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1
00:00:18,056 --> 00:00:21,226
GOOD EVENING, FIEND FANS,
2
00:00:21,226 --> 00:00:23,995
AND WELCOME
TO MY CRAWLY CRYPT.
3
00:00:23,996 --> 00:00:25,831
THIS LITTLE DRAMA
4
00:00:25,831 --> 00:00:29,535
IS ABOUT ONE OF LIFE'S
UNEXPECTED PLEASURES--
5
00:00:29,535 --> 00:00:32,304
DYING, THAT IS.
6
00:00:32,304 --> 00:00:36,008
MOST OF US
ONLY GET TO DO IT ONCE.
7
00:00:36,008 --> 00:00:40,179
THEN IT'S ALL OVER
BEFORE YOU CAN REALLY ENJOY IT.
8
00:00:40,646 --> 00:00:44,817
BUT ONE MAN
DID GET TO DIE AGAIN,
9
00:00:44,816 --> 00:00:47,118
AND HE LIKED IT SO MUCH,
10
00:00:47,119 --> 00:00:49,888
HE STARTED DOING IT
FOR A LIVING.
11
00:00:50,255 --> 00:00:56,728
THIS IS THE STORY
OF ULRIC THE UNDYING,
12
00:00:57,195 --> 00:00:58,596
A SIDE SHOW PERFORMER
13
00:00:58,597 --> 00:01:01,834
WHO FOUND DEATH
NOT ONLY FUN,
14
00:01:01,833 --> 00:01:03,668
BUT PROFITABLE.
15
00:01:04,102 --> 00:01:08,773
IN FACT, HE'S DYING
TO PUT ON A SHOW FOR YOU...
16
00:01:08,774 --> 00:01:10,175
RIGHT NOW.
17
00:01:10,609 --> 00:01:12,010
[MUSIC PLAYING]
18
00:01:12,010 --> 00:01:13,378
[CAT MEOWS]
19
00:01:13,378 --> 00:01:15,247
[MAN TALKING]
20
00:01:24,723 --> 00:01:26,158
[KIDS ON RIDE SCREAMING
WITH EXCITEMENT]
21
00:01:26,158 --> 00:01:27,559
[PEOPLE TALKING]
22
00:02:03,528 --> 00:02:05,397
COME GATHER ROUND,
GATHER ROUND.
23
00:02:05,397 --> 00:02:06,298
COME FROM FAR,
COME FROM NEAR.
24
00:02:06,298 --> 00:02:08,634
GATHER ROUND, FOLKS,
RIGHT OVER HERE.
25
00:02:08,634 --> 00:02:10,936
COME SEE THE SHOW--
100% NATURAL,
26
00:02:10,936 --> 00:02:12,771
NOTHING ARTIFICIAL,
GUARANTEED NO PESTICIDES,
27
00:02:13,271 --> 00:02:14,906
AH, BUT PERHAPS
A HOMICIDE.
28
00:02:14,906 --> 00:02:16,574
TONIGHT,
A SPECIAL SHOW,
29
00:02:16,575 --> 00:02:17,976
TWO SHOWS IN ONE--
30
00:02:18,443 --> 00:02:19,811
THE TRAGEDY OF DEATH
31
00:02:19,811 --> 00:02:21,680
AND THE MIRACLE
OF RESURRECTION!
32
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,882
OH!
OH!
33
00:02:24,216 --> 00:02:25,651
TONIGHT, THIS MAN,
34
00:02:25,651 --> 00:02:28,420
OUR VERY OWN
ULRIC THE UNDYING,
35
00:02:28,420 --> 00:02:29,821
WILL BE SEALED
INTO A COFFIN
36
00:02:30,288 --> 00:02:32,123
AND BURIED IN A GRAVE
6 FEET UNDER
37
00:02:32,124 --> 00:02:34,426
TO AWAIT
HIS INEVITABLE EXPIRATION
38
00:02:34,426 --> 00:02:36,194
BY THE GRASP
OF SUFFOCATION.
39
00:02:36,428 --> 00:02:38,797
I CALL TO YOUR ATTENTION
A CLOCK
40
00:02:38,797 --> 00:02:39,631
WHICH HANGS
ABOVE HIS GRAVE.
