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1
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,530
[boom]
2
00:00:04,533 --> 00:00:07,003
- BALLS! THE WAVES
ARE ALL FLAT AND MUSHED OUT.
3
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,000
- I'LL GO RUB THE STATUE.
4
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,100
- YEAH, I'VE BEEN MEANING
TO ASK ABOUT THAT.
5
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:13,770
WHY IS EVERYBODY ALWAYS
TOUCHING ITS CROTCH?
6
00:00:13,767 --> 00:00:17,627
- DUDE! NO ONE'S TOLD YOU
THE STORY OF DUKE LOPEZ?
7
00:00:17,633 --> 00:00:19,433
AH, HE'S MY HERO.
8
00:00:19,433 --> 00:00:23,073
LEGEND HAS IT THAT HIS FATHER
WAS A BIG GAME FISHERMAN.
9
00:00:23,067 --> 00:00:25,897
ONE DAY, HE ACCIDENTALLY
HOOKED A MERMAID,
10
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:28,870
AND THEY FELL
MADLY IN LOVE.
11
00:00:28,867 --> 00:00:30,267
- [gasps]
12
00:00:30,267 --> 00:00:32,597
- SURE, THEY HAD TO PUT UP
WITH STARES AND WHISPERS...
13
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,170
- [gasps]
[vomits]
14
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,197
- BUT THEY DIDN'T CARE.
- [dolphin laugh]
15
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,900
- BUT AFTER YEARS OF
ONLY ORAL SEX, THEY GREW APART.
16
00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:43,600
EVEN FERTILIZING THE FISH EGGS
LOST ITS JOY.
17
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,500
BUT THEN,
A MIRACLE HAPPENED,
18
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:48,830
AND THAT LITTLE GUPPY
GREW UP TO BE DUKE LOPEZ.
19
00:00:48,833 --> 00:00:51,203
HEART OF A FISH,
LEGS OF A MAN,
20
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,000
JUST AS AT HOME IN THE SEA
AS ON LAND.
21
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,970
WITH HIS SIGNATURE SPEEDOS,
HE WON EVERY SURF CONTEST
22
00:00:56,967 --> 00:00:58,267
UP AND DOWN THE COAST.
23
00:00:58,267 --> 00:00:59,597
HE WAS UNBEATABLE,
24
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,170
AND SOME SAY HIS MAGIC
EUROPEAN LYCRA SWIM BRIEFS
25
00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:06,367
WERE A GIFT
FROM POSEIDON HIMSELF.
26
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,297
AND THEN ONE DAY
IT HAPPENED...
27
00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:09,670
[thunder claps]
28
00:01:09,667 --> 00:01:11,797
THE DONGABUNGA.
29
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:17,070
A ROGUE WAVE THAT STRIKES
THE SHORE ONCE EVERY 15 YEARS.
30
00:01:17,067 --> 00:01:20,827
A HUNDRED FEET
OF SHEER DESTRUCTION.
31
00:01:20,833 --> 00:01:24,673
WHILE OTHERS FLED, DUKE PADDLED
INTO THE BELLY OF THE BEAST.
32
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:27,067
THE MAN HAD HUGE BALLS.
33
00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:29,167
- HE MUST'VE HAD
A LOT OF COURAGE.
34
00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:31,067
- THAT,
AND YOU COULD SEE THEM
35
00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:33,897
THROUGH
THE AFOREMENTIONED SPEEDOS.
36
00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:37,170
MANY HAVE TRIED SINCE,
BUT DUKE WAS THE ONLY ONE
37
00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:39,467
TO EVER SURF
THE DONGABUNGA.
38
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,697
- AWESOME.
WHERE IS HE NOW?
39
00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:43,170
- HE JUST DISAPPEARED.
40
00:01:43,167 --> 00:01:45,827
SOME SAY HE LEFT IN SEARCH OF
BIGGER WAVES AND BETTER WOMEN,
41
00:01:45,833 --> 00:01:47,173
BUT NO ONE KNOWS FOR SURE.
42
00:01:47,167 --> 00:01:49,597
THE CITY ERECTED
A STATUE IN DUKE'S HONOR,
43
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:53,830
THUS GIVING BIRTH TO THE
PATRON TAINT OF PLAYA DEL TORO.
44
00:01:53,833 --> 00:01:55,733
RUB THE NETHERS
FOR GOOD WEATHERS.
45
00:01:55,733 --> 00:01:57,673
- I GOT THIS ONE,
BUDDY.
46
00:01:57,667 --> 00:02:01,097
- UH, MONDO,
THE STATUE'S OVER THERE.
47
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:02,700
- THEN WHAT'S THIS?
48
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:05,630
- THIS IS BRUCE,
AND I DIDN'T SAY STOP.
49
00:02:05,633 --> 00:02:08,573
[surf punk music]
50
00:02:08,567 --> 00:02:16,497
* *
51
00:02:18,933 --> 00:02:21,073
[mechanical clinking]
52
00:02:21,067 --> 00:02:25,197
* *
53
00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:29,500
[cheers and applause]
54
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,130
- CHESTER "THE WAVE MOLESTER"
ON THE SCENE,
55
00:02:32,133 --> 00:02:35,833
WORKING HIS WAY UP THE WALL NOW
IS REIGNING TWO-TIME CHAMP,
56
00:02:35,833 --> 00:02:39,173
LOCAL BRO,
TURK "THE JERK" TURKPATRICK.
57
00:02:39,167 --> 00:02:42,897
AS YOU CAN SEE, HE'S REMINDING
US ALL THAT HE'S NUMBER ONE.
58
00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:45,230
- SUCK IT, LOSERS!
