All language subtitles for Hack My Life s04e09 Hack to the Future.eng

Brooke: Life hacks are supposed
to make your life better.

Kevin: So if any of these hacks
make it worse,

stop what you're doing
immediately!

Brooke:
Hack at your own risk, hackers.

[ Screams ]

On a very serious
"hacks del corazón"...

♪♪

I want a divorce!

Divorce?
¿por qué?

You slept
with my brother!

Becauseyou
with my twin sister!

Only because you slept
with myother

you tried to sleep
with my mother!

This relationship
isno más!

Ugh!

Unh! Why can't I
get this ring off?!

-[ Grunts ]
-Ay!

If this marriage
really is over,

then you're going to
need this.

A condom?

Gracias,gracias.
I have plenty already.

It is not for that.

Just slip the
lubricated condom --

it's so lubricated.

-It's very lubricated.
-Ay-yi-yi.

Then slip it
around the finger,

and the ring will
come off with it.

Free at last!

This marriage isno más.
[ Laughs ]

The ring may be off,

but we made vows

to stay together
till death do us part.

And I intend to
keep it that way

one way or another.

[ Laughs evilly ]

Will the señorita make good

on her threat to murder
señor solución?

Find out on
"hacks del corazón."

Brooke:
Tonight on "hack my life"...

-God! Ohh!
-Ohh!

...can you really
cook your whole breakfast in a coffee maker?

One-touch cookin'.

Kevin: And tired of
losing your ear buds?

We're locked and loaded.

We test viewer hacks for
keeping ear buds in place.

Brooke: Plus, we've got hacks
for a night out on the town.

Kevin: Bottoms up!

This is "hack my life."

Today, we'll be testing out
three viewer-submitted hacks

for keeping your ear buds
in your ear holes.

This is hack mail.

The hack that does
the best job

keeping your ear buds
in your ear gets our...

Together:
Hack seal of approval!

Our first hack
comes to us from Stefan

in rockport, Massachusetts.

Stefan writes...

Are you just gonna do
one lap around the head?

Okay.

-You happy?
-She went full mummy.

I'm gonna go from the back
of the ear, around to the top.

Time to put it
to the test.

All right, Brooke,
what's on the menu today?

You're gonna give me a
downward dog on that yoga mat,

a few seconds
on the treadmill,

and three jumps
on that trampoline.

Okay, push those heels
to the floor, buddy.

-Ahh!
-Really dip that head.

[ Beep ]
Tape's doing its job.

The ear buds are in there,
despite the sweat.

Ahh. Yep.
[ Boing! Boing! ]

Dude, tell me.
How'd that feel?

-Really not fun.
-Downward dog.

Who's this bank robber
doing yoga?!

It's the ear bud bandit!

Throw your head
into it, Brooke.

That's -- you're
getting really going.

-Oh, yeah. There you go.
-Oh, all right. Look at this.

Nothing moving. Wow.

Oh, it's like
a chemical peel.

You're coming out
fresh as a Daisy.

-[ Whimpers ]
-Mm-hmm.

Ohh, that jammed these
so far into my ears.

-Yeah. Same. Yeah.
-God, that was stupid.

All right, hack number two

comes from Julia in
belmont, Massachusetts.

She says...

So, I guess we're gonna tie it
around the base of the bud

and then kind of take
the rest of the tie

and create a little hook
at the top.

These aren't that --

like, I think I have to do,
like, a twofer here.

-Oh, you want to double it up?
-Feel free to improvise

when you're putting
trash on your head.

I'm gonna call that
about right.

Okay, we're locked
and loaded.

Do you feel like
they're on?

Oh, yeah.
They're not budging.

Whoa. Whoa.
I'm running.

-Bounce it out.
-All right.

Oh, that's good.
All right.

I think my version of this
hack is pretty solid.

Yeah.

Our third and final hack
comes to us from chip

in blue island, Illinois.

I don't know what your
pre-workout regimen consists of.

Oh, maybe, like,
a protein smoothie.

Sure. If I were
in the locker room,

lubing up my ear buds
with beeswax,

I'm no better than the guy
that uses the hair dryer

to get his naughty bits.

[ Laughs ]

-Yoga time.
-Beautiful.

Tossing my head around.

They're still not
falling out.

All right.

[ Whip! Whip! ]

Wow. Really?
Beeswax did that?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Time to review.

I'm gonna come out
of the gate strong.

