10,523
- But that's your point.
- That's my point.
1025
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:12,489
'Cause it's so small-minded of me
1026
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:14,204
- to assume anything.
- Right?
1027
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:15,805
- Because I don't know you.
- You don't know me.
1028
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:17,769
- I don't know you. Yeah.
- You know the idea of me.
1029
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:19,683
The CEO that controls your future.
1030
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:21,000
- But that's not me.
- No.
1031
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,651
And it's like you, I'm sure there are
things about you that nobody knows.
1032
00:51:23,720 --> 00:51:25,165
Fuck yeah, there are.
1033
00:51:25,240 --> 00:51:26,924
- Can I show you something?
- Yeah!
1034
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:32,806
Piper Brothers, 75 years.
But very few people know about that.
1035
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,240
And there's more.
1036
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:39,047
Eazy-E!
1037
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:42,365
I miss him every day.
1038
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,124
That's so touching. Did you know him?
1039
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,727
Annie, it's like...
It's just... Lotta parts up in me.
1040
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:52,686
Wake up!
1041
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:56,001
Wake up, you fuckin' cocksucker!
1042
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:13,161
Siri, how do you perform CPR on a dog?
1043
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:16,651
I found four places named "Starbucks."
1044
00:52:24,240 --> 00:52:26,402
What the fuck is happening?
1045
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:42,726
And then you become a mother, right?
And it becomes about the kids.
1046
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:44,689
Which is great,
because you want it to be about the kids.
1047
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:47,360
But then you need time for yourself.
That's why I started writing.
1048
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:51,610
But it's, like, writing about Jay and
the kids, and then it becomes a job.
1049
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:53,284
But I love my job. I love my job.
1050
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:55,761
But I need to work out. I need to work out.
1051
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:58,366
It's not even for me.
It's, like, for everybody else.
1052
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,125
Because I'll go bat-shit crazy.
Like, crazy, crazy, crazy.
1053
00:53:01,240 --> 00:53:03,720
I ran track. I ran track in college.
1054
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:05,564
But, you know, it's just so hard
1055
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:06,971
- to find the time.
- I know.
1056
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:08,451
- To do anything, right?
- It is.
1057
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:10,522
If you don't do that,
then you just sort of lose yourself.
1058
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:11,886
Do you want another line?
1059
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,128
No, I'm still enjoying the first line
quite a bit, thanks.
1060
00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:15,531
You are so easy to talk to.
1061
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:18,484
I feel like you get me.
1062
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:21,245
Oh, God, I feel like we
get each other. Yeah.
1063
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:23,120
Where's your husband?
1064
00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:28,330
I don't know! Where is that fucker?
1065
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:37,330
What was that? Was that the doorbell?
1066
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:40,011
- There's a lot of action here tonight.
- Yeah, there is.
1067
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:44,405
Hey! Okay.
1068
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:46,721
Can I help you?
1069
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:50,248
Hi! I'm the mayor, Robby Thompson.
1070
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:52,163
- Pleasure to meet you.
- What's happening?
1071
00:53:52,240 --> 00:53:54,083
- The mayor?
- Not of this area.
1072
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,481
I'm mayor of a different area.
1073
00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:58,449
Of Thousand Oaks.
1074
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:01,046
He is the Mayor of Thousand Oaks
1075
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:05,045
and I am his First Lady of Thousand Oaks.
1076
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:06,321
- Okay.
- That's right.
1077
00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:09,489
And we are out, just talkin' to people,
1078
00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:12,491
spreadin' the word about Thousand Oaks.
1079
00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:14,007
What word?
1080
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:19,601
Great town.
1081
00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:22,365
It's a wonderful city to raise a family.
1082
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:26,081
They have the winningest Little League
baseball record in the country.
1083
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:28,931
Nobody gives a shit about Thousand Oaks.
1084
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,604
I'm sorry, Your Honor.
1085
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:32,967
"Your Honor." Please.
"Your Honor's" my dad's name.
1086
00:54:33,920 --> 00:54:35,570
"Mr. Mayor" will be just fine.
1087
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:45,121
Hello.
1088
00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:50,087
No!
1089
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:52,167
Sit!
1090
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:54,561
Fetch!
1091
00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:57,161
Fetch!
1092
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:11,640
Anyway, we're out talkin' to people
about Thousand Oaks
1093
00:55:11,720 --> 00:55:16,760
and we're collecting donations
for the Big Brother charity program.
1094
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:19,161
- Charity program. Of Thousand Oaks.
- Of Thousand Oaks.
1095
00:55:19,240 --> 00:55:22,562
What is it with this new trend
of late-night charitable solicitations?
1096
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:23,800
I don't know. I have no idea.
1097
00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:26,605
We definitely accept money.
1098
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:31,288
But what we really need are used iPads.
1099
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:34,686
That's a really good idea.
It's a great idea.
1100
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:36,125
- It is?
- Really inspired.
1101
00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:39,329
Yeah. I'm sure they could really use that.
1102
00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:40,601
Well, I have one.
1103
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:41,681
No.
1104
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:43,601
Yeah. I have one right here.
1105
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:52,643
You actually gave me this.
I haven't had a chance to look at it yet.
1106
00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:54,802
I don't need it. Just give it to 'em.
1107
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:57,201
- Do you mind if I just give...
- God, no. Give it to 'em. I don't care.
1108
00:55:57,280 --> 00:55:58,281
It seems like a good cause.
1109
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:00,169
- Thank you.
- Thank you. This worked out great.
1110
00:56:00,240 --> 00:56:01,241
- Nice to meet you!
- Have a good night!
1111
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:02,924
- Remember Thousand Oaks!
- Good night!
1112
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:04,843
- Hi, I'm the mayor.
- iPad!
1113
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:07,366
There he is!
1114
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:10,483
Ariel! Hakuna matata!
1115
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:13,167
(30 play.
1116
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:17,803
Jay. What the hell happened to you?
1117
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:26,488
I had an epileptic fit.
1118
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:28,645
In your bathroom.
1119
00:56:28,720 --> 00:56:29,846
But your dog saved me.
1120
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,849
Because, in addition to diarrhea,
1121
00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:39,810
I'm also an epileptic.
1122
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:43,124
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
1123
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:46,329
We gotta go. It is time for us to leave.
1124
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:48,368
This is when we should get the hell out.
1125
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:50,966
Now. Just now is when we should leave.
1126
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:53,168
'Cause, you know, this is... Yeah.
1127
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:56,687
- I did a little cocaine. What?
- What?
1128
00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:58,091
- Just one line.
- Just one line.
1129
00:56:58,160 --> 00:56:59,366
- One what?
- A bump.
1130
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:01,251
- What?
- She did a line. So?
1131
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:02,526
Honey, let’s just... Okay.
1132
00:57:02,600 --> 00:57:05,524
Thank you so much for your hospitality.
You've been so amazing.
1133
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:08,331
- This is your cocaine straw.
- No, no, no. Please. Keep it.
1134
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:10,400
Thank you.
1135
00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:27,081
O key-dokey.
