Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,981 --> 00:00:02,875
And I'm like,
"What?"
2
00:00:04,851 --> 00:00:07,285
It's pretty great having Andy
working in the building.
3
00:00:07,353 --> 00:00:11,379
The guy is so much fun.
His new thing? Piggyback rides!
4
00:00:12,022 --> 00:00:13,285
Anytime you want.
5
00:00:13,328 --> 00:00:15,484
Piggyback!
Piggyback!
6
00:00:15,526 --> 00:00:18,358
Move! Piggyback! Bam!
7
00:00:18,428 --> 00:00:19,793
Piggyback! Bam!
8
00:00:19,863 --> 00:00:20,988
Mark!
9
00:00:22,131 --> 00:00:24,361
Brendanawicz!
10
00:00:27,835 --> 00:00:29,495
Giddyup! Giddyup!
11
00:00:30,370 --> 00:00:31,837
Oh!
12
00:00:31,905 --> 00:00:33,167
Councilman Howser.
Hello.
13
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,263
Hello.
14
00:00:34,340 --> 00:00:38,673
Did you get my proposal for the
possible rezoning of Lot 48?
15
00:00:39,144 --> 00:00:40,771
I have been busy.
16
00:00:40,945 --> 00:00:44,573
I know. But I think it would be a really
great thing for the neighborhood.
17
00:00:44,648 --> 00:00:47,548
I don't doubt it. But it's really a
question of resource allocation.
18
00:00:47,617 --> 00:00:50,518
And I completely understand that.
But you and I both know
19
00:00:50,586 --> 00:00:53,281
that if we wanna find
the money, we can.
20
00:00:53,355 --> 00:00:54,344
I'm running late.
21
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,649
Oh, I'll walk with you.
22
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:58,199
See, the thing is, when we
allocate money for parks...
23
00:01:18,741 --> 00:01:20,902
Just a reminder.
Tomorrow's a half-day.
24
00:01:20,976 --> 00:01:25,471
Jerry, Mark and I have to
conduct the annual trail survey
25
00:01:25,713 --> 00:01:27,145
at Slippery Elm Park.
26
00:01:27,214 --> 00:01:31,746
Ron, I had the trail survey hats
made to commemorate the trip.
27
00:01:31,852 --> 00:01:33,251
Nice, Jerry.
28
00:01:33,486 --> 00:01:36,283
Oh, and if you have any
questions about the details,
29
00:01:36,354 --> 00:01:39,413
feel free to shoot me an email.
30
00:01:42,612 --> 00:01:46,669
The only trails he's gonna be surveying
are trails of lies and deception.
31
00:01:47,104 --> 00:01:49,353
Ron has a special deal
with the park rangers.
32
00:01:49,464 --> 00:01:51,727
Every November, they let
him use their cabin
33
00:01:51,752 --> 00:01:53,266
so he can go on a secret hunting trip
34
00:01:53,284 --> 00:01:54,581
with all the guys
in the office.
35
00:01:54,635 --> 00:01:57,296
Not all the guys.
He's never taken me.
36
00:01:57,347 --> 00:01:59,008
Fine, all the men.
37
00:01:59,606 --> 00:02:01,072
Ron, let's cut the bull.
38
00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:04,461
I want me, Tom and all the other
ladies included on your hunting trip.
39
00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:09,428
Hunting trip? We're doing
a trail survey, Leslie.
40
00:02:09,447 --> 00:02:11,880
You're literally listening
to turkey calls.
41
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,641
Is this not rap?
42
00:02:15,084 --> 00:02:16,540
- Come on.
- All right. Look,
43
00:02:16,583 --> 00:02:19,160
It's not just a hunting trip.
44
00:02:20,310 --> 00:02:21,660
It's a tradition.
45
00:02:21,690 --> 00:02:26,092
I am really good at hunting and I'm
even better at being one of the guys.
46
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,821
Well, it's a work event, so...
47
00:02:30,096 --> 00:02:32,345
legally I can't stop you from coming.
- Yes!
48
00:02:32,397 --> 00:02:35,298
This is gonna be so fun!
I'll bring S'mores.
49
00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:37,490
And just like that
50
00:02:38,069 --> 00:02:41,060
the one tiny aspect
of government I enjoyed
51
00:02:41,137 --> 00:02:43,399
was clubbed to death
before my eyes.
52
00:02:44,074 --> 00:02:46,769
April! I need you
to do something for me.
53
00:02:46,842 --> 00:02:50,538
I'm going hunting tomorrow, so
call the State Parks Office
54
00:02:50,612 --> 00:02:54,103
and get verbal confirmation that
our budget documentation is in.
