All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S06E16 - New Slogan (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Okay. I don't want to overhype
this, but presenting...

The new City of Pawnee website.

Totally revamped.

You can pay
for parking tickets.

You can apply for
a business license.

And the best part

is we are putting
up an online poll

so people can pick
the new town slogan.

- Hey, look, a panda!
- Whoa!

Yeah, that's just
some mascot thing

the designer put up
on the front page.

But more importantly, you can now apply
for a utility tax refund online.

Wait. The panda's
name is Peebo.

Peebo!

Look, it can even
play Ping-Pong.

- What?
- Me first! Me first!

No. Okay, I said it.
I called it.

Guys, Ben worked
really hard on this. Okay?

Hey, let's look
at the online poll.

It's gonna be a cool way to choose
our new town slogan.

The panda holds the paddle with his tail?
I want to play!

Congratulations, Ben.

This is truly a fine panda
game you made. Well done.

What else does he do?

I think if you click on the
bamboo, he puts on a top hat.

Ta-da.

What?

I love you, Ben!

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What's wrong with you?

You look like Meryl Streep
at the end of Ironweed.

You wish.

I've been driving
all over Indiana

looking for bands to
play the Unity Concert.

I've got nothing to show for it

except for four car accidents,

and all these strangers'

insurance information.

Ooh! I get it.

You have car insurance.
Why don't you brag about it?

Hey, you're from
Eagleton, right?

Are there any places out
there I should check out?

I used to go see live
shows at Patterson's,

but I'm boycotting until
the owner apologizes

for what she said to
me at the dog park.

All right. Cool.
Anything else?

I hear Cozy's Bar gets
pretty packed on Thursdays.

But I've never been because
it's mostly middle-aged women,

and I'm allergic to turkey neck.

Really? That's the best part.

We should split
a turkey sometime.

Oh, Mr. Larson. Thank you so
much for meeting me here.

Happy to.
I was in the area.

Good chance for me to return

your binder full of
questions about the job.

I think I answered all of them.

Thank you. I cannot
wait to check these out.

Now, the reason why
I asked you to meet me here...

More questions about the job?

Oh, yeah.

Martha? I'm going to need
two hours' worth of waffles.

Grant Larson has offered me
a chance to oversee

a branch office of
the National Parks Service.

This is, like,
the parks equivalent

of Bruce Springsteen pulling
Courteney Cox onstage.

I mean, one minute you're just
a regular girl in the crowd.

And the next minute
you're dancing

10 feet away from
freaking Max Weinberg.

Okay, my 40th and
18th-from-last question

is about the Heartland Exotic
Plant Management Project.

Now, where would
I be actually doing

the physical planting?

Because it has always
been a dream of mine

to plant spotted jewelweed along

the Red River bank in Arkansas.

But I'm sure you
hear that a lot.

Well, you wouldn't actually
be planting things.

I mean, you're
overseeing 200 people.

The everyday minutia you would
delegate to your staff.

Leslie, your job is more
creative, big-picture stuff.

No more boring
paperwork for you.

Good. I hate paperwork.

I hardly ever do it in my
bed on a Saturday night

while listening to
old Spice Girls CDs.

Regal Meagle.
My favorite realtor.

You got some hot properties to show me?
You know it.

Remember my
list of must-haves.

Open kitchen, fireplace,
exposed brick...

And you know I wouldn't
kick a skylight out of bed.

I'm opening
Pawnee's first authentic

Sinatra-style
Italian restaurant.

Tom's Bistro.

I'm kind of like a skinny,
handsome, Indian Mario Batali,

who doesn't know how to cook.

Before we go, I got you guys a
little something for helping me out.

Love it.

A Larry voodoo doll?
Tom, that's so sweet. Thanks.

Oh, my gosh.

I didn't even do anything. The
voodoo doll is reading my thoughts.

So, seems like it
went really well, right?

Yeah. Yeah, totally.

Grant is great, the job is
great, the waffles were great...

Great. So, we're just
about ready to go live

with the slogan poll.
You want to see?

