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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:05,396 --> 00:01:07,330 D'oh! 2 00:01:23,278 --> 00:01:25,940 Would you turn off that rock 'n' rock music? 3 00:01:26,014 --> 00:01:27,948 Don't have a stegosaurus, man. 4 00:01:29,484 --> 00:01:31,918 These talking dinosaurs are more real... 5 00:01:31,987 --> 00:01:33,978 than most real families on TV. 6 00:01:34,055 --> 00:01:35,955 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 7 00:01:36,024 --> 00:01:38,925 Look, Maggie, they have a baby too. 8 00:01:38,994 --> 00:01:42,395 It's like they saw our lives and put it up on screen. 9 00:01:42,464 --> 00:01:44,261 Kids, I know you're excited... 10 00:01:44,332 --> 00:01:46,892 about meeting Aunt Selma's boyfriend. 11 00:01:47,702 --> 00:01:48,930 Before he gets here... 12 00:01:49,004 --> 00:01:51,700 I should tell you something about him-- 13 00:01:51,773 --> 00:01:53,263 something disturbing. 14 00:01:53,942 --> 00:01:55,705 Ooh! 15 00:01:55,777 --> 00:01:57,870 Ooh! 16 00:01:57,946 --> 00:01:59,538 Ee-ugh! 17 00:01:59,614 --> 00:02:01,878 Aunt Selma has this crazy obsession... 18 00:02:01,950 --> 00:02:03,383 about not dying alone... 19 00:02:03,451 --> 00:02:04,713 so in desperation... 20 00:02:04,786 --> 00:02:07,550 she joined this prison pen pal program. 21 00:02:07,622 --> 00:02:09,590 Her new sweetie is a jailbird. 22 00:02:09,658 --> 00:02:11,057 Cool, he can teach us... 23 00:02:11,126 --> 00:02:13,321 how to kill a man with a lunch tray. 24 00:02:13,395 --> 00:02:15,727 Now, now, he's an ex-convict. 25 00:02:15,797 --> 00:02:18,061 He's paid his debt to society. 26 00:02:18,133 --> 00:02:19,896 Then why aren't you using... 27 00:02:19,968 --> 00:02:21,401 the good silverware? 28 00:02:21,469 --> 00:02:23,562 - I'm just not. 29 00:02:23,638 --> 00:02:24,570 That's them. 30 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:25,901 Remember, everyone... 31 00:02:25,974 --> 00:02:27,908 be understanding and forgiving... 32 00:02:27,976 --> 00:02:29,967 for the sake of family unity. 33 00:02:30,045 --> 00:02:31,069 Everyone... 34 00:02:31,146 --> 00:02:33,546 I'd like you to meet-- 35 00:02:33,615 --> 00:02:35,583 Aah! It's Sideshow Bob! 36 00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:36,947 What the..? 37 00:02:37,018 --> 00:02:39,851 I'm afraid their reaction is understandable. 38 00:02:39,921 --> 00:02:42,856 Bart is the shamus in short pants who sent me to prison. 39 00:02:42,924 --> 00:02:46,416 Your new boyfriend here framed Krusty the Clown... 40 00:02:46,494 --> 00:02:48,792 - for armed robbery. 41 00:02:48,863 --> 00:02:52,060 If some snot-nosed little kid sent me to prison... 42 00:02:52,133 --> 00:02:53,794 the first thing out I'd find out where he lives... 43 00:02:53,868 --> 00:02:56,632 and tear him a new belly-button. 44 00:02:58,106 --> 00:03:00,199 Lousy snitch. 45 00:03:00,275 --> 00:03:01,207 Yaah! 46 00:03:03,278 --> 00:03:06,543 You're forgetting the first two noble truths... 47 00:03:06,614 --> 00:03:07,842 of the Buddha. 48 00:03:07,916 --> 00:03:09,713 - I am not. - Yes, you are. 49 00:03:09,784 --> 00:03:12,048 One: existence is suffering. 50 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,317 Two: the cause of suffering is desire-- 51 00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:17,881 in this case, my desire to do high-quality... 52 00:03:17,959 --> 00:03:19,551 children's programming. 