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1
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:11,141
Listen up
Got don'ts and dos
2
00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:15,341
You got hot
I got typecast
3
00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:18,816
Gonna have to
break all the rules
4
00:00:18,885 --> 00:00:21,410
'Cause I'm cool and wacky
5
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:25,558
I feel like a wrong man
throwing out the rules
6
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:28,992
Out of control and spacey
7
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,997
Don't tell me
what I ought not to do
8
00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:35,557
I reserve the right
to get crazy
9
00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:38,533
I reserve that right
10
00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:42,632
I reserve the right
to be all intelligent
11
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:46,201
I reserve the right
I meant exactly what I meant
12
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:49,715
I reserve the right
Guess who's doin' yours?
13
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:51,580
I reserve that right
14
00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:38,820
Help me! Please! Please!
Somebody help me!
15
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:45,033
Help me!
Please, help me! He's coming!
16
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:50,033
He's coming after me!
Help! Help me!
17
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,107
Help me!
18
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:53,770
I gotcha, man. I gotcha.
19
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:54,973
Give me your other hand.
20
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:57,642
Help! I don't wanna die.
I don't wanna die!
21
00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:04,686
No!
22
00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:38,834
Stow that cell phone.
23
00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:41,471
You can't get a signal out here,
and that's the way I like it.
24
00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:43,344
That was him. The Graboid.
25
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:46,249
Affirmative. You've just been
greeted by El Blanco.
26
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:47,377
Did you kill him?
27
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:51,822
He's protected. An endangered species.
Concussion grenades.
28
00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:54,382
Non-lethal, but the loud noise
drives him away.
29
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,518
Good.
30
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:56,755
For a few minutes.
31
00:04:58,598 --> 00:04:59,792
Hey, there was another guy.
32
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,060
What?
33
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,398
A hiker or someone.
It got him.
34
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:07,400
Damn. Damn! Not again.
35
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:08,906
It was bad, man.
36
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,136
I mean, it just swallowed him.
It was horrible.
37
00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:13,576
Trust me. I know what it's like.
38
00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:17,046
And nothin' we can do
for the poor guy now.
39
00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:20,779
Yours?
40
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:22,753
No, mine's under there.
41
00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:27,219
Dodge Charger, V-8, 326 horse...
42
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:31,495
Tourist? Stopped to take
a picture of the sign.
43
00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:33,191
Yeah, but I'm not actually a tourist.
44
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,598
Left the radio on, engine running.
45
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,398
I keep telling 'em that sign
does more harm than good.
46
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:42,737
El Blanco's comin' back for more.
Let's move out.
47
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,367
Burt Gummer.
48
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:46,742
Man, am I lucky you came along
when you did.
49
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,110
Luck had nothin' to do with it.
50
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,344
I monitor my geo-phone network 24/7.
51
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:54,215
Knew you were comin'.
Saw where you stopped.
52
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:57,222
I track all seismic vibrations
in the Valley.
53
00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:01,558
You said that on 60 Minutes.
54
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:07,891
Made me look like I was some kind
of antisocial, para-military paranoid.
55
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,702
And right in the middle,
Chang's Discount Market.
56
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:18,869
Discount?
57
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,242
Well, discount's just what we call it.
58
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:23,248
Located right in the heart of
downtown Melville.
59
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:24,783
Melville.
60
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:28,412
Melvin, you would actually rename
the town you grew up in after yourself?
61
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:30,922
Why not? It's all my vision.
62
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:34,323
I mean, without me, you guys
are pretty much futureless around here.
63
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,622
Futureless.
64
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:37,856
My store's doing just fine, thank you.
65
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:41,627
And we are steadily growing ourselves
into a viable tourist destination.
66
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:44,864
Sure you are. Come on, Jodi.
67
00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:48,130
Now, I'm offering you a chance
to become part of the Melco family.
68
00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:51,699
Turn your business into the kind of place
your uncle always wanted it to be.
69
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:55,441
Jodi's uncle loved this valley, Melvin,
just like the rest of us.
70
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:57,983
Oh, everyone except you, that is.
71
00:06:58,050 --> 00:07:00,951
Hey, forgive me,
Miss Woodstock of 1969,
72
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:03,750
but how many ceramic pots
does the world need?
73
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:07,384
And how many mini-malls and tacky
tract houses does the world need?
74
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,822
Melvin, look.
Here comes your best friend.
75
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,701
Lincoln Navigator, luxury package.
76
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:20,261
There could be one in your future, Jodi.
Think about it.
77
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:31,412
That little turd.
78
00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:33,111
He's a developer,
owns half the Valley.
79
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,279
He'd love to turn us
into the next Reno.
80
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:36,412
Hi, Burt.
81
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:37,513
Who's your friend?
82
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:40,252
Tourist. Stopped to take
a picture of that damn sign.
83
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:41,350
Actually, I'm not a...
84
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:43,793
Bad news is El Blanco
scored another kill.
85
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:44,989
Oh, no.
86
00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:47,055
- Who?
- A hiker or backpacker.
87
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:50,068
Probably unregistered.
This guy just got his car sucked.
88
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,967
Oh, sorry about that.
