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[transition sound]
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[Wyatt] What's with the mask?
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[Crash] Oh, I'm doing a research
on a report for the roman umpire.
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00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:16,639
[Wyatt] I appreciate the help,
but it's called the Roman empire.
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[Crash] Hey, I make the calls here!
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Now get back to your dugout
before I throw you out of the game.
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[Wyatt scoffs] You blew that call, ump.
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You know, you should open your eyes,
you're missing a great game.
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[Crash] Oh, that is it, pal.
Do not push me.
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00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,066
[Wyatt] This is a lot more fun
than doing homework.
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[Crash] You are darn right it is!
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[both roar, then laugh]
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[Crash] Yeah.
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[Wyatt] All right, Crash,
let's get to work on this project.
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We've put it off for a month
and it's due Thursday.
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[Crash]
Bernstein, relax. We'll get it done.
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We'll just go to the library,
take out some books, do a ton of research,
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then buckle down and focus on our work.
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[both together] Daaah! [laugh]
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[Wyatt]
Yeah, we aren't gonna do any of that.
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[Crash]
I don't even know where the library is.
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It's a place, right?
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00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,060
[thunder crashes]
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[Crash] Ooh, what's that?
25
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-[Wyatt] Lightning.
-[Crash] It's shiny.
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I want to stab it.
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[Wyatt] Crash, no! It's gonna stab you!
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[Crash]
Come on, lightning, show me what you got.
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[eletric shock]
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[babbling]
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[Wyatt] Are you okay?
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[Crass, Spanish accent] Of course.
El cocinero is afraid of nothing.
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You are looking at the most
fearless chef in all the world.
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I don't even look when I chop.
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[chops]
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[screams]
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I joke.
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El cocinero likes
to keep it light in the kitchen.
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[Wyatt] Nice accent, Crash.
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[Crash] Crash? Who is this Crash?
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Is he the one who stole
my secret gazpacho recipe?
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The secret is a poquito squeeze of lime.
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Oh, I said too much!
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[Wyatt]
Mom, does Crash seem weird to you?
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-[Mel] Yes.
-[Wyatt] You didn't even look at him.
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[Mel] Don't have to.
47
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♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪
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♪ Yo, I'ma let you finish ♪
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-♪ But ding-dong ♪
-♪ Who's that? ♪
50
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♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪
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♪ Don't wait for you to open ♪
♪ Kick it down hard core ♪
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♪ A purple with a 'tudeWhere your mom hide the food? ♪
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-♪ In the fridge ♪
-♪ I'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude
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♪ No makeup or feelingsTea parties or dolls ♪
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♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪
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- ♪ And face slams ♪
- ♪ Good call ♪
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♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
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♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
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♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
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♪ What he said ♪
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♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
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♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
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♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
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♪ What he said ♪
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♪ It's war against awesomeBut awesome's gotta soar ♪
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-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪
-♪ That's what friends are for ♪
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♪ Crash and BernsteinCrash and Bernstein ♪
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-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪
-♪ I said "Stein" ♪
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♪ What he said ♪
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[chuckles]
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♪ Crash and Bern! ♪
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[Crash] Gazpacho thief,
reveal yourself to el cocinero!
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[laughs]
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[Wyatt] Crash, this is getting old.
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[Crash] Old? I am not old.
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I am distinguished.
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Like a fine piece of manchego .
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It's a smelly cheese.
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I like to keep some in my pants
for times like this.
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Smell it.
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[laughs]
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-[thunder crashes]
-[magic sound]
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Bernstein, you're having
a smelly-cheese party
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and didn't invite me?
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[Wyatt] Good, so you're done
playing your little game?
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[Crash] What game? Did I win?
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[Mel] All right you two, come on,
It's time to wash up for dinner.
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[clears throat]
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[Mel] Oh.
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[Crash] What's for dinner?
I hope it's food.
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[Mel] I made my world-famous meatloaf.
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[Crash] Close enough.
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-[thunder crashes]
-[magic sound]
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[Crash] Allow me, señorita .
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[Mel] Thanks, Crash.
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Call me el cocinero.
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Do you like cheese?
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[gasps] Someone has absconded
with my trouser cheese.
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I bet it is the same scoundrel
who stole my recipe.
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[screams] Die-eee!
