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1
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:20,759
I'm worried, America.
2
00:00:20,837 --> 00:00:23,007
It's the boy.
3
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,970
There ain't no way
to sugar foot around it
4
00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:27,180
so I'm just going to come out
and say it.
5
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:30,060
That's right... he's odd...
funny.
6
00:00:30,138 --> 00:00:32,688
Not "Ha, ha," funny, you know.
7
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:36,526
Oh, now, don't get me wrong,
he's a Mac and I love him,
8
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:38,823
but he ain't
like the rest of us.
9
00:00:38,897 --> 00:00:40,067
He's a little different.
10
00:00:40,148 --> 00:00:43,158
I know it; we all know it;
always have.
11
00:00:43,235 --> 00:00:44,735
He like "Marilyn"
on The Munsters--
12
00:00:44,820 --> 00:00:45,790
she a little strange,
13
00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:47,322
she wasn't like
the rest of them.
14
00:00:47,397 --> 00:00:49,967
From the very first weekend
he got here.
15
00:00:50,042 --> 00:00:53,382
See, you know, they didn't bring
any toys when they first came
16
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,207
so Wanda and I took them all up
to the Citywalk, you know
17
00:00:56,289 --> 00:00:59,009
and let 'em pick out anything
they like, right?
18
00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:02,678
Well, there was
this magic shop...
19
00:01:02,754 --> 00:01:03,854
I want this!
20
00:01:03,922 --> 00:01:05,722
His name's Wooden Willie.
21
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,269
Isn't he great?
22
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,549
Yeah, Jordan,
he is great,
23
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,942
but I don't know, you'll
probably get tired of him.
24
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:15,068
No, I won't. I promise.
25
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:16,780
You said I could have anything.
26
00:01:16,852 --> 00:01:18,572
Yeah, Jordan,
I know, but, I...
27
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:22,905
I'm a million miles
from Chicago. I have no friends.
28
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:25,583
BERNIE:
You would have donethe same doggone thing.
29
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:28,576
I mean, what kind of kidwant a ventriloquist'sdummy?
30
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:32,165
I tell you what kind-- a dummy.Please.
31
00:01:32,242 --> 00:01:33,832
Like I'm going to have
Willie Tyler and Lester
32
00:01:33,910 --> 00:01:35,440
up in this piece.
33
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:38,420
Now, y'all think about it--
nobody'd want to live like that.
34
00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:40,638
Yeah, I dodged the bullet.
35
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:46,846
So how was I supposed to know
the bullet would ricochet?
36
00:01:46,923 --> 00:01:49,563
Bing, bing, bing...
37
00:01:49,634 --> 00:01:50,814
Hand me that catsup.
38
00:01:50,886 --> 00:01:52,736
Watch, watch.
39
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,024
Jordan.
40
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,942
Alla-kazan, alla-kazon.
41
00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:01,818
I wave my hands,
and this catsup is gone!
42
00:02:01,897 --> 00:02:03,947
(applause)
43
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:04,824
Good, good.
44
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:06,320
Now bring my catsup back.
45
00:02:06,401 --> 00:02:09,161
I can't, Uncle Bernie.
It's vanished.
46
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:12,211
I'm standing now, Jordan,
bring back my catsup.
47
00:02:12,282 --> 00:02:13,962
Wait, I have something
in my eye.
48
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:16,144
(screams)
49
00:02:17,996 --> 00:02:19,876
Oh, not my eye!
50
00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:22,876
Anything but my eye!
(screams)
51
00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:24,889
(laughs)
52
00:02:24,961 --> 00:02:27,151
Oh, it's creamer.
53
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,143
Poof?
54
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,138
(applause)
55
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,399
Don't encourage him.
56
00:02:33,478 --> 00:02:35,308
Oh. Well, that was
kind of good, though.
57
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:37,978
America, this boy
is driving me crazy.
58
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:42,648
I'm telling you-- look, America,
I keep hoping inside my heart
59
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:45,199
that this boy lose interest
in this magic crap
60
00:02:45,273 --> 00:02:47,793
but if he doesn't, America,
I got a problem.
61
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,428
What I need to know--
62
00:02:49,511 --> 00:02:50,811
how do you know if this kid
had a genuine passion
63
00:02:50,887 --> 00:02:53,707
or just a normal interest that
you could discourage or squash?
64
00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:57,132
Penn, Teller,
y'all got to help me, man.
