All language subtitles for ABOUTUS2021

There are
three things that are absolute

and cannot be destroyed.

Awareness, being, and love.

Rumi once wrote,

"Gamble everything for love
if you're a true human being.

Half-heartedness does
not reach into majesty."

My mother would say,

"The grass is only green if you
water it."

At the beginning, everything
made sense.

Your love, my love, our love.

It had been 10 years since our
last visit.

The previous one was to
celebrate our marriage.

This one is an attempt
to heal the part of us

that we'd lost.

The beauty of an Italian
countryside hadn't changed

but we had.

We reached the point where truth

became more important than
feelings,

and winning became more
important than truth.

But in truth,

it was always love.

Hmm.

Here we were.

I thought it would be
therapeutical.

So.

This is us.

Is therapeutical even a word?

It's a therapeutic substance.

So that's what we are,
substance.

As in a matter of thought.

You know the point I was making.

Trying to make.

Yeah, always with the quixotic
words.

Could have taken the easy route.

Yeah well,
keeps 'em on their toes.

Yes, you do.

I need to pee.

How long have we got?

How long have we got until what?

Till I have to go?

That's right now.

Or until I pee myself, I don't
know.

Last time that happened,
well, I was 12, so.

You peed yourself at 12?

Yeah I'd been drinking.

We've only been on the road
for an hour,

I mean you couldn't have
done it at the airport?

I did.

So we have to empty every hour?

I'm sorry, are we on a time
crunch?

I wasn't aware.

We are not, no.

Just baffles me.

You know, in fact it
baffles every man on earth.

We pee before we hit the road.

It saves us from stopping for
around four hours at least.

You know, keeps the journey
moving.

And your skin is looking 10
years older

because you're never properly
hydrated.

You just had the basics of
evolutionary differences.

When's the last time you
had more than eight ounces

of water in a day?

Does coffee count?

No.

Can you hold it?

You know, silence is

the more regenerating, peaceful
option.

It's pleasurable too.

No.

Isn't it great just to
hear the perfect song?

Or a foreign voice just
sound like everything

is from a Fellini film?

Have you ever sat for
an entire Fellini film

in your life?

Be honest.

Do you know any other Italian
director

of classic cinema, huh?

You be honest.

Bertolucci, Zeffirelli, Chabrol.

The last one was French, but
well played

on the other two.

Man, you know me well.

Better than anyone.

Please, it's static.

Just give me a minute, okay?

If I don't find anything
that accents this view,

it's the wind in your ears, I
promise.

But I'm, I don't know, I'm
feeling it.

Feeling something.

Come on, FM.

Gimme a sign.

Gimme the perfect!

Aha!

Come on, huh?

Right?

Grazie.

You'll inevitably eat my fries.

Do you ever think that
they might be right,

or that they are unequivocally,
hands down right?

What, about us?

About this, about this
whole thing we're doing.

I guess if there were a mandate

for a couple who are no more,

it may imply that statistically
this

ain't even on the table, yeah.

I mean, they might have a point.

But we were never the
go-to couple for normal.

Hmm, thank god.

Thank god.

Yeah, we were amazing.

We were good.

I don't know about amazing.

My favorite thing to do

was to go to some up your ass
event

that neither of us wanted
to get out of sweats for.

And you'd be taken away from me

for just whatever reason.

I could always find you
in a room full of people

no matter who you were talking
to,

you would look at me and wink.

The wink is so underrated.

People flee from the wink so
easily.

Yours could change my world.

Ugh, it just made me feel like

we're the most important
people to each other.

In that moment, no one else
mattered.

I stand by it, we were amazing.

People did envy our marriage.

Did they?

They did, yeah.

'Cause you were that girl.

You were the template
for all my friends' wives

and girlfriends to match up to.

Impossible task I tell them.

Of course, any time a
conversation

arose about the grievances of
the women,

I would just sit there and
smirk,

didn't feel the need to say
nothing.

They all knew I had perfection
in you.

That's why I fell so
hard when we derailed.

Yeah, maybe that perfection
was hard to live up to.

Yeah, maybe.

We tried, Ryan.

Both of us gave it everything we
had.

I did.

That's not fair.

What? I did.

The fundamental fact that
we all seem to miss is that

when a man falls in love,

that's genuinely it for him.

No exceptions, actually.

I mean if I'd ever cheated on
you

or walked out the door,

I wouldn't have been in love,
period.

When I'm in love, I will
fight for everything.

Now, it might not be pleasant at
times,

perhaps a little murky, but

the truth is if I can call you
baby

in front of anyone and not give
a damn

how stupid that sounds,

there isn't much I wouldn't do

to keep her,

it, alive.

You don't think I fought?

I think you gave way.

I never replaced you, Ryan.

I know.

You just leaned to someone else.

I get it.

I was absent.

I got distracted and

my feelings were denied somehow.