53 00:03:19,627 --> 00:03:23,358 When prison ended that dream, I became a seething cauldron... 54 00:03:23,431 --> 00:03:25,592 of rage and recrimination. 55 00:03:41,916 --> 00:03:45,010 When I was nominated for best supporting performer... 56 00:03:45,086 --> 00:03:47,020 in a children's program at the Daytime Emmy Awards... 57 00:03:47,088 --> 00:03:51,047 my bitterness ruined the greatest night of my life. 58 00:03:51,126 --> 00:03:52,354 And the nominees are: 59 00:03:52,427 --> 00:03:53,917 Droopy Drawers... 60 00:03:53,995 --> 00:03:55,257 Colonel Coward... 61 00:03:55,330 --> 00:03:58,595 Pepito, the biggest cat in the whole wide world... 62 00:03:58,666 --> 00:04:00,725 Sideshow Bob... 63 00:04:00,802 --> 00:04:02,827 and Suckup the Vacuum. 64 00:04:02,904 --> 00:04:04,872 And the Emmy goes to... 65 00:04:04,939 --> 00:04:06,873 I don't believe this... 66 00:04:06,941 --> 00:04:09,876 Sideshow Bob. 67 00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:14,544 This is one more Emmy than you'll ever win... 68 00:04:14,616 --> 00:04:16,709 you bantering jack-in-the-box! 69 00:04:16,785 --> 00:04:18,878 Just don't drop it in the shower. 70 00:04:18,953 --> 00:04:20,386 - No-talent, shill! - Second banana! 71 00:04:20,455 --> 00:04:21,353 - Panderer! - Bore! 72 00:04:26,628 --> 00:04:29,222 Uh, now for the highlight of the evening-- 73 00:04:29,297 --> 00:04:31,322 Best film-to-video transfer. 74 00:04:31,399 --> 00:04:33,560 Do you know what prison is like... 75 00:04:33,635 --> 00:04:35,660 for a life-long Republican? 76 00:04:39,407 --> 00:04:41,807 In our overcrowded cell we became little more than beasts. 77 00:04:41,876 --> 00:04:45,676 - Who used my chap stick? - Oh, I did. Here you go. 78 00:04:45,747 --> 00:04:47,806 I don't want it. 79 00:04:47,882 --> 00:04:50,442 My only joy came with plotting a horrible revenge... 80 00:04:50,518 --> 00:04:54,215 against the boy who put me there. 81 00:05:00,094 --> 00:05:01,026 Ay, caramba! 82 00:05:01,095 --> 00:05:02,960 Bart, if I wanted to kill you... 83 00:05:03,031 --> 00:05:06,694 - I'd have choked you as soon as I walked in. 84 00:05:06,768 --> 00:05:09,362 But what kind of guest would I have been? 85 00:05:12,273 --> 00:05:13,706 Now, where was I? 86 00:05:13,775 --> 00:05:16,437 Ah, yes-- my lowest ebb. 87 00:05:16,511 --> 00:05:18,206 You can't take my Emmy. 88 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:19,769 You know the rules: 89 00:05:19,848 --> 00:05:22,715 awards for entertainment are contraband. 90 00:05:22,784 --> 00:05:27,084 No Emmys, no Oscars, not even a Golden Globe. 91 00:05:27,155 --> 00:05:30,124 But kismet be kind, well as cruel. 92 00:05:30,191 --> 00:05:32,386 I received an answer to my letter... 93 00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:34,724 from the prison pen pal program. 94 00:05:34,796 --> 00:05:36,559 ''Dear #2 460 1... 95 00:05:36,631 --> 00:05:38,724 ''I need a man and cannot find one... 96 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,199 ''among the law abiding. 97 00:05:40,268 --> 00:05:43,567 ''I have a steady job and a lucrative hobby:: 98 00:05:43,638 --> 00:05:45,629 ''filing nuisance lawsuits. 99 00:05:45,707 --> 00:05:47,607 ''I share an apartment with my twin sister. 100 00:05:47,675 --> 00:05:50,075 ''Enclosed is a photo of us on a tandem bike. 101 00:05:50,144 --> 00:05:52,305 I forget which one I am. '' 102 00:05:53,882 --> 00:05:55,850 ''Dear Selma... 