59
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:47,703
- HIDE YOUR KIDS.
HIDE YOUR WIFE.
60
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,830
HE'S ABOUT TO
ATTEMPT THE IMPOSSIBLE!
61
00:02:49,833 --> 00:02:53,403
NO WAY! HE'S GONNA BREAK
A TWO-YEAR CELL PHONE AGREEMENT
62
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,870
WITHOUT A PENALTY!
63
00:02:54,867 --> 00:02:56,767
- LIVE AGENT, PLEASE.
64
00:02:56,767 --> 00:02:59,527
- HE'S DONE IT!
HE'S DONE IT!
65
00:02:59,533 --> 00:03:01,573
- NO, NO,
YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY.
66
00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:02,567
[laughs]
67
00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:05,567
[cheers and applause]
68
00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:06,667
- CRAP,
THAT DIDN'T WORK.
69
00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:09,067
- OW,
MY CROTCH AND MY EYES!
70
00:03:09,067 --> 00:03:11,067
- AND OUR FINAL CONTESTANT
AND CURRENT LEADER,
71
00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:14,967
THE REIGNING JUNIOR CHAMP,
WOODIE STONE!
72
00:03:14,967 --> 00:03:17,397
ALL HE HAS TO DO IS
STAY ON HIS BOARD,
73
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,930
AND IT'LL BE
THE UPSET OF THE YEAR.
74
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,633
- HE'S GONNA WIN!
HE'S GONNA WIN!
75
00:03:29,633 --> 00:03:32,573
ALL RIGHT! DO IT!
WHOO-HOO!
76
00:03:32,567 --> 00:03:34,197
[lenses snap]
77
00:03:37,633 --> 00:03:40,573
- THAT'S MY SON.
78
00:03:40,567 --> 00:03:41,567
- WHOA!
79
00:03:41,567 --> 00:03:42,967
- all: OH!
80
00:03:42,967 --> 00:03:45,497
- I MEAN,
THAT'S MY SUN.
81
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,630
SOURCE OF ALL LIFE.
I KNOW I DON'T SAY IT ENOUGH,
82
00:03:47,633 --> 00:03:50,633
BUT I LOVE YOU, SUN.
[chuckles]
83
00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:53,973
SOMEONE SHOULD SEE
IF THAT LOSER DROWNED.
84
00:03:57,867 --> 00:04:00,797
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT MAN.
IT'S JUST A SURF MEET.
85
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,270
- OH, YOU DON'T GET IT.
86
00:04:02,267 --> 00:04:05,167
THIS IS EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN
WORKING FOR MY WHOLE LIFE,
87
00:04:05,167 --> 00:04:06,197
AND I CHOKED.
88
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,400
- I GOT THIS.
89
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,130
ALL RIGHT, GOOGLING
SPORTS CLICHES
90
00:04:09,133 --> 00:04:12,073
THAT YOU SAY TO LOSERS WHO
HAVE THROWN AWAY THEIR CAREERS.
91
00:04:12,067 --> 00:04:14,627
HM, AH! "EVERYONE LOVES
A LADIES MAN, TIGER."
92
00:04:14,633 --> 00:04:17,073
NOPE. "NO ONE CARES
ABOUT PUPPIES, MR. VICK."
93
00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:19,467
UH-UH.
"A SELF-AGGRANDIZING TV SPECIAL
94
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,227
WAS A GREAT IDEA,
LEBRON."
95
00:04:21,233 --> 00:04:23,233
NO WAY!
AH, HERE WE ARE.
96
00:04:23,233 --> 00:04:24,333
"YOU'LL GET
'EM NEXT TIME."
97
00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:26,533
- THERE'S NOT GONNA BE
A NEXT TIME.
98
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,503
SORRY I LET YOU DOWN,
DUKE.
99
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,970
- IT'S OKAY, KID.
100
00:04:29,967 --> 00:04:31,567
NOW, RUB ME FOR LUCK.
101
00:04:31,567 --> 00:04:33,097
IT'LL MAKE
ALL OF US FEEL BETTER.
102
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:38,467
[vomiting sounds]
103
00:04:38,467 --> 00:04:39,867
- MILAN,
ARE YOU OKAY?
104
00:04:39,867 --> 00:04:43,297
- UHH, MY HURL SESH
WAS REALLY WEIRD TODAY.
105
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,500
I WAS ACTUALLY NAUSEOUS
BEFORE IT HAPPENED.
106
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,170
- ARE YOU FEELING OKAY
OTHERWISE?
107
00:04:47,167 --> 00:04:49,797
- I FEEL GREAT.
I JUMPED A WHOLE CUP SIZE.
108
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,270
DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO
PAY FOR IT. HA.
109
00:04:52,267 --> 00:04:53,797
- DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD BE PREGNANT?
110
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,170
- YOU'RE PREGNANT, SLUT.
111
00:04:55,167 --> 00:04:56,927
OH, SORRY, REFLEX.
112
00:04:56,933 --> 00:04:59,073
- YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
TAKE A PREGNANCY TEST.
113
00:04:59,067 --> 00:05:02,367
- OH, I HATE TAKING TESTS.
114
00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:04,927
CAN'T I JUST HAVE THAT ASIAN KID
TAKE IT FOR ME?
115
00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:09,130
- "LOBSTER STYLE BISQUE"?
116
00:05:09,133 --> 00:05:11,973
MMM, CONSIDER MY INTEREST
PIQUED.
117
00:05:11,967 --> 00:05:14,567
- I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE.
IT'S COCKROACHES.
