All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S06E05 - Gin It Up! (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Hey, I've gained a lot of ground
in the polls. That's good news.

Yeah. I have you down
only four points.

But they're running a ton
of new negative ads.

Maybe you should fight back.

Ben, your heart's in the right place.
Your heart and your butt.

I will not go negative.

Crap on a turd!

Care for a "Recall Knope"
gift bag?

The Committee to Recall
Leslie Knope is relentless.

Look what they're handing
out at elementary schools.

I'm Leslie Knope.
Tell your parents to recall me.

We all know that I cannot spend as
much money on ads as my opponent.

But I printed out
10,000 "Don't" stickers.

And 10,000
question mark stickers.

That way, if you see
a sign that says

"Recall Knope,"
all you need to do is add

the question mark
and the "Don't,"

and suddenly, it reads
"Recall Knope? Don't!"

Why don't you just put the "Don't"
in front of "Recall Knope"?

Yep. That's a much
better idea.

Can I have these
question mark stickers?

Why? I want to put
them on stop signs.

April, no!

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Hi. Um, I need
to talk to

somebody about reserving a park.

Oh, we have a new policy.

Parks can only be
reserved for witch covens

or Slip 'N Slide competitions.
Which one are you?

Uh, Slip 'N Slide competition.

Seriously?

No. How would you even compete
in something like that?

Doesn't matter.

Um, I called earlier about
the free vaccinations thing?

We're hoping to set up

a mobile hospital
in one of your parks.

Sorry, is there
something wrong with him?

Tom. This witch
wants to reserve a park

for her satanic ritual.
Can you help her?

Right. Smashing.
Uh, yes, I'm Thomas Haverford.

I sort of run
the whole department.

Um, what was the name, then?

Uh, Nadia Statsky.
I'm from Doctors Without Borders.

Brilliant.
The old D's without B's.

Uh, we can definitely help.

Yeah, Tom's your guy. He actually
used to run the Parks Department

in his home country of Russia.

This one is mental. She's joking,
obviously. How could I be from Russia?

Not with this spot-on
British accent.

We can definitely
get you sorted.

Right this way.
Okay.

Whoa! I am pretty sure

you shouldn't have
a weapon at work.

Literally everything
is a weapon, son.

That folder, in my hands,

is far deadlier
than this bow in yours.

Oh, that's probably true.

So, Leslie and I just finished
putting together our will,

and she wants
you to be the witness.

You mind signing it?

That's your will?
You need that many pages

to say, "Give my stuff
to my wife"?

It's a complicated
legal document.

Doesn't have to be.

I've had the same will
since I was eight years old.

"Upon my death,
all of my belongings

"shall transfer to the man or
animal who has killed me."

What are these weird symbols?

The man who kills me will know.

Okay. You should
really have a will

that's more than
one sentence long.

You have a wife and kids now. I
could introduce you to our lawyer.

The three most useless jobs
in the world are, in order,

lawyer, congressman
and doctor. Pass.

Ron, that document is nothing.
It's not even notarized.

You know, if you die and you
don't have a real will,

most of what you own
will go to the government.

Where is this
lawyer you speak of?

I am pleased to
formally submit Bill 68-J,

which funds a new bike
path in Ramsett Park.

Motion to table this bill.
Second.

I also submit Bill 68-R.

Motion to table.
Second.

You guys want to
delay all my bills?

Fine. I'm just going
to keep my head down

and continue to get work done.

Oh, well, motion to end the session
early so nothing can get done.

Second.
Ah, you guys are the worst.

Sorry, Knope.
We're just looking

for any possible way
to get you recalled

because we don't like you.
It's nothing personal.

It absolutely is personal.

That is the definition
of "personal."

The definition of "personal."

Ooh!

Excuse me.
We have an issue.

A tweet has been tweeted from
the Parks and Rec Twitter,

and I'm afraid it is
quite sexually graphic.

It's probably just some bored
teenager who hacked the account.

Whoever it is, it is quite serious.
Take a look at this.

