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All my life, I had been looking
for my prince.
4
00:00:24,926 --> 00:00:26,994
You know, someone deep, someone
sweet,
5
00:00:28,530 --> 00:00:29,963
who could make me laugh...
6
00:00:29,965 --> 00:00:34,401
Ashley and me talked on the
phone all night and
7
00:00:34,403 --> 00:00:39,340
I totally cracked her up with my
witty jokes and funny noises,
8
00:00:39,342 --> 00:00:44,578
And right from the very first
second our chemistry was like...
9
00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:45,946
hel-lo!
10
00:00:45,948 --> 00:00:48,782
And we're both really sensitive.
11
00:00:48,784 --> 00:00:53,721
We have this kind of
artsy-fartsy going, so one day,
12
00:00:53,723 --> 00:00:57,658
we made a painting...
13
00:00:57,660 --> 00:01:00,594
Everything we do together is
fun.
14
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:04,865
Fuck you, Dylan and Ashlee.
15
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,581
Jorge, Jorge... we've been over
this before.
16
00:01:54,849 --> 00:01:55,916
You can't smoke in Debby's.
17
00:01:56,451 --> 00:01:57,418
No, man, I think you can.
18
00:01:57,420 --> 00:01:58,685
I'm, I'm the manager here,
19
00:01:58,687 --> 00:02:02,990
I'm fairly well versed in the
rules, c'mon buddy put it out.
20
00:02:03,658 --> 00:02:05,125
Don't you ever bend the rules?
21
00:02:05,894 --> 00:02:06,693
No...
22
00:02:07,729 --> 00:02:09,430
Corporate puppet.
23
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:17,004
How's your... food?
24
00:02:30,752 --> 00:02:32,886
It's Saturday night, we're gonna
do it.
25
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:35,689
We are gonna doooooo it!
26
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,891
Getting paid and laid tonight,
bebe.
27
00:02:38,193 --> 00:02:39,993
Paid and laid.
28
00:02:40,962 --> 00:02:42,563
I, I don't even know what that
means?
29
00:02:42,764 --> 00:02:45,132
It means what we want it to
mean, okay?
30
00:02:45,134 --> 00:02:51,171
It means what we want it to
mean. You dig?
31
00:02:51,173 --> 00:02:52,172
Um, no, I don't...dig.
32
00:02:52,174 --> 00:02:54,208
Ricky what is with you?
33
00:02:54,210 --> 00:02:56,643
Come on, stop being such a
buzzkill.
34
00:02:56,845 --> 00:02:58,145
Now grab your cock and put on
some socks,
35
00:02:58,147 --> 00:03:02,649
cause we are gonna do this town
up and do it right, senorrrita!
36
00:03:08,690 --> 00:03:10,757
Paid and laid. We're doing it!
37
00:03:11,092 --> 00:03:12,226
How exactly are we "doing it?"
38
00:03:12,228 --> 00:03:16,563
Uh, well I don't know? Numero
uno, hog, got you out of the
house so there's that.
39
00:03:16,565 --> 00:03:17,564
W is a W
40
00:03:17,566 --> 00:03:20,234
I'm back where I work! It's a
lateral move at best.
41
00:03:20,236 --> 00:03:23,036
Alright well look... that's just
round one of the festivities.
42
00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:24,972
You're NOT going to believe
round two.
43
00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:28,275
Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, you're not
going to believe round two.
44
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:30,844
Please stop repeating things
please.
45
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:40,721
Soooo... when do you go into
production?
46
00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:42,990
Really, really not in the mood,
nope.
47
00:03:48,029 --> 00:03:49,263
When do you go into production?
48
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,166
Next month.
49
00:03:53,568 --> 00:03:56,537
Great. So you go into production
on your motion picture next
month?
50
00:03:57,872 --> 00:03:59,273
Is it fully cast yet?
51
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:02,175
No, no, it is, it is, not fully
cast yet.
52
00:04:02,877 --> 00:04:07,247
We're still uh, we're still
looking for our, our last two
actresses.
53
00:04:07,582 --> 00:04:10,918
Wow, well just fantastic, that's
just, that's just super.
54
00:04:11,152 --> 00:04:12,185
That's just deluxe.
55
00:04:12,187 --> 00:04:14,855
Now do they have to be well
known or...?
56
00:04:16,157 --> 00:04:19,226
Do they have to be... Ricky,
Ricky, Ricky?
57
00:04:19,228 --> 00:04:21,295
They have to be well known these
actresses?
58
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:25,232
No, no, we're actually looking
for two total newcomers.
59
00:04:25,767 --> 00:04:29,903
This makes me happy as the
film's director, because I like
to work with fresh faces, so --
60
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:34,274
Uh... me too uh, as the
movie's... executive producer...
61
00:04:35,043 --> 00:04:39,913
Hey, man. Ahh, I can't work
Saturday. Can I get a 'double'
next week?
62
00:04:40,248 --> 00:04:41,815
Oh sure, no problem.
63
00:04:44,152 --> 00:04:45,352
Ah you know what,
64
00:04:45,354 --> 00:04:49,189
these broken down fillies are
just gonna get in the way of
round two anyhow.
65
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:51,959
Round two, baby. Round two.
66
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,062
Yum, Yum.
67
00:04:55,997 --> 00:04:58,832
Doing it long and doing it
strong!
68
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:01,001
Maybe we should just shoot each
other.
69
00:05:02,203 --> 00:05:04,671
Hey, you seem a bit down man.
What up, hog?
70
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:07,207
It's Saturday night and I'm with
you.
71
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:13,046
Not for long, bebe. Not for
long.
72
00:05:14,616 --> 00:05:16,183
So when do you go into
production--
73
00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:18,018
Gary Kless is getting married.
74
00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:20,287
Yeah, me too. Who cares?
75
00:05:20,289 --> 00:05:22,222
Oh what's that, the actresses
don't need to be fresh faces...?
76
00:05:22,224 --> 00:05:24,658
That leaves just you and me.
Just you and me.
77
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:29,029
We are the only two freaks from
high school to NEVER be married.
78
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:31,164
Can I asked you a question? How
the hell do you even know that?
79
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,834
I keep track on Facebook and
Twitter.
80
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:36,203
God, Gary is so lucky, man.
81
00:05:36,871 --> 00:05:40,040
Oh that's weird, I thought you
get your period at the end of
the month.
82
00:05:40,942 --> 00:05:42,409
MEN don't get jealous of other
MEN getting married!
83
00:05:43,244 --> 00:05:45,078
Men should be jealous of us.
84
00:05:45,246 --> 00:05:46,713
Oh, I strongly disagree.
85
00:05:46,715 --> 00:05:48,982
Jesus, is why you've been
Captain Negativo all night?
86
00:05:48,984 --> 00:05:51,051
Cause that fat bastard Gary
Kless is getting married?
87
00:05:51,053 --> 00:05:55,255
There was this guy on Dr. Phil
who said that it's as likely for
a woman over forty
88
00:05:55,257 --> 00:05:57,090
to get hit by lightning or,
89
00:05:57,291 --> 00:05:59,760
or killed by a terrorist than
meet a husband.
90
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:02,229
What if the same thing goes for
men?
91
00:06:02,231 --> 00:06:05,265
What if Gary just got lucky and
he made a pact with God and/or
Satan?
92
00:06:08,269 --> 00:06:10,437
I can't go to another of these
weddings alone.
93
00:06:11,239 --> 00:06:12,839
It's just too depressing.
94
00:06:13,174 --> 00:06:14,408
You're not going to be going
alone okay man?
95
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:15,842
You're going to be going be with
me.
96
00:06:16,077 --> 00:06:17,210
That's...not comforting.
97
00:06:17,212 --> 00:06:19,312
What is wrong with you? Haven't
you seen "Wedding Crashers?"
98
00:06:19,314 --> 00:06:22,215
Common, all those losers in our
class are married off,
99
00:06:22,217 --> 00:06:25,052
we're going to cleaning up
bigger than Owen Wilson and
Vinny Vaughn!
100
00:06:29,924 --> 00:06:31,124
Hot filly. Three o'clock.
101
00:06:32,794 --> 00:06:34,761
I forgot my compass.
102
00:06:35,430 --> 00:06:37,330
She's right over there, look at
her, look at her.
103
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,300
That girl is seventeen, tops.
104
00:06:41,102 --> 00:06:42,803
So what? Means she's single.
105
00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:44,771
You'd have sex with an underage
girl?
106
00:06:45,139 --> 00:06:46,306
I'm not a monster, no!
107
00:06:46,308 --> 00:06:49,843
I'd take her out for cookies and
milk shakes until the day she
turned eighteen
108
00:06:50,178 --> 00:06:51,278
and then plow her.
109
00:06:52,113 --> 00:06:53,480
Sorry I misjudged you.
110
00:06:59,053 --> 00:07:00,854
Should've proposed to Roz when
we were together.
111
00:07:01,155 --> 00:07:02,255
You dated her in high school.
112
00:07:02,257 --> 00:07:05,225
I had no idea there would be so
few good ones after that.
113
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,994
It's like, it's like in hockey,
you know,
114
00:07:07,996 --> 00:07:09,996
a team goes to the finals and
loses, everybody says
115
00:07:09,998 --> 00:07:12,165
"Hey you know don't worry, we'll
get 'em next year"
116
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:14,000
what if there is no next year.
117
00:07:14,335 --> 00:07:15,936
What if there is no other Roz
and
118
00:07:15,938 --> 00:07:18,972
I never go to the Stanley Cup
finals of love ever again?
119
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:20,774
K, K if you hadn't mentioned
hockey there,
120
00:07:21,142 --> 00:07:22,743
that might have been the gayest
thing I've ever heard.
121
00:07:23,111 --> 00:07:26,346
Come on man! Get your game face
on, d-o-g.
122
00:07:26,348 --> 00:07:27,881
We have a wedding to crash!
123
00:07:28,149 --> 00:07:29,783
First of all, we were invited...
124
00:07:30,118 --> 00:07:31,518
second of all, all our friends
are married.
125
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:33,120
There ARE NO single women!
126
00:07:33,254 --> 00:07:34,287
What about the--
127
00:07:34,289 --> 00:07:35,222
She's seventeen!
128
00:07:35,224 --> 00:07:38,258
We don't know that for a fact!
Jeez... would ya... okay you
what...
129
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,896
I'm going in, okay...? I'm going
in.
130
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:47,968
Please, God,
131
00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:51,238
help me find my soulmate before
I'm hit by lightning or
132
00:07:51,439 --> 00:07:53,306
killed by a terrorist.
133
00:08:31,412 --> 00:08:33,580
Oh, hey, Kings won.
134
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:40,320
Three goals and two assists,
you're on fire.
135
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:46,326
NHL.com has pop-up ads for
"E-Happily"?
136
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,462
What the hell. They NEVER have
before...
137
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,061
You have no
responses.
138
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:23,463
Yeah..
139
00:09:23,865 --> 00:09:24,497
Hey, man.
140
00:09:24,499 --> 00:09:28,168
Hey, Jorge. I was just checking
the...the hockey scores, what's
up?
141
00:09:28,469 --> 00:09:31,571
Ahh, I'm gonna need next
Saturday off too. I'm getting
married.
142
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,373
What?
143
00:09:33,375 --> 00:09:35,575
Yeah, I know, my mother's been
on my case.
144
00:09:35,577 --> 00:09:37,577
You're twenty-seven, you bum,
what are you waiting for?
145
00:09:37,579 --> 00:09:39,579
Twenty-seven really isn't that
old.
146
00:09:39,581 --> 00:09:41,448
So can I have Saturday off or
what?
147
00:09:41,883 --> 00:09:42,649
No.
148
00:09:42,651 --> 00:09:44,251
What?
149
00:09:44,253 --> 00:09:47,287
Oh, uh, I'm sorry. I, I meant
"yes." Of course... of course...
150
00:09:50,291 --> 00:09:51,091
Jorge...
151
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:53,326
Where, where did you meet her?
152
00:09:53,628 --> 00:09:54,327
Who?
153
00:09:54,329 --> 00:10:00,267
E-Happily, man. It's
surprisingly effective.
154
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:10,076
You have one
response.
155
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:17,250
You found your wife?
156
00:10:17,385 --> 00:10:18,919
Yep. Last night.
157
00:10:19,487 --> 00:10:21,054
You went cruising without me?
158
00:10:21,056 --> 00:10:25,058
Uhm we've never cruised and I
didn't have to go anywhere.
159
00:10:25,259 --> 00:10:26,326
Found her on my computer.
160
00:10:26,527 --> 00:10:27,661
Oh... what porn site?
161
00:10:28,229 --> 00:10:30,664
Wasn't a porn sit..."E-Happily!"
162
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:32,332
I...joined it last week.
163
00:10:32,334 --> 00:10:34,134
What do you mean, you joined it?
164
00:10:34,136 --> 00:10:35,402
Ah, I don't think I was being
cryptic.
165
00:10:35,404 --> 00:10:37,537
I joined E-Happily last week. To
meet my soulmate.
166
00:10:38,439 --> 00:10:39,606
And it worked.
167
00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:43,310
Poor, sweet, crazy bastard you.
168
00:10:44,045 --> 00:10:45,312
I've never been more sane.
169
00:10:45,314 --> 00:10:46,546
This woman's perfect for me.
Perfect!
170
00:10:47,248 --> 00:10:48,581
Oh, she loves all the same
things I do,
171
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:51,117
hockey, cats, Albert Brooks
movies,
172
00:10:51,252 --> 00:10:53,053
spooning after sex--
173
00:10:53,688 --> 00:10:54,721
Alright whatever, what does she
look like?
174
00:10:54,723 --> 00:10:57,324
I don't know... and you should
see the e-mails she wrote to me.
175
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,259
Funny, smart, sweet--
176
00:10:59,261 --> 00:11:01,361
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on, just back up, hold the
phone.
177
00:11:01,363 --> 00:11:03,163
What do you mean, you don't know
what she looks like?
178
00:11:03,165 --> 00:11:04,497
She didn't post a picture for
some reason.
179
00:11:04,499 --> 00:11:06,266
Oh, that's a real puzzler.
180
00:11:06,268 --> 00:11:10,003
It's 'cause she's a dude, she's
a dude Ricky or looks like a
dude.
181
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:11,204
No...
182
00:11:11,206 --> 00:11:14,274
Listen hoggy dog. There's only
that woman wouldn't post a
picture?
183
00:11:14,276 --> 00:11:16,376
'Cause, god bless her, she's
obviously hideous.
184
00:11:16,378 --> 00:11:18,278
Look, there's a million reasons
she wouldn't put up a picture.
185
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,981
No, no... there's one, one...
she looks like "Shrek."
186
00:11:20,983 --> 00:11:24,317
What if she does? Did you learn
anything from that movie?
187
00:11:24,319 --> 00:11:25,585
It's what's inside that counts.
188
00:11:25,587 --> 00:11:28,388
Yeah in fairy tales, you idiot,
not real life!
189
00:11:29,590 --> 00:11:32,359
Her name is Danita. What a
beautiful name.
190
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,227
I've never heard that name
before.
191
00:11:34,395 --> 00:11:35,295
"Danita..."
192
00:11:35,297 --> 00:11:36,396
You sure it isn't Dan
193
00:11:36,398 --> 00:11:40,400
Ita? Like that's her last Ita,
like Dan Ita
194
00:11:40,402 --> 00:11:41,401
Can't you be happy for me?
195
00:11:41,403 --> 00:11:43,236
Alright common You haven't even
met this person!
196
00:11:43,238 --> 00:11:45,372
I am, tomorrow. I'm meeting her
at the Black Cat for drinks.
197
00:11:45,374 --> 00:11:47,374
Look don't do this okay please
Ricky, don't do this.
198
00:11:48,342 --> 00:11:49,342
I have to, Seth.
199
00:11:51,112 --> 00:11:52,645
Danita is my destiny.
200
00:11:54,515 --> 00:11:55,382
Okay...
201
00:11:55,384 --> 00:11:59,285
might want to bring a condom for
Dan just in case.
202
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:00,420
Shut up.
203
00:12:14,335 --> 00:12:15,468
What the hell is that in your
head?
204
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:17,137
What are you doing here?!
205
00:12:17,272 --> 00:12:19,372
You know, in case this dude
tries to rob you.
206
00:12:19,374 --> 00:12:23,410
Why are you wearing shoe polish
on your head?
207
00:12:23,412 --> 00:12:24,577
Bald is beautiful bebe.
