All language subtitles for Schitts Creek (2015) - S06E06 - The Wingman (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 MONOLITH)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,669 --> 00:00:06,621 Oh... 2 00:00:06,646 --> 00:00:09,859 Okay, if you think you've lived through a bad day, 3 00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:11,973 try being our next guest. 4 00:00:11,998 --> 00:00:14,522 When she showed up to a screening of her new film, 5 00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:16,636 "The Crows Have Eyes: The Crowening..." 6 00:00:16,661 --> 00:00:18,964 - Fun name! - It is! 7 00:00:19,123 --> 00:00:23,736 The last thing she expected was an actual crow attack! 8 00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:27,070 Oh... 9 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,507 Well, now we're being told that the whole thing 10 00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:32,423 was a PR stunt put out by the movie. 11 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,425 Now, is that clever or what? 12 00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:36,993 - It sure is! We are so very lucky 13 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:40,083 to be joined this morning by Moira Rose. 14 00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:41,563 Well, ach! - Ach! 15 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:44,106 - What a ride this has been! - Yes. 16 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,220 What a ride indeed, Barb! 17 00:00:46,263 --> 00:00:48,265 Oh, let me first assure your viewers 18 00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:51,007 that not a single crow was harmed, 19 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,530 and as for the humans, 20 00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:54,576 oh, nothing but a little wounded pride... 21 00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:56,795 and one severed earlobe. 22 00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:58,754 - Oh! - Ouch! Yeah! 23 00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:00,843 Yes, everything you saw 24 00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:02,627 was part of a carefully orchestrated, 25 00:01:02,671 --> 00:01:04,847 entirely deliberate stunt. 26 00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:07,328 Oh, well, it seems to have worked, Moira. 27 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:10,113 With over more than 2 million views 28 00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:12,159 in less than 24 hours, 29 00:01:12,202 --> 00:01:15,510 this video has created an incredible buzz for the movie, 30 00:01:15,572 --> 00:01:18,009 which, as of right now, 31 00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:21,429 is officially trending on Interflix. 32 00:01:21,472 --> 00:01:23,431 It is?! 33 00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:25,520 Well, if you're saying it's a smash hit, 34 00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:28,044 then I'm just going to have to take your word for it. 35 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,177 As well as the word of millions of streamers 36 00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:32,266 across the internet, I suppose. 37 00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:35,007 You know, the brilliant thing about being on streaming 38 00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:38,010 is that one can start the movie at any point, 39 00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:39,795 any time they like. 40 00:01:39,838 --> 00:01:42,319 You know, Moira, I think it's safe to say 41 00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:44,365 you are officially back in the game! 42 00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:45,670 Yes! 43 00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:47,498 Well, you heard it here first! 44 00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:50,153 Do not adjust your sets! 45 00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:51,894 Excuse me, but I'd be remiss 46 00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:54,810 if I didn't acknowledge my daughter, Alexis Rose. 47 00:01:56,682 --> 00:02:00,120 This whole PR coup d'état never would've happened without her. 48 00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:02,513 Honestly, we just had fun with it. 49 00:02:02,557 --> 00:02:04,211 Can't hear you. 50 00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,603 Poor dear's not mic'd. 51 00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,170 Well, looks like there's no stopping you two now! 52 00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:08,911 Congratulations! - Hm-hm. 53 00:02:09,422 --> 00:02:11,337 - Thank you! - Alexis: 54 00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:21,053 Gentlemen. Morning. 55 00:02:21,097 --> 00:02:24,231 I believe you've met my roommate, Bob. 56 00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:26,189 - Roommate? - Mm-hmm. 57 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,409 - Yeah. Uh, Ronnie's been nice enough 58 00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:29,975 to let me stay in her guest room, 59 00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:31,151 ever since Gwen... 60 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,041 took the house. 61 00:02:34,066 --> 00:02:37,958 Yeah. And as much as I'm enjoying the slumber party, 62 00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:40,769 I really think that Bob could use a change of scenery. 