Now that Pawnee and
Eagleton have merged,

it is time to pick
a new town slogan.

And a slogan can
make a big difference

with tourism and
a town's identity.

There's New York,
"The City That Never Sleeps".

And then, there's
Glenwater, Florida,

"Home of America's Most
Violent Walmart Parking Lot."

Okay. So, people can vote now?

Yeah. See, that's the super
cool thing about this website.

Because it does
all the work for us,

so we can just sit
back and take it easy.

No. No, we're not
going to do that.

We're going to sit
forward and take it hard.

Um, what?

There's a lot of nitty-gritty
left to do, Ben.

We need to roll up our sleeves.
We need to go door-to-door.

We need to hand out flyers and canvas.
You know what we should do?

We should have a press junket
to publicize the poll.

Okay. I hope you
had lunch plans,

because now,
you get to cancel them.

Well, I did.

So, this was one of Eagleton's
top sushi restaurants,

but you can't out-run
the whale meat police forever.

This is great! I love it!

Look at it.
I can picture it now.

That's where
the politicians will sit.

This is where the connected
guys will bring their goomahs.

This place is perfect.
How much?

$9,000 a month.

What? That's way
more than I can afford.

Whatever, it's not that great.

Plus, it's really far away from
work, and that would be annoying.

That's not a big deal.

I mean, when it first launches,
I'll go back and forth.

But hopefully, it takes off

and it will become
a full-time job.

Come on. I'll show you some
places in your price range.

This press junket is
a brilliant idea, isn't it,

Mr. Strange-cameraman-
who-I've-never-met?

Leslie, I told you.

I'm not gonna
participate in your weird

Julia Roberts-
cameraman/husband fantasy.

Quiet, cameraman, Perd's here.

Leslie, your poll is designed
to choose a new slogan.

And a slogan is a series of
words that have a meaning.

So true, Perd.

All of the choices for the
town slogan are wonderful.

But if I had to
choose my favorite,

it would probably be
"Storied Past, Bright Future".

Well, the story of my
interest level is...

It's medium.

Joan, this poll is
a chance to give

our newly-merged
city a new identity.

To really rebrand this town.

Yes, great question. I have been
thinking of rebranding myself.

What do you think
about "Juan Callamezzo"?

Isn't "Juan" a man's name?

No, it means "flower."

I think it means "John."

Crazy Ira and The Douche
from 93.7 FM. The Groove.

Leslie, do you believe
that this new slogan

will integrate Pawnee and
Eagleton into one cohesive city?

Well, that's a very thoughtful
question, Crazy Ira.

Yes. Yes, I do.

A follow-up question, Leslie.

Show us your boobs!

Will this fit on a bumper sticker?

Gosh, this place is packed, huh?

You folks must
really like this guy.

Honey, he is sex on a stick.

Ladies and gentlemen, put your
jazzy hands together for my man,

Mr. Duke Silver.

Ooh, baby!

A smooth and silky
evening to you all.

On nights like this,
when the cold winds blow,

and the air is awash in the
swirling eddies of our dreams,

come with me and find safe haven

in a warm bathtub
full of my jazz.

Ooh!

Well, the good news is,
your poll was a big hit.

Thousands of people voted.

That's great. What's leading?
"Storied Past, Bright Future"?

Welcome to Douche Nation".

What?

Crazy Ira and The Douche got
their bonehead radio fans

to flood the poll
with write-in votes.

Why did we include
a write-in option?

Because every election
has a write-in option.

That's how democracy works.

I'm not a dictator.

If I were a dictator, I would throw
The Douche in prison without a trial.

I would be a very
strong dictator.

And you would be my bodyguard
and you would lead my army.

Okay. I know we should
figure out how to fix this,

but I'm starting to get kind of turned
on imagining you as a dictator.

Is that bad?
No, it's okay.

You know, we could just figure out a
different strategy for picking a slogan.

You don't have to
go on their show.

No, I want to do this.
I enjoy the challenge.