I don't want you to get
recalled, Knope, but damn,

these people know
how to pick a neck massager.

And before you get on my case about
the stickers, I already did them.

Donna, there is
trouble a-brewing.

We think that you
may have accidentally

tweeted from
the Parks and Rec account

rather than your
own personal account.

Oh-oh. What did it say?

"See you tonight.
Hope you like

"tongue baths,
you big, nasty fireman."

Then, there's
a picture of a pair of lips,

and then a picture
of an eggplant.

I am both confused
and, if we're being

totally honest, a little aroused.
Ew!

Not to give you too much of a
peek into my personal life,

but this could
have been way worse.

What's important is
we deleted the tweet,

and nobody is going
to know it's you.

But Donna, you know, be
more careful in the future.

This could have really
blown up in my face.

I'm here live at
a press conference,

where Councilman Jeremy
Jamm will discuss

a government
scandal we are calling

"Twitter Watergate"
until we can find

a snappier name for it.

Tongue baths?
Eggplants? Firemen?

Those men are heroes
who deserve respect. 9/11.

This is how Leslie Knope
runs her Parks Department?

We are going to hold hearing after
hearing until we are satisfied.

This will be blown way out of proportion.
You have my word on it.

Ooh. This is bad.
I'm going to get fired.

No one is getting
fired. Okay?

Jamm is trying to use this
to hurt me in the recall.

He's trying to take me down,
and he's willing

to attack my friends
in the process?

No. No way. Not on my watch.
Not on her watch.

He is not going
to sully your name.

No sullying allowed.

Don't worry about it, Donna. We're
going to nip this in the bud.

Guard your buds. Because
they're about to get nipped.

Okay.
Okay.

So, why does Doctors Without
Borders want to come to Pawnee?

Pawnee is like a petri
dish of weird diseases.

Did you know you have
a higher rate of the

West Nile virus than
the actual Western Nile?

Sorry, West Nile. Looks
like Pawnee wins again.

What else have you beaten
the Western Nile in?

Cricket.

Ah. Just fill out
these forms

and we will be all set like
two biscuits inside a tin.

So, you've gone insane.
That's fun.

I just panicked.
She's so out of my league,

my brain just
made me talk that way

so I'd seem cooler.
What should I do?

Nothing. This is amazing.
April!

Fine. If you want
to have a chance

with her, obviously,
you have to stop.

It's either that or you talk like
that for the rest of your life.

You think she'd marry me?

All right, just let
me do the talking here.

Okay? I mean,
he's a lawyer,

I'm an accountant.
We speak the same language.

I mean, obviously, accountants
are a little more bad boy.

But there's a respect there.

When will this be over?

Hey, Trevor. I've been talking
to Ron about estate planning,

and he is here to do
some good will hunting.

Because he has to
draw up a new will, so...

Yes, I understand,
Mr. Wyatt. Thank you.

As I've said before,
I just don't like puns.

Oh. Well, my accountant
friends seem to enjoy them.

Mr. Swanson, let's begin
by filling out

this form listing your
assets and liabilities.

Nice try.

I'm not telling you how much

money I have, where it's hidden,

or which precious
metals and/or gemstones

it may or may not
take the form of.

If you don't give me the information
I need, there's nothing I can do.

Come on, Trevor. Where there's
a will, there's a way.

I'm going to say this
one last time, Wyatt.

Check the accountant
crap at the door.

Yes, sir, I will.
Unintentional.

All right, let's begin.
These hearings have two goals.

One, to find out exactly how this
offensive tweet came to be sent.

And two, to turn this whole
thing into a media circus.

Ms. Knope,
do you have a statement?

Well, it's actually
quite simple.

A Parks and Rec employee
forgot to log out

of the Parks and Rec
Twitter account,

and they posted a personal,
private message by accident.

And that person is very sorry
and it won't happen again.

Stop stonewalling and tell
us what happened here.

I just told you what happened.
It was an unfortunate mistake.