103 00:05:55,917 --> 00:05:58,181 ''your latest letter set off a riot... 104 00:05:58,253 --> 00:06:00,016 in the maximum-security wing of my heart. '' 105 00:06:00,088 --> 00:06:04,218 - Ohhh... - [ Pffft ] 106 00:06:04,292 --> 00:06:07,284 Like the lone crocus that pokes through the prison yard... 107 00:06:07,362 --> 00:06:10,593 our love bloomed despite all obstacles. 108 00:06:11,666 --> 00:06:13,861 Selma, may I? 109 00:06:13,935 --> 00:06:15,197 Uh, uh, uh... 110 00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:17,363 on the cheek. 111 00:06:20,675 --> 00:06:22,575 Inspired by the love of a good woman... 112 00:06:22,644 --> 00:06:27,308 I resolved to be the best darned inmate #2 460 1 I could be. 113 00:06:29,317 --> 00:06:31,342 I bade farewell to my cellmates... 114 00:06:31,419 --> 00:06:33,478 and left with the woman I loved. 115 00:06:33,555 --> 00:06:35,045 Cutter. 116 00:06:35,123 --> 00:06:36,886 Icepick. 117 00:06:36,958 --> 00:06:38,050 Snake. 118 00:06:38,126 --> 00:06:41,061 I'm going to miss you most of all. 119 00:06:41,129 --> 00:06:42,391 Aww! 120 00:06:42,463 --> 00:06:44,897 What a beautiful story, Sideshow Bob. 121 00:06:44,966 --> 00:06:49,266 You're living proof that our revolving-door prison system works. 122 00:06:49,337 --> 00:06:51,328 I've never seen you so happy-- 123 00:06:51,406 --> 00:06:53,237 giggling like a schoolgirl. 124 00:06:56,377 --> 00:06:58,174 I've got to admit it, Selma... 125 00:06:58,246 --> 00:07:00,271 he's a once-in-a-lifetime catch. 126 00:07:00,348 --> 00:07:03,249 I hope the police are saying that as well. 127 00:07:05,887 --> 00:07:07,855 I can't believe you guys. 128 00:07:07,922 --> 00:07:10,482 This man framed Krusty the Clown. 129 00:07:10,558 --> 00:07:12,526 - Bart! - Indeed, I did... 130 00:07:12,594 --> 00:07:14,789 and I thank you for catching me. 131 00:07:14,862 --> 00:07:16,796 You seized the wheel... 132 00:07:16,864 --> 00:07:19,230 of my slow boat to hell, and pointed it... 133 00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:21,393 towards the sunny shores of Selma. 134 00:07:21,469 --> 00:07:22,458 Here, here. 135 00:07:22,537 --> 00:07:23,561 Would you mind... 136 00:07:23,638 --> 00:07:25,868 if I did something bold and shocking... 137 00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:27,464 in front of your family? 138 00:07:27,542 --> 00:07:29,942 All right, but no tongues. 139 00:07:30,011 --> 00:07:32,138 Though kissing you is like kissing some divine ashtray... 140 00:07:32,213 --> 00:07:34,613 that's not what I had in mind. 141 00:07:34,682 --> 00:07:37,549 - Selma, will you marry me? - [ Gasps ] 142 00:07:37,619 --> 00:07:40,520 Don't be a fool. That man is scum. 143 00:07:40,588 --> 00:07:43,989 Then call me ''Mrs. Scum.'' 144 00:08:28,482 --> 00:08:33,010 Could you... pumice my corns for me? 145 00:08:33,086 --> 00:08:34,849 Avec plaisir. 146 00:08:34,921 --> 00:08:37,822 ''A''... ''G''... 147 00:08:37,891 --> 00:08:40,485 ''Q''... Seven... 148 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:44,087 Close enough. May you drive safely... 149 00:08:44,164 --> 00:08:46,098 and find true love. 150 00:08:46,166 --> 00:08:48,100 We now return to... 151 00:08:53,607 --> 00:08:56,576 Whoo-hoo! I love you people! 152 00:08:56,643 --> 00:08:58,736 I love my kids! 153 00:08:58,812 --> 00:09:01,576 Poor little guys. 154 00:09:01,648 --> 00:09:03,240 So tragic. 155 00:09:03,316 --> 00:09:04,578 So nauseous. 