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♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,039
♪ Songs that made the hit parade
3
00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:11,209
♪ Guys like us, we had it made
4
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,679
♪ Those were the days
5
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,116
♪ And you knew
where you were then
6
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,352
♪ Girls were girls
and men were men
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♪ Mister, we could use a man
8
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,891
♪ Like Herbert Hoover again
9
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,660
♪ Didn't need no welfare state
10
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♪ Everybody pulled his weight
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♪ Gee, our old LaSalle ran great
12
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♪ Those were the days ♪
13
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:06,131
Archie, you've been
up there a long time.
14
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,966
What are you doin'?
15
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,638
It's personal, Edith.
16
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:13,939
Oh.
17
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:19,210
Would you like me to bring
up your newspaper to read?
18
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,015
It ain't that kind
of personal, Edith.
19
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,183
Oh.
20
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:27,118
Hi, Ma. Oh, hi, Mike.
21
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:28,553
Is Gloria here?
22
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:30,055
Gloria phoned.
23
00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:33,424
She said to tell you she'd
be working late tonight.
24
00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:35,693
Oh. Well.
25
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,696
I guess I'll just have
to eat leftover pizza.
26
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,265
Cold. Oh.
27
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,234
All by myself. Oh.
28
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:45,237
In that lonely house. Oh, Mike.
29
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:46,838
I'd ask you to eat with us...
30
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,641
I accept. What are we having?
31
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:53,578
Stewed tomatoes
and cottage cheese.
32
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,847
I'll heat up the pizza.
33
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,749
Is, uh, Archie still
on that crazy diet?
34
00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:01,419
Oh, yeah. And he's
exercisin' a lot, too.
35
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:05,223
Every morning he
touches his toes 20 times
36
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,025
and he does knee bends...
37
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,854
Uh, w-w-wait a minute.
Wait a minute, M-Ma.
38
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,928
Archie touches
his toes 20 times?
39
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:13,632
Yeah. While he's
doin' the knee bends.
40
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,671
Hey, who you talkin'
to down there, Edith?
41
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,440
It's Mike.
42
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:25,444
Oh, well, tell him to get his
face out of the refrigerator.
43
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:28,947
For your information, my
face is not in your refrigerator.
44
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:30,315
Oh, yeah?
45
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,884
Well, get your
butt out of my chair.
46
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:40,158
Ma, what is it with
Archie these days?
47
00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:43,006
I mean, I don't ever remember
him carin' about how he looked.
48
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:46,831
Oh, Archie was always
very proud of his body.
49
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:51,669
Why?
50
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,707
Hey, Ma, I don't
want to worry you,
51
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:59,644
but do you think maybe
Archie's startin' to fool around?
52
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,813
Oh, Mike.
53
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:04,850
Oh!
54
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,751
Oh, not Archie.
55
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:11,155
He ain't been interested in women
since the day we was married.
56
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:37,316
Youse noticed somethin', huh?
57
00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:41,786
Archie, you dyed your hair.
58
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:46,090
No. I rinsed it, Edith.
This here is a rinse.
59
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:49,360
You got any left over?
I'd like to rinse my shoes.
60
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,697
Oh.
61
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:55,133
You forgot to do your eyebrows.
62
00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:58,136
Ah, to hell with them. Nobody
looks at eyebrows, Edith.
63
00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:00,016
I put it all right on
the top of my head
64
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,084
and I had to do it all
at one time, you know.
65
00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:04,487
'Cause I want the boss to
see this first thing in the mornin'.
66
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:06,812
Oh, Archie, it's beautiful.
67
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:11,149
You look like you looked when
we first started going together.
68
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:14,653
Look, Edith, this is for
business. It ain't for romance.
69
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:18,189
Old man Harris, the
dispatcher, is retirin' next week,
70
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,993
and one of us guys from the loadin'
dock's gonna be promoted into that job.
71
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:25,530
And they're givin' it to the
man with the blackest hair?
72
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:32,938
No. But if you look young, you
stand a better chance nowadays.