All right. Sadly,
due to your intracksidence...

Not a word. We may never
find out what happened.

When this sick, depraved tweet
first came to light, you said,

"The account was probably
hacked by some bored teenager."

Now, you're saying
it's an unfortunate mistake.

Why do you keep
flip-flopping?

Well, because I
learned new information.

When I was four, I thought that
chocolate milk came from brown cows.

And then, I "flip-flopped"
when I found out that there

was something
called chocolate syrup.

I don't think I'm out of line when
I say that this scandal makes

Benghazi look like Whitewater.

That's utterly meaningless.

I think we need to hear from the
unnamed employee behind the tweet.

Perhaps he or she...

Or them. Could be
a bunch of hot ladies.

Yes. Perhaps "them" can finally
give us the answers we need.

What, what, what?
There she is.

Nadia, I didn't
know what you wanted,

so I got you
a cappuccino, a latte,

four bags of coffee beans
and a mini espresso machine.

What happened to your accent?

Oh, yeah, it's gone.

Huh. You know,
I had a cold recently.

And I think that may
have affected my voice,

like, in certain British ways.

Well, that's all
there is to that story.

So, no need for
any more questions.

You have a cold?
Can I feel your glands?

Sure.

Wow. You are wearing a lot of
moisturizer on your throat.

Best way to prevent crow's neck.

Is this glitter?

So, those are the forms.
You filled them out.

Great. April's going
to file these.

Hey. When is the thing
you're doing in the park?

I'd love to come by.

Maybe help administer vaccines?

Oh. Are you a doctor somehow?

No.

No follow-up to that?
Okay, great.

Well, I'm not actually going
to be attending the event.

So, if you could
just give me the permit

so that I can go home to Indianapolis
and never come back here.

I am in love with Nadia
whatever-her-last-name-is.

And I'm going to keep her here using
the most powerful weapon I have.

Bureaucratic incompetence.

Oh, no.

You filled
out form 3208.

You were supposed to
fill out form 3248.

Oh, God. This is to lease
a hangar at the airport.

I know. It's so crazy,
it almost sounds made up.

Bureaucracy, right?
What are you going to do?

Huh? Weird. Someone left out a
blender, fresh fruits and rum?

I guess we've got to,
like, make daiquiris now.

I like to listen to music
while I work, you know?

You feel that song?

What is this place?

Ms. Meagle,
let me first say that

I am a big fan of your writing.

Thank you.

It's good stuff.
Really good stuff.

Okay. Does anyone else here
see a double standard?

Councilman Dexhart is currently

being sued by
two different women

for sexual harassment.

One of whom was the judge
in the first woman's trial.

She was talking dirty to me.

She was reading the e-mails that
you sent to the first woman.

Look, I obviously never meant to
embarrass the Parks Department.

My personal account
is set to private.

Yeah. I don't even know
what she writes on there.

Well, you may not know what
she's writing, but we do.

In a shocking twist to an already
juicy story, we have obtained access

to Ms. Meagle's
account via a third party.

Same hairdresser.

Damn it, Typhoon.
Why did you do this?

Maybe if you had
bothered to come to

my Great Gatsby brunch,
you'd know.

I don't even need an exact number.
Just ballpark it.

That's all I
need to get started.

Or I'm sure the state
government would love

to use your money to
hire more bureaucrats.

Maybe build a library.
Fine!

A ballpark figure.

Thank you. God.

Holy.
Is this a joke?

Another word for
jokes is "lies."

I do not lie.
Therefore, I do not joke.

Mr. Swanson,
an estate of this size

means that your
children would never

have to work
a day in their lives.

This is going to take some time.

Trusts need to be drawn, tax shelters...
That's enough.

I don't need some
drawn-out legal expedition

to tell me what I
knew when I was eight.

Here is my original will.

Do whatever lawyer nonsense you
have to, to make it official

and I will sign it.
Good day.

Wait. What are all
these symbols?

I was right not to
be threatened by you.

