All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S03E23.The.Job.Part.1-Part.2.720p.WEBRip.2CH.x265.HEVC-PSA

David.

Oh, Michael.

Are we all set?

Isn't...
our interview tomorrow?

Yes.

I just happened to be
in the neighborhood,

thought I'd drop in, say hello.

Just happened to be
in Midtown Manhattan?

Thought I'd catch a show.

Middle of a work day?

No.

You know what?

Since I'm here,
let me ask you a few questions

about the job.

Okay.

Um, how many people
are you interviewing?

We're only interviewing
branch managers

and some lower level
company people.

Ah, well. Good.

Out of curiosity,
are you interviewing anyone

who's been here
longer than I have,

or manages more people?

- I don't think so.
- Great.

One more question.

When you merged those branches,
who did you put in charge?

I believe we put you in charge.

Ah, great.
No further questions.

- Okay, Michael.
- Okay.

I'm really looking forward
to our interview.

And I'm really looking forward
to working with you.

I have got it made
in the shade.

I know this company.

The other branch managers
are total morons.

Hey, Pam, yeah.

I forgot what day
the interview was,

and I drove
to New York accidentally.

Be, like, three hours late.

See, I have 600.

Yeah, I don't have--

Hey.

Hey, Kev.

What's different about you?

You look worse.

Thank you.

He got a haircut.

That's sexy.
Hot.

Oh.

Turn around.

- No.
- C'mon.

No, thanks.

Do it!

Lull-up do!

What's up, Big Haircut?

You are no longer Big Tuna.

From henceforth, you shall
be known as Big Haircut.

Andy, just--

- Big Haircut?
- Nothing.

Sorry, can't hear you,
Big Haircut.

- Yup.
- What.

Karen suggested
that I get a haircut

for the interview tomorrow.

So that I could look
presentable.

And not, as she
so lovingly puts it,

homeless.

Hey.

I think it looks great.

Thanks, Pam.

After I had my little outburst
at the beach,

Jim was really nice about it.

He just basically said

that he missed
my friendship too,

and I would always mean
a lot to him.

And I understand
where he's coming from.

For the record,
I am not embarrassed at all.

It needed to be said,
and I said it.

And it only took me three years

to summon the courage, so...

Thank you.

Yeah?

You wanted to see me?

Yes.

The time has come
to name my own replacement.

So please hand this letter
of congratulations

to Dwight K. Schrute.

But that's my name.

"Dwight, congratulations,
a-wipe.

Don't screw the pooch."

Oh.

Thank you.

Okay.

All right.

Thank you, Michael.

Okay.

- Thank you so much.
- Please.

Stop crying.

Thank you.

Hey.

Hey.

Um, about the beach.

It's okay, we all say things
without thinking.

Oh, no, it's not that.

I've actually been thinking that
for a long time.

And I'm glad I said it.

I just, I'm sorry
if it made you feel weird.

Oh.

Okay.

Pam is kind of a bitch.

Hey.

What if we leave tonight?

Grab a bite, get a hotel room.

Enjoy the city a little bit.

Uh...

I just have
so much paperwork to do.

Wow, done.

Okay, let's do it.

So I was wondering if Karen
and I could get off

a few hours early,
'cause we wanted

to spend the night in the city.

Why, so you can do it?

Whoops.

No, um...

Well, I was thinking that, uh,

actually, we could
all leave tomorrow.

And do a convoy.

- You know?
- Oh.

Convoys are really fun.

Pull up next to each other.

Give each other the finger.

Mm.

Moon each other.

Uh, we're gonna go tonight.

But we're gonna see you there
tomorrow morning, right?

All right.
All right.

Your loss.
Wait.

Um, how would you moon us
if you were driving?

Cruise control.

Oh.

So Jim, who do you think
is hotter,

Pam or Karen?

Yeah, I'm not gonna talk
about this now.

Pam is taller.

You sure?

Yes.

She has bigger breasts too.

Wow.

But I think Karen
has a prettier face.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

What else?

Well, I mean, Pam's face
is really pretty too.

It's a very tough call.

Mm.

Really tough call.

Yeah.

