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1
00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:03,858
Mmm.
2
00:00:04,902 --> 00:00:06,665
3
00:00:08,372 --> 00:00:10,533
Necesito un bueno worker.
4
00:00:10,608 --> 00:00:12,337
Tu es fuerte. Come on.
5
00:00:13,310 --> 00:00:15,369
6
00:00:16,914 --> 00:00:18,506
7
00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:22,277
We don't go with that man.
8
00:00:22,353 --> 00:00:24,947
I've seen several men go with
that man and none come back.
9
00:00:26,423 --> 00:00:27,481
We've lost friends...
10
00:00:28,859 --> 00:00:30,520
We don't know what
he does with them.
11
00:00:32,563 --> 00:00:34,053
I don't wanna talk
about it anymore.
12
00:00:35,266 --> 00:00:36,494
I pick up day laborers
13
00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:38,467
and tell them that
they'll get paid at 6:00 p.m.
14
00:00:38,903 --> 00:00:41,633
At 5:45, a certain
I.N.S. Agent,
15
00:00:41,705 --> 00:00:43,502
by the name of Mose Schrute,
16
00:00:43,574 --> 00:00:45,132
throws them in
the back of a van,
17
00:00:45,209 --> 00:00:46,733
drops them off in
the middle of Harrisburg
18
00:00:46,810 --> 00:00:48,903
and tells them it's Canada.
19
00:00:49,346 --> 00:00:51,177
20
00:00:51,248 --> 00:00:52,806
Tu es un bueno worker?
21
00:00:52,883 --> 00:00:54,544
Si. Yo muy bueno worker.
22
00:00:54,685 --> 00:00:57,153
Yel acento...Donde are you from?
23
00:00:57,254 --> 00:00:58,551
Scranton.
24
00:00:58,689 --> 00:01:01,453
Y... before that,
la Philadelphia.
25
00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:02,990
You speak English?
Yes.
26
00:01:03,060 --> 00:01:04,652
I'm really good at English.
Okay, good, me too.
27
00:01:04,728 --> 00:01:06,286
Get in the car.
Okay.
28
00:01:08,465 --> 00:01:10,296
Who is this guy
by our cars?
29
00:01:10,401 --> 00:01:12,631
That is my new
maintenance worker, Nate,
30
00:01:12,703 --> 00:01:14,466
and you'll be happy to know
that he's taking care of
31
00:01:14,538 --> 00:01:16,733
that hornet's nest
that you've
been griping about.
32
00:01:17,241 --> 00:01:18,674
Yeah. I got stung
up my dress.
33
00:01:18,742 --> 00:01:19,936
Poor hornet.
34
00:01:20,010 --> 00:01:21,841
I've left him all
the tools he needs.
35
00:01:21,912 --> 00:01:23,277
This is do or die.
36
00:01:23,347 --> 00:01:25,076
If he chooses correctly,
he'll conquer the hornets.
37
00:01:25,149 --> 00:01:26,810
And if he doesn't?
38
00:01:28,085 --> 00:01:29,074
He'll die.
39
00:01:29,286 --> 00:01:30,719
What?
Beg your pardon?
40
00:01:30,788 --> 00:01:32,847
DWIGHT: When did the phrase
"do or die"
become so corrupted?
41
00:01:33,023 --> 00:01:34,820
KELLY: Is that
a blowtorch?
No.
42
00:01:34,892 --> 00:01:37,725
No, no, no! No, no!
43
00:01:37,795 --> 00:01:39,422
DWIGHT: Interesting choice.
44
00:01:39,496 --> 00:01:40,758
PAM: Yes.
45
00:01:40,965 --> 00:01:41,954
ANDY: Very, very smart.
46
00:01:42,032 --> 00:01:43,021
PAM: Walking away.
47
00:01:43,667 --> 00:01:44,656
No! No, no, no!
48
00:01:44,735 --> 00:01:45,724
The bat.
49
00:01:45,936 --> 00:01:46,960
PAM: What is he doing?
50
00:01:47,037 --> 00:01:48,698
ANDY: Oh!
They're stinging him!
51
00:01:48,772 --> 00:01:49,966
ALL: No, no, no!
52
00:01:50,074 --> 00:01:51,268
No, no!
53
00:02:12,396 --> 00:02:13,158
54
00:02:15,065 --> 00:02:17,829
Good morning, Erin.
Any mustaches,
I mean messages?
55
00:02:18,469 --> 00:02:20,027
Terrific.
56
00:02:20,437 --> 00:02:22,064
MICHAEL:
There are many reasons
57
00:02:22,139 --> 00:02:24,198
a man would weara fake mustache to work.
58
00:02:24,942 --> 00:02:26,375
He is a fan
59
00:02:26,443 --> 00:02:27,910
of the outrageous.
60
00:02:27,978 --> 00:02:29,070
He loves to
61
00:02:29,146 --> 00:02:30,408
surprise!
62
00:02:31,148 --> 00:02:34,276
He loves other things
as well.
63
00:02:35,386 --> 00:02:36,375
Wow.
64
00:02:40,824 --> 00:02:41,813
Okay.
65
00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:45,360
It's a pimple,
Phyllis.
66
00:02:45,429 --> 00:02:46,828
Avril Lavigne gets
them all the time,
67
00:02:46,897 --> 00:02:48,524
and she rocks
harder than anyone alive.
68
00:02:48,966 --> 00:02:50,661
That's no pimple, Michael.
69
00:02:51,068 --> 00:02:52,228
You mean cancer?
70
00:02:52,403 --> 00:02:54,701
What? No way. No.
Definitely not.
Not cancer.
71
00:02:54,872 --> 00:02:56,965
It's just good to catch
a Michael train
of thought early
72
00:02:57,074 --> 00:02:59,372
before it derails
and destroys
the entire town.
