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(electronic buzzing)
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(coffeemaker clicks)
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(cup dings)
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(puts down cup)
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(click, beep)
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Well, good morning.
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You haven't been waiting for me, have you?
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Nah.
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Like, maybe a little.
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W-- Things ended all weird last week.
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I-I can do weird if you can.
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Well, who do you think you're talkin' to?
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Weird is my shit.
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(both laugh)
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Hey, did you lose an earring?
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Oh.
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It's around here some place. (laughs)
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Uh, heh, uh,
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I wanted to tell you that
20
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I am a woman of my word.
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I said that if you dug in with me, I would make an assessment.
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And I have.
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I spoke to a psychiatrist I want to refer you to.
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I appreciate that. And-and they'll write me a script?
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Well, she might. Yes.
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-Wait, might? -I asked Dr. Ahmadi for a second opinion,
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so, at first,
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she's gonna do her own assessment.
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This isn't a one-and-done situation.
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It's an ongoing relationship,
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so she'll evaluate you and determine if--
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Yeah, wait, wait, wait.
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"Ongoing relationship"?
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(scoffs) Dr. Taylor,
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I-I can't afford that. That-that's not what we talked about.
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You will be able to attend these sessions.
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I'll make sure of it.
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Are you...
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paying for it, or...
40
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Brooke: I'm letting you know
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the resource is available to you.
42
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Um...
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Okay.
44
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But, Eladio, I want to be honest
45
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about my analysis,
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about what I've shared with Dr. Ahmadi.
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Yeah?
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Brooke: I have serious doubts about
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the validity of your bipolar diagnosis.
50
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Yeah, I know that's gonna take a second to digest, so
51
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I am going to walk you through every step
52
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-of my thinking, and I'm gonna-- -(beep)
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-(clicking) -What?
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(light piano music playing)
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♪ ♪
56
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(birds chirping outside)
57
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(line ringing)
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Eladio (on voicemail): You part of the problem, hang up now.
59
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-You part of the solution, leave a message. -(beep)
60
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Eladio? It's Brooke.
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We got disconnected, but it's still your hour.
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Give me a call so we can continue.
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-Everything okay, babe? -Oh Jesus!
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-(laughs) -You... You scared me.
65
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-Forget I was here? -(laughs) Impossible.
66
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-I found your earring on the bathroom floor. -Oh, thank you!
67
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Um...
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I was about to make a coffee, you want some?
69
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-God bless you. -(laughs)
70
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Um,
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-my next patient is in 20 minutes. -Okay.
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(coffeemaker buzzing)
73
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Coming here...
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-...to the house... -Oh. Oh.
75
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-So that's my cue. Mm-hmm. -(laughs) Yes.
76
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Um, but dinner tonight?
77
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Maybe Japanese?
78
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We could get takeout
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from some place on Sawtelle.
80
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Maybe I pick up some Kiriko on my way back over?
81
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Oh. Well, God bless you.
82
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(laughs)
83
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Gimme five minutes, it'll be like I never existed.
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(laughs)
85
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♪ ♪
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(typing)
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Brooke: If I'm hearing you right, Marsha,
88
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it's more than that, isn't it?
89
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The way you describe him, it's almost a...
90
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ritualistic iciness.
91
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This is a gorgeous time to be in New York.
92
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I'm glad you made it safely.
93
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Patient 1 (on computer): Me, too. Check it out.
94
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Oh my goodness! That is a penthouse view!
95
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(patient 2 crying)
96
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Mm-hmm.
97
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♪ ♪
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(sighs)
99
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(line ringing)
100
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Eladio (on voicemail): You part of the problem, hang up now.
101
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You part of the solution--
102
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(typing)
103
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(door opens, shuts)
104
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-(sends text) -Goddammit.
105
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Whoa!
106
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Easy, Tiger.
107
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Come on in here. I got the cure for whatever that was.
108
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Come on.
109
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My buddy, Will, turned me on to Nigori.
