All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S09E09.Dwight.Christmas.720p.BluRay.2CH.x265.HEVC-PSA

I'm having second thoughts about
one of the shirts I packed,

the blue one
with the stripes.

I'm sure it's fine.
It's a blue shirt.

Yeah, but I'm wondering
if it's too blue.

Like, am I making a statement
with the blueness?

I am leaving early
today for Philly,

because tomorrow is the
first day of my new job.

So, I figure I get in at 5:00,
check in to a hotel about 6:00,

so I can get a real good night of
restless sleep and nervous puking.

Excuse me!
Trying to get work done.

Some people don't care about Jim's
new sports job in Phila-whatever.

So you know my job has
something to do with sports,

but you don't know the end
of the word "Philadelphia"?

Philadelphia. From the Greek
philia meaning "love,"

and "adelph" meaning Adolf.
"The City that Loves Adolf."

Good luck with
your new enterprise.

And don't wear
the blue-striped shirt.

It makes your neck look
like an old mop handle.

Oh! Hey, guys,
the Christmas party is today.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

No.
Is it?

I mean, it says "X-mas party," but I
think we all know what that's code for.

So we're not going to have a
Christmas party this year?

Angela, how could
you do this to us?

Right. Like, I'm responsible

because I'm in charge of
the Party Planning Committee.

Well, you are
the one in charge of the...

Don't blame me for
something we all forgot!

Yeah, let's not blame her
for something we all forgot!

I didn't realize how many of
Angela's opinions I agreed with

until she tried to have my kneecap
shattered for sleeping with her husband.

She makes a lot of
very sound points.

I knew the party was today, but
nobody asked me to plan it,

so I didn't. Hmm.

Funny how that works.

We're out there, sweating
our balls off every day,

busting our balls.

We deserve a Christmas party.

Well, then why don't we just get
some liquor and those mini-cupcakes?

Mini-cupcakes?

As in the mini-version
of regular cupcakes,

which is already
a mini-version of cake?

Honestly, where does
it end with you people?

What about an authentic
Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas?

Drink some gluhwein,
enjoy some hasenpfeffer.

Enjoy Christmas
with Saint Nicholas'

rural German companion,
Belsnickel.

Yes! That! That! That!

Definitely doing that.
Are we all in agreement?

No!
ALLI No.

Done, right?
No.

I want Tropical Christmas.

Topless Christmas!

Tapas Swiss Miss!

Spanish tapas and Swiss Miss hot cocoa.
What's so hard to understand?

Or, who was it that suggested an
authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas?

I think it was
someone really popular.

We already said no.
No!

- No, no.
- Too weird.

This is me and my family celebrating
Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas

in 1982 on the farm.

There's me and my brother Jeb
breaking the ceremonial pig rib.

He doesn't come back
for Christmas anymore.

The sepia tint is
from an app on my phone.

This is the same
photo Matrix-style.

I'm not understanding
the confusion.

Am I the only one
who wants to try hufflepuffs

and schnauzer-hosen and
meet this Glen Pickle guy?

Party Planning
Committee, emergency meeting. Now.

- I'm on it.
- Great.

I'm just hoping
German terrorists

don't take over
this Christmas party,

make me go all
John McClane on their asses.

Wait, German terrorists?
That's oddly specific.

And I think...
I think you mean John McCain.

Die Hard reference.
I haven't seen it.

You haven't seen Die Hard? No.

Why haven't you
seen Die Hard?

I don't know!
I just haven't!

Come on. You had to have
at least seen some of it.

Nope.

"Now I have a machine gun.
Ho, ho, hoT

"Come out to the coast, we'll get
together, have a few laughs."

None of this makes
any sense to me.

Oh! Yeah, and when he takes the
gun off his back and he's like,

"Yippee-ki-yay, mother..."

Actually,
he doesn't say that there.

He says it earlier, when
he's on the radio with Hans.

Yes. You are right.
Forgive me.

That's okay, bud.
Nope.

Common mistake.
No, it's not.

Nerd!