73
00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:01,299
MEREDITH: Wait, wait, wait.
74
00:03:01,378 --> 00:03:02,504
It's just a cold sore.
75
00:03:02,579 --> 00:03:03,603
It is?
76
00:03:03,681 --> 00:03:05,478
Yup, just a cold sore.
Just a cold sore.
77
00:03:05,549 --> 00:03:07,710
Thank you. Phyllis,
I don't have acne.
78
00:03:07,785 --> 00:03:09,753
I have a cold sore.
I didn't even have a cold.
79
00:03:10,087 --> 00:03:11,111
I don't know how I got it.
80
00:03:11,188 --> 00:03:12,382
I know how you got it.
81
00:03:12,456 --> 00:03:13,514
How?
82
00:03:13,590 --> 00:03:14,784
Michael, come on.
83
00:03:15,025 --> 00:03:16,890
A cold sore is herpes.
84
00:03:17,428 --> 00:03:19,293
What?
What you should do,
Michael,
85
00:03:19,363 --> 00:03:20,625
is have a doctor
take a look at it,
86
00:03:20,698 --> 00:03:21,995
'cause we don't
really know what that is.
87
00:03:22,199 --> 00:03:24,895
I know tons and tons
of people who have herpes.
88
00:03:25,069 --> 00:03:26,366
I have it myself.
89
00:03:26,437 --> 00:03:27,426
That's what it is.
90
00:03:27,504 --> 00:03:28,937
I've never seen
herpes on you.
91
00:03:29,006 --> 00:03:30,633
'Cause it's on
my genitals, genius.
92
00:03:31,008 --> 00:03:32,168
You have a penis?
93
00:03:32,409 --> 00:03:34,707
Michael, have you ever
been tested for STDs?
94
00:03:34,845 --> 00:03:36,870
Yeah, my last physical
when I was 40.
95
00:03:37,448 --> 00:03:38,540
That was, like,
10 years ago.
96
00:03:38,615 --> 00:03:39,843
No, it was, like,
four years ago.
97
00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:41,577
Michael,
you're at least 46.
98
00:03:41,652 --> 00:03:42,641
Why "at least"?
99
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,120
If you're guessing 46,
just say 46.
100
00:03:52,996 --> 00:03:55,362
Can we please talk about
how gross Meredith is?
101
00:03:56,066 --> 00:03:57,226
This is what you get
102
00:03:57,301 --> 00:03:59,269
when you treat your
body like an outhouse.
103
00:04:00,437 --> 00:04:01,461
ANDY: You know what, guys?
104
00:04:01,538 --> 00:04:03,836
How about we just
chill out a little bit
on the herp chat?
105
00:04:04,241 --> 00:04:05,970
Okay? I was
an R.A. In college,
106
00:04:06,043 --> 00:04:07,135
and I can tell you,
107
00:04:07,211 --> 00:04:08,906
the number one sexually
transmitted disease
108
00:04:10,714 --> 00:04:12,181
is ignorance.
109
00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:15,180
I guess maybe she
could marry a
meth dealer with crabs...
110
00:04:15,252 --> 00:04:16,879
I don't even want
to know about these things.
111
00:04:16,954 --> 00:04:18,114
Hey, guys.
112
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,349
113
00:04:25,362 --> 00:04:27,057
How did this happen?
How did I get this?
114
00:04:27,131 --> 00:04:29,326
Sometimes it can lie dormant
in a woman for years.
115
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:30,730
They may not even
know that they have it.
116
00:04:30,801 --> 00:04:32,200
You know what?
I feel like
117
00:04:32,269 --> 00:04:33,497
one of those
old-timey sailors with VD.
118
00:04:34,638 --> 00:04:36,538
Eh, it's me own darn fault.
119
00:04:36,607 --> 00:04:38,336
Girl in every port!
What port?
120
00:04:38,909 --> 00:04:40,376
The Jan port?
121
00:04:41,011 --> 00:04:42,672
The Holly port?
Don't even...
122
00:04:42,980 --> 00:04:44,538
Holly was clean, okay?
123
00:04:44,615 --> 00:04:46,480
If anything,
I gave it to her.
124
00:04:46,550 --> 00:04:48,040
You may have.
Oh, my God.
125
00:04:48,118 --> 00:04:49,142
What if I did?
126
00:04:49,219 --> 00:04:51,244
You need to contact Holly.
127
00:04:51,321 --> 00:04:54,313
You need to notify her that
she is crawling with herpes.
128
00:04:54,458 --> 00:04:55,925
Okay. You know what?
129
00:04:55,993 --> 00:04:57,017
Might.
130
00:04:57,094 --> 00:04:59,654
Might be crawling with herpes.
131
00:05:01,031 --> 00:05:02,589
I might have
gotten it after her.
132
00:05:02,666 --> 00:05:04,725
You need to contact
every woman you've been with
133
00:05:04,802 --> 00:05:06,827
and notify them of
your herpes infestation.
134
00:05:07,204 --> 00:05:08,364
It's the right thing to do.
135
00:05:08,772 --> 00:05:10,262
There's no way
I'm gonna do that.
136
00:05:10,507 --> 00:05:11,531
Then I will.
137
00:05:11,608 --> 00:05:12,700
All right, I...
138
00:05:14,578 --> 00:05:16,375
Now, I'm no doctor,
but it seems to me
139
00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,471
that we all have an obligation
to the public health
140
00:05:18,549 --> 00:05:20,915
to track down anyone
who gives us a disease,
141
00:05:20,984 --> 00:05:22,281
inform them of it,
142
00:05:22,352 --> 00:05:24,547
and take overwhelming revenge
on that person.
