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1
00:00:01,042 --> 00:00:03,502
♪ Kick it down hard, Crash and Bern ♪
2
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:05,337
-Hi, mom.
-Hey.
3
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:09,014
Hey, be a good kid and take this down
to the trash for me.
4
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,552
Sure. Be a good mom,
and give me 200 dollars.
5
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:15,425
Nice try.
Let me know if that ever works for you.
6
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:19,601
Me and Crash want to get tickets
for next Saturday's big wrestling match.
7
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,306
It's the once-in-a-lifetime showdown
between evil Bob Johnson
8
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,187
and the other Bob Johnson.
9
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:28,320
I thought last month was
the once-in-a-lifetime showdown.
10
00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:31,663
[sighs] No, mom. That was the showdown
to end all showdowns.
11
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,450
You really need to learn about sports.
12
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:37,794
Bernstein, Bernstein,
I figured out a way to earn money.
13
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:42,041
We simply use our brains and quick wits
to get stinking rich.
14
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,745
I don't know if brains and wits
are your strong points,
15
00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:46,206
but you're really good at stinking.
16
00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:50,715
Mrs. B., I got it all worked out.
It's foolproof.
17
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,260
All we need is a time machine.
18
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,058
What a coincidence.
We just got a time machine.
19
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,890
[gasps] Me first!
I'm gonna go back in time!
20
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:04,364
[Crash grunts]
21
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,269
[gasps]
22
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,074
Who are you?
23
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,780
Hello, I am the prophet Nostradamus.
24
00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:16,905
I predict in the future a kid named Wyatt
will have a time machine
25
00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:18,703
and a very gullible friend.
26
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,827
[gasps] I know Wyatt!
27
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,375
[Crash grunts]
28
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:32,797
Aah, Bernstein, Bernstein, it worked!
I met a guy named Nostril Thomas.
29
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:36,221
And now I'm going to the future.
30
00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,354
-[Crash grunts]
-I got this one.
31
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:41,689
Aah!
32
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,978
-Are you the one they call Crash?
-[gasps] Yes!
33
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,862
-Planet Earth is going to explode.
-Mm-hmm.
34
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,941
-And you're the only one who can save it.
-Mm-hmm.
35
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:53,656
You must return to your own time
and obey the one they call Mrs. B.
36
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,664
Got it.
37
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,740
[Crash grunts]
38
00:01:58,576 --> 00:01:59,986
[groaning]
39
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:03,368
-How was the future?
-[groans] Not good.
40
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:04,996
The Earth's gonna explode
41
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,923
and there's absolutely
nothing I can do to save it.
42
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:14,175
♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪
43
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,303
♪ Yo, I'ma let you finish ♪
44
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,096
-♪ But ding-dong ♪
-♪ Who's that? ♪
45
00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:19,259
♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪
46
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,927
♪ Don't wait for you to openKick it down hard core ♪
47
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,227
♪ A purple with a 'tudeWhere your mom hide the food? ♪
48
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:27,110
-♪ In the fridge ♪
-♪ I'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude
49
00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,438
♪ No make-up or feelingsTea parties or dolls ♪
50
00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:30,694
♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪
51
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:32,025
-♪ And face slams ♪
-♪ Good call ♪
52
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,320
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
53
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,573
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
54
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,034
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
55
00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:36,954
♪ What he said ♪
56
00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,372
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
57
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:39,700
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
58
00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,124
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
59
00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:42,162
♪ What he said ♪
60
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,455
♪ It's war against awesomeBut awesome's gotta soar ♪
61
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:47,129
-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪
-♪ That's what friends are for ♪
62
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,498
♪ Crash and BernsteinCrash and Bernstein ♪
63
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:51,166
-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪
-♪ I said "Stein" ♪
64
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,014
♪ What he said ♪
65
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,177
[chuckles]
66
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,805
Watch the place while I go to lunch,
and you can keep the tips.
67
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,180
I'm just gonna grab a salad.
68
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:09,982
Oh, who am I kidding?
A mac and cheese hoagie is not a salad.
