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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,379
Mmm. Eyeballs, rats,
bats, vampire teeth.
2
00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:05,438
Boom. Vampire teeth.
Good.
3
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:07,451
Spiderwebs.
Done.
4
00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:09,910
Fake blood capsules.
5
00:00:09,976 --> 00:00:12,149
They didn't have any.
Really?
6
00:00:14,447 --> 00:00:16,256
That's gross. I love it.
7
00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:18,728
We are throwing a Halloween
party at our house.
8
00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:20,492
It's gonna be
the greatest thing ever.
9
00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:22,590
Someone will die.
Of fun.
10
00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:23,656
And of murder.
11
00:00:23,723 --> 00:00:26,829
There's going to be beer, pumpkins...
Bloody goblins.
12
00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:29,271
Fake ones. It's gonna be awesome.
We have decorations.
13
00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:30,831
Dead people that
we just murdered.
14
00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:34,310
Not murdered, but pictures of
dead people from TV or movies.
15
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,472
Mutilated bodies.
But fake ones.
16
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:39,983
Candy, dancing, tequila.
All kinds of food and snacks.
17
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,884
Blood orphans.
No blood orphans.
18
00:00:42,942 --> 00:00:45,286
I don't know what that is.
19
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:09,573
I want you on message, and
the message is Leslie Knope.
20
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:10,944
If you're not
talking about you,
21
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,244
you're talking
about the wrong thing.
22
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:13,807
I hate talking about myself.
23
00:01:13,873 --> 00:01:17,343
Get over it. I talk about myself constantly.
Everyone loves me for it.
24
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,321
I really am amazing.
25
00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:21,290
When you work in government,
people often suspect
26
00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:22,382
that you're anti-business.
27
00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:24,827
So I'm throwing a little meet
and greet with business owners,
28
00:01:24,884 --> 00:01:26,488
and I've asked
Tom's company to help.
29
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:29,227
Here's my opening line.
Hi. I'm Leslie Knope,
30
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,701
and I'm in the business
of being City Councilor.
31
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,362
Oh, my God.
I'm not going to use that.
32
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,804
This is your primary target.
33
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:37,773
President of the Chamber of
Commerce, Martin Kernston.
34
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:42,246
Oh, yes. From Kernston Rubber Nipples.
The Nipple King.
35
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:47,012
Photos, bios, likes, dislikes,
prescription medications.
36
00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:49,451
I've heard of Martin Kernston.
I know a little bit about him.
37
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:51,819
Oh, really? Well, which of his
advisors does he trust more,
38
00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:53,221
Ted Flirtman or Rex Baggs?
39
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,225
Well, it depends. Flirtman
is more of a confidant.
40
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,919
I made up both those names.
41
00:01:56,983 --> 00:01:58,291
Okay, I'm on it.
42
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,191
Get at me.
43
00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:03,393
Jean-Ralphio, stop crying.
44
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,835
What? Hold on.
Slow down. Hold on.
45
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:11,669
Allergic to chestnuts and...
46
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,376
Good haircuts.
47
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,879
It's too tight. Looser. I
feel like we need to inflate it more.
48
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:27,925
No, I told you. I'm a sumo
wrestler after he lost the weight.
49
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,551
I take it
we're having a party.
50
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:33,396
Dude, I knew there was something
I forgot to tell you. Sorry.
51
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:34,488
No, no, no. It's fine.
52
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,932
Why should you guys tell me you
were gonna have an enormous party?
53
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,470
I didn't tell you I was gonna
be quietly working in my room.
54
00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:40,834
- That's a good point.
- Yeah, yeah.
55
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,066
I guess we're even.
56
00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:43,801
If you need me,
I'll definitely be awake,
57
00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:47,709
because I won't be able to
sleep because of the party.
58
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,607
You know? So...
59
00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:52,576
All right.
60
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,915
My family is very
non-confrontational.