65
00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:59,422
You know, uh, Bernie,
magicians can be
66
00:02:59,496 --> 00:03:02,086
some of the geekiest freaks
you'll ever meet, you know that.
67
00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:04,259
But there's an upside, right?
68
00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:06,934
I mean, you can take a complete
loser, teach him magic
69
00:03:07,003 --> 00:03:08,253
and it gives him the confidence
70
00:03:08,330 --> 00:03:11,010
he might need to act
in a normal social situation.
71
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,411
I mean, look at Teller.
72
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,024
He's been doing magic
since he was six years old.
73
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,694
It's brought him
out of his shell
74
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,372
loosened up-- look.
75
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:20,017
-Wow, I never looked
at it like that. -Yeah.
76
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,900
So, magic helped you
meet people
77
00:03:21,911 --> 00:03:23,241
and create friends, right?
78
00:03:23,311 --> 00:03:24,821
Yeah, look at him.
79
00:03:24,896 --> 00:03:26,706
He could sell you
a car.
80
00:03:27,983 --> 00:03:29,103
He-he don't talk.
81
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,866
No. You'll warm up
to him after a while.
82
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,375
He likes you.
83
00:03:35,907 --> 00:03:39,177
I'm so lucky Miss Spellman
made you my lab partner.
84
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,963
We're totally going
to get a B+ on this.
85
00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:42,037
(chuckles)
86
00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:42,847
You know what?
87
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,511
I think we need more
green balls.
88
00:03:44,582 --> 00:03:45,722
Mm-hmm.
89
00:03:49,921 --> 00:03:50,811
What?
90
00:03:50,889 --> 00:03:52,929
You have a quarter in your head.
91
00:03:53,008 --> 00:03:54,098
What?
92
00:03:54,175 --> 00:03:56,725
I have x-ray vision.
93
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,493
You don't believe me?
94
00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,725
Hey, that's pretty good.
95
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,281
You like magic?
96
00:04:06,354 --> 00:04:07,404
I guess it's all right.
97
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,370
Wow. Most people hate it.
98
00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:10,959
Then why do you do it?
99
00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:14,541
You're pretty funny, kid.
100
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,762
Jordan, get out!
101
00:04:21,837 --> 00:04:24,497
I bought the boy the magic kit
just to shut the boy up.
102
00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:27,591
I didn't think he was going
to become obsessed with it.
103
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:30,087
Well, honey,
everybody has their thing.
104
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,430
What's your thing?
105
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,224
Come on, baby,
you know mine's comedy.
106
00:04:33,298 --> 00:04:35,268
But comedy's cool.
Look at Richard Pryor.
107
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:36,612
Women love comedy.
108
00:04:36,685 --> 00:04:38,725
What's the first thing a woman
like about a man?
109
00:04:38,803 --> 00:04:39,633
Sense of humor.
110
00:04:39,704 --> 00:04:40,774
Woman don't care about a man
111
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,437
pulling no rabbit
out of slacks.
112
00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:45,105
Yeah, well, David Copperfield
had Claudia Schiffer.
113
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:47,275
Yeah. Siegfried had Roy.
114
00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:49,028
I mean, how the boy...
115
00:04:49,105 --> 00:04:50,565
why the boy just don't become
obsessed with something normal?
116
00:04:50,648 --> 00:04:52,618
First it was bugs,
now it's magic.
117
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,992
What he going
to become obsessed with next?
118
00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:59,210
♪♪
119
00:04:59,282 --> 00:05:02,472
♪ This magic moment ♪
120
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,723
♪ So different and so new ♪
121
00:05:06,581 --> 00:05:09,061
♪ Was like any other ♪
122
00:05:10,585 --> 00:05:13,295
♪ Until I kissed you ♪
123
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:16,650
♪ And then it happened ♪
124
00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:20,941
♪ It took me by surprise ♪
125
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:24,806
♪ I knew that youfelt it too ♪
126
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:28,081
♪ By the look inyour eyes ♪
127
00:05:34,025 --> 00:05:39,405
Oh my God...
all my sorority stuff.
128
00:05:39,489 --> 00:05:41,369
(chuckles)
Oh...
129
00:05:41,449 --> 00:05:44,289
Wow, I haven't seen this stuff
in years.
130
00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:45,213
(laughs)
131
00:05:45,286 --> 00:05:47,996
Garbage!
132
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:49,211
Aunt Wanda.
133
00:05:49,290 --> 00:05:51,420
Yes, sweetie?
Can I talk to you?