69
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,904
All right, remember
we're working for tips.
70
00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,736
Be sure to get the customers
what they want.
71
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,111
Got it.
72
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,908
What do you want?
73
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,535
Cheapskate didn't even tip.
74
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:26,329
Can I go first? I'm a mother.
75
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,714
Decaf green tea with soy milk.
76
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:33,213
Eww! Gross!
77
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:35,546
[groans and gargles in disgust]
78
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,762
[mimics vomiting]
79
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:42,852
Oh, green--ugh! Soy--blah!
80
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,311
Coming right up.
81
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,976
Decaf green tea with soy milk,
excellent choice.
82
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,482
Thank you.
83
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:54,983
Oh, you're a nice lady.
I wonder why people don't like you.
84
00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:57,030
People like me.
85
00:03:57,987 --> 00:03:59,697
Maybe it's your hair.
86
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:02,991
Have you ever thought
about something stylish?
87
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:10,536
-What's up with her? Am I right?
-Yeah.
88
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,165
-Hey, Andy.
-Hey.
89
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,592
Oh, Crash, this is Andy.
He's my mom's boss.
90
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,221
Oh, thank you so much
91
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:20,218
for all the lovely office supplies
she brings home.
92
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,434
Crash!
93
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,022
And by the way,
you got to get better toilet paper.
94
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,598
We had to start buying our own.
95
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,555
Uh, I'll get on it.
96
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,604
You're wearing a suit.
You must be smart.
97
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,898
-Want some investment advice?
-No.
98
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,942
Always invest in hard workers.
99
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,397
Actually that's not bad.
100
00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:41,776
Like ants.
They're the hardest workers of all.
101
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:46,454
-Your friend's kind of a dope, isn't he?
-Well, once you get to know him...
102
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,906
[muffled] Look at me! I'm a tip!
103
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,785
Yeah, kind of.
104
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:55,587
Tip. Tip. Tip, tip, tip.
Tip, tip, tip-- Whoop.
105
00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,546
Your assignment last week
106
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,012
was to find an a-list
celebrity spokesperson for...
107
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,755
[whispers] ...Cleo. Shelby?
108
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,560
Claire?
109
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,519
You all disappoint me.
110
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,232
You told us this was a sleepover.
111
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,765
Why are we wearing name tags?
112
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:19,357
It is exactly that attitude
why this company isn't called...
113
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:20,744
[whispers] ...Shelby.
114
00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:23,623
I'm calling my mom to pick me up.
115
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:29,412
More girls? Where are they getting in?
116
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,825
What is that?
117
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:35,836
That's Crash.
Never mind him. He's ignorant.
118
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:40,629
I am not!
I don't even know what that means!
119
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,216
Whoo. Time machine.
120
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:45,551
Year 3000, here I come.
121
00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:49,018
[Crash grunts]
122
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,059
Ah, ha ha!
123
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,942
Whoa. How long is this meeting gonna last?
124
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:56,984
[whispers] Forever.
125
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,193
You're on thin ice, Shelby.
126
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,401
I like you, Shelby.
127
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:09,909
Newspaper! Newspaper! Newspaper!
Get your newspaper!
128
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:11,254
It's just like the Internet
129
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:15,579
except no videos, music,
or any other fun stuff!
130
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,460
Crash, I have to thank you.
131
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,755
I got a new hairstyle
and my whole life changed.
132
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,629
My boss made eye contact
with me in the break room,
133
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,257
and our cat finally passed
the extra house key.
134
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,353
I told you.
135
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,890
Now all you have to do
is lose that ugly sweater.
136
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:33,269
My mother gave me this sweater.
137
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,521
Does she like you?
138
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:37,693
No.
139
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,194
You are brilliant.
140
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,946
-Hey, did you hear that? I'm brilliant.
-You don't have to tell me.
141
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:49,992
Had I listened to you about ants,
I'd be rich.
142
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:57,035
[gasps] The rug store
is going out of business?
143
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,035
No, you're gasping about the wrong thing.
144
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:02,167
It's a story about how ants
cure gum disease.