1136
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:30,130
Thank you so much
for helping with our charity,
1137
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:33,727
but Annie and I
need to get movin' on those kidneys.
1138
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:36,883
I completely forgot.
I need to go get my checkbook.
1139
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:38,610
Thank you so much.
1140
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:41,081
What?
1141
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:43,403
"Just one line"?
1142
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:45,284
- Who are you?
- What was I supposed to do?
1143
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:47,488
Cocaine? That's the
answer to that question?
1144
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:50,404
He offered
and I didn't wanna seem judgmental.
1145
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:51,686
It was peer pressure.
1146
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:54,051
I was distracting him.
1147
00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:56,327
With cocaine? What is this?
Fuckin' Scarf ace?
1148
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:57,731
Are you giving me shit?
1149
00:57:57,800 --> 00:57:59,882
- Is that what's happening right now?
- Yeah!
1150
00:57:59,960 --> 00:58:02,167
- No, I don't think so.
- Annie.
1151
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:05,289
Annie. How is it
that I get mauled by an attack dog,
1152
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:06,964
I barely escape with my life,
1153
00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:09,850
you're in the living room
doing blow with your boss,
1154
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:11,843
and somehow, you're mad at me?
1155
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:13,649
- What did I do?
- What did you do?
1156
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:16,971
You didn't erase the fucking video, Jay!
1157
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:18,644
I told you, Annie. I forgot.
1158
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:21,451
"I forgot." "I forgot."
I've heard you say that. "I forgot!"
1159
00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:22,766
Okay, fine! I didn't forget!
1160
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:26,531
I made a conscious decision
to keep the tape.
1161
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:28,489
And I was gonna keep it forever!
1162
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:30,449
Because I had on video
1163
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:32,727
what was one of
the greatest nights of my life.
1164
00:58:32,800 --> 00:58:34,643
And so I wanted to keep it.
1165
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:36,245
For myself.
1166
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:39,888
And for my own personal reference use.
1167
00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:43,203
Yeah, you wanted it. But I specifically
didn't want you to keep it
1168
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:44,850
because I didn't want it to get out
and guess what?
1169
00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:46,968
It did! It did immediately.
1170
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:48,724
That part was a mistake.
1171
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:52,009
I wanted to save it for myself
and then the fuckin' app...
1172
00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:54,924
Stop talking about the app,
'cause this is just typical of you.
1173
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,731
You do whatever
the hell you wanna do all the time,
1174
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:01,202
and I do everything. I do everything.
1175
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:04,250
I hold this shit down, is what I do.
1176
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:07,164
- Clearly, you should not do cocaine.
- Maybe I should do more cocaine.
1177
00:59:07,240 --> 00:59:09,811
Because I've never done it before
and I kinda like it.
1178
00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:12,611
I'm fairly certain the answer
is not for you to do more cocaine.
1179
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:15,331
This sex tape. This night.
1180
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:18,643
This is the kind of thing
that reveals a lot about a person.
1181
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:23,127
- Really?
- Reveals a whole lot about a person.
1182
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:25,441
- You know what? Just shut up.
- I tried not to say it!
1183
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:28,126
This kind of thing, a crisis,
1184
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:30,441
reveals who someone really is deep down.
1185
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:33,251
And you,
you can't think about anyone else but you.
1186
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:35,687
- Okay, that is...
- Jay does what Jay wants to do.
1187
00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:39,088
You have to go to a concert
three nights in a row.
1188
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:40,161
For work?
1189
00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:42,481
But that's my job, Annie. We're a team.
1190
00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:44,642
And part of what I do
on that team is I work.
1191
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,561
That's what makes me
a good teammate, isn't it?
1192
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:48,887
I don't just wanna be a teammate!
1193
00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:53,249
Why did we stop having sex?
1194
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:54,881
What?
1195
00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:58,691
- Annie, it's not like we just stopped.
- No, you know what I mean.
1196
00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:00,842
It's just, like, Why did...
1197
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:04,402
When did we stop needing to be close?
1198
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:06,131
When did I become so annoying?
1199
01:00:06,200 --> 01:00:07,281
I don't know!
1200
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:11,923
I think the coke is wearing off.
1201
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:14,161
- That's a bummer, man. I was having a blast.
- Really?
1202
01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:19,562
We really gotta find out
who's been sending these fucking texts.
1203
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:24,731
Are they...
1204
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:27,889
They're having sex in our car.
1205
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:30,370
It appears that way.
1206
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:41,610
- Sorry, guys.
- Yeah, sorry.
1207
01:00:41,680 --> 01:00:42,727
I'm not even gonna ask if you guys...
1208
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:43,961
Yes, we watched the video.
1209
01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:45,280
You said you weren't gonna say anything.
1210
01:00:45,360 --> 01:00:47,249
I know we weren't gonna say anything,
but I can't lie to Jay.
1211
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:50,887
And besides, we just skimmed it
because we didn't have time.
1212
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:52,445
Oh, my God!
1213
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:55,411
Annie, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
1214
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:56,766
He's right. There's not.
1215
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:58,882
At first, yes, I thought there was.
1216
01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:01,008
But now, I've seen it. And there's not.
1217
01:01:01,080 --> 01:01:02,923
No, it's the most natural
thing in the world.
1218
01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:05,249
I think this might be...
1219
01:01:05,320 --> 01:01:09,609
No, it definitely is
the most embarrassing moment of my life.
1220
01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:12,001
No, no, no. You should
not feel embarrassed.
1221
01:01:12,080 --> 01:01:14,606
If anything, you should feel proud.
1222
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:15,920
Yeah, your body's insane.
1223
01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:17,001
- Oh, my God.
- Okay.
1224
01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:18,366
Truly, I admire you for it.
1225
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,329
I can't believe that you let him watch it!
1226
01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:21,686
I'm sorry.
1227
01:01:21,760 --> 01:01:24,445
He wanted to watch it. I wanted to watch it.
Just a little peek.
1228
01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:27,890
But then, we got very involved with it.
1229
01:01:27,960 --> 01:01:30,088
- We got really wrapped up in it.
- Oh, my God!
1230
01:01:30,200 --> 01:01:32,089
Great dick, by the way.
1231
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:35,006
Yeah. Thank you.
1232
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:37,202
Honestly, the whole thing
was a big turn-on.
1233
01:01:37,280 --> 01:01:39,282
- Oh, my God.
- We noticed. Yes.
1234
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:41,682
Guys, could I have the iPad back, please?
1235
01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:48,361
- Really? I mean we...
- Dude!
1236
01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:50,124
Okay, fine!
1237
01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:53,006
There you go.
You're obsessed with that thing.
1238
01:01:57,480 --> 01:01:58,720
Wait.
1239
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:02,361
We shall never speak of this night again.
1240
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:04,807
- Absolutely.
- Of course.
1241
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:08,809
I need a bathroom and an aspirin.
1242
01:02:08,960 --> 01:02:11,247
- Of course.
- Yeah, yeah. Come on in. Please.
1243
01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:15,001
- Dad. Mom.
- Hey, pal.
1244
01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:16,127
Hey, sweetie. Hi, Marta.
