All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S07E08 - Ms. Ludgate-Dwyer Goes to Washington (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Okay. So,
the central question

that these senators
are going to be asking

is why should we invest
in the National Park Service?

April.
Well, it is simple, Leslie.

In today's
fast-paced society,

National Parks
are still the best place

for full-moon
werewolf transformations.

I know you're kidding, but I
also know that you're prepared,

and we are going to do great.

How psyched are you
about this trip?

April, are you
super-psyched?

Yeah. Also, you have
lipstick on your teeth.

I do? Okay.

Good looking out.
We're a great team.

Well, I never thought
I'd say this,

but I think I know what's
going on in your head.

Oh! Well, then,
welcome to the Terrordome.

Okay. You need to tell Leslie
that you want to leave your job.

No. She freaks out
when anything changes.

One time,
Andy told her that I was

getting rid of my bangs
and she called 911.

Okay. Well, I can't keep
your secret much longer.

Any time your name
comes up, I panic

and change the subject to the Twin
Peaks reboot until she gets bored.

So, you talk for one second?

You're going to spend the
next couple of days with her.

If you talk to her
directly and honestly,

she can be surprisingly
open-minded.

Oh, really? Oh, okay.
Yeah.

Leslie? Um, I was thinking about
changing the font on the itineraries.

What do you think?

What? Why?
On what grounds?

Those fonts are perfect.

It's readable and compact.
It's all on one page.

That's insane.
Don't mess with that.

I appreciate your initiative,

but itineraries are not the
right place to mess around.

Yeah.

April, I told you
that was an absurd idea.

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I don't care what Ben says.

I'm not going to tell Leslie

I'm leaving my job on this trip.

She'll drown me in the Potomac

while she recites
facts about the Potomac.

Well, don't fret, cookie.

We've made progress, haven't we?

We've got a whole list

of all the things you need
out of a new job.

Apple juice, barbecue sauce,

Count Chocula...

Wait. Oh, sorry.

That's the list of
cool new nicknames

I want people to call me.

Here's your list.

How can I tell her I'm leaving

when I don't even know
what job I want?

Babe. I wish you
were coming with me.

I just decided
what I'm going to do

while April is out of town.

I'm going to round up the team
and find her a new job.

Yeah. Ben Wyatt, please?

Tell him it's Count Chocula.

No, it's Andrew Dwyer.
I'm sorry.

So, April wants
to leave.

I always knew she would
tire of government.

Took long enough.

Well, both me and Ben

are trying to help
April find a new job,

and we thought maybe
she could work for you.

I feel like it would be
a perfect fit,

although I don't know
exactly what you guys do here.

I'm guessing

it's a business?

Assassins? Hit men?

Doctors.
You guys are doctors?

We build things.

Come on, let me show you around.

This is a door.

These, of course, are walls.

What else? What else? Ah.

Meet our vice president,
Don Swanson.

Don, this is Andrew
and Benjamin.

Pleasure to meet you.

Is this your brother?

You have a brother?

No.

Fine. Yes, suppose
the cat's out of the bag.

I have a brother.

One brother.

All those years together
at the Parks Department,

and you never told us
you had a brother.

You worked at
the Parks Department?

Tour is over.

Okay. Carry-on bags packed,
trashy magazines purchased,

boarding passes in hand,

and we have 26 minutes
for unstructured chat time.

What do you want to talk about?

I don't know. Nothing.

I thought maybe we could
talk about your future.

You want to talk
about your future?

Yeah.

I've actually been thinking
about that a lot lately.

Yeah, I figured. It's hard at
your age to figure out your path.

I know.
Yeah.

I was going to surprise you
with this in Washington,

but what the heck. It's
unstructured chat time.

So...

Ta-da!

This is your clear,
definitive path

through the federal government.

It starts here
today with this flight

and it goes all the way to 2022.

Cool, right?

Wow! This is intense.

I had to make some guesses

about your ultimate
government objectives

and your
fashion choices, etcetera.

But the point is, with this,
you don't have to worry.

I know. I feel so relaxed.

Yeah, I know.

What's up with these shirts?

Just a little fun
I was having, you know?

I didn't really make the shirts.

But did you, though?

Yes, I did.

Ta-da!

Oh, and also,
I have a middle seat.

April!

Group One is boarding.

Break it down. What will
she be doing at this job?

Well, she'd have about
six people reporting to her.

If she started soon,
she could project manage

our new warehouse in Snerling.

"Get to be my own boss."
So far, so good.

She also wants "passionate
interest in subject matter."

So, what kind of building is it?

It's a large-scale storage unit
for surplus vinyl sheeting.

Okay, so, that's boring.

Would she have
an opportunity to practice

any "creative problem solving"?

Creativity is for people with
glasses who like to lie.

Although I suppose she
could use "creative" ways

to organize and stack
the vinyl sheeting.

