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♪ ♪
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Arliss (narrating):
For most of us,
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the dream of
becoming a champion,
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00:00:15,915 --> 00:00:18,215
remains a fantasy,
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00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:20,354
but for a special few,
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it is very much a reality.
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We cheer them,
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we live through them.
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Athletes are our last warriors.
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My job is to make
their dreams come true.
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(water splashes)
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My name is Arliss Michaels,
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I represent athletes,
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these are my stories.
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♪ Don't know what it is
that makes me love you so ♪
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♪ I only know I never
wanna let you go ♪
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00:00:46,913 --> 00:00:50,883
♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
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♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ It happens to be true ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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♪ I just wanna be
beside you everywhere ♪
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♪ As long as we're
together, honey, I don't care ♪
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♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
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♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ No matter what you do ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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Arliss (narrating): One of the
neat things about my profession
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is raising money for
those who really need it.
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Trust me, there's
no greater feeling
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than giving something back.
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On behalf of the Arliss Michaels
"Give-A-Damn-Foundation",
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I'd like to present Sue Carswell
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with this check for $50,000
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for her "Teens with
Dreams" organization.
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(applause)
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In addition, I'd
like to pass along
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this $10,000 advance
from Penden Publishing
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for Sue's upcoming
celebrity cookbook,
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which will include recipes
like Sammy Sosa's Salsa,
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Jason Kendall Krunch,
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and that ever so spicy,
Juwan Howard's juwanmbalaya.
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So what do you think?
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Juwan, juwanmbalaya is
hotter than your jump shot.
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Try this one. More habaneros.
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All the proceeds from this
fair and the from the cookbook
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will go to help establish a permanent
home for youths who feel lost.
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Thank you.
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Now that's the kind of
charity we're proud to support.
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(cameras clicking)
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(applause)
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Get that picture. That's great.
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Wire service, you're hot, hot.
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Okay, guys, remember that the
bus for the aquarium leaves at 6 AM.
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So dress appropriately.
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So, go have fun.
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Rita. Oh, good!
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- Guess what?
- What?
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I finished the book, I want
you to be the first to read it.
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You finished it, I don't
know how you find the time.
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Well, it's amazing
what you can do
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when your husband leaves you
for a 19-year-old baseball groupie.
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Makes you want
to sauté his nuts.
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It's alright.
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Writing the book has
been a cathartic experience.
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And the money will go to the
facility that these kids need.
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So I'll bring the
manuscript by tomorrow?
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- Can't wait.
- Okay!
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Okay, I'll see you, bye!
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Try this one.
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Spicier.
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Oh. (sniffs)
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Oh, God!
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Arliss (narrating): At AMM,
we do more than pay lip service
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to charitable causes.
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I'm privileged,
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as the "Give-A-Damn-Foundation's"
chief executive,
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to have a seat on the exclusive
five person board of directors.
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The remainder
of the $1.2 million
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generated by our foundation,
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was disbursed to the
United Way, UNICEF,
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the Alzheimer's Foundation,
and Pediatric AIDS.
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However, due to my
shrewd on-line investing
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during this bull market,
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we now have a surplus
of roughly $300,000.
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Let's go to Vegas!
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Which has to go to a
non-profit organization.
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You've seen me gamble.
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I think cruelty-free
makeup research.
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Not the bunnies
in eye-liner again.
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I say we give it to my cousin.
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To get arms to get
my country back
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from that sonuvabitch,
Fidel Castro coño!
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Castro, what are
you talking about?
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I'll kill that sonuvabitch!
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Fuck Castro, let's go to Vegas.
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What do you mean, Vegas?
That is the dumbest thing...
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I gotta go.
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We'll table this
until I get back
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and then we'll decide
where the money goes.
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Motion to adjourn,
second it, all in favor?
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- Meeting adjourned.
- (speaking Spanish)
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Do you know how many
rabbits are killed every day
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- from having eye-liner stuck in their eyes?
- (imitating gunfire)
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- Take those bunnies and cram them...
- I got some bunnies in Vegas.
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Rita, Rita!
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Did you rent me a '99 Town Car?
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I need a '99 Town Car.
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(scoffs) It's Union, New Jersey,
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think Chevy, mid-size.
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Which suit?
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Three piece Zegna?
Dark blue Armani?
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This one gives me shoulders,
this one gives me a write-off.
