All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S06E15 - The Wall (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Okay, Ron.
Enough is enough.

Let's talk plans for
Diane's baby shower.

Dear God, woman.

Three main activities, baby
bingo, baby food-tasting,

and my personal favorite, a
baby onesie decorating station.

I'm going to make mine
look like an astronaut.

"What are you doing up there
in space, baby?" Oh, so cute.

Okay, I have some gift ideas. I was
looking at a very adorable stroller.

We already have a stroller.

Oh, shoot. Really? I'll have
to think of something else.

Oh, my God.
Whose baby is that?

That would be mine.

Guys, get in here!
Ron has a baby!

Oh, Ron, cool baby.

Thank you, Andrew.

Everyone, I'd like to
introduce you to my son,

John Middle Name
Redacted Swanson.

John was born some
time ago, weighing

multiple pounds
and several ounces.

Much like his father, he is a fan of
silence. Please keep your voices down.

How am I supposed
to keep my voice down

when you had your baby and you didn't
tell me that you had your baby?

Why would you need to know
something like that?

Why would I...
Oh, my God.

I have not even
sent Diane a gift.

She is just walking around, wondering
why I haven't sent her a gift yet.

Should we do something?

Just let her tire herself out.

If you need anything from us,
Ron, please just let us know.

Actually, there is something.

Could one of you please
stop by the pet store

and pick up some
fish food for me?

When did you get a fish?

Ripped By mstoll

Okay, Youth Committee. Update
on the Unity Concert. Madison?

So far, 12 bands have said yes,

and we asked them
all to submit a song

for the new town anthem contest.

I think we should
book Orin as a headliner.

I think it's a no-brainer.

He dislocates his shoulder
to the music of Billy Joel.

The Pawnee Journal called it
"Why would anyone do this?"

Stop suggesting Orin.

Craig, any update
on the art tents?

Fourteen local artists have
signed up to show their work.

It was going to be 15,
but then this one guy

described himself as
Jackson Pollock-esque,

and I told him that's finger
painting for adults and I hate it!

The Pawnee-Eagleton merger
has made for a rough year

both for me and for the town.

But if I can pull off
this Unity Concert

and prove that this
merger was a success,

Pawnee might once again
tolerate/ignore me.

I know that sounds bad,
but for a politician,

it's pretty much
the best-case scenario.

Well, you guys might as well
be a pile of leaves

because you're about
to get blown away.

I have booked a meeting with
none other than Grant Larson.

No one knows who that is?

Um, I do. Grant Larson,
otherwise known as Elton John.

Congratulations, Leslie.
No.

Grant Larson is the director
of the Midwest branch

of the National Parks Service.

He's basically the Liam
Bonneville of the Midwest.

Liam Bonneville?

The Department of the
Interior's resident bad boy?

He's basically the Tim Dweck...
Okay, never mind.

I have asked Grant to declare
Eagleton Hills a national park

as the grand finale
of our Unity Concert.

Great idea, Leslie.

And with that update,

the Pawnee New Founder's Day Unity
Concert is now officially...

And that banner unfurling

marks the 100th time that
one of my projects has been...

...ahead of schedule.

This is your chance to put your
names on the Pawnee Unity Concert,

the biggest event of 2014.

Besides the unveiling
of Tricia's new highlights.

You think I wouldn't notice?
You look fly as hell, girl.

This Unity Concert needs
corporate sponsorship,

so Ben and I are meeting
with local bigwigs.

I'm going to do what I do
best, lock down deals.

And Dorkasaurus over here is
gonna handle the boring stuff.

You said you genuinely
valued my business acumen.

Also, I'm your boss.

Oh, my God, he's so cute.

You're the cutest little
boo-bear I've ever seen.

You are the world's most
adorable baby and I love you!

You are so freaking precious!

Look what Gayle made
for the baby. It says...

Isn't that adorable?

Come on, John.

Jeez.

Here we are. The park that
borders Pawnee and Eagleton.

This is the perfect place
for the press conference

to announce our Unity Concert.

People are gonna clap,
they're gonna cheer.