61
00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:56,885
My parents' method
of problem solving is
62
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,752
to kind of keep
everything bottled up
63
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:02,088
and just subtly hint
at what's bothering them.
64
00:03:02,148 --> 00:03:06,255
And after 36 years,
they are still divorced.
65
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,562
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
66
00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:11,693
Tom, this is not
what I pictured at all.
67
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:14,500
This looks like a party
for Entertainment 720.
68
00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:17,041
Is Entertainment 720
running for office?
69
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:18,598
It's a small business.
70
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:19,666
You're trying to
show people you have
71
00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:21,837
a good relationship
with small businesses.
72
00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:23,744
Now the party?
That's all about you, boo.
73
00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:25,942
Okay. Then shouldn't my face
be on these rugs?
74
00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,484
I'm sorry, no.
75
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:30,111
It's always been a dream of mine to
be a rug, and it's finally happened.
76
00:03:30,176 --> 00:03:31,519
Tom, now is not
the time for you
77
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:33,421
to explore your
weird dreams, okay?
78
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:35,891
I want all of this gone.
All of it.
79
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:39,328
Except that cake. Keep that cake here.
Just scrape off the words.
80
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:49,634
Donna? Blue shirt,
badge, night stick.
81
00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:52,339
You are a policewoman.
82
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:53,843
Yep. You're a regular...
83
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,313
Sherlock Holmes. I solved
that mystery before you did.
84
00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:59,247
Okay, this was fun.
85
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:04,283
Andy, you are U.F.C. legend, Chuck Liddell.
That's right.
86
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,386
Girl from The Ring.
87
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,756
To me, Sherlock
Holmes is literally
88
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:11,352
the greatest character
in the Western canon.
89
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:14,057
Smart, intuitive, handsome.
90
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,929
Replace his pasty
British frailty
91
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,993
with superhuman physical
fitness, and you get...
92
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:21,038
Sherlock Traeger.
93
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,973
Mr. Potato Head.
That's right.
94
00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:26,738
Hey, where's my lovely daughter tonight?
She's at home.
95
00:04:26,799 --> 00:04:27,800
I knew that
you would be here,
96
00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:29,312
and I was worried
that you might be
97
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:31,042
concerned seeing us
together at night.
98
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,105
You're a very
thoughtful guy,
99
00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:33,548
but really,
I have no problem
100
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,279
with the two of you
dating, really.
101
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:38,254
I mean, look at you. You're
just, you know, beautiful.
102
00:04:38,311 --> 00:04:41,349
You're beautiful. On the inside
where your spirit lives.
103
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:43,860
Listen. Tell her, "Come to the
party," and I don't mind at all.
104
00:04:43,916 --> 00:04:46,021
Oh, good. I'll text her.
105
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,198
Okay. You can text
without looking at your phone?
106
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:51,894
I think it's rude
not to maintain eye contact
107
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,303
with the people that I'm talking to.
108
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,396
That's from me.
109
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:59,443
Wow! That's amazing!
110
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:01,172
High five.
Wow.
111
00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:06,879
Hey. Ron. Good to see you.
112
00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:08,612
Weren't you
a pirate last year?
113
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:11,622
Yes. This is my
Halloween costume.
114
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:15,353
Andrew, are you aware that your
bathroom faucet is leaking?
115
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:18,953
Are you kidding me? I just
stuffed a sock in it yesterday.
116
00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:20,554
What else
do they want me to do?
117
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:23,624
There's an exposed wire
above the bathtub as well.
118
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,931
Oh, yeah. Shock wire.
119
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:30,338
I call it that, 'cause if you take
a shower, and you touch the wire,
120
00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:31,932
YOU die!
121
00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:34,344
Yes, that is accurate.
122
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,346
Do you have a tool box?
Yeah.
123
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:40,106
No home is complete
without a proper toolbox.
124
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,016
Here's April and Andy's.
