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1
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Previously on Californication:
2
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I fucking love teeth. They fascinate me.
3
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,612
When Levon came along,
he derailed the whole acting thing.
4
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:20,378
- Yeah.
- I became a dental hygienist.
5
00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:22,020
Oh, so you're my manager now.
6
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:24,019
Think about getting some other clients.
7
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,954
Yeah, but that's
the other reason I'm here.
8
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I have a severe nut allergy.
9
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- Of course you do.
- I could die.
10
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,222
That would be a shame.
11
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:37,263
I really want to have sex
with Rath's assistant.
12
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:39,803
Good to have dreams,
good to shoot for the moon.
13
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,635
- Yeah, but how do I get there?
- It's best to play it cool.
14
00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:45,369
I'm sorry to interrupt.
I'm Julia, Levon's mom.
15
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,638
Hi, Melanie.
16
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:50,442
Sorry I created a hostile
working environment for you.
17
00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:55,716
- Rick Rath. You ever done any acting?
- Oh, years ago, in New York.
18
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,323
Know what?
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
19
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:03,086
I think you're probably a lot more talented
than you think you are.
20
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:33,420
- Oh, hey.
- Hi.
21
00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:38,524
I know you love that
overgrown man-child of yours.
22
00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:40,956
Ours? Too soon?
23
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,495
But you got to stop visiting him at work.
It's not cool.
24
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:47,799
In fact, it's so far from cool,
it's almost creepy. No, it's creepy.
25
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:51,774
Yep, we're in creepy town right now,
population, you.
26
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:55,540
A, I have an appointment,
and B, it's too soon.
27
00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:57,649
And C, are you
getting stoned right now?
28
00:01:57,817 --> 00:01:59,148
What kind of appointment?
29
00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:02,283
It's an acting appointment.
30
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,787
- You didn't answer my question.
- An audition.
31
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,392
Rath said there was a small part
I might be good for.
32
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:11,394
- Rath did, did he? Very interesting.
- You don't think it's a good idea?
33
00:02:11,564 --> 00:02:13,395
I think very few things are good ideas.
34
00:02:13,566 --> 00:02:17,400
It turns out I'm a very negative person,
but I'm working on it with my therapist.
35
00:02:17,570 --> 00:02:19,367
Not really. What's wrong?
36
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,865
I'm really nervous.
Really, really nervous.
37
00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:24,805
Like, explosive diarrhea nervous?
38
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,311
It doesn't matter. Whatever's going on
in your gastrointestinal tract...
39
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,948
...nobody cares, you know why?
40
00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:32,141
- Because you look amazing.
- Do you think so?
41
00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,548
I do. I think. I think many thoughts.
42
00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:36,154
Many impure thoughts.
43
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,519
It's like the Pussycat Theater
up in here right now.
44
00:02:39,692 --> 00:02:43,651
What the fuck am I thinking? It's stupid.
I should go back to work where it's safe.
45
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,856
Where people love me, and people
have teeth that need cleaning.
46
00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:50,867
I know how to do that. I do it really well.
Tell Rath thanks, but no, thanks.
47
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:53,369
I will do nothing of the sort.
You can do this.
48
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,967
- Go on.
- How do you know?
49
00:02:56,142 --> 00:03:00,772
Because I am flashing back to a memory
of our brief history together.
50
00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:02,881
I used to run lines with you.
51
00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:05,040
Yeah. Remember?
52
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:08,551
Sort of. No matter what the sides were,
you'd turn it into a sex scene.
53
00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:12,452
I was trying to get you to internalize the
material without thinking about it.
54
00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:14,559
Or I was just being awesome.
55
00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:17,529
Either way,
you're gonna be great in there.
56
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:21,189
Just break one of those
incredibly sexy legs of yours.
57
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:24,131
- Thank you, Hank.
- You're welcome, Julia.
58
00:03:24,737 --> 00:03:27,069
- You can go back to getting stoned now.
- Thank you.
