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1
00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,564
Hey, Brian,
you got a sec?
2
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:10,325
Yeah, I know what you're going
to say, and it's all right.
3
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,244
No, I heard... I heard you got in trouble.
I feel awful.
4
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:17,211
It's fine. It was my first slip-up
in nine years of miking you.
5
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:18,805
Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin.
6
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,689
Well, thanks
for being a good friend.
7
00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,125
Sure, any time.
8
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,770
How about you and Jim?
Everything squared away?
9
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,127
Yeah. Mostly.
10
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,849
Pam, phone call.
11
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:30,686
Um.
12
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:31,966
Hey,
say hi to Alyssa.
13
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:33,121
Will do.
14
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,123
Okay, thank you.
Sure.
15
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:38,363
Hey, boom guy.
16
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:39,646
Oh, hey, Meredith.
17
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,085
When are you
going to boom me?
18
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,640
Uh, listen, they're cracking down
on us talking to the subjects.
19
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:46,405
It's a lame rule, but, you know,
I want to... I have to...
20
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,642
I'll see you later.
Got it.
21
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,001
Hey-
22
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:22,640
So I hear you're
bringing in some people
23
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,131
to interview
for the sales job.
24
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,764
That's right,
a couple of old friends.
25
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,642
Ballers only,
must be this cool to ride.
26
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,007
Well, see...
You raised it.
27
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,081
Oh, did I?
Oh, yes, I did.
28
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,362
Wallace is letting me hire
a junior sales associate
29
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,920
to sit at Jim's desk
while he's away in Philly.
30
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:44,243
Finally, I'll have someone at
my desk clump who gets me.
31
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,489
It's like, "Really, Jim? You
don't understand the difference
32
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:50,450
"between a slaughterhouse
and a rendering plant? Uh.
33
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:54,764
"Remind me not to lend you any
dead cows or horses." Wow!
34
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,928
You know what, man? I deserve this job.
Mmm-mmm?
35
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,968
I scored Stone & Son
Suit Warehouse with you.
36
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,486
And God knows, to get the
Scranton White Pages with Jan,
37
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,763
I went above and beyond,
and under.
38
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,770
You know what?
39
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,968
You're going to get
your interview. Okay?
40
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,247
I know that you're going head-to-head
against some real superstars,
41
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,328
but you've got
a really good chance.
42
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,482
Clark has no chance.
43
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,881
I mean he's up against
my buddy Rolf, for God's sake!
44
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,804
The guy goes fishing with hand grenades.
And Trevor?
45
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:23,531
He'll make you laugh so hard
you'll puke your pants.
46
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,806
This sucks.
You know?
47
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,486
You put in 12 grueling weeks at
a company and what do they do?
48
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,723
They make you compete for a promotion.
Like an animal!
49
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:34,327
You know, I thought this was an
office, not the Thunderdome.
50
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,528
Big changes coming
to the old desk clump.
51
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,729
Nolonger a Pam-Jim
alliance against Dwight.
52
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:43,521
Now it is Dwight-and-a-friend
axis against Pam.
53
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,609
You could have just called
that an alliance, too, right?
54
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,081
I chose my words
very carefully.
55
00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:51,924
Things are a little delicate
with me and Pam right now,
56
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,650
and if my working
in Philly is going
57
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,688
to end up doubling
the Dwight in her life,
58
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,842
that's only going
to make things worse.
59
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:04,844
You interviewing for
the sales job, too?
60
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:08,208
No, you're interviewing
for it. I'm getting it.
61
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:09,691
Well, I wouldn't be
so sure about that.
62
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,205
I mean, I've been
working here 12 weeks.
63
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,044
That's a full season
of Homeland.
64
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,124
A ton of things can happen in that
amount of time, as we've seen.
65
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,886
I'm Rolf. Rolf Aul.
66
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,883
Rolf Aul.
67
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,371
Sounds kind
of like Roald Dahl.
68
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:23,566
Go to hell.
69
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,041
There he is!
70
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:26,201
Hey!
71
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,327
Come on, buddy,
let's do this.
72
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:28,885
Sorry,
Rolf goes first.
73
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,884
You don't compare.