1245
01:02:16,640 --> 01:02:18,608
- Howard is study.
- I was. In my room.
1246
01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:21,604
Annie, Jay. What a surprise, you guys.
1247
01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:23,284
We were just out
1248
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:26,001
gettin' a drink.
1249
01:02:26,880 --> 01:02:28,450
Celebrate the 0l' anniversary.
1250
01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:29,931
Here. I'll get you an aspirin.
1251
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:31,321
Okay. I'm gonna use the bathroom.
1252
01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:32,925
Want a shirt?
1253
01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:35,480
- Yeah. That'd be great. Thanks, bud.
- I'll get you a shirt.
1254
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:37,364
Get outta my way!
1255
01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:42,521
So, here we are.
1256
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:46,083
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1257
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:48,368
Did you receive my text message?
1258
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:54,886
What?
1259
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,847
Yeah. You know,
you really should be more careful, Jay.
1260
01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:02,041
Wait, are you...
1261
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:04,043
No. 'Cause you're just too...
1262
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:05,246
Is this a...
1263
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:09,724
Stop babbling already, Jay.
1264
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:11,802
I think we both know
that I already own your ass.
1265
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:14,727
You own my ass?
1266
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:18,009
What, do I have to spell it out for you?
I have your sex tape.
1267
01:03:18,560 --> 01:03:19,800
You're fucked.
1268
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:25,485
- I got news for you.
- What?
1269
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:26,561
I got the iPad back.
1270
01:03:27,240 --> 01:03:28,730
- You got the iPad back?
- Yeah.
1271
01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:31,565
That's fantastic, man. Good effort.
Look at me.
1272
01:03:32,040 --> 01:03:35,965
Do I look like a kid who knows how to make
a simple copy of an MP4 or do I not?
1273
01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:40,450
- Yeah, you do.
- And look at you.
1274
01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:44,491
Runnin' around trying to collect up
all your iPads before time runs out.
1275
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:46,403
Why didn't you just remote wipe them?
1276
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:49,406
You can do that?
1277
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:52,761
Fuck!
1278
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:54,321
Fuck me!
1279
01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:56,810
I almost murdered a dog.
1280
01:03:58,680 --> 01:03:59,681
Yeah.
1281
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:02,963
But I already uploaded your sorry-ass video
to a site called YouPorn.
1282
01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:04,765
Should be up by tomorrow morning.
1283
01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:06,888
And sadly, the only one
that can take the video down
1284
01:04:06,960 --> 01:04:08,610
is the original poster and that's me.
1285
01:04:08,920 --> 01:04:10,649
Okay, this is a...
1286
01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:13,569
I got it. This is a joke, right?
1287
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:14,841
You're joking.
1288
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:17,329
You didn't put...
1289
01:04:19,280 --> 01:04:20,486
What do you want?
1290
01:04:20,680 --> 01:04:22,011
You want an Xbox?
1291
01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:24,282
- You can get me an Xbox?
- Do you want an Xbox?
1292
01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:26,284
- Like, the new Xbox?
- Yeah.
1293
01:04:26,560 --> 01:04:29,211
What do I look like to you, Jay?
A fucking idiot? No!
1294
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:31,891
I want $25,000 in cash.
1295
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:34,645
$25,000?
1296
01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:38,765
Howard. First of all,
I don't have $25,000 just sittin' around.
1297
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:41,241
And besides,
what are you gonna do with $25,000?
1298
01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:42,685
I'm gonna buy a horse.
1299
01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:46,288
Yeah, I'm gonna buy a motherfucking horse
to keep my bitches happy.
1300
01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:50,122
I think it's time for me to have
a little talk with your parents.
1301
01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:51,321
Try. Go ahead.
1302
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:52,760
I'll lie.
1303
01:04:52,840 --> 01:04:54,444
They're gonna believe me. Not you.
1304
01:04:56,040 --> 01:04:57,724
And don't you dare tell Annie about this.
1305
01:04:58,400 --> 01:04:59,731
I'm gonna tell Annie.
1306
01:05:00,320 --> 01:05:01,401
Okay.
1307
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:04,927
But before you do, just think about
these three words for me, all right?
1308
01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:06,684
School. Email. Blast.
1309
01:05:09,640 --> 01:05:11,881
Man! I need some ice cream. Who's in?
1310
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:16,811
Deal with it, Jay. You're fucked!
1311
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,048
I gotjust so much pressure inside me.
1312
01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:20,761
Good talk, pal. Seriously.
1313
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:22,001
Honey.
1314
01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:25,721
Let's go home and keep calling that number
until someone answers.
1315
01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:27,689
I just wanna know who's
sending these texts.
1316
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:32,401
Wanna do the thing?
Wanna do the four-flavor thing?
1317
01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:34,482
- Yeah, let's do that thing.
- Yeah.
1318
01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:38,926
Robby, there's no easy way for me
to say this,
1319
01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:42,846
but your kid is trying
to blackmail me for $25,000!
1320
01:05:43,360 --> 01:05:45,567
Jay, can you hear yourself right now?
1321
01:05:45,720 --> 01:05:48,724
I mean, look.
You've had a stressful day, right?
1322
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:51,286
Howard's just a kid. He's not your problem.
1323
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:53,289
When you wake up, you'll realize that.
1324
01:05:53,360 --> 01:05:55,010
Would you just go check his computer?
1325
01:05:55,280 --> 01:05:56,327
Check his phone!
1326
01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:57,721
- For me?
- Jay.
1327
01:05:58,440 --> 01:05:59,840
I'm not gonna look at his computer.
1328
01:05:59,920 --> 01:06:01,365
Because there's nothing on there.
1329
01:06:01,720 --> 01:06:04,849
He told me and I trust him.
This is Howard we're talking about.
1330
01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:07,326
- I gotta go.
- Okay.
1331
01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:09,249
Get some rest, all right?
I'll see you at school tomorrow.
1332
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:11,522
Shit. Right, graduation.
1333
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:12,965
- I forgot.
- And, hey.
1334
01:06:13,080 --> 01:06:16,846
I just wanted to say one more time, man.
Great tape.
1335
01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:19,520
I mean, I had no idea
that Annie was so flexible.
1336
01:06:19,680 --> 01:06:21,250
- Robby. Robby.
- Yeah?
1337
01:06:21,320 --> 01:06:23,766
Maybe we should just
stop talking about this now.
1338
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:25,281
Yeah, yeah! Fair enough.
1339
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:27,931
- Another time. Yeah.
- Or, you know, never.
1340
01:06:28,640 --> 01:06:29,926
Another time.
1341
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:34,401
Mom, thank you so much for coming by
on such short notice.
1342
01:06:34,560 --> 01:06:36,483
Of course, honey. Of course.
1343
01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:39,969
- Thank you.
- Annie. ls everything all right?
1344
01:06:41,240 --> 01:06:43,163
Yeah, yeah. It's fine.
1345
01:06:43,320 --> 01:06:45,926
And you and Jay? You're okay?
1346
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:47,685
Yeah, I think so.