143
00:05:25,022 --> 00:05:26,819
Again, I'm no doctor.
144
00:05:26,924 --> 00:05:29,017
I'm just a normal guy
who enjoys revenge.
145
00:05:29,526 --> 00:05:30,823
146
00:05:31,528 --> 00:05:32,688
DONNA: Hello.
147
00:05:33,397 --> 00:05:34,728
Hi, Donna. It's Michael.
148
00:05:35,065 --> 00:05:36,965
Michael. I didn'tthink I'd hear from you.
149
00:05:37,267 --> 00:05:38,291
How've you been?
150
00:05:38,368 --> 00:05:39,801
I have a disease
151
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,097
for which there
is no known cure
152
00:05:42,172 --> 00:05:44,697
that has been
sexually transmitted to me.
153
00:05:45,242 --> 00:05:46,436
Oh, no!
154
00:05:46,877 --> 00:05:48,208
I can't even say it.
155
00:05:48,278 --> 00:05:50,405
H-I
156
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:51,469
Oh, my God!
157
00:05:51,548 --> 00:05:56,850
R-P-E-E-S.
158
00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,754
Wait. You're calling to tellme that you have herpes?
159
00:06:00,824 --> 00:06:04,851
No. I am calling to see
if you gave me herpes,
160
00:06:04,962 --> 00:06:06,623
because if you did,
161
00:06:06,697 --> 00:06:08,892
I would be able to avoid
a lot of sucky conversations.
162
00:06:10,033 --> 00:06:11,898
So you have it, right?
No.
163
00:06:12,269 --> 00:06:13,566
Does your stupid
husband have it?
164
00:06:13,637 --> 00:06:15,002
No, he doesn't.
165
00:06:15,072 --> 00:06:16,733
Are you telling me
I have to get tested?
166
00:06:17,007 --> 00:06:18,975
Yes, I'm telling you
you have to get
tested for herpes.
167
00:06:19,042 --> 00:06:20,509
Good-bye!
So long, Donna.
168
00:06:20,878 --> 00:06:23,608
Excuse me, everyone,
can I have your attention,
please?
169
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:24,704
Not again.
170
00:06:24,781 --> 00:06:25,770
What do you mean "again"?
171
00:06:25,849 --> 00:06:27,749
You're always
asking for our attention.
172
00:06:27,918 --> 00:06:29,215
Well, maybe like a year ago.
173
00:06:29,286 --> 00:06:30,480
Mmm. Seems recent.
174
00:06:30,554 --> 00:06:31,851
No, that's...
175
00:06:31,922 --> 00:06:34,015
Andy, the reason
it seems more recent
176
00:06:34,091 --> 00:06:36,059
is because many of us here
have never stood up
177
00:06:36,126 --> 00:06:37,593
and asked for
everyone's attention,
178
00:06:37,794 --> 00:06:39,887
and it seems like
you've done it
on several occasions.
179
00:06:39,963 --> 00:06:41,760
Everyone, I've noticed that
180
00:06:41,832 --> 00:06:44,630
we've not been entirely
kind to one of our own,
181
00:06:45,135 --> 00:06:47,160
due to stigmas
and prejudices.
182
00:06:47,237 --> 00:06:48,829
Oh! When you got
your new phone,
183
00:06:48,906 --> 00:06:50,396
that's when you asked
for everyone's attention.
184
00:06:50,474 --> 00:06:51,532
STANLEY: World Cup.
That's what I was thinking.
185
00:06:51,608 --> 00:06:52,597
OSCAR: That's right.
186
00:06:52,676 --> 00:06:54,507
You kept announcing scores.
187
00:06:54,711 --> 00:06:56,804
It's the world's only
international sport, so...
188
00:06:59,182 --> 00:07:00,615
This is Holly.
189
00:07:02,085 --> 00:07:03,746
No, this is Holly.
190
00:07:05,188 --> 00:07:07,088
No, this is Holly.
191
00:07:07,658 --> 00:07:09,319
No, this is Holly.
192
00:07:09,526 --> 00:07:11,460
No... This is Michael Scott.
193
00:07:13,196 --> 00:07:14,390
Busted.
194
00:07:16,433 --> 00:07:17,764
So, what can I
do for you, Holly?
195
00:07:17,834 --> 00:07:19,699
I'm calling because
196
00:07:19,937 --> 00:07:21,199
there wasa terrible car accident.
197
00:07:21,805 --> 00:07:23,739
Oh, really?
Was anyone killed?
198
00:07:24,341 --> 00:07:25,933
A lot of people.
199
00:07:26,009 --> 00:07:27,306
Any nuns?
200
00:07:27,377 --> 00:07:28,605
Three nuns.
201
00:07:29,146 --> 00:07:31,444
Missionariesfrom South Africa.
202
00:07:31,815 --> 00:07:34,079
Were they in
the missionary position?
203
00:07:34,484 --> 00:07:35,508
204
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,883
Hot pizza, check it and see
205
00:07:39,056 --> 00:07:41,422
I got a wholeBunch of pepperoni
206
00:07:41,491 --> 00:07:43,618
Yeah.
Now you're looking at me.
207
00:07:43,961 --> 00:07:45,553
Anyone who's interested
in entering into
208
00:07:45,629 --> 00:07:48,291
an honest discussion
about the sexual
mores and taboos
209
00:07:48,365 --> 00:07:51,892
of modern society
will be rewarded
with a pizza break.
210
00:07:52,502 --> 00:07:54,333
Do you ever wonder
what life would
have been like
211
00:07:54,404 --> 00:07:55,496
if you hadn't
been transferred?
212
00:07:56,573 --> 00:07:57,801
HOLLY: Yeah.
