All language subtitles for 215 - Three Days of the Kahndo-eng
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1
00:00:06,621 --> 00:00:09,840
??[mickey
by toni basil playing]
2
00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,843
? Oh, mickey, you're so fine
you're so fine,
you blow my mind ?
3
00:00:12,843 --> 00:00:14,461
? Hey, mickey ?
4
00:00:15,962 --> 00:00:18,966
? Oh, mickey, you're so fine
I want to believe ?
5
00:00:18,966 --> 00:00:22,803
? You take me by the heart
when you take me by the hand ?
6
00:00:22,803 --> 00:00:24,472
? Oh, mickey,
you're so fine ?
7
00:00:24,472 --> 00:00:25,972
? Won't you
understand ?
8
00:00:25,972 --> 00:00:28,975
? Kahn's like you, mickey ?
9
00:00:28,975 --> 00:00:31,278
? And what you do,
mickey, do, mickey ?
10
00:00:31,278 --> 00:00:32,863
? Don't break
my heart, mickey ??
11
00:00:36,484 --> 00:00:38,402
??[rock 'n' roll
music playing]
12
00:01:05,763 --> 00:01:08,015
oh, minh, you didn't
have to bring cookies.
13
00:01:08,015 --> 00:01:11,018
Hearing about all of your little connie's
academic achievements
14
00:01:11,018 --> 00:01:12,519
is all the treat that we need.
15
00:01:12,519 --> 00:01:13,521
Oh, no problem
.
16
00:01:13,938 --> 00:01:14,938
don't want the
m getting stale
17
00:01:14,938 --> 00:01:17,024
while we go on
luxury trip to mexico.
18
00:01:17,024 --> 00:01:19,826
Mexico. Oh, hank and I
used to go
19
00:01:19,826 --> 00:01:21,829
every time they
devalued the peso.
20
00:01:22,329 --> 00:01:24,781
That got old pretty quick.
21
00:01:24,781 --> 00:01:27,085
We stay in
beautiful mitad duplex condo
22
00:01:27,085 --> 00:01:29,087
with kahn's
brother and family
.
23
00:01:29,087 --> 00:01:31,289
mmm, oh, yes, lovely.
24
00:01:31,289 --> 00:01:33,591
What mitad mean,
exactly, in english?
25
00:01:33,591 --> 00:01:35,676
First class? Deluxe?
26
00:01:36,176 --> 00:01:37,177
Mitad.
27
00:01:37,177 --> 00:01:38,679
hmm.
28
00:01:38,679 --> 00:01:41,682
That's one of those words
that doesn't translate easily.
29
00:01:41,682 --> 00:01:43,683
Extra-special luxury?
30
00:01:43,683 --> 00:01:46,938
It conveys the idea of simple,
but relatively clean, living.
31
00:01:48,890 --> 00:01:50,274
Ah, stupid brother
!
32
00:01:50,274 --> 00:01:51,475
now he back out on the tri
p
33
00:01:51,975 --> 00:01:54,478
and we stuck with
full charge for condo rent
.
34
00:01:54,478 --> 00:01:55,479
we can't afford that.
35
00:01:55,979 --> 00:01:57,981
We just bought a c.d. Jukebox.
36
00:01:59,033 --> 00:02:00,034
ah,
37
00:02:00,034 --> 00:02:02,569
Maybe cracker neighbor
some use after all.
38
00:02:03,069 --> 00:02:04,070
Howdy, neighbor!
39
00:02:08,158 --> 00:02:10,627
Well, sure, there are
some pros. It's a good deal.
40
00:02:10,627 --> 00:02:13,131
And I guess there's
nothin' tying us to the house
41
00:02:13,131 --> 00:02:15,415
now that we've got
automatic sprinklers,
42
00:02:15,415 --> 00:02:17,084
but there's also the cons,
43
00:02:17,084 --> 00:02:19,469
the biggest one bein',
well, kahn.
44
00:02:19,971 --> 00:02:21,472
Hank, I saw the brochure.
45
00:02:21,472 --> 00:02:25,475
The condo is 2
stories and very mitad.
46
00:02:25,475 --> 00:02:27,562
You would barely
have to see him.
47
00:02:27,562 --> 00:02:30,564
If we stayed home,
I wouldn't have
to see him at all.
48
00:02:30,564 --> 00:02:32,817
I can't think of
a better vacation than that.
49
00:02:32,817 --> 00:02:36,103
But it's also
an opportunity to learn
about another culture.
50
00:02:36,603 --> 00:02:38,489
Now, the last time bobby
went to mexico,
51
00:02:38,489 --> 00:02:39,824
he was still on the breast.
