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1
00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:01,600
Rock 'n' roll!
2
00:00:12,934 --> 00:00:15,744
Hello, is that the Rose & Crown?
3
00:00:16,734 --> 00:00:19,897
Yeah, I had a Little drink
in your pub last night.
4
00:00:19,934 --> 00:00:22,096
I don't know if you remember me.
5
00:00:22,134 --> 00:00:25,104
I had the Scottish
ten-pound note.
6
00:00:25,134 --> 00:00:27,740
Pointed out there is
no "K" in Scampi...
7
00:00:28,734 --> 00:00:30,941
And one
8
00:00:31,934 --> 00:00:34,335
That's right, yeah.
9
00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:37,826
You know what it's like
when you've had a few
10
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:40,142
and accidentally leave
the pub with something.
11
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,700
Beer glass, ashtray...
12
00:00:42,734 --> 00:00:44,736
Well, I've got your plough.
13
00:00:44,774 --> 00:00:46,185
Morning!
14
00:00:47,334 --> 00:00:48,699
Oh!
15
00:00:48,734 --> 00:00:50,577
EMU Em
16
00:00:50,614 --> 00:00:53,299
Errol, mind that plough.
17
00:00:53,334 --> 00:00:55,257
Yeah, the big one
off the ceiling.
18
00:00:55,294 --> 00:00:56,705
Sorry about that.
19
00:00:56,734 --> 00:01:00,022
You know what it's like, you've
had a few, you start showing off.
20
00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:04,104
So, when do you want
me to drop it around?
21
00:01:05,734 --> 00:01:07,896
There's no... There's
no need for the...
22
00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:12,064
It's only a plough, you don't use it.
Do you?
23
00:01:12,094 --> 00:01:13,505
All right!
24
00:01:13,534 --> 00:01:16,299
All right, I'll drop
it round this morning.
25
00:01:17,334 --> 00:01:18,904
Miserable twat!
26
00:01:18,934 --> 00:01:20,936
Talked to me like I was
some kind of thief.
27
00:01:20,974 --> 00:01:22,464
You are!
28
00:01:22,494 --> 00:01:25,896
- I'm not!
- You took his plough.
29
00:01:25,934 --> 00:01:27,379
I'd had a few drinks.
30
00:01:27,414 --> 00:01:28,847
So, it's all right if
you've had a drink?
31
00:01:28,859 --> 00:01:30,304
Yes.
32
00:01:30,334 --> 00:01:33,304
So, if you took it sober,
you'll be a thief.
33
00:01:33,334 --> 00:01:34,904
No, I'll be an idiot.
34
00:01:34,934 --> 00:01:36,902
Who needs a plough
when they're sober?
35
00:01:36,934 --> 00:01:39,062
So why did you steal it?
36
00:01:39,094 --> 00:01:40,698
I didn't steal it.
37
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,498
U W�?�
38
00:01:42,534 --> 00:01:44,696
removed it from the pub.
39
00:01:44,734 --> 00:01:47,897
- Without his permission?
- Yeah.
40
00:01:47,934 --> 00:01:51,302
So, why are you taking it back?
41
00:01:51,334 --> 00:01:53,735
What is the matter with you?
42
00:01:55,534 --> 00:02:00,381
Look, look, it's a
plough, it was a laugh.
43
00:02:00,414 --> 00:02:02,985
So, if you haven't stolen
it, why not throw it away?
44
00:02:03,534 --> 00:02:05,901
Because it's not mine.
45
00:02:05,934 --> 00:02:07,743
Whose is it then?
46
00:02:07,774 --> 00:02:10,903
All right, Errol, I'm a thief.
47
00:02:10,934 --> 00:02:13,904
I nick ploughs.
There, I've said it.
48
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,904
Thanks. I feel so much better.
49
00:02:16,934 --> 00:02:19,505
So boring, aren't you?
50
00:02:19,534 --> 00:02:21,334
I bet you've never stolen
anything, have you?
51
00:02:22,334 --> 00:02:24,098
- I have.
- What?
52
00:02:24,134 --> 00:02:25,704
Mints.
53
00:02:25,734 --> 00:02:27,702
After a curry?
54
00:02:27,734 --> 00:02:29,463
Yeah.
55
00:02:29,494 --> 00:02:31,223
Boring.
56
00:02:32,134 --> 00:02:34,944
Come on, get your fat arse round
the other end of this plough.
57
00:02:37,534 --> 00:02:39,696
Do you think he'll get violent?
58
00:02:39,734 --> 00:02:44,103
Who, George? No, I've nicked him
loads of times. Good as gold.
59
00:02:44,134 --> 00:02:46,296
Good.
60
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:48,462
Not really in the
mood for it today.
61
00:02:48,494 --> 00:02:49,905
I know what you mean.
62
00:02:49,934 --> 00:02:52,460
I had a massive breakfast
at the caff this morning.
63
00:02:52,494 --> 00:02:53,905
You get days like that as well?
64
00:02:53,934 --> 00:02:57,495
- Oh, yeah.
- I thought it was just me.