134
00:05:51,501 --> 00:05:52,511
Yeah.
135
00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:54,465
What do you
do when you...
136
00:05:54,546 --> 00:05:56,936
like someone?
137
00:05:57,015 --> 00:05:57,755
You mean, like a girl?
138
00:05:57,841 --> 00:06:00,431
Jordan,
you like a girl?
139
00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:04,150
Oh, that's so sweet,
who is she?
140
00:06:04,222 --> 00:06:05,522
You're blushing!
141
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,028
Do we know her?
142
00:06:07,109 --> 00:06:10,489
Yes. Yes!
Did y'all hear that, America?
143
00:06:10,496 --> 00:06:12,196
The boy is normal!
I knew he was.
144
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,352
Hallelujah!
145
00:06:13,423 --> 00:06:15,123
I mean, forgive my exuberance,
America.
146
00:06:15,191 --> 00:06:17,451
I know that boy just got
a little harmless crush.
147
00:06:17,527 --> 00:06:18,907
The first of many.
148
00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:21,501
But if the Mac boy
wants to be a Mac man,
149
00:06:21,573 --> 00:06:23,753
he gotta learn
the way of the Mac.
150
00:06:23,825 --> 00:06:27,335
And what I know...
you can't buy in no store.
151
00:06:27,412 --> 00:06:28,892
(chuckles)
152
00:06:28,964 --> 00:06:30,804
First of all, Jordan,
you got to be real smooth, okay?
153
00:06:30,874 --> 00:06:32,514
Now, let me hear
your opening line.
154
00:06:32,584 --> 00:06:33,764
Hi, I'm Jordan.
155
00:06:33,835 --> 00:06:36,085
(giggles)
156
00:06:36,171 --> 00:06:37,761
Right line, wrong delivery.
157
00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:39,309
Son, you go to put
a little bit more swerve in it
158
00:06:39,382 --> 00:06:40,522
a little more bass.
159
00:06:40,592 --> 00:06:42,522
Like this-- dig this, here.
160
00:06:42,594 --> 00:06:44,244
Say, hey, good-lookin'.
161
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,860
I couldn't help but notice you
on the monkey bars.
162
00:06:46,931 --> 00:06:49,981
You want to climb the jungle gym
with a real swinger?
163
00:06:50,059 --> 00:06:54,699
Oh, please. Jordan, just be
your own sweet self.
164
00:06:54,772 --> 00:06:56,322
Baby, we trying to getthe girl, okay?
165
00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:58,029
He will.
166
00:06:58,109 --> 00:06:59,869
(clears throat)
And then all of a sudden, Jordan
167
00:06:59,944 --> 00:07:02,794
you smooth up on her
real nice and tight
168
00:07:02,864 --> 00:07:05,924
then you put
your arms around her...
169
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:09,212
(sniffs)
170
00:07:09,287 --> 00:07:11,127
Boy, you ripe.
171
00:07:11,206 --> 00:07:12,296
You spoiled.
172
00:07:12,374 --> 00:07:13,704
And that's rule number one
173
00:07:13,775 --> 00:07:15,725
you have to understand
something about women:
174
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,512
women don't like a man to smell
like an onion, right?
175
00:07:18,588 --> 00:07:20,328
No.
Okay? Now, come on.
176
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:22,767
I'm going to take you upstairs,
going to smooth you out some.
177
00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:26,392
Put "Smell-Goods" on you.
Come on.
178
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:28,225
(sniffs)
179
00:07:28,306 --> 00:07:30,156
Ugh...
180
00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:31,673
You know what?
181
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:35,742
I envy Jordan, America--
first crush, young love.
182
00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:38,907
It's a magical time
in a young man's life,
183
00:07:38,983 --> 00:07:42,623
and I was just about the same
age when I first was afflicted.
184
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,905
What was her name?
185
00:07:44,989 --> 00:07:47,079
I think her name
was Loretta Washington.
186
00:07:47,158 --> 00:07:49,828
Yeah. She gave me a little
stuffed bear
187
00:07:49,911 --> 00:07:52,751
that said
"I Wuv You Beary Much."
188
00:07:52,830 --> 00:07:55,630
She swiped it from
the Quickie-Mart on the corner.
189
00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:58,678
Now, America, that's love, boy.
190
00:07:58,753 --> 00:08:01,023
I cherish that thing.
191
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,110
"I Wuv You Beary Much."
192
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,776
Hmm.