208
00:12:24,579 --> 00:12:28,181
It's not shoe polish! And, and
bald is beautiful. Not balding.
209
00:12:28,382 --> 00:12:31,317
True dat, true dat. Okay look,
I'll be here at the bar.
210
00:12:31,519 --> 00:12:34,821
Now if she turns out, you see I
said she this time.
211
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,323
If she turns out to be a psycho,
just wave or cough or something
like that,
212
00:12:37,325 --> 00:12:39,659
I'll stroll by and I'll say that
uh...
213
00:12:39,661 --> 00:12:41,628
your Mother died and you're
needed at the cemetery, k?
214
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:44,831
I'm going to go to the table,
please leave. Okay please...
215
00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:47,801
Ricky... Ric, you're my primo
amigo, common.
216
00:12:47,803 --> 00:12:49,636
Ricky you've never met this
woman before,
217
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,404
I just want to be here to make
sure everything goes okay.
218
00:12:52,406 --> 00:12:54,207
Thanks, man.
219
00:12:54,809 --> 00:12:56,209
Ricky, Ricky...
220
00:12:57,845 --> 00:13:01,781
you didn't, you didn't say that
I'm you're primo am...,
221
00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:04,284
I just, I just said that you're
my pri a...
222
00:13:04,286 --> 00:13:07,353
Good luck, bitch.
223
00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:43,289
Ricky?
224
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:45,592
Ricky Miller?
225
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:46,893
How do you know my name?
226
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:48,695
I'm Danita...your date.
227
00:13:49,730 --> 00:13:51,364
Holy shit!
228
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:55,902
Of, of course. Of course you're
my date.
229
00:13:57,438 --> 00:13:58,471
Yeah.
230
00:13:58,473 --> 00:14:00,206
Unless you were expecting
somebody else and
231
00:14:00,208 --> 00:14:02,308
you're already cheating on me,
you bastard.
232
00:14:02,443 --> 00:14:03,910
No, no, I would never do that.
233
00:14:04,378 --> 00:14:07,347
Okay...Sorry I called you a
bastard.
234
00:14:07,748 --> 00:14:09,616
It's okay...
235
00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:15,255
You look a bit different than
your picture.
236
00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:17,457
I mean, better.
237
00:14:17,892 --> 00:14:21,494
You too. Much better, since you
didn't have one...
238
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,531
I, I... really look better than
my picture?
239
00:14:24,533 --> 00:14:28,368
I knew it was a good idea to use
a picture of Steve Buscemi.
240
00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:31,471
He's an off-beat looking actor--
241
00:14:31,473 --> 00:14:36,776
He was in "Fargo" and he was
'Mr. Pink' in "Reservoir Dogs."
242
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,280
That was funny, Ricky.
243
00:14:40,282 --> 00:14:41,881
Steve Buscemi...
244
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:48,655
So ummm, are you going to ask me
to sit down?
245
00:14:49,290 --> 00:14:52,425
No, no, keep standing, this,
this seems to be working for me.
246
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,399
I can't believe one of your cats
is named Sidney Crosby.
247
00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:02,268
I told you I loved hockey. Field
hockey and ice.
248
00:15:02,270 --> 00:15:03,503
Am I dreaming this?
249
00:15:03,505 --> 00:15:06,739
Cause then we'd both be dreaming
and
250
00:15:06,741 --> 00:15:09,309
then it would be like the movie
"Inception" and
251
00:15:09,311 --> 00:15:10,310
I walked out of that.
252
00:15:10,312 --> 00:15:11,511
I, I hated that movie too!
253
00:15:11,513 --> 00:15:12,512
Really?
254
00:15:12,514 --> 00:15:15,515
Wow, I thought I was the only
one.
255
00:15:15,517 --> 00:15:16,883
No, no, I hated it too.
256
00:15:16,885 --> 00:15:17,784
Hated it.
257
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,955
God... you know everything
tonight has been so perfect.
258
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:26,893
Could you jab me in the eye with
your spoon or set my arm on
fire? I, I just.
259
00:15:27,328 --> 00:15:29,796
I just, want to make sure that
this is really happening.
260
00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:31,631
How about I do this?
261
00:15:32,533 --> 00:15:34,500
Holy shit!
262
00:15:36,971 --> 00:15:40,440
Um, uh, could you excuse me for
a second?
263
00:15:40,442 --> 00:15:43,443
Um just gonna... slip into
something more comfortable.
264
00:15:50,584 --> 00:15:51,451
Go home!
265
00:15:51,453 --> 00:15:54,587
Ohhh, she is like
uber-movie-star-hot.
266
00:15:54,822 --> 00:15:56,356
Is she crazy or just retarded?
267
00:15:56,657 --> 00:15:57,857
Neither. She just likes me!
268
00:15:58,292 --> 00:16:00,693
No, no, no, no there has to be a
reason.
269
00:16:00,695 --> 00:16:03,963
You're positive she can see...
like out of both eyes?
270
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:06,499
Okay, I am begging you, go home.
You're ruining this.
271
00:16:06,501 --> 00:16:09,002
Okay, okay, okay, just, just do
me one favor k?
272
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,537
If, if she's retarded,
273
00:16:11,539 --> 00:16:13,606
can you see if she has any other
retarded friends who look like
her.
274
00:16:13,874 --> 00:16:15,475
Stop saying retarded, it's
actually offensive.
275
00:16:15,776 --> 00:16:17,277
What are we, on Oprah here?
276
00:16:17,279 --> 00:16:18,444
Good bye, good night, good
night,
277
00:16:18,446 --> 00:16:20,046
It's very vexing dog.
278
00:16:20,048 --> 00:16:22,649
There's got to be a reason, has
to be a reason.
279
00:16:25,753 --> 00:16:28,721
Thought you were going to slip
into something more comfortable.
280
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,791
Yeah, yeah, but I looked in the
mirror and decided
281
00:16:32,326 --> 00:16:35,595
I was "the bomb" also "off the
hook,"
282
00:16:37,498 --> 00:16:38,631
as the kids say.
283
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,867
Do kids still say that?
284
00:16:41,302 --> 00:16:43,703
Yeah, kids over thirty-nine,
yeah.
285
00:16:43,705 --> 00:16:45,972
You're funny...
286
00:16:45,974 --> 00:16:47,640
Funny how? What do you mean,
funny?
287
00:16:47,642 --> 00:16:49,375
Funny like a clown?
288
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:54,347
Sorry, oh my god, sorry I'm
trying too hard.
289
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:56,582
I'm nervous.
290
00:16:57,351 --> 00:16:58,751
You're nervous with me?!
291
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,688
Are you retarded?
292
00:17:03,691 --> 00:17:07,093
I'm, I'm sorry it's just that I
mean...
293
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,462
you're, you're gorgeous and
amazing and...
294
00:17:09,697 --> 00:17:11,364
why the hell are you here?
295
00:17:11,665 --> 00:17:12,598
Excuse me?
296
00:17:14,001 --> 00:17:15,802
Why did you choose someone like
me?
297
00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:20,373
I was just blown away by your
E-happily profile.
298
00:17:21,008 --> 00:17:23,643
But I used my real picture and I
wrote down my real job.
299
00:17:24,345 --> 00:17:26,112
Can we go back to your place
now?
300
00:17:27,448 --> 00:17:31,584
Yeah... okay... uh good idea,
thanks.
301
00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:39,759
I've never seen a man weep and
climax at the same time before.
302
00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:42,795
Thank you.
303
00:17:44,031 --> 00:17:47,633
It's just, I've... I've been
waiting all my life
304
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:49,369
for someone like you.
305
00:17:49,670 --> 00:17:51,571
Exactly like you.
306
00:17:52,406 --> 00:17:53,373
Right...
307
00:17:53,708 --> 00:17:58,144
You're smart, you're sweet and
you're Maxim cover beautiful and
308
00:17:58,146 --> 00:18:00,413
it's like you don't even know
it.
309
00:18:00,415 --> 00:18:03,616
You love hockey and cats and
Albert Brooks and,
310
00:18:03,618 --> 00:18:06,886
and you get my jokes about
obscure homely actors.
311
00:18:08,489 --> 00:18:09,856
You're amazing, Danita.
312
00:18:09,858 --> 00:18:12,425
You're beyond amazing. You're,
you're 'amazing-tastic.'
313
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,562
Well you're not too bad
yourself.
314
00:18:19,733 --> 00:18:22,468
You asked before why I chose
you. Do you still want to know?
315
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,171
I'm... not sure.
316
00:18:25,639 --> 00:18:27,440
You were the only one who said
"yes" to a date.
317
00:18:27,775 --> 00:18:29,575
Yeah, right.
318
00:18:29,577 --> 00:18:31,878
Yeah I didn't post a picture,
remember?
319
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:35,415
You were the only one who wanted
to go out with me,
320
00:18:35,417 --> 00:18:37,150
even though you had no idea what
I looked like.
321
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:40,620
Wow, so all those sitcoms and
beer commercials were wrong.
322
00:18:41,422 --> 00:18:43,089
It does pay to have depth.
323
00:18:45,426 --> 00:18:47,894
Holy shit-balls, I have to go.
324
00:18:48,462 --> 00:18:50,463
Holy-shit balls. I like that.
325
00:18:55,436 --> 00:18:57,503
I would love to see you again.
326
00:18:59,473 --> 00:19:01,474
I... hope you want to see me
again too.
327
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,843
Yeah, I think I'm leaning
towards that, yeah.
328
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:05,978
Sorry. I have to go. I...
329
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:09,215
say hi to your cats when they
wake up.
330
00:19:09,583 --> 00:19:10,817
Say hi to yours.
331
00:19:10,819 --> 00:19:13,586
Put on ESPN and text me when you
know the hockey scores.
332
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,188
You're incredible.
333
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:37,510
Do you have Alzheimer's?
334
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:41,481
I have Loveheimer's.
335
00:19:50,792 --> 00:19:56,896
Hey! You haven't been returning
my calls or texts all day.
336
00:19:57,064 --> 00:19:58,164
What the heck happened?!
337
00:19:58,166 --> 00:19:59,165
With what?
338
00:19:59,167 --> 00:20:02,502
Now don't you dare be coy.
Common I need details, dog.
339
00:20:02,804 --> 00:20:05,805
Look I never thought I'd have to
live vicariously through you...
340
00:20:05,807 --> 00:20:07,773
Last night was unbelievable.
341
00:20:07,775 --> 00:20:09,275
No, no it was better than that.
342
00:20:09,277 --> 00:20:10,643
We stayed in bed and talked all
night,
343
00:20:10,645 --> 00:20:11,744
it was just like Dylan and
Ashlee.
344
00:20:12,112 --> 00:20:13,279
Who the fuck are Dylan and...
345
00:20:13,281 --> 00:20:14,280
HOLD ON a second.
346
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,718
You...slept with that piece
of...
347
00:20:19,186 --> 00:20:20,219
lady, you slept with her?
348
00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:24,290
And, I'm not even talking about
the sex,
349
00:20:25,158 --> 00:20:26,225
although holy crap, that was
good.
350
00:20:26,227 --> 00:20:27,760
Okay, o-kay!
351
00:20:28,095 --> 00:20:29,228
What the hell is going on? What
the hell is going?
352
00:20:30,197 --> 00:20:34,000
What's going on!?
353
00:20:34,535 --> 00:20:35,301
She's like a '10,' right?
354
00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:37,236
I, I don't assign women numbers.
355
00:20:37,238 --> 00:20:40,206
No, she's, she's a 10! That girl
is a 10, you're like...
356
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:41,974
no offense Ricky, you're like a
4.
357
00:20:42,142 --> 00:20:44,644
And, and... if you're a 4, she's
like 20!
358
00:20:45,145 --> 00:20:47,313
It's because I went out with her
without knowing
359
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:48,548
what she looked like!
360
00:20:48,550 --> 00:20:51,217
was sweet and real.
361
00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:56,722
You are so naive, it's adorable.
362
00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:09,135
Oh, no, no lunch is fine. I, I
look better around noon anyway.
363
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,237
Not, not even joking about that
actually.
364
00:21:11,905 --> 00:21:15,241
It's just, nights aren't always
great. It's when I paint and...
365
00:21:15,709 --> 00:21:17,276
Yeah, yeah that is so cool.
366
00:21:17,278 --> 00:21:19,245
You know I've never actually
dated an artist.
367
00:21:20,948 --> 00:21:23,249
Ah... actually, there are many
professions of which
368
00:21:23,251 --> 00:21:25,251
I have not dated a woman.
369
00:21:26,353 --> 00:21:28,287
Did I just say "of which?"
370
00:21:34,695 --> 00:21:37,363
Hey, ask first. I'm not a piece
of meat.
371
00:21:37,365 --> 00:21:38,798
Yes, you are.
372
00:21:40,801 --> 00:21:43,269
I really, really do think that
it's great you're an artist.
373
00:21:43,737 --> 00:21:45,204
I mean what is that like?
374
00:21:45,339 --> 00:21:47,106
Ummm... I'd prefer to talk about
your job.
375
00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:48,274
Why?
376
00:21:48,276 --> 00:21:49,675
I'm sure it's interesting.
377
00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:52,211
Well you know, you manage a
staff,
378
00:21:52,713 --> 00:21:54,313
and you try to make customers
happy.
379
00:21:56,917 --> 00:21:58,250
I've... you're going to have to
trust me on that.
380
00:21:58,719 --> 00:22:00,019
Than why do you do it?
381
00:22:00,187 --> 00:22:02,321
Well I guess I prefer it to
being homeless.
382
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:04,824
I, I... okay I started out as a
waiter,
383
00:22:05,258 --> 00:22:08,127
thinking I'd be an artist... Uh
well a writer.
384
00:22:08,862 --> 00:22:10,296
But you know, that didn't work
out so...
385
00:22:11,132 --> 00:22:16,135
Oh well you know... the, the
book industry is so corrupt,
386
00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:19,071
It's all who you know.
387
00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:22,308
I've never heard that before.
388
00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:25,878
Oh yeah, yeah it's like every
son or daughter
389
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,780
of a famous author has a book
deal.
390
00:22:29,149 --> 00:22:30,282
Like who?
391
00:22:32,152 --> 00:22:33,953
Ummm, there's, there's, there's
um...
392
00:22:36,723 --> 00:22:41,927
Mark Hemmingway? And, and
there's Kevin Grisham.
393
00:22:44,398 --> 00:22:48,401
Yeah, yeah I made those up, I'm
sorry.
394
00:22:49,269 --> 00:22:51,804
Okay the truth is, I, I only
wrote one book and
395
00:22:52,339 --> 00:22:53,305
I didn't even finish it.
396
00:22:53,307 --> 00:22:55,975
You don't have to talk about
this if you don't want.
397
00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:57,810
Thank you so much.
398
00:23:00,247 --> 00:23:03,249
Ac, you know actually I do feel
comfortable
399
00:23:04,317 --> 00:23:07,253
talking to you about my writing,
or non-writing.
400
00:23:10,157 --> 00:23:12,358
Um, I... feel like I could tell
you anything.
401
00:23:14,995 --> 00:23:18,264
God, sorry that, that's a stupid
thing to say on a second date.
402
00:23:18,999 --> 00:23:20,766
No, no, no, I thought it was
sweet.
403
00:23:21,001 --> 00:23:22,935
A bit pathetic, but sweet.
404
00:23:23,837 --> 00:23:25,871
No, seriously, I loved it.
405
00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:28,941
See? You really are the perfect
woman.
406
00:23:30,343 --> 00:23:31,310
Oh I... don't know about that.
407
00:23:31,312 --> 00:23:35,748
Yeah, you are, you are. Trust
me.
408
00:24:02,242 --> 00:24:05,478
Hey! It's Saturday night, we are
gonna do it.
409
00:24:06,213 --> 00:24:07,313
We are gonna doooooo it!
410
00:24:07,315 --> 00:24:10,282
Common, time to get paid and
laid Ricky.
411
00:24:10,917 --> 00:24:12,384
Paid and...
412
00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:15,287
Come on, hog. It's been almost
nine days!
413
00:24:15,789 --> 00:24:17,156
I can't believe you're not over
this chick yet.
414
00:24:17,158 --> 00:24:19,425
Ten days! It's been ten days.
415
00:24:20,527 --> 00:24:22,294
And stop saying "paid and laid!"
416
00:24:22,829 --> 00:24:24,530
IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!
417
00:24:27,367 --> 00:24:28,834
No it doesn't, no it doesn't.