55
00:02:54,181 --> 00:02:55,876
Can I just tell you the
16-digit tracking number,
56
00:02:55,949 --> 00:02:56,973
or do you want me
to write it down?
57
00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:59,415
I'll write it down.
Can you handle this?
58
00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:03,420
You want me to dial a number and
then read another number out loud?
59
00:03:03,488 --> 00:03:05,683
Yes. Can you handle this?
60
00:03:08,359 --> 00:03:09,451
No.
61
00:03:09,526 --> 00:03:11,015
Well, try, okay?
62
00:03:11,427 --> 00:03:15,419
And if you do it, I will name the
first turkey I shoot after you.
63
00:03:16,231 --> 00:03:17,323
Cool.
64
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,402
Ann! Ready to bag
some birds?
65
00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:27,998
Nope. But I am ready to relax by the fire
and get my Real Simple magazine on.
66
00:03:28,073 --> 00:03:32,169
Well, if you change your mind, you're now
officially a licensed Indiana hunter.
67
00:03:32,244 --> 00:03:34,074
Oh, gross.
68
00:03:39,716 --> 00:03:42,980
Hello, you have reached
the Indiana State Parks Department.
69
00:03:43,052 --> 00:03:46,748
Your call is very important to us.
Please stay on the line.
70
00:03:56,396 --> 00:03:58,677
- All right, here we go!
- Here we are!
71
00:03:58,704 --> 00:03:59,892
- There he is.
- There's Ron!
72
00:03:59,930 --> 00:04:01,124
Oh, it's pretty!
73
00:04:01,211 --> 00:04:03,461
- I know.
- I thought it was gonna be gross.
74
00:04:06,170 --> 00:04:10,162
Holy cow. Ron,
it is good to be back.
75
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,605
Sneak attack!
76
00:04:13,742 --> 00:04:16,286
- Damn it!
- I am the Pants King! Bow to me.
77
00:04:16,344 --> 00:04:18,200
Bow! I bow!
I am the Pants...
78
00:04:18,713 --> 00:04:20,509
I am the Pants Queen.
79
00:04:21,915 --> 00:04:23,439
What the hell?
80
00:04:24,318 --> 00:04:26,217
Bow to the Pants Queen.
81
00:04:26,519 --> 00:04:29,681
When you're out with the boys, you
gotta be ready for a good pantsing.
82
00:04:29,754 --> 00:04:33,553
That's why I have suspenders
that connect my bra to my jeans.
83
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,648
Ron 'P. Diddy' Combs.
84
00:04:36,698 --> 00:04:39,806
I have to admit,
this place is pretty tight.
85
00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:41,963
May I interest anyone
in some chew?
86
00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:43,759
Nice touch, Haverford.
87
00:04:44,466 --> 00:04:45,626
Let me get some of that.
88
00:04:45,895 --> 00:04:46,851
You sure?
89
00:04:46,902 --> 00:04:48,707
- Yeah.
- I would not have pegged you
90
00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:50,704
as a user of mouth tobacco.
91
00:04:50,771 --> 00:04:52,203
I'm full of surprises, Ron.
92
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,494
Oh, man.
93
00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:56,440
My stomach's a little upset.
I feel a little queasy.
94
00:04:56,508 --> 00:04:59,505
Yeah, that might be the chew.
You could spit it out.
95
00:05:00,044 --> 00:05:02,512
I swallowed it.
You're supposed to swallow it, right?
96
00:05:02,580 --> 00:05:03,569
No.
97
00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:12,750
All right.
98
00:05:14,222 --> 00:05:15,587
Poor little buddy.
99
00:05:15,657 --> 00:05:18,887
Why they call it chew and not swallow.
Am I right, Ron?
100
00:05:18,959 --> 00:05:20,085
Yes, you are right.
101
00:05:22,028 --> 00:05:24,053
All right, safety basics!
102
00:05:24,497 --> 00:05:27,988
Donna, can you tell me why it's bad
to look down the barrel of your gun?
103
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,624
Is that a trick question?
104
00:05:29,701 --> 00:05:31,167
No, Donna, don't!
Please!
105
00:05:31,235 --> 00:05:34,635
Rule number one, do not point
the weapon at a person.
106
00:05:34,838 --> 00:05:36,863
That includes
your own face, Donna.
107
00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:40,466
Now, every year, before we go on
our first hunt, we do a toast.
108
00:05:40,542 --> 00:05:42,169
So, grab a beer.
109
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:46,871
To the hunt.
110
00:05:46,948 --> 00:05:48,073
- Here, here.
- Here, here.
111
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,877
And to the hunters!
112
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:54,883
The only way to defeat the beast
is to find the beast within.
113
00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:56,312
- Pretty good.