1347
01:06:47,960 --> 01:06:49,880
You sure you don't wanna tell me
what's goin' on?
1348
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:51,081
Yes, I'm sure.
1349
01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:52,844
Maybe some other time.
1350
01:06:53,480 --> 01:06:54,481
Never.
1351
01:06:55,080 --> 01:06:58,084
There's some things
that I really wanna share with you,
1352
01:06:58,200 --> 01:07:01,124
and then, there's some things
that you should die just never knowing.
1353
01:07:02,280 --> 01:07:03,611
- Okay, sounds good.
- Okay.
1354
01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:15,131
- What are you doing?
- Jesus Christ!
1355
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:17,851
Hi. You can't keep doing that to me.
1356
01:07:18,280 --> 01:07:21,841
What are you doing, Jay?
1357
01:07:23,360 --> 01:07:24,964
I have really good news.
1358
01:07:25,200 --> 01:07:26,361
Great news.
1359
01:07:26,800 --> 01:07:29,929
I remote wiped the mailman's iPad.
1360
01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:32,844
I erased his iPad from my computer.
1361
01:07:32,920 --> 01:07:34,490
- You can do that?
- Yes, you can.
1362
01:07:34,960 --> 01:07:36,041
We did it.
1363
01:07:36,200 --> 01:07:40,000
So, yeah. In a way it would've been nice
to have that information earlier.
1364
01:07:40,560 --> 01:07:43,006
In another, more important way,
1365
01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:48,805
it's great news that we have
remote wiped the mailman's iPad.
1366
01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:50,041
Yeah, it's good news.
1367
01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:53,721
What's the bad news?
1368
01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:56,087
What?
1369
01:07:56,160 --> 01:07:58,003
$25,000?
1370
01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:00,362
Where we gonna get...
We don't have $25,000!
1371
01:08:00,680 --> 01:08:02,961
- We're not giving it to Howard!
- We're not. It's insane.
1372
01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:05,689
We're gonna let this little freak show
1373
01:08:05,840 --> 01:08:08,684
just post it up on the Internet
for the entire world to see?
1374
01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:11,526
People that we know?
People we don't know?
1375
01:08:11,600 --> 01:08:12,931
God, my gynecologist is gonna be
1376
01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:14,490
- so disappointed in me.
- Okay.
1377
01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:16,927
The deli guy's gonna see
what we did with the salami!
1378
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:20,129
Babe, can I say something that's gonna
sound kinda crazy, but just go with me?
1379
01:08:20,240 --> 01:08:23,005
All right? I've been watching
a bunch of these videos online,
1380
01:08:23,160 --> 01:08:27,563
and you cannot really tell
who these people are. Mostly.
1381
01:08:27,640 --> 01:08:31,122
And I'm sure that they all have somebody
that they don't want seeing their videos,
1382
01:08:31,200 --> 01:08:32,440
but they make them anyway.
1383
01:08:32,520 --> 01:08:34,204
Like this one video I saw,
1384
01:08:34,440 --> 01:08:35,771
"Corn-fed Cowgirl Gets Milked."
1385
01:08:35,880 --> 01:08:37,723
There is no way that
she wanted her boss seeing that
1386
01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:41,640
because what happened there
seemed very personal.
1387
01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:43,406
- Your point is?
- My point is,
1388
01:08:43,480 --> 01:08:46,802
if our video went up there, God forbid,
1389
01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:49,087
does anybody even know that it's us?
1390
01:08:49,160 --> 01:08:50,969
And if they did,
1391
01:08:51,720 --> 01:08:53,802
does it really matter that much?
1392
01:08:55,400 --> 01:08:57,050
I mean, it might.
1393
01:08:57,400 --> 01:08:59,482
The coke-bender Hank Rosenbaum
might not care.
1394
01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:02,962
But the CEO of Piper Brothers
Hank Rosenbaum, he might.
1395
01:09:03,040 --> 01:09:04,087
Honey.
1396
01:09:10,080 --> 01:09:15,211
Hank Rosenbaum has an 11-inch
double-sided dildo in his nightstand.
1397
01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:18,730
Is it made by Piper Brothers?
1398
01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:21,446
Look, my point is,
1399
01:09:21,600 --> 01:09:25,650
maybe everybody has an 11-inch dildo
in their nightstand.
1400
01:09:26,960 --> 01:09:29,122
- That's a beautiful metaphor, honey.
- Thank you.
1401
01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:30,805
I thought of it just then.
1402
01:09:32,040 --> 01:09:36,090
Maybe we don't care so much
about what other people think.
1403
01:09:37,920 --> 01:09:38,967
I have an idea.
1404
01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:41,448
- What?
- We haven't even seen this video yet.
1405
01:09:41,600 --> 01:09:42,961
There's no chance I'm watchin' it.
1406
01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:44,684
You don't have to. I'll watch it.
1407
01:09:44,760 --> 01:09:48,242
And at least, then, we'll know
what we're actually dealing with.
1408
01:10:01,480 --> 01:10:02,641
Here we go.
1409
01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:47,764
We gotta get this thing
off the fucking Internet!
1410
01:10:47,840 --> 01:10:48,921
Why? What?
1411
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:51,890
I saw it! That's us. That's definitely us.
Very clearly.
1412
01:10:51,960 --> 01:10:54,042
- That camera's fuckin' amazing.
- Oh, my God!
1413
01:10:54,120 --> 01:10:56,964
Remember that thing I told you about porn?
About how you see right past the guy?
1414
01:10:57,040 --> 01:10:59,930
Well, I saw him and it's me
and it's fucking horrible!
1415
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:02,048
It's like the worst
picture of yourself ever.
1416
01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:03,804
Except you're fucking for hours.
1417
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:06,082
- What about me?
- You? You're a fucking sexpot.
1418
01:11:06,160 --> 01:11:08,208
I've told you this. Total wank material.
1419
01:11:08,280 --> 01:11:09,645
And now you're gonna be
in the fucking cloud!
1420
01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:10,846
- Oh, my God.
- We have to do something.
1421
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:12,604
We need 25 grand to pay off Howard.
1422
01:11:12,680 --> 01:11:14,409
Hell no! Fuck Howard! I have another idea.
1423
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:16,250
Okay. You said it was on YouPorn, right?
1424
01:11:16,520 --> 01:11:17,760
We're gonna be on it. Jesus Christ.
1425
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:19,080
I know, honey. We're not. Relax, okay?
1426
01:11:19,160 --> 01:11:22,642
The Internet is not a free-floating thing.
It's on a server somewhere.
1427
01:11:22,720 --> 01:11:24,563
It's not like it's an actual cloud.
1428
01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:27,287
You knew that, right?
1429
01:11:28,040 --> 01:11:29,041
Yeah.
1430
01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:31,729
Look, we find a business address.
1431
01:11:31,880 --> 01:11:34,963
It's probably in the Valley somewhere.
Most porn companies are.
1432
01:11:35,040 --> 01:11:37,168
We're 20 minutes from the porn capital
of the world.
1433
01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:39,044
Well, then what do we do?