You know what,
why don't you take

the rest of the day,
figure it out,

and then come back
and tell me what you got?

Will do.

All right.

Yes.

Hey, Pam.

I've been meaning
to say something to you.

I really miss our friendship.

Ha ha, that's very funny.

I've never heard you
talk that much.

I thought it was Kelly.

Are you kidding?
I would never have done that.

It was patheticville.

No offense, Pam.

You know what?

Don't even worry about it.

Everyone was so drunk,

I bet no one even remembers
what you said.

I remember.

I blogged the whole thing.

www.creedthoughts.gov.
wwwcreedthoughts.

Check it out.

Last year, Creed asked me
how to set up a blog.

Wanting to protect the world
from being exposed

to Creed's brain,
I opened up a Word document

on his computer,
and put an address at the top.

I've read some of it.

Even for the internet,

it's...
pretty shocking.

There they are.

The accounting department.

I shall miss your humility

and your
promptly-printed checks.

Do you think
it's gonna be weird?

Working with Jan in New York?

No, not at all.

I haven't talked to Jan
since we broke up.

And I think if she had
something to say,

she would've called me.

Maybe you
should talk to her--

No, no, no, no.

You know what?

It's a done deal.

I basically have the job
already.

There's nothing she can do
to stop it now.

I already sold my condo.

Michael.

What?
Why?

I'm sorry,
that just doesn't make sense.

Yes.
W-why?

Who gave you that advice?

Yeah, Michael, you should never
sell your condo--

I have to buy another place.

But you said you were in debt.

You're not sure
that you have the job.

I sold it on eBay.

The buyer was very motivated,
as was I.

It went for 80% of what I paid.

Sold in record time.

How would you like to spend
the night

with the regional manager
of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton?

No, Dwight, I don't care
if that's how

they consolidated power
in ancient Rome.

No, no.
Not--not Michael.

Me.

I'm taking his job.

Not now.

Good-bye, Kelly Kapur.

Jim, Jim, Jim.

Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim,
Jim, Jim, Jim.

Oh.
Hey, Dwight.

I'm going to be your new boss.

It's my greatest dream
come true.

Welcome to the Hotel Hell.

Check-in time is now,
check-out time is never.

Does my room have cable?

No.

And the sheets are made
of fire.

Can I change rooms?

Sorry, we're all booked up.

Hell convention in town.

Can I have a late checkout?

We'll have to talk
to the manager.

You're not the manager?

Even in your own fantasy?

I'm the owner.

The co-owner.

With Satan.

Okay, just so I understand it.

In your wildest fantasy,
you are in hell.

And you are co-running
a bed and breakfast

with the devil.

Yeah, but I haven't told you
my salary yet.

Go.

$80,000 a year.

Once I am officially
regional manager,

my first order of business
will be to demote Jim Halpert.

So I will need
a new number two.

My ideal choice?

Jack Bauer.

But he is unavailable.

Fictional.

And overqualified.

I will see you...

at the interview.

Yes, you will.

Who is D. Abramson?

Um, he's from that company
in Pittsburgh.

Michael.

Why?

Are you here?

Uh, how are you?

I'm good.

How are you, Janet?

It's good to see you.

I'm great.

Uh, can we...
can we talk privately

for a minute?

Why privately?

Uh, I just...
I, uh, I don't, uh.

I-I don't like the way
that we left things.

Okay, sure.
Fine.

Um, why don't you wait
in my office?

I have some important
business matters

to take care of.

Okay.

Okay.

Pam, DEFCON 10,
Houston, we have a problem.

What do you want me to do?

Uh, I may need
some immediate assistance.

If you would slowly and quietly
gather the ladies

in the conference room.

Phyllis, Angela, Karen.

What about Meredith?

No.

She's an alternate.

So how you been?

- I've been good.
- Good.

Good. Yeah.

Oh.

Sorry to drop by unexpectedly.

I, uh, tried calling,
but I kept getting voicemail.

Weird, yeah.

I didn't get
both of your messages.

Ah.

So, uh, Michael needs us
in the conference room.

Oh, is it Jan again?

Hey, uh,
before I leave tonight,

would you mind making
a half a dozen copies

of Jim's and my sales reports

for our interviews tomorrow?