65
00:02:57,534 --> 00:03:00,902
I had a fella swinging a baseball
bat at my head last week.
66
00:03:00,934 --> 00:03:04,143
I said, "You carry on, mate,
I'm going for a cup of tea."
67
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:07,335
Days like this I
wish we had guns.
68
00:03:10,334 --> 00:03:12,496
Come on, George. I
know you're in there.
69
00:03:12,534 --> 00:03:14,935
Just want to have
a word with ya.
70
00:03:16,534 --> 00:03:18,423
Why wouldn't they let
us go through the park?
71
00:03:18,454 --> 00:03:21,697
- Well, it was picking up a few divets.
- Yeah.
72
00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:24,305
Which way did you
come last night?
73
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:26,905
The park was shut, dunno.
74
00:03:26,934 --> 00:03:29,301
Get off and milk it!
75
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,940
It's a plough, not
a bike, idiot.
76
00:03:33,334 --> 00:03:35,382
Come on!
77
00:03:37,334 --> 00:03:40,702
You couldn't have taken it all the
way around the Becket Centre.
78
00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:42,702
Maybe you went through
the church yard.
79
00:03:42,734 --> 00:03:44,498
No, there's no way I'd do that.
80
00:03:44,534 --> 00:03:47,504
- Hey, your back wheel's going round!
- It's a plough!
81
00:03:47,534 --> 00:03:50,697
Who do you think you
are, Michael Schumacher?
82
00:03:50,734 --> 00:03:53,499
You could only say that
if I'm driving a car.
83
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:56,060
? I got a brand-new
combine ham/ester!
84
00:03:56,094 --> 00:03:57,505
It's a plough!
85
00:03:57,534 --> 00:03:59,298
Why don't you just ignore them?
86
00:03:59,334 --> 00:04:01,496
I don't mind abuse as
Long as it's accurate.
87
00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:04,424
What are you doing with
that plough, you twat?
88
00:04:04,454 --> 00:04:05,865
Ignore him, Errol
89
00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:11,098
George!
90
00:04:11,134 --> 00:04:13,182
Come on, open the door.
91
00:04:16,934 --> 00:04:19,540
Mr Burton no here.
92
00:04:20,534 --> 00:04:23,697
Mr Burton no here.
93
00:04:23,734 --> 00:04:26,897
Don't be silly, Mr Burton,
just open the door.
94
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,301
Mr Burton no here.
95
00:04:29,334 --> 00:04:31,336
Mr Burton gone away.
96
00:04:31,374 --> 00:04:34,344
Don't have me to go back to the
station to get a warrant, George.
97
00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:37,264
Come on, open the door.
98
00:04:37,294 --> 00:04:40,741
Mr Burton no here.
99
00:04:40,774 --> 00:04:44,096
Mr Burton gone away, no here.
100
00:04:44,134 --> 00:04:46,296
George, this is serious.
Come on, open the door.
101
00:04:46,334 --> 00:04:51,340
Mr Burton gone away.
Mr Burton no here.
102
00:04:54,534 --> 00:04:56,457
Vince, have you read this?
103
00:04:56,494 --> 00:04:57,905
Mm}?
104
00:04:57,934 --> 00:05:01,461
Guess what happened
in the church yard.
105
00:05:01,494 --> 00:05:02,905
Mm}?
106
00:05:02,934 --> 00:05:06,620
It says here last night the
cemetery was desecrated.
107
00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:09,703
It's terrible.
108
00:05:09,734 --> 00:05:12,305
The vicar said, "I'm devastated.
109
00:05:12,334 --> 00:05:16,737
"It's as if a maniac has gone
on the rampage with a plough."
110
00:05:21,134 --> 00:05:22,818
That's you.
111
00:05:22,854 --> 00:05:24,504
No!
112
00:05:24,534 --> 00:05:27,697
You had the plough and
dragged it all the way home.
113
00:05:27,734 --> 00:05:30,385
No, no. No, cos...
114
00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:32,735
I never went through
the church yard.
115
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,143
It ls you.
116
00:05:38,134 --> 00:05:40,899
It must be one of those crazy
coincidences you read about
117
00:05:40,934 --> 00:05:47,658
where two people on the same night
in the same borough nick ploughs,
118
00:05:47,694 --> 00:05:51,744
one of them goes through the
church yard, ruins it...
119
00:05:51,774 --> 00:05:54,345
and the other one safely
makes his way home.
120
00:05:58,334 --> 00:06:00,701
Mr Burton no here!
121
00:06:00,734 --> 00:06:06,264
Look, Mr Burton, we are on your side,
but you're beginning to piss us off.
122
00:06:10,734 --> 00:06:12,702
I told you he's gone away.
123
00:06:12,734 --> 00:06:14,418
I'm watering his plants for him.
124
00:06:14,454 --> 00:06:15,865
And who are you?
125
00:06:15,894 --> 00:06:19,103
I'm Eric. I live
around the corner.
126
00:06:19,134 --> 00:06:20,738
Where is he?
127
00:06:20,774 --> 00:06:22,299
He's on holiday.