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Jesus Christ,
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it's just a Little
League field dedication.
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It's not such a big deal.
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It is to me.
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How come they're naming
this thing after you anyways?
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Did you promise them something?
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No, I didn't promise
them anything!
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It's Union's way of honoring
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their most illustrious
sports alumni, thank you.
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Shoes, shoes.
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Where the hell are my shoes?
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- TJ!
- Right beside you.
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Arliss, why are you so uptight?
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(stammering) I'm not uptight!
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Okay, what... what's going on?
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There's nothing going on.
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Tell me, what's going on?
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Arliss, what is going on?
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Little League isn't all
hot dogs and home runs.
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Going back to your hometown
can be damn traumatic.
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I mean, don't get me wrong, Union
was a great place to grow up in.
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It was safe, it was friendly.
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It's where I discovered banana
bicycle seats and baseball box scores.
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As you might expect, I
was a shy introverted youth.
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Pretty much the same
person then as now.
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25 cents.
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Three dollars.
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- Fifty cents.
- Two dollars.
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A buck.
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♪ Treat me kind ♪
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♪ I've been lonely
for a long, long time ♪
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♪ I've been looking... ♪
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Arliss (narrating): But the one thing I
remember best was Rona sussman.
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♪ You and me and ♪
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♪ Summer will come back ♪
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♪ It's already
come here before ♪
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I think she had a crush on
me, but I kept my distance.
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♪ Summer will come back ♪
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♪ It's already
come here before ♪
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(man vocalizing to music)
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Even then you could see
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I was cut out for
a career in sports.
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Jeez!
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I think I hit 460 that year.
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You're out!
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Michaels, you suck!
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Watch your language, Fusco.
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Jeez! Man!
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Arliss (narrating): No one
could believe the way I played.
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I walked with my head held high.
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That spring, our
Little League team
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went to the Jersey
State Championships.
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Yes!
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Although I had carried the team,
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I still remained an outsider.
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Boy: You're a loser, Arliss.
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Shit!
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Girl: Keep your head still.
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You keep pulling your head
away every time you swing.
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Look, I'll show you.
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Okay, step on it.
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Better, try it again.
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Aren't you gonna help me?
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But the Giants could've
had Butkis or Sayers,
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but no, they had to draft
Tucker Frederickson.
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Why have you been watching me?
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What? I have not.
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Don't lie.
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Hell, with that bike, I know
it's you half a mile away.
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It's just...
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Your house is on my way to...
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Yes?
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Get more...
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Good and Plenty?
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Tell me... is this good?
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♪ Whenever I start
feelin' low-down blue ♪
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♪ I just start thinkin'
of a girl like you ♪
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♪ You're so kind-hearted ♪
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♪ And you're so sincere ♪
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♪ Spending time with
you makes it very clear ♪
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Plenty.
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Rona!
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I didn't do anything.
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Your mother wants you!
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Coming!
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I gotta go.
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Good luck Sunday.
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♪ Funny thing, funny thing ♪
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♪ I love to watch you walk... ♪
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I'll be waiting for you behind
the bleachers after the game.
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Arliss (narrating): "I'll be waiting for
you behind the bleachers after the game."
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What could upset
me after hearing that?
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Michaels, what the hell do you
think you're doing on my street?
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00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:31,314
Get outta here before you give
the whole neighborhood a slump!
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00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:34,317
Arliss (narrating): The title game was
one of the greatest in Jersey history.
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Ahead by one with
two outs in the 7th,
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00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:39,216
we were one out away
from being State Champs.
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00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:40,685
And more importantly,
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I was out away from being behind
the bleachers with Rona sussman.
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00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:45,563
Hey, batter, batter, batter!
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Arliss (narrating): Suddenly
there was a drive in the gap.
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00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,732
- No.
- Oh, crud.
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00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:52,206
Arliss (narrating):
I got on my horse
216
00:08:52,231 --> 00:08:54,201
and gave it everything
I had to run it down.
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00:08:54,266 --> 00:08:56,236
Please catch it,
Arliss, please, please.
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00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:57,742
C'mon, please.
219
00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:59,413
Arliss (narrating):
But fate intervened.
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00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:02,242
A cloud cover broke and the sun
suddenly beamed into my eyes.
221
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,638
I've got it!
222
00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:06,911
(crowd groans)
223
00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:11,582
Michaels, you asshole!
