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1
00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:03,664
There is a crazy
flu going around.
2
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:08,197
Lots of miserable, dehydrated people
with high fevers and diarrhea.
3
00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:13,404
And one of those dehydrated,
high-fevered, miserable people is April.
4
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:15,136
Who hates me.
5
00:00:18,885 --> 00:00:20,182
I want another nurse.
6
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:22,619
Well, there are none.
We're stretched pretty thin right now.
7
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,987
Then, I want a janitor.
They can do what you do, right?
8
00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:28,154
Yep. Nurses and janitors
are totally interchangeable.
9
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:31,288
Except no one dresses up like a
janitor when they want to be slutty.
10
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:34,731
I get the sense that maybe you're
angry at me for kissing Andy.
11
00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,359
No, I'm not. What are you talking about?
That's crazy.
12
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:39,963
And that you think it might
be fun to take it out on me.
13
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:41,571
Please don't do that.
14
00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:44,838
Do? I can't do anything.
I'm sick.
15
00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:51,215
My blankets are on the floor.
16
00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:17,508
So, JJ, we wanted to talk to
you about the Harvest Festival.
17
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:19,703
Yeah, I heard you
were bringing that back.
18
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,345
Sorry, I haven't
been feeling myself.
19
00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:27,082
Well, I'm organizing
this huge Harvest Festival
20
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:31,214
and I need at least 80 local
businesses to participate.
21
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:34,122
And normally this is the kind
of thing I would love to do.
22
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:37,027
But, I'm just
feeling really tired.
23
00:01:37,363 --> 00:01:39,729
I think maybe my
allergies are acting up.
24
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,092
I've already vomited,
like, five times today.
25
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,897
We're having a meeting tonight
at the Chamber of Commerce
26
00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:48,873
and we're going to go
over all the details.
27
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,001
And we'd just love if you
could come and join us.
28
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:52,066
Sure.
29
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,341
Anything for my
favorite customer.
30
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:56,348
I bet you say that
to all the girls.
31
00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:58,611
Oh, no. No, actually,
you're my favorite.
32
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:02,552
You spent over $1,000 last
year on waffles alone.
33
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:06,784
Here.
34
00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:09,286
I didn't know
what to bring you,
35
00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:11,522
so I just got some
magazines and lipstick.
36
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,121
Woman stuff.
37
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,328
Thanks. All my parents
got me was that.
38
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:21,366
Okay. Well, I'm not very good
at visiting people in hospitals,
39
00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:23,432
so I'm going to go.
40
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:27,145
Hey. If you see Andy,
will you not tell him I'm here?
41
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:28,945
Okay.
Because of what happened,
42
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:30,380
I don't want him to think... Stop!
43
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,079
Don't want to know.
44
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:36,111
The less I know about other
people's affairs, the happier I am.
45
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:38,417
I'm not interested in
caring about people.
46
00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:42,884
I once worked with a guy for three
years and never learned his name.
47
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:45,656
Best friend I ever had.
48
00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:49,158
We still
never talk sometimes.
49
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,932
So, we've developed
a revenue sharing formula
50
00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,808
that will hopefully appeal to
most business owners, but...
51
00:02:58,878 --> 00:03:01,711
Leslie.Go home. You're sick.
52
00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:04,079
I'm not sick.
It's just allergies.
53
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:05,583
Come on, guys.
Just let me in there.
54
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:06,812
No.You can't come in here.
55
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:07,910
You're not coming in.
56
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:10,581
Leslie, you look tiredand you're all sweaty.
57
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:11,919
You look tired and
you're all sweaty
58
00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:13,320
all the time.
What's your excuse?
59
00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:14,382
You want to go there, Jerry?
60
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,126
No. LESLIE: Fine,
I'm coming in.
61
00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,327
Donna, barricadethe door now.
62
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:21,199
Donna, come on.
Just let me in.
63
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:22,325
Mmm-mmm.
64
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,700
Either go home or go
back into quarantine.
65
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,295
I'm not going home.
66
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,272
Get out of here, Leslie.
Go home. DONNA: Hit the bricks.
67
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:36,413
Come on. No, no, no, no, no, no.
She's germing up all my stuff.
68
00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:37,676
Aw, yuck!
69
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:38,978
Leslie!
70
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:42,711
Ann Perkins.
71
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:44,413
Hey. How was your run?
72
00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:47,588
Ended with a five-and-a-half
minute mile. My personal low.
