All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S02E10 - Hunting Trip (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,981 --> 00:00:02,875 And I'm like, "What?" 2 00:00:04,851 --> 00:00:07,285 It's pretty great having Andy working in the building. 3 00:00:07,353 --> 00:00:11,379 The guy is so much fun. His new thing? Piggyback rides! 4 00:00:12,022 --> 00:00:13,285 Anytime you want. 5 00:00:13,328 --> 00:00:15,484 Piggyback! Piggyback! 6 00:00:15,526 --> 00:00:18,358 Move! Piggyback! Bam! 7 00:00:18,428 --> 00:00:19,793 Piggyback! Bam! 8 00:00:19,863 --> 00:00:20,988 Mark! 9 00:00:22,131 --> 00:00:24,361 Brendanawicz! 10 00:00:27,835 --> 00:00:29,495 Giddyup! Giddyup! 11 00:00:30,370 --> 00:00:31,837 Oh! 12 00:00:31,905 --> 00:00:33,167 Councilman Howser. Hello. 13 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,263 Hello. 14 00:00:34,340 --> 00:00:38,673 Did you get my proposal for the possible rezoning of Lot 48? 15 00:00:39,144 --> 00:00:40,771 I have been busy. 16 00:00:40,945 --> 00:00:44,573 I know. But I think it would be a really great thing for the neighborhood. 17 00:00:44,648 --> 00:00:47,548 I don't doubt it. But it's really a question of resource allocation. 18 00:00:47,617 --> 00:00:50,518 And I completely understand that. But you and I both know 19 00:00:50,586 --> 00:00:53,281 that if we wanna find the money, we can. 20 00:00:53,355 --> 00:00:54,344 I'm running late. 21 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,649 Oh, I'll walk with you. 22 00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:58,199 See, the thing is, when we allocate money for parks... 23 00:01:18,741 --> 00:01:20,902 Just a reminder. Tomorrow's a half-day. 24 00:01:20,976 --> 00:01:25,471 Jerry, Mark and I have to conduct the annual trail survey 25 00:01:25,713 --> 00:01:27,145 at Slippery Elm Park. 26 00:01:27,214 --> 00:01:31,746 Ron, I had the trail survey hats made to commemorate the trip. 27 00:01:31,852 --> 00:01:33,251 Nice, Jerry. 28 00:01:33,486 --> 00:01:36,283 Oh, and if you have any questions about the details, 29 00:01:36,354 --> 00:01:39,413 feel free to shoot me an email. 30 00:01:42,612 --> 00:01:46,669 The only trails he's gonna be surveying are trails of lies and deception. 31 00:01:47,104 --> 00:01:49,353 Ron has a special deal with the park rangers. 32 00:01:49,464 --> 00:01:51,727 Every November, they let him use their cabin 33 00:01:51,752 --> 00:01:53,266 so he can go on a secret hunting trip 34 00:01:53,284 --> 00:01:54,581 with all the guys in the office. 35 00:01:54,635 --> 00:01:57,296 Not all the guys. He's never taken me. 36 00:01:57,347 --> 00:01:59,008 Fine, all the men. 37 00:01:59,606 --> 00:02:01,072 Ron, let's cut the bull. 38 00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:04,461 I want me, Tom and all the other ladies included on your hunting trip. 39 00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:09,428 Hunting trip? We're doing a trail survey, Leslie. 40 00:02:09,447 --> 00:02:11,880 You're literally listening to turkey calls. 41 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,641 Is this not rap? 42 00:02:15,084 --> 00:02:16,540 - Come on. - All right. Look, 43 00:02:16,583 --> 00:02:19,160 It's not just a hunting trip. 44 00:02:20,310 --> 00:02:21,660 It's a tradition. 45 00:02:21,690 --> 00:02:26,092 I am really good at hunting and I'm even better at being one of the guys. 46 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,821 Well, it's a work event, so... 47 00:02:30,096 --> 00:02:32,345 legally I can't stop you from coming. - Yes! 48 00:02:32,397 --> 00:02:35,298 This is gonna be so fun! I'll bring S'mores. 49 00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:37,490 And just like that 50 00:02:38,069 --> 00:02:41,060 the one tiny aspect of government I enjoyed 51 00:02:41,137 --> 00:02:43,399 was clubbed to death before my eyes. 52 00:02:44,074 --> 00:02:46,769 April! I need you to do something for me. 53 00:02:46,842 --> 00:02:50,538 I'm going hunting tomorrow, so call the State Parks Office 54 00:02:50,612 --> 00:02:54,103 and get verbal confirmation that our budget documentation is in. 55 00:02:54,181 --> 00:02:55,876 Can I just tell you the 16-digit tracking number, 56 00:02:55,949 --> 00:02:56,973 or do you want me to write it down? 57 00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:59,415 I'll write it down. Can you handle this? 58 00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:03,420 You want me to dial a number and then read another number out loud? 59 00:03:03,488 --> 00:03:05,683 Yes. Can you handle this? 60 00:03:08,359 --> 00:03:09,451 No. 61 00:03:09,526 --> 00:03:11,015 Well, try, okay? 62 00:03:11,427 --> 00:03:15,419 And if you do it, I will name the first turkey I shoot after you. 63 00:03:16,231 --> 00:03:17,323 Cool. 64 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,402 Ann! Ready to bag some birds? 