Do you know every
line of the movie?

My brother dared
me to memorize it,

and I did it,
and I loved doing it.

Okay, let's hear it.

Hear what?
Die Hard.

Every line. Go.

"You don't like flying,
do you?"

Don't change the subject.

No, that's...

The movie is starting.

We're thinking of
collaborating with

Mike Schmidt on some
of his charity work.

I love Philly.
Dirty town.

Whoa!

Philly!
Exciting stuff, man.

Whoo!

So, are you sure you remembered
everything for your trip?

Yeah, I think so.

Think that through
for a sec.

Yeah, Jim's going
to Philly tomorrow.

He said he was going to take me with
him, but that was two months ago

and I haven't
heard anything since.

I mean,
he said that, right?

What else could you
possibly be forgetting?

Things, people?

Do you know who's not
going to get to work

on some exciting
new startup this year?

George Howard Skub, aka the
alleged Scranton Strangler.

Because he's in prison for
something he may not have done.

I'm sorry,
the Scranton who?

The Scranton Strangler.
George Howard Skub.

Have I not told you about the jury
I was on a couple of years ago?

Oh! What happened?

I mean, if you can
talk about it, obviously.

Because if you can't,
I understand.

I could.
I could talk about it.

See you next Christmas.

I could, sure.
Have a seat.

I would start
at the beginning,

but I think I need
to go farther back.

We're the Party
Planning Committee.

And we did not get where
we are by playing it safe.

We got here by
being risk-takers!

And yeah, Dwight's party is
going to be terrible, maybe.

Maybe it's not.

Maybe it's going
to be great.

And if it's great,

I think we all know
what that would mean to us.

Let's do it.
Yes! Phyllis!

No. I don't want my name
attached to this party.

What does that even mean?
Where would your name appear?

Please just take
my name off of everything.

Just take her name
off of everything!

The Party Planning
Committee, minus Angela,

has decided that
we're all going to do

Dwight's Christmas.

Yes! Yeah!
Yeah! Okay! Yes!

It's a Christmas miracle!
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

Dwight?
Yes.

There is one rule that you
need to take very seriously.

And that is...

That there are no rules.

You have
never been cooler.

Best Christmas ever.

You're welcome.
Thank you.

And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas
has officially begun!

Ugh! What is
this stuff? Lava?

That is gluhwein,
also known as "glow wine,"

also used to sterilize
medical instruments.

And, interesting factoid,

this is the very spoon
that guided my soft skull

through the birth
canal when I was born.

Enjoy!
What is it?

Don't touch it!

Somebody's found
the hog maw! What?

It's a Pennsylvania Dutch
specialty, hog maw.

That's a beauty,
isn't it?

I don't even want to tell you what
it's made of until after you try it.

Ugh! I'm not eating
mystery meat.

It is stuffed pig stomach.

And after we finish it,
we get to break the pig rib.

- Can't wait.
- Weird.

Where're the sugar cookies?
Where's the karaoke machine?

This is austere,
Meredith.

This is celebrating Christmas
for all of the right reasons.

The cookies and toys and
sweets are mere distractions.

I mean, most people
don't even know

that a candy cane represents
a shepherd's crook,

which I assure you, does
not taste like peppermint.

It tastes like sheep feces.

How would
anyone even know...

Have you ever tasted
a shepherd's crook?

I don't know.
Is it what you expected?

I feel like Dwight is holding
a candle and reading a poem.

So happy right now.

Wait, what is that I hear?
Someone on the roof?

How strange.

Excuse me, I have to run
to my car to take a dump.

Wish my car had a bathroom.

"Let Heinrich
plant the detonators

"and Theo prepare the vault. After that.

That wasn't the line.
I'm sorry, Pete.

That is transcribed by some fan.
They make mistakes.

I don't know.
This looks pretty legit.

Oh, my gosh.

I just got
an e-mail from Andy!

That means they hit land.

"Wuddup, shorty! We got in
last night, sold the boat.

"Went out, got drunk,

"saw Life of Pi, got super
depressed and introspective.