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♪ Crash! ♪
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[Mel] Okay, before the guys get in here,
let's have some girl talk.
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So what's going on?
Tell me everything.
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00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,011
[Amanda] Okay, there's a guy
at school named Sean.
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He's super cute, but he has shown
absolutely no interest in me.
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[Mel]
Sweetie, maybe you're just not his type.
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[Amanda]
I can't believe you're taking his side!
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[Mel] Cleo, what's new with you?
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[Cleo] I did market research
and found out that 10 of 10 people
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have never heard of... [whispers] Cleo.
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Maybe I should change my brand to...
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[shouts] Cleo!
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[Mel] All right, 0 for 2.
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Sweetie?
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-[Jasmine] I want a cat!
-[Mel shudders]
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Okay, I think we're good
for girl talk this month.
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Wyatt, Crash, hurry up!
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[Crash] Good evening, beautiful ladies.
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It is my pleasure to dine with you.
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[hacks, spits]
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What have my taste buds ever done to you?
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-[thunder crashes]
-[magic sound]
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[Crash] Ooh, dinner!
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Yup, tastes like food.
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You've done it again, Mrs. B.
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[Mel] Where's Wyatt?
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[Crash] Ah, he'll be here in a minute.
128
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,862
He's just looking something up
for our presentation on Ancient Rome.
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00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:21,453
-[Mel] How's it going?
-[Crash] Great! I'm helping.
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[Mel] Look, Crash, you guys
need to get a good grade on this.
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[Crash] What do you want us to do, Mrs. B?
132
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Not play video games
and go online and watch TV?
133
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:36,753
[Mel] What a great idea.
No gadgets until after the report is done!
134
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[Crash] What?! No! I was being sarcastic.
135
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That can't turn into a thing.
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00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,176
[Mel] Oh, it's a thing.
137
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Now hand them over.
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[Crash sighs deeply]
139
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-[Mel] Thank you.
-[Crash] Okay.
140
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,642
-[Mel clears throat]
-[Crash] What? That's all I have!
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00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,146
[groans]
142
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-[Crash] Mp3 thingy, texty thingy...
-[Mel] Oh!
143
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,229
-[Mel] Gah!
-[Crash] Monkey thingy...
144
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Toaster.
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[Wyatt] What? No gadgets at all?
146
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Nice job, Crash.
147
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:08,829
[Crash] It's not my fault.
148
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:11,200
That mom of yours is mad with power.
149
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,579
She's like a dictator
without the fancy uniform
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00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,077
or charisma.
151
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,586
But the joke's on her.
Look what I stole from the kitchen.
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00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,009
[Wyatt] What's that for?
153
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[Crash] Cabbage ball.
154
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,546
It's what the kids played
before video games.
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00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:29,182
[Wyatt] Wow, you've actually found
something less interesting than homework.
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Fortunately there's a lot
of information on Ancient Rome.
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Unfortunately it's all in books.
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-[loud crash]
-[magic sound]
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[Crash] Without my secret
Gazpacho recipe, I am nothing.
160
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Worse, I am dust on the boot of nothing!
161
00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:48,452
No, wait, I am the filthy bacteria
on the dust on the boot of nothing!
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00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,373
[Wyatt] Okay, what the heck is going on?
163
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:53,372
You've been acting all weird
ever since you went out on the roof and...
164
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,787
got hit by lightning.
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[Crash] The roof? Is that where
that scoundrel Crash is hiding?
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[Wyatt] No, don't go out there!
167
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At least put down the metal cleaver.
168
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,893
-[thunder crashes]
-[magic sound]
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He didn't put down the cleaver.
170
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[Crash] Hey, Bernstein.
171
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:17,271
[Wyatt] Crash, is that really you?
172
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,692
[Crash] Well, let's see. Am I purple?
173
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:20,983
Am I handsome?
174
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:24,566
Do I have a deck of playing cards
pinched between my butt cheeks?
175
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:26,948
Then it's me.
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Want to see a magic trick?
Go ahead, pick a card.
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00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:30,874
[Wyatt] I don't think so.
178
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[Crash] Oh right, I have to shuffle first.
179
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[shuffle sound]
180
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Ah!
181
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-[thunder crashes]
-[magic sound]
182
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[grunts] Nice cave.
183
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,303
Who you?
184
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:49,092
Actually, me no care.