89
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,096
Brings us to seven.
90
00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:54,196
That many?
91
00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:55,262
Mmm-hmm.
92
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:56,706
Oh, yeah, the ATVs.
93
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,300
Nope. Separate list.
94
00:07:58,377 --> 00:07:59,605
Gotta report it to Twitchell.
95
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:01,010
We got forms to fill out.
96
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,844
These tourists think everything's
"Pirates of the Damn Caribbean."
97
00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:06,851
Like I keep tryin' to say,
I'm not a tourist.
98
00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:13,421
You with the government?
99
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,121
No. Bought myself
a business out here.
100
00:08:18,397 --> 00:08:19,523
That.
101
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,898
Desert Jack's Graboid Adventures.
102
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,596
You're gonna restart
the tour business?
103
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,695
Yeah. Met Desert Jack himself in Vegas.
104
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:28,899
Said it's a real money-maker.
105
00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:34,171
That's great. I was wondering
who was gonna pay his debts.
106
00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:35,610
Excuse me?
107
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:38,179
You see, you buy his business
you assume his debts.
108
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:41,618
It's a law.
State Statute 4715-B, section 7.
109
00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:45,217
You know, we should really talk
business synergy here.
110
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:46,519
Okay.
111
00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:50,728
Well, let me see
what I got myself into here.
112
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,864
Hey!
113
00:08:57,970 --> 00:08:59,369
Who are you?
114
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:02,567
Guess I'm the new owner
of that battery.
115
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:05,202
Jodi, I thought you said this
was all abandoned and stuff.
116
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:10,113
Not anymore. Rosalita, Tyler.
He bought the business.
117
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:13,050
Bought the business?
This business?
118
00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:14,583
Well, yeah.
119
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,483
Oh, I get it.
Tax write-off kind of thing, huh?
120
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:23,825
Nah. Just one of those things that
seemed like a good idea at the time.
121
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,460
Coming all the way out here
seemed like a good idea?
122
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,398
Well, what are you
doin' out here, then?
123
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:33,268
I'm taking care of myself, getting away
from people who ask too many questions.
124
00:09:35,274 --> 00:09:38,175
And I guess I'm buyin'
myself a new battery.
125
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,041
Jodi, you really get
that for a battery?
126
00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:41,238
I'll take 10% down.
127
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,578
Okay, let's start with the injury report.
What's your name?
128
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:44,775
Uh, Tyler Reed, double "E."
129
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,647
Double "E."
130
00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:49,620
You be sure to give Big Brother
all your personal data.
131
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:50,747
Burt.
132
00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:53,155
Now, if you're gonna live here,
there's a lot you're gonna need to know
133
00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:55,420
and it's all in this video.
You may have heard of it. It's called...
134
00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:16,381
What's...
135
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,588
...Burt Gummer. Monster Hunter.
136
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:09,759
Tips for stayin' alive when targeted
by Graboids, Shriekers and Ass-Blasters.
137
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:11,093
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, was that...
138
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,660
El Blanco, of course.
139
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:14,262
He comes into town?
140
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,103
You gonna stop him?
141
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,477
If he's gonna hang around,
142
00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:26,144
he could use a wrist-seismo
and a right boot.
143
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:28,479
But how often does this happen?
144
00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:31,580
Not often, about once or twice a day.
Here, put this on.
145
00:11:31,657 --> 00:11:33,557
- Thanks.
- No biggie. It goes on your tab.
146
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:34,615
What tab?
147
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:38,425
Date of birth?
Mother's maiden name?
148
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:40,597
Blood type?
149
00:12:05,991 --> 00:12:09,427
El Blanco, what have you
been up to all day?
150
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:17,358
What the hell?
151
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:07,510
Relax. If El Blanco's anywhere nearby,
you'll feel your seismo vibrate.
152
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:08,878
Hmm.
153
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,444
Thought you might
want some breakfast?
154
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,013
Oh, thanks.
155
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,858
Aren't you guys kinda pushing
the envelope out here?
156
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:18,863
I mean, he goes
right under your store.
157
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:22,367
Well, we're kinda like
the Hindus with the cow.
158
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:24,233
Excuse me?
159
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:27,506
El Blanco's endangered.
Nobody can touch him.
160
00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:29,404
So that developer, Melvin Plug?
161
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:32,967
He can't make a move because
all this is El Blanco's habitat.
162
00:13:33,045 --> 00:13:37,004
So, the thing that protects your
lifestyle also wants to eat you?
163
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:41,017
Hmm. The word that
comes to mind is "paradox."
164
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:44,088
You'll get used to it.
165
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:50,857
Burt? Wait a sec!
166
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:52,488
Yeah!
167
00:13:59,705 --> 00:14:03,903
I want you to be the first to see
my latest creation. Gung Ho Gummer.
168
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:06,468
This one's for you.
169
00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:07,637
Yeah.
170
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,640
It'll do great in Japan.
171
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:23,593
You're welcome!
172
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,334
I call it Grabboccino.
173
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:52,774
Oh, come on!
174
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:56,014
Sorry, hon, it needs work.
175
00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:59,621
Jodi, Burt here. Come back.
176
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:00,681
Yeah, Burt.
