Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,733 --> 00:00:11,800
Your pals found a package
2
00:00:11,833 --> 00:00:14,300
that belonged
to a coupla Degens
the other day.
3
00:00:14,333 --> 00:00:19,100
ALL: You're wrong, you're wrong
you're wrong.
WAYNE: Hey!
4
00:00:19,133 --> 00:00:21,200
Where was it?
Dollar Store parking lot.
5
00:00:21,233 --> 00:00:22,666
Tell him whose it was.
6
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:24,100
Soupy Campbell's
and Spider Creemanse's.
7
00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:25,533
KATY: Argh.
8
00:00:25,566 --> 00:00:26,666
Well, did you open it?
9
00:00:26,700 --> 00:00:28,800
Nope. Popped in right back
in the mailbox. Proper thing.
10
00:00:28,833 --> 00:00:30,133
Shoulda opened it.
11
00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:32,000
That just didn't feels right
on accounts that it wasn't ours.
12
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:34,633
Well, by the rules
of 'finders keepers,'
it was yours.
13
00:00:34,666 --> 00:00:35,533
So you shoulda opened it.
14
00:00:35,566 --> 00:00:37,233
Yeah, it was our guyses
by the rights.
15
00:00:37,266 --> 00:00:38,633
I begs to differ.
16
00:00:38,666 --> 00:00:41,000
Even though we founds it,
it was still technically
their guyses.
17
00:00:41,033 --> 00:00:43,033
It was yours, fair and square.
18
00:00:43,066 --> 00:00:44,333
With all dues respects,
Miss Katys,
19
00:00:44,366 --> 00:00:47,266
it was them fellowses,
just landed in our guyses
hands brieflys.
20
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,100
Hmm, I'm with Katy.
21
00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,566
It was our guyses.
22
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,300
And now we'll never know
what was in Soupy's
and Spider's package.
23
00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:54,800
That's what I said.
24
00:00:54,833 --> 00:00:55,966
Looks, I know what
you're thinking.
25
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,633
You're thinking,
"You guyses
let yer consciences
26
00:00:58,666 --> 00:01:00,633
"get in the way
of something that was
rightfully your guyses."
27
00:01:00,666 --> 00:01:02,633
And you might be right.
She's right.
28
00:01:02,666 --> 00:01:04,566
Their guyses loss
is our guyses gain.
29
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,133
There's something
not right here.
30
00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:08,800
Not pertaining
to whose package
it was, but just...
31
00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:10,233
like the English language
part of it
32
00:01:10,266 --> 00:01:12,033
You guys keep saying,
"Your guyses,"
33
00:01:12,066 --> 00:01:14,800
and "Our guyses,"
and "Them fellowhases."
34
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,633
Okay, just, 'kay,
you know what, 'kay,
35
00:01:19,666 --> 00:01:21,833
what say Katy and I
find a wallet.
36
00:01:21,866 --> 00:01:23,600
Whose wallet is it?
37
00:01:23,633 --> 00:01:25,133
Yours and Katyses.
No.
38
00:01:26,266 --> 00:01:28,666
Wayneses and Katy...ses.
39
00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:30,600
It's ours.
Correct.
40
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:32,133
Or Katy's and mine.
41
00:01:32,166 --> 00:01:34,300
You know what, it kinda chaps
my ass more than just a wee bit
42
00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:36,300
when people use big words
to sound smart.
43
00:01:36,333 --> 00:01:38,100
It's far more smart
and efficient
44
00:01:38,133 --> 00:01:39,300
to use small words.
45
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,266
Save your breath
for something more important,
46
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:43,133
like chorin' or toe curlin'.
47
00:01:43,166 --> 00:01:45,200
Hmm, especially toe curlin'.
48
00:01:45,233 --> 00:01:47,700
You know, I thinks I know
what you'res insinuating
at here, Wayne.
49
00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,133
And I want you to know
I take great solstice
50
00:01:49,166 --> 00:01:50,800
in working through all
the conflictions that come
51
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:52,066
from the King and Queens
language.
52
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:54,000
Shall I call you
an ambleance, Dan?
53
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:56,266
Or better yet, a whambleance?
54
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:57,933
The library has a lots
of choice literature
55
00:01:57,966 --> 00:01:59,566
to help through
your confliction, Dan.
56
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,600
Well, the lie‐berry's is full
of choice laterature.
57
00:02:01,633 --> 00:02:02,733
Irregardlessly...
58
00:02:04,033 --> 00:02:05,166
expresso.
59
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:09,000
Ooh, now that one's so wrong,
it might as well be right.
60
00:02:09,033 --> 00:02:10,266
In any event,
61
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:12,566
the decision on
what happens
to the package,
62
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,266
is Darylses,
and Danses,
63
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,233
not mine and Katyses.