59
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:31,768
Hey, maybe you care to partake?
You know, all the cool kids are doing it.
60
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,742
It might just take the edge off.
61
00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:35,540
Come here.
62
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,683
A little shotgun.
63
00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:43,282
There you go. You're ready now.
64
00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:44,548
Go get them.
65
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,136
Hey, get in here.
66
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:36,999
Look at this.
Tell me if it's as good as I think it is.
67
00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:39,804
- I'm biased, but...
- All right.
68
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,747
- How was your weekend, Danko?
- Groovy, baby. Grande groovy.
69
00:04:43,916 --> 00:04:46,384
You gonna let me make you
a part of my weekend plans?
70
00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:47,849
Who writes this shit, you?
71
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,546
- I didn't write this shit. You did.
- I didn't write it.
72
00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:53,191
It sounds like something
you would have written.
73
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,190
Okay, watch.
74
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:58,421
There's rules about that, Danko.
75
00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:00,498
Rules are made to be broken,
sweetheart.
76
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:04,125
So is hearts, Danko. So is hearts.
77
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,006
Was that okay, or can I do it again?
78
00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:10,701
- Wait. She's gonna laugh.
- Everybody says that.
79
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:12,777
That's it? That's the...?
80
00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:16,711
Yeah, it's a small part, but she'd be
the secretary at the police station.
81
00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:20,080
So she'd be around a lot,
which would be nice.
82
00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:24,045
- And she's good, right?
- She is good. She's very natural.
83
00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:25,713
Very natural.
84
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:28,122
Extremely natural,
if you know what I'm saying.
85
00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:30,057
I think I know what you're saying.
86
00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:32,595
I'm sorry.
Does this make you uncomfortable?
87
00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:35,290
I guess not.
88
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,403
- I mean, she's so beautiful.
- Yeah.
89
00:05:39,572 --> 00:05:42,803
But it's more than that, she is like
a hit of pure sunshine, you know?
90
00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:47,241
She's not like all these fucking damage
cases you meet out here, you know?
91
00:05:48,147 --> 00:05:49,671
Is it cool if I?
92
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:53,112
- If you what?
- Pursue her?
93
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:56,119
Well, her son does work for you,
you know.
94
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:57,381
Is that a conflict?
95
00:05:57,557 --> 00:06:00,253
He's not gonna be that happy
if you're banging his mom.
96
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:04,390
Yeah, but what do I care if he's happy?
He works for me. I don't work for him.
97
00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:08,591
That's true. That's true.
I guess it's fine, then.
98
00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:11,032
- You're not looking to rekindle?
- No, not at all.
99
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,330
- Why not?
- My life...
100
00:06:12,505 --> 00:06:14,496
...is entirely too complicated right now.
101
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:17,734
Right, you got that whole thing
with the mother of your other kid.
102
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:21,141
Yeah, that whole
other-mother thing, yeah.
103
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,282
- Yeah.
- Got that going on.
104
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:25,947
Maybe you're right.
Maybe this isn't a good idea.
105
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,644
- Maybe I shouldn't give her the part.
- No, you should.
106
00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:31,915
You should. I think you should.
This is good, a thing of good.
107
00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:35,424
- You should give it to her.
- Oh, I'll give it to her.
108
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:36,926
Sorry.
109
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:44,798
Goldie, I cannot thank you enough
for agreeing to sit down with me today.
110
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,962
Don't thank me. Thank Hank.
He begged me to.
111
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,608
- He also speaks the world of you.
- Really?
112
00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:52,101
- Yes.
- Because usually he makes fun of me.
113
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,712
Well, he does that,
but I can tell it's out of love.
114
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,679
There is love. I do love the guy.
115
00:06:57,850 --> 00:07:00,648
- That is so sweet.
- I took a bullet for him, you know.
116
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,447
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
117
00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:05,182
- Would you like to see?
- Not really.
118
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:11,463
- Can you see it?
- That looks like eczema.
119
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,758
What? It's scar tissue.
