All language subtitles for The.Wayans.Bros.S02E05_English

(Shawn)
'Hey, pop, would you
like a refill'

of your Mad Dog Daiquiri?

I got to go home
and see your mama.

You better make that a double.

And here, pop,
I got your favorite.

Pig's feet in a blanket.

Why, thank you kindly.

Wait, hold on. This one got
some sharp toe nails.

Let me file it..

There you go.

It doesn't get
any better than this, son.

Hey, it's the
least
we could do,
pop.

And you know why?

(both)
Because we love you.

Okay, how much?

Pop, it's the
investment
of a lifetime.

See, I have the chance to buy
the newsstand around the
corner.

I'm tellin' you,
this could blow
up.

It could be the
beginnin'
of my empire.

Who's gonna run
the newsstand?

- Marlon.
- Marlon, who?

Me, pop.

Pop, I'm tellin' you,
this is the perfect chance

for me to prove myself.

Besides, this thing
got a prime location.

Gimme that picture.

Look at that,
that's a prime location.

Yeah, I see it right next door

to the Foxy Brown
Marleen Agency.

Oh, is that so?

You lookin' at the newsstand,
you gonna be lookin'

at all that bubbling brown
sugar
comin' out of there.

Oh, yeah.

Ah, them big bubble butt
girls
ain't thinkin'

about Marlon's loose
skinny behind.

Yeah, pop, they don't want me.

- Hey..
- So, what's up, pop?

You gonna hook us up
with the leud or
what?

Let me think about it.

- Want some more?
- There you go.

- Fill her up.
- Yeah.

Ahh.

No.

Oh, come on, pops.

You know how much
I wanna expand?

To buy one newsstand
after another.

Until I have a monopoly.

Stomping my competition
one by one

until I have a stranglehold
on the whole magazine market.

[choking]
Uh, Shawn, I can't
breathe.

Oh, my bad, I'm sorry.

I just don't have the money.

My anniversary's comin' up

and I'm savin'
for a pleasure cruise.

Can I come too, pop?

You weren't listenin', son,
I said pleasure cruise.

Alright, pops, well,
you said you don't have it.

- I understand.
- Yeah, it's cool, pop.

(both)
Cheap ass chump.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're
singin'
and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.
Beautiful, guys.'

'Dynamite. That is..'

♪ Girl what you got
goin' on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill
with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Girl what you got
going on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill
with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ I got something.. ♪♪

Uhh.

Ah! Oh, my back.

Ah.

My legs.
I can't feel my legs.

I can't feel my legs.

Oh, call Jacoby and Meyers.

Call Johnnie Cochran.

Call "Matlock."

I'mma sue you.

I'mma sue you
for workman's constipation.

Marlon, for the last time,
we don't carry workman's comp.

Oh. My bad.

You better pick those
papers
out of the aisle.

The fire marshal's
inspecting today

and everything
has to be just perfect.

Uh-huh, seems to me
like somebody got

the hots for a fireman.

Oh, please, I simply admire

Captain Mitchell's
dedication to duty.

That and the crease
in his pants.

It's sharp as a knife blade
and goes clear up to his buns.

Excuse me, little Miss Fish,
but we are trying

to prevent fires,
not get one started, okay?

Hey, what's up, pop?

Takin' Mr. Neidermeyer
his breakfast.

Black coffee, oat meal

prunes and a bran muffin.

Now that's what I call
a breakfast to go.

You better bring him
some
toilet paper to go with
that.

Hey-hey, lucky people,
TC...is in the house.

- What's up, TC?
- Alright now.

Hey-hey.

(both)
Whoo!

Hey, man, I thought
you were still on the inside.

- No, I'm out.
- And so is that tacky suit.

[chuckles]

Hey, now, I didn't come here
to be insulted.

I came here..

I came here risking
great personal
sacrifice

to help you, man.

What personal sacrifice?

I'm under house arrest.

I get 20 volts
just walkin' outside my door.

Oh, that explains
the fried perm.

Uh-uh-uh. Umm-umm.

No, no, nobody talk
about my hair, man.

- I don't need any of this.
- Hey, TC..

Hey, come on.
Hey, be, be, be cool, J.

- Okay.
- Be cool, J. I'm
tellin'..

