All language subtitles for GORP.1980.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

(UPBEAT MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO)

* Somebody's getting you down

* Well, you know
it's just a phase, girl

* Get up your Saturday night

* Well, you know
you'll be all right, girl

* Well, you don't know
what you're doing without

* Let me show you
what I'm talking about

(ALL CHATTERING)

* I see the boys on the block

* And they ask me
where you're at, girl

* I say you're
wasting your time

* Better get on up
to bat, girl

* Well, you don't know
what you're talking about

* And I don't know
but we'll figure it out *

Are you ready
for this?
Yeah, I'm ready.

Let's go.
Let's go.

All right, you guys,
let's go!

All right,
second year waiters,
second floor.

The rest of you guys
downstairs.

New guys,
I'm Don Sharpe,
your supervisor.

Stow your gear
as fast as you can

and we'll see Mr. Wallman
and then head for
the dining room.

Summer
coming up, Don.

Yeah, you madmen
keep in line.

Yeah!
Ouch!

God help us!
Another summer with
Mad Bobby Grossman.

Gentlemen,
I salute you.

Nice face.

Oh, blinding! Blinding.

(LAUGHS)

(MUFFLED YELLING)

(SINGING MARTIAL MELODY)

* Was a bold
and fearless man *

What's that?
It's a flute.

A what?
A flute.

You don't play that.
You're gonna kill me
with that thing, all right?

Hey, you're
a neat guy.

Hey, Rizzo, next time
leave your sister
at home, all right?

Ramirez, I would like
some big tetas this summer,
you know?

Hey, Steinberg, uh,

I took the upper
bunk, okay?

Grossman!
What is that?

This?

This is a little gift
for all those
asshole colleges

that turned me down.

Hey, I see you brought
your hardware again,
too, eh?

Just keepin'
the peace.

Sure.
Sure.

Well, De Noekio?
What do you think?

What do I think? I think
all this fresh air's
gonna give me a rash.

I don't trust air
I can't see.

I need that
Beaucoup scent.

(INHALING) The smell of
snatch in the air.

It's too quiet
around here.

(RATTLING)

Caparello.

Caparello.

BERGMAN: Hey, can you play
a cha-cha on that?

(LAUGHING)

All right, now, listen.
Fats, Lobster, listen up.

The whole shack is
counting on you guys.
Should you succeed,

the names
Ernie "Lobster" Newburg
and Israel "Fats" Solowitz

will be enshrined
in the Camp Oskemo
Hall of Fame,

etched in every urinal
in the shack.

Now, I want you guys
to get serious.

This is a sacred mission.
You're heroes, jungle cats,

tracking your prey,
invincible, undeterrable,

dedicated to the smell
of meat.

(BOTH GROWLING)

(HOWLING)

(SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL CHANTING)
Meat! Meat! Meat!

Let's go! Watch yourself
comin' off of there.

If you fall down,
I don't want you to sue,
you know what I mean?

Rotten little bastards!
Come on! Here we go!

Now! Come on.

Come on.

Oh, shit!

You should be
in the dining room
an hour before mealtime.

This will allow you
plenty of time

to set up your stations
and then eat.

Each waiter will handle
three tables,

which means
you're gonna have
to hustle ass.

Gentlemen,
this is Fred,
the chef.

The boss of the kitchen!

Get in and out of
the kitchen quick.

When you're not workin',
you stay out.

If you don't,

I'm gonna cut off
your balls

and serve 'em to
the senior girls
on hamburger rolls.

Understand?

All right,
let me introduce you
to the kitchen staff.

This is Andy on salads.

(SNEEZES)

This is Indian Joe
on dishes.

This is the
chef's assistant,
Sweet Moe.

This is Mike
the Pimp, drying.

This is Wino Willie
on beverages.

Bible Looie handles
the freezer,

but Looie doesn't
seem to be around now.

Now, it's gonna take
a couple of meals

for you new guys
to get the hang of it.

But, by next week,
it should all
be automatic.

If you have any questions
or problems, just ask me.
I'm happy to help.

So get started!

Fred!

You big black mother!

How you doin'?

Freddie!
Hey!

Come on.

(ALL YELLING)

(INDIAN-CHANTING)

Kavell! Kavell!

Solowitz, where the hell
have you been?

You broke
the camera, Solowitz.
What took you so long?

I was trying
to fix it.
You stop for lunch?

You take a shit?
What? What?

Forget it.
You're forgiven.

All right, let's
check out this stock.

Off the bat,
look at this.

We got about
a six and a half here.

Nice face, big tits,
bad ass, big legs.

Steinberg!
Steinberg!

Steinberg!
He's a tits
and ass man.

Steinberg,
check it out, huh?
Beautiful, right?

Kavell doesn't
fool around.

He's not alive.
The man has no pulse.

All right, Caparello...
I'm in love!

Oh, of course,
you're in love.

(EXCLAIMS)
Oh, look at this.
A living glow.

Look at the size
of this thing.
That's a one.

A Dumbo
for Solowitz!

(ALL CHEERING)

Oh! Check
this one out.
We got a...

This is a solid eight.
This is a nice face.

This is a nice body
and, uh, nice everything.

Wait, Grossman,
Grossman.

Over here.
Come over here
right now.

Stand at attention
and check this out.

Look, you put a,
a uniform on her,

and you slip some
medals down the slope
of her boobs.

You slip that
big howitzer
up the wazoo.

Appomattox, right?

(ALL CHEERING)

The man's a lunatic.

Oh, my God!
A twelve!

It's the girl
of my dreams.

She's gorgeous.
She's mine.

Oskemo,
I found a twelve.
Gimme that! She's mine!

Give me that.

(ALL CLAMORING)

(SHOUTING)
And the Lord said
unto Bible Looie,

"Thou shalt walk
among the masses,

"among the poor, the infirm,
the sacrilegious,

"and thou shalt say
unto them,

"'Fuck you,
you assholes!'"

(ALL LAUGHING)

Bible Looie!

Them waiters are
all wise guys.

They're an unwelcome
necessity.

I don't like 'em,
but then again,

I don't like anybody,
including you, Federman.

I only like this camp.

And I like money.

I especially like the money
I pay them little bastards.

They'll all fuck off,
you know that.
They always do.

And when they do,
I'm gonna fine
the shit out of 'em,

and you're gonna
catch 'em.

After I fine 'em,
I'm gonna give you
10% of everything I get.

Ten percent, Federman.

You're a greedy
little bastard,
do you know that?

That should spur you
onward with a lot
of alacrity. Huh? Huh?

(LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY)

WALRUS: I would like
to welcome you all
to Camp Oskemo,

and I hope this is the start
of your best summer ever.

Rabbi Blowitz?

We thank the Lord
for our food,

his love, our health.

And in His eyes
we begin this most
wonderful of summers,

(SINGING IN HEBREW)

* Amen

(ALL YELLING)

Go! Go!

And the Lord said,

"Let there be bosoms!"