224
00:09:11,650 --> 00:09:13,150
You costed the championship!
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00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,859
Arliss (narrating): Whether
it was seeing her face,
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00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,557
or the fact that my teammates
were about to beat the shit out of me,
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00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:20,333
for some reason I
acted impulsively.
228
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,893
I made a choice.
229
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:22,961
What?
230
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:27,401
That's right, run away,
run away, Michaels!
231
00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:28,696
No, Arliss, no.
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00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:30,738
- Fusco: Run away, Michaels!
- (groans)
233
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,543
Run away, run away, Michaels!
234
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:37,205
Run away, Michaels,
run away, Michaels!
235
00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:39,814
From that moment on,
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00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:42,649
I was known as
"Runaway Michaels."
237
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,450
I even had to
leave public school.
238
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,319
That's so sad.
239
00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:50,517
What happened to Rona?
240
00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:52,729
I was too embarrassed
to ever see her again.
241
00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:57,256
I heard later that she
married a periodontist.
242
00:09:57,329 --> 00:09:59,069
Wow.
243
00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:00,731
Now you're going back there.
244
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,098
Anyway, I want to talk
to you about what to do
245
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,550
with the foundation's
surplus money.
246
00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:06,611
Now I think...
247
00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:07,842
(phone rings)
248
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,035
Arliss Michaels' office.
249
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,950
One moment please.
250
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:15,112
It's Mayor Bard from Union.
251
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:19,287
Hello.
252
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,346
Arliss.
253
00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:22,059
I just want to tell you
how excited we are
254
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,088
about the groundbreaking
for Arliss Michaels Field.
255
00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:26,756
Arliss Michaels Field.
256
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:28,126
It's got a great ring to it.
257
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,334
I want to personally
thank you for donating
258
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:34,066
$300,000 from the
"Give-A-Damn-Foundation" to build it.
259
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,903
Well, it was my pleasure.
260
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,338
But this really isn't about me.
261
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:40,514
Sure it is, it was your idea.
262
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,883
Well, whose ever idea it
was, I sincerely appreciate it.
263
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:46,283
By the way, how are you
gonna make payment?
264
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:47,705
Check or money order?
265
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:49,680
Check that.
266
00:10:49,748 --> 00:10:51,088
Anyway I'm looking
forward to seeing you.
267
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:52,417
Bye bye.
268
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,885
About the foundation's surplus,
269
00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:55,353
now I know that
you love animals...
270
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:56,571
- Look at the time!
- No, no, wait!
271
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:57,989
It's not just about rabbits.
272
00:10:58,057 --> 00:11:01,057
(stammering) It's mice and
hamsters and cats and dogs.
273
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:02,627
We'll talk about
it when I get back.
274
00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:03,925
Sue!
275
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:07,426
Oh! Oh, Rita. Here is my
manuscript hot off the computer.
276
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,260
- So promise me you'll read it tonight.
- Ah!
277
00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:10,701
Promise me.
278
00:11:10,769 --> 00:11:12,439
- I promise you.
- Okay.
279
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,365
Ooh! "The Spicy
Dishes of Sport."
280
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,281
- Sounds hot.
- It is.
281
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,183
I got to go cook for
the hospice group.
282
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,255
So call me when you finish.
283
00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:21,509
Oh, okay, bye.
284
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:22,745
See ya!
285
00:11:24,783 --> 00:11:25,953
(sighs)
286
00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:37,297
Oh, my God.
287
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,332
Oh, my God!
288
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,670
Oh, my God.
289
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:45,636
Oh, my God!
290
00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:47,714
(gasps)
291
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:48,773
Rita.
292
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:50,141
Oh.
293
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:52,684
Rita.
294
00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:58,348
You got to try this.
295
00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:00,517
I call it Marcus Allen-dente.
296
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:02,386
Marcus Allen-dente, huh?
297
00:12:02,454 --> 00:12:05,424
You know what, let me tell you a
secret. I scored 123 touchdowns.
298
00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:07,171
And before every game,
you know what I ate?
299
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:09,047
Marcus Allen-dente?
300
00:12:09,046 --> 00:12:10,156
Marcus Allen-dente.
301
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,249
Just...
302
00:12:11,248 --> 00:12:12,258
(thud)
303
00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:15,199
(thud)
304
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:17,982
Having a hard time
getting the fork in there.