177
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:04,092
Got a dirt biker runnin' around out here
somewhere. You know anything about it?
178
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,529
Haven't seen him and no one's
rented a wrist-seismo.
179
00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:10,227
Idiot. He's just askin'
to be Graboid chow. Burt out.
180
00:16:14,673 --> 00:16:16,504
Maybe more nutmeg.
181
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,354
Jodi, Burt here. Come back.
182
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:31,411
Yeah, Burt.
183
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,856
El Blanco just had himself
a wild burro burger.
184
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,451
Guess that backpacker
didn't hit the spot.
185
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,393
Ah, Burt, that's cold.
186
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:42,160
That's Perfection.
My point is the dirt biker's safe.
187
00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:46,034
That much food should hold
El Blanco for a few days. Burt out.
188
00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,354
You gonna be okay today?
I could stay.
189
00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:16,456
I've been wondering about something
ever since I left Las Vegas.
190
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,934
How come I don't get a day off?
191
00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:19,800
Well, let's put it this way.
192
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,670
Your Uncle Miguel left the ranch
to you, not me.
193
00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:26,142
You're buildin' equity,
and I'm workin' for minimum wage.
194
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:33,679
Oh, and, uh, Rosalita, don't overdo it.
195
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,015
You know, ranchin's
all about slow and steady.
196
00:18:00,345 --> 00:18:02,210
What the hell?
197
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:11,487
All points. Come in. Repeat.
All points. Come in. Over.
198
00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:13,354
Burt, I'm tryin' to
run a business here.
199
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,256
Repeat.
All points come in, over.
200
00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:16,954
Yeah, Burt, you got Nancy, what's up?
201
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:22,023
Hold on. Rosalita, do you copy?
Rosalita? Do you copy?
202
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,337
Rosalita, do you copy? Rosalita.
203
00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:32,704
Do you copy?
Repeat, do you copy? Over.
204
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:39,174
Repeat. Do you copy? Over.
205
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:43,911
Jodi, Rosalita's got her walkie-talkie
off again. Try to get a hold of her.
206
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:46,958
I've got six more dead burros here.
207
00:18:47,025 --> 00:18:51,121
It's like he's on a feeding frenzy.
Watch your backs.
208
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:53,963
He's never acted this crazy before.
209
00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:56,330
Jodi, let the new guy know.
210
00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:57,595
Burt out.
211
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:09,045
What are you looking at?
To me, you're just hamburger.
212
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,246
Burt, come in, Burt. Burt he's here.
He's here.
213
00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:52,688
Blanco's here and he is after me.
214
00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:55,356
Copy. Rosalita, what's your 20? Over.
215
00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:57,088
Burt, do not give me those numbers.
216
00:19:57,162 --> 00:20:00,256
Your location, Rosalita,
where are you? Over.
217
00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:04,735
My location is on top of my bunkhouse,
and he'd better go away.
218
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:09,268
Burt he's hitting my bunkhouse!
219
00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:10,968
Burt he's hitting my bunkhouse!
220
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:14,103
Hang on, headin' your way.
ETA is 20 minutes!
221
00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:15,976
Twenty minutes, I'm gonna be
dessert for this guy.
222
00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:23,216
Tyler! El Blanco's after Rosalita,
and we're closer than Burt.
223
00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:24,448
We gotta get up there now!
224
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:25,615
I thought you guys coexist.
225
00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:27,818
He's acting crazy, okay?
Come on, we gotta move fast.
226
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,123
You wanna move fast, move over.
227
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,270
Hey, Dale Jr., where'd you learn
to drive like this?
228
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:45,367
You know about racin'?
229
00:20:45,444 --> 00:20:46,468
A little.
230
00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:48,410
I learned from Dale Sr.
231
00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:00,419
We're blocked in.
232
00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:02,858
Come on, guys!
Come on, help me!
233
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:05,352
Oh, that sticks.
234
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:06,454
- Really?
- Really.
235
00:21:06,531 --> 00:21:07,725
Guys! Help me!
236
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:26,849
Jump, Jodi!
237
00:21:32,391 --> 00:21:33,415
This barn ain't gonna last long.
238
00:21:33,492 --> 00:21:35,824
Yeah, that's why I called you,
you know, help me.
239
00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:37,327
- All right, you got the keys to your car?
- Yes, I do.
240
00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:38,886
- You sure?
- Yes!
241
00:21:45,671 --> 00:21:47,298
When we get there let Tyler drive.
242
00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:49,067
- Why?
- Trust me, you'll see.
243
00:21:51,209 --> 00:21:53,905
We gotta hurry.
Cars aren't safe from El Blanco.
244
00:21:58,116 --> 00:21:59,879
Come on. No big deal. Let's go.
245
00:22:13,098 --> 00:22:15,032
I just don't get what's going on
with El Blanco.
246
00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:16,692
I thought we had him figured out.
247
00:22:16,768 --> 00:22:18,998
You're gonna figure out a worm?
248
00:22:20,305 --> 00:22:23,274
So, how soon are you planning on selling
the business and getting out of here?
249
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:26,038
Uh, I don't know.
The place does have its good points.