So, how do I look?

I need these guys to think
that I'm, like, super chill.

Is this gonna work?
Oh, what up, Lez?

Backwards hat shows a real
lack of respect for authority.

I like that.

What's up, Little Mayor?
You going to freak out again?

So, Leslie, what's the deal?

Are you just here
to yell at us again?

Yeah, are we in store for
another Leslie Knope nag sesh?

"Crazy Ira, do
the dishes!"

Classic. No way.
I'm not here to nag, guys.

I'm just psyched
to be in the studio.

You know, I'm just chilling in
the studes with my dudes.

If you're really not
here to nag us,

then maybe you'll help us
with our next segment...

Rating Celebrities' Boobs!

Perfect.

On a scale from
one to ga-ga-going,

how would you rate
Emma Watson's boobs?

First of all, I would
rate her acting as an "A."

You have three seconds to answer

or we're going to withdraw
a donation from charity.

From charity?

A-minus.
More like double D-minus.

Me so horny!

I knew it. I knew it.

Can I help you?
Maybe.

I was out at
a jazz club last night,

scouting bands for
the Unity Concert.

And I saw something
very interesting.

I am Duke Silver.
You have a twin brother.

What?
What?

You're Duke Silver?
I have a twin brother.

Yes. I am Duke Silver.

The only other people who
know are Tom and April.

So, please keep it to yourself.

Are you kidding me?
You're really good!

You're like "the saxophone player
for The California Raisins" good.

No joke.

You know what? I'm booking
you for the Unity Concert.

Absolutely not.
Yes.

My musical career is private.
Oh, no.

If my secret got out,
this office would be

waist-deep in
women's undergarments.

No, I'm in charge of booking the bands
for the concert, and I say you're in.

You're going to play right
after Bobby Knight Ranger.

It's a Night Ranger cover band
where they only wear red sweaters.

It's gonna be epic!

Final round, Leslie.

Boobs or ass?

Hard to believe this is a fun
game for your radio listeners.

Uh...

I'm going to say butt. Yes!

You are correct.
This is my mom's dumper.

Oh, Mommy!

I do not know how
you got your hands on that.

I took it.
Good.

Well, it has been so fun
bro-ing out with my dawgs.

I never knew that objectifying
women could be so much fun.

We're running out of time here,
so just a quick reminder to

write in "Welcome to Douche
Nation..." Oh, yeah.

...as the official town
slogan at "pawneecity. Gov."

Or you know what
would also be kind of dope

for the people
of Douche Nation to do

is vote for another slogan.

Like, you know,
"Storied Past, Bright Future"?

But... Yeah, I don't care.
I don't give a fart, bros.

You know, just do your thing, chicken wing.

Hey, Crazy Ira. Have you seen my stick?
Where's your stick?

I don't know. Lesbo Baggins,
do you know where my stick is?

You...
Found my stick.

Where did you find it?

Up Leslie Knope's butt!
Up Leslie Knope's butt!

Yo, where my stick at?

It's up her butt, Papi.

Jewish Greg, whatever we're
paying you, it's not enough.

Damn it.
I almost pulled that off.

No, you really didn't.

Just delete the poll
and let the slogan thing go.

Or maybe we sneak back in there,

you distract those guys for,
like, 30, 90 minutes,

I get on live radio, I give
an impassioned speech about

which slogan I want to endorse,
and I play a few songs,

which I've always wanted to do.

And then,
we just see what happens.

No. I should just
let this go. Okay.

Dude, what are you doing?

That looks like a perfectly
good saxophone case.

Wait a minute.
What's inside that case?

I am ending my secret musical career.
I have to kill Duke Silver.

No. Come on,
man, you're really good.

You can't quit.
Sorry, Andrew.

I would rather never play again

than have everyone
know my secret.

Goodbye, Duke Silver.
May you rest in jazz.

So, Tom told me you're sort
of, like, a computer expert?

Uh, yeah. You could say that.

These jerks are trying
to hijack my online poll.