128
00:06:22,334 --> 00:06:25,304
And what was all that
with the silly voices?
129
00:06:25,334 --> 00:06:27,496
Don't know, just felt like it.
130
00:06:27,534 --> 00:06:30,299
We could do you for
wasting police time.
131
00:06:30,334 --> 00:06:33,144
- What, a minute and a half?
- Hey!
132
00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:38,342
Now, you just tell him to report to the
police station when he gets back, right?
133
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:47,299
- They're gone now, Mr...
- Right!
134
00:06:47,334 --> 00:06:50,702
Steady, lad! Shut up!
135
00:06:50,734 --> 00:06:53,101
I know, I know it
looks like it's me.
136
00:06:53,134 --> 00:06:55,899
Of course it looks like it's me.
Of course it does.
137
00:06:55,934 --> 00:06:58,301
But if this was an
episode of Poirot,
138
00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:01,702
he wouldn't even knock
on my cabin door, hm?
139
00:07:01,734 --> 00:07:03,463
It's like that film,
The Usual Suspects.
140
00:07:03,494 --> 00:07:07,783
Everyone thinks it's the Irish fella,
turns out, it's the bloke with a limp.
141
00:07:08,134 --> 00:07:10,705
I've not... I've not seen that.
142
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:13,214
There's no point, it's
the fella with the limp.
143
00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:16,702
Sixth Sense, right?
Bruce Willis.
144
00:07:16,734 --> 00:07:18,657
Look, Vince. I've...
145
00:07:20,694 --> 00:07:22,105
Ghost.
146
00:07:23,934 --> 00:07:25,459
Don't answer that, don't, don't.
147
00:07:25,494 --> 00:07:27,303
Why?
148
00:07:28,334 --> 00:07:30,496
We're having a nice
time, aren't we?
149
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:33,299
Could be somebody important.
150
00:07:33,334 --> 00:07:38,295
Yeah, it could be... It
could be, er, Jim Davidson.
151
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:39,910
Oh, I don't want him
coming around, do you?
152
00:07:39,934 --> 00:07:42,096
- Eurgh!
- Yeah, eurgh!
153
00:07:42,134 --> 00:07:43,704
Or Hitler.
154
00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:46,135
I'll put the kettle on,
you know, let's...
155
00:07:50,134 --> 00:07:52,705
And Mousetrap, don't bother
with that, it's so obvious...
156
00:07:52,734 --> 00:07:54,145
Vince, I've got tickets.
157
00:08:00,134 --> 00:08:01,898
Mr Clark?
158
00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:04,175
Vince, it's for you.
159
00:08:04,214 --> 00:08:06,820
It's a vicar.
160
00:08:08,134 --> 00:08:09,704
- Angry!
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
161
00:08:09,734 --> 00:08:11,896
- Angry!
- You're very lucky there, lad.
162
00:08:11,934 --> 00:08:14,699
- Angry policeman!
- Very lucky indeed.
163
00:08:14,734 --> 00:08:17,385
- Bad people.
- Right! What...
164
00:08:20,134 --> 00:08:22,182
Hello!
165
00:08:23,734 --> 00:08:26,704
Oh, hello!
166
00:08:26,734 --> 00:08:29,101
I'm from St Mary's.
The name ls Jonathan.
167
00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:31,455
Your worshipful...
168
00:08:31,494 --> 00:08:34,737
I had a phone call this morning from
the Landlord of the Rose & Crown.
169
00:08:36,134 --> 00:08:39,024
- Never go in there.
- From which you are barred.
170
00:08:40,134 --> 00:08:42,501
He told me of an incident
involving you and a plough,
171
00:08:42,534 --> 00:08:44,696
and last night our
graveyard was...
172
00:08:44,734 --> 00:08:46,498
disturbed.
173
00:08:46,534 --> 00:08:49,060
I was wondering if the two
events were connected.
174
00:08:57,854 --> 00:08:59,299
Yes.
175
00:08:59,334 --> 00:09:02,975
I dug up your graveyard
accidentally, I'm sorry.
176
00:09:03,014 --> 00:09:05,096
You Uar!
177
00:09:05,134 --> 00:09:06,818
He said it was a coincidence.
178
00:09:06,854 --> 00:09:08,265
I was drunk.
179
00:09:08,294 --> 00:09:09,705
I'm sorry, really sorry.
180
00:09:09,734 --> 00:09:14,501
He said if it was an episode of Poirot,
they wouldn't knock on his cabin door.
181
00:09:14,534 --> 00:09:16,423
That was a twist. It was me.
182
00:09:17,934 --> 00:09:19,424
I feel really bad about this.
183
00:09:20,134 --> 00:09:22,182
I knew it was you.
184
00:09:22,214 --> 00:09:25,696
Cos he said it must have been someone else
with another plough on the same night.
185
00:09:25,734 --> 00:09:27,498
- Is he your mate?
- Lodger.
186
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,377
Ah!
187
00:09:29,414 --> 00:09:32,896
You see, the park was shut, so I
thought I nip through the cemetery,
188
00:09:32,934 --> 00:09:35,062
because they're quite
heavy, those ploughs.