No, that's insane.

We use the Towson Method.
It's tried and true.

I think this might be
a dead end.

I think you might be right.

But getting a good person out of
government is a worthwhile endeavor.

I will help. But first, I'm
going to need some grub.

Ooh! Yeah. Let's grab some
lunch and some ice cream

and then maybe some
after-ice-cream tacos.

We'll just brainstorm.
Maybe grab some snacks.

Vaughn. Lon.

Ron.
Ron.

Okay, I think we're all set.

Even though I'm taking the
lead on these meetings,

don't be afraid to jump in.

Copy that.

April, when Randy brings up
the river project,

that is your cue to...

Distract the guard so the
Hamburglar can make his escape.

We're meeting with a lot of senators today.
Is she going to be okay?

Yeah. It's just April.
Trust me.

And we hope you agree
that this is the best plan

to preserve National Parks'
funding into the next decade.

Well, so, Leslie,
what do you think?

Is this the right move?

Well, I think it's the
only move, Senator Boxer.

I don't think this chance
is going to come around again.

Well, you know, if it's good
with Leslie, it's good with me.

Well, I have another great idea.

How about you and me,
April, Randy,

"Historical Lampposts
of D.C." walking tour?

Starts in 15 minutes.

Sounds great, but I do have an
appointment with the President.

Can we come?

What kind of
a business is this?

Is it, like, hit man
or astronauts?

It's an accounting firm.

But they recently opened up
a consulting wing.

And consulting
is perfect for April.

You think this Barney fellow will
listen to what we have to say?

Ben! Ben is here.

Hi, Ben.

Ted! Ben is here!

Hey. It is "actuarily"
very good to see you guys.

Ben!
They like me here.

You've got
to hear this.

So, we think we can keep costs
down and still meet deadlines.

I have to say
I'm really impressed

with what you guys
are doing over at Interior.

Thank you, Senator Gillibrand.

We really appreciate
your support.

Would you mind signing
a copy of your book?

Of course. Of course.

I took the liberty of
writing the inscription.

All you have to do is sign.

"To Leslie,
my inspiration, my muse,

"my partner in crime.
I owe it all to you."

And there's room for a P.S. If you
feel there's more you left out.

Well, I think I've said
all I want to say right here.

Okay.
Okay.

Yeah, but I can't
do that right now.

Oh, boy.
I'll call you back.

Hello, Senator. Do you
have a minute to chat?

Well, I can't right now.
I've got a meeting.

Well, you... Actually, I
checked with your staff,

and they said that you have
a free half-hour.

Did anyone ever tell you that your
tenacity can be intimidating?

Yes. Every month of my life
since fourth grade.

Now, let's talk
about National Parks.

Well, I just have to say
I'm very surprised

that the two of you are seeing
eye to eye on this one.

Well, Senator Booker and I
are both concerned

about our nation's resources,

and that absolutely
includes our National Parks.

But that's
not all we have in common.

In fact, our real passion is...

Polynesian folk music.
Polynesian folk music.

What?

Polynesian folk music.

Our band is playing in Georgetown
tonight if you'd like to come.

We're called
"Across the Isle."

Did you get that? "Isle"? "Isle" like
an island and then "across the aisle"?

The political "aisle"?

It's, like, a pun.
It's a play on words.

I do get it. We are
definitely coming to this.

It's $8 if you buy
your tickets now.

It's $10 at the door.

A fiscal conservative.

Love this guy. Love this guy.
Yeah.

April Ludgate-Dwyer.

She worked on the Gryzzl deal that
you guys did the finances for.

Now, I know that you're
opening up a consulting wing,

and I just think that April
would be a great hire.

Yeah, and here's
the thing, Barney.

We're obviously very familiar
with what consulting is.

But why don't you go ahead
and tell my friends here.

Because I don't think
that they know.

Well, it's really about finding

creative solutions
to difficult problems.

Now, a lot of times,
there's firing.

So, consultants
aren't exactly well-liked.

Holy crap. This is the job
for her, I can feel it.

She'll take it.

Now, let's talk perks.
Does she get the summer off?

Is it like school?
Son. Easy.

Well, what did she major in?

Economics? Accounting?

She designed her own major,
Halloween Studies.

Trust me, Barney.

She's brilliant
and a very fast learner.

Does that compound
your interest?

Huh?

What do you say?
Huh, Barney?

Ben, that was amazing.
Thank you.

But it's too late
for her to apply.

I'm sorry, but we're not really
taking any more applicants.

Though I could make an
exception for someone else.

Not interested.

Okay. So, five
yeses and four noes.

Not a bad start.

So, Leslie, I was going to talk
to you about this in a few weeks,

but Mike Norbert is retiring.

Oh, really?

Old Norbs is stepping down.

Couldn't handle the pressure, huh?
What a wuss.