73
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,772
So my hair looks young.
74
00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:37,509
And thank God I
always had young skin.
75
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,243
Huh? Look at that.
76
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:41,446
Not a varicose
vein in sight there.
77
00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:44,783
Oh, that's right.
Just a few liver spots.
78
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,419
Them is freckles.
79
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:51,790
That's a sign of youth,
Edith. You got any of them?
80
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,892
No. Get out of here.
81
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,072
Arch, what are you going
through all this trouble for?
82
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,874
You got a good chance
for that promotion.
83
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:59,842
You got seniority
at the plant, right?
84
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,766
No, but I've been
there the longest.
85
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:08,039
Ain't... Ain't Black Elmo
been there as long as you?
86
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:12,343
Oh, yeah, Edith, but
Black Elmo is colored.
87
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:15,012
A colored guy ain't got
a Chinaman's chance.
88
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,551
Besides, Elmo is rootin'
for me to be the dispatcher
89
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,988
'cause then I'm gonna
make him the foreman. See?
90
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,536
And that's as high
as them people go.
91
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,405
What did you call Justice
Thurgood Marshall?
92
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,595
Foreman of the Supreme Court?
93
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,864
If that's what he does there.
94
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,879
Edith, I gotta get
this promotion.
95
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:39,871
You know, before I'm so old
that nobody wants me no more.
96
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:44,275
Oh, Archie, there'll never be
a time when I don't want you.
97
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:47,278
Even when your
hair goes grey again.
98
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:50,248
To match your eyebrows.
99
00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,786
I'm surprised you
ain't eatin' somethin'.
100
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,222
That's a good idea. Oh, jeez.
101
00:05:58,425 --> 00:05:59,624
Oh, I'll get it.
102
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,471
Yeah, I hope it's
the coast guard.
103
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:04,695
If it is, tell 'em our kitchen's
been attacked by Jaws.
104
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:10,434
Oh, hi, Irene. Hello.
105
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:13,404
Here's that yarn I
said I'd pick up for you.
106
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:19,711
Well?
107
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,714
Edith, does Archie know he's
got a black cat on his head?
108
00:06:27,353 --> 00:06:31,188
See, Archie's tryin' to look
young for the dispatcher's job,
109
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:32,590
so he touched it up.
110
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,893
Edith, don't tell her nothin'.
111
00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:38,062
Stop rootin' around up there.
112
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:41,411
You think darker hair is gonna
get you the dispatcher's job?
113
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:44,802
Let's just say that I'm the
one that they're gonna pick.
114
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:47,204
Unless they pick me.
115
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:51,042
Ah. Hey, Irene, how would you
like a nice home cooked meal?
116
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:53,044
Hey, that sounds good.
117
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,912
Go home and cook one.
118
00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:58,757
Walked into that one.
119
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:01,786
Oh, Irene, he
didn't mean nothin'.
120
00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:04,355
Archie was paying
you a compliment.
121
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,692
You're a very good cook.
122
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,363
You know what's the best
part about visiting you, Archie?
123
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,530
What?
124
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,098
Leaving you.
125
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,734
Good night, Edith.
126
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:20,305
Oh, Irene, thanks for the yarn.
127
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,286
You want your dinner now?
128
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:24,988
Yeah, but I gotta
lose weight, Edith.
129
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:27,445
I hope you remember
my diuretic cottage cheese.
130
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:29,381
Oh, yeah. Right away.
131
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,727
I hate the taste of that stuff.
132
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,262
Hey, Edith, Edith, do you think
133
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,498
you could crush a cookie
over the cottage cheese?
134
00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:37,488
Ah, that's cheatin', Arch.
135
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:40,725
Ah, shut up. Who
asked you, anyway?
136
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:45,029
You're always pokin' your face
into other people's concerns.
137
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,430
Jeez.
138
00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:00,879
Can't you eat without chewin'?
139
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,182
How?
140
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,584
Just shut your big yap.