189
00:09:35,094 --> 00:09:37,062
Mm... If you'd nipped through,
190
00:09:37,094 --> 00:09:38,505
there'd be a straight Line,
191
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:41,105
but you, you went on a rampage.
192
00:09:41,134 --> 00:09:43,182
Mm, I dropped my keys-
193
00:09:43,214 --> 00:09:45,899
Yeah, so I had to go
looking for them.
194
00:09:45,934 --> 00:09:47,379
You could've put
the plough down.
195
00:09:47,414 --> 00:09:50,258
I was pissed... Drunk, drunk.
I was drunk.
196
00:09:51,534 --> 00:09:53,901
I'm sorry, I feel really
terrible about this.
197
00:09:53,934 --> 00:09:55,424
Unbelievable!
198
00:09:55,454 --> 00:09:57,616
How can you say you didn't
do it when you did?
199
00:09:57,654 --> 00:09:59,065
These things do happen.
200
00:09:59,094 --> 00:10:01,984
But Father, Lying's wrong.
201
00:10:02,014 --> 00:10:04,904
Well, didn't Jesus
tell a few Lies?
202
00:10:04,934 --> 00:10:06,504
- No.
- He did.
203
00:10:06,534 --> 00:10:09,060
He betrayed our lord for
3O pieces of silver.
204
00:10:09,094 --> 00:10:11,301
- Dimwit.
- That was Judas.
205
00:10:11,334 --> 00:10:12,984
- What did I say?
- Jesus.
206
00:10:13,494 --> 00:10:14,905
I'm always doing that.
207
00:10:14,934 --> 00:10:18,063
For some people it's left and right.
Me, them two.
208
00:10:18,094 --> 00:10:19,903
Jesus was the good one.
209
00:10:19,934 --> 00:10:25,145
I do know! What do you think that is?
Scotch mist? Mmm!
210
00:10:26,534 --> 00:10:28,298
Sorry about him.
211
00:10:28,334 --> 00:10:31,543
Will you shut up? Stop being
so boring, don't get involved.
212
00:10:32,414 --> 00:10:35,816
I'm sorry. I feel
terrible about this.
213
00:10:35,854 --> 00:10:37,902
Maybe I could raise some money.
214
00:10:37,934 --> 00:10:40,744
- Do you need a new roof?
- It's just been done.
215
00:10:42,134 --> 00:10:44,944
- Minibus?
- Passed its MOT on Monday.
216
00:10:45,934 --> 00:10:48,335
- You got bells?
- Yeah.
217
00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:52,296
I tell you what I'd like.
218
00:10:52,334 --> 00:10:54,382
Can I have...
219
00:10:57,174 --> 00:10:58,585
a nice cup of tea?
220
00:10:59,334 --> 00:11:02,497
Yeah! Yeah!
221
00:11:02,534 --> 00:11:05,140
And... a biscuit.
222
00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:09,299
You're gonna let him
off with a cup of tea?
223
00:11:09,334 --> 00:11:11,098
Errol, shut up.
224
00:11:11,134 --> 00:11:13,705
You ploughed up his graveyard.
225
00:11:13,734 --> 00:11:15,862
Well, didn't Jesus
plough up a few?
226
00:11:15,894 --> 00:11:17,305
Oh, I've done it again.
227
00:11:17,334 --> 00:11:20,099
Jesus, Judas, Jesus, Judas.
228
00:11:20,134 --> 00:11:22,944
Hey, good job it's
not a christening.
229
00:11:31,134 --> 00:11:33,182
So how was your day?
230
00:11:35,614 --> 00:11:37,025
Shite.
231
00:11:46,534 --> 00:11:49,299
I don't normally
watch Hollyoaks.
232
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,302
- You Uar.
- I love It.
233
00:11:51,334 --> 00:11:54,144
The thing I like about it,
they're all so young.
234
00:11:54,934 --> 00:11:57,096
It's filmed in Chester.
235
00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:59,102
Everyone knows that.
236
00:11:59,134 --> 00:12:03,025
Well it's interesting to me because I'm
from Saiford and it's not that far.
237
00:12:03,054 --> 00:12:04,464
Why mention it if it's
only interesting to you?
238
00:12:04,476 --> 00:12:05,898
Yeah?
239
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,096
Sometimes you just say things
that come in to you head.
240
00:12:08,134 --> 00:12:09,863
I don't, do you?
241
00:12:09,894 --> 00:12:11,305
- No.
- No.
242
00:12:11,334 --> 00:12:13,150
Don't have a go at me. He's the
one that nicked the plough.
243
00:12:13,174 --> 00:12:15,910
"He's the one that nicked the plough!
He's the one that nicked the plough!"
244
00:12:15,934 --> 00:12:17,504
- Judas.
- No!
245
00:12:17,534 --> 00:12:20,936
- Oh, yes, you're right.
- Yes, he's Judas, yeah, yeah.
246
00:12:22,134 --> 00:12:25,661
Anyway, I better be
getting on with things.