I'd like to get rid of tape.
I know I leaned into it.

-Oh.
-But I regret it.

-Not worth it, so that is gone.
-You're gone.

I want to talk
about beeswax.

Jamming wax into
your ears, which --

sorry. Usually, I try to
get waxout out.

Which leaves us
to the twist ties.

I'm kind of feeling that one,
because you're bound to have

twist ties
around your house. Mm-hmm.

And I doubled mine up and made
a bigger loop than you did.

I'm ready to do it, but I don't
want to speak for both of us.

Yeah? Oh, no, no.

I think, Julia from
belmont, Massachusetts,

your twist ties get our...

Together:
...Hack seal of approval!

Go to a grocery store.
Grab a handful of them.

-I'm not saying steal them.
-Oh, no, no.

I-I think we're on
the same page.

I'm just saying, take them
without paying.

Free hack!

♪♪

[ Ting! ]

♪♪

♪♪

At some point in our adult
lives, we have to say

farewell to licking it,
slamming it, and sucking it.

Well, out of a shot glass,
anyways.

How about we all
grow up a little bit

and get a little classier
and today,

I'll show you a hack to make
some edible shot glasses.

Huh? It's genius.

And it makes you look like
less of a drunk.

All right. Check it out.

Fresh from the garden.
What do you see?

You know what I see?
A bunch of shot glasses.

I'm gonna start by cutting
the tip off of this monster,

and I'll cut another about, eh,
roughly a two-inch section.

Then you're gonna take
a melon baller.

I mean, it's like you guys
are setting me up.

This has the word
"baller" in it.

[ Chuckles ] Balls.

Just kind of gently start
scooping out the middle

so that we've got enough depth
to hold a full shot of Tequila.

All right, we've got our self
a little shot glass.

Crowd:Ooh!

A roma tomato is also
your drinking buddy.

First things first, you want
to identify the stem end,

which is a little more
bottom-heavy,

and cut just the end off this

so that we have a nice,
flat surface for it to stand on.

And then cut off the remainder.

Take the melon baller

and get a majority of the seeds
and the goop out.

Okay.

♪ I've got another
drinking container ♪

Look at you, you healthy,
responsible adult,

getting their veggies in
for the day.

I think it's really important

to continue to eat
while you're drinking.

You know,
I think doctors say that.

Bottoms up.
I do love salad.

[Cheers and applause

mmm! Yeah.

Kevin: Coming up,
do these hacks for cooking

with a single-serve
coffee maker really work?

Ohh!

Brooke: And we've got
all the hacks you need

for a night out on the town.

♪♪

♪♪♪

Bad blood boils over
onto the dinner table

on the next
"hacks del corazón."

Do you not like your wine,
señor solución?

It's fine, dear.

Then why do you
not drink it?

Because this is not
my wine glass.

How do you know?

Because I always Mark
my glass the same way --

by clipping the
little, plastic tab

from a bag of bread
onto the stem.

Hmm.

Why do you not drink
your

because this is not
my beverage, either.

I always squeeze
an old, rubber coin purse

around the base
of the glass

so it can act as a marker
and

[ both chuckle nervously ]

Both:
I poisoned your wine!

-I knew it!
-Ay! Agh!

But if this is not my drink
and that is not your drink,

then where did
our drinks go?

Hola, hermano...
And hermana-in-law.

Dougie!
My second twin brother

who has had an affair
with my wife!

What areyou

I saw this unattended wine glass
earlier, so I snagged it.

Bottoms up.
-Dougie, no! No, no, no, no.

[ Shudders ]

[ Chuckles ] Ugh!

Ahh! [ Gagging ]

Ooh...

[ Grunting ]

Is this the end
of Dougie solución?

Find out on the grand finale
of "hacks del corazón."

Single-serve
coffee makers

are not just for beverages
anymore, supposedly.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

This is basically an
electronic kettle, right?

It's got to force a lot of hot
water through a teeny, tiny pot,

and we could use that
to cook, maybe.

Yeah, we're gonna use
that pot to make breakfast.

This is hack or wack.

Some of these
single-serve makers,

they can actually force water
through this little pot

at 192 degrees
fahrenheit.

That should be
more than enough

to cook whatever
we can jam in there.

Well, what's on the menu
today, kev?

Spinach, shrimp, and, of course,
some poached eggs.

Do you like your Greens?