141
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,013
Why do you think
God gives you lips?
142
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,522
To close in the noise.
143
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,591
All right, all right.
144
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,573
Don't take it out on me just because
you're worried about gettin' that job.
145
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:19,497
But can you imagine
Irene Lorenzo
146
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:21,610
thinkin' that she is
gonna get that job over me
147
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:23,635
with all that grey hair of hers?
148
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,464
Oh, she just might
get the job, Arch.
149
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,650
You know, nowadays the
government is pressuring companies
150
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,719
into hirin' more women
into executive positions.
151
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:33,177
I know, I know. It's a
crime against nature.
152
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,991
Women was
created for two things.
153
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,714
Makin' meals and babies.
154
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,483
Oh, boy.
155
00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:40,896
There you go again with that
19th century thinkin' of yours.
156
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,387
Well, it's true. Look
at your cave women.
157
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,657
Why do you think your
cave women was created
158
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:47,766
with short legs and fat butts?
159
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,599
I don't know, Arch. But I'm
sure you got a good answer.
160
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,134
Yeah.
161
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,969
So they couldn't run fast.
162
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:02,741
So the men could catch 'em and force
them to make the meals and the babies.
163
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:06,310
Well, weren't there any cave
women with long legs and skinny butts
164
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,512
that could run
faster than the men?
165
00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:11,581
Well, them the men would
have to bring down with a rock.
166
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,221
Now I'm startin' to catch on.
167
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,990
And what about the cave men
168
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,894
with short legs and fat butts
that couldn't catch any women?
169
00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:26,230
Well, they was
probably your first fags.
170
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:37,041
I gotta get out of here.
171
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:39,677
I'm arguing about
cavemen with a caveman.
172
00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:53,191
Hey, Bunky.
173
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,092
Hey, Elmo.
174
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,827
What are you doin'
around our block?
175
00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:58,829
News, man. I brought
you some news.
176
00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:01,065
Oh, come on in. Come on in.
177
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,868
Jeez, good to see you. Good
to see you. How you doin'?
178
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,270
It just hit me.
179
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,915
Twenty years we're
working together,
180
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,259
this is the first time
you're inside of my house.
181
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,542
Could be 'cause
you never invited me.
182
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,611
Oh, Elmo.
183
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,839
You know you're welcome
here at any time at all.
184
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,361
D-D-Did I invite you tonight?
185
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:21,586
No, you're still
battin' a thousand.
186
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:26,090
Say, Bunky, I like what
you did to your hair.
187
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,059
Ah, you noticed that, huh?
188
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,271
Hey.
189
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,694
Come on in. Come on in.
190
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:33,109
Come on. Make yourself
at home. Sit down over here.
191
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:36,034
Oh, oh, b-b-but not in my chair.
192
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:37,779
Yeah, it's just
my personal chair.
193
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,581
You can sit any place
on the sofa. Here.
194
00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:42,340
Sit where my son-in-law
usually sits. There.
195
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:44,242
Now what's the news?
196
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:47,623
I've got some scam that
might help you land a certain job
197
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,558
where you can
make it easy for me.
198
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:53,151
Oh, great. Great. Hey, uh,
you wanna stay to supper?
199
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,352
Can't make it.
200
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,653
Swell.
201
00:10:57,590 --> 00:11:00,258
What's the, what
do you call, scam?
202
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,026
Tonight, I heard,
203
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:04,028
that the boss was
into a new charity
204
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:07,232
which he was gonna ask us
all to sign up for next week.
205
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,100
Well, what's that
got to do with the job?
206
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,836
Well, if you go into
Sanders' office tomorrow
207
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:14,906
and sign up for that
charity before anybody else,
208
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:17,675
you've got to be
his fair-haired boy.
209
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:19,910
Even with that hair.
210
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,113
Look, I have to go.
Oh, hey, hey, listen.
211
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,015
Gee, that's a great idea.
212
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,284
I'll do that. First thing
in the mornin' at work
213
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,752
I'll just get in there and
I'll sign up for that thing.