63 00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:43,337 Maybe he could crash here for a night... 64 00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,947 or six? 65 00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:47,602 - Uh, yeah... - I don't think we, uh, 66 00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:50,082 we have any clean rooms available. 67 00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:52,433 Oh, I... I don't mind a dirty room. 68 00:02:52,476 --> 00:02:55,610 I hope that doesn't sound as sad as... 69 00:02:55,653 --> 00:02:57,742 as it feels. 70 00:02:57,786 --> 00:03:00,441 Bob, why, why don't you take a seat? 71 00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:02,747 And grab some water while you're at it, 72 00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:06,229 'cause you should really hydrate after all that crying. 73 00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:08,579 Gwen used to love water. 74 00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:18,110 Okay, I feel badly for Bob, 75 00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:19,721 but it's not a good look 76 00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:21,940 to have him wallowing around here. 77 00:03:21,984 --> 00:03:23,638 Well, where do you want the guy to wallow? 78 00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:26,249 I mean, Johnny, there's plenty of sad people 79 00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,990 staying at this motel. 80 00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:30,949 That's not exactly how I'd describe our guests, Roland. 81 00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:32,777 Well, I'm just saying, maybe he could meet 82 00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,953 a fellow wallower here? 83 00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:37,129 Oh, it'd be really nice if Bob could meet somebody 84 00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:38,566 'cause from what I hear, 85 00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:40,611 Gwen isn't exactly sitting at home. 86 00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:42,439 Or, what if... 87 00:03:42,483 --> 00:03:45,181 we take Bob out for the evening 88 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,306 and kind of act as his wingmen 89 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,292 Johnny, you know, the whole dating scene 90 00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:52,971 has kind of changed a little since you were single. 91 00:03:53,405 --> 00:03:55,799 First off, we now have electricity. 92 00:03:57,672 --> 00:04:00,240 Okay, all right, are you in or not? 93 00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:02,285 Ooh, I'm in. 'Cause I don't wanna miss a chance 94 00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:04,244 to see how this plays out. 95 00:04:05,021 --> 00:04:07,943 - Bob? - Well, it... it would be so nice 96 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:12,252 to not be completely alone for a night. 97 00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:14,079 Uh, lucky Gwen, 98 00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:16,647 she has another one of her male cousins visiting. 99 00:04:21,639 --> 00:04:23,554 - This coffee's delicious. - Thank you. 100 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,830 Yeah, it's... it's sort of burning my hand a bit 101 00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:28,137 because I can't put it down on anything. 102 00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,835 David, you know that the new coffee table is coming today, 103 00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:33,360 and that it takes a little bit longer when it's handmade. 104 00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:34,883 Handmade, yeah. 105 00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:36,188 You know what I think you should do? 106 00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,016 Just come over here and relax for a bit. 107 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,192 Sit down, we could put our... 108 00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:41,716 our feet up on the... 109 00:04:42,154 --> 00:04:43,805 You happy now? 110 00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:45,676 Just do me a favour and watch these, 111 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,374 and don't eat them. - Mm. No guarantees. 112 00:04:49,576 --> 00:04:50,855 - Hey. - Hey. 113 00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:52,596 Coffee table for Patrick? - That's me, yeah. 114 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,076 You look super familiar. 115 00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:56,078 Have we ordered from you before? 116 00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:57,993 - Uh, I don't know. I... I get a lot of orders. 117 00:04:58,036 --> 00:05:00,169 Do you mind if I uh...? - Yeah, come on in. 118 00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:03,303 Uh, it's just right there. - Yeah. 119 00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:05,392 'Kay. 120 00:05:09,405 --> 00:05:12,311 I'm sorry, this is who made your table? 