64
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:19,000
But you did
the right thing, Dan.
65
00:02:19,033 --> 00:02:21,133
Well, thank you.
I appreciate yer support.
66
00:02:22,066 --> 00:02:22,866
Sssss.
67
00:02:25,033 --> 00:02:26,100
Hey, have you
ever seen that movie,
68
00:02:26,133 --> 00:02:27,866
There's Something About Mary?
69
00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:31,166
Bet you didn't know
they're making a Canadian
version. Yeah.
70
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,133
It's gonna be called,
There's Something About Marie.
71
00:02:33,166 --> 00:02:36,133
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)
72
00:02:45,033 --> 00:02:48,600
Guys by applause,
who agrees with me on this.
73
00:02:48,633 --> 00:02:50,566
Women are like cats.
74
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,600
Men are like dogs, right?
75
00:02:54,766 --> 00:02:56,066
Oh, yeah, case in point.
76
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:57,866
There's your waitress,
everyone.
77
00:02:57,900 --> 00:02:59,633
Meow.
(SLIGHT CLAPPING)
78
00:02:59,666 --> 00:03:01,000
MAN: Yeah, Bonnie.
79
00:03:01,033 --> 00:03:02,166
Don't forget the tip.
80
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,566
Actually, you should give her
more than just the tip,
81
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,900
tip her on her back
and smash her, yeah!
82
00:03:06,933 --> 00:03:07,866
(MAN BANGS TABLE) Oy!
83
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:10,166
How about I tip you
on your back and smash you
84
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,600
with a rusty rebar,
85
00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:13,033
until you apologize
to my sister,
86
00:03:13,066 --> 00:03:14,733
you shitty fuckin' citiot.
87
00:03:14,766 --> 00:03:16,200
I'll smash you too
that' all I know.
88
00:03:16,233 --> 00:03:19,033
Okay, what's your problem
tighty‐whitey?
89
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:22,700
Jeez, it's like Mr. Clean
shopped at Baby Gap, right?
90
00:03:22,733 --> 00:03:25,066
You're gonna be shopping
for a new suit at the morgue
91
00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:27,633
unless you take a log
off that fire, pussy!
92
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:28,800
(AUDIENCE CHUCKLING)
93
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:32,300
Yeah, all right, settle down,
Olaf from Frozen.
94
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:34,666
You forget that shirt
in the dryer for three years
95
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:37,766
and now, it's cutting off
all the oxygen to your brain.
96
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,133
Settle down,
you can breathe.
97
00:03:39,166 --> 00:03:40,833
Get the fuck
of the stage.
98
00:03:40,866 --> 00:03:42,800
CROWD: Yeah.
99
00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:43,900
Hey, hey, okay,
100
00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:45,533
here's one for ya, uh...
101
00:03:45,566 --> 00:03:48,533
why did the chicken cross
the road?
Why?
102
00:03:48,566 --> 00:03:50,200
To get the fuck out
of Letterkenny.
103
00:03:50,233 --> 00:03:51,833
This place fuckin' sucks!
104
00:03:51,866 --> 00:03:53,633
CROWD: Boo.
105
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:56,533
Oh, yeah. Nice. What am
I suddenly in LetterKenya?
106
00:03:56,566 --> 00:03:58,633
You guys run fast.
107
00:03:58,666 --> 00:04:00,133
Wow, I thought you guys
would appreciate that.
108
00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:01,766
It's racist,
just like you.
109
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,833
Okay! Thanks very much,
Letterkenny.
(CROWD BOOING)
110
00:04:04,866 --> 00:04:07,700
This has been
the exact opposite of fun.
111
00:04:07,733 --> 00:04:09,833
Too bad the show wasn't
in Betterkenny,
112
00:04:09,866 --> 00:04:12,266
'cause you guys
are the worst audience ever!
113
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:14,733
(CROWD BOOING)
114
00:04:14,766 --> 00:04:15,800
No, you suck.
115
00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:17,700
Here's some chicken,
funny man.
116
00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:19,133
What the fuck?
117
00:04:19,166 --> 00:04:21,233
MCMURRAY: This is a real place.
You think this is easy?
118
00:04:21,266 --> 00:04:24,033
Think it's so fuckin' easy.
Why don't you
try it yourselves?
119
00:04:27,833 --> 00:04:29,000
REILLY: What's up boys?
120
00:04:29,033 --> 00:04:30,100
What's up, tank top?
121
00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:32,200
Aw, looks like you guys
could use a bit of a tune‐up.
122
00:04:32,233 --> 00:04:34,566
Yeah, summer shape
is slip sliding away, boys.
123
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,000
You're letting yourselves go
a little bit, eh?
124
00:04:36,033 --> 00:04:37,600
Getting ready
for the SAG awards?