52
00:02:40,658 --> 00:02:42,442
I love mexico.
53
00:02:42,442 --> 00:02:45,663
They fast-track new makeup
straight to the consumer.
54
00:02:45,663 --> 00:02:47,664
Here, the f.d.a. Tests
and tests for years.
55
00:02:47,664 --> 00:02:49,783
It's like they
don't care how we look.
56
00:02:49,783 --> 00:02:51,201
Oh, come on, hank.
57
00:02:51,701 --> 00:02:54,204
I can finally replace
that papier-mache pear I got
58
00:02:54,204 --> 00:02:56,540
when I was an exchange student
in oaxaca.
59
00:02:56,540 --> 00:02:58,009
Come on, dad!
60
00:02:58,009 --> 00:03:00,510
It's the real-life home
of t.v.'s monsignor martinez.
61
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,181
Well, ok.
62
00:03:04,181 --> 00:03:07,634
If you all want to go,
I guess it's
buenos dias, mexico.
63
00:03:07,634 --> 00:03:10,388
[laughing]
oh, hank, I'm sorry,
64
00:03:10,388 --> 00:03:13,723
but you just said,
"good gods, mexico."
65
00:03:13,723 --> 00:03:14,724
[laughing]
66
00:03:16,477 --> 00:03:19,479
I wish I could go
on a luxury mexican vacation.
67
00:03:19,479 --> 00:03:23,818
It must be pretty
expensive to stay
in one of those mitad condos.
68
00:03:23,818 --> 00:03:26,236
Must cost at least $500.
69
00:03:27,237 --> 00:03:29,156
Maybe you got it for $350?
70
00:03:30,074 --> 00:03:31,375
How much you payin'?
71
00:03:31,375 --> 00:03:33,043
.
I tell you what,
man, about mexico, man
72
00:03:33,211 --> 00:03:35,879
you go down and you load u
p on those dang ol'
chiclets, man.
73
00:03:35,879 --> 00:03:37,381
You go there
wheelin' and dealin'
74
00:03:37,381 --> 00:03:40,751
with 'em dang ol' guys
, talkin' about
caminos dos mujeres.
75
00:03:41,051 --> 00:03:43,304
I think it's nice
that you're goin' away, hank.
76
00:03:43,304 --> 00:03:44,805
You--you need a good vacation
77
00:03:44,805 --> 00:03:46,723
with your new
best friend, kahn,
78
00:03:46,723 --> 00:03:48,893
who you love so much.
79
00:03:48,893 --> 00:03:50,895
.
Yes, bill. I love kahn
80
00:03:51,395 --> 00:03:52,896
maybe if this trip works out,
81
00:03:52,896 --> 00:03:55,399
.
i'll marry him
and live in mexico forever
82
00:03:55,399 --> 00:03:57,151
is that what you want to hear?
83
00:03:57,651 --> 00:03:58,151
no.
84
00:04:05,659 --> 00:04:07,944
[tires screeching]
85
00:04:07,944 --> 00:04:10,948
every time I try to pass,
hillbilly woman speed up.
86
00:04:10,948 --> 00:04:14,034
Don't be silly.
Peggy hill not even
thinking about you.
87
00:04:20,841 --> 00:04:21,959
[peggy and hank laughing]
88
00:04:21,959 --> 00:04:23,961
think again, hotshot.
89
00:04:27,798 --> 00:04:29,300
[kahn hollering]
90
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:30,800
[tires screeching]
91
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,302
did you see that?
92
00:04:32,302 --> 00:04:33,603
Hey, no fair.
93
00:04:33,887 --> 00:04:37,057
You're makin' a mockery
of the breakdown lane!
94
00:04:37,057 --> 00:04:39,944
Why is there such
a big fence, dad?
95
00:04:39,944 --> 00:04:42,446
Well, millions of people
come to america
96
00:04:42,446 --> 00:04:44,314
in search of a better life,
97
00:04:44,314 --> 00:04:47,284
and we've decided
we don't need that many.
98
00:04:47,284 --> 00:04:49,987
Did the souphanousinphones
come through the fence?
99
00:04:49,987 --> 00:04:52,872
No, bobby.
Kahn applied the legal way.
100
00:04:52,872 --> 00:04:55,375
Sometimes the system fails us.
101
00:04:58,995 --> 00:04:59,997
[laughing]
102
00:04:59,997 --> 00:05:02,500
hey, check out this
dangerous character.
103
00:05:02,833 --> 00:05:03,800
ooh!
104
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,137
Watch out! You think
he's runnin' guns?