121 00:05:12,467 --> 00:05:14,009 - David! - Hi. 122 00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:16,011 - What're you doing here? - Okay. Muah. 123 00:05:16,054 --> 00:05:17,491 Wow. We're still doing that. 124 00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:20,363 Uh, this is my boyfriend's place. 125 00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:21,799 - Fiancé. - Fiancé. 126 00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:24,106 Yeah. Now I remember where we met before. 127 00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:26,061 Stevie's apartment. - At Stevie's. 128 00:05:26,529 --> 00:05:28,023 Bingo. I'm sorry for not remembering. 129 00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:30,155 I meet a lot of people. - Mm. 130 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,288 That is a great sweater, by the way. 131 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,508 It really brings out your lips. - Okay. 132 00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:37,249 Well, thank you for the coffee table. 133 00:05:37,293 --> 00:05:38,990 - Yeah. - Yeah. 134 00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:41,123 I am also wearing a sweater. 135 00:05:41,361 --> 00:05:44,234 A lot of sweat went into this one. 136 00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:47,869 This is one of my best pieces. You got great taste. 137 00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:49,784 And from the looks of it, so does David. 138 00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,960 - Okay. I'm gonna go uh... 139 00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:53,396 you know, I'm gonna check on the... 140 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,876 - Perfect! Yeah. - Pancakes. 141 00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:56,878 - Say, you know what? I was just planning on having 142 00:05:56,921 --> 00:05:58,967 a chill night in, but if you guys are free, 143 00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:00,751 I'd love for you to come by for a whiskey or... 144 00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,318 whatever. - O-kay. 145 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,147 You know... 146 00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:06,975 You know what? We'll, we'll think about that for a sec 147 00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,977 and see, and see. - Great! 148 00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,892 Hope to see you tonight. - Okay. 149 00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:12,937 And for what it's worth, 150 00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,939 you guys make a beautiful couple. 151 00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,201 Thank you so much. 152 00:06:23,613 --> 00:06:25,310 - What? - No, you're just, your face 153 00:06:25,335 --> 00:06:26,814 is all red. It's beet red. 154 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:28,319 - It is not! - Mm-hmm. It's flush. 155 00:06:30,499 --> 00:06:32,458 - Hey, babe! - Hey, babe! 156 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,649 Oh my God! Where are you? Is that the ocean? 157 00:06:34,674 --> 00:06:37,197 I wish. It's a poster of the ocean. 158 00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:39,311 'Cause I'm actually in Stewart's dorm room right now 159 00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:41,662 because mine got evacuated last night - 160 00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:44,012 small fire ants issue. 161 00:06:44,055 --> 00:06:46,362 - Yikes! Hope everything's okay. 162 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,452 It was a real "Fyre Fest." 163 00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,802 You do not wanna see Krista's ankles today. 164 00:06:51,846 --> 00:06:53,978 But, it's all good. 165 00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:55,458 We'll be getting our dorms back in... 166 00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,155 better shape than we left 'em. 167 00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:59,375 - Can't wait. - Let's talk about you! 168 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,072 Everyone here has been watching your video! 169 00:07:01,116 --> 00:07:02,857 And to think it was all fake? 170 00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:05,425 - Totally fake. Isn't that wild? 171 00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:07,905 And all of these PR agencies from New York are calling 172 00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,690 to ask me how I did it. 173 00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,169 How did you do it? 174 00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:13,041 Um, it's like a little bit too complicated 175 00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:15,435 to explain over this. - Hi, Theodore! 176 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:17,088 Gorgeous view! 177 00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,134 - Hi, Mrs. Rose! Congrats on the movie! 178 00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:21,092 That last scene where you leap from your nest 179 00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:23,051 only to discover that your wings 180 00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:25,488 aren't developed enough yet... - Oh, you're too kind. 181 00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:28,099 The Daily Mail called it a "flap for the ages!" 182 00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:30,406 Okay, can I have my boyfriend back now, please? 