247
00:12:25,694 --> 00:12:27,105
Oh, are you very busy?
248
00:12:27,134 --> 00:12:28,340
Yeah.
249
00:12:28,374 --> 00:12:31,298
Thanks for being so understanding
about the plough business.
250
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,905
I thought I was in a
bit of trouble there.
251
00:12:33,934 --> 00:12:37,302
Of course, it's not up to me.
I just report to the bishop.
252
00:12:37,334 --> 00:12:40,304
He decides if any
action is necessary.
253
00:12:42,934 --> 00:12:44,982
So it's not over then?
254
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:50,101
I'll tell you what I fancy.
255
00:12:50,134 --> 00:12:52,102
- What?
- A game of table tennis.
256
00:12:53,934 --> 00:12:56,221
- Do you play?
- Yeah, I love table tennis.
257
00:12:56,254 --> 00:12:57,665
Not you, you're boring.
258
00:12:57,934 --> 00:13:00,505
So I'm under Waterloo Bridge,
right, about half an hour,
259
00:13:00,534 --> 00:13:04,095
stock still, getting a bit
bored, like that, right?
260
00:13:04,134 --> 00:13:07,695
This juggler comes up and he
goes, "Oi, that's my patch."
261
00:13:07,734 --> 00:13:09,702
- I hate jugglers.
- Everyone hates jugglers-
262
00:13:09,734 --> 00:13:11,463
And I said, "Your
patch, piss off."
263
00:13:11,494 --> 00:13:14,862
- Then you hit him?
- Yeah, I got him in a headlock. Bang!
264
00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:17,704
I was banging his head on
the windows of the NFT.
265
00:13:17,734 --> 00:13:20,305
Bang! Bang! Like that, and
then there was this big flash.
266
00:13:20,334 --> 00:13:22,496
And I thought, "Has
he hit me back?"
267
00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:26,539
It turns out there are some
tourist, American, taking pictures.
268
00:13:26,574 --> 00:13:29,498
And we stopped, put aside our
differences, you know, street people.
269
00:13:29,534 --> 00:13:32,105
We said, "Come on, mate.
This is our living.
270
00:13:32,134 --> 00:13:35,616
"If you wanna take a picture, you've
got to pay, because this is unique.
271
00:13:35,654 --> 00:13:37,702
"I'm not supposed to
be moving for a start,
272
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:40,499
"you've got a juggler here,
mohican, and tattoos allover him,
273
00:13:40,534 --> 00:13:42,298
"that's gotta be
worth a tenner."
274
00:13:42,334 --> 00:13:45,099
So I gets his camera and I'm like
that, throws it in the Thames,
275
00:13:45,134 --> 00:13:47,501
juggler comes up, kicks
him up the arse.
276
00:13:47,534 --> 00:13:49,138
He was actually a
pretty good bloke.
277
00:13:49,534 --> 00:13:51,696
Oh, er, hello again.
278
00:13:51,734 --> 00:13:54,499
I ordered something
from your catalogue
279
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,105
but I'd like to cancel it.
280
00:13:57,134 --> 00:13:59,535
Great, great, yeah.
281
00:14:00,734 --> 00:14:04,500
I'd like to cancel
the windbreak.
282
00:14:04,534 --> 00:14:08,095
Yeah, it's a bit boring, isn't it?
Mm.
283
00:14:08,134 --> 00:14:11,297
And instead, I would like...
284
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:14,144
the aluminous Snoopy phone.
285
00:14:15,734 --> 00:14:17,896
Co rd less?
286
00:14:17,934 --> 00:14:21,336
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, Let's go mad, yeah.
287
00:14:22,534 --> 00:14:25,504
Oh, and can I have the...
288
00:14:25,534 --> 00:14:29,334
bullet belt and the
home piercing kit.
289
00:14:30,534 --> 00:14:33,299
460 a month.
290
00:14:33,334 --> 00:14:35,575
Yeah, can we lose the belt?
291
00:14:35,614 --> 00:14:37,025
Yeah 440.
292
00:14:38,534 --> 00:14:40,263
Whoo!
293
00:14:40,294 --> 00:14:42,456
Game!
294
00:14:42,494 --> 00:14:44,178
Fancy another?
295
00:14:44,214 --> 00:14:48,105
Yeah, but can we change ends so I don't
have to keep going down there all the time.
296
00:14:48,134 --> 00:14:51,343
Nah, a lot of hassle, Let's
just stay the way we are.
297
00:14:54,454 --> 00:14:57,901
So, I walking across Blackfriars,
police car comes up,
298
00:14:57,934 --> 00:15:01,859
takes me down to Bow Street, puts me
in one of them identification parades.
299
00:15:01,894 --> 00:15:03,896
Yeah, the Yank had
made a big fuss.
300
00:15:03,934 --> 00:15:08,064
$0 Marie's: six of us all
slivered up In a fine-up.
301
00:15:15,094 --> 00:15:16,505
Did he pick you?
302
00:15:16,534 --> 00:15:18,901
Did he bugger! You know
Dave from Brentford?