120
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,128
- Whatever, dude. What's your pitch?
- Oh, right.
121
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:19,603
You are a very talented
young woman, Goldie Forrest.
122
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,831
I have been a big fan
for quite some time.
123
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:25,644
Cool. I haven't heard that one before.
124
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,043
You wrote an episode
of Dawson's Creek, didn't you?
125
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:32,275
Yes, about a hundred years ago.
Why do you know that?
126
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,352
- Because I love that show.
- Bullshit.
127
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,317
You didn't watch Dawson's Creek.
128
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:40,186
Yes, I did. I swear.
I still watch it in reruns.
129
00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:42,725
- Are you gay?
- No, not at all.
130
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:45,455
Well, I was, yeah, for a short time.
131
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:48,191
- I was just pretending.
- Why?
132
00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:51,996
If I told you, I would have to kill you,
because you would be bored to tears.
133
00:07:52,171 --> 00:07:55,265
Thank you for that. Sometimes,
when people are telling a story...
134
00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:58,638
...I fantasize reaching into their
mouth, ripping their tongue out...
135
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:01,177
...and shoving it
so far up their fucking ass...
136
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:04,111
...that they can only dream
of shitting it out.
137
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:09,010
You are a most delightful young lady.
138
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:10,782
Do you think I'm pretty?
139
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:14,017
Yes, very much so.
I think you're beautiful.
140
00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:18,323
But do you think it's working
against me, professionally?
141
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,762
Sometimes I think my looks
are a problem.
142
00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:23,868
Like, if I were a hatchet face,
I'd have my own show by now.
143
00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,333
Who are you with?
144
00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:29,671
- UTK. But I'm feeling lost over there.
- That's not uncommon.
145
00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:33,506
Have you ever given any thought
to taking on a manager?
146
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:38,246
I have one. In fact, I really
should not be doing this right now.
147
00:08:38,417 --> 00:08:40,146
Why? What are we doing?
We're talking.
148
00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:43,186
We're just sitting, talking.
Two people sitting and talking.
149
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:47,190
It feels wrong, dirty,
like I'm cheating on him.
150
00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:49,954
I'm a dirty little slut.
151
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:52,188
But obviously you're unhappy.
152
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,334
He's a good guy.
He's just kind of old, you know?
153
00:08:55,501 --> 00:09:00,131
My writer friends call him "Old Balls."
He just seems impotent.
154
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:02,866
Actually, that's not
the appropriate word.
155
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:05,602
It is the perfect word.
He's a real limp dick.
156
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:08,645
Well, sometimes those
limp dicks can surprise you.
157
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:13,280
Are you doing some kind of
a weird reverse psychology...
158
00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:16,444
...you defend my representation,
make me think you're a good guy?
159
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,886
Because it's totally working.
160
00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:32,932
What's wrong?
161
00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:35,938
Nothing.
Why do you think something's wrong?
162
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:38,133
Because you're quiet, too quiet.
163
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:41,075
Usually I keep turning up
the volume to drown you out.
164
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,680
I like that you know me.
165
00:09:43,182 --> 00:09:44,581
What's the problem?
166
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,147
I'm fucking heartsick, man.
167
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,345
- Melanie?
- Melanie.
168
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:51,649
Maybe you should shoot a little lower.
169
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:55,021
You know, what about that girl
that works in post?
170
00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:57,662
- What about her?
- You mean the one with the lazy eye?
171
00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:00,594
Hey, her eye may be lazy,
but that girl works her ass off.
172
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,693
When was the last time
you jerked off to a hard worker?
173
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:08,363
Melanie drives me crazy.
She gets me so hot.
174
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:11,368
- I beat off to her at work today.
- Oh, shit. You know...
175
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:15,207
...it's dangerous to masturbate at work.
Talk to your Uncle Charlie about that.
176
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:17,508
It's fucking disgusting.
What's wrong with you?
177
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:20,516
- Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
- Don't jerk off at work.