65 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:27,998 Nope. But I am ready to relax by the fire and get my Real Simple magazine on. 66 00:03:28,073 --> 00:03:32,169 Well, if you change your mind, you're now officially a licensed Indiana hunter. 67 00:03:32,244 --> 00:03:34,074 Oh, gross. 68 00:03:39,716 --> 00:03:42,980 Hello, you have reached the Indiana State Parks Department. 69 00:03:43,052 --> 00:03:46,748 Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line. 70 00:03:56,396 --> 00:03:58,677 - All right, here we go! - Here we are! 71 00:03:58,704 --> 00:03:59,892 - There he is. - There's Ron! 72 00:03:59,930 --> 00:04:01,124 Oh, it's pretty! 73 00:04:01,211 --> 00:04:03,461 - I know. - I thought it was gonna be gross. 74 00:04:06,170 --> 00:04:10,162 Holy cow. Ron, it is good to be back. 75 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,605 Sneak attack! 76 00:04:13,742 --> 00:04:16,286 - Damn it! - I am the Pants King! Bow to me. 77 00:04:16,344 --> 00:04:18,200 Bow! I bow! I am the Pants... 78 00:04:18,713 --> 00:04:20,509 I am the Pants Queen. 79 00:04:21,915 --> 00:04:23,439 What the hell? 80 00:04:24,318 --> 00:04:26,217 Bow to the Pants Queen. 81 00:04:26,519 --> 00:04:29,681 When you're out with the boys, you gotta be ready for a good pantsing. 82 00:04:29,754 --> 00:04:33,553 That's why I have suspenders that connect my bra to my jeans. 83 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,648 Ron 'P. Diddy' Combs. 84 00:04:36,698 --> 00:04:39,806 I have to admit, this place is pretty tight. 85 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:41,963 May I interest anyone in some chew? 86 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:43,759 Nice touch, Haverford. 87 00:04:44,466 --> 00:04:45,626 Let me get some of that. 88 00:04:45,895 --> 00:04:46,851 You sure? 89 00:04:46,902 --> 00:04:48,707 - Yeah. - I would not have pegged you 90 00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:50,704 as a user of mouth tobacco. 91 00:04:50,771 --> 00:04:52,203 I'm full of surprises, Ron. 92 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,494 Oh, man. 93 00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:56,440 My stomach's a little upset. I feel a little queasy. 94 00:04:56,508 --> 00:04:59,505 Yeah, that might be the chew. You could spit it out. 95 00:05:00,044 --> 00:05:02,512 I swallowed it. You're supposed to swallow it, right? 96 00:05:02,580 --> 00:05:03,569 No. 97 00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:12,750 All right. 98 00:05:14,222 --> 00:05:15,587 Poor little buddy. 99 00:05:15,657 --> 00:05:18,887 Why they call it chew and not swallow. Am I right, Ron? 100 00:05:18,959 --> 00:05:20,085 Yes, you are right. 101 00:05:22,028 --> 00:05:24,053 All right, safety basics! 102 00:05:24,497 --> 00:05:27,988 Donna, can you tell me why it's bad to look down the barrel of your gun? 103 00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,624 Is that a trick question? 104 00:05:29,701 --> 00:05:31,167 No, Donna, don't! Please! 105 00:05:31,235 --> 00:05:34,635 Rule number one, do not point the weapon at a person. 106 00:05:34,838 --> 00:05:36,863 That includes your own face, Donna. 107 00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:40,466 Now, every year, before we go on our first hunt, we do a toast. 108 00:05:40,542 --> 00:05:42,169 So, grab a beer. 109 00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:46,871 To the hunt. 110 00:05:46,948 --> 00:05:48,073 - Here, here. - Here, here. 111 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,877 And to the hunters! 