Hey, he don't know
nothin' about a conk.

- It's a conk, man.
- He don't know about a conk.

It's a conk.

Brother, you should be
on the cover of "Esquire."

- Damn, man.
- You know what I'm sayin'?

- Al Sharpton envies you.
- Oh, yeah.

- Alright?
- Alright, now.

Shawn, you can't
do that, alright?

We're trying to get this
money
for the newsstand.

You can't just
insult him like
that.

Now, if you need money,
I'm your man.

You step out to TC's
Easy Payment Plan.

If you don't pay,
I kill you.

Uh, TC, that,
that don't rhyme,
bro.

And it don't have to.

We're talkin' about
my bread now.

This is business, baby.
Business, business, business.

Business.

Ha ha ha.
Forget it, Huggy Bear.

[indistinct mumbling]

I'm not gonna do
anybusiness

Hey, hey, chill, chill.

Hey, chill, hey, hey, come on,
come on, you're clashing..

Come on, stop. Chill.

Don't worry, Jack,
we're gonna get back to you.

- Slide me some skin, bro.
- I'll slide you some skin.

But don't take too
long
'cause I'm movin'

I'm movin', I'm movin'.
You want the backside.

- Backside.
- Alright, baby.

Hey, I would love
to stay and chat with you all

but I got things to do..
And there goes my bus.

Marlon, what you do that
for?
We don't need him.

TC is cool.

Brother is a little
outdated,
but he's cool.

Cool? The brother's
under house arrest.

In his mama's house.

Shawn, check it out.

Hey, Monique, what you
got there, little girl?

- Let me give you a hand.
- Oops.

Maybe a arm, couple of lips.

What I could
use,
is some help.

I have to get this
stuff
outta the cart shop

before the fire
marshal
gets here.

You can keep that in my
storage room next to the
furnace

between the oily rags
and the open paint cans.

Pops, that's terrible.

Why do you think the
fire marshal's coming, anyway?

So he can collect his bribe.

- Bring that box on back
here.
- Thanks, Pops.

Alright.

- Come on, Shawn.
- Coming.

[grunts]

Yeah, Shawn, watch it.

Me? You're the one
that knocked it over.

Ew, what's that stuff in there?

Oh, no, take that out
to the dumpster, Marlon.

Why me?

'Cause you're
the only one fast enough

to outrun the crackheads.

Hold it.
Maybe it's not trash.

Maybe somebody's tryin'
to hide somethin'.

Maybe, it's body parts.

Ew, Geoffrey dumped
his lunch bag. Here.

I don't want that.

Hey, don't fly the organs
on my floor.

Think fast, Monique.

[screaming]

[laughing]

Hold it up,
pop.
Mike Tyson.

He thought it would
be
kind of me.

Which way did he go,
which way did he go?

Holy Shawn.

Okay, I'm gonna take
it
out to the dumpster.

[clamoring]

Get off me! Get off me!
Get off! That money..

[blows whistle]

Hold it, hold it!

Who says money
don't bring
happiness?

Let's think about this.

Are we gonna let
a bag of money turn us

into a pack of wild animals?

[yelling]

[blows whistle]
Okay, freeze, I got a
gun.

I'm the oldest here,
and y'all listen to me.

On the count of three,
I want everyone

to take your hand off
this money.

And Marlon, you take
your hand off this woman.

Now, one, two, three.

(Shawn)
Four.

[clamoring]

(Monique)
'Ninety-nine thousand
seven hundred.'

'Ninety-nine thousand
eight hundred.'

'Ninety-nine thousand
nine hundred.'

Hey, that's an odd figure.

Hand it over, fort knockers.

What?

- Money's just drawn to me.
- Yeah, like flies.

Okay, this is it.

One hundred thousand smackaroos.

One hundred thousand dollars?

- God is good.
- Oh, yes, he is.

We are rich, we are rich.

What's up, young cat?

Any of y'all find
a bus transfer up in
here?

What, do we look like
the kind of people

that go around
finding things?

Damn. Now I gotta
stiff
some poor cabbie.

[sniffing]

Has somebody been countin'
money around here?

- Unh-Unh.
- Nobody, man.

I can tell that there's
money
in the vicintity..