Okay. I would like to
enter into the record

a selection of
Ms. Meagle's tweets.

Uh-oh. Can I request
a brief recess?

It's okay, Donna. I'm not
going to let them fire you.

Yeah, it's not me
I'm worried about.

Ms. Beavers, if you please.

Yesterday, 9:02 a.m.

"Annoying-ass Leslie has given
me another annoying-ass task.

"Number sign stickers,
number sign BitchBoss."

"September 25th.
Twitter poll.

"On a scale of 98 to 100,
how annoying is Leslie Knope?

"Because you know it
ain't less than 98.

"All my number sign True
Blood fans know what's up."

Page after page of personal
attacks on Leslie Knope.

Not only do you have no
control over your department,

you don't even have the
respect of your employees.

That's what you really think of me?
You think I'm annoying?

Leslie, sometimes
you're kind of annoying.

I mean, I thought
that was your thing.

My thing? My thing
is not being annoying.

My things are making
friendship bracelets

and dancing like
nobody's watching.

Thinking up really cool
nicknames for my friends.

You, of all people, should
know that, El Diablo.

Look. The only reason
I'm even on Twitter

is to blow off steam about work

and tweet nasty stuff
to dudes with washboard abs.

You really think I hate you,

after all we've been
through the last 10 years?

I honestly don't know anymore.

Okay, I think we've done
a lot of good here today.

Leslie, I'm sorry,
but I could not

postpone these
pointless hearings

that Jamm is having.
He is just determined.

Well, thank you for trying.
I have a question for you.

Do you think I'm annoying?
No.

Are you lying?
No.

Are you trying to protect
my feelings? No.

Do you think I'm being
annoying right now? Yes.

So, you do think I'm annoying.

I think that you ask a lot of
the people that you work with.

And I think the people do what
you ask because they love you.

But I also think that
driving people as hard

as you do can
ruffle some feathers.

I think a lot of things. I like thinking.
And racquetball.

Now who's annoying?

I spent the last hour reading
some of Donna's old tweets.

And turns out there are some more
things that she's said about you.

"Message to the recall haters. You
can't keep Leslie Knope down.

"She's too real for this ish.
Hashtag BossBitch."

"Leslie Knope is
stepping up at these

"hearings and
taking a bullet for me.

"Hashtag Sister From Another
Mister, hashtag BossBitch."

It appears, whereas
"BitchBoss" is clearly

an indication of
her frustration,

"BossBitch" is a term of endearment.
Isn't language fun?

It's like racquetball
for your mouth.

Did you change
your outfit?

I've changed five times,
and she hasn't noticed yet.

I can only stall for so long.
What should I do?

Um, I just finished filling this one out.
I didn't know what to put for

"Name of Commercial
Airline" because

I do not operate
a commercial airline.

So, I just made one up.

What did you name
your imaginary airline?

"Jet Blue Ivy." I figure
Jay-Z and Beyonc�'s

kid will own her
own airline eventually.

She's the one.

So, can I have
my permit now? Finally?

Uh...

No. There was a mistake, and we
gave the park to someone else.

What?
Maybe I can drive you around

and we'll pick another one?

Maybe I'll bring a picnic lunch.
Do you like tamales?

You said that that
park was ours.

You said it a long time
ago in a British accent.

I probably shouldn't say this as a doctor.
It's probably not cool.

But I really hope you
all get West Nile virus.

Nice meeting you, April.
Kind of. You're weird, too.

Thank you.

We need to talk.

That has never been true.

I think I know what's happening.

Thinking about how to divide up

your possessions
for when you die...

It's tough confronting
your own mortality.

And I think it's got
you spinning a little bit.

Am I right?

Wow. I had not
considered that.

Yes, I think that maybe
you are onto something.

Yeah. Just know that it's perfectly
healthy to be thinking about...

Oh, you're joking.

Yes, son, I am. First joke ever.
Don't care for it.

Death does not scare me. What I am
worried about is spoiling my children.

I don't want them to be the
kind of people who never work,

live off their trust funds, who
buy their wooden furniture.