When you're with the R-O-L-F,
74
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:35,248
you're literally
rolling on the laughing floor!
75
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:36,891
Nice!
76
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:41,488
Rolf is my best friend,
and he is the man!
77
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,245
Cool, calm and collected, 24/7.
78
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,800
Just try and rattle Rolf.
I dare you.
79
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:48,725
Such a sweet guy.
80
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,290
When are you
talking to David Wallace?
81
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,488
I'm talking to him this afternoon,
but don't get your hopes up.
82
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:53,971
Too late.
My hopes are up.
83
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,247
Last week, my company in
Philly lost a big investor,
84
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,402
so we're scrambling
to find new funding.
85
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,687
LuckHy,
my partners have a fix,
86
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,610
me asking the boss of the
company I'm abandoning
87
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,530
to give us a gigantic
influx of cash.
88
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:10,201
So, problem solved.
Thanks, guys.
89
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,286
This chair's going to be yours!
And this desk!
90
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:14,930
I'm on the phone.
I'm on the phone.
91
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,406
No doy!
92
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,445
I'm just going to call you back.
Thanks.
93
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:24,771
I hope you like Norwegian black
metal, because I don't do ear buds.
94
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:25,921
Ho-ho!
95
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,650
No ear buds!
96
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:31,846
I'm sure
he's just nervous.
97
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:36,926
It's fine. It's just a seating arrangement.
It doesn't matter.
98
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,960
So, I've got your resume here, but
it's not telling me everything.
99
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,610
A lot of that
information is private.
100
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,927
How do I know you're
qualified to evaluate me?
101
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,490
I'm the one
offering the job.
102
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:50,806
What are your credentials?
103
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,450
I've worked
here for 12 years.
104
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,040
I've won Salesman of the Year, I'm an
assistant to the regional manager.
105
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,281
I think I've heard
everything I need to hear.
106
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,210
Wait, wait. No, if you need to know
more, you can call David Wallace.
107
00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:00,327
I'm sure
he'd give a reference.
108
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,721
Thank you, Dwight.
lWlbeintouch.
109
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,281
Well, they can't
all be winners.
110
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,761
But Trevor's next,
and he's a real professional.
111
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:13,162
You say "jump,"
and he says "on who?"
112
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,766
He loves to jump on people,
that Trevor.
113
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,563
What makes you think you'd be
an effective paper salesman?
114
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:23,162
Oh, okay. Didn't see
that one coming.
115
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,084
Can I take a 20 on that, maybe
we can circle back around to it?
116
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,764
Well, it's a pretty
basic question
117
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:30,410
for a potential
paper salesman.
118
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,369
Pass. Next one.
119
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,928
All right.
Do you see yourself as
120
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,321
more of a team player
or a self-starter?
121
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,881
No, no and no.
122
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,771
There were only two options.
123
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,169
Check mate.
124
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,442
You win this one,
my friend.
125
00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:49,930
Do you validate parking?
126
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:52,930
This is a bus transfer.
127
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:55,890
Nothing gets by this guy.
128
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,121
Hey, Jim?
129
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,328
Do you mind if I look over these
price sheets before my interview?
130
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:03,606
Sure, yeah. Go ahead.
131
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:04,966
Thanks, dude.
132
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,209
You... You sure it's okay?
'Cause you're kind of...
133
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:15,807
Yeah. Absolutely. Do people
like sitting next to you?
134
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:16,927
You're clean, right?
135
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:18,810
Dove Men.
Nice.
136
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,848
Music, do you
listen to it in ear buds?
137
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,488
You don't listen to it at all.
Because we're at work,
138
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,369
not a Florence and
The Machine concert, so...
139
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:30,043
Yeah. Could I just have a
minute to prepare for this?
140
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,766
Sure, yeah.
Do whatever you need to do,
141
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,968
right after you do
one thing for me.
142
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:37,800
I need you to
breathe in my face.
143
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,086
Why?
144
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,811
I need you to breathe
in my face right now.
145
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,089
What are we working with,
peppermint or Wintergreen?
146
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,241
Wintergreen.
I knew it.
147
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,321
Yeah.
I knew it.
148
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,080
Good nose! I looked
at you coming around,
149
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,764
and I said "Wintergreen."