105
00:05:06,504 --> 00:05:07,588
[laughing]
106
00:05:08,088 --> 00:05:10,641
sir, pull your vehicle
over to the inspection area,
please.
107
00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:13,427
He was joking.
Tell him you
were joking, kahn.
108
00:05:13,728 --> 00:05:15,730
Let him look.
You got nothing to hide.
109
00:05:15,730 --> 00:05:17,014
See you at condo.
110
00:05:21,819 --> 00:05:22,819
[sighs]
111
00:05:23,821 --> 00:05:24,822
[crickets chirping]
112
00:05:25,322 --> 00:05:26,606
(jacinto)
don't steal the towels.
113
00:05:26,606 --> 00:05:28,408
You take, I charge.
114
00:05:28,408 --> 00:05:30,911
.
This is a mini-bar
115
00:05:30,911 --> 00:05:32,913
you use, you pay.
116
00:05:32,913 --> 00:05:35,699
Now, for the tour
of the condo.
117
00:05:35,699 --> 00:05:36,701
"condo."
118
00:05:36,701 --> 00:05:38,952
Wait a minute.
Where the rest of it?
119
00:05:38,952 --> 00:05:42,340
I pay for mitad condo,
2 floors.
120
00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:44,841
This condo plenty mitad,
but only one floor.
121
00:05:44,841 --> 00:05:47,511
What are you trying to pull,
ol' bait and switch?
122
00:05:47,511 --> 00:05:49,012
"mitad."
123
00:05:49,012 --> 00:05:51,014
"mitad" means "half."
124
00:05:51,014 --> 00:05:53,016
Just downstairs, not upstairs.
125
00:05:53,016 --> 00:05:54,018
Me comprendes?
126
00:05:54,018 --> 00:05:55,519
Just downstairs?
127
00:05:55,519 --> 00:05:57,521
I can't spend
whole weekend squished
128
00:05:57,521 --> 00:05:59,189
side by side with
redneck neighbor.
129
00:05:59,189 --> 00:06:02,692
No, no, no, don't worry
about any redneck neighbor.
130
00:06:02,692 --> 00:06:06,447
Nobody's rented the upstairs.
It's completely vacant.
131
00:06:06,447 --> 00:06:07,697
[exclaiming]
132
00:06:07,697 --> 00:06:09,315
?
but where are the bathroom
133
00:06:09,315 --> 00:06:10,617
oh, there's only one bathroom.
134
00:06:10,617 --> 00:06:13,454
But, hey,
the tub is big enough
for 2 people.
135
00:06:13,704 --> 00:06:14,622
[screaming]
136
00:06:22,545 --> 00:06:25,048
I come to see mexico,
137
00:06:25,048 --> 00:06:29,052
not hank hill
squeezing this year's butt
into last year's swimsuit.
138
00:06:30,553 --> 00:06:32,588
]
[door creaking
139
00:06:32,588 --> 00:06:35,057
oh, no! You're not
gettin' the upstairs,
140
00:06:35,057 --> 00:06:38,093
not after what you did to me
back there at the border.
141
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:40,596
Ok. You take high-class
penthouse with view.
142
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,899
We take downstairs hovel.
143
00:06:44,401 --> 00:06:46,151
.
Here's key.
Lock little sticky
144
00:06:46,151 --> 00:06:48,654
you got to rake it
like there's no tomorrow.
145
00:06:48,654 --> 00:06:49,988
This is a car key.
146
00:06:49,988 --> 00:06:51,408
Yeah. You win new car.
147
00:06:51,408 --> 00:06:53,326
This big game show
. Just rake it, stupid.
148
00:06:53,826 --> 00:06:55,327
[grunting]
149
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:58,331
well, it probably just
needs a little w.d.-40.
150
00:06:58,331 --> 00:07:01,334
Peggy, which bag has
our bathroom stuff?
151
00:07:03,119 --> 00:07:04,120
[birds chirping]
152
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,004
come on, kids, andale.
153
00:07:06,505 --> 00:07:09,041
We're off to the
papier-mache district.
154
00:07:09,041 --> 00:07:11,093
We gotta sneak off
on our own, bobby.
155
00:07:11,093 --> 00:07:14,963
?
Mom, can connie and I
go play volleyball
156
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:20,603
well, all right.
Just make sure to apply
plenty of sunscreen, honey.
157
00:07:20,603 --> 00:07:23,021
We are much
closer to the sun here
than in texas.
158
00:07:40,622 --> 00:07:41,957
This market is way too tacky.
159
00:07:42,324 --> 00:07:44,461
They are not gonna have
papier-mache pears.
