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1
00:00:06,780 --> 00:00:08,910
Are we -- are we gonna put it
back when we're done with it?
2
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:11,580
Why? The only thing of value on
it is the secret treasure map.
3
00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:13,190
The rest is just instructions
for running a country,
4
00:00:13,190 --> 00:00:14,850
And I'm pretty sure
they're online.
5
00:00:14,860 --> 00:00:16,320
It just feels a little wrong --
6
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:17,920
Morty, are you gonna be
a [bleep] america nerd
7
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:19,060
Or are you gonna be cool
8
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,690
And steal the constitution
with grandpa?
9
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,200
Here, hold this while I
crack the hermetic seal.
10
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:28,270
W-why not
just use this again?
11
00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,140
Morty!
You just destroyed the map
12
00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:38,540
And activated the giant assassin
hidden in the statue of liberty!
13
00:00:38,550 --> 00:00:40,080
I'm sorry --
w-wait, what?
14
00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:42,350
It was a trojan horse, morty.
Never trust the french.
15
00:00:42,350 --> 00:00:44,080
Alright, fun's fun, but now
the federal government's
16
00:00:44,090 --> 00:00:46,150
Gonna be pissed again.
Way to go.
17
00:00:46,150 --> 00:00:47,490
And on america's birthday
18
00:00:47,490 --> 00:00:49,220
Or whatever the [bleep]
thanksgiving is.
19
00:01:22,590 --> 00:01:23,860
Seal team leader:
Rick and morty!
20
00:01:23,860 --> 00:01:25,390
You are under arrest
and surrounded
21
00:01:25,390 --> 00:01:26,860
By an anti-portal shimmer!
22
00:01:26,860 --> 00:01:28,130
Come out
with your hands up!
23
00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:30,000
Well,
happy thanksgiving to me.
24
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,530
Can't wait to see what
a "shimmer" does to my prostate.
25
00:01:32,530 --> 00:01:34,730
Dad, can you please
just end whatever this is --
26
00:01:34,740 --> 00:01:36,470
I understand you're upset,
mr. President.
27
00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:38,200
It's honestly
all morty's fault.
28
00:01:38,210 --> 00:01:40,010
But in the meantime, you really
want to keep your army
29
00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:42,610
Of pointlessly camouflaged
eagle scouts off my lawn.
30
00:01:42,610 --> 00:01:44,410
Don't tell me what I want,
you anti-american
31
00:01:44,410 --> 00:01:45,750
Piece of [bleep]
you terrorist!
32
00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:47,350
You know, you use that word
so much
33
00:01:47,350 --> 00:01:48,810
It's lost all meaning,
mr. P.
34
00:01:48,820 --> 00:01:50,420
It's like, at this point,
what's a terrorist?
35
00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:52,220
It's a guy you don't like.
Big deal.
36
00:01:52,220 --> 00:01:53,550
Hoo-rah!
37
00:01:55,890 --> 00:01:57,620
[ screaming ]
38
00:01:57,630 --> 00:01:58,820
Told you to stand down.
39
00:01:58,830 --> 00:02:01,290
You just lost two soldiers
over here. Good men.
40
00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:03,030
Might be time to look
at the terrorist in the mirror.
41
00:02:03,030 --> 00:02:04,500
You want a war?!
42
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,770
I'll put your outer-space ass
in a goddamn phantom zone
43
00:02:06,770 --> 00:02:08,500
With a bar of kryptonite soap
around your neck.
44
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,440
You're done, sanchez!
You hear me?
45
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:11,970
Oof.
He's really pissed this time.
46
00:02:11,970 --> 00:02:13,570
Why don't you guys just [bleep]
and get it over with.
47
00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:14,840
Okay, well thank you,
summer,
48
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,310
But I think
I've got a better option.
49
00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:17,640
Dad, no.
Ehh...
50
00:02:17,650 --> 00:02:19,180
Hands are tied,
sweetie.
51
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:20,780
I have to turn myself into
a turkey and trick the president
52
00:02:20,780 --> 00:02:22,720
Into giving me
a presidential turkey pardon.
53
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,920
Again? How many times
have you done this?
54
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,450
I don't know, jerry, how many
years have I lived here?
55
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:27,920
Careful how you answer that.
56
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:29,860
Geez, rick, y'know,
y-you've done this a lot.
57
00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:31,790
Don't you think the president
might see it coming this time?
58
00:02:31,790 --> 00:02:34,590
He probably will, morty.
That's all part of the dance.
59
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:35,930
In the past,
I've inserted myself
60
00:02:35,930 --> 00:02:38,060
Into the potential turkey
pardonee population
61
00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:39,530
By brainwashing
the presidential turkey wrangler
62
00:02:39,530 --> 00:02:41,070
Prior to the ceremony.
63
00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:43,400
But this time, the turkey
wrangler's been euthanized
64
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,540
And the turkeys
will be transported
65
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:46,210
By armored military vehicles.
66
00:02:46,210 --> 00:02:49,740
Vehicles manufactured by ghost
corporations that I control.
67
00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:52,280
-Which we have audited.
-Allowing me access to...
68
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:53,680
-Central computers...
-To track the...
69
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,080
Real armored transports,
which he can never...