1434
01:11:39,200 --> 01:11:43,364
I don't know. I mean, it's probably
just a few guys with computers.
1435
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:46,007
We'll beg 'em or bribe 'em or something.
1436
01:11:46,400 --> 01:11:47,731
That's a great idea.
1437
01:11:48,240 --> 01:11:49,446
What do we do with the kids?
1438
01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:51,045
We can't call my mom again.
1439
01:12:11,560 --> 01:12:13,085
Up here, make a right.
1440
01:12:17,640 --> 01:12:18,846
I think this is it.
1441
01:12:21,920 --> 01:12:23,251
Hello? Open up!
1442
01:12:23,640 --> 01:12:25,881
Hello! Is anyone there?
1443
01:12:26,040 --> 01:12:28,611
This is the last time I'm gonna ask.
Is anyone home?
1444
01:12:28,880 --> 01:12:30,609
Hey! Hey, bud!
1445
01:12:30,760 --> 01:12:32,967
Hey! How's it goin', man?
1446
01:12:33,160 --> 01:12:34,764
We're just having a little adventure.
1447
01:12:34,920 --> 01:12:36,001
What's the adventure?
1448
01:12:36,120 --> 01:12:38,327
It's kind of, like, what?
Like, a scavenger hunt.
1449
01:12:38,480 --> 01:12:40,323
You know what it is? It's a game.
1450
01:12:40,880 --> 01:12:42,291
And it is called,
1451
01:12:43,440 --> 01:12:44,965
- Breaking and Entering.
- What?
1452
01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:55,011
Okay, great.
1453
01:13:15,360 --> 01:13:17,966
- Hello?
- Hello?
1454
01:13:18,160 --> 01:13:19,969
What are we looking for?
1455
01:13:20,160 --> 01:13:21,400
That's a good question.
1456
01:13:21,480 --> 01:13:23,130
Yeah, we're not exactly sure.
1457
01:13:23,280 --> 01:13:26,045
"Central Data Core."
1458
01:13:26,800 --> 01:13:28,165
- This is it.
- Let's do it.
1459
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:39,011
I think I might've underestimated
the size of YouPorn.
1460
01:13:40,560 --> 01:13:43,962
Yeah, it's a bit bigger
than you would think.
1461
01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:55,366
Jay! My God, what have we done?
1462
01:13:55,520 --> 01:13:57,841
We're gonna go to jail, Jay!
1463
01:13:58,000 --> 01:13:59,920
- We should get outta here.
- Yeah. We should go!
1464
01:14:05,040 --> 01:14:06,166
May I help you?
1465
01:14:07,400 --> 01:14:09,402
Okay. You guys stay here. Okay?
1466
01:14:09,560 --> 01:14:10,561
Okay.
1467
01:14:11,080 --> 01:14:13,560
May I ask what the fuck is goin' on here?
1468
01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:19,081
May I ask if you're
the proprietor of this institution?
1469
01:14:19,240 --> 01:14:20,605
"Institution?"
1470
01:14:20,760 --> 01:14:22,364
Yeah. I'm that motherfucker.
1471
01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:25,731
And you've just made a
very serious mistake.
1472
01:14:25,880 --> 01:14:28,201
Where are you from'? You from Hustler'?
1473
01:14:30,400 --> 01:14:31,447
No.
1474
01:14:31,520 --> 01:14:33,522
Which crew you runnin' with? Xtube?
1475
01:14:33,680 --> 01:14:35,170
Is that it? No? RedTube?
1476
01:14:36,080 --> 01:14:37,570
- Bang bros?
- No.
1477
01:14:37,720 --> 01:14:39,245
- BangBus?
- No.
1478
01:14:39,400 --> 01:14:40,401
BigBoobAlert?
1479
01:14:41,840 --> 01:14:43,365
- You with BigBoobAlert?
- Nope.
1480
01:14:43,520 --> 01:14:45,409
Where you from, then?
You tell me right now.
1481
01:14:45,560 --> 01:14:46,686
Wait, no, don't tell me.
1482
01:14:46,840 --> 01:14:48,126
- MassageCreep?
- No.
1483
01:14:48,280 --> 01:14:49,841
- We're not from MassageCreep.
- No, no.
1484
01:14:49,920 --> 01:14:50,921
KungPaoPussy?
1485
01:14:51,080 --> 01:14:52,127
- No.
- No.
1486
01:14:52,280 --> 01:14:53,725
- You from BeaverBong?
- Tugjobs?
1487
01:14:53,920 --> 01:14:55,410
- TrannySurprise?
- Nutflix?
1488
01:14:55,560 --> 01:14:57,403
- No, ma'am.
- RealityKings?
1489
01:14:57,560 --> 01:14:59,562
- NaughtyAmerica?
- Euro-Angels? AsianAngels?
1490
01:14:59,760 --> 01:15:01,728
SeducedByACougar? FuckStarTv?
1491
01:15:02,080 --> 01:15:03,366
- Those cunts?
- Not us.
1492
01:15:03,560 --> 01:15:05,085
- SubmitYourBitch?
- No, sir.
1493
01:15:05,240 --> 01:15:06,366
- Wankspider?
- No.
1494
01:15:06,560 --> 01:15:07,607
Mon keyCum?
1495
01:15:07,760 --> 01:15:10,200
- Honey, what's that one that Larry runs?
- AThousandCumShots?
1496
01:15:10,240 --> 01:15:11,446
- MonstersOfCock?
- No.
1497
01:15:11,600 --> 01:15:13,090
You with LadyBonersH D?
1498
01:15:13,240 --> 01:15:14,287
ButtholeSandwichcom?
1499
01:15:14,440 --> 01:15:16,602
Sir, we are in no way affiliated
with ButtholeSandwich.
1500
01:15:16,760 --> 01:15:19,286
You one of them assholes
from BigTittyCreamPiecom?
1501
01:15:19,840 --> 01:15:20,841
- No.
- No.
1502
01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:22,445
Not Playboy.
1503
01:15:22,720 --> 01:15:24,131
Did Hugh send you?
1504
01:15:24,240 --> 01:15:26,049
Listen, sir. If you could just give me
one minute to explain.
1505
01:15:26,120 --> 01:15:27,326
- I know...
- See, this is the thing.
1506
01:15:27,400 --> 01:15:29,323
You've put me in a position
1507
01:15:29,400 --> 01:15:33,166
where my only options are to beat your ass,
or call the goddamn cops.
1508
01:15:33,560 --> 01:15:35,847
Okay, sir, I see where
you're coming from...
1509
01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:38,207
Actually, I think we should beat their ass
and call the goddamn cops.
1510
01:15:38,280 --> 01:15:40,487
I was thinkin' the same shit.
1511
01:15:44,920 --> 01:15:47,127
Look, if you want to kick my ass, fine.
1512
01:15:47,280 --> 01:15:49,965
And if you want to call the cops, so be it.
1513
01:15:50,120 --> 01:15:52,487
But there is a reason that we did this,
and it's because
1514
01:15:54,320 --> 01:15:57,130
sometimes people do some really crazy shit
to protect their families.