It's hard not to feel a
swelling rage because of it.

Feels like you found a
better choice, you know?

It's easier to love a stranger

than someone you actually know.

Maybe.

I know what the wrongs are here.

I would hope so.

Look, it's not a matter of me

trying to convince you of my
opinions,

but I do have reasons, and
they're valid, entitled.

With a stranger, you can
put all of these ideals

and ideas onto a blank canvas

without any of the hurtful
nuances

that you've grown to
despise in your partner.

But when you sit and
breathe and look at it

from a rational space,

you realize what an unbelievable
expectation that is.

It's impossible.

Maybe.

Because we all have stuff.

- Right.
- Right.

We all are raised in different
ways

and taught extreme truths.

I mean how are you supposed
to love, marry, fuck

someone from a completely
different world

and assume it's gonna be an easy
ride?

I mean you gotta be high.

But if you're still holding
on to that hurt feeling,

that swelling rage,

babe, you gotta let it go.

I didn't do it to hurt you.

It was me.

It was my things, my demons,

my feelings of inadequacy.

I know it sounds so trite to say

that it didn't mean anything,

but it didn't mean anything.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for how it made
you feel, I really am.

Didn't think we'd ever be back
here.

Guess I thought we lost it.

Yeah, me too.

Glad we did not.

How the fuck could we afford
such a decadent honeymoon

in our 20s?

Decadent?

You didn't think so?

It was a good honeymoon.

It was a great honeymoon.

Well, a great honeymoon
would have consisted

of actual decadence.

Wow, tough crowd.

We did what we could.

I wanted more.

Yeah, like what?

Crushing grapes beneath our toes

and bike rides to the pasticeria
for fresh baked pastry.

Or falling
asleep under the stars?

That was on the hood of the car.

Well at least it was warm.

Well, we slept in that
car for like half the week.

It was one night.

We were getting older than we
wanted

even in the earliest years.

I found the letters.

You never sent them to him.

How come?

I don't know.

I knew how you would feel, I
guess.

How I would feel.

That's all I have for you.

You think he was in love?

- No.
- No?

He knew it would never
get past infatuation.

It was almost imaginary, to be
honest.

He was just someone that
I could project onto,

someone I thought would
encourage me,

support me, congratulate me,

applaud me to order as much
off a menu as I wanted.

He was a non-smoker, he
loved yoga, I don't know.

I don't know what else to tell
you, Ryan.

It was just an impulse.

It was a fantasy.

It was an escape.

And that's the truth, that's my
truth.

It's all I got.

Last time we were here,
you were 22 years old.

Oh man, I remember her.

That ass.

She never lost that ass.

All right, relax.

Newman?

Room number 117.

Breakfast is come six.

Perfect, Grazie.

Ooh, they have bocce!

They have a what now?

Bocce!

What, you never played?

Where have you been hiding?

Is there a bar?

I seem to remember a bar.

Ah, it's closed.

What?

Ah, well.

Would have earned some money
out of me tonight, my friends.

Oh yeah, with one shot Ryan

I'm sure they'll be devastated
with the loss of revenue.

You should be grateful
I don't drink that much.

It's a passage of rites where I
come from.

Where, Connecticut?

Don't deny me my Irish roots.

Okay, Oscar Wilde.

Oscar?

Was he Irish?

Yeah, he was.

Huh.

Couldn't have gone with Bono,
hmm,

or Liam Neeson perhaps.

Eh, more fun to compare you to
Wilde.

I could see that.

Okay.

This is us.

Us?

Relax, you're not that
irresistible.

This isn't what the
trip was about, you know?

I do.

So?

So.

Do you think you can sleep next
to me

without tearing my clothes off?

Or do I have to pay for a
separate room?

No spooning.

My hands will remain
by my side all night.

I know.

I'm gonna wash 'em.

Claudia?

Good morning, handsome.

Morning.

You don't seem to be
very good at this game

I've never heard of.

Now how would you know?

I'm awesome at it.

What do you say we get out of
here

before you're arrested?

Yeah.

I mean I don't blame her really.

I think it's kind of normal
for them to fuck you up.

It's their duty.

Amazing set of parental
skills you'll have.

Yeah, right?

Look, I love my mom, I do.

But just, the realistic
relationship that we have

is not mother-daughter.

It's?

It's narcissist enabler.

Hmm.

I wish it wasn't true.

I wish that we had a middle
of the road relationship, but,

I mean I'm not even
asking for Margaret March,

just someone that I can
learn something from.

Okay two things, first,
Margaret who?

March.

The mom from Little Women.

Yeah, that reference is always
gonna be a stretch for me.

And second, I'm not buying
the lack of life lessons

your mother taught you.

You're this amazing woman who

glides through life
apparently effortlessly.

Mhm, sure.

And thank you.