125
00:04:37,633 --> 00:04:39,666
Hmm, you two are going
to be the rollsiest, pollsiest,
126
00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:41,566
Letterkenny Irish
ever seen boys.
127
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,533
Rollsiest of
the pollsiest,
ferda.
128
00:04:43,566 --> 00:04:45,033
What are you
fuckin' blind?
129
00:04:45,066 --> 00:04:46,633
The fuck are you smoking boys?
130
00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:48,100
Looks like you buys
can use some cross‐fit.
131
00:04:48,133 --> 00:04:49,000
That's squat's up.
132
00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:52,066
Wait, you dick farmers
work here, now?
133
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,033
Oh, more like
Celebrity Endorsers.
134
00:04:54,066 --> 00:04:55,733
Get the Celebrity Endorphins
going.
135
00:04:55,766 --> 00:04:57,933
Celebrity Enforcers.
Uppin' memberships,
136
00:04:57,966 --> 00:04:59,066
droppin' shoulder dips.
137
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:00,533
Gettin' yolked boys?
138
00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:01,766
REILLY:
You guys want a free trial?
139
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,233
We put the abs in
absolutely free.
140
00:05:04,266 --> 00:05:06,866
Full body workout,
abso‐glutely, bro.
141
00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:07,966
Crunch and munch, boys.
142
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,133
Crunch then brunch, boys.
143
00:05:09,166 --> 00:05:10,666
Play the cards
you're dealt.
144
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:12,566
Chuckin' tires
and muscle fires, boys.
145
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:13,666
It'a cardio day.
146
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:14,800
BOTH: Fuck cardio.
147
00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,700
Why would we get
training from you?
148
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,200
You look like
our before pictures.
149
00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,033
Squat's the matter,
are you chicken?
150
00:05:20,066 --> 00:05:22,266
(BOTH SQUAWKING)
151
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,066
MCMURRAY: Wayne...
WAYNE AND MCMURRAY:
How'r you...
152
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:33,600
MCMURRAY: We're good, man.
Not so bad.
153
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:34,700
Look, I'm getting real sick...
MCMURRAY: One time...
154
00:05:35,166 --> 00:05:36,266
You go...
155
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,166
Get after it.
All right. Ahem.
156
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,833
The lovely Mrs. McMurray and I
have been doing some very
serious thinking.
157
00:05:42,966 --> 00:05:44,600
Maybe we should
try it ourselves.
158
00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:45,666
Stand up comedy?
159
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:46,766
Or something similar.
160
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:47,966
Well, to be fair...
161
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,133
(SINGING) To be fair...
162
00:05:49,166 --> 00:05:54,733
(ALL SINGING) To be fair.
163
00:05:54,766 --> 00:05:57,733
To be fair, it's likely
pretty tough sledding up there,
for a stand‐up comedian.
164
00:05:57,766 --> 00:05:59,133
That comedian was a joke.
165
00:05:59,166 --> 00:06:01,033
(LAUGHING)
166
00:06:01,066 --> 00:06:02,700
Well that's a good one,
big hos.
167
00:06:02,733 --> 00:06:04,866
Thank yous.
Let me put it
this way, okay,
168
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:08,100
I was this close to making
that stand‐up comic
169
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,100
a lie‐down comic.
170
00:06:10,866 --> 00:06:11,900
I don't get it.
171
00:06:11,933 --> 00:06:13,200
Well, I'm just saying that
172
00:06:13,233 --> 00:06:15,166
I was thinking about
whoopin' his ass
173
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,900
and so I imagined
174
00:06:16,933 --> 00:06:18,733
he would have been
lying down had I done that.
175
00:06:18,766 --> 00:06:20,233
Well, see there you go,
point and proof
176
00:06:20,266 --> 00:06:22,200
you're up there trying
to be funny like a nut sack,
177
00:06:22,233 --> 00:06:24,066
if nobody gets your shit,
you're hooped like him.
178
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:26,900
So...
So can confirm it's pretty
tough sleddin' up there
179
00:06:26,933 --> 00:06:28,166
for a stand‐up comedian.
180
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,266
Ah, okay. I get it.
181
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,533
Could use a little work.
182
00:06:31,566 --> 00:06:33,600
Point for test‐driving it
though.
183
00:06:33,633 --> 00:06:35,033
In any event...
In any event...
184
00:06:35,066 --> 00:06:37,966
In any event, we should
host our own talent show.
185
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:39,933
That's not a bad idea.
186
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,200
How're we gonna get
the word out?
187
00:06:41,233 --> 00:06:43,600
Ah, you can put it
on your fuckin' Facebooks,
likely.
188
00:06:43,633 --> 00:06:46,533
And whos will be preforming
at this events?
189
00:06:46,566 --> 00:06:47,800
Who wouldn't,
that's the question.
190
00:06:47,833 --> 00:06:49,266
The fuck else is there
to do around here.