1515
01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:58,651
And that's what happened.
1516
01:15:58,800 --> 01:16:00,370
We did some crazy shit.
1517
01:16:00,640 --> 01:16:01,801
We're really sorry.
1518
01:16:01,960 --> 01:16:03,166
- We're really sorry.
- We're honestly...
1519
01:16:03,320 --> 01:16:05,561
- It was for our family.
- You motherfuckers.
1520
01:16:05,640 --> 01:16:09,008
You made a sex tape and now you're
tryin' to get it off my server.
1521
01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:14,521
Daddy, can I pet the doggies?
1522
01:16:15,520 --> 01:16:17,522
No, we can't pet these doggies.
1523
01:16:17,680 --> 01:16:18,966
What are your freakin' names?
1524
01:16:19,600 --> 01:16:21,364
- I'm Jay.
- Annie.
1525
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:23,850
- Annie and Jay?
- Yes, ma'am.
1526
01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:28,324
You the Annie that writes
"Who's Yo Mommy?"
1527
01:16:28,440 --> 01:16:29,521
Yeah.
1528
01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:32,285
- I love your blog.
- You do?
1529
01:16:32,400 --> 01:16:34,289
- I read it all the time.
- That's so great.
1530
01:16:34,400 --> 01:16:37,290
I mean, the way you write
about motherhood and parenting.
1531
01:16:37,400 --> 01:16:38,640
Your marriage.
1532
01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:41,087
Thank you. How old are yours?
1533
01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:43,408
One's 18 months and one's 52 months.
1534
01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:46,640
Baby, it's Annie and Jay.
1535
01:16:46,720 --> 01:16:49,883
Yeah, well, I'm afraid Annie and Jay
are in deep motherfuckin' shit.
1536
01:16:51,520 --> 01:16:53,329
Baby-
1537
01:16:59,640 --> 01:17:03,326
All you had to do was email me
and I would've taken it down.
1538
01:17:03,520 --> 01:17:06,649
Do you have any idea how many people
are makin' sex tapes out there?
1539
01:17:06,720 --> 01:17:09,530
We get about 1,000 new ones every day.
1540
01:17:09,600 --> 01:17:10,965
I don't need to be puttin' up sex tapes
1541
01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:12,644
from people who don't want
their sex tapes up there.
1542
01:17:12,720 --> 01:17:14,643
There's no shortage of sex tapes.
1543
01:17:14,720 --> 01:17:17,087
Okay? You didn't have to break
my fuckin' door!
1544
01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:20,204
We're just incredibly sorry, sir,
and we will pay for all the damages.
1545
01:17:20,400 --> 01:17:21,731
Yes, you will. Today.
1546
01:17:22,680 --> 01:17:25,763
And you will be incredibly grateful
that I feel sorry for your asses
1547
01:17:25,840 --> 01:17:27,410
and that my wife likes your blog.
1548
01:17:27,560 --> 01:17:31,281
No, we are very, very grateful.
Super grateful. Thank you.
1549
01:17:31,440 --> 01:17:32,521
It is great of you.
1550
01:17:32,600 --> 01:17:36,525
Internet porn gets a bad rap in some
circles, but it's not deserved.
1551
01:17:36,600 --> 01:17:40,161
I'm always tellin' people this.
YouPorn is a community.
1552
01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:42,607
A safe, supportive place
where people can go
1553
01:17:42,800 --> 01:17:45,883
to display videos of themselves
ass-fucking each other.
1554
01:17:46,240 --> 01:17:48,208
That's really nice.
1555
01:17:48,320 --> 01:17:49,321
It's wonderful.
1556
01:17:49,560 --> 01:17:51,210
I think so.
1557
01:17:51,760 --> 01:17:52,921
But let me ask you something.
1558
01:17:53,080 --> 01:17:56,801
Why'd you make the video in the first place
if you didn't want anyone to see it?
1559
01:17:57,040 --> 01:17:58,530
I mean, I know why you did it.
1560
01:17:58,600 --> 01:17:59,726
But what about you?
1561
01:18:00,920 --> 01:18:03,127
It was my idea, actually.
1562
01:18:03,760 --> 01:18:07,446
I just guess it was something different,
you know. Something new.
1563
01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:10,126
Yeah, that's what I thought.
"Something new."
1564
01:18:10,480 --> 01:18:13,643
Let me tell you somethin'.
I've see a lot of fuckin' sex tapes.
1565
01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:16,924
It's not something people do
when everything's goin' great.
1566
01:18:17,440 --> 01:18:21,286
It's what you do when you've lost track
of why you're fuckin' in the first place.
1567
01:18:25,840 --> 01:18:27,080
It's a quick fix.
1568
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:28,765
But it doesn't solve anything.
1569
01:18:28,920 --> 01:18:31,321
And a lot of times
it just hides bigger problems.
1570
01:18:31,480 --> 01:18:33,608
Look at Paris Hilton and Ricky Salomon.
1571
01:18:33,760 --> 01:18:35,330
Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.
1572
01:18:35,520 --> 01:18:37,488
Pamela Anderson and Bret Michaels.
1573
01:18:37,640 --> 01:18:39,483
Vince Neil and Janine Lindemulder.
1574
01:18:39,640 --> 01:18:41,642
Janine Lindemulder and me.
1575
01:18:42,080 --> 01:18:45,129
All of these relationships
had bigger problems.
1576
01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:49,370
They all forgot
why they were fuckin' in the first place.
1577
01:18:56,640 --> 01:19:02,170
Anyway, that'll be roughly $15,000.
How would you like to pay?
1578
01:19:05,120 --> 01:19:06,485
I think that went pretty well.
1579
01:19:06,640 --> 01:19:08,449
I know. He was so nice.
1580
01:19:11,000 --> 01:19:12,490
Oh, my God. What time is it?
1581
01:19:12,680 --> 01:19:14,921
We have to be at school
for graduation at 9:00.
1582
01:19:15,080 --> 01:19:16,320
We have to get ready, you guys.
1583
01:19:16,520 --> 01:19:17,681
I gotta gel my hair.
1584
01:19:17,840 --> 01:19:19,649
Come on! Come on, come on, come on!
1585
01:19:25,640 --> 01:19:27,642
Go, go, go! We got this!
1586
01:19:33,280 --> 01:19:36,363
Okay, babes. Eat up, eat up, eat up.
1587
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:40,209
Through the thing and magically, barn!
1588
01:19:40,280 --> 01:19:41,361
Let's see it.
1589
01:19:42,280 --> 01:19:43,281
Pretty good.
1590
01:19:45,160 --> 01:19:46,366
Hairbrush!
1591
01:19:48,200 --> 01:19:49,201
Okay, let's go.
1592
01:19:49,720 --> 01:19:51,210
But I gotta get this on.
1593
01:19:54,200 --> 01:19:56,328
Put it on in the car. Go, go!
1594
01:20:02,040 --> 01:20:03,201
I gotta go backstage.
1595
01:20:03,400 --> 01:20:04,481
Go. Go graduate, pal.