214
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:31,756
You really... You really
think this looks good, huh?
215
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:34,091
Hey, if that black
spreads to the rest of you,
216
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,761
you're going to be
beautiful all over.
217
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,540
Thank you, Mr. Sanders.
Oh, you're entirely welcome.
218
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,977
We deeply appreciate your
company's interest in our project.
219
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:56,480
Mr. Scott, we always cooperate
with any worthwhile charity.
220
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,450
Well, you can't find a better
one than the organ bank.
221
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:04,822
We desperately need
eyes, kidneys, hearts.
222
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:09,060
Any functional
organs of the body.
223
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,870
Well, our employees
are happy to give anything
224
00:12:11,894 --> 00:12:14,299
that doesn't come
out of their paycheck.
225
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:17,334
I'll come by tomorrow
with some pamphlets.
226
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,314
All right, fine.
I'll see you then.
227
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,739
Oh, excuse me. You got it.
228
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:25,276
Uh, good mornin',
uh, Mr. Sanders, there.
229
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:28,846
Uh, could I, uh, talk
to you for a minute, sir?
230
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,215
Who are you?
231
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:34,719
Mr. Sanders, I'm Archie
Bunker from the loadin' dock.
232
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:37,021
What did you do to
yourself? You look different.
233
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:39,056
Younger, huh? No. Different.
234
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,391
Oh.
235
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:42,259
Well, Mr. Sanders,
the reason I'm here is
236
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:45,362
I heard you was interested
in a certain charity, you know.
237
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:48,132
And I wanted to come down early
so I'd be the first one to donate.
238
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,735
Oh. That's very
commendable of you, Bunker.
239
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:52,804
We need every body we can get.
240
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:55,406
Oh. Well, I'll give
anything I can.
241
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,808
Ah, wonderful.
Here. Just sign there.
242
00:12:57,877 --> 00:12:59,277
Oh, oh, sign, huh?
243
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,012
We collect later.
244
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,881
Oh. Painlessly, huh? Yeah.
245
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,950
Yeah. Okay.
246
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,584
I'll just sign,
247
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,464
and then I'll get right down to
the loadin' dock, Mr. Sanders,
248
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:11,700
because I always like to be the
early worm to work, you know.
249
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,991
As you can tell from
looking at my work record
250
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:16,460
if you ever have any
reason to be lookin' at that.
251
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,507
Oh, I just may be
doing that, Bunker.
252
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:21,432
Yeah? Well, you carry this
card in your wallet at all times.
253
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,533
Oh, yeah.
254
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,313
It identifies you as a donor.
255
00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:26,070
Oh, listen.
256
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,818
I wanna donor anything I
can to help, Mr. Sanders.
257
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,608
Yeah.
258
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:32,788
Uh, I'll be right down.
Excuse me, Bunker.
259
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,646
Yeah, sure, sure.
260
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,380
What is it?
261
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,283
Oh, these. I don't need the
glasses to see, Mr. Sanders.
262
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,318
They just help me read faster.
263
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,654
Well, don't lose the card.
264
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:45,189
Oh, no, no, no. I
won't lose the card.
265
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,824
Let us see here.
266
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:51,663
"I hereby donate my body
and any organs or parts
267
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,631
"to be used for medical science
268
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:57,334
"to take effect on my death."
269
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,479
What the hell is
the matter with you?
270
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,571
Oh, I'm sorry, Archie. Oh.
271
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,641
I didn't hear you slam the door.
272
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,576
How was your day?
273
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,989
Oh, it was lousy.
It was the worst.
274
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:44,181
You know what I done
today, Edith, without knowin'?
275
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:47,652
I signed up for
Dr. Frankenstein's pet charity.
276
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,391
How much do you have to give?
277
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:57,495
Everything. Right up to here.
278
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,297
Take a look at this.
279
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:06,337
"Uniform Donor Card."
280
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,573
Oh, you're gonna give
them your old army uniform.