73
00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:49,922
I think the pavement
in this town is soft.
74
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,254
What's with the mask?
75
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:52,421
Flu prevention.
76
00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:54,394
My body is finely-tuned,
like a microchip,
77
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:56,297
and the flu is
like a grain of sand.
78
00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:58,929
It could literally shut
down the entire system.
79
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:01,803
My body's like a chip, too.
A potato chip.
80
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:03,998
No.
81
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:07,513
Speaking of potato chips, you and
I are on for dinner tomorrow, yes?
82
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:12,984
Yes. Definitely. I'm super,
super excited. Looking forward to it.
83
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:14,377
Excellent.
84
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,622
Way to go, buddy.
Way to go.
85
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:21,717
We've been on a couple of dates.I really like him.
86
00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:25,694
The problem is
he's like a perfect human man.
87
00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:28,197
I can't find one flaw.
88
00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:31,703
There was one time
I thought he farted.
89
00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:33,502
But it was me.
90
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,108
I need to find someoneto fill in for April.
91
00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:42,713
Now, I know I'm not
going to find someone
92
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,784
who's both aggressivelymean and apathetic.
93
00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:49,043
April really is
the whole package.
94
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,590
But I think
I might know someone
95
00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:53,658
who will be justas ineffective.
96
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,993
Hello, Andrew.
What's new?
97
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,198
A whole lot!
98
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:05,304
Check this out.
I just invented it. Super-straw.
99
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:13,773
So, just sit here
and do your thing.
100
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:15,205
Do I have to tuck
my shirt in?
101
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,440
Because, honestly,
that's kind of a deal breaker.
102
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:18,506
Let it fly.
103
00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:21,319
Hey, wait. Where is April?
104
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:23,412
Is she all right?
Yeah.
105
00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,022
I just gave her the day off.
106
00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:27,756
Would it be weird
if I asked for the day off?
107
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,690
Yeah, no, it's okay.
I didn't think so.
108
00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:34,725
I'm sorry. Are you leaving?
I thought we had a meeting.
109
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,200
No, we do. It's just I think
it's a little chilly in here.
110
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,737
Are you okay?
Your eyes are glassy.
111
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:41,501
Oh, my God. Oh, my... Is she...
Is she sick? Are you sick?
112
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:42,797
No.
113
00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:43,931
Yeah! She's sick.
114
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:48,608
That's why I'm wearing this,
and misting myself with hand sanitizer.
115
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,514
I am not sick.
I just have allergies, okay?
116
00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:53,142
I took a Claritin
and I threw that up,
117
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,844
so I took another one.
I threw that up.
118
00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:58,220
And then, I took a third and it
stayed down. I'm getting better.
119
00:05:58,291 --> 00:05:59,588
All right.
You're burning up.
120
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,057
You're burning up. What?
121
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,492
I have to get
out of here.
122
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:04,553
I have 2.8% body fat.
123
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:07,224
My body is like a microchip.
A grain of sand could destroy it.
124
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,199
My body's a microchip.
125
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,304
Leslie, go home.
No, I can't.
126
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,568
I can't go home. I have to get
ready for the Chamber of Secrets.
127
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:16,866
Commerce.
128
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:17,967
If this meeting
does not go perfectly,
129
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,137
then the Harvest Festival is
going to be over before it begins.
130
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,339
I cannot go home.
131
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,005
Okay, then,
who's your doctor?
132
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:25,274
Ann's my doctor.
133
00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:27,476
And she's the most beautiful
nurse in the world.
134
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:28,745
Come on.
135
00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:30,548
Oh, God. Now, I'm hot.
Now, it's really hot in here.
136
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:32,557
Okay, well,
that's your fever.
137
00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:35,393
Leslie, I typed your symptoms
into the thing up here,
138
00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:38,988
and it says you could have"
network connectivity problems".
139
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,393
104.1.
140
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:43,760
Leslie, you're dehydrated.
I'm admitting you.
141
00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:45,827
If I was sick,
could I do this?
142
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,738
What are you doing?
Cartwheels.
143
00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:53,809
Am I not doing them?
No.
144
00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:57,182
Look, don't worry. I've done
presentations like this before,
145
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,684
and Tom will be with me.
So, you're in good hands.
146
00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:01,583
It's not that
I don't trust Ben.
147
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,124
It's that I don't
have faith in Ben.
148
00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:09,818
And, also, I'm starting
to forget who Ben is.
149
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,730
I'll handle the general outline.