Me club you now!
185
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,797
-[Crash roars]
-[Wyatt] What? No!
186
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,520
-[loud crash]
-[magic sound]
187
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:59,267
[Crash, southern accent]
Hello, I'm a southern millionaire
188
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,824
and I'm looking
for my next business venture.
189
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:05,068
Is there an oil field
or an N.F.L. Franchise for sale
190
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:06,031
in this apartment?
191
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,740
[Wyatt] How many of you are there?
192
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,412
-[thunder crashes]
-[magic sound]
193
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,701
[Crash] Meow.
194
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:16,446
Meow. Meow.
195
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,998
[Jasmine] Kitty!
196
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:19,670
Yay!
197
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:20,959
[magic sound]
198
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:22,916
[Crash growls]
199
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,173
[Jasmine] Not kitty.
200
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,384
[Crash growls]
201
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,467
[Crash] Uhhh.
202
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,349
[grunts]
203
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:36,813
[screams]
204
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:43,395
[Mel] Apparently whenever Crash
gets startled by a loud noise,
205
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,901
he switches personalities.
206
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,435
But don't worry, he's harmless.
207
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:51,907
[Cleo] Is that a drawing
of him hunting us?
208
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,950
[Crash laughs]
209
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,454
[Mel] Crash, that's my last good wall!
210
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,827
[cellphone beeps]
211
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,543
[Amanda] That must be Sean.
212
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,125
Ugh, it's Jennifer.
213
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:05,250
Does she really think I care
how her stupid operation went?
214
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,666
When will Sean text me back?
215
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,088
[Crash groans]
216
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,971
[Amanda] What's that supposed to mean?
217
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,353
[Crash sighs deeply]
218
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,519
Boy no like talk.
219
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,809
[Amanda] Even texting?
220
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,153
[Crash] No text, no talk.
221
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:23,899
Maybe grunt.
222
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,939
[grunts]
223
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:28,528
[grunts]
224
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,857
Maybe.
225
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,866
[Amanda] Well, I guess it's worth a try.
226
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,870
[Cleo]
You're taking advice from a caveman?
227
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,163
[frustrated grunt]
228
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,746
[Crash gasps] You wash mouth.
229
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,383
-[thunder crashes]
-[magic sound]
230
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,507
Howdy, little lady.
231
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,336
Did we meet last year
at the ruthless business leaders
232
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,635
of America conference?
233
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,048
[Cleo] I wish. I'm Cleo.
234
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,677
C.E.O. of...
235
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,218
[whispers] Cleo.
236
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:02,267
[Crash] Ah, I used to have
a whisper business myself.
237
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:05,312
We trained librarians until the bottom
fell out of the book market.
238
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,649
[Cleo] Well, maybe
you can give me some advice.
239
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,815
I can't seem to get
my business off the ground.
240
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,454
[Crash] Well, there's only thing
you need to know about making money:
241
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,531
find someone dumber than yourself
and sell them something.
242
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,411
[Cleo] Well, what about--
243
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,743
-[thunder crashes]
-[magic sound]
244
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,164
[Crash] Why are you staring at me?
245
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,997
[Cleo] Because you...
246
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,254
forgot to pay me
for that thing I sold you.
247
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:29,085
[Crash] Ooh, I love things.
248
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,100
[Crash]
I don't like the look of this place.
249
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,682
[Wyatt]
Relax, we're here to get you fixed.
250
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:46,516
[Crash] Oh no, I knew a dog who had
that done to him and he was not happy.
251
00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:48,519
Oh, whoa.
252
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,776
You're pretty banged up.
253
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:56,069
Oh, but don't worry. I've seen worse.
You're gonna be okay. Yeah.
254
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,115
[whispers] She's not gonna make it.
255
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:04,832
[doctor] Well, good news. The pretend
surgery fixed the pretend tummy ache.
256
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,247
Here's the real bill.
257
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,753
Uh, next patient, Crash.
258
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:16,681
Hi, I'm Dr. Eric,
chief of staff here at Bestie RX.
259
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,260
[Wyatt] Impressive.
Where's the rest of your staff?
260
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,886
[doctor] Oh, she's at the food court
getting me a cinnamon bun.
261
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,557
So what seems to be the problem?