418
00:24:28,836 --> 00:24:30,870
What, is someone gonna pay us to
have sex?
419
00:24:31,338 --> 00:24:33,372
Huh? Huh? What the fuck does it
mean, cowboy?!!
420
00:24:36,209 --> 00:24:39,178
I don't know it's just something
I say...
421
00:24:39,379 --> 00:24:40,346
to keep things light and airy.
422
00:24:40,348 --> 00:24:44,116
Did you just call me "Cowboy"
Ricky? Ric, Ricky.. you drunk?
423
00:24:44,317 --> 00:24:45,284
Yes, I believe so.
424
00:24:45,852 --> 00:24:46,919
Hey you don't drink.
425
00:24:46,921 --> 00:24:49,255
I do now, hog! I do now.
426
00:24:50,891 --> 00:24:52,424
I still don't know what the HELL
happened.
427
00:24:53,894 --> 00:24:56,295
I, I was... the perfect woman
pops into my life,
428
00:24:57,330 --> 00:25:00,232
I tell her she's perfect and she
runs away faster than...
429
00:25:00,234 --> 00:25:03,803
who's a fast woman?
430
00:25:04,805 --> 00:25:08,340
Flo-Jo? Oh, shit, she's dead,
isn't she?
431
00:25:08,942 --> 00:25:10,209
I'm going to make you some
coffee, man.
432
00:25:10,343 --> 00:25:12,478
No I don't want coffee! I want
Danita!
433
00:25:13,213 --> 00:25:17,349
I finally met a woman I feel
that that magical thing
434
00:25:17,351 --> 00:25:20,486
assholes brag about at parties.
435
00:25:22,355 --> 00:25:25,391
Please God, don't take her away
from me.
436
00:25:27,027 --> 00:25:28,861
Not after I've waited so long.
437
00:25:29,029 --> 00:25:29,595
You're out of coffee.
438
00:25:30,063 --> 00:25:31,363
Swissmiss?
439
00:25:39,339 --> 00:25:40,606
It's Danita.
440
00:25:40,941 --> 00:25:41,974
What?
441
00:25:42,242 --> 00:25:43,309
It's Danita.
442
00:25:45,378 --> 00:25:49,181
Ha, ha, ha. That's twice, God.
443
00:25:50,116 --> 00:25:51,584
Shit, you're good.
444
00:25:55,088 --> 00:25:55,955
Hey...
445
00:25:59,259 --> 00:26:00,459
Hi...
446
00:26:02,362 --> 00:26:04,530
You're not gonna to run out
again, are you?
447
00:26:04,532 --> 00:26:06,332
'Cause, this time, I'll just
order an appetizer.
448
00:26:06,533 --> 00:26:07,900
I'm so sorry...
449
00:26:08,134 --> 00:26:09,635
No, no, it's okay,
450
00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:11,403
I was just trying to diffuse an
awkward moment.
451
00:26:13,406 --> 00:26:17,643
Now I'm going to try and diffuse
this one.
452
00:26:18,311 --> 00:26:20,346
I like you, Ricky. I really like
you.
453
00:26:20,348 --> 00:26:22,147
I really, really, really like
you.
454
00:26:22,415 --> 00:26:24,350
That's the most 'reallys' I've
ever said in one sentence.
455
00:26:24,584 --> 00:26:25,584
Really?! Me too.
456
00:26:25,586 --> 00:26:28,988
It's, it's funny because I've
always hated
457
00:26:29,222 --> 00:26:30,623
ALL those movies where,
458
00:26:30,625 --> 00:26:32,124
where a couple falls in love
right away,
459
00:26:32,126 --> 00:26:33,626
but now I know it just pissed me
off 'cause
460
00:26:33,628 --> 00:26:34,593
it had never happened to me.
461
00:26:35,061 --> 00:26:37,029
I'm married.
462
00:26:40,100 --> 00:26:41,400
You said I was perfect, Ricky.
463
00:26:41,402 --> 00:26:43,969
I'm not perfect. I'm a... I'm a
jerk.
464
00:26:45,372 --> 00:26:46,305
Yeah...
465
00:26:46,307 --> 00:26:47,940
No I know it was wrong, I know.
466
00:26:47,942 --> 00:26:50,476
Look, I've been married for nine
years. Nine miserable years.
467
00:26:50,478 --> 00:26:53,512
And just one day, I was at my
friend Anna's place,
468
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,382
she's on E-Happily, and I saw
your profile.
469
00:26:56,384 --> 00:27:00,286
It was so vulnerable, so wear
your heart on your sleeve sweet.
470
00:27:00,288 --> 00:27:03,088
You, you said you'd been waiting
all your life
471
00:27:03,090 --> 00:27:04,356
to meet your "heart-ner,"
472
00:27:04,358 --> 00:27:07,593
and what a sweet word, and that
even though you were agnostic,
473
00:27:08,361 --> 00:27:09,995
you prayed to God she was still
out there.
474
00:27:09,997 --> 00:27:14,199
Wow, you really did read my
profile.
475
00:27:15,702 --> 00:27:16,936
It got to me.
476
00:27:18,271 --> 00:27:19,405
And I thought you know
477
00:27:19,407 --> 00:27:20,539
maybe I don't have to be
miserable and...
478
00:27:21,408 --> 00:27:23,575
I just joined so I can meet
you.
479
00:27:27,147 --> 00:27:29,381
I just pretended to be single
and an artist,
480
00:27:31,518 --> 00:27:33,319
I just pretended to be the
person
481
00:27:33,321 --> 00:27:35,287
I used to be back when I was...
482
00:27:35,455 --> 00:27:37,523
still alive and...
483
00:27:40,460 --> 00:27:42,394
Do you really have cats?
484
00:27:43,029 --> 00:27:46,732
Yes... Two. Sidney Crosby and
Chairman Meow.
485
00:27:49,035 --> 00:27:50,369
Cool, that's all I cared about.
486
00:27:50,371 --> 00:27:53,005
Now can you just get a divorce
and marry me by six tonight?
487
00:27:53,007 --> 00:27:55,607
You're great, you're so great
know that?
488
00:27:56,376 --> 00:27:58,477
I can never see you again,
Ricky.
489
00:28:01,081 --> 00:28:02,481
Look you don't know my husband.
490
00:28:03,149 --> 00:28:05,317
He'll just, he'll never allow me
to leave him.
491
00:28:05,685 --> 00:28:08,454
Never allow a 'great man' like
him to be embarrassed...
492
00:28:09,055 --> 00:28:11,557
Uh, who cares if his precious
ego is bruised,
493
00:28:12,092 --> 00:28:13,392
you're miserable and we should
be together--
494
00:28:13,994 --> 00:28:15,160
He'd kill me.
495
00:28:17,664 --> 00:28:20,366
He would kill me. He's said
that, again and again,
496
00:28:20,567 --> 00:28:22,568
"if you ever walk out that door,
you ungrateful bitch,
497
00:28:22,570 --> 00:28:24,069
I will kill you."
498
00:28:24,537 --> 00:28:26,338
Only he didn't say it quite as
nice.
499
00:28:27,774 --> 00:28:28,307
Jesus.
500
00:28:28,309 --> 00:28:31,176
Yeah he's a bad guy, Ricky. He's
a bad guy.
501
00:28:31,411 --> 00:28:33,412
I didn't know that when I met
him, but oh god...
502
00:28:35,281 --> 00:28:37,316
he'd kill both of us right now
if he saw us together.
503
00:28:40,086 --> 00:28:41,553
That's interesting.
504
00:28:42,422 --> 00:28:44,356
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ricky.
You...
505
00:28:45,792 --> 00:28:49,294
you're "the one," and... I can
never see you again.
506
00:29:06,780 --> 00:29:09,481
My Hickory Grilled Chicken
Sandwich isn't "hickory" enough.
507
00:29:11,284 --> 00:29:12,084
Huh?
508
00:29:12,086 --> 00:29:15,788
Am I not speaking English? I
said it lacked hickory.
509
00:29:17,190 --> 00:29:19,324
Well... that's life.
510
00:29:20,460 --> 00:29:21,293
What?
511
00:29:21,661 --> 00:29:24,430
I, I'm sorry... sir.
512
00:29:25,298 --> 00:29:28,700
You wanted more of something and
you were disappointed.
513
00:29:30,336 --> 00:29:31,403
It hurts, doesn't it?
514
00:29:31,538 --> 00:29:33,138
That's a little melodramatic.
515
00:29:34,474 --> 00:29:37,209
Hello...
516
00:29:37,777 --> 00:29:40,412
Holy shit-balls!
517
00:29:41,815 --> 00:29:44,216
Yes, ya, ya, I will meet you
anywhere.
518
00:29:47,187 --> 00:29:48,487
Where?
519
00:30:02,168 --> 00:30:03,669
God, is it good to see you.
520
00:30:04,637 --> 00:30:08,674
I wanted to meet you here...
this is my happy place.
521
00:30:11,811 --> 00:30:13,545
I knew you'd love it too.
522
00:30:14,714 --> 00:30:17,549
They um, they show movies up on
that wall...
523
00:30:18,184 --> 00:30:20,419
over the graves of dead movie
stars.
524
00:30:20,887 --> 00:30:21,687
They don't mind?
525
00:30:22,322 --> 00:30:23,856
No one said anything.
526
00:30:25,525 --> 00:30:27,459
Guess what movie they're playing
tonight, Ricky.
527
00:30:29,829 --> 00:30:30,863
Um...
528
00:30:31,231 --> 00:30:32,231
Guess.
529
00:30:33,466 --> 00:30:34,399
Ahhhh "Cool Runnings?"
530
00:30:36,436 --> 00:30:37,903
I'm, I'm... really bad at
guessing--
531
00:30:39,439 --> 00:30:40,839
"Lost in America."
532
00:30:41,474 --> 00:30:42,708
That's my favorite movie!
533
00:30:43,443 --> 00:30:47,279
OMG, you read my whole profile.
534
00:30:53,153 --> 00:30:54,753
Tonight was great.
535
00:30:54,921 --> 00:30:56,822
I was so happy you called.
Beyond happy.
536
00:30:57,624 --> 00:30:58,624
Exultant.
537
00:30:58,626 --> 00:31:01,426
I don't think I've ever used
that word before.
538
00:31:02,595 --> 00:31:04,496
I couldn't stop thinking about
you.
539
00:31:05,498 --> 00:31:07,533
I can't go back to my old life
now.
540
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:09,535
I deserve to be happy. I...
541
00:31:10,403 --> 00:31:12,204
I deserve someone like you.
542
00:31:12,339 --> 00:31:16,375
So, when are you going to tell
your husband you're leaving him?
543
00:31:16,377 --> 00:31:18,243
Christ, how are you going to
tell him
544
00:31:18,444 --> 00:31:19,478
you're going to leave him.
545
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:20,946
I'm not going to tell him.
546
00:31:21,414 --> 00:31:22,447
Uh but uh...
547
00:31:22,749 --> 00:31:24,449
We have to kill him, Ricky.
548
00:31:25,652 --> 00:31:27,486
That's the only way we can ever
be together.
549
00:31:30,857 --> 00:31:32,491
Yeah, okay.
550
00:31:38,631 --> 00:31:39,865
Danita wants me to kill her
husband.
551
00:31:40,300 --> 00:31:40,832
Pardon?
552
00:31:40,834 --> 00:31:42,801
She said if she ever tried to
leave him,
553
00:31:42,803 --> 00:31:44,636
he'd find her and kill her.
554
00:31:45,205 --> 00:31:46,305
Wow what an asshole.
555
00:31:48,374 --> 00:31:50,475
Well, at least you got a chance
to say goodbye to her.
556
00:31:50,477 --> 00:31:52,211
No, no, I'm going to do it.
557
00:31:52,378 --> 00:31:53,445
Do what?
558
00:31:53,447 --> 00:31:55,414
Kill her husband.
559
00:32:00,420 --> 00:32:04,957
Ricky, you've never even killed
a spider.
560
00:32:05,458 --> 00:32:06,458
Oh it doesn't have to be violent
you know.
561
00:32:06,460 --> 00:32:08,260
I could kill him with pills or
you know,
562
00:32:08,262 --> 00:32:09,628
a lethal injection or
something..
563
00:32:09,630 --> 00:32:11,296
Lethal, lethal injection?
564
00:32:11,298 --> 00:32:12,531
And you have access to lethal
injection?
565
00:32:12,533 --> 00:32:15,634
this discussion right now.
566
00:32:16,303 --> 00:32:19,705
have you thought of this? What
if you get caught?!
567
00:32:20,006 --> 00:32:20,906
So what.
568
00:32:20,908 --> 00:32:22,674
So what? So what?
569
00:32:23,476 --> 00:32:24,910
I'm lonely and I work at a place
called Debby's.
570
00:32:25,478 --> 00:32:26,878
What exactly am I clinging onto
here?
571
00:32:27,714 --> 00:32:30,649
Ricky sit down, have a seat,
sit.
572
00:32:32,318 --> 00:32:34,353
I want you take six deep
breaths,
573
00:32:34,787 --> 00:32:36,255
in and out and go to the
bathroom and take a leak.
574
00:32:36,389 --> 00:32:37,289
What'll that do?
575
00:32:37,291 --> 00:32:38,890
I don't know, but you're talking
crazy right now.
576
00:32:38,892 --> 00:32:41,493
I'm not. I've never met anyone
like Danita and
577
00:32:41,495 --> 00:32:43,462
I'll never meet anyone like
Danita again.
578
00:32:43,696 --> 00:32:45,430
To think anything else would be
crazy.
579
00:32:45,665 --> 00:32:47,332
Okay Ricky, Ricky she's married
and,
580
00:32:47,334 --> 00:32:48,934
and she wants you to kill her
husband!
581
00:32:49,369 --> 00:32:50,936
I know. But everything else is
perfect.
582
00:32:52,805 --> 00:32:55,607
Look, when you meet your
soulmate and you're in your
forties,
583
00:32:55,908 --> 00:32:57,476
not everything is going to be
ideal.
584
00:32:57,478 --> 00:33:00,412
This is more than baggage!!
Alright?!
585
00:33:00,613 --> 00:33:02,981
Sorry, but I've made up my mind
up. I'm gonna kill this mofo.
586
00:33:03,716 --> 00:33:05,350
Ricky look, I want you to do me
a favor, k.
587
00:33:05,352 --> 00:33:06,551
I want you to go home and sleep
on it, okay?
588
00:33:06,820 --> 00:33:09,388
we'll talk about it tomorrow
night over donuts.
589
00:33:10,490 --> 00:33:11,657
There's nothing to sleep on.
Besides,
590
00:33:11,659 --> 00:33:13,492
I can't let that angel be a
prisoner
591
00:33:13,494 --> 00:33:15,060
in that monster's home anymore.
592
00:33:15,062 --> 00:33:16,528
I'm, I'm doing it. With or
without your help.
593
00:33:16,963 --> 00:33:17,963
My help?
594
00:33:17,965 --> 00:33:19,931
What the hell is that suppose to
mean.
595
00:33:19,933 --> 00:33:21,400
What do you mean by that? My
help.
596
00:33:21,402 --> 00:33:24,403
Well I, I just figured, you'd
help me, since you know ...
597
00:33:24,637 --> 00:33:26,805
You're my primo amigo too.
598
00:33:36,416 --> 00:33:38,984
Okay dog I'm in, but you are
gonna owe me big.
599
00:33:40,453 --> 00:33:41,820
Thanks for opening up my world,
Danita.
600
00:33:42,488 --> 00:33:44,323
I've never been to a juice bar
before.
601
00:33:44,824 --> 00:33:46,458
You sure it's okay to leave
work?
602
00:33:46,893 --> 00:33:48,060
I'm the manager.
603
00:33:48,062 --> 00:33:50,696
I have a lot of clout, but I try
not to let it go to my head.
604
00:33:50,698 --> 00:33:53,465
I thought we should talk now.
Ben's at work and--
605
00:33:53,900 --> 00:33:55,000
Ben?
606
00:33:55,002 --> 00:33:56,568
My husband.
607
00:33:56,570 --> 00:33:59,504
Oh. You've, you've never
actually said his name before.
608
00:34:02,375 --> 00:34:03,008
You okay?
609
00:34:03,010 --> 00:34:04,476
Yeah, yeah, of course.
610
00:34:05,511 --> 00:34:06,912
You don't have to do this...
611
00:34:07,113 --> 00:34:09,448
No, no, it was just easier when
he didn't have a name.