305
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:19,413
Well, that's the "al dente."
306
00:12:19,471 --> 00:12:21,071
Stanley, hey Marcus.
307
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:22,680
Can I talk to you
in your office?
308
00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:23,741
Well, actually...
309
00:12:23,776 --> 00:12:25,576
Great to see you
Marcus, great recipe.
310
00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:28,676
Stanley: "He was so coked up,
311
00:12:28,747 --> 00:12:31,077
"he started having
sex on the bar.
312
00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:34,750
That was a problem, we
couldn't get ice for our drinks."
313
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:37,460
Recipe book? Recipe book?
314
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,633
Did you know there
are tri-sexuals?
315
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:41,062
Why is she doing this?
316
00:12:41,126 --> 00:12:42,996
Her husband left
her for a 19-year-old.
317
00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:44,402
I'd say she's pissed.
318
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:46,603
Did you see what
it says about Troy?
319
00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:48,395
We better call Arliss.
320
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:49,497
(whispers) What?
321
00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:52,610
Soon.
322
00:12:54,473 --> 00:12:57,683
Once again I'd like to thank
super agent Arliss Michaels
323
00:12:57,743 --> 00:12:58,983
for his generous donation,
324
00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:01,954
which is saving Little League
baseball in Union, New Jersey.
325
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:04,354
- Thank you, Mayor, thank you all.
- (applause)
326
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:05,916
You know, good to see you again.
327
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:07,315
Congratulations, Arliss.
328
00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:10,316
Hey Arliss, got a dollar?
329
00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:11,619
(laughs)
330
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:15,425
How long has she
been doing that?
331
00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:17,364
At least as long as
I've been married to her.
332
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:19,029
Always liked her.
333
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:20,498
Man: Hey, "Runaway."
334
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:25,697
Fusco.
335
00:13:27,206 --> 00:13:29,006
Amazes me they're naming a field
336
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:31,544
after the biggest fuck-up
this league ever had.
337
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:33,880
Guess you can buy
anything, huh, "Runaway"?
338
00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:36,816
It's not "Runaway" anymore,
that was a long time ago.
339
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:38,252
Times have changed.
340
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,817
Right, you're a
big-shot agent now.
341
00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:43,516
I guess if you can't be an
athlete, you represent them.
342
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:44,859
That's right.
343
00:13:44,923 --> 00:13:46,923
By they way, how did your
baseball career turn out?
344
00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:50,003
Actually I own my
own business now.
345
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:51,732
Manufacturing these puppies.
346
00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:53,797
Dog collars?
347
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,126
No shit-head,
348
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,140
Fusco's invisible dog trainer.
349
00:13:58,203 --> 00:14:00,073
Twice as powerful
as the normal ones.
350
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:02,839
You turn this switch, put
it around your dog's neck,
351
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:04,538
if he starts to
bark unnecessarily,
352
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:05,750
- you zap him.
- (electricity buzzing)
353
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:06,978
(screams)
354
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,180
(laughing)
355
00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:10,447
You shock dogs?!
356
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:11,576
It works.
357
00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:13,620
Hey Fusco, you got a second?
358
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,786
I have something to show you.
359
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:18,564
Ooh, Angela, excuse me.
360
00:14:20,125 --> 00:14:22,455
Hey Fusco, you
forgot your cattle prod.
361
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:30,369
My mom says I swing
like Mark McGwire.
362
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,366
Is that so?
363
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,468
Well, let me see you swing.
364
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,380
C'mon, here comes a pitch.
365
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,613
Woman: Keep
your head still, Keri.
366
00:14:49,588 --> 00:14:50,688
Rona?
367
00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:52,286
Hello, Arliss.
368
00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:53,658
Long time.
369
00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:55,963
You look beautiful.
370
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:58,058
Thank you.
371
00:14:58,130 --> 00:14:59,570
This is my son, Keri.
372
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,373
Keri, your mom's right.
373
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:04,004
You do swing like Mark McGwire.
374
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,069
Alright!
375
00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:06,837
Hey Mom, can I go now?
376
00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:09,535
David's father says I can stay
at his house until you get back.
377
00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:11,008
Sure, I'll pick you up later.
378
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:15,513
You're the talk of the town.
379
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,081
Just like the old days.
380
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:18,879
Listen, can I get you a drink?
381
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:20,621
No, no, I'm fine, thanks.