178
00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:24,416
- I think the director's trying to get in there.
- What?
179
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:26,558
That little worm, that fucking hack?
180
00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:29,217
You've got the Moody blood
running through your veins.
181
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:32,990
Can't let that worm get in the way of
you and your masturbatory daydreams.
182
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,133
She's way out of both
your leagues anyway.
183
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,134
Yeah, but he's gonna win.
He's a director.
184
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:42,035
No, he's a TV director.
I mean, you're on your way up the ladder.
185
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:45,143
You're using a footstool,
barely holding on to the first rung...
186
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:49,407
...but he's stuck in the middle. Eventually
he's just gonna fall off and die screaming.
187
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,573
Don't know how
that fuck keeps getting jobs.
188
00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:55,346
- I don't know either.
- Must have film of Stu riding the Sybian.
189
00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:56,818
Think I'd like to see that.
190
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,581
Yeah, me too.
191
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:01,488
I got it! I got the part! I got the part!
192
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,892
Congrats. Way to go.
193
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:07,862
- All right, congrats. Way to go.
- Hi.
194
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:11,993
Like to think my pep talk had something
to do with it. That and the shotgun.
195
00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:14,763
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
196
00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:17,704
- Aren't you happy for me?
- Are you kidding me? It's awesome.
197
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:20,209
Not only am I a guy
who lives with his mother.
198
00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:23,041
Now I'm a guy who works
with his mother. It's so cool.
199
00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:25,649
Oh, there's the fact we moved
all the way out here...
200
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:28,582
...to launch my acting career,
and you luck into a job.
201
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:30,881
- Good for you, Mom. Good for you.
- Hey.
202
00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:34,254
Stop being a snotty little killjoy.
This is your mother's happy day.
203
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,396
- Yeah, what he said.
- I'm sorry.
204
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,724
Come on, let's celebrate. It's great.
205
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:42,197
Come on, you're happy for me.
Let's have dinner.
206
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,495
- Get the door. Just shut it.
- Can Hank come?
207
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:47,036
- No.
- I'm sure Hank has better things to do.
208
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:50,369
I got to work on my 85-page
outline for Santa Monica Cop.
209
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,067
New career high, by the way.
210
00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:54,542
Come on. Don't be a killjoy.
It's Mom's happy day.
211
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:55,738
Right?
212
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:57,610
Oh, all right.
213
00:11:57,783 --> 00:12:00,775
- Come on, get in.
- Tight squeeze back here.
214
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:09,385
To the City of Angels, where it turns out
dreams actually do come true.
215
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,622
Tell that to brokenhearted starlets
who got chewed up, spit out...
216
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,733
...and effed in the A
atop the Hollywood sign. Cheers.
217
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:18,165
- Cheers.
- I love this city.
218
00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:20,931
Okay, go easy there, Ma.
She can't handle her alcohol.
219
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:23,541
Beg to differ. Back in the day,
your mom could drink.
220
00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:26,143
I could drink you
under the table, motherfucker.
221
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:28,872
Maybe I liked getting you
under the table, motherfucker.
222
00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:32,449
Gross. Get a room, you two. Jesus.
223
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,112
You know what? There are some
seriously hot bitches here tonight.
224
00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:38,950
- This is great.
- Who are you now?
225
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,093
What have I told you
about trying too hard?
226
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,627
- Anybody can be a dick. Be a gentleman.
- Yeah, what she said.
227
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,355
- Thank you.
- Excellent parenting.
228
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:48,466
- Shit.
- What?
229
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:51,102
- It's Melanie.
- What's so bad about that?
230
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,532
He likes Melanie.
231
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,935
- Shut up.
- Really? I want to hear all about it.
232
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:57,098
They need me back at the office.
Drive me.
233
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,744
No, we're getting started.
We're gonna raise the roof.
234
00:12:59,912 --> 00:13:01,470
Come on, let's play some pool.
235
00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,274
This is my job we're talking about.
236
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,644
They tell me to jump, I jump.