150
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,046
I can't hire Clark.
151
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:56,408
Yeah, he looks like a Schrute,
but he thinks like a Halpert,
152
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,000
and he acts like a Beesly.
153
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:00,691
Okay, here's one.
154
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,091
A customer who
ordered enough paper
155
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,446
to qualify
for a volume discount
156
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,363
now wants
to return half the stock.
157
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,289
You can't rebate
the sales price
158
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,727
or credit for
future purchases,
159
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:13,168
because you brokered
the deal for a third party.
160
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,890
That's just a classic
no-win situation.
161
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:15,961
Thank you.
162
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,206
So, I'd Kobayashi Maru it.
163
00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:20,409
Damn it!
Perfect answer, again!
164
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,205
Yep.
Okay, think, Dwight, think.
165
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,401
You have a ream of 16 bond and...
You know what, Dwight?
166
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,808
This interview is over
and I get the job.
167
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,042
I just Kobayashi Maru'd
the whole process.
168
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,525
No.
Yeah.
169
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:34,721
Star Trek rules.
170
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,809
Itdoes, butsflH, no.
171
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:40,248
Come on, man. Did Trevor do that?
Did Rolf do that?
172
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,124
Oh, you think they're
my only friends?
173
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,929
I've got way more
friends than that.
174
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,128
And they're all better
than the losers who work here.
175
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,527
This is not natural.
176
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,004
I just don't want
to make assumptions
177
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,730
based on people's
physical appearances.
178
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,485
Of course not. But does physical
appearance include smell?
179
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,210
They smell so bad.
180
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,886
If I ever get that bad,
you'd tell me, right?
181
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,610
Meredith,
I tell you all the time.
182
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:17,008
Walked right into that one!
183
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,329
Next up,
my cousin Mose.
184
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,528
Mose could make
a great paper salesman.
185
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,728
He's got a natural fear of
paper, which would motivate him
186
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,167
to get as much of it out
of this office as possible.
187
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,720
I've got big expectations,
Mose-wise.
188
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,531
What quality would make you
a good sales associate?
189
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,046
People person.
190
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,124
It says here on your resume that
you spent the last 15 years
191
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:39,202
as a sales rep
for Dow Chemical.
192
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,361
That's right.
193
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:41,680
You know we live
together, right?
194
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:42,841
Yes.
195
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,400
And I've never seen
you go to work ever.
196
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,161
Okay-
197
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,605
So why is this
on your resume?
198
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,968
So, how'd you guys
hear about the position?
199
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,885
My mom.
Dwight called my house,
200
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,531
but he didn't realize
that I had already moved out.
201
00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:23,489
Because my mom
and I are quarreling,
202
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:26,166
because I can't
stay out of her stuff.
203
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:27,681
Dwight's my cousin.
204
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,649
So I overheard him
telling my brother Mose
205
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,802
about the job opportunity
in the shower.
206
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,803
You were in the shower?
Or he was in the shower?
207
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,245
Everyone was in the shower.
208
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:39,120
It's a cow shower. So there's
like a ton of people in there.
209
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,645
So you guys all
know Dwight already?
210
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:44,441
I was his babysitter,
and then we dated for a while.
211
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:48,645
He was a passionate lover and the
sweetest little baby.
212
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,643
I knew you
looked familiar.
213
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,245
You used to pick up
Dwight from school.
214
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,761
You went
to X-Men school, too?
215
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,725
X-Men school?
216
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,963
When I was young, I spent several
years at a private school
217
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,565
where I was told
I would be taught
218
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,369
to harness
my mutant abilities.
219
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,647
Turned out it was
a conman copying
220
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,246
Charles Xavier's School
for Gifted Youngsters,
221
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:10,890
from the X-Men comic books.
222
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,641
It took me years to figure
out that it was a con.
223
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,848
Some people
never figured it out.
224
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,890
Oh, I have a few powers.
Night hearing!
225
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,042
Dogs understand
where I point.
226
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,122
And our training
included picking carrots,
227
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,841
scrubbing tubs,
sewing imitation Levi's,
228
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,365
a lot of telemarketing.
229
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,327
I don't want to sit near any of
those people for the next 20 years.
230
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,640
Someone say something.