160
00:07:44,961 --> 00:07:46,463
[chattering]
161
00:07:49,466 --> 00:07:52,134
oh, my god!
La leche del sol.
162
00:07:52,134 --> 00:07:54,637
The illegal beauty
secret of the stars.
163
00:08:03,980 --> 00:08:05,848
Look, bobby! Firecrackers.
164
00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:09,819
[bell on door ringing]
165
00:08:10,319 --> 00:08:11,687
[exclaiming]
166
00:08:11,687 --> 00:08:16,326
bueno. M-80s! Those are
a quarter stick of dynamite.
167
00:08:17,326 --> 00:08:20,697
Oh, my gosh! La bomba.
168
00:08:20,697 --> 00:08:23,199
Those can blow
your whole arm off.
169
00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:26,084
[man speaking spanish on t.v.]
170
00:08:31,257 --> 00:08:32,759
[hollering]
171
00:08:33,676 --> 00:08:35,177
vaya con dios.
172
00:08:37,713 --> 00:08:39,014
[grunting]
173
00:08:45,270 --> 00:08:46,272
ah!
174
00:08:48,390 --> 00:08:51,693
hey, this is a beer,
not a fruit salad.
175
00:08:51,693 --> 00:08:54,113
Why can't you
find your own bar?
176
00:08:54,113 --> 00:08:56,365
.
I have same
coupon book as you
177
00:08:56,365 --> 00:08:57,366
.
I just want a beer
178
00:08:57,866 --> 00:08:59,869
this is free country,
isn't it?
179
00:09:01,370 --> 00:09:05,825
Uh, uh-oh, no.
No. I don't want this. No.
180
00:09:05,825 --> 00:09:08,544
No. Look,
if you want to make money,
play for that guy.
181
00:09:08,544 --> 00:09:11,581
He's rich. Mucho dinero.
182
00:09:11,581 --> 00:09:13,332
[all speaking spanish]
183
00:09:16,802 --> 00:09:20,306
what? Oh, no. No.
You think I'm a sucker?
184
00:09:20,306 --> 00:09:22,808
Ah, you sing for me?
I sing for you.
185
00:09:22,808 --> 00:09:25,094
? That's what
I like about you ?
186
00:09:25,094 --> 00:09:29,097
? You really know
how to dance, yeah ??
187
00:09:29,097 --> 00:09:31,600
How about that
trash can over there?
Let's blow that up.
188
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,988
If this were a cherry bomb
, I'd say yes.
189
00:09:34,988 --> 00:09:36,990
But this is la bomba.
190
00:09:39,408 --> 00:09:41,326
Mmm, nah.
191
00:09:41,326 --> 00:09:42,195
[engine starting]
192
00:09:42,195 --> 00:09:43,580
hmm.
193
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,831
ooh, mmm.
194
00:09:47,834 --> 00:09:49,118
ooh!
195
00:09:50,836 --> 00:09:53,840
This is our chance
to really make a statement.
196
00:09:56,009 --> 00:09:56,875
]
[gasps
197
00:10:00,964 --> 00:10:02,215
[connie grunting]
198
00:10:11,441 --> 00:10:13,109
? She blinded me
with science ?
199
00:10:13,393 --> 00:10:14,693
? Do, do, do ?
200
00:10:14,693 --> 00:10:17,230
? She blinded me
with science ??
201
00:10:17,562 --> 00:10:19,197
Pretty good job, kahn.
202
00:10:19,197 --> 00:10:22,201
I've never heard that song
with only one note before.
203
00:10:22,701 --> 00:10:24,153
Yeah, it all about rhythm.
204
00:10:24,403 --> 00:10:27,874
Bartender,
2 cervezas, por favor.
205
00:10:31,293 --> 00:10:32,794
[bird cawing]
206
00:10:39,168 --> 00:10:42,422
these are all authentic,
locally crafted masks.
207
00:10:42,422 --> 00:10:45,758
In our culture,
they have deep social
and religious importance.
208
00:10:45,758 --> 00:10:48,344
Mmm-hmm, yeah, that's nice
. Have you got pears?
209
00:10:48,344 --> 00:10:51,230
Uh, right. You're here
for the papier-mache pear.
210
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:52,181
Uh-huh.
211
00:10:52,597 --> 00:10:54,517
Well, the pears are
not sold separately.
212
00:10:55,018 --> 00:10:56,402
[gasping]
oh, it's perfect.
213
00:10:56,903 --> 00:10:57,903
[grunting]
214
00:10:58,403 --> 00:11:01,240
oh, muchos, muchos gracias
. I'm not even going to haggle.