And so far,
the leading town slogan is

"Home of the Stick Up
Leslie Knope's Butt".

Yeah. Yeah, I voted for that one.
Great.

I'm wondering.
Is there a way

I can communicate with
everybody who voted?

Yeah, I could do that. It
should take about two minutes.

Just PayPal me some Bitcoins
when you get a chance.

What?

So, this is way
under your budget.

Used to be a donut shop.

Well, a tire shop
that sold donuts.

It's pretty rough. I mean, I
guess I could fix the roof

and tear out the counter and
do something about that smell.

This place is creepy.

I mean, I love it
because it reminds me of

the cafeteria in
a haunted nursing home.

But that's just me.

This is the last
listing I have

that isn't
an active crime scene.

Hey, man, what happened? I thought
Jurassic Fork was super popular.

We stretched ourselves too thin

by expanding to
a second location.

You opened another
dinosaur-themed restaurant?

No, another Steven Spielberg-
themed restaurant.

The German place downtown,
Schindler's Lunch.

I think you may
have misunderstood

what people liked
about Jurassic Fork.

I actually think
the space is pretty cool.

Obviously, we'd have to
move this T-Rex, but...

No can do.
That's a load-bearing T-Rex.

Is this really the last place
you have available?

Dang. Maybe Tom's Bistro
wasn't meant to be.

You wanted to see me?
Yeah, real quick.

Remember when you said you would
close up shop on this slogan thing?

Yes.
You did do that, right?

You didn't somehow
get the email addresses

for every person who voted for
the "stick up the butt" slogan,

and then write each of them a
personalized, heart-felt email

telling them to do the right thing
and vote for a real slogan?

Are you crazy?

What a crazy talk you just
did with your funny words.

Well, someone
wrote those emails,

and we got about 300 complaints.

And as a cherry on top,
some hackers

got really mad about
the invasion of privacy

and attacked the website.

Look what they did to Peebo.

He's wearing
a hat made of penises.

Oh, boy.

Well, IT is fixing
the website.

But it will be down
for about three days.

Well, no worries. I will handle all
of the overflow work personally.

Parking tickets, code violations.
Send them all to me.

What's going on?

I don't know. I spoke to Grant
about the National Parks job,

and he mentioned it's mostly
big-picture planning and delegating.

And not very
much nitty-gritty,

hands-on stuff
that I love to do.

I would miss that very much.

I mean, have I really
pulled my last bloated

raccoon carcass
from a public fountain?

But that's the whole point
of moving up the ladder.

You get to think bigger,
swim in a bigger pond.

You're having a public forum
on the slogan, right?

Use it as a test.

Hand the reins to someone
else, let them handle things

while you manage
from a distance.

Yeah, that's a good idea.
I guess I should practice

delegating. Ugh!

Okay. The public
forum will be run by...

Oh, no. I would not
have started the sentence

if I knew Larry was
the only one here.

Babe, if you can step back
and let Larry take control,

you can survive anything.

Fine.
Larry, can you get in here?

I would love to,
but gosh darn it, I...

I somehow ran my belt through a slat
in the chair, so I'm kind of...

Kind of stuck to it now.

Great.

You really shouldn't have
dug that out of the dumpster.

I had to. Also, I had a
banana on the way over here.

Sorry. I get why you don't want
anyone to know about Duke Silver.

And you don't have to worry.

Your secret is safe with me.

To even it out, I'm going to
tell you all of my secrets.

Oh, no, that's not necessary.

I once forgot to brush
my teeth for five weeks.

I didn't actually
sell my last car.

I just forgot where I parked it.

I don't know who Al Gore is, and at
this point, I'm too afraid to ask.

When they say
two-percent milk,

I don't know what
the other 98% is.

When I was a baby,
my head was so big

scientists did
experiments on me.

I once threw a beer at a swan, and
then it attacked my niece, Rebecca.

That will do, Andrew.

You don't have to
play the Unity Concert.

But don't quit music. Please.

Tommy.
Hey.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I just got excited
about the restaurant,

but I should probably
call my investor

and tell him we have a problem.