213
00:07:57,874 --> 00:07:59,034
We would have twins.
214
00:07:59,509 --> 00:08:00,999
I don't thinkwe'd have kids.
215
00:08:01,078 --> 00:08:02,477
Mmm-hmm.
We dated for a few weeks.
216
00:08:02,713 --> 00:08:04,681
Mmm-mmm.
We would be married.
217
00:08:04,948 --> 00:08:07,815
Michael, I've beendating A.J. For a yearand a half now.
218
00:08:08,151 --> 00:08:09,618
You do this, you know?
219
00:08:09,686 --> 00:08:10,710
Do what?
220
00:08:11,121 --> 00:08:13,021
You romanticize things.
221
00:08:13,490 --> 00:08:15,788
I don't romantici...
222
00:08:15,859 --> 00:08:16,848
No.
223
00:08:16,927 --> 00:08:17,951
Michael, you cried
224
00:08:18,028 --> 00:08:20,087
at that tag line fora movie you made up.
225
00:08:20,731 --> 00:08:21,993
"He had no arms or legs.
226
00:08:22,065 --> 00:08:23,657
"He couldn't see,
hear or speak.
227
00:08:25,268 --> 00:08:26,735
"This is how he led a nation."
228
00:08:27,137 --> 00:08:28,934
You made us out to bemore than we were.
229
00:08:29,573 --> 00:08:31,200
Maybe we were
more than we were.
230
00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,632
I don't know whatyou're gettingso upset about.
231
00:08:33,710 --> 00:08:35,735
We had a fun flinga long time ago.
232
00:08:36,079 --> 00:08:37,876
It's a good memory.
Okay, all right.
233
00:08:37,948 --> 00:08:39,848
I gotta go.
Michael...
234
00:08:44,121 --> 00:08:45,520
He forgot
to mention the herpes.
235
00:08:45,989 --> 00:08:47,820
It didn't come up
organically.
236
00:08:49,092 --> 00:08:51,322
...to accommodate
the suppliers.
237
00:08:51,528 --> 00:08:53,792
Gentlemen, nice to see you.
It'll be just a moment.
238
00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:55,659
If you could show them
into conference room B.
239
00:08:55,732 --> 00:08:56,721
The pharmaceutical company
240
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,324
should be able
to accommodate us.
241
00:08:58,435 --> 00:09:00,630
How do I do it?
Raise my daughter,
242
00:09:00,704 --> 00:09:02,569
work as director of office
purchasing for this hospital
243
00:09:02,639 --> 00:09:04,539
and release an album
of Doris Day covers
244
00:09:04,608 --> 00:09:06,200
on my own label?
245
00:09:07,544 --> 00:09:08,909
If I knew,
I'd tell you.
246
00:09:08,979 --> 00:09:10,037
It's nice to see you
doing so well.
247
00:09:10,313 --> 00:09:11,337
Yeah, I'm really happy.
248
00:09:11,448 --> 00:09:14,383
Me and Astrid
against the world.
We're loving it.
249
00:09:14,618 --> 00:09:16,586
Yeah, so,
kind of the supermom.
250
00:09:16,653 --> 00:09:18,143
Bringing home the bacon.
Yeah.
251
00:09:18,221 --> 00:09:19,688
Fry it up in a pan
252
00:09:19,756 --> 00:09:21,121
Never, never, never let you
253
00:09:21,191 --> 00:09:22,215
Forget you're a man
254
00:09:22,292 --> 00:09:23,316
255
00:09:23,393 --> 00:09:24,883
Love that commercial.
256
00:09:24,961 --> 00:09:26,861
I don't understand
the reference.
257
00:09:27,864 --> 00:09:29,058
Well,
258
00:09:29,266 --> 00:09:30,756
Michael, it was nice
to get your call.
259
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:32,893
We had to come over
right away. It's urgent.
Okay.
260
00:09:32,969 --> 00:09:34,300
Michael has something
to tell you.
Shh.
261
00:09:34,371 --> 00:09:35,838
Are you gonna
keep me in suspense?
262
00:09:37,441 --> 00:09:38,772
263
00:09:43,914 --> 00:09:44,938
Would you excuse us?
264
00:09:45,015 --> 00:09:46,004
Okay, I'm gonna
265
00:09:46,983 --> 00:09:47,972
head outta here.
266
00:09:48,051 --> 00:09:50,417
I know you have a lot
to talk about, okay?
267
00:09:50,887 --> 00:09:53,014
Is there an operating theater
268
00:09:53,090 --> 00:09:54,387
that's open to visitors?
269
00:09:54,458 --> 00:09:55,823
Never mind. I'll find it.
270
00:09:57,661 --> 00:09:59,424
He hasn't changed.
No.
271
00:10:00,097 --> 00:10:02,065
So, what couldn't wait?
272
00:10:03,533 --> 00:10:05,228
Am I the kind of person
273
00:10:05,302 --> 00:10:07,236
to misremember
our relationship
274
00:10:07,304 --> 00:10:09,101
as something more
than it was?
275
00:10:09,172 --> 00:10:10,161
Michael Scott,
276
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,470
you are here
for a post-mortem.
277
00:10:12,809 --> 00:10:13,798
What?
278
00:10:14,177 --> 00:10:16,111
You wanna dig into
our relationship,
279
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:18,978
go over it,
see what killed it.
280
00:10:20,450 --> 00:10:21,542
Okay.
281
00:10:22,819 --> 00:10:24,013
I'm in.
282
00:10:24,721 --> 00:10:26,279
So, guys,
I've been really bothered
283
00:10:26,356 --> 00:10:29,382
by the way certain people
are getting treated
around here.
284
00:10:29,459 --> 00:10:32,428
And I just think
as an office,
we're better than that.