281
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:17,214
No. Just the guy
that used to be in it.
282
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,017
Don't you understand?
283
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:23,064
The minute I croak, they're
gonna come and take me apart.
284
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:26,123
This body that you love.
285
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:29,893
You won't have nothin' to
bury of me but a hat and a cigar.
286
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,034
Oh. Hmm.
287
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,503
Oh. Yeah.
288
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:44,676
Oh, dear. What would
the Reverend Felcher say?
289
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:48,224
He'd have to preach his
final urology over a hat box.
290
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,654
Edith, get me a beer, huh?
291
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,823
Are you goin' off your diet?
292
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:01,793
I'm gonna put on
eight layers of fat.
293
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,073
If it ain't easy for them
to get at my organs,
294
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:07,631
maybe they'll leave me alone.
295
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:11,435
Get me the beer, huh, while I
still got a stomach left to put it in.
296
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,938
All right, Archie.
297
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:17,041
Ah, cheer up, Archie.
298
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:20,645
You got a lot of years left.
299
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:24,148
And maybe, by the time
you do go to your reward,
300
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:28,352
your parts will be so old and
worn out, nobody'll want them.
301
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,591
Get me a beer!
302
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,059
Hi, Ma.
303
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:38,407
Here's Archie's cottage
cheese. Oh, thanks, Mike.
304
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:42,032
Oh, jeez, I hate
that cottage cheese.
305
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:44,112
We're having
Chinese food tonight.
306
00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:46,771
Get out of here. Get back here.
307
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,872
I wanna ask you
something, Professor.
308
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,241
You ever seen one of them?
309
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,221
Yeah. It's an organ
bank donor card.
310
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:54,978
I got one myself.
311
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:58,682
You got one? What
do they want you for?
312
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:02,119
All your parts are Polish.
They don't fit regular people.
313
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,338
You know, when
they start with you,
314
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,562
they ought to start with
something small, like your brain.
315
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,031
Get out of here.
316
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,767
Here's your beer.
317
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,913
Hey, Ma, did you know
Archie signed up for this?
318
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,804
Oh, yeah. I know.
319
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:23,507
Ah, I didn't know I signed
up until after I signed up for it.
320
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,342
Well, you should be proud, Arch.
321
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:27,923
I mean, everyday they're
savin' lives with heart transplants,
322
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,914
kidney transplants, bone grafts.
323
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:32,527
You know, it's a... it's a
way of achieving immortality.
324
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,819
A part of you lives
on after you're gone.
325
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,555
Oh, I see.
326
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:40,290
Ain't that nice.
327
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:45,395
Two people in love can
still go walkin' hand in hand.
328
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:50,434
Even though their hands
are on two other people.
329
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,349
Arch, I don't know
why you're worried.
330
00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:55,706
What are you worried about?
331
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,385
It all happens after
you're dead, anyway.
332
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:59,610
Yeah, I know. After I'm dead.
333
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:02,758
Gee, oh, when I'm dead, what are they
gonna put on my tombstone there, Edith?
334
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,047
Can you imagine?
335
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:06,076
"Here would have
lied Archie Bunker.
336
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,453
"Only he give at the office."
337
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:26,904
Archie?
338
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,172
Archie?
339
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,407
Archie.
340
00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:31,642
What?
341
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:35,345
Archie, what are you doing?
342
00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:36,647
Ah, jeez.
343
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:41,852
Edith, Edith, I just had
the most awful nightmare.
344
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:45,890
Oh, it must have been
scary. It turned your hair white.
345
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,797
That ain't funny. What
are you laughin' at?
346
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:55,866
You wouldn't be laughin' if you
just had the nightmare I had, Edith.
347
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:58,702
Well, why did you wash
the color out of your hair?
348
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:02,106
I thought you needed it
for the dispatcher's job.
349
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:04,809
I'm gonna have to take my
chances without the color.
350
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,510
Why?
351
00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:10,281
Because of the nightmare I just
had, Edith. This is what I dreamed.