191
00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:52,133
Jimmy Dickens should host.
So we just need judges
and a few more acts.
192
00:06:52,166 --> 00:06:54,766
Well, I'll judge
and so will he.
Why?
193
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,100
ALL: Born to judge, bud.
194
00:06:56,133 --> 00:06:57,600
All right.
There's our judges.
195
00:06:57,633 --> 00:06:58,800
Now we just need
a few more acts.
196
00:06:58,833 --> 00:07:01,733
Would you be needing
a joke smith for this
esteems affair?
197
00:07:01,766 --> 00:07:05,133
'Cause I've always
wanted to try my hand
at stands ups comedy.
198
00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:08,200
And I've often wondered
how those courageous souls
makes it work.
199
00:07:08,233 --> 00:07:10,200
Salt of the earth people,
stand up comedians.
200
00:07:11,666 --> 00:07:12,933
For the most part.
You're in.
201
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,900
That leaves you, Daryl.
202
00:07:15,933 --> 00:07:19,833
Got any special talent
you'd like to share
with the class?
203
00:07:19,866 --> 00:07:21,666
Oh, I don't know.
204
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:23,300
I'd be half scared
to get up there.
205
00:07:23,333 --> 00:07:25,966
That means you'd
be half excited too.
206
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,100
Well, we could make first prize
207
00:07:28,133 --> 00:07:31,600
$100 bar tab at MoDean's
if that colors the water
any different for you.
208
00:07:31,633 --> 00:07:32,633
He's in.
209
00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:35,166
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.
210
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,633
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.
211
00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:37,866
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.
212
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:38,900
Good stuff.
213
00:07:44,066 --> 00:07:45,700
Wayne?
Dary?
214
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:46,800
What'd you get me into?
215
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,766
It's time to get back
on the horse, bud.
Oh, no.
216
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,966
No, I took that horse out
the back side of the barn.
217
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,800
Put her down for good.
And for good reason.
218
00:07:53,833 --> 00:07:55,366
Are you forgettin' where you
come from?
219
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,533
'Cause it sounds to me
like you're forgettin'
where you come from.
220
00:07:57,566 --> 00:07:58,800
Are you forgettin' your roots?
221
00:07:58,833 --> 00:08:01,266
Your line‐dancing lineage
is legendary.
222
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:03,566
You will find
no finer liners, Dary.
223
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:04,966
Aunt Doreen made it
to sectionals.
224
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,233
I was not given that gift.
225
00:08:06,266 --> 00:08:08,000
Aunt Doreen could
have gone to provincials.
226
00:08:08,033 --> 00:08:09,333
Some say she could have
gone to regionals.
227
00:08:09,366 --> 00:08:11,800
If she had lived
in the States, she would
have gone to state.
228
00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:13,600
Oh, how she'd
have won state.
229
00:08:13,633 --> 00:08:15,066
She'd a took state.
230
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:16,766
If it hadn't have been for...
She didn't have the...
231
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,166
If it weren't for the...
ALL: ...bum leg.
232
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,266
Buerger's disease.
233
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,166
Was it Buerger's?
Yes.
234
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,333
Buergers.
235
00:08:23,366 --> 00:08:25,666
Didn't she get treated
at the Mayo Clinic?
Yes.
236
00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:27,833
She got her Buerger's
treated with mayo.
237
00:08:27,866 --> 00:08:29,800
Did she do that to ketchup
to the competition?
238
00:08:30,733 --> 00:08:32,766
Did she ketchup?
Yes.
239
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,566
And despite her Buerger's,
240
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,066
she never beefed with anyone.
241
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,700
She relished a challenge.
242
00:08:37,733 --> 00:08:39,633
That was a challenge
that she relished.
243
00:08:39,666 --> 00:08:41,066
Mustard up the courage.
244
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,966
She worked her buns off.
245
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,966
She worked the buns
off her Buergers.
246
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,200
No cheesy moves.
Lettuce all be inspired by her.
247
00:08:48,233 --> 00:08:50,600
She lettuce.
No hot‐dogging.
248
00:08:50,633 --> 00:08:51,733
Just Beurgers.
249
00:08:51,766 --> 00:08:52,800
The point is,
250
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,033
if Aunt Doreen can do
all that with a gouty gam,
251
00:08:55,066 --> 00:08:57,100
you sure as shit
can line dance in Letterkenny.
252
00:08:57,133 --> 00:08:58,700
I guess you're right.
253
00:08:58,733 --> 00:09:00,933
If Aunt Doreen can do it
with a shitty stick,
254
00:09:00,966 --> 00:09:03,800
then I can probably get up
on stage at the talent show
255
00:09:03,833 --> 00:09:06,600
for Aunt Doreen.
The thing is, I just
256
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,133
wished I had
your guyses
confidence.