...'cause my gold
tooth
is tinglin'.

It's called gingivitis, brother.

It's...not money
that you smell,
TC.

- It's my perfume.
- Hm-mm.

- Smell.
- Alright.

It's called Ten Grand.

[sniffing]

Oh, yeah? Smells more
like a $100 bill.

[chuckles]

Call me.

Alright.

Hey, Monique,
can I smell too?

- You smell already.
- Oh.

Now we just gotta figure out

what we're gonna do
with all this money.

I figure we gonna spend it.

Oh, no, you're not
spending
my money.

I'm the one who found it.

You ain't find jack

if I didn't knock over
that can, alright?

Hey, I'm the one
who punched the bag open.

Oh, I was the one
who had sex with your mama.

- What?
- What?

If it wasn't for that,
you two wouldn't be here

and none of this
would've happened.

[clamoring]

[blows whistle]

Pipe down, I got the gun,
I'm callin' the shots.

We're doin' this one
by the book.

According to the Neidermeyer
code of lost parcels

and I quote..

"Any missing article
will be held

in the Lost and Found
of the security office."

"Or at the home
of Shawn and Marlon Williams."

"A classified ad must be
placed in a newspaper

so that the owner
may identify and claim it."

Gimme that.

"If item is not claimed
within five workin' days

it goes back to the person
who found it."

Ah! Which is
me!
I found it.

We all found it. I say
we split the money

five equal ways.

- That sounds fair, yeah.
- Yeah.

Twenty thousand each,
that's a nice chunk of
change.

Yeah, and I get your mama
her own ticket

on the pleasure cruise.

Don't have to sneak her on,
like I usually do.

That's 80,000 25 cent
Peep Show movies.

Woohoo, it's gonna be on.

That's a down payment
on the house

and a Pit Bull
to keep Marlon away.

Wait a minute,
as security
officer

you should
disqualify
yourself, Lou.

And since the three of you
are all in the same family

you should get one share.

That's one, two
shares.
That's fair.

I could be
happy
with $50,000.

Ah, you're broken ass
could be happy

with a chicken McNugget
and a weave that doesn't itch.

- What?
- We're splittin' it five
ways.

If

Just think, you guys.

In five days,
we're gonna be thousandaires.

[indistinct]
Brother, count that money.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[music on speakers]

Oh, yeah. Hey, girl.

You wanna dance? Come here.

Oh, you like this?
What do you mean I look good?

You like this thing?
This old thing?

It's somethin'
I just threw on.

But you know what..

...I could throw it off.
Come here, you. Get over here.

Yeah, what you want, girl!

Marlon.

What are you doin'? What-what's
all this stuff doin' here?

I was just tryin'
some clothes on.

Um.. Oh, I just came
from Barney's, man.

They treat you
so nice there.

You bought all this
stuff?
Are you crazy?

Look, Shawn, I know clothes
don't make the man, alright?

But it might help the man
make the woman.

You shouldn't be spendin' money
that's not in your pocket.

Come on, man, nobody gonna claim
that money. I keep tellin' you.

So, what good is it gonna do if
you already spend all the money?

I've to keep tellin' you,
stop worryin' about that
money.

Alright? Ain't nobody
gonna claim it. See?

First, they gotta
find this little ad.

Look how teeny that is.

- Where is it?
- Under my thumb.

- Look at that thing.
- Oh.

"If you've lost an item

"in the lobby
of the Neidermeyer
Building

"please identify and claim it

"at the security
desk
before the 18th.

But, if I were you,
I wouldn't bother."

I added that myself.

- Very good, very good.
- Thank you, partner.

You're right, man,
that money is ours.

Ain't nobody gonna show up.

(both)
Shhh!

(both)
Don't tell no-o-body.

(Lou)
Next.

Okay, identify the item.

Uh, is it bigger than
a lunch box?

No hints, speed it.

Next.

Coffee. Donuts.

You're gonna be here
a long time.

Better chow down.

Take your candy.

Pops.

We gotta a find a way
to get rid of all these
people.

Well, I'm doin' my best.

I'm selling day-old coffee
and stale donuts.

How is that any
different
from any other day?

Pop, have you seen Marlon?

He's supposed to return
his stuff back to Barney's.