193
00:08:10,431 --> 00:08:12,441
Oh, that can go.
194
00:08:12,451 --> 00:08:13,941
What?
195
00:08:14,018 --> 00:08:16,578
Bernie, these are all
your old love letters.
196
00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:18,395
I know.
(laughs)
197
00:08:18,481 --> 00:08:19,531
♪ Garbage! ♪
198
00:08:19,607 --> 00:08:20,917
Hold on,
hold on, Wanda.
199
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,620
How you think I might want
to keep all that stuff?
200
00:08:22,694 --> 00:08:24,544
What, this
ratty old thing?
201
00:08:24,612 --> 00:08:26,292
Why you going
to keep this?
202
00:08:26,364 --> 00:08:28,294
It's not that...
keep it, I just...
203
00:08:28,366 --> 00:08:29,456
didn't throw it away, baby.
204
00:08:29,534 --> 00:08:31,424
Come on, come on,
come on, Wanda!
205
00:08:31,494 --> 00:08:32,814
Come on, now.
206
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:34,837
Okay, look, baby,
you could throw this away
207
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,058
or I'll throw it
away for you.
208
00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:45,943
One less step.
209
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:52,106
♪♪
210
00:08:59,397 --> 00:09:02,157
♪ Though I've triedbefore to tell her ♪
211
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:07,457
♪ Of the feelings I havefor her in my heart ♪
212
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,790
♪ Every time that Icome near her ♪
213
00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:15,590
♪ I just lose my nerve ♪
214
00:09:15,663 --> 00:09:22,053
♪ As I've donefrom the start ♪
215
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,378
(popping)
216
00:09:23,455 --> 00:09:25,675
♪ Every little thingshe does is magic ♪
217
00:09:25,757 --> 00:09:28,347
♪ Everything she dojust turns me on ♪
218
00:09:28,426 --> 00:09:31,346
♪ Even though my lifebefore was tragic ♪
219
00:09:31,429 --> 00:09:35,989
♪ Now I know mylove for her goes on ♪
220
00:09:42,607 --> 00:09:45,407
♪ Do I have totell the story ♪
221
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,285
(giggling)
That was so awesome!
222
00:09:50,615 --> 00:09:51,655
You're so lucky.
223
00:09:51,741 --> 00:09:53,461
I wish I had a talent.
224
00:09:53,534 --> 00:09:54,964
You don't need a talent.
225
00:09:55,036 --> 00:09:56,536
Your talent is being
the prettiest girl
226
00:09:56,621 --> 00:09:59,221
in the whole wide world.
227
00:10:00,541 --> 00:10:02,431
You're so sweet.
228
00:10:04,295 --> 00:10:05,225
Jill?
229
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:11,428
Uh, I've got to go.
230
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:14,231
Jill, wait!
231
00:10:14,305 --> 00:10:15,735
You make me sick!
232
00:10:37,012 --> 00:10:38,352
"Kitchen stuff," Bernie?
233
00:10:40,164 --> 00:10:41,844
You didn't throw away
a damn thing!
234
00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:43,026
Come on, baby.
What you care? They mine.
235
00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:44,969
Do you have any idea
how insulting it is
236
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:46,934
that you are holding
onto love letters
237
00:10:47,004 --> 00:10:48,684
from old girlfriends?
238
00:10:48,756 --> 00:10:49,936
I mean, would you like it
239
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:51,226
if I kept letters
from old boyfriends?
240
00:10:51,309 --> 00:10:53,439
I wouldn't mind. I got you now.
241
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,560
(chuckles)
242
00:10:54,637 --> 00:10:55,687
(mock chuckle)
243
00:10:55,763 --> 00:10:57,443
That's even more insulting.
I ought to...
244
00:10:57,515 --> 00:10:58,765
Come on, come on, Wanda.
245
00:10:58,784 --> 00:10:59,614
Uncle Bernie, she kissed me!
246
00:10:59,684 --> 00:11:00,784
What?
247
00:11:00,852 --> 00:11:02,032
You hear that, baby?
248
00:11:02,103 --> 00:11:03,793
The boy got his first kiss.
249
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:05,413
Congratulations, son!
250
00:11:05,481 --> 00:11:07,241
What did I say, America?
251
00:11:07,316 --> 00:11:10,276
The boy's a Mac, and all Macs
can mack, I told you.