183 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,712 Hm. 184 00:07:31,755 --> 00:07:33,453 Oh! 185 00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:35,237 It's Buzzfeed calling about the 10 goriest 186 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,065 Clara Mandrake accidents from the film. 187 00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:38,980 Best we take it. 188 00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:40,982 And don't forget, we have a conference call 189 00:07:41,025 --> 00:07:43,463 with the Interflix PR people in a tight 15. 190 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:44,986 - Okay. - Wow, 191 00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:46,901 it seems like you've got a lot going on, Alexis. 192 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,598 Yes, but not too much for you. 193 00:07:48,642 --> 00:07:50,208 No, don't worry about me, 194 00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:52,036 you're obviously in high demand. 195 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,038 Alexis! They're asking about co-stars. 196 00:07:54,082 --> 00:07:56,867 I can't be expected to remember everyone I meet! 197 00:07:56,911 --> 00:07:59,217 - Mm. Okay, okay. Well, I guess I do have to go, 198 00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:00,741 but I will see you in a few days 199 00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,394 and I can't wait! 200 00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:03,874 - I can't wait either. - Alexis! 201 00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:05,397 Okay, I'm coming. Ugh! 202 00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:07,051 - Okay, love you! - Love you... 203 00:08:07,289 --> 00:08:08,682 Ooh! 204 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,172 I don't think we're the same size, Johnny. 205 00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:18,236 I might have a trouble fitting tissues into these pockets. 206 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:19,934 Oh, you won't need tissues. 207 00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:21,675 There'll be no crying tonight, Bob. 208 00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:23,546 You look like a million bucks. 209 00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,461 Well, actually, Bob, in Johnny's suit there, 210 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,419 you look like a guy who had a million bucks, 211 00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:29,552 but then lost it. 212 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:30,858 Very funny, Roland. 213 00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,555 Now, the suit works, Bob. 214 00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:34,775 Bob, in my experience, 215 00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:37,560 it doesn't matter what you wear. 216 00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,693 It's all about being yourself. 217 00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:41,085 I think the last person 218 00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,913 Bob wants to be right now is himself. 219 00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:44,567 I agree with Roland. 220 00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,569 I don't know if I can speak on behalf of women here... 221 00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:47,918 You can't. 222 00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:50,442 Moira used to say, when she was single, 223 00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,227 she would always be attracted to men 224 00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:54,098 who could make her laugh. 225 00:08:54,142 --> 00:08:55,926 How'd she end up with you? 226 00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:59,321 All right, why don't we try a little test run here. 227 00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:01,758 Let's imagine we're in a bar. 228 00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:04,500 Ronnie, do you wanna be the woman in this little scenario? 229 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,590 - Not a chance. - Okay. Mm! 230 00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:10,593 Move over. I... will be the woman. 231 00:09:10,637 --> 00:09:12,377 Okay. So we're in a bar 232 00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:15,598 and, uh, you see this very intriguing looking gentleman. 233 00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,619 Okay. 234 00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:20,472 Hello, I'm... 235 00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:22,083 I'm Gwen. - Oh... 236 00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:23,998 - You had to pick Gwen? - I'm sorry, 237 00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:25,869 I saw Bob standing there 238 00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:27,349 and that was the first name I thought of. 239 00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:29,133 They're always together. - Okay. Hold it together. 240 00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:31,005 - Pick another name! - Okay, all right. 241 00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:33,442 Uh... okay, yeah. 242 00:09:34,122 --> 00:09:36,850 Hi. I'm Ronnie. 243 00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:38,969 That's my friend Gwen. - Oh... 244 00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:40,362 Okay, this is a disaster. 