41
00:02:39,998 --> 00:02:41,466
ULRIC WILL BE BURIED ALIVE
42
00:02:41,466 --> 00:02:42,867
AT PRECISELY
THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT,
43
00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:45,170
BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA LET HIM
OUT UNTIL NOON TOMORROW,
44
00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:46,571
AT WHICH TIME HIS PRECIOUS,
45
00:02:46,571 --> 00:02:48,673
PRECIOUS OXYGEN WILL
HAVE BEEN EXHAUSTED.
46
00:02:49,041 --> 00:02:51,744
HA HA HA HA HA! FOLKS,
THIS IS AN ESCAPE
47
00:02:51,743 --> 00:02:53,578
THAT HOUDINI HIMSELF
COULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF.
48
00:02:54,046 --> 00:02:56,815
I GIVE TO YOU
ULRIC THE UNDYING!
49
00:02:56,815 --> 00:02:59,051
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
50
00:03:06,491 --> 00:03:07,926
ULRIC! ULRIC!
51
00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:10,162
All: ULRIC! ULRIC!
52
00:03:10,529 --> 00:03:11,997
ULRIC! ULRIC!
53
00:03:11,997 --> 00:03:13,398
ULRIC! ULRIC!
54
00:03:13,832 --> 00:03:15,133
ULRIC! ULRIC!
55
00:03:15,133 --> 00:03:16,901
ULRIC! ULRIC!
56
00:03:16,902 --> 00:03:18,771
ULRIC! ULRIC!
57
00:03:18,770 --> 00:03:20,605
ULRIC! ULRIC!
58
00:03:20,605 --> 00:03:22,474
ULRIC! ULRIC!
59
00:03:22,474 --> 00:03:24,309
ULRIC! ULRIC!
60
00:03:24,743 --> 00:03:27,546
ULRIC! ULRIC! ULRIC!
61
00:03:32,718 --> 00:03:36,422
WHEN THEY DIG ME UP,
I'LL BE DEAD,
62
00:03:36,888 --> 00:03:40,592
JUST LIKE ALL THOSE BASTARDS
WANT ME TO BE,
63
00:03:40,592 --> 00:03:44,863
BUT I WON'T STAY THAT WAY.
64
00:03:44,863 --> 00:03:49,301
I REMEMBER
THE DAY IT ALL BEGAN.
65
00:03:50,469 --> 00:03:52,338
[COUGHING]
66
00:03:54,172 --> 00:03:55,106
[CAT MEOWING]
67
00:03:55,107 --> 00:03:57,876
[COUGHING]
68
00:03:59,277 --> 00:04:00,645
AAH!
69
00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:03,449
WHO ARE YOU?
70
00:04:03,448 --> 00:04:05,750
WOULD YOU
LIKE TO BE RICH?
71
00:04:05,751 --> 00:04:07,987
HEY...
72
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,088
RICHER THAN
YOU EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE.
73
00:04:10,088 --> 00:04:12,424
RICHER THAN
YOU EVER DREAMED OF.
74
00:04:12,858 --> 00:04:15,661
HMM.
75
00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:17,495
THIS MONEY,
MY LIFE SAVINGS,
76
00:04:17,963 --> 00:04:19,832
WILL BE YOURS
77
00:04:19,831 --> 00:04:23,968
IF YOU CONSENT
TO A SMALL EXPERIMENT.
78
00:04:23,969 --> 00:04:25,838
[CAT MEOWING]
UH...
79
00:04:25,837 --> 00:04:28,606
HA HA HA!
80
00:04:28,607 --> 00:04:30,008
YES, MY FRIEND.
81
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:31,376
COME.
82
00:04:33,211 --> 00:04:35,080
WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
83
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:38,317
WAIT A SECOND.
WAIT A SECOND.
84
00:04:41,553 --> 00:04:43,388
THIS--
YOU'LL PARDON THE TERM--
85
00:04:43,388 --> 00:04:44,789
IS A CAT SCAN.
86
00:04:45,223 --> 00:04:47,092
IT SHOWS BLOOD
FLOW INTO THE BRAIN
87
00:04:47,092 --> 00:04:48,961
OF A HEALTHY HOUSE CAT.