612
00:34:10,050 --> 00:34:13,051
"evil husband who will kill me
if I ever leave."
613
00:34:13,453 --> 00:34:14,753
I don't want you to do this.
614
00:34:14,755 --> 00:34:16,855
I can't believe I even asked you
to do this.
615
00:34:16,857 --> 00:34:18,824
I just needed to get away from
him and be with you and...
616
00:34:18,826 --> 00:34:20,992
It's okay, sweetheart. Please
don't be upset.
617
00:34:21,461 --> 00:34:22,461
I still want to kill him.
618
00:34:22,463 --> 00:34:23,028
Really?
619
00:34:23,030 --> 00:34:24,629
Yes! Very much.
620
00:34:25,531 --> 00:34:26,565
Oh I love you.
621
00:34:26,567 --> 00:34:28,100
-I love you more.
-I love you more.
622
00:34:28,968 --> 00:34:31,436
I love you more plus six.
623
00:34:43,049 --> 00:34:45,751
You knocked like a human being.
624
00:34:46,519 --> 00:34:47,552
Is anything wrong?
625
00:34:47,554 --> 00:34:49,121
There's something you need to
see, man.
626
00:34:49,123 --> 00:34:51,757
There's something you need to
see right now.
627
00:34:52,392 --> 00:34:53,825
What's that?
628
00:34:54,427 --> 00:34:56,027
An old movie with William Hurt
and Kathleen Turner.
629
00:34:57,430 --> 00:35:00,432
You know, back when she looked
like a chick.
630
00:35:01,534 --> 00:35:04,870
Yeah. I know, it's Body Heat. I
saw that movie.
631
00:35:05,538 --> 00:35:06,738
With you.
632
00:35:07,073 --> 00:35:09,007
Remember, neither of us could
get dates--
633
00:35:09,175 --> 00:35:11,910
It's time to watch it again,
bebe!
634
00:35:27,493 --> 00:35:30,729
Wow, wow that really holds up.
635
00:35:31,197 --> 00:35:35,167
You know, lots of twists, it's
compelling, it's well-written--
636
00:35:35,501 --> 00:35:36,802
Okay thank you, Rex Reed.
637
00:35:38,004 --> 00:35:39,838
She pretended to fall in love
with the guy
638
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:41,907
so he would kill her husband!
639
00:35:42,209 --> 00:35:44,776
but I actually thought was quite
nice,
640
00:35:44,778 --> 00:35:46,178
as played by Richard Crenna,
641
00:35:46,180 --> 00:35:48,113
and then she set him up for the
murder.
642
00:35:48,482 --> 00:35:51,750
William Hurt trusted Kathleen
Turner!
643
00:35:52,186 --> 00:35:55,220
I mean she was being all crude
and mysterious
644
00:35:55,222 --> 00:35:59,157
there was all that saxophone
music and stuff
645
00:35:59,159 --> 00:36:01,560
Okay common man, you aren't the
least bit dubious, dog?
646
00:36:01,562 --> 00:36:03,462
Some '10' just roles into your
life,
647
00:36:03,464 --> 00:36:05,664
and then tells you all this
crazy shit about her evil,
648
00:36:05,666 --> 00:36:08,467
jealous husband, but then wait a
minute...
649
00:36:08,469 --> 00:36:11,470
she has a bunch of time to hang
out with you,
650
00:36:11,804 --> 00:36:13,104
so that's pretty weird...
651
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:14,673
Well ah, he obviously works.
652
00:36:14,675 --> 00:36:18,944
Oh okay but wait hold on sec did
you guys, you guys..
653
00:36:18,946 --> 00:36:20,779
Yeah you went on a date, right?
654
00:36:20,781 --> 00:36:24,182
That was a night, so and then oh
you slept together which
655
00:36:24,184 --> 00:36:28,153
I don't know what the fuck
you're talking about Ricky,
656
00:36:28,155 --> 00:36:31,089
Oh well, well maybe, maybe he
was working that night,
657
00:36:31,091 --> 00:36:32,591
or he was out of town,
658
00:36:32,593 --> 00:36:34,526
or he went to sleep early...
659
00:36:34,528 --> 00:36:38,129
you just can't stand to see me
happy, can you?
660
00:36:38,131 --> 00:36:41,266
No Ricky, I do not trust this
woman.
661
00:36:41,268 --> 00:36:43,535
Ah, ah okay. You don't trust any
woman.
662
00:36:43,537 --> 00:36:47,639
I don't trust some woman who
wants you to kill her husband.
663
00:36:48,107 --> 00:36:49,774
I trust her, completely.
664
00:36:50,142 --> 00:36:53,545
And I am NOT going to let your
negativity creep
665
00:36:53,547 --> 00:36:55,747
into my mind like a 'Trojan
Horse' virus!
666
00:36:56,983 --> 00:36:59,150
That's a really bad computer
virus I once got on my laptop...
667
00:36:59,552 --> 00:37:00,719
You hear me?!
668
00:37:05,224 --> 00:37:06,191
I got to talk to you!
669
00:37:06,526 --> 00:37:07,192
I'm working.
670
00:37:07,194 --> 00:37:09,928
You came to my office. During
tax season!
671
00:37:10,196 --> 00:37:11,696
It's the lunch rush, for god
sakes--
672
00:37:11,931 --> 00:37:13,532
Look I followed Danita.
673
00:37:13,534 --> 00:37:17,269
After you met her. I went to her
house. I, I saw her husband.
674
00:37:17,703 --> 00:37:18,303
Yeah?
675
00:37:18,671 --> 00:37:19,638
He's a rabbi.
676
00:37:21,674 --> 00:37:22,607
What?
677
00:37:22,609 --> 00:37:26,177
Her monster husband Ben is a
rabbi.
678
00:37:32,552 --> 00:37:33,652
How the hell do you know he's a
rabbi?
679
00:37:33,654 --> 00:37:35,554
Well he was wearing one of those
Jewish hats.
680
00:37:36,022 --> 00:37:37,656
The... the... Yamaha.
681
00:37:37,658 --> 00:37:39,591
He was wearing a yarmulke?
682
00:37:39,725 --> 00:37:40,792
That's how you know he's a
rabbi?!
683
00:37:41,227 --> 00:37:42,294
Okay don't talk down to me, hog.
684
00:37:42,296 --> 00:37:44,829
I'm not an idiot, I know what
I'm doing.
685
00:37:45,064 --> 00:37:46,631
I followed him. To a bookstore.
686
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:49,067
Okay, you're starting to lose me
here.
687
00:37:49,235 --> 00:37:50,735
You didn't let me finish.
688
00:37:50,737 --> 00:37:54,339
I followed him to a book store.
He use to be a rabbi.
689
00:37:54,907 --> 00:37:57,275
Now he writes mystery novels.
About a 'crime solving Rabbi.'
690
00:37:58,311 --> 00:37:59,644
He was doing a book signing.
691
00:37:59,646 --> 00:38:03,281
Her evil husband is a mystery
novel writing former rabbi?
692
00:38:04,584 --> 00:38:05,584
Yeah. I even read one of his
books.
693
00:38:05,586 --> 00:38:08,620
In one sitting. I couldn't put
it down.
694
00:38:08,888 --> 00:38:10,722
I, I can't believe a retired
rabbi
695
00:38:11,223 --> 00:38:13,058
has gotten his books published
and I--
696
00:38:13,359 --> 00:38:15,360
Look, this doesn't change
anything, you know.
697
00:38:15,728 --> 00:38:16,761
He could still be a monster.
698
00:38:16,763 --> 00:38:19,297
You know authors can be
egotistical pricks and,
699
00:38:19,765 --> 00:38:22,767
and a lot of clergymen are, are
evil molesters.
700
00:38:23,002 --> 00:38:24,269
No,no, hold on a second, no no.
701
00:38:24,770 --> 00:38:26,037
There aren't any molesting
rabbis.
702
00:38:26,238 --> 00:38:27,606
Only priests do that.
703
00:38:27,608 --> 00:38:30,609
Yeah, yeah, you know maybe all
this makes more sense now.
704
00:38:30,910 --> 00:38:32,110
Yeah!
705
00:38:32,112 --> 00:38:33,612
She said that, that he was this
"great man"
706
00:38:33,614 --> 00:38:37,282
to embarrass him and now we see
that he's this...
707
00:38:37,284 --> 00:38:40,986
'published' author, this evil,
708
00:38:40,988 --> 00:38:45,290
monstrous wife-threatening
published author--
709
00:38:46,826 --> 00:38:51,062
Or, or he's just a nice guy like
Richy Crenna in Body Heat.
710
00:38:51,263 --> 00:38:54,366
Just a nice, loaded guy who she
wants you to kill
711
00:38:54,734 --> 00:38:56,167
so she can get all his money and
712
00:38:56,402 --> 00:38:58,136
make you take the rap, Ricky.
713
00:39:10,983 --> 00:39:11,750
This is stupid.
714
00:39:11,752 --> 00:39:14,119
No, it isn't k. We have to know
if this guy's Hitler.
715
00:39:14,121 --> 00:39:16,187
We can tell if he's Hitler from
a book signing?
716
00:39:16,189 --> 00:39:18,957
I can. I can read people. I'm an
accountant.
717
00:39:19,725 --> 00:39:21,393
You know it's probably not a
good idea for you to be here.
718
00:39:21,827 --> 00:39:24,129
He can't see you, in you're the
guy pulling the trigger.
719
00:39:24,430 --> 00:39:26,297
I, I haven't decided I'm going
to shoot him.
720
00:39:26,699 --> 00:39:28,700
Shoot him, poison him, trip him,
whatever you want to do.
721
00:39:28,934 --> 00:39:29,401
Trip him?
722
00:39:29,403 --> 00:39:31,302
Yeah I don't know. Down a flight
of stairs or something.
723
00:39:31,304 --> 00:39:32,804
You can't talk about this in
public.
724
00:39:32,806 --> 00:39:35,006
What are you doing? Ricky what
are you doing?
725
00:39:35,008 --> 00:39:37,409
You're right, right good call,
good call.
726
00:39:47,820 --> 00:39:48,887
Hey, Mr. Jacobs.
727
00:39:49,155 --> 00:39:50,855
Oh please, call me Ben.
728
00:39:51,457 --> 00:39:53,792
Um, okay... Ben.
729
00:39:54,260 --> 00:39:55,927
Yeah, any fan of mine is also a
friend.
730
00:39:56,996 --> 00:39:58,730
That's... a pretty cool way of
looking at things.
731
00:39:58,964 --> 00:40:00,098
Well seriously I wouldn't be
anywhere
732
00:40:00,100 --> 00:40:01,366
without my loyal readers.
733
00:40:01,801 --> 00:40:07,205
Right, right. I guess you
wouldn't...
734
00:40:10,042 --> 00:40:12,243
Do you think it's okay to kill a
woman if she leaves you?
735
00:40:12,712 --> 00:40:14,112
What? No!
736
00:40:14,714 --> 00:40:15,780
No, no...
737
00:40:15,782 --> 00:40:17,115
Why would you ask such a
question?
738
00:40:17,117 --> 00:40:18,416
I don't know. Just making small
talk.
739
00:40:18,418 --> 00:40:20,919
You please sign this. Make it
out to "Seth?"
740
00:40:20,921 --> 00:40:22,987
Yeah...
741
00:40:24,090 --> 00:40:25,156
There you go, man.
742
00:40:26,826 --> 00:40:28,326
We still don't know he's not
Hitler.
743
00:40:28,328 --> 00:40:30,328
Hitler doesn't sign books with a
smiley face.
744
00:40:30,930 --> 00:40:32,297
Well, what did you expect him to
do,
745
00:40:32,299 --> 00:40:35,400
foam at the mouth and rotate his
head 360 degrees?
746
00:40:35,836 --> 00:40:40,338
to kill a woman if she's left
him, he was against it, so...
747
00:40:40,340 --> 00:40:42,340
He's obviously not gonna admit
that he's okay...--
748
00:40:42,342 --> 00:40:44,442
Look, Ricky she's already lied
to you once.
749
00:40:44,444 --> 00:40:46,211
How do you know she's not lying
about this too?
750
00:40:46,213 --> 00:40:48,146
I don't think she'd lie to me
twice.
751
00:40:51,450 --> 00:40:54,052
If, if I could just see them
together, I'd know.
752
00:40:55,488 --> 00:40:56,955
You see now that's a good idea.
753
00:40:57,289 --> 00:40:58,156
We'll just plant the camera in
their house!
754
00:40:58,457 --> 00:40:59,424
You know how to do that?
755
00:40:59,426 --> 00:41:01,993
But you know I once saw this
show once
756
00:41:02,262 --> 00:41:04,963
Oh my god the bitch shaking the
baby,
757
00:41:04,965 --> 00:41:06,331
stealing money, it was complete
disaster.
758
00:41:06,333 --> 00:41:07,899
We'll just break into her house
and set one up.
759
00:41:08,267 --> 00:41:10,034
You, you know how to break into
somebody's home?
760
00:41:10,036 --> 00:41:13,404
You know, it's easy to piss on
every plan.
761
00:41:19,478 --> 00:41:20,478
I'm, I'm sorry...?
762
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:21,346
Thank you!
763
00:41:21,814 --> 00:41:22,947
You sure they come here?
764
00:41:26,819 --> 00:41:28,353
The guy is a millionaire and he
takes her to "Olive Garden?"
765
00:41:29,256 --> 00:41:32,557
This ain't Olive Garden, hog.
It's Pimento Garden.
766
00:41:33,159 --> 00:41:34,259
How do they get away with that?
767
00:41:34,261 --> 00:41:35,326
I dunno.
768
00:41:35,328 --> 00:41:36,928
Okay great, looks like they're
not here yet.
769
00:41:36,930 --> 00:41:38,530
You remember the plan right?
770
00:41:38,532 --> 00:41:42,867
Don't, don't, look it's a good
plan okay!
771
00:41:42,869 --> 00:41:44,469
You can make anything sound
ridiculous by 'shorthanding' it.
772
00:41:44,471 --> 00:41:46,304
-Let's just go. -No, no, no,
noway amigo!
773
00:41:46,306 --> 00:41:47,939
Look we go to make sure that
she's not a femme 'fatal'
774
00:41:47,941 --> 00:41:48,907
like Kathleen Turner.
775
00:41:48,909 --> 00:41:51,442
It's femme fatale and she is NOT
like Kathleen Turner!
776
00:41:51,444 --> 00:41:52,544
Oh whatever, Sharon Stone or
Denise Richards
777
00:41:53,012 --> 00:41:53,545
whatever you want...
778
00:41:53,547 --> 00:41:54,279
Denise Richards?
779
00:41:54,281 --> 00:41:56,815
-I don't remember that movie.
-You never saw Wild Things?
780
00:41:56,817 --> 00:42:00,418
It was a classic, no?
781
00:42:00,420 --> 00:42:02,987
Hey! How are you?
782
00:42:03,522 --> 00:42:05,423
Hi... it's Seth, right?
783
00:42:05,959 --> 00:42:08,426
Honey, this guy just came to a
book signing.
784
00:42:09,295 --> 00:42:10,895
I never forget the face of a
fan.
785
00:42:11,463 --> 00:42:12,397
How you doin'?
786
00:42:12,399 --> 00:42:15,900
Wow, I can't, can't believe a
big-time author like you
787
00:42:15,902 --> 00:42:19,470
what a small world, it's, it's a
small world
788
00:42:19,472 --> 00:42:20,839
Isn't it, Ricky?
789
00:42:21,373 --> 00:42:23,274
It's very small, it's very
small.
790
00:42:23,276 --> 00:42:27,545
Okay well, it was really great
running into you , Ben,
791
00:42:28,180 --> 00:42:29,447
we'll just let you get back to
having dinner in private
792
00:42:30,216 --> 00:42:31,115
with your wife so bye bye.
793
00:42:31,117 --> 00:42:33,351
Wai, wai, wait. Nonsense.
794
00:42:34,420 --> 00:42:36,287
-Why don't you two join us?
-Pardon?
795
00:42:36,289 --> 00:42:38,122
Well it's not every day an
author gets to converse
796
00:42:38,524 --> 00:42:39,924
with one of his fans.
797
00:42:39,926 --> 00:42:42,927
And besides you deserve a free
meal just for reading my books.
798
00:42:43,462 --> 00:42:47,098
So what do you say, alright?
Great, common.
799
00:42:49,268 --> 00:42:52,604
Good times...
800
00:42:55,074 --> 00:42:56,441
Okay, okay, okay.