70
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,350
Totally track
and sneak aboard.
71
00:02:57,350 --> 00:02:58,950
And even if he does,
he'll be on a truck
72
00:02:58,950 --> 00:03:01,420
Full of turkeys
and fully armed marines.
73
00:03:01,420 --> 00:03:03,360
Who won't recognize me
because the human eye
74
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,090
Is inherently face blind
to turkeys.
75
00:03:05,090 --> 00:03:08,030
President: Fortunately, those
marines won't have human eyes.
76
00:03:08,030 --> 00:03:09,630
They'll have turkey eyes.
77
00:03:09,630 --> 00:03:11,560
Jesus ever-loving christ,
why don't you two
78
00:03:11,570 --> 00:03:13,500
Just [bleep]
and get it over with?
79
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,370
Careful, dwayne.
You're only vice president
80
00:03:15,370 --> 00:03:17,100
Because I need 10%
of the white vote.
81
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:19,770
There's a giant french assassin
attacking new york,
82
00:03:19,770 --> 00:03:21,980
And you're using the war room
to measure dicks
83
00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:24,180
With your alcoholic
sci-fi boyfriend?
84
00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:25,650
Rick sanchez
is more dangerous
85
00:03:25,650 --> 00:03:27,710
Than some steam-powered
french bitch,
86
00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:29,780
And new york can handle its own
global emergencies.
87
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:32,390
General?
Initiate operation deep gobble.
88
00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:35,450
[ cellphone vibrates ]
89
00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:37,260
Coop,
not on thanksgiving.
90
00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:38,590
It's what I trained for,
mary lou.
91
00:03:38,590 --> 00:03:40,390
It ain't our fight.
Baby.
92
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,000
That little race car driver
you got bakin' in your belly.
93
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,930
What world you want him
rearin' up in?
94
00:03:44,930 --> 00:03:47,530
One where some...
Spiky-haired doctor who
95
00:03:47,540 --> 00:03:49,600
In a lab coat can
change the color of the sky?
96
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,210
Or a world where he can fill
his pickup with hot dogs
97
00:03:52,210 --> 00:03:53,610
And drive it to a jukebox
98
00:03:53,610 --> 00:03:56,080
Full of our demographic's
current favorite music?
99
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:57,610
Obviously the latter,
but --
100
00:03:57,610 --> 00:03:59,880
Well, that world, mary lou,
the one with those meals,
101
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:03,220
Vehicles, and songs people in
this 30-mile area prefer...
102
00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:05,080
That world needs
a few good men.
103
00:04:05,090 --> 00:04:06,620
In a secret pentagon lab.
104
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:08,290
Turning into turkeys.
105
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,460
You come back without feathers,
coop.
106
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,230
God, I love this country.
107
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:17,030
Hoooo-ah!
108
00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:19,630
♪ I got a pregnant girl
and a pickup truck ♪
109
00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:21,630
♪ I got one by choice
and the other by luck ♪
110
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:25,970
♪ but now it's time
to turn into a turkey ♪
111
00:04:25,970 --> 00:04:28,310
♪ I hope there
can be peace one day ♪
112
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,380
♪ till then, I pray my dna ♪
113
00:04:30,380 --> 00:04:31,910
♪ gets backed up ♪
114
00:04:31,910 --> 00:04:34,180
General green: These pills
contain tracking chips
115
00:04:34,180 --> 00:04:36,520
That identify each of you
as individuals.
116
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,520
That will be important later.
117
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,920
♪ gobble, gobble ♪
118
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,260
♪ gobble, gobble ♪
119
00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:48,660
♪ when I turn into a turkey ♪
120
00:04:48,660 --> 00:04:53,830
♪♪
121
00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:56,600
Alright, boys,
search every bird.
122
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,210
If sanchez is here,
I wanna hear you gobblin'.
123
00:04:59,210 --> 00:05:00,540
Let me look at you,
scum.
124
00:05:00,540 --> 00:05:01,940
Get outta here,
you wobbleneck.
125
00:05:01,940 --> 00:05:04,680
Sarge, this -- this ain't
like the simulation, man.
126
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,610
I don't like it
-keep it together, martinez.
127
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:07,950
Eyes are on the ground,
sir.
128
00:05:07,950 --> 00:05:10,280
No sign of einstein.
Stay frosty, gentlemen.
129
00:05:10,290 --> 00:05:13,750
I want this pardoning pipeline
airtight.
130
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,620
Sir!
We have hacked the garage door.
131
00:05:15,620 --> 00:05:17,420
We are in.
Eyes on the bogey.
132
00:05:17,430 --> 00:05:18,960
Or you've got eyes
on a robot.
133
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,290
All due respect, sir,
I know flesh when I see it!
134
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:24,030
Those flesh-covered [burps]
robots should buy us some time.
135
00:05:24,030 --> 00:05:26,370
The pardonable turkeys
should be on that truck.
136
00:05:26,370 --> 00:05:28,500
Ship, go stealth.
137
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:31,170
Rodriguez, fincher.
Get eyes on that.
138
00:05:31,170 --> 00:05:33,370
Huh.
Turkey marines.
139
00:05:33,370 --> 00:05:34,970
The president
came to play.