245 00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:42,146 - Thank you, Roland. I'll take over from here. 246 00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,409 Bob, honestly, 247 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,194 You know, just a few runs and... 248 00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:48,152 you're gonna be drowning in phone numbers. 249 00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:50,067 No. No... 250 00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,636 I... I can't breathe. 251 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,420 Ooh. 252 00:09:57,362 --> 00:09:59,929 You know what? Jake did a great job with this. 253 00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:02,036 - Mm-hmm. I was just about to say 254 00:10:02,079 --> 00:10:04,168 this coffee table really brings out your lips. 255 00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:06,475 Okay, what? I can't compliment the guy? 256 00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,956 He's talented. You know, he's like a, a one-man operation. 257 00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:10,740 Not in my experience. 258 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,786 And I think it was very nice of him 259 00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:14,352 to invite us for drinks tonight. 260 00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:16,441 - Wasn't it? - Yes, it was. It was very nice 261 00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,400 and I think that we should get back to him about it. 262 00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:21,359 About going to his place for "a whiskey or whatever"? 263 00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,144 David, I'm fine to have drinks 264 00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:25,450 with one of your exes, okay? - Okay, first of all, 265 00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:27,670 Jake is nobody's ex and everybody's ex. 266 00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:30,455 And second of all, going to Jake's for a drink 267 00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:33,676 is never just going to Jake's for a drink. 268 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,460 Oh... oh. So you... 269 00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:38,681 okay, so you think he invited us over to... to...? 270 00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:40,683 - Yes, I do. Yeah. - Yeah. 271 00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,554 Well, in that case, we definitely shouldn't go. 272 00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:44,905 'Cause we're not really the kind of couple that... 273 00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:47,037 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah... 274 00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:49,692 That being said, 275 00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,607 if we ever did decide to... 276 00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:55,567 have "a whiskey" with someone, 277 00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:58,135 Jake would be the person to do that with 278 00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:00,660 because he literally doesn't care about anything. 279 00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:02,270 So just... 280 00:11:02,313 --> 00:11:04,359 I'm just throwing it out there. 281 00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:07,362 I mean, we always have the option of going 282 00:11:07,405 --> 00:11:09,799 and just having a whiskey. 283 00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:12,367 Okay. And I always have the option of online shopping 284 00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:14,630 and just putting things in the cart. 285 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,588 That's not gonna happen. 286 00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:21,245 Um... what's all this? 287 00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:22,725 They just keep coming. 288 00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:24,945 Well, congratulations. 289 00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:26,729 That must mean everyone's happy. 290 00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:28,339 Oh, very happy, yes. 291 00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:30,341 Thanks to your little attack of the corvidae, 292 00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:33,388 we are Interflix's number one stream of the day. 293 00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:35,607 Tied only with the fourth season 294 00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:37,174 of "Caroline in the City." 295 00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:39,089 From Interflix. 296 00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:42,614 "To Alexis, 297 00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:44,704 congratulations and thank you. 298 00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:47,141 The competition is eating crow." 299 00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:49,883 "Love, your new best friends at Interflix." 300 00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:53,887 They're all for you. 301 00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:57,629 Not those - those are from Joyce Dewitt. 