Today might be the day
that I finally crowd surf.

Should probably empty my
pockets, just in case.

Hey, one question. Where do
you think you're gonna stand?

In front of
the graffiti that says...

"Pawnee, you suck"?

Or..."Go home,
Eagleton snobs"?

I painted over that graffiti a week ago.
These people are the worst.

I cannot announce
a Unity Concert

in front of a picture of a bald
eagle giving the middle finger.

Yeah, you probably want to stand
to the side so people can see it.

You know, why do we
even have this wall?

We're supposed to be
uniting the two towns,

and this literally divides them.

We should just knock it down.

On it, boss.

Ahhh!

The Kool-Aid guy
makes it look so easy.

In the time
I've worked here,

I have taken great pains to see as
little of this building as possible.

Turns out, the third
floor is silent, empty

and completely free
of government work.

I can't think of
anything more beautiful

to share with my son.

If I had a toolbox, I could take
care of that faulty radiator.

Oh, this place is a paradise!

Wow, nicely done, Tom.
We have 15 sponsorship offers.

Make that 16.
Mitch Savner.

Savner Bleaches and Chemicals.
That's it.

You guys make my favorite teeth-whitening
strips, Pearlies for Girlies.

It's unisex. The cartoon
princess on the label says so.

I'll sponsor your concert, but I'm also
looking to invest in other ventures.

I have a feeling a bright guy like
you has some ideas of his own.

I may have a few eggs ready to
hatch in the personal idea nest.

Why don't you come to my office tomorrow
and pitch me your hottest idea?

Perfect.
I'll see you then.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

It's all happening, Ben. Soon,
I'll have a new career,

new crib, new friends.

If all goes well, this may
be one of the last times

I ever have to speak to you.

Come with me.
I need your help.

Thank you so much,
everyone, for coming

and a special thank you to the
City Council for their support.

I was told there would be
a free barbecue buffet.

Just take some
beefjerky and hush.

This spring, we will be holding
a massive Unity Concert

to commemorate the merger
between Pawnee and Eagleton.

This three-day music
and arts festival

will end on a day we will
call New Founder's Day,

an official beginning
to our new town.

A few years ago, Eagleton put
up this wall along the border.

Now, it is time to
tear down this wall.

In the name of unity,
I have given

some former Eagletonians
the first strike.

Take it away, guys.

It is such a great day for...

Bees! Bees!

Nobody panic!

Ahhh! It stung me
on the eyeball!

Oh, man,
this is amazing, man!

The stupid Eagletonians are totally
getting pawned by these bees.

I'm gonna send
this straight to Tosh.

Ow!

Don't worry, babe, I'll protect you.
I got stung once. I'm immune.

Go ahead and sting me, bees!
It does nothing!

Leslie, it appears that most of the
people who were stung were from Eagleton.

How did you pull that off?

I didn't pull anything off.

The Eagletonians were simply
closest to the wall.

Plus, one Pawneean was stung.

In his mouth, because he was
laughing at the Eagletonians.

How did you get your
bees into the wall,

and how long did it take to plan

this hilarious bee
prank on Eagleton?

They were not my bees, Trodd. And for
the last time, this was not a prank.

I did not know that
bees were in that wall.

I mean, in fact, you should treat this
like a public service announcement.

Everybody should check
their walls for bees.

Nice try, Prank Queen.
Probably bees in there.

Okay, that's all the time I have.

What else can you
do with your bees?

Leslie,
what's your next prank?

Oh, Leslie, Grant Larson is on the
phone from the National Parks Service.

I cannot meet
with him right now.

We are in
crisis mode. Okay?

Larry, just tell him
I need to reschedule

because I am trying to fix
my bee hole disaster.

Okey-dokey. Wait. No. Wait. No, Larry.
Don't tell him that.

Don't mention my bee hole.

Just as we suspected, John.

We repaired the valve stem seal,

and now all that remains is to
tighten down his packing nut

and that should do it.

Can we help you?

No, we have everything
under control.

My crew is redoing
this whole floor.