257
00:09:09,066 --> 00:09:10,200
Or Fred Astaire's.
258
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,933
‐es.
259
00:09:12,966 --> 00:09:15,566
Hey, guys,
I was over at Gailers.
How's Gailer?
260
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,700
You know, usual.
Upbeat and horny.
261
00:09:19,566 --> 00:09:21,133
Who's your guys favorite
stand up comedians?
262
00:09:21,166 --> 00:09:22,300
Mark Forward.
263
00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:24,166
Dave Chappelle.
Steven Wright.
264
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,633
Why?
Who's yours?
265
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,100
Oh, big fella.
Hell of a storyteller.
266
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:30,900
Handsome as the day
is long. Can't remember
his name though.
267
00:09:30,933 --> 00:09:32,133
Good guy?
Great guy.
268
00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:34,700
I'm glad to hear
he's a good guy, at least.
Anywho...
269
00:09:34,733 --> 00:09:37,266
I was wondering if I could
get your guyses opinions
on something.
270
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,733
Okay.
I've been working on
my stand up act.
271
00:09:39,766 --> 00:09:42,000
My style's going to be
observationals comedy.
272
00:09:42,033 --> 00:09:44,900
Pretty much I'm just going
to make observations about
days‐to‐day life.
273
00:09:44,933 --> 00:09:46,600
You wants to hear one?
Sure.
274
00:09:46,633 --> 00:09:47,933
All right.
275
00:09:47,966 --> 00:09:50,033
Did yous ever notice
276
00:09:50,066 --> 00:09:53,933
when you goes
to the gas station
and there's a line up
277
00:09:53,966 --> 00:09:56,600
you always picks
which vehicles
to waits behind and,
278
00:09:56,633 --> 00:09:58,700
and the other fellas whats
you didn't get behind
279
00:09:58,733 --> 00:10:00,233
is always done first?
280
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,566
Always happens every time.
281
00:10:02,566 --> 00:10:03,666
Kind of makes a fella wonder.
282
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,066
Don't it?
283
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:09,100
Yeah, that's
a choice observation,
Squirrely Dan.
284
00:10:09,133 --> 00:10:11,833
Yeah, that happens sometimes.
285
00:10:11,866 --> 00:10:12,833
All right. All right.
286
00:10:12,866 --> 00:10:16,833
Let me try's another one.
Did you ever notice
287
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:20,933
you're at the grocery store
and you picks a cart what
with to do shopping with,
288
00:10:20,966 --> 00:10:24,033
you always seem to grabs
the one that got
the squeaky wheel.
289
00:10:24,066 --> 00:10:26,700
It almost happens
every single time,
every time.
290
00:10:26,733 --> 00:10:27,933
Kind of makes a fella wonder...
291
00:10:29,066 --> 00:10:31,300
don't it?
Yeah.
292
00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:34,066
Yeah, I just needs to cook up
a few more of these,
and I'm in business.
293
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:38,000
Yeah, yous never know.
294
00:10:38,033 --> 00:10:39,866
You're letting gravity
win these days, boys.
295
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:41,733
No more man cans.
No more puddin' pecs.
296
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:42,933
No ifs, ands or guts.
297
00:10:42,966 --> 00:10:44,833
So, let's gut going.
298
00:10:44,866 --> 00:10:46,666
First things first,
you're gonna
reach your arm up
299
00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:48,166
as high as it will go
touch that ceiling.
300
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,933
Higher than Ariana Grande
doing a Mariah Carey cover.
301
00:10:50,966 --> 00:10:52,733
I told you, it's cardio day.
302
00:10:52,766 --> 00:10:54,166
BOTH: Fuck cardio.
303
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,200
Goddamn it.
304
00:10:57,033 --> 00:10:58,966
Gotta crack a snappy
for the Winstagram, buddy.
305
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,866
Yeah, couple of pickies
for the chickies.
306
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,533
JONESY: Gymstagram, bro.
307
00:11:02,566 --> 00:11:04,266
REILLY: Instapicks, instachicks.
308
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:06,166
Gotta provide people
with proof you're
pressin' pounds,
309
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:10,933
otherwise
what's the point?
Am I right?
310
00:11:11,266 --> 00:11:12,900
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
311
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:22,533
Welcome Letterkenny,
to the first ever
Letterkenny Talent Show.
312
00:11:22,566 --> 00:11:23,433
Round of Applause.
313
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:27,766
How many people
are we looking at here?
314
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,466
We got 20 little people
over here. We're looking at
25, 25 little, lotta people
315
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,600
lookin' away. Lookin' 25,
we got 30 little people
over here.
316
00:11:32,633 --> 00:11:34,966
Doop, dee, doop, dee, dee
doop do theme song.
317
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,900
Let's check in with our judges
to see what they're looking for.