BOY: Hi, so...
BOY 2: Hi.

Want some more food?

Hi, boys. My name is
Bob Grossman,

and I'm gonna be
your waiter
for the summer.

Oh, yeah?
I'm Albert Einstein,

so pass out
more food, schmuck!

Chew on that,
you little creep!

(BARKING)

(INAUDIBLE)

Uh, (CLEARS THROAT)
Mr. Wallman, uh,

two things about
Parents Day, if I may.

One,
let's keep the pork
in the closet.

And two, if we
could have sets of...
Let me tell you something,

let me tell you somethin',
let me tell you somethin',
Rabbi, okay?

You take care of
the religious shit,

I'll take care
of the pork, all right?

If you had two sets
of plates...

I don't give a fuck
about the pork, all right?

We cover it up
with this brown shit.

It don't make
any difference.

I'll give you two sets
of paper plates, all right?

Well, it would
be helpful.

Hey, Jay.

We nearly dropped dead
when we found out
you were back in Oskemo.

We thought you'd taken
a college coaching job.

No, no. College coaching
can't compare to Oskemo.

Is, uh, Mark here, too?

Yeah, he's humpin' his ass
on the senior table,

but we're savin'
some energy for you

and a little basketball,
my friend.

Yeah, we'll see
if you dingleberries
have improved at all.

Yeah, ain't you gonna be
surprised, Dickie, boy.

You better get
some extra practice in,
you know what I mean?

Yeah, well, you'll
overplay the bases.

It's Bergman
in the tray pool.
Who had it?

I won!

Pay up, Freddie.

(LAUGHS CONTENTEDLY)

(LAUGHING)

You look like
you just came out
of a bat toilet.

I hereby dub thee
"Batshit."

Oh, God.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

You know, Mark,
I still can't
figure out

how Batshit got
the CIT table.

Yeah, Federman
must've rigged the pool.

What an ugly face.

Steinberg, have you
seen my watch?

Thanks, anyway.

(ALL SINGING IN SPANISH)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Oh, my God!
There... You're...

Cousin Judy!

Judy! It's Judy!

Judy, the prom,
that's right.
It's Barbara Marinsky.

Marinsky?
CIT?

A Counselor
in Training?
I feel a surge!

My knees,
they're weakening.

My heart...
There's romance
in the air!

My brain is spinning.

Guys, it has
really been fun,
but I have a headache.

Okay? Maybe tomorrow.

Ole.

If I had tits like those
pulling me down,

I'd have
a headache, too.

Shall we reconnoiter?

Bevies of beauties
await you, Bergman.

Look at this. Enough
for all of us!

Excuse me, miss.
Do you know
how to dance?

Yes.
Would you like
to dance?

Okay.

Listen, there's
a crazy person
in the room.

Just let me sit here
and I'll protect you.

Hey, hey,
is this guy
botherin' you?

If he is,
I can take him out.

What's goin' on here?

This is the guy.
He's very dangerous.

Got thrown
outta camp last year.

Don't listen
to this man,
he's very sick.

He's a pathological liar.
He's paranoid, with
delusions of intelligence.

What am I?
Invisible or somethin'?

My name is Tony Ramirez.
What's yours?

Judy Kramer.

Where you from,
Judy Kramer?

Scarsdale.
Mmm!

Lots of money, huh?
Mmm-hmm.

Falling off the trees.

My dad makes
deodorant pads.

(INHALING)

(SCREAMING CUTELY)

You're a CIT?
Yeah.

Having trouble?
No.

(POPPING)

I had a feelin'
that you were
first-year CIT.

You know...
Oh, don't worry
about him,

(SCREAMING)
he does that
all the time.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

(KEENING)

I'm trying to
talk over here,

would you stop
foolin' around now?

My name is
Mark Bergman.

And, uh, this here is,
uh, Jay Harazznah.

Kavell.
Jay Kavell. Hi.

And I'm Vicki Henderson.

(SLOWLY)
And I don't fuck.

Fuck?
Who said anything
about fucking?

I didn't.
I didn't, either.

Absolutely not.
It's terrible stuff.

Yeah, we don't.
Filthy!

Disgusting!
It's nasty!

Germs!
Ugh!

That's good,
'cause I don't want
anyone to blame me

if they end up playing
with themselves. Okay?

Okay.

See what you did?

See what I did?

EVIE: (CHUCKLING) Cute.

I'm Evie Bennett,
and I do fuck.

I'm an asshole?
Yeah! Probably you're
always gonna be one.

Don't you understand?

If you would've
left me alone with her
for just one minute,

I would've charmed
the pants off her
and put her away,

then I might've
shared her with you.

Kavell, don't give me
that crap, okay?

I, who know you for
the selfish dorkhead
that you are.

Selfish?
Yeah,
anyone with eyes

could tell that
she wanted to stay
with me alone, okay?

Obviously you need
glasses, okay, pal?
Yeah.

Tell me, did you not
see the waitress
lookin' at me?

That's bullshit.
She wanted to throw up.

Oh, that shows
a lot of class.

You have no class,
and you're an asshole.

Okay, let's talk
about class, asshole.

You're the kind of guy
who likes to fart
in the bathtub

and smell
the bubbles, okay?

Oh, that's
real clever.

Bergman, you shithead!

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?

(BLUES MUSIC BLARING)
Bullshit, Kavell!

(BIG BAND MUSIC BLARING)
Irritating, right?

Just like you,
Bergman, irritating.

You are a totally
undesirable human being.

You got hair
all over your body
like a gorilla.

You smell like
a used jock strap.

Your breath reeks.

You pick your nose,
and then you take the snot

and you stick it
on the side of your bed.

I've seen you do it!

If I pushed your face
in dough,

I'd be makin'
asshole cookies!

When she said
that she didn't fuck,
she was referrin' to you.

(INCREASES VOLUME)

Bite on that!

Take that...

(BLUES MUSIC STOPS)

(BIG BAND MUSIC
CONTINUES BLARING)

What?

You wanna play records
late at night?

Come here,
I'll make your record
play at night.

(MUSIC STOPS)

We'll give this
to fate, all right?

That should do it.
There's your record.

Okay?

Okay, pal?

MAN 1: Who left the
refrigerator door open?
You did?

MAN 2: Stupid kid
threw a glass.

(ROARING)

Ah, got it.

(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

Grossman,
give me a break.

Well, men,
pretty good chow, huh?

Batshit, Batshit.
What?

Give this little
message of affection
to Vicki Henderson.

Hey, Batshit,
give this to Vicki.

Oh, my God.

Let me see.

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Hey, Evie.
Hi, Jay.

You know,
you made an ass
of yourself.

I know.

Legends shouldn't
do that, you know.

Am I a legend?

Among some at Oskemo.

And, uh...

I like you.

(EVIE MOANING)

(INSECTS BUZZING)
Kavell!

(EVIE MOANING)

Listen, Evie, why did you
approach me like that?

