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1
00:00:02,088 --> 00:00:05,252
I've made up my mind.
This is the only way.
2
00:00:05,191 --> 00:00:06,921
I have to kill him.
3
00:00:06,919 --> 00:00:08,080
Kill him!
4
00:00:08,710 --> 00:00:10,872
I'll sneak through
the French windows.
5
00:00:10,854 --> 00:00:13,187
Then, as the moon
spreads its sinister light...
6
00:00:13,158 --> 00:00:16,322
I'll take a piece of piano
wire and garrote him.
7
00:00:17,734 --> 00:00:19,726
Who will ever suspect me?
8
00:00:20,005 --> 00:00:23,442
Me, a quiet, simple,
unassuming man.
9
00:00:23,525 --> 00:00:26,791
It'll be the perfect murder.
I won't leave a trace.
10
00:00:27,108 --> 00:00:32,012
Revenge will be mine, and I
will be... continued next week.
11
00:00:34,179 --> 00:00:36,080
"Continued next week."
12
00:00:36,259 --> 00:00:37,727
"Continued next week."
13
00:00:37,731 --> 00:00:39,359
That's not fair.
14
00:00:39,555 --> 00:00:43,185
Just when the story's getting real
boss, they go and make it a cliffhanger.
15
00:00:43,907 --> 00:00:45,899
No fair.
16
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,314
Herman, shut up.
17
00:00:51,553 --> 00:00:52,885
Yes, dear.
18
00:00:55,425 --> 00:00:58,623
Well, I might as well look in
the missing-persons section.
19
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:03,695
Maybe one of these days I'll spot some
dirty crook and get rich by finking on him.
20
00:01:07,712 --> 00:01:10,841
Would you look at the
crooks they got this week?
21
00:01:10,847 --> 00:01:13,874
Look at that ugly old guy with
a $1,000 reward on his head.
22
00:01:14,398 --> 00:01:16,367
Boy, does he ever look rotten.
23
00:01:22,781 --> 00:01:24,647
Lily, wake up!
24
00:01:25,149 --> 00:01:27,243
What is it? What?
25
00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:30,773
I was just looking in the Shocking
Detective Magazine, and I saw...
26
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,686
this picture of this ugly old guy
with a $1,000 reward on his head.
27
00:01:33,628 --> 00:01:38,225
Then I said to myself, "Hey, that
ugly old guy looks very familiar."
28
00:01:38,491 --> 00:01:41,427
For that you woke me
out of a dead sleep?
29
00:01:43,611 --> 00:01:45,512
Give me that magazine!
30
00:01:46,203 --> 00:01:47,296
Lily.
31
00:01:57,753 --> 00:02:00,723
Lily, dear, you'll
just get in a tizzy.
32
00:02:11,959 --> 00:02:15,020
See? I told you,
you'd get in a tizzy.
33
00:03:19,311 --> 00:03:20,677
??
34
00:03:20,686 --> 00:03:23,952
Well, Herman, you sound
happy. What are you doing?
35
00:03:24,110 --> 00:03:27,808
Just turning in my rotten old
father-in-law for the reward money.
36
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,049
Herman, how could you?
37
00:03:32,173 --> 00:03:36,167
It's easy, dear. It was a woman who
was advertising for your sneaky old dad.
38
00:03:36,077 --> 00:03:39,206
And she put her address right
here in the detective magazine. See?
39
00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:44,979
Now I'm just writing her a letter telling
her to come get him and bring the thou.
40
00:03:47,979 --> 00:03:51,848
Now come on, Herman,
you wouldn't do that.
41
00:03:51,979 --> 00:03:54,949
Just think, supposing the
shoe were on the other foot.
42
00:03:54,890 --> 00:03:59,351
Would Grandpa turn you in for
$1,000? No. He loves you too much.
43
00:03:59,433 --> 00:04:00,560
Yeah?
44
00:04:01,098 --> 00:04:04,125
Well, then how come when we
first got married, he asked me to...
45
00:04:04,073 --> 00:04:06,065
make a donation to a hospital...
46
00:04:06,441 --> 00:04:08,672
and about an hour later,
those two medical students...
47
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,617
came around in a
wagon to pick me up?
48
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,930
That was years ago.
49
00:04:14,408 --> 00:04:15,671
Anyway...