And I'm not saying that she
didn't have any influence

on how I become.

She's just the last person
I would ever turn to

for help or for anything.

But she did show me
how to not be a parent,

so there's that.

Well, that's something.

Yeah, that is something.

Is anyone's being really
designed

to be shaped, to morph and
evolve

into the exact same
fabric as their parents?

Who knows?

'Cause I had a happy
childhood, I think.

You know, dad is my hero,
mom was an angel, but.

I couldn't be more different.

I hope so.

Wow.

Where do you wanna take that?

I love your parents, but you
know,

I would hope that the apple,
you,

fell miles away from
that tree, your father.

Poor guy.

Why poor guy?

Because, he's a good man, Cee.

He's a great man, that's my
point.

I love him, but you know

he's made some choices in his
life

that had been interesting,

and I think you can see that
if you'd followed that example

it could be a problem.

For who?

Anyone.

So let me get this straight.

My father cheats, and that puts
me

on a watch and advise list?

You were presented
with that at a young age.

The formative years leave a big
footprint.

We'll so does watching
it tear your mother apart.

It's a personal choice, see.

I am not my father.

You're not your mother, so.

So why spend time fighting the
fact

that we both seem to be scared
to death

of that being the case?

I mean, if we are, we catch it.

We become aware of it,

and hopefully we're one step
closer

to figuring that out than they
were.

I mean, that's my gameplan.

Living in the so be it?

No.

But not grabbing it by the
throat

and shaking the air out of it
either.

No, by letting go.

It's not so be it.

So be it is to acquiesce.

I just don't let it have
that much of a hold over me.

Anyway, could be worse.

Could it?

Absolutely.

I could be my Grandpa.

What, Frank?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, Frank, he's off limits.

He's a sweetheart.

No, William Deeks Newman, dad's
dad.

We've never talked about him
much.

How come?

I don't know.

He died when dad was a teen.

You know I don't really remember
seeing

more than one picture
of him around the house.

I never met him, obviously.

Heard he was a complete
scoundrel.

And cloth merchant, gambling
man, perpetual philanderer.

Now those are genes you
don't want bequeathed.

I am sure, like all
the Newman men I have met

he has his charms.

I have no doubt, no.

But that bloodline, had to be
diluted

otherwise we'd all end up living
alone.

Yeah, women's lib was
brought to the surface

because of men like Grandpa
Bill.

Could be worse.

You see that?

A private vineyard?

You like spontaneity.

Yeah, I also like not being
shot at.

2018, Claudia, not the civil
war.

Now this is Italy.

We're trespassing.

It's worth every moment
in solitary confinement.

Where are we going?

We, Mrs. Newman,

are gonna have the great
honeymoon.

I'm not living my life with the
regret

of having just a good one.

Are you in?

That's sweet, but,

But what?

I thought that we agreed
that this isn't about this.

It's not.

But can't we at least enjoy

and celebrate our lives
together?

We're not together.

I know.

But I also know that most
people travel through this world

living in that regret.

Like I said, I don't wanna do
that.

Just because we're not together

doesn't mean we can't creatively
cull

new experiences with one
another.

I mean, memories are
all we'll have one day.

Hey.

This doesn't mean any more

than two people who've spent 30
percent

of their lives together

enjoying and celebrating that
fact.

We can go back to the car,

turn around, continue the
journey if you prefer, or,

we put all that shit that
we carry to one side,

and actually enjoy each other's
company,

doing the things that
we never paid attention

to not doing in the first place.

So you wanna crush grapes
between your toes or not?

Where?

Here.

Here?

Yeah.

Unfortunately science
has taken over the world.

So the only place you can stomp
now

without a tour guide or losing a
toe is

somewhere private, somewhere
quiet,

somewhere here.

Look, I can't guarantee we'll
make anything worth drinking

but what I can guarantee is

you'll remember the moment.

Ready to Pigeage?

Smooth talker, Ryan Newman.

You're a real smooth talker.

Mhmm.

Mhmm.

Feels good, right?

Yeah, like all my
birthdays rolled into one.

If that's some gentle sarcasm,
go easy.

If not, I'll take it as
the highest compliment

from the girl who
celebrates their birthday

the entire month.

Greatest month ever.

You never saw the upside of
the celebratory birthday month.

I don't know how you
have the energy, honestly.

An hour into any party I'm
involved with

and I'm looking for the fire
exit.

Plus, in my house, it's
plethoric as Christmas.

Mine lasted until noon.

I feel like you made up for it
though.

What's that mean?

Now how do I say this?

You ladies tend to be
celebrated a little excessively.

Okay, tread careful,
Jean Jacque misogynist.

Ooh, squishy, ooh.

Is it cold?

Yeah.

Let me in.

That feels nice.

So you don't think

we need more of a celebration?

I think it's important.

To celebrate all of them?

Birthdays, anniversaries,
Valentines.