303
00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:21,301
- No.
- You do, Dave, Brentford Dave.
304
00:15:21,334 --> 00:15:23,310
- What does he Look like?
- "What does he Look like"!
305
00:15:23,334 --> 00:15:26,497
He's got silver on his face,
77zat's what he looks like!
306
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:29,265
Anyway, the Yank picks him
and he causes a right fuss,
307
00:15:29,294 --> 00:15:33,094
and it's great for the rest of us, cos he's
got a great patch Covert Garden, right?
308
00:15:33,134 --> 00:15:35,580
So anyway, I'm on me way up
and this copper says to me,
309
00:15:35,614 --> 00:15:38,697
"See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya."
310
00:15:38,734 --> 00:15:40,702
I says, "What's that
supposed to mean?"
311
00:15:40,734 --> 00:15:44,705
He says, "it's just an expression." I
says, "Well, this is just an expression."
312
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,897
Bang! Elbow in the face.
313
00:15:46,934 --> 00:15:49,096
And I'm afraid, love, this time,
314
00:15:49,134 --> 00:15:51,182
it looks like it's
gonna be custodial.
315
00:16:34,335 --> 00:16:38,056
Not bad for a vicar. Why
don't you have a go?
316
00:16:38,094 --> 00:16:41,701
- I'm not very good at climbing.
- Just try It, see If you can do It.
317
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,896
- No, I'm all right - Do it.
318
00:16:43,935 --> 00:16:46,302
- I'm fine - Do it!
319
00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:49,099
- You'd like that, would you?
- Yeah. Do it.
320
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,899
- That'd make you happy?
- Very happy, just do It.
321
00:16:51,935 --> 00:16:53,505
All right.
322
00:16:53,535 --> 00:16:56,505
That's it. You might enjoy it.
323
00:16:56,534 --> 00:16:59,344
Remember, you only live once.
Except for the afterlife.
324
00:17:01,334 --> 00:17:03,496
I'm really glad I
met you, Vince.
325
00:17:03,534 --> 00:17:05,935
I haven't had this
much fun for ages.
326
00:17:07,734 --> 00:17:10,340
Most people don't like
to hang out with vicars.
327
00:17:10,374 --> 00:17:12,263
Ha! Hang out!
328
00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:19,619
They think they'll just talk about God all
the time, and drink tea with old ladies.
329
00:17:19,654 --> 00:17:22,260
That's just rubbish. We haven't
talked about about God once.
330
00:17:22,294 --> 00:17:24,103
- Have we talked about God once?
- No.
331
00:17:24,134 --> 00:17:26,182
No, not once.
332
00:17:28,334 --> 00:17:29,807
I suppose you don't
believe in God, do you?
333
00:17:29,819 --> 00:17:31,304
Not really.
334
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:32,904
Doesn't bother me.
335
00:17:32,934 --> 00:17:35,221
Do you think it bothers me?
It doesn't.
336
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:38,622
Look at my face. Do I Look
like I'm bothered? Do I?
337
00:17:39,935 --> 00:17:41,505
- No.
- No, because I'm not.
338
00:17:41,535 --> 00:17:44,266
I'm not bothered. I'm
not bothered at all.
339
00:17:44,735 --> 00:17:47,659
- Neither am I.
- No? you will be when you're in hell
340
00:17:47,694 --> 00:17:50,504
Oh yes, swimming in a
lake of turds and wasps.
341
00:17:50,534 --> 00:17:52,104
Eurgh! It'll be horrible.
342
00:17:52,134 --> 00:17:53,784
Whereas my eternity...
343
00:17:53,814 --> 00:17:57,500
Oh, I'll have a margarita in
one hand, endless beaches,
344
00:17:57,535 --> 00:18:00,937
watching Mariah Carey riding
a horse in her shorts.
345
00:18:08,735 --> 00:18:10,146
Meow!
346
00:18:10,934 --> 00:18:14,222
Meow! Meow!
347
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,982
- Oh, thanks.
- My turn.
348
00:18:27,935 --> 00:18:30,302
Quite symbolic,
these, aren't they?
349
00:18:30,334 --> 00:18:33,304
The apple is evil, the
toffee is temptation,
350
00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:35,336
and the stick, I
suppose, it the serpent.
351
00:18:35,374 --> 00:18:37,695
No, you're wrong.
The apple is good,
352
00:18:37,734 --> 00:18:40,704
the toffee is nice, and
the stick is handy.
353
00:18:40,735 --> 00:18:42,783
Have another go.
354
00:18:42,814 --> 00:18:44,498
They're good, you're evil
355
00:18:44,534 --> 00:18:47,697
No, what's good is me.
I'm brilliant at it.
356
00:18:47,734 --> 00:18:50,340
What's evil is... it
costs a pound a go.
357
00:18:50,374 --> 00:18:53,298
I love coming down here,
letting off a bit of steam.
358
00:18:53,334 --> 00:18:55,382
These are the mole machine.
359
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:59,898
I broke it. I hate moles.