140
00:05:34,980 --> 00:05:35,980
Jam those two radios.
141
00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:37,180
Ship: Confirmed.
142
00:05:37,180 --> 00:05:38,910
[ radio static ]
ah! Geez!
143
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,120
Fincher, rodriguez, come in!
144
00:05:50,130 --> 00:05:51,790
Copy, copy, tango, all good.
145
00:05:51,790 --> 00:05:54,660
Just a couple of branches
on the roof.
146
00:05:54,660 --> 00:05:56,460
Don't ever turn your radio
off again.
147
00:05:56,460 --> 00:05:58,060
-We will not surrender. -We will never surrender.
148
00:05:58,070 --> 00:05:59,670
-We will not surrender.
-Oh, yeah?
149
00:05:59,670 --> 00:06:01,770
Bring in
the david blaine box.
150
00:06:03,540 --> 00:06:05,270
Damn, is that
a david blaine box?
151
00:06:05,270 --> 00:06:07,670
I told you we should have just
gone to my parents' house.
152
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,680
No, you didn't.
Well, I didn't say it out loud,
153
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,140
But it should be
well known by now
154
00:06:11,150 --> 00:06:12,880
That I'd always
rather be there.
155
00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,210
-Oh, god, oh no! -Aw, geez, rick!
156
00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:16,350
Sir, we've got rick and morty
inside the box!
157
00:06:16,350 --> 00:06:17,820
Then that confirms it.
Sir?
158
00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:20,690
No david blaine box
can hold rick sanchez.
159
00:06:20,690 --> 00:06:22,090
Scan the turkey truck!
160
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,160
Huh. That's weird.
161
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,420
Id chips for fincher
and rodriguez are glitching.
162
00:06:25,430 --> 00:06:26,560
Sanchez...
163
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,360
I'll deal with
this bastard myself.
164
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:29,560
Sir, don't be a cowboy.
165
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,300
You can't
get re-elected dead.
166
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:32,900
System is calibrated,
sir.
167
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:34,700
That pill contains a tracking
chip that will identify --
168
00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:36,970
I know,
it'll be important later!
169
00:06:36,970 --> 00:06:38,370
Do it.
170
00:06:38,370 --> 00:06:41,040
[ screams ]
171
00:06:41,380 --> 00:06:42,780
Reporter: Moments from now,
172
00:06:42,780 --> 00:06:44,910
The president will be
pardoning a turkey...
173
00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:48,850
Home stretch, morty.
174
00:06:48,850 --> 00:06:50,780
Here comes dip [bleep]
right on schedule.
175
00:06:50,790 --> 00:06:53,520
Nothing can go wrong now.
176
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:54,720
Morty: Jesus, is that --
oh [bleep]
177
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:55,860
The president
has the upper hand.
178
00:06:55,860 --> 00:06:57,320
G-grandpa [bleep] up.
Sunglasses on.
179
00:06:57,330 --> 00:06:59,390
Act like a turkey.
What? Wha--
are you scared?
180
00:06:59,390 --> 00:07:00,990
Act like a turkey!
181
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,800
That's rodriguez
and fincher, sir.
182
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,530
It's rick and morty, you
useless [bleep] stump humper!
183
00:07:07,540 --> 00:07:10,270
Sorry, don't tell 10% of
your friends I called you that.
184
00:07:10,270 --> 00:07:11,270
Mr. President.
185
00:07:11,270 --> 00:07:13,070
Sanchez, admit it.
You lose.
186
00:07:13,070 --> 00:07:15,070
Say it and I'll let
your loser ass go.
187
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,410
[ exhales ]
188
00:07:16,410 --> 00:07:18,210
Did you just try to spit
in my face with no saliva gland?
189
00:07:18,210 --> 00:07:20,410
Just pardon me, dick.
Why the hell would I?
190
00:07:20,420 --> 00:07:22,220
Oh, I dunno,
'cause if I move to canada,
191
00:07:22,220 --> 00:07:23,480
They'll be the best country!
192
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,350
I'll peck your
goddamn eyes out!
193
00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:26,620
Ow!
Hey!
194
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:28,290
Shit!
My plume!
195
00:07:28,290 --> 00:07:30,220
Hey, back off!
196
00:07:30,230 --> 00:07:32,760
Blueberries!
We got blueberries down!
197
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,760
Hold your positions,
it's a feeding frenzy!
198
00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,030
I-I can't see.
199
00:07:36,030 --> 00:07:37,160
I mean, I can see.
200
00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:41,770
270 degrees --
it's too many degrees!
201
00:07:41,770 --> 00:07:43,900
Sir, we are losing
the mental game down here.
202
00:07:43,910 --> 00:07:45,040
General green:
Keep it together, soldier!
203
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,010
Potus is still in that pen --
204
00:07:53,650 --> 00:07:55,780
We just lost new york
to France!
205
00:07:55,780 --> 00:07:57,180
Pull out the president
right now!
206
00:07:57,190 --> 00:07:59,320
Gobble tango --
I want potus out of that pen!
207
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,120
That is an order! Locate the president's chip!
208
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,460
Roger, roger.
209
00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:04,790
There he is, I got him.
210
00:08:04,790 --> 00:08:07,060
Let's go, boys!