I wanted to lay
a legend, you know?

Was I legendary?
A minor epic.

Listen, it was fun,
but I don't want you
to think

that we're gonna have
a relationship.

Oh, listen, Kavell,
I don't want you to think

that this changes anything,
because it doesn't.

I'm just here
to have fun.
Sex and fun.

No commitments.
Just like the guys, right?

Find them, feel 'em,
fuck 'em, then forget 'em.

(YELPS)

...thirty-six, two,
watch me.

Hands up.
Thirty-nine, two,
forty, two.

Ten more. One, two,
get in step.

Two, two, three...

Hey!

Keep goin'.
Four, two, five, two.

Listen, what's
been goin' on?
Oh, nothin' much.

Yeah, same old stuff.
You know, doin' well
with poker and crap.

Goofin' off.
Yeah, the shack
ain't bad.

The guys
ain't too bad.
And Sharpe ain't bad.

Sharpe? Yeah.
He's all right.

Listen,
you gettin' laid?

Ah, not too good,
not here.

I thought you were
doin' better.
I'm not doin' good.

You gotta be kiddin' me.
You got the best-lookin'
bunch of CITs

that I've ever seen.
I'm telling you,

if they weren't off-limits
to the counselors,

I'd be hot...
Hot on their tail.

Same old
same-old, right?

We're probably gonna
raid 'em tonight.

Wrong.
BOTH: What do you
mean, wrong?

Wednesday.

Wednesday?
Why?

I bang the CIT counselor.
She'll be with me.

You're bangin' her?
She's fantastic.

How is she?

BOTH: Aw, come on,
how is she?

She's so good
you wanna get off
and watch.

Uh...
Boys. Right.

Keep it up.
Come on, all together.

(INSECTS BUZZING)

(EVIE MOANING)

Oh, Bergman.

Hey, look,
if I made such
an ass outta myself,

how come you dragged me
into the woods, huh?

Oh, I wanted to lay
a legend, Bergman.

Oh, yeah?
So was I legendary?

(CHUCKLING) A minor epic.

Aw, come on, really?

Yeah, yeah,
you were legendary.
I'm running to my diary.

(WHISPERING)
You got the cards?

The cards, money,
I got everything.

What are you guys
doin' here? It's 3:00
in the morning.

We wanna come.

Yeah, we wanna
play tonight.

Besides, Sharpe
isn't here this evenin'

so it's a good
night for us.
So can we go?

You guys are really hot
about this, huh?

Yeah.
Yeah.

You really wanna
come, huh?
Yeah.

Really.

All right,
l tell you what.

No way!

Good morning,
gentlemen.

I'm sorry to have
awakened you so early.

But this morning,
as Mr. Bergman
and myself

were returning from
yet another successful
night of poker,

I realized that today,
it was my solemn duty

to tell you about the
great waiter's tradition
here at Camp Oskemo.

The Great War.

The battle between
the upstairs and
the downstairs.

To my right,
the ever-present
Mad Bobby Grossman

has wheeled in
that great trophy,
The Walrus.

Mr. Bergman?
You're too kind.

Okay, now for the rules.

There are no rules!

Anything goes except
physical contact. Okay?

This is a friendly
traditional battle,
so no bloodshed,

but accidents may happen,
so don't get cute.

Well, what do you guys
say, huh? You in?

Yeah, sucker, we're in.

All right.
Now, listen,

nobody's to say
anything about this.

Okay, okay, okay?

ALL: Okay.

All right.

All right, the test.

All right.

The lineup for
the kitchen help...

(ALL BOOING)

The waiters...

(BOOING)

Do you know, the immaturity
in here is so overwhelming
that I might faint.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Okay, okay.
No, no, okay.

Now, remember,
no high-sticking.

Check your oil?

(WHOOPING)

And no nastiness.

But a little touch
every now and then
is permissible.

(LAUGHING)

(ALL WHISTLING
THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER)

I'll get you,
my pretty!

And that dog
of yours, too!

(CACKLING)

Play ball!
Play ball!

(ALL YELLING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Kill! Kill! Kill!

(MUFFLED YELLING)

All right!

Waiters four,
kitchen help three.

All right, waiters!

We win, sucker.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(BELL RINGING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(HISSING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

All right. Shh. Shh. Shh.

(SNORING)

(GROWLING)

(ALL YELLING IN ALARM)

(SCREAMING)

(ALL CLAMORING IN TERROR)

What the hell's
goin' on out here?

(SNARLING)

Oh, shit!

(HOWLING)
Whoa!

Hey, Kavell!

Hey, don't kill yourself,
it's only a joke!

Hey, I don't think
you should be hanging
from that branch.

(BRANCH CREAKING)

(BRANCH BREAKING)
Grossman, you
fucking idiot!

(THUDDING)

Kavell?

Ruff! Ruff!

Ruff!

Don't you ever touch me
like that again.

Ow!

I was just checking
for breast cancer.

All right, Kavell,
take your Sucret.

Sucret? For
a bad ankle?

You heard me.

Suck!

Oh, suck! Yeah.
Suck, Nurse Bertha, okay.

Suck!

Why don't you
suck wood?

So how's the foot,
humphead?

Not too bad.
I'll be on the
crutches a week.

And Galbraith is
taking me off
active duty.

Oh, gee,
that's too bad.

Yeah, you're some friend,
leavin' me alone with
that drunken old geezer.

But, you've
been punished.
Oh, yeah? How?

Vicki Henderson
came in with
a jammed finger,

I was left alone
with her.

Alone to fondle
her firm,
delicious tits.

Alone to lay on
the examination table

sucking Sucrets
out of her mouth.

You know,
you obviously
have me mistaken

for someone
who gives a shit!

And Moses went up
Mount Sinai

to receive the
Ten Commandments

from the Lord.

And the Lord God
etched them in tablets.

Tablets of stone.

And this is the basis of our
Western Judeo-Christian ethic.

GROSSMAN: Corregidor!
Guadalcanal!

The Gulch! Midway!
And now Oskemo!

As your commander,
I beseech you
to arm yourselves.

Gentlemen, we must
ensure the honor of
the second floor.

We must prevail!

Cannons
to the right of them,

cannons
to the left of them.

Do you hear them
upstairs?

Do you hear these guys
preparing?

Now, are we
gonna prepare?

Yes.
Are we?

ALL: Yeah!

Are we gonna let 'em
kick our ass in?

ALL: No!

Goddamn right,
we're not.

Yes, but into the jaws
of death.

Into the mouth of hell
rode the 600.

Hallelujah!

(ALL CHEERING)

Hey.

This is you and
Brent Collins
in the picture.

You played
with Brent Collins?
He turned pro!

Yeah. He was pretty good,
but he had bad knees,
cut his career short.

Why didn't you turn pro?

Never really
interested me.

See, coaching
is the thing.

So, why you're still here?

I haven't found
the right spot yet.

I would like to turn Oskemo
into an athletic camp.