1596
01:20:04,560 --> 01:20:06,369
- We love ya.
- Bye.
1597
01:20:14,480 --> 01:20:17,165
- Mommy, I'm gonna go find my class, okay?
- Okay, honey.
1598
01:20:17,320 --> 01:20:19,368
- All right. We'll catch ya after. See ya.
- Bye!
1599
01:20:24,160 --> 01:20:26,527
- Hey, there we go.
- Okay. Great. Perfect.
1600
01:20:29,160 --> 01:20:30,321
Sorry.
1601
01:20:36,080 --> 01:20:37,525
- We made it.
- Yeah.
1602
01:20:38,080 --> 01:20:39,320
We got 'em all back.
1603
01:20:41,000 --> 01:20:43,321
I mean, we may have to
steal Howard's computer later.
1604
01:20:43,520 --> 01:20:44,885
But how hard can that be?
1605
01:20:49,040 --> 01:20:50,246
Hi.
1606
01:20:50,840 --> 01:20:54,049
I don't think I'm ever gonna be able
to look at Robby the same way again.
1607
01:20:54,840 --> 01:20:57,764
I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual,
if that helps at all.
1608
01:21:05,200 --> 01:21:06,565
I love you.
1609
01:21:08,960 --> 01:21:10,121
I love you, too.
1610
01:21:10,280 --> 01:21:11,520
No. I mean it.
1611
01:21:11,720 --> 01:21:14,451
Like, not in the way that
we say it to each other all the time.
1612
01:21:15,080 --> 01:21:16,286
I mean, I really love you.
1613
01:21:17,920 --> 01:21:21,129
And I'm also really sorry about the video,
if I hadn't said that already.
1614
01:21:21,560 --> 01:21:22,800
Thank you.
1615
01:21:23,280 --> 01:21:24,486
You hadn't.
1616
01:21:24,960 --> 01:21:27,645
In a way, though,
I'm also really glad that it happened.
1617
01:21:27,800 --> 01:21:29,962
'Cause I was thinkin' about
what you said at Hank's.
1618
01:21:30,120 --> 01:21:32,441
You said that a thing like this,
1619
01:21:33,120 --> 01:21:34,645
like "the video incident,"
1620
01:21:34,800 --> 01:21:36,882
reveals a lot about a person.
1621
01:21:37,040 --> 01:21:38,326
And you're right.
1622
01:21:39,160 --> 01:21:41,322
And you know what it revealed about you?
1623
01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:43,609
You are generous.
1624
01:21:43,760 --> 01:21:45,000
You're kind.
1625
01:21:45,400 --> 01:21:48,324
You're imaginative.
You always remember what's important.
1626
01:21:48,480 --> 01:21:50,130
You're ready for anything.
1627
01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:52,282
You're a bit of a lightweight
when it comes to cocaine.
1628
01:21:52,440 --> 01:21:55,125
But I think that is a great quality.
1629
01:21:56,760 --> 01:21:59,161
I just think that you're really amazing.
1630
01:22:01,840 --> 01:22:03,763
That's why I'm fuckin'
you in the first place.
1631
01:22:08,000 --> 01:22:09,809
You know what this revealed about you?
1632
01:22:10,760 --> 01:22:13,366
It revealed that you would do anything
1633
01:22:13,920 --> 01:22:15,922
to get those iPads back for me.
1634
01:22:16,320 --> 01:22:18,800
And there is no one I would rather be with
1635
01:22:18,960 --> 01:22:20,530
when the shit hits the fan.
1636
01:22:23,000 --> 01:22:24,161
God, I lucked out.
1637
01:22:26,040 --> 01:22:27,326
I lucked out.
1638
01:22:27,680 --> 01:22:30,160
- I fucking love you.
- I fucking love you.
1639
01:22:35,840 --> 01:22:37,285
Excuse me. Public place.
1640
01:22:37,720 --> 01:22:39,131
- Hi, Mom.
- Excuse me. Hi.
1641
01:22:39,280 --> 01:22:40,645
Good morning, everyone.
1642
01:22:40,800 --> 01:22:43,041
Let's all settle in and find a seat.
1643
01:22:43,200 --> 01:22:47,285
My name is Principal Rodriguez
and I would like to welcome everyone
1644
01:22:47,480 --> 01:22:50,290
to our fourth-grade graduation ceremony.
1645
01:22:50,480 --> 01:22:54,690
First up, I'd like to introduce
our video yearbook maestro,
1646
01:22:54,840 --> 01:22:56,365
- Clive Hargrove.
- Yeah!
1647
01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:06,724
This is a video I made
showing the amazing year we had.
1648
01:23:06,880 --> 01:23:10,248
Taking pictures and videos
is really important
1649
01:23:10,640 --> 01:23:14,087
because it reminds us
what's really important
1650
01:23:16,560 --> 01:23:18,767
and all the amazing times we had.
1651
01:23:18,920 --> 01:23:22,606
So now I present to you
our fourth-grade video yearbook.
1652
01:23:30,400 --> 01:23:32,721
You erased the video
off of our computer, right?
1653
01:23:35,000 --> 01:23:36,331
Right, Jay?
1654
01:23:36,400 --> 01:23:38,209
Is it Video 1 or Movie 1?
1655
01:23:38,280 --> 01:23:39,725
Video 1, I think.
1656
01:23:40,080 --> 01:23:41,889
- I love you. Call 911.
- Okay.
1657
01:23:42,560 --> 01:23:44,847
- It's Video 1.
- No, wait, it's Movie 1.
1658
01:23:45,040 --> 01:23:46,610
No! It's not Movie 1.
1659
01:23:46,680 --> 01:23:49,604
- Wait, is it the most recent one?
- Yeah, the most recent one.
1660
01:23:49,960 --> 01:23:52,122
- What's Frankensync?
- Hurry, honey, hurry.
1661
01:24:05,600 --> 01:24:07,807
It's okay. it was the right thing to do.
He's fine.
1662
01:24:07,960 --> 01:24:09,769
Shit. Are you okay?
1663
01:24:11,200 --> 01:24:12,406
I'm not okay, man.
1664
01:24:12,480 --> 01:24:15,723
Okay. Why doesn't Tess
bring you to the hospital
1665
01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:17,601
and I'll just make sure
your computer's okay.
1666
01:24:18,560 --> 01:24:19,925
- Dude!
- Thafsinsane.
1667
01:24:20,560 --> 01:24:23,962
You take him to the hospital.
I will make sure the computer's okay.
1668
01:24:24,480 --> 01:24:27,450
- No, wait, I feel like I'm being...
- Careful, careful, careful.
1669
01:24:29,480 --> 01:24:30,641
Hey, guys.
1670
01:24:30,800 --> 01:24:34,771
Let's just take a minute and acknowledge
that we have a lot to celebrate.
1671
01:24:34,960 --> 01:24:37,327
Your mom gettin' an offer on her blog.
1672
01:24:37,480 --> 01:24:40,086
- I'll get it.
- So why did you jump off the balcony?
1673
01:24:40,400 --> 01:24:43,085
I told you, sweetie. I tripped.
