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1
00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:05,934
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the
Pawnee Bicentennial Scavenger Hunt.
2
00:00:06,139 --> 00:00:10,371
Get ready for a full day of
hunting, maybe even days! Plural!
3
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:11,942
Enough talking.
4
00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:14,172
Clues. Please and thank you.
5
00:00:14,314 --> 00:00:16,942
Leslie warned me that Ron
was a master puzzle solver.
6
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,541
So, I have outdone myself.
7
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:21,347
This is the Lady Gaga
of scavenger hunts.
8
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:24,254
A complete work of genius wrapped
up in a disorienting mix
9
00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:26,915
of confusing cultural
red herrings.
10
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:32,893
The treasure is buried beneath the
south-western most bench in Ramside Park.
11
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,361
How could you have possibly
figured that out already?
12
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,767
Once I determined
the cryptex was a false lead,
13
00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,431
I realized the hidden clues
on the scrolls could be solved
14
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:42,668
within complete
columnar transposition.
15
00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:45,676
The transposed words often
numerically link to numbers,
16
00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:48,578
the sequence of which suggested
latitude and longitude.
17
00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:51,048
Then, it was simply a matter
of accessing my mental sexton.
18
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:52,140
I'm shocked.
19
00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:54,746
I ran this hunt plan by the
Indiana Puzzlers' Guild
20
00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:56,948
and they gave it five out
of five Sherlock pipes.
21
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:01,589
Keep it.
And don't feel bad.
22
00:01:01,661 --> 00:01:03,925
It's my curse.
23
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:18,500
Ripped By mstoll
24
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:25,473
We need to
go over the schedule
25
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:27,213
leading up to the primary.
Let's talk shop.
26
00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:30,154
Ooh, shop talk. One of my
five favorite types of talk,
27
00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:32,316
along with pillow,
girl, real, and TED.
28
00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:33,882
Why are you wearing a poncho?
29
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,155
Oh, because every surface area
30
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:37,321
in your house is sticky.
31
00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:40,696
Last time I was here, I found
a melted crayon on my blazer.
32
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,793
Okay. I have a photo op
with Gryzzl tomorrow.
33
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,861
Between now and then we have
a ton of stuff scheduled.
34
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,703
Looks like we're gonna have
to skip the pie baking event
35
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,606
and the ceremonial squash toss.
36
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,542
Oh, really? We
have to skip that?
37
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:55,137
I love watching those
squashes fly through the air.
38
00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:56,682
I kind of like
the way they land.
39
00:01:56,749 --> 00:01:58,182
Me, too.
40
00:01:58,251 --> 00:02:01,652
Okay, excuse me, but I have
to get back to a city,
41
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:02,915
where things happen.
42
00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:06,015
Okay. This campaign is
about to start in earnest.
43
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:08,583
Things are about to get real intense.
You ready?
44
00:02:08,661 --> 00:02:11,528
I already made my pump up mix.
45
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:14,032
There's a surprising amount
of Pat Benatar. Nice.
46
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,226
I was talking to Leslie.
47
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,359
Me, Leslie?
Yeah.
48
00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:18,370
Well, I was an actual
candidate, so I think
49
00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:20,338
I can handle being
a candidate's wife.
50
00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:21,964
I know all the issues
inside and out.
51
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:23,474
Mmm, see, that's the problem.
52
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:26,341
If you were just a ding-dong, I
would just slap a flag pin on you,
53
00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:27,777
and pour some Valium
down your throat.
54
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,280
Everything would be fine.
55
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:32,079
It's the smarties
that freak people out.
56
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,810
I think you're
underestimating the voters.
57
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:38,181
I don't think
that is possible.
58
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,123
Being the wife-of
is a minefield.
59
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:42,518
Right, Ben?
60
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:46,964
You know, why don't you think of it
like sex freshman year of college?
61
00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:50,662
You just want to get through it as fast as
possible without embarrassing yourself.
62
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,702
I'm using that as an
analogy to help you out
63
00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:54,205
because I'm assuming
you were a late bloomer.
64
00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:56,742
Not me. I crushed
it from day one.
65
00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:59,802
Stephen, be careful!
66
00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:03,475
Poncho!
67
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,548
I know you normally
hate foundations,
68
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:09,019
but this one I think
you'll actually like.
69
00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:11,386
We take people that don't
know what they wanna do
70
00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:14,324
and then put them to work doing
cool stuff all over the world.
71
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:15,827
And I start in a couple months.
72
00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:17,522
Well, I had hoped you'd choose
73
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:18,996
a more dignified trade
74
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:21,295
like masonry or logging.
75
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:23,358
But you are out of
local government,
76
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:25,370
and that's a step in
the right direction.
77
00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:27,838
It's definitely
the job I wanted.
78
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:33,134
But it means that we have
to move to Washington.
79
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,072
Well.
80
00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:37,606
Then bully for you.
81
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:40,276
If you intend to move,
I suppose you should return
82
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:42,878
the spare key to my house.