118
00:05:14,567 --> 00:05:16,827
WHAT? THEY'RE
THE LOBSTERS OF THE WALL.
119
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:19,433
- DUDE, THIS IS SERIOUS.
I LOST MY STOKE.
120
00:05:19,433 --> 00:05:20,433
- STOKE?
121
00:05:20,433 --> 00:05:22,573
- STOKE IS
YOUR GUIDING FORCE.
122
00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:24,627
IT'S WHAT STEERS YOU
ON A SURFBOARD,
123
00:05:24,633 --> 00:05:26,873
TELLS YOU
WHAT TO PUT ON A BURRITO,
124
00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:28,567
AND LETS YOU KNOW
WHICH HAND TO USE
125
00:05:28,567 --> 00:05:30,127
WHEN YOU'RE MAKING LOVE
TO YOURSELF.
126
00:05:30,133 --> 00:05:32,203
WITHOUT IT YOU'VE GOT
NO CONFIDENCE,
127
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,830
YOU CAN'T MAKE ANY DECISIONS,
YOU'RE LOST.
128
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:36,333
- IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD.
129
00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:39,803
- THIS MORNING I COULDN'T DECIDE
BETWEEN SNEAKERS OR SANDALS.
130
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:43,570
- I LOOK LIKE A LESBIAN
OR A JAPANESE MAN IN THE SUMMER!
131
00:05:43,567 --> 00:05:44,827
- WHAT'LL IT BE,
STRETCH?
132
00:05:44,833 --> 00:05:48,573
- UH, UH, UHH...
133
00:05:48,567 --> 00:05:50,827
UH, LOBSTER STYLE BISQUE!
DAMN!
134
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:53,733
- REALLY? OKAY.
YOU WANT A SIDE DISH?
135
00:05:53,733 --> 00:05:54,873
- UH, MORE BISQUE!
136
00:05:54,867 --> 00:05:56,727
[bleep]
SEE WHAT I'M DEALING WITH?
137
00:05:56,733 --> 00:05:58,773
- WILL YOU CALM DOWN?
YOU'RE NOT CHOKING.
138
00:05:58,767 --> 00:06:01,267
- [choking]
139
00:06:01,267 --> 00:06:02,527
- [grunting]
- [laughs]
140
00:06:02,533 --> 00:06:06,073
WAY TO GO, MONDO.
I ALWAYS PEGGED YOU AS A BOTTOM.
141
00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:08,397
- [vomits]
- I DUNNO MAN,
142
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:12,100
THE ONLY PERSON I EVER HEARD OF
GETTING THEIR STOKE BACK WAS ME.
143
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:14,500
BACK IN THE DAY,
I HAD IT ALL.
144
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:17,870
PONTIAC FIERO,
CLOSET FULL OF TURTLENECKS,
145
00:06:17,867 --> 00:06:21,297
AND DENTAL INSURANCE
WITH A REASONABLE CO-PAY.
146
00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:24,400
THEN, JUST LIKE THAT,
IT WAS GONE IN A PUFF OF SMOKE.
147
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:25,870
[coughs]
148
00:06:25,867 --> 00:06:29,597
BUT AFTER 20 DARK YEARS,
THE CONTENTS OF WHICH
149
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,500
I CANNOT LEGALLY
SHARE WITH YOU,
150
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:34,970
I TURNED IT ALL AROUND AND
MOVED INTO THIS BITCHIN' VAN.
151
00:06:34,967 --> 00:06:36,527
[coughs]
152
00:06:36,533 --> 00:06:37,703
[spits]
153
00:06:37,700 --> 00:06:39,930
BOMB-DIGGITY!
154
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:43,073
- SEE?
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE JUST FINE.
155
00:06:43,067 --> 00:06:44,967
- SHH!
DO YOU HEAR IT?
156
00:06:44,967 --> 00:06:47,067
OH, IT'S COMING.
157
00:06:47,067 --> 00:06:48,067
- WHAT'S COMING?
158
00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:49,797
- THE DONGABUNGA.
159
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,570
IT'LL BE HERE
IN TWO DAYS.
160
00:06:51,567 --> 00:06:54,067
IT'S GOING TO BE
THE BIGGEST WAVE EVER,
161
00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:56,727
REACHING IN EXCESS
OF 100 FEET.
162
00:06:56,733 --> 00:07:00,333
- YOU CAN TELL ALL THAT
FROM LISTENING TO THE SAND?
163
00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:03,303
- NO, MAN.
SOME LOSER LOST HIS RADIO.
164
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,230
[laughs]
165
00:07:07,933 --> 00:07:09,673
- WOODIE,
THIS IS PERFECT TIMING.
166
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,727
YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING BIG
TO GET YOUR STOKE BACK
167
00:07:11,733 --> 00:07:13,133
AND SURFING THE DONGABUNGA
IS IT!
168
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,403
- HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURF
A MONSTER WAVE
169
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,870
WHEN I DON'T EVEN
HAVE THE CONFIDENCE
170
00:07:16,867 --> 00:07:18,367
TO ORDER WHAT I WANT
FOR LUNCH?
171
00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:21,867
LOOK, I'M HOLDING A TOFU
SHAKE WITH AN ESTROGEN BOOST!
172
00:07:21,867 --> 00:07:25,067
SURE, I'M GLOWING,
BUT AT WHAT COST TO MY MANHOOD?
173
00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:26,367
[sucks on straw]
174
00:07:26,367 --> 00:07:28,527
- HERE'S OUR ANSWER.
WAIT...
175
00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:31,073
[clanging]
- YUP, HERE'S OUR ANSWER!
176
00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:32,367
- OH, OF COURSE!
