All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine 8x05 - PB & J (English)
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1
00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:03,520
Parenting is exhausting.
2
00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:05,970
You're tired because you were
up until 5:00 in the morning
3
00:00:05,995 --> 00:00:07,399
playing a game on your phone.
4
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:08,424
It's not a game.
5
00:00:08,449 --> 00:00:09,968
It's a realistic pizza parlor simulator.
6
00:00:09,993 --> 00:00:11,069
It's very different.
7
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,138
- There's no winning.
- Then why do you play?
8
00:00:13,163 --> 00:00:14,597
To earn pizza points
to get better toppings.
9
00:00:14,622 --> 00:00:16,046
What's up, Peralta?
10
00:00:16,071 --> 00:00:17,809
Hey, Trudy Judy and dog Judy.
11
00:00:17,837 --> 00:00:19,325
What's going on?
Are you puppy sitting for Doug?
12
00:00:19,350 --> 00:00:21,339
Well, I was, but I need you
to take him for me,
13
00:00:21,374 --> 00:00:23,357
because I'm going on a little vacay,
14
00:00:23,382 --> 00:00:24,485
and let's just say
15
00:00:24,510 --> 00:00:26,111
there's going to be some activities
16
00:00:26,145 --> 00:00:27,979
that aren't suitable for a little dog.
17
00:00:28,014 --> 00:00:29,251
Mm!
18
00:00:29,515 --> 00:00:30,715
- Like parasailing.
- Oh.
19
00:00:30,750 --> 00:00:32,784
Thought you were building
to something much more sexual.
20
00:00:32,818 --> 00:00:34,753
Nope, just really pumped
for parasailing.
21
00:00:34,787 --> 00:00:36,328
Also, there's gonna be
a lot of [bleep],
22
00:00:36,353 --> 00:00:37,913
but the dog's okay with that.
23
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,000
- Here.
- Ugh.
24
00:00:39,025 --> 00:00:40,358
As much as we would love
25
00:00:40,393 --> 00:00:42,501
to take care of this
extremely unneutered animal,
26
00:00:42,526 --> 00:00:44,188
we can't, because I'm too allergic.
27
00:00:44,213 --> 00:00:46,298
Wait, why isn't Doug Judy
taking care of dog Judy?
28
00:00:46,332 --> 00:00:47,399
Is he out of town or something?
29
00:00:47,424 --> 00:00:48,967
Oh, no, you didn't hear?
30
00:00:49,001 --> 00:00:50,759
Doug got arrested.
He's going to prison.
31
00:00:51,002 --> 00:00:51,944
Wait, what?
32
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,362
Doug got arrested.
He's going to prison.
33
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,061
Yeah, no, I heard you.
I was just processing.
34
00:00:55,086 --> 00:00:57,933
- Aw. You want to hug a dog?
- Oh, my God.
35
00:00:57,958 --> 00:00:59,601
It's, like, a third of him.
36
00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:19,119
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:19,899 --> 00:01:21,766
- Sup, Peralta?
- Hey, what's going on?
38
00:01:21,801 --> 00:01:23,172
Why didn't you tell me you're in jail?
39
00:01:23,197 --> 00:01:24,879
Did you not want me to find out
who arrested you?
40
00:01:24,904 --> 00:01:26,155
Is there another cop in your life?
41
00:01:26,180 --> 00:01:28,005
No, none of these pigs mean jack to me.
42
00:01:28,030 --> 00:01:29,459
No offense to Evan.
You've been great this week.
43
00:01:29,484 --> 00:01:31,385
I don't understand.
I thought you went straight.
44
00:01:31,534 --> 00:01:34,136
I did. I got a job. I have a wife.
45
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,595
But the other day, I was driving
46
00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:37,421
to the new mega Target
in South Orange, New Jersey
47
00:01:37,446 --> 00:01:39,014
because they have 50% off
48
00:01:39,039 --> 00:01:40,743
whole-home mesh wireless systems.
49
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:41,868
- With a rebate?
- No.
50
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,188
Discount taken at register.
51
00:01:43,222 --> 00:01:45,821
- Oh, you gotta hit that.
- I know.
52
00:01:45,846 --> 00:01:46,894
And on the way over there,
53
00:01:46,919 --> 00:01:48,917
a guy rear-ended me
and the cops showed up.
54
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,567
Turns out I had a warrant out
for my arrest.
55
00:01:50,592 --> 00:01:51,730
But we wiped your criminal record.
56
00:01:51,764 --> 00:01:53,005
You wiped my New York record.
57
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,456
I stole a car in Trenton
five years ago.
58
00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:55,648
Well, you still should have called me.
59
00:01:55,673 --> 00:01:57,341
- I could've helped you out.
- It wouldn't have mattered.
60
00:01:57,366 --> 00:01:58,468
There's a lot of evidence against me.
61
00:01:58,493 --> 00:01:59,820
I left a picture of me
at the scene of the crime
62
00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:01,413
with a note bragging about
how I did it.
63
00:02:01,438 --> 00:02:03,906
Ah, well, yes,
that would make it difficult.
64
00:02:03,931 --> 00:02:04,958
Impossible.
65
00:02:04,983 --> 00:02:06,560
They're moving me
to South Woods prison tomorrow.
66
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:07,628
- Tomorrow?
- I know.
67
00:02:07,653 --> 00:02:09,154
But you know what really bums me out?
68
00:02:09,179 --> 00:02:10,422
I had no warning.
69
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:12,016
I only wish that I had known
it was gonna happen
70
00:02:12,051 --> 00:02:14,052
so I could've had
one last moment of joy
71
00:02:14,086 --> 00:02:15,093
before I get taken to jail.
72
00:02:15,118 --> 00:02:17,186
But alas...'tis not to be.
73
00:02:17,211 --> 00:02:20,307
Wait a minute. What if it...'tis to be?
74
00:02:20,358 --> 00:02:22,392
What if I drive you to prison?
75
00:02:22,417 --> 00:02:23,417
We could have one more adventure!
76
00:02:23,442 --> 00:02:24,742
Honestly, Jake,
I don't see how it's possible
77
00:02:24,767 --> 00:02:26,702
to have fun on a trip to prison.
78
00:02:26,727 --> 00:02:30,129
Yeah, it sucks, but I dunno,
maybe for just a few hours,
79
00:02:30,154 --> 00:02:33,489
you could focus on the journey
and not the destination.
80
00:02:33,514 --> 00:02:36,549
"Focus on the journey,
not the destination."