83
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,685
The one I gave you years ago
84
00:03:44,757 --> 00:03:46,952
when you were my assistant,
for emergencies.
85
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:48,749
Okay.
86
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,560
Good talk.
87
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:58,131
This neighborhood has been
mostly abandoned for years.
88
00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:00,934
But now, thanks to
the new Gryzzl headquarters,
89
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:02,975
this district will
soon transform
90
00:04:03,042 --> 00:04:05,806
into a hub of innovation
for decades to come.
91
00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:06,867
Mister Wyatt.
92
00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:10,311
Uh... Yes, I'm taking questions.
Yeah, what is it, Dad?
93
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:12,283
Your campaign
released a schedule.
94
00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:14,752
And it looks like your wife
is skipping the Pie Mary.
95
00:04:15,021 --> 00:04:16,010
Care to explain?
96
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,683
The Pie Mary is a Southern
Indiana tradition,
97
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,817
where Congressional
candidates' wives
98
00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:22,884
face off in a
pie-baking contest.
99
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:26,454
The last contest's winner was June
Hartwell's buttermilk meringue.
100
00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:29,558
Last contest's loser
was all women.
101
00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:33,766
Leslie would be the first candidate's
wife not to enter the Pie Mary.
102
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,434
What kind of a statement
are you making by skipping it?
103
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:38,443
We're... I'm not making
any kind of statement.
104
00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:40,445
We're just focusing
on bigger issues,
105
00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:45,075
like Ben's $150 million
revitalization project.
106
00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:47,084
Pardon me. I need to get through.
Pardon me. Excuse me.
107
00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:48,211
Mike Patterson here.
108
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,653
Leslie, you made it pretty clear
109
00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:51,519
that you don't think
homemaking is important.
110
00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,218
Do you ever cook
for your children?
111
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,693
And who's even watching
your children right now
112
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,696
while you're out
God only knows where?
113
00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:59,994
What are you talking about? I'm
standing right here in front of you.
114
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:01,897
Okay, take it easy.
Let's not get emotional.
115
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,128
Okay, we have to run.
116
00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:05,170
We'll see you all at
my economic address.
117
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:06,330
Thanks for coming, everybody.
118
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:08,203
What other traditions
are you against, Leslie?
119
00:05:08,274 --> 00:05:09,935
Baseball? Hugging
your children?
120
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:11,642
How much did that haircut cost?
121
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:14,145
None of your business.
And thank you for noticing.
122
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,372
My desk was right here.
123
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:17,916
Sitting right on top of it
this whole time.
124
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,918
How much money is it?
It's not money.
125
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,385
I told you. It's Ron's key.
126
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:22,785
I hid it in here years ago.
127
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:25,452
Hey!
Yeah. No. No key.
128
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:28,585
Just a note and a movie
ticket stub and four teeth.
129
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,492
"If you are looking for
Ron's key, I moved it,
130
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:33,430
"and you'll never find it.
Cordially, April."
131
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,488
Where'd you put it then?
132
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:36,432
I don't know.
It was eight years ago.
133
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,595
Oh, God. A key
to Ron's house
134
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,468
is lost in a
government building.
135
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,235
It's his worst nightmare.
Listen, babe.
136
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:45,607
All we gotta do
is train Champion
137
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:47,168
to sniff out Ron's key.
138
00:05:47,246 --> 00:05:48,474
Okay. All we need is Ron's key
139
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:50,243
to give him a scent.
140
00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:51,340
So give me the key
141
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:53,112
and I'll get you that key.
142
00:05:57,590 --> 00:06:00,753
Welcome back to the program.
My guest is June Hartwell,
143
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:03,091
wife of incumbent
Congressman Paul Hartwell.
144
00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:04,254
Now, June, we all know
145
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,195
what Ben Wyatt's wife
is really saying.
146
00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:08,028
By skipping the Pie
Mary, she's saying,
147
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,695
"Women who love their
families are stupid."
148
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,601
Mike, we all make
certain choices.
149
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,503
Ms. Knope chose to
try to have it all.
150
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,475
I chose to put my family first.
151
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,306
Oh, I'm just speculating
here, but do you think that
152
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,710
Leslie Knope's actions indicate
153
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:22,611
that she actually
hates her family?
154
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:27,049
Well, it only took three
hours for Jen to be right.
155
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,587
I'm officially a distraction.
156
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:29,848
I'm gonna enter that Pie Mary.
157
00:06:29,922 --> 00:06:31,719
This is just nonsense,
it'll blow over.
158
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:34,487
And the Pie Mary is
ridiculous and antiquated.
159
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,857
But the more they
talk about this,
160
00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:38,089
the less they're gonna talk
about your economic plan.
161
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:39,791
Besides, I'm good
at making pies,
162
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:42,630
so I'll win and
then I can promote
163
00:06:42,702 --> 00:06:45,500
my self-published women's
rights barbecue cookbook
164
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:47,038
The Feminine Mesquite.
165
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,073
Everything's fine.