If you want to...
150
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,029
Look.
...just jump right in.
151
00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:18,563
The worst thing you can do with an
important presentation like this
152
00:07:18,638 --> 00:07:19,627
is over-prepare.
153
00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:21,172
Well...
So,
154
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,901
I think it's best
if I go to the spa.
155
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,942
No, we promised Leslie
we'd prep for the meeting.
156
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,604
No, Ben. You promised Leslie.
157
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,841
See, I never
promise Leslie anything.
158
00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:32,143
That way,
I never disappoint her.
159
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:33,207
I try to be considerate.
160
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:39,622
Well, I am off for a soak
and a schvitz. Arrivederch.
161
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,997
Ron Swanson's office.
162
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:51,662
Yes, I will transfer you.
163
00:07:57,376 --> 00:07:58,775
I just dropped another call.
164
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,953
I thought you might like
a fresh set of pillows.
165
00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:09,317
Are you trying
to smother me?
166
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,452
Help! This slutty nurse
is trying to
167
00:08:11,524 --> 00:08:13,389
smother me to death
with a pillow!
168
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,221
Okay, never mind.
169
00:08:15,361 --> 00:08:16,623
Stay back, slut!
170
00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:18,528
I know what
she's trying to do.
171
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,097
She's trying to
get me to break.
172
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,191
And you know what?
I'm not going to do it.
173
00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:24,964
I'm going to be professional and
I'm going to put on a happy face.
174
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:26,766
And then, I'm going to
go into a supply closet
175
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,103
and snap a bunch of
tongue depressors.
176
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,905
Okay. So, let's talk
about your opening remarks.
177
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,571
Do you want me to write you a rap?
I'll write you a rap.
178
00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:35,636
No, you know what?
179
00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:37,716
You're never going to be able to
pull it off. You're too white.
180
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:38,806
How about a show tuneor something?
181
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:43,345
I was just planning to
introduce myself, non-musically,
182
00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:45,686
and then, get everyoneto refer to their packets.
183
00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:47,623
And blah, blah, blah.
No.
184
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,923
No "blah, blah, blah", okay?
185
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:51,759
You need to go over
every single detail with me.
186
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:55,823
Leslie, I promise you I won't half-ass
this. Okay? Now, get some rest.
187
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:58,166
I have some great news.
I think my fever just broke.
188
00:08:58,237 --> 00:08:59,226
Goodbye.
189
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:07,301
It just came out.
190
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:11,481
I am starving.
I haven't had lunch since yesterday.
191
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,075
So, I'm going to
head over to Callahan's.
192
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,847
Oh, no, no, no. Don't go there.
They totally skimp on pickles.
193
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:17,913
Let me go to Big
Head Joe's for you.
194
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:20,082
They have
the most insane burritos.
195
00:09:20,159 --> 00:09:22,457
I don't much go
for ethnic food.
196
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,292
No, trust me. They have one
that's called the "Meat Tornado".
197
00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:27,588
It literally
killed a guy last year.
198
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:29,994
You had me
at "Meat Tornado".
199
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,399
What are you doing?
200
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:36,667
Hey. That flu
medicine really helped.
201
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:39,711
I feel a thousand percent better.
Good as new.
202
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:40,768
Does this scarf look okay?
203
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:43,709
I don't want to look stuffy. But I
also don't want to look too "schlubby".
204
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:45,648
Get back in that bed.
So no to the scarf?
205
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:47,015
Get back in the bed.
206
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,484
No, I'm going
to that meeting.
207
00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:51,148
Either you get back in the bed,
or I will strap you down.
208
00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:53,919
I've done it before.
Don't test me.
209
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,232
Okay, okay, okay.
210
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,234
Now, what superpower
would you rather have?
211
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:06,362
Would you rather be able
to fly or be invisible?
212
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:08,030
Ed, go first.
213
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,766
Fly, I guess.
214
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:12,207
I forgot to tell you. You can only
fly five feet above the ground.
215
00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:16,410
I bring a certain
panache and spice
216
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:18,681
to the spa experience
for these guys.
217
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,843
Before I joined,
they were just three old white dudes
218
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,286
quietly boiling in hot water.
219
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:28,450
Would you rather live in the
pocket of a giant kangaroo
220
00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:32,656
or have a pocket
on your own stomach
221
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:35,557
that has a tiny kangaroo
in it all the time?
222
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,727
Preston.