88
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,664
THIS SHOWS THE BRAIN
OF A CAT NEAR DEATH.
89
00:04:52,664 --> 00:04:53,965
WHAT'S
YOUR POINT, DOC?
90
00:04:54,299 --> 00:04:56,635
MY POINT IS THAT
THIS CAT DIDN'T DIE.
91
00:04:56,635 --> 00:04:57,936
NOT PERMANENTLY.
92
00:04:58,270 --> 00:05:00,906
AN HOUR LATER,
HE WAS HEALTHY AS A KITTEN,
93
00:05:01,173 --> 00:05:03,575
AND THE SAME THING HAPPENED
AGAIN AND AGAIN
94
00:05:03,575 --> 00:05:08,113
UNTIL THE NINTH TIME,
WHEN HE FINALLY STAYED DEAD.
95
00:05:08,413 --> 00:05:11,249
OH.
DIFFERENT CAT, HUH?
96
00:05:11,249 --> 00:05:13,118
WHAT'S ALL THIS
GOT TO DO WITH ME?
97
00:05:13,118 --> 00:05:14,953
WELL, I...
98
00:05:14,953 --> 00:05:17,722
I WANT TO GIVE YOU
THOSE NINE LIVES.
99
00:05:17,722 --> 00:05:19,123
DON'T TOUCH!
100
00:05:19,124 --> 00:05:21,893
THE NEXT BEST THING
TO BEING IMMORTAL.
101
00:05:21,893 --> 00:05:24,195
IT'S A SIMPLE
MATTER, REALLY,
102
00:05:24,196 --> 00:05:26,999
REMOVING A GLAND
FROM A COMMON CAT
103
00:05:27,432 --> 00:05:28,366
AND SURGICALLY
104
00:05:28,366 --> 00:05:30,201
GRAFTING IT
INTO YOUR BRAIN.
105
00:05:30,202 --> 00:05:32,071
MY BRAIN?
106
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:33,905
OHHH...
107
00:05:33,905 --> 00:05:36,708
SO I CAN DIE
NINE TIMES!
108
00:05:36,708 --> 00:05:39,010
NOW YOU'RE
MAKING SENSE, DOC.
109
00:05:39,010 --> 00:05:42,714
AND THIS IS WHERE
YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT, HUH?
110
00:05:42,714 --> 00:05:45,483
I'M GOING TO
GET YOUR GLAND,
111
00:05:45,483 --> 00:05:48,252
AND THESE ARE THE TOOLS
OF THE PROFESSION.
112
00:05:48,253 --> 00:05:50,555
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
113
00:05:50,555 --> 00:05:52,424
IF THIS DON'T WORK--
114
00:05:52,424 --> 00:05:55,027
IF IT
DOESN'T WORK,
115
00:05:55,026 --> 00:05:56,861
YOU'LL HAVE
NO COMPLAINTS.
116
00:05:56,862 --> 00:05:57,796
UHH!
117
00:05:57,796 --> 00:05:59,631
HOLY...
118
00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:02,400
CHRIST, I'VE HAD
HANGOVERS BEFORE,
119
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,269
BUT THIS IS TERRIBLE.
120
00:06:04,269 --> 00:06:05,670
MY HEAD.
121
00:06:05,670 --> 00:06:07,505
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, DOC.
122
00:06:07,505 --> 00:06:09,807
YOU DIDN'T SAY YOU WERE
GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD.
123
00:06:09,808 --> 00:06:11,677
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
124
00:06:11,676 --> 00:06:13,044
SHITTY.
125
00:06:13,511 --> 00:06:15,380
DOC,
DID IT WORK?
126
00:06:15,380 --> 00:06:17,682
ABSOLUTELY. FABULOUS.
127
00:06:17,682 --> 00:06:19,050
FANTASTIC!
128
00:06:19,050 --> 00:06:24,522
YOU NOW HAVE THE NINE LIVES
OF THIS POOR CAT.
129
00:06:24,789 --> 00:06:26,658
WAIT A MINUTE.
130
00:06:26,658 --> 00:06:29,327
HOW DO I KNOW
I'VE GOT NINE LIVES?