145
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,875
-You obviously know things, my friend.
-I do?
146
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:06,547
We're friends?
147
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:11,098
That kind of original thinking
deserves a nice fat tip.
148
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,021
Whoo.
149
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,557
You really do give good advice.
Do you have any more?
150
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,403
Donuts.
151
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,649
Excuse me?
152
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:25,025
Put your money in donuts.
153
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,701
That's where I have all mine.
154
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,620
-Really?
-Mm-hmm.
155
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:36,369
They really make excellent money clips.
And I keep my change here.
156
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,670
Thank you very much.
157
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:47,091
Are all these people here
to talk to Crash?
158
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:49,965
Yeah. For some reason,
they think he gives good advice.
159
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,723
Our Crash? Purple?
160
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,255
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-Yay, tall?
161
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:55,728
Keeps asking the fire hydrant
to go to the movies with him?
162
00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,556
You'll see. He's a genius.
163
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:04,727
His simplicity cuts through
all that mumbo jumbo and gobbledygook.
164
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,698
And you know how much
I despise gobbledy... and gook.
165
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:13,365
As I was saying,
the best babysitter is an actual baby,
166
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:16,789
because only they can speak baby.
167
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:22,131
And quit babying your baby.
Buy your baby a motorcycle.
168
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,762
Okay, that is horrible advice.
169
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,554
No, he makes perfect sense.
170
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,684
We are all children
and the world is our motorcycle.
171
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:34,764
We have to ride.
172
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:37,813
Are you serious?
173
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:41,734
Is there any way I can get up
to the front near Crash?
174
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,653
I think I can make that happen.
175
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,740
I'm sorry, did you say front or middle?
176
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:53,242
Step aside, folks. Paying customer.
177
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:57,998
So I did a really nice thing
178
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,249
and appointed my friends
to my board of directors.
179
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:03,671
Now they say I'm too bossy
and refuse to listen to anyone else.
180
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:06,592
-Well, sweetie--
-Shh! Mom, I'm talking.
181
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,968
Cleo, that's not the way
to run an organization.
182
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,551
I mean, Andy is my boss,
183
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:15,675
and he consults me
on every financial decision.
184
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:21,192
Wait, what?
He invested 100,000 dollars in donuts?
185
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,095
[sighs]
186
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:26,609
[laughs] Yeah.
187
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:30,241
Another day like today, and we can afford
front row seats for wrestling.
188
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,570
You know, if you catch a tooth,
you get to keep it.
189
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:37,790
Wait. How'd you guys make all that
working at Roland's newsstand?
190
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:41,619
-People give us money because I'm smart.
-Right.
191
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:45,462
-It's true.
-Will you cut me in on the action?
192
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:48,254
Let me say this
in a way you'll understand.
193
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,255
[whispers] No.
194
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:56,218
Hey, Bernstein, now that I'm smart,
I should have a smarter-sounding name.
195
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:59,814
Sorry,
Wyatt Bernstein's already taken. [laughs]
196
00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:02,271
-[laughing]
-I don't get it.
197
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:07,355
No, no, no, no, no. I was thinking
something really smart like...
198
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:12,029
...Crashy McSmartypants.
It's got "smart" right in it.
199
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:15,622
-And "pants."
-Aww, yeah!
200
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:18,619
I didn't even realize that. Bonus!
201
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:23,747
-Andy's not answering his phone.
-Yeah, I told him to throw it away.
202
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,542
-Why on Earth would he listen to you?
-Lots of people are.
203
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,296
Crash just says his Crash stuff
and people hear what they want to hear.
204
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,839
Sometimes I hear music in my eyes.
205
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:37,215
Seriously?
My boss is getting advice from this joker?
206
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,563
Today I told him to wear orange
and deodorant.
207
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:44,767
Maybe someone should start listening
to their own advice.
208
00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:49,728
[sniffs, coughs and shudders]
209
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,401
[people clamoring]
210
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,606
Minions, minions, minions,
211
00:10:55,697 --> 00:11:00,237
if at first you don't succeed,
you are a loser.