223
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,362
Tiny kangaroo in
my stomach pocket.
224
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:42,436
Forgot to mention,
the tiny kangaroo is a racist.
225
00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,112
Hey, Ann.
What happened?
226
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:50,842
I just saw you a few hours ago,
and you were fine.
227
00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:54,579
Not like, "Damn, you're fine,"
but fine health-wise.
228
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:56,882
My body has no fat to
protect itself from disease.
229
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:59,015
Things happen very quickly.
Listen to me.
230
00:10:59,558 --> 00:11:02,891
It's very important that you
replenish my body with electrolytes
231
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:05,624
after every involuntary
loss of bodily fluids.
232
00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:06,960
Oh, boy.
My body tends to lose
233
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:09,797
a lot of fluids
when it's sick.
234
00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:11,997
My brain is on fire.
I'm dying.
235
00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:14,965
Well, you definitely
have the flu.
236
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,132
Oh, my God.
237
00:11:17,576 --> 00:11:19,601
The microchip has
been compromised.
238
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:23,310
Pierre Garcon was
a sixth-round pick.
239
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,708
Collie was the fourth round.
240
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:29,310
Indianapolis Colts
know how to draft so well.
241
00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:30,412
They really do.
242
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:33,455
Andy, this was delicious.
243
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:34,990
It's awesome, huh?
244
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:38,386
It's a whole new
meat delivery system.
245
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:39,863
Thank you, son.
246
00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:41,763
What do you say we go
out to the parking lot,
247
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:43,961
run a few pass plays
to burn off the calories?
248
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:47,164
You are an unstoppable
good idea machine!
249
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,064
I like Andy.
250
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:53,612
I'm surrounded by a lot of
women in this department.
251
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,079
And that includes the men.
252
00:11:56,682 --> 00:11:58,274
Hup, hup, hup!
253
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:02,949
Peyton Manning reading the defense!
Reggie Wayne, Colts corner!
254
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,096
Andy, wait up!
255
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:17,057
Hey, April.
256
00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:19,434
I saw that you called for me.
What can I do for you?
257
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:21,336
I need more flu medicine.
258
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,305
An actual request.
259
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:27,511
Well, you can't have any.
That stuff is powerful, no extra doses.
260
00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:28,978
I didn't take any.
261
00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:31,983
Leslie came in here
and stole it and left.
262
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,978
Leslie? Leslie!
263
00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:40,316
Hey, have you seen Leslie?
264
00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:41,882
I had a dream
265
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:44,195
that she came
into this room,
266
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:48,029
stole my flu medicine,
told me not to tell you,
267
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,125
and then disappeared through
that hole in the wall.
268
00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:51,828
The door?
269
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:54,504
Maybe we should get, like,
a suite here for them, okay?
270
00:12:54,573 --> 00:12:56,507
Ben Wyatt! Hello!
271
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:57,902
Hi, Leslie.
272
00:12:57,977 --> 00:12:59,444
Good to see you.
You, too.
273
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:01,809
Wow, you're really burning up.
274
00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:04,816
Can I get some money for the cab
that I took over here, please?
275
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:05,873
Sure. How much?
276
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:07,042
I'm not sure.
277
00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:10,384
I looked at the meter,
and it had Egyptian hieroglyphics on it.
278
00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:12,013
Wow.
Do you know the exchange rate?
279
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,052
So should we do this?
280
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,389
Oh, boy. Hold on.
281
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:18,086
Be careful.
What?
282
00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:20,721
The floor and
the wall just switched.
283
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,400
Okay.
284
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:24,969
Walk very carefully.
285
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,079
You know, I find it
a little insulting
286
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:36,681
that you don't
trust me to handle this.
287
00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:39,215
It's not that
I don't trust you, okay?
288
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:44,312
It's just this Harvest Festival is my
project. It's my career on the line.
289
00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:46,280
And I just need
to make sure that
290
00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:47,949
I've done everything
I can to make it work.
291
00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:52,555
Okay. It's show time.
292
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:54,121
Okay.
293
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:58,268
Good evening, everyone. I'm Leslie
Monster. And this is Nightline.
294
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,730
Okay, I wouldn't open with that.
No?
295
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:02,603
Why don't we sit down. Okay?
Yep.
296
00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:06,438
Libertarianism is all
about individual liberty.
297
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:10,242
And it should never be defined by the
terms "liberal" or "conservative."
298
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,652
And communism is no good, right?
That's right.
299
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,344
Big swing and a miss.