Complete with NBA stars
to serve as coaches.

And being Athletic Director
would mean something then.

Did you talk
to Walrus about it?

Yeah.
And...

And, surprisingly, the
fat asshole's considering it
for next season.

Really?

(BOYS YELLING)

(WHISTLING)

Announcing the fourth
annual kitchen Olympics!

All right now,
our first contestant
is Wino Willie.

Give him some
encouragement!

(ALL CHEERING)

All right, watch him,
watch him as he attempts

to down four bottles
of wine non-stop.

(ALL CHEERING)

(WHISTLES SOFTLY)

(CLATTERING)

(RATTLING)

(SHUSHING)

What are you
doing here?

Wanna come play
with me?

Yeah.

Come on.

Do you know
how lucky you are
to be involved

with a good looking,
rich, Jewish-American
princess?

Of course I do.
Oh, yeah?

I also know how
turned on you are

at the prospect
of being laid

by a ill-educated,
poverty-stricken
Puerto Rican.

Mmm.

What the hell
are you doing?

(SHUSHING)
(WHISPERING)
How you doin'?

Aren't you glad
to see me?

Not particularly.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, I'll tell you what,
I'm gonna leave.

You know, let you two
work things out.
Yeah.

I mean, I heard about
the infirmary and all,

and you probably
wanna be alone
with Jay.

(JAY CLEARING THROAT)

What are you
talking about?

What did you hear?

Oh, not much.
Just about your
firm white breasts,

(CLEARING THROAT)
Uh...

your milky white thighs,

and how you suck Sucrets
out of each other's mouths.

You know,
sweet little nothings.

(SCREAMING)
(WHISPERING) Shut up!

What? Who? What?
Shut up.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Shut up, shut up,
shut up, everyone.

I'll pull the pin
and I'll blow you
all back!

I'll pull the pin, baby,
and this ain't no pop gun.

Now, I know
every one of you.

I mean, if one word
leaks out about this visit,

I'm gonna track
every one of you down

to your family trees,
you got that?

I'll blow you
the fuck up!
Come on!

We're gonna tell
Walrus about this.

Oh, shit, you ain't
the only gal!

(YELLING) Get out!
Get out!

Get out! Get outta here!

Get out! All of you!

(LAUGHING)

I really showed them
dumb crotchwaffles, huh?

I wonder what they
would've done if
I pulled the pin like this.

(SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)
It's only a dud,
you jerk-offs.

Scared the hell
out of you!

Kick the shit
out of you!

(ALL YELLING)

Hey, you and you.

I want you wiseasses
in my room, all right?

Your leg has
healed miraculously.

Well,

it seems that some of
my children got restless
last night

and took to the woods,

thereby violating some of
my most precious rules.

Of course, this
cannot be tolerated.

Therefore, Mr. Grossman,
Mr. Ramirez, Mr. Newburg,

Mr. Solowitz, Mr. Kavell,
and Mr. Bergman

will be fined $50 each
for raiding the CIT bunk.

All the rest of the waiters
will be fined $25 each for

shared responsibility,

except for Mr. Kavell,
who will be fined
an extra $50

for faking a leg injury.

No!

Mr. Kavell,
you're out of the kitchen
and back in the dining room.

But my leg.
I can't carry a tray.

If you can't carry a tray,
get the fuck outta camp!

Leave Oskemo?

Never.

I will carry on the great
Camp Oskemo tradition!

(BOYS HUMMING
PATRIOTIC MUSIC)
I will not pale,

not in the face of
debilitating pain,
or paralysis,

or disfigurement,
or permanent death.

Permanent death?

(HUMMING STOPS)

Now, listen, Kavell,
Bergman,

you're both
troublemakers.

Thank you, sir.

You're also
wiseass shits.

I asked you back
against my better judgment.

Please, please,
do not make me
regret my decision.

I can't believe it.
Sharpe must've said
something to Walrus.

I thought
he was our friend.

Well, this time,
Walrus is gonna pay.

That's right.
It's retribution time.

Yeah!

(IMITATES OWL CALL)

(IMITATING BIRD CALL)

(FIRECRACKERS POPPING)

(CACKLING)

(PIGS SQUEALING)

(FIRECRACKERS POPPING)

(MOOING)

(CAWING)

(SNORING)

(BLEATING)

What the hell?
Jesus Christ Almighty!

(SCREAMING)

Goddamn kids again!
Son of a bitch!

Oh, shit!

Get off!

Oh, shit!

I want 'em caught.

Rotten
sons of bitches!
Bastards!

Don't worry, Mr. Wallman,
I'll fine the shit out of...

Oh, come on,
Federman.

Jesus, you smell
like shit.

(HUMMING)

All right.

(CACKLING)

(SCREAMING)

Get it off!

All right you little grunts,
you want. seconds, huh?

(EXCLAIMING)

And the Lord said,

"Let there be orgies!"

MAN: Who is
that masked man?

(QUIETLY) You guys
ready for war?

ALL: (WHISPERING) Yeah!

You ready to kick
some ass upstairs?

ALL: Yeah!

We're going to seal
all the exits upstairs, okay?

We're gonna nail open
all their windows,

and then we'll lob
a few cherry bombs,
a few ash-cans.

l got some
connections downtown.

We'll get some stuff
real cheap.

(BLOWING TRUMPET)

You can't play,
but we'll let you watch.

All right,
it's a jack.

Okay, Jack, go.

With a jack,
bet a dime.

I'm gonna have to
call you.

(LAUGHING)

BOY: Come on, man!

SWEET MOE: Okay,
I'll put in a dollar.

Hit!

Oh, big bullet!
Let's go!

Keep goin'.
Keep goin'.

(INAUDIBLE)

(BOYS LAUGHING)

Lookin' good.
Lookin' good now, Fats.
You're learnin' this game.

KAVELL: All right, come on.
What, to me here?

Yeah. Another quarter.
KAVELL: Okay, mine's up.

Whether you guys
know it or not,

this war's
already begun.

Do you know
what they're saying
about us out there?

Do you?

Do you know
what they're saying
about you, Duffo?

They're saying
that you're fat,

and that you're a slob,
and that you're a pig!

Now, that's all true,
but it has nothin'
to do with this war.

(BAT SCREECHING)

It's a spy!
It's Kesselman!

Get him, Duffo!

Get him! Get him!

(BLOWING HORN)

(SCREAMING)

I wanna play cards with you.

But I don't know
whether I should,

'cause I don't know
whether I trust you or not.

You can trust me
doing anything.

All right.

What do you got?
Number above two.

FRED: You got three
coming to you.
Three.

FRED: Three for you.
SWEET MOE: Oh, out of pity.

(LAUGHING
HYSTERICALLY)

He's Western Union.

(WHOOPING)

You were cheating!
I saw you looking
at my cards!

I didn't look
at your cards.

You did, too!

I did not!

(STRANGLING)

(CHOKING)

Well, well, if it isn't
King Kong and Godzilla.