125
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:46,115
A hammer, half of a pretzel,
126
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:51,458
baseball card, some cartridge
that says Sonic and Hedgehog,
127
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:53,997
a scissor half,
and a flashlight.
128
00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:57,492
Filled with jelly beans.
129
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:04,237
Although I have not worked
with you professionally,
130
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,674
as a private citizen,
131
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,473
I have personally patronized
132
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:09,638
each and every one
of your establishments.
133
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:12,273
I've never seen you buy a
salad at Sue's Salads.
134
00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:13,874
That's because
I don't hate myself, Tania.
135
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:17,482
I'm sorry. I know I should
be chasing your vote,
136
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:18,988
but I stand
behind my decision
137
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,116
to avoid salad
and other disgusting things.
138
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:24,184
And I think I have a lot of support
in the community for that.
139
00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:27,254
Despite the fact that this seems
like a party for Tom's face,
140
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,027
uh, I think
it's going pretty well.
141
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:32,331
When in doubt,
in Pawnee, slam salad.
142
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,895
I'm just especially thankful that
you could come, Mr. President.
143
00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:36,440
Martin.
Martin.
144
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,476
You were responsible for
the Harvest Festival, right?
145
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:41,808
No. Yes. Well, it was a team effort.
I barely did anything.
146
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:44,747
I held them back, actually.
They succeeded despite me.
147
00:06:46,672 --> 00:06:49,653
I'm sorry. I worked very hard
on that event. I'm just...
148
00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:53,054
Bureaucrats aren't used to bragging
about themselves.
149
00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,388
Tom, come over here and
talk about how great I am.
150
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:58,156
Martin! Tom Haverford
I threw this shindig.
151
00:06:58,217 --> 00:07:01,164
Yes. Tom, tell Martin how hard I
worked on the Harvest Festival.
152
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:03,063
It was incredible.
153
00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:04,863
A lot of people say
the Harvest Festival
154
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,631
is what launched
Entertainment 720.
155
00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:08,035
No one says that.
I just said it.
156
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,165
My company,
Entertainment 720,
157
00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:13,005
has an amazing business
opportunity for Kernston's.
158
00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:16,137
Mind if I steal you away a few
seconds, give you the 'tails?
159
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:18,148
The 'tails?
The details.
160
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:21,276
Most people would probably say
the deets I say the 'tails.
161
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:22,944
Just one example
of innovation.
162
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:28,015
Look, I don't like to throw around
the word butt-head too often.
163
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,354
If you call
everybody a butt-head,
164
00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:30,826
then it kind of
loses its impact.
165
00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:33,090
But I can say
without hesitation
166
00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:35,496
that Tom is
being a real dick.
167
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:40,694
Hey. You stole the Nipple King.
Thanks a lot, traitor.
168
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,535
I'm sorry. I just needed to
ask him about this one thing.
169
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:44,939
But we're all good now. What if I
just introduce you for your speech?
170
00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:46,943
I have a better idea. Why don't
you go over to one of your rugs
171
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:50,242
and sit on your own face? I
don't need your help anymore.
172
00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:55,116
Hi, there. ls there a
project you're working on?
173
00:07:55,174 --> 00:07:57,620
I know more than you.
All right.
174
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:00,518
When April
and Andy married,
175
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,526
I didn't get them
a wedding present.
176
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:04,823
In my experience, wedding
presents are nothing more
177
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:07,660
than kindling on
the divorce bonfire.
178
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:11,463
But I think I found a way I can
really help them make a home.
179
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:16,037
You, bean bag,
come with me.
180
00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:17,403
I'm an eggplant.
181
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:19,568
I don't care. Come with me. Why?
182
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,872
I need small hands.
183
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:25,176
I'm scared.
184
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:31,679
Look who decided to join the party.
Bro, that's awesome!
185
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:33,052
Where's your costume?
186
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:36,150
Honey, he's wearing a costume.
He's going as lame.
187
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,325
That's a pretty
good costume, actually.
188
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:42,491
But I think the Batman costume is way better.