I will leave my
children $50 a piece

for the cab home from my funeral

and a steak dinner.
End of discussion.

Okay. I mean, look.
It doesn't matter

how much money
you leave your kids.

What matters is that you
teach them the right values.

But if something
horrible happens and

you want your kids
to be left alone with

no safety net just
so they can learn some

kind of weird lesson,
then by all means,

leave your fortune to the wild
boar who gores you to death.

I'd never lose to a boar.

I'm sorry if I can be a
little annoying at times.

But one person's "annoying"

is another person's
"inspiring and heroic."

So, you know,
who are we to judge?

And I'm sorry for writing those things.
Some of those things.

I can't promise that I won't be
inspiring and heroic in the future.

And I can't promise that I
won't complain about it.

Deal. I got you an
apology present.

Oh. It is all of your favorite
lipsticks and nail polishes.

And I got the same ones, too.

I printed out a schedule so we
can wear them at the same time.

Now, I would like you to open each
one in front of me and tell me

how you feel about
them individually.

Let me take a picture.

Are you tweeting this?

Mmm-hmm.

What's the hashtag going to be?
"BossBitch" or "BitchBoss"?

Yeah, it's "PsychoBoss."

Mmm. I don't hate that.

Benjamin. After thinking
about what you said,

I've decided to leave each of
my children 5% of my fortune.

Wow, five whole percent.

So, I guess you are going to
teach them a lesson. Oh, my God.

That's 5%? That is a lot of money.
Wait, is this a joke?

It is not a joke. Not that an
accountant would know the difference.

Also, if something should
happen to Diane and me,

we decided that
the kids should go to

the most important
people in our lives.

Ron, I'm incredibly flattered.

Ralph Piatkowski
and his wife, Helen.

He's the ma�tre d' at
Mulligan's Steakhouse,

and he knows me
better than anyone.

However, if they
are not able to do it,

which seems likely,
as they're in their 90s,

you and Leslie are
choice number two.

I'm honored.

Everyone, take your seats, so this
witch hunt may proceed as scheduled.

Speaking of,
where are the witches?

They're right here.

Well, we're not witches.
That's sexist

and offensive.
But we're right here.

And we are not going to sit in this
room and let you drag our names

through the mud just to score
some cheap political points.

How dare you demean the value of
the political points I'm scoring?

We have had enough.
I'm going back to

work so I can do
some good for this town.

And my friend,
Donna, is coming with me.

Hmm. I prefer El Diablo.

Uh, this is not over,
Ms. Knope.

Donna, quit punishing me.
I miss you.

Uh-huh. Bridge burned, Typhoon.
Or should I say "Norman"?

Uh-huh.

Okay. I'm just going to man
up and tell her how I feel

and hope she feels
the same way about me.

And that's that. If she
doesn't, no big deal.

It's done. I'm an adult.
Let's do it.

Great.

Nope. I can't do it. New plan. Tell her
all the screw-ups were your fault.

I'll tell her I had to cover for
you because you are so dumb.

Nadia! Good to see you!

We're very sorry for everything
you went through today.

I have reserved
the park for your event.

Now, April has something
she'd like to admit.

Tom wants me to tell you that all
the screw-ups were my fault.

But really, he kept
messing up so that you

would stay in Pawnee
as long as possible

because he is super into you.

Oh. Okay.

Several questions.
Is any part of him British?

No.
So, that was just weird,

panicky, dude behavior?
Yeah.

Okay. I'm just trying
to figure out if acting

that insane is, like,
romantic or totally scary.

I'll go with romantic.

He is kind of cute.

What's his deal?

He's sweet. He's cool. And you're,
like, way out of his league,

so there's literally no
risk for you at all here.

Okay. Well, I'm going
to Rwanda in, like,

two weeks for my job,
so what the hell.

Cool. So, you want
to go out with me?

Yes, please.

Okay. Bye.

Okay. You owe me, like 1,000 favors.
See you.

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