Oh, my God,
it's Nina the Nymph.

You know, you guys
really make me puke.

I have never seen
two grown men,

and I use
the term loosely,

slobber over a girl
the way you two
have managed

to slobber over
Snow White over there.

You know,
you're such asses!
Such losers!

You got a bite?
I got something.

Hey, Evie, if we're such
assholes and losers,

how come you balled us?
Both of us, huh?

Yeah.

It's none of your
BI business!

And I don't have to
explain myself, either.

But if you're gonna be
such yentas about it,
I'll tell you.

I thought of it
as a challenge,
all right?

You two were so hot
on Vicki over there

and you both had
such machismo reputations.

Besides, I can ball
anyone I want,

anytime I want!

Well, big deal.
So can we.

Ha! Like hell!

Oh, yeah?
Yeah! I bet
you can't.

Yeah? We bet
you can't.

I'll take that bet.

Fifty bucks.
Name a name.
Fifty bucks?

Fifty bucks?
Name a name.

All right, you're on.
Let me see, here.
Come on.

Tough luck,
Lucretia Borgia.

You gotta handle
Rabbi Blowitz.

I'll take the Rabbi,
and I'll make it
real easy on you boys.

I won't name Vicki.

You two have
Big Nurse Bertha.

Ha! Creepos!

Big trouble.

I'm very depressed.

Tough bet.

We're gonna need
a forklift.

(SINGING IN HEBREW)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Rabbi Blowitz?

My name is
Evie Bennett, I'm a CIT.

Yes. Yes.
Shalom, Evie.
Shalom.

What can I do
for you?
I know it's late,

and I hope
I'm not interrupting,

but, you see,
I have this problem,

boy, do I have
a problem,

and you might say
it's of a rabbinical nature.

And, well,
I thought perhaps
I can talk to you.

You see, I need help.

Yes. Yes, of course.
Please, come in.

Thank you.

(READING ALOUD IN HEBREW)

Rabbi, this is
so comforting to me.

"Bless the Lord,
all my soul,

"and forget not
all His benefits."

(READING ALOUD IN HEBREW)

"Who satisfied Thy mouth
with good things

"so that Thy youth is
renewed like the ego."

(COUGHS)

(CONTINUES READING ALOUD)

You got it?
Yeah.

Got the Quaaludes?

Courtesy of Bible Looie?

Guaranteed by
the great Looie,
to cool the monster out.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Not yet!

(BOTH STIFLING GIGGLES)

(SIGHS)

(GULPING)

Ah!

I've always been
kind of shy

around members
of the opposite sex.

Oh, Rabbi,
I know just
how you feel.

I, too, suffer from
the same problem.

Do you think it could be
caused by a lack of breast
milk in early childhood?

I don't know,
I was bottle-fed.

So was I.

It causes gas in here
and starts to choke you
up around the throat.

Oh, Rabbi.

(BURPING)

Thank you.

(SNORING)

(WHISPERING)
Here goes nothing.

Fifty bucks!
That's right.

You take the low road,
I'll take the high road.

Thank you very much.
I'll meet you
in the middle.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

(CHUCKLING)
Yeah.

(BOYS SHUSHING)
Huh? Who's...

(SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Bergman! Grab her!
I'm coming!

(BIG BERTHA SNARLING)

Get her over.

(BIG BERTHA MOANS)

(LAUGHING)

Hold the job.
Hold the job
right here.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Hook her!
Come on, pick her up.

In the loin.
Come on!

BERGMAN: I think
I'm getting sick!

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

Yeah.

Oh, shit.
All right.

Don't let her
get on top!

(GROANING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

Get her!
We got her!

Hold still.

Drive...
Drive her home!
Come on!

(MUFFLED)

Can't breathe like that.

Come on, squeeze!
Squeeze!

(BIG BERTHA SHRIEKING)

Holy shit!

BOY: You wanna pass that
over here?

GIRL: Take it yourself.
Leave me alone.

BOY: Come on.

Hey, look.

(BOYS LAUGHING)

GROSSMAN: Come on,
you gotta give me some...

BERGMAN: I don't have to
give you anything.

Come on.

Take a seat.

Slow. Slow.
No. No. Close.

Come on. That's it.
That's it. Uh-huh.

That's it. Oh!

Grossman, what the hell
are you building?

Nothing!
Just an atomic bomb.

An atomic bomb?
This guy is nuts.
He's demented.

He's totally
out of his mind.
I'm gonna kill him.

I'm gonna hang him
from the rafters
before he destroys us all.

Ooh, here is nut
number two, Mr. Rosen.

What are you doing,
irrigating a farm?

A head of hair
is not a cabbage patch!

Oh, my God. Oil.
I struck oil!

We're rich!
We're rich!

Look at this stuff!

Alberto VO5,
Vaseline Hair Tonic,

Groom & Clean,
Wildroot Cream Oil,

Charlie, Barbasol.
You're nuts!

Do you understand me?
You are totally nuts.
Off the deep end.

This is a looney bin.
This is a fucking nuthouse.

The whole place
ought to be fumigated.

Grossman, the mad bomber.
Caparello, masturbating.
Duffo Weiss, eating.

Kesselman, sucking blood!

Wouldn't you know it,
nut number three, Mr. Shit!

King of diarrhea.
Steinberg, what is
the matter with you?

Did you lose
your intestines
someplace?

We've been here,
what, four weeks?
I've seen this schmuck twice.

He lives in the toilet.
You wanna live in the toilet,
Steinberg?

You wanna live
in the fucking toilet?
Then stay in the toilet!

That's right,
stay right here. Stay.

Very good, keep the candy
in your mouth. Stay!

I've had it!

When he's not
taking a shit,
he's farting.

He's disgusting.

Steinberg!
You're disgusting!

Disgusting!

Here are your clothes!
Here's a shirt.

Here's a nice blue shirt.
Here's some nice pants.

And here's
your fucking blanket.

Now, crap and shit and fart
to your heart's content,

but stay out
of my fucking room!

You understand,
Steinberg?

Steinberg? Say something.

(WATER SPLASHING)

I must be dead.
I gotta be in hell.

Easy, easy,
it's been a tough day.
That boy,

Lobster Newburg, he's mad.
I understand.
I know, just hold on.

Everything...
Listen! We got important
things to think about.

What?
Things like
Vicki Henderson.

Yeah.
Huh?

Listen, we're gonna
raid the CITs
again tonight.

That's right,
except this time,
no Solowitz, no Newburg,

No Newburg.
No Grossman.
and no Grossman!

I heard that!
Nobody's going
anyplace without me.

You see, Grossman,
we told the CITs

we were gonna bring you
and Jack the Ripper.

They said,
"Grossman? No way!"
So you're not going.

(SCRATCHING AT DOOR)

(SCRATCHING)

(SCRATCHING)

(ROARING)

(SCREAMING)

GIRL: Get out!

(ROARING)

(SCREAMING)

Leave him alone!