112 00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:54,883 The only way to defeat the beast is to find the beast within. 113 00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:56,312 - Pretty good. - Here, here! 114 00:05:56,388 --> 00:05:58,913 - Here, here! - Yeah! Right on! Cheers. 115 00:05:58,990 --> 00:06:00,116 Ron, your toast sucked. 116 00:06:00,191 --> 00:06:03,542 The traditional toast is "To the hunt!" 117 00:06:03,961 --> 00:06:06,005 And it is said by me. 118 00:06:06,462 --> 00:06:07,451 You all set, Mark? 119 00:06:07,530 --> 00:06:10,089 Oh, I was thinking maybe we could do mixed doubles, you know? 120 00:06:10,165 --> 00:06:11,325 Boy-girl, boy-girl. 121 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,993 Leslie, you said that we were gonna hunt together. 122 00:06:14,068 --> 00:06:18,128 Oh, Ann, I always forget because you're so pretty, you're not used to rejection. 123 00:06:18,204 --> 00:06:20,069 I have to hunt with Ron. 124 00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:21,300 Ann, we'll go together. 125 00:06:21,374 --> 00:06:22,465 Perfect! 126 00:06:22,541 --> 00:06:27,136 All right, I hope you're ready to discuss some college bowl game scenarios! 127 00:06:27,211 --> 00:06:28,371 Bully. 128 00:06:36,118 --> 00:06:39,951 Andy! Andy! Can you come here, please? 129 00:06:40,054 --> 00:06:41,078 Yeah. What's up? 130 00:06:41,156 --> 00:06:42,316 I've been on hold for, like, an hour 131 00:06:42,390 --> 00:06:44,516 and I really have to pee. Can you just sit here for two seconds 132 00:06:44,591 --> 00:06:46,525 and just listen, please? - Yes. 133 00:06:46,593 --> 00:06:51,188 Please? Okay. And if they answer, can you just read those numbers out loud? 134 00:06:51,531 --> 00:06:52,862 - Yeah. - Okay, thanks. 135 00:06:54,666 --> 00:06:56,759 Now here's the female adolescent turkey. 136 00:06:58,536 --> 00:07:00,128 - Could you hear the difference? - No. 137 00:07:00,204 --> 00:07:01,364 Turkeys can. 138 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,336 Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la! 139 00:07:04,407 --> 00:07:05,772 Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la! 140 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,775 Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la! 141 00:07:07,843 --> 00:07:10,038 We do that the first time one of us hits something. 142 00:07:10,112 --> 00:07:11,271 Oh, cool! Boo-la, boo-la... 143 00:07:11,345 --> 00:07:12,642 No, no. You missed it. 144 00:07:14,048 --> 00:07:16,982 Look, Ron, I know this weekend, you were looking forward 145 00:07:17,050 --> 00:07:21,179 to a lot of man-on-man-on-man action, but I just wanted to say I'm very grateful 146 00:07:21,253 --> 00:07:22,811 that you let me come along on this trip. 147 00:07:22,888 --> 00:07:24,252 That's fine. 148 00:07:24,322 --> 00:07:26,722 I'm just glad you didn't end up inviting more of the motor... 149 00:07:30,828 --> 00:07:32,193 What the hell? Give me some warning! 150 00:07:32,261 --> 00:07:33,523 I saw a quail. 151 00:07:33,596 --> 00:07:35,894 Sorry, man, you snooze, you lose. 152 00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,328 Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la! 153 00:07:40,402 --> 00:07:42,528 Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la! 154 00:07:42,603 --> 00:07:45,730 I think this is gonna be a really good bonding sesh for me and Ron. 155 00:07:45,805 --> 00:07:48,638 Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are 156 00:07:48,708 --> 00:07:50,174 at something they love. 157 00:07:51,376 --> 00:07:53,139 Hey, check this out. 158 00:07:53,645 --> 00:07:57,808 I am on hold with the State Parks Department 159 00:07:58,049 --> 00:08:02,007 I am on hold, so suck on my butt 160 00:08:02,118 --> 00:08:03,516 - Nice. - Yeah. 161 00:08:07,056 --> 00:08:10,024 They didn't answer, obviously. Where is everyone? 162 00:08:10,091 --> 00:08:11,080 Hunting trip. 163 00:08:11,159 --> 00:08:12,250 Hunting trip? 164 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,088 - Did Mark go? - Yeah. 165 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,056 That's cool, at least he's not with Ann. 166 00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:17,390 No, Ann's there. 