81
00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:38,717
I like that; did you steal it
from a car commercial?
82
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,619
No. It was an Instagram ad
for a travel bidet.
83
00:02:40,644 --> 00:02:42,979
Look, I know it's not perfect,
but if you say yes,
84
00:02:43,004 --> 00:02:45,791
I promise I will plan
some sexy-ass surprises.
85
00:02:45,816 --> 00:02:47,350
How sexy we talking?
86
00:02:47,539 --> 00:02:49,086
How sexy you got?
87
00:02:49,111 --> 00:02:50,087
_
88
00:02:50,112 --> 00:02:51,855
Is that a '79 Pontiac Trans Am?
89
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,869
Sexy-ass surprise number one.
We're riding in style.
90
00:02:54,894 --> 00:02:56,428
I can't believe
the Department of Corrections
91
00:02:56,462 --> 00:02:58,029
was cool with you
taking your friend to prison.
92
00:02:58,054 --> 00:02:59,842
Well, I can be very persuasive.
93
00:03:00,124 --> 00:03:01,391
I got the guy and his family
94
00:03:01,416 --> 00:03:03,016
a six-day pass
to Pirate's Cove Waterpark.
95
00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:04,475
So many days in the water.
96
00:03:04,544 --> 00:03:05,644
The family's gonna be pruney.
97
00:03:05,669 --> 00:03:06,690
Yeah, it wasn't a good bribe.
98
00:03:06,715 --> 00:03:08,205
- Well, let's hit the road.
- Up-bup-bup.
99
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:09,263
Before we do that.
There's another surprise,
100
00:03:09,288 --> 00:03:11,174
but I'm gonna need
your hands free for this one.
101
00:03:11,199 --> 00:03:12,525
Wait, you got a pen?
102
00:03:12,550 --> 00:03:14,555
I'll show you a little trick
I learned from a magician
103
00:03:14,580 --> 00:03:16,548
who, for legal purposes,
shall remain nameless,
104
00:03:16,582 --> 00:03:20,117
but is unquestionably a mind freak.
105
00:03:20,142 --> 00:03:21,243
Criss Angel.
106
00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:22,635
I can neither confirm nor deny... bam!
107
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,656
Your cuffs and your pen, sir.
108
00:03:24,690 --> 00:03:26,291
That was incredibly fast.
109
00:03:26,325 --> 00:03:28,159
Consider my mind freaked.
110
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,378
On that note, it is time for
sexy-ass surprise number two.
111
00:03:31,403 --> 00:03:33,755
A classic Jake and Judy outfit change!
112
00:03:33,895 --> 00:03:35,500
? Ah! ?
113
00:03:41,273 --> 00:03:42,616
I'm feeling this print.
114
00:03:42,641 --> 00:03:46,044
I thought you might.
We got tigers and toucans.
115
00:03:46,069 --> 00:03:47,579
- Tigers and toucs!
- Ooh.
116
00:03:47,604 --> 00:03:50,005
And now, for the pi�ce de r�sistance.
117
00:03:50,058 --> 00:03:50,991
Oh, ho, ho, ho!
118
00:03:51,016 --> 00:03:52,884
Little French.
I like where this is going.
119
00:03:52,918 --> 00:03:54,118
And voil�.
120
00:03:54,153 --> 00:03:56,278
"PB" and "&J."
121
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:57,512
Pontiac Bandit and Jake.
122
00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:59,132
Go together
like peanut butter and jelly.
123
00:03:59,157 --> 00:04:00,157
It's never coming off.
124
00:04:00,182 --> 00:04:01,215
Except for in a couple hours
125
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,360
when I have to check
into prison for five years.
126
00:04:02,385 --> 00:04:04,786
Buh-bup-bup...
journey, not the destination.
127
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,621
- It's never coming off.
- That's the spirit.
128
00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:08,206
Let's ride.
129
00:04:09,502 --> 00:04:11,135
- Mind if I DJ?
- I was counting on it.
130
00:04:11,170 --> 00:04:13,338
Bust out those banging
bar mitzvah beats, bruv.
131
00:04:13,372 --> 00:04:14,901
Let's see what you got.
132
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,106
Kendrick Lamar, Meek Mill,
133
00:04:17,309 --> 00:04:20,011
- really a lot of Taylor Swift.
- Pfft, I'm over her.
134
00:04:20,045 --> 00:04:22,347
I barely even memorized
all the lyrics to "Folklore."
135
00:04:22,381 --> 00:04:23,548
What's SAS3?
136
00:04:23,582 --> 00:04:24,848
I'm glad you asked, mon fr�re.
137
00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:27,617
That track is sexy-ass
surprise number three.
138
00:04:28,888 --> 00:04:29,921
Okay, so I know this audio engineer
139
00:04:29,955 --> 00:04:31,589
who's friends with a guy
who's roommates with a guy
140
00:04:31,624 --> 00:04:32,590
who gets lunch for a guy
who's friends with a guy
141
00:04:32,625 --> 00:04:34,058
who knows Drake.
142
00:04:34,093 --> 00:04:36,320
And he laid down a beat for us
to write a song to!
143
00:04:36,345 --> 00:04:37,745
Drake laid down a beat for us?
144
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,597
What? No, no. The friend did.
145
00:04:39,632 --> 00:04:41,533
The Drake thing was just
to establish his credentials.
146
00:04:41,567 --> 00:04:42,496
And it worked.
147
00:04:42,521 --> 00:04:44,378
That dude's, like, six spots
removed from Drake.
148
00:04:44,403 --> 00:04:45,670
- He's the real deal.
- Mm.
149
00:04:47,406 --> 00:04:48,606
- ? Uh ?
- ? Uh ?
150
00:04:48,641 --> 00:04:49,941
- ? Uh ?
- ? Uh ?
151
00:04:49,975 --> 00:04:50,808
? Uh ?
152
00:04:50,843 --> 00:04:52,510
A lot of room for uh's. I like that.
153
00:04:52,545 --> 00:04:53,745
I thought you would.
154
00:04:53,779 --> 00:04:55,914
? Doug and Jake
rolling down the street ?
155
00:04:55,948 --> 00:04:58,383
? PB and J, a tasty little treat ?
156
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,926
? Two cool dudes
making sandals for your feet ?
157
00:05:00,953 --> 00:05:02,220
- What?
- I was going for the rhyme,
158
00:05:02,254 --> 00:05:03,845
but now I kind of feel
like it's a good idea.
159
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:04,837
Love it.