231
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,085
I said something
when they were thinking
232
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,242
of hiring Jim,
didn't work then.
233
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,288
Now look what
he's doing to us.
234
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,164
Yeah, Jim,
this is all your fault.
235
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,207
How is it my fault?
236
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,044
Here's
an exercise for you, Jim.
237
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,124
Imagine there are
consequences to your actions.
238
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:53,000
Hmm. Imagine the whole world
does not revolve around this.
239
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:54,645
There are others.
240
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,161
But it's Dwight who's
bringing in all the weirdoes.
241
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,844
Yeah, but, Jim,
Dwight's a weirdo.
242
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,968
We can't blame a weirdo
for bringing in weirdoes.
243
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,722
We can blame a normal
for creating a situation
244
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,962
where a weirdo is allowed
to bring in weirdoes.
245
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,281
Hey, I'm the one who has
to sit next to this weirdo
246
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:09,885
when Jim's away.
247
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,724
I'm in a position
where I'm rooting for Nate,
248
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,247
and that
just feels wrong.
249
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,126
Forget it.
I need to work on my mural.
250
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:22,725
I have some pointy trees
that I need to round off.
251
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,001
Hey, Jim, I thought
our call was for later.
252
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,401
Yeah, this is actually
about the new sales guy.
253
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,290
Uh, Dwight has brought in
a bunch of real weirdoes,
254
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,283
and I was wondering if I could
have some input into...
255
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,044
This is Dwight Schrute.
Who am I speaking to?
256
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,645
And don't lie,
I can tell if you're lying.
257
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,290
Hey, Dwight, it's David.
David!
258
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,966
Jim says he'd like some say
in the hiring process.
259
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,202
Really?
That's interesting,
260
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,443
'cause I was thinking that since
Jim is only here part-time,
261
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,046
he might not be as invested
in the decision-making process
262
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,770
as someone like me,
who's here every day
263
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,490
and, frankly,
killing it lately.
264
00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:01,846
I was just
thinking that, because
265
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:03,604
this person is going
to be sitting at my desk,
266
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:04,727
near my wife...
267
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:05,881
Jim, another thing.
268
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,610
Since we are
going to have to hire
269
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,569
this junior sales
associate to cover for you,
270
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,244
I'm going to
have to pay you only
271
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,084
for the days that
you actually work.
272
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:15,961
Oh, um.
273
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,166
Yeah.
274
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,086
Okay. I can't say
that that's not fair.
275
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:21,241
It sounds fair to me, David.
276
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,004
Now, I know we have
a call scheduled for later.
277
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,491
Oh, yeah. So we'll
just do that later.
278
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,931
No, why not do it now?
279
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,365
Yeah, what's up, Jim?
280
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:29,845
Uh...
281
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,331
Well, it's aboutAthlead.
282
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,642
I'm sorry. Does Dwight have to be
on this part of the phone call?
283
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,245
I'd love to be
in the loop, David.
284
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:37,446
It's okay.
Go ahead, Jim.
285
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,170
There's a very exciting opportunity
to be a core investor...
286
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,806
Okay, Jim, I'm going to have
to stop you right there.
287
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,530
Yes, okay. Bye.
288
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,807
I'd love to invest.
No, thanks.
289
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:55,167
I'd like to give you
$100 million.
290
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,730
Why you make
trees into bushes?
291
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,246
You don't make
paper from bushes.
292
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,448
Hide, they're
giving outjobs upstairs.
293
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,210
Why don't you 9Q
UP and get one?
294
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,121
Thank you.
295
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,006
Yeah.
296
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,050
VVhOOps!
297
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,083
It's dense.
Like bread.
298
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:43,286
Dwight, you can't just hire someone
because they're your friend.
299
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,641
I'm not. These people are
the best of the best.
300
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,161
I find talent an attractive
quality in a friend.
301
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,526
They're freaks, Dwight.
302
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,120
All your friends
are weirdoes and freaks.
303
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,169
You know
who else was a freak?
304
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,050
Spider-Man.
And he was also a hero.
305
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,845
Your friends are
like Spider-Man,
306
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,888
if he had gotten
bitten by a spider
307
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,247
and then got really
into masturbating.