167 00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:20,898 God! How come he gets to do all the things I wanna do? 168 00:08:21,099 --> 00:08:23,567 Go hunting, Ann. 169 00:08:24,135 --> 00:08:25,692 Maybe a deer will eat him. 170 00:08:29,806 --> 00:08:30,979 That would be really awesome. 171 00:08:31,022 --> 00:08:33,260 But I don't think that will happen, probably. 172 00:08:33,375 --> 00:08:36,401 You're surprised that my breasts didn't throw my aim off? 173 00:08:36,478 --> 00:08:38,001 Leslie, please. 174 00:08:38,145 --> 00:08:40,943 I don't care that you're a girl. I just don't like change. 175 00:08:41,015 --> 00:08:42,914 I like going to the same place with the same people, 176 00:08:42,983 --> 00:08:46,180 telling the same stories and seeing who can bag the most turkeys. 177 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,453 It seems like you like to go hunting with the same people 178 00:08:48,521 --> 00:08:50,954 'cause you know you can beat them. 179 00:08:52,090 --> 00:08:54,752 A hundred bucks says I bag more birds than you. 180 00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:58,556 You're on. Let's split up. I do it better alone. 181 00:08:58,729 --> 00:09:01,663 Yeah, you do! See? Just one of the guys. 182 00:09:04,366 --> 00:09:06,334 Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake. 183 00:09:06,401 --> 00:09:08,698 That's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal. 184 00:09:08,769 --> 00:09:10,532 Mmm, I love breakfast cereal. 185 00:09:10,604 --> 00:09:11,969 Look! Some kind of bird! 186 00:09:12,039 --> 00:09:14,768 Let's kill it! You talking to me, bitch? 187 00:09:18,844 --> 00:09:20,334 What were you aiming at? 188 00:09:20,412 --> 00:09:21,605 Nothing. 189 00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:26,240 Okay. 190 00:09:28,518 --> 00:09:31,281 Okay. Okay. I can understand why people like that. 191 00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:32,820 - Right? - Yeah! 192 00:09:35,857 --> 00:09:36,949 Yeah! 193 00:09:37,392 --> 00:09:42,090 Yeah. And keeping one's eyes open is always a good rule of thumb around guns. 194 00:09:42,863 --> 00:09:44,557 This is such a great day. 195 00:09:44,630 --> 00:09:48,463 See, at my house, I got a wife and three beautiful daughters. 196 00:09:48,967 --> 00:09:53,733 But this trip, it is the one time of year I get to pee standing up. 197 00:09:57,574 --> 00:09:58,734 I love that sound. 198 00:10:01,410 --> 00:10:02,934 I've been shot! 199 00:10:04,379 --> 00:10:05,936 I've been shot! 200 00:10:13,919 --> 00:10:16,114 Somebody shot me in the head! 201 00:10:20,658 --> 00:10:22,057 Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la. 202 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,795 - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - I gotta pee. 203 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,574 Over here. All right, right there. 204 00:10:26,612 --> 00:10:28,705 - Ron, I got your hat! Ron, I have your hat!- Oh, my God! 205 00:10:28,743 --> 00:10:29,793 Are you in a lot of pain? 206 00:10:29,851 --> 00:10:31,875 I was shot in the head with a shotgun. 207 00:10:31,983 --> 00:10:35,383 Ron, it's actually not that serious. I just need you to stay calm, okay? 208 00:10:35,421 --> 00:10:38,822 Yeah, I'm just gonna stay angry. I find that relaxes me. 209 00:10:38,891 --> 00:10:41,620 Okay, Ron, we called 911 and they're gonna send a ranger. 210 00:10:41,662 --> 00:10:43,999 Oh, damn! This is a mess. 211 00:10:44,195 --> 00:10:46,313 The rangers won't let us come back next year. 212 00:10:46,364 --> 00:10:48,228 No! We're not gonna think about that right now. 213 00:10:48,298 --> 00:10:51,233 You guys, can you just put him on the day bed in the carcass room? 214 00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:52,528 - Day bed? - Yeah. 215 00:10:52,912 --> 00:10:54,926 Sure. Okay, now. Hold on! 216 00:10:55,004 --> 00:10:56,198 - Hold on! - Is that Donna? 217 00:10:57,103 --> 00:10:59,196 - Donna? - Okay, easy. 218 00:10:59,590 --> 00:11:01,056 - Donna? - Don't worry. 219 00:11:05,678 --> 00:11:07,145 Are you okay? 220 00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:09,565 What? Is it your heart? Are you having trouble breathing? 