160
00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:07,268
? Making sandals that last
is our ideology ?
161
00:05:07,293 --> 00:05:10,094
? Made real by our patented,
strapless technology ?
162
00:05:10,129 --> 00:05:11,796
- It's magnets.
- Okay!
163
00:05:11,830 --> 00:05:14,064
? Yo, you can wear 'em on the beach ?
164
00:05:14,089 --> 00:05:15,248
? Wear 'em on a hike ?
165
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,651
? Wear 'em on a Peloton exercise bike ?
166
00:05:17,676 --> 00:05:20,044
? Doug and Jake, two best friends ?
167
00:05:20,172 --> 00:05:22,640
? With the premium, open-toed
shoes for men! ?
168
00:05:22,675 --> 00:05:23,675
? Rah! ?
169
00:05:23,709 --> 00:05:25,109
That was crazy.
170
00:05:25,144 --> 00:05:27,211
We never even rehearsed
and just did it perfectly.
171
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,613
It was like Jackson Maine and Ally.
172
00:05:28,647 --> 00:05:31,115
- I call Ally.
- Aw, I wanted Ally.
173
00:05:31,150 --> 00:05:33,418
Okay, it's time for
sexy-ass surprise number four.
174
00:05:33,452 --> 00:05:34,552
Let me ask you this.
175
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,052
If you could eat any meal
on Earth, what would it be?
176
00:05:37,089 --> 00:05:38,823
Cheeseburger cracker flavor Combos,
177
00:05:38,857 --> 00:05:41,759
Philly cheesesteaks from Pat's,
Popeye's biscuits,
178
00:05:41,794 --> 00:05:43,761
McDonald's fries, Wendy's nuggets,
179
00:05:43,796 --> 00:05:45,997
Sonic tots, fountain Coke,
180
00:05:46,031 --> 00:05:48,333
and of course,
my mama's sweet potato pie.
181
00:05:48,358 --> 00:05:49,634
Oh, wow.
182
00:05:49,668 --> 00:05:51,436
That's actually a very tall order,
183
00:05:51,479 --> 00:05:53,714
which I completely filled.
184
00:05:53,739 --> 00:05:55,647
What? You smorgasborded it?
185
00:05:55,672 --> 00:05:57,139
I smorgasborded it!
186
00:05:57,209 --> 00:05:58,943
You know what this calls for?
187
00:05:58,978 --> 00:06:00,436
- What's that?
- Foot slap!
188
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:01,528
Ooh!
189
00:06:01,553 --> 00:06:04,758
How did you find
cheeseburger cracker Combos?
190
00:06:04,783 --> 00:06:06,951
Weren't they discontinued?
Tell me the whole story.
191
00:06:06,986 --> 00:06:08,653
A bodega in Queens had an old box.
192
00:06:08,687 --> 00:06:10,138
- Wow.
- Yeah.
193
00:06:10,689 --> 00:06:12,256
- Kind of makes me sad, though.
- How come?
194
00:06:12,291 --> 00:06:13,858
One day,
it's out in the world thriving,
195
00:06:13,892 --> 00:06:16,561
and then poof,
gets pulled off the streets.
196
00:06:16,872 --> 00:06:18,229
Ah.
197
00:06:18,263 --> 00:06:21,332
Well, I mean, it's not like
it's gone forever.
198
00:06:21,367 --> 00:06:23,067
You know, it'll be back
in circulation soon.
199
00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:25,103
Maybe, but sometimes when a product
200
00:06:25,137 --> 00:06:27,605
is taken off the shelves,
it never returns.
201
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:28,888
It's gonna be okay.
202
00:06:28,913 --> 00:06:30,881
I promise I'll visit
the Combos every month.
203
00:06:30,976 --> 00:06:33,340
The Combos will be
very grateful for that.
204
00:06:33,719 --> 00:06:35,186
They're lucky to have
a friend like you.
205
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,776
- Charles?
- Yeah.
206
00:06:41,811 --> 00:06:43,612
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
207
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:44,822
Why are you alone with a criminal
208
00:06:44,857 --> 00:06:46,824
who's escaped you multiple times?
209
00:06:46,859 --> 00:06:47,949
Seems like a loaded question.
210
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,301
Oh, that's not even half my load.
211
00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:51,195
- Okay.
- Oh, my God. I'm too late.
212
00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:53,622
You're already seduced
by Doug Judy's wiles.
213
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:54,514
Okay, I appreciate the concern,
214
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,874
but Doug has changed.
215
00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:57,811
This was an old crime, and
he's already owned up to it.
216
00:06:57,836 --> 00:06:59,070
He's not trying to escape.
217
00:06:59,104 --> 00:07:00,138
He's already out of his handcuffs.
218
00:07:00,172 --> 00:07:02,240
Just so we can do
our sweet-ass outfit change.
219
00:07:02,274 --> 00:07:04,509
- Tigers and toucans!
- Tigers and toucans!
220
00:07:04,543 --> 00:07:07,045
Obviously, they're fantastic,
but Jake, by trusting him,
221
00:07:07,079 --> 00:07:08,212
you're putting your job on the line,
222
00:07:08,247 --> 00:07:10,472
which means you're also
putting my job on the line.
223
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:11,421
How so?
224
00:07:11,446 --> 00:07:13,227
Because if you get fired,
I will swim out into the ocean
225
00:07:13,252 --> 00:07:14,452
until I'm too tired to swim back
226
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,328
and I will sink to the bottom
and then I won't have a job.
227
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,586
Oh, my God. All right.
228
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:18,978
Well, I'm already
driving him to prison,
229
00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:20,604
so there's nothing
I can do about it now.
230
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,067
Oh, yes, there is.
231
00:07:22,661 --> 00:07:24,062
Welcome to the Boyle bus.
232
00:07:24,096 --> 00:07:25,545
Why we getting in this wack ride?
233
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,965
Charles refuses to accept
what close friends we are.
234
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,200
He thinks you're trying to escape
235
00:07:29,234 --> 00:07:31,335
and that your crew's on
the lookout for the Trans Am,
236
00:07:31,370 --> 00:07:33,495
so he insisted we switch
into his weird family bus.
237
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,954
- That's ridiculous.
- Isn't it?
238
00:07:34,979 --> 00:07:36,313
It doesn't matter
what vehicle we're in.
239
00:07:36,338 --> 00:07:37,540
That's what I said.
240
00:07:37,565 --> 00:07:39,086
I'm gonna escape from you either way.