212
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,536
-[laughs]
-[Andy] Mel, over here.
213
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,621
What do you think of my new coat?
214
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,838
-Very few people can pull off orange.
-Thank you.
215
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:10,999
You're not one of them.
216
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,471
Look, that's not what I came here to say.
217
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,844
You see, Crash is--
218
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:17,298
He's a--
219
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,139
He's a dum-dum.
220
00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:23,475
So I guess that makes me a dum-dum
for listening to him?
221
00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:25,518
Is that what you're saying, Mel?
222
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:29,056
-Go ahead. Say it. Say it!
-Aah!
223
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,817
"Andy's a dum-dum!"
224
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:35,318
I'll have you know,
my donut king stock has doubled.
225
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,449
So has my cholesterol,
but that's a small price to pay.
226
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:42,662
Never underestimate
the power of fried dough.
227
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,873
Winston Churchill said that.
228
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:49,044
-No, he didn't.
-Maybe it was Crash.
229
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,842
Someone great said it.
230
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:54,085
-[cheering]
-Thank you. Thank you.
231
00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:56,757
Thank you very much.
232
00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:58,586
[whispers] Wyatt.
233
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,345
You need to put a stop to this.
234
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:05,139
Andy's investing the company's money
based on Crash's stupid advice.
235
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,305
And that's the company
that pays my salary.
236
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,564
Mom, you're overreacting.
237
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:13,016
These are grown-ups.
No one is taking it too seriously.
238
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:15,858
Is he here today? Is he here today?
239
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:19,244
He's here today! Wow!
240
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:24,699
All right, everyone. Grab some scissors.
We're going for a run.
241
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,036
-[cheering]
-Yeah!
242
00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:30,041
-Do you have any scissors?
-Come on, Gretchen, that's really dumb.
243
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:34,545
-Crash is a genius. He really is.
-He really isn't.
244
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:37,339
Do you remember that story of the emperor
who had no clothes,
245
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,594
and how nobody noticed except
the little boy? Well, I'm the little boy.
246
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,683
Maybe Crash can help you with that.
247
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:50,647
I am the emperor!
I am the emperor! Whoo!
248
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,559
Yes, you are!
249
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:54,817
Whoo!
250
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:02,066
-So, this is where it all started?
-Sure is, Gloria.
251
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:05,947
It doesn't look like much,
but that's because it isn't.
252
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,156
This is
where the great Crashy McSmartypants
253
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,877
learned to read and write and count.
254
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:15,208
Those four things
are the basis for my genius.
255
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,223
-Crash, what's going on?
-We're on the news.
256
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,469
You must be Mrs. McSmartypants.
257
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,295
No. No.
258
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:29,482
Um, she gets emotional
when she talks about me.
259
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,899
I'm her favorite.
260
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,898
Well, I can understand why.
261
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,900
Portland hasn't been
this excited about a story
262
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,112
since that dog raised a baby tiger.
263
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:40,153
Hopefully this will have a better ending.
264
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:43,195
I don't know. That was one happy tiger.
265
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:48,498
So what do you think is the secret
to your success?
266
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:51,748
Oh, I don't think.
Never have. Don't touch the stuff.
267
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,001
You can read all about it
in my new book.
268
00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,758
Ah, there you go.
269
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:02,843
Ah...
270
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:07,600
"To Gretchen, keep not thinking.
271
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,351
Crashy McSmartypants."
272
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:11,814
Thank you.
273
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:13,516
[sighs]
274
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:17,729
Wait, there's nothing in here.
The pages are completely blank.
275
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,396
Genius, right?
276
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:21,952
I guess.
277
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:26,914
Oh, you know, it really is. So simple.
278
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:30,501
-So basic. So profound.
-So Crash.
279
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,038
So... Next!
280
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:36,957
I got to hand it to you.
281
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,253
Not everyone could sell
a book with no words in it.
282
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:42,047
It's fun being a genius.
You should try it sometime.
283
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,934
All right, we got enough
for wrestling tickets.
284
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:48,220
Let's quit now before your adoring fans
turn into an angry mob.