110
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I mean, at first, it kinda freaked me out.
111
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I mean, I do not like milky liquors, like...
112
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White Russians and Brandy Alexanders, like, hm...
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-(laughs) -Fucking disgusting. But-but this? I mean...
114
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-Do-do you mind? It's bad luck and all. -Mm.
115
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-You sure you don't want any? -I've had sake before, Adam.
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Fair enough.
117
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Do you wanna talk about what's going on with you?
118
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Been on edge all day.
119
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Not all day.
120
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It's my patient.
121
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Young guy? Think he's upset.
122
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Okay.
123
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(sighs) We got disconnected today,
124
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and he hasn't responded to my messages or texts, or anything.
125
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(R&B music playing)
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-What'd you do? -What did I do?
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I did my job.
128
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I've been questioning
129
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a previous psych diagnosis of his for weeks,
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and I thought that I should share that with him,
131
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and he hung up.
132
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(music continues)
133
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And you've never had a patient get mad at you before?
134
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-Of course, I have. -So what's so special about this guy?
135
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(music continues)
136
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What's today really about, babe?
137
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It's complicated. (sighs)
138
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Is it?
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Because if...
140
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if this is about you needing to care
141
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for this kid in a...
142
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on a deeper level because...
143
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you haven't been able to be a mom,
144
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I get that.
145
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I do.
146
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Do you wanna be a mom, Brooke?
147
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'Cause we could do it.
148
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We-we could do it, Brooke. I mean,
149
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it-it's not something that... (scoffs)
150
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I thought I'd be interested in doing with anyone,
151
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but with you? I-I'd do it tomorrow.
152
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(laughs)
153
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You don't think I'm too old?
154
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Too old? What, are you kidding? This is LA.
155
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It's Never-Never-Land. Until, one day,
156
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it's, you know, it's now.
157
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Yeah, but we're...
158
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we're...
159
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-You and me... -Yeah.
160
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Yeah, but maybe...
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this could be the thing
162
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that finally makes us an "us."
163
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It's not crazy, Brooke. I mean,
164
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it's not even a stretch. I mean, you're hardwired.
165
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You-you take care of people all day.
166
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(laughs) I deal with people one hour at a time.
167
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I-I get to show up,
168
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and, yes, I do invest in them.
169
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But once that time is over, I move on.
170
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That is not what a child is.
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(laughs) Like your patient today?
172
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When you got to the end of his session, you just moved
173
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-right along with your day, right? -I love you.
174
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Mm-hmm.
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Which is another
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perfectly good reason why we should do this.
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I love you, and I have something I need to tell you.
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I've started searching for my son.
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♪ ♪
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So far, it's been a dead end, but...
181
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I talked to an adoption lawyer, and he's convinced he can help.
182
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Hm.
183
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And Rita seems to think it's a good idea.
184
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It's just, uh...
185
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And I would explain it if I could...
186
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(inhales, exhales)
187
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It's just that my whole life, it's just...
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been this, um...
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I'm real.
190
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My son is real.
191
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I know. Of course.
192
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But mostly...
193
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he's an idea.
194
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I'm real.
195
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And we have a chance to...
196
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make something real together.
197
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A family.
198
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What's stoppin' us, Brooke? We can do this.
199
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We could figure this out.
200
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-We-- -(phone ringing, buzzing)
201
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-(scoffs) Hey, we're in the middle of something here. -(ringing, buzzing)
202
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,030
(ringing, buzzing)
203
00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:14,133
-(ringing, buzzing) -I'm sorry,
204
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:15,600
but it's not like we're gonna solve
205
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this heavy, huge forever decision right this second.
206
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You're really gonna take that?
207
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I have to.
208
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Eladio?
209
00:11:29,766 --> 00:11:31,466
Are you there?
210
00:11:32,366 --> 00:11:35,066
Say something, Eladio.
211
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:39,430
Eladio (on phone): What do you care?
212
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:42,196
I was worried.
213
00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:45,303
Eladio: Yeah, okay.