241
00:07:39,111 --> 00:07:40,622
Exactly. Wait, what was that?
242
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:43,102
I still don't understand.
243
00:07:43,127 --> 00:07:44,130
What do you mean you're escaping?
244
00:07:44,315 --> 00:07:45,815
Sorry, bro. Plan is already in motion.
245
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:46,983
Trudy came to you. You took the bait.
246
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:48,071
Come on.
247
00:07:48,105 --> 00:07:48,971
If you were really trying to escape,
248
00:07:49,006 --> 00:07:50,239
why would you tell me?
249
00:07:50,274 --> 00:07:51,359
Honestly, I didn't like lying to you.
250
00:07:51,384 --> 00:07:52,384
You're a good friend.
251
00:07:52,409 --> 00:07:53,476
Well, if I'm such a good friend,
252
00:07:53,510 --> 00:07:54,625
why are you trying to escape from me?
253
00:07:54,650 --> 00:07:56,101
I'm not trying to escape from you.
254
00:07:56,126 --> 00:07:57,226
I'm trying to escape from prison.
255
00:07:57,251 --> 00:07:58,061
Let me ask you this.
256
00:07:58,086 --> 00:07:59,479
Do you know why I stole that car?
257
00:07:59,504 --> 00:08:00,971
Because you "love doing crimes."
258
00:08:00,996 --> 00:08:02,997
That's me directly
quoting your catchphrase.
259
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,901
First of all, my catchphrase
is "slurp, slurp."
260
00:08:04,926 --> 00:08:06,826
- You've never once said that.
- I say it constantly.
261
00:08:07,073 --> 00:08:09,007
Second of all, me "loving crime"
262
00:08:09,032 --> 00:08:10,532
is classic empty bravado.
263
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:11,824
The truth is I was arrested
264
00:08:11,849 --> 00:08:13,701
when I was 22 for something stupid.
265
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:14,960
When I got out, nobody would hire me
266
00:08:14,985 --> 00:08:16,953
because I had a criminal record.
267
00:08:16,978 --> 00:08:19,749
My dreams of being a landscape
architect were out the window.
268
00:08:19,774 --> 00:08:20,750
That was your dream?
269
00:08:20,775 --> 00:08:22,252
I wanted to be the Black
Edward Scissorhands.
270
00:08:22,277 --> 00:08:23,753
- Oh, that's great.
- I get all that,
271
00:08:23,778 --> 00:08:25,088
but that's not what this is about.
272
00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:26,313
I mean, you could have escaped
from anyone,
273
00:08:26,338 --> 00:08:27,757
but you chose to set me up.
274
00:08:27,782 --> 00:08:30,235
And now my job and my name
are all on the line.
275
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,262
You used me, Doug. You're a bad friend.
276
00:08:32,287 --> 00:08:33,513
You're the bad friend.
277
00:08:33,538 --> 00:08:35,038
I got you a tracksuit.
Tigers and toucs.
278
00:08:35,063 --> 00:08:36,363
Might as well be a jumpsuit.
279
00:08:36,388 --> 00:08:37,642
A prison jumpsuit.
280
00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:39,227
You're taking me to prison.
281
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,586
The fact that you thought
I'd go willingly
282
00:08:40,611 --> 00:08:41,771
means you don't know me at all.
283
00:08:41,796 --> 00:08:43,957
Oh, please.
I know everything about you.
284
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,149
You didn't know my catchphrase.
285
00:08:45,174 --> 00:08:47,208
You have never once said
"slurp, slurp" before today.
286
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,536
That you believe that is so hurtful.
287
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:52,115
Okay, well, there's clearly
only one way to settle this.
288
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,825
Ignore him and take him
directly to prison.
289
00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:55,150
A high-stakes trivia contest
290
00:08:55,175 --> 00:08:56,494
to decide who's the better friend.
291
00:08:56,519 --> 00:08:57,745
- What?
- If I win,
292
00:08:57,770 --> 00:08:59,305
you agree not to try and escape.
293
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,790
But if I win, you agree to let me go.
294
00:09:00,815 --> 00:09:02,500
- Deal.
- That is a bad idea.
295
00:09:02,525 --> 00:09:04,125
I cannot let you take this risk, Jake.
296
00:09:04,150 --> 00:09:05,884
It'll be just like game night
at the Camden Senior Center.
297
00:09:05,909 --> 00:09:07,005
You can be Estelle Minderman.
298
00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:09,698
She's my favorite emcee.
Damn it, I'm in!
299
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,859
Charles!
300
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,219
The name of the game is called,
301
00:09:13,244 --> 00:09:15,384
"Who Knows Mo', Friend Or Foe,
Are You Fo' Real
302
00:09:15,409 --> 00:09:17,068
- Or Just Fo' Show?"
- Little wordy.
303
00:09:17,103 --> 00:09:19,767
Each contestant will answer
and ask ten personal questions.
304
00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:21,559
Whoever gets the most correct answers
305
00:09:21,584 --> 00:09:23,580
will be crowned the better friend.
306
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,915
Also, there is that whole
"going to prison or not" thing.
307
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,710
America can't relate
to the prison stuff; it's too real.
308
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,236
It's a game about friendship,
309
00:09:29,261 --> 00:09:31,143
and may the better friend win.
310
00:09:31,168 --> 00:09:33,882
Jake, you will ask the first question.
311
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:34,907
Begin!
312
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,683
What is my middle name?
313
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,044
You tell people it's Zack,
but it's really Jeffrey.
314
00:09:39,069 --> 00:09:41,164
No, it's Zack, like Zack Morris.
315
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:42,171
Point for Doug.
316
00:09:42,196 --> 00:09:43,557
What is the name of the alter ego
317
00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:44,906
I use for fancy crimes?
318
00:09:44,931 --> 00:09:47,378
Lord Poncy Cumbershire.
319
00:09:47,403 --> 00:09:48,970
- 'Tis correct.
- Point for Jake.
320
00:09:48,995 --> 00:09:51,174
What is my favorite Knicks memory?
321
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:52,699
When they fired Phil Jackson.
322
00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:53,690
Mm.
323
00:09:53,715 --> 00:09:55,495
Yeah, that was a good day.
324
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:56,768
What is the most embarrassing thing
325
00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:58,032
- that's ever happened to me?
- Oh, when you were
326
00:09:58,057 --> 00:10:00,058
cut out of that season
of "Real Housewives"
327
00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:01,683
- where you were dating Ramona.
- I wasn't embarrassed.