- Here, here!
114
00:05:56,388 --> 00:05:58,913
- Here, here!
- Yeah! Right on! Cheers.
115
00:05:58,990 --> 00:06:00,116
Ron, your toast sucked.
116
00:06:00,191 --> 00:06:03,542
The traditional toast
is "To the hunt!"
117
00:06:03,961 --> 00:06:06,005
And it is said by me.
118
00:06:06,462 --> 00:06:07,451
You all set, Mark?
119
00:06:07,530 --> 00:06:10,089
Oh, I was thinking maybe we could
do mixed doubles, you know?
120
00:06:10,165 --> 00:06:11,325
Boy-girl, boy-girl.
121
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,993
Leslie, you said that we
were gonna hunt together.
122
00:06:14,068 --> 00:06:18,128
Oh, Ann, I always forget because you're
so pretty, you're not used to rejection.
123
00:06:18,204 --> 00:06:20,069
I have to hunt with Ron.
124
00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:21,300
Ann, we'll go together.
125
00:06:21,374 --> 00:06:22,465
Perfect!
126
00:06:22,541 --> 00:06:27,136
All right, I hope you're ready to discuss
some college bowl game scenarios!
127
00:06:27,211 --> 00:06:28,371
Bully.
128
00:06:36,118 --> 00:06:39,951
Andy! Andy!
Can you come here, please?
129
00:06:40,054 --> 00:06:41,078
Yeah. What's up?
130
00:06:41,156 --> 00:06:42,316
I've been on hold
for, like, an hour
131
00:06:42,390 --> 00:06:44,516
and I really have to pee.
Can you just sit here for two seconds
132
00:06:44,591 --> 00:06:46,525
and just listen, please?
- Yes.
133
00:06:46,593 --> 00:06:51,188
Please? Okay. And if they answer, can
you just read those numbers out loud?
134
00:06:51,531 --> 00:06:52,862
- Yeah.
- Okay, thanks.
135
00:06:54,666 --> 00:06:56,759
Now here's the female
adolescent turkey.
136
00:06:58,536 --> 00:07:00,128
- Could you hear the difference?
- No.
137
00:07:00,204 --> 00:07:01,364
Turkeys can.
138
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,336
Boo-la,
boo-la, boo-la!
139
00:07:04,407 --> 00:07:05,772
Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la!
140
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,775
Boo-la,
boo-la, boo-la!
141
00:07:07,843 --> 00:07:10,038
We do that the first time
one of us hits something.
142
00:07:10,112 --> 00:07:11,271
Oh, cool!
Boo-la, boo-la...
143
00:07:11,345 --> 00:07:12,642
No, no.
You missed it.
144
00:07:14,048 --> 00:07:16,982
Look, Ron, I know this weekend,
you were looking forward
145
00:07:17,050 --> 00:07:21,179
to a lot of man-on-man-on-man action, but
I just wanted to say I'm very grateful
146
00:07:21,253 --> 00:07:22,811
that you let me come
along on this trip.
147
00:07:22,888 --> 00:07:24,252
That's fine.
148
00:07:24,322 --> 00:07:26,722
I'm just glad you didn't end up
inviting more of the motor...
149
00:07:30,828 --> 00:07:32,193
What the hell?
Give me some warning!
150
00:07:32,261 --> 00:07:33,523
I saw a quail.
151
00:07:33,596 --> 00:07:35,894
Sorry, man, you
snooze, you lose.
152
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,328
Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la!
153
00:07:40,402 --> 00:07:42,528
Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la!
154
00:07:42,603 --> 00:07:45,730
I think this is gonna be a really
good bonding sesh for me and Ron.
155
00:07:45,805 --> 00:07:48,638
Guys love it when you can show
them you're better than they are
156
00:07:48,708 --> 00:07:50,174
at something they love.
157
00:07:51,376 --> 00:07:53,139
Hey, check this out.
158
00:07:53,645 --> 00:07:57,808
I am on hold with
the State Parks Department
159
00:07:58,049 --> 00:08:02,007
I am on hold,
so suck on my butt
160
00:08:02,118 --> 00:08:03,516
- Nice.
- Yeah.
161
00:08:07,056 --> 00:08:10,024
They didn't answer, obviously.
Where is everyone?
162
00:08:10,091 --> 00:08:11,080
Hunting trip.
163
00:08:11,159 --> 00:08:12,250
Hunting trip?
164
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,088
- Did Mark go?
- Yeah.
165
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,056
That's cool, at least
he's not with Ann.
166
00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:17,390
No, Ann's there.
167
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:20,898
God! How come he gets to do
all the things I wanna do?
168
00:08:21,099 --> 00:08:23,567
Go hunting, Ann.