You should go wear that.
189
00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:44,364
Yeah, I don't think
I'm gonna put on a costume,
190
00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:48,565
because I'm not really attending
this party that's at my house.
191
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:51,507
Hey, listen, if you're mad about
something you should just...
192
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:53,510
No. I'm not.
I'm not mad.
193
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:55,136
Really? Listen,
I feel like you are mad.
194
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:58,341
So maybe you should
just talk to us about it.
195
00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:03,353
My name's Ben. I'm mad.
196
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:05,047
All right. That was great.
Thank you. So soft.
197
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,181
Soft lips
Thanks for that.
198
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:08,521
Your fingers are salty.
I'm going to finish my work.
199
00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:11,562
Orin, no! No! Stay out!
200
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:13,619
Pawnee has suffered
through a tough economy
201
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:17,828
and what has kept our town alive
is you, the small businessman.
202
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,995
And I'm not referring
to your stature, Gary.
203
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,437
You are a giant
in this community.
204
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:24,702
So many businesses
represented here today.
205
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:27,210
Food and Stuff, J.J.'s Diner,
206
00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:31,510
Glennmore Discount Cemetery,
Tramp Stamp Tattoos,
207
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:35,576
Enormous Kenny's Fried Dough
Stand and Mobile Phone Emporium.
208
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,552
Who else? Sue's Salads.
209
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:38,680
Ooh!
210
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:42,658
Smooth Operator Bikini Waxes,
Geoff's Savings and Loan...
211
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:45,195
And Entertainment 720.
212
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,731
Thank you so much for that
amazing intro, Leslie.
213
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:49,733
Hi, folks.
My name is Tom Haverford,
214
00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:51,427
and I am here to
tell you a little bit
215
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:53,470
about Pawnee's
premiere entertainment
216
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,199
and mufti-media
conglomerate...
217
00:09:55,261 --> 00:10:00,677
Entertainment 720 Where
dreams come, they come true
218
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:03,872
How about we watch
this brief promotional film?
219
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,313
What?
220
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:09,517
Entertainment 720 has been a fixture
of this community since June.
221
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:13,785
Tom, listen to me. Turn that off
or give me the remote right now.
222
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:15,553
It's short. Can you
let it play, please?
223
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,060
You're lucky that
Martin Kernston is here,
224
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:18,561
'cause you're gonna
need another nipple.
225
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,926
Why?
226
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:52,226
There. I think I got it.
Yep, you got it.
227
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,391
Can you at least
tell me what you're doing?
228
00:10:56,455 --> 00:11:00,267
I'm a homeowner. I would like
to actually learn something.
229
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:05,570
Yeah, I'm tightening the valve
stem into the valve shank.
230
00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:09,238
I'm replacing the handle, and
then tightening the set screw,
231
00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:11,975
which will hold it
in place. Now...
232
00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:14,744
Oh, my God. We made it work.
233
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:18,983
It's a good feeling. Sense
of accomplishment and pride.
234
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:21,616
Damn it,
I just love it so much.
235
00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:26,153
Are you okay?
Great.
236
00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:27,663
I'm going to go
around this house
237
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,326
and fix everything I can
find that needs fixing.
238
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:33,199
You want to help?
I really do.
239
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:35,762
Good. That's next.
240
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,173
I can't reveal my identity because
of various corporate enemies.
241
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:44,408
But suffice it to say I run a fairly
popular social networking site
242
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,609
And let's face it,
243
00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:50,176
booking E 720 was the smartest
decision I ever made.
244
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:52,950
I hope you liked this story.
245
00:11:54,113 --> 00:11:55,888
I invented Facebook.
246
00:11:55,948 --> 00:11:57,393
Wow. Okay. Um...
247
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:01,630
I know that video seemed like
the rantings of a lunatic
248
00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:03,462
pretending to be
Mark Zuckerberg.
249
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,160
That's who that was?
No.
250
00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:06,567
That is impressive.
