All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S07E10 - The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

It's the Johnny Karate
Super Awesome

Musical Explosion Show!

Now, to introduce
your host, Johnny Karate,

here is me, Perd Hapley!

Silence!

Welcome to the only show
that's all about learning,

music, animals,
fireworks, water-skis,

and above all,

ice cream, pizza,
ninjas, getting stronger,

sharks versus bears,

and above all, karate!

Now, why don't you kids

help me sing the welcome song?

Let me just grab my guitar.

Someone has stolen my guitar.

This seems like a case
for Special Agent...

Burt Macklin.

Ripped By mstoll

I don't give a crap, Batman.
You work for me.

Increase the perimeter!

Macklin, the President's
called six times.

If we don't get
that guitar back,

the peace in Iraq
will be canceled.

Get off my back, Chief!

I'm doing the best I can.

I don't play by the rules,

but I get results.

Dang it.
You're right again, Macklin.

And I'm sorry. You're the
best agent I've seen.

And I've worked with James Bond.

This clue may help.

Mmm. It was left at
the crime scene.

You're dismissed.

This case just keeps
getting deeper and deeper.

I'm drowning in the
adult end of the pool,

and the lifeguard's off
in the bathroom pooping.

That's good, right?

Johnny Karate's guitar
has been stolen.

That instrument is worth
literally $900 million.

But more importantly,

he can't play the goodbye
song without it.

So by the time this show is
over I will find who stole it,

and they will pay
the ultimate price.

A one-way ticket to the
Funky Monkey Dunk Tank!

All that and more

on the Johnny Karate Super
Awesome Musical Explosion Show!

It's time to
punch boredom in its stupid face

Jump, kick,
punch and drop

And drop-kick
sadness into outer space

Punch, yeah,
till you drop

It's the Johnny
Karate Super Awesome

Musical Explosion Show

So, karate masters,

you are here
for an extra awesome

and super special
episode of Johnny Karate.

And that is because
it's my final show.

Aw.

Don't look glum.

In a couple of weeks,
I'll be moving

to Washington, D.C.

It's the capital
of the entire world.

They have things there
like this white house,

and this mental institution.

And my very favorite,

the Lincoln Memorial.

It's this crazy statue

of this giant monster
sitting on a chair

that represents
all of America's enemies.

I'll be moving
to Washington D.C.

Because my wife,
April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer,

has accepted
an amazing job there.

I'm very proud of her
and totally in love.

April!

Why don't you come on out
and talk to the children?

Take a bow for being so cool.

Hey, Johnny!

So since it's your final show

I wanted to do
one last extra special

April's Animal Corner.

That's right.

This week I brought
one of the scariest,

weirdest animals
in the whole world,

Ah... Now the name
"Goliath" means "giant."

And you can see that...

Andy, where is it?
What? Uh-oh.

Where is it?
Don't look at me.

I don't know what happened.
I took it out

to play hide and seek.

I couldn't find it.
And...

Oh. That's what happened.

Okay. Well,
once again,

April's Animal Corner

has turned into one of
our favorite segments.

Yay!

And as always,
when we accidentally

end up doing Loose
Animal in the Studio,

we have to show you
this disclaimer.

Boring.

Here's a disclaimer. I
didn't read this disclaimer.

Ooh. Good point.

Okay. Done.

Okay, kids. So be on the lookout for a...
What's it called?

A Goliath
bird-eating tarantula.

Known locally to Venezuelans

as "The Devil's Fist."

Bye, kids.

Okay, kids, well, we've
got a lot of work to do

performing the
Five Karate Moves to Success.

Sing it with me!

Today we're going to...

And then we'll try something new

Oh!

And finally we'll have some fun

Because that's
the Johnny Karate way

Step one,
let's go make something.

Hello, Carpenter Ron.
How are you doing?

My contract is very specific.

I do not have to
answer that question.

This week, I am making
a shadowbox frame,

which can be used to display

an object of great value.

This one is constructed
with American cherry wood.

Cherry, huh? Now, I
have just one question.

No. The wood does not taste like cherry.
You cannot eat it.