Oh, I love eating just
five leaves at a time. Mmm!

Look, the science is in
on eating slow.

It makes it easier on digestion
if you take smaller bites.

But that's why
I always have gas.

[ Sproing! ]
Sorry I asked.

Let's make some spinach.

You want to fill
the single-serve coffee maker

with the food item.

Watch for the needle,
by the way.

You might cut yourself
in the process.

-We close.
-Close it.

Also, make sure you
have something ready

to catch the water, 'cause
it's gonna come out.

Tallest setting. Ready?
One-touch cookin'.

[ Sniffing ]
Oh, and that really is a --

that's aromatherapy.

Look at that!

I would [bleep] punch you
if I came in for my coffee...

I'm sorry.
Just one minute.

Just one more minute.
I'm almost done.

Did you want a bite?
Go on, popeye.

♪♪

-It's steamed.
-Smelling like a hack already.

But we got to move on.
We got two more plates, Brooke.

Oh. Oh, my. Okay.

Skrimps!

They are full-on,
fresh-from-the-sea raw.

♪ One little guy gonna go
in the coffee maker ♪

♪ one little guy ♪

Oh, we should've clearly
deveined that one.

He was an eater.
Hoo!

Like a zebra. Just a black
stripe right on down it.

We'll just give that
a minute.

Give you time to think
about how you explain this one to the coworkers.

Exactly.

First, it was the upper Decker
in the men's room.

You ought to see what
I left in the copier.

-Oh, you want the shrimp water?
-You know what?

Kevin! No!

[ Softly ]
Oh, it's briny.

That was a mistake
on multiple levels.

-Yeah, get in there.
-No!

[ Laughter ]

-One skrimp.
-Mwah!

Plating is everything.

The shrimp is cooked.

I'd eat it if it was
tossed in some noodles

or something else,
but, uh...

Ooh, what about on
a bed of spinach? No.

-On to our third and final dish.
-A poached egg.

Super-simple. Crack an egg,
toss it into the little pot.

The hot water's
gonna run through it.

I'm gonna hit "strong," 'cause
that's how I like my eggs.

If you're a bit of
a power lifter and you like those egg whites,

you could just let it sit
in there and it will strain it.

That's a bonus hack.
But here comes that hot water

and even some shooting out of
the machine, for some reason.

-Oh, god!
-That's -- that smells farty.

-God.
-Yeah.

-You ready?
-Yeah.

-Gah! Ohh! Ohh!
-Oh, no! Eww!

-Oh! It squirted!
-Eww!

Oh, yeah.
That needs another cycle. Ewwugh!

That needs just one
more quick cycle.

Get ready. Here we go.
Farm-fresh.

Ohh!

Eww! It's so wrong!

Let's serve up
your breakfast, kev.

Oh, no. Brooke.

-No? Here we go.
-Ohh! No!

Oh, wow. What a --
what a great hack.

The coffee machine did, in fact,
steam some spinach.

Number two, it did
kind of cook a shrimp.

I mean,
that shrimp got pink.

If you didn't know
where it came from,

you might've had
a little nibble.

The egg was
a bit of a fail.

[ Splat! Splat! ]

There are plenty of reasons
to make your coworkers hate you.

This does not need
to be one of them.

Coffee-machine cuisine
is, in fact...

...is wack.
Yeah.

[ Buzzer ]

♪♪

[ Sloop! ]

[ Clanging ]

♪♪

[ Ting! ]

Kevin:
Sometimes an item is so useful,

it ascends into the pantheon
of great hacking tools.

Today, we celebrate one
that truly has become

a hack all-star --
the hair dryer.

The hair dryer is coming in hot
with the hacks.

Your child's artistic streak
doesn't have to hurt your walls.

An unauthorized crayon mural
is easily melted away

using a hair dryer.

All-star!

And don't stand for the pain of
ripping off an adhesive bandage.

A hair dryer, on low,
will provide just enough heat

to melt the adhesive so you
can take it off pain-free.

All-star!

Duct-tape a water bottle
to a hair dryer

and use it on the cool setting
to act as an air pump.

All-star!

And if water rings
have you stressed,

hold a hair dryer to the stain
for about 20 minutes,

then buff away with a cloth.

Talk about salvaged wood.

All-star!

And if the outdoors come in,

blow them back
where they belong

by using your hair dryer
as a makeshift leaf blower.

Now it's your
neighbor's problem.