50
00:04:15,911 --> 00:04:20,007
it's just natural for a father to
resent his son-in-law. After all...
51
00:04:20,295 --> 00:04:24,426
we are royalty and he just
didn't like the idea of some...
52
00:04:24,327 --> 00:04:27,627
prefabricated Johnny-come-lately
coming into the family.
53
00:04:30,950 --> 00:04:33,351
All right, dear, I
won't mail the letter.
54
00:04:36,357 --> 00:04:40,488
What if that lady in Sioux City wants
Grandpa for doing something bad?
55
00:04:40,389 --> 00:04:42,381
What if he's in trouble?
56
00:04:42,373 --> 00:04:45,207
You think my sweet old
Daddy-in-law did something...
57
00:04:45,796 --> 00:04:48,163
you know, spicy?
58
00:04:50,275 --> 00:04:52,767
We are going to find
out from Grandpa tonight.
59
00:04:52,899 --> 00:04:55,892
We are going to bring up
the subject of Sioux City.
60
00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:58,494
Good idea. But one thing.
61
00:04:58,466 --> 00:05:03,200
You know, Grandpa is very sensitive
about his past. So, if we ask him...
62
00:05:03,074 --> 00:05:07,774
if he's ever been to Sioux City, we
are going to have to be very subtle.
63
00:05:07,937 --> 00:05:09,735
Good. I'll be subtle.
64
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:12,043
I'll be double subtle.
65
00:05:12,352 --> 00:05:14,321
Even triple subtle.
66
00:05:21,472 --> 00:05:23,498
Everything looks great, Mom.
67
00:05:23,487 --> 00:05:24,785
Yes, Eddie.
68
00:05:24,799 --> 00:05:29,237
We should all be thankful that we
live in a big, wonderful country like this.
69
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:32,655
And speaking of a big,
wonderful country, Grandpa...
70
00:05:33,598 --> 00:05:35,965
when was the last time
you were in Sioux City?
71
00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:38,408
Herman!
72
00:05:39,805 --> 00:05:41,239
Was I too subtle?
73
00:05:42,077 --> 00:05:44,137
What are you two talking about?
74
00:05:44,349 --> 00:05:48,514
Well, we were just wondering,
Grandpa, since you've been all over.
75
00:05:48,412 --> 00:05:52,008
Have you ever been to
Sioux City? Sioux City, Iowa?
76
00:05:52,411 --> 00:05:56,405
And we're not asking because
we're suspicious, or anything like that.
77
00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:59,183
Or like you committed
a crime or something.
78
00:05:59,130 --> 00:06:02,191
Herman, please. Thanks, Marilyn.
79
00:06:02,330 --> 00:06:04,595
Grandpa, pass your plate.
80
00:06:10,361 --> 00:06:14,196
Sioux City. Sioux City, Iowa.
81
00:06:14,297 --> 00:06:18,393
You know, Lily, I just can't seem
to remember if I've ever been there.
82
00:06:18,776 --> 00:06:20,210
Try to remember.
83
00:06:26,935 --> 00:06:28,563
It's a little too rare.
84
00:06:29,719 --> 00:06:31,915
Well, try your other
sword, Grandpa.
85
00:06:33,078 --> 00:06:36,571
Lily, I think we ought to give him the
third degree some more on Sioux City.
86
00:06:36,501 --> 00:06:38,936
I think the old coot's
trying to hide something.
87
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:44,669
Now, that's how to cook a sword.
88
00:06:49,652 --> 00:06:52,622
Hello? Sioux City 3458?
89
00:06:53,716 --> 00:06:55,742
Miss Pamela Thornton, please.
90
00:06:56,723 --> 00:07:00,717
Now remember, Herman, find out
why she put the ad in the magazine.
91
00:07:00,627 --> 00:07:04,086
And what she wants Grandpa
for. And don't goof it up.
92
00:07:05,618 --> 00:07:08,417
Miss Pamela Thornton? Hi.
93
00:07:09,842 --> 00:07:11,310
This is Herm...
94
00:07:12,241 --> 00:07:16,440
This is an anonymous gentleman calling
you about that reward you offered in...
95
00:07:16,337 --> 00:07:18,465
Shocking Detective Magazine.
96
00:07:19,217 --> 00:07:23,052
Well, let's pretend that I'm
the character you're looking for.
97
00:07:23,728 --> 00:07:24,957
Only I'm not.