156 00:09:04,651 --> 00:09:07,950 You should see the bus they came to the studio in. 157 00:09:14,828 --> 00:09:17,058 What's next? Oh, yeah. 158 00:09:17,130 --> 00:09:19,758 And now, a man who needs no introduction... 159 00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:23,769 ''The Chairman of the Company''-- you know who I'm talking about. 160 00:09:23,837 --> 00:09:25,304 Get out here, you gumba! 161 00:09:30,143 --> 00:09:31,735 who wants to say hello. 162 00:09:31,812 --> 00:09:34,144 - Huh? What? - I can't believe it! 163 00:09:34,214 --> 00:09:38,082 They've been feuding for years. 164 00:09:38,151 --> 00:09:40,244 Come here, you. 165 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,288 - Oh, you old clown, you. - I missed you. 166 00:09:42,355 --> 00:09:45,085 This guy is a national treasure. 167 00:09:45,158 --> 00:09:48,389 That jerk I got to replace you, he isn't fit to hold your slide whistle. 168 00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:50,521 All I can be is myself. 169 00:09:50,597 --> 00:09:54,533 Krusty, can you ever forgive me for putting you in jail? 170 00:09:54,601 --> 00:09:57,866 If they open the books on this telethon I'm right back in there. 171 00:09:57,938 --> 00:10:01,305 - That Sideshow Bob is a no-good show biz phony. 172 00:10:01,374 --> 00:10:03,433 Come on, Bart. 173 00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:07,207 If Krusty can find it in his heart to forgive him surely you can too. 174 00:10:11,918 --> 00:10:14,443 Now, about your wedding dress... 175 00:10:14,521 --> 00:10:16,352 how should I put this? 176 00:10:16,423 --> 00:10:18,118 - White! - White. 177 00:10:18,191 --> 00:10:20,352 What would you like for appetizers? 178 00:10:20,427 --> 00:10:21,951 Ooh, appetizers. 179 00:10:22,028 --> 00:10:23,757 Homer, you're a trencherman. 180 00:10:23,830 --> 00:10:25,195 What should we serve? 181 00:10:25,265 --> 00:10:28,291 Well, you can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. 182 00:10:28,368 --> 00:10:30,336 They taste as good as they look... 183 00:10:30,403 --> 00:10:33,099 and they come in this delicious red sauce. 184 00:10:33,173 --> 00:10:36,108 It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup... 185 00:10:36,176 --> 00:10:38,167 but, brother, it ain't ketchup! 186 00:10:38,245 --> 00:10:40,042 Selma, he makes a good case. 187 00:10:40,113 --> 00:10:41,273 Whatever you want. 188 00:10:41,348 --> 00:10:43,407 It all tastes like Styrofoam to me. 189 00:10:43,483 --> 00:10:45,917 Selma, dear, I'm confused. 190 00:10:45,986 --> 00:10:47,044 When I was a kid... 191 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,350 we were playing with bottle rockets... 192 00:10:49,422 --> 00:10:51,754 and one shot straight up my nose. 193 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:54,885 I permanently lost my sense of taste and smell. 194 00:10:54,961 --> 00:10:58,829 Okay, we've got cocktail weenies and Swedish meatballs. 195 00:10:58,899 --> 00:11:01,231 Selma, this wedding is spinning out of control. 196 00:11:01,301 --> 00:11:03,735 I've run through eight of the ten dollars... 197 00:11:03,804 --> 00:11:05,829 they gave me when I left prison. 198 00:11:05,906 --> 00:11:08,101 I told you I got money. 199 00:11:08,175 --> 00:11:10,405 I bought stock in a Mace company... 200 00:11:10,477 --> 00:11:12,570 just before society crumbled. 201 00:11:12,646 --> 00:11:15,114 Selma, that's wonderful! I hope people don't think... 202 00:11:15,182 --> 00:11:17,844 I'm marrying you for your money... 