"Gonna hang out
here awhile,

"maybe a couple of weeks, figure
this whole life thing out,

“maybe see Hobbit. Lakes.“

Hey, everything okay?

So what comes next?

Right, okay.

So he says,

"After we call the police, they'll
waste hours trying to negotiate..."

We should just
watch the movie.

That makes much more sense.

Or we can just sit
and talk, though.

No. No more talking.
It's movie time.

I mean,
are you sure? Um...

Yeah. I probably have
a copy or two in my car.

Great, great. So we're
watching Die Hard now.

Good! This is a good plan.

Okay-

Here's the thing about moonlight.
It's not sunlight.

I love this hog mama.

Dwight said it's hog "maw."

What is maw?

It's the lining of
the stomach of the...

Oh!

Judgment is nigh!
For der Belsnickel ist I!

Yes! He is finally nigh.

I am nigh!

Every year, my grandfather would
dress up as Belsnickel at Christmas.

He was okay at it.

I am great.

You know how they say some
people are born to be bad?

Well, I was born
to be Belsnickel.

Belsnickel has traveled
from distant lands

to discover how all
the boys and the girls

have been behaving
this last year.

Oh!

Too much strudel!

So he's kind of like Santa?
Except dirty and worse.

No! Much better! No one fears Santa
the way they fear Belsnickel!

Wow!

It's my favorite part of Christmas.
The authority.

And the fear.

Yes, exactly!

Come on, Dwight.
You're making this up.

- No.
- This is a real thing.

"Belsnickel is a crotchety
fur-clad gift-giver,

"related to other companions
of Saint Nicholas

"in the folklore of
southwestern Germany."

Okay, great.
Seriously, you guys?

Now you believe in
Dwight's traditions

when some Democrat
looks it up on Wikipedia?

"His partner Zwarte Piet,
or Black Peter,

"a slave boy often portrayed in
colorful pantaloons and black face."

Uh-uh. No, Dwight, no.

Oh! Come on.

We don't blindly stick to every
outmoded aspect of our traditions.

Come on! Get with
the spirit of it, you guys!

Karl was actually a ballet
dancer in real life.

Isn't that crazy?
Mmm.

Jim, that guy.

You got to stick
to your word,

like when you say something
to a buddy, a real buddy.

What are you going to do?
Lie to your buddy?

That's awful.

Take the bowl,
pass it down.

Thank you, Dwight,
these are nice.

No, these are gift bowls.

When you receive a gift,
it will go in the bowl,

but the bowls must be returned at the end.
They're a set.

Now, hold your
bowls forward,

the Belsnickel will decide if
you are impish or admirable.

It's like naughty
or nice?

No, impish or admirable.

Quick question, do you just decide
who gets what in the moment,

or did you make a list?

I decided earlier.

Oh! Nice.
Did you check that list?

Of course I checked it.

But more than once? Because
you could've made a mistake.

Icheckedit
more than once.

Okay, so you made a list,
you checked it twice,

and now you're going
to find out who's...

impish or admirable.

Damn.

Phyllis Vance!
Cheer or fear,

Belsnickel is here,
I judge your year as

admirable.

There you are.

Hmm. What are these?

It's a set of rubber
gaskets for canning jars.

I'd rather have the bowl.

You can't have the bowl!

Oscar Martinez,
cheer or fear,

Belsnickel is here,
I judge your year

- as impish.
- Ow!

You hit people
with that thing?

No, I'm carrying around a
stick in order to look cool.

For the kinder.
Ooh!

A mousetrap.

In a head-to-head
contest, people prefer

Belsnickel over Santa,
every time.

There aren't as
many songs about him,

but I attribute that
more to rhyming difficulties.

My brother and I
wrote one once.

It was about
a fickle pickle salesman

who would tickle
you for a nickel.

Oh! You know what?
I got to go.

Stop giggling.

Oh! Really? Already?
Yeah. Sorry.

It's a punishment.
Hey, where are you going?