That's mine! That's mine.
Leave that alone!

Asshole!

(HOWLING)

Grow up!

All right, Moe, give me
some more eggs. Hurry up.

All you son of a bitches
get that food out.

Shit! God damn it.

All right, move it,
you little son of a bitches.
Move fast! Hurry up!

(MUFFLED MOANING)

I'm trying to help.
Stay there.

(YELPS IN PAIN)

(YELPING)

Ow, my hand!
You're hurting me!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Come on! Come on! Come on!

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

(ENGINE REVVING)

Hey, hey, hey!

That was Walrus?
I've never seen him
look so good.

Now, wait a minute!
Don't be so hard on Walrus.
He's a pretty good guy.

He's just a hard-on!
All right, now
wait a minute,

I talked to him
last night about
the Athletic Camp

and I stressed
the national focus
and everything.

And believe it or not,
he's starting to respond.

Fantastic!

All right, a toast.
A toast, yes.

(WHISTLING)

Irvington, what the hell's
the matter with you?

This is the way
you run a camp?
Don.

Don, nothing.
Sit down, have
a drink with us.

Waitress! Another
round, please.

Oh, no, it's...
Don't worry
about the fighting.

Hey, fellas, fellas...
Give him a shot.

Hey, come on...

All right, all right,
all right. Come on...
What?

Fellas, it's past
curfew, huh?

So let's haul ass...
No, let's haul ass...
No, no, no, look...

Yes, sir!
You understand?

Move it out.
Just move it out.

Hut! Hut!

Pardon us
for breaking the rules.

Say, God forbid
we should break
the rule, sir.

Let's face
Sergeant Bergman.

Hut! Hut! Hut!
Hut! Hut! Hut!

Who the fuck
do you think you are?

And who do you think
you're kidding?
The sun ain't even out.

Are you trying to make
an ass outta me?

Yes, sir!
What?

Yes, sir! No, sir!
That's it. You two bastards
been asking for it

and now
you're gonna get it.

You knew you were
breaking curfew.

God damn it,
you knew it!

And you had to do it
in that goddamn gang bar.

Well, I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna levy
the biggest fines ever.

Two hundred dollars.
Two hundred dollars apiece.

Two hundred dollars
and a warning.

So just shape up
and watch out.

Two hundred dollars
apiece?

Two hundred dollars'
worth of retribution.

Yeah.

Only this time, Bergman,
we're gonna hit him
where it hurts.

Parents Day!

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(CHILDREN SQUEALING
HAPPILY)

This is it.
Mom!

Hi, Judy!

Hi, Daddy.
Hi, sweetheart.

Solowitz, Newburg,
you boys paying
attention?

Certainly!
Yeah.

All right, tonight
is your final opportunity
to achieve glory, right?

Right.

We sneak into
the kitchen...

Take the jar
off the stove...

LOBSTER: Take out pills
and put one each
into the cereal bowls.

Well, what are
the pills for?

A little something
to make it run faster
and jump higher.

Speed, boys, speed!

To be fed
to the parents

ALL: To make them feel better!
to make them
feel better!

Behave yourselves,
understand me?

Daddy, he's a great athlete.
And Mom, he writes poetry.

Well, I'm sure
that's true, Judy,
He's great.

but he's
a Puerto Rican.

Darling, he's
a veritable monkey!
Mom...

And he's a poor
monkey, at that.

Mama! Papa! Que pasa, man?
How you doing, huh?

God, you're looking
really good.

How you doing,
sir? Huh?

Mom, Dad,
this is Tony Ramirez.

Hey, Judy, this is
your old lady?

Ave Maria, Mrs. Kramer,
you look really good,
you know?

The way this girl's been
talking about you,

I thought you were
really fat, you know,

you had a boil
right here on the neck,
but no, look at you.

You look nice,
not too fat,
not too skinny.

Nice fur coat,
nice bouffant hairdo.
Ave Maria!

(COMPLIMENTING
IN SPANISH)

RABBI BLOWITZ: * Amen!

In addition to the regular
weekly services,

the children
have been provided

with some excellent
religious training

through which we have been
able to acquaint them
with their heritage.

Yes. Could we please
roll the film?

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(KIDS LAUGHING)

Oh, my God!

(SCREAMING)

RABBI BLOWITZ:
It's not the right film.
It's not the right film!

(MOANING)

Oh, my God!

No! What...

Stop them.
Stop them, I said!

What is going on with them?
You can't do that.

No, no, people
have been deliberately
tormenting you,

I admit that.
I absolutely admit it.

There will be
no more incidents,
I'm telling you!

(SCREAMING)
There will be no more...

(FANFARE MUSIC BLARING)

(INAUDIBLE)

Yeah. For the parents.

Let's go.

Fred, you outdid yourself.
This is delicious.

BOY 1: This is
kind of good.

BOY 2: Best yet, Fred.

SWEET MOE: May I have some
more sugar, please?

I like sweet things.

(ALL CHEERING)

(SCREAMING)

Hurry up!

All right, men,
look alive.
Look out!

(WAITERS YELPING)

(KIDS SCREAMING)

(CLATTERING)

You little bastards!

(ROARING)

Stop this,
right this min...

FEDERMAN: Stop this!

(SNEEZING)

My job's
going down...

(SINGING NONSENSE)

(SCREAMING)

In all my years

in Camp Oskemo,

I have never seen
anything like it.

Hooligans, cutthroats,
rapists.

Well, I have had it
up to here.

Do you understand...

(STIFLING CRY)

Well, I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna get you all.
But first, I'm gonna fine.

I'm gonna fine like crazy.

Every waiter is fined $25
on general principles.

I'm sick and tired
of you two.

One more stunt
and you're out.

That's
understandable, sir.

You bet your ass
it's understandable.

But one more,
just one more...

Shit!

(ALL YELLING)

Gentlemen,
that's dedication.

Now, you
listen to me.

They're gonna break
all the rules downstairs.

I know, because
I've overheard them.

So we will, too.

We're gonna fight
fire with fire.

To the death!

Now, you listen.
Listen!

Do you hear them?

Moving?

Listening?

Yes, they are
listening.

To the death,
I'm telling you!

Now,

you assholes,

the weapons.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Jesus.

Look at that.
Wow!

It's time.
I'm so nervous. It's time.

KAVELL: Lord, forgive us,
for we know not what we do.

BERGMAN: Yeah. Are you sure
you know the rules?

LOBSTER: Sure.
What do you think
I am, dumb?

(ALL CHATTERING)

The only way you're gonna
get it is steal it.

Oh, you...
Stupid thing.

Flush!

BERGMAN: What flush?
They're all red.

You got two hearts
and three diamonds,
that's not a flush.

FATS: Newburg,
you're an idiot!

That wasn't necessary.

All right.
I call.

All right, I'm outta
this thing. I'm not...
Who got what?

What have you got?
Three pair.

FRED: Three pair?
You...

LOBSTER: Solowitz,
you're an idiot!