98
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,829
But if I was the character
in the magazine...
99
00:07:28,463 --> 00:07:32,730
which I'm not, what
would you want me for?
100
00:07:34,766 --> 00:07:37,395
I see. Would you say
that again, please?
101
00:07:39,310 --> 00:07:42,337
Thank you. That's
what I thought you said.
102
00:07:44,941 --> 00:07:47,001
The lady in Sioux City...
103
00:07:48,429 --> 00:07:50,762
is Grandpa's wife.
104
00:07:57,100 --> 00:07:58,227
Wife?
105
00:07:58,828 --> 00:08:02,060
My wife? What do you
mean she says she's my wife?
106
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:05,692
That's what the woman in
Sioux City said, Grandpa.
107
00:08:05,643 --> 00:08:07,441
She said you were
her long-lost husband...
108
00:08:07,435 --> 00:08:10,303
who cut out on her years ago
and now she wants you back.
109
00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:13,243
Rubbish. I don't have
any wife in Sioux City.
110
00:08:13,769 --> 00:08:15,704
What about Philadelphia? No!
111
00:08:16,201 --> 00:08:20,229
Shreveport? Lake
Placid? San Bernardino?
112
00:08:20,489 --> 00:08:21,650
I don't know.
113
00:08:21,673 --> 00:08:24,837
You see? You see,
Lily? I told you so.
114
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,633
Just leave him to me. I'll
cross-examine his brains out.
115
00:08:29,319 --> 00:08:31,288
Wait a minute, Herman.
116
00:08:31,272 --> 00:08:33,503
Grandpa, what do you
mean you don't know?
117
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:36,449
Are you sure you don't
have a wife in Sioux City?
118
00:08:36,838 --> 00:08:38,466
Well, I'm pretty sure.
119
00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:41,372
You know, after all, I've
been married quite a few times.
120
00:08:41,670 --> 00:08:44,868
A man 378 years old
does have a tendency...
121
00:08:44,806 --> 00:08:46,672
to outlive a wife or two.
122
00:08:49,509 --> 00:08:51,671
Where were you on the
night of August the 12th?
123
00:08:51,653 --> 00:08:54,088
What does that
have to do with it?
124
00:08:54,276 --> 00:08:57,769
I don't know, but that kind of junk
always seems to work on Perry Mason.
125
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,193
Wait a minute.
126
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:02,220
Wait a minute.
127
00:09:02,627 --> 00:09:06,064
You suppose that woman has
a way of finding out where I live?
128
00:09:05,987 --> 00:09:08,957
Do you? Well, do you?
129
00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:11,414
Herman...
130
00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:14,128
you didn't mail
that letter, did you?
131
00:09:14,626 --> 00:09:15,924
Heck, no.
132
00:09:16,162 --> 00:09:17,892
I'm smarter than that.
133
00:09:18,498 --> 00:09:20,865
I wasn't put together
yesterday, you know.
134
00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:22,805
What letter?
135
00:09:23,553 --> 00:09:25,454
Well, you might as well know.
136
00:09:25,889 --> 00:09:29,121
Herman was going to mail a
letter to that woman in Sioux City...
137
00:09:29,056 --> 00:09:32,026
and collect the reward
money, but I talked him out of it.
138
00:09:33,695 --> 00:09:35,061
Give me that letter.
139
00:09:35,519 --> 00:09:36,919
I'm going to burn it right now.
140
00:09:36,927 --> 00:09:40,420
If I don't get that letter, I'm
gonna go right through the ceiling!
141
00:09:40,415 --> 00:09:44,216
Now, don't get excited. It's
right over there on the desk.
142
00:10:02,716 --> 00:10:04,617
Hi, you guys. What
are you doing?
143
00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:08,062
Please don't bother us right now.
We have to get rid of an important letter.
144
00:10:07,995 --> 00:10:12,194
If we don't find it and burn it,
Grandpa is going to be in big trouble.
145
00:10:13,082 --> 00:10:15,551
Was it a letter for a
woman in Sioux City?
146
00:10:16,411 --> 00:10:17,572
Yes.
147
00:10:17,882 --> 00:10:21,182
Was it right here on
the writing desk? Yes.
148
00:10:21,562 --> 00:10:24,157
Well, then Grandpa
is in big trouble.