Let's fly out the eagle!
211
00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:09,860
Hey, that's not me!
212
00:08:09,870 --> 00:08:13,670
Package is secure.
Pull us out.
213
00:08:13,670 --> 00:08:17,070
Computer:
Reinjecting subject dna.
214
00:08:17,070 --> 00:08:19,670
[ all scream ]
215
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,410
Hoppin' jehovah, you look
like five pounds of shit
216
00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:28,750
In a whore's lunchbox.
217
00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:30,750
You alright,
mr. President?
218
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:32,420
Yes.
I am...
219
00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:33,690
The president.
220
00:08:33,690 --> 00:08:36,160
Clean his ass up
and get him to the war room.
221
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,560
Hey!
Gobble squad!
222
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,230
You got the wrong guy,
you morons!
223
00:08:39,230 --> 00:08:40,360
[ gobbling ]
224
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,630
Look at this dumb piece
of [bleep]. Gobbling away.
225
00:08:42,630 --> 00:08:44,300
Get back in there!
226
00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:47,300
Alright boys, you heard the vp.
Pardon is tits up.
227
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:48,900
Pack up and ship out!
228
00:08:51,510 --> 00:08:53,710
As for you, sanchez...
229
00:08:53,710 --> 00:08:55,510
Bon appétit.
230
00:08:57,980 --> 00:08:59,780
Where is
this elevator going?
231
00:08:59,780 --> 00:09:02,180
Where all the
unchosen turkeys go.
232
00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:03,920
The feeding chamber.
233
00:09:05,450 --> 00:09:07,320
[ creature roars ]
234
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,790
What the [bleep]
is that?
235
00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:10,920
Not what...Who.
236
00:09:10,930 --> 00:09:13,990
The only thing to fear is...
Me!
237
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,390
How the [bleep] does
the white house
238
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,260
Have a cloned spider
of fdr?
239
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:18,860
It's no clone,
it's fdr.
240
00:09:18,870 --> 00:09:20,400
He was a guinea pig
for the polio vaccine.
241
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,740
We asked ourselves
"what walks the most?"
242
00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:24,540
"we?"
you're taking credit for this?
243
00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:27,810
The office comes with baggage,
morty.
244
00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:29,010
Rick,
I'm afraid to die!
245
00:09:29,010 --> 00:09:30,340
You won't have to be for long,
morty!
246
00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:31,740
We're due to return
to human form any second!
247
00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:33,010
Then what?
248
00:09:33,010 --> 00:09:34,750
Then we just have to not
get eaten by the spider!
249
00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:36,420
Oh, so in other words,
be afraid to die?
250
00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:38,280
Morty, if winning an argument
is that important to you,
251
00:09:38,290 --> 00:09:39,220
You were never alive!
252
00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:42,090
Time for a new deal...
Murder!
253
00:09:42,090 --> 00:09:44,160
President: I'm sick of hearing
how iconic you were!
254
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,890
Try having an historical
administration after facebook
255
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:51,030
Goes online,
you old-timey bitch!
256
00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:53,570
Morty,
tear open that panel!
257
00:09:53,570 --> 00:09:55,770
How's this
for a fireside chat?
258
00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:58,900
[ screaming ]
259
00:09:58,910 --> 00:10:00,240
Woof.
You just killed fdr.
260
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,770
He was a monster,
though.
261
00:10:01,780 --> 00:10:03,510
Don't mythologize him.
He was a politician.
262
00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:05,780
Speaking of, you kind of saved
our bacon there,
263
00:10:05,780 --> 00:10:07,050
So I'll make you a deal.
264
00:10:07,050 --> 00:10:09,120
You pardon us
and I'll make you human.
265
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,250
Wrong turkey.
266
00:10:10,250 --> 00:10:12,220
Man,
the face blindness is real.
267
00:10:14,060 --> 00:10:15,920
I'd like these...
Men...
268
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,590
Turned back into humans,
please.
269
00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:19,260
Uh, yes, of course,
mr. President.
270
00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:21,590
But I thought we
already rehumanized
271
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,800
All the turkified marines.
272
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,930
I'd like these men
turned back into humans.
273
00:10:25,930 --> 00:10:27,000
I am the president.
274
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,270
Yes, sir.
Uh, sure thing.
275
00:10:28,270 --> 00:10:32,810
Increase their strength
by 1,000%.
276
00:10:32,810 --> 00:10:35,010
But...
That wouldn't be human.
277
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:39,280
Turkeys have always been
more than human.
278
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,680
Okay, uh, so right there,
now I'm starting to --
279
00:10:43,890 --> 00:10:48,420
I am selling new york
to France.
280
00:10:48,420 --> 00:10:51,690
And giving all of the money
to congress.
281
00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:53,160
[ cheering ]
282
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,560
Now that's how you do it!
283
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,330
He became president today.
284
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,760
[ gasping, murmuring ]
285
00:10:58,770 --> 00:11:00,030
That's right, murmur!
286
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,500
And when you're done,
get me some pants.
287
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:04,170
If you're the president,
who the hell have we been
288
00:11:04,170 --> 00:11:06,510
Governing the country with
for the last three hours?