- No, I haven't.
- Identify the object.

Uh-uh-uh a boom box
with a CD player.

Next.

Hello, my friend.

I am Ismail..

...Akhmal Muhammad..

[spits]

Oh, excuse me.

I come from very, very
far away land

by way of camel

to collect big bag of moneys.

Maybe, you could ask
your genie for a magic
carpet?

And fly the hell outta here!

Magic carpet?

Oh, your stereotype
offend my people.

I will, I will have Haji
come out this lamp

and he will put
ancient curse on you.

[singing gibberish]

Next.

Hey, mama, how you doin'?

Uh, I came here
to pick up the cash.

You know, thedinero.
My hundred grand.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Just where'd you get
that kind of money?

Girl..

I'm Rufus.

You better act like you know.

See, I'm a famous model.

Slash actor, you know.

- Marlon?
- Huh, baby?

Uh, excu-excuse me.

Uh, where can I find
the water fountain?

I'm a little parched, baby.

Marlon.

How could you?

Get your fresh hands off of me.

Yeah, Marlon, I think you've
gone a little too far this
time.

Baby, all mama wants
is some water, that's all.

- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

I got your water
for you, granny.

Uh-h.

You can't handle me like that..

(Pops)
'Yeah, yeah.'

That boy is crazy, pop.

Hey, guys.

This is the last one and then
we're rich, baby, we're rich.

A set of Whitewall tires.

(in unison)
Yes!

You mean you found 'em?

No. Who would leave
Whitewalls in a
lobby?

Get outta here.

[cheering]
Yes! We're rich, we're rich.

♪ There's some money
bein' made around here ♪

♪ Money bein' made around here ♪

♪ Range Rovers ♪
♪ Big old house ♪

♪ Diamond rings ♪
♪ If you like that kinda thing ♪

♪ Yeah money bein'
made around here ♪♪

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Okay, Lou..

...bring out the loots.

Shawn, quick, go close that
door
before anybody else comes in.

Damn.

Excuse me, good people.

I'm sorry, sir,
you must be lost.

The Geritol Convention
is down the street.

You're very kind.

I think you may have
our parcel.

Okay, identify the item.

Yeah, well, it's a green, um

15 gallon,
heavy duty trash bag

with a yellow,
slightly fraid twisty.

Oh, that's a lucky guess.

What exactly is
inside
this alleged bag?

A collection
for our mission in New Guinea.

A $100,000.

Well, why would
anybody go and leave

that kind of money in a lobby?

Haven't you heard
of a mattress?

Letitia's become
a little addle lately.

Apparently,
last week she left it

in a, an ash can
in this lobby.

Uh, she thought
it was a night depository.

I couldn't have.

Last week, I was swimming
the English Channel.

- Does this look familiar?
- Oh, praise God, you found
it.

Hey, hold on, before you
start speakin' in tongues

and laying your hands
on the money..

...let's get some proof.

Yeah, just a little quick quiz.

Somethin' simple, like, uh..

...what is the serial numbers?

Good one, baby, good one.

Mainly the J145 series

minted in Denver in 1986.

Who the hell is she, "Rain Man?"

Go on, give them
their money, boys.

- Oh, pop, man.
- Oh, come on, pop.

- Give 'em the money.
- Come on, pop.

Pop, we can fix your feet, man.

Shawn! Marlon!

Oh, God bless you all.

Even you two.
I can't thank you enough.

Well, Letitia,
we must get going.

Yeah..

Hey, hey, Marlon,
where are you
goin'?

I'm gonna go see if Miss Daisy
drops it in another trash can.

Marlon. Come back here.

That's the stupidest
thing
in the world, man.

Don't do that.

Stupid.

Let's hurry, girls.

You know what,
maybe it was for the best

that we didn't get that money.

Yeah, Pops, tell it
to my collection agency.

Why we need all that money,
when we have each other?

- Yeah, you're right.
- 'You're right, pop.'

Money is just evil, you know?

Friends and family,
that's what's important.

- Yeah.
- That's right.

Anybody wanna go
in on lottery ticket
biddin'?

(all)
Hell, yeah!

[indistinct chattering]

(Shawn)
Look up, Marlon, say
"Cheese."