177
00:07:32,367 --> 00:07:34,597
A COPPER CODPIECE
IS GONNA GIVE WOODIE
178
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,400
ALL THE CONFIDENCE
HE NEEDS!
179
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,670
- OR WE COULD
GET DUKE LOPEZ
180
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,667
TO TRAIN WOODIE
TO SURF THE DONGABUNGA!
181
00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:42,167
- BUT NO ONE'S SEEN HIM
FOR YEARS.
182
00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:43,527
WE'LL NEVER FIND HIM.
183
00:07:43,533 --> 00:07:45,133
- WE'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES
TO TRACK HIM DOWN,
184
00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:47,173
TAX RECORDS,
DENTAL RECORDS--
185
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:48,397
- [laughs]
- WHAT?
186
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,070
- I JUST CAME!
187
00:07:50,067 --> 00:07:52,797
HANG ON--
MULTIPLE TIMES!
188
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,730
LET ME FINISH--
ACROSS DUKE'S ADDRESS.
189
00:07:55,733 --> 00:07:57,303
- THAT'S HIM!
- ALL RIGHT.
190
00:07:57,300 --> 00:08:00,230
HE LIVES SMACK DAB
IN THE MIDDLE OF "RAPE COUNTY."
191
00:08:00,233 --> 00:08:01,573
both: HUH?
- "SO NAMED
192
00:08:01,567 --> 00:08:03,467
FOR THE ABUNDANT FIELDS
OF RAPESEED."
193
00:08:03,467 --> 00:08:04,467
[both sigh]
194
00:08:04,467 --> 00:08:05,567
- "...AND
ALL THE PRISON RAPES."
195
00:08:05,567 --> 00:08:07,097
- UH?
- SHOTGUN!
196
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:10,070
- SO DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHO THE FATHER MIGHT BE?
197
00:08:10,067 --> 00:08:12,097
- IT'S EITHER JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE,
TONY PARKER,
198
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,770
THE OAKLAND RAIDERS,
DAUGHTRY--THE BAND,
199
00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:15,627
OR MY EX-BOYFRIEND DAUGHTRY--
THE SINGER.
200
00:08:15,633 --> 00:08:17,673
- YOU SLEPT WITH
ALL OF THOSE GUYS?
201
00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:20,067
- NO, BUT I DID USE A HOT TUB
AT THE FOUR SEASONS
202
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:21,427
AFTER THE ESPY AWARDS.
203
00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:23,673
- YOU KNOW, MILAN,
I'M REALLY HAPPY TO HELP YOU
204
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:25,067
WITH THIS WHOLE SITUATION,
205
00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:27,897
BUT WHAT ABOUT
YOUR OTHER FRIENDS?
206
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,830
- OH, THE KUNTZ TWINS?
207
00:08:29,833 --> 00:08:31,703
YEAH, THEY CAN BE
SUCH RAGING--
208
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:33,330
OH, WHAT'S THE WORD
I'M SEARCHING FOR?
209
00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:35,103
CHATTY CATHIES.
210
00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:36,370
- OOH,
THIS ONE LOOKS HOT!
211
00:08:36,367 --> 00:08:39,397
- "16 AND PREGNANT
HOME TESTING KIT.
212
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:43,070
NOW WITH FREE SAMPLE
OF JERSEY SHORE BRAND VALTREX."
213
00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:45,797
- [claps and squeals]
214
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,200
- YOU WANT YOUR KIDS
TO GROW UP RIGHT?
215
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,470
IT'S UP TO YOU
TO ASK THE HARD QUESTIONS.
216
00:08:51,467 --> 00:08:53,397
"ARE YOU A TERRORIST?"
217
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,630
"DO YOU DRUG MULE
FOR THE YAKUZA?"
218
00:08:55,633 --> 00:08:57,973
- SEE YOU LATER, MA,
I'M GOING OUT.
219
00:08:57,967 --> 00:09:00,127
- WAIT A MINUTE, MISTER,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
220
00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:01,803
AS A PARENT,
I NEED TO KNOW.
221
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,770
- UH!
I'M GOING TO RAPE COUNTY
222
00:09:03,767 --> 00:09:06,397
TO MEET SOME OLD GUY THAT
WADSKA FOUND ON THE INTERNET.
223
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,800
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
SARCASTIC. JEEZ.
224
00:09:09,867 --> 00:09:11,197
[boom]
225
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:19,067
- YOU SURE YOU GOT
THE RIGHT ADDRESS?
226
00:09:19,067 --> 00:09:20,467
- WHOO-HOO!
227
00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:23,967
- GOOD, GREAT, HANG TEN.
YOU GOT IT, BOOSTAMUCHA.
228
00:09:23,967 --> 00:09:26,367
- HELP!
I CAN'T SWIM!
229
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:30,767
- EXCUSE ME, UM,
ARE YOU DUKE LOPEZ?
230
00:09:30,767 --> 00:09:33,067
- IF YOU'RE WONDERING IF
I'M YOUR FATHER, GET IN LINE.
231
00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:35,327
I'VE GOT DNA SWABS
IN THE RV.
232
00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:37,733
- NO, NICK NOLTE MUG SHOT,
233
00:09:37,733 --> 00:09:40,573
WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THE DONGABUNGA.
234
00:09:40,567 --> 00:09:42,697
- STEP INTO MY OFFICE.
235
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:45,230
- SERIOUSLY!
I'M DROWNING!
236
00:09:45,233 --> 00:09:46,933
- WHOA!
237
00:09:46,933 --> 00:09:49,073
YOU WON MAVERICK'S IN '81?