Show business.
237
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:08,514
- Can I pee first?
- Permission granted.
238
00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:10,746
Bring back a sample.
239
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,252
So, what's the move here?
240
00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:15,655
If I find myself alone with her,
what do I do?
241
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:18,160
- You really like this girl?
- Pretty much, yeah.
242
00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:21,527
Then just make your intentions known,
and don't be creepy about it.
243
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,497
Don't whip out your dick or anything.
244
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:25,500
- Why would I?
- Your mom and I spoke.
245
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:29,368
Shut... It was a phase.
Why did she tell you that?
246
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,335
I'm impressed.
I could totally see us working together.
247
00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:35,036
That is music to my ears, Goldie.
248
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:38,809
You say the word, and I will start
working to make your dreams come true.
249
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,714
Tell me something.
What are some of your immediate goals?
250
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:44,219
You know what I want
more than anything?
251
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:47,587
To run the fucking show.
Rath is a hack.
252
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,490
He's just coasting on his resume
at this point.
253
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,461
If he would listen to me,
we could totally fucking crush it.
254
00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:57,295
But his head is so far up his own ass
he can't hear what anyone else is saying.
255
00:13:57,469 --> 00:13:59,130
I find myself sitting in meetings...
256
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:02,399
...nodding my head at every stupid
fucking idea he has.
257
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:03,599
You know what I mean?
258
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:08,338
You help me get the show out
from under Rath, and I'm all yours.
259
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:12,006
- What do you say?
- It sounds kind of devious, actually.
260
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,947
I know, right?
261
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:16,781
So all I have to do
is break up with Old Balls.
262
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:18,753
- Oh, unpleasant.
- But necessary.
263
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:23,251
- I have a confession to make.
- Oh, what's that?
264
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:28,799
Before the meeting, I went on RedTube
and watched your masturbation video.
265
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:30,435
I'm sorry about that.
266
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:34,232
I've been trying to get them to take it
down, but apparently it gets a lot of hits.
267
00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:36,806
Don't apologize.
268
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:38,068
It's kind of hot.
269
00:14:38,777 --> 00:14:43,976
I mean, there is nothing
limp dick about you, Charlie.
270
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:47,507
What kind of cleanup
am I looking at in there?
271
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,343
I don't know what you're insinuating.
272
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:04,655
Thanks for celebrating with us.
It really meant a lot to Levon.
273
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:07,060
Sure. I was happy to.
274
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:11,066
You know, you deserve a little stardust.
You do.
275
00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:13,796
Thanks, Hank.
I think your pep talk really helped.
276
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,338
- Sure.
- Good night.
277
00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:20,410
I probably shouldn't say this out loud,
but apparently that's what I do, so I will.
278
00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:25,175
But you do realize that Rath might have
certain expectations now, right?
279
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:28,582
- What are you talking about?
- Well, he did give you the job.
280
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:34,349
Are you saying that he expects me to
have sex with him or give him a blow job?
281
00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:38,189
I'm sure he'd enjoy either one of those
options. He does find you pretty foxy.
282
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,755
Well, he said I was very natural.
283
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:42,264
You are very natural.
284
00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:45,562
You are. You're also...
You're very naive.
285
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:49,404
Jeez, maybe I should turn it down.
286
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:53,067
Don't cut off your boobs to spite
your chest or something like that.
287
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:57,477
I'm just trying to make you aware that
the boss man might have a crush on you.
288
00:16:57,649 --> 00:17:01,210
You know, and you could do a lot worse.
The guy's a serious fucking earner.
289
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:05,653
- He has really nice teeth.
- And he's got really nice teeth.
290
00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:08,088
- Smile.
- Do I have to?
291
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:11,195
You have something between
your lateral incisor and your canine.
292
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,490
Looks like a little hamburger meat.
Gone now.
293
00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:16,065
- Thank you.
- Look at these choppers.
294
00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:18,703
- They could use a cleaning.
- I'll make an appointment.