221 00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:12,613 It's my car. Someone shot my car! 222 00:11:17,755 --> 00:11:19,722 - Okay. Here's your Scotch, Ron. - Okay, Jerry. Jerry's here. 223 00:11:19,789 --> 00:11:21,347 Here you go. Here's your Scotch, Ron. There we go, Ron. 224 00:11:21,424 --> 00:11:25,553 Okay. Hey, you know what is great? Ann's gonna take care of you. 225 00:11:25,576 --> 00:11:29,739 And Ann is the best nurse in North America. All right. There you go. 226 00:11:31,564 --> 00:11:32,724 What? You okay? 227 00:11:32,799 --> 00:11:34,164 Did you shoot me? 228 00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:35,894 What? No! 229 00:11:36,035 --> 00:11:37,593 There was a bird kind of near me, 230 00:11:37,669 --> 00:11:39,728 and I know how desperate you were to prove yourself. 231 00:11:39,792 --> 00:11:41,618 No. No, I swear, I didn't. 232 00:11:41,643 --> 00:11:43,643 Ron, I swear to God, I've never shot anyone. 233 00:11:43,674 --> 00:11:47,803 Well, you better find out who it was. And then, purchase them a coffin, 234 00:11:47,846 --> 00:11:50,211 because I'm gonna rip them apart. 235 00:11:50,312 --> 00:11:51,404 Okay. 236 00:11:52,314 --> 00:11:53,473 Marco! 237 00:11:54,315 --> 00:11:55,441 Polo! 238 00:11:55,817 --> 00:11:56,977 Marco! 239 00:11:57,185 --> 00:11:58,310 Polo! 240 00:11:58,652 --> 00:11:59,812 Marco? 241 00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:01,914 Polo! 242 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,624 - Marco! - Polo! 243 00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:10,318 Hey. Okay. How are you feeling? 244 00:12:10,395 --> 00:12:11,383 - How are you feeling? - Are you dizzy? 245 00:12:11,462 --> 00:12:12,690 - Are you dizzy or... - Are you light-headed? 246 00:12:12,763 --> 00:12:16,823 When I look at my palm, I see a lady's mouth French kissing a dog. 247 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:18,962 - Is that normal? - Is that normal? 248 00:12:19,035 --> 00:12:20,897 Well, the pain medication I gave you is pretty strong. 249 00:12:20,936 --> 00:12:23,461 Donna uses it for menstrual cramps. How many did you take? 250 00:12:23,501 --> 00:12:25,395 Seven. Eight. 251 00:12:26,107 --> 00:12:28,370 But I washed them down with plenty of fluids. 252 00:12:28,442 --> 00:12:30,774 No, Ron, you cannot drink Scotch with this. 253 00:12:30,844 --> 00:12:32,402 You're gonna need to purge, right now! 254 00:12:32,428 --> 00:12:33,417 - Okay? - No! 255 00:12:33,444 --> 00:12:35,994 - Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes. - No, I'm not wasting 20-year Scotch. 256 00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:37,036 - Can you open his mouth? - No. 257 00:12:37,084 --> 00:12:38,552 - Leslie? Open his mouth. - What? 258 00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,175 - No. - Open his mouth. 259 00:12:40,207 --> 00:12:42,157 - Okay. - I'm not making myself throw up. 260 00:12:42,187 --> 00:12:44,963 - Oh, Ron. I'm sorry we have to do this! - Ron, you have to. 261 00:12:44,996 --> 00:12:45,965 Ron? This is for your own good. 262 00:12:45,995 --> 00:12:47,557 - I will bite you! - Open your mouth! 263 00:12:47,604 --> 00:12:49,299 - Leslie, get... Grab his mustache! - Oh, God! 264 00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:51,459 - Open your mouth! - Just a... 265 00:12:52,094 --> 00:12:54,459 - Open your mouth! - His shoulders! 266 00:12:57,665 --> 00:13:00,504 Well, good news is Ron is resting comfortably. 267 00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:02,835 Is he okay? Is he gonna live? 268 00:13:02,902 --> 00:13:04,300 I think so. 269 00:13:04,603 --> 00:13:07,163 Although I am hoping that he has some memory loss. 270 00:13:07,239 --> 00:13:10,036 On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how pissed is he? 271 00:13:10,108 --> 00:13:12,940 Well, he's very curious about who shot him. 272 00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:15,739 So, if you did it, just say, "I did it." 273 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:19,710 Come on, person who shot Ron. 274 00:13:23,785 --> 00:13:25,046 Look, I think it's a little weird 275 00:13:25,119 --> 00:13:28,520 that nobody wants to admit that they shot Ron in the head. 276 00:13:28,589 --> 00:13:29,748 Maybe Ron shot himself. 277 00:13:29,822 --> 00:13:32,086 Hmm, he has seemed really depressed lately. 