I mean you can literally
buy me a shot of rye

and a baseball ticket,

throw in a steak and you're
golden.

But a celebration weekend with
the girls,

that takes a lot of
pre-planning.

You got e-vites, balloons,

paper bags overflowing with
all that matching tissue,

I've never understood it.

And if you're really dealing
with a pro,

handpicked invite cards with
the,

the raised type, what's that
called?

What?

You know, on the
invites, on the letters,

it feels like Braille.

It's embossing.

Nothing like Braille but please
continue.

Yeah, embossed lettering.

And then of course, travel
arrangements.

Hotel reservations, dinner
reservations.

Show tickets, Pilates classes.

All strategically planned to the
minute.

We literally raise a glass,
done.

Our birthdays, as adults,

they're over by midnight.

Now the party itself might not
be

but the celebration of the
birthday, done.

Well, your gender is missing
out.

I'm sure your parents
made a big deal about it.

What, as a kid?

Yeah.

Sure, but, it stopped in high
school.

Yours?

I remember a solid couple.

There's a cake occasionally.

I mean you've been
around for a few of them.

It's a phone call.

A card maybe.

If you're really lucky you get
the

"go get yourself something and
I'll send a check" routine.

I must have been about nine or
10.

And I woke up,

I was so excited, it
was just the best day.

It didn't matter if you
had to go to school,

bring your birthday gift and

teacher would make a big fuss
over it

and just felt like you
could accomplish anything.

So I get up that morning and I
run

into my parents' room.

Dad's already at work and
mom is laying in bed awake.

And she says so sweetly,

"Happy birthday, baby."

And then she goes on to say that

you know, things are tight that
month

and can they get me my
present in a couple of weeks

when finances are more balanced.

I was crushed.

But I was a sweet kid

and I wanted to understand.

And I thought if I was just
patient

and I could understand,

that maybe in a couple weeks
I would end up with some

really wonderful present.

And so I counted down the days,
or weeks.

And then the morning came and

there was nothing.

Just no mention of it at all.

They'd completely forgotten this
promise

that they made to a little girl.

I was destroyed.

And they had no idea.

I guess my self-healing
mechanism

was engrained at a pretty young
age.

That's a sad story, Cee.

You ever ask them about it?

No.

Took it on the chin.

I thought that they would
maybe eventually remember.

Or not, I don't know,

some sort of weird self-pity.

Oh, I know that.

Where it almost feels good to
suffer.

- Exactly.
- Yeah.

I guess if you were to
look at it rationally,

your parents were probably
heartbroken

when they couldn't afford to
buy their kid a toy, you know?

Yeah, they were kids themselves.

I mean it was that
generation where everyone

had children in their 20s.

They had a mortgage and two
girls.

Now I feel sorry for them.

That makes sense to me though.

Now I know why you get pissy

when you get gifts you don't
like.

I don't, that's not,

okay, it's not that I don't like
it.

It's that I give them options

when they ask me what I want.

And then the day comes,

and it's something
completely off the radar

from somewhere just, you know,
convenient.

My family likes the easy
purchase.

God forbid that they have to
walk

to the far end of the mall.

On the plus side, it has made
you

an excellent gift giver.

Oh, I know.

You too, though.

Yeah?

Yeah, you always seem to
know what's needed and when.

And you know romance.

Where'd that come from?

I don't know.

I grew into it, I guess.

I had a lot of charm.

Your proposal.

Ugh, still takes my breath.

Yeah?

I love to hear you tell that
story.

Tell me.

Really?

Yeah, tell me your version.

I don't think I ever
heard you talk about it.

'Cause it was mine.

It was my version.

I wanted to keep that one for
myself.

You
said you had a business trip.

You said you'd be back in two
days.

When you called, I felt guilty.

I was happy that you were
frustrated,

happy that you wanted to come
home.

You told me you were tired.

Tired of it all,

and the one thing that can make
you smile

was to spend the night with me.

I glowed.

You asked me to meet you at the
airport

but you only had one request.

Wear the red dress.

There never was a conference.

There never was a business trip.

At first I thought it was a
mistake.

A woman is walking towards me

as I stood waiting in the
terminal.

She looked at no one else.

Her smile was bright and warm.

She said nothing as she
handed me my favorite flower.

Peonies.

It made sense to me.

I watched her walk away

as I held the flower, knowing it
was mine.

Then an older gentleman
walked the same path

and gave me another,
a third, and a fourth.

It took until the fifth
person for me to become aware.

My tears poured down my face.

Undoubtedly the single most
beautiful moment of my life.

133 flowers were put into my
arms from complete strangers

who offered nothing more but a
smile.

And then it happened.

The moment I knew I met the man

I wanted to spend my life with.

I hadn't seen my dad in over six
months.

I didn't, not for one
moment think it wasn't him.

I knew.