169
00:08:24,135 --> 00:08:25,692
Maybe a deer will eat him.
170
00:08:29,806 --> 00:08:30,979
That would be really awesome.
171
00:08:31,022 --> 00:08:33,260
But I don't think that
will happen, probably.
172
00:08:33,375 --> 00:08:36,401
You're surprised that my breasts
didn't throw my aim off?
173
00:08:36,478 --> 00:08:38,001
Leslie, please.
174
00:08:38,145 --> 00:08:40,943
I don't care that you're a girl.
I just don't like change.
175
00:08:41,015 --> 00:08:42,914
I like going to the same
place with the same people,
176
00:08:42,983 --> 00:08:46,180
telling the same stories and seeing
who can bag the most turkeys.
177
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,453
It seems like you like to go
hunting with the same people
178
00:08:48,521 --> 00:08:50,954
'cause you know
you can beat them.
179
00:08:52,090 --> 00:08:54,752
A hundred bucks says
I bag more birds than you.
180
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:58,556
You're on. Let's split up.
I do it better alone.
181
00:08:58,729 --> 00:09:01,663
Yeah, you do! See?
Just one of the guys.
182
00:09:04,366 --> 00:09:06,334
Your favorite kind of cake
can't be birthday cake.
183
00:09:06,401 --> 00:09:08,698
That's like saying your favorite
kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
184
00:09:08,769 --> 00:09:10,532
Mmm, I love breakfast cereal.
185
00:09:10,604 --> 00:09:11,969
Look! Some
kind of bird!
186
00:09:12,039 --> 00:09:14,768
Let's kill it!
You talking to me, bitch?
187
00:09:18,844 --> 00:09:20,334
What were you aiming at?
188
00:09:20,412 --> 00:09:21,605
Nothing.
189
00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:26,240
Okay.
190
00:09:28,518 --> 00:09:31,281
Okay. Okay. I can understand
why people like that.
191
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:32,820
- Right?
- Yeah!
192
00:09:35,857 --> 00:09:36,949
Yeah!
193
00:09:37,392 --> 00:09:42,090
Yeah. And keeping one's eyes open is
always a good rule of thumb around guns.
194
00:09:42,863 --> 00:09:44,557
This is such a great day.
195
00:09:44,630 --> 00:09:48,463
See, at my house, I got a wife
and three beautiful daughters.
196
00:09:48,967 --> 00:09:53,733
But this trip, it is the one time
of year I get to pee standing up.
197
00:09:57,574 --> 00:09:58,734
I love that sound.
198
00:10:01,410 --> 00:10:02,934
I've been shot!
199
00:10:04,379 --> 00:10:05,936
I've been shot!
200
00:10:13,919 --> 00:10:16,114
Somebody shot me in the head!
201
00:10:20,658 --> 00:10:22,057
Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la.
202
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,795
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! - I gotta pee.
203
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,574
Over here.
All right, right there.
204
00:10:26,612 --> 00:10:28,705
- Ron, I got your hat! Ron,
I have your hat!- Oh, my God!
205
00:10:28,743 --> 00:10:29,793
Are you in a lot of pain?
206
00:10:29,851 --> 00:10:31,875
I was shot in the head
with a shotgun.
207
00:10:31,983 --> 00:10:35,383
Ron, it's actually not that serious.
I just need you to stay calm, okay?
208
00:10:35,421 --> 00:10:38,822
Yeah, I'm just gonna stay angry.
I find that relaxes me.
209
00:10:38,891 --> 00:10:41,620
Okay, Ron, we called 911 and
they're gonna send a ranger.
210
00:10:41,662 --> 00:10:43,999
Oh, damn!
This is a mess.
211
00:10:44,195 --> 00:10:46,313
The rangers won't let us
come back next year.
212
00:10:46,364 --> 00:10:48,228
No! We're not gonna
think about that right now.
213
00:10:48,298 --> 00:10:51,233
You guys, can you just put him on
the day bed in the carcass room?
214
00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:52,528
- Day bed?
- Yeah.
215
00:10:52,912 --> 00:10:54,926
Sure. Okay, now.
Hold on!
216
00:10:55,004 --> 00:10:56,198
- Hold on!
- Is that Donna?
217
00:10:57,103 --> 00:10:59,196
- Donna?
- Okay, easy.
218
00:10:59,590 --> 00:11:01,056
- Donna?
- Don't worry.
219
00:11:05,678 --> 00:11:07,145
Are you okay?
220
00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:09,565
What? Is it your heart?
Are you having trouble breathing?
221
00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:12,613
It's my car.
Someone shot my car!
222
00:11:17,755 --> 00:11:19,722
- Okay. Here's your Scotch, Ron.