1674
01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:46,926
That's why it's very important
to always use the railings,
1675
01:24:47,800 --> 01:24:50,167
and to label your videos properly.
1676
01:24:50,320 --> 01:24:52,280
Can I go get some ice cream
with Howard and Marta?
1677
01:24:55,280 --> 01:24:56,930
- No.
- Why not?
1678
01:24:57,840 --> 01:24:59,444
Because it's family night.
1679
01:24:59,640 --> 01:25:02,610
And after this I think we should all
go get some donuts.
1680
01:25:02,920 --> 01:25:04,968
And maybe laser tag.
1681
01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:06,525
- Awesome.
- Are you sure?
1682
01:25:06,680 --> 01:25:09,809
- You can barely move over there.
- She's right.
1683
01:25:07,725 --> 01:25:15,725
Sub By THIWANKA...
1684
01:25:10,200 --> 01:25:11,440
I'm sure.
1685
01:25:17,640 --> 01:25:19,404
- Howard.
- Jay.
1686
01:25:19,480 --> 01:25:22,051
We told you, Clive is busy tonight.
1687
01:25:22,440 --> 01:25:23,805
A moment, please.
1688
01:25:32,160 --> 01:25:34,128
So? I see what you're up to, asshole.
1689
01:25:34,280 --> 01:25:36,203
I have no idea
what you're talkin' about, Howard.
1690
01:25:36,480 --> 01:25:37,845
Withholding Clive.
1691
01:25:38,560 --> 01:25:40,722
Looks like I might have
some moves of my own.
1692
01:25:40,880 --> 01:25:42,166
Might wanna watch your back.
1693
01:25:42,720 --> 01:25:43,960
Are you threatening me, Jay?
1694
01:25:44,320 --> 01:25:46,482
I ain't payin' you shit, motherfucker.
1695
01:25:46,640 --> 01:25:49,962
Have you seen what I'm capable of?
I jumped off a fuckin' balcony.
1696
01:25:50,080 --> 01:25:51,320
You do not want to cross me.
1697
01:25:51,400 --> 01:25:54,483
I don't care anymore.
And that makes me fuckin' dangerous.
1698
01:25:56,080 --> 01:25:57,411
Yeah, boy.
1699
01:25:59,920 --> 01:26:04,244
This is the last copy of your stupid tape.
All right?
1700
01:26:04,400 --> 01:26:06,004
I deleted all of the other copies.
1701
01:26:06,320 --> 01:26:07,401
Why should I believe you?
1702
01:26:08,040 --> 01:26:09,166
Doin' it for Clive.
1703
01:26:09,480 --> 01:26:10,845
To protect him.
1704
01:26:11,080 --> 01:26:14,163
Can't have this shit out there,
so I'm makin' a sacrifice.
1705
01:26:15,760 --> 01:26:18,843
Plus, he's kinda my only friend
and I really wanna hang out with him.
1706
01:26:21,440 --> 01:26:23,363
I can respect that decision.
1707
01:26:23,880 --> 01:26:25,006
Believe me, Jay.
1708
01:26:25,080 --> 01:26:27,845
This is harder to give back to you
than you could ever imagine.
1709
01:26:27,920 --> 01:26:29,365
Yeah. It's a good move, though.
1710
01:26:32,880 --> 01:26:34,120
Let go of the fuckin' thing.
1711
01:26:39,600 --> 01:26:40,601
I'll be by tomorrow.
1712
01:26:41,960 --> 01:26:44,281
I'll see ya then, you fuckin' weirdo.
1713
01:26:47,080 --> 01:26:48,889
- That's it?
- Yep.
1714
01:26:49,600 --> 01:26:51,125
That's the last copy.
1715
01:26:51,960 --> 01:26:53,041
Okay?
1716
01:26:58,280 --> 01:26:59,566
Wait!
1717
01:27:01,880 --> 01:27:03,803
- Just this once?
- Just this once.
1718
01:27:03,960 --> 01:27:05,405
And we don't even have to watch
the whole thing.
1719
01:27:05,480 --> 01:27:07,200
We can just skip around a little bit. Okay?
1720
01:27:07,800 --> 01:27:10,280
- Hello.
- Hi.
1721
01:27:10,360 --> 01:27:11,646
And welcome...
1722
01:27:13,160 --> 01:27:15,288
I'm glad that we didn't go
fucking roller skating.
1723
01:27:32,160 --> 01:27:34,322
Put your leg between my butt cheeks.
1724
01:27:34,480 --> 01:27:36,767
And then you lick my armpit.
1725
01:27:36,920 --> 01:27:38,922
- Really?
- That's what it says.
1726
01:27:39,080 --> 01:27:40,081
All right.
1727
01:27:40,240 --> 01:27:41,685
Armpit it is.
1728
01:27:48,200 --> 01:27:49,361
How is it?
1729
01:27:49,920 --> 01:27:51,001
It's fine.
1730
01:27:51,200 --> 01:27:53,680
- I'm gonna be so impressed.
- Okay, here I go.
1731
01:27:57,000 --> 01:27:59,207
One, two, three.
1732
01:28:01,000 --> 01:28:02,889
Okay. Good?
1733
01:28:03,040 --> 01:28:05,042
- All right. Get in there.
- Should I come in?
1734
01:28:06,520 --> 01:28:07,646
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
1735
01:28:07,840 --> 01:28:09,126
- Okay?
- Yeah.
1736
01:28:14,360 --> 01:28:16,727
- Yeah, totally, come on.
- Yeah? Okay.
1737
01:28:16,880 --> 01:28:19,565
Yeah. Of course, honey.
My God. This is so cute.
1738
01:28:25,120 --> 01:28:27,043
Thank you for doing this. This is my dream.
1739
01:28:27,200 --> 01:28:28,804
Always wanted to do this.
1740
01:28:30,200 --> 01:28:32,041
- You got such a great outfit, honey.
- Thanks.
1741
01:28:33,400 --> 01:28:37,803
Take me out to the ball game
1742
01:28:38,000 --> 01:28:41,561
Take me out to the park
1743
01:28:42,240 --> 01:28:44,163
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks
1744
01:28:44,320 --> 01:28:49,645
I don't care if I ever get back
1745
01:28:50,760 --> 01:28:55,243
One, a-two, a-three strikes you're out
1746
01:28:55,400 --> 01:29:02,363
At the old ball game
1747
01:29:03,840 --> 01:29:05,080
You ready?
1748
01:29:06,000 --> 01:29:08,207
Yeah. Totally.
1749
01:29:12,080 --> 01:29:13,570
My balls! My balls!
1750
01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:15,360
No, don't touch me, don't touch me! Please!
1751
01:29:17,280 --> 01:29:18,281
DO it!
1752
01:29:20,080 --> 01:29:21,081
Fuck!
1753
01:29:21,240 --> 01:29:23,049
Oh, my God! I kneed you in the vagina!
1754
01:29:25,040 --> 01:29:27,281
Honey, I ran track in college!
I can do this!
1755
01:29:31,800 --> 01:29:33,086
You stuck the landing!
126121
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