131
00:06:31,930 --> 00:06:33,598
THIS OUGHT TO KILL YOU.
132
00:06:33,598 --> 00:06:36,835
NO, DOC! NO!
133
00:06:48,113 --> 00:06:49,047
[SHORT BEEP]
134
00:06:49,514 --> 00:06:51,716
[FLATLINING]
135
00:06:58,957 --> 00:07:01,726
THERE'S NO DOUBT
ABOUT IT.
136
00:07:02,193 --> 00:07:03,561
NO!
137
00:07:03,561 --> 00:07:06,798
WELCOME BACK
TO LIFE, MY FRIEND.
138
00:07:06,798 --> 00:07:08,667
YOU--YOU BASTARD!
139
00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:10,035
YOU TRIED
TO KILL ME!
140
00:07:10,035 --> 00:07:11,904
I DIDN'T TRY
TO KILL YOU.
141
00:07:11,903 --> 00:07:13,738
DID KILL YOU,
142
00:07:13,738 --> 00:07:16,040
DEADER THAN
KELSEY'S NUTS!
143
00:07:16,041 --> 00:07:18,844
AND YOU CAN STILL DIE
EIGHT MORE TIMES.
144
00:07:19,311 --> 00:07:22,080
ALL RIGHT.
IF THAT'S TRUE,
145
00:07:22,547 --> 00:07:23,915
WHEN DO I
GET MY MONEY?
146
00:07:23,915 --> 00:07:26,718
AS I PROMISED,
RIGHT NOW,
147
00:07:26,718 --> 00:07:31,323
BUT BEFORE YOU STAGGER
INTO THE NEAREST BAR
148
00:07:31,323 --> 00:07:34,092
TO SLURP DOWN YOUR MONEY,
149
00:07:34,092 --> 00:07:39,197
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
MAKE 100 TIMES MORE, 1,000?
150
00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:41,499
NO! NO! WHAT ELSE DO YOU
WANT TO DO TO ME?
151
00:07:41,967 --> 00:07:44,736
NOTHING, DEAR BOY.
I JUST THOUGHT
152
00:07:44,970 --> 00:07:45,938
PERHAPS YOUR
SPECIAL TALENT
153
00:07:45,937 --> 00:07:47,806
COULD MAKE US BOTH
A LOT OF MONEY,
154
00:07:48,239 --> 00:07:50,108
ENOUGH TO FINANCE
MY YEARS
155
00:07:50,108 --> 00:07:51,509
OF MY LONGEVITY RESEARCH
156
00:07:51,509 --> 00:07:53,344
AND ENOUGH, OF COURSE,
157
00:07:53,345 --> 00:07:55,113
TO BUY YOU
AN OCEAN OF ALCOHOL.
158
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:56,481
WHAT DO I GOTTA DO?
159
00:07:56,481 --> 00:07:57,415
FIRST,
YOU NEED TO SHAVE.
160
00:07:57,415 --> 00:08:00,184
TRY NOT TO CUT
YOUR OWN THROAT.
161
00:08:00,185 --> 00:08:03,722
THOSE EXTRA LIVES
ARE TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE.
162
00:08:08,693 --> 00:08:10,562
WHY NOT?
163
00:08:10,862 --> 00:08:12,764
IT'D BE WORTH MILLIONS.
164
00:08:14,566 --> 00:08:16,868
NO, I'M NOT INTERESTED.
I'VE SEEN ESCAPE ACTS.
165
00:08:16,868 --> 00:08:18,269
THE ONLY THING THAT
DISAPPEARS IS THE AUDIENCE.
166
00:08:18,737 --> 00:08:21,039
YEAH, BUT ULRIC THE UNDYING
IS DIFFERENT.
167
00:08:21,039 --> 00:08:21,973
YOU SEE,
HE DOESN'T ESCAPE.
168
00:08:21,973 --> 00:08:24,742
HE ACTUALLY DIES
RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES.
169
00:08:24,743 --> 00:08:26,278
THAT'S WHY
WE CAN ONLY SCHEDULE
170
00:08:26,277 --> 00:08:28,146
A LIMITED NUMBER
OF PERFORMANCES.
171
00:08:28,146 --> 00:08:29,547
HE DIES?