295
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:21,135
- I'll make an appointment.
- You should.
296
00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:22,466
I will, right away.
297
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:26,577
- I'm not really ready to call it a night.
- No? All right, I'm game.
298
00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:29,908
- Let's do it.
- Just tell me where to point this lead sled.
299
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:31,447
Okay.
300
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:33,380
I'm waiting.
301
00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:40,423
So does Rath ever hit on you?
302
00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:44,221
No. I gave him a killer blow job
when I first got here.
303
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:45,886
He's left me alone ever since.
304
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,657
- Really?
- Yeah.
305
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,329
That's smart, I guess.
306
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,231
Dude, I'm kidding.
307
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,740
Of course you are.
308
00:17:57,509 --> 00:18:01,309
So, what makes your blow jobs
so killer?
309
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,175
Well, wouldn't you like to know?
310
00:18:03,348 --> 00:18:06,340
- I would, yeah.
- You're funny.
311
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:10,477
Anyway, Rath has been through
a bunch of sexual harassment lawsuits...
312
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,352
...so he's pretty much learned
to behave himself.
313
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:16,983
I mean, I do catch him staring at my tits
here and there, but that's okay.
314
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:20,359
- You know, I take it as a compliment.
- You totally should.
315
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,895
One, two, three, eyes on me. Hi.
316
00:18:24,069 --> 00:18:26,469
- Hey, Mel.
- Hey, you.
317
00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:30,938
Can you run out and get me
a nonfat vanilla latte, kid?
318
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,704
Yeah. I really don't work for you, so...
319
00:18:33,879 --> 00:18:35,710
Yeah, but you work for the show, right?
320
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:36,905
Yeah, so?
321
00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:40,813
So if you work for the show, you work
for me, because I direct the show.
322
00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:43,750
Well, you directed the pilot,
except for the reshoots.
323
00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:46,823
I guess they had to bring in
someone else for those, right?
324
00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:48,391
Come here.
325
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:56,029
Look, I have laid a lot of groundwork
with this girl. We're talking weeks of prep.
326
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:57,964
You are not gonna fuck this up for me.
327
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,367
You think I'm swinging
my big, fat dick around.
328
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:03,201
But the truth is,
I'm actually seeing a few steps ahead.
329
00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:06,538
No matter what happens between her
and me, it's gonna end badly.
330
00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:09,977
I know that going in.
I accept it as the cost of doing business.
331
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:13,414
But you? You could be, like,
the shoulder to cry on.
332
00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:16,145
- See where I'm going with this?
- You're full of shit.
333
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,811
And you could use an Altoid.
334
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:20,153
Vanilla latte.
335
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,885
Get her one too,
and don't be too quick about it.
336
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,331
Hello.
337
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:29,357
I can't tell you how not into this I am.
338
00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:31,526
Don't be such a pussy.
It's just a cleaning.
339
00:19:31,703 --> 00:19:33,967
But you've been drinking,
shouldn't be handling...
340
00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:37,734
...dental equipment under the influence.
- What are you so afraid of?
341
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:39,901
- You've seen Raiders of the Lost Ark?
- Yeah.
342
00:19:40,078 --> 00:19:42,171
You know how Indiana Jones
is this badass?
343
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,542
He's literate, he's smart,
good with the whip...
344
00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:46,684
...great with the ladies, kind of like me?
345
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:50,015
- Right? But he's deathly afraid of snakes.
- Okay, so?
346
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,918
I'm deathly afraid of dentists.
347
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:53,717
That dude is my snakes.
348
00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:57,759
I saw Marathon Man when I was
younger, and I had nightmares for weeks.
349
00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:01,263
I wet the bed after that, which is way
hotter when a woman does it.
350
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,227
I'm gonna clean your teeth.
351
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:07,736
- Say, "You're a really good director."
- You're a really good director.
352
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,737
Say, "You're a feature director."
353
00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:13,400
- You are a feature director.
- Yeah, that's right. I am a feature director.