We're the only people
allowed up here right now.

Well, proceed with your work.
You won't notice us at all.

Well, we're gonna be
kind of loud.

My son
is several weeks old.

He's quite familiar with
the sound of power tools.

Okay, how about this one?
LASIK for fingernails.

You cut your fingernails once and
you never have to cut 'em again.

All we need is a complicated laser
I have no idea how to build.

Seems impossible.

All right.

Uh-oh! "Saltweens.
Saltines for tweens."

Seems unnecessary.

Ugh. The only
business idea I have

that's even remotely
fleshed out is a restaurant.

No way. Restaurants
were ranked number one

in Accounting Magazine's
Riskiest Businesses issue.

That was their last issue
before they folded, actually.

Magazines are also very risky.

I can't believe an angel investor
floated down from the heavens,

and I don't even have
anything to pitch him.

Come on. You must have had
one good business idea.

You're 52 years old.

No, I'm not, but I do have an idea.
It's air-tight.

But I have to warn you,
it's not super sexy.

What is it?
Okay, listen up.

You would be the middle man
between dry cleaners

and the companies that sell
chemicals to dry cleaners.

Wow.

Right?

You're right, man.
That is not sexy.

Leslie Knope's little stunt put
three people in the hospital.

This bee incident is
just the latest assault

coming from the Pawnee
side of this merger.

Mike Patterson is Eagleton's
most tenacious reporter.

When he sinks his
teeth into something,

he's like
A dog with a bone!

Oh, my God. You can't
lean in to whisper

and then yell.
That's not fair.

This merger is so fragile.

Everyone is on edge,

and no one is talking
about the Unity Concert.

Why would anybody
think that was a prank?

So sad. People will believe anything.
It was a prank, though, right?

No more press, okay?

You just have to
lay low for a while.

I promise it'll all blow over.

April, your competence and your
levelheadedness is very moving to me,

and I will follow your advice,

right after I go to the hospital

and apologize to
every victim in person.

Fine, but no cameras.
Fine, I won't bring any.

Ahhh! I can't handle
all this fighting!

It's like Thanksgiving 2004 all over again.
Don't even ask!

Somebody follow me!
I'm distraught!

Who's a good guy?

Man, forget about working.

I just want to stare
at this baby all day.

What is the nature of
your work on this floor?

Total redo. New floors,
fixtures, plumbing.

How long will it take?
Six to eight weeks.

Deal.

I will do all this work for
you in the time allotted.

Just have your tools and
materials brought up here.

Are you crazy? This is enough
work for a whole crew.

I'm sure the government believed
you when you told them that,

and I tip my cap to you for
profiting off their ignorance.

But I am offering you
two months' paid vacation

and the ability to take credit for
my work, which will be flawless.

Okay.

Guys, let's go.

I've got all the help
I'll need right here.

Okay, this is
the really exciting part.

We buy tetrachloroethylene
at $1.60 a gallon,

but we sell it back
at 2.38 a gallon.

Now, I know
what you're thinking.

"What if it's a cleaner who
wants to buy glycol ethers?"

Ben, stop.

This is so boring.

This is like listening to a
TED talk by the color beige.

Look, I know this
idea doesn't excite you,

but I promise it'll
make you a lot of money.

Well, I've sold
tons of awesome stuff.

I guess it makes
sense my next challenge

is to sell something
mind-numbingly dull.

Dull?

Does this look dull to you?

I am so incredibly sorry.

That's very kind
of you, Ms. Knope.

I hope you look a lot
less gross very soon.

Hey. Thanks for coming, Knope.
I knew we were besties.

What have you got there
for me, some dirty mags?

No. These gift baskets are
for innocent victims,

not for jerks who
got stung because

they were laughing at
other people's pain.

Whatever. Got a lot of
filth on my Kindle anyway.

We can just hang.

Want to come up?
What?

Got to get this.
Roll camera.

Tell me when. Is my hair okay?
We're good?

Welcome to Eagleton Now

with Mike Patterson.

We're live, ambushing
Leslie Knope

who's in the middle of

a crass publicity stunt.