Uh, sure.

Thanks.

I really hope you get the job.

Thanks.

After you ended everything
with us,

I went on a vacation.

Mm.

To kind of clear my mind.

Sounds good, sounds fun.

It was, yeah, it was good.

I think I should just...

get right to the point,
you know?

Um, I-I feel good
about myself

for the first time
in a really long time.

And I've made some big changes

in my life, and...

I miss you.

I want us to get back together.

Would you excuse me
for a second?

Oh, okay.

DEFCON 20.

She wants to get back together.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.
That's why you're here.

Help me, please.

Would you wanna get
back together with her?

No! No.

What do I do?

Just don't get
back together with her.

What if she makes me?

How can she make you
get back together with her?

She made me do a lot of things
I didn't wanna do.

This was
a terrible relationship.

You were not happy
when you were with her.

I wasn't.

You're so much happier now.

Just go in there and be strong.

You're right.

You are absolutely right,
I need to go in there

and tell her
that we can't be together.

Right.

- Wow.
- You can do it.

I'm in a very good place
right now.

Thank you.

Go. Go, go.

Okay.

Jan...

We need to talk.

Jan is in a different place
right now.

And it is a sign of maturity

to give people second chances.

So I'm going to hear her out.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, bigger actually.

That's crazy.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God,
can you believe that?

Unbelievable.

Wow.

She could put the cup
right there.

I know.

No, it's fine.

I'm sure it must've been weird
for Jim

when Roy and I
were joking around.

That one time.

I would never do that.

Waste of money.

In my experience,
guys are way more attracted

to the back of you
than to the front.

I love fake boobs.

Oftentimes you find them
on strippers.

I find it offensive.

Au naturel, baby.

That's how I like 'em.

Swing low, sweet chariots.

So...

There are a lot of things
I would like to do differently.

Yeah.

I feel like
when we first got together,

that I had a problem
with my priorities.

First got priorities.

And if we could talk
about a way to approach

a possible reconciliation.

Let's get back together.

No. No, no, no.

I'll tell you this,

it is not
because of the boob job.

Excuse me, boob enhancement.

That would be shallow.

And this is the opposite
of shallow.

This is emotionally magnificent.

Okay, everyone, listen up!

Time to begin
the interview process!

Andrew Bernard.

Saving the best for first.

All right, you guys,
see you later.

Wish us luck.

No! Hey, hey, hey,
do not wish them luck.

Do not wish them luck.

All luck must be wished
unto Michael.

Good luck, you guys.

What did I say?

Good luck.

Thanks.

I'm happy for him.

I hope he gets the job.

I really just want him
to be happy.

And I know that sounds cliché.

And I know saying
it sounds cliché sounds cliché.

Maybe I'm being cliché,
I don't care.

'Cause I am what I am.

That's Popeye.

I am going to begin
this process

with a simple test
of intelligence

and mental dexterity.

What is the best color?

White, because it contains
all other colors.

Wrong, black.
It is the most dominant.

How do you make a table?

You make a chair,
but you don't sit on it.

What is the capital of Maine?

The capital of Maine
is Montpelier, Vermont.

Which is near Ithaca, New York,

where I went to Cornell.

Okay, also, moratorium
on Cornell talk.

Don't wanna hear about it.

Forget your personal history,

and learn the history
of this company.

Should not be a problem.

I minored in history

in the ivy league school
which I attended.

You're not off
to a very good start, Bernard.

I agree.

But in another way,

I am off to a very good start,
wouldn't you say?

I am a great interviewee.

Why? Because I have something
no one else has.

My brain.

Which I use to my advantage,
when advantageous.

Time!
Nope, you failed.

Damn it!

This interview is over,
I'll let you know.

Hey, thank you so much
for driving me down

for my interview.

Totally. No problem.

What are you interviewing for,
by the way?

My assistant, or...

Oh, you know, I'm gonna have

a "Congratulations, Karen"
party, um,

tomorrow night
at my friend's house.

- Oh, wow, that sounds fun.
- Yeah.

Is your friend named Karen too?

What did she accomplish?