285
00:10:32,662 --> 00:10:35,096
Okay, now, I'm gonna
show you a picture
286
00:10:35,932 --> 00:10:36,990
of genitalia.
287
00:10:37,067 --> 00:10:38,091
288
00:10:38,168 --> 00:10:39,157
ANGELA: Andy.
289
00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:41,767
What, 'cause he's black?
Nope.
290
00:10:41,838 --> 00:10:43,100
It's 'cause it's genitalia.
291
00:10:43,173 --> 00:10:45,835
Perfectly normal genitalia,
Tuna.
292
00:10:46,376 --> 00:10:49,573
Now I'm gonna show you
another picture
293
00:10:49,646 --> 00:10:51,841
of perfectly normal
genitalia.
294
00:10:51,915 --> 00:10:53,280
Oh, my God!
295
00:10:53,683 --> 00:10:55,810
Am I blocking anybody?
Can everybody see?
296
00:10:55,886 --> 00:10:57,513
ANDY: Perfectly normal.
Big deal.
297
00:10:57,721 --> 00:10:59,689
Yeah, sure,
it's got some herpes on it.
298
00:11:00,724 --> 00:11:03,557
But you know what?
It's just as normal
as anyone else's.
299
00:11:04,661 --> 00:11:07,357
No. In the beginning,
we were not good.
300
00:11:07,631 --> 00:11:09,496
Well, there was a bit
of a learning curve
301
00:11:09,633 --> 00:11:11,362
in the conversation
department,
302
00:11:11,434 --> 00:11:13,095
but between the sheets,
303
00:11:13,170 --> 00:11:14,637
we were like
Jordan and Pippen.
304
00:11:14,905 --> 00:11:15,997
Well, if there was anything
exciting about it,
305
00:11:16,072 --> 00:11:17,937
it was because
we both knew
it was wrong.
306
00:11:18,275 --> 00:11:19,333
Because we worked together.
307
00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:20,433
No.
308
00:11:20,510 --> 00:11:22,375
Okay, imagine
there's a princess
309
00:11:22,779 --> 00:11:24,269
who falls for a guy
beneath her station,
310
00:11:24,347 --> 00:11:25,814
and the queen
doesn't like this at all.
311
00:11:25,916 --> 00:11:27,645
And the princess knows
that the queen
doesn't like it,
312
00:11:27,717 --> 00:11:29,150
and so it makes her
want to do it all the more
313
00:11:29,219 --> 00:11:30,208
just to get at the queen.
314
00:11:31,454 --> 00:11:33,149
Am I the princess?
No, I'm the princess.
315
00:11:33,223 --> 00:11:34,713
And the queen.
316
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:36,621
Okay.
So I'm the guy
at the station.
317
00:11:38,562 --> 00:11:39,551
ASTRID: Mommy!
318
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:41,558
Assie! Oh!
319
00:11:41,631 --> 00:11:44,657
How was school?
320
00:11:44,734 --> 00:11:45,723
It was cool
321
00:11:45,802 --> 00:11:48,327
What did you learn?
322
00:11:48,405 --> 00:11:49,702
What did I learn?
323
00:11:49,773 --> 00:11:52,264
You might have learned
324
00:11:52,342 --> 00:11:54,902
Shapes, or blocks
325
00:11:54,978 --> 00:11:57,344
Or clocks, or colors
326
00:11:57,414 --> 00:11:59,245
Or you might have learned
327
00:11:59,316 --> 00:12:02,444
That we're all
sisters and brothers...
328
00:12:02,519 --> 00:12:03,816
I have herpes.
329
00:12:03,887 --> 00:12:05,149
What? You...
330
00:12:06,022 --> 00:12:07,853
I used to think
that she was "the one."
331
00:12:08,658 --> 00:12:10,751
Or at least a "the one."
332
00:12:12,095 --> 00:12:13,790
And if I called
that one so wrong...
333
00:12:15,565 --> 00:12:16,589
334
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,128
Herpes, like all STDs,
is a consequence of sex.
335
00:12:20,203 --> 00:12:22,137
Can anyone else name
any other consequences?
336
00:12:22,839 --> 00:12:24,704
It feels unbelievable.
337
00:12:25,408 --> 00:12:27,171
Okay, I guess we can
make a pros column.
338
00:12:28,378 --> 00:12:29,367
"Feels..."
339
00:12:29,446 --> 00:12:30,811
KEVIN: "Unbelievable."
340
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:31,938
Okay.
341
00:12:32,015 --> 00:12:34,506
The ability to
express love physically.
342
00:12:35,352 --> 00:12:37,149
It's a magical thing.
343
00:12:37,687 --> 00:12:39,052
ANDY: "Express love."
"Magical."
344
00:12:40,557 --> 00:12:41,956
It feels amazing.
345
00:12:42,225 --> 00:12:44,819
Um... Okay, is that different
from "feels unbelievable"?
346
00:12:45,161 --> 00:12:46,628
Yes.
347
00:12:46,696 --> 00:12:48,095
Then I will write it down.
348
00:12:48,765 --> 00:12:50,892
The feeling of pure risk.
349
00:12:51,001 --> 00:12:53,128
Creed, I had that
in the cons column,
350
00:12:54,037 --> 00:12:55,334
but...
It's thrilling.
351
00:12:55,672 --> 00:12:58,732
Okay. Then...
352
00:12:59,643 --> 00:13:00,871
We'll move that.
353
00:13:00,944 --> 00:13:02,605
"Thrill of risk."
354
00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:04,579
Andy, aren't there also
negatives to sex?
355
00:13:04,981 --> 00:13:06,505
Yes! Thank you.
356
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:07,940
Such as...