And I knew that you had brought
him to me.

Mom had the greatest smile
I had seen on her for years.

Daddy was still.

A tear on his face showed me his
love.

The world stopped.

My face ached with elation.

Hi, Daddy.

And there you were.

My heart slowed.

The world became silent.

That very moment was as it
should be.

I didn't even wait for you to
ask.

- I just said yes.
- You just said yes.

He had contacted my family

two days prior.

He flew in and asked my father
for my hand in marriage.

He had spoken with the airline
in advance

and told them of his plan.

He asked if the stewardess
could make an announcement

to all of the passengers in
flight.

Of course everyone knew it was
special.

The stewardess told the
passengers

that a young man was going
to propose to his girlfriend

when they landed, and that
he had her parents with him

after asking for her hand.

She explained that the girl in
question

would be waiting at the arrival
gate

wearing a red dress.

Each person would be given one
stem.

All they had to do was
walk toward the girl

and without saying a word,

hand her the flower.

Everybody loves romance.

Everybody loves love.

One by one they came.

And the girl in the red dress,

she will never forget what the
man said

as they walked away
toward their happiness.

"Turns out, it was all about a
girl."

Hey I'm gonna go down to the
bar.

You want me to order you
anything?

I'll see you downstairs.

Hi.

Hi.

Cabernet, please.

You have kind eyes.

I do, huh?

You do.

They change colors too, did you
know that?

No.

They do.

During the day they're deep
brown

then in the evening, just
as the temperature drops

they have almost a green hue to
them.

Green, I've never heard that.

Mhmm, green.

Hazel green.

How was your shower?

Oh, everything I ever dreamed
of.

Not drinking?

I think that we possibly
turned those grapes into wine,

I wanna sit back and let
others enjoy our work.

You okay?

I am, yeah.

You?

Grazie.

I don't know, one moment I'm
fine, then,

Then what?

Then the reality puts
its foot on my throat

and I can't breathe.

I literally can't breathe.

Sometimes I'm strong about it,

I'm so fucking strong and I'm

ready to move on, I'm happy to
move on.

But then there's moments where
I'm just,

covered in grief, and I feel
panic.

Like I was just in a car
accident panic.

And I don't know what to do,
Claudia.

I know that pain.

You do?

It burns.

That's a good way of
describing it, yeah.

It does, it burns.

Shame, regret, wishful thinking.

All of it erodes your insides.

I feel it too.

Why didn't you begin the process
sooner?

I'm not sure.

I guess that's why we're here,
right?

Yeah.

Will you be eating with us
tonight?

Hi.

Hi.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm just here for the
drinks, I think.

I see.

If you change your mind, I'm
Annie.

We know where to find you.

She's beautiful.

She is, yeah.

You should talk to her.

What are you doing?

- You should.
- Claudia, come on.

Hey, you don't owe me
anything, Ryan.

This is... you know?

Look, I had a wonderful day
today, truly.

Perfectly fitting.

But we shouldn't dwell.

It's part of our evolution,
it's part of our healing.

You know that feeling that you
just got?

The excitement that you felt

and a new beginning just
starting to blossom?

Well those are feelings
that you should hold onto.

Those are the ones that matter
the most.

Just go talk to her.

I understand.

There's nothing to understand.

Look, I'm wise enough to know
the meaning

of a fleeting emotion.

And we are old enough to be able

to recognize its truth, so,

can you stop, please?

I loved you for 10 years.

I'm sure I'll love you for many
more.

But, for now,

I'm gonna take my aged wise
truth

and go to bed.

Cee.

Morning.

Morning.

You're up early.

Yeah, I couldn't sleep.

Wanted to catch the sunrise.

Did you?

In all its glory.

How was your night?

What do you think?

I want to think I'm open,
evolved,

mature and wise.

That I have accepted everything,
moved on

above it all.

I'm not.

Nothing happened.

Ryan, it's okay.

I know.

Nothing happened.

Come on.

Is everything okay?

I'm a little raw.

The memories hurt on this fine
morning.

I'll be okay.

You don't wanna talk about it?

I do.

But not yet.

Why not?

Come on, Claudia.

No, why?

Because, I have emotions
attached

and if I spoke about it right
now,

we'll end up in a fight
and I don't wanna do that.

How do you
know it'll end up there?

Because you'll get defensive.

You're prophesying.

No, no, I'm going on experience,

very factual proven experience.

That's not fair.

Okay, you want in, here goes.

I still feel the need to
talk about the letters.

I need to dig deep and try to
make peace.

Maybe if I can learn a little
more

I can heal from it.

Yeah well I can't guarantee
healing

but if we open it up

maybe I can help you understand.

Maybe.

Guess I just need to hear what I
did.

You know what you did.

You disappeared.

As did you.

Not when you needed me most.

That's not true.

Really?

Yeah.