215
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,741
I have to pay
for the frog, right?
216
00:11:02,741 --> 00:11:04,494
yes.
217
00:11:04,494 --> 00:11:08,413
Of course. It is so beautiful.
I--I really don't know
how I can thank you.
218
00:11:08,413 --> 00:11:11,083
Senora, I have a friend
just across the border.
219
00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:12,585
And I don't trust the mail.
220
00:11:12,585 --> 00:11:15,120
The address is on the box.
Would you deliver it for me?
221
00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:17,123
.
Well, that would b
e my pleasure, amigo
222
00:11:17,123 --> 00:11:18,508
gracias.
223
00:11:18,508 --> 00:11:21,009
Oh, my! It's wrapped prettily,
isn't it?
224
00:11:21,009 --> 00:11:23,011
I wonder what is in it.
225
00:11:23,011 --> 00:11:24,514
I'll tell you
what's in there.
226
00:11:24,514 --> 00:11:27,015
Cocaine, black tar
, p.c.p., you name it.
227
00:11:27,015 --> 00:11:29,018
.
I see 20/20
special all about this
228
00:11:29,018 --> 00:11:30,802
.
you a mule, peggy hill
229
00:11:30,802 --> 00:11:32,388
[gasping]
230
00:11:32,388 --> 00:11:33,355
[rattling]
231
00:11:36,859 --> 00:11:39,644
hank? Hank hill? Is that you?
232
00:11:39,644 --> 00:11:42,115
Dale? What are you doin' here?
233
00:11:42,532 --> 00:11:44,033
I was just out for a drive.
234
00:11:44,033 --> 00:11:46,536
Thought this place
might have clean facilities.
235
00:11:46,536 --> 00:11:48,370
Talk about a coincidence.
236
00:11:48,370 --> 00:11:50,990
It's a 9-hour drive, dale.
237
00:11:50,990 --> 00:11:53,826
Is it?
I guess I better stay then.
238
00:11:56,828 --> 00:11:58,331
[truck approaching]
239
00:12:04,253 --> 00:12:05,754
I think it's a dud.
240
00:12:05,754 --> 00:12:06,755
Yeah.
241
00:12:06,755 --> 00:12:08,256
Let's give it 15 more minutes.
242
00:12:14,931 --> 00:12:17,432
Hey, you! You skinny gringo.
243
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,184
I don't know you.
Are you a guest?
244
00:12:19,601 --> 00:12:22,270
I'm stayin' with
the hills in 5-b.
245
00:12:22,270 --> 00:12:25,357
5-b? Upstairs?
246
00:12:25,357 --> 00:12:28,360
Damn turistas!
You try to rip me off?
It'll be the last time...
247
00:12:28,860 --> 00:12:30,863
Somebody missed his siesta.
248
00:12:32,115 --> 00:12:33,448
[crickets chirping]
249
00:12:41,288 --> 00:12:44,793
boy, now I know
why they call it
beach volleyball!
250
00:12:45,293 --> 00:12:47,461
Volleyball is really fun.
251
00:12:47,461 --> 00:12:48,963
Bobby, come here.
252
00:12:48,963 --> 00:12:50,715
Honey, do you thin
k I'm naive?
253
00:12:51,515 --> 00:12:52,433
no.
254
00:12:52,433 --> 00:12:55,437
?
Am I just a fool
who believes
whatever I am told
255
00:12:55,437 --> 00:12:56,437
i'm sorry.
256
00:12:56,437 --> 00:12:58,940
Why on earth did
I trust that man?
257
00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:01,359
There could be anything
in this package. Anything.
258
00:13:02,193 --> 00:13:03,894
I am so estupido.
259
00:13:04,229 --> 00:13:05,447
oh.
260
00:13:05,447 --> 00:13:06,398
hmm,
261
00:13:06,898 --> 00:13:09,900
They had to kill
10 turtles to fill
1 little jar.
262
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:10,902
Neat.
263
00:13:12,236 --> 00:13:14,739
[men chattering in spanish]
264
00:13:14,739 --> 00:13:16,957
uh-oh. Oh, my god!
It's the police!
265
00:13:17,241 --> 00:13:20,044
They know I tried
to blow up one of
their monuments.
266
00:13:20,044 --> 00:13:22,797
No, no. They think I'm
a makeup smuggler.
267
00:13:22,797 --> 00:13:24,298
Get outta my way!
268
00:13:25,884 --> 00:13:27,219
[flushing]
269
00:13:27,219 --> 00:13:29,136
we all have to put
on lots of makeup.
270
00:13:30,639 --> 00:13:33,140
[crying]
this tastes like turtles.