250
00:22:26,111 --> 00:22:27,305
You're being sarcastic.
251
00:22:27,379 --> 00:22:30,109
No, I'm not.
This place sure isn't boring.
252
00:22:30,816 --> 00:22:32,841
You like almost getting killed?
253
00:22:32,918 --> 00:22:36,513
What, you used to be a fireman,
mountain climber, or somethin' like that?
254
00:22:36,588 --> 00:22:39,921
Come on, you saved my life.
I think you owe me an explanation.
255
00:22:39,991 --> 00:22:41,049
I do?
256
00:22:41,126 --> 00:22:42,616
Yeah, you do.
257
00:22:43,495 --> 00:22:44,757
I raced cars.
258
00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:47,731
Drove the NASCAR circuit
for a while. Southwest tour.
259
00:22:47,799 --> 00:22:50,324
Was workin' my way up
to the big money.
260
00:22:50,402 --> 00:22:54,338
But what you really wanted to be was a
desert tour guide and sleep in your garage?
261
00:22:54,406 --> 00:22:57,807
I'm in kind of a pit stop at the moment.
Let's just leave it at that, okay?
262
00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:04,246
Jodi, Burt here.
What's the sit rep on Rosalita? Over.
263
00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:06,946
Hey, Burt, I'm here. I'm fine.
264
00:23:07,018 --> 00:23:09,282
Jodi and Tyler came
and got me off the roof.
265
00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:10,878
Hey, what's a sit rep?
266
00:23:10,956 --> 00:23:13,516
Situation report.
267
00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:16,390
Hey, can I come up to your place?
'Cause I sure don't wanna go home now.
268
00:23:16,795 --> 00:23:18,456
Affirmative. Over.
269
00:23:31,176 --> 00:23:36,011
Jodi. Rosalita. And I'm,
uh, talkin' to...
270
00:23:36,081 --> 00:23:38,208
Hey, Tyler Reed.
Just took over the Graboid Tour business.
271
00:23:38,283 --> 00:23:42,686
That a fact? I don't remember
approvin' any new residency permits.
272
00:23:42,854 --> 00:23:44,253
A what?
273
00:23:44,322 --> 00:23:45,914
Residency permit.
274
00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:49,560
W.D. Twitchell,
Department of the Interior.
275
00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:53,295
Nobody settles in this
valley without my say-so.
276
00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:56,061
Excuse me, this is America.
Land of the free, you know.
277
00:23:56,134 --> 00:23:58,125
Home of "you can live wherever
the hell you wanna live."
278
00:23:59,571 --> 00:24:01,266
Hey, Twitch, um,
they're headed to Burt's.
279
00:24:01,339 --> 00:24:02,567
Can you drop me at the store?
280
00:24:02,641 --> 00:24:06,839
Uh, yeah, sure.
You got forms to fill out.
281
00:24:06,912 --> 00:24:08,937
He will, he will. Did you get
the report about the backpacker?
282
00:24:09,014 --> 00:24:11,380
Of course!
That's why I'm here.
283
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:12,815
I mean, you people
don't fill out permits.
284
00:24:12,884 --> 00:24:14,579
How am I supposed to keep track, huh?
285
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:23,489
Tyler?
Yeah, he is in charge of El Blanco.
286
00:24:23,995 --> 00:24:26,657
If he, like, decides that it's
too dangerous to live here,
287
00:24:26,731 --> 00:24:29,256
he can kick all of
our asses out of here.
288
00:24:29,334 --> 00:24:34,271
So, be nice, and keep El Blanco
trashing my place on the D.L. Got it?
289
00:24:34,873 --> 00:24:36,363
- Got it?
- Got it.
290
00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:39,538
This place is totally nuts,
you know that?
291
00:25:18,817 --> 00:25:22,048
Not to be one of those people
who ask questions, but I was wonderin',
292
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:23,280
what are you doin' out here?
293
00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:27,792
I mean, you look like a model or,
you know, Vegas showgirl.
294
00:25:29,094 --> 00:25:32,325
Well, actually, I was a Vegas showgirl.
295
00:25:32,397 --> 00:25:33,421
You're kidding.
296
00:25:33,498 --> 00:25:36,228
No. I headlined at Tops and Bottoms
at the Flamingo.
297
00:25:36,301 --> 00:25:37,325
Sorry I missed it.
298
00:25:37,402 --> 00:25:39,734
You ought to be. It was so artistic.
299
00:25:39,804 --> 00:25:43,934
What you really wanna do is raise cattle
and live five miles outside of nowhere?
300
00:25:44,009 --> 00:25:47,172
Rosalita. You sure you're all right?
301
00:25:47,679 --> 00:25:50,477
You told me that
I was gonna be safe up there.
302
00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:52,608
That El Blanco didn't like to go
up to my ranch
303
00:25:52,684 --> 00:25:54,675
'cause he didn't like the shallow
dirt or whatever.
304
00:25:54,753 --> 00:25:58,655
I know. I know, he's never done
this before. I can't explain it.
305
00:25:58,723 --> 00:26:01,419
But at least you'll be
safe in my place.
306
00:26:02,894 --> 00:26:04,225
His place?