Well, I got you
something to cheer you up.

Watch cologne.

Cologne for watches.

Thanks. Things used
to make me so happy.

But I've grown
a lot in the last year.

Now, I just want one big thing.

My own restaurant,
named after me,

that makes so much money
I can buy anything I want.

I should go.

I didn't want Tom to leave,

so I said all those bad things

about the restaurants
so he wouldn't like them.

Damn. We should
have coordinated.

I don't want to lose that
weird little elf, either.

That's why I showed him
all those crappy places.

I thought you were
just bad at your job.

Sorry.
Well, what should we do?

I'm gonna call some people.

Hello, everyone,

and welcome to a public forum
to choose our new town slogan.

I'm going to hand
things over to Larry Gengurch,

who is 100% in charge.

Well,
let's just get started, huh?

I want to talk about the... What the...
It's the... Jeez, Louise.

It keeps happening.
I don't know why.

Home of
Crackers, the Orangest Goldfish in Indiana."

Okey-dokey.
- No.

Let me write it down.

Who even needs a slogan?

Well, now,
that is an interesting point.

No. That's my slogan idea.
"Who Even Needs a Slogan?"

And then, a big picture
of me flipping everybody off.

Let's keep our eye on the
ball here, Douche Nation.

"Home of the Stick Up
Leslie Knope's Butt!"

Butt! Stick!
Butt! Stick!

Let's vote on it right now!

Butt! Stick! Butt! Stick!

Okay, who's next? Yes, ma'am.

This slogan is going to
go on every sign in town.

I think it should be something
real, that we can all be proud of.

I've lived in Pawnee my whole life.
And it can be a strange place,

but overall, it's
a warm and wonderful town.

My idea for a slogan is "When
you're here, then you're home".

Well, that's lovely.

I actually had it printed up so we
could see what it would look like.

You... There's...
That's spelled wrong.

That should be "then,"
T-H-E-N.

Stay strong. Let them work it out.
And trust Larry.

"Trust Larry"? Are you even
listening to yourself?

I like that slogan a lot.

But you made
a little mistake there.

She's gonna work it out.

Back off.

"You're" is spelled wrong.

It should be "Y-O-U-R."

Oops. I didn't catch it.
Thank you.

No, no, no. She made it possessive.
She's getting further away.

- It's okay.
- Okay. Let's vote.

All those in favor.

Approved!

Man, the places
that came on the market today

are way nicer than the
listings we saw yesterday.

I know. It's crazy,
right? Real estate.

And this property
is under your budget,

and it has everything on
this wish list you gave me.

Except the two helipads.

Does it have one helipad?

I don't know. I like it, but
it seems a little small.

You know, I think
it just seems small

because of all
the heavy furniture.

But that bar is really great.
The lighting is really cool.

I think this is the one.

You know, I think
you're right. I'll do it.

Thanks, April. And hey, bonus,
it's pretty close to City Hall.

You guys can be regulars. I'll
keep a table open for you.

And special thanks
to Leslie Knope

for once again bringing about
positive change to this town.

Pawnee, I present to
you your new slogan.

You fixed the mistakes.

Well, I held it together
for the entire meeting.

Let me have this one. I am
done micromanaging, I promise.

Then, I'm sure you're
okay with the fact that

they installed
the sign the wrong way,

and it's welcoming you
to Pawnee as you're leaving.

What? No. Oh, son of a...

Hey. You passed the test.

Honestly, there's
something else I'm worried about.

The kind of work that I've
been doing all these years,

the nuts and bolts,
the grunt work,

that's the stuff
I know how to do.

What if I take this
National Parks job,

and I just fail?
Hmm.

What if I'm not good at it?
Yeah.

Leslie, I love you very much.

But that's the stupidest thing
you've ever said.

You'd be amazing,

and everyone is going to be in
awe of how amazing you are.

So, just shut your mouth.

Hey! Are we
leaving or entering?

We've been driving
around in circles!

You're...

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