357
00:13:08,018 --> 00:13:09,007
Unplanned pregnancy.
358
00:13:09,119 --> 00:13:10,780
Yes. Unplanned pregnancy.
359
00:13:10,887 --> 00:13:11,945
Like Jim and Pam, what?
360
00:13:12,022 --> 00:13:13,011
Hey.
361
00:13:13,123 --> 00:13:15,284
Just admit
that your baby
was a mistake.
362
00:13:15,358 --> 00:13:17,826
Whoa!
Hey, our baby
was not a mistake.
363
00:13:19,195 --> 00:13:20,856
She was a surprise.
Good.
364
00:13:21,031 --> 00:13:23,158
I'm sure
they don't regret
having that child.
365
00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:24,222
Let's move it to the pros.
366
00:13:24,301 --> 00:13:25,290
BOTH: Thank you.
367
00:13:25,368 --> 00:13:28,997
Okay. "Unplanned pregnancy,"
going in the pros column.
368
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,003
Next up is Helene.
369
00:13:32,842 --> 00:13:34,833
You're gonna want to
make a left on Willow,
370
00:13:34,978 --> 00:13:36,809
which is a little ways away.
371
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:37,869
I'll remind you.
372
00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:39,881
You know, I don't know
if I trust Jan's judgment.
373
00:13:39,983 --> 00:13:41,883
She...
Jan knows paper.
374
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:43,816
No, not paper.
Relationships.
375
00:13:43,887 --> 00:13:45,878
To have the ability
to point out
376
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:48,617
if a man is making
a bigger deal
out of something
377
00:13:48,692 --> 00:13:50,421
than is really there.
Wait, what Holly said?
378
00:13:50,527 --> 00:13:52,392
Yes! I don't...
Forget it, Michael.
379
00:13:52,729 --> 00:13:53,787
Today is about herpes.
380
00:13:53,863 --> 00:13:54,852
I know.
381
00:13:54,998 --> 00:13:57,091
Okay? Who gave it
to you, who has it...
382
00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:58,361
Right.
And who is going to pay.
383
00:13:58,435 --> 00:13:59,424
Okay.
384
00:13:59,502 --> 00:14:00,491
To answer your
question about Jan...
385
00:14:00,570 --> 00:14:02,003
No, Jan is insane.
386
00:14:02,072 --> 00:14:03,198
Why do you think I...
387
00:14:03,306 --> 00:14:04,432
Left! Willow, now!
388
00:14:04,507 --> 00:14:05,565
All right! God!
389
00:14:07,410 --> 00:14:08,877
Hi, stranger.
390
00:14:09,612 --> 00:14:10,670
Long time.
391
00:14:10,747 --> 00:14:11,736
Who are you?
392
00:14:12,115 --> 00:14:14,174
I'm Michael.
We dated for a while.
393
00:14:14,384 --> 00:14:15,612
I don't think so.
394
00:14:16,052 --> 00:14:17,280
Michael?
395
00:14:19,289 --> 00:14:20,722
Oh, hey!
396
00:14:21,391 --> 00:14:24,554
Dwight, would you take
my grandmother for a walk
397
00:14:24,627 --> 00:14:25,958
while I talk to
the real Helene?
398
00:14:26,029 --> 00:14:27,053
Come on, old lady,
let's go.
399
00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:28,119
What is happening?
400
00:14:28,198 --> 00:14:29,722
Come on.
401
00:14:29,899 --> 00:14:33,096
Who can tell me
the safest form
of safe sex?
402
00:14:33,236 --> 00:14:34,931
Condoms.
Incorrect.
403
00:14:35,105 --> 00:14:37,198
The only true form
of safe sex...
404
00:14:38,241 --> 00:14:39,936
Okay? Abstinence.
405
00:14:40,076 --> 00:14:42,203
Oh! I didn't
realize we were doing
406
00:14:42,512 --> 00:14:43,877
trick questions.
407
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,877
What's the safest
way to go skiing?
408
00:14:46,349 --> 00:14:47,680
Don't ski.
409
00:14:47,751 --> 00:14:48,945
DARRYL: Huh?
410
00:14:49,619 --> 00:14:50,677
I just thought
I'd bring it up
411
00:14:50,754 --> 00:14:52,722
in case someone here
was practicing abstinence.
412
00:14:53,556 --> 00:14:54,648
That's all. Anybody?
413
00:14:54,791 --> 00:14:56,884
Andy, that's way too
personal of a question.
414
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,689
Well, someone
could answer it
if they wanted to.
415
00:15:02,065 --> 00:15:03,657
Okay, in that case,
416
00:15:03,733 --> 00:15:06,998
I will now show you how
to put this condom on using...
417
00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:08,469
418
00:15:09,572 --> 00:15:11,233
...this pencil.
Oh, God!
419
00:15:11,775 --> 00:15:12,799
What?
420
00:15:12,876 --> 00:15:14,366
Why would you
choose a pencil, Andy?
421
00:15:14,677 --> 00:15:16,201
Well, I'm not gonna
use my penis, Oscar.
422
00:15:16,279 --> 00:15:18,042
It's not exactly
hard right now, anyway.
423
00:15:18,114 --> 00:15:20,241
Come on, give it
a rest, pencil .
424
00:15:20,316 --> 00:15:21,943
I'm doing this
for you, Meredith!
425
00:15:22,118 --> 00:15:23,881
I didn't want it!
Well, didn't you?
426
00:15:23,953 --> 00:15:25,386
Why didn't...
427
00:15:25,455 --> 00:15:28,322
Does no one appreciate
what I'm doing right now?
428
00:15:29,359 --> 00:15:30,621
MEREDITH: Whoa!
429
00:15:32,462 --> 00:15:34,726
It'll go away in time.