328
00:10:01,708 --> 00:10:03,409
I was just disappointed
at the way it was handled.
329
00:10:03,434 --> 00:10:04,467
Yeah.
330
00:10:04,492 --> 00:10:06,259
What is my least favorite word?
331
00:10:06,284 --> 00:10:07,108
Buttress.
332
00:10:07,133 --> 00:10:08,894
It just makes me picture
a mattress with a butt.
333
00:10:08,919 --> 00:10:10,818
What is my least favorite thing?
334
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:13,279
Meringue because it looks
so much better than it tastes.
335
00:10:13,304 --> 00:10:14,449
It's a trick food!
336
00:10:15,825 --> 00:10:16,950
Doug's up by one.
337
00:10:16,975 --> 00:10:18,809
Jake, you need to answer
the final question correctly.
338
00:10:18,834 --> 00:10:21,502
Otherwise, he wins.
Doug, lay it on him.
339
00:10:21,527 --> 00:10:22,541
Hmm.
340
00:10:22,848 --> 00:10:26,417
Jake Peralta, do I have an earring?
341
00:10:27,767 --> 00:10:28,834
Um.
342
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,630
- What?
- You heard me.
343
00:10:30,655 --> 00:10:32,122
We've been in the car for three hours.
344
00:10:32,147 --> 00:10:34,240
You've known me for seven years.
345
00:10:34,362 --> 00:10:37,631
Do I have an earring?
346
00:10:37,656 --> 00:10:39,443
Oh, no. I'm drawing a blank.
347
00:10:39,832 --> 00:10:41,532
I can kind of picture a diamond stud.
348
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:42,790
That'd be a good look.
349
00:10:42,815 --> 00:10:45,019
Or maybe a gold cross or a little hoop.
350
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:46,678
I do have versatile ears.
351
00:10:46,703 --> 00:10:49,274
Now I'm just seeing it
pretty clearly with no earring.
352
00:10:49,299 --> 00:10:50,545
Ah, this is hard.
353
00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,839
But I'm gonna go with my gut and say...
354
00:10:53,479 --> 00:10:54,946
yes, you do have an earring.
355
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,466
Nothing but lobe? This whole time?
356
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,850
Since the day we met.
357
00:11:00,875 --> 00:11:02,709
I guess I know you better after all.
358
00:11:03,803 --> 00:11:07,539
- Or do you?
- Wait, why are you smiling?
359
00:11:08,343 --> 00:11:09,711
Because we played you!
360
00:11:10,049 --> 00:11:12,450
If you actually knew me,
you would have known
361
00:11:12,485 --> 00:11:14,686
that I only agreed to do
"Who Knows Mo', Friend Or Foe,
362
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:15,921
Are You Fo' Real Or Just Fo' Show?"
363
00:11:15,955 --> 00:11:17,461
- In order to stall.
- I was in on it.
364
00:11:17,486 --> 00:11:18,953
"Estelle Minderman"
365
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:20,835
is the code word we use
for when there's a twist,
366
00:11:20,860 --> 00:11:23,349
because when Estelle hosts game
night at the Senior Center,
367
00:11:23,374 --> 00:11:27,186
she always makes sure one
of the games has a sexy twist.
368
00:11:27,211 --> 00:11:29,784
And when I was writing
my answers into my phone,
369
00:11:29,809 --> 00:11:31,376
I was secretly texting Captain Holt
370
00:11:31,401 --> 00:11:33,169
our vehicle description and location.
371
00:11:33,194 --> 00:11:34,703
Backup is already on the way.
372
00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:37,572
Wait, why are you smiling now?
373
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:38,740
Because I played you.
374
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:40,632
I knew you would text for backup.
375
00:11:40,657 --> 00:11:42,591
So I changed your contacts
while I was DJ-ing.
376
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:46,338
Kendrick Lamar, Meek Mill,
really a lot of Taylor Swift.
377
00:11:46,363 --> 00:11:47,644
So when you were texting Captain Holt,
378
00:11:47,669 --> 00:11:50,170
you were actually texting Trudy Judy.
379
00:11:50,195 --> 00:11:51,795
State troopers are on their way.
380
00:11:51,820 --> 00:11:53,454
Sincerely, Raymond Holt.
381
00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:55,089
Now my crew knows exactly where we are
382
00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:56,966
and exactly what we're driving.
383
00:11:56,991 --> 00:11:59,344
Because I know you mo'.
384
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:01,295
Slurp, slurp.
385
00:12:04,902 --> 00:12:07,243
What do we do?
We can't outrun Doug's men.
386
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,728
The Boyle bus tops out at 50.
387
00:12:08,753 --> 00:12:10,813
I'm calling Holt for help.
388
00:12:10,838 --> 00:12:12,665
- Go for Trudy.
- Oh, damn it!
389
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:13,990
Yeah, I changed all the numbers.
390
00:12:14,015 --> 00:12:15,902
Come on. Charles, give me your phone.
391
00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:19,030
All right, all right.
392
00:12:19,055 --> 00:12:21,057
- Peralta, what's going on?
- Sir, I need your help.
393
00:12:21,082 --> 00:12:23,435
Doug Judy tricked me and now
his crew knows our location
394
00:12:23,460 --> 00:12:24,994
and they're on their way
to help him escape.
395
00:12:25,019 --> 00:12:26,253
- Hey, Captain Holt.
- Doug says hi.
396
00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:28,623
How many times have I warned
you not to trust that man?
397
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,783
A lot of times.
398
00:12:29,808 --> 00:12:31,852
But honestly, you tell me
not to do things so often,
399
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:33,503
I kinda just tune it out.
400
00:12:33,528 --> 00:12:34,962
If Doug Judy escapes,
401
00:12:34,987 --> 00:12:36,688
I can't help you; you will be fired.
402
00:12:36,713 --> 00:12:37,980
Okay, I know I messed up.
403
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,275
But can you at least
get us some backup?
404
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,633
Send me a pin of your location.
405
00:12:40,658 --> 00:12:42,303
I'll have state troopers
rendezvous with you.
406
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,862
Do Judy's men know
what car you're driving?
407
00:12:43,887 --> 00:12:48,458
Yes. They... no. Not for long.
408
00:12:48,483 --> 00:12:49,644
What the hell is this?
409
00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:52,071
This is the front of a Galaxie 500
410
00:12:52,096 --> 00:12:53,430
welded to the back of a Datsun
411
00:12:53,455 --> 00:12:54,774
with half its windows and no trunk.