382
00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:22,696
You sure? Well, is your husband
here? I'd love to meet him.
383
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:24,191
You'll have to go to Dallas.
384
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:25,556
That's where he lives now.
385
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:26,734
Oh.
386
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,342
- Anyway, I'm glad you're here.
- I'm glad you came.
387
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,500
So am I.
388
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,261
- Me, too. Okay.
- You first.
389
00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:34,770
Fusco: ♪ For Runaway's
a jolly good fellow ♪
390
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:37,743
♪ For Runaway's
a jolly good fellow ♪
391
00:15:37,803 --> 00:15:39,343
Want to get out of here?
392
00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:41,265
Go someplace we can talk?
393
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:43,110
Yeah, sure, sure.
394
00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:45,375
(Fusco cackling)
395
00:15:48,046 --> 00:15:50,746
It must be something
meeting all those celebrities.
396
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:52,376
Oh, it is...
397
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:55,451
generally a big pain in the ass.
398
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:57,561
Still it must be something
getting out of Union
399
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,493
and living in Los Angeles.
400
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:01,258
To be honest...
401
00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:05,225
right now life here
looks pretty good.
402
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:09,974
Oh.
403
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,608
Now this looks familiar.
404
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:17,584
Rona: So does this.
405
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:21,656
Oh, dear.
406
00:16:21,665 --> 00:16:22,775
(laughs softly)
407
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:25,618
Why Arliss Michaels, I
do believe you're blushing.
408
00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:28,894
I haven't seen that
in 30 years, c'mon.
409
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:31,324
Want to take a ride
in a time machine?
410
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:37,761
This is nice.
411
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,730
Yes, it is.
412
00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:41,628
What happened?
413
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,770
How come I didn't end
up with a guy like you?
414
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,837
Sun was in my eyes.
415
00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:50,576
I waited for you under
those bleaches till 9:00.
416
00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:52,182
I got grounded for a month.
417
00:16:52,244 --> 00:16:54,684
(car approaching)
418
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,979
Fusco: ♪ Runaway's
a jolly good fellow ♪
419
00:16:59,051 --> 00:17:01,321
♪ Yeah, Runaway's
a jolly good fellow ♪
420
00:17:01,386 --> 00:17:03,086
Fusco still lives here?
421
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:05,215
Some things never change.
422
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:07,060
Fusco: ♪ Which nobody can deny ♪
423
00:17:07,125 --> 00:17:08,485
Maybe they can.
424
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,730
C'mon.
425
00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:12,903
(humming drunkenly)
426
00:17:17,469 --> 00:17:18,569
- (electricity buzzes)
- Ow!
427
00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:20,167
(quiet laughter)
428
00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:27,811
(electricity buzzing)
429
00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:23,581
(groaning)
430
00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:25,882
Ow! Ow! Ow!
431
00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:27,814
Ah!
432
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:31,018
Ah! Fuck!
433
00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:32,423
(electricity buzzing)
434
00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:33,924
(groans)
435
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,633
Pretty good.
436
00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:42,156
There's plenty.
437
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:47,666
♪ Whenever I start
feelin' low-down blue ♪
438
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:51,773
♪ I just start thinking
of a girl like you ♪
439
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:55,537
♪ You're so kind-hearted
and you're so sincere ♪
440
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:59,777
♪ Spending time with
you makes it very clear ♪
441
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,875
♪ It's you and me, you and me ♪
442
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,777
- (phone rings)
- ♪ Nobody else like... ♪
443
00:18:03,849 --> 00:18:05,779
I didn't do anything.
444
00:18:05,851 --> 00:18:07,651
Excuse me.
445
00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:09,589
(phone beeps)
446
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:10,655
Yes?
447
00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:11,859
Big problem.
448
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,994
Sue's cookbook
filets our clients.
449
00:18:14,059 --> 00:18:15,629
What are you talking about?
450
00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:18,404
It's a tell-all. A
tell-all on our athletes.
451
00:18:18,463 --> 00:18:20,533
She names names, places, dates,
452
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,099
quantities, inches.
453
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,897
How many clients are implicated?
454
00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:26,099
Oh, 20, 30.
455
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:27,811
How many people can
you get in a hot tub?
456
00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:29,883
Okay, listen, nobody
is to read that book.
457
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,112
You understand? Nobody.
458
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:32,776
How? She's already written it.