252
00:11:10,361 --> 00:11:13,291
Well, jiminy, I don't know
a lot about macking
253
00:11:13,364 --> 00:11:14,874
but I do know
a little bit about women
254
00:11:14,949 --> 00:11:18,879
and they like magic tricks,
shiny stuff, and cash.
255
00:11:18,953 --> 00:11:21,463
The boy didn't have
any cash or shiny stuff
256
00:11:21,539 --> 00:11:22,909
so I think
it was the magic.
257
00:11:22,990 --> 00:11:24,920
Oh, come on, man...
player hatin'.
258
00:11:25,001 --> 00:11:27,931
It wasn't no doggone magic,
it was the Mac, I tell you!
259
00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:29,514
No, no, no.
Let me tell you something--
260
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:32,099
for years, Teller
wasn't getting any action.
261
00:11:32,175 --> 00:11:34,135
Learned magic,
now he's got more girls
262
00:11:34,218 --> 00:11:36,018
than he can shake
his stick at.
263
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:37,685
Go ahead, Teller,
show him the trick
264
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,254
that got you
your first piece.
265
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:40,662
-That's a bean, see?
Show him the bean. -Uh-huh.
266
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,534
Puts the bean right on his
tongue, there, see?
267
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:44,532
Now watch this.
268
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,324
Imagine you're on a date,
and you're doing this, okay?
269
00:11:46,397 --> 00:11:48,657
Now you've got her attention.
Now she's watching.
270
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:49,817
Now she's watching
him carefully, right?
271
00:11:49,901 --> 00:11:51,121
(guttural sound)
272
00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:52,954
You're showing her that your
sinuses are wide open
273
00:11:53,029 --> 00:11:54,749
and that...
get your hand out there.
274
00:11:54,822 --> 00:11:57,132
Now this... is intimacy.
275
00:11:58,659 --> 00:11:59,829
Ah...
276
00:11:59,911 --> 00:12:02,461
See? Even worked
on you, didn't it?
277
00:12:02,538 --> 00:12:04,168
(mutters)
278
00:12:04,248 --> 00:12:06,338
That is nasty.
279
00:12:06,417 --> 00:12:07,337
Yeah. Sexy, too.
280
00:12:07,418 --> 00:12:08,928
Good going, freak.
281
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,890
Now Jill says she doesn't want
to be my lab partner.
282
00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:11,993
I hope you're happy.
283
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,024
You cost me a B+.
284
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,515
Uh, what's this
about Jill?
285
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,977
Ask him, he's the one
who made out with her.
286
00:12:18,054 --> 00:12:19,884
It was making out? Yes!
I knew it...
287
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:22,696
Hold on, wait, wait.
You mean to tell me the girl you like is, uh...
288
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:23,906
Jill!
289
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:26,494
So you telling me, Jordan
290
00:12:26,571 --> 00:12:28,201
I helped you make out
with a 14-year-old?
291
00:12:28,272 --> 00:12:32,502
You helped him?
God, you're both sick!
292
00:12:33,778 --> 00:12:36,458
(musical bear plays)
293
00:12:40,034 --> 00:12:42,344
A 14-year-old girl, America.
294
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:46,125
See, I told you
the Mac mojo was strong.
295
00:12:46,207 --> 00:12:48,627
I mean, I'm talking
about potent stuff.
296
00:12:48,709 --> 00:12:50,469
See, I never should've put
the power
297
00:12:50,545 --> 00:12:52,295
into the hands of a small boy.
298
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:55,430
And now look, he's headed
for a big-time heartache.
299
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,398
And I feel terrible.
300
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,227
You know, I'm beginning to think
301
00:12:59,303 --> 00:13:01,853
Jordan had the right idea
being a magician.
302
00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:05,481
'Cause see, magic isn't real--
just a bunch of tricks.
303
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:08,820
But when the lady stick
the sword into the box
304
00:13:08,896 --> 00:13:11,286
it doesn't hurt
like this is going to hurt him.
305
00:13:11,366 --> 00:13:13,986
So, why did you
have to label it "kitchen stuff"?
306
00:13:14,068 --> 00:13:14,988
(rustling)
Oh, come on, Wanda.
307
00:13:15,069 --> 00:13:16,739
It's the principle, Bernie.
308
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:19,081
Uncle Bernie, could one of you
guys take me to a florist?
309
00:13:19,156 --> 00:13:20,286
I've got to buy my baby
some flowers.
310
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,416
Hold on, hold on.
311
00:13:21,492 --> 00:13:22,502
Jordan, why didn't
you tell me
312
00:13:22,577 --> 00:13:24,837
the girl that you liked
was your sister age?