285
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,474
Why would they do that?
286
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:52,306
Well, when they find out
you're not really a genius.
287
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,352
Of course I'm a genius.
288
00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:55,726
If I wasn't a genius,
289
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:59,362
would dozens of people quit their jobs
just because I told them to?
290
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:03,950
You told the people to quit their jobs?
That is really bad advice.
291
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:07,069
It's all part of the plan.
I explain everything in my book.
292
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:09,737
You explain nothing in your book.
293
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:13,829
-How are these people gonna make a living?
-I don't know.
294
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,543
But if they write a book
with no words in it, I'll sue 'em.
295
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:23,008
♪ Let me hear you say Crash ♪
296
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,891
Forgive my circumlocution,
297
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:30,428
but it is idiosyncratic
for a genius such as myself
298
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,933
to gasconade his excogitation.
299
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,139
What does that mean?
300
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:38,436
[scoffs] Indubitably us
perspicacious sesquipedalians
301
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,321
lose simpletons like you.
302
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,276
Where did you learn all those big words?
303
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,070
I bought a really big word
of the day calendar...
304
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:47,820
...and I ate it.
305
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:52,036
Crash, buddy, I saw you on the news.
306
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,078
How would you like
to be the new face of...
307
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:55,664
[whispers] ...Cleo?
308
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:58,247
-Awesome! What's in it for me?
-What do you want?
309
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:01,963
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'll do the negotiating.
310
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:03,375
-I'll give you a pickle.
-Deal.
311
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,303
-No-- Wait.
-A pickle.
312
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:09,295
[chanting] Crashy! Crashy! Crashy!
313
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:12,056
Would it kill you people
to buy a magazine?
314
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,928
Or a scone? Just a scone.
315
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,694
This is my business.
316
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:20,399
-Aha!
-[cheering]
317
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,770
[whooping]
318
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:25,567
-When do we think?
-[all] Never!
319
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,862
When do we do it?
320
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:28,532
[all] Huh?
321
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:30,781
Wow.
322
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:35,195
He really makes you think.
Oh! I've got to stop doing that.
323
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,746
I like your skin.
324
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,002
You should use a new moisturizer from...
325
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,214
[whispers] ...Cleo.
326
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:43,463
I've never heard of it.
327
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:44,835
[whistles]
328
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,631
Oh, hold on, everyone.
I got to earn my pickle.
329
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:48,716
[clears throat]
330
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:53,354
"Confidence, Lackadaisicalness, Energy...
331
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,560
[whispers] ...Cleo."
332
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,850
-He forgot the "o."
-I'll take a case!
333
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:58,944
Who needs an "o"?
334
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:02,515
Best pickle I ever spent.
335
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:06,275
Watch the genius. Whoo!
336
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:11,952
Whoa. Cold hands.
Watch the hair. Watch the hair.
337
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:15,042
Whoa!
338
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:18,998
You guys are good at this.
Do you guys practice? Whoa-ho-ho.
339
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,080
Looks like Crash is having fun.
340
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,916
[snickering]
341
00:17:24,002 --> 00:17:26,842
Yeah, I just hope he can handle it
when this all goes away.
342
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:31,221
Whoo! Hello. Hey, that's my wallet.
Thank you. Hey. Ha ha!
343
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:33,721
Really like to have my newsstand back.
344
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,563
Any idea when this will all be over?
345
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:37,676
It's hard to say.
346
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:41,687
Who wants to go in the time machine?
347
00:17:42,771 --> 00:17:44,901
I take it back. I give it five minutes.
348
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:51,452
Come with me to the future!
349
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:56,409
-Is it just a box?
-It can't be, right?
350
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,535
The technology must be inside.
351
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:01,922
Who wants to go first?
352
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,544
Ah, excellent.
353
00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:10,088
Now, if you see me in the future,
pretend you don't know me.
354
00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:12,263
A lot of heavy stuff
has gone down since today.
355
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:14,642
Heavy stuff. Can't explain.
356
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,806
[crowd oohs]
357
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:20,600
Do you think something is gonna happen?