302 00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:59,457 I didn't want to overwhelm you, dear, 303 00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:01,895 I know you're being pulled in another direction. 304 00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:05,463 Though, you might find a bit more delectation in this. 305 00:12:06,521 --> 00:12:08,828 No, I do. I... I just like haven't received flowers 306 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:12,099 from someone I wasn't... friends with. 307 00:12:13,689 --> 00:12:15,386 What do I do? 308 00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:16,910 What do you want to do? 309 00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,607 I can't leave now. 310 00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:20,087 If you're worried about the flowers, 311 00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:21,784 they'll likely be dead in a week. 312 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:23,438 Yeah, like my career if I walk away 313 00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:25,135 with everything that's going on. 314 00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:26,789 I've already made Ted wait an extra month. 315 00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,618 I can't... back out now. 316 00:12:29,661 --> 00:12:31,968 - So you... you weigh your options. 317 00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:34,928 On the one hand, you are perched 318 00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:37,278 on the precipice of a dream come true 319 00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:39,976 and you can jump knowing, possibly for the first time, 320 00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:42,109 that you can succeed at anything 321 00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:44,328 to which you put your mind. 322 00:12:45,825 --> 00:12:47,418 And on the other hand? 323 00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:50,161 - What other hand? - Ted! 324 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,684 Dear Ted. 325 00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:54,469 Yes, this is a quandary. 326 00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:06,133 Well, things seem to be going well. 327 00:13:06,738 --> 00:13:08,827 Yeah, look, they're standing pretty close together. 328 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,438 That must be a good sign. 329 00:13:10,481 --> 00:13:12,004 Yeah, and he's not crossing his arms. 330 00:13:12,048 --> 00:13:13,919 That's good body language. And... they're hugging! 331 00:13:13,963 --> 00:13:15,443 Uh-huh. 332 00:13:15,486 --> 00:13:17,619 - And... now he's walking away. Okay. 333 00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:19,969 Well? How'd it go, Bob? 334 00:13:20,012 --> 00:13:22,014 It looked like you two were hitting off. 335 00:13:22,058 --> 00:13:23,364 What're the odds of... 336 00:13:23,407 --> 00:13:25,627 running into my marriage counselor here? 337 00:13:25,670 --> 00:13:27,455 I'm sorry, did you just say 338 00:13:27,498 --> 00:13:29,283 you picked up your marriage counselor? 339 00:13:29,326 --> 00:13:30,414 No. 340 00:13:31,763 --> 00:13:33,287 I'm saying she told me she can't keep seeing me. 341 00:13:33,330 --> 00:13:35,506 Apparently, there's a conflict of interest 342 00:13:35,550 --> 00:13:38,248 and, uh, she's chosen to go with Gwen. 343 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,060 But... I can't blame her. 344 00:13:41,425 --> 00:13:42,861 Okay, 345 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,081 can we try my system now? 346 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,344 We all laugh, on the count of three, 347 00:13:47,388 --> 00:13:49,564 as if Bob just told a very funny joke. 348 00:13:49,607 --> 00:13:51,566 Oh, no pressure. 349 00:13:51,609 --> 00:13:53,524 Well, you don't actually have to tell a joke, Bob. 350 00:13:53,568 --> 00:13:55,396 Just act like you did. 351 00:13:55,439 --> 00:13:58,834 And that might attract uh... you know, someone's attention. 352 00:13:58,877 --> 00:14:00,531 What if they ask me what I said? 353 00:14:00,575 --> 00:14:02,185 Well, they're not gonna ask you what you said. 354 00:14:02,229 --> 00:14:03,969 I don't know, Johnny. 355 00:14:04,013 --> 00:14:06,015 This sounds like a really complicated plan. 356 00:14:06,058 --> 00:14:07,843 - Mm-hmm. - It couldn't be more simple. 357 00:14:08,237 --> 00:14:11,023 Just follow my lead. 358 00:14:20,899 --> 00:14:23,032 - It's working. It's working. Working. 359 00:14:23,075 --> 00:14:24,860 Is something funny? 360 00:14:24,903 --> 00:14:26,383 Well, now that you mention it... 361 00:14:26,427 --> 00:14:28,211 Because it looked like you were laughing at me. 362 00:14:29,279 --> 00:14:33,173 No, It's, it's just my very available friend, Bob here, 363 00:14:33,216 --> 00:14:35,523 just said something so funny. 364 00:14:35,566 --> 00:14:38,221 - What'd you say? - You said they wouldn't ask. 365 00:14:38,265 --> 00:14:40,658 Okay, I'm not saying I'm bailing on this, 366 00:14:40,702 --> 00:14:43,052 but... I think I'm gonna go mingle and... 367 00:14:43,113 --> 00:14:45,372 I might not come back. 368 00:14:45,763 --> 00:14:48,231 It's not so much, uh, what he said, 369 00:14:48,275 --> 00:14:51,408 it was just, uh, it was a funny observation. 370 00:14:51,452 --> 00:14:54,411 Well, next time, observe someone else. 371 00:14:58,167 --> 00:15:00,473 Crrrash and burn, Johnny. 