214
00:11:45,366 --> 00:11:48,296
I don't... I don't understand what this is all--
215
00:11:48,366 --> 00:11:50,566
Why you trying to get rid of me, yo?
216
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,370
Brooke (on phone): I-- What?
217
00:11:53,433 --> 00:11:55,003
Just admit it.
218
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You know, just admit that you don't wanna treat me anymore,
219
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and we can be done with it.
220
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Why would I not want to treat you?
221
00:12:00,033 --> 00:12:03,203
If I'm not sick, you don't have to help me anymore.
222
00:12:03,266 --> 00:12:05,196
Isn't that what this is?
223
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It's, like, so transparent, I'm-I'm insulted.
224
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That's not it, Eladio.
225
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I have plenty of patients who aren't bipolar.
226
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,470
-I-- -What am I to you?
227
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Brooke: I just said, you're my patient.
228
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No, really. Me to you.
229
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What am I? Because, I'll be honest, yo,
230
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you fuckin' confuse me. Some days,
231
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:29,630
it's like I think you're mad at me, that I'm too much for you,
232
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and you'd be happy if I just stopped showing up.
233
00:12:31,666 --> 00:12:35,266
Some days, I'm like, "Does this lady wanna adopt me?"
234
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It's like Jeremy and his fuckin' harem of aides.
235
00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:41,530
He's always thought those people really care about him.
236
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That there's something more than just
237
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a professional obligation on their part.
238
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Like they like him or some shit.
239
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But the second they're gone, they're gone.
240
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But you like him.
241
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I love him.
242
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Dude deserves so much more than he gets,
243
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and if I'm the only person that cares enough about him
244
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to just cut through the bullshit and keep showin' up for him,
245
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-then so be it! -And is it impossible to think
246
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that other professional relationships
247
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may share the same dynamic?
248
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(insects chirping)
249
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You know the doctor I saw in college?
250
00:13:13,733 --> 00:13:16,303
-The one who diagnosed me? -Brooke: Sure.
251
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She was young, like you.
252
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Easy to talk to, like you.
253
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I saw her for two fuckin' years. You know, she--
254
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I thought she was my friend.
255
00:13:27,133 --> 00:13:30,103
There are all different ways to describe friendship.
256
00:13:30,166 --> 00:13:32,496
Eladio: Yeah, but she wasn't. I know.
257
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You don't have to sugarcoat it but it doesn't change
258
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how it felt.
259
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Old girl knew everything about me.
260
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Every sexual encounter.
261
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Every abject thought.
262
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Every insecurity, every relationship,
263
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she knew all my shit.
264
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Till one day, years in, she says,
265
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,133
"Eladio, I have a diagnosis."
266
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,730
And that made you mad.
267
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Eladio: It was fuckin' betrayal, yo!
268
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Like, I share all of this shit with you
269
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just so you can use it against me?
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I imagine...
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that she thought she was helping.
272
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Yeah, but two fuckin' years in?
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Isn't that malpractice?
274
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It can take time to gather enough anecdotal evidence--
275
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I don't need you defending her
276
00:14:20,266 --> 00:14:22,426
because your motives ain't clean. You know, like...
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00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:26,270
You and me, we got our own shit. There's somethin' there.
278
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,303
And I don't think it's just my personal mommy issues.
279
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There's something.
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You earned my trust,
281
00:14:31,733 --> 00:14:34,103
which is no small task, and then you wanna
282
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flip the script and rip the fuckin' rug out?
283
00:14:36,366 --> 00:14:39,266
The way you talked about your bipolar diagnosis,
284
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it sounds like it brings you pain.
285
00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:45,430
I don't understand why you're suddenly so attached to it.
286
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:47,730
Eladio: I'm not attached to being bipolar.
287
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,170
I'm attached to fuckin' certainty.
288
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You think I wanna be bipolar? Fuck no.
289
00:14:53,433 --> 00:14:56,033
Everybody already thinks I'm crazy as it is.