358
00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:23,144
Do you think
you could buy yourself a scone?
359
00:18:25,897 --> 00:18:27,857
It's just a box.
360
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:30,105
-[crowd murmurs]
-Now, wait, hold on.
361
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:31,903
You're doing it wrong.
Here, let me show you.
362
00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:38,663
Future, here I come! [grunts]
363
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:45,251
[makes futuristic whirling sounds]
364
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,746
Ta-da!
365
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:51,633
Oh, no. He really is a dum-dum.
366
00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:56,014
I don't like saying "I told you so,"
but I told you so.
367
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,177
Actually, I liked saying
that more than I thought I would.
368
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,595
I have to make a call.
369
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:06,725
I need to stop a big investment
in bubble wrap underwear.
370
00:19:07,439 --> 00:19:09,229
It made so much sense at the time.
371
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,476
[bubble wrap pops]
372
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,411
[popping slows]
373
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,529
[rapid popping]
374
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:21,536
-You're a fraud!
-[all] Yeah!
375
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,619
I quit my job because of you!
376
00:19:24,581 --> 00:19:26,791
Thank you. Someone read my book.
377
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:29,087
Not now, Crash.
378
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:33,969
Leave him alone. This isn't Crash's fault.
He never asked you to follow him.
379
00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:37,139
He was just being himself and you believed
what you wanted to believe.
380
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,258
Yeah!
381
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:41,557
Hey, thanks for sticking up for me.
382
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,979
I should have listened to you
and quit while we were ahead.
383
00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:48,519
-That's cool. I'm there for you, buddy.
-And I'll always be there for you.
384
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:51,105
-You took our money!
-Yeah, you took our money!
385
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:54,105
-Crash.
-Hey, let's get him.
386
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:56,533
Oh, no.
387
00:19:57,572 --> 00:20:00,872
-Yeah!
-[angry murmuring]
388
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:04,580
Ha ha.
389
00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:09,291
I've got to say, Crash, I doubted you,
390
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:14,008
-but you've got some smarts.
-[muffled] Yeah, it's all up here.
391
00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:23,683
[solemnly] Hey, Mrs. B.
392
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:26,845
Hi, Crash. What's the matter?
393
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,435
I wish I was smart.
394
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:32,318
I can't believe I really thought
that box was a time machine.
395
00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:34,482
[sighs] But lesson learned.
396
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:38,607
From this day forward,
I am not gonna be gullible anymore.
397
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:41,027
Well, don't feel bad.
Look, you see this?
398
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:46,003
Wyatt used to think that his baby blanket
was an invisibility cloak.
399
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,289
[gasps] A real one?
400
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:52,003
I'm invisible!
401
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:55,455
Whoo! Where am I, Mrs. B.?
402
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:59,217
Am I here? Or am I here?
403
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:02,014
Ha-ha! You can't see me!
404
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,600
[grunts] Uh, Mrs. B.
405
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:10,314
-Who's that?
-It's me. Crash.
406
00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,305
-Crash?
-Yeah, hi.
407
00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:15,857
Huh, I can-- I can hear you,
but I can't see you.
408
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,152
I'm right here, Mrs. B.
409
00:21:18,153 --> 00:21:20,703
Oh, well,
I guess I must be hearing things.
410
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,660
-No, you're hearing me.
-That's too bad.
411
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:25,041
-Come on.
-I need a nap.
412
00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:26,448
No-- [stammering]
413
00:21:28,747 --> 00:21:30,747
Could really use
that time machine right about now.
414
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:36,303
♪ Crash and Bern, hard core ♪
415
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:38,719
♪ Bass, bass ♪
416
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:44,006
♪ What ♪
417
00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:48,729
♪ That's what friends are for ♪
418
00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:49,888
♪ Crash and Bern ♪
419
00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:51,226
♪ Tear it up, dude ♪
420
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,770
♪ Good call ♪
421
00:21:53,855 --> 00:21:55,645
♪ Crash and BernCrash and Bern ♪
422
00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:58,612
-♪ I said, "Stein" ♪
-♪ What he said ♪
32192
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