203 00:11:17,918 --> 00:11:21,319 instead of your... less tangible qualities. 204 00:11:22,889 --> 00:11:26,586 Tomorrow we'll be Mr. and Mrs. Bob Terwilliger. 205 00:11:26,660 --> 00:11:27,820 Isn't it grand? 206 00:11:27,894 --> 00:11:31,091 Hey, Bob, give some of that honey this way. 207 00:11:31,164 --> 00:11:34,156 Mmm... mmm! 208 00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:36,964 Holy frijoles! We've got ten minutes till MacGyver. 209 00:11:37,037 --> 00:11:39,369 Driver, here's a fin. Get me home, and don't spare the whip. 210 00:11:39,439 --> 00:11:42,101 Whatever you say, mum. 211 00:11:42,175 --> 00:11:44,268 - What did I miss? 212 00:11:44,344 --> 00:11:47,142 MacGyver was wearing a tank top. 213 00:11:47,214 --> 00:11:48,306 Dang. 214 00:11:48,381 --> 00:11:50,372 But I'm the only man in your life. 215 00:11:50,450 --> 00:11:51,883 Sit down and shut up! 216 00:11:51,952 --> 00:11:54,682 Se�or MacGyver, you saved our village. 217 00:11:54,754 --> 00:11:56,551 Don't thank me. 218 00:11:56,623 --> 00:11:59,387 Thank the moon's gravitational pull. 219 00:12:02,128 --> 00:12:04,756 That MacGyver's a genius. 220 00:12:04,831 --> 00:12:07,732 First of all, he's not a genius. He's an actor. 221 00:12:07,801 --> 00:12:10,361 And second, he's not much of an actor. 222 00:12:10,437 --> 00:12:12,598 You're lying. You're lying! 223 00:12:12,672 --> 00:12:13,900 No, this is lying-- 224 00:12:13,974 --> 00:12:16,909 that was a well-plotted piece of non-claptrap... 225 00:12:16,977 --> 00:12:18,706 that never made me retch. 226 00:12:18,778 --> 00:12:22,544 - No! 227 00:12:24,584 --> 00:12:26,848 He was so cruel. 228 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,979 The things he said... 229 00:12:29,055 --> 00:12:30,716 they're just not true. 230 00:12:30,790 --> 00:12:32,985 There. There. 231 00:12:33,059 --> 00:12:34,117 The wedding's off. 232 00:12:34,194 --> 00:12:36,321 Fiddle-dee-dee. Tomorrow's another day. 233 00:12:36,396 --> 00:12:37,363 Bart, stop that! 234 00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:39,421 No, he's right. 235 00:12:39,499 --> 00:12:40,864 We're a package. 236 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,494 Love me, love MacGyver. 237 00:12:43,570 --> 00:12:45,435 I guess the wedding's off. 238 00:12:46,973 --> 00:12:49,271 Selma, I don't know what to say. 239 00:12:49,342 --> 00:12:51,310 Just tell me you like MacGyver. 240 00:12:51,378 --> 00:12:52,538 Very well. 241 00:12:52,612 --> 00:12:55,581 I-- I-- 242 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:58,618 I can't do it! Even that car chase seemed tacked on. 243 00:13:00,587 --> 00:13:02,384 Would you two knock it off? 244 00:13:02,455 --> 00:13:04,889 I hate all the programs Marge likes... 245 00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,550 but it's no big deal. 246 00:13:06,626 --> 00:13:07,786 You know why? 247 00:13:07,861 --> 00:13:08,793 - No. - Go on. 248 00:13:08,862 --> 00:13:10,295 Whenever Marge puts on... 249 00:13:10,363 --> 00:13:13,457 one of her nonviolent programs, I take a walk. 250 00:13:13,533 --> 00:13:15,797 I go to a bar, I pound a few... 251 00:13:15,869 --> 00:13:18,861 then I stumble home in the mood for love. 252 00:13:18,939 --> 00:13:20,065 Very well, Selma. 253 00:13:20,140 --> 00:13:21,903 Whenever you watch MacGyver... 254 00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:24,409 I'll take a vigorous constitutional... 