289
00:11:06,510 --> 00:11:08,240
An impostor, you good
for nothing idiot!
290
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,310
You humanized
the wrong turkey!
291
00:11:10,310 --> 00:11:11,510
It's possible.
292
00:11:11,510 --> 00:11:13,710
We shouldn't leave
anything to chance.
293
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:17,650
Wouldn't want congress working
with the wrong president.
294
00:11:17,650 --> 00:11:20,250
A very good point,
mr. President.
295
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:22,060
Do we believe
this fine feathered,
296
00:11:22,060 --> 00:11:24,460
Collaborative gentleman
to be our commander-in-chief?
297
00:11:24,460 --> 00:11:27,860
Or are we gonna let "mr. Cash
bar at the christmas party"
298
00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:29,130
Stay in office?
299
00:11:29,130 --> 00:11:32,000
All in favor of
turkey president?
300
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,200
You can't be serious.
301
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,530
You think he cares
about america?
302
00:11:34,540 --> 00:11:36,870
Is that why this is happening
to you?
303
00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:40,470
Because you cared
about america?
304
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,680
Guards, these men are...
305
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:43,740
Oh, what is the word?
306
00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:45,140
Uh, terrorists.
307
00:11:45,150 --> 00:11:48,150
Okay, screw this.
Go, go, sanchez laser fists.
308
00:11:48,150 --> 00:11:51,080
Oh [bleep] I was a turkey
for a while, wasn't I?
309
00:11:51,090 --> 00:11:52,890
Okay, guy's pretty strong.
310
00:11:52,890 --> 00:11:54,690
Mary todd lincoln!
311
00:11:57,690 --> 00:11:59,690
Who's dead weight now,
bitch?
312
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:03,260
♪♪
313
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,300
You should regain feeling
in your ass in a minute.
314
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:08,900
Sorry my turrets
blew up your motorcycle.
315
00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:10,570
Just give me
some goddamn clothes.
316
00:12:10,570 --> 00:12:12,710
Must suck to have your only
safe haven be my house.
317
00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:14,110
Y-you want
your regular outfit
318
00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:15,510
Or should we dress you
like a terrorist?
319
00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:17,510
I don't need to be here,
and I'm still the president.
320
00:12:17,510 --> 00:12:19,450
Oh, glad to hear it. That means
you can give me that pardon.
321
00:12:19,450 --> 00:12:21,110
Or -- or I could put you
out with the trash.
322
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,120
What is your problem?!
Why do you hate this country?
323
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,180
I hate every country
in the universe, brother!
324
00:12:25,190 --> 00:12:26,450
They're job placement
programs
325
00:12:26,450 --> 00:12:28,050
For the politicians
that invent them --
326
00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:29,460
Okay,
fight club.
327
00:12:29,460 --> 00:12:31,930
I get paid to protect
the sidelines you sit on!
328
00:12:31,930 --> 00:12:33,730
You get paid
to make sports metaphors!
329
00:12:33,730 --> 00:12:35,060
I clean your litterbox!
330
00:12:35,060 --> 00:12:37,200
So your little nerd paws
don't have to touch
331
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,330
Another nerd's nerdy poopies
while you're flexing
332
00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:41,470
Your grody little edge lord anus
all over it!
333
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:43,670
Guys, maybe you're both right
and both wrong.
334
00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:45,140
Both: Shut up, morty!
335
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,940
You little bitch, you destroyed
the constitution.
336
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,340
You're the biggest
booger eater here!
337
00:12:48,340 --> 00:12:51,080
Do not talk to my son
that way.
338
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:52,350
Sorry, mrs. Smith.
339
00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:53,950
The two of you
are ruining thanksgiving.
340
00:12:53,950 --> 00:12:55,280
Together.
341
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,680
And you can both either
come to the table
342
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,150
And eat food with my family
343
00:12:58,150 --> 00:13:01,420
Or you can keep doing what
you're doing at the corner bar.
344
00:13:01,420 --> 00:13:03,560
Bars actually suck
at thanksgiving.
345
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,890
Dorothy: I'm still trying to sort through this.
346
00:13:05,890 --> 00:13:07,560
One of you wishes you had the personal quality
347
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,300
Known as courage
348
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:11,230
But the other two of you want actual vital organs?
349
00:13:11,230 --> 00:13:13,830
This charlie kaufman reboot
of "wizard of oz"
350
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,300
Is destroying itself.
351
00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:16,640
That's why I need a brain!
352
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:20,110
I'm doing a terrible job writing this!
353
00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:22,640
Pass the potatoes.
354
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,510
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
355
00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:25,980
Good green beans, mom.
356
00:13:25,980 --> 00:13:28,180
The turkey's raw, dad.
Shit's potato bunz.
357
00:13:28,180 --> 00:13:30,250
Sorry, summer,
the united states enclosed us
358
00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:32,650
In a shimmer bubble
that scrambled my oven timer.
359
00:13:32,650 --> 00:13:35,190
So I guess elections
do have consequences.
360
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:38,060
Eat my ass, jerry.
I've seen your irs records.
361
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:40,190
You can blame me
once you have taxable income.
362
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,000
[ laughs ] yes, jerry is
a piece of [bleep].
363
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,730
I agree.