801
00:42:56,443 --> 00:42:59,143
So Seth, tell me what is it you
like best about my books?
802
00:42:59,378 --> 00:43:00,411
And please.
803
00:43:00,413 --> 00:43:04,382
Don't spare a single detail.
Unless of course it's negative.
804
00:43:05,317 --> 00:43:07,218
Well, I like everything about
them.
805
00:43:07,620 --> 00:43:10,288
The suspense, the surprise
twists, the characters... ya I,
806
00:43:10,290 --> 00:43:13,458
I love how the killer is always
the most unlikely, unassuming
guy and--
807
00:43:13,893 --> 00:43:15,360
Were you born in L.A?
808
00:43:15,362 --> 00:43:16,361
Huh?
809
00:43:16,363 --> 00:43:19,330
Uh, were, were you born in...
810
00:43:19,332 --> 00:43:21,299
'Los An-gull-ese?'
811
00:43:22,034 --> 00:43:23,368
Uh... was anybody?
812
00:43:24,303 --> 00:43:25,670
Right...?
813
00:43:26,438 --> 00:43:29,107
Well I was and Seth too.
814
00:43:29,109 --> 00:43:32,644
Well, not Los Angeles, persay,
but Sherman Oaks.
815
00:43:33,445 --> 00:43:35,380
I'm from Pittsburgh originally.
816
00:43:37,182 --> 00:43:40,184
know I, I first met Danita at a
Pimento Garden,
817
00:43:40,586 --> 00:43:42,487
she was a waitress there and
818
00:43:43,088 --> 00:43:45,423
I proposed to her on a Saturday
night and
819
00:43:45,925 --> 00:43:49,460
we've been coming back to one
every Saturday since.
820
00:43:50,095 --> 00:43:52,130
No matter where we've lived.
821
00:43:53,966 --> 00:43:55,066
Awww
822
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,035
I didn't know that.
823
00:43:57,303 --> 00:43:59,637
I mean, why, why, why would he
know,
824
00:44:00,306 --> 00:44:02,106
why, why, why would he know...
why,
825
00:44:02,374 --> 00:44:04,375
why that mean, it's very
romantic, it's very romantic...
826
00:44:04,510 --> 00:44:06,444
Isn't it romantic, Ricky?
827
00:44:06,446 --> 00:44:08,446
It's...Very romantic.
828
00:44:08,981 --> 00:44:11,349
You, have been awfully quiet
tonight, honey.
829
00:44:13,285 --> 00:44:15,219
No, no, no I'm just listening.
830
00:44:15,454 --> 00:44:16,988
Well, you can talk too.
831
00:44:16,990 --> 00:44:18,356
I mean it's allowed.
832
00:44:18,657 --> 00:44:19,590
Thanks.
833
00:44:20,359 --> 00:44:22,093
Hell, I'm a modern man.
834
00:44:22,394 --> 00:44:23,628
Yes, that you are.
835
00:44:24,296 --> 00:44:26,698
Modern enough to give his
beautiful wife
836
00:44:27,199 --> 00:44:28,433
a little kiss in public.
837
00:44:29,068 --> 00:44:30,468
Let's order.
838
00:44:31,370 --> 00:44:33,571
Sorry, me hungry like a
'sumbitch.
839
00:44:42,214 --> 00:44:43,982
Uhg..., that was great.
840
00:44:44,283 --> 00:44:46,150
Benny you sure me and Ricky
can't kick in
841
00:44:46,152 --> 00:44:47,418
at least for the Cherry Pepsi?
842
00:44:47,420 --> 00:44:49,487
Out of the question. My treat,
please.
843
00:44:51,123 --> 00:44:52,390
There ya go, thanks
844
00:44:52,992 --> 00:44:54,625
Wow. What a nice guy.
845
00:44:55,728 --> 00:44:58,596
Ya, I guess it's nice being a
millionaire writer,
846
00:44:59,264 --> 00:45:00,465
never having to worry about
money.
847
00:45:00,467 --> 00:45:02,700
Oh well, it wasn't always like
that, believe me.
848
00:45:02,702 --> 00:45:05,570
I mean, it took me years and
years to make it as a writer
849
00:45:06,372 --> 00:45:08,473
Wow, see, Ricky. I told you!
It's never too late.
850
00:45:08,774 --> 00:45:10,375
Ricky wrote this really cool
book and then he just quit.
851
00:45:11,310 --> 00:45:12,543
Aww. That's a shame.
852
00:45:13,345 --> 00:45:15,313
I, I didn't write a book and I
didn't quit.
853
00:45:16,048 --> 00:45:18,449
I just got, you know... eighty
pages into one,
854
00:45:19,118 --> 00:45:22,053
a long time ago, and then I got
a real job so...
855
00:45:22,654 --> 00:45:24,155
Well, I love to read it.
856
00:45:28,093 --> 00:45:28,659
Excuse me?
857
00:45:28,661 --> 00:45:31,095
I'd love to read your eighty
pages Ricky.
858
00:45:32,364 --> 00:45:33,798
Here, I'll give you my card.
859
00:45:34,633 --> 00:45:36,634
You can send it over and give me
a call in few days and
860
00:45:36,636 --> 00:45:38,102
I'll give you some feedback.
861
00:45:40,072 --> 00:45:42,140
Go on take it, it's okay.
862
00:45:47,046 --> 00:45:48,780
I can't believe the man I'm
supposed to kill
863
00:45:49,581 --> 00:45:51,049
is going to read my work.
864
00:45:51,650 --> 00:45:52,750
I knew she was lying.
865
00:45:53,452 --> 00:45:54,452
We still don't know that.
866
00:45:54,754 --> 00:45:59,123
And she did seem uncomfortable
around him.
867
00:45:59,391 --> 00:46:00,391
What are you talking about?
868
00:46:00,393 --> 00:46:03,261
When he tried to kiss her, she
was uncomfortable, but he kept
going.
869
00:46:03,263 --> 00:46:04,395
He practically tongue-raped her.
870
00:46:04,663 --> 00:46:05,596
Oh, whatever--
871
00:46:08,734 --> 00:46:11,469
Oh ya. I forgot to tell you. I
met a woman on E-Happily too.
872
00:46:11,770 --> 00:46:14,405
Yeah, she's actually hot, at
least her picture is, but...
873
00:46:15,074 --> 00:46:17,608
oh umm, and if we ever do go on
a date and
874
00:46:18,110 --> 00:46:19,710
by chance you happen run into
us,
875
00:46:20,345 --> 00:46:23,448
she sort of thinks I am an
astronaut.
876
00:46:34,393 --> 00:46:35,159
Hello...
877
00:46:35,161 --> 00:46:37,662
Hi, honey. God, I'm still
shaking.
878
00:46:38,831 --> 00:46:40,498
I, I can't believe we ran into
each other like that--
879
00:46:40,866 --> 00:46:43,101
It is a small world.
880
00:46:43,469 --> 00:46:45,403
You handled yourself great,
though.
881
00:46:45,604 --> 00:46:50,641
Calm, poised, sort of, I hope I
did too.
882
00:46:51,543 --> 00:46:52,777
Where is he?
883
00:46:53,178 --> 00:46:54,645
He's downstairs, I can just talk
for a minute,
884
00:46:56,282 --> 00:47:00,718
I wanted to die, him pawing at
me and kissing me like that.
885
00:47:02,154 --> 00:47:03,688
I just needed to hear your
voice.
886
00:47:04,656 --> 00:47:06,424
Umm, Umm, I'm glad you called.
887
00:47:09,394 --> 00:47:12,763
Boy, he really didn't seem like
the monster I imagined.
888
00:47:13,298 --> 00:47:15,399
Nooo, he's good at fooling
people.
889
00:47:15,401 --> 00:47:18,803
Yeah Really good at it. I mean,
generous, affable...
890
00:47:21,573 --> 00:47:22,840
He almost fooled me.
891
00:47:24,409 --> 00:47:26,310
Do you think I'm lying to you,
Ricky?
892
00:47:26,512 --> 00:47:31,315
No, no, it, it... I mean it's
just, a little odd.
893
00:47:33,352 --> 00:47:37,321
You told me he's this evil guy
who threatened to kill you
894
00:47:37,589 --> 00:47:38,789
and he used to be a rabbi--
895
00:47:39,191 --> 00:47:40,391
How did you know that?
896
00:47:42,928 --> 00:47:44,929
Huh? Seth told me.
897
00:47:45,397 --> 00:47:48,166
He Googled him and checked his
website and--
898
00:47:48,500 --> 00:47:51,736
You didn't just run into us
tonight, did you?
899
00:47:52,538 --> 00:47:54,372
You knew we were going to be
there.
900
00:47:54,374 --> 00:48:00,278
No, no. Okay, yeah, uh but you
know Seth just wanted
901
00:48:00,812 --> 00:48:02,547
to make sure you weren't using
me or,
902
00:48:02,549 --> 00:48:04,282
or trying to set me up--
903
00:48:04,450 --> 00:48:08,753
Yeah, yeah of course. I, I trust
you, Danita.
904
00:48:09,688 --> 00:48:11,622
Totally. I always have.
905
00:48:12,391 --> 00:48:13,424
Goodbye, Ricky.
906
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:28,973
Hey, hog.
907
00:48:28,975 --> 00:48:31,209
What are you doing here?
908
00:48:31,410 --> 00:48:32,476
I'm meeting my E-Happily chick.
909
00:48:32,478 --> 00:48:36,380
Hey look, I was wondering if you
can do me a solid,
910
00:48:36,382 --> 00:48:37,615
maybe come over and break things
up
911
00:48:37,617 --> 00:48:38,950
if she doesn't look like her
picture.
912
00:48:39,484 --> 00:48:41,719
Oh, you know what you can do?
913
00:48:42,354 --> 00:48:44,255
Say my Mom just died and I'm
needed at the cemetery--
914
00:48:44,257 --> 00:48:45,590
No.
915
00:48:45,592 --> 00:48:47,458
Hey! I'm helping you kill a guy.
916
00:48:49,294 --> 00:48:50,428
Sorry. I should probably lower
my voice.
917
00:48:50,430 --> 00:48:53,564
That's, that's not happening
anymore.
918
00:48:53,566 --> 00:48:54,599
What?
919
00:48:54,601 --> 00:48:55,633
Danita's pissed at me.
920
00:48:55,635 --> 00:48:57,501
She thought I didn't just run
into her the other night.
921
00:48:57,503 --> 00:48:59,837
She thought I went there because
I didn't trust her.
922
00:49:01,341 --> 00:49:04,976
I don't, I don't want to pick
sides, the girl is right,
923
00:49:05,511 --> 00:49:07,945
Because YOU put all that thought
in my head!
924
00:49:08,381 --> 00:49:11,882
It's easy to be a Monday morning
quarterback and
925
00:49:11,884 --> 00:49:13,517
blame it all on me, but...
926
00:49:14,387 --> 00:49:19,724
That's her! She IS her picture,
wish me luck, dog.
927
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:22,793
Snail.
928
00:49:23,663 --> 00:49:27,398
could you come by our table and
ask me something 'astronaut-y.'
929
00:49:40,512 --> 00:49:41,445
Hello, Seth.
930
00:49:47,019 --> 00:49:49,520
Um, maybe we should get a table?
931
00:49:50,322 --> 00:49:54,058
Yes! Oh yes, of course, yes. I
have a lot of pull here.
932
00:49:54,459 --> 00:49:55,793
So Garcon.
933
00:49:56,662 --> 00:49:57,995
That is French.
934
00:49:57,997 --> 00:50:00,398
And why wouldn't you know that?
I'm a moron.
935
00:50:00,532 --> 00:50:06,437
Relax, tonight you're going to
get paid and laid.
936
00:50:07,306 --> 00:50:09,440
Oh, no, no, no, no.
937
00:50:09,908 --> 00:50:12,510
It was a phrase I took from your
profile.
938
00:50:13,045 --> 00:50:14,445
I thought it was very funny.
939
00:50:14,447 --> 00:50:17,948
Oh, oh right! I see! Ah shit I
thought you were serious.
940
00:50:18,617 --> 00:50:21,385
Pardon my French. And I
apologize for that.
941
00:50:21,387 --> 00:50:23,554
I didn't mean to imply that
French is course,
942
00:50:23,556 --> 00:50:26,424
or, or that it is obscene or
that it is a gutter language.
943
00:50:26,426 --> 00:50:28,559
French is not a gutter language
944
00:50:45,410 --> 00:50:47,478
All my life, I had been looking
for my prince.
945
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:50,815
Danita, I, I, I need to talk to
you, please call me back--
946
00:50:53,619 --> 00:50:55,519
Look I'm sorry I didn't trust
you,
947
00:50:55,787 --> 00:50:56,987
but Seth kept making me watch
"Body Heat" and
948
00:50:56,989 --> 00:50:58,122
and "Wild Things"--
949
00:51:00,493 --> 00:51:01,525
Jesus, Seth!
950
00:51:13,739 --> 00:51:14,472
Talk to me.
951
00:51:14,474 --> 00:51:16,474
Look, look, it's my fault k.
952
00:51:16,641 --> 00:51:18,376
Seth got into my head and
953
00:51:18,378 --> 00:51:20,544
I started obsessing and getting
all suspicious, but,
954
00:51:20,546 --> 00:51:21,645
but that's no excuse
955
00:51:21,647 --> 00:51:23,381
I was using you.
956
00:51:25,117 --> 00:51:26,417
What...
957
00:51:26,419 --> 00:51:28,619
At first.
958
00:51:28,621 --> 00:51:30,688
I've told you the truth about my
husband.
959
00:51:30,690 --> 00:51:33,557
He would kill me if I tried to
leave him.
960
00:51:33,559 --> 00:51:35,593
He controls every dime of mine
961
00:51:35,595 --> 00:51:39,563
so I could never pay to have
somone... one day,
962
00:51:39,898 --> 00:51:42,566
I went on a dating service to
look for someone desperate.
963
00:51:42,568 --> 00:51:44,402
And they just...matched me up
with you.
964
00:51:46,138 --> 00:51:49,673
I, I, I figured that any man
willing to go on a date
965
00:51:49,675 --> 00:51:51,475
with a woman without even seeing
her picture,
966
00:51:51,477 --> 00:51:54,478
might be willing to go along
with just about anything.
967
00:51:54,947 --> 00:52:01,085
No but then I met you and it
just... everything changed.
968
00:52:01,420 --> 00:52:04,021
I just... fell in love with
you.
969
00:52:05,924 --> 00:52:07,024
Uh-huh...
970
00:52:07,026 --> 00:52:10,928
I did, Ricky, I did. I, I really
did. I'll be honest.
971
00:52:11,430 --> 00:52:12,897
At first when I read your
profile,
972
00:52:13,598 --> 00:52:16,066
I couldn't believe anyone that
sweet could actually exist.
973
00:52:16,535 --> 00:52:19,170
I mean I even snickered when I
read the word "heart-ner" the
first time...
974
00:52:21,606 --> 00:52:22,206
then I met you and...
975
00:52:22,208 --> 00:52:24,809
you were just... you are that
sweet in person and ...
976
00:52:24,811 --> 00:52:27,144
I love you,
977
00:52:27,546 --> 00:52:29,814
I love you from the bottom of my
heart, Ricky.
978
00:52:31,149 --> 00:52:32,850
And I, I know you have no reason
to believe me, but I-
979
00:52:32,852 --> 00:52:35,553
Goodbye, Danita.
980
00:52:37,722 --> 00:52:40,691
Yeah okay, I guess that's what I
deserve.
981
00:52:42,828 --> 00:52:46,864
Goodbye, Ricky. I'm so sorry,
Ricky.
982
00:52:48,500 --> 00:52:51,068
You're my soulmate and I screwed
it all up.
983
00:52:56,241 --> 00:52:57,508
Swear on Albert Brooks.
984
00:52:58,543 --> 00:52:59,109
What?
985
00:53:00,512 --> 00:53:03,013
Swear on Albert Brooks that you
love me.
986
00:53:04,583 --> 00:53:05,916
If you're lying, he'll be struck
dead.
987
00:53:07,686 --> 00:53:10,187
And also one of your cats.
988
00:53:13,091 --> 00:53:14,124
I swear.
989
00:53:14,126 --> 00:53:17,261
I swear on Albert Brooks and
Chairman Meow.
990
00:53:17,263 --> 00:53:22,032
I love you, I love you Ricky.
With all my heart.
991
00:53:23,201 --> 00:53:24,668
Oh God. I love you too, Danita!