354
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:15,274
- I am.
- Yup. Yes, you are.
355
00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:19,543
I'm just doing television
because the pay is good, but I'm close.
356
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:22,710
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- I'm close to having another feature.
357
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,822
- You're so close.
- Jesus, this is awful.
358
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,753
Not gonna be able to un-see this shit.
359
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:29,985
Leave the lattes
and get the fuck out of here.
360
00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:32,793
Oh, my God.
361
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:36,961
You shouldn't be doing this, Melanie.
You deserve better.
362
00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:39,467
- He's on his way down. I'm on my way up.
- Says who?
363
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:41,663
- My father.
- I knew it.
364
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,570
That fucking guy.
He lives to fuck my shit up.
365
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:46,267
He's such a fucking asshole.
366
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:50,848
- That's my father you're talking about.
- Yeah, your father is a fucking asshole.
367
00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:53,348
- You're a dick. You know that?
- You're the dick.
368
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,016
- I hate you.
- You're a dick.
369
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,624
Your dad is ruining my life.
370
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,357
Goddamn it. What the fuck?
371
00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:05,155
You have a gun in there?
372
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,422
Smell my finger.
373
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:09,026
- No, never.
- Smell my finger.
374
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:11,431
- God, fuck me, man.
- Fucking asshole.
375
00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:13,798
You're a sick bastard.
376
00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:18,840
I can't believe you're into that guy,
Melanie. He's on his way down.
377
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:21,104
I'm on my way up the ladder.
I'm climbing.
378
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,943
I don't mean this the way it sounds,
but you're a PA.
379
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,914
- He's directed movies.
- Shitty movies.
380
00:21:27,085 --> 00:21:29,315
What other way could that have
possibly sounded?
381
00:21:29,488 --> 00:21:32,480
He owns a home and a car.
382
00:21:32,658 --> 00:21:36,094
That's what this is about, possessions?
Anyone can buy stuff.
383
00:21:36,261 --> 00:21:38,491
Not everyone has one of these.
384
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:47,005
You have a surprisingly big dick.
385
00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:48,400
Thanks.
386
00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:52,839
Oh, but that doesn't make me
want to be with you, Levon.
387
00:22:01,019 --> 00:22:03,249
This is not as bad
as I thought it was gonna be.
388
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:06,255
- I told you so.
- You're really good at cleaning teeth.
389
00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:08,154
Fucking A right I am.
390
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:10,591
- Can I have another hit of nitrous?
- No. Come on.
391
00:22:10,762 --> 00:22:12,696
- Enough.
- Didn't see me cutting you off...
392
00:22:12,864 --> 00:22:14,923
...when we were at the bar, did you?
393
00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:16,692
Close your mouth.
394
00:22:16,868 --> 00:22:19,132
You got to see a dentist
on a more regular basis.
395
00:22:19,304 --> 00:22:22,273
I can't stress it enough how important
good oral hygiene is.
396
00:22:22,441 --> 00:22:23,738
- Stop saying that.
- What?
397
00:22:23,909 --> 00:22:26,605
"Oral." It's turning me on.
398
00:22:28,246 --> 00:22:29,907
Good to know I still turn you on.
399
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:32,550
Nothing about you
that wouldn't turn a person on.
400
00:22:32,718 --> 00:22:35,414
Really?
It doesn't feel that way sometimes.
401
00:22:35,587 --> 00:22:38,181
No serious relationships ever?
402
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:40,985
There were a few things
that might have been something...
403
00:22:41,159 --> 00:22:43,252
...but Levon always got in the way.
404
00:22:43,428 --> 00:22:47,091
I just... I wanted to find somebody
who could embrace him for who he is...
405
00:22:47,265 --> 00:22:52,066
...and also, you know, play an active role
in his life, but I guess that's a lot to ask.
406
00:22:52,237 --> 00:22:54,967
Could be the nitrous talking,
but he's kind of a great kid.