I have to go to Philly.
But this was amazing. Okay?

But you work tomorrow.

Yeah, I know, I'd like to settle
in, get a good night's sleep.

But we were going
to break the pig rib.

Oh! That's right.
Remember?

No matter! Belsnickel
cares not about this.

Off with you.
Perfect.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Don't you want to
know your present?

You know what?
Yeah. Have at it.

Jim Halpert, cheer or fear,
Belsnickel is here.

I judge your year as impish.

Oh! Are you nuts? Ow, ow!
I judge you impish!

Okay, that is three, and you
didn't hit anybody that hard.

They're not
abandoning the party.

Hey!

That's enough!
I'm done, okay?

Impish!

Belsnickel, I've got
to run out early, too.

Oh! What was that?

Now I'm going to be all whipped
for my first day of work.

God.

One second.

Well, this is it.

I'm probably never
going to see you again.

Shut up,
I'm trying to be serious.

Okay, sorry, sorry.

I can't believe this
is actually happening.

Listen, thank you so much for
putting that all together.

That was the perfect
last Christmas party.

All right,
wish me luck.

Good luck.
You're going to be great.

I'll call you
when I get in.

Okay.
All right.

Love you!
Love you!

What's going on?
Party's over.

You quit on Christmas,
Christmas quits on you.

And guess what, kids?
Belsnickel isn't real.

It's me. Dwight!

We found some old
decorations in the warehouse.

Oscar ran to the store
for some food and drink.

And I dipped into
my stash of eggnog.

I guess they
needed me after all.

It's like in
It's a Wonderful Life,

when Jimmy Stewart
realizes that all those people

at the Building and Loan are
justjerks and he was the real hero.

Kevin! Stop it!

Oh! it sounds like the party's
starting up out there.

Yeah. So anyway, the entire
jury wants me to vote guilty.

But that night, I did a
little research on my own,

and forget everything you thought
you knew about fingerprinting.

Meredith is a little cute.

I'm just realizing.

She got, like,
a Emma Stone thing.

Boo!

For what it's worth,
I liked your party better.

Everyone thought
the food was gross

and that Belsnickel was
some darkly erotic freak.

I don't think
anyone thought that.

Jim couldn't even stay
to the end of the party.

Well, that didn't have
anything to do with you.

I don't care.

Guess how much I care
on a scale of one to 10.

Zero.
Damn it!

I'm going to tell
Jim to go himself.

Do you think Andy
would everjump off

an exploding building
tied to a hose for me?

Yeah. Definitely.

What's...

Oh, no. Come here.
Hey, hey. Come on.

I'm still
Andy's girlfriend.

Yeah, of course. I know.

But you can
leave your arm.

Dwight, do you want me
to get you some eggnog?

No, thanks, I'll just
have another Dumatril.

Jim taught me this
really cool way to take it.

You crush it into a powder,
and you snort it up your butt.

Yup, I did say that.

Jim!

What's going on?
Where's the Belsnickel?

Ah! Oh, my God!

What are you doing?

The last time I saw you, you were
whipping me out of the building.

Shh. Let's not
speak of that.

The pig rib! We can
totally break the pig rib!

I'm going to dig
it out of the trash!

What happened?
Did you miss your bus?

No, I just missed my wife.

I found it.

And I found out that
there's a bus at 5:00 a.m.

Oh!

Damn it!

Jim got the bigger half.

Back for more, huh?

Nog it!
I'm going to get some nog.

YOul

Hey, man! You know what?

Before I forget again, I talked
to the guys about hiring you.

They're going to bring
you in for an interview.

That's great!

Right?

Thanks, man.
Yeah, of course.

I shall come by
at your convenience.

Thank you, sir.

Go get 'em! Oh!

Oh!

Very impish.

Two dimes, seven
nickels and one, well, okay.

No, that doesn't add up. It
was one quarter and... Shh!

What? I was just explaining...
What? Shh.

But why would...
Shh.

What are you doing?
Why? Shh.

No more talking.

Are you going
to kiss me?

Yes.