251
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:08,434
We're not gonna waste
any more of your time.
252
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:09,996
Agreed.
Let's get right to it.
253
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:13,009
Please welcome the
E 720 Mailing List Divas!
254
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:19,411
I want all y'all to write down
the name and direct phone line
255
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,975
for whoever is in charge of
hiring independent contractors
256
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:23,918
for your business!
257
00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:27,355
Now, come join me and
let's all take a dip in
258
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:30,292
the E 720 Mobile Hot Tub!
259
00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:33,556
It's parked right outside.
Let's go!
260
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,799
Hey, Ben.
Hey.
261
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:40,894
I thought you weren't
coming to the party.
262
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,304
Well, I'm just
having a Butterfinger.
263
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,103
Oh, really?
Is that okay?
264
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:48,876
No. If you're not part of the
party, you can't have the candy.
265
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,140
Back up.
All right.
266
00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:51,203
Back up.
Okay.
267
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:55,309
I have one sister.
We steal each other's stuff,
268
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,012
hack each other's
Twitter accounts,
269
00:12:57,076 --> 00:12:59,955
set each other's
clothes on fire.
270
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:01,548
There are no rules.
271
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,729
We need to deal with
what's bothering you.
272
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,128
Oh, please,
come into my room.
273
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:10,133
See, you're angry at me, and
you're not talking about it.
274
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:14,365
And I'm going to beat you up until
you do, because I'm mature.
275
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:16,201
What are you... Stop it.
276
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:20,267
I grew up with five brothers, and
we fought using the Dwyer method,
277
00:13:20,332 --> 00:13:24,872
which was yelling,
wrestling, crying
278
00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:28,111
followed by lots of hugs.
279
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:29,676
And then more wrestling,
but the fun kind.
280
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:32,848
And then crying when the fun kind
of wrestling got out of hand.
281
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:36,450
Can you let me go? Not until
you tell me what's wrong.
282
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,321
Mr. President,
I just want to apologize
283
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,025
for the actions of
that little weasel.
284
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:46,968
Leslie, I'm a frugal man. I don't
like extravagance or showmanship.
285
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:49,063
That's why
I cut my own hair.
286
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:51,540
And it's what's made me
a successful businessman.
287
00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:55,067
So if Entertainment 720 is the
kind of business you trust,
288
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:58,013
I'm afraid you and I
don't share the same values.
289
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:08,883
There you are,
you little bastard.
290
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:10,427
Get out of there
right now.
291
00:14:10,482 --> 00:14:12,689
Leslie, can you do me a favor
and just let me sit here?
292
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:15,595
Tom, get out of your stupid
limousine hot tub right now,
293
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:16,997
or we are
no longer friends.
294
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:18,592
I'm not getting out.
295
00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:20,659
Fine. Then I'm getting in.
296
00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:23,162
Listen to me.
297
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,435
You know what you are?
Get away from me!
298
00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:26,169
You're such a little
selfish punk, okay?
299
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:27,438
Just because
you want something
300
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:28,876
doesn't mean that
everybody has to bow to...
301
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,380
Listen to me. You didn't even
let me have my one night.
302
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,314
Look at me. I don't
want to see your face.
303
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:35,181
Look at me. I don't
want to see your face.
304
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:38,711
I've been looking
at your face all night. God!
305
00:14:38,777 --> 00:14:40,814
I'm sorry.
What's wrong with you?
306
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:44,757
My company
is bankrupt, okay?
307
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,854
Entertainment 720 is dead.
308
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:49,464
Oh, man.
309
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:55,934
Excuse us!
310
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:58,167
Nice form, son.
311
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,267
Make sure you keep a firm
pressure on the cranium.
312
00:15:00,332 --> 00:15:01,367
On the cranium?
313
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:04,676
Listen up. I have to turn off
the power for one minute.
314
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,581
We're going to go dark, people.
Bear with us, okay?