360
00:18:59,935 --> 00:19:02,700
I mean, I know they're God's
creatures and everything,
361
00:19:02,734 --> 00:19:06,500
but if you'd seen what they've
done to my grave yard.
362
00:19:06,534 --> 00:19:09,299
Better than a plough going
through it, though.
363
00:19:09,334 --> 00:19:12,338
That's not funny. What's
funny about that?
364
00:19:12,374 --> 00:19:15,059
What is funny about you
ploughing up my grave yard?
365
00:19:15,534 --> 00:19:17,662
Sometimes it's just...
366
00:19:17,694 --> 00:19:19,105
There's one there.
367
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:23,655
You did a terrible thing.
368
00:19:23,694 --> 00:19:25,458
Then why did you get
me a toffee apple?
369
00:19:26,334 --> 00:19:27,904
Because I like you, Vince.
370
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:30,301
You're a laugh.
371
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,985
Eh? Eh?
372
00:20:12,174 --> 00:20:16,020
? Il est très timide
avec ses copains
373
00:20:16,054 --> 00:20:19,422
Mais avec les �?lles,
il ne craint plus rien
374
00:20:19,454 --> 00:20:22,901
Chaque fols qu 'on abuse,
ll nous snob un peu
375
00:20:22,934 --> 00:20:26,381
? Et dens ses bras,
ou/ dens ses bras
376
00:20:26,414 --> 00:20:30,544
ll nous dit des propos, comme ca
377
00:20:30,574 --> 00:20:34,374
Ne sois pas si b�te, b�te, b�te
378
00:20:34,414 --> 00:20:37,861
? Serre-moi plus fort,
et plus fort encore
379
00:20:37,894 --> 00:20:41,455
Ne t'en fais pas, tu
crains rien de mo!
380
00:20:41,494 --> 00:20:46,739
Car tu es encore une
petite file pour moi!
381
00:20:51,854 --> 00:20:54,858
Ll nous racompagne, jusque note
382
00:20:54,894 --> 00:20:56,305
Cheers, mate.
383
00:20:56,334 --> 00:20:59,383
Sans nous embrasser
le Diable I 'emporte
384
00:20:59,414 --> 00:21:02,623
? C 'est presqu'une offense,
c'est un drole de jeu
385
00:21:02,654 --> 00:21:05,578
? Quand dens ses bras,
ou/ dens ses bras
386
00:21:06,134 --> 00:21:11,174
ll nous dent des
propos, comme pa
387
00:21:11,214 --> 00:21:14,058
Ne sois pas si b�te, b�te, b�te
388
00:21:14,534 --> 00:21:17,504
- That's my ex-girlfriend.
- What, her at the back?
389
00:21:17,535 --> 00:21:19,299
- Mm.
- Bit rough.
390
00:21:19,334 --> 00:21:23,100
- Well, she's had her head shaved.
- I bet she didn't do it for charity.
391
00:21:23,134 --> 00:21:26,536
I shaved mine, raised
�400 for Comic Relief.
392
00:21:26,574 --> 00:21:30,898
- But this lot could raise about 2000.
- If they weren't so spiritual.
393
00:21:30,934 --> 00:21:34,302
- Mm! You're jealous, aren't you?
- Well, it makes me sick.
394
00:21:34,334 --> 00:21:36,302
I'm lucky if I get
half this on a Sunday.
395
00:21:36,334 --> 00:21:40,305
You only open on a Sunday.
This Lot, it's flexible hours.
396
00:21:40,334 --> 00:21:43,656
Most people on Sundays have a hangover.
Last thing you wanna do is pray.
397
00:21:43,694 --> 00:21:47,096
So, you think we should do pub hours,
have, like, hymns on the jukebox,
398
00:21:47,134 --> 00:21:49,899
fill the church with
scumbags and low-life?
399
00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:52,301
I thought that was the idea.
Isn't that what Christ did?
400
00:21:52,334 --> 00:21:56,100
Yeah, and Look what happened to him.
I mean it's a great idea on paper.
401
00:21:56,134 --> 00:21:58,705
You try doing a sermon with
some bloke singing Wild Rover
402
00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:01,214
and combing his air with a shoe.
403
00:22:01,254 --> 00:22:02,619
Buddha.
404
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:05,022
Look at it, load
of old bollocks.
405
00:22:17,334 --> 00:22:21,862
? Il est très timide
avec ses copains
406
00:22:21,894 --> 00:22:24,738
Mais avec les �?lles,
il ne craint plus rien
407
00:22:24,774 --> 00:22:28,062
Chaque fols qu '00 abuse,
ll nous snob un peu
408
00:22:28,094 --> 00:22:29,823
Et dans ses bras...
409
00:22:34,975 --> 00:22:38,457
That was fantastic, the
Look on their faces.
410
00:22:38,495 --> 00:22:41,977
- When they saw you were a vicar?
- Yeah.
411
00:22:43,534 --> 00:22:46,504
Oh, no, that's a Snakebite.
412
00:22:46,534 --> 00:22:48,582
Hey, he'!-
413
00:22:49,934 --> 00:22:51,902
Think I saw a sprinkler
system in that place.