166
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:50,937
Except you're gonna
need to get a new calculator
167
00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:53,978
'cause I crushed this one in a blind
rage while I was watching the show.
168
00:06:57,049 --> 00:07:01,042
Keep looking. It's a small, brown
box where I used to hide things.
169
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,721
It had an eagle
on the top of it.
170
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,312
I found this one, but it
has a falcon on the top.
171
00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:07,188
I'll keep looking. No, that's it!
That's it, Andy!
172
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,419
Eagle, falcon, whatever.
Not whatever.
173
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:11,962
Eagles are more robust,
have stronger talents.
174
00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:13,658
Didn't go to Bird School much?
175
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:16,997
Okay, let's see.
176
00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:21,631
Garry's wedding ring, Tom's
watch, Kyle's car keys...
177
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:23,004
What the heck?
178
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:26,101
Wait, wait. I lost that wedding ring
down the sewer grate six years ago.
179
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:29,339
I know. And I fished it out, so
I can put it on my voodoo doll.
180
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,914
It's not in there.
I have to run away.
181
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,275
That's it.
182
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,047
Garry, goodbye.
We're disappearing forever.
183
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:40,752
You're a nice man and I'm sorry
for everything I did to you.
184
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,418
Goodbye.
Babe, no. Listen.
185
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,458
We could easily go that route.
186
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,189
Initiate Ghost Protocol.
187
00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:48,256
We switch faces, we burn our
fingertips off with acid,
188
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:51,770
we live in the tunnels beneath the Kremlin.
We could do that easily.
189
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,132
But this is not
that big of a deal.
190
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,333
Just be honest. Tell him
you lost his key. Come on.
191
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,604
Garry, I take everything back.
I hate you.
192
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,944
I can't believe
after all these years...
193
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,214
Jeez.
194
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,214
I had it in a safe place,
and then I moved it
195
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:14,282
to protect it, and I
don't remember where.
196
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,384
I see.
197
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:16,860
Don't be mad, Ron.
198
00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:19,124
She hid it too good,
199
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,360
and she left a string of clues.
200
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,265
It's an impossible puzzle.
201
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,562
And I love puzzles.
202
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:26,935
A minimal, unhelpful note...
203
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:28,573
These appear to be human teeth.
204
00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:31,041
- And what is this?
- New Moon?
205
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,642
It's a movie, but
I've never seen it.
206
00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:36,682
It's, like, about lame werewolves
and vampires and stuff.
207
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,512
Donna likes those things.
208
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,814
Dollars to donuts
this points us her way.
209
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,987
Finally, a scavenger
hunt worthy of my time.
210
00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:45,114
Onward!
211
00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:49,494
Okay, snacks given, kids
tucked in, books read,
212
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:51,792
three simultaneous
meltdowns for no reason,
213
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:56,392
kids tucked back in, one of them
briefly got outside somehow,
214
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:58,494
kids back in bed, they're
all napping. Good.
215
00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:01,165
I got everything you
need for pie domination.
216
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,299
I even got an extra
whipped cream can,
217
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,539
one for baking, one for
directly into mouth.
218
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:08,307
You know me so well.
219
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,243
That might be one of the kids.
220
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:13,407
Hi, Leslie.
221
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:16,455
Elise Yarktin, from the Indiana
Organization of Women.
222
00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:17,648
Oh, my goodness, Elise.
223
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,384
Please, come in.
224
00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:21,255
Wait. Are you
here to give me
225
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:22,487
the Woman of the Year award?
226
00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:24,922
I have a speech prepared.
Would you like to see it?
227
00:09:24,997 --> 00:09:26,294
Right now?
No.
228
00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:27,957
Leslie, we were
thrilled to find out
229
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,093
you were boycotting
that ridiculous Pie Mary.
230
00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:32,865
But we just got word
you've decided to enter?
231
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:35,032
Yeah, well, I agree
that it's dumb.
232
00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:37,200
But this is not about
me, it's about Ben,
233
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:39,870
and he will do more for
women than Hartwell.
234
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:41,641
So, you know, lose a
battle, win the war.
235
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,272
That kind of thing.
It's the way to go.
236
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:45,977
So, the way to go
is to set women back decades.
237
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,950
Look. The Pie Mary is
retrogressive and misogynistic,
238
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:51,148
and if you participate,
we will have no choice
239
00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:53,453
but to protest you and
Ben at the event.
240
00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:55,422
Hope you like pies...
241
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,857
In your face.
242
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,522
Metaphorically.
We'll be civil.
243
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,829
Elise. There is no
bigger defender
244
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:03,630
of gender equality
than Leslie Knope.
245
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:08,037
And my husband, Ben, is a progressive
champion of women's rights.
246
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,540
Babe, the oven's ready.
247
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:11,439
Chop-chop,
time to get bakin'.
248
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:13,205
Daddy want pie.
249
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,174
Hi, Ben Wyatt.
250
00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:20,985
We have a wonderfully
small number of clues.