No, I'm sorry.
I should've been clearer.

Uh-huh.
It's for me.

- Oh.
- 'Cause I'm gonna get the job.

How remarkable.

Thanks.

Wait, let me just
check one more thing.

Okay.

Very good.

All right, well,
I have to get back.

But I will see you
in New York tomorrow, right?

Yes, indeed.

Good luck with your interview.

Thank you.

Bye.

So I...

guess we're getting
back together.

What happened?

Your advice was good,

but Jan's was bigger.

Here's the sitch.

Two weeks ago, I was
in the worst relationship

of my life.

She treated me poorly.

We didn't connect.

I was miserable.

Now I'm in the best relationship
of my life

with the same woman.

Love is a mystery.

So we have all night,
where do you wanna go first?

I don't know.

How 'bout the U.N.?

How often do you come here?

Mm, every time
my sixth grade class

goes on a field trip.

Well, I think you're

really going to enjoy this,
Adult Jim.

Hey, everybody.

The next time you see me,
I will be working

for corporate.

Starting tomorrow,
Dwight Schrute

will be running the branch.

So without further ado...

I would like to start saying
my good-byes.

♪ For everything you've done

♪ You know I'm bound

Okay.

♪ I'm bound to thank you
for it ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na

Good night.

And good luck.

♪ Na na na

♪ Na na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na na

Who's ready to work?

Yeah, we went
to The Spotted Pig

for dinner,
it's in the Village.

Uh, Karen knew it.

And then we second-acted
Spamalot.

That's when you sneak in
at intermission

with all the smokers.

And then we went to a bar
that used to be a church.

Oh, and at this one bar,
I swear I saw Lorne Michaels.

That wasn't him.

So what's gonna happen with us

when I get this job?

Oh, do you mean
when I get the job?

Well, if you get the job...

then I'd move here with you.

Would you move with me?

I'm not stupid, okay?

I was at the beach.

We don't have a future
in Scranton.

There's
one too many people there.

You mean Kevin?

Exactly.

No, but you get it, right?

We can't stay there.

Yeah.

I do.

Come on.

How are you guys doing?
Need anything?

Uh, no, we're good.
Thanks.

I have been here
a bunch of times,

so I know where everything is.

Know everybody's names.

If you need to know
somebody's name, just ask me.

Who's that?

That is Beardy.

Beardy?

Mm-hmm.

Why don't I introduce myself.

No, no, no--just--
that's not his real name.

That's just
what I call him, so.

I am by far
the most qualified person

they're interviewing.

Jim and Karen are here.

Which is cute.

They're like kid actors
tagging along with Daddy

on the big audition.

Hoping to be discovered.

Except Daddy
is the best actor around.

Daddy is Meryl Streep.

Michael is gone.

Hail to the Chief!

My first order of business,

make Andrew Bernard
my number two.

My first order of business,
accept.

As if you had a choice.

Duh.

Opportunity of a lifetime.

Three months ago,
I was nowhere.

I was just a Cornell grad
in anger management.

Look where I am now.

Not bad.

Hey, Hunter!

What's up, my brother?

This is Hunter,
secretary extraordinaire.

Uh, administrative assistant.

Is Jan in yet?

I think she's coming in later.

Could you give her
a message for me

when she gets in?

Sure.

Just say
"I want to squeeze them."

It's code,
she'll know what it means.

Okay.

Oh, and Hunter?

Could you tell her "Brr," also?

You showed
great leadership potential

at the coal walk.

Even if you did follow it

with that embarrassing
personal confession.

Thank you.

I had to make Andy
my number two.

It's political, complicated.

You wouldn't understand.

I want you to be
assistant regional manager.

Really?

Well, in a sense.

Although publicly,
I am going to retain

the assistant regional manager
position.

You will be your own assistant.

Correct, I need someone
I can trust.

But I would also like the title

to be secretly applied to you.

Just stripped
of its pomp and frills.

Okay.

So you would be
the regional manager

and the assistant
regional manager.

Andy is your number two.

I would be the secret
assistant regional manager.

Mm, let's call it
secret assistant

to the regional manager.

Mm-hmm.

Do you accept?