262
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:28,483
[Wyatt] Crash got struck by lightning
and now when he hears loud noises,
263
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:29,725
he turns into different things,
264
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,614
like a chef, a cat, a caveman.
265
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,692
[Crash] That is not true, doc.
266
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,659
My problem is I'm exhausted.
267
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,199
And lately I've been
waking up in the morning
268
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,413
with weird stuff in my bed,
269
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:45,124
like cheese platters, squeaky toys.
270
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,996
Today there was Caribou carcass.
271
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:50,129
[doctor] Okay well,
there are two possibilities.
272
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:53,550
Either your buddy here is right
or you're pledging a fraternity.
273
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:58,054
Let me go ahead and do a quick exam.
Say "ah" for me.
274
00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,144
[Crash] Ah for me.
275
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,604
[doctor] Well, the smart-aleck
function's still working properly.
276
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:03,811
So that's good news.
277
00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:08,024
[Crash] Whoa whoa whoa.
Cold hand, cold hand, cold hands.
278
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:10,863
[doctor] My best guess
is the lightning fried his circuit.
279
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:12,769
[Crash] Lightning fried your circuit.
280
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,145
[doctor] I'll go ahead
and order you a new chip.
281
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:20,446
Put it in as soon as you get it
to prevent any lasting damage.
282
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,159
[Wyatt] Lasting damage?
283
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,333
What could happen? Is it serious?
284
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:27,156
[doctor]
Listen, kid, I'm gonna be honest with you.
285
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,584
I'm not a real doctor.
286
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,886
[Jasmine] I like you, cat Crash.
287
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,603
You're my new best friend.
288
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,725
[Mel] Well, Jasmine,
I'm glad you finally got your kitty cat.
289
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,770
Although we may have to get him declawed.
290
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,525
[Jasmine] I'm bored of him now. Bye.
291
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,446
[Mel] Well, you are kind of adorable.
292
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:06,159
-[Mel giggles]
-[Crash] Meow. Meow. Meow.
293
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,285
[Mel giggles]
294
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,547
[Crash] Meow.
295
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,627
Meow.
296
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:22,085
-[Mel] Aww, this is nice.
-[Crash] Meow.
297
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,763
[Mel] Aww.
298
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:27,926
Ugh, you're shedding all over...
299
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,558
This is the grossest thing about cats.
300
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,652
[hacks]
301
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,863
[Mel] Except for that.
302
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,122
[Wyatt] Okay, Crash, let's focus.
303
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:49,082
Our project is tomorrow.
304
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:50,962
[Crash] Totally focused.
305
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:52,374
What project?
306
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,094
[Amanda] This just came for you.
307
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,129
[Wyatt] Oh good. It's Crash's chip.
308
00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:01,133
[Amanda] Wait, don't fix him yet.
I need caveman Crash.
309
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:05,926
Sean just asked me out, but I don't know
whether to say uh, or uh-uh.
310
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:10,848
No! The Bestie doctor said
these personality changes
311
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:12,394
could cause permanent damage.
312
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,609
I've got to get that chip
into him right away.
313
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,769
[Amanda screams] Boom!
314
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,147
Darn it.
315
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:20,864
-[door slams]
-[magic sound]
316
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,445
[Wyatt] Oh no.
317
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,869
[Crash] I am Maximus.
318
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:30,449
The greatest gladiator
to ever walk this earth.
319
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,003
[Wyatt] Wait, now you're a gladiator?
320
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,711
[Crash] Affirmative.
321
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,253
[Wyatt] From Ancient Rome?
322
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,626
[Crash] Well, we just call it...
323
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,052
Rome.
324
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,430
[Wyatt] No way!
325
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:47,640
[Crash] If you need proof,
here is my chariot license.
326
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:50,974
It is not my best picture.
I had helmet hair!
327
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,272
Stand back!
328
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,814
A beast in the Coliseum.
329
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,396
[screams]
330
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,395
[Wyatt]
I think this can wait one more day.
331
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:06,605
Hey, Maximus. How would you like to go
to school with me tomorrow?
332
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,328
[Crash] At your service, my liege.
333
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:18,208
[Wyatt] Okay, Maximus, tomorrow
is a big day. I need you to get some rest.
334
00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,503
[Crash] Yes, my liege.
335
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:20,917
[Cleo] Crash!