313
00:13:24,912 --> 00:13:26,262
Why does it matter?
314
00:13:27,915 --> 00:13:29,335
Jordan, come on, sit down.
315
00:13:29,417 --> 00:13:31,547
We-we need to talk, man.
316
00:13:31,627 --> 00:13:33,467
We need to talk.
317
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,006
-Jordan...
-Uh...
318
00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:37,139
Go ahead,
go ahead, baby.
319
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:40,726
Honey, this might be
a little difficult to understand
320
00:13:40,803 --> 00:13:42,563
but, um,
321
00:13:42,638 --> 00:13:44,438
the problem is
is that Jill
322
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,699
-is a lot older
than you are. -Mm-hmm.
323
00:13:46,776 --> 00:13:47,896
And...
324
00:13:47,977 --> 00:13:50,777
girls mature faster
than boys.
325
00:13:50,855 --> 00:13:52,235
So?
326
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:56,739
I'm afraid
that Jill doesn't like you
327
00:13:56,819 --> 00:13:58,699
the way you like her.
328
00:13:58,779 --> 00:14:01,049
I don't like her-- I love her.
329
00:14:02,658 --> 00:14:04,668
Now, hold on,
hold on.
330
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:05,594
Listen up, pimp.
331
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:07,040
What's she trying
to tell you is
332
00:14:07,121 --> 00:14:09,091
that you might
get hurt, Jordan.
333
00:14:09,165 --> 00:14:10,505
Oh, Jill wouldn't hurt me.
334
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:11,923
I mean, we banged teeth
a little bit,
335
00:14:12,001 --> 00:14:14,061
but we'll work on it.
336
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,272
Um... Jordan...
337
00:14:19,842 --> 00:14:24,062
you didn't tell Jill...
how you're feeling...?
338
00:14:24,138 --> 00:14:25,608
That's a great idea!
339
00:14:25,681 --> 00:14:26,901
I'll go right now!
340
00:14:26,974 --> 00:14:30,374
It's... not a suggestion.
341
00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,239
Uh-oh.
342
00:14:34,315 --> 00:14:37,665
I think I, uh, better make
his favorite tonight.
343
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:41,124
Yeah, 'cause they fall hard
at his age, you know that.
344
00:14:41,197 --> 00:14:42,577
Mmm.
345
00:14:42,657 --> 00:14:43,957
I wonder how long
it's going to take him
346
00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:45,683
to get over this.
347
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:47,432
If he ever will.
348
00:14:49,038 --> 00:14:51,838
You know what, Bernie?
349
00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:54,676
You can keep the box,
it's fine.
350
00:14:54,752 --> 00:14:58,432
I'm okay with it.
351
00:14:58,506 --> 00:14:59,426
Really, Wan?
352
00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:01,047
No.
353
00:15:01,126 --> 00:15:04,726
But I'm not going to make you
throw out your memories.
354
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:07,324
(knocking)
355
00:15:14,689 --> 00:15:15,779
What are you doing here?
356
00:15:15,857 --> 00:15:16,937
I thought you'd want
to make out.
357
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,987
I got 20 minutes
till the street lights come on.
358
00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:20,738
Are you dense or something?
359
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:21,660
What do you think?
360
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,191
You're my boyfriend?
361
00:15:23,264 --> 00:15:24,044
Like I'm going to go out
with some eight-year-old
362
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:26,789
-dork magician.
-I'm nine.
363
00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:27,831
Who cares?
364
00:15:27,910 --> 00:15:30,510
Would you please just get lost?
But...
365
00:15:30,588 --> 00:15:32,218
But-but we kissed!
366
00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:33,987
(squeak)
367
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,257
And if you tell anybody that,
I'll kill you.
368
00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:37,385
I swear.