I needed you most when my
fucking heart was broken.

I needed you most when you would
come home

and our stubbornness was on full
tilt

and you refused to give me a
reason.

I needed you most when you
were in the hospital bed

and I was the only one making
decisions.

And it's through all
of that you disappeared

and where were you?

You were lost reading love poems

from some guy who didn't
know a damn thing about you,

some jerk off who wanted to play
house.

You'll never truly understand
how that felt for me.

So by you saying that I
disappeared

when you needed me most,

and by disappeared you meant I
withdrew, W

and you were mad at me for not
hearing you on certain things

then yeah, you're right, I did
do that.

But only because I was
desperately trying

to figure out our next step.

So then what, huh?

You get scorned.

And you show me you
have a killer left hook

with a payback?

You win, Cee.

I'm not fully present,

then you'll show me withdrawal,
right?

- No.
- Really?

No, his letters made
something in me bloom.

It was fleeting.

I wrote them back to him in a
space

of my own heartbreak.

It eased that, my heart,
the one that you broke.

I knew that we were coming to
the end

and his attention felt
like comfort, just comfort.

Look, I'm a smart person.

And I know the difference
between real feelings

and a band aid, it's temporary.

Exciting, maybe, but
temporary nonetheless.

And I can't speak for him,
because...

Look, he wrote what he wrote
and those words were his.

But mine?

Those letters were never about
Paul.

It's why I never sent them.

They were about me, you, us, it.

They may have had his
name on them but they,

they were all about us.

Well it felt like a betrayal.

An unexpected betrayal.

I know that raw feeling.

How was she?

Everything you wanted, imagined?

Okay.

Pulling from my own previous
experiences,

the first time with someone
new is always strange.

You know, everything's
different.

Her body, her smell,
her touch, her tastes.

How she wakes, sleeps.

Her choice of lingerie.

That comfort you mentioned?

It can never be there that
early, ever.

You can't get to that moment

where you share the silence
as you brush your teeth.

You know, that moment where
you both stop brushing

just to stare at one another.

An impeccable smile when you
both realize it's worth more.

It's unobtainable to reach there

unless you heal, fully heal.

I'm not there yet.

I can't be there yet,

and the funny thing is I
don't want to be there yet.

Is it everything I imagined?

Nothing happened.

I never thought we wouldn't
make it.

Does anyone?

I was shocked, frozen.

I never thought that I would
hear you say

that you were done.

I wanted to reach you
before that point but

I guess by then it was too late.

I was so fucking angry, Cee.

I'm still angry.

Because we failed.

We.

Shame on us, right?

You always said that you
never wanted to divorce.

You made me promise,

promise our marriage
before you even proposed.

I don't know where that came
from, my feelings on that.

God knows it wasn't in the
family.

We did better than most.

Divorcing after 30
years is a bigger failure

than lasting four.

No, my parents were not my
inspiration.

I always believed, I mean, truly
believed

that when I got married, it was
for life.

I didn't wanna commit to
something through habit,

I mean it had to be real.

The thought of divorce made me
walk

a couple of times before I met
you.

Then of course there was you,

I mean you had it, you had a
thing.

You had me.

What did I know?

We settled in.

Eventually, yeah.

Yeah I like to think it
took a few years but yeah.

We did.

That's why it hit like a
sledgehammer.

When you backed away, I felt
this instant disconnect,

just a destructive disconnect.

I know.

All I wanted was to spend time
with you

and do things with you.

Every time I would get my
feelings hurt

and I start to feel rejected.

It can't be a love story
without it.

You never held my feelings
with any real worth.

Anytime I would show you that I
was hurt

you'd just push them to the
side.

I really, really resented that.

That was the problem.

You never showed me
anything other than anger.

I mean, I'd only find out about
the hurt

once you came out of the mist.

If you knew that I was hurt,

why couldn't you show some
compassion?

Pfff.

That's a tough thing to ask,
Claudia,

when you live under a veil of
rage.

Look, when you fired a shot,

my defenses, they shot back.

Now that's my shit.

I know that, I own that,

I take my responsibility in
that.

And I didn't?

Not usually, no.

Usually you would find a way

of making me hear your point

and you didn't let it go

until you thought that I got it.

But the truth was, I always got
it.

But only after your destructive
actions.

You always got it?

Once explained, yeah.

Then why couldn't you get it

before it reached the
destructiveness?

Because I wasn't a mind reader.

Yeah but you weren't blind,
either.

If my feelings were hurt,

you knew that pushing them aside

or saying that they weren't
justified

just aggravated the situation.

Instead of easing them, you made
me...

You judged me for having them.

No.

I judged you for
exploding, big difference.

And that hurt you?

Absolutely.

And would you then explode?

Sure.

Right.

So you would hurt my feelings

and I would react, which would
cause you

to have the same reaction.