251
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:22,384
One is this ticket.
252
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,288
Did you see this movie
about vampires and such?
253
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,918
New Moon? Yeah,
I saw it with April.
254
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,022
She was so hopped
up on painkillers
255
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:31,222
from getting her
wisdom teeth out,
256
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,855
I convinced her
to see it with me.
257
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,832
The teeth.
They're yours.
258
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,390
You were super out of it.
259
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,232
You kept yelling
"Team Voldemort!"
260
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,896
At the screen and
we were kicked out.
261
00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,303
I was furious.
262
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:44,902
You only get to see the second Twilight
film for the seventh time once.
263
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,241
Do you remember
anything about a key?
264
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,043
Or April doing anything
unusual that day?
265
00:10:50,282 --> 00:10:53,308
She did make us stop by the
shoeshine stand before we left
266
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,854
because she wanted to drop
something off for Andy.
267
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:57,513
She had a real bad crush on him.
268
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:58,614
Oh!
269
00:10:58,691 --> 00:11:01,387
Babe. You had
a crush on me.
270
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,722
That's embarrassing.
271
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:04,862
We're married.
Still.
272
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,557
To the shoeshine stand!
273
00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:09,228
- Ooh! Chase me.
- Stop.
274
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:14,364
Garry? What the hell
are you doing?
275
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:15,498
Oh, gosh.
276
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:18,441
Well, I dropped my wedding
ring down this grate,
277
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,035
and then I was
trying to get it out
278
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:22,273
and I dropped my
keys down there too,
279
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,576
so I can't leave.
280
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:26,344
But you know what? The light
from the phone. I can see it.
281
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,114
I just...
282
00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:29,478
Oh!
283
00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:31,516
Dang it!
284
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:32,750
My Jitterbug.
285
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:34,816
Damn, this takes me back.
286
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,088
Mind if I stay and watch?
287
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:38,528
Not at all. I
appreciate the company.
288
00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:40,997
Oh! You know how
I can get the ring out?
289
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:45,430
I will use my driver's license and
my only credit card like chopsticks.
290
00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:46,493
Garry, don't...
291
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:48,470
Mmm.
292
00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:49,663
Nuts.
293
00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:52,271
Never fear. I still
have my passport.
294
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:54,242
Wait, let me see your stamps.
295
00:11:58,951 --> 00:12:00,612
The IOW
does not mess around.
296
00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:01,880
Which normally is
why I love them,
297
00:12:01,954 --> 00:12:03,353
but now I'm on the other side.
298
00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:06,489
Oh, my God, Ben, I gave them
$100 in their annual pledge.
299
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,187
Do you know how many anti-me
signs that could buy?
300
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,863
Or even banners.
301
00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:14,456
You just don't do the
pie contest, obviously.
302
00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:16,194
Then we're just
back where we started.
303
00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:17,565
Then it just seems
like I'm saying
304
00:12:17,636 --> 00:12:19,263
I'm better than the
women who bake.
305
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,135
What should we do?
Should we get a divorce?
306
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:23,038
Well, how about this?
307
00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:25,043
What if I register
for the contest?
308
00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:28,046
I bake the pie.
I act as my own wife.
309
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:29,308
Oh, that could work.
310
00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:31,281
We sidestep the controversy,
311
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:32,647
we refocus the campaign
312
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:34,345
onto the actual candidate.
313
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,184
And then we flip the antiquated
tradition right on its head.
314
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,245
Exactly.
315
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:41,020
But more importantly,
we change the idea
316
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:43,391
of what a pie is.
317
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,855
I feel like that's not
more important,
318
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,422
but I like the energy that
we have, so let's hear it.
319
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:53,268
Okay, picture this... Crust on the bottom.
Filling. Crust on top.
320
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,499
What am I describing?
321
00:12:54,573 --> 00:12:56,097
A pie.
No.
322
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:59,144
But you're in the
right "zone." Oh.
323
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:00,838
Calzone!
Sure!
324
00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:03,404
Pies are just
sweet calzones, honey.
325
00:13:03,482 --> 00:13:05,609
And I'm good at making calzones.
326
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:06,810
You're amazing.
327
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:07,910
I can win this thing.
328
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:09,420
Of course you can, baby.
329
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:10,955
Get in there and start baking.
330
00:13:11,023 --> 00:13:16,188
Talking 'bout the
highway to the calzone zone
331
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,192
I'm having some serious d�j� vu.
332
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:23,360
How many times have you
lost your wedding ring?
333
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,831
Too many times to count.
334
00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:27,839
And it causes real
trouble with Gayle.
335
00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,272
And any time I lose my ring,
336
00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:31,070
she turns into
a real grumpy goose.
337
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:32,942
Is that so?
Oh, yeah.
338
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:34,741
She'll say, you know,
"Garry, you'd lose your head
339
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,577
"if it wasn't
screwed on tight."
340
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:40,312
And then she makes me go for the
fresh oranges for the morning OJ.