369
00:15:40,756 --> 00:15:47,696
(rock music playing)
370
00:15:51,058 --> 00:15:52,568
♪ Love stinks ♪
371
00:15:52,643 --> 00:15:55,193
♪ Love stinks ♪
372
00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:56,651
♪ Yeah yeah ♪
373
00:15:56,731 --> 00:15:57,541
♪ Love stinks ♪
374
00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:00,660
♪ Love stinks ♪
375
00:16:00,735 --> 00:16:01,575
♪ Yeah yeah ♪
376
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,486
(grunting)
377
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,911
♪ Love stinks ♪
378
00:16:05,990 --> 00:16:07,120
♪ Yeah yeah ♪
379
00:16:07,199 --> 00:16:08,619
♪ Love stinks ♪
380
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,211
♪ Love stinks ♪
381
00:16:11,287 --> 00:16:13,347
♪ Yeah yeah ♪
382
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:15,807
(soft music begins playing)
383
00:16:15,883 --> 00:16:19,343
♪ I left my home ♪
384
00:16:19,420 --> 00:16:23,890
♪ I left my home ♪
385
00:16:23,966 --> 00:16:26,146
♪ Yeah Yeah ♪
386
00:16:30,306 --> 00:16:33,896
♪ Where I should go ♪
387
00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:38,196
♪ Where I should go ♪
388
00:16:38,272 --> 00:16:40,462
♪ Yeah Yeah ♪
389
00:16:43,152 --> 00:16:46,542
♪ Nothin's gonna save you ♪
390
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:51,554
♪ Nothin's gonnasave you out there ♪
391
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:53,592
Vanessa?
392
00:16:53,662 --> 00:16:54,732
What?
393
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:55,955
I know Jill's not talking
to you,
394
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,010
but did she say anything
about me?
395
00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:00,045
Are you high?
396
00:17:00,127 --> 00:17:00,927
She said, "hi"?
397
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:02,763
(laughs)
398
00:17:02,838 --> 00:17:04,558
(groans)
399
00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:07,652
Hey, you really liked her,
didn't you?
400
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:09,678
You know what?
401
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,024
Jill's not right for you.
402
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,771
I don't care that she's older.
403
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:13,772
That's not it.
404
00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:15,169
She's an idiot.
405
00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:16,531
You're just saying that
to make me feel better.
406
00:17:16,611 --> 00:17:18,401
Jordan, I would never
say anything
407
00:17:18,479 --> 00:17:20,749
just to make you feel better.
408
00:17:24,860 --> 00:17:26,790
Hey, champ, feel
a little better?
409
00:17:26,862 --> 00:17:29,372
A little.
410
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:31,788
Hey, Jordan,
uh, where your... your magic stuff--
411
00:17:31,867 --> 00:17:32,827
I don't see
your magic stuff.
412
00:17:32,910 --> 00:17:33,830
I threw it out.
413
00:17:33,911 --> 00:17:35,171
Why would you do that?
414
00:17:35,246 --> 00:17:36,996
Because magic's for dorks.
415
00:17:37,081 --> 00:17:38,221
Who told you that?
416
00:17:38,299 --> 00:17:39,159
What does it matter?
417
00:17:39,233 --> 00:17:41,233
You never liked it anyway.
418
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:47,140
Jordan, it really
don't matter what I like.
419
00:17:47,216 --> 00:17:48,806
You love magic.
420
00:17:48,884 --> 00:17:52,614
Well, I love Jill, too,
and look what that got me.
421
00:17:54,932 --> 00:17:55,822
(sighs)
422
00:17:55,891 --> 00:17:56,821
Jordan, come here.
423
00:17:56,892 --> 00:17:57,872
Listen.
424
00:17:59,395 --> 00:18:00,665
Jordan,
as you grow up,
425
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:01,816
you're going to
have a bunch of crushes.
426
00:18:01,897 --> 00:18:04,117
They're going
to come and go.
427
00:18:04,191 --> 00:18:05,621
But when you really
love something--
428
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:07,123
I mean really, really
love something--
429
00:18:07,194 --> 00:18:08,914
you're going
to hold on to it.
430
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:11,458
And you're going
to keep the things that you really love
431
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:13,786
and you're going to
throw out the things that you don't.
432
00:18:13,868 --> 00:18:17,928
And, son, that's
what magic means to you, Jordan.
433
00:18:18,005 --> 00:18:21,555
Yeah, maybe someday.
434
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:29,139
You know, you just hate to see
your loved ones suffer.
435
00:18:29,216 --> 00:18:32,636
I wish I could ease
the boy's pain, but I can't.
436
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,150
See, there's no good medicine
for a broken heart.
437
00:18:35,222 --> 00:18:36,752
That's part of life, America,
438
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,661
and you just have to let it run
its course.
439
00:18:38,734 --> 00:18:42,154
And it will. In time.
440
00:18:42,229 --> 00:18:43,859
But the sad thing about it,
America,
441
00:18:43,939 --> 00:18:46,659
it robbed the boy of his magic.