992
00:53:27,072 --> 00:53:29,807
Um listen, uh...there's
something
993
00:53:32,511 --> 00:53:33,878
I probably should have told you.
994
00:53:36,615 --> 00:53:39,149
Um well it's something you've
probably noticed already.
995
00:53:40,986 --> 00:53:42,953
My...whole head was a lie.
996
00:53:44,523 --> 00:53:47,958
It's okay, you look more
beautiful without your makeup.
997
00:53:58,637 --> 00:53:59,236
It's back on.
998
00:53:59,604 --> 00:54:00,070
What?
999
00:54:00,072 --> 00:54:01,539
"Operation Kill The Rabbi."
1000
00:54:01,940 --> 00:54:02,806
It's a go
1001
00:54:03,742 --> 00:54:04,308
Pound it.
1002
00:54:08,847 --> 00:54:11,615
What, what exactly... is our
"Operation?"
1003
00:54:11,617 --> 00:54:12,883
You know what, I don't know.
1004
00:54:13,084 --> 00:54:13,984
I was thinking shoot him, trip
him?
1005
00:54:13,986 --> 00:54:15,219
Right now is not a good time,
bebe.
1006
00:54:15,221 --> 00:54:16,787
Up to my ass in "1099's. Okay.
1007
00:54:24,563 --> 00:54:26,664
You want me to give your husband
my novel?
1008
00:54:27,232 --> 00:54:29,033
Yes. Just like he asked.
1009
00:54:30,569 --> 00:54:32,336
Then you can come over one night
to... discuss it,
1010
00:54:32,938 --> 00:54:35,139
face to face, where you can
absorb all his comments and
1011
00:54:36,207 --> 00:54:38,609
then you'll have the perfect
opportunity-
1012
00:54:39,210 --> 00:54:40,311
I'm not sure it's ready.
1013
00:54:41,313 --> 00:54:42,112
What?
1014
00:54:42,614 --> 00:54:43,247
The eighty pages.
1015
00:54:43,249 --> 00:54:45,983
You know, I haven't even proofed
it yet and--
1016
00:54:45,985 --> 00:54:48,352
You're not sending it to him so
he'll give it to his agent!
1017
00:54:48,354 --> 00:54:52,289
You're giving it to him so you
can get invited
1018
00:54:52,657 --> 00:54:54,692
into his home and kill him.
1019
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:56,660
It's just, it's been a real long
time
1020
00:54:57,028 --> 00:54:59,129
since anyone's read my stuff and
I...
1021
00:55:00,599 --> 00:55:02,166
Sorry, I'm reaally nervous.
1022
00:55:04,002 --> 00:55:05,102
Me too, honey.
1023
00:55:07,339 --> 00:55:08,739
Maybe we shouldn't do this.
1024
00:55:08,741 --> 00:55:12,743
Maybe we can just get in your
car and drive away,
1025
00:55:13,311 --> 00:55:15,245
far away, you and me, right now.
1026
00:55:16,247 --> 00:55:18,182
I'd have to give Debby's two
weeks notice.
1027
00:55:18,383 --> 00:55:22,653
Sorry, I was sure you were
kidding.
1028
00:55:24,889 --> 00:55:26,256
Let's just get away.
1029
00:55:27,292 --> 00:55:29,627
Maybe he won't kill me like he
says he will.
1030
00:55:30,128 --> 00:55:31,695
Yeah, okay, he's killed before,
but...
1031
00:55:34,099 --> 00:55:36,100
Oh yeah he killed his first
wife.
1032
00:55:37,369 --> 00:55:39,370
And they couldn't prove it, but
he did.
1033
00:55:39,372 --> 00:55:43,140
The prick even made it into the
plot of his first, first book.
1034
00:55:44,376 --> 00:55:49,346
Genius murderer gets away with
killing a cheating wife.
1035
00:55:50,115 --> 00:55:51,148
Christ...
1036
00:55:51,349 --> 00:55:52,349
His family warned me.
1037
00:55:52,351 --> 00:55:56,086
Till the day I married him, it's
just I never listened.
1038
00:55:56,288 --> 00:56:03,394
No, no, no hey, at least you
have good taste in men now.
1039
00:56:09,167 --> 00:56:15,139
"How to buy a gun..." Oh Shit.
1040
00:56:16,041 --> 00:56:17,374
They can trace Google searches,
idiot!
1041
00:56:19,310 --> 00:56:23,113
Uh, uh, smiley face? "LOL"--
1042
00:56:23,281 --> 00:56:24,415
Hey, man, can I talk to you for
a second?
1043
00:56:25,450 --> 00:56:27,284
Sure. What up, dog?
1044
00:56:28,453 --> 00:56:30,387
I'm gonna need some more time
off.
1045
00:56:30,789 --> 00:56:32,289
Yeah, okay, 'whatev's.'
1046
00:56:35,393 --> 00:56:39,363
Oh, hey, you know, Jorge there's
something I,
1047
00:56:39,365 --> 00:56:40,731
I always wanted to ask you.
1048
00:56:41,332 --> 00:56:43,801
Um do you know anybody who sells
guns?
1049
00:56:44,869 --> 00:56:45,903
Excuse me?
1050
00:56:47,072 --> 00:56:48,472
Oh well, it's for my...father.
1051
00:56:48,474 --> 00:56:52,342
He likes to hunt deer... I, I
don't condone it, but you know,
1052
00:56:53,344 --> 00:56:55,913
gives him pleasure and his
birthday is coming up so...
1053
00:56:56,181 --> 00:56:58,482
Why would you think I would know
somebody who sells guns, huh?
1054
00:56:58,883 --> 00:57:00,017
'Cause I'm Hispanic?
1055
00:57:00,385 --> 00:57:01,719
No, no, of course not.
1056
00:57:02,387 --> 00:57:03,420
I, I didn't mean anything.
Honestly--
1057
00:57:03,923 --> 00:57:07,891
it's just that this is how
stereotypes get perpetuated
and--
1058
00:57:07,893 --> 00:57:09,860
Couldn't agree more and I'm
sorry I asked.
1059
00:57:14,399 --> 00:57:16,133
You know what? I just
remembered.
1060
00:57:16,401 --> 00:57:17,968
My brother and sister sell guns.
1061
00:57:22,741 --> 00:57:24,274
This is stupid... shouldn't we
be at a,
1062
00:57:24,276 --> 00:57:25,442
a shooting range or something.
1063
00:57:25,777 --> 00:57:27,377
Witnesses, dog.
1064
00:57:27,379 --> 00:57:28,412
Use your head, k.
1065
00:57:28,414 --> 00:57:29,747
It's totally discreet here.
1066
00:57:37,522 --> 00:57:40,491
Ah! Ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, that
was discreet.
1067
00:57:41,326 --> 00:57:42,793
Couldn't you have asked the
busboy
1068
00:57:42,961 --> 00:57:43,360
for a silencer or something?
1069
00:57:43,362 --> 00:57:46,029
Sorry, first gun, forgot to ask
for accessories.
1070
00:57:46,031 --> 00:57:48,432
Alright, you know what, I'll
show you how to do it, hog.
1071
00:57:48,933 --> 00:57:50,234
You got to.., aim the, aim the.
1072
00:57:50,236 --> 00:57:52,503
Now don't hold the trigger yet,
no, no don't hold...
1073
00:57:52,505 --> 00:57:55,172
what are you a gangster...
Put it straight up, okay,
1074
00:57:55,174 --> 00:57:58,342
now make sure your forearm needs
to be in line with the barrel.
1075
00:57:58,910 --> 00:58:00,410
Needs to be in line...
no straight,
1076
00:58:00,845 --> 00:58:02,946
don't turn your elbow in or else
you're going to loop.
1077
00:58:03,148 --> 00:58:04,281
This is going to dislocate
immediately.
1078
00:58:04,283 --> 00:58:07,818
Okay look, no, no, no, you got
to stay, you got to stay square.
1079
00:58:08,353 --> 00:58:09,553
Okay you have no power there.
1080
00:58:09,555 --> 00:58:12,422
Look at it through that eye.
The eye closest to the, to the.
1081
00:58:13,358 --> 00:58:14,892
You know what, you don't have to
shoot him.
1082
00:58:15,260 --> 00:58:16,560
No, no, no. I want to shoot him.
1083
00:58:17,162 --> 00:58:18,495
That's how this murderer
deserves to die.
1084
00:58:19,364 --> 00:58:20,097
Murderer?
1085
00:58:20,099 --> 00:58:22,366
Well yeah, he killed his first
wife, totally got away with it.
1086
00:58:22,368 --> 00:58:24,434
No, no, no, I think you're
thinking of Ben's first book,
1087
00:58:24,436 --> 00:58:25,936
which is a great read by the
way.
1088
00:58:25,938 --> 00:58:27,137
I highly recommend it.
1089
00:58:27,139 --> 00:58:29,306
No, no, Danita told me he did
that.
1090
00:58:29,308 --> 00:58:30,407
In real life.
1091
00:58:30,409 --> 00:58:33,243
How do you know she's telling
the truth now?
1092
00:58:34,379 --> 00:58:35,379
I looked into her eyes.
1093
00:58:37,115 --> 00:58:39,416
Oh, good, great, I feel really
good about this now.
1094
00:58:40,418 --> 00:58:42,820
Did you at least think to Google
the guy
1095
00:58:43,121 --> 00:58:44,521
to see if he even HAD a first
wife?
1096
00:58:45,123 --> 00:58:47,257
Okay, okay. You know what your
problem is?
1097
00:58:47,559 --> 00:58:50,894
Seriously, seriously you know, I
think you need to hear it.
1098
00:58:51,029 --> 00:58:52,329
This may hurt you but I...
1099
00:58:52,331 --> 00:58:53,564
I really think you need to hear
it.
1100
00:58:54,098 --> 00:58:55,465
Okay Dr. Phil, what's my
problem?
1101
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:58,969
Okay, you are so emotionally
immature,
1102
00:58:59,304 --> 00:59:02,339
so afraid of any kind of serious
relationship that
1103
00:59:02,341 --> 00:59:05,843
you mistrust every woman so you
don't have to make a commitment.
1104
00:59:07,345 --> 00:59:08,412
I see...
1105
00:59:08,947 --> 00:59:10,547
Yeah, I mean, I'm your best
friend,
1106
00:59:11,182 --> 00:59:13,016
so I really felt like I had to
say it.
1107
00:59:13,484 --> 00:59:14,151
Really?
1108
00:59:15,087 --> 00:59:18,422
Then why did I propose to Tracey
at the end of our first date?
1109
00:59:19,391 --> 00:59:22,392
I was going to surprise you with
the news.
1110
00:59:23,428 --> 00:59:25,262
Tonight. Over a hot dog and
soup.
1111
00:59:25,463 --> 00:59:27,364
But nooo you had to ruin it by
saying
1112
00:59:27,366 --> 00:59:29,399
all those hurtful, hurtful,
hurt...
1113
00:59:30,069 --> 00:59:34,504
Yeah, I dunno, I guess I was hit
by lightning too, dog.
1114
00:59:35,306 --> 00:59:37,441
I mean... she's attractive and
she said I was her type--
1115
00:59:37,443 --> 00:59:39,376
and nobody ever tells me I'm
their type --
1116
00:59:39,944 --> 00:59:41,411
so the words "will you marry
me",
1117
00:59:42,380 --> 00:59:44,915
I dunno they just kinda of
slipped out of my mouth,
1118
00:59:44,917 --> 00:59:47,050
like 'sappy Tourette's' or
something like that.
1119
00:59:47,385 --> 00:59:48,919
And. what did she say?
1120
00:59:48,921 --> 00:59:51,521
Yes! She said yes! We're getting
married in a month.
1121
00:59:51,523 --> 00:59:56,927
Wow, wow, that is unbeliev....
I'm, I'm proud of you, man.
1122
00:59:59,097 --> 01:00:01,398
Thank you Ricky, me too.
1123
01:00:03,001 --> 01:00:04,501
Actually I told her I wasn't an
astronaut
1124
01:00:04,669 --> 01:00:07,104
about a half hour after I popped
the question.
1125
01:00:07,338 --> 01:00:08,505
She was a little weirded out by
that,
1126
01:00:08,507 --> 01:00:10,474
but she didn't retract her "yes"
and--
1127
01:00:11,577 --> 01:00:14,077
No, no, no, I'm happy for you.
It's just...
1128
01:00:14,079 --> 01:00:18,115
now I'm the LAST guy from high
school to never be married.
1129
01:00:23,121 --> 01:00:25,122
Ricky, you got to keep your arm
in line with the barrel!
1130
01:00:43,341 --> 01:00:50,247
Ben Jacobs,author, first wife
1131
01:00:59,390 --> 01:01:00,590
I'm so sorry I didn't trust you,
Danita.
1132
01:01:01,192 --> 01:01:02,359
I'll never use Google again.
1133
01:01:14,572 --> 01:01:15,439
Hello...
1134
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:16,506
Mr. Jacobs.
1135
01:01:16,508 --> 01:01:19,643
It's, it's Ricky. You know, the,
the 80-page writer.
1136
01:01:20,144 --> 01:01:21,345
Ricky! Hey!
1137
01:01:21,347 --> 01:01:25,115
Oh... yeah... I hope I'm not
bothering you, but I,
1138
01:01:25,283 --> 01:01:27,551
I just wanted to let you know
that I just messengered you my
book--
1139
01:01:28,019 --> 01:01:30,520
Oh excellent. Well I'm really
looking forward to reading it.
1140
01:01:31,189 --> 01:01:32,522
Listen, uh, uh after you read
it,
1141
01:01:33,157 --> 01:01:36,159
I'd love to talk to you, uh, uh,
face to face,
1142
01:01:36,461 --> 01:01:39,629
so I can absorb all your
comments, you know, so, uh--
1143
01:01:39,764 --> 01:01:41,264
Why don't you come over for
dinner?
1144
01:01:43,401 --> 01:01:48,472
That's... just what I was about
to ask you. Um, I mean,
1145
01:01:49,107 --> 01:01:50,407
I hope it's not too much
trouble.
1146
01:01:50,541 --> 01:01:52,642
No, no, trouble at all.
1147
01:01:52,644 --> 01:01:53,710
How's Sunday?
1148
01:01:54,078 --> 01:01:55,145
Thanks bye.
1149
01:02:08,393 --> 01:02:11,428
Oh, I just got off the phone
with Ricky and
1150
01:02:11,430 --> 01:02:13,463
he's coming over for dinner
Sunday night.
1151
01:02:15,466 --> 01:02:16,299
Ricky?
1152
01:02:16,301 --> 01:02:19,536
Yeah, I'm... reading his book,
honey, remember.
1153
01:02:20,605 --> 01:02:22,639
Oh yeah, right... yeah
1154
01:02:24,709 --> 01:02:27,044
Is it okay with you that I
invited him to dinner?
1155
01:02:27,612 --> 01:02:28,745
Of course.
1156
01:02:29,213 --> 01:02:33,250
Okay good.
1157
01:02:53,438 --> 01:02:54,204
Hi, baby.
1158
01:02:56,240 --> 01:02:56,640
What's wrong?
1159
01:02:56,642 --> 01:02:58,275
I think Ben may know about us.
1160
01:02:58,409 --> 01:02:59,609
Christ!
1161
01:03:00,311 --> 01:03:01,411
Sorry.
1162
01:03:03,514 --> 01:03:04,448
No. Why?!
1163
01:03:04,450 --> 01:03:07,284
Cause, might, you know, he may
try and kill me first.
1164
01:03:08,086 --> 01:03:09,086
Oh, right.
1165
01:03:09,587 --> 01:03:10,821
Hey.
1166
01:03:11,289 --> 01:03:12,522
No, what am I saying?
1167
01:03:12,524 --> 01:03:15,192
He'd never kill you in his own
house. He'd take you somewhere
else.
1168
01:03:15,194 --> 01:03:17,494
How do we know he doesn't have
after-dinner plans?
1169
01:03:17,496 --> 01:03:22,165
Ah... I bet he was just trying
to scare me. You know what,
1170
01:03:22,333 --> 01:03:24,468
if he really thought we were
having an affair, you'd be dead
already.
1171
01:03:25,570 --> 01:03:26,470
Oh...key-doke.
1172
01:03:28,239 --> 01:03:29,306
I love you, Ricky.
1173
01:03:30,241 --> 01:03:31,775
I love you more, plus seven.