341
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:43,184
And she says,
"Hey, Mr. Forgetful."
342
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:46,019
I mean, those words...
343
00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:47,786
They rattle
around here for hours.
344
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:49,293
That's why I've gotta
be extra careful
345
00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:50,760
with this replacement ring,
346
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,991
because if I lost...
347
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,634
I'm gonna order us some dinner.
348
00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:04,372
The shoeshine stand is gone.
349
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:07,071
Or maybe it was never here.
350
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:09,114
They must have moved
it during the remodel.
351
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,149
It's probably in
basement storage.
352
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:12,775
To the basement!
353
00:14:16,388 --> 00:14:17,980
Tighter.
You sure, dude?
354
00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:19,922
Yeah, dude.
Tighter. I can do it.
355
00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:21,186
Do what, exactly?
356
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:22,852
Nothing. We're not
doing anything.
357
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:25,123
And we definitely
do not live down here now.
358
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,631
Guys, where's the old shoeshine
stand from upstairs?
359
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,099
We don't know
anything about that.
360
00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:30,157
Boys, think.
361
00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:33,569
We are on a quest and we are not
leaving until we get an answer.
362
00:14:33,839 --> 00:14:35,466
Well, we're on our own quest,
363
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,532
which is to squeeze
this just tight enough
364
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,578
to make my eyes
bulge out a little bit,
365
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,169
but not so tight that I die.
366
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:43,807
I've been there. That's
a real tightrope walk.
367
00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:45,041
Oh!
368
00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:47,813
Hey! Last week
this real scary ghost
369
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,548
came down here looking for it.
370
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:52,614
It had black hair, but you
could see through his skin.
371
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,251
And it wouldn't talk to me.
It would only talk to Harris.
372
00:14:55,327 --> 00:14:58,694
No, dude. That was just that
bonk's dream that I had.
373
00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:00,493
How are we gonna have
the same dream, dude?
374
00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:04,433
'Cause we're best friends. I
love you, dawg. Man, I love you!
375
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:06,664
We're dreaming together
376
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:10,072
We're sleeping together
But not like that
377
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:13,177
Can you tell us anything else
about this ghost?
378
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:15,611
It didn't like me,
but that's just 'cause
379
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,512
I got a soul of a Ghostbuster.
380
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,380
Yeah, it said
something about how
381
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,214
it was worried Brett
was gonna mug it.
382
00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:24,552
Okay. So we're looking
for a racist ghost
383
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:26,716
with black hair
who likes shoeshines.
384
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,225
I think I have the answer.
385
00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:30,023
The chase continues!
386
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,724
Okay, wait. At the
time that you told us
387
00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:34,823
you were mugged in the park,
388
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:36,527
what were you reaching
for in the river?
389
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:38,498
A burrito.
That's right.
390
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:41,505
You fell in the river
reaching for a burrito.
391
00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:43,734
Yes, ma'am. That was not
one of my finer moments.
392
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,935
Ooh. It's getting late.
We need to bounce.
393
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:48,673
I can give you a ride.
Oh, thank you, Donna.
394
00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,146
Probably gonna get an earful
395
00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:51,807
when I get home tonight.
396
00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:53,351
Gayle might even
call me the B-word.
397
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:55,979
"Bozo."
398
00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:57,181
Wow.
399
00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:59,451
We are very different people.
400
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,158
This is my pecan pie recipe.
401
00:16:03,228 --> 00:16:04,889
Straight from my Mema's kitchen.
402
00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:07,090
Mema was no Leslie Knope.
403
00:16:07,199 --> 00:16:11,295
She didn't have a PhD, but she
sure knew a lot about P-l-E.
404
00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:14,232
Did you hear back from Elise?
405
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:15,364
Oh, yeah.
We're good.
406
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,170
The IOW is not gonna protest us.
407
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:18,834
How's your pie?
408
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:21,209
I don't know.
I didn't make a pie.
409
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,805
Okay. How is
your dessert calzone?
410
00:16:23,882 --> 00:16:25,213
It's ready.
411
00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:27,548
The question is, are they?
412
00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:29,746
All right, our next
contestant
413
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,450
Is candidate Ben
Wyatt's wife, Leslie.
414
00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:33,821
Let's see what
Mrs. Wyatt
415
00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:35,359
has baked up for us, shall we?
416
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,286
It's actually
Ms. Knope.
417
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,627
And actually, right now it's Mr.
Wyatt.
418
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,131
Leslie has her own busy life
419
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,395
and I happen to be
an excellent pie maker,
420
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,664
so we figured we'd
switch it up a bit.
421
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,569
Now, pack your suitcases,
422
00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:51,075
because we're going
to a little town
423
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:53,043
Called Napoli...
424
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:54,511
In Italy.
425
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:57,674
Free Ben Wyatt! Free Ben Wyatt!
Free Ben Wyatt!
426
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,741
Excuse me, free me from what?
427
00:16:59,818 --> 00:17:01,979
From the tyranny of women.
428
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:03,248
We are the Male Men.