300
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:18,287
And what's the word for when
a few clerics are in charge?
301
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:20,347
Religious oligarchy.
302
00:14:20,492 --> 00:14:21,481
Holy...
303
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,886
I can remember things.
304
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,087
I guess.
305
00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:27,757
Hey, keep mine rare.
306
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:30,325
A man after my own heart.
307
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:35,638
I vomited
somewhere in this room.
308
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:38,107
I don't remember
where, though.
309
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,639
Wait. You might want
to check that drawer.
310
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:45,481
Stop pooping.
311
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,183
You have to get up
off the floor now.
312
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:50,222
This floor is my friend.
313
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:52,788
Nothing like a complete
physical breakdown
314
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:55,291
to make a guy seem
less intimidating.
315
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:56,760
I love the flu.
316
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,194
And then I said,
"You know what?
317
00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:00,960
"I think we need to get
these bananas out of here."
318
00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:03,993
Have a seat, boys.
319
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,900
Oh, hey, Tom,
glad you could make it.
320
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:08,405
You have a nice day
with your spa buddies?
321
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,237
Actually, yes, Ben,
I did.
322
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:13,710
And my spa buddies own a couple
of car dealerships in town,
323
00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:17,613
and they've agreed to donate a fleet
of vehicles for Harvest Festival,
324
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:20,543
twenty-five vans
for the entire event.
325
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:22,814
Okay, Tom, I'm ready.
Get up there and introduce me.
326
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,116
You got it.
327
00:15:24,189 --> 00:15:25,178
I can't let you
do this, Leslie.
328
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,953
Hey, this ain't
your call, McCluskey.
329
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:32,497
Hey, Ron,
can I ask you a question?
330
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:34,157
Sure.
331
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,426
It's about April.
332
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,129
I don't like to get involved
in people's personal...
333
00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:41,764
I hurt her feelings,
and now she's pissed at me.
334
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:44,471
I feel like if I could just
explain myself, she'd understand,
335
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:46,636
but she's avoiding me.
336
00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:48,808
It's making me miserable.
337
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,483
April's in the hospital,
sick with the flu.
338
00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:57,021
What? I knew it!
339
00:15:57,089 --> 00:15:58,181
I didn't know that.
340
00:15:58,257 --> 00:15:59,246
Is she okay?
341
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:00,383
Yeah, she's fine.
342
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:03,622
You can go visit her tomorrow morning.
But don't tell her I told you.
343
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:04,685
I won't.
344
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,823
No, no, no. Nope.
345
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:09,626
Okay.
346
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:14,896
Before we get started,
a quick announcement.
347
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,841
Every Thursday night
is ladies' night
348
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:20,470
down at the Snakehole Lounge
over on Burnham Avenue.
349
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:23,674
Ladies get two drinks
for the price of one.
350
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,510
Oh, no,
that can't be right.
351
00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:27,778
That's way too
good of a deal.
352
00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:32,621
Nope.
That is what it says. Wow.
353
00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:34,090
That sounds like
a fun time.
354
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:37,896
Anyway, it is now my great
honor to welcome to the stage
355
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:40,989
the woman responsible for
the entire Harvest Festival.
356
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:42,931
Ladies and gentlemen,
Leslie Knope!
357
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:59,150
Every one of you,
just by showing up here tonight,
358
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:01,013
has already made history.
359
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:05,551
In days past,
the Harvest Festival was the cornerstone
360
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,122
of Pawnee's
small-business community,
361
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:09,926
a weeklong showcase
362
00:17:09,995 --> 00:17:12,964
for everything from
textiles to small farms.
363
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:16,829
By our estimates, as many as 30,000
people might attend the festival,
364
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:18,130
and the monetary value
365
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,865
of that kind of direct
customer-to-business exposure
366
00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:22,964
is, frankly, incalculable.
367
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:26,803
What?
368
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,313
Three, two, one.
369
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:30,678
And my shift's over.
370
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:32,611
What the
is your problem?
371
00:17:32,684 --> 00:17:34,208
Whoa, I thought you
weren't gonna lose it.
372
00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:36,413
While I was on duty,
I didn't. Now it's just me.
373
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,820
I get that you're mad that
I kissed Andy, okay?
374
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,621
But it was a moment of confusion,
and it was a mistake.
375
00:17:41,693 --> 00:17:43,183
And I'm very sorry.
376
00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:44,490
You want to hate me forever?
377
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,030
Okay.