[ Blows ]
All-star!

Congratulations, hair dryer.

You really blow us away.

You truly are a hack all-star.

Brooke: Coming up, Kevin
shows us a Chinese food hack

that will transform
takeout night.

Kevin: Dinner is served.

And...
I give up!

...don't let him
see you cry. Oh, god!

Brooke tests out a hack
for holding back tears.

♪♪

On the sobering conclusion
of "hacks del corazón"...

We must face
cold, hard facts.

Our relationship
ismuy, muy

[ crying ]
You tried to poison me!

And you successfully poisoned
my brother to death.

Sí.

I guess all that's left
for us to do now

is sign these
divorce papers and...

Go our separate ways.

We had some good times,
though, didn't we?

Remember that one time
with the pool noodle?

So many uses.

-Unh!
-Damn it!

I can't hack it alone
without you.

[ Gasps ]

Let us rekindle
the spark of our love

by burning
these divorce papers!

-Sí.
-[ Groans ]

What's the matter?

Are you having
performance anxiety?

The strike pad on this
match box is worn out!

But...if you hold
these matches together,

I can rub the tip of mine
against this,

and together,
we can create a flame.

Aah! [ Gasps ]

Ohh! Wow!

[ Both blow ]

Now we go together
like fire

and more fire.

-Eee!
-Now kiss me!

...mucho...

"Hacks del corazón."

Kevin: This is a 1971
hml California gt.

My father spent three years
restoring it.

It's his love.
It's his passion. It's his --

it's his fault for
leaving you the keys.

Whatever miles we put on,
we'll take off.

How?

By driving it...
Backwards?

Together: This is
hacked or fiction.

In the movie
"Ferris Bueller's day off,"

after joy-riding
in Cameron's dad's

beloved 1961 Ferrari,
Ferris and his friends

try and reverse all the miles
they put on the car

by propping it up
and driving it backwards.

To re-create the scene, we have
the car braced and jacked up

so the wheels can spin.

However, we don't want
to re-create theentire

correct, which is why we
have this cable attached.

For safety, I also will not
be kicking the vehicle.

Brooke,
fire it up in 3, 2...

What?

I don't know how
to drive a stick.

Let's swap!

[ Engine starts ]

[ Straining ]
Just pop it into reverse.

What's the reading
on the odometer?

Uh, 48,248 miles.

Really? You're driving like your
grandma right now, though, kev.

My grandma was a stunt driver.
You know that.

Okay.

♪♪

♪♪

Wait! Actually, hold on.
Are you kidding me?!

-Oh, wow.
-Are you kidding me?!

The 8's still there!
It's still there!

It's holding strong!

The gas Gauge
is going down, Brooke.

The numbers are not.
Okay.

But we'll just give it
a little longer.

Remember in
"Ferris Bueller"

when he had the mannequin
and the door would open

and it would go up
like he was in the bed...

Oh, my god.
...But it was the mannequin?

Classic.
I tried that.

Remember in
"Ferris Bueller"

when he was like,
"I'm looking for this boy,"

and it was John Connor,
and then they found him,

and then
the whole ship sank

and the woman threw the
necklace into the ocean?

All right, you're
getting a little loopy from the fumes, Kevin.

-It stings the nostrils.
-Yes.

How about we --
how about we stop and check?

Kevin: Ooh.

[Crowd groans

Brooke: You drove
several miles backwards.

They haven't budged.

-No.
-It didn't work.

It didn't work.
Let's make it official.

Brooke:
Yeah. It's fiction.

♪♪

Want to go for a ride?

All right. I'll get
in this car with you.

-Okay.
-I'm just gonna slide across.

-Okay.
-Wow.

-Brooke, get off the hoo--
-this thing was not waxed.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Sizzling ]

Kevin: There are two types
of people in this world --

those who embrace hacks
and those who reject them.

To see which type
gets better results,

we're going to do
a side-by-side comparison

in hacker vs. Slacker.

Prom night has finally arrived.

But with a stuck zipper,
it looks like slacker Penelope

is gonna have to go
with a backless look.

Hacker Penelope knows
that rubbing chapstick

on a stubborn zipper
can get it moving

and get her dressed
for the evening.

Slacker Penelope's date

arrives with a sorry excuse
for a corsage.

Hacker Penelope fashions
a new one, using twist ties,

a hair tie, and fresh flowers
from her house.