You do the same thing,
we're both to blame.

My reaction only ignited when
yours did.

And mine only ignited
when you ignored my pain.

Oh, good god.

All you ever had to do

was say that you were hurt.

I would have comforted
you every single time.

But you hated ever showing
vulnerability.

You saw that as a weakness
and that was the problem.

And you know what, sometimes,

sometimes it's okay to keep
your feelings to yourself.

That saves us both.

That way you can ignore the
vulnerability

and I don't have to take
the swings you throw.

What does that even mean?

There's nothing wrong with
having feelings

and expressing them.

Yes, yes there is, there
totally is.

You know what, sometimes it's
okay

not to voice every little
fucking emotion,

that's the cause of today's
drama.

So I should just keep it all in,

bottle it all up?

I do.

I know, and look where that
got us.

I don't feel the need to
tell you every little thing,

I just don't.

You know, sometimes it's okay to
sit

with your own damn feelings
and not give them the power

by being spoken.

Sometimes you drive me
to the point of insanity

and I feel like punching you in
the face!

But I don't feel the
need to tell you that.

I don't, because it's not true.

Not every feeling has a
fiber of truth within it.

I'm sorry, but they don't.

Sometimes it's okay to feel
something

and to keep it to your fucking
self.

Yeah, what do you do with
your psychotic anger issues?

I deal with them.

How, by punching a hole in the
wall?

Hah.

You know what, fun fact,

every man in the world has
put his fist through a wall.

It's better than putting it
close to you.

So chivalry is not dead.

You know what I mean.

No, I'm not sure that I do.

I like to think that if I
feel something, anything,

I can share that with the
person that I'm married to.

Yeah, except when you
feel like writing letters.

Cheap shot?

No.

It just makes
me sad, that's all.

That you wrote them,

or that I found them?

A little bit of both, I guess.

Look, can we just stop?

I do not feel great

and I'd really like to feel
nice at some point today.

Hey, feel like joining
me for a drink, Annie?

I don't drink.

Well, pretend you do and join
me anyway?

How much longer are
you gonna be in town?

I'm leaving tomorrow.

Head north for the day
before we come back through.

Why you are here?

It's family business.

Of course, sorry.

No, no, no.

Is everything okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

You sure I can't tempt you?

- Just a-
- I can't.

Not here.

No, my rules, not theirs.

I understand.

But I know a coffee
place not far from here.

It's actually close to my house
too.

I don't know if you want.

Or tea?

Or tea.

You do tea?

Both?

You know what, that
would be great, Annie.

That would be beautiful, really
great.

I like you remember my name.

I'd be crazy not to.

Grazie.

So you're the one, huh?

Yes, born and raised.

I mean most people leave
to larger cities but.

I missed it here.

This is home.

I'm happy here.

You like it at the hotel?

Mhmm, ci.

Well, I like to see new faces
every day.

Say hello, goodbye.

Well.

I mean it's fleeting but it's
real.

Actually, it's rare to
see someone like you.

Like me, what do you mean?

I meant someone who is
not on his nature hike?

Or one of those, what's
the name in English,

how do you call the
things that you walk with?

The motorbike, skillet?

No.

The horse.

How do you call it in English?

You know the one that you
use like the canes, or,

- Canes?
- Cane?

- What?
- A walker?

The walker, with the
tennis balls on the bottom?

That's what you mean?

Yeah.

For the older generation.

Yes.

So what, you're saying
that only bearded hikers

and old people visit the
village?

Yes.

That's cute, but that's not
true.

Why not?

Well, 10 years ago, I came
through here on my honeymoon.

We were both young and freshly
shaved,

not a hiking boot in sight.

Okay, good point.

So maybe it's just my experience
then.

Perhaps.

- Perhaps.
- Yeah.

I just have to open my
mind a little bit more.

So tell me, this place here.

Is this the highlight of the
local fare?

I mean the beautiful lady over
there

looks like she could still
take me in an arm wrestle.

I mean is this where it all goes
down?

No.

This is just a place.

And then it's up to the
individual to be creative.

But there's so much stuff to do
here.

Yeah, I'm sure.

You know there's a pool at the
hotel.

No one ever uses it.

Well at night, no, it's too
cold.

But also during the day.

Too old.

Wanna go swim with me?

Now?

Right now, yeah.

I mean we can't do it when
any of the staff are around.

Your rules, I'm just...

Well.

Thank you so much for your
cavalier attitude, but,

no, Ryan, I'm not going
swimming with you now.

Why not?

Well.

I don't have my swimming
suit, first of all.

Yeah, we'll improvise.

It's too cold.

You'll adjust in no time.

You're crazy.

A little bit, yeah.

It's too far.

I don't know of one closer, so.

I do.

This way.

I hope you know the owners.

What happened to cavalier?

I thought about the risk of
trespassing.

The risk of apathy far
outweighs that.