290
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I'm gonna give them ammunition to be fuckin' right?
291
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Fuck that.
292
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,300
But that diagnosis was years ago, like...
293
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I processed it. I read about it.
294
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I went to support groups,
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built relationships around it.
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00:15:08,766 --> 00:15:11,466
I met fuckin' Soyoung at a bipolar support group,
297
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and we don't have much in common other than that,
298
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but we have that.
299
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-It, like, bonds us. -Brooke: I don't see how
300
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my doubting your bipolar diagnosis
301
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makes anything different between you two.
302
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:29,370
Two years ago, I tried to get into therapy by myself.
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00:15:29,433 --> 00:15:32,503
Told them I was bipolar, thought it'd be good to be upfront.
304
00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:35,596
And they asked me if I was on medication, and I said, "No.
305
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"You know, th-that's why I wanna be in therapy,
306
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so I can get medication."
307
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And they told me it was against their policy
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to take on an unmedicated bipolar patient.
309
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So I would have to somehow get back on medication
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in order to get into the therapy I needed
311
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to get back on medication.
312
00:15:50,266 --> 00:15:54,026
That's a frustrating catch-22.
313
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Eladio: So now, I'm, like, who should I be mad at?
314
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,270
What do you mean?
315
00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:03,033
Should I retain my initial anger at my therapist
316
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for misdiagnosing me, or should I be mad at you
317
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for fuckin' with this thing I've already processed?
318
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I can't answer that for you, Eladio.
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All I can say is that
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your feelings are real, and that you should
321
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let yourself feel them.
322
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Look, I'm not a doctor,
323
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but I do live inside my body.
324
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And, yeah, you know what? Some of the--
325
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Maybe some of the things that other bipolar patients
326
00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:29,066
talk to me about, I don't relate to.
327
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I never tried to call the White House or talk to God.
328
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I don't have delusions of grandeur or any of that, but...
329
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I do believe my feelings are bigger
330
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than other people's feelings. Good, bad,
331
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don't matter. My feelings are bigger.
332
00:16:44,733 --> 00:16:46,503
And how do you know your feelings are bigger
333
00:16:46,566 --> 00:16:49,566
than other people's feelings? How do you determine that?
334
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,770
Well,
335
00:16:52,033 --> 00:16:53,433
I talk about it,
336
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,600
and I see how people react.
337
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:57,666
Talk about what?
338
00:16:59,233 --> 00:17:01,573
I know that when my heart starts to break,
339
00:17:01,633 --> 00:17:03,673
and someone asks me what's wrong,
340
00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:06,303
and I say, "Nothing. It's just that that cloud
341
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is too beautiful to exist."
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People tend to back away slowly
343
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and get back into their vehicles.
344
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I know that when my hands start shakin' with rage
345
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in the booth at El Cochinito,
346
00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:20,300
and the dude I'm on a date with asks me what's wrong,
347
00:17:20,366 --> 00:17:21,426
and I tell him,
348
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,170
"Well, on my way to work, I saw a guy
349
00:17:23,233 --> 00:17:25,303
"who looked like he had been sittin' in wet clothes
350
00:17:25,366 --> 00:17:28,026
"for three days, and I did nothing to help him get dry,
351
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:30,370
and now I-I feel like I deserve to die."
352
00:17:30,433 --> 00:17:32,303
Motherfuckers don't really seem super interested
353
00:17:32,366 --> 00:17:34,566
in continuing to have breakfast with me.
354
00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:39,733
Brooke: There's a lot of pain in the world.
355
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A lot of beauty, too. We all respond in different ways.
356
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It's really fuckin' hard for me to believe that what I feel
357
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:51,700
is the everyday, run-of-the-mill pain of being alive.
358
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It's like with the bipolar...
359
00:17:54,266 --> 00:17:57,026
like, it's rough, but at least it has a name.
360
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,730
It's somethin' to understand.
361
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,470
You-you can begin to cope with it because it's...