307
00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:06,555
You're standing right on top of it.
308
00:26:06,631 --> 00:26:07,928
He lives underground?
309
00:26:07,999 --> 00:26:10,126
Yeah. But it's Graboid-proof.
310
00:26:11,036 --> 00:26:13,937
You see, he built the cement wall
under the dirt surrounding his property.
311
00:26:14,005 --> 00:26:18,772
Hmm. Guess it's good to know an antisocial,
para-military paranoid at times like this.
312
00:26:18,843 --> 00:26:20,777
Yo! Over here!
313
00:26:23,381 --> 00:26:25,576
I assume you've noticed these.
314
00:26:26,151 --> 00:26:27,140
Dirt bike tracks.
315
00:26:27,218 --> 00:26:29,083
No, not really. Survival tip.
316
00:26:29,154 --> 00:26:31,987
Know your terrain.
Be aware of every change.
317
00:26:39,898 --> 00:26:40,956
What is it, Burt?
318
00:26:41,032 --> 00:26:43,159
Interference on my geo-phones, again.
319
00:26:43,234 --> 00:26:45,862
Had it yesterday, too. Radio waves.
320
00:26:45,937 --> 00:26:50,533
But very low-frequency.
May be a covert op.
321
00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:54,404
Some secret government
experiment over at NTS.
322
00:26:56,114 --> 00:27:00,175
Maybe it's not good to know
an antisocial, para-military paranoid.
323
00:27:03,054 --> 00:27:04,351
Worm alert.
324
00:27:04,422 --> 00:27:08,017
No need to worry.
Perfect time to employ my USGDS.
325
00:27:08,093 --> 00:27:10,527
Ultrasonic Graboid Defense System.
326
00:27:10,595 --> 00:27:12,756
My own design, surplus parts.
327
00:27:13,064 --> 00:27:15,828
Each unit generates
a 10-thousand-cycle tone.
328
00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:18,061
It will overwhelm his sound sensors.
329
00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:20,696
Make my concussion grenade
seem like a cap gun.
330
00:27:20,772 --> 00:27:22,831
Well, go, do it, stop him!
331
00:27:22,907 --> 00:27:28,709
Uh, have patience. It's about
to come into range right about now.
332
00:27:32,083 --> 00:27:35,814
Oh, Burt, he's still comin'.
Isn't he supposed to stop?
333
00:27:36,588 --> 00:27:38,647
Affirmative. Run!
334
00:27:40,091 --> 00:27:41,183
Tyler! Come on! Tyler!
335
00:27:41,259 --> 00:27:42,317
Let's go this way! This way!
336
00:27:42,394 --> 00:27:43,486
Where in the hell we goin'?
337
00:27:44,996 --> 00:27:46,361
Follow me!
338
00:28:05,350 --> 00:28:08,183
Bastard just knocked down my fence,
339
00:28:09,888 --> 00:28:12,550
tryin' to get over
my underground wall.
340
00:28:12,757 --> 00:28:15,988
But you can't, can you, Shamu?
341
00:28:18,563 --> 00:28:22,294
Just four-inch ABS,
couple of mirrors duct taped inside.
342
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:25,598
Survival tip, just do what
you can with what you got.
343
00:28:25,670 --> 00:28:27,604
Why don't you do that bomb thing,
Burt, and get rid of him?
344
00:28:27,672 --> 00:28:29,162
Why waste a grenade?
345
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:32,505
My concrete Graboid barrier
is more than a match for him.
346
00:28:32,577 --> 00:28:35,205
Like your Graboid defense system.
347
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,875
That was experimental.
The wall is a proven concept.
348
00:28:41,019 --> 00:28:45,422
But damn it, that system should have worked.
Somethin' has changed in the equation.
349
00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:47,856
Somethin's different around here.
350
00:28:50,161 --> 00:28:51,185
Why are you lookin' at me?
351
00:28:51,262 --> 00:28:53,025
Did you have anything
unusual in your car?
352
00:28:53,098 --> 00:28:56,795
Something that might affect a Graboid?
Fuzz buster? Contraband receivers?
353
00:28:56,868 --> 00:28:58,165
What are you talking about?
354
00:28:58,236 --> 00:29:00,602
You wear a pacemaker or
any other internal electronic device?
355
00:29:00,672 --> 00:29:03,869
Uh, Burt, how long are we gonna be
stuck down here?
356
00:29:04,142 --> 00:29:06,975
Once he locates his prey,
he just lays in wait.
357
00:29:07,045 --> 00:29:09,172
Could be stuck a couple days.
358
00:29:09,247 --> 00:29:10,305
Days?
359
00:29:10,381 --> 00:29:13,908
Might as well make ourselves
comfortable. Anybody hungry?
360
00:29:15,220 --> 00:29:16,710
I haven't eaten since Vegas.
361
00:29:16,788 --> 00:29:18,085
Tyler...
362
00:29:23,361 --> 00:29:28,162
When a flock of ravenous Ass-Blasters
kamikazed my house, I had no choice
363
00:29:28,233 --> 00:29:34,103
but to detonate the domicile. I sustained
serious collateral damage to my lifestyle.