255 00:13:24,477 --> 00:13:26,741 and return more in love than ever. 256 00:13:26,813 --> 00:13:28,212 Oh, Bob. 257 00:13:28,281 --> 00:13:29,475 Bart no like. 258 00:13:29,549 --> 00:13:30,880 Bad medicine. 259 00:13:33,653 --> 00:13:35,746 I could have been the flower girl... 260 00:13:35,822 --> 00:13:38,188 and I wouldn't keep falling down either. 261 00:13:38,258 --> 00:13:40,055 Hey, they chose Maggie, okay? 262 00:13:40,126 --> 00:13:42,185 If you want to go for cutesyness... 263 00:13:42,262 --> 00:13:44,230 instead of competence, fine. 264 00:13:44,297 --> 00:13:46,128 Do you, Bob, take Selma... 265 00:13:46,199 --> 00:13:49,896 to have and to hold, in sickness and in health... 266 00:13:49,970 --> 00:13:51,631 till death do you part? 267 00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:00,775 - Mmm. - Oh. 268 00:14:02,515 --> 00:14:04,107 Hey, wiener boy... 269 00:14:04,184 --> 00:14:06,709 where do you think you're going? 270 00:14:13,126 --> 00:14:17,153 I'm the only single girl left in the family. 271 00:14:20,233 --> 00:14:22,565 Well, I guess it could be worse. 272 00:14:22,635 --> 00:14:24,398 Oh, there's Krusty the Clown. 273 00:14:24,471 --> 00:14:25,460 Krusty! 274 00:14:25,538 --> 00:14:27,563 Krusty, say something funny. 275 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,232 Oh, gee, a joke, huh? 276 00:14:29,309 --> 00:14:30,901 Um... uh... funny. 277 00:14:30,977 --> 00:14:33,241 Okay, this guy walks into a bar... 278 00:14:33,313 --> 00:14:36,908 and takes out a tiny piano and a 1 2-inch pianist-- 279 00:14:36,983 --> 00:14:39,975 Oh, no, wait. I can't tell that one. 280 00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:42,351 Dear friends, 41 years ago... 281 00:14:42,422 --> 00:14:47,689 God took 1 68 pounds of clay, and he made me a woman... 282 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:50,195 and for this, I thank him. 283 00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:51,855 I just wanted to say... 284 00:14:51,931 --> 00:14:54,195 on the advice of my new husband... 285 00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:56,735 I've decided to give up smoking... 286 00:14:58,238 --> 00:15:01,139 except for after meals and after MacGyver. 287 00:15:01,207 --> 00:15:05,268 Selma, dear, you'll bury us all. 288 00:15:05,345 --> 00:15:06,607 Chief Wiggum, you've been around. 289 00:15:06,679 --> 00:15:09,477 You don't trust Sideshow Bob, do you? 290 00:15:09,549 --> 00:15:12,211 Lighten up, son. If he was going to commit a crime... 291 00:15:12,285 --> 00:15:15,721 would he have invited the number-one cop in town? 292 00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:17,723 Now, where did I put my gun? 293 00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:21,591 Oh, yeah. I set it down when I got some cake. 294 00:15:24,831 --> 00:15:26,560 I don't know what to say. 295 00:15:26,633 --> 00:15:29,397 Just tell me what you know I want to hear. 296 00:15:29,469 --> 00:15:31,903 I'm dying of jealousy. 297 00:15:31,971 --> 00:15:34,132 Thank you. 298 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,243 That's right, dear. 299 00:15:38,311 --> 00:15:39,778 Enjoy your rest. 300 00:15:39,846 --> 00:15:42,781 The wedding was very tough on you... 301 00:15:42,849 --> 00:15:45,545 and the honeymoon is going to be... 302 00:15:45,618 --> 00:15:47,279 murder. 303 00:16:03,484 --> 00:16:05,952 Welcome to our video honeymoon. 