She even makes one for her date.

Prom-ready.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

On the dance floor,
slacker Penelope's shoes

are so slippery
that she takes a spill.

Ohh!
A move isn't all she busted.

Medic!

Hacker Penelope uses a nail file

on the bottom of her shoes
for added traction

to keep her dancing
all night long.

After her tumble,
slacker Penelope

gets the sympathy vote
for prom queen,

but her head keeps
giving the crown the slip.

Hacker Penelope wowed the crowd
and was voted queen.

She uses a pipe cleaner
to help her tiara grip her hair

and stay secure.

[ Ding, ding! ]

Don't be like slacker Penelope.

Be like hacker Penelope

and start
hacking your life today.

-Coming up...
-I saw a life for us!

...Brooke offers up a hack

to overcome your emotions
and play it cool.

Are you into crystals?

[ Sniffs ] Ugh!

Oh, hi, there.

I'm TV's Kevin pereira,
from television.

And as someone who's super-busy
and successful,

one of my greatest fears
is whether or not

I'm gonna get dinner
on the table.

And that's when
I turn to Chinese takeout.

But we all know there's a dark
side to Chinese takeout --

namely, the dirty,
greasy dishes it creates

whenever you put it
on the plate.

It's okay.
No need to feel shame.

We've all been there.

But, luckily for you, I just
stumbled upon a hidden hack

that I'm gonna share right now.

Just take the box
and unfold it into a plate

and tell everybody
that dinner is served.

Bonus hack --
if there's leftovers,

you just re-box it
and put it in the fridge.

Together, we can end
greasy-plate shame.

Now, if only there was a hack
for getting the last dumpling.

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

Hi. I'm Brooke Van poppelen
from the future.

Back in your time,
I used to learn tons of hacks

I could do with pool noodles
and toilet brushes.

But none of them could save me

from all the cringe-worthy
moments life can deal you.

Luckily, in the future,
I've got emotional hacks

and a brand-new time machine.

To fix the past, I'm gonna
go hack to the future.

♪♪

[ Tires screech ]

[ Chuckles ]
2012. What a year!

And especially with that guy
I was dating.

What's his name? [ Laughs ]

Why did we break up, anyways?
Let's see.

[ Beeping ]

So, it's not that, like,
I totally believe in crystals,

but I figure why not buy
some for insurance.

Like, I don't know. I think
it's actually kind of cool.

Are -- are you
into crystals?

We've been together
for a while now.

[ Echoing ] This is
not working for me.

Are you okay?

[ Sobbing ] I give up!
I saw a life for us!

But I'm a strong woman! And
I'm gonna take care of myself!

So you can just --
you can also pay the bill,

even though
I just ordered --

[crowd gasps

I'm sorry.

[ Beeping ]

Wow. I did not
handle that very well.

Luckily, since then,

I've learned some hacks
to prevent crying in public.

I think I'm gonna have to
go hack to the future.

[ Beeping ]

I have to be careful

that past Brooke
doesn't see future Brooke.

It could rip a hole
in the space-time continuum.

Hey, guys.
Don't order the scallops.

I don't recommend them.

Are you into crystals?

Ugh.

[ Echoing ] This is
not working for me.

Are you okay?

[ Scratchy voice ] A note
for you, miss Van poppelen.

♪♪

Brooke:"Hey, Brooke.
Don't let him see you cry.

Here's a hack to gain control.

Pinch the thin webbed skin

between your thumb
and index finger, hard.

It immediately stops the tears.

The physical pain distracts

from the emotional pain
of this impending breakup.

Aah! Ooh! Wha--

hey. Brooke. Are you okay?
You look to be in pain.

I am great. What did you
want to talk about?

What -- what's not
working for you?

We've been together
for a while now.

Oh, okay. Yep. Yep.
I saw this coming.

Just -- just get it out.

♪♪

Do you want to
move in together?

What?
You -- y-yes!

Oh, god! It could change
the entire course of history!

I better get
hack to the future.

[ Tchaikovsky's "Romeo and
Juliet overture" plays ]

It looks like things
did

that's actually a poster
from my award-winning film

called "Brooke's wedding."

After I dated that guy in 2012,

I got sort of inspired
to star in my own film.

I'm kind of an auteur.
[ Chuckles ]

But, yeah,
we definitely broke up.

That guy was just, like,
a little too dramatic for my taste.

[ Scoffs ]

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