364
00:29:34,172 --> 00:29:35,161
No insurance?
365
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,208
They claim we're too high-risk.
366
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:42,008
My insurance was all in silver bars
converted to shrapnel by the blast
367
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,742
and disseminated over several acres.
368
00:29:44,816 --> 00:29:49,810
Since then, I've been forced to stretch
the food budget with, uh, edible wild plants.
369
00:29:50,655 --> 00:29:52,418
Prickly pear cactus.
370
00:29:53,892 --> 00:29:56,884
Fully de-spined.
Not bad with a shot of Tabasco.
371
00:30:03,902 --> 00:30:05,631
Tastes like cactus.
372
00:30:06,571 --> 00:30:08,471
You know, Burt,
there's lots of people out there
373
00:30:08,540 --> 00:30:12,738
who'd actually love to learn
how to eat this stuff. I mean, for a fee.
374
00:30:13,111 --> 00:30:17,343
You ever consider doin' somethin' like,
Burt Gummer's Survival School?
375
00:30:17,715 --> 00:30:22,618
Uh, Tyler. Burt here is not what you
would call "people" kind of people.
376
00:30:22,887 --> 00:30:24,855
Well, I'm just thinking,
377
00:30:25,657 --> 00:30:27,420
anyone livin' in a hole in the ground
eating cactus,
378
00:30:27,492 --> 00:30:30,017
well, maybe could use some income.
379
00:30:33,398 --> 00:30:35,195
People would pay me?
380
00:30:37,268 --> 00:30:39,896
He's moving.
I think he's leaving, Burt.
381
00:30:39,971 --> 00:30:41,563
He never leaves.
382
00:30:44,542 --> 00:30:46,407
What is going on here?
383
00:30:46,678 --> 00:30:50,170
Probably that surplus
Russian satellite I had in my car.
384
00:31:19,510 --> 00:31:21,307
Why don't we all go into Bixby.
385
00:31:21,379 --> 00:31:24,644
Just until we figure out
why El Blanco's doin' this.
386
00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:28,348
Nothing happened at Burt's yesterday.
387
00:31:28,419 --> 00:31:30,046
I know the drill.
388
00:31:34,325 --> 00:31:37,726
Residency forms.
Read 'em. Sign 'em.
389
00:31:37,795 --> 00:31:39,126
Everybody out here has to do this?
390
00:31:39,197 --> 00:31:41,358
Everybody, including
a couple snowbirds,
391
00:31:41,432 --> 00:31:44,799
a few prospectors and one
very annoying survivalist.
392
00:31:45,403 --> 00:31:48,998
And snap it up.
I got a schedule to keep.
393
00:31:49,073 --> 00:31:50,973
Do you ever think of bein' polite?
394
00:31:51,042 --> 00:31:52,771
Oh, he used to work at the DMV.
395
00:31:52,844 --> 00:31:56,177
Wait a second. You're restrictin'
my business to just daylight hours?
396
00:31:56,247 --> 00:31:57,976
Well, it's hard enough
keepin' you people alive,
397
00:31:58,049 --> 00:32:00,040
I can't have a bunch of tourists
runnin' around here after dark.
398
00:32:00,118 --> 00:32:01,517
I think these folks
do a pretty good job
399
00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:03,076
of keepin' themselves alive out here.
400
00:32:03,154 --> 00:32:04,951
What about free enterprise?
The plans for my business.
401
00:32:05,023 --> 00:32:06,490
Like my Moonlight Monster Tour?
402
00:32:06,557 --> 00:32:08,582
How do I do that without a moon?
403
00:32:08,660 --> 00:32:10,685
Guess you won't.
404
00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:14,356
Wonderful.
You brought your cannon.
405
00:32:14,432 --> 00:32:15,797
El Blanco's been misbehavin'.
406
00:32:15,867 --> 00:32:20,304
You shoot that Graboid and
I will slap you with a $50,000 fine.
407
00:32:20,371 --> 00:32:22,430
I act only in self-defense.
408
00:32:23,441 --> 00:32:26,376
Tell me, Twitchell,
are you holdin' out on us?
409
00:32:27,412 --> 00:32:28,401
Excuse me?
410
00:32:28,479 --> 00:32:30,003
They've done years
of research out here
411
00:32:30,081 --> 00:32:33,915
amassing a huge repository of data
of all things subterranean,
412
00:32:33,985 --> 00:32:35,282
and who controls that data?
413
00:32:35,353 --> 00:32:37,844
Certain cells in our own government.
414
00:32:38,523 --> 00:32:40,957
And who represents that government?
415
00:32:41,426 --> 00:32:42,825
You been out in the sun
too long, Gummer.
416
00:32:42,894 --> 00:32:44,919
You know more than we'll ever know
about El Blanco.
417
00:32:44,996 --> 00:32:49,330
Why has he changed his habits?
Why has he suddenly got such an appetite?
418
00:32:50,034 --> 00:32:52,002
Well, I really have no idea.
419
00:32:52,070 --> 00:32:54,231
We got a dirt biker
runnin' around the Valley.
420
00:32:54,305 --> 00:32:56,967
Never buys gas, water,
never comes into town.