429
00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:04,983
We are a men's rights
activist group,
430
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:06,684
and we are fed up.
431
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,386
I'm sorry. What's
happening now?
432
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,621
Behind every successful woman
433
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,859
is a man she has oppressed.
434
00:17:13,932 --> 00:17:16,867
First Leslie Knope poaches
her husband's campaign
435
00:17:16,935 --> 00:17:18,562
by making it all about her.
436
00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:20,798
Now she's forcing
him to bake pies
437
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,363
and enter a contest for her?
438
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:24,871
Excuse me! I'm not forcing
him to do anything!
439
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:26,240
He loves to cook.
440
00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:29,144
Yeah. He has five
personalized aprons.
441
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,148
Oh. So I guess he
was asking for it
442
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:32,808
because of the way
he was dressed?
443
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,251
We are sick and tired
444
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,720
of this feminized society.
445
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:40,657
Men have had a very
rough go of it, for...
446
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,023
Just recently.
447
00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:43,925
And it ends now.
448
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,494
Male and proud!
449
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:49,557
Male and proud!
Male and proud!
450
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:53,901
We can all agree that no
one likes Leslie Knope.
451
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,769
But the question is, "Why?"
452
00:17:57,342 --> 00:17:58,331
Marcia Langman.
453
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,008
Leslie Knope exemplifies
454
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,241
the feminist attack
on our values.
455
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:04,714
She could learn
a little something
456
00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:06,512
about traditional
family structure
457
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,416
from me and
my husband, Marshall.
458
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:10,455
Um. Fierce alert.
Eat 'em up, honey.
459
00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:14,549
The idea that feminism is an
attack on family values is absurd.
460
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:16,924
Ooh. So you're defending
Leslie Knope?
461
00:18:16,995 --> 00:18:18,656
No. Absolutely not.
462
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:20,061
Frankly, I don't think
she's done enough
463
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:22,965
to distance herself
from this misogynistic lunacy.
464
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,560
Let's turn now to Sasha Dunkirk.
465
00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:28,936
She is head of the group
Women Against Feminism.
466
00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:31,271
What a surprise.
467
00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:34,437
The woman is only
talking to other women.
468
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:36,140
Can we have one conversation
469
00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:39,150
about feminism where men
get to be in charge?
470
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:41,118
I actually agree with him.
471
00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:42,744
I don't need your pity.
472
00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:45,847
Joan, Leslie Knope
and I are united
473
00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:47,983
Oh. In our disgust of
this week's events.
474
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:50,124
Leslie, if you're watching,
475
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:51,822
I, Brandi Maxxxx,
476
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:55,958
star of 69 Jump Street
and Fifty Shaved Old Gays,
477
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:57,058
have your back.
478
00:18:57,436 --> 00:19:00,405
Oof. You really stepped
in it this time, Knope.
479
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:03,236
Told ya. Being a candidate's
wife is a tough gig.
480
00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:04,707
This is crazy.
481
00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:07,904
Why isn't the other candidate's
wife being scrutinized like this?
482
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:11,504
Because June Hartwell is a
lukewarm bowl of nothing.
483
00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:14,049
She started an awareness campaign
called "Bring a Sweater."
484
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:15,848
She calls it
"goose bump prevention."
485
00:19:15,921 --> 00:19:17,286
Okay, you know what?
We can fix this.
486
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:20,257
Ben and I will just schedule
some appearances together,
487
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:21,723
and we'll create a new group.
488
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,556
Feminists and pie makers
united for equality
489
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:28,691
despite our philosophies on equal
rights and crust flakiness.
490
00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:32,328
Okay, you could do that, and this could
drag on for another three weeks.
491
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:33,971
Come on, you guys,
you know the drill.
492
00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:35,664
Just ignore the
fact that you're right,
493
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,174
put on your blandest outfit...
494
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:40,643
So that one, hopefully,
and then just go out there
495
00:19:40,712 --> 00:19:42,304
and publicly
apologize. Done.
496
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:44,315
What? Apologize for what?
497
00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:46,613
Doesn't matter.
Just say you're sorry.
498
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:48,216
It's like taking
a shot of tequila.
499
00:19:48,287 --> 00:19:49,914
You just gotta force it down,
500
00:19:49,988 --> 00:19:52,252
suddenly the world feels
so much more pleasant.
501
00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:54,690
I do three shots every time
I have to enter this house.
502
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:00,421
Donna. What are you
doing here so early?
503
00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,023
I come bearing gifts.
504
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:03,590
First off, I got a
dude in maintenance
505
00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:05,102
to open up that
grate this morning.
506
00:20:05,437 --> 00:20:09,305
So here's your rings,
keys, credit cards,
507
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:10,966
and I found some heart
medicine I assume is yours?
508
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,307
Yeah, no. That's mine.
That's mine. Oh, my gosh.
509
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:15,005
Also, I thought I'd bring over
510
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,775
some fresh oranges
for you and Gayle.