That's true.

No peeking.

No touching, just swimming.

Deal?

Deal.

And no peeing.

I can't guarantee that.

We're waiting.

We?

Me, the sky,

the universe.

We.

So you're gonna give
me the same courtesy?

Absolutely not.

Oh.

It's cold.

Mhmm, it's freezing.

Tell me about her.

Why?

Just because.

I don't think I can.

Why not?

I'm not ready.

It will get better.

I know.

It will get better.

Why not?

Hey, it's me.

It's good.

Yeah, yeah, good.

A little.

It's tough, you know?

Yeah, kind of.

And they make me feel weird
sometimes.

They give me strange dreams.

Maybe, I don't know,

it's given me time, I guess, to
think.

About everything.

Well, like everything.

My marriage, my childhood.

You, dad.

Life, my life.

It's just that I'm starting to
see this,

this common need for me
to make sense of it all.

And that need is becoming

more and more obvious.

Letting go.

The fear, anger, the pain.

It also means letting go
of all the good stuff too.

You know, just, letting it come
and pass.

I don't know, just feel the
emotion

of it all and just

let it be.

It feels easy actually.

As long as I'm paying
attention it feels easy.

It's about forgiveness, Mom.

We'll have to forgive, right?

I guess that's what I'm trying
to say.

I forgive you.

For anything.

For everything, I don't know.

Anything you've ever felt
guilty about as a mother.

Well, it doesn't matter.

I'm not trying to make
you feel bad, mom, okay?

Every kid is shaped in some way

by something that happened
in their earlier life.

I'm just letting you know

and freeing myself in
the process, that's all.

Yeah but, do you hear me?

I love you and I forgive you.

I'm sorry about that.

Maybe you can forgive me too.

Mom, hey, it's not about
punishment.

No.

It's all about love, actually.

Not yet, no.

Today.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, I will.

Yeah, yeah.

I love you too.

All right, bye.

Hey.

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah, you know.

Where've you been?

I took a long walk

somewhere beyond the olive
groves.

What happened to your face?

I think I'm gonna try
to come off the pills.

It's time.

Only you can tell.

I think I gotta take it as it
comes.

Face it head-on, you know?

It's a lot to deal with head-on.

Are you gonna discuss it with
your doctor?

He'll continue pushing
pills down my throat

for as long as I'm insured.

I just don't wanna live
in the fog anymore.

The other way might
not be that much clearer.

At least I'll know it's real.

Medicated, I walk a thin line.

I'll support you, you know that.

I'm just tired.

Tired of being sad.

Okay.

So what say you, hmm?

Ready to take our last trip

down our lane of memories, hit
the road?

Yeah.

I can be ready in about five.

Might take me a little longer.

Overpacked?

Yeah.

Why I feel the need to
pack more than two jackets

is a mystery, a slightly
embarrassing mystery.

It's easy to love perfect.

It's the little annoyances that
take time.

Hey.

Yeah?

I love you.

You ready?

Yeah, I think so.

For our anniversary last year,

this trip was always on my mind.

To walk back in the footsteps of
two kids

who fell in love

and decided to take in the
majesty

of a country we both felt
connected to.

10 years ago, I married
the woman of my dreams.

And I promised to love her,
protect her.

To live and to die with her.

Now we chose to come
to this village because

we heard this is where your
grandma married grandpa, right?

And for years you were told
that there were no records,

no proof, no definite guarantee

that this is where they shared
their vows.

Now, as a 25 year old,

my sources relied on
stories from your folks

and I didn't think of digging
much deeper,

so we decided not to go.

10 years on,

I thought it would be a shame
not to.

So.

Wanna see where they said I do?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yes.

Wait here.

Psst.

You're out of your mind.

We both know that to be the
case.

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

But it's too late, baby.

All of it.

You're too late.

I'm so sorry.

This is it.

This is it.

So many memories.

This was one of the happiest
moments of our lives.

We have to talk about it, right?

I don't want to.

I know.

But we have to.

I just miss you so much, Cee.

You died on a Saturday.

They gave us enough time to
process, but,

I didn't believe them.

I couldn't.

Out of nothing.

Out of nowhere.

I held on to you every day.

And I pushed through my guilt,
my pain,

my hate,

my resentment.

You were my everything, kid,

and I don't know how
to do this without you.

We've come this far, huh?

I have to say goodbye
and it breaks my heart.

Hey.

In your will,

you requested to have your ashes
scattered

in the one place you call
paradise.

The trip was what I needed.

It gave me strength, time.

Know that I can never fully
heal.

The truth is, I don't want to.

I always want to feel
like something is missing

because it is.

And all I can promise

is that every time your face
appears,

I won't feel sorrow.

I will smile as big as I can.

For you were the greatest
teacher,

friend,

foe,

lover.

Wife.

And now,

I let go.