Shoving cameras into the faces

of these poor, injured victims.

These are your cameras.
This is not a publicity stunt.

I just came here by
myself to apologize

to all the Eagletonians
who got stung.

Really? Because all we see
is you talking to your friend,

known Eagleton hater,
Jeremy Jamm.

Excuse me, Mike,
that's best friend.

Pawneeans and
Eagletonians need to

find a way to come together
and bury the hatchet.

It doesn't matter who bailed out
who or who seceded from who.

Awesome idea, Lezzie.

As a matter of fact, I say we
should secede from Eagleton.

Whose dumbass idea was it
for them to merge, anyway?

Mine. It was my idea.

You heard it here first.

Self-proclaimed dumbass Leslie
Knope and Councilman Jeremy Jamm

are spearheading
a Pawnee secession movement.

And I, for one, am sick of it.

You know what, Eagleton, enough!
Get these cameras out of here.

Don't touch my camera,
you Pawnee animal.

Name-calling?
Classy move, douchebag.

Oh!

Oh, no!

No, no, no. No fighting
in the hospital.

Oh, my God!
What's happening?

Mother puncher!

Hey, girl. What up?

What are you wearing?

It's to distract people
from my black eye.

See? It's working.

Cool. Well, there
is some good news.

That Mike Patterson guy's show
just aired, everyone is angry,

and Jamm is introducing

a secession bill at the next
City Council meeting.

How is any of that good news?
It's not.

I just wanted you to
have a brief moment

of happiness
before you got sadder.

Those jerks that hate the
merger are a minority.

They're just shouting
louder than everyone else.

I'm sorry this town
keeps being stupid

and letting you down.
It sucks.

It's okay, April.
It's fine.

You know, it's a challenge.
It's just like a big, fun...

...stinking turd nugget.
It sucks.

You're right.
Everything sucks.

Everything I try with
this merger backfires.

I wonder what other
excellent surprise

lies in store for Leslie Knope.

Leslie, Grant Larson from
the National Parks Service

is here for your meeting.

Excellent.

Now I shall meet with
a very important person

whilst sporting
a gruesome shiner.

Hey, you're also
wearing a tie-dye T-shirt.

Yes, I am. Wonderful!

Mitch!
Thanks for meeting me.

My pleasure.

It's not often that I see someone
with your sparkle and passion.

That's what makes businesses work.
Passion.

So, Mr. Haverford,
let's get to it.

What idea are you
passionate about?

I've got two words for you.

Tom's Bistro.

An old-fashioned,
old world Italian restaurant.

Classy, authentic ambiance
in a small town setting.

Why does that say
"Dry Cleaning Chemical

"Transactional Holding Company"?

Ben! You brought
the wrong easel!

God! Can't take
this guy anywhere.

Let me paint you a picture.

Oh, Mr. Larson, I'm sorry
I had to reschedule.

It's been kind of a hectic week.

What happened to your face?

It doesn't matter.

I would like to apply to
turn some of our new land

into a national park.

I read your request,
Ms. Knope.

And I am sorry, but we
can't make that happen.

Great. Well, this week just keeps
getting better and better.

Thank you for coming by

and plunging a dagger into
my already bleeding corpse.

I came here because
I wanted to meet you.

I've actually wanted to meet you
since before you called me.

Really?
You know who I am?

Yes. You're the person
who wrote this.

You read my proposal to
clean up the Pawnee River?

I wrote this two years ago.

It got shuffled around at
Interior for a year and a half.

Liam Bonneville actually used it to
humiliate staffers, but...

He's kind of a bad boy.

Liam. You don't
have to tell me.

This report is legendary.

It's easily the most
thoroughly researched

and passionate grant
request I've ever seen.

Wow, you have no idea how meaningful
it is to hear you say that.

But you're a little late. The
river cleanup's well under way.

This is bigger than
the river cleanup.

We're opening a new
office in Chicago.

I've spent the last few weeks
reading about you and your career,

and I think that you're the
perfect person to run it.

Leslie, would you like to run a
branch of the National Parks Service?