318
00:11:37,933 --> 00:11:39,500
First up is Katy.
319
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:46,633
Hey, Jim, um...
320
00:11:46,666 --> 00:11:50,500
You know, I guess I'm just
looking for something that
I've never seen before.
321
00:11:50,533 --> 00:11:54,033
This is hour opportunity,
Letterkenny. Tonight it's
your stage.
322
00:11:54,066 --> 00:11:57,533
Couldn't have said it
better myself, if I tried,
5‐6‐7 times,
323
00:11:57,566 --> 00:12:00,033
how about 8?
Okay, I'll take 8.
How about 9 times?
324
00:12:00,066 --> 00:12:02,833
Now we're looking at 10 times.
How many times should
I have tried before I died,
325
00:12:02,866 --> 00:12:05,166
maybe 13.
326
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,033
Last up is Wayne.
What are you lookin to see
here, tonight, Wayne?
327
00:12:08,066 --> 00:12:10,366
Don't fuck it up, bud.
There you have it.
328
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:14,200
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
329
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,866
Well, it's time for
our first act of the night.
330
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:20,166
Here to perform a monologue
from her favorite movie,
331
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,400
Gladiator. It's Gail.
332
00:12:28,366 --> 00:12:29,900
I do apologize.
333
00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:32,366
This is a monologue
from Gladiator,
334
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,466
"XXX Glad‐he‐ate‐her."
335
00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:46,066
Lingus, you barbarian.
336
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,466
Let your Italian hands,
337
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:51,333
Rome all over my body.
338
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,500
(GRUNTS)
339
00:12:53,533 --> 00:12:56,833
You're such a gifted orator.
340
00:12:57,966 --> 00:12:59,566
Unsheathe your sword.
341
00:13:00,266 --> 00:13:02,066
I implore you.
342
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:04,566
Spare me you dick‐
343
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:06,600
tator.
344
00:13:06,633 --> 00:13:11,033
Oh, I'm about to Climaximus.
345
00:13:11,066 --> 00:13:13,300
Oh, oh, what
346
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:17,200
we do in life echoes
in eterni‐tittiees.
347
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:18,566
Ah! Oh.
348
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:19,933
(SOUNDS BUZZER)
349
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,466
Well, that was bang on.
350
00:13:24,933 --> 00:13:26,133
Even better than the movie.
351
00:13:26,633 --> 00:13:27,966
Thanks.
352
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,100
(CLAPPING)
353
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:32,833
This one's for you, Barbara.
354
00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:37,933
(PLAYING UKULELE)
355
00:13:43,066 --> 00:13:46,500
(SINGING) ♪ Love is a feelin'
356
00:13:50,166 --> 00:13:57,000
♪ That goes deeper with time
357
00:13:57,033 --> 00:14:00,233
♪ From the first whisper
In the morning ♪
358
00:14:00,266 --> 00:14:01,466
(MAN COUGHING)
359
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:05,900
Want me to start over?
360
00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:10,433
(MAN IN AUDIENCE COUGHING)
361
00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:22,833
Sneezus Christ,
Ebisneezer Scrooge!
362
00:14:22,866 --> 00:14:26,000
What! Somebody got a life
threatening dissneeze out there!
363
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,466
Huh?
364
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,466
We finally got some class
up here after Gail's little
strip sneeze
365
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:32,433
and then now look what happens!
366
00:14:32,466 --> 00:14:33,900
Look at it!
367
00:14:33,933 --> 00:14:36,866
God, am I speaking
Canton‐sneeze up here!
368
00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:39,233
Do I need to get down
on my sneeze and beg?
369
00:14:39,266 --> 00:14:41,833
Huh? You take that garbage
370
00:14:41,866 --> 00:14:46,566
over‐sneezeand order yourself
some Chi‐sneeze cuisine,
371
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:50,566
before I go Hercu‐sneeze
up your asshole.
372
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,400
Carpi diem. Sneeze the day.
373
00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:55,833
Yes!
374
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,300
It's fuckin' embarrassing.
375
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:03,566
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
376
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,200
GLEN: Now I know you all know
the Salty Treats.
377
00:15:06,233 --> 00:15:09,266
We got together
and formed ourselves
a Christian post alt‐rock
378
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:12,200
emo super band.
And we are called...
379
00:15:12,966 --> 00:15:14,200
My Tattered Journal.
380
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,833
(SINGING)
♪ I wanna be close to Christ
381
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:29,100
♪ Why, n... why
382
00:15:30,533 --> 00:15:34,166
♪ I wanna be close to Christ
383
00:15:35,066 --> 00:15:36,500
♪ And why...
384
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,000
♪ N'why...
385
00:15:40,133 --> 00:15:41,600
Is he singin'...?
Yeah.
386
00:15:41,633 --> 00:15:43,566
♪ Touch me...