278 00:13:32,158 --> 00:13:33,556 He was shot in the back of the head. 279 00:13:33,625 --> 00:13:34,649 You're right. 280 00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:35,715 He loves the back of his head. 281 00:13:35,794 --> 00:13:37,421 He would never shoot himself there. 282 00:13:37,496 --> 00:13:38,757 It could have been someone else that shot Ron. 283 00:13:38,829 --> 00:13:40,228 Someone not in our group. 284 00:13:40,297 --> 00:13:42,662 You think someone is hunting us? 285 00:13:42,832 --> 00:13:44,459 Man is the most dangerous game. 286 00:13:44,534 --> 00:13:46,058 To The Predator. 287 00:13:46,436 --> 00:13:48,733 I did smell something out there. And it wasn't human. 288 00:13:48,804 --> 00:13:49,998 That was pine trees. 289 00:13:50,072 --> 00:13:51,766 The Predator can see heat. 290 00:13:51,839 --> 00:13:55,002 We should cover ourselves in mud. It could still be out there. 291 00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,837 - Did you hear that? - Actually, I did hear something. 292 00:13:58,912 --> 00:14:00,811 - Okay. There's someone out there. - I'm gonna get my gun. 293 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,246 Okay, Tom. Scare him off and shoot over his head! 294 00:14:03,315 --> 00:14:05,214 What's that gonna do? I'm gonna shoot under its head! 295 00:14:05,239 --> 00:14:07,503 - Don't shoot anyone! - Whoa! Where are you going? 296 00:14:07,619 --> 00:14:09,415 - What are you doing? - Tom! 297 00:14:09,486 --> 00:14:14,017 Hey! Don't shoot! Hey! It's Craig from Reinhold Mercedes! 298 00:14:14,056 --> 00:14:18,124 Craig! Craig, I got you, dog! Craig! Don't worry, I'm coming! 299 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,890 Attention, person who shot me in the head! 300 00:14:20,962 --> 00:14:24,192 I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna tear you apart. 301 00:14:24,465 --> 00:14:26,822 Ron! Bed! Now! 302 00:14:26,873 --> 00:14:27,897 Okay. 303 00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:30,326 Here. 304 00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:33,863 That man wasn't my brother. 305 00:14:34,572 --> 00:14:36,267 He was my husband. 306 00:14:39,242 --> 00:14:41,266 - How was that? That wasn't good? - Yeah, you can do better. 307 00:14:41,311 --> 00:14:42,505 All right. Give me another one. 308 00:14:42,579 --> 00:14:43,670 Okay. 309 00:14:43,746 --> 00:14:47,307 I'm pregnant with Josh Groban's baby. 310 00:14:50,852 --> 00:14:52,978 - That was good. - You do one. 311 00:14:53,420 --> 00:14:54,512 Okay. 312 00:14:56,156 --> 00:15:01,496 What do you mean the squirrel took the nuts out of the... 313 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:06,022 Out of that kid's backpack and ate them? 314 00:15:06,255 --> 00:15:09,088 But you have to give me a reason to spit. 315 00:15:09,622 --> 00:15:10,529 To spit! 316 00:15:10,563 --> 00:15:12,165 - You asked me a... - Oh, oh, oh! Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. 317 00:15:12,201 --> 00:15:13,808 Don't ask me a question. I won't. Okay. 318 00:15:13,869 --> 00:15:14,927 - Not a question. - Okay, ready? 319 00:15:15,003 --> 00:15:15,992 Yeah. 320 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,907 I've lived in Pawnee my whole life. 321 00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:26,445 That is a fact. A fact about me. 322 00:15:29,248 --> 00:15:30,613 And how... 323 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:36,918 Hey. How is he? 324 00:15:36,987 --> 00:15:38,784 He's pretty out of it. 325 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:39,912 He's talking about you in his sleep. 326 00:15:39,989 --> 00:15:41,013 Good stuff? 327 00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,285 No. How's it going out there? 328 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:47,522 Terribly. No one will admit they shot Ron. And no one saw it happen. 329 00:15:47,662 --> 00:15:49,458 I know what happened. 330 00:15:49,863 --> 00:15:51,057 You do? 331 00:15:52,533 --> 00:15:55,933 Listen, I heard about the accident. And I need to know who is responsible. 332 00:15:56,536 --> 00:15:58,298 - I don't know. - Ron and I saw Jerry... 