1174
01:03:34,545 --> 01:03:37,514
Oh, after dinner, he'll take you
up to his office to discuss your
book,
1175
01:03:38,349 --> 01:03:40,283
so as soon as he walks up the
first few steps,
1176
01:03:40,551 --> 01:03:42,285
just shoot him twice in the back
of the head.
1177
01:03:43,154 --> 01:03:45,122
Oh, I should probably make sure
he gets up first.
1178
01:03:45,124 --> 01:03:48,325
Cause otherwise, if I walked in
front of him,
1179
01:03:48,327 --> 01:03:50,460
I'm going to have to reach
around him to get access to the
back of his head
1180
01:03:50,462 --> 01:03:52,262
I'm... sorry, I'm rambling.
1181
01:03:52,264 --> 01:03:53,330
You'll do great.
1182
01:03:53,332 --> 01:03:55,765
Thank you, baby.
1183
01:03:55,767 --> 01:04:00,504
Please stop staring at me Jesus.
1184
01:04:12,383 --> 01:04:13,150
K, cool.
1185
01:04:13,152 --> 01:04:15,218
You can't barely see your face.
1186
01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:16,520
Why you wearing a Minnesota cap?
1187
01:04:17,855 --> 01:04:20,524
Oh, it's, it's a Montreal Royals
cap.
1188
01:04:20,526 --> 01:04:22,659
It's, it's the first minor
league team Jackie Robinson
played for,
1189
01:04:22,661 --> 01:04:23,827
I mean you saw that movie?
1190
01:04:23,829 --> 01:04:27,464
Harrison Ford and Chadwick
Boseman, it was really, it was a
were superb.
1191
01:04:27,598 --> 01:04:29,833
And, and a delightful turn by
John C. McGinley--
1192
01:04:30,535 --> 01:04:32,502
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just
relax, okay?.
1193
01:04:33,505 --> 01:04:37,374
all you have to do is kill a guy
while his back is turned.
1194
01:04:37,675 --> 01:04:39,309
Okay and don't forget,
1195
01:04:39,544 --> 01:04:41,478
the barrel of the gun should be
in line with your forearm-
1196
01:04:42,313 --> 01:04:44,548
Oh will shut up with that
alright!
1197
01:04:45,316 --> 01:04:46,416
Trying to help, Ricky.
1198
01:04:50,421 --> 01:04:51,588
I'm sorry I yelled, man.
1199
01:04:54,492 --> 01:04:57,694
Yeah, well, I mean I guess you
got a lot on your plate.
1200
01:05:01,566 --> 01:05:05,468
Look um, when the deed is down
just text me...
1201
01:05:05,836 --> 01:05:07,904
"the rabbi sleeps with the
gefilta fishes",
1202
01:05:08,639 --> 01:05:10,540
I'll help you guys dump the
body, okay?
1203
01:05:12,410 --> 01:05:14,477
You're a primo amigo plus, man.
You know that?
1204
01:05:26,891 --> 01:05:27,557
I gotta...
1205
01:05:29,327 --> 01:05:30,327
You got to go.
1206
01:05:30,795 --> 01:05:32,696
Yeah I got...
1207
01:05:35,466 --> 01:05:37,234
You got, you got.
1208
01:06:10,935 --> 01:06:13,503
It's okay honey, you keep on
writing. I'll get the door.
1209
01:06:16,641 --> 01:06:17,474
How you doing?
1210
01:06:17,708 --> 01:06:18,875
Okay. I think.
1211
01:06:19,777 --> 01:06:20,844
Hello, Ricky.
1212
01:06:21,045 --> 01:06:22,412
Welcome to our house.
1213
01:06:22,613 --> 01:06:24,481
Ben will be out in a minute.
1214
01:06:25,583 --> 01:06:26,750
You really do have cats. I love
you.
1215
01:06:27,451 --> 01:06:28,451
I love you.
1216
01:06:28,919 --> 01:06:30,954
Ricky... Hi welcome.
1217
01:06:34,425 --> 01:06:36,526
So, are you nervous?
1218
01:06:37,395 --> 01:06:38,361
Excuse... me?
1219
01:06:38,729 --> 01:06:39,963
Are you nervous?
1220
01:06:40,865 --> 01:06:42,032
Why would I be nervous?
1221
01:06:42,034 --> 01:06:44,968
Because you're getting an
evaluation on your work tonight
1222
01:06:44,970 --> 01:06:46,603
by a best-selling author.
1223
01:06:47,004 --> 01:06:48,672
Right. Yeah.
1224
01:06:48,674 --> 01:06:50,507
Yeah I'm nervous as shit.
1225
01:06:58,616 --> 01:07:00,050
How's your Chicken Diablo,
Ricky?
1226
01:07:00,451 --> 01:07:01,418
You barely touched it.
1227
01:07:01,420 --> 01:07:05,088
Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry, here we
go.
1228
01:07:07,692 --> 01:07:08,658
Delicious.
1229
01:07:09,327 --> 01:07:10,493
Tres succulent.
1230
01:07:11,529 --> 01:07:13,430
Yeah, Danita is a great cook.
1231
01:07:13,631 --> 01:07:15,832
I, I sometimes forgotten that
because
1232
01:07:15,834 --> 01:07:17,901
I let her order food a lot,
1233
01:07:18,536 --> 01:07:19,903
oh let her...
1234
01:07:20,471 --> 01:07:22,372
well, you know I spoil her a
little bit.
1235
01:07:22,807 --> 01:07:23,707
Don't I, honey?
1236
01:07:23,941 --> 01:07:25,575
Yes, you're very generous.
1237
01:07:26,110 --> 01:07:29,412
Oh hey, I wasn't fishing for a
compliment, but thanks.
1238
01:07:29,847 --> 01:07:30,947
You're welcome
1239
01:07:36,020 --> 01:07:37,787
I really liked your book, Ricky.
1240
01:07:40,024 --> 01:07:40,790
Thank you...
1241
01:07:40,792 --> 01:07:43,460
I know I said I was going talk
to you about it after dinner,
1242
01:07:43,462 --> 01:07:46,529
to tell you how much I liked it.
1243
01:07:46,531 --> 01:07:48,998
You sure you don't want to wait
until after dinner and
1244
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:51,401
talk to him upstairs,
1245
01:07:51,403 --> 01:07:54,137
you know, in your office where
you won't be distracted--
1246
01:07:54,605 --> 01:07:55,939
What did you like about it?
1247
01:07:56,540 --> 01:07:57,941
Oh I, I liked the characters,
1248
01:07:57,943 --> 01:07:59,476
the pacing but why in the world
1249
01:07:59,478 --> 01:08:01,478
did you stop after eighty
pages?
1250
01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:02,479
I mean I can't wait to see how
it ends.
1251
01:08:03,047 --> 01:08:04,047
Wow? Really?
1252
01:08:04,049 --> 01:08:08,885
but don't know time passes and
you of lose perspective...
1253
01:08:09,120 --> 01:08:10,520
you really liked the pacing?
1254
01:08:14,458 --> 01:08:16,693
Sorry, I'm just I... not used to
praise.
1255
01:08:16,927 --> 01:08:18,561
Well, you better get used to it.
1256
01:08:18,563 --> 01:08:20,497
Because after you finish it,
1257
01:08:20,499 --> 01:08:21,631
I plan on sending it to my
publisher.
1258
01:08:22,032 --> 01:08:25,568
Oh my god, thank you!! Oh my...
1259
01:08:27,171 --> 01:08:29,572
But I did have a few notes for
you.
1260
01:08:29,807 --> 01:08:31,141
Uhm and I think Danita's right.
1261
01:08:31,542 --> 01:08:32,942
We can probably focus better
upstairs.
1262
01:08:33,444 --> 01:08:34,611
So after dinner. In my office.
1263
01:08:34,945 --> 01:08:36,045
Is that okay, Ricky?
1264
01:08:36,514 --> 01:08:38,448
Yeah, yeah that's, that's cool.
1265
01:08:38,582 --> 01:08:39,616
Excellent, great.
1266
01:08:39,618 --> 01:08:41,584
Yeah, I'm really looking forward
to it.
1267
01:08:43,621 --> 01:08:44,821
Me too.
1268
01:08:48,859 --> 01:08:51,461
Oh hey, you think there's any
chance that we could uh,
1269
01:08:51,463 --> 01:08:52,762
uh... call the,
1270
01:08:52,897 --> 01:08:56,533
the publisher right now and you
know get,
1271
01:08:56,535 --> 01:08:57,667
get the ball rolling?
1272
01:08:57,669 --> 01:08:59,669
You know what, notes first I
think.
1273
01:09:05,876 --> 01:09:07,744
Well, let me put the dishes
away.
1274
01:09:08,746 --> 01:09:11,714
You two go upstairs and have
your little talk.
1275
01:09:18,155 --> 01:09:19,856
She still insists on cleaning up
herself,
1276
01:09:20,191 --> 01:09:21,791
even though I can easily afford
help.
1277
01:09:24,562 --> 01:09:25,795
Ahh, she's great.
1278
01:09:26,831 --> 01:09:28,131
Isn't she great, Ricky?
1279
01:09:28,766 --> 01:09:29,966
Yes. Very nice.
1280
01:09:30,201 --> 01:09:32,202
Glad you agree.
1281
01:09:32,536 --> 01:09:34,204
Okay, time for the big moment.
1282
01:09:34,672 --> 01:09:35,939
You ready?
1283
01:09:36,774 --> 01:09:38,541
Oh God, I hope so.
1284
01:09:42,112 --> 01:09:44,214
Oh common, let's go do this,
common.
1285
01:09:55,526 --> 01:09:57,527
Uhm, well, why don't you lead
the way.
1286
01:09:57,862 --> 01:09:59,963
Since, it... is your house.
1287
01:10:29,528 --> 01:10:32,529
Why don't we go somewhere else
and talk about your book.
1288
01:10:32,531 --> 01:10:34,597
Somewhere a little more
inspiring.
1289
01:10:35,766 --> 01:10:37,767
Oh and honey, you come too.
1290
01:10:37,769 --> 01:10:40,803
I think it's going to be fun.
1291
01:10:49,747 --> 01:10:50,680
Thanks for driving, honey.
1292
01:10:50,682 --> 01:10:52,782
Gives me more time to chat with
Ricky.
1293
01:10:54,985 --> 01:10:56,286
Where... are we going?
1294
01:10:56,620 --> 01:10:58,855
To a very special place.
1295
01:11:26,150 --> 01:11:30,186
This place is very important to
me.
1296
01:11:31,722 --> 01:11:34,023
It's where I first came up with
the idea...
1297
01:11:34,625 --> 01:11:38,361
that my wife was cheating on me
with a loser like you.
1298
01:11:41,098 --> 01:11:42,799
I'm sorry, honey, I lied to you.
1299
01:11:43,133 --> 01:11:44,968
That night you thought I was
doing a book signing,
1300
01:11:45,336 --> 01:11:48,371
I was actually parked right over
there... Yeah.
1301
01:11:51,775 --> 01:11:53,076
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
1302
01:11:53,243 --> 01:11:54,978
It was all my fault.
1303
01:11:54,980 --> 01:11:56,646
Just please don't hurt him--
1304
01:11:56,648 --> 01:11:58,915
Hey, hey, can you please just
shut the fuck up, honey?
1305
01:11:59,350 --> 01:12:01,651
I'm trying to converse with our
dinner guest.
1306
01:12:01,952 --> 01:12:03,319
Don't swear at her.
1307
01:12:04,655 --> 01:12:07,757
How chivalrous, Ricky.
1308
01:12:07,759 --> 01:12:09,392
You know, I'm surprised you're
still single.
1309
01:12:09,827 --> 01:12:12,762
You're a real catch.
1310
01:12:13,397 --> 01:12:15,131
Look, why don't you just let her
go?
1311
01:12:15,133 --> 01:12:16,165
You, you don't even love her.
1312
01:12:16,667 --> 01:12:19,736
Wow. That is just so impressive.
1313
01:12:20,638 --> 01:12:23,206
You know exactly what's in my
heart.
1314
01:12:25,676 --> 01:12:27,076
You don't have a heart.
1315
01:12:27,311 --> 01:12:30,013
Now you see, that one hurt.
1316
01:12:31,315 --> 01:12:33,983
Ben, please, please no, please
no.
1317
01:12:35,719 --> 01:12:37,687
I'll stay with you, I'll do
anything you want--
1318
01:12:37,988 --> 01:12:39,155
I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!
1319
01:12:44,962 --> 01:12:46,996
Whoa, hey!
1320
01:12:47,164 --> 01:12:48,364
Don't ever do that again,
wife-killer.
1321
01:12:48,799 --> 01:12:52,402
Now, now Ricky, that was never
proven.
1322
01:12:54,371 --> 01:12:56,272
And it never will be.
1323
01:12:57,374 --> 01:12:58,775
Oh, come on.
1324
01:12:58,777 --> 01:13:01,678
We both know a little
restaurant manager like you
1325
01:13:02,012 --> 01:13:03,379
doesn't have the guts to pull
that trigger.
1326
01:13:04,682 --> 01:13:06,015
Y...Yes, Yes...I...do.
1327
01:13:06,417 --> 01:13:08,985
That might have sounded more
persuasive
1328
01:13:09,153 --> 01:13:10,319
without the stammering.
1329
01:13:13,157 --> 01:13:17,293
You know, this has been hard,
Ricky, you know,
1330
01:13:17,895 --> 01:13:19,462
really hard, going through this
farce.
1331
01:13:20,197 --> 01:13:22,398
Eating with you, being friendly
to you,
1332
01:13:22,400 --> 01:13:23,399
reading your book.
1333
01:13:23,401 --> 01:13:26,069
Yeah, I think that was the
hardest part.
1334
01:13:26,336 --> 01:13:27,437
Reading your book.
1335
01:13:27,439 --> 01:13:31,441
Yeah. It wasn't easy to pretend
that crap was good.
1336
01:13:32,910 --> 01:13:37,313
I mean it was just awful, poorly
written, run-on sentences,
1337
01:13:37,781 --> 01:13:41,317
a clumsy attempt at suspense and
wit, terrible pacing--
1338
01:14:01,405 --> 01:14:02,438
He's... dead.
1339
01:14:05,843 --> 01:14:07,443
Holy shit!
1340
01:14:14,785 --> 01:14:16,352
You did it, dog.
1341
01:14:18,021 --> 01:14:20,757
Pound it.
1342
01:14:24,228 --> 01:14:25,394
Hi, Danita. How's it going?
1343
01:14:25,963 --> 01:14:29,499
Um... okay. Thanks for helping
Seth.
1344
01:14:30,467 --> 01:14:31,434
No problem....
1345
01:14:31,436 --> 01:14:34,036
He's still alive!
1346
01:14:34,171 --> 01:14:35,872
No Sorry. False alarm.
1347
01:14:36,006 --> 01:14:37,440
Hah that's just the wind.
1348
01:14:37,841 --> 01:14:39,876
He's still dead.
1349
01:14:44,081 --> 01:14:45,948
Okay, you better go home.
1350
01:14:46,316 --> 01:14:47,784
You sure I can't help you dump
the body?
1351
01:14:47,786 --> 01:14:50,419
Oh honey, that is so sweet, but
everything has to look normal.
1352
01:14:50,821 --> 01:14:52,421
You have to show everybody
you're home.
1353
01:14:52,423 --> 01:14:54,991
Answer every phone call, turn on
a bunch of lights--
1354
01:14:55,526 --> 01:14:56,893
-I love you.
-I love you.
1355
01:14:57,427 --> 01:14:58,795
I love you more.
1356
01:14:58,797 --> 01:15:00,530
I love you more, plus eight.
1357
01:15:07,337 --> 01:15:08,437
Don't, don't drive so fast.
1358
01:15:09,173 --> 01:15:10,540
You're serious? You just killed
a guy.
1359
01:15:10,542 --> 01:15:11,874
You worried about a speeding
ticket?
1360
01:15:11,876 --> 01:15:13,442
I don't want a cop to stop us,
idiot!
1361
01:15:13,911 --> 01:15:15,244
Right, right, right.
1362
01:15:15,246 --> 01:15:17,246
I'm sorry, I'm nervous, why am I
so nervous?
1363
01:15:17,514 --> 01:15:19,448
There's a dead body in the trunk
and you're an accountant.
1364
01:15:20,417 --> 01:15:22,952
You work at Debby's, that's not
that much more macho.
1365
01:15:23,287 --> 01:15:24,554
No, I didn't mean it as a dig.