[ news fanfare plays ]
364
00:13:43,730 --> 00:13:45,530
Um, guys?
What's that?
365
00:13:45,530 --> 00:13:47,800
Paula, as you can see, president curtis has enacted
366
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,140
A plan to turn all turkeys in america
367
00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:51,540
Into hybrid super soldiers.
368
00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,470
The move has 100% approval from congress
369
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,880
Following its third pay raise in six hours.
370
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:56,880
Back to you.
371
00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:01,150
♪♪
372
00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:03,020
My god,
the bastard's unhinged!
373
00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:04,820
There won't be a single bird
left in dc!
374
00:14:04,820 --> 00:14:07,550
Oh, wow, wiping out a native
population on thanksgiving?
375
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:10,090
That's never happened before.
What did you just say?
376
00:14:10,090 --> 00:14:11,890
Well, I-I associated
thanksgiving with genocide.
377
00:14:11,890 --> 00:14:14,090
It's what young people do.
I wasn't trying to --
378
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:15,630
The crypt
of the new world.
379
00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:18,030
That could be our one chance
to turn this thing around.
380
00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:19,300
You know
about the crypt?
381
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:20,970
Ugh, so the treasure's
already gone.
382
00:14:20,970 --> 00:14:23,240
Wait, is that why you were
stealing the constitution?
383
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:24,500
You old fart dick.
384
00:14:24,510 --> 00:14:26,240
The crypt of the new world
isn't a treasure.
385
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:27,970
But it might be our only hope.
Come on.
386
00:14:27,980 --> 00:14:30,040
But isn't the crypt
underneath dc?
387
00:14:30,050 --> 00:14:31,710
The turkey president's
got an army.
388
00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:33,450
An actual army.
And an air force.
389
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:34,710
And marines --
slow down, morty.
390
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:36,380
Walk us through
every military service.
391
00:14:36,380 --> 00:14:37,450
Does somebody have a pen?
392
00:14:37,450 --> 00:14:38,920
We've got something
more powerful
393
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,520
Than every army
in the world.
394
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,790
Well, no, we don't,
but with the right speech,
395
00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:44,660
We could get a handful
of well-trained hillbillies.
396
00:14:44,660 --> 00:14:46,490
Eh, it worked against
the british. I'm in.
397
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,400
Birds replacin' people.
398
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,800
What would johnny cash
or dale earnhardt say?
399
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,200
He'd say "it's time
to walk the line"
400
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,200
Or "drive very fast
between two of them."
401
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,000
We don't serve
your kind here.
402
00:14:58,010 --> 00:14:59,540
Oh, my god,
are you serious?
403
00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:01,070
Read the sign.
404
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,210
He's my boss, marvin.
405
00:15:02,210 --> 00:15:03,280
It's okay.
406
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,880
Mistrusting presidents
is a patriotic duty.
407
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,480
And that guy on tv
isn't me.
408
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,880
He's a turkey
infused with my dna.
409
00:15:09,890 --> 00:15:11,890
I'll be damned.
410
00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:15,620
Well,
I'm racist.
411
00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:17,960
You better not be here
to take my man again.
412
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,690
-Mary lou.
-I'm poor!
413
00:15:19,690 --> 00:15:20,830
And pregnant!
414
00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:21,960
With a poor person!
415
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,300
And I need you.
416
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:24,900
And 10% of your baby.
417
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:28,700
Now, look, I know it's gonna
take more than some speech.
418
00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:30,370
But what is a speech?
419
00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:32,240
Isn't it just a question?
420
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,040
And isn't that a question too?
421
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,580
Speeches are words.
422
00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:36,710
Repeated words.
423
00:15:36,710 --> 00:15:38,110
Listed words.
424
00:15:38,110 --> 00:15:39,910
Repeated lists
of repeated words.
425
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,450
None of that matters.
426
00:15:41,450 --> 00:15:42,850
You know what does matter?
427
00:15:42,850 --> 00:15:45,050
Me. Asking you.
428
00:15:45,050 --> 00:15:47,590
"will you do what I say?"
429
00:15:47,590 --> 00:15:49,720
Just two questions,
chief.
430
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,930
Lock?
And load?
431
00:15:52,930 --> 00:15:54,060
They're rhetorical, sir!
432
00:15:54,060 --> 00:15:55,260
Lock and load!
433
00:15:55,260 --> 00:15:56,930
[ cheering ]
434
00:15:56,930 --> 00:16:05,070
♪♪
435
00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:07,670
Sir, we've got rick and morty
coming in what appears to be
436
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,680
An unlicensed
"star wars" at-at.
437
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,280
Or as the millennials say,
a-t, a-t.
438
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:13,610
So it begins.
439
00:16:13,620 --> 00:16:14,610
Gobblers!
440
00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:16,220
Tonight, we rise!
441
00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:18,880
[ gobbles ]
442
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:24,160
♪♪
443
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:25,590
Aww, geez, geez, geez.
444
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,300
Nice driving, sanchez.
445
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,030
Wire's down,
pen is clear.
446
00:16:31,030 --> 00:16:32,430
You know the goddamn rules!
447
00:16:32,430 --> 00:16:33,700
If you see something clucking
or pecking,
448
00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:35,270
Put a buckshot
in its panties.