315
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,916
We've got to switch
off the main fuse hose.
316
00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:14,185
It's just a fuse. It's just
a fuse, people Just a fuse.
317
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,770
Well, maybe we should
get out of this hot tub.
318
00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:32,741
I'm too sad to get out,
and I'm all pruney.
319
00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:34,334
What happened?
I don't know.
320
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,505
I guess I just didn't
moisturize enough this morning,
321
00:15:36,568 --> 00:15:40,607
and I've been laying around here...
With the company, Tom.
322
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,778
We're hemorrhaging cash
ever since we opened.
323
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:44,684
They say you've got to
spend money to make money.
324
00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:48,555
Well, I don't know where we went wrong.
We spent all of our money.
325
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,618
Okay.
You know what you need?
326
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,686
Some good old-fashioned
comfort food.
327
00:15:53,752 --> 00:15:54,753
Where we gonna
get albacore tuna
328
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,424
with crispy onions
at this hour?
329
00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:57,489
Come on.
330
00:15:57,556 --> 00:16:00,469
I'd say you've got the handle
on that torque wrench.
331
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,335
Yeah, well, the flange
was a little warped,
332
00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:05,432
so I just goosed it with a
triple-three bolt smack.
333
00:16:05,497 --> 00:16:06,669
That was nonsense.
334
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:09,212
I know, but it's so fun
to talk like that.
335
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:12,374
You know what? Keep this.
336
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:15,651
You earned it.
337
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,312
Thanks, Ron.
338
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:26,952
I need to get more chips.
Great.
339
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,494
Let's go.
340
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,732
Come on. Walk.
No.
341
00:16:35,794 --> 00:16:39,970
This is a pacifist protest. Had enough?
You need to let go of me.
342
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,408
Yeah! Get it! That's good.
Here we go. No. No.
343
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:48,483
Let go of me!
He's got his back!
344
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:52,849
Come on! Fight me!
No. No. No.
345
00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:54,918
Oh!
346
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:59,958
Nice! Yeah! Oh, my God.
Andy, I am so sorry.
347
00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:03,530
Psych! Blood capsules.
348
00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:04,761
Oh!
349
00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:06,359
What?
Yeah!
350
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:09,895
I wanted to shock you
into expressing your anger.
351
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,964
And that way...
My nose is broken.
352
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,033
Oh, my God. I've got
to go to the hospital.
353
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:15,305
Oh, my God.
Didn't it feel good?
354
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,142
Come here.
Yeah. Yeah.
355
00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:19,274
Wow, I thought you guys
were doing great.
356
00:17:19,338 --> 00:17:20,612
I remember trying
to hire you once,
357
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,777
and you said
you were all booked up.
358
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:24,946
That was a business tactic
For the first two weeks,
359
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,547
we told everyone we were booked
solid to make people want us more.
360
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:30,594
Oh, no. That's the stupidest
idea I've ever heard.
361
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:32,920
Well, hindsight is 20/20.
362
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:34,430
Kind of seems like
regular sight
363
00:17:34,486 --> 00:17:35,692
should have
caught that one.
364
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:38,325
Also, your logo, it's the
worst logo I've ever seen.
365
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,802
It doesn't make any sense.
It's gibberish.
366
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:43,169
We made some mistakes.
367
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:48,473
Tonight was my last chance to land
a big client, and I failed again.
368
00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:50,275
God, it's so embarrassing.
369
00:17:50,335 --> 00:17:54,306
Hey, Tom. You're a smart guy
and charming occasionally.
370
00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:57,320
You're going to have
a lot more good ideas.
371
00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,990
Thanks.
372
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:01,888
I'm sorry I screwed up
your campaign thing.
373
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,756
I really wanted
to do a good job.
374
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,895
I made you this
amazing video biography.
375
00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:09,193
Of my life?
It's back at the office.
376
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:11,495
Well, let's eat and go.
377
00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:13,628
Didn't I ask for whipped
cream on this? Ma'am?