412
00:12:54,799 --> 00:12:55,775
It's all I could afford.
413
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,568
You really think you're gonna
make it to the prison in that?
414
00:12:57,593 --> 00:12:59,092
Well, we only have 38 miles left.
415
00:12:59,117 --> 00:13:00,451
So sorry, Judy,
416
00:13:00,476 --> 00:13:02,710
but it looks like I have
the upper hand now.
417
00:13:06,844 --> 00:13:08,130
Door fell off.
418
00:13:09,303 --> 00:13:11,165
So what you want to talk about?
419
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:13,124
Nothing. We're not talking anymore.
420
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,293
No. No, no, no.
421
00:13:14,318 --> 00:13:16,131
- No phone call for you.
- She's calling for you.
422
00:13:16,156 --> 00:13:17,723
Yeah, it was gonna be
another fun road trip surprise.
423
00:13:17,748 --> 00:13:20,174
- But you don't deserve it.
- Sup, Rosa?
424
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:23,545
? Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy ?
425
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,138
No, no, no, no, there's
no singing for him now.
426
00:13:25,163 --> 00:13:26,563
But you made me learn such a long song.
427
00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:28,074
It has 35 verses and no chorus.
428
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,643
I know. I'm sorry.
But plans have changed.
429
00:13:30,668 --> 00:13:32,369
Let me guess. Doug wasn't
excited about prison
430
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:33,479
and now he's trying to escape?
431
00:13:33,504 --> 00:13:34,730
- Yes.
- You know it.
432
00:13:34,755 --> 00:13:36,566
Good luck, Doug.
433
00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:40,111
Thank you for planning that.
434
00:13:40,614 --> 00:13:41,811
- What's the next surprise?
- There isn't one.
435
00:13:41,836 --> 00:13:43,335
You ruined it. There's no more fun.
436
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,407
So that's how it is?
437
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:45,866
When it's gonna end with me in prison,
438
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:47,325
we can have a good time.
439
00:13:47,350 --> 00:13:48,799
But now it's gonna end with me
440
00:13:48,824 --> 00:13:50,392
riding off into the sunset a free man,
441
00:13:50,417 --> 00:13:51,747
and we're all moody?
442
00:13:51,772 --> 00:13:52,758
You're not escaping.
443
00:13:52,783 --> 00:13:54,220
And if you did, I would lose my badge.
444
00:13:54,245 --> 00:13:56,127
Maybe it's for the best.
You'd make a dope realtor.
445
00:13:56,152 --> 00:13:57,619
I don't want to be a realtor.
446
00:13:57,644 --> 00:13:59,078
You're telling me you don't
want to sell a penthouse
447
00:13:59,103 --> 00:14:01,404
to Zayn Malik and then party
with him afterwards?
448
00:14:01,534 --> 00:14:04,569
I mean... that does sound kind of cool.
449
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,061
Next thing you know,
you're the go-to guy
450
00:14:06,086 --> 00:14:08,053
for all of One Direction's
property needs.
451
00:14:08,078 --> 00:14:09,745
Whoo!
452
00:14:09,770 --> 00:14:12,004
No! There's too much tension
between Zayn and the others.
453
00:14:12,029 --> 00:14:13,411
You're selling me a pipe dream.
454
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:16,105
All I'm saying is you're more
than just your job.
455
00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:17,197
You know, it doesn't matter.
456
00:14:17,222 --> 00:14:18,498
It still doesn't give you
the right to get me fired.
457
00:14:18,523 --> 00:14:21,332
Honestly, seems like a small
price to pay for my freedom.
458
00:14:22,107 --> 00:14:24,466
Think about it. That's all I ask.
459
00:14:26,487 --> 00:14:27,725
Oh, finally.
460
00:14:27,759 --> 00:14:29,560
Captain Raymond Holt
called in for backup.
461
00:14:29,595 --> 00:14:30,962
We're supposed to escort you
to the prison.
462
00:14:30,996 --> 00:14:31,954
Copy that. Thanks.
463
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,173
What are y'all wearing?
464
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,529
Tigers and toucans.
465
00:14:34,554 --> 00:14:35,954
Yessir.
466
00:14:35,979 --> 00:14:37,814
Interesting. And why isn't he cuffed?
467
00:14:37,839 --> 00:14:39,003
Uh, don't worry about it.
468
00:14:39,037 --> 00:14:41,372
Peralta knows I wouldn't
physically overwhelm him.
469
00:14:41,406 --> 00:14:43,257
What's happening here is more
of a mental overwhelmsion.
470
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,383
There's been no overwhelmsion
of any kind.
471
00:14:45,511 --> 00:14:47,278
And yet I just tricked you
into thinking
472
00:14:47,312 --> 00:14:49,989
- "overwhelmsion" is a word.
- No.
473
00:14:50,249 --> 00:14:51,785
Stay in contact if you need anything.
474
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,394
Thank you.
475
00:14:54,386 --> 00:14:55,661
Hey, if we're not gonna talk,
476
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:57,569
can we at least play some music?
477
00:14:58,824 --> 00:15:01,400
Oh, I can get with this.
478
00:15:01,425 --> 00:15:04,427
Oompah-oompah-oompah-oompah,
oompah-oompah-oompah.
479
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,954
- What are you doing?
- Wow.
480
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,555
I can't have a diverse musical palate?
481
00:15:07,580 --> 00:15:08,880
I'm not sure what
you're so happy about.
482
00:15:08,917 --> 00:15:09,951
I have backup now.
483
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,243
I'm choosing to focus
484
00:15:11,268 --> 00:15:13,069
on the journey, not the destination.
485
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,162
Suit yourself.
486
00:15:14,187 --> 00:15:15,020
Wait a minute.
487
00:15:15,340 --> 00:15:17,208
This isn't part of your plan. Is it?
488
00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:18,768
Are the state troopers
actually your guys?
489
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,578
Sounds like something I would do.
490
00:15:20,612 --> 00:15:22,745
I mean, how would you
even have contacted them?
491
00:15:23,306 --> 00:15:25,007
Unless somebody messed
with Holt's phone.
492
00:15:25,032 --> 00:15:26,384
Classic Doug.
493
00:15:26,409 --> 00:15:27,710
No, it's crazy. You're just bluffing.
494
00:15:27,735 --> 00:15:28,717
Also classic Doug.
495
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,007
- Rerouting.
- Rerouting?
496
00:15:31,032 --> 00:15:32,032
It's probably nothing.