Just don't touch it.
430
00:15:35,131 --> 00:15:37,292
Did I make more
of what we had
431
00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:38,459
than was really there?
432
00:15:38,802 --> 00:15:39,894
What did you think we were?
433
00:15:40,136 --> 00:15:43,162
Just a quirky indie movie,
434
00:15:43,239 --> 00:15:44,706
weird sort of thing,
435
00:15:45,208 --> 00:15:48,109
breaking all the rules,
but had to end
436
00:15:48,178 --> 00:15:50,669
because the summer
was over for you.
437
00:15:51,314 --> 00:15:53,578
I think that for you
to have come here
438
00:15:53,650 --> 00:15:55,641
even expecting
439
00:15:56,352 --> 00:15:58,149
that we could have
a conversation like this
440
00:15:58,221 --> 00:16:01,156
shows how
self-deluded you are.
441
00:16:01,591 --> 00:16:05,789
Michael, your memory
has failed you greatly.
442
00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:08,022
Jerk.
443
00:16:21,177 --> 00:16:22,269
Michael.
444
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:25,975
So, this is a chef's kitchen,
445
00:16:26,049 --> 00:16:28,483
which makes it perfect
for real entertainers.
446
00:16:28,785 --> 00:16:30,810
Real entertainer,
like Billy Joel.
447
00:16:31,254 --> 00:16:33,984
Michael.
Carole. How are you?
448
00:16:34,157 --> 00:16:35,385
I'm great. How are you?
449
00:16:35,458 --> 00:16:38,154
I'm great.
I saw your sign outside,
450
00:16:38,294 --> 00:16:40,023
and I decided
I'm gonna pull in,
451
00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:41,926
and maybe I'm going to
buy a house from her.
452
00:16:42,165 --> 00:16:43,598
You didn't call my office
453
00:16:43,666 --> 00:16:45,497
and ask them
where I was?
No!
454
00:16:45,568 --> 00:16:46,762
That's so...
455
00:16:46,936 --> 00:16:48,904
'Cause the receptionist
told me that a man called,
456
00:16:48,972 --> 00:16:51,133
but he would only say
that he was my ex-Iover.
457
00:16:51,207 --> 00:16:52,265
Weird.
Yeah.
458
00:16:52,342 --> 00:16:53,366
Sounds like a nice guy.
459
00:16:54,077 --> 00:16:57,103
I don't know,
I mean, people were being
really mean to Meredith and...
460
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,345
But this wasn't really
about Meredith, was it?
461
00:17:00,383 --> 00:17:01,407
You and Erin
were broken up.
462
00:17:01,584 --> 00:17:03,745
How is that
relevant to anything?
463
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:06,550
I asked you
if it was okay
if I asked her out.
464
00:17:06,990 --> 00:17:08,480
You said, and I quote,
465
00:17:09,025 --> 00:17:11,585
"My good sir,
nothing would make me happier
466
00:17:11,661 --> 00:17:14,562
"than to hand you the hand
of the hand once in my hand."
467
00:17:14,998 --> 00:17:17,728
I specifically remembered it
because you said it
in such a weird way.
468
00:17:18,234 --> 00:17:19,258
Well, the only
reason I said that
469
00:17:19,335 --> 00:17:21,200
is 'cause you
asked me so politely,
470
00:17:21,337 --> 00:17:23,635
and it was very
difficult for me
to say no.
471
00:17:24,707 --> 00:17:25,901
I'll let this slide,
472
00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:30,270
but I expect you
to put this whole
Erin thing behind you.
473
00:17:30,847 --> 00:17:32,280
Oh, wow!
Another living room.
474
00:17:32,515 --> 00:17:33,504
It's a family room.
475
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:36,913
You put the TV there.
You put your family here.
476
00:17:37,887 --> 00:17:39,912
Michael,
why are you here?
477
00:17:40,590 --> 00:17:41,955
Somebody told me
478
00:17:42,025 --> 00:17:44,960
that I romanticize
relationships.
479
00:17:45,862 --> 00:17:47,853
You know,
we all do that.
480
00:17:48,531 --> 00:17:50,021
I have herpes.
481
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:51,692
What?
482
00:17:52,335 --> 00:17:53,893
Did you have that
while we were together?
483
00:17:53,970 --> 00:17:55,062
I just found out today.
484
00:17:55,138 --> 00:17:57,436
It's right there.
485
00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,808
Oh! Oh! What, that's what
you're talking about?
486
00:17:59,909 --> 00:18:01,570
Mmm-hmm. I'm sorry.
487
00:18:01,744 --> 00:18:03,041
Did you have a doctor
check it out?
488
00:18:03,112 --> 00:18:05,012
I'm between specialists
right now.
489
00:18:05,949 --> 00:18:07,974
Yes. Yes, Michael.
490
00:18:08,084 --> 00:18:11,247
Actually, you do make
a bigger deal out of things
491
00:18:11,321 --> 00:18:12,720
than you need to.
492
00:18:12,822 --> 00:18:15,017
You proposed to me
on our fourth date.
493
00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:16,849
Well, I believe in
love at first sight.
494
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:18,588
Well, so do I,
495
00:18:18,661 --> 00:18:20,856
but we didn't love
each other at first,
either.
496
00:18:21,731 --> 00:18:23,358
I don't know what
you were thinking.
497
00:18:24,867 --> 00:18:26,459
I know what I was
thinking at the time,
498
00:18:26,536 --> 00:18:28,527
but right now,
it just seems ridiculous.
499
00:18:28,905 --> 00:18:30,236
DWIGHT: Excuse me.
500
00:18:31,541 --> 00:18:33,372
Someone died in the upstairs
bathroom, didn't they?