238
00:09:49,067 --> 00:09:51,397
- HUNG OVER
WHILE PASSING A KIDNEY STONE
239
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,470
ON HALF A BOARD WITH
20 STITCHES FROM A SHARK BITE.
240
00:09:54,467 --> 00:09:56,097
- IS THIS THE PEARL NECKLACE
241
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,370
THAT YOU WON
AT THE OAHU INVITATIONAL?
242
00:09:58,367 --> 00:09:59,597
- YAWN.
243
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,400
- I PAWNED THE NECKLACE.
THOSE ARE PLEASURE BEADS.
244
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,500
- UN-YAWN!
245
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,370
- NO OFFENSE TO YOU
AND YOUR SQUALOR,
246
00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:07,197
BUT WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?
247
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,770
- AFTER PLAYA DEL TORO,
I MOVED ON TO THE PRO CIRCUIT.
248
00:10:10,767 --> 00:10:12,297
I WAS
ON TOP OF THE WORLD--
249
00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:15,100
FAME, WOMEN,
LUCRATIVE ENDORSEMENT DEALS.
250
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:16,430
- DIBS!
- THEY WERE RIGHT.
251
00:10:16,433 --> 00:10:19,473
YOU WERE ON A QUEST FOR
BIGGER WAVES AND BETTER WOMEN.
252
00:10:19,467 --> 00:10:21,167
- I NEVER SAID THAT, KID.
253
00:10:21,167 --> 00:10:24,197
I WAS AFTER BETTER WAVES
AND BIGGER WOMEN.
254
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,500
- IS THAT MS. TEETS?
255
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,630
- THAT'S MY VONEETA.
[sniffles]
256
00:10:28,633 --> 00:10:31,333
I'LL TELL YOU BOYS,
WHEN I LEFT PLAYA DEL TORO,
257
00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:33,773
I LEFT BEHIND THE
MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL...
258
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,397
MY HEART.
259
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,930
I WENT BACK FOR HER,
BUT SHE WOULDN'T HAVE ME.
260
00:10:37,933 --> 00:10:41,003
I EVEN PUT 1/2 DOZEN DONUTS
ON MY DING-DONG.
261
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,270
[sniffs]
SHE JUST ATE THE DONUTS.
262
00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:44,597
[sobs]
263
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,330
AFTER THAT,
I LOST MY PASSION FOR SURFING,
264
00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:49,273
FOR LIFE,
FOR EVERYTHING.
265
00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:50,567
WHEN I WOKE UP
AS THE MEAT
266
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,597
IN A DELTA BURKE/ROSEANNE BARR
SANDWICH,
267
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,430
I KNEW
I'D HIT ROCK BOTTOM.
268
00:10:54,433 --> 00:10:55,973
SO I STUMBLED OUT OF THAT
HARDEE'S,
269
00:10:55,967 --> 00:10:57,367
AND IN THE PARKING LOT
270
00:10:57,367 --> 00:11:00,227
WAS A MAN SELLING
THIS ENDLESS WAVE MACHINE.
271
00:11:00,233 --> 00:11:01,673
- SO YOU JUST GAVE UP?
272
00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:03,067
BUT YOU'RE MY HERO.
273
00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:05,727
- YOU KNOW, I DON'T REMEMBER
ASKING FOR THAT JOB.
274
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:06,703
[spits]
275
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,797
- MR. DUKE,
IS THERE ANY WAY
276
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,070
YOU CAN HELP MY FRIEND
GET HIS STOKE BACK?
277
00:11:13,067 --> 00:11:14,067
- [pttt]
HA!
278
00:11:14,067 --> 00:11:16,197
MY TIME'S MORE IMPORTANT
THAN THAT.
279
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,730
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
280
00:11:18,733 --> 00:11:20,203
TO SELL SOME BLOOD
FOR CIGARETTE MONEY.
281
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,300
[metal crashing]
282
00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:24,330
- HUH, KID'S GOT TALENT.
283
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:26,673
THAT'S THE BEST I'VE SEEN,
SINCE...
284
00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:28,097
ME.
285
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:31,370
- HOW 'BOUT THIS--WE'LL HELP YOU
GET YOUR HEART BACK
286
00:11:31,367 --> 00:11:33,627
IF YOU'LL HELP WOODIE
GET HIS STOKE BACK.
287
00:11:33,633 --> 00:11:34,933
QUID PRO QUO.
288
00:11:34,933 --> 00:11:36,703
- TIT FOR TEETS.
289
00:11:38,367 --> 00:11:40,767
- COME ON, JUST HOLD IT
WHILE I PEE.
290
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:43,497
- NO!
YOU SOUND JUST LIKE TURK.
291
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:44,900
[both laugh]
292
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,200
[urinating]
293
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,430
- [screams]
294
00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:49,773
THIS IS THE WORST THING
I'VE EVER SEEN!
295
00:11:49,767 --> 00:11:51,097
- OH, NO,
IS IT POSITIVE?
296
00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:53,500
- NO, I JUST SAW YOUR SHOES.
GROSS.
297
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:55,830
TELL ME HOW THE REST
OF 2006 TURNS OUT.
298
00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:58,703
- OH, SORRY!
SORRY. OLD HABITS.
299
00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:00,070
[screaming]
OH, MY GOD, NO!
300
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,427
- WHAT,
IS IT MY HAIR?
301
00:12:01,433 --> 00:12:02,603
- NO, BUT NOW THAT YOU
MENTION IT,
302
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,900
THAT CUT DOES MAKE
YOUR FACE LOOK FAT.
303
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:05,500
ALSO, CRAP!
304
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:07,600
IT'S PREGNANT.