149
00:10:24,698 --> 00:10:25,996
I just mailed it.
150
00:10:38,903 --> 00:10:41,134
Well, he said he'd go
right through the ceiling.
151
00:10:47,030 --> 00:10:51,229
Grandpa, get a hold of yourself.
Your wife may not show up at all.
152
00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:53,754
Marilyn, don't call
that woman my wife.
153
00:10:53,717 --> 00:10:56,881
At my age I don't want to meet
a wife I have to be introduced to.
154
00:10:58,677 --> 00:11:00,475
See what you can do, Herman.
155
00:11:02,708 --> 00:11:05,337
Now, now, Grandpa, do not worry.
156
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,701
When that woman
shows up to claim you...
157
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:11,298
as her long-lost husband, I want
you to know that I am going to stick...
158
00:11:11,220 --> 00:11:14,190
by my father-in-law's
side like glue.
159
00:11:16,627 --> 00:11:20,291
Herman, it's somebody
arriving. And it's a woman.
160
00:11:20,658 --> 00:11:22,092
Every man for himself!
161
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,166
Hello. Hello.
162
00:11:37,616 --> 00:11:40,211
Won't you come in? Thank you.
163
00:11:41,903 --> 00:11:45,362
I'm Mrs. Munster, and
I know why you're here.
164
00:11:45,295 --> 00:11:48,561
Oh, Mrs. Munster,
I'm Pamela Thornton.
165
00:11:48,495 --> 00:11:52,057
And I received this lovely
letter from your husband, Mervin.
166
00:11:51,982 --> 00:11:53,348
Herman.
167
00:11:53,550 --> 00:11:55,041
Oh, Herman.
168
00:11:55,374 --> 00:11:57,809
Naturally, I was just
so thrilled to find out...
169
00:11:57,773 --> 00:12:02,370
that you people know the
whereabouts of my long-lost husband.
170
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:07,717
Well, Miss Thornton,
let's discuss this.
171
00:12:07,628 --> 00:12:08,628
All right.
172
00:12:16,044 --> 00:12:20,812
I just want to be reunited
with my darling. Where is he?
173
00:12:21,322 --> 00:12:24,622
Well, you see... I don't
think Grandpa's around.
174
00:12:24,650 --> 00:12:25,948
Grandpa?
175
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:29,316
Then you must be my grandson.
176
00:12:31,337 --> 00:12:33,829
Come to Nanny.
177
00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:42,146
He's always that way
with strange people.
178
00:12:43,239 --> 00:12:47,142
Please, won't you tell me the
whereabouts of my dear, dear husband?
179
00:12:49,063 --> 00:12:50,361
I need him so.
180
00:12:50,375 --> 00:12:52,867
Well, maybe he's
not the right one.
181
00:12:53,030 --> 00:12:55,226
And I don't think you'd
want to see him again.
182
00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:58,768
You see, he's become very cranky
and broken down in his old age.
183
00:13:00,101 --> 00:13:03,037
That's right. Poor old
thing, he's so decrepit.
184
00:13:03,845 --> 00:13:07,839
Just between you and me. You know
those fangs he always talks about?
185
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,014
They're just dentures.
186
00:13:12,868 --> 00:13:14,928
Herman, they don't
have to overdo it.
187
00:13:16,323 --> 00:13:19,191
All right.
188
00:13:20,195 --> 00:13:22,790
I know you're hiding
him here someplace.
189
00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:27,418
You haven't heard the last of me.
And believe me, the kid gloves are off!
190
00:13:31,618 --> 00:13:33,109
Good day to you!
191
00:13:33,473 --> 00:13:38,207
"Therefore, if Pamela Thornton's
lawful husband, sometimes known as...
192
00:13:38,081 --> 00:13:41,518
"the Count, sometimes
known as Sam Dracula...
193
00:13:43,168 --> 00:13:47,003
"does not appear at the Ritz
Hotel no later than this evening...
194
00:13:46,943 --> 00:13:49,708
"my client will prosecute
the wife-deserter...
195
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:52,223
"to the full extent of
the laws of this state.
196
00:13:52,319 --> 00:13:55,483
"Signed, Attorney at
Law, Clarence J. Wedge...
197
00:13:55,422 --> 00:13:57,618
"of Hammer, Wedge, and Thump."
198
00:13:58,590 --> 00:14:01,924
Doesn't sound like a trio that
would sing The Indian Love Call.