FRED: What are you
doing here?

Don't even
think it!

Come on! Get off...
Will you...

Oh, crap!

(LAUGHING)

Three-card
tit sucker.

And a toilet flush
with a floating
dingleberry.

Three pounds of phlegm
and a vulture turd.

(CACKLING)

Cut.

(SNORING)

(RHYTHMIC SQUEAKING)

(SHATTERING)

Screw that!

Bye, Don.

Batshit!
Just the guy
we wanna see.

What'd I do?
Listen, you're pretty tight
with the CITs, right?

Yeah.
Yeah, they like you,
they trust you, huh?

Yeah.

We want you to be alone
with Vicki Henderson
for a while

and tell her what
really great guys
we are.

Yeah, she's ignoring us
because she's got the hots
for one of us

and she's afraid
she'll hurt the
other's feelings.

Right, find out
which one of us
she prefers.

Okay, guys,
you got it.

That's terrific, Batshit.
You're a hell of a guy.

(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

How the hell
did you get stuck in
this damn thing anyway?

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

Batshit, Batshit,
did you talk to her?
(SHUSHING) Yeah.

Yeah? So
what'd she say?

Well, she said
she valued
sensitivity,

openness, kindness,
modesty, gentleness.

Yeah? That's terrific,
Batshit. Thanks a lot.

Yeah. Hey, it was
my pleasure.
Modesty,

gentleness, openness,
sensitivity, kindness.

Well, Bergman, I guess
that leaves you out.

Why don't you
take a walk and find
yourself another girl?

Hey, listen, dorkhead,
if she happen to value
those things

you're the last jerk
that she'd want.

You're about
as modest and sensitive
as a moose in heat!

Hey, blow it out
your ass, okay?

Hey, you blow it
out your ass, okay,
dorkhead?

You see?
You're still an asshole.
That's the problem here.

I can't sleep.

(SHUSHING)

(WHISPERING)
Very quiet.

(RHYTHMIC SQUEAKING)

(ALL CLAMORING)

There was a time
when I was committed
to the Book, you know?

I thought I was gonna
reach out for the pulpit.

No shit!

(GIGGLES)

Then disaster hit.

I got the whiff of pussy
and I loved it,

and I decided to dedicate
the rest of my life to it.

And you?
College next year.

And pussy,
maybe, you know...

(CLAMORING)

Aha!

All right, here's
the situation.

We've gotten absolutely
nowhere with this girl.

I'm totally exhausted.

(SCOFFS) I know
what you mean.

I've had it.
I'm fed up, up to here.
You can have her.

Yeah, to tell you the truth,
I'm not even interested.

I know the feeling.

Lunatic,
what are you doing?

Holy shit,
Grossman.
God.

Roman candles,
cherry bombs,
napalm, ash cans,

radioactive isotopes.
Hey!

The atomic bomb,
which I got stashed
behind the toilet.

(LAUGHING WILDLY)

I'm telling you, boys,
this is gonna be
a very memorable war.

There's gonna be blood
on the buildings.

Death! Destruction.

Radiation.

Things we're all
gonna be very proud of.

Memories.

Grossman,
you're a mutant.

You're totally crazed.

Oh, yeah?

Well, they called
Hannibal crazy.

Alexander, Patton, Custer,

and now me!

Are you with me?

Yeah. Sure.
Yeah, sure.

Well, that is a lot better
than being against me,

boys.

(CHEERING)

Walrus the fat
bastard agreed!

To what?

The Athletic Camp
is on for next year!

(WHOOPING)

I can't believe it.

All the tricky stuff
paid off. Everything!

What?
What stuff, man?

Wait, look here,
take this.
It's a gift.

Shit!
It's yours anyway.

God. What do you
mean, it's ours?

Your fine.

Our fine?
That's your fine.

Walrus gave me
a 10 percent cut

for reporting
waiter violations.

I reported, he paid.

You did what?
I did what I had to do.

What are you
talking about?

You putting us on?
Wait a minute.

I thought
you were our friend!
We hung out with you!

You mean you've been
jerking us off all summer?

We trusted you.

It was you
that reported us
and not Sharpe?

Wait a minute, will you?
Wait a minute.

Look, I can explain.

Now, Walrus is
a prick, right?

And he wanted to know
everything, particularly
the dirty stuff, okay?

So, I kept him
informed.

And in return, he
considered my proposals
in a favorable light.

(SIGHS)

You guys,
you gotta learn.

Business is business.
And business comes first.

Business comes
before friendship,

business comes
before anything.

That's the law
of the jungle.

You two, you're
coming with me.

You're included! Okay?

Sure! Of course!
I think we can work
something out, right?

Oh, yeah.
Business is business.

Yeah.

See you around, huh?

Hey! Hey!

(SINGING IN HEBREW)

* Amen

KAVELL: Hey, Vicki,
how's business?
Bless the drink!

Eat hearty.
Okay, thank you.

Now the attitude
is really what makes
a championship team.

You see,
you all fight together,

and it doesn't matter
whether you win or lose,

but you're out
there together.

You got the camaraderie
of being together.

You got a wonderful
feeling of being one.

It's like when the team
is really going.

It's like...
It's like a car.
All the parts are...

You see, it's like
you're a member
of the team.

By being a member
of the team,
each individual...

Being a member
of the team, you win.

(ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING)

(EXCLAIMING)

(FANFARE MUSIC PLAYING)

God bless America!

That's good business
there, right, Dickie?

BOY 1: What about
GI Joe?

BOY 2: Don't worry about him,
he knows the rules.

DE NOEKIO: Fuck the rules!
When're we gonna see
some action?

First of all,
don't get your balls
in an uproar.

Second of all, when I want
any more shit outta you,
I'll squeeze your head.

Come on, wise guy,
make my chest
your playground. Come on.

De Noekio,
you getting froggy?

Jump.

Let me at him!
Hey...

Big mouth.
All right, wise guy,
how does this start?

It starts with a signal.
And this year, just like
every other year,

the second floor
will take the initiative.

When the weights drop,
the war begins.

Okay, okay, okay?

ALL: Okay.

Come on.
Hey, De Noekio.

What?
Your mother
called last night.

She wants to do it
with me again.

Hey!

All right, all right.
All right, let go!

I'll see you.

(TOILET FLUSHING)
Yeah, Kavell, blew it.

And what's more, Bergman
didn't do any better, either.

You know, Solowitz,
if they can't get Vicki,

why don't we go into town
and find them a hooker.

It's a good idea, Newburg.

Oh, look at the size of that.

I was reading this book
and I keep wondering...

(GROANING IN RISING PANIC)

You know it's always been
very, very embarrassing
to me, you know?

(GRUNTING SOFTLY)

(WHISPERING)
Kavell? What the fuck
are you doing here?

What am I doing here?
Yeah, what are you
doing here?

I think the question is,
what are you doing here?

Why don't you ever
leave us alone?

I happen to have
a private appointment
with this girl.