501
00:18:33,610 --> 00:18:34,634
No.
502
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,641
We should
schedule meetings,
503
00:18:39,716 --> 00:18:41,650
'cause the days can
slip away with chitchat.
504
00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:44,480
Are you crying?
505
00:18:45,021 --> 00:18:46,511
No, I'm just sweating.
506
00:18:46,589 --> 00:18:48,318
I don't know
what's got you upset,
507
00:18:48,391 --> 00:18:51,053
but my advice
is stop crying.
508
00:18:51,127 --> 00:18:52,651
I'm not crying.
I'm sweating.
509
00:18:52,996 --> 00:18:54,725
Look, you need
to pick yourself up.
510
00:18:55,064 --> 00:18:56,725
Man up, all right?
511
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,265
Son, you will win this
in the end.
512
00:19:00,003 --> 00:19:01,903
It's all about heart
513
00:19:02,505 --> 00:19:03,995
and character.
514
00:19:04,073 --> 00:19:06,371
Be your best self.
515
00:19:07,443 --> 00:19:08,467
Okay.
516
00:19:08,578 --> 00:19:09,670
Yeah.
517
00:19:09,846 --> 00:19:11,336
I have no idea
what his problem is.
518
00:19:11,447 --> 00:19:13,108
It's just my standard advice.
519
00:19:13,182 --> 00:19:14,410
It's good advice, right?
520
00:19:14,851 --> 00:19:16,079
This is Holly Flax.
521
00:19:16,152 --> 00:19:17,346
I can't come tothe phone right now,
522
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:18,648
but please leave a message
523
00:19:18,721 --> 00:19:20,712
at the sound ofthe tiny truck backing up.
524
00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:21,779
525
00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:24,119
Hi, Holly, it's Michael.
526
00:19:25,261 --> 00:19:26,956
I just wanted to
call and let you know
527
00:19:27,030 --> 00:19:28,793
that I was thinking
about what you said.
528
00:19:29,532 --> 00:19:31,432
It's just, you know,
529
00:19:33,336 --> 00:19:35,270
it's weird. Today, I
530
00:19:35,805 --> 00:19:38,467
ended up seeing a lot of
the women that I used to date,
531
00:19:39,475 --> 00:19:41,705
and in my mind,
they were all great.
532
00:19:42,578 --> 00:19:44,546
And then when I
actually saw them,
533
00:19:45,281 --> 00:19:47,374
it was mostly a freak show.
534
00:19:47,650 --> 00:19:48,708
And you and me,
535
00:19:48,785 --> 00:19:51,253
that must have been
a real train wreck.
536
00:19:52,989 --> 00:19:54,479
You know what?
537
00:19:56,025 --> 00:19:57,788
Holly, you're wrong.
538
00:19:59,662 --> 00:20:00,822
You are wrong.
539
00:20:02,031 --> 00:20:04,261
I remember
every second of us.
540
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:06,392
And talking to you today,
541
00:20:06,469 --> 00:20:11,065
I don't feel for them
anything like what
I feel for you.
542
00:20:11,808 --> 00:20:13,002
It's...
543
00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:15,573
I didn't joke
with any of them.
544
00:20:15,645 --> 00:20:17,272
I joked with you.
545
00:20:18,047 --> 00:20:19,480
You were the only one
546
00:20:19,549 --> 00:20:22,017
who was actually happy
to hear from me.
547
00:20:22,452 --> 00:20:24,818
And I don't know why
you downgraded what we had,
548
00:20:24,887 --> 00:20:26,980
but I did not make us up.
549
00:20:28,624 --> 00:20:29,716
Okay.
550
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,919
Oh, and you might,
you should talk to a doctor
551
00:20:32,995 --> 00:20:35,088
because you might have herpes.
552
00:20:35,231 --> 00:20:36,220
Bye.
553
00:20:42,438 --> 00:20:44,235
What is this about?
Oscar,
554
00:20:44,507 --> 00:20:46,907
We once sucked face in public
555
00:20:47,610 --> 00:20:49,874
as part of
an office presentation
556
00:20:49,946 --> 00:20:53,404
to destroy the stigma
about gay kissing.
557
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:55,547
Do you recall?
Yes, and...
558
00:20:55,618 --> 00:20:57,745
You may have given me
a sexually
transmitted disease.
559
00:20:58,254 --> 00:20:59,243
What?
560
00:20:59,322 --> 00:21:00,311
Herpes duplex.
561
00:21:00,690 --> 00:21:03,250
It's probably just
an ingrown mustache hair,
but we have to be exhaustive.
562
00:21:03,626 --> 00:21:06,356
I've already
contacted all of my
ex-Iovers except for you.
563
00:21:07,130 --> 00:21:08,324
We were never lovers.
564
00:21:08,397 --> 00:21:10,695
I'm gonna need
a list of every man
you've ever had sex with.
565
00:21:10,933 --> 00:21:13,493
I'm talking train stations,
men's rooms...
566
00:21:13,569 --> 00:21:16,538
Flower shops,
fireworks celebrations...
567
00:21:16,773 --> 00:21:17,865
Fence with a hole in it.
568
00:21:17,940 --> 00:21:18,964
Moonlit gondola.
569
00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:20,565
Carriage ride
through Central Park.
570
00:21:20,643 --> 00:21:22,133
The woods behind
the liquor store.
571
00:21:22,211 --> 00:21:23,610
The swamp behind
the old folks' home.
572
00:21:23,679 --> 00:21:25,237
MICHAEL:
Electric car dealership.
573
00:21:25,314 --> 00:21:26,804
DWIGHT:
The Democratic Primary.
574
00:21:26,883 --> 00:21:29,010
Oscar, think about... Think.
40062
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