I was not going to eat it,
Carpenter Ron.

I was going to lick it.

Always remember, kids,

when you find something new,

you must lick it
before you eat it.

That is incorrect, in a number of ways.

I sure have had some fun

making things with you, son.

Thank you for
everything you've done

for the children of this area.

You're welcome, Carpenter Ron.
Hey, kids.

This, to me, seems like a...

You are mistaken.
Remove the graphic.

Well, kids, it's time

for our next
karate move to success.

Let's learn something.

Hello, Professor Smartbrain!
Hi, Johnny.

Uh, listen, I don't know
if you got my email,

but I thought since
this is our final show,

maybe we not use the...

Boring Buzzer.

Okay, kids. Today we're going
to learn about geography.

Now, you, Johnny, are
moving to Washington, D.C.

I thought what
we could talk about

is how fast you could get there

using an airplane,

a train or a car.

Now as you can see,

the airplane is the fastest.

Not the fastest.
What about teleporting?

Well, sure.
That would be really fun,

but it's impossible.

Nothing is impossible, kids.

Teleportation
is impossible.

It's about theoretical physics.

You asked me to do this.

This was a favor...

Morning, Johnny! Mail call!

Hi, Mailman Barry!

Who brought me mail today?

Well, Johnny,
you got over 500 letters,

from kids who love you, asking
for you and April to stay.

Aw. Babe,
did you hear that?

Now, Johnny,

you also got
one very special letter.

It's from me.

And on the last day
of your show,

I thought I could
read it to you.

Aw.

"Dearest Andy,

"I've never had a son of my own,

"and I just want you to know
that for the past 10 years..."

It's time to
karate chop something!

Ninjas, attack!

Ah, jeez.

Disperse!

Remember, never attack
a real postal employee.

We're allowed to
attack Mailman Barry

because he volunteered
to help us

with our karate moves.

I kind of thought I'd be holding
a piece of wood or something.

But, you know,
always happy to help.

Next up, we're going
to try something new

with my good friend
Leslie Knope.

Hey, Johnny Karate!

I'm so happy to be here
on your last show ever.

Hi, Leslie.
I'm glad you're here

to teach us all how to be brave.

So, Leslie, what are you going
to be trying new this week?

I am going to be taking over

hosting my friend's TV show.
Huh?

Isn't that right, April?

That is right.

Johnny, you have
made so many kids

and so many parents so happy

that we wanted to give
you a proper sendoff.

Andy Dwyer/Johnny Karate,

this is your life!

Oh, my gosh.
Leslie, this is amazing.

I don't know what to say.

Literally, because normally I have
a script that I have to stick to.

But I don't know what I'm
supposed to say right now.

It's kind of a nightmare.

Okay. You leave
that to us, Johnny.

Uh, when we come back,
we will take a look

at the journey of Andy Dwyer.

Stay tuned.

"Now listen to some words
from our sponsors"

are the words
I'm saying right now.

Hire Very Good Building Company

for your construction needs.

Or do not.
I am not a beggar.

End of commercial.

The Wamapoke people
have a saying,

"Only one who listens
hears the cry of the wolf."

That advice has been passed down

from generation to generation.

Today, I give
that advice to you.

Listen for Coinsy the Wolf

at Wamapoke Casino.

Twice a day, one lucky
visitor will hit

the mega-wolfjackpot,

and Coinsy will howl for you.

The thing
we return to now is

my Johnny Karate Show
return message.

Welcome back.

When I first met the man
standing next to me,

he was not
a cultural phenomenon.

"Phenomenon" means
"to explore a cave."

He was going
through a tough time.

He had just broken both legs

from falling into a pit.

I was super wasted.

It's a kid's show, Andy.
Yes. Good call.

Kid's show.
Good call.

That event set in motion

many wonderful things
in my life,

including the building
of the Pawnee Commons.

So, in a weird way, Andy,

I owe it all to you.

And now that the show is ending,

I'm gonna have to
start all over again.

Hopefully there's a pit
in Washington D.C.

That I could fall into.

Andy pulled
his life together

and he got himself a job

at the shoeshine stand
in City Hall.