His marriage is falling apart.

Oh! Oh, okay.

She had an affair
with his best friend.

Okay. I feel bad about
what I said before. Yeah.

I get it. I get it.

So, anyway.
Good news for you is,

we'd like to promote you to Deputy
Director of Operations at Interior.

Wow.

You'd have to move to D.C.,
and you'd have to complete

the Senior Executive Service
Candidate Development Program.

I have to enroll in SESCDP?

Forty-four weeks of intensive
courses and note-taking?

Um, it's a dream come true.

And I have to warn you, there
will be a confirmation hearing.

A confirmation hearing? A
freaking confirmation hearing?

Excuse me a second.

What's that?
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

To the best of my recollection,
yes, I accept the job.

Oh! Excuse me, ma'am.

Do you mind
if I borrow your hat?

I just want to throw it up
in the air victoriously.

No.
Ma'am?

I think that job
is perfect for April.

We just have to convince
Barney to give her a shot.

First problem, she's not as
qualified as the other applicants.

Simple solution?

I break into her college and I
change her degree to accounting.

Easy.

On my way out, look up at the blackboard.
What is that?

Impossible math equation?

I solve it.

X equals Y, obviously.

Professor comes up
to me, he says,

"I've been working
on that for 50 years.

"Why don't you accept
this math trophy?"

By the time
he turns around, I'm gone.

We need to highlight
April's strengths.

I thought we could
update her r�sum�.

This is the one
she applied to Parks with.

It's just a signed photograph
of a puppet named ALF.

Okay, so we make her
an actual r�sum�,

then put on a big presentation,

show Barney that she's
more than qualified.

We're going to need
all hands on deck.

That's Craig, Donna,
and most importantly...

Please, no.
Come on. Don't do it.

Oh. You want to photocopy?

You guys want to do
all the mindless work?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Get me Garry Gergich.

Look around, April.
What do you see?

Fountains. Water.

Sky. You.

Looking at me
like a crazy person.

I see a new home.

I am going to take that job,

Ben's going to run for Congress,
he will win eventually,

and then we're going to split our
time between Washington and Pawnee.

That's great. It looks like everything
is falling into place for you.

For us, April. For us.

Oh, God.

Whoa! What is that over there?
A lamppost?

Is that historic, do you think?

No, they put that in
in the '70s.

Look, I am so ahead
of my five-year plan.

Which means that you're going
to need a new five-year plan.

And here it is.

Ow, it's hot. How did
you make this so fast?

I keep a local binder-maker
on retainer in D.C.

We are about to embark
on such an amazing journey.

This is going to be our city, and
this is going to be our bench.

April, we have
a bench in D.C.

I'm sorry, Leslie.
I can't do this anymore.

I don't want to work
in government. I quit.

What are you talking about?

You quit? Why?

Because honestly,
I don't even know

if I like working
in National Parks.

Or government.

I just fell backwards into your
world, and years have gone by.

And now, I'm here.

And Andy and Ben have been helping
me look into different jobs

to figure out
what I really want to do.

Ben who? Ben Wyatt?

He's been helping you
behind my back?

Wow. Okay.
Well, you know what?

We had a good run.
But he's dead to me now.

It's just, I've been on this
weird path my entire adult life,

and I need to figure out
what I really want.

I cannot believe
you're quitting.

And I cannot believe this is
the first time I'm hearing it.

And on our bench, of all places.

It's just so frustrating.

I love her, but you spend
so much time and effort

on someone's life and she's
just going to quit on me?

It's like, what's the
point, you know?

Wow, Leslie.

I haven't seen you this upset since you
almost forgot Ann's half-birthday.

Yeah.

Tell me. How many times
have we had lunch?

Five. Well,
eight if you count

all those times
I showed up unannounced

at your office
with mini-muffins.

And why have we had lunch
so many times?

Well, because when I knew

I would be coming
to Washington to work,

I wore you down until you
agreed to become my friend.

I'm so glad that you did, and
you are a wonderful friend.

But sometimes, you're
so focused and driven

that you forget
about people's feelings.

Name one time I've done that.

Well, you were so wrapped
up in your story

that you actually ate my waffle.

Sometimes, all you can do is give people
a little bit of advice and a push.

But you have to realize April has
to be able to make up her own mind.

You're right, once again,
Madeleine Albright.

Can I have my pin back now?

Oh! Oh, yeah, sorry.

Thank you
for letting me wear it.

It just makes me
feel very powerful.

Me, too.

R�sum�'s done. I used bullet
points instead of numbers,

because I find it conveys
strength and competence.

A binder of her accomplishments.

Photos of her
getting the job done.

And $500 cash,
in case you want to go

the straight-up
bribe route.

Donna.

You put me on the team,
I find a way to win.

Okay. Copies are made.