442
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,334
Now, if I can give that back
to him,
443
00:18:48,402 --> 00:18:50,872
I cleave, oh, Lord, I would.
444
00:18:50,946 --> 00:18:52,096
It's a shame, Bernie.
445
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,081
You know, he should've
never gone
446
00:18:53,157 --> 00:18:54,917
with the queen rising
trick. (snaps fingers)
447
00:18:54,992 --> 00:18:56,022
That's rookie stuff.
448
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,243
He should've gone
with fire.
449
00:18:57,311 --> 00:19:00,171
You know, Bernie,
chicks dig... chicks dig fire.
450
00:19:00,247 --> 00:19:01,637
Just, you can do...
451
00:19:06,212 --> 00:19:07,522
Wow.
452
00:19:12,092 --> 00:19:13,612
Get that going.
453
00:19:14,595 --> 00:19:15,525
Wow.
454
00:19:16,931 --> 00:19:18,661
Give it a try,
Bernie.
455
00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:20,984
(smacks lips)
456
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,080
Go ahead, just...
457
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,395
Yeah, open your mouth
and put it in.
458
00:19:23,479 --> 00:19:25,409
Ain't no meat on it.
459
00:19:33,614 --> 00:19:36,084
Wow.
460
00:19:36,158 --> 00:19:37,958
No, no, no, man.
What's wrong with y'all?
461
00:19:38,035 --> 00:19:39,205
This is crazy.
462
00:19:39,286 --> 00:19:40,836
If I catch that boy doing that
463
00:19:40,922 --> 00:19:42,592
I-I'm going to clap him right
across the jaw.
464
00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:43,779
This is crazy.
465
00:19:43,858 --> 00:19:44,878
Both of y'all, y'all weird.
466
00:19:44,959 --> 00:19:46,929
You and-and your...
467
00:19:47,002 --> 00:19:48,432
And-and you
and the mute stuff.
468
00:19:48,504 --> 00:19:50,984
You know, you-you act
like his dummy.
469
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,440
Dummy...
470
00:19:56,136 --> 00:19:57,726
(chuckles)
471
00:19:57,805 --> 00:19:59,775
Might need an idea
later.
472
00:20:02,109 --> 00:20:03,899
Jordan, honey,
dinner!
473
00:20:03,978 --> 00:20:04,898
JORDAN:
I'm not hungry.
474
00:20:04,979 --> 00:20:06,179
Come on out here.
475
00:20:06,255 --> 00:20:07,985
I got somebody
special want to see you.
476
00:20:08,065 --> 00:20:08,825
Who is it?
477
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:09,738
Don't worry
about it.
478
00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:11,417
Come out
and see it.
479
00:20:15,030 --> 00:20:16,870
Wooden Willy!
480
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,593
Thank you!
481
00:20:18,668 --> 00:20:20,008
Thank you!
482
00:20:20,869 --> 00:20:22,039
VANESSA:
Great.
483
00:20:22,113 --> 00:20:23,753
The dummy's got his dummy.
Now can we eat?
484
00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:26,681
Ugh, I am sick
of Swedish meatballs.
485
00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:28,872
He's funny lookin'.
486
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:31,095
Well, I got a kid making
my funny faces.
487
00:20:31,171 --> 00:20:32,261
What's your excuse?
488
00:20:32,339 --> 00:20:33,699
All right, all right.
489
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:34,974
That's enough of the funny
jokes. Come on, let's eat.
490
00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:37,350
No more potatoes for you, fatso.
491
00:20:37,428 --> 00:20:38,228
You have more chins
492
00:20:38,304 --> 00:20:39,694
than a Chinese phone book.
493
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:42,187
What's this,
an audience or a mosaic?
494
00:20:42,266 --> 00:20:46,066
I never thought
I'd say this, but...
495
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,749
I miss the stupid magic.
496
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,828
Young love.
497
00:20:54,903 --> 00:20:56,483
I remember I hid in the bushes
498
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:59,666
and she fell down, and I
actually fell on top of her.
499
00:20:59,742 --> 00:21:02,132
And I tried to get up,
but she pulled me back down.
500
00:21:02,202 --> 00:21:05,722
(chuckles)
I said, "What you doing?"
501
00:21:08,625 --> 00:21:11,215
You know....
502
00:21:11,295 --> 00:21:13,475
Think I was about six.
503
00:21:15,716 --> 00:21:17,266
I used a condom.
504
00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:19,533
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
505
00:21:19,583 --> 00:21:24,133
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