414
00:22:51,935 --> 00:22:53,937
Whoops!
415
00:22:59,494 --> 00:23:01,246
You think you'll get
in trouble for that?
416
00:23:01,258 --> 00:23:03,021
Yeah, I'll be in big
trouble with Buddha.
417
00:23:03,054 --> 00:23:05,056
Luckily, he doesn't exist.
418
00:23:06,494 --> 00:23:10,101
- And what about your mate Jesus?
- Well, he was a bit of a rogue, Jesus.
419
00:23:10,134 --> 00:23:13,104
No, I've got that wrong. It was Judas.
I'm always doing that.
420
00:23:13,134 --> 00:23:15,705
Jesus, Judas, Jesus, Judas.
421
00:23:15,734 --> 00:23:17,862
I have the same trouble
with Robson and Jerome.
422
00:23:17,894 --> 00:23:19,287
Which one is evil?
423
00:23:19,299 --> 00:23:20,704
No, which one's Robson,
which one's Jerome.
424
00:23:20,735 --> 00:23:22,897
- I mean, they're both evil
- No, that's not true.
425
00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:27,303
One of them opened our summer fete last
year, made a lot of money for charity.
426
00:23:27,334 --> 00:23:29,382
Yeah, which one?
427
00:23:30,934 --> 00:23:32,982
It ls difficult, Isn't It?
428
00:23:58,734 --> 00:24:00,736
Yes!
429
00:24:06,094 --> 00:24:08,700
Nah, fancy an early night.
430
00:24:08,735 --> 00:24:10,544
What?
431
00:24:28,774 --> 00:24:31,095
Look at that. There. Eurgh!
432
00:24:31,135 --> 00:24:33,217
I haven't done that for years.
433
00:24:36,134 --> 00:24:38,501
Tell you what.
434
00:24:38,534 --> 00:24:40,696
I've had a brilliant
night tonight.
435
00:24:40,735 --> 00:24:42,783
It's been fantastic.
436
00:24:47,934 --> 00:24:49,982
Good night.
437
00:24:50,894 --> 00:24:52,305
See you tomorrow.
438
00:24:52,334 --> 00:24:55,736
Umm... No, no, I can't do that.
439
00:24:57,134 --> 00:24:59,705
Good idea.
440
00:24:59,734 --> 00:25:01,702
Next week.
441
00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:03,543
No.
442
00:25:05,334 --> 00:25:08,304
Ah, see you around.
443
00:25:08,334 --> 00:25:11,338
No, see, tomorrow...
444
00:25:12,534 --> 00:25:15,504
I am flying to Kenya.
445
00:25:15,534 --> 00:25:17,935
Ha, good one.
446
00:25:18,934 --> 00:25:22,734
The bishop sent me there.
Two years, orphans.
447
00:25:25,134 --> 00:25:27,501
What do they want you for?
448
00:25:27,534 --> 00:25:29,343
Hm a MI@TD
449
00:25:30,534 --> 00:25:32,582
That's what vicars do.
450
00:25:34,734 --> 00:25:37,783
I just wanted a good
night out before I left.
451
00:25:49,894 --> 00:25:52,215
I thought we were mates!
452
00:25:54,734 --> 00:25:57,135
I'm everyone's mate!
453
00:26:00,934 --> 00:26:03,175
I'm the vicar!
454
00:26:03,734 --> 00:26:09,821
? I'm coming home,
I've done my time ?
455
00:26:11,334 --> 00:26:13,860
- All right?
- All right.
456
00:26:13,894 --> 00:26:17,455
- What are you doing?
- Big origami.
457
00:26:17,494 --> 00:26:18,905
Ah.
458
00:26:18,934 --> 00:26:21,301
It's not boring, is it?
459
00:26:21,334 --> 00:26:22,904
No!
460
00:26:22,934 --> 00:26:24,459
Really exciting.
461
00:26:24,494 --> 00:26:25,905
Yeah.
462
00:26:25,934 --> 00:26:28,096
Had a nice time with
your new friend?
463
00:26:28,134 --> 00:26:30,455
Nah!
464
00:26:30,495 --> 00:26:31,906
I'm going to bed.
465
00:26:31,934 --> 00:26:34,505
Hm.
466
00:26:46,374 --> 00:26:47,785
Are you Vince?
467
00:26:48,854 --> 00:26:50,219
Yeah.
468
00:26:50,254 --> 00:26:55,658
Yesterday, our meditation was disturbed
by someone setting off the fire alarm,
469
00:26:55,694 --> 00:26:58,459
and we wondered if
you were involved.
470
00:27:03,494 --> 00:27:05,496
Yes.
471
00:27:05,534 --> 00:27:08,617
I set off the fire alarm, on purpose.
I meant it.
472
00:27:08,654 --> 00:27:10,656
I had a great time.
473
00:27:12,894 --> 00:27:14,942
Hello!
474
00:27:22,494 --> 00:27:24,542
Hello!
475
00:27:32,454 --> 00:27:33,944
You bastard!
476
00:27:33,994 --> 00:27:38,544
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