- Okay, Jerry. Jerry's here.
223
00:11:19,789 --> 00:11:21,347
Here you go. Here's your Scotch, Ron.
There we go, Ron.
224
00:11:21,424 --> 00:11:25,553
Okay. Hey, you know what is great?
Ann's gonna take care of you.
225
00:11:25,576 --> 00:11:29,739
And Ann is the best nurse in North America.
All right. There you go.
226
00:11:31,564 --> 00:11:32,724
What? You okay?
227
00:11:32,799 --> 00:11:34,164
Did you shoot me?
228
00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:35,894
What? No!
229
00:11:36,035 --> 00:11:37,593
There was a bird
kind of near me,
230
00:11:37,669 --> 00:11:39,728
and I know how desperate
you were to prove yourself.
231
00:11:39,792 --> 00:11:41,618
No. No, I swear, I didn't.
232
00:11:41,643 --> 00:11:43,643
Ron, I swear to God,
I've never shot anyone.
233
00:11:43,674 --> 00:11:47,803
Well, you better find out who it was.
And then, purchase them a coffin,
234
00:11:47,846 --> 00:11:50,211
because I'm gonna rip
them apart.
235
00:11:50,312 --> 00:11:51,404
Okay.
236
00:11:52,314 --> 00:11:53,473
Marco!
237
00:11:54,315 --> 00:11:55,441
Polo!
238
00:11:55,817 --> 00:11:56,977
Marco!
239
00:11:57,185 --> 00:11:58,310
Polo!
240
00:11:58,652 --> 00:11:59,812
Marco?
241
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:01,914
Polo!
242
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,624
- Marco!
- Polo!
243
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:10,318
Hey. Okay. How are you feeling?
244
00:12:10,395 --> 00:12:11,383
- How are you feeling?
- Are you dizzy?
245
00:12:11,462 --> 00:12:12,690
- Are you dizzy or...
- Are you light-headed?
246
00:12:12,763 --> 00:12:16,823
When I look at my palm, I see a
lady's mouth French kissing a dog.
247
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:18,962
- Is that normal?
- Is that normal?
248
00:12:19,035 --> 00:12:20,897
Well, the pain medication
I gave you is pretty strong.
249
00:12:20,936 --> 00:12:23,461
Donna uses it for menstrual cramps.
How many did you take?
250
00:12:23,501 --> 00:12:25,395
Seven. Eight.
251
00:12:26,107 --> 00:12:28,370
But I washed them down
with plenty of fluids.
252
00:12:28,442 --> 00:12:30,774
No, Ron, you cannot
drink Scotch with this.
253
00:12:30,844 --> 00:12:32,402
You're gonna need
to purge, right now!
254
00:12:32,428 --> 00:12:33,417
- Okay?
- No!
255
00:12:33,444 --> 00:12:35,994
- Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes.
- No, I'm not wasting 20-year Scotch.
256
00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:37,036
- Can you open his mouth?
- No.
257
00:12:37,084 --> 00:12:38,552
- Leslie? Open his mouth.
- What?
258
00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,175
- No.
- Open his mouth.
259
00:12:40,207 --> 00:12:42,157
- Okay.
- I'm not making myself throw up.
260
00:12:42,187 --> 00:12:44,963
- Oh, Ron. I'm sorry we have to do this!
- Ron, you have to.
261
00:12:44,996 --> 00:12:45,965
Ron? This is for your own good.
262
00:12:45,995 --> 00:12:47,557
- I will bite you!
- Open your mouth!
263
00:12:47,604 --> 00:12:49,299
- Leslie, get... Grab his mustache!
- Oh, God!
264
00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:51,459
- Open your mouth!
- Just a...
265
00:12:52,094 --> 00:12:54,459
- Open your mouth!
- His shoulders!
266
00:12:57,665 --> 00:13:00,504
Well, good news is Ron
is resting comfortably.
267
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:02,835
Is he okay?
Is he gonna live?
268
00:13:02,902 --> 00:13:04,300
I think so.
269
00:13:04,603 --> 00:13:07,163
Although I am hoping
that he has some memory loss.
270
00:13:07,239 --> 00:13:10,036
On a scale of one to Chris
Brown, how pissed is he?
271
00:13:10,108 --> 00:13:12,940
Well, he's very curious
about who shot him.
272
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:15,739
So, if you did it,
just say, "I did it."
273
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:19,710
Come on, person who shot Ron.
274
00:13:23,785 --> 00:13:25,046
Look, I think
it's a little weird
275
00:13:25,119 --> 00:13:28,520
that nobody wants to admit that
they shot Ron in the head.