352
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:13,984
That I was in Munson's cab, see,
and I was takin' a nap in the cab...
353
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:15,586
Cut that out!
354
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,855
Are you listening to
what I'm saying to you?
355
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:19,590
All right.
356
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,426
I dreamed that I was in
Munson's cab, see, takin' a nap.
357
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,796
And all of a sudden, up
comes this mad doctor, see.
358
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:29,033
And he notices my donor
card, he pronounces me dead,
359
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:32,036
and he jerks out my
liver for a needy friend.
360
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,874
Without even askin'?
361
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:40,277
Edith, people ain't
polite in nightmares.
362
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:44,682
The next thing, I'm
drivin' the cab, see.
363
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:47,685
And the way it works, see, I'm...
I'm drivin' for heaven, you know,
364
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:50,955
it's a tough drive
uphill all the way.
365
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,991
And while I'm goin' there,
these nutty doctors are runnin' up
366
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:58,329
and they're takin' parts off
of the cab and parts off of me.
367
00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:01,431
Why would they take
parts off of the cab?
368
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:06,336
You're worried about them
takin' parts off of the cab?
369
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,672
Not about your husband.
370
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:12,609
Oh, I'm sorry, Archie.
But it's only a dream.
371
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:15,112
I know it's only a dream,
372
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:20,151
but I'm tellin' you because dreams
try to be tellin' you things, you see?
373
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,920
So I'm drivin' on and I
get up to the pearly gates
374
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,722
and park the cab up there.
375
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,825
I get out, I come eyeball
to eyeball with God,
376
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,161
and he is sore as hell with me.
377
00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:33,864
You know why?
378
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,534
Yeah. 'Cause you
took a cab to heaven.
379
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:43,040
You should have floated
like everybody else does.
380
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:46,977
Wrong! That wasn't the reason.
381
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:50,915
He was sore at me because he
didn't recognize me with this hair.
382
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:53,684
And he was sore at me
because I'd come back to him
383
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,954
without the parts he
sent me down here with.
384
00:20:57,022 --> 00:21:00,524
And what really bugged him is while
I'm standin' out there with my empty skin,
385
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:03,694
all my organs are down
here with other people
386
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,296
breaking commandments
left and right.
387
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,901
My two hands
are pickin' pockets.
388
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:14,905
My feet are runnin'
away from a hold-up.
389
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:18,275
And my eyes are readin'
hard-pore cornography.
390
00:21:20,746 --> 00:21:22,713
Edith, it was awful.
391
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,950
Oh, Archie, look at you.
392
00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:27,685
You're still shakin'.
393
00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:31,355
You'd be shakin', too, Edith, if you
dreamed you just flunked heaven.
394
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:32,690
Oh.
395
00:21:39,098 --> 00:21:42,700
Oh, uh, they told me
that you was in here.
396
00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:44,079
Are you the guy from this here?
397
00:21:44,103 --> 00:21:45,503
Oh, yes, yes.
398
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:47,905
I'm John Scott, Public
Relations for the organ bank.
399
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:51,909
Oh, well, I'm Archie
Bunker from the loadin' dock.
400
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:55,078
I signed up for this yesterday
but I... I got to pull out,
401
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:57,058
so if you could give
me my document there.
402
00:21:57,082 --> 00:21:58,682
Oh? May I ask why?
403
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:01,763
Well, I tell you, it's between
me and... and the God.
404
00:22:01,787 --> 00:22:03,307
You mean, it's
against your religion?
405
00:22:03,355 --> 00:22:05,433
Well, you know, it's
kind of hard to explain.
406
00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:06,690
No need to explain.
407
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:10,494
I've encountered that
religious objection before.
408
00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:12,273
I imagine so. You got it there?
409
00:22:12,297 --> 00:22:13,998
I must say one thing, though.
410
00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:16,367
You certainly don't look Jewish.
411
00:22:22,041 --> 00:22:24,008
Oh, thank you very much.