362
00:18:03,533 --> 00:18:05,573
it's codified. It has a taxonomy.
363
00:18:05,633 --> 00:18:07,573
It-it-it's understood.
364
00:18:07,633 --> 00:18:10,133
It's verified. It's real.
365
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,130
In a way, it demystifies my suffering and allows me
366
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:14,270
to suffer in context.
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And without it,
368
00:18:16,466 --> 00:18:19,096
the pain doesn't have a name.
369
00:18:21,066 --> 00:18:22,126
Yeah.
370
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,630
So, what the fuck do I do now?
371
00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:28,170
I built an identity from the bones of this diagnosis,
372
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,503
and now you tellin' me...
373
00:18:30,566 --> 00:18:33,396
I'm, what, I'm not bipolar?
374
00:18:33,466 --> 00:18:34,766
I'm just an asshole.
375
00:18:35,033 --> 00:18:37,733
Brooke: (laughing) You're not an asshole.
376
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,400
I think you have a superpower.
377
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,770
Get the fuck outta here.
378
00:18:45,033 --> 00:18:46,203
Brooke: You care, Eladio.
379
00:18:46,266 --> 00:18:49,196
You care so much about other people.
380
00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:51,066
Eladio: I care 'cause...
381
00:18:51,133 --> 00:18:53,273
-it's my job. -Brooke: No,
382
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:54,603
you are good at the job.
383
00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:58,166
You got the job because you care,
384
00:18:58,233 --> 00:19:00,033
and that's not...
385
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:01,500
(sighs)
386
00:19:01,566 --> 00:19:04,326
We live in a world that's largely brutal.
387
00:19:06,366 --> 00:19:08,066
A world where
388
00:19:08,133 --> 00:19:11,703
cruelty and apathy are the air we breathe.
389
00:19:12,633 --> 00:19:16,233
To tend, to care, to nurture.
390
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:19,130
(sighs) You might as well be able
391
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,130
to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
392
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,400
Yeah, well, you do the same thing.
393
00:19:28,666 --> 00:19:30,396
I can't be that special.
394
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,000
You're right.
395
00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:36,273
We are very similar in that way.
396
00:19:37,366 --> 00:19:39,066
That's the difference between us.
397
00:19:39,133 --> 00:19:42,373
I don't dismiss my power. I acknowledge it.
398
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,530
-(wind chimes ringing) -Are you there?
399
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,200
I'm here.
400
00:19:53,266 --> 00:19:56,266
Brooke: And that's what I want for you.
401
00:19:56,333 --> 00:20:00,233
For you to get the same care reciprocated.
402
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:04,096
You spend all your days, your time,
403
00:20:04,166 --> 00:20:06,726
your energy, your heart.
404
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,530
You spend it...
405
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:12,200
purely in the service of Jeremy's dignity.
406
00:20:14,166 --> 00:20:16,466
Why is it, Eladio,
407
00:20:16,533 --> 00:20:18,633
that you can't bring yourself to expect
408
00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:21,330
the same dignity in return?
409
00:20:23,066 --> 00:20:26,066
(insects chirping)
410
00:20:26,133 --> 00:20:29,273
♪ ♪
411
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,670
It's late.
412
00:20:35,733 --> 00:20:38,533
(sighs) That's enough for tonight.
413
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,300
I want you to...
414
00:20:46,033 --> 00:20:48,403
think about what I said, okay?
415
00:20:51,366 --> 00:20:54,126
Really think about it.
416
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,300
(water lapping)
417
00:20:59,333 --> 00:21:02,003
I'm around tomorrow, if you wanna talk.
418
00:21:05,466 --> 00:21:07,766
All you gotta do is call.
419
00:21:13,366 --> 00:21:15,626
♪ ♪
420
00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:18,000
You're precious, Eladio.
421
00:21:24,066 --> 00:21:27,126
♪ ♪
422
00:21:54,166 --> 00:21:57,196
♪ ♪
423
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:27,270
♪ ♪
29934
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