449
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,970
[ roars ]
450
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:49,180
♪♪
451
00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:51,780
Jesus christ!
T-they got johnson!
452
00:16:51,790 --> 00:16:53,320
He got off easy.
453
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,090
Cooper: Hold off the bastards!
454
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:57,860
What now, rick?
455
00:16:57,860 --> 00:16:59,590
Time to turn up
the broiler.
456
00:16:59,590 --> 00:17:01,060
[ roars ]
457
00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:06,070
♪♪
458
00:17:06,070 --> 00:17:07,400
Whoa, I-is that --
459
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,640
The crypt of
the new world.
460
00:17:10,870 --> 00:17:14,870
The treasure you were after
is this country's oldest secret.
461
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:19,010
One disguised by centuries
of thanksgiving folklore.
462
00:17:21,550 --> 00:17:24,020
Is that...
A turkey dinosaur?
463
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:25,420
America's original rulers.
464
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:28,750
Merciless beasts, grazing on
the flesh of cowering humans.
465
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,690
Then, in the 15th century,
a vessel crashed.
466
00:17:31,690 --> 00:17:32,490
Two vessels, really.
467
00:17:32,490 --> 00:17:35,430
On board --
our saviors.
468
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:38,900
Sanchez, pull that lever
at the same time I do.
469
00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:47,910
♪♪
470
00:17:47,910 --> 00:17:49,040
[ all growl ]
471
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,180
Oh [bleep]
they're gonna fight!
472
00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:52,710
Morty:
No, wait, they love each other!
473
00:17:52,710 --> 00:17:54,450
They were at war
when they arrived,
474
00:17:54,450 --> 00:17:56,850
But they united over
their hatred of turkeys.
475
00:17:56,850 --> 00:17:59,120
And what they love even more
than each other
476
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,850
Is kicking turkey butt.
477
00:18:00,860 --> 00:18:01,720
Gentlemen!
478
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,190
Ba'ruka dar tin'in yo-tei!
479
00:18:07,730 --> 00:18:10,730
Coooooooooorn!
480
00:18:10,730 --> 00:18:16,200
♪♪
481
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,670
It's working!
482
00:18:17,670 --> 00:18:20,210
Come on, sanchez, let's power
down the humanizer ray.
483
00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:26,350
Whose side are we on?
484
00:18:26,350 --> 00:18:28,720
I don't know, but we've done
enough to pay for college.
485
00:18:29,950 --> 00:18:31,620
Look, we're almost there.
486
00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:34,490
Sorry,
my turn for a surprise.
487
00:18:34,490 --> 00:18:36,560
Damn, this guy loves
arriving from the shadows.
488
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,020
Look around. You can't
beat our ancient warriors.
489
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:42,430
Can't I? My kind has always
dealt with predators.
490
00:18:42,430 --> 00:18:44,500
That's why
we sleep in trees.
491
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,830
And that's why, in the wild,
we fly.
492
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,840
♪♪
493
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,840
Now you must choose ---
494
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,510
Fight me,
or stop that weapon from turning
495
00:18:54,510 --> 00:18:57,980
All of america's turkeys
into a new master race.
496
00:18:57,980 --> 00:18:59,580
You dumb dip [bleep],
there's three of us,
497
00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:00,910
And two of us
are spacemen.
498
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,720
Obviously they're gonna
save america
499
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,180
And bring that
monument home,
500
00:19:04,190 --> 00:19:06,120
And I'm gonna
kick your ass.
501
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,390
Oh, and, sanchez?
502
00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:08,720
You got your pardon.
Aw.
503
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,860
Shut up, morty.
Come on.
504
00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:12,330
Let's go, bitch.
505
00:19:12,330 --> 00:19:14,130
So be it.
506
00:19:15,930 --> 00:19:17,400
Is it true
what turkey man said?
507
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,660
That turkeys
sleep in trees?
508
00:19:18,670 --> 00:19:19,730
Who the hell cares,
morty?
509
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:21,600
Let's just [burps] deactivate
this [bleep]
510
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,470
Calibrating.
[ gobbles ]
511
00:19:23,470 --> 00:19:25,610
Targeting all american turkeys.
512
00:19:25,610 --> 00:19:27,140
Oh, my god,
they gave it a voice?
513
00:19:27,140 --> 00:19:29,810
Who is this for?
We're in space.
514
00:19:29,810 --> 00:19:31,610
Geez, rick,
I-I-I guess them?
515
00:19:31,610 --> 00:19:32,950
Morty, use this carefully.
516
00:19:32,950 --> 00:19:34,550
Crack the humanizer core
and cut the blue wire.
517
00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:35,820
You hear me?
Blue wire.
518
00:19:35,820 --> 00:19:37,280
Wha-- why don't we
just blow it up?
519
00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:38,620
It's a national monument,
[bleep] nut!
520
00:19:38,620 --> 00:19:39,890
We just got pardoned.
521
00:19:39,890 --> 00:19:41,820
You really wanna do this again
next year?
522
00:19:42,490 --> 00:19:46,690
[ both grunting ]
523
00:19:46,690 --> 00:19:48,090
You forgot something,
turkey man.