421
00:32:57,041 --> 00:32:59,839
You don't know anything
about that either?
422
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:04,443
What the hell are you
gettin' at, Gummer?
423
00:33:04,515 --> 00:33:06,415
We all know your life
would be easier if we were outta here.
424
00:33:06,484 --> 00:33:10,887
But you've never quite been able
to make a solid case for eminent domain.
425
00:33:11,089 --> 00:33:15,082
Wouldn't hurt if maybe
just one or two of us got eaten.
426
00:33:20,365 --> 00:33:22,026
Burt, Grabboccino?
427
00:33:23,768 --> 00:33:26,168
That's slander, Gummer.
That's slander. Slander!
428
00:33:26,237 --> 00:33:27,761
I'll invoke the Freedom
of Information Act!
429
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:29,602
We'll see what's slander
and what ain't!
430
00:33:33,611 --> 00:33:36,580
I hate that friggin' worm. Hate him.
431
00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:41,046
He'll leave us alone
if you just keep quiet.
432
00:34:11,315 --> 00:34:15,217
Gummer, shoot him! Shoot him, Gummer!
Shoot the damn worm!
433
00:34:15,553 --> 00:34:18,078
Gummer, shoot it! Shoot him!
434
00:34:19,490 --> 00:34:23,256
Shoot the damn worm!
Shoot it, Gummer! Shoot him!
435
00:34:32,003 --> 00:34:33,994
Kill him! Kill him!
436
00:34:35,273 --> 00:34:38,106
El Blanco, don't make me do it.
437
00:34:38,176 --> 00:34:40,007
Gummer, he's over here!
438
00:34:43,047 --> 00:34:44,742
He's gonna eat me!
439
00:34:45,116 --> 00:34:46,583
Burt!
440
00:34:50,455 --> 00:34:52,480
Gummer, what are you doin'? Over here!
441
00:34:55,860 --> 00:34:57,259
Cover your ears!
442
00:34:57,328 --> 00:34:58,352
Why?
443
00:34:58,429 --> 00:35:00,056
Do it, you'll see!
444
00:35:29,627 --> 00:35:31,117
Burt! Wait up!
445
00:35:54,051 --> 00:35:57,350
Damn, Burt, that shot
was like a half a mile!
446
00:35:57,421 --> 00:35:58,820
Yes, it was.
447
00:36:01,692 --> 00:36:05,253
Techno-Ranch Corporation.
Elko, Nevada?
448
00:36:05,429 --> 00:36:07,590
Whatever it is, it's been makin'
El Blanco nuts.
449
00:36:07,665 --> 00:36:08,723
Who would do that?
450
00:36:08,799 --> 00:36:09,925
I thought it was Twitchell.
451
00:36:10,001 --> 00:36:12,492
Can't be. He wouldn't set it up
so he gets himself munched.
452
00:36:15,740 --> 00:36:17,503
It's the dirt biker.
453
00:36:17,575 --> 00:36:20,442
That SOB's been movin'
this thing all over.
454
00:36:35,393 --> 00:36:37,588
You know, there's no way we're gonna
catch some dude on a dirt bike.
455
00:36:37,662 --> 00:36:39,994
This dude, we will.
He went up this box canyon.
456
00:36:40,064 --> 00:36:44,296
It's a dead end!
A man has got to know his terrain.
457
00:37:12,663 --> 00:37:14,563
No, sir! No.
458
00:37:15,666 --> 00:37:19,500
Up. Put 'em up! Up! Go!
459
00:37:19,670 --> 00:37:22,104
What are you doin' out here?
Who's behind this?
460
00:37:22,173 --> 00:37:24,733
Damn it! Damn it! It wasn't
supposed to go like this.
461
00:37:24,809 --> 00:37:26,140
I didn't want to have to kill anybody.
462
00:37:26,210 --> 00:37:29,771
Hold on. Hold on, you don't have to...
Let's just talk a minute.
463
00:37:29,847 --> 00:37:32,645
No. No! Get on your knees now! Do it!
464
00:37:37,655 --> 00:37:41,182
Good work, son!
465
00:37:42,627 --> 00:37:44,993
You got him! And it's about time.
466
00:37:45,062 --> 00:37:46,290
Back off. Back off!
467
00:37:46,364 --> 00:37:49,162
Absolutely, son. Absolutely.
468
00:37:49,233 --> 00:37:50,825
Man... Hey!
469
00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:53,627
Hey, I like that helmet, by the way,
the whole camo-face thing.
470
00:37:53,704 --> 00:37:57,504
About damn time someone
got ol' Gung Ho Gummer.
471
00:37:58,009 --> 00:38:00,443
Listen up, friend.
472
00:38:00,978 --> 00:38:03,606
Just between you and me, since havin'
to deal with this old pompous blow bag,
473
00:38:03,714 --> 00:38:05,648
it's probably the last thing
you wanna have to deal with.
474
00:38:05,716 --> 00:38:07,741
Why don't you just shoot him!
475
00:38:07,818 --> 00:38:10,446
Shoot him, come on, shoot him. Huh?
476
00:38:10,521 --> 00:38:12,716
Hey, just leave it up to
the old yours truly here, huh?