[sobs]
305
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:08,930
- I'LL CALL MY DOCTOR.
306
00:12:08,933 --> 00:12:12,303
- AH! NO OFFENSE,
BUT WE'RE GOING TO MY DOCTOR.
307
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:14,330
HE DID MY MOM'S
VAJAYJAY-REJUV,
308
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,433
AND IF I'M KNOCKED UP,
309
00:12:15,433 --> 00:12:17,203
I WANNA GET AN ESTIMATE
ON FUTURE REPAIRS.
310
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,070
[gasps] OH GOD,
I'M GONNA THROW UP.
311
00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:20,097
- IS IT MORNING SICKNESS?
312
00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:21,830
- NO, YOUR PANTS.
313
00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:22,833
[vomits]
314
00:12:26,433 --> 00:12:28,873
- MONDO? WHAT'S WITH
THIS HAIR EVERYWHERE?
315
00:12:28,867 --> 00:12:30,897
ARE YOU GOING THROUGH
THE CHANGES?
316
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:34,270
- NO, MA, THEY BELONG
TO THE OLD GUY FROM RAPE COUNTY.
317
00:12:34,267 --> 00:12:36,467
HE SPENT THE NIGHT
IN MY BED.
318
00:12:36,467 --> 00:12:37,897
- VERY FUNNY.
319
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,530
LOOK...I JUST WANT TO BE
A PART OF YOUR LIFE.
320
00:12:39,533 --> 00:12:40,633
- BYE, MA.
321
00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:43,367
[squeaking]
- OOH.
322
00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:45,327
DONGABUNGA'S COMING.
323
00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:47,773
WE GOT 24 HOURS.
- ALL RIGHT, DUKE.
324
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:51,397
LET'S HIT THE WAVES.
- PUT THE BOARD AWAY, JUGHEAD.
325
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,830
FROM WHAT I'VE SEEN,
326
00:12:52,833 --> 00:12:55,073
YOU'VE ALREADY GOT THE SURFING
SKILLS YOU NEED.
327
00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:58,267
WHAT YOU LACK
ARE BALLS OF STEEL.
328
00:12:58,267 --> 00:12:59,697
[pop]
329
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:03,500
[acid rock music]
330
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:05,170
- AAH!
331
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:13,097
* *
332
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,470
YOU REALLY THINK
I'M READY?
333
00:13:32,467 --> 00:13:34,267
- I KNOW IT.
BUT JUST IN CASE,
334
00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:37,067
I'M GONNA ENTRUST YOU
WITH MY SECRET WEAPON.
335
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,527
- IS IT CINNAMON?
336
00:13:38,533 --> 00:13:41,073
BECAUSE A LOTTA TIMES WHEN
PEOPLE SAY THERE'S A SECRET,
337
00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:42,727
IT'S USUALLY CINNAMON.
338
00:13:42,733 --> 00:13:45,173
I'M GONNA--I'M GONNA
LET YOU FINISH NOW.
339
00:13:47,167 --> 00:13:50,167
- WOW!
ARE THESE THE MAGIC--
340
00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:51,627
- DAMN STRAIGHT.
341
00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:54,673
THAT'S THE SAME PAIR I WORE
WHEN I RODE THE DONGABUNGA.
342
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,667
- [sniffs]
343
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,167
UGH! CAN'T HE WASH THEM?
344
00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:58,467
- I WOULDN'T.
345
00:13:58,467 --> 00:14:01,897
NOW, I BELIEVE YOU BOYS
PROMISED ME A HANDFUL OF TEATS.
346
00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:03,900
- GOOD NEWS, MILAN.
YOU'RE AS BARREN
347
00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:05,600
AS A 38-YEAR-OLD SINGLE LAWYER
348
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,330
WHO THINKS SHE MADE
THE RIGHT DECISION
349
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:09,173
BY CHOOSING A CAREER
OVER HAVING A FAMILY.
350
00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:11,297
BUT SHE'S NOT HAPPY.
- I CAN HEAR YOU!
351
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:12,870
- SORRY, MEREDITH.
352
00:14:12,867 --> 00:14:14,597
- SO SHE'S NOT PREGNANT.
353
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,500
BUT...WHAT ABOUT
THE POSITIVE TEST?
354
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:18,130
- OH, THAT'S BECAUSE
MILAN'S URINE
355
00:14:18,133 --> 00:14:20,673
IS 43% ILLEGAL
APPETITE SUPPRESSANTS.
356
00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:22,097
YOU'RE ALL SET.
357
00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:23,830
SAY HI TO YOU MOM'S
VAGINA FOR ME.
358
00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:25,303
- DEUCES!
359
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:28,070
- WELL, THAT WAS...
KIND OF FUN.
360
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,927
- REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE WERE
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE?
361
00:14:30,933 --> 00:14:32,373
I WAS TEACHING YOU HOW TO KISS,
362
00:14:32,367 --> 00:14:34,127
AND WE GOT OUR BRACES
STUCK TOGETHER.
363
00:14:34,133 --> 00:14:37,103
- YEAH. EXCEPT I WAS THE ONE
TEACHING YOU HOW TO KISS.
364
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:40,930
- [laughs]
YOU WISH!
365
00:14:40,933 --> 00:14:43,073
THANK YOU, JEENA,
FOR BEING THERE FOR ME
366
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:44,727
WHEN I NEEDED IT THE MOST.
367
00:14:44,733 --> 00:14:46,403
I TOTALLY WON'T FORGET IT.
368
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,430
- OH, MY GOD.
369
00:14:47,433 --> 00:14:48,473
MILAN?
370
00:14:48,467 --> 00:14:50,967
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
AT THE DOCTOR?