387
00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:46,233
♪ Is it Christ?
388
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,500
♪ Oh why?
389
00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:52,333
♪ And I will touch me...
390
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,866
♪ Is it Christ?
391
00:15:56,566 --> 00:15:59,233
♪ Oh why? Oh, why?
392
00:15:59,266 --> 00:16:01,366
♪ Oh, why, oh why?
393
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,466
♪ Oh, why, oh, why, oh, why? ♪
394
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,966
(BUZZES)
395
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:07,500
Cut.
396
00:16:08,266 --> 00:16:09,600
Glen?
What?
397
00:16:09,633 --> 00:16:13,533
I was just wondering,
where exactly do you want
Wayne to touch you?
398
00:16:13,566 --> 00:16:14,600
Where do I wan...
399
00:16:14,633 --> 00:16:16,133
Where do I want
Wayne to touch...
400
00:16:16,166 --> 00:16:17,500
My spirit.
401
00:16:17,533 --> 00:16:18,866
What else would I mean?
402
00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:20,566
Well...
Don't answer that.
403
00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:24,133
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
404
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:27,133
(SCREAMING)
405
00:16:58,566 --> 00:16:59,566
(BUZZES)
406
00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:05,600
What the actual fuck
was that Stewart?
407
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:09,466
Scream therapy juxtaposed
against self‐expression
from the streets.
408
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,133
You've just witnessed
the new genre of dance
409
00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:14,933
that's about to slit through
the Saudi‐Samoan, Estonian,
Scandinavian, Istanbullian
410
00:17:14,966 --> 00:17:19,400
Sri Lankan, Swiss, Saharan,
Southern State sub underground
city streets!
411
00:17:20,233 --> 00:17:21,233
It's called...
412
00:17:22,233 --> 00:17:23,266
(YELLS)
413
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,133
...ache dancing.
414
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,366
And now, for our second set.
415
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,366
(BUZZING)
416
00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:36,433
(SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING)
417
00:17:39,033 --> 00:17:42,366
SANTA: Oh, you're a little
rascal, aren't you, little girl.
418
00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:46,566
Oh, oh, am I in twouble Santa?
419
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:50,100
(SEXUALLY) I've been a really
good girl, this year.
420
00:17:50,133 --> 00:17:51,533
(BOTH SEXUALLY GRUNTING)
421
00:17:51,566 --> 00:17:54,466
SANTA: Uh, you've been
a naughty girl.
(MRS. MCMURRAY SQUEALS)
422
00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:56,866
You need a bare bum
spanking like this.
423
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:58,566
MRS. MCMURRAY: No! No.
SANTA: yes, yes,
424
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,200
you've been naughty.
You have been so naughty.
425
00:18:02,233 --> 00:18:05,033
You little (MUMBLING) thing.
426
00:18:05,066 --> 00:18:06,866
...and bury my jingle balls.
(BUZZES)
427
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:08,600
What the fuck, Wayne!
428
00:18:08,633 --> 00:18:09,833
These costumes weren't cheap.
429
00:18:09,866 --> 00:18:12,900
Doing you a favor before
you had to get 'em dry cleaned.
430
00:18:12,933 --> 00:18:15,533
Well, we're still gonna
need 'em dry cleaned, don't
you worry. (LAUGHS)
431
00:18:15,566 --> 00:18:17,466
... in a little role‐playing
isn't it baby...
432
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:19,200
(BUZZING)
433
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:24,800
(UPBEAT GYM MUSIC PLAYING)
434
00:18:25,866 --> 00:18:26,966
Hi, snipers.
435
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,866
Who squat, when, where,
why, snippies?
436
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,266
Cardio day.
437
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,366
BOTH: Fuck, cardio.
438
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,266
So you think that
we could get
some training?
439
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:37,066
Oh, for sure. The most
important thing
is to get a high angle.
440
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:39,166
It makes your eyes pop
and your eyebrow game
on point.
441
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,933
You ladies
know your angles?
442
00:18:40,966 --> 00:18:43,566
If you don't provide people
with proof that you're pressing
pounds, what's the point?
443
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:47,366
I meant cross‐fit training.
From them.
444
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,533
I mean, yeah, sure,
if you want to start
with beginners.
445
00:18:49,566 --> 00:18:51,533
Dip your toe
in the water
before you commit?
446
00:18:51,566 --> 00:18:53,100
Start soft, makes sense.
447
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,000
Those fellas will show
you the ropes, literally.
448
00:18:58,166 --> 00:18:59,400
REILLY:
More satisfied customers, buddy.
449
00:18:59,433 --> 00:19:01,833
See what happens when
we work the celebrity
endorphins, buddy?
450
00:19:01,866 --> 00:19:03,066
REILLY: Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
451
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,533
Appies and ales,
wheelin' some tails.