1366
01:15:25,022 --> 01:15:26,222
Of course you didn't.
1367
01:15:26,224 --> 01:15:27,256
That's not a good dig.
1368
01:15:27,258 --> 01:15:28,457
I'm so nervous!
1369
01:15:28,459 --> 01:15:30,193
Okay..."Plan A." We dump him in
the ocean.
1370
01:15:31,929 --> 01:15:33,896
Won't we need to rent a boat or
something?
1371
01:15:33,898 --> 01:15:36,432
We can't just place him in the
shallow end.
1372
01:15:36,434 --> 01:15:38,201
And you're not that great of a
swimmer.
1373
01:15:38,203 --> 01:15:40,269
I'm, I'm not that bad. I'm not
that bad.
1374
01:15:40,271 --> 01:15:41,904
C'mon, you never even go in the
deep end.
1375
01:15:41,906 --> 01:15:45,208
I was accidentally dropped in a
pool by my mother
1376
01:15:45,210 --> 01:15:46,442
when I was a baby. It was very
traumatic.
1377
01:15:46,577 --> 01:15:48,244
I know, I know I'm sorry.
1378
01:15:48,478 --> 01:15:49,946
Ah crap, it's almost midnight.
1379
01:15:49,948 --> 01:15:52,481
We wouldn't even be able to rent
a boat if we wanted to.
1380
01:15:52,916 --> 01:15:54,450
See... I got it, I got it.
1381
01:15:54,585 --> 01:15:55,518
We'll dump him off a cliff!
1382
01:15:55,520 --> 01:15:58,287
Becau.. no we can't right,
because you have a fear of
heights...
1383
01:15:58,489 --> 01:16:02,558
condominium when I was little.
1384
01:16:07,464 --> 01:16:08,397
Oh...
1385
01:16:12,169 --> 01:16:15,304
Sorry to put this murdering scum
beside you, Mr. Dead Movie Star.
1386
01:16:21,511 --> 01:16:25,982
Hey... Hey... Hey!
1387
01:16:27,651 --> 01:16:29,352
Oh, sorry, sorry...what is it?
1388
01:16:29,519 --> 01:16:30,653
You okay, man? Shit, man.
1389
01:16:30,655 --> 01:16:32,955
You've been like in your own
world the last two weeks.
1390
01:16:34,024 --> 01:16:35,224
No, no, I'm fine. What is it?
1391
01:16:35,425 --> 01:16:37,026
That guy over there wants to
talk to you.
1392
01:16:37,394 --> 01:16:38,995
Jesus!
1393
01:16:41,565 --> 01:16:42,932
Wha, what does he want?
1394
01:16:42,934 --> 01:16:44,667
I don't know, man. He said he
wants to talk to you.
1395
01:16:45,270 --> 01:16:48,337
Okay, thanks.
1396
01:17:03,453 --> 01:17:07,156
Hello, Officer. Uh, you, wanted
to talk to me?
1397
01:17:09,326 --> 01:17:10,293
You Ricky Miller?
1398
01:17:10,427 --> 01:17:11,460
Yeah, yeah.
1399
01:17:11,929 --> 01:17:13,429
I got something I got to ask
you.
1400
01:17:13,697 --> 01:17:15,564
Okay...
1401
01:17:16,533 --> 01:17:17,566
You know this woman?
1402
01:17:17,568 --> 01:17:19,635
No.
1403
01:17:20,504 --> 01:17:22,939
Oh, oh. Oh wait... I do, I do.
1404
01:17:22,941 --> 01:17:24,240
That's a... this is, this is my
Aunt Toby.
1405
01:17:24,441 --> 01:17:27,543
I knew it. Me and you are
related, man.
1406
01:17:28,212 --> 01:17:30,446
Yeah! Toby Miller, she my aunt.
1407
01:17:30,448 --> 01:17:33,516
She once mentioned she had a
nephew who manages a Debby's.
1408
01:17:33,518 --> 01:17:36,652
but I'm really big into that
'family tree' kind of thing...
1409
01:17:38,121 --> 01:17:40,556
No, no, it's, it is not dumb at
all, it is,
1410
01:17:41,224 --> 01:17:43,960
it is great that you care about
family trees.
1411
01:17:45,128 --> 01:17:47,430
I mean it's, it's fucking
fantastic.
1412
01:18:01,511 --> 01:18:04,347
Hi, honey. I'm home.
1413
01:18:05,415 --> 01:18:06,349
Ricky...
1414
01:18:06,616 --> 01:18:08,117
I've missed you so much.
1415
01:18:10,754 --> 01:18:13,189
It's been so hard not even being
able to text you.
1416
01:18:13,423 --> 01:18:14,757
I know, I know. But we have to
be careful.
1417
01:18:15,325 --> 01:18:16,659
That's why it was so smart to
meet here.
1418
01:18:17,227 --> 01:18:18,527
No one would expect to find a
Jew in here.
1419
01:18:19,496 --> 01:18:20,496
You're Jewish?
1420
01:18:21,064 --> 01:18:22,598
No. I thought you were.
1421
01:18:22,600 --> 01:18:24,133
You know, cause you're married
to the...
1422
01:18:24,335 --> 01:18:28,204
He was a rabbi who liked shiksas
and he also ate pork.
1423
01:18:31,408 --> 01:18:33,209
The police have been questioning
me.
1424
01:18:33,211 --> 01:18:36,078
I think they always suspect the
spouse first.
1425
01:18:36,780 --> 01:18:39,181
At least they do on "48 Hours"
and "American Justice."
1426
01:18:39,583 --> 01:18:40,683
Wait, you watch those shows
too?!
1427
01:18:40,685 --> 01:18:42,585
Oh, those are my two favorite
shows on TV!
1428
01:18:42,587 --> 01:18:45,688
Wait, have you ever seen "True
Crime with Aphrodite Jones?"
1429
01:18:46,156 --> 01:18:47,189
Shut up! I love that.
1430
01:18:51,128 --> 01:18:53,462
It is bat-shit crazy how much we
have in common.
1431
01:18:54,264 --> 01:18:55,131
I love you so much, baby.
1432
01:18:55,133 --> 01:18:57,800
I love you more plus... wait
what are we at?
1433
01:18:58,168 --> 01:18:59,335
Nineteen.
1434
01:18:59,803 --> 01:19:01,303
Nineteen. Twenty.
1435
01:19:04,808 --> 01:19:06,575
Sooooo, what do you think?
1436
01:19:08,111 --> 01:19:08,644
I don't know...
1437
01:19:09,180 --> 01:19:11,447
I'm getting married on Saturday.
I want to look dapper.
1438
01:19:11,449 --> 01:19:12,548
Which one?
1439
01:19:12,749 --> 01:19:15,384
Oh Sorry. That one!
1440
01:19:15,386 --> 01:19:17,553
Yeah, yeah I thought so too,
it's definitely the better...
1441
01:19:17,555 --> 01:19:20,289
less blue... good..hey, where's
Danita?
1442
01:19:21,058 --> 01:19:22,425
I've been trying to get hold of
her
1443
01:19:22,427 --> 01:19:23,492
to invite her to the wedding-
1444
01:19:23,494 --> 01:19:24,493
You can't invite her!
1445
01:19:24,495 --> 01:19:25,795
I have to invite her. She's your
girlfriend.
1446
01:19:25,797 --> 01:19:28,097
Are you insane? We can't be seen
together.
1447
01:19:28,099 --> 01:19:29,598
Alright, alright, relax,
1448
01:19:29,600 --> 01:19:31,300
I couldn't get a hold of her
anyway.
1449
01:19:31,501 --> 01:19:32,635
She probably changed her number
and
1450
01:19:32,637 --> 01:19:35,438
then I went by her house and her
neighbor said
1451
01:19:35,440 --> 01:19:36,505
she saw her leaving with a bunch
of suitcases.
1452
01:19:36,507 --> 01:19:38,374
Where was she going, man?
1453
01:19:41,078 --> 01:19:43,479
Oh Shit, you knew, you knew
that, right?
1454
01:20:11,441 --> 01:20:12,308
Hey guys...
1455
01:20:12,509 --> 01:20:13,709
Hey... Ricky.
1456
01:20:14,578 --> 01:20:15,811
There he is huh?
1457
01:20:15,813 --> 01:20:20,416
It's Saturday night and you are
gonna dooooo it.
1458
01:20:20,584 --> 01:20:21,684
Time for you to get paid and
laid and
1459
01:20:21,686 --> 01:20:22,785
find yourself a soulmate, huh?
1460
01:20:22,787 --> 01:20:26,222
No... I already got hit by
lightning and found a soulmate.
1461
01:20:26,556 --> 01:20:28,624
Now it's time for me to get
killed by a terrorist.
1462
01:20:29,526 --> 01:20:31,327
Oh C'mon Ricky, you'll meet
someone else.
1463
01:20:32,529 --> 01:20:35,331
Look, it took me over forty
years to find the first one.
1464
01:20:36,433 --> 01:20:40,202
Now it'll take at least that,
and by then I'll be in hell.
1465
01:20:40,537 --> 01:20:41,637
That's not true.
1466
01:20:41,639 --> 01:20:43,405
You're such a sweet man, Ricky.
1467
01:20:43,407 --> 01:20:44,740
And why would you ever go to
hell?
1468
01:20:47,444 --> 01:20:50,146
God, I can't keep this in
anymore.
1469
01:20:50,714 --> 01:20:52,581
About nine months ago, I--
1470
01:20:52,583 --> 01:20:54,250
He stole a Snapple.
1471
01:20:55,520 --> 01:20:59,488
He stole a Snapple, he's been
bent up about it ever since,
1472
01:20:59,490 --> 01:21:02,658
The Snapple that you stole,
from the store.
1473
01:21:05,462 --> 01:21:10,266
Yeah, I stole a Snapple. Just
for the thrill.
1474
01:21:19,509 --> 01:21:20,376
Hey!
1475
01:21:22,546 --> 01:21:24,580
Hey, cuz!
1476
01:21:28,885 --> 01:21:30,352
Hey.
1477
01:21:30,354 --> 01:21:33,489
Hey, hey, good to see you again.
How's it goin'?
1478
01:21:33,690 --> 01:21:35,291
Not bad, can't complain...
1479
01:21:35,625 --> 01:21:36,425
How's work?
1480
01:21:36,427 --> 01:21:38,761
Ah, you know. So how's...work
for you?
1481
01:21:38,962 --> 01:21:40,462
Interesting...
1482
01:21:40,464 --> 01:21:44,667
was at the station before when a
serial killer came in and
1483
01:21:44,868 --> 01:21:46,635
confessed to a bunch of murders.
1484
01:21:46,970 --> 01:21:49,205
He even confessed to killing
that guy, what's his name,
1485
01:21:49,639 --> 01:21:51,340
the author who died last year--
1486
01:21:52,442 --> 01:21:52,841
Ben Jacobs!
1487
01:21:55,445 --> 01:21:57,513
Um, I, I... believe that was his
name.
1488
01:21:58,348 --> 01:22:00,549
There, there were those
articles on, the internet-
1489
01:22:01,351 --> 01:22:03,619
Ben Jacobs, that's it... yeah!
1490
01:22:06,590 --> 01:22:08,591
So... so someone confessed?
1491
01:22:09,226 --> 01:22:09,959
Yeah.
1492
01:22:11,795 --> 01:22:12,528
Holy shit!
1493
01:22:12,530 --> 01:22:16,332
Yeah, I tell ya, you get these
nut jobs that come in,
1494
01:22:16,499 --> 01:22:17,967
they confess to murders they
didn't even commit,
1495
01:22:18,468 --> 01:22:20,603
but this guy... really
convincing.
1496
01:22:20,605 --> 01:22:22,338
Yeah, I wasn't even there and I
believe him.
1497
01:22:22,672 --> 01:22:25,874
So we arrested him and I hope
the bastard fries!
1498
01:22:27,611 --> 01:22:30,246
I hope he fries and they hang
him.
1499
01:22:30,714 --> 01:22:32,414
That's a little excessive, cuz.
1500
01:22:33,350 --> 01:22:35,618
Holly shit.
1501
01:22:44,661 --> 01:22:46,562
You again, God?
1502
01:22:46,930 --> 01:22:52,568
Oh that was so sweet... and a
little sick.
1503
01:22:53,370 --> 01:22:55,404
Why would you let an innocent,
um...
1504
01:22:55,639 --> 01:22:58,707
serial killer get punished for
something I did?
1505
01:23:01,278 --> 01:23:04,313
My life is over anyway.
1506
01:23:12,522 --> 01:23:14,056
You like "Lost in America" too?
1507
01:23:16,893 --> 01:23:18,027
Oh my god.
1508
01:23:18,962 --> 01:23:20,529
You must have hated me.
1509
01:23:20,531 --> 01:23:24,400
You must have thought I ran away
and that I'd never come back.
1510
01:23:25,769 --> 01:23:27,736
Yeah, it kind of crossed my
mind.
1511
01:23:29,606 --> 01:23:31,740
The police were starting to
suspect me, more and more,
1512
01:23:31,941 --> 01:23:34,510
so I ditched my phone, any
record of you and...
1513
01:23:34,678 --> 01:23:38,080
I knew we wouldn't be able to
stay away from each other.
1514
01:23:39,983 --> 01:23:42,551
So I got on a plane and flew
half way around the world and
1515
01:23:42,819 --> 01:23:45,854
just kept of flying and kept on
running...
1516
01:23:46,923 --> 01:23:53,495
and then...I heard something on
the news about a killer
1517
01:23:53,730 --> 01:23:55,331
that was arrested back in
America
1518
01:23:55,532 --> 01:23:57,833
for the murder of Ben Jacobs.
1519
01:23:58,702 --> 01:24:00,602
I'm pretty sure he's innocent.
1520
01:24:02,072 --> 01:24:03,439
Me too.
1521
01:24:04,607 --> 01:24:07,609
The police seem to believe him
though.
1522
01:24:08,411 --> 01:24:11,447
It's crazy... how could this
happen--
1523
01:24:12,949 --> 01:24:16,051
I pray to a deranged deity.
1524
01:24:18,922 --> 01:24:20,489
I'm so sorry, Ricky.
1525
01:24:23,593 --> 01:24:25,728
You must have thought I was one
of those... you know,
1526
01:24:26,696 --> 01:24:29,598
'movie bitches,' like Seth kept
warning you about--
1527
01:24:30,467 --> 01:24:33,035
No, no, I could never think
you're one of those bitches,
never.
1528
01:24:34,137 --> 01:24:38,407
Okay, maybe a few, times, okay,
several times,
1529
01:24:39,109 --> 01:24:41,577
in my, smallest, darkest
moments--
1530
01:24:43,513 --> 01:24:44,580
oh my god, I love you.
1531
01:24:45,615 --> 01:24:48,717
I love you more, plus infinity.
1532
01:24:50,153 --> 01:24:52,588
I love you more, plus double
infinity.
1533
01:24:53,890 --> 01:24:59,695
I love you more, plus triple...
oh, Holy shit-balls, you win.
1534
01:25:08,505 --> 01:25:10,672
I was a... widow,
1535
01:25:11,641 --> 01:25:13,575
and I thought it was too late to
meet a soulmate,
1536
01:25:13,877 --> 01:25:15,778
that I'd have a better chance of
getting hit by lightning,
1537
01:25:16,579 --> 01:25:18,981
and then one day, the perfect
guy appeared.
1538
01:25:21,050 --> 01:25:25,654
I used to work here, but then I
met Danita, my inspiration,
1539
01:25:26,156 --> 01:25:30,692
my, my muse, and a, now I've
written two best-sellers and
1540
01:25:31,161 --> 01:25:32,928
one of them might even be made
into a movie...
1541
01:25:35,498 --> 01:25:37,633
with Ashton Kutcher.
1542
01:25:39,536 --> 01:25:41,570
And he's gotten me to start
painting again too.
1543
01:25:42,038 --> 01:25:46,074
We both love cats and hockey and
Albert Brooks and
1544
01:25:46,976 --> 01:25:49,578
going out to romantic places...
1545
01:25:49,779 --> 01:25:51,847
Though, we do tend to disagree
from time to time...
1546
01:25:52,582 --> 01:25:54,683
About... who loves who more.
1547
01:25:59,088 --> 01:26:01,857
Fuck you, Ricky and Danita.
1548
01:26:31,521 --> 01:26:38,160
Every Heart Needs a Heart'ner
1549
01:28:46,623 --> 01:28:49,291
Closed Captioning
Rev13 Films Inc
110318
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