He then became
a bureaucratic assistant.

Hi, honey.
Hey, hi.

He was always enthusiastic,

but he also kept track
of his appointments

by writing them on his arm.

Still do!

To commemorate that time

and to make sure that you never
miss another appointment again,

we have brought you

a monogrammed day planner.

Guys, that's so sweet.
Aw.

Thank you.

Aw.

Oh, no, I lost it.

The day planner's gone.
I can't find it anywhere.

What?

Fitting, really.

From then, Andy went to England

for a few months
to work for a non-profit.

It was there that he befriended

the 14th Earl
of Cornwall-upon-Thames,

Sir Edgar Covington.

Ta-da!

Oh, my God, Eddie!
This is amazing!

Andy, I am here in this
weird, flat place,

to name you a loyal and true

karate defender
of the Queen's Realm.

Please get down on one knee.

This honor is bestowed on those

who have shown great achievement

in the fields
of the arts, learning,

literature and science.

Therefore, I hereby dub thee

a knight of the Order
of the British Empire.

Hang on. Can you
actually do this?

Well, technically, only the
Queen can knight somebody,

but I'm so rich that she
lets me do what I want.

Would you like to be knighted?

Oh. No, no, no. Of course not.
It's Andy's day.

Dude, I don't mind.

Oh! Then, yes,
knight me, please.

Oh, my God, this is amazing.

Winter is coming
for Ser Ben Lightstorm.

Okay, you're both knights.
Cool.

Guys, this was so much fun.

Friend, co-worker,
musician,

husband Andy Dwyer...

Sir Andy Dwyer.
Sir Andy Dwyer

had become so many things
to so many people.

But his greatest creation
was yet to come.

A salute to Johnny Karate
when we come back!

We know what you want.

Healthy, natural food
that still tastes great.

And we're here to tell you...

Healthy food is for suckers.

It tastes like garbage
and if you say you like it,

you're a chump and a liar.

Be honest.

This is what you want to eat.

It tastes amazing.

What's in it?

How many calories?

It's awesome.

One of Andy's
greatest achievements

was the success of
his band, Mouse Rat.

No one was doing
what we were doing.

Well, that's not really true.

We were basically
playing covers of

Dave Matthews songs.

So I guess you could say

Dave Matthews was doing
what we were doing.

To play in a band
like Mouse Rat

that brought such
joy to so many...

Truly was a mitzvah.

I should mention,
I'm a rabbi now.

For the full
rockumentary, go to...

And now, back to the show.

Every hero
struggles with failure,

faces something they cannot do.

Andy faced one of those
moments just a few years ago.

I would've chugged that
entire gallon of milk,

had I not started
puking out of nowhere.

No, you did not
achieve your dream

of becoming
a Pawnee police officer.

Oh. Right. But you did
create Burt Macklin,

a character who
exemplifies everything

that is great
about law enforcement.

Take a look.

My name is Burt
Tyrannosaurus Macklin.

I don't know what
the problem is, Sergeant.

Just drain the ocean.

Andy,

on behalf of the entire

Pawnee Police Department,

I'd like to present you
with this genuine

Pawnee police badge.
Wow!

It's ensconced forever in the
shadowbox we made earlier.

How about that?
No!

Son, we spent
four days making that.

This means so, so much to me.

I'm a cop!

I should get some handcuffs too!
Give me your cuffs, Randy.

No, no.
It's an honorary title.

Stand down, sir.
Quit it!

Andy, now that you are
an official police officer...

He's not. I want to
make it clear, he's not.

You should be able to solve the
case of the missing guitar.

So, grab your clue

and head on over
to Professor Smartbrain.

Professor Smartbrain,

this piece of fabric
was found at the scene.

Look at it under your telescope.

Hmm. It looks like there
are some tiny initials.

"J. C?"

President Jimmy Carter
stole my guitar?

But why?

I don't think it's
Jimmy Carter, buddy.

The champ is here!

Hi, kids. Is everybody
having a great time?

I know I am!

John Cena in the house!

John Cena, you're my hero!

Wait. You're Andy.
Yeah. I'm Andy.