497
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:33,291
I'm sure we're going down a side road
498
00:15:33,325 --> 00:15:34,934
away from the prison for a good reason.
499
00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:39,036
Hey, this is Peralta.
500
00:15:39,061 --> 00:15:40,491
Why'd you guys just turn?
Where are you going?
501
00:15:40,516 --> 00:15:41,649
This is the way to the prison.
502
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:44,810
I'm heading into a trap.
503
00:15:44,835 --> 00:15:45,987
- Aren't I?
- Hard to say.
504
00:15:46,012 --> 00:15:47,514
But if those are your guys,
what are they waiting for?
505
00:15:47,539 --> 00:15:48,940
- Don't know.
- But if they're not your guys,
506
00:15:48,974 --> 00:15:49,991
- where are we going?
- Unclear.
507
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:50,952
I'm calling Charles.
508
00:15:51,809 --> 00:15:52,642
What's up, Peralta?
509
00:15:52,667 --> 00:15:55,836
No! All right, Jake, stay calm.
510
00:15:55,948 --> 00:15:57,715
This all makes sense.
You called for backup.
511
00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,683
Then Holt said backup was coming.
512
00:15:58,717 --> 00:16:00,293
And now they're here.
These guys are real.
513
00:16:00,318 --> 00:16:02,520
If you can't trust them,
you can't trust anyone.
514
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,412
You're right. That's good logic.
515
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:06,405
I can't trust anyone!
516
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,744
Okay. We lost them.
517
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,435
I gotta know,
were they actually your guys?
518
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,203
- Nope.
- Damn it! I knew it!
519
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:20,258
Whatever.
520
00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:22,073
It doesn't matter anyway.
We're almost there.
521
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,482
We're just taking a different route.
522
00:16:23,507 --> 00:16:25,909
At the next intersection, turn left.
523
00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:27,069
Wait, this doesn't look right.
524
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:28,107
Sure, it does.
525
00:16:28,132 --> 00:16:29,719
We just took a different route,
like you said.
526
00:16:29,744 --> 00:16:31,449
Came in the back way.
527
00:16:31,483 --> 00:16:33,253
Yeah, but prison should be visible.
528
00:16:33,468 --> 00:16:35,202
You have reached your destination.
529
00:16:37,346 --> 00:16:38,840
Uh-oh.
530
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,210
Slurp, slurp, Peralta.
531
00:16:40,235 --> 00:16:42,402
Slurp, slurp.
532
00:16:43,967 --> 00:16:45,800
I don't understand. How did this happen?
533
00:16:45,825 --> 00:16:47,593
Remember when I switched out
your contacts?
534
00:16:47,618 --> 00:16:49,952
I also changed the destination
in your GPS.
535
00:16:49,977 --> 00:16:51,077
So we've been driving
536
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,345
to the wrong place this whole time?
537
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,480
Everything else was just a distraction?
538
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,815
I wanted you to focus on the journey,
539
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:56,905
not the destination.
540
00:16:56,930 --> 00:16:58,905
- Oh.
- Yeah. I got that from you.
541
00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:00,498
- Dumbass.
- He's not a dumb-ass, Trudy.
542
00:17:00,557 --> 00:17:01,924
It was a brilliant plan.
543
00:17:01,958 --> 00:17:03,459
Yeah, that hinged on him
handing you his phone
544
00:17:03,493 --> 00:17:05,570
and not noticing that
he was driving directly to us.
545
00:17:05,595 --> 00:17:08,296
Yeah, but there was also
some mental misdirection.
546
00:17:08,321 --> 00:17:09,621
It was a bit
of a chess match; it's true.
547
00:17:09,646 --> 00:17:11,740
Yeah, a chess match with a dumb-ass.
548
00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:13,780
All right, we gotta move.
Judys, you get in the SUV.
549
00:17:13,826 --> 00:17:15,160
I'll take care of the cop.
550
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:17,330
What do you mean, "take care of him"?
551
00:17:17,374 --> 00:17:18,874
- Shoot him in the face.
- What?
552
00:17:18,909 --> 00:17:20,509
- Doug, who are these guys?
- I don't know.
553
00:17:20,544 --> 00:17:21,944
Trudy, who are these guys?
554
00:17:21,978 --> 00:17:23,512
Well, your old crew split
when you went legit,
555
00:17:23,547 --> 00:17:25,147
so I put a ad for goons
on the internet.
556
00:17:25,182 --> 00:17:26,415
- TaskRabbit?
- Craigslist.
557
00:17:26,449 --> 00:17:28,510
Trudy, never contact Craigslist crooks.
558
00:17:28,585 --> 00:17:29,718
He's a cop. He's seen our faces.
559
00:17:29,753 --> 00:17:30,719
It's okay. He doesn't care about you.
560
00:17:30,754 --> 00:17:31,880
He doesn't even know your names.
561
00:17:31,905 --> 00:17:33,760
- It's Vince Thompson.
- Don't tell him!
562
00:17:33,785 --> 00:17:35,118
Look, I'm just after Doug, that's it.
563
00:17:35,143 --> 00:17:36,610
Yeah, he's gonna forget all about you,
564
00:17:36,635 --> 00:17:38,680
guy whose name I can't even remember.
565
00:17:38,705 --> 00:17:40,372
- It's Vince Michael Thompson.
- What is wrong with you?
566
00:17:40,397 --> 00:17:42,465
Look, you can let us do
what you hired us to do
567
00:17:42,490 --> 00:17:44,357
or you can join your buddy in a ditch.
568
00:17:44,399 --> 00:17:46,900
Fair enough. Enjoy the ditch, Jake.
569
00:17:46,925 --> 00:17:48,258
"Enjoy the ditch"?
570
00:17:48,283 --> 00:17:50,039
Those are your final words to me?
571
00:17:50,073 --> 00:17:52,610
Hey man, it's not a game,
and I'm not Estelle Minderman.
572
00:17:52,635 --> 00:17:54,803
Life is about choices,
difficult choices
573
00:17:54,870 --> 00:17:55,870
that sometimes... now!
574
00:17:58,186 --> 00:17:59,381
All right, nobody move!
Stay where you are!
575
00:17:59,416 --> 00:18:02,218
See you later, dumb-ass!
576
00:18:06,122 --> 00:18:07,395
I'll take the prisoner.
577
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,800
Oh, can you actually
give me one second?
578
00:18:08,959 --> 00:18:10,630
Thanks. Look, Doug,
579
00:18:10,694 --> 00:18:11,970
I'm sorry it's gotta be like this.