378
00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:16,029
Oh. Does it hurt?
379
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,439
Yeah. You broke my nose, so...
I'm sorry.
380
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:22,104
But I don't even care. Just get
it all out there, man. Go.
381
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,874
All right. Maybe you
have to start thinking
382
00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:26,142
about how your
actions affect me.
383
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:30,210
Like, tell me about stuff
happening in the house.
384
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:33,188
Stop referring to my
bedroom as a common space.
385
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:36,454
Stop using my comforter
for your pillow forts.
386
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:38,552
Just respect me.
387
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,062
Absolutely.
Really?
388
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,463
Yep. And in return,
I'll only ask for one thing,
389
00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:44,694
which is for you to pay
for studio recording time
390
00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:46,201
for my band
to do our new album.
391
00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:48,602
It's going to be about
5,600 bucks. Deal?
392
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,765
That's not
going to happen.
393
00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:54,003
Here's something for
the pain and some ice packs.
394
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,343
You his friend?
Him?
395
00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:57,641
Hell, no.
396
00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:00,410
We're brothers.
397
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,954
- Excuse me. Hey.
- Hi.
398
00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:06,546
We should go.
I'm blocking an ambulance.
399
00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,148
Ew. If your nose
is all weird after this,
400
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:09,419
I'm totally
going to divorce you.
401
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,721
Whatever. I'm going
to divorce you first
402
00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:12,386
for wearing my
favorite hoodie.
403
00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:14,558
Is everything cool?
404
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,362
Yeah. It is.
Let's go.
405
00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:20,266
We just can't use Ben's comforters
anymore for our pillow forts.
406
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,703
What are we
going to have sex on?
407
00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:28,671
The year was 1975.
408
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:30,839
It was a time of trouble.
409
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,405
- Watergate.
- Well, I'm not a crook.
410
00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:37,011
Vietnam,
Peter Gabriel leaves Genesis.
411
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:39,817
But then a ray of hope
412
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:46,059
Leslie Barbara Knope was
born on January 18th, 1975,
413
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,497
and she has been a loyal patron
of its businesses ever since.
414
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:54,402
Tom Haverford is a selfish,
unctuous, sleazy, self-promoting,
415
00:19:54,459 --> 00:19:58,339
good-hearted, secretly kind and
wonderful, tiny little person.
416
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:02,869
He went to Kernston's office and basically
begged him to meet with me again.
417
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:04,608
I think he technically
might have bribed him.
418
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:06,843
But hey, you know,
whatever works.
419
00:20:06,905 --> 00:20:08,976
It was Mary Pickford
who once said,
420
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:12,079
"This thing we call failure
is not the falling down,
421
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,748
"but the staying down."
422
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:16,922
Tom won't be down for long.
423
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:21,689
Her name is Leslie Knope,
and I'm going to vote for her.
424
00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:26,668
And if Li'! Sebastian were still
alive, he'd surely vote for her.
425
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,830
And I reckon you should too.
426
00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:35,812
Did you like it? It's pretty great, right?
I worked really hard on it.
427
00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:38,006
Yeah. I loved it.
428
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,516
I'm going to watch it every
day for the rest of my life.
429
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:44,179
And when I die, I'm going to
project it on my tombstone.
430
00:20:47,279 --> 00:20:50,726
I had an amazing
time at that party.
431
00:20:50,782 --> 00:20:54,286
And in the case of the woman
who's stolen my heart,
432
00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:57,027
the culprit was
Millicent Gergich.
433
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,365
You should look into
actual detective work.
434
00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:03,634
I will. And, Jerry, I've decided
to take your daughter home.
435
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:05,299
And we may be
having intercourse.
436
00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:07,935
Please, you've got to stop
saying things like that to me.
437
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,139
You got it, man.
Bye, Dad.
438
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:16,415
Everything okay?
I can't find my car keys.
439
00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:19,647
Solve this mystery, genius.34747
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