271
00:13:33,140 --> 00:13:34,643
What in the heck is goin' on?
272
00:13:34,643 --> 00:13:36,894
I was never here.
273
00:13:37,261 --> 00:13:39,063
Peggy hill is nobody's mule.
274
00:13:41,399 --> 00:13:42,850
A pear?
275
00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:45,403
Come on out here,
everyone. Come on.
Get out here.
276
00:13:49,407 --> 00:13:51,408
We have nothing to hide.
277
00:13:51,408 --> 00:13:52,777
[dale yelling]
278
00:13:52,777 --> 00:13:54,745
[thudding]
279
00:13:55,163 --> 00:13:58,450
you will pay the condo manager
8,000 pesos.
280
00:13:58,450 --> 00:14:00,501
But, if the key fit,
you must acquit--
281
00:14:00,501 --> 00:14:02,287
10,000 pesos.
282
00:14:02,586 --> 00:14:04,873
Bailiff, confiscate
their identification.
283
00:14:06,875 --> 00:14:09,126
Look, let's just pay the money
and go home.
284
00:14:09,628 --> 00:14:12,129
My money not fluid.
Take weeks to raise funds.
285
00:14:12,129 --> 00:14:12,964
You pay. I owe you.
286
00:14:12,964 --> 00:14:14,432
I can't cover it.
287
00:14:14,432 --> 00:14:16,433
If I could just
get back to arlen,
288
00:14:16,433 --> 00:14:17,936
I could have 'em
garnish my wages.
289
00:14:17,936 --> 00:14:20,437
But we can't
leave the country.
They took our i.d.
290
00:14:20,437 --> 00:14:22,274
Are you kiddin'?
291
00:14:22,274 --> 00:14:24,692
We won't have any trouble
drivin' through
that checkpoint.
292
00:14:24,692 --> 00:14:27,528
They'll just wave us through,
pretty as you please.
293
00:14:27,528 --> 00:14:28,697
Really?
294
00:14:28,697 --> 00:14:31,700
Well, hank and me,
'cause we're angloid.
295
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:34,369
You, they'll haul out
and give the 3rd degree.
296
00:14:34,369 --> 00:14:36,705
Maybe it'll be safer
if we all split up.
297
00:14:36,705 --> 00:14:39,374
Dale, you come with me.
Kahn, you're on your own.
298
00:14:39,374 --> 00:14:42,409
Hey, hill! You can't leave me.
We americans, hank.
299
00:14:42,409 --> 00:14:44,245
No lime in our beer, remember?
300
00:14:44,245 --> 00:14:47,164
And we sure sent
those mariachis running.
Ha-ha.
301
00:14:47,164 --> 00:14:48,667
Ha-ha, ah!
302
00:14:49,167 --> 00:14:51,168
Help me, hank.
303
00:14:51,168 --> 00:14:52,671
(connie and minh)
bye-bye.
304
00:14:52,671 --> 00:14:55,389
You all get goin' now.
Dale, kahn, and I'll be along
305
00:14:55,889 --> 00:14:59,177
after we, uh, clear up
that little misunderstanding.
306
00:14:59,510 --> 00:15:00,678
[engine starting]
307
00:15:05,899 --> 00:15:07,902
ah! I don't think this
such a good idea.
308
00:15:08,403 --> 00:15:11,572
Yeah?
Well, here's another idea.
We go on without you.
309
00:15:11,572 --> 00:15:13,942
Ok, all right, I get in.
310
00:15:16,695 --> 00:15:18,196
(kahn)
? Doodle do, do, do ?
311
00:15:18,196 --> 00:15:19,697
? Poetry in motion ?
312
00:15:20,197 --> 00:15:21,700
? Do, do, do ??
313
00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:22,951
Pothole.
314
00:15:22,951 --> 00:15:24,536
[kahn yells]
315
00:15:24,536 --> 00:15:25,452
[laughing]
316
00:15:25,870 --> 00:15:29,256
now, just follow
my lead and play it cool.
317
00:15:29,707 --> 00:15:31,208
?
What if they find kahn
318
00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:34,629
if I know my
mexican legal system,
which I do,
319
00:15:35,129 --> 00:15:38,265
we'll get about 15 years
with a starvation diet
320
00:15:38,767 --> 00:15:40,769
of moldy bread and warm water.
321
00:15:40,769 --> 00:15:42,269
Distilled water?
322
00:15:42,269 --> 00:15:43,772
[laughing]
no.
323
00:15:43,772 --> 00:15:45,774
and, of course,
there is a total lack
324
00:15:45,774 --> 00:15:47,975
of toilet paper and privacy.