Is that all right?
Oh, really?

Yeah, really. Yeah.
An appointment?

Don't you understand that
she hates you and happens
to find me enchanting?

Enchanting?
Yes.

She happens
to find you
obnoxious.

Obnox...

What do you think
you're doing with
that sweatshirt?

I'm gonna show her
something she's wanted
to see for a long time.

Oh, really?
Yeah.

What, she got
a magnifying glass
under there?

Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna show her
something for real.

Oh, yeah? She'd need
an electron microscope
and a pair of tweezers...

Let's see what you got.
What are
you guys doing here?

You stay outta this.
Just keep quiet. Okay?

This is my night!
It's not your night.

Oh, please.

What the hell are you
doing in here?

(GIRLS CLAMORING)

GIRL 1: Hey, what
are you doing here?
GIRL 2: Jesus! Asshole!

(GIRLS CLAMORING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi. No thanks, really.
I'm fine, really.

Thank you, sir.
I'm fine.
I'm fine, really.

Very fine. Can't believe
how fine I am.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Are you a hooker?

(HIGH-PITCHED LAUGH)

(GASPING)

(BURPS)

(EXCLAIMING)

(MAN LAUGHING)

(SHOUTING DRUNKENLY)
Where are the hookers?

I've gotta go potty.

If they are not
gonna grow up

we're gonna have to go
and teach them a lesson.

That's right.

(ALL CLAMORING)

We're just gonna have to
give them a dose of their
own medicine, right?

(ALL SHOUTING AGREEMENT)

ALL: Yeah!

You know, Bergman,
we really screwed up
this time.

Yeah, but
you know what?
What?

I don't give a shit.
(CHUCKLES)
Neither do I.

Hey, you know
if she choose Batshit,

it's obvious that
she does not recognize

true greatness,
and sexuality,
and beauty.

You know,
for once you're right.
Thank you.

We're too
good for her.
Thank you.

(SCREAMING)

Fuck her!

Ninety-nine.
Fourteen once.

Hey, what are you guys
doing up so early
or so late?

Hey. We're
celebrating.

Celebrating what?

Uh...
Uh...

I don't know.

Independence.

Wait.

Are you all right?
Are you a hooker?

(SIGHS)

(BOYS YELLING DRUNKENLY)

(FIREWORKS WHISTLING)

(HOOKER SCREAMING)

(FIREWORKS WHISTLING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(FIREWORKS WHISTLING)

To war!

Come on, you guys,
get outta bed.
Come on, move it!

Come on,
we gotta get started!

(GRUNTING)

(HUMMING PATRIOTIC MUSIC)

Zero-hour is approaching.
The enemy will not survive.
What's the matter with you?

Let's get cracking!
Are you a man or a pussy?

No guts, no glory.

STEINBERG: ...or it's
back to Bataan!

Get those dildos for me.

Bergman!

(GASPS) Shit!

Get them in the balls!
Grab them!

(GIRLS YELLING)

You over there,
get up and dance!

There seems to be
some kind of party
going on here.

What? What now, baby?
You going on a short?

Oh, you
traitorous bitch!

(EXCLAIMING)

Armageddon!

Well, it's a conventional
war they want?

It's a conventional war
they get!

(BELLOWING FIERCELY)

I shall return!

Oh!

Mama, Mama, Mama!
Oh, fuck!

Back! Back! Back!

That's it, yeah.
Boom!

Come here!
Where are you,
you rat bastard?

Come here, you hit me,
now, come here.
I'll show you.

(CHOKING)

Huh? What are you
gonna do now?

All right? All right?
Come here!

I got you.
I got you. I...

(FANFARE MUSIC PLAYING)

Geronimo!

(SCREAMING)

Ow!

Oh, I'm sorry.
Ay, ay, ay, ay.

Ay, ay, ay.
You okay? I'm sorry.

What's the matter with you?
You crazy or something?

I said I was sorry!
You big ass!

You know I could
get killed like that!

I'm sorry!
I said I'm sorry!

You know how much
my father paid for this?

What are you doing?
I gotta... Let me down!

(SHRIEKING)
What are you doing?
What are you doing?

You're mother's a pixie!

You don't know
how to play nice.

You gotta play rough.
You gotta be an animal.

(SCREAMING)

Oh, my God!
I'm getting my period!

Blast the thing!

(HUMMING PATRIOTIC MUSIC)

Ooh!

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

Rope? Rope? Rope?

Bondage! Yes!

I noticed you
from across the room
back there.

I was just wondering,
you're not from this
neighborhood, are you?

I was wondering,
maybe sometime
we could have dinner.

Yeah.
You know,
I'm a nice guy,

and I'm very sensitive.

Yeah! Yeah!
Remember the Alamo!

Oh, yes.

(MOANING)

Oh, God.

I'm gonna miss you, man.
I'm gonna miss you,
I'm telling you.

My child.

Take care of yourself.

What about
the next two weeks?

That's Walrus' problem.

(LAUGHING)

Walrus!

Mr. Wallman,
I've been selected as
a spokesman for the waiters.

And we hereby
wish you to know

that we think
that you're fat and ugly.

And we think your wife
is fat and ugly.

And we think
this camp sucks,

and we quit!

And we hereby voluntarily
give up our wages in fines.

So take a fucking hike!

(ALL YELLING)

Bye!

What the hell
is it, Federman?

For Christ's sake.
I can't describe it.

What do you mean
you can't describe it?

For Christ's sake,
give me a hint
or something!

You'll have to see it
for yourself.

Well, God damn it,
it better be good.

(SCREAM BUILDING)

(SCREAMING)

* Somebody's getting you down

* Well, you know
it's just a phase, girl

* Get up your Saturday night

* Well, you know
you'll be all right, girl

* Well, you don't know
what you're doing without

* Let me show you
what I'm talking about

* I see the boys on the block

* And they ask me
where you're at, girl

* I say you're
wasting your time

* Better get on up
to bat, girl

* Well, you don't know
what you're talking about

* And I don't know
but we'll figure it out

* I keep on saying
Hello, hello, hello

* Come on and step in my ride

* We'll go downtown
and get away

* Hello, hello, hello
we're gonna make it all right

* Hey, girl
You've got to, anyway

* He gives you
all of his lines

* Makes you think
he's some big actor

* Meanwhile he's
running around

* And you know
just what he's after

* Well, he don't know
what you're really about

* Let him go
And let him figure it out

* Don't waste your time
by the phone

* Come on, grab your shoes
and hat, girl

* Go show the boys
on the block

* Just exactly
where you're at, girl

* Well, you don't show
what you're thinking about

* Well, girl, you know
that it's gonna work out

* And I keep saying
Hello, hello, hello

* Come on and step in my ride

* We'll go downtown
and get away

* Hello, hello, hello
we're gonna make it all right

* Hey, girl
we've got to, anyway

* Hello, hello, hello

* Come on and step in my ride

* We'll go downtown
and get away *