Fine!
378
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:47,497
You know what?
I don't care.
379
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:48,624
But you shouldn't
take it out on Andy,
380
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:51,498
because he really likes you,
and he did nothing wrong.
381
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,539
And just for the record,
I'm starting to hate you, too.
382
00:17:57,476 --> 00:17:59,467
That's the most
I've ever liked Ann.
383
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:01,971
The time is now.
384
00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:04,110
The place is Pawnee.
385
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,550
Let's make history.
386
00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:10,512
- Thank you.
- That was amazing.
387
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:15,026
That was a flu-ridden Michael
Jordan at the '97 NBA finals.
388
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,325
That was Kirk Gibson
hobbling up to the plate
389
00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:20,297
and hitting a homer
off of Dennis Eckersley.
390
00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:21,730
That was...
391
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,534
That was Leslie Knope.
392
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,132
Thank you so much.
Any questions?
393
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,132
Yes, sir?
394
00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:33,770
Are we going to get the same
sales-tax incentives we used to?
395
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,473
That's a very
good question, sir,
396
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:38,380
and I would counter with
my own question, which is,
397
00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:41,245
why is half of
your face all swirly?
398
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,844
Okay, unfortunately,
399
00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:45,651
Leslie has another very
important meeting right now.
400
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,851
So if you have
any other questions,
401
00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:49,757
you can just
direct them towards me.
402
00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:51,989
Give it up, everybody,
for Scott Bakula from Quantum Leap.
403
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,191
All right. Okay, let's...
404
00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:56,133
Excuse me.
405
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,561
And to answer
your question, sir,
406
00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:00,331
there will be sales-tax
incentives this year.
407
00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:01,895
I think I should
drive you to the hospital.
408
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,771
Was I wearing a tiara
when I came in here?
409
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:05,275
Because if you
happen upon it,
410
00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:08,472
will you have Lady Pennyface
retrieve it and send it post-hence?
411
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:13,748
Oh, hey.
Hey, there.
412
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,817
I got you some waffles here,
courtesy of JJ's diner,
413
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:20,324
and chicken soup,
courtesy of me.
414
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:22,257
I'll take the waffles.
Thank you. Okay.
415
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:27,330
So how did the rest
of the meeting go?
416
00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:30,924
Well, you said you needed eighty
total businesses to participate.
417
00:19:31,136 --> 00:19:32,228
Yeah.
418
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:33,497
We have 110,
419
00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:34,997
and counting.
420
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,331
So, nice work, Leslie.
421
00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:39,309
Nice work to you too.
422
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,673
Left the chicken soup there,
just in case.
423
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:45,248
It's an old family recipe.
It's not a big deal, but...
424
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,615
Thank you for that.
Okay.
425
00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:56,317
Hi, April.
It's me, Andy.
426
00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:59,025
Just stay sleeping.
427
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:02,190
I am going to be here
when you wake up.
428
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:05,228
I will not leave your side.
429
00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:13,770
You could be asleep for hours.
Maybe I'll come back later.
430
00:20:13,845 --> 00:20:15,642
Hope you feel better. Okay.
431
00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:21,282
And I know you think that I'm a jerk,
but I hope you can forgive me.
432
00:20:24,923 --> 00:20:27,949
Gross. Your forehead
is all sweaty. That's gross.
433
00:20:30,128 --> 00:20:32,653
But I still like you. Okay.
434
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:34,695
That's disgusting.
435
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:44,401
Got your message.
What's up?
436
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:46,603
I got a call from
the boys upstairs.
437
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,402
And they have a new
assignment for us.
438
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,572
Okay.
Yeah.
439
00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:53,379
And I feel like we should ask
for an extension to stay here.
440
00:20:53,452 --> 00:20:54,441
Yes, definitely.
441
00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:56,817
You know, the festival
thing's getting pretty huge,
442
00:20:56,888 --> 00:20:59,550
and a couple loose ends
that need tying up.
443
00:20:59,625 --> 00:21:01,650
Good, so I'll make the call then,
to get the extension?
444
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:03,354
Yeah, they need our help.
For the loose ends.
445
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:04,417
Great.
Good.
446
00:21:04,496 --> 00:21:06,293
Okay, you need
a ride back to the office?
447
00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:09,425
No, no, I'm gonna go for a light 15k.
I missed yesterday.
448
00:21:10,669 --> 00:21:12,728
Way to go, buddy.
Way to go.
34292
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