325
00:15:47,975 --> 00:15:51,479
Oh, god! I can't go
while people watch.
326
00:15:52,397 --> 00:15:54,149
Then let me do the talkin'.
327
00:15:57,568 --> 00:16:00,071
Morning!
Where are you gentlemen from?
328
00:16:00,071 --> 00:16:02,072
[quavering]
arlen, texas.
329
00:16:02,072 --> 00:16:04,075
I've been to arlen
. Nice town.
330
00:16:05,409 --> 00:16:06,628
[yelling]
run!
331
00:16:07,328 --> 00:16:08,797
[dale yells]
332
00:16:08,797 --> 00:16:10,298
[grunting]
333
00:16:11,298 --> 00:16:12,500
[yelling]
334
00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:15,302
[chuckling nervously]
335
00:16:16,171 --> 00:16:17,672
[whimpering]
336
00:16:21,342 --> 00:16:22,476
[all panting]
337
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,317
I think we lost them.
We'll be ok.
338
00:16:29,317 --> 00:16:31,985
Ok? We're screwed.
339
00:16:31,985 --> 00:16:35,322
No. We're american.
We gotta find a pay phone
340
00:16:35,322 --> 00:16:38,659
and hope ross perot's
800 number is still workin'.
341
00:16:38,659 --> 00:16:41,663
.
Why you wanna
call that nut for?
Border right there
342
00:16:42,163 --> 00:16:45,450
millions of people
cross over everyday.
We can, too. No big deal.
343
00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:47,585
Illegally? No.
344
00:16:47,585 --> 00:16:50,587
America is my country,
and I love her.
345
00:16:50,587 --> 00:16:53,591
I wouldn't enter her
in any way that's unnatural.
346
00:16:53,841 --> 00:16:55,125
We have no choice, hank.
347
00:16:55,626 --> 00:16:58,129
The i.n.s. Had
their cameras trained on us.
348
00:16:58,129 --> 00:17:00,014
The border guards
think we're smugglers.
349
00:17:00,514 --> 00:17:03,100
I'm too pretty to go to jail!
350
00:17:11,776 --> 00:17:15,980
Uh, excuse me, uh,
what did it cost you
to rent those mopeds?
351
00:17:15,980 --> 00:17:16,980
Uh...
352
00:17:17,481 --> 00:17:20,451
Actually, we own these,
but we are
lookin' to sell 'em.
353
00:17:20,451 --> 00:17:22,953
Well, maybe we can
help each other out.
354
00:17:22,953 --> 00:17:25,824
The only thing is
we're a little short on cash.
355
00:17:27,659 --> 00:17:30,077
That watch belong
to my grandfather.
356
00:17:30,077 --> 00:17:32,997
That was my only pair
of button-fly jeans.
357
00:17:35,298 --> 00:17:37,667
Hey, what--what happened
to our mopeds?
358
00:17:42,222 --> 00:17:44,224
Hey, look at me!
359
00:17:44,224 --> 00:17:46,227
[laughing]
look at me!
360
00:17:47,228 --> 00:17:48,729
Somebody look at me!
361
00:17:49,512 --> 00:17:50,815
[both yelling]
362
00:17:53,067 --> 00:17:54,852
did you see?
363
00:17:54,852 --> 00:17:57,438
Yeah,
dale, you looked really cool.
364
00:17:57,438 --> 00:18:00,324
For your next trick,
why don't I kick your ass?
365
00:18:00,324 --> 00:18:02,826
Get on the back, kahn.
Dale, you're lucky pierre.
366
00:18:03,326 --> 00:18:04,778
Oh, man!
367
00:18:04,778 --> 00:18:06,196
[engine starting]
368
00:18:08,199 --> 00:18:09,700
[engine sputtering]
369
00:18:10,701 --> 00:18:12,202
it'd be faster
if we walk.
370
00:18:13,586 --> 00:18:14,538
ow!
371
00:18:14,538 --> 00:18:16,039
"did you see?
Did you see?"
372
00:18:19,876 --> 00:18:21,878
[crickets chirping]
373
00:18:28,635 --> 00:18:29,636
uh...
374
00:18:29,636 --> 00:18:31,638
?
Have we
just been captured
375
00:18:51,791 --> 00:18:52,910
[sighing]
376
00:18:55,796 --> 00:18:56,797
[groaning]
377
00:19:02,336 --> 00:19:05,338
wait, hank,
i--I can't swim!
378
00:19:05,839 --> 00:19:06,840
[sighs]
379
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,342
of course you can't.
380
00:19:09,759 --> 00:19:10,760
ah!