371
00:14:50,967 --> 00:14:53,567
- YEAH, WITH HER.
372
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:54,967
- JEENA GOT AN ABORTION!
373
00:14:54,967 --> 00:14:56,897
LISTEN, I'M SORRY.
THEY'RE GONNA TELL EVERYONE.
374
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:59,370
THAT'S WHY SHE GOT
SO FAT THIS SEMESTER.
375
00:14:59,367 --> 00:15:00,467
I WISH I COULD STOP.
376
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,597
AND SHE CALLED YOU
CHATTY CATHIES.
377
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:03,900
[both gasp]
378
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:06,070
- ALL RIGHT,
SHE'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
379
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,297
- HOW'D YOU GET HER TO COME?
380
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:08,530
THE PIER'S UPHILL
FROM HER HOUSE.
381
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:11,073
- I TOLD HER THERE WAS
A HOTDOG EATING CONTEST.
382
00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:12,367
- WELL, HOW DO I LOOK?
383
00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:15,197
- PERFECT! LIKE A HOBO
WITH A COURT DATE.
384
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,200
[rumbling]
- WHAT'S THAT?
385
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,570
- DONGABUNGA'S COMING EARLY.
386
00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:21,367
- NO, IT'S HER.
IT'S MY GAL.
387
00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:23,727
[thumping]
- SURE YOU READY FOR THIS?
388
00:15:23,733 --> 00:15:26,773
- GOT MY FLOWERS,
GOT MY CHOCOLATES...
389
00:15:26,767 --> 00:15:28,467
AND A HALF A DOZEN DONUTS.
390
00:15:28,467 --> 00:15:31,497
[sexy music plays]
391
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:37,930
* *
392
00:15:37,933 --> 00:15:39,373
- DUKE?
393
00:15:39,367 --> 00:15:41,967
DUKE...IT IS YOU.
394
00:15:41,967 --> 00:15:44,967
[sexy music continues]
395
00:15:44,967 --> 00:15:46,097
* *
396
00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:48,570
AHH...
397
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:57,300
- CUT THAT OUT, FOGHEAD.
YOU'LL RUIN YOUR APPETITE.
398
00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:58,870
DIOS MIO.
399
00:15:58,867 --> 00:16:01,667
YOUR TONGUE IS MOVING
COUNTER-CLOCKWISE.
400
00:16:01,667 --> 00:16:03,897
THAT CAN ONLY MEAN
ONE THING.
401
00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:07,070
THE DONGABUNGA'S HERE.
402
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,130
MMM.
403
00:16:11,133 --> 00:16:12,633
[man and woman moaning]
404
00:16:12,633 --> 00:16:15,173
- ARE YOU SURE
WE SHOULD GO IN THERE?
405
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:16,867
- DUKE SAID 9:00 A.M.
406
00:16:16,867 --> 00:16:18,527
[crash, thud]
407
00:16:18,533 --> 00:16:21,233
EVERYBODY OKAY?
408
00:16:21,233 --> 00:16:22,603
- MS. TEETS,
I THOUGHT YOUR BEDROOM
409
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,430
WAS ON THE SECOND FLOOR.
410
00:16:24,433 --> 00:16:26,633
- IT WAS.
411
00:16:26,633 --> 00:16:29,673
- [muffled]
I'LL MEET YOU GUYS DOWN THERE
412
00:16:29,667 --> 00:16:31,227
IN FOUR MINUTES.
413
00:16:31,233 --> 00:16:33,373
- MAKE IT TEN.
I GOTTA GET MINE.
414
00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,300
- ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN
DO THIS, WOODIE?
415
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:38,230
- I CAN DO ANYTHING.
416
00:16:38,233 --> 00:16:40,733
AS LONG AS I GOT THESE.
417
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,473
- HAH! I'LL TAKE THOSE,
EL POLLO CHOKE-O.
418
00:16:43,467 --> 00:16:47,767
SOON EVERYONE'LL BE RUBBING
MY TAINT FOR GOOD LUCK.
419
00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:50,397
- NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
420
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,570
[thunder rumbles]
- ROSARY CHANT, ROSARY CHANT.
421
00:16:52,567 --> 00:16:55,167
ROSARY CHANT.
- YOU CAN STILL DO IT, BRO.
422
00:16:55,167 --> 00:16:57,227
YOU'RE THE BEST SURFER,
AND EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.
423
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,303
- I LOST MY ONLY CHANCE
TO GET MY STOKE BACK
424
00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:01,870
THE MINUTE TURK STOLE
THOSE MAGIC SHORTS.
425
00:17:01,867 --> 00:17:03,667
- THOSE SHORTS AIN'T MAGIC.
426
00:17:03,667 --> 00:17:07,697
I BOUGHT 'EM IN 1980
AT A PIGGLY WIGGLY.
427
00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:09,370
I LET YOU THINK
THEY WERE SPECIAL
428
00:17:09,367 --> 00:17:11,967
TO HELP GET YOUR BONY ASS
OUT ON THE WAVE.
429
00:17:11,967 --> 00:17:15,067
LOOK, STICK BUG, THE REASON
I WAS A GREAT SURFER
430
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:18,127
WAS BECAUSE I HAD SOMETHING
MORE IMPORTANT THAN SHORTS.
431
00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:21,433
I HAD SOMEONE
WHO BELIEVED IN ME.
432
00:17:21,433 --> 00:17:23,103
- [chomping]
RUUUH!
433
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:25,200
- YOU ALWAYS HAD WHAT IT TOOK
TO BE A CHAMP--
434
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,070
THE UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT,
FRIENDSHIP, AND LOVE
435
00:17:28,067 --> 00:17:30,097
OF A FULL-FIGURED WOMAN.