276
00:13:28,589 --> 00:13:29,748
Maybe Ron shot himself.
277
00:13:29,822 --> 00:13:32,086
Hmm, he has seemed
really depressed lately.
278
00:13:32,158 --> 00:13:33,556
He was shot in the
back of the head.
279
00:13:33,625 --> 00:13:34,649
You're right.
280
00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:35,715
He loves the back of his head.
281
00:13:35,794 --> 00:13:37,421
He would never
shoot himself there.
282
00:13:37,496 --> 00:13:38,757
It could have been someone
else that shot Ron.
283
00:13:38,829 --> 00:13:40,228
Someone not in our group.
284
00:13:40,297 --> 00:13:42,662
You think someone
is hunting us?
285
00:13:42,832 --> 00:13:44,459
Man is the most dangerous game.
286
00:13:44,534 --> 00:13:46,058
To The Predator.
287
00:13:46,436 --> 00:13:48,733
I did smell something out there.
And it wasn't human.
288
00:13:48,804 --> 00:13:49,998
That was pine trees.
289
00:13:50,072 --> 00:13:51,766
The Predator can see heat.
290
00:13:51,839 --> 00:13:55,002
We should cover ourselves in mud.
It could still be out there.
291
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,837
- Did you hear that?
- Actually, I did hear something.
292
00:13:58,912 --> 00:14:00,811
- Okay. There's someone out there.
- I'm gonna get my gun.
293
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,246
Okay, Tom. Scare him off
and shoot over his head!
294
00:14:03,315 --> 00:14:05,214
What's that gonna do?
I'm gonna shoot under its head!
295
00:14:05,239 --> 00:14:07,503
- Don't shoot anyone!
- Whoa! Where are you going?
296
00:14:07,619 --> 00:14:09,415
- What are you doing?
- Tom!
297
00:14:09,486 --> 00:14:14,017
Hey! Don't shoot! Hey!
It's Craig from Reinhold Mercedes!
298
00:14:14,056 --> 00:14:18,124
Craig! Craig, I got you, dog!
Craig! Don't worry, I'm coming!
299
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,890
Attention, person who
shot me in the head!
300
00:14:20,962 --> 00:14:24,192
I'm gonna find you, and
I'm gonna tear you apart.
301
00:14:24,465 --> 00:14:26,822
Ron! Bed! Now!
302
00:14:26,873 --> 00:14:27,897
Okay.
303
00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:30,326
Here.
304
00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:33,863
That man wasn't my brother.
305
00:14:34,572 --> 00:14:36,267
He was my husband.
306
00:14:39,242 --> 00:14:41,266
- How was that? That wasn't good?
- Yeah, you can do better.
307
00:14:41,311 --> 00:14:42,505
All right.
Give me another one.
308
00:14:42,579 --> 00:14:43,670
Okay.
309
00:14:43,746 --> 00:14:47,307
I'm pregnant with
Josh Groban's baby.
310
00:14:50,852 --> 00:14:52,978
- That was good.
- You do one.
311
00:14:53,420 --> 00:14:54,512
Okay.
312
00:14:56,156 --> 00:15:01,496
What do you mean the squirrel
took the nuts out of the...
313
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:06,022
Out of that kid's
backpack and ate them?
314
00:15:06,255 --> 00:15:09,088
But you have to give me
a reason to spit.
315
00:15:09,622 --> 00:15:10,529
To spit!
316
00:15:10,563 --> 00:15:12,165
- You asked me a...
- Oh, oh, oh! Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
317
00:15:12,201 --> 00:15:13,808
Don't ask me a question.
I won't. Okay.
318
00:15:13,869 --> 00:15:14,927
- Not a question.
- Okay, ready?
319
00:15:15,003 --> 00:15:15,992
Yeah.
320
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,907
I've lived in Pawnee
my whole life.
321
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:26,445
That is a fact.
A fact about me.
322
00:15:29,248 --> 00:15:30,613
And how...
323
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:36,918
Hey. How is he?
324
00:15:36,987 --> 00:15:38,784
He's pretty out of it.
325
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:39,912
He's talking
about you in his sleep.
326
00:15:39,989 --> 00:15:41,013
Good stuff?
327
00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,285
No. How's it
going out there?
328
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:47,522
Terribly. No one will admit they shot Ron.
And no one saw it happen.
329
00:15:47,662 --> 00:15:49,458
I know what happened.
330
00:15:49,863 --> 00:15:51,057
You do?
331
00:15:52,533 --> 00:15:55,933
Listen, I heard about the accident.
And I need to know who is responsible.
332
00:15:56,536 --> 00:15:58,298
- I don't know.
- Ron and I saw Jerry...
333
00:15:58,370 --> 00:16:00,463
- That's the problem.