381
00:19:11,761 --> 00:19:14,265
Look at mighty river.
382
00:19:14,265 --> 00:19:17,768
So much beauty. So much power.
383
00:19:18,486 --> 00:19:20,320
Humbles a man, huh, hank?
384
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:21,654
[panting]
385
00:19:21,654 --> 00:19:23,606
you good friend, hank.
386
00:19:23,606 --> 00:19:25,608
And friendship based on truth.
387
00:19:25,608 --> 00:19:29,113
I broke into top
condo on purpose,
and I'm sorry.
388
00:19:29,113 --> 00:19:31,615
What? Damn you, kahn!
389
00:19:31,615 --> 00:19:33,416
This whole thing
is your fault.
390
00:19:34,335 --> 00:19:35,251
[kahn yelling]
391
00:19:36,836 --> 00:19:37,837
[panting]
392
00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:41,875
I thought you said
you couldn't swim.
393
00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:43,877
Yeah. I'm big, fat liar.
394
00:19:46,212 --> 00:19:47,714
[panting]
395
00:19:47,714 --> 00:19:51,218
this river is filthy.
Look at this.
Underwear floatin' around.
396
00:19:51,719 --> 00:19:54,221
(dale)
uh, hank. A little help here?
397
00:19:55,221 --> 00:19:57,223
He won't last
2 days in the u.s.
398
00:20:04,115 --> 00:20:06,067
.
America. Texas
399
00:20:07,067 --> 00:20:09,069
home.
400
00:20:09,069 --> 00:20:11,571
Look how easy it is
to get into this country.
401
00:20:11,571 --> 00:20:14,575
Oh, I can't believe
I had to learn
the bill of rights.
402
00:20:14,575 --> 00:20:15,992
When am I gonna use that?
403
00:20:16,493 --> 00:20:19,997
You'd be surprised, kahn.
I take the 5th
on a daily basis.
404
00:20:20,998 --> 00:20:23,000
[hollering]
405
00:20:26,503 --> 00:20:27,505
heave.
406
00:20:27,505 --> 00:20:28,838
[grunting]
407
00:20:29,423 --> 00:20:30,758
[both grunting]
408
00:20:33,894 --> 00:20:35,813
[gasping]
409
00:20:39,849 --> 00:20:42,603
hurry up, hank.
The border guards are comin'.
410
00:20:43,104 --> 00:20:44,939
You gotta give
me a hand. Dale?
411
00:20:47,907 --> 00:20:51,494
Dale! Dale!
Wait! I can't do it alone.
412
00:20:51,494 --> 00:20:53,447
.
Gribble gone. Take my hand
413
00:20:58,618 --> 00:21:00,253
[both grunting]
414
00:21:03,089 --> 00:21:05,593
welcome to land of
opportunity, hank.
415
00:21:05,593 --> 00:21:06,426
[siren wailing]
416
00:21:08,011 --> 00:21:09,012
[birds chirping]
417
00:21:10,713 --> 00:21:11,714
[slurping]
418
00:21:12,215 --> 00:21:13,217
yup.
419
00:21:14,218 --> 00:21:16,220
mmm-hmm.
420
00:21:16,220 --> 00:21:17,221
yup.
421
00:21:17,721 --> 00:21:18,721
yup.
422
00:21:19,222 --> 00:21:20,223
Hey, you know what's funny?
423
00:21:20,223 --> 00:21:22,726
This time,
I on texas soil first.
424
00:21:22,726 --> 00:21:24,228
Ha! He's the immigrant.
425
00:21:24,728 --> 00:21:25,729
I smuggle him in.
426
00:21:25,729 --> 00:21:27,647
Very funny, kahn.
427
00:21:27,647 --> 00:21:30,483
hey!
I live next door to alien.
My property worth nothing now.
428
00:21:30,483 --> 00:21:31,734
Ha-ha.
429
00:21:31,734 --> 00:21:34,038
Ah, you get in the baby way.
430
00:21:34,038 --> 00:21:37,458
I had to
memorize all presidents.
You couldn't do it.
431
00:21:37,458 --> 00:21:40,461
That stretch
between polk and buchanan
wipe you out.
432
00:21:40,461 --> 00:21:41,961
You ever hear of garfield?
433
00:21:41,961 --> 00:21:44,464
He more than
a cartoon cat, you know.
434
00:21:44,464 --> 00:21:46,467
He part of history
of my country.
435
00:22:20,917 --> 00:22:23,287
[birds chirping]
436
00:22:26,123 --> 00:22:28,424
(monsignor martinez)
vaya con dios.
30617
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