524
00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:50,630
No matter what you got people
to believe,
525
00:19:50,630 --> 00:19:52,900
I'm still
the goddamn president.
526
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:56,300
And you forget, in the one day
I've had your job,
527
00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:58,570
I've learned
10 times as much.
528
00:19:58,570 --> 00:20:00,240
I've underestimated you.
529
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,110
For the last time.
530
00:20:02,110 --> 00:20:06,780
♪♪
531
00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:08,980
Rick, they're not exactly
primary colors!
532
00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:10,980
A-are -- are we cool with, like,
t-turquoise?
533
00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:13,320
Are you kidding me, morty?
Just cut the damn thing!
534
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:14,450
[ gobbles ]
535
00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:17,860
Oh, shit, oh [bleep] --
536
00:20:17,860 --> 00:20:20,260
Targets acquired. Activating weapon.
537
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:23,400
Oh, shit! Oooooooh!
538
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,200
Heritage destroyed.
539
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,470
Morty!
540
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,800
God damn it,
you had one job!
541
00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:38,810
[ groans ]
542
00:20:38,810 --> 00:20:39,880
I beat you.
543
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,150
Look at me,
you turkey ass bitch.
544
00:20:42,150 --> 00:20:43,620
[ laughs ]
545
00:20:43,620 --> 00:20:45,350
Wait, why are you --
546
00:20:45,350 --> 00:20:47,150
Is that a wishbone?
547
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,290
I wish to explode.
548
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,890
[ laughs ]
549
00:20:51,890 --> 00:20:56,030
♪♪
550
00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:57,760
Man:
The berlin wall has come down.
551
00:20:57,770 --> 00:20:59,100
Man #2:
It's called the playstation.
552
00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:01,030
The winner is... "shakespeare in love."
553
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,700
-Playstation 2. -Hurricane katrina
554
00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:04,700
Slams louisiana... -Playstation 3.
555
00:21:04,710 --> 00:21:06,170
-This is maroon five... -Playstation 4.
556
00:21:06,170 --> 00:21:10,040
-The cubbies win! -I want a playstation 5.
557
00:21:10,050 --> 00:21:11,110
[ gasping ]
558
00:21:11,110 --> 00:21:12,710
I wasn't sure when
to pull you out.
559
00:21:12,710 --> 00:21:14,980
I-I assumed you were running
through your whole life.
560
00:21:14,980 --> 00:21:16,180
Yes.
561
00:21:16,180 --> 00:21:17,980
And what a life it was.
562
00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:21,520
Gentlemen, thank you once again
for saving this nation.
563
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,590
Slloosh garg blurrg.
564
00:21:23,590 --> 00:21:24,860
I don't speak googa.
565
00:21:24,860 --> 00:21:27,260
The cia only taught me
your activation phrase.
566
00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:28,590
But if I could say
anything...
567
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:32,400
I'd say give america
one more chance.
568
00:21:34,470 --> 00:21:38,070
Kalaak 'ha benben prilo garg.
569
00:21:38,070 --> 00:21:40,610
Oh, my god, they're gonna fight.
Th-they're really gonna fight.
570
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,740
-Aw, they love each other!
-Never gets old.
571
00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:45,210
I'll never get tired
of that.
572
00:21:45,210 --> 00:21:47,480
So...After those aliens
discovered america...
573
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,080
They went into
hibernation,
574
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,620
Leaving us the technology
we used to lead the free world.
575
00:21:52,620 --> 00:21:54,820
That and also to do stuff
like slavery.
576
00:21:54,820 --> 00:21:56,760
I always thought we were...
More special than that.
577
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,760
Like we invented everything
and did everything
578
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,360
And that's why
we own everything.
579
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,500
Now I-I-I-I don't know
what to feel.
580
00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:04,430
Feel thankful, morty.
581
00:22:04,430 --> 00:22:06,100
Feel thankful.
582
00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:29,920
♪♪
583
00:22:29,930 --> 00:22:37,530
♪♪
584
00:22:37,530 --> 00:22:39,530
I know, baby.
585
00:22:39,530 --> 00:22:42,540
Coop, honey, should we get
lucky charms or kibble bibbitz?
586
00:22:42,540 --> 00:22:44,270
You know
we can't afford either.
587
00:22:44,270 --> 00:22:47,140
Baby, the president owes you.
You saved him.
588
00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:48,740
Ain't his fault our insurance
got cut.
589
00:22:48,740 --> 00:22:50,140
They gotta build missiles.
590
00:22:50,150 --> 00:22:53,450
Ugh, fine, just -- can y'all
hold jakey for a second?
591
00:22:55,620 --> 00:22:59,620
[ high-pitched ringing ]
592
00:22:59,620 --> 00:23:01,420
[ jakey crying ]
593
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:04,890
Bag boy:
What the hell's he doin?
594
00:23:04,890 --> 00:23:06,030
Deli guy:
I think he's foraging.
595
00:23:06,030 --> 00:23:07,760
Crazy bastard thinks
he's a turkey.
596
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,100
Well, I refuse to pay
for this man's health care.
597
00:23:10,100 --> 00:23:14,730
♪♪
598
00:23:16,300 --> 00:23:17,600
Did you get any of that?
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