511
00:20:17,249 --> 00:20:20,150
Okay. Well, that is just
so kind, Donna. Thank you.
512
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:22,316
You're one of a kind, Garry. Oh.
513
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,015
And I just wanna thank you for
taking me down memory lane,
514
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:26,352
ya big B-word.
515
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:28,648
"Buddy."
516
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:33,156
So much has
changed around here.
517
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,893
I just wanted to remember
518
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,400
the good old days,
519
00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:38,561
when a shoeshine was two bits,
520
00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:42,300
and there were no Mexicans
in the music business.
521
00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:44,308
If you don't mind,
Councilman Milton,
522
00:20:44,376 --> 00:20:46,401
we just need to
search this stand.
523
00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:48,207
Yes. Found it.
524
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:53,484
"Hi Andy, I hate people,
525
00:20:53,552 --> 00:20:55,349
"but you are okay.
It's weird.
526
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,853
"Woof, woof.
April."
527
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:59,516
My God, babe, you were so into me.
That's hilarious.
528
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:00,580
That's it.
529
00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:02,786
It's a dead end.
No more clues.
530
00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:06,226
See me in my office.
531
00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:08,993
If it makes you feel any better,
532
00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:11,227
I had a big crush on you too.
533
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,530
That does make me feel a
little better. Thanks.
534
00:21:15,407 --> 00:21:17,170
Oh! Thank God.
535
00:21:17,409 --> 00:21:19,001
Get off my boat!
536
00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:22,312
And so, I'm genuinely sorry
if I offended anyone,
537
00:21:22,381 --> 00:21:25,612
and here's to my three favorite
things, Pawnee, America, and pies.
538
00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:29,552
That is bland. You know,
you really don't have to do this.
539
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:32,784
Babe, I want to. Let me just put it all
to rest, and then, we can move on.
540
00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:34,951
Good afternoon.
541
00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:37,154
I'm here today
to share with you all
542
00:21:37,229 --> 00:21:40,687
my vision for the economic
future of Southern Indiana.
543
00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:43,326
But first, Leslie
Knope, my wife,
544
00:21:44,603 --> 00:21:45,695
has a brief statement.
545
00:21:46,104 --> 00:21:48,095
Hello, everyone.
Thank you. Wow.
546
00:21:48,173 --> 00:21:50,334
How about this
weather we're having?
547
00:21:50,409 --> 00:21:51,569
Very temperate.
548
00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:54,509
Okay. Recently,
I made an attempt to...
549
00:21:54,579 --> 00:21:56,103
Actually,
hang on. Stop.
550
00:21:56,648 --> 00:22:00,140
I'm sorry, this whole thing
just makes me queasy.
551
00:22:01,553 --> 00:22:03,919
I love how independent
my wife is,
552
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:06,890
and because of that,
I will not let her speak.
553
00:22:07,559 --> 00:22:08,583
That came out wrong.
554
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:12,357
The point is, Leslie
is a great mother,
555
00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:15,059
public servant,
all-around person,
556
00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:18,364
and I am tired of everybody
constantly telling her
557
00:22:18,437 --> 00:22:20,632
that she's making
the wrong choice.
558
00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:23,801
So you can say
whatever you want,
559
00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:26,366
I couldn't care less about
the political consequences.
560
00:22:27,746 --> 00:22:28,804
Thank you, Ben.
561
00:22:29,715 --> 00:22:31,910
Well. The first thing I'm
gonna do is say sorry.
562
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:35,947
I'm sorry that the spotlight
is on me and not on Ben,
563
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:38,956
because he is going to
make a great congressman.
564
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:41,891
Second, the Male Men...
Where are you? Ah.
565
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,985
You're ridiculous, and
men's rights is nothing.
566
00:22:44,062 --> 00:22:46,530
Third, I'm now gonna give
you permanent answers
567
00:22:46,598 --> 00:22:48,930
to all the silly questions that
you're gonna end up asking me,
568
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,332
and every other woman in this
election, over the next few months.
569
00:22:51,403 --> 00:22:53,200
"Why did I change
my hairstyle?"
570
00:22:53,271 --> 00:22:55,205
Oh, I don't know. I just
thought it would look better.
571
00:22:55,273 --> 00:22:57,264
Or my kids got gum in it.
572
00:22:57,342 --> 00:22:59,139
"Are you trying
to have it all?"
573
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:00,508
That question makes no sense.
574
00:23:00,579 --> 00:23:02,604
It's a stupid question.
Stop asking it. Don't ask it.
575
00:23:02,681 --> 00:23:04,444
"Do you miss your kids
while you're at work?"
576
00:23:04,516 --> 00:23:06,347
Yes, of course I do.
577
00:23:06,418 --> 00:23:08,113
Everybody does.
578
00:23:08,186 --> 00:23:10,051
And then, you know,
sometimes I don't.
579
00:23:10,122 --> 00:23:12,590
Yeah. And by the way, no one's
ever asked me that question.