308
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,562
Man, how cool is it going to
be when I start working here?
309
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:07,926
Paintball fights at lunch!
310
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,684
Ooh!
Mandatory paintball.
311
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,250
Uh, Wolf, please report
to the parking lot
312
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,890
for mandatory
paintball at lunch.
313
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,928
Wolf is hilarious.
He's executed me
314
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,168
over 100 times
at point blank range.
315
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,208
Half of them,
we were on the same team.
316
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,886
Oh, my God,
how I screamed.
317
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,121
Ah, that goof.
318
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,607
Sell me
this piece of paper.
319
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:27,847
Watch this.
320
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,042
Do you want this paper?
I sure do.
321
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,884
It's not very good.
322
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,644
I will pay you
whatever it takes.
323
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,091
I think
I want to keep it now.
324
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,322
It must be pretty special
if you want it so bad.
325
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,641
No, you have lots of other pieces
of paper that are just like it.
326
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:40,721
So here,
just take my money.
327
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,644
Stop trying to get my paper, buddy!
Okay? Read my lips, it's over.
328
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,730
Okay. Good.
That was great. So...
329
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,529
Wow. You're still at
the 570 number?
330
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,165
I am.
Okay.
331
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:52,810
Good, good, good.
332
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,883
I have eight years
experience selling
333
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,368
electronics in Sanyo store,
downtown Tokyo.
334
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,925
I was a doctor,
335
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:07,085
and I have a business degree
from Tokyo University.
336
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,807
This isn't
going to work out.
337
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,240
Thank you!
338
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,609
Nate is a proven entity,
339
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:24,401
but not without his handicaps,
hearing, vision, basic cognition.
340
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,611
Trevor is great, but I saw
no fire in him today,
341
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,967
and this is a guy
who loves to start fires.
342
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,441
Troy is
literally one of a kind.
343
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:36,889
He's a goblin or a hobbit or a
kobold, which is a type of gremlin.
344
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,088
And yet I'm hesitant.
345
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,686
Why can't I pull
the trigger on any of them?
346
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,485
No, no, no.
347
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,606
I just need to tell them.
348
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,131
Do you need to be changed?
349
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,609
I do that myself now.
Hmm.
350
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,528
Are you going to
make a decision soon?
351
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,364
I've been double-parked
for five hours.
352
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,244
I'm wondering
if I should move my car.
353
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,125
No, you've been
towed by now.
354
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,646
They tow after
about 45 minutes.
355
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:11,122
Well, the joke's on them. I live
right next to the tow yard.
356
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,720
All they did was
save me some gas.
357
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,642
Hey, man. We get
how difficult this is,
358
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,326
and no matter who you choose, we're
still going to be your friend.
359
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,688
Yeah, whether it's me, or Troy
Underbridge, or Gabor, or Melvina...
360
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,250
- Or none of you.
- Yeah.
361
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,129
You'd bring us all down here,
put us through the ringer,
362
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,201
and then choose none of us.
363
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,248
Can you imagine how
insulting that would be?
364
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,603
The contempt that a person like
that would have to have for you.
365
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,329
I wish I could
hire all of you.
366
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,091
I could start Monday.
367
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,251
Psst. Jim.
368
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,121
Jim.
369
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,404
Jim, turn around.
370
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,207
Jim, turn around.
Jim, turn around. Jim.
371
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,971
Oh! I love staring off
in one direction.
372
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:58,011
If I'm not looking south, I'm not living.
That's what I always say.
373
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,281
Just act natural.
374
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,001
And I was
thinking it's only fair
375
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,286
that you help
make this decision,
376
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:16,842
since they'll be sitting at
your desk next to your wife.
377
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,763
But you know I wouldn't hire
any of these all-stars.
378
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,807
God, that sucks!
379
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,602
What are you going to do?
I mean, it's your call.
380
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,570
No. Your friends not turning out
to be as great as you thought?
381
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:29,766
Not even Gabor?
382
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,485
I guess I just
have higher standards
383
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,881
for my work colleagues than
for my friends.
384
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,930
I just couldn't picture any of
them in the old gold and gray.
385
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,844
I knew it. You designed
a uniform for Dunder Mifflin.