199
00:14:02,237 --> 00:14:04,365
Grandpa, what are
you going to do now?
200
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:06,537
What am I going to do now?
201
00:14:07,485 --> 00:14:10,944
I'm going to go down to the hotel
and have it out with that old gal.
202
00:14:11,708 --> 00:14:14,610
Imagine a woman
pretending to be my wife.
203
00:14:15,932 --> 00:14:19,562
Boy, some women will go to any
lengths to snare a handsome rascal.
204
00:14:23,003 --> 00:14:24,403
You've come back.
205
00:14:24,411 --> 00:14:26,812
Oh, my darling husband.
206
00:14:27,387 --> 00:14:29,652
It's been so long.
207
00:14:30,106 --> 00:14:32,507
Well, let's can the
mushy stuff, sister.
208
00:14:32,474 --> 00:14:35,842
You know darn well I've
never seen you before in my life.
209
00:14:35,770 --> 00:14:39,366
Now, calm down,
sugar-boy. Come in.
210
00:14:42,104 --> 00:14:46,804
You come right on in and let me
pour you a nice glass of champagne.
211
00:14:48,504 --> 00:14:52,305
Thank you. But you see,
we Draculas don't drink wine.
212
00:14:53,175 --> 00:14:57,044
And now, let's get this point of
fact straight. I am not your husband.
213
00:14:57,495 --> 00:15:01,830
Darling, don't you remember
our wonderful marriage?
214
00:15:01,878 --> 00:15:03,346
I certainly do not.
215
00:15:03,382 --> 00:15:06,216
Don't you remember
those romantic strolls...
216
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,601
we used to take hand
in hand along the lake?
217
00:15:08,566 --> 00:15:09,590
No.
218
00:15:09,621 --> 00:15:13,888
And then we'd get into our yacht
and take a little midnight cruise.
219
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:16,909
Our yacht? Yes. We'd
go across the lake...
220
00:15:16,853 --> 00:15:19,015
to have dinner at
the country club.
221
00:15:19,572 --> 00:15:20,938
The country club?
222
00:15:21,428 --> 00:15:26,128
And all those marvelous parties we
used to have on our beautiful estate.
223
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:31,613
Our 400-acre estate with
our very own stable of horses.
224
00:15:31,474 --> 00:15:33,602
Fifty-two horses.
225
00:15:33,650 --> 00:15:34,845
And you...
226
00:15:35,762 --> 00:15:37,924
you were so much fun...
227
00:15:37,906 --> 00:15:41,240
in that $10,000 Stutz
Bearcat I gave you.
228
00:15:41,554 --> 00:15:43,785
$10,000 Stutz Bearcat?
229
00:15:44,657 --> 00:15:49,027
Darling, please tell me you
remember our wonderful marriage.
230
00:15:49,552 --> 00:15:54,149
Well, if you just keep on talking,
I think it'll all come back to me.
231
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:55,879
Champagne, darling?
232
00:15:57,135 --> 00:15:59,263
Thank you. Clarence?
233
00:16:00,783 --> 00:16:04,185
Clarence? Oh,
darling, this is my...
234
00:16:04,110 --> 00:16:07,205
Our attorney, Clarence J. Wedge.
235
00:16:07,502 --> 00:16:11,166
And he has a little piece of
paper that he'd like for you to sign.
236
00:16:12,237 --> 00:16:14,331
Sign it right here
where I have the X.
237
00:16:14,317 --> 00:16:16,684
Of course. I'll sign anything.
238
00:16:16,717 --> 00:16:20,381
So long as you and I can
pick up where we left off.
239
00:16:22,124 --> 00:16:26,528
Country club, estates,
yachts, Stutz Bearcats.
240
00:16:27,628 --> 00:16:29,722
I just can't wait to get going.
241
00:16:32,523 --> 00:16:36,426
By the way, Wedgie, old boy,
what was it I signed anyway?
242
00:16:36,394 --> 00:16:40,092
Just a sworn affidavit stating that
you are Miss Thornton's husband.
243
00:16:40,202 --> 00:16:43,138
And just as long as you
sign that piece of paper...
244
00:16:43,657 --> 00:16:45,717
that's all that counts.
245
00:16:50,409 --> 00:16:53,777
Herman, what do you think
has happened to Grandpa?