Absolutely, I do.

I learned from Jim,

if Dwight ever asks you
if you accept something secret,

you reply,
"Absolutely, I do."

Hello, hello!

Michael, good to see you.

- Good to see you.
- Have a seat.

Here are the post-merger
performance stats

- that you asked for.
- Great.

I've been meaning to thank you,
by the way.

You didn't lose
a single customer in the merger,

and you still managed
to trim the budget.

That is nice work.

So let me ask you a question
right off the bat.

What do you think
are your greatest strengths

as a manager?

Why don't I tell you
what my greatest weaknesses are?

I work too hard.

I care too much.

And sometimes I can be
too invested in my job.

Okay.

And your strengths?

Well, my weaknesses
are actually strengths.

Oh! Yes. Very good.

Thank you.

Very good.

Dwight is our new boss.

Oh, Michael's
not going anywhere.

Then who do you think
will get the job?

Karen.

She looks corporate.

Those little pantsuits.

I think it's gonna be Michael.

Do you really think
he's qualified for that job?

No, but he wasn't qualified
for the job he has now,

and he got that one.

Yeah.

Listen up!

Come to the center
of the room, please.

This...

is a Schrute buck.

When you have done
something good,

you will receive
one Schrute buck.

1,000 Schrute bucks equals

an extra five minutes
for lunch.

What is the cash value
of a Schrute buck?

Excellent question, Pam.

1/100th of a cent.

So 10,000 of your dollars
is worth one real dollar?

Just zip your lid.

Another announcement.

Michael wasted
an enormous amount

of the group's time
and patience

with non-work-related
ethnic celebrations

and parades of soft-minded
do-good-edness.

No longer.

No more meetings.

Amen.

Instead, today I will begin
my first lecture

in a long series of lectures
designed to increase

your knowledge
on the world of paper.

Do we have to?

Yes.
Michael is gone.

There's a new sheriff here
in these offices.

And his name is me.

Conference room, ten seconds.

All of you!

I literally cannot wait
until I see

what Dwight has planned.

And I wish Jim were here.

What do you think
we could be doing better?

I've never been a big fan
of the name Dunder-Mifflin.

I was thinking we could
name the company

something like Paper Great,

where great paper
is our passion.

We're grrreat!

I don't know, could be good.

Or, uh, Super Duper Paper.

It's super duper.

I don't know,
something like that.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Thanks for coming in, Michael.

Thank you.

It is always a treat
when our paths cross.

It is always a treat
when our paths cross.

So--oh, before I forget.

I wanted to let you know,
if you hadn't already heard,

uh, Jan and I
are back together.

So I may need to fill out

one of those love documents
again.

You're back together.

Yes, and I am very excited
about the prospect

of working under her.

Or on top of her.

Mm, that's not sexual,
just we're all professionals.

Okay, well.

Uh, I thought it was clear
in the description

of the position.

The job you're applying for
is Jan's job.

I don't understand.

So we're gonna tag team it?

No, we're letting Jan go.

Listen up.
Let's start from the ground up.

Where does paper come from?

Trees.

And where do trees grow?

- Forest.
- Soil.

Right.

We have in front of you here,

seven different types
of Pennsylvania topsoil.

Now, what would you say
is the most important element

in the production
of aboveground leafy growth?

Probably phosphorus, right?

Wrong.

It's nitrogen.

Absorb this information.

Good.

Now, let us discuss
precipitation.

Stanley.

When rainfall occurs,

does it usually fall
in a liquid, solid,

or gaseous state?

Liquid.

Very good.

You have earned
one Schrute buck.

I don't want it.

Then you have been deducted
50 Schrute bucks.

Make it 100.

Well...

Don't you wanna earn
Schrute bucks?

No--In fact,
I'll give you a billion

Stanley nickels
if you never talk to me again.

What's the ratio
of Stanley nickels

to Schrute bucks?

The same as the ratio
of unicorns to leprechauns.

- Okay.
- That's it!

Class is cancelled,
everybody out.

What? No, wait!
What are you doing?

- I'm punishing them.
- No, no, no!

Class is not cancelled!

Hey! Come on!