477
00:38:12,790 --> 00:38:15,281
Give him the old work over, huh?
Drive, drive, huh?
478
00:38:15,359 --> 00:38:19,318
Huh, Gum? Huh? What? What?
I can't... What'd you say?
479
00:38:19,397 --> 00:38:21,228
I can't hear you.
480
00:38:21,299 --> 00:38:24,632
Yeah, old Gummer, what you gonna do?
Come on. Get him, baby, get him.
481
00:38:40,484 --> 00:38:42,384
Pompous blow bag?
482
00:38:42,453 --> 00:38:44,853
I was just ad-libbin', Burt, jeez.
483
00:38:45,589 --> 00:38:47,489
He's gonna have to
follow that streambed.
484
00:38:47,558 --> 00:38:49,185
We can go over that ridge
and cut him off.
485
00:38:49,260 --> 00:38:50,318
- And what?
- If we move fast.
486
00:38:50,394 --> 00:38:52,419
If you wanna move fast, let me drive.
487
00:38:52,496 --> 00:38:53,758
Take it.
488
00:39:11,816 --> 00:39:15,149
Deal's done, man. They shot up
the machine. Now, give me my money.
489
00:39:15,219 --> 00:39:16,208
What do you mean, the deal's done?
490
00:39:16,287 --> 00:39:18,881
And you get your money
when you finish the job.
491
00:39:18,956 --> 00:39:20,480
Shut that bike off!
492
00:39:20,558 --> 00:39:22,185
Not until I get paid, pal.
493
00:39:22,259 --> 00:39:23,624
I said shut it off!
494
00:39:42,012 --> 00:39:43,775
Hold on! Hold on!
495
00:39:44,648 --> 00:39:46,479
Make for those rocks.
496
00:39:54,859 --> 00:39:56,451
Hey, who's that?
497
00:39:58,028 --> 00:39:59,620
The little turd.
498
00:39:59,964 --> 00:40:01,192
Oh, him.
499
00:40:06,837 --> 00:40:10,500
Watch it, Burt.
El Blanco is really close.
500
00:40:10,574 --> 00:40:13,975
We know. What are you doin'
way out here, Melvin?
501
00:40:14,278 --> 00:40:18,942
Just, uh, checkin' out some of my land.
In fact, you're trespassing.
502
00:40:19,250 --> 00:40:21,616
You just didn't happen to see a guy
on a dirt bike just now, did ya?
503
00:40:21,685 --> 00:40:23,175
A dirt bike?
504
00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:25,389
No. Sorry, man.
505
00:40:27,625 --> 00:40:29,684
What are those tracks, then?
506
00:40:30,594 --> 00:40:33,324
'Cause I thought the idea was
El Blanco kills one of us
507
00:40:33,397 --> 00:40:36,161
so Twitchell can move us out.
But, no!
508
00:40:36,233 --> 00:40:40,567
Somebody wanted us to kill El Blanco.
509
00:40:40,638 --> 00:40:41,969
Say again?
510
00:40:42,039 --> 00:40:43,131
You'll learn to ignore this stuff.
511
00:40:43,207 --> 00:40:44,674
I don't think so.
512
00:40:44,742 --> 00:40:48,234
If El Blanco became so aggressive
we had to kill him in self-defense,
513
00:40:48,312 --> 00:40:54,046
poof, no endangered species.
No protected habitat!
514
00:40:55,753 --> 00:40:59,519
And we're livin' in downtown
Melville, Nevada.
515
00:41:00,925 --> 00:41:04,122
You're, uh, raving, Burt. As usual.
516
00:41:19,343 --> 00:41:21,743
So some idiot biker gets swallowed!
517
00:41:22,580 --> 00:41:24,775
It's got nothin' to do with me.
518
00:41:25,382 --> 00:41:29,785
With the little turd,
always count on plausible deniability.
519
00:41:46,470 --> 00:41:48,700
Yeah, yeah. Thanks. Good-bye.
520
00:41:48,772 --> 00:41:51,002
Just as I thought.
This thing was stolen from a company
521
00:41:51,075 --> 00:41:53,100
called Techno-Ranch two weeks ago.
522
00:41:53,177 --> 00:41:54,610
It was developed for
the livestock industry.
523
00:41:54,678 --> 00:41:58,444
Here's their website.
The Model 1200 transmits a signal
524
00:41:58,516 --> 00:42:01,041
to stimulate an animal's hypothalamus.
525
00:42:01,318 --> 00:42:06,153
Increases the hunger response.
A healthy alternative to growth hormones.
526
00:42:06,457 --> 00:42:09,324
Wow. I may start eating meat again.
527
00:42:10,094 --> 00:42:13,621
So, El Blanco couldn't stop
eating even if he wanted to.
528
00:42:13,864 --> 00:42:17,732
Mmm, this is good!
529
00:42:30,781 --> 00:42:33,750
They got lost on their way to Vegas,
and I talked 'em into taking the tour.
530
00:42:33,817 --> 00:42:38,277
Wrote out their commentary in phonetic
Mandarin. We're going international.
531
00:42:58,943 --> 00:43:02,106
You just called them all a bunch
of monkey butts.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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