386
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:44,170
Summer. Winter. Jungle.
387
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:46,886
Formal.
388
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,243
Well, I, for one, was amazed
at how qualified everyone was.
389
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,243
You? Amazed.
Yes. Thank you. Yes.
390
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,243
And I got to say,
this was a tough decision,
391
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,210
and we had to go
with none of you.
392
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,320
I'm sorry?
What?
393
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,851
This is such bull crap!
394
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,571
Well, you know, Wallace put me in charge.
So you have no say.
395
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:10,044
Wow. So much crap.
It's just a load of BC!
396
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,409
How could you
do this to them?
397
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,925
Too much now.
Okay.
398
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,890
Do we get our resumes back?
Or do you keep them?
399
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,450
Because
I only have the one,
400
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:22,605
and I have a chili recipe on the
back that I really want to keep.
401
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,802
Okay,
this is an outrage.
402
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:25,881
Oh!
403
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,442
You know what? This is Jim
Halpert's home address
404
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:31,000
in case you guys want to toilet
paper his house or whatever.
405
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:32,844
That seems inconsiderate.
406
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,441
No. We get it.
407
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,966
Thanks so much for the
opportunity, Dwight.
408
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,970
Don't open any suspicious
packages you may receive.
409
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,203
No wait, do open them.
Totally safe.
410
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,726
Guys! It wasn't up to me.
Rolf, come on!
411
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:51,009
Guys, it wasn't my choice.
I would have hired all of you!
412
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,650
Gabor? Gabor?
413
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,210
Well, my day's shot.
414
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,641
Yeah. It's that weird hour where
it's too late to start a slow roast,
415
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:57,926
and too early
for a Swanson's.
416
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,042
I got it.
Paintball!
417
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,441
Oh, that sounds awesome. Can
we wait till I get off work?
418
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,722
And what are we
supposed to do until then?
419
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,529
Okay. WOLF: Let's
just go, you guys.
420
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,329
Yeah, no limit on
weapons class, right?
421
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,647
All right.
I think that went well.
422
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,163
So, if you just take a
look at this... Yeah.
423
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:24,241
That'll print the...
424
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,283
Hey, hey,
meet your new desk mate.
425
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:27,691
What's up, good-looking?
426
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,604
Oh, cool.
Hey, Clark.
427
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,922
Trust me, this is the
least of all the evils.
428
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:33,685
It took me all day
to pull this off.
429
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,444
So you should be thrilled,
considering...
430
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,210
Yeah, I guess.
431
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,971
I mean, I kind of liked
my old desk mate.
432
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:41,446
Okay-
433
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,445
I'm really sorry,
I told the guys
434
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,045
I'd be there for
the board meeting.
435
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,127
Of course.
436
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,049
I'll call you when I get there.
All right.
437
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,201
Bye.
All right.
438
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:50,281
Take care of my wife.
I will be back.
439
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:01,931
They say that
everyone outgrows
440
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,889
their friends at some
point in their lives.
441
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,965
Well, I just outgrew them all
in the span of three hours.
442
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,243
Hey, Pam, I'm going to the
kitchen, you want anything?
443
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:12,726
I'm good.
444
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,131
Oh, hey,
I'll take a coffee.
445
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,648
Oh, I'm sorry. You got to
be this cool for coffee.
446
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,170
Hey, Dwight.
447
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,480
Want to haze the new guy?
448
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:32,687
Who? Me?
449
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:34,367
Us.
450
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,005
Absolutely I do.
451
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,561
Okay, okay, here.
452
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,127
So the next time
he goes to the bathroom,
453
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,850
I'll distract him,
you take that.
454
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:48,251
Okay. Yeah.
I know what to do.
455
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:49,321
Okay-
456
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,447
Oh, that's great!
457
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,444
Welcome to the club, pig!
458
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:02,645
No! Dwight!
459
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:08,682
No, it does matter who ends up
sitting next to Pam when I'm gone.
460
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,330
The people around
you are basically
461
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,368
who you end up
spending your life with.
462
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,363
I mean, because of
where my desk was,
463
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,569
I spent all those years looking
at Pam, and I fell in love.
464
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,086
So, that stuff matters.
465
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,049
It definitely does.
35261
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