333 00:15:58,370 --> 00:16:00,463 - That's the problem. - I am. 334 00:16:01,006 --> 00:16:02,302 I shot Ron Swanson. 335 00:16:02,373 --> 00:16:03,993 You shot my Mercedes? 336 00:16:04,375 --> 00:16:05,975 What? No! No! 337 00:16:09,644 --> 00:16:12,925 - Okay, follow my light. - No, not your whole head. Just your eyes. 338 00:16:12,994 --> 00:16:14,893 Just... Yeah. Okay. 339 00:16:15,867 --> 00:16:16,856 What month is it? 340 00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:17,959 November. 341 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,896 Why are you taking the blame for this? 342 00:16:21,038 --> 00:16:23,502 Don't worry about it. I know what I'm doing. 343 00:16:23,527 --> 00:16:25,827 Just go look after Ron. 344 00:16:28,143 --> 00:16:31,974 So what happened? Did you forget to check the entire field? 345 00:16:32,046 --> 00:16:35,504 I find a lot of women have problems with tunnel vision. 346 00:16:36,516 --> 00:16:38,143 No. I'm an excellent hunter. 347 00:16:38,218 --> 00:16:40,777 How did you end up shooting a guy in the head then? 348 00:16:40,853 --> 00:16:43,617 Fair enough. I was walking in the woods 349 00:16:43,856 --> 00:16:46,551 and then I tripped and my gun went off. 350 00:16:46,791 --> 00:16:48,520 Ah, so you forgot to put the safety on. 351 00:16:48,593 --> 00:16:51,789 No, I always have the safety on. I'm... 352 00:16:52,195 --> 00:16:56,290 While I was tripping, I saw a quail and I shot at it. 353 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,292 In mid-trip? 354 00:16:58,366 --> 00:17:00,061 No, that's... 355 00:17:01,169 --> 00:17:02,533 Okay, fine. 356 00:17:03,804 --> 00:17:06,796 I got that tunnel vision that girls get. 357 00:17:09,108 --> 00:17:10,632 And that's what happened. End of story. 358 00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:13,974 I think you're hysterical because of all the excitement, obviously. 359 00:17:14,046 --> 00:17:17,208 So, I'm just not following your story. All right? 360 00:17:18,349 --> 00:17:20,612 I let my emotions get the best of me. 361 00:17:20,683 --> 00:17:23,811 I just... I would... I cared too much, I guess. 362 00:17:23,987 --> 00:17:26,580 I was thinking with my lady parts. 363 00:17:26,655 --> 00:17:28,646 I was walking and I felt something icky. 364 00:17:28,723 --> 00:17:30,213 I thought there was gonna be chocolate. 365 00:17:30,291 --> 00:17:31,883 I don't even remember. 366 00:17:31,959 --> 00:17:36,088 I'm wearing a new bra and it closes in the front, 367 00:17:36,163 --> 00:17:38,426 so it popped open and it threw me off. 368 00:17:38,497 --> 00:17:39,987 All I wanna do is have babies! 369 00:17:40,332 --> 00:17:41,321 Are you single? 370 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,264 I'm just, like, going through a thing right now. 371 00:17:43,401 --> 00:17:46,528 I guess when my life is incomplete I wanna shoot someone. 372 00:17:46,603 --> 00:17:48,833 This would not happen if I had a penis. 373 00:17:49,239 --> 00:17:51,297 What? Bitches be crazy. 374 00:17:51,474 --> 00:17:56,968 I'm good at tolerating pain. I'm bad at math. And I'm stupid. 375 00:17:57,813 --> 00:17:59,473 I wonder what they're doing right now. 376 00:17:59,547 --> 00:18:01,947 Probably making out on top of a deer carcass. 377 00:18:03,117 --> 00:18:04,674 Super romantic. 378 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:09,781 You know, if I gave you a hickey, it would totally make Ann jealous. 379 00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,555 I don't know, I think that would... 380 00:18:13,624 --> 00:18:16,786 That's pretty gross. Seems kind of weird. 381 00:18:16,860 --> 00:18:20,762 What's weird about one friend sucking on another friend's neck? 382 00:18:23,732 --> 00:18:26,222 When you put it that way, it doesn't sound that weird at all. 383 00:18:26,301 --> 00:18:29,099 Yeah, it's not. I gave my gay boyfriend's boyfriend a hickey 384 00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:32,036 and it totally made my gay boyfriend jealous. 385 00:18:32,106 --> 00:18:33,300 Really? 386 00:18:35,374 --> 00:18:38,070 All right. Awesome. I'm in. 387 00:18:38,443 --> 00:18:40,468 I'm gonna go sterilize my neck. 388 00:18:40,751 --> 00:18:42,378 Okay. 389 00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:47,191 What? 390 00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,968 You know, Leslie, the Super Bowl is in a couple of months. 