459
00:18:32,844 --> 00:18:34,084
The publisher's waiting for it.
460
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:36,106
- Put Kirby on.
- (scoffs) Here.
461
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,620
- Huh?
- Kirby, listen to me, I don't care what you have to do.
462
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,257
But you got to kill that
book, you understand?
463
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,118
- Understand.
- Okay, I'm counting you.
464
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,760
- Bye.
- (phone beeps)
465
00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:47,955
Shit.
466
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:52,833
(thud)
467
00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:55,328
- Everything okay?
- Oh, yeah, no everything's fine.
468
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,670
It's just a little
business problem.
469
00:18:57,736 --> 00:18:59,366
- Now, where were we?
- (laughs softly)
470
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,640
♪ Whenever I start
feelin' low-down... ♪
471
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:06,140
Man: Hey, you
kids, get out of there!
472
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,711
- (both laughing)
- ♪ It's you and me, you and me ♪
473
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:10,980
♪ Nobody else, nobody else ♪
474
00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:12,779
♪ Know me better
than I know... ♪
475
00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:15,151
Actually, I have
to pick up my son.
476
00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:17,288
Sure.
477
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:18,356
Tell you what, though,
478
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:20,290
tomorrow after the
groundbreaking,
479
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,159
I'll give you another chance to
meet me behind the bleachers.
480
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:24,458
Deal.
481
00:19:24,529 --> 00:19:25,629
That's agent speak.
482
00:19:25,697 --> 00:19:27,527
♪ And your beauty ♪
483
00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:29,499
♪ You go into my core ♪
484
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:32,298
If I told everyone
what I intended to write,
485
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:34,381
there would have been
pressure on me not to write it.
486
00:19:34,406 --> 00:19:35,666
This way it's done.
487
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:36,991
Are you sure you
want to do this?
488
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,209
- You don't want to edit it? Tone it down?
- Why?
489
00:19:39,277 --> 00:19:42,077
People should know what
being married to an athlete is like.
490
00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:44,477
I think it might be a
best-seller, don't you?
491
00:19:44,549 --> 00:19:46,119
(stammering) Yeah.
492
00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:47,794
(doorbell rings)
493
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,493
Excuse me.
494
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,293
Good afternoon, ma'am.
495
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:57,461
Hi.
496
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,669
I'm Lance, from Scorched
Earth Pest Control.
497
00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:02,131
Your neighbors, they
have an infestation.
498
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,870
And I was wondering if you'd
be interested in our services.
499
00:20:04,936 --> 00:20:06,666
I don't have a pest problem.
500
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,038
Are you sure?
501
00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:10,406
I will do your whole
house for $99.99.
502
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:14,354
(squeaking)
503
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,183
(screaming)
504
00:20:18,583 --> 00:20:19,923
(screams)
505
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:21,045
Pests.
506
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,919
- Even the nicest homes get them.
- (Rita screams)
507
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:26,689
I start in the back
and I flush them out.
508
00:20:33,965 --> 00:20:35,595
Take off your shoes, mud.
509
00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:37,097
Fuck you, watch the door.
510
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:42,743
I'll delete the
book from the file.
511
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:45,278
You grab any hard copies
or extra floppies you can find.
512
00:20:45,343 --> 00:20:47,013
- Go.
- (keyboard clacking)
513
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:50,014
What are you doing?
514
00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:51,178
I'm looking for the disk.
515
00:20:51,249 --> 00:20:52,719
That's underwear.
516
00:20:52,784 --> 00:20:54,494
So? It's where I hide my stuff.
517
00:20:56,788 --> 00:20:58,558
I'm already thinking
about the sequel.
518
00:20:58,623 --> 00:21:00,963
It's on the computer,
get over here!
519
00:21:02,294 --> 00:21:04,534
Okay, got to delete
it from the hard drive.
520
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,596
There it is, highlight it.
521
00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:08,125
- And (gasps)
- (printer whirring)
522
00:21:09,301 --> 00:21:10,301
You hit print.
523
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:11,345
Fuck. Me?
524
00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:12,374
You idiot.
525
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,767
(clamoring)
526
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,780
Is everything
alright back there?
527
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:19,512
It's okay! I see two big mices.
528
00:21:19,578 --> 00:21:21,448
- Unplug it.
- (printer whirring)
529
00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:24,578
(gasps)
530
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,151
- Shit.