372 00:15:00,498 --> 00:15:03,762 Boy, I... I buckled under the pressure. 373 00:15:03,942 --> 00:15:06,336 But she was a dead ringer for Gwen. 374 00:15:11,028 --> 00:15:13,901 Oh, didn't know we were bringing our friends tonight. 375 00:15:14,257 --> 00:15:15,911 'Kay, I knew I shouldn't have worn this shirt. 376 00:15:15,954 --> 00:15:17,913 - No, it's nice, it's nice. Is it new? 377 00:15:17,956 --> 00:15:19,741 And does it come in an adult size? 378 00:15:19,784 --> 00:15:22,091 - It's not new. I just haven't worn it yet. 379 00:15:22,134 --> 00:15:24,036 - So it is new then. - Is that cologne I smell? 380 00:15:24,061 --> 00:15:26,542 No. This is a leather-scented body moisturizer. 381 00:15:27,328 --> 00:15:30,287 So, you... you moisturized your body then. 382 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,102 You know what? Why don't we not do this? 383 00:15:33,145 --> 00:15:34,495 This is getting a bit complicated. 384 00:15:34,538 --> 00:15:36,410 The only thing that's complicated here 385 00:15:36,453 --> 00:15:37,933 is the length of your sleeves. 386 00:15:37,976 --> 00:15:39,543 Go long, go short. Just pick one. 387 00:15:39,587 --> 00:15:41,980 Um, as for this? If one of us wants to leave 388 00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:43,417 and the other one wants to stay, then... 389 00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:45,723 - We both leave. - We... both leave, yeah. 390 00:15:45,767 --> 00:15:49,379 So... I think you should knock on the door 391 00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:52,339 because these arms are nice and warmed up. 392 00:15:53,818 --> 00:15:55,559 All right. 393 00:15:57,431 --> 00:16:00,303 Hi, boys. 394 00:16:00,347 --> 00:16:02,305 So glad you could make it. Come on in. 395 00:16:06,831 --> 00:16:08,442 Oh wow. 396 00:16:08,485 --> 00:16:10,879 A lot of people are here for drinks, David. 397 00:16:10,922 --> 00:16:12,228 Yeah, a few more are on their way. 398 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,925 Make yourselves at home, boys. 399 00:16:13,969 --> 00:16:15,579 Great shirt, by the way. - Aw. 400 00:16:15,623 --> 00:16:16,885 Mm-hmm. Thanks. 401 00:16:16,928 --> 00:16:19,322 Um... 402 00:16:19,366 --> 00:16:22,282 We left our wine in the car. - Oh. 403 00:16:22,325 --> 00:16:23,848 So we should go get that. 404 00:16:23,892 --> 00:16:25,937 - Oh, don't worry about it. Plenty of vino here. 405 00:16:25,981 --> 00:16:28,288 Yeah, it's just that ours is um... 406 00:16:29,332 --> 00:16:30,986 kosher. - Mm. 407 00:16:31,029 --> 00:16:33,249 Well, hurry back. We're gonna start the massage circle soon. 408 00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:35,120 - Oh... - Don't wanna miss it. 409 00:16:35,164 --> 00:16:37,558 Think you're up for the massage circle? 410 00:16:37,601 --> 00:16:39,429 - This is way too many people. - Yeah. 411 00:16:39,473 --> 00:16:41,692 You have your coat. We should go. 412 00:16:41,736 --> 00:16:43,477 And... Stevie? 413 00:16:44,028 --> 00:16:46,021 Oh... my God. 414 00:16:46,529 --> 00:16:47,583 Huh. 415 00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:49,526 What're you doing here? 416 00:16:49,570 --> 00:16:53,051 - What're you two doing here? - We were... 417 00:16:53,677 --> 00:16:55,996 - We were just... - Invited for drinks? 418 00:16:56,021 --> 00:16:57,360 I don't know what you're talking about. 419 00:16:57,404 --> 00:16:58,883 We came here to say hi 420 00:16:58,927 --> 00:17:00,232 and now we're leaving. - Mm-hmm. 421 00:17:00,276 --> 00:17:02,496 Can I not have one thing for myself? 422 00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:04,715 No. Anyway, we're gonna go. 423 00:17:04,759 --> 00:17:06,238 You gonna come with? 424 00:17:06,282 --> 00:17:08,850 - Uh... I still have like... half a drink left, 425 00:17:08,893 --> 00:17:10,852 so I think I'm gonna finish it here, and then... 426 00:17:10,895 --> 00:17:12,375 meet you guys later? 427 00:17:12,419 --> 00:17:14,246 - No, you won't. - No, I won't. 428 00:17:14,407 --> 00:17:16,191 - Okay. - Have fun. 429 00:17:16,665 --> 00:17:18,188 Bye. 430 00:17:27,303 --> 00:17:29,000 Hey, sorry I'm late. 431 00:17:29,044 --> 00:17:30,393 Myrtle was laying her eggs 432 00:17:30,437 --> 00:17:32,264 and the whole team was really excited. 433 00:17:32,308 --> 00:17:34,702 - Mmm! Yeah, I bet. Fresh omelettes. 434 00:17:34,745 --> 00:17:36,573 Well, Myrtle's a green sea turtle, 435 00:17:36,617 --> 00:17:38,575 and they only spawn every two years, 436 00:17:38,619 --> 00:17:40,925 so eating her eggs would actually disrupt 437 00:17:40,969 --> 00:17:42,492 an entire ecosystem. 438 00:17:42,536 --> 00:17:44,538 Plus, there's like a ton of cholesterol. 439 00:17:44,581 --> 00:17:46,888 Mm. Um, well, it sounds like you're super busy, 440 00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:48,933 so I don't wanna take up too much of your time, 441 00:17:48,977 --> 00:17:52,284 um, but I actually wanted to talk to you about something. 442 00:17:52,328 --> 00:17:54,199 I know what you're going to say, Alexis. 443 00:17:54,243 --> 00:17:56,593 - You do? - I've been dropping the ball 444 00:17:56,637 --> 00:17:58,682 when it comes to our phone dates. 445 00:17:58,726 --> 00:18:01,424 Between juggling work and, and the time difference... 446 00:18:01,468 --> 00:18:03,600 No, Ted, you haven't done anything wrong. 447 00:18:03,644 --> 00:18:05,428 We've both been so busy with work, 448 00:18:05,472 --> 00:18:07,343 and then on top of all of that, you've been... 449 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,432 renovating your entire apartment for me. 450 00:18:09,476 --> 00:18:11,608 Well, I put some screens on the windows. 