336
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,424
[Wyatt] Uh-oh. The enemy is coming.
337
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,215
She'll want to turn you into someone else.
338
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:25,469
Here, put these on.
339
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:30,718
[Crash] People are talking and rhyming.
340
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:31,887
Interesting.
341
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,635
[Wyatt] Yeah, it's called hip hop.
342
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:37,854
[Cleo] Where's southern millionaire?
343
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,517
[Wyatt] I don't know where Crash is.
He's not here. Get out.
344
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:43,147
[Crash]
♪ All the ladies go hey... ♪
345
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,316
-[Cleo] That was Crash.
-[Wyatt] No, it wasn't.
346
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,735
[Crash]
♪ All the fellas go what, what? ♪
347
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:56,288
My liege, the anger in this music
has readied me for battle.
348
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,883
[Wyatt] Oh, why don't you leave those on?
349
00:15:58,958 --> 00:15:59,958
[Crash] Oh good.
350
00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,625
I was listening
to the most fascinating story
351
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:06,092
about a booty that would not stop shaking.
352
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:08,840
Holla.
353
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:13,683
[applause]
354
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:15,055
[teacher] Thank you, Pesto.
355
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:17,691
Although next time we'd all
appreciate a little heads up
356
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:20,189
before Mount Vesuvius
has a ketchup eruption.
357
00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:26,358
Hmm, there goes my Thursday outfit.
358
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,946
[Pesto]
I like what you wear on Tuesdays better.
359
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:32,080
[teather] Yes, I know, Pesto.
I got your notes.
360
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:37,286
Okay, next up is Wyatt and Crash.
361
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:40,082
This ought to be... something.
362
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:44,459
[Wyatt] There were many
awesome things about the Roman Empire:
363
00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:49,676
chariots, volcanoes,
entire rooms devoted to vomit,
364
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,183
but the greatest of all was this.
365
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,644
[Crash screams]
366
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,980
I am Maximus Octavius.
367
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:04,982
I was born in the year
of the four emperors
368
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:09,738
and fought in the battles
of Messana and Agrigentum.
369
00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:11,531
[teacher] Agrigentum?
370
00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,204
That isn't a real place.
371
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:16,584
Oh, what do you know? It is.
372
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:22,670
[Crash] Raise your hand if you have
stared death in the eye and laughed.
373
00:17:24,002 --> 00:17:25,382
Really?
374
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:30,592
So you've stood inches
from a lion's gaping maw
375
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:35,427
with nothing to defend yourself
except your wits and muscles?
376
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,015
[Pesto] No.
377
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:40,808
But once I asked a ninth grader
to give me back my comb.
378
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:43,980
-[Crash] Totally not the same.
-[Pesto] It kind of is.
379
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,154
[Crash] Truly, it is not.
380
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:53,776
[Wyatt] Anyway, Maximus
had one objective, to survive.
381
00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:55,655
-[Crash grunts]
-[Wyatt] And his fate rested entirely
382
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:57,414
on the thumb of the emperor.
383
00:17:57,494 --> 00:18:00,124
Live? Or die?
384
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,377
And so I ask the empress, Ms. Harris...
385
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,208
-[Crash] Oh yes.
-[Wyatt] How do you judge our report?
386
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,003
-[Wyatt] Does Maximus live?
-[Crash] Ha ha.
387
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,587
-[Wyatt] Or does he die?
-[Crash] Oh.
388
00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:11,053
[Wyatt] "Live" would be an "A".
389
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:16,720
[Students] No no no.
390
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,216
[cheers] [applause]
391
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,176
[Wyatt] No, no, no loud noises!
392
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,636
[magic sound]
393
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,101
[Crash grunts]
394
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:25,939
Me no like volcano!
395
00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:28,114
Volcano killed family.
396
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,283
[screams] Die-eeee!
397
00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:30,901
[Pesto] Hey, don't do that!
398
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:33,067
-[Wyatt] Crash!
-[magic sound]
399
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,869
[Crash] Oh, you call that a stadium?
400
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,490
Where are all the luxury boxes?
401
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,038
You can't let the riffraff
mix with the upper crust.
402
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,161
That just won't do.
403
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,709
[teacher] He's disrupting class.
404
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:47,423
[Wyatt] Maximus, where are you?
I need you back.