580
00:18:12,562 --> 00:18:14,029
If you're mad at me, I get it.
581
00:18:14,064 --> 00:18:16,159
I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself.
582
00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:18,328
I should never become friends
with a cop.
583
00:18:18,353 --> 00:18:19,745
I mean, how'd I expect this to end?
584
00:18:19,770 --> 00:18:22,594
Well, regardless,
585
00:18:22,984 --> 00:18:24,206
thanks for saving me back there
586
00:18:24,241 --> 00:18:25,207
with the Estelle Minderman thing.
587
00:18:25,242 --> 00:18:26,480
I wasn't gonna let them hurt you, Jake.
588
00:18:26,531 --> 00:18:29,900
- We're PB and J.
- We're PB and J.
589
00:18:29,980 --> 00:18:31,226
Yeah.
590
00:18:31,615 --> 00:18:34,350
I want to hug you, but you're cuffed.
591
00:18:35,566 --> 00:18:36,909
You can hug me.
592
00:18:46,930 --> 00:18:51,033
Okay, you can take him.
593
00:18:52,068 --> 00:18:53,369
I'll see you soon.
594
00:18:58,584 --> 00:18:59,584
_
595
00:18:59,609 --> 00:19:00,943
Peralta, there's a call for you.
596
00:19:00,977 --> 00:19:02,737
Oh, is it a casting agent
from "Double Dare"?
597
00:19:02,762 --> 00:19:03,979
I submitted it as a kid.
598
00:19:04,014 --> 00:19:05,310
Maybe they're finally
calling to put me on the show.
599
00:19:05,335 --> 00:19:07,016
You think they'd be calling
30 years later?
600
00:19:07,050 --> 00:19:08,980
All right, fine.
I also submitted to the reboot.
601
00:19:09,005 --> 00:19:09,972
It's not "Double Dare."
602
00:19:09,997 --> 00:19:12,208
It's an inmate
from South Hills state prison.
603
00:19:13,530 --> 00:19:14,530
Doug Judy.
604
00:19:17,627 --> 00:19:18,894
- Hello?
- Hey, Peralta.
605
00:19:18,929 --> 00:19:21,697
- What's good?
- Hey, Doug, are you okay?
606
00:19:21,731 --> 00:19:22,965
I wanted you to know,
607
00:19:22,999 --> 00:19:24,370
and I've been thinking
about it a lot...
608
00:19:24,395 --> 00:19:25,980
I didn't mean what I said.
609
00:19:26,005 --> 00:19:27,250
I'm glad I met you.
610
00:19:27,304 --> 00:19:28,960
Sure, it ended badly,
611
00:19:28,985 --> 00:19:30,999
but we had some good times
along the way too.
612
00:19:31,024 --> 00:19:32,284
We went on a cruise together.
613
00:19:32,309 --> 00:19:33,880
We flew on Mark Cuban's jet.
614
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:36,088
We ate at a restaurant
next to Gail from "Top Chef."
615
00:19:36,113 --> 00:19:37,179
Yeah, and then you got
616
00:19:37,204 --> 00:19:38,762
so mad at her
about "Last Chance Kitchen."
617
00:19:38,787 --> 00:19:40,300
I wasn't mad. I just think it's insane
618
00:19:40,325 --> 00:19:42,260
that they make you go online
to watch it.
619
00:19:42,285 --> 00:19:45,520
The point is I wouldn't trade
those moments for anything.
620
00:19:45,545 --> 00:19:47,856
I'm choosing to focus on the journey.
621
00:19:50,093 --> 00:19:51,961
Wait a minute. What language was that?
622
00:19:51,995 --> 00:19:54,335
I don't know. Maybe Dutch.
There's a lot of that in here.
623
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,755
You know how active
the Dutch mafia is in Jersey.
624
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,747
- Judy.
- Okay, fine.
625
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:01,450
Surprise! I'm in Amsterdam!
626
00:20:01,475 --> 00:20:02,942
I escaped from prison.
627
00:20:02,990 --> 00:20:04,814
My wife and I
are living the life here now.
628
00:20:04,839 --> 00:20:06,104
Amsterdam is great.
629
00:20:06,129 --> 00:20:08,460
Jake, they got universal healthcare,
630
00:20:08,485 --> 00:20:09,828
legalized marijuana,
631
00:20:09,853 --> 00:20:12,121
and the workers are treated
so much better.
632
00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:13,503
But you know what the best part is?
633
00:20:13,528 --> 00:20:14,761
That you're a free man again.
634
00:20:14,786 --> 00:20:16,340
No. Stroopwafels.
635
00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:17,614
They're, like, these wafer cookies
636
00:20:17,639 --> 00:20:18,840
with caramel in between.
637
00:20:18,865 --> 00:20:20,666
Oh, yeah, I think I've
seen those at Trader Joe's.
638
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:24,355
Well, look, I guess
I'm happy that you're happy.
639
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,661
- Well, I owe it all to you.
- What do you mean?
640
00:20:26,730 --> 00:20:29,560
- I think you know what I mean.
- Nope, no idea.
641
00:20:29,585 --> 00:20:31,887
Really? Because after
we hugged goodbye,
642
00:20:31,912 --> 00:20:33,079
I noticed your pen
643
00:20:33,104 --> 00:20:34,204
was in my pocket.
644
00:20:34,229 --> 00:20:36,530
Oh, that's weird. It was?
645
00:20:36,555 --> 00:20:37,889
Uh-huh, and then I used it
646
00:20:37,914 --> 00:20:39,315
to mind freak myself
647
00:20:39,340 --> 00:20:41,541
out of my cuffs and then out of jail.
648
00:20:41,745 --> 00:20:43,846
Well, then I guess it's certainly lucky
649
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:45,135
that it ended up in your pocket.
650
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,716
- I wonder how it got there.
- Yeah.
651
00:20:47,751 --> 00:20:50,120
Well, I guess we'll never know.
652
00:20:50,966 --> 00:20:52,901
Well, however it got there,
653
00:20:52,926 --> 00:20:54,259
I'm glad it did.
654
00:20:55,278 --> 00:20:56,550
I love you, Peralta.
655
00:20:57,347 --> 00:20:58,355
Love you, too, Judy.
656
00:20:58,380 --> 00:20:59,380
Tigers and toucs!
657
00:21:01,316 --> 00:21:02,747
Tigers and toucs.
658
00:21:04,046 --> 00:21:08,046
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