246
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:57,515
Now, Lily, by this time he's
probably set that woman straight...
247
00:16:57,447 --> 00:16:59,439
and on his way right home.
248
00:16:59,591 --> 00:17:01,958
You know, I'll bet he
really told her off, too.
249
00:17:03,015 --> 00:17:05,780
It just shows you how much
he loves us and needs us.
250
00:17:05,927 --> 00:17:08,658
Why, he wouldn't give up
our wonderful home life...
251
00:17:08,614 --> 00:17:10,242
for anything in the world.
252
00:17:11,589 --> 00:17:12,921
There he is.
253
00:17:16,709 --> 00:17:19,110
Hi, Grandpa. Where's the fire?
254
00:17:19,876 --> 00:17:21,242
Shut up, stupid.
255
00:17:22,245 --> 00:17:23,245
See?
256
00:17:23,812 --> 00:17:26,907
He's back to his old
normal self again.
257
00:17:29,252 --> 00:17:30,413
Hey, Grandpa...
258
00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:33,984
how did you make out with
that old hen down at the hotel?
259
00:17:35,811 --> 00:17:38,406
Watch what you're saying
about my wife, buster.
260
00:17:41,890 --> 00:17:45,088
I got to hand it to you,
Grandpa. You're quite a card.
261
00:17:48,385 --> 00:17:52,481
The next thing you'll probably do is come
up and tell us you're moving out of here...
262
00:17:52,385 --> 00:17:54,081
and going to live with her.
263
00:17:56,128 --> 00:17:58,120
That's exactly
what I'm going to do.
264
00:18:00,224 --> 00:18:02,250
Grandpa, you're not leaving?
265
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:06,507
Well, I'm sorry, Lily, I just
discovered that I'm a very wealthy man.
266
00:18:06,527 --> 00:18:08,928
It wouldn't be fair to you
and the rest of the family...
267
00:18:08,894 --> 00:18:11,693
to have a rich aristocrat
like me living here.
268
00:18:11,647 --> 00:18:13,445
It would make you feel inferior.
269
00:18:20,765 --> 00:18:21,960
Open up, sweetheart.
270
00:18:21,981 --> 00:18:25,418
It's your loving husband come
to share your fortune with you.
271
00:18:29,564 --> 00:18:32,432
Clarence, who is
this silly old man?
272
00:18:32,827 --> 00:18:34,762
Silly old man.
273
00:18:35,003 --> 00:18:36,198
Now, Pamela, dear...
274
00:18:36,219 --> 00:18:40,680
as your newly found, long-lost
husband, I demand an explanation.
275
00:18:41,018 --> 00:18:43,613
All right, stupid,
I'll give you one.
276
00:18:43,931 --> 00:18:46,833
You see, I was to come
into a large inheritance.
277
00:18:47,770 --> 00:18:51,434
But in order to collect it, I
had to prove that I was married.
278
00:18:52,217 --> 00:18:54,209
You mean, we're
not really married?
279
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,685
Of course not.
280
00:18:56,793 --> 00:19:00,855
I just happened to see your
photograph in an old magic magazine.
281
00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:04,561
And I figured that anybody
that looked like you did...
282
00:19:04,503 --> 00:19:06,472
should have passed on years ago.
283
00:19:07,543 --> 00:19:10,035
Well, thanks for the compliment.
284
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:15,000
But, Pamela, dear,
here I am in the flesh.
285
00:19:15,542 --> 00:19:18,102
Yes, well, Pamela
didn't count on that.
286
00:19:18,070 --> 00:19:20,335
You see, when she
offered the phony reward...
287
00:19:20,310 --> 00:19:23,337
it was to convince the
court she had a lost husband.
288
00:19:23,286 --> 00:19:25,414
Then I found out
you were for real.
289
00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:29,626
So, we got you to sign the paper
stating that you were my husband.
290
00:19:31,284 --> 00:19:34,721
And to sum it all up
in legal terminology:
291
00:19:34,963 --> 00:19:36,625
Get lost, you bum.
292
00:19:39,347 --> 00:19:43,580
And one thing's for sure. I am never
going to speak to Grandpa again.
293
00:19:44,179 --> 00:19:47,115
He's just a greedy old dum-dum.
294
00:19:47,762 --> 00:19:51,756
You won't have much chance to speak to him,
since he took off with that rich woman.