Everything has been
collated and stapled,

and all the research
has been double-checked.

I went through
quite a few staples.

I added a personal testimony
vouching for April's brilliance.

And this guy
better appreciate it,

because I do not compare people to Mary J.
Blige lightly.

Uh, no one should.

Do you want to go
to dinner tonight?

I do not.
Respect.

I'm free.
I have plans.

Well, great job, guys.

With all this, Barney will at
least have to give her a shot.

Sure, they did a good
job, but this isn't enough.

I've been thinking
about it all day.

And I have a plan
to go the extra mile

and make April seem
like the ideal candidate.

Give me the job!

My name's April Ludgate,
and my talent is explosive.

Go USA! USA! USA!

USA! USA!

When should I tell
April to show up?

My car.

Hey.

Thank you for coming.

Yeah, well, I had to miss

the "Memorable Rain Gutters
of Washington" walking tour,

so this better be good.

I'm sorry I blew up
at you yesterday.

I really want all of my
friends to be happy together,

but more importantly, I
just want them to be happy.

If you feel like you need to
move on, I totally get it.

Okay, turn around.
What? Why?

Because I'm about to
say something serious

and I can't do it if I have
to look you in the eye.

Please.
Okay.

Now, take your shoes off
and wear them like mittens.

April.
Okay, sorry.

When I started working
for you, I was aimless

and just thought everything
was stupid and lame.

And you turned me into someone
with goals and ambition.

Which is really the only reason

why I'm even thinking
about what I really want.

And I just
want to say thank you.

And I love you very much.

Which is why I have decided not
to turn you into a sea urchin.

Which I could do because I am
an actual witch with powers

and I'm evil...
I know.

And I hate everything.
I know you do.

I know.

Thank you, April.

So, you don't have any idea
what you want to do?

Well, here's the good news.
I am on the case.

I know some people who might
be able to help us. Come on.

April, this is Alyssa, from
the American Service Foundation.

They take young people like you

who are trying
to explore a new path,

and match them with one of the
thousands ofjobs across America

that help communities.

Alyssa, this is April Ludgate,

the single greatest
human being ever,

and you need to find her a job
that she will love and cherish

and make her life feel complete.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I found this crazy woman on the
street and she won't leave me alone.

Oh, I'm very familiar
with Leslie's enthusiasm.

They contacted us last year

because they wanted to place
some people in National Parks.

Two days later, we had set
up the entire program,

and she sent me a throw pillow

with my face stitched onto it.

Not my best work.

Plus, you changed your hair.

I'm going to send you
another one.

Okay. Go solve all of
your career problems.

I'll wait right here.

Sorry.

That a girl.
Ugh! Mom.

I don't know, Madeleine.

They're taking forever,
and I'm starting to lose it.

Talk to me, okay?
Your voice makes me calm.

Tell me another Yeltsin story.

Okay, she's here. I have to go. Bye.
Say hi to your daughters.

Hey. Hi.

How did it go?

I'm great.

I know exactly
what I want to do.

Yes.

Is it Teach for America?

No. Habitat for Humanity?

No. It's working
with animals.

No. I want to work here.
At the Foundation.

I want to be like Alyssa.

I want to tell people
what to do,

and then send them
far away from me.

It's perfect.

And it hits everything
on my list.

Creative problem solving,
working one-on-one...

I am 100,000%
in support of this idea.

This is an amazing idea. I love this idea.
And I love you.

So, are they hiring? What did
Alyssa say when you told her?

Nothing.
I didn't tell her yet.

I wanted to see if you thought
it was a good idea first.

What? Bad idea?

You wanted to run
something by me?

My God. Yes.

So, will you help me?

April, you don't need me.

You can get any job
you want all by yourself.

Obviously, I'm going
to vet your resume

and we'll hold
some mock-interviews

and I'll choose
your outfit and everything.

But you can get
this sucker on your own.

So, long story short, we might
have found you the perfect job.

But also, I might have blown it.

Ben and Ron are there now
to try to fix it.

And if they don't, I feel
like it's kind of on them.

Everyone is being so nice to me lately.
It's weird.

I feel like I need to take
a shower in pig's blood

to wash all the niceness off me.

It's because we love you.
We want you to be happy.

This consulting job
could be the answer.

Yeah. So, about that...

Please don't hold anything
Andy did against April.

She is an exceptional
human being,

who married
a well-meaning goofball.

Yeah, and I think that presentation
we put together says it all.

All we're asking
is that you meet with her,

and seriously
consider her for the job.

And if she disappoints you,
you can hold me accountable...

Right?

You know what?

If her friends
are trying this hard,

there must be something
amazing about her.

Tell her I'll meet
with her tomorrow...

Hold on. April? Hey.

We were just talking about you.

We've got some good news.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

She doesn't want the job.

I see.

Well, this is uncomfortable.

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