405
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,212
-[slams]
-[magic sound]
406
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:51,205
[Crash] Meow.
407
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,592
-[teacher] Oh.
-[Crash] Meow.
408
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:56,675
[teacher] Oh no. I'm allergic to cats!
[sneezes]
409
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,051
[magic sound]
410
00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,346
[Crash] Hola, señorita.
411
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,312
I do not know
how I came to be in your arms,
412
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:06,104
but you smell like a ripe bell pepper.
413
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,307
[gasps] You!
414
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,440
It was you who stole
my recipe for gazpacho!
415
00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:15,987
[teacher] No, I--what?
What is going on, Wyatt?
416
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:17,954
[Wyatt] This is my fault.
417
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:21,874
I could have fixed Crash, but I needed
his gladiator personality for the report.
418
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:25,119
[sighs] I guess
I kind of stabbed him in the back.
419
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:28,586
[teacher] Just like Caesar
was betrayed by his friend Brutus.
420
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:29,960
[Wyatt] He was?
421
00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:32,045
I mean, he was!
422
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:35,300
Yes, that is exactly
what we were going for!
423
00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:37,513
Ms. Harris, I'm impressed
you picked up on the subtlety.
424
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:39,215
[bell rings]
425
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:40,814
[magic sound]
426
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:44,138
[Crash] Hey, Bernstein.
When do we do our report?
427
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:46,097
Ooh, an audience.
428
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:47,266
Who wants to see a card trick?
429
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,694
-[Wyatt] Let's go, Crash.
-[Crash] Okay.
430
00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:51,521
♪ Yeah yeah yeah. ♪
431
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:56,946
[Amanda] So I went out with Sean, but
it's been three days since he's called.
432
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,320
Should I call? Should I not call?
433
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:03,117
[Crash] I am telling you, Amanda,
you can never call a man too much.
434
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,413
I say 40, 50 times a day minimum.
435
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,498
Guys love that.
436
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:10,132
[Amanda] Okay, anybody but the real Crash.
437
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,840
[all murmur]
438
00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:18,131
Cook for him. The quickest way
to a man's heart is through his stomach.
439
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:21,639
Actually, it's quicker to go
through his chest,
440
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:26,023
but you'll need a strong blade
to get through the bone!
441
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,274
[Amanda] Okay, I can't cook
and I don't have a knife.
442
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:34,317
[Crash] You want impress boy?
Kill mastodon.
443
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:35,861
[screams]
444
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:40,870
Hogwash. I used two things to win
the affection of my missus:
445
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,990
A warm smile and cold hard cash.
446
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:46,867
That was my first wife.
My second wife I won in a card game.
447
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:52,250
[Amanda] You guys are pathetic.
Any advice from you, kitty Crash?
448
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:57,134
[hacks]
449
00:20:58,133 --> 00:21:00,053
[Amanda] That's disgusting.
450
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,796
But it makes more sense
than what the rest of you said.
451
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,469
[all] What?! Are you kidding me?
You sure are prettier than you are smart.
452
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,268
-I mean, come on, it's a cat thing.
-I'm telling you.
453
00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,773
[shocked gasp, then panting]
454
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:13,266
[doctor] You're all set.
I put the new chip in,
455
00:21:13,398 --> 00:21:14,818
so you shouldn't have anymore problems.
456
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:17,279
[Crash]
Oh, I just had the weirdest dream, doc.
457
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:21,412
I was sitting at a table
full of incredibly wise and handsome men,
458
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,869
giving excellent dating advice.
459
00:21:23,992 --> 00:21:25,412
[doctor] Oh, that's not weird.
460
00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:28,413
I had a dream where I was a toy doctor.
[laughs]
461
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:30,422
Please let this be a dream.
462
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:33,882
[theme music playing]
463
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,250
♪ Crash and Bern , hard core ♪
464
00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:39,837
♪ Bass, bass ♪
465
00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:44,256
♪ What? ♪
466
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:48,684
♪ That's what friends are for ♪
467
00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:49,808
♪ Crash and Bern ♪
468
00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:51,313
♪ Tear it up, dude ♪
469
00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:53,605
♪ Good call ♪
470
00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:55,688
♪ Crash and BernCrash and Bern ♪
471
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:59,355
-♪ I said, "Stein" ♪
-♪ What he said ♪
35729
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