412
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,647
Well, we've had many
Jewish donors but
413
00:22:30,716 --> 00:22:33,484
I know that orthodox Jews
are opposed to autopsies
414
00:22:33,552 --> 00:22:35,632
and all forms of dismemberment.
415
00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:39,223
Oh, yeah. Ever since they was
babies they can't stand knives.
416
00:22:43,095 --> 00:22:46,697
I've always admired the way
you've clung to your beliefs
417
00:22:46,765 --> 00:22:50,534
in spite of all the
persecution you've suffered.
418
00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:52,281
I guess it isn't
easy being Jewish.
419
00:22:52,305 --> 00:22:54,625
Well, that's why
most people ain't.
420
00:22:56,809 --> 00:23:00,209
Thank you very much and
good luck with your organs.
421
00:23:01,748 --> 00:23:04,181
Oh, hi, there, Mr. Sanders.
422
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:06,350
Bunker? Yeah.
423
00:23:06,419 --> 00:23:09,420
Why do you look different
every time I see you?
424
00:23:09,488 --> 00:23:11,422
I didn't sleep good
last night, Mr. Sanders.
425
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:15,059
Mr. Bunker's a little disturbed about
having to pull out of the organ bank.
426
00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,905
Huh? You see, his problem is...
427
00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:19,041
Well, I ain't in well
health, Mr. Sanders.
428
00:23:19,065 --> 00:23:20,831
I just got word from the doctor.
429
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:23,500
Oh? I thought it's
because you're Jewish.
430
00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:24,668
Jewish?
431
00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:26,737
He's as Jewish as Reverend Ike.
432
00:23:28,307 --> 00:23:30,974
Uh, I just assumed that...
433
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,809
Now, look, here, Mr. Bunker,
434
00:23:32,878 --> 00:23:34,956
if you wanted to back out, you
didn't have to make any excuses.
435
00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:36,492
Oh, I... I didn't
want to back out.
436
00:23:36,516 --> 00:23:38,626
I... I can tell you it
was doctor's orders.
437
00:23:38,650 --> 00:23:40,284
My doctor told me,
438
00:23:40,352 --> 00:23:43,353
confidentially, he wouldn't
give my bones to his dog.
439
00:23:45,390 --> 00:23:47,590
I hope you understand,
Mr. Sanders.
440
00:23:47,659 --> 00:23:50,427
I do, I do, Bunker. And
I admire your honesty.
441
00:23:50,495 --> 00:23:51,528
Oh, good, good.
442
00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:53,842
I had you penciled in
for our new dispatcher.
443
00:23:53,866 --> 00:23:55,977
But that's an important
job and we want somebody
444
00:23:56,001 --> 00:23:58,180
who's gonna be
with us a long time.
445
00:23:58,204 --> 00:23:59,769
Oh, wait a minute, Mr. Sanders.
446
00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:03,974
Roxanne, have Elmo
Bridgewater report to my office.
447
00:24:06,511 --> 00:24:08,745
You mean Black
Elmo's gettin' the job?
448
00:24:08,814 --> 00:24:10,280
Yeah.
449
00:24:10,349 --> 00:24:12,327
You know, Bunker,
your doctor's right.
450
00:24:12,351 --> 00:24:15,319
Just one day, you look
like you've aged 10 years.
451
00:24:17,156 --> 00:24:19,289
Mr. Sanders, before you
make any final decisions,
452
00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:20,824
I'd like to...
453
00:24:22,895 --> 00:24:25,176
Excuse me there, Mr. Organs.
454
00:24:27,733 --> 00:24:31,135
Maybe I could get a second opinion.
You know, great things can happen.
455
00:24:31,203 --> 00:24:34,704
They're doing so much with this
here chinky puncture nowadays.
456
00:24:34,774 --> 00:24:36,284
Stuff all straightenin' out.
457
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:38,776
I might call the
chiropractor, see?
458
00:24:59,398 --> 00:25:01,577
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
459
00:25:01,601 --> 00:25:03,433
before a live audience.
35218
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