Tom's Bistro will have all the classic
elements, but with modern twists.

An oak bar, live music, and Sunday
brunch with scrambled eggs so fluffy,

they'll be like little
pillows for your bacon.

Bacon pillows.
I like the sound of that.

But I have to say, restaurants
are incredibly risky.

Most of them are
dead on arrival.

We're well aware of that, but believe
me, Tom has thought this out.

See, there's plenty of
real estate available

in the old Eagleton
part of town.

And with the recent closures,

there's massive demand for affordable
dining that feels high-end.

Okay!

As long as you're
running it, I'm in.

Amazing.

Hey, kid. Your boss here
sure knows his stuff.

Ron, what are you doing here?

The most important government
work I've ever done.

Sanding rat urine stains
out of this floor.

What are you doing here?

I come here to think
sometimes, by myself.

But now that you're here...
Damn it.

I am going to speak to you very
vaguely about a problem that I have.

And you cannot ask me any
questions or details about it.

That is my ideal conversation,
aside from no conversation.

But that feels unlikely.

Look, you know how
much I love Pawnee.

But the more I try to fix it,
the more people fight me.

They call me names, they recall
me, they try to kill the merger.

They literally
punch me in the face.

And yet, every time I
contemplate leaving,

just walking away
once and for all,

I just can't do it.

What is wrong with me?

Yesterday, I fixed
that old steam radiator.

Threaded a new
valve into the side,

removed the handle
from the base,

unscrewed the packing nut
from the stem.

This sub-par toolbox
only had one wrench,

so I was lucky it was a three-quarters
or I'd have been screwed.

Yeah, man. You are lucky.
Come on, Ron.

What the hell?
I need your help.

By the time I was done,

this 100-year-old piece
of American-made cast iron

was singing like a bird.

Now, to most people,
this story would seem boring.

That's ridiculous. It's a
story about a radiator.

But to me, it was
immensely satisfying

because I enjoy
fixing radiators.

You like fixing this town, Leslie.
You always have.

You know it's an uphill battle,
but you love the struggle.

I would also add
that you've already done

a hell of a lot to
make this town better.

And people like
this young man here

will benefit
from your hard work.

He's a beautiful boy.

He is quite a looker.

Thank you, Ron.

What's that?
Nothing.

Clearing my throat.

I've been thinking
a lot about your offer.

And I have to say,
I can't think of

one single reason
not to take it.

That's great. I'll start
drawing up the paperwork.

I'm sorry. I meant because I can think
of a lot of reasons not to take it.

Okay, that's a very
misleading phraseology.

I'm sorry. It's an amazing
offer, and I'm very interested.

But if I'm going
to leave Pawnee,

I need to know it's gonna
be okay without me.

And I won't know until I've
finished what I've started.

When do you need your answer?

Well, the gears of
federal government

grind pretty slowly,
so you have a little time.

But we can't wait forever.

I'll be in touch.

Great, thank you.

That's not your hand.
Here it is.

Sorry, my depth perception
is totally screwed up.

I'm really happy that
worked out for you, Tom,

but you kind of
sold me out back there.

I know, and I'm sorry.

But Mitch asked me what
I was passionate about.

And honestly,
I'm never going to be

passionate about dry
cleaning chemicals.

To each his own, I guess.

I know opening
a restaurant is risky.

But I can make this work.
I know I can.

Then count me in as the second
investor in Tom's Bistro.

Thanks, Ben.

I know this is
a symbolic gesture,

but my investor floor is $1,000.

So, as of now,
you own zero shares.

Cool. Thanks for
clearing that up.

Now, go do work or I will
fire you. I'm not kidding.

Yep.

Oh, look, John.
It's red pine.

They were going to put
flecked linoleum

over this beautifully
preserved knotty red pine.

Most people in this world,
John, are ass...

This is the best day

I've ever spent in
a government building.

And luckily, my son was
here to share it with me.

He now has that satisfied look that
only comes with the pride of labor.

Or he pooped.

Either way, well done, John.

Ripped By mstoll