451 00:18:11,652 --> 00:18:13,523 I wouldn't really call it a renovation. 452 00:18:13,567 --> 00:18:15,525 Okay, well, you bought a juicer. 453 00:18:16,076 --> 00:18:18,687 Um, but the more I've been thinking about it, 454 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:21,680 the more I feel... like... 455 00:18:21,705 --> 00:18:24,360 - I think you should stay where you are. - Maybe I should stay here. 456 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,971 Sorry, did, did you say something? 457 00:18:27,015 --> 00:18:29,452 No. Um... What did you say? 458 00:18:29,496 --> 00:18:31,759 I can't have you come here, Alexis. You'll hate it. 459 00:18:31,802 --> 00:18:35,240 And I'm not just saying that because the screens that I installed 460 00:18:35,284 --> 00:18:37,591 are actually attracting more bugs somehow. 461 00:18:37,634 --> 00:18:41,159 But you'd be leaving everything that you're doing to come here, 462 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,771 and... I can't guarantee that there won't have another trip 463 00:18:43,814 --> 00:18:46,469 that takes me away for days at a time. 464 00:18:46,966 --> 00:18:49,907 D-don't get me wrong, I want you here so bad, 465 00:18:49,951 --> 00:18:51,692 but I know you. 466 00:18:51,735 --> 00:18:53,781 And no matter how many juices I buy, 467 00:18:54,409 --> 00:18:57,021 this place just won't feel like home. 468 00:18:59,447 --> 00:19:02,329 Sorry. I can't tell if the screen's frozen, 469 00:19:02,354 --> 00:19:03,965 or if you're just really shocked. 470 00:19:04,008 --> 00:19:05,923 But if you still want to come, I'm not gonna tell you not to. 471 00:19:05,967 --> 00:19:07,490 No, no, no, no. Um... 472 00:19:07,534 --> 00:19:10,101 you've made some very valid points. 473 00:19:10,145 --> 00:19:11,581 Yeah. I didn't even tell you 474 00:19:11,625 --> 00:19:13,496 about the shared bathroom situation. 475 00:19:13,540 --> 00:19:15,585 Okay, well... maybe you could've led with that. 476 00:19:15,629 --> 00:19:17,805 Would've saved us some time. 477 00:19:17,848 --> 00:19:20,677 Um, but I guess we just wait it out? 478 00:19:21,548 --> 00:19:23,506 Seems like our only option. 479 00:19:23,550 --> 00:19:25,856 Yeah, until somebody invents teleportation. 480 00:19:27,423 --> 00:19:30,644 Okay, well, um... nobody's home, 481 00:19:30,687 --> 00:19:32,994 so why don't we start by teleporting you 482 00:19:33,037 --> 00:19:34,691 out of that shirt? 483 00:19:34,735 --> 00:19:36,519 That's not really how teleportation works, 484 00:19:36,563 --> 00:19:38,303 but I think that I can... 485 00:19:38,347 --> 00:19:40,523 Aww... not again! 486 00:19:40,567 --> 00:19:43,178 I'm so sorry, uh, but the ants are back 487 00:19:43,221 --> 00:19:45,049 and, uh, I think what we're about to do 488 00:19:45,111 --> 00:19:47,853 probably wouldn't end very well if a fire ant was involved. 489 00:19:47,878 --> 00:19:49,793 Um, rain check? 490 00:19:50,591 --> 00:19:52,050 Rain check. 491 00:19:52,075 --> 00:19:54,189 I love you! 492 00:19:54,388 --> 00:19:56,086 Uh, mm, oh! 493 00:19:57,817 --> 00:19:59,340 Love you. 494 00:20:05,825 --> 00:20:08,066 Hey, I'm heading out. 495 00:20:08,091 --> 00:20:09,316 Calling it a night? 496 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:12,760 Well, actually, my night is just beginning. 497 00:20:12,785 --> 00:20:15,657 Whoa... Welcome to the players' club. 498 00:20:15,701 --> 00:20:17,441 No, I'm not high-fiving that. 499 00:20:17,485 --> 00:20:19,835 Look, her name is Vanessa, 500 00:20:19,879 --> 00:20:21,881 and she has a very single, 501 00:20:21,924 --> 00:20:24,405 very attractive friend over there, 502 00:20:24,448 --> 00:20:26,015 who was just telling me about 503 00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:28,539 all the trouble she's having with her car. 504 00:20:28,583 --> 00:20:30,759 Bob, this is right up your alley. 505 00:20:30,803 --> 00:20:33,066 Nobody knows their way around cars like you. 506 00:20:33,109 --> 00:20:35,808 Yeah, I, uh, was really hoping to not talk shop. 507 00:20:35,851 --> 00:20:38,506 Bob, just go over and talk to her. 508 00:20:38,549 --> 00:20:40,421 Look, be yourself. 509 00:20:40,464 --> 00:20:42,728 Have a mint. Go, go, go, go. 510 00:20:45,409 --> 00:20:47,149 And that, gentlemen, 511 00:20:47,428 --> 00:20:49,691 is how it's done. Bye! 512 00:20:52,221 --> 00:20:55,006 You know, Roland, I do not miss being single. 513 00:20:55,031 --> 00:20:57,224 Whoa, here's to that. 514 00:20:57,525 --> 00:20:59,048 Cheers, my friend. 515 00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:02,051 Not that I didn't have fun in my day. 516 00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,227 They actually used to call me "the closer." 517 00:21:04,271 --> 00:21:06,273 - Yeah. Well, that was probably 518 00:21:06,316 --> 00:21:08,318 because women used to close out their tabs and go home 519 00:21:08,362 --> 00:21:09,885 when you came into the bar. 520 00:21:09,929 --> 00:21:11,757 All right, speaking of closing out tabs, 521 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,323 I think we should get out of here. 522 00:21:13,367 --> 00:21:15,151 Which is what the women used to say to each other 523 00:21:15,195 --> 00:21:16,849 when they saw you walking through the door. 524 00:21:16,892 --> 00:21:18,981 I'm not setting you up anymore, Roland. 525 00:21:19,025 --> 00:21:20,722 Which is that what your matchmaker said! 526 00:21:21,390 --> 00:21:22,826 Oh boy... 38750

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