- I am.
334
00:16:01,006 --> 00:16:02,302
I shot Ron Swanson.
335
00:16:02,373 --> 00:16:03,993
You shot my Mercedes?
336
00:16:04,375 --> 00:16:05,975
What? No! No!
337
00:16:09,644 --> 00:16:12,925
- Okay, follow my light.
- No, not your whole head. Just your eyes.
338
00:16:12,994 --> 00:16:14,893
Just... Yeah. Okay.
339
00:16:15,867 --> 00:16:16,856
What month is it?
340
00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:17,959
November.
341
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,896
Why are you taking
the blame for this?
342
00:16:21,038 --> 00:16:23,502
Don't worry about it.
I know what I'm doing.
343
00:16:23,527 --> 00:16:25,827
Just go look after Ron.
344
00:16:28,143 --> 00:16:31,974
So what happened?
Did you forget to check the entire field?
345
00:16:32,046 --> 00:16:35,504
I find a lot of women have
problems with tunnel vision.
346
00:16:36,516 --> 00:16:38,143
No. I'm an excellent hunter.
347
00:16:38,218 --> 00:16:40,777
How did you end up shooting
a guy in the head then?
348
00:16:40,853 --> 00:16:43,617
Fair enough.
I was walking in the woods
349
00:16:43,856 --> 00:16:46,551
and then I tripped
and my gun went off.
350
00:16:46,791 --> 00:16:48,520
Ah, so you forgot
to put the safety on.
351
00:16:48,593 --> 00:16:51,789
No, I always have
the safety on. I'm...
352
00:16:52,195 --> 00:16:56,290
While I was tripping, I saw
a quail and I shot at it.
353
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,292
In mid-trip?
354
00:16:58,366 --> 00:17:00,061
No, that's...
355
00:17:01,169 --> 00:17:02,533
Okay, fine.
356
00:17:03,804 --> 00:17:06,796
I got that tunnel vision
that girls get.
357
00:17:09,108 --> 00:17:10,632
And that's what happened.
End of story.
358
00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:13,974
I think you're hysterical because
of all the excitement, obviously.
359
00:17:14,046 --> 00:17:17,208
So, I'm just not following your story.
All right?
360
00:17:18,349 --> 00:17:20,612
I let my emotions
get the best of me.
361
00:17:20,683 --> 00:17:23,811
I just... I would...
I cared too much, I guess.
362
00:17:23,987 --> 00:17:26,580
I was thinking
with my lady parts.
363
00:17:26,655 --> 00:17:28,646
I was walking and
I felt something icky.
364
00:17:28,723 --> 00:17:30,213
I thought there was
gonna be chocolate.
365
00:17:30,291 --> 00:17:31,883
I don't even remember.
366
00:17:31,959 --> 00:17:36,088
I'm wearing a new bra
and it closes in the front,
367
00:17:36,163 --> 00:17:38,426
so it popped open
and it threw me off.
368
00:17:38,497 --> 00:17:39,987
All I wanna do is have babies!
369
00:17:40,332 --> 00:17:41,321
Are you single?
370
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,264
I'm just, like, going
through a thing right now.
371
00:17:43,401 --> 00:17:46,528
I guess when my life is
incomplete I wanna shoot someone.
372
00:17:46,603 --> 00:17:48,833
This would not happen
if I had a penis.
373
00:17:49,239 --> 00:17:51,297
What?
Bitches be crazy.
374
00:17:51,474 --> 00:17:56,968
I'm good at tolerating pain.
I'm bad at math. And I'm stupid.
375
00:17:57,813 --> 00:17:59,473
I wonder what
they're doing right now.
376
00:17:59,547 --> 00:18:01,947
Probably making out
on top of a deer carcass.
377
00:18:03,117 --> 00:18:04,674
Super romantic.
378
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:09,781
You know, if I gave you a hickey,
it would totally make Ann jealous.
379
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,555
I don't know,
I think that would...
380
00:18:13,624 --> 00:18:16,786
That's pretty gross.
Seems kind of weird.
381
00:18:16,860 --> 00:18:20,762
What's weird about one friend
sucking on another friend's neck?
382
00:18:23,732 --> 00:18:26,222
When you put it that way, it
doesn't sound that weird at all.
383
00:18:26,301 --> 00:18:29,099
Yeah, it's not. I gave my gay
boyfriend's boyfriend a hickey
384
00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:32,036
and it totally made
my gay boyfriend jealous.
385
00:18:32,106 --> 00:18:33,300
Really?
386
00:18:35,374 --> 00:18:38,070
All right.
Awesome. I'm in.
387
00:18:38,443 --> 00:18:40,468
I'm gonna go sterilize my neck.