304 00:16:06,019 --> 00:16:09,079 We're using the video camera cousin Doug gave us... 305 00:16:09,156 --> 00:16:11,681 and the videocassette Homer gave us. 306 00:16:11,758 --> 00:16:15,250 Hey, and after we watch this, we can tape over it. 307 00:16:15,329 --> 00:16:19,060 There's Shelbyville Falls, Rolling Rock... 308 00:16:19,132 --> 00:16:22,226 and here's another breathtaking sight... 309 00:16:22,302 --> 00:16:24,202 my brand-new hubby. 310 00:16:24,271 --> 00:16:26,364 I wanted a room with a fireplace... 311 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,340 you brainless luggage monkey! 312 00:16:28,408 --> 00:16:30,376 Like the one in your brochure! 313 00:16:30,444 --> 00:16:31,672 Oh, Selma, dear. 314 00:16:31,745 --> 00:16:34,976 I was just chatting with my good friend... Dennis. 315 00:16:35,048 --> 00:16:37,983 Now, smile for the camera, that's a good lad. 316 00:16:40,954 --> 00:16:42,216 Ah, fire-- 317 00:16:42,289 --> 00:16:45,884 Scourge of Prometheus, toaster of marshmallows... 318 00:16:45,959 --> 00:16:47,859 eradicator of deadwood. 319 00:16:47,928 --> 00:16:50,726 Oh, Selma, dear-- you and your little camera. 320 00:16:50,797 --> 00:16:53,391 What do you say we shut it off for a while? 321 00:16:53,467 --> 00:16:55,059 And make love? 322 00:16:56,637 --> 00:16:58,161 I suppose so. 323 00:16:58,238 --> 00:17:00,763 Oh, that's sweet. 324 00:17:00,841 --> 00:17:04,140 Why would Sideshow Bob go so nuts over a fireplace? 325 00:17:04,211 --> 00:17:06,577 Because he wants his honeymoon... 326 00:17:06,647 --> 00:17:07,841 to be romantic. 327 00:17:07,915 --> 00:17:10,042 Romantic? With Aunt Selma? 328 00:17:10,117 --> 00:17:12,745 I guess you're too young to understand. 329 00:17:12,819 --> 00:17:13,808 Hmm... 330 00:17:17,991 --> 00:17:21,620 Bob, one of my fillings fell out. 331 00:17:21,695 --> 00:17:25,028 Even murder has its ugly side. 332 00:17:25,098 --> 00:17:28,363 Bob, would you mind rubbing my feet? 333 00:17:30,637 --> 00:17:33,333 Darling, you make it sound like a chore. 334 00:17:33,407 --> 00:17:35,705 Ooh. Oh. Good. Mmm. 335 00:17:35,776 --> 00:17:38,370 - Soon I will kill you. - Huh? 336 00:17:38,445 --> 00:17:40,208 Son pieds sentit beau-- 337 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,373 French for ''her foot smells lovely.'' 338 00:17:42,449 --> 00:17:43,381 Oh. 339 00:17:43,450 --> 00:17:45,111 Prepare to be murdered. 340 00:17:45,185 --> 00:17:46,015 Huh? 341 00:17:47,788 --> 00:17:51,417 That's... Sanskrit for ''your toes are like perfume.'' 342 00:17:52,526 --> 00:17:55,051 - Voy a matar a usted. - Wha? 343 00:17:55,128 --> 00:17:58,063 That's Spanish for ''I am going to kill you.'' 344 00:17:58,131 --> 00:18:00,463 - Say what? - I do believe it's time... 345 00:18:00,534 --> 00:18:02,161 for your beloved MacGyver. 346 00:18:02,235 --> 00:18:04,931 - Oh, hey, you're right. 347 00:18:15,148 --> 00:18:17,673 - Well, time for my walk. - Mm. 348 00:18:17,751 --> 00:18:20,185 Don't forget to die. 349 00:18:20,253 --> 00:18:21,914 Ding-dong. 350 00:18:21,989 --> 00:18:24,856 I was feeling kind of lonely without Selma. 351 00:18:24,925 --> 00:18:27,018 Mind if I watch TVwith you? 352 00:18:27,094 --> 00:18:29,619 Oh, go ahead, Patty. 353 00:18:29,696 --> 00:18:31,960 Tonight, on MacGyver... 354 00:18:32,032 --> 00:18:33,158 MacGyver... 355 00:18:33,233 --> 00:18:34,393 MacGyver... 356 00:18:34,468 --> 00:18:35,332 MacGyver... 357 00:18:35,402 --> 00:18:37,529 Aunt Selma has one hour to live. 358 00:18:37,604 --> 00:18:39,367 Hey, down in front. 