295
00:19:51,666 --> 00:19:53,965
Even if he came back,
I wouldn't speak to him.
296
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,805
Well, if it isn't the
Prodigal Grandpa.
297
00:20:09,839 --> 00:20:13,469
No, it couldn't be. It must
be some other old creep.
298
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:16,947
The Grandpa that we knew
took off for a life of luxury.
299
00:20:28,013 --> 00:20:32,109
Herman, I'm terribly sorry
for walking out on my family.
300
00:20:32,620 --> 00:20:33,918
Lily, dear...
301
00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:38,199
will you please tell this derelict
creature who dares cross our doorstep...
302
00:20:38,731 --> 00:20:39,858
to split.
303
00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:41,849
Come on, Herman.
304
00:20:41,867 --> 00:20:44,564
I have never seen
that old geezer before.
305
00:20:45,483 --> 00:20:47,577
Herman, please take me back.
306
00:20:47,882 --> 00:20:48,882
Please?
307
00:20:49,194 --> 00:20:52,653
That's funny. I seem to
hear voices from the past.
308
00:20:54,346 --> 00:20:58,044
How can you leave a poor old
homeless man out here in the snow?
309
00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:02,893
What snow? Just a minute.
310
00:21:15,911 --> 00:21:17,709
It does look kind
of cold out there.
311
00:21:17,703 --> 00:21:20,696
Not only is it cold,
it's very lonesome.
312
00:21:21,158 --> 00:21:25,152
Please take him back, Herman.
After all, this is his home.
313
00:21:25,062 --> 00:21:29,193
It was his home. Until he let his
greedy ways get the best of him.
314
00:21:30,693 --> 00:21:34,858
Herman, I'll never be that way again.
Money means nothing to me now.
315
00:21:36,005 --> 00:21:38,941
I know that all I want is
to be with my dear family.
316
00:21:40,740 --> 00:21:42,231
Please take me back.
317
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:47,030
Well, under those conditions...
318
00:21:47,939 --> 00:21:48,939
okay.
319
00:21:50,531 --> 00:21:51,863
I will take you back.
320
00:21:55,778 --> 00:21:57,906
Now, one thing,
Grandpa, whatever you...
321
00:22:02,369 --> 00:22:03,632
Herman...
322
00:22:03,937 --> 00:22:05,803
can I see you for
a minute? Herman.
323
00:22:10,528 --> 00:22:14,158
I spent some cash on
the cab fare to the hotel.
324
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,847
Could you let me have a
five-spot till I get back on my feet?
325
00:22:19,583 --> 00:22:22,018
Out! Out of my house!
326
00:22:22,238 --> 00:22:24,833
You money-grabbing,
greedy old thing!
327
00:22:25,854 --> 00:22:27,049
Greedy!
328
00:22:36,253 --> 00:22:39,621
Herman, when are you going to
let Grandpa back in the house?
329
00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:44,247
I'm not gonna let him in
until he's learned his lesson.
330
00:22:45,820 --> 00:22:47,652
Boy, is he learning his lesson.
331
00:22:48,635 --> 00:22:51,298
He's so upset out there,
he's talking to himself.
332
00:22:51,259 --> 00:22:54,559
After what he's done to
me, I'll just have to kill him.
333
00:22:54,522 --> 00:22:56,650
I must have my revenge.
334
00:22:56,635 --> 00:22:57,635
Yes.
335
00:22:57,658 --> 00:23:02,119
He's cast me aside like an old
shoe, but I will have his head for this.
336
00:23:02,009 --> 00:23:03,637
His head, I say.
337
00:23:06,041 --> 00:23:07,339
He wants to kill me.
338
00:23:09,913 --> 00:23:13,816
My own father-in-law wants to chop
off my head and spoil my good looks.
339
00:23:18,007 --> 00:23:20,772
Grandpa, are you really
going to kill Herman?
340
00:23:21,175 --> 00:23:23,735
Heck no. I was just
reading the latest issue...
341
00:23:23,703 --> 00:23:25,604
of Shocking Detective Magazine.
342
00:23:27,990 --> 00:23:29,788
Shocking Detective Magazine?
343
00:23:31,766 --> 00:23:33,325
I knew it all the time.
344
00:23:34,070 --> 00:23:35,698
I wasn't a bit worried.
345
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:40,298
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