388
00:18:40,751 --> 00:18:42,378
Okay.
389
00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:47,191
What?
390
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,968
You know, Leslie, the Super
Bowl is in a couple of months.
391
00:18:50,036 --> 00:18:52,003
I usually watch it
with my brothers.
392
00:18:52,071 --> 00:18:55,905
Maybe you could come by at
halftime and shoot me in the head.
393
00:18:56,374 --> 00:18:59,275
Ron, I'm really sorry that
I ruined your weekend.
394
00:18:59,314 --> 00:19:03,223
Perhaps next time I'm enjoying some
alone time in the men's restroom,
395
00:19:03,321 --> 00:19:06,915
you could invite yourself into my
stall and shoot me in the head.
396
00:19:07,443 --> 00:19:10,051
Look, if there's anything
I can do to make it up to you...
397
00:19:10,074 --> 00:19:12,329
Sure. How about you
shoot me in the head?
398
00:19:12,354 --> 00:19:14,354
Oh, wait, you already did that.
399
00:19:15,823 --> 00:19:18,450
Hey, Tom, can I talk
to you for a second?
400
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:20,048
Hold on, this is amazing.
401
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,991
Now. I need
to talk to you now.
402
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,425
Okay. Okay!
403
00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:26,322
Whoa!
404
00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:28,194
Ann! Whoa, are we
finally gonna do this?
405
00:19:28,266 --> 00:19:29,392
Ow!
406
00:19:29,467 --> 00:19:32,697
I saw you shoot Ron. Okay?
Leslie covered for you,
407
00:19:32,769 --> 00:19:36,465
but I'm not gonna let her take any more
crap from Ron on your sorry-ass behalf.
408
00:19:36,538 --> 00:19:40,132
Okay, for the record, I was gonna come
forward and I'll do it right now.
409
00:19:40,208 --> 00:19:42,414
But afterwards, can we come
back here and talk about us?
410
00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:48,409
Maybe the next time I'm at the doctor's
office getting my prostate examined,
411
00:19:48,428 --> 00:19:50,490
you could come by
and shoot me in the head!
412
00:19:50,650 --> 00:19:54,278
Excuse me, everyone.
Ron, I have something to say.
413
00:19:54,352 --> 00:19:56,582
Hang on a minute, Tom,
I'm not done berating Leslie.
414
00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:58,645
It wasn't Leslie's fault.
415
00:19:59,123 --> 00:20:03,115
She was covering for me because I
didn't have a hunting license.
416
00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:05,357
I was the one who shot you.
417
00:20:05,428 --> 00:20:06,985
You didn't get a license?
418
00:20:07,062 --> 00:20:09,587
What kind of moron
doesn't get a license?
419
00:20:09,665 --> 00:20:11,791
That's reckless
endangerment, my son.
420
00:20:11,866 --> 00:20:15,801
That's a $25,000 fine, minimum,
and probably jail time.
421
00:20:16,269 --> 00:20:19,531
But she covered for me,
and I'm in the clear.
422
00:20:19,805 --> 00:20:21,329
Yeah. That's right.
423
00:20:21,407 --> 00:20:24,170
She kept her mouth shut
and now you're in the clear.
424
00:20:24,198 --> 00:20:25,498
Well, Ron, you know,
I couldn't let...
425
00:20:25,530 --> 00:20:26,817
I know.
426
00:20:27,577 --> 00:20:29,044
You did good.
427
00:20:32,381 --> 00:20:34,508
You're a real stand-up guy.
428
00:20:35,061 --> 00:20:37,119
I'm sorry I lost
my temper before.
429
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,140
It was 'cause I was shot
in the head by a moron.
430
00:20:39,208 --> 00:20:41,368
- Yeah.
- Dude, Ron, I'm so sorry.
431
00:20:41,418 --> 00:20:43,545
Apology not accepted, moron.
432
00:20:47,866 --> 00:20:49,423
Pants King!
433
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:50,821
Pants Queen!
434
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:58,809
- Hi, Ann.
- Hey.
435
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:07,622
Mmm! Turkey's great.
436
00:21:07,694 --> 00:21:09,628
- Hey, Ron Swanson!
- Hey!
437
00:21:10,463 --> 00:21:11,724
Ron Swanson!
438
00:21:11,797 --> 00:21:12,821
Thank you.
Thank you, all.
439
00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:14,661
- Welcome back, Ron.
- Oh, hey!
440
00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,634
"Welcome back, Ron."
441
00:21:18,536 --> 00:21:21,003
That's terrific.
Thanks, you guys.
442
00:21:21,638 --> 00:21:22,969
Let's eat!
33615
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.