359 00:18:42,809 --> 00:18:44,834 Good-bye. 360 00:18:51,451 --> 00:18:54,818 Front desk, there's been a terrible accident in my room! 361 00:18:59,393 --> 00:19:01,827 Poor Selma. You were having... 362 00:19:01,895 --> 00:19:03,157 such a lovely evening... 363 00:19:16,943 --> 00:19:19,343 Selma! Oh! 364 00:19:19,413 --> 00:19:20,846 You tried to kill me. 365 00:19:20,914 --> 00:19:22,313 I want a separation. 366 00:19:24,151 --> 00:19:26,745 My best-laid plans have gang agley. 367 00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:28,754 Do you have room in your jail... 368 00:19:28,822 --> 00:19:30,414 for a two-time loser? 369 00:19:30,490 --> 00:19:32,981 No, but that never stopped us before. 370 00:19:34,261 --> 00:19:35,421 Bart, I must know... 371 00:19:35,495 --> 00:19:37,395 how did you untangle my web? 372 00:19:37,464 --> 00:19:38,863 Yeah, Bart, clue us in. 373 00:19:38,932 --> 00:19:41,526 I'd hate to tell the number-one cop in town... 374 00:19:41,601 --> 00:19:42,693 how to do his job. 375 00:19:42,769 --> 00:19:45,203 No, please, it's the only way I'll learn. 376 00:19:45,272 --> 00:19:46,261 All right. 377 00:19:46,339 --> 00:19:48,102 Sideshow Bob seemed desperate... 378 00:19:48,175 --> 00:19:50,040 to get that fireplace, but why? 379 00:19:50,110 --> 00:19:51,372 Then it hit me-- 380 00:19:51,445 --> 00:19:53,072 The gas! 381 00:19:53,146 --> 00:19:56,172 Surely anyone would have noticed a gas leak... 382 00:19:56,249 --> 00:19:58,649 except Aunt Selma. 383 00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:01,449 I permanently lost my sense of smell. 384 00:20:01,521 --> 00:20:03,580 She happily watched MacGyver... 385 00:20:03,657 --> 00:20:05,124 unaware that her room... 386 00:20:05,192 --> 00:20:07,854 was silently filling with natural gas. 387 00:20:07,928 --> 00:20:09,657 All it needed to explode... 388 00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:12,460 was a single spark, say, from a cigarette. 389 00:20:12,532 --> 00:20:13,829 I've decided... 390 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:15,390 to give up smoking... 391 00:20:15,469 --> 00:20:17,460 except after meals and MacGyver. 392 00:20:17,537 --> 00:20:21,166 Her only hope was a plucky young boy and his slow-witted father. 393 00:20:21,241 --> 00:20:23,903 When Aunt Selma lights up after MacGyver... 394 00:20:23,977 --> 00:20:26,070 she'll be blown to kingdom come. 395 00:20:26,146 --> 00:20:26,874 Come again? 396 00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:31,044 After trying four times to explain it to Homer... 397 00:20:31,118 --> 00:20:34,451 I explained it to Mom and we were on our way! 398 00:20:34,521 --> 00:20:35,749 To the Simpson Mobile! 399 00:20:58,145 --> 00:21:01,080 But wait. If you saved Selma, why did the room explode? 400 00:21:01,148 --> 00:21:03,048 Oh, I'll field that one. 401 00:21:10,690 --> 00:21:12,817 Oh, right, the gas. 402 00:21:19,132 --> 00:21:22,659 with all my criminal buddies! 403 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,065 I feel like such a fool. 404 00:21:29,142 --> 00:21:31,804 Well, he fooled almost everyone... 405 00:21:31,878 --> 00:21:36,212 but there was one little boy who never lost his mistrust. 406 00:21:36,283 --> 00:21:37,648 Thanks, Mom. 407 00:21:37,717 --> 00:21:40,914 Now, let's get out of this gas-filled hallway... 408 00:21:40,987 --> 00:21:44,582 - before we all suffocate. 409 00:22:50,735 --> 00:22:53,226 - Shh. 29232