407
00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:59,941
He's really... He's kind of awesome
in an initially off-putting kind of way.
408
00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:02,740
- It's weird.
- I know, right? He's a really good kid.
409
00:23:02,914 --> 00:23:04,313
- Yeah.
- He's got a great heart.
410
00:23:04,483 --> 00:23:06,951
Well, he gets that from you,
from his mom.
411
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:08,416
- That's not fair.
- What?
412
00:23:08,587 --> 00:23:10,714
Just complimenting me
on my mothering skills...
413
00:23:10,889 --> 00:23:12,652
...when I'm so close to you?
414
00:23:26,872 --> 00:23:29,102
This is probably not a good idea.
415
00:23:29,274 --> 00:23:31,834
- It's a terrible idea.
- Terrible idea.
416
00:23:40,786 --> 00:23:42,378
It's Levon. That figures.
417
00:23:42,554 --> 00:23:44,613
He's always been
such a little cockblocker.
418
00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:46,951
- Should I rinse?
- Yeah, rinse.
419
00:23:47,125 --> 00:23:49,923
- What's wrong, honey?
- You told me, make my intentions known.
420
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:53,531
Yeah, I also told you not to take your
dick out. I specifically said that.
421
00:23:53,698 --> 00:23:56,258
- I know. I got carried away. I'm sorry.
- You think?
422
00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:58,903
I did not raise you
to threaten women with your penis.
423
00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:01,129
I wasn't threatening her,
I was showing it.
424
00:24:01,306 --> 00:24:03,171
I thought it might make a difference.
425
00:24:03,341 --> 00:24:07,277
Whatever. I should've known better.
No one I like ever likes me back anyways.
426
00:24:07,446 --> 00:24:11,075
I'm not saying what he did is right,
but I get where he's coming from.
427
00:24:11,249 --> 00:24:13,547
You know, he's a guy.
He just wants to get laid.
428
00:24:13,718 --> 00:24:15,049
It's totally normal.
429
00:24:15,220 --> 00:24:18,678
Oh, yeah, it's normal,
but it's disgusting, and it's illegal.
430
00:24:18,857 --> 00:24:21,417
Yeah, it's all those things too.
431
00:24:21,593 --> 00:24:23,185
But what is that about?
432
00:24:23,361 --> 00:24:26,990
I mean, is it handsome and special?
433
00:24:27,165 --> 00:24:29,030
It's pretty big.
434
00:24:29,201 --> 00:24:32,136
Like father, like son.
Unless big dicks run in your family too.
435
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:35,535
He could have your big dick.
Where were we before we were...
436
00:24:35,707 --> 00:24:39,165
...so rudely interrupted by your son's
overwhelming need to expose himself?
437
00:24:39,344 --> 00:24:40,868
My son? Our son.
438
00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:43,014
I thought you said it was too soon.
439
00:24:44,115 --> 00:24:48,552
Speaking of too soon, what happened
before, that can't happen again.
440
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,052
I agree. Too confusing.
441
00:24:51,790 --> 00:24:55,351
What happens in the dentist's office
stays in the dentist's office.
442
00:24:55,527 --> 00:24:58,189
So you're saying it can only
happen in a dentist's office?
443
00:24:58,363 --> 00:24:59,990
No, no, I get it. I'm just kidding.
444
00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:01,996
- I'm not saying that.
- I know.
445
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:05,330
I'm gonna have a talk with him,
you know, about girls.
446
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:08,473
Try to make sure he doesn't
get arrested for something.
447
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,198
Thank you.
448
00:25:10,375 --> 00:25:13,742
Yeah. It was a pleasure
co-parenting with you tonight...
449
00:25:13,912 --> 00:25:17,678
...and I'm gonna hit the road
before the nitrous wears off.
450
00:25:17,849 --> 00:25:20,647
Do you have any more
of that stuff from this morning?
451
00:25:20,819 --> 00:25:22,912
"That stuff'?
452
00:25:24,456 --> 00:25:26,253
Let me see.
38352
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