From the information I got

I just assumed you'd be
like 10 years old.

Thank you.
That's... Okay, great.

Thank you. Thank you so
much, man,

For bringing martial arts
and music

to all the children.

Wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing, man?

Gotcha! Got me? Wait. What?

He got my cuffs. Wait. What
the hell is this? Oh!

John Cena, you're a great
inspiration, a true hero,

and this is the greatest
moment of my life.

But you're going down.

Going down? What are you doing...
Whoa!

Stop! You stole Johnny
Karate's guitar.

I didn't steal his guitar, man.

I'm just doing this as a favor.

You're going
in the dunk tank, bud.

I don't wanna go in the dunk tank.
Shut up.

Is anybody in charge?

Uh, a little help?

And now it's time to celebrate
Andy Dwyer's greatest creation,

Johnny Karate.

He has brought so much happiness

to so many children
in southern Indiana

that we thought
a piece of Johnny Karate

should stay here in Pawnee.

Everybody
was kung fu fighting

Raise it up!

Those cats were
fast as lightning

This is awesome.

Can you believe it, babe?

In fact it was
a little bit frightening

That karate gi
will stay here forever.

Well, not here, here, because
this studio actually has a show

where divorced couples
work out their problems,

so that might be weird if that
thing was hanging over them.

But it'll be somewhere. And
the spirit will stay with us.

Forever.

Andy Dwyer's final goodbye,
when we come back.

What powers us?

What gives us the tools
to attain our goals,

face our fears, take that
next step into the unknown?

It's energy.

Verizon, Exxon and Chipotle
are proud to announce

a cross-platform merger
of our three great brands.

Whether it's extending
your 6G coverage,

drilling natural gas
out of shale

or perfecting
the chicken quesadilla,

we will give you the energy
to get you to the next level.

And with enough energy, America,

nothing can stop us.

The all-new
Verizon-Chipotle-Exxon.

I'd like to begin
by saying thank you

to anyone who has ever worked

on the Johnny Karate
Musical Explosion Show.

This has been the greatest
job I've ever had,

and today has been
the best day of my life.

And that's saying something.

I once found a rock that looked
exactly like Santa Claus.

Hat and everything, so...

Before I say goodbye,
let's review our checklist

one last time.

We made something
with Carpenter Ron.

We learned something
with Professor Smartbrain.

We karate-chopped something,
old Mailman Barry's face.

And we tried something new,

even though it was scary
to us, with Leslie Knope.

That leaves just one more thing.

The most important one.

And I think I know right now
who needs it the most.

My wife,
April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer.

Honey, come on out here.

Come here.

Babe.

Hey. Babe?

Wait!

Honey, where are
you going? Babe.

Hey. Where are you...

Hey, come here.

April, what's going on?

It's...

Every week this show
is an amazing train wreck,

and you love doing it,
and you're the best host.

Like, even better than my
all-time favorite host,

Tom Snyder, which is crazy.

And all those kids love you,

and you're doing
what you're meant to do.

And I can't be the person

that makes you lose
what you love.

Yeah, but you're what I love.

You're the only reason
I have any of this.

You believed in me,

and you supported me,

and you make me happy.

Happier than I ever
thought I could be.

All right, without you,
I wouldn't be anything.

You're what keeps me going.

You're my
Verizon-Chipotle-Exxon.

As long as I'm with you,
I'm going to be happy.

So we go to
Washington D.C.

And then we figure out the next
cool and awesome thing from there.

Okay?

Okay.

Well, that was a very good
Being Nice To Someone.

I did it.

Now I can go finish the show.

Well, it's time
for us to go

But I want you to all to know

That karate's not about fighting

It's about knowing who you are

And being kind and honest

While you're kicking
for the stars

Yeah, that's
the Johnny Karate way

Keep karate in your heart

And aspire to your dreams

And always remember
you're forever on my team

Yeah, that's
the Johnny Karate way

Karate yell!

Hiya!

Goodbye, Pawnee!
I will miss you.

Guys? Guys? Guys!

Tarantula!

Could somebody get me outta here?
Please?

I'll help you, John Cena.

No.

Ripped By mstoll