Let's listen
to Dwight's presentation.

What--what
are you winking for?

Zip your lid!

So that's my basic
five year plan.

And then after that, who knows?

Okay.

And now, this may seem
like an odd question.

Yeah?

What do you think
about Michael Scott?

He's a very nice man.

Mm-hmm.

And he's very well-suited
for the job he has now.

This is off the record.

He would be a disaster.

Hey, you!

Hey.

How was your interview?

- Pretty good.
- Yeah?

Could've gone better, I guess.

Oh, well, I will put in
a good word for you.

Cool. Maybe you should do it
sooner rather than later.

What?

Uh, let's just run away
together.

Let's run away to Jamaica,

live in a bungalow.

You have some savings, right?

You can pay off my debts.

It would be fine.

We'd have fun.

What's--
what's the matter?

W-what happened
in there?

I can't tell you.

Tell me what?

You son of a bitch.

Jan, this isn't the time--

You're firing me?

Where the hell do you get off?

Frankly, it's overdue.

Your behavior
in the last two years

has been completely erratic.

Erratic?

Recently, you don't even show
an interest in your work!

You smoke constantly
in your office.

You spend most of the day
online shopping.

You disappear for hours
at a time, sometimes days,

always saying you're visiting
your sister in Scottsdale.

You go to Scranton
far more often than you need to.

Is it because of these?

Whoa, hey, whoa, Jan--

I wanna know--
I wanna know!

Because if it is, then--
then I will see you in court.

- It's not. It's not.
- No.

'Cause he likes them.
Okay?

He likes them, and that is--
that is all I care about.

The time has come
for you to end

your professional relationship
with this company.

You are clearly unstable.

Hey, you're unstable!

Yeah.

No.
We're all unstable.

Okay, you know what,
I'm just not leaving!

I'm not leaving.

Not leaving.

David, I did not tell her.

It's like I'm staring
into my soul

when I look at this wall.

It's like outer space
without the stars.

It's so black.

This is gonna look so awesome!

It's so intimidating.

Anyone who comes in here

is gonna have to take me
seriously.

Abandon all hope,
ye who enter here.

Totally.

Bye, Hunter.

Bye.

Good luck with your band.

Oh, thank--

Don't let them change you.

Okay?

So long,.

So I am gonna give her
a ride home.

Let me know about the job.

Actually, Michael,
I think we're gonna take it

in another direction.

Good, I'm glad we're
on the same page.

I have a lot of ideas
for new directions.

No, we're not giving you
the job.

You know what?

That is actually good

because, um...

I don't think I could take
my girlfriend's job.

That's not being
a good boyfriend.

So I respectfully withdraw
my name from consideration.

Do you accept my withdrawal?

- I do.
- Good, very good.

I am glad we are finally
on the same page.

Still have my job
in Scranton though?

Yes.
Good.

It's all I ever wanted.

These two...

either one of them...

excellent candidates.

Wow.

That was some serious,
hardcore self-destruction.

Yeah.

Kinda feel bad for her though.

Don't. She's nuts.

Oh, man.

You know what?
This might take a while.

You really don't have to stay,
if you don't want.

Okay, good, because a bunch
of my friends

are meeting downtown for lunch,

and I was gonna meet them.

Okay.
So...

Just call me when you're done.

Sure.

- Good luck, Halpert.
- Thank you.

Dunder-Mifflin,
this is Grace.

Sure.

Oh, God!

I mean,
I just don't understand.

It's just so rude, you know?

I mean, the absolute nerve
of that guy!

I am sorry about that.

- Oh, just...
- That was terrible.

No, actually, I think
it's good.

You know, it's fine actually.

I-I do.

I really think
it's great that it happened,

because, you know,
my work has always been

the thing that's gotten
in the way

of my happiness, so...

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Well, it's...

No, don't cry.

It's gonna be okay.

Oh, I know, I know.

It's just...
I'm sorry.

It's just these painkillers
that I started taking

since the surgery.

Oh, they make my moods
totally unpredictable.

Wow.

What am I gonna do?

Well, I guess you could come
and stay at my condo.

I think I could back out
of the sale.