452
00:19:04,566 --> 00:19:06,466
You bet.
BOTH: Ninja dust.
453
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,166
(CROWD LAUGHING)
Oh, calm down, everybody.
Calm down.
454
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,833
Now did, did you ever notice...
455
00:19:14,866 --> 00:19:18,100
lineups at the Dollar Store
is gettin' longer. Like, I just
stopped in there to get
456
00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:21,033
a candy bar the other day.
I'm stuck waitin' three hours
behind Mrs. Henderson
457
00:19:21,066 --> 00:19:22,500
buying a whole kitchen sink.
458
00:19:22,533 --> 00:19:23,900
(CROWD LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
459
00:19:23,933 --> 00:19:25,233
MAN: It's true.
460
00:19:25,266 --> 00:19:26,300
Kinda makes a fella wonder.
461
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,000
Don't it?
462
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,533
Did you ever notice...
463
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,433
overalls don't breathe
very good.
464
00:19:37,466 --> 00:19:39,500
I get so hot out this summer
I'm afraid I'm gonna steam
465
00:19:39,533 --> 00:19:40,533
the wrinkles
out of my ball sack.
466
00:19:41,466 --> 00:19:43,533
(MAN SHOUTING)
467
00:19:43,566 --> 00:19:44,833
Kinda makes a fella wonder.
468
00:19:46,966 --> 00:19:48,100
I like when he does that.
469
00:19:48,133 --> 00:19:49,900
Don't it?
470
00:19:49,933 --> 00:19:52,033
Oh, and did yous ever notice,
471
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,433
Glen over here
is wearing his glasses again.
472
00:19:54,466 --> 00:19:55,900
What's the matter
over there Glen?
473
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:57,166
You got poor eyesights?
474
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,933
Dan, I sure do.
475
00:19:58,966 --> 00:20:01,833
Last winter, Gail got me Lasik,
but it didn't take, so...
476
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,033
I didn't say it was your fault.
477
00:20:05,066 --> 00:20:06,566
I didn't ask you
for your life story, Glens.
478
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,266
(CROWD LAUGHING)
479
00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:09,366
But it kinda makes
a fella wonder...
480
00:20:11,066 --> 00:20:12,100
Don't it?
481
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,533
Thank you everybody
that's my time.
482
00:20:14,566 --> 00:20:16,200
(CROWD CHEERING)
483
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,500
Judges, a few...
484
00:20:21,533 --> 00:20:24,366
a few thoughts on Dan's act.
I thought it was good, good,
good, so good, we're looking
485
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:29,200
at great, so great, we're
talking about unbelievable
making me laugh. Katy?
486
00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:32,166
Well, it was observational,
as billed.
487
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,933
Funny, 'cause it's true,
I guess.
488
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,200
Overall, not s'bad.
489
00:20:37,233 --> 00:20:39,333
Thank you, Miss. Katys.
I appreciates your assessment.
490
00:20:39,366 --> 00:20:41,033
(LAUGHING) Appreciate it.
491
00:20:41,066 --> 00:20:42,800
Wayne.
Well...
492
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:45,600
Well, I liked it because
493
00:20:45,633 --> 00:20:48,833
what I see, I understand.
494
00:20:48,866 --> 00:20:50,533
Whereas everything else
I've seen today
495
00:20:51,466 --> 00:20:53,300
I don't understand.
496
00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:56,033
I guess that makes you
the fella to beat,
Squirrely Dan.
497
00:20:56,066 --> 00:20:57,166
(CROWD CHEERING)
498
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,533
Hot dog.
499
00:20:59,566 --> 00:21:01,233
I don't know
what that means,
it's probably not this,
500
00:21:01,266 --> 00:21:02,266
but this was super easy.
501
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:04,366
DAN: You do sinkers
and you tells people about it.
502
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,033
Have a good night.
GLEN: Yay, for Dan.
503
00:21:06,066 --> 00:21:07,500
Yay for Dan.
504
00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:10,166
Time for our final act
at the Met this evening.
505
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:14,200
This gentlemen comes
from a long, long line
of line dancers
506
00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:17,466
and tonight he's here
to dance for you.
507
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,966
Let's hear it for Daryl.
508
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,933
(CROWD CLAPPING)
509
00:21:22,966 --> 00:21:25,833
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
510
00:21:58,233 --> 00:22:01,166
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
511
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,066
( SWAMP THING PLAYING)
512
00:22:19,933 --> 00:22:21,133
KATY: He's losing it.
513
00:22:21,166 --> 00:22:23,533
WAYNE: All for show offs
up there. Hang on there,
good buddy.
514
00:23:25,633 --> 00:23:26,900
Fuck cardio.
515
00:23:30,633 --> 00:23:32,366
( SWAMP THING CONTINUES)38448
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