580
00:23:12,657 --> 00:23:14,420
No one asks me,
"Where are your kids?"
581
00:23:14,493 --> 00:23:15,926
Or, "Who's taking
care of them?"
582
00:23:15,994 --> 00:23:17,791
By the way, who is taking
care of the kids right now?
583
00:23:17,863 --> 00:23:19,490
My mom, babe. Everything's fine.
Right.
584
00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:24,160
So, Leslie is really smart,
which is great,
585
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:27,399
because if you're like me, you
get twice as many good ideas.
586
00:23:27,539 --> 00:23:29,564
And, maybe she doesn't fit
your personal idea
587
00:23:29,641 --> 00:23:32,166
of what a candidate's
wife should be.
588
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:33,973
So what? That's good,
589
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:36,240
because there shouldn't
be just one idea anyway.
590
00:23:36,314 --> 00:23:38,339
That's right. If you wanna
bake a pie, that's great.
591
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,351
If you wanna have a career,
that's great, too.
592
00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:42,444
Do both, or neither,
it doesn't matter.
593
00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:45,581
Just don't judge what someone
else has decided to do.
594
00:23:45,657 --> 00:23:48,091
We're all just trying to
find the right path for us.
595
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,422
As individuals.
596
00:23:50,061 --> 00:23:51,551
On this Earth.
597
00:23:57,469 --> 00:23:59,334
I'd say that's fifty-fifty
boos and cheers.
598
00:23:59,404 --> 00:24:00,428
Yeah. That seems
about right.
599
00:24:00,505 --> 00:24:03,531
Let Ben speak!
Let Ben speak!
600
00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:04,802
He just spoke.
601
00:24:04,876 --> 00:24:07,777
Oh. Sorry. I just got here.
I had a broken bike chain.
602
00:24:07,846 --> 00:24:09,040
My bad.
603
00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:14,651
So I guess we are
celebrating that
604
00:24:14,719 --> 00:24:17,017
you trusted me
and I let you down.
605
00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:18,378
Great.
606
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:21,585
I change my house
locks every 16 days.
607
00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:23,218
That key has been useless
608
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:26,662
since the second Tuesday
after I gave it to you.
609
00:24:26,765 --> 00:24:29,029
What matters is that I trust you
610
00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:31,159
and admire you as a person.
611
00:24:32,103 --> 00:24:34,901
I will be sorry to see
you leave this town.
612
00:24:34,973 --> 00:24:36,099
For many reasons.
613
00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:39,339
Not the least of which
is that you created
614
00:24:39,411 --> 00:24:41,879
a puzzle that even
I couldn't solve.
615
00:24:43,014 --> 00:24:46,973
And boy, oh, boy,
did you love Andy.
616
00:24:48,753 --> 00:24:50,380
"Woof, woof."
617
00:24:51,423 --> 00:24:53,254
It really is embarrassing.
618
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:55,225
Oh, my God. I totally
know where the key is.
619
00:25:03,068 --> 00:25:04,262
How'd you remember?
620
00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:06,770
"Woof, woof."
621
00:25:07,639 --> 00:25:08,799
Bark.
622
00:25:09,774 --> 00:25:11,036
Why here?
623
00:25:12,744 --> 00:25:15,212
Because this tree
reminds me of you.
624
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:16,975
It's strong.
And quiet.
625
00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:20,750
And always here
when you need it.
626
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:23,920
Or whatever.
627
00:25:24,656 --> 00:25:27,022
I have always felt a
certain kinship with April,
628
00:25:27,125 --> 00:25:29,525
and this is proof
that I was correct.
629
00:25:29,628 --> 00:25:31,926
Not the nice things
she said about me,
630
00:25:31,997 --> 00:25:34,227
the fact that I buried
a large amount of gold
631
00:25:34,299 --> 00:25:36,460
under that same tree years ago.
632
00:25:37,969 --> 00:25:39,834
I have since moved it.
633
00:25:40,772 --> 00:25:42,103
Or have I?
634
00:25:42,807 --> 00:25:44,536
Or was I lying the whole time?
635
00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:47,970
Or was I lying about lying?
636
00:25:48,413 --> 00:25:53,077
Or was there never
any gold to begin with? Or...
637
00:25:54,953 --> 00:25:56,079
Elise?
638
00:25:56,454 --> 00:25:57,785
What did I do wrong now?
639
00:25:57,856 --> 00:26:00,256
No. Actually,
we at the IOW
640
00:26:00,325 --> 00:26:02,054
loved what you said
in your speech.
641
00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:03,927
Really?
But...
642
00:26:03,995 --> 00:26:06,759
What we loved even
more was how you, Ben,
643
00:26:06,831 --> 00:26:10,130
gave Leslie a platform in
which to speak her mind.
644
00:26:11,736 --> 00:26:13,397
Congratulations, Ben Wyatt,
645
00:26:13,471 --> 00:26:16,907
you are this year's
IOW Woman of the Year.
646
00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:18,499
Son of a bitch.
647
00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:29,500
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