436
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,630
- HE'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW.
WAIT--WHAT?
437
00:17:32,633 --> 00:17:34,333
- SO TELL US, BRO,
438
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:37,633
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN
SURF THE DONGABUNGA?
439
00:17:37,633 --> 00:17:39,733
- I'VE GOT THE SKILLS,
GOT THE NARDS,
440
00:17:39,733 --> 00:17:42,933
AND A SECRET WEAPON.
441
00:17:42,933 --> 00:17:44,533
[laughter}
442
00:17:44,533 --> 00:17:46,803
- IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE SMUGGLING GRAPES!
443
00:17:52,467 --> 00:17:55,067
- LONNIE?
YOU'RE GONNA RIDE TOO?
444
00:17:55,067 --> 00:17:56,497
- NAW, MAN.
445
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,730
LOST A FLIP FLOP.
446
00:17:58,733 --> 00:18:01,403
- THERE IT IS...
THE DONGABUNGA.
447
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,530
- THAT'S NOT THE DONGABUNGA,
PICKLE SACK.
448
00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:07,073
THAT IS.
449
00:18:08,967 --> 00:18:11,527
- AARRRHHH!
- AAAAHHHH!
450
00:18:13,867 --> 00:18:15,697
- WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
451
00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:17,070
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
452
00:18:17,067 --> 00:18:18,067
- OOH!
- WHAAAH!
453
00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:19,067
- OH!
454
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:43,700
[rock pop]
455
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:51,130
* *
456
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,530
[cheers and applause]
457
00:18:57,533 --> 00:18:59,233
- THERE'S MY SUN.
458
00:18:59,233 --> 00:19:03,333
- THERE'S MINE.
- YOU'RE A TERRIBLE FATHER.
459
00:19:03,333 --> 00:19:04,933
- YOU'RE THE BEST, WOODIE!
460
00:19:04,933 --> 00:19:06,903
- I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT
WITHOUT
461
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:08,870
MY FULL-FIGURED WOMAN.
462
00:19:08,867 --> 00:19:10,327
- THAT'S ME!
463
00:19:10,333 --> 00:19:13,173
- JEENA, MY TUMMY HURTS,
AND THIS SUIT IS SO TIGHT
464
00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:15,067
IT WON'T LET MY FARTS OUT.
465
00:19:15,067 --> 00:19:16,667
- DON'T BE SUCH A BABY.
466
00:19:16,667 --> 00:19:19,227
- SPEAKING OF BABIES...
467
00:19:19,233 --> 00:19:20,603
- STAND DOWN, BITCHES!
468
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,770
I MEAN, LET'S GO FIND SOMEONE
ELSE TO MAKE FUN OF.
469
00:19:22,767 --> 00:19:24,067
SHE'S BORING.
470
00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:26,327
YOU'RE WELCOME.
471
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:29,503
- OHH...I'M PROUD
OF THAT KID.
472
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:33,400
- ARE YOU CRYING?
UGH! YOU ARE A CHILD.
473
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,970
- 'NEETA, I KNOW I DID YOU
WRONG IN THE PAST,
474
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,827
BUT I WANNA MAKE UP
FOR LOST TIME.
475
00:19:37,833 --> 00:19:39,273
- NO.
- BUT I LOVE--
476
00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:41,327
- GET UP.
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING BOTH OF US.
477
00:19:41,333 --> 00:19:44,403
LOOK, DUKIE, WHAT YOU AND I
HAVE IS FUN AND ALL.
478
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,400
THE SEX WAS...
MMM, PRETTY GOOD FOR ONE GUY.
479
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,130
BUT I'M A FREE SPIRIT.
YOU CAN'T CAGE THIS FINCH.
480
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,970
I'LL CALL YOU
IF I WANNA BANG.
481
00:19:56,967 --> 00:19:58,667
- [hacks]
482
00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:00,867
- THANKS FOR
ALL YOUR HELP, DUKE.
483
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,267
- SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT
WITH MISS TEETS.
484
00:20:03,267 --> 00:20:05,327
- AH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
LITTLE LADY.
485
00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:09,703
I SURFED THE BIGGEST WAVE,
AND I RODE THE BIGGEST WOMAN.
486
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:15,170
- WHO WAS THAT?
- THE OLD GUY FROM RAPE COUNTY
487
00:20:15,167 --> 00:20:16,567
WHO WAS SLEEPING MY BED.
488
00:20:16,567 --> 00:20:18,067
HE HAD THIS REALLY SKIMPY
PAIR OF BRIEFS
489
00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:21,497
THAT HE SAID HAD MAGIC POWERS,
AND HE TREATED ME LIKE A GIRL.
490
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,670
- OH, AGAIN WITH THIS?
491
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:27,027
LISTEN, IF YOU DON'T WANNA
TALK TO ME, JUST SAY SO.
492
00:20:27,033 --> 00:20:29,433
- WELL, IT'S GREAT TO HAVE
EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL.
493
00:20:29,433 --> 00:20:30,733
- DUDE, CHECK IT OUT.
494
00:20:30,733 --> 00:20:33,133
I GAVE THE STATUE
A LITTLE UPGRADE.
495
00:20:33,133 --> 00:20:36,533
- I GOTTA ADMIT,
IT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD, BRO.
496
00:20:36,533 --> 00:20:37,733
- THANKS.
497
00:20:37,733 --> 00:20:40,833
- DAMN IT, BRUCE!
GIMME BACK THAT WIG!
498
00:20:40,883 --> 00:20:45,433
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