Probably get
some negative feedback

on my eBay profile.

Live together...

Actually, wait a minute.

This could be great.

This could be perfect.

You know, my full-time job
could be our relationship.

I could wear stretch pants
and wait for you

to come home at 5:15.

It could work, this could work!

Really.

I'll be back.

And I am back.

How'd it go?

No. No, Pam.

I'm back.

For good.

Kevin Nealon.

Everybody, may I have
your attention please?

It is with great honor
and privilege

that I announce to you,
I have officially withdrawn

my name for consideration
from the corporate job.

I know, I know, I know.

"Michael,
what are you thinking?

You were a shoo-in."

Well, got down there.

I nailed the interview.

And the strangest thing
happened.

Why is my office black?

To intimidate my subordinates.

That's stupid.

It was Andy's idea.

You shouldn't have taken it.

Bad management.

Good thing I'm back.

Ryan, coffee.

I don't do that stuff anymore.

No, it's for me, bimbo.

Kids.

So I'm back.

And I am never, ever
going to leave.

I am going nowhere.

This place is like...

the hospital where I was born,

my house,

my old age home,

and my graveyard...

for my bones.

Did Karen get the job?

Back to work.

Still waiting on that coffee.

Pam, hello.

Dwight, hello.

I wanted to thank you.

For helping me...

when you held the title

of secret assistant
to the regional manager.

You served the office
with great dignity.

No, I don't know
what the future holds,

but I'm optimistic.

And, uh, I had fun goofing
around with Dwight today.

Jim and I are just too similar.

Maybe one day I'll find
my own Karen.

But--you--that is a, um...

You know, not--

A man.

A man version.

But, uh, until then...

I can hold my head up.

I'm not gay.

I don't know how I feel
about hiring a Sixers fan.

I should leave.

Now, let me ask you
a question, Jim.

You're clearly
a very bright guy.

- Thanks.
- Always hit your numbers.

Personable, you make
a great impression

- on everyone you meet.
- I'm sorry, wait.

So is the question
how'd I get to be so awesome?

Because I don't have
an answer for you.

Oh, uh, hey, do you have
your quarterly numbers?

Yes, absolutely.

And that, uh, questionnaire?

Sorry to make you fill
that thing out.

- Oh, no, absolutely.
- Stupid HR formality.

We have this very irritating
HR guy here.

He's probably the only person
you're not gonna like.

Kendall. Ugh.

So first up.

There you go.

How do you think you'd function

here in New York?

What's that?

Oh, uh, great.
You know?

I just, um, I really appreciate
the buildings,

and, uh, the people.

And, um, there's just
an energy that New York has.

- Mm-hmm.
- Uh...

Not to mention, they have places
that are open past 8:00.

So that's a bonus.

You've been
in the Scranton branch

a long time.

What have you liked most
about that place?

The friendships.

Okay.

Well, we want the person
who takes this position

to be here for the long haul.

So... long haul.

Where do you see yourself
in ten years?

How are your feet?

Medium rare.

Thanks.

The real reason
that I went to Stamford

was because I wanted to be...

not here.

I know.

And even though I came back,

I just feel like

I've never really come back.

Well, I wish you would.

Dunder-Mifflin,
this is Pam.

Just one moment,
I'll transfer you.

I haven't heard anything.

But I bet Jim got the job.

I mean, why wouldn't he?

He's totally qualified
and smart.

Everyone loves him.

And if he
never comes back again,

that's okay.

We're friends.

And I'm sure
we'll stay friends.

We just... we never got
the timing right.

You know?

I shot him down, and then
he did the same to me, and...

But you know what?

It's okay.

I am totally fine.

Everything
is gonna be totally--

Pam. Sorry.

Um, are you free
for dinner tonight?

Yes.

All right.

Then it's a date.

I'm sorry,
what was the question?

So I know we left the other day
on a note of uncertainty,

but after some more thought,

I'm very pleased to be able
to offer you this job.

Great.

I'm so glad.

We're all very excited
you're gonna be joining us.

It'll be nice to have
another MBA around here.

I'm excited too.

Okay.

Bye.

Who was that?

Nobody.

You and I are done.

What?!