391 00:18:50,036 --> 00:18:52,003 I usually watch it with my brothers. 392 00:18:52,071 --> 00:18:55,905 Maybe you could come by at halftime and shoot me in the head. 393 00:18:56,374 --> 00:18:59,275 Ron, I'm really sorry that I ruined your weekend. 394 00:18:59,314 --> 00:19:03,223 Perhaps next time I'm enjoying some alone time in the men's restroom, 395 00:19:03,321 --> 00:19:06,915 you could invite yourself into my stall and shoot me in the head. 396 00:19:07,443 --> 00:19:10,051 Look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you... 397 00:19:10,074 --> 00:19:12,329 Sure. How about you shoot me in the head? 398 00:19:12,354 --> 00:19:14,354 Oh, wait, you already did that. 399 00:19:15,823 --> 00:19:18,450 Hey, Tom, can I talk to you for a second? 400 00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:20,048 Hold on, this is amazing. 401 00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,991 Now. I need to talk to you now. 402 00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,425 Okay. Okay! 403 00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:26,322 Whoa! 404 00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:28,194 Ann! Whoa, are we finally gonna do this? 405 00:19:28,266 --> 00:19:29,392 Ow! 406 00:19:29,467 --> 00:19:32,697 I saw you shoot Ron. Okay? Leslie covered for you, 407 00:19:32,769 --> 00:19:36,465 but I'm not gonna let her take any more crap from Ron on your sorry-ass behalf. 408 00:19:36,538 --> 00:19:40,132 Okay, for the record, I was gonna come forward and I'll do it right now. 409 00:19:40,208 --> 00:19:42,414 But afterwards, can we come back here and talk about us? 410 00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:48,409 Maybe the next time I'm at the doctor's office getting my prostate examined, 411 00:19:48,428 --> 00:19:50,490 you could come by and shoot me in the head! 412 00:19:50,650 --> 00:19:54,278 Excuse me, everyone. Ron, I have something to say. 413 00:19:54,352 --> 00:19:56,582 Hang on a minute, Tom, I'm not done berating Leslie. 414 00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:58,645 It wasn't Leslie's fault. 415 00:19:59,123 --> 00:20:03,115 She was covering for me because I didn't have a hunting license. 416 00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:05,357 I was the one who shot you. 417 00:20:05,428 --> 00:20:06,985 You didn't get a license? 418 00:20:07,062 --> 00:20:09,587 What kind of moron doesn't get a license? 419 00:20:09,665 --> 00:20:11,791 That's reckless endangerment, my son. 420 00:20:11,866 --> 00:20:15,801 That's a $25,000 fine, minimum, and probably jail time. 421 00:20:16,269 --> 00:20:19,531 But she covered for me, and I'm in the clear. 422 00:20:19,805 --> 00:20:21,329 Yeah. That's right. 423 00:20:21,407 --> 00:20:24,170 She kept her mouth shut and now you're in the clear. 424 00:20:24,198 --> 00:20:25,498 Well, Ron, you know, I couldn't let... 425 00:20:25,530 --> 00:20:26,817 I know. 426 00:20:27,577 --> 00:20:29,044 You did good. 427 00:20:32,381 --> 00:20:34,508 You're a real stand-up guy. 428 00:20:35,061 --> 00:20:37,119 I'm sorry I lost my temper before. 429 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,140 It was 'cause I was shot in the head by a moron. 430 00:20:39,208 --> 00:20:41,368 - Yeah. - Dude, Ron, I'm so sorry. 431 00:20:41,418 --> 00:20:43,545 Apology not accepted, moron. 432 00:20:47,866 --> 00:20:49,423 Pants King! 433 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:50,821 Pants Queen! 434 00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:58,809 - Hi, Ann. - Hey. 435 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:07,622 Mmm! Turkey's great. 436 00:21:07,694 --> 00:21:09,628 - Hey, Ron Swanson! - Hey! 437 00:21:10,463 --> 00:21:11,724 Ron Swanson! 438 00:21:11,797 --> 00:21:12,821 Thank you. Thank you, all. 439 00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:14,661 - Welcome back, Ron. - Oh, hey! 440 00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,634 "Welcome back, Ron." 441 00:21:18,536 --> 00:21:21,003 That's terrific. Thanks, you guys. 442 00:21:21,638 --> 00:21:22,969 Let's eat! 33615

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