- What is going on in here?
531
00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:30,090
Yeah, what the hell
is going on here?
532
00:21:30,155 --> 00:21:31,715
I...
533
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,230
(both stammering)
534
00:21:33,291 --> 00:21:34,381
I, um...
535
00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:35,457
He...
536
00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:37,657
(groans) We were trying
to steal your manuscript.
537
00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:39,259
I saw another vermin.
538
00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:41,725
Rita, I thought
you were my friend.
539
00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:44,297
I am your friend, I apologize.
540
00:21:44,369 --> 00:21:45,869
It was a really bad idea.
541
00:21:45,937 --> 00:21:47,267
Yeah, well, so was your book.
542
00:21:47,339 --> 00:21:49,569
Your cookbook is
a recipe for disaster.
543
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:51,481
That book is going be published.
544
00:21:51,543 --> 00:21:53,583
What about all the
innocent people?
545
00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:55,645
You know who the
innocent people are?
546
00:21:55,714 --> 00:21:58,584
18-year-old girls
who marry jocks
547
00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:00,950
and then have to live
with late night hang-ups
548
00:22:01,019 --> 00:22:03,259
and phone numbers in
the pockets and crabs.
549
00:22:03,321 --> 00:22:05,561
So you're doing it out of spite.
550
00:22:05,624 --> 00:22:07,394
No, I'm doing it for the money.
551
00:22:07,459 --> 00:22:08,629
Of course you are.
552
00:22:08,693 --> 00:22:10,533
Not for me, for the kids.
553
00:22:10,595 --> 00:22:12,125
A cookbook could raise what?
554
00:22:12,197 --> 00:22:14,527
$50, 60,000?
555
00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:18,439
But a tell-all book could
bring $200, 300,000.
556
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:20,443
And if it happens to
come at the expense
557
00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:23,335
of a bunch of pigs who deserve
it, well, that's just too bad.
558
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:28,378
So if you really
mean what you say,
559
00:22:28,446 --> 00:22:30,076
that it's strictly for the kids,
560
00:22:30,148 --> 00:22:32,178
what if we could find you
the money elsewhere?
561
00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:35,849
- I'm listening.
- What's she talking about?
562
00:22:35,921 --> 00:22:37,491
Where we gonna get
that kind of money?
563
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:39,456
(applause)
564
00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:42,094
Bard: They say you
can't go home again...
565
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,060
but not so for Arliss Michaels.
566
00:22:45,130 --> 00:22:48,430
As you all know, this is a very
special day for Union, New Jersey.
567
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:52,270
Today we're here to honor
a very special native son.
568
00:22:52,337 --> 00:22:54,967
A son who gives
back to his roots.
569
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,840
In Union, as you know,
570
00:22:56,908 --> 00:22:58,938
we are all committed to youth.
571
00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:00,310
Union is committed to youth.
572
00:23:00,313 --> 00:23:01,613
(phone rings)
573
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,580
This field is symbolic
of our commitment.
574
00:23:04,649 --> 00:23:05,649
Hello.
575
00:23:05,717 --> 00:23:07,247
Agent Carlisle
reporting, we did it.
576
00:23:07,319 --> 00:23:08,319
We killed the book.
577
00:23:08,386 --> 00:23:10,016
Great! How?
578
00:23:10,088 --> 00:23:11,418
We negotiated a settlement.
579
00:23:11,489 --> 00:23:13,289
Excellent, how much
you pay her? $40, 50,000?
580
00:23:13,358 --> 00:23:15,928
$300,000.
581
00:23:15,994 --> 00:23:18,334
$300,000? Where the hell'd
you come up with that money?
582
00:23:18,396 --> 00:23:20,626
That's the beauty,
the foundation.
583
00:23:20,699 --> 00:23:22,129
We gave her the $300,000.
584
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,940
And she's gonna
write a real cookbook.
585
00:23:24,002 --> 00:23:25,002
What?!
586
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,340
We had to give it
to charity anyway.
587
00:23:27,405 --> 00:23:29,105
Get it back, get it back.
588
00:23:29,174 --> 00:23:31,644
$300,000 wire transfer,
589
00:23:31,710 --> 00:23:32,910
done.
590
00:23:32,978 --> 00:23:34,778
I don't think we can.
591
00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:36,006
I'm gonna have to cover this?
592
00:23:37,782 --> 00:23:39,152
It's time to introduce to you
593
00:23:39,217 --> 00:23:41,587
the man who has
made this all possible.
594
00:23:41,653 --> 00:23:43,693
And to present the check...
595
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:46,985
Arliss (narrating): There are few
times life offers you a second chance.
596
00:23:47,058 --> 00:23:48,988
A chance to redeem oneself.
597
00:23:49,060 --> 00:23:51,100
A chance to pick up the pieces.
598
00:23:51,162 --> 00:23:54,972
A chance to redetermine
one's true net worth.
599
00:23:55,033 --> 00:23:57,503
Fear not, these moments.
600
00:23:57,569 --> 00:23:58,899
Make the choice.
601
00:23:58,905 --> 00:24:00,235
(crowd gasps)
602
00:24:00,305 --> 00:24:02,965
Look, Runaway Michaels
is running away again!
603
00:24:03,041 --> 00:24:04,281
Angela: Don't just stand there,
604
00:24:04,342 --> 00:24:06,712
somebody tackle
that sonuvabitch!
605
00:24:06,778 --> 00:24:08,978
Get him! Get him!
606
00:24:09,047 --> 00:24:10,417
Get him!
607
00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:14,552
Arliss (narrating): Charity keeps
me connected to the common man.
608
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:17,759
Charity elevates
me to a higher plane.
609
00:24:19,357 --> 00:24:22,357
Charity is who I am.
610
00:24:22,427 --> 00:24:24,657
My name is Arliss Michaels.
611
00:24:24,729 --> 00:24:26,669
I represent athletes,
612
00:24:26,731 --> 00:24:29,171
these are my stories.
613
00:24:29,234 --> 00:24:30,704
♪ ... the fool ♪
614
00:24:30,769 --> 00:24:33,909
♪ There's nothing
that you can do ♪
615
00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:35,512
♪ And so I am... ♪
616
00:24:35,573 --> 00:24:37,143
And now let's thank the man
617
00:24:37,208 --> 00:24:41,108
who made the construction
of this institution possible.
618
00:24:41,179 --> 00:24:42,359
(applause)
619
00:24:42,365 --> 00:24:43,545
♪ Runaway ♪
620
00:24:43,615 --> 00:24:46,715
♪ Is that what I heard you say ♪
621
00:24:46,785 --> 00:24:49,785
♪ You're lookin'
for better days ♪
622
00:24:49,854 --> 00:24:53,934
♪ But they never come ♪
623
00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:56,362
♪ Runaway ♪
624
00:24:56,428 --> 00:24:59,558
♪ Off to another place ♪
625
00:24:59,631 --> 00:25:02,601
♪ Where nobody knows your face ♪
626
00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:06,597
♪ Your lonely construct ♪
627
00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:09,271
♪ ♪
628
00:25:14,245 --> 00:25:16,975
♪ You can run, oh ♪
629
00:25:17,048 --> 00:25:19,148
♪ But I think you'll find ♪
630
00:25:19,217 --> 00:25:21,387
♪ You're not fast enough ♪
631
00:25:21,453 --> 00:25:25,293
♪ Till I run, you're all mine ♪
632
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:28,587
♪ Ever since time began ♪
633
00:25:28,660 --> 00:25:31,630
♪ That and the simple plan ♪
634
00:25:31,696 --> 00:25:34,696
♪ Deep in the heart of me ♪
635
00:25:34,766 --> 00:25:39,066
♪ Where he was confined ♪
636
00:25:39,137 --> 00:25:41,037
♪ Runaway ♪
637
00:25:41,106 --> 00:25:44,306
♪ Is that what I heard you say ♪
638
00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:47,446
♪ You're lookin'
for better days ♪
639
00:25:47,512 --> 00:25:51,622
♪ But they never come ♪
640
00:25:51,683 --> 00:25:54,093
♪ Runaway ♪
641
00:25:56,054 --> 00:25:57,324
Arliss: What? Are we short?
642
00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:59,719
The music ran out? How short?
643
00:25:59,791 --> 00:26:03,531
Don't worry, it's over the Marquee
Tollin/Robbins sign over there.
644
00:26:03,595 --> 00:26:04,935
And that other
thing, the HBO thing,
645
00:26:04,963 --> 00:26:07,203
that starts to go, you
know... (imitates hum)
646
00:26:07,253 --> 00:26:11,803
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