172
00:08:29,547 --> 00:08:30,948
YES.
173
00:08:30,949 --> 00:08:33,718
OK, STRANGELOVE,
I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
174
00:08:33,718 --> 00:08:35,553
I HOPE IT WORKS.
I COULD USE THE MONEY.
175
00:08:35,553 --> 00:08:37,889
MY FREAKS
NEED A NEW SHOE.
176
00:08:40,191 --> 00:08:41,959
[THUNDER]
177
00:08:43,795 --> 00:08:45,664
GATHER ROUND,
GATHER ROUND
178
00:08:46,097 --> 00:08:49,367
AS ULRIC THE UNDYING
DEFIES THE DROWNING CHAMBER,
179
00:08:49,801 --> 00:08:52,137
A WATERY NIGHTMARE
FROM WHICH THERE IS NO ESCAPE,
180
00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:54,906
THREE MINUTES IS ENOUGH
TO KILL ANY MERE MORTAL,
181
00:08:54,906 --> 00:08:56,941
BUT ULRIC
WILL REMAIN UNDERWATER
182
00:08:56,941 --> 00:08:58,242
FOR A FULL HOUR,
183
00:08:58,243 --> 00:09:01,379
AS VERIFIED BY THE EMINENT
DR. MANFRED MANN.
184
00:09:01,613 --> 00:09:03,048
DR. EMIL MANFRED.
185
00:09:03,048 --> 00:09:05,817
WHATEVER YOU SAY, DOC.
ULRIC, ARE YOU READY?
186
00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:07,685
HUH?
187
00:09:07,685 --> 00:09:09,053
ARE YOU READY?
188
00:09:09,521 --> 00:09:10,889
OH, YEAH, I'M READY.
189
00:09:10,889 --> 00:09:13,225
OK, BOYS. FILL HER UP.
190
00:09:13,224 --> 00:09:15,059
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
191
00:09:15,527 --> 00:09:16,928
AS THE WATER
ENGULFS ULRIC,
192
00:09:16,928 --> 00:09:19,030
I BEG YOU TO CONTROL
YOUR EMOTIONS.
193
00:09:19,030 --> 00:09:21,266
MAKE NO MOVE
TO SAVE HIM!
194
00:09:23,034 --> 00:09:23,968
SORRY.
STAND BACK!
195
00:09:23,968 --> 00:09:25,336
DO YOU WANT TO
HAVE DINNER AFTER?
196
00:09:25,336 --> 00:09:26,170
DO YOU WANT TO
HAVE DINNER
197
00:09:26,171 --> 00:09:27,539
WITH ME LATER?
198
00:09:28,039 --> 00:09:29,874
HE WAS A CHILD PRODIGY...
199
00:09:29,874 --> 00:09:31,609
DINNER.
200
00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:37,816
DINNER WITH ME
LATER.
201
00:09:37,816 --> 00:09:40,619
DINNER!
AHH! EAT!
202
00:09:40,618 --> 00:09:44,021
YOU WANT TO
EAT WITH ME LATER
203
00:09:44,022 --> 00:09:46,358
AFTER YOU'RE DEAD?
204
00:09:46,357 --> 00:09:48,659
YOU--I'LL WAIT
HERE, OK?
205
00:09:48,660 --> 00:09:50,962
[CAMERA SHUTTERS
CLICKING]
206
00:10:00,004 --> 00:10:02,306
[SCREAMING]
207
00:10:02,674 --> 00:10:07,512
OH, OH! OH,
OH, OH! OH!
208
00:10:07,512 --> 00:10:10,281
SPEED IT UP,
SPEED IT UP.
209
00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:13,919
THAT'S IT!
HE'S DEADER
210
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:15,286
THAN A POSSUM
ON THE INTERSTATE.
211
00:10:15,653 --> 00:10:16,587
HE'S DEADER
THAN SHIT!
212
00:10:17,021 --> 00:10:17,989
DON'T WORRY, FOLKS.
213
00:10:17,989 --> 00:10:19,357
WE'RE GONNA STILL
KEEP HIM IN THERE
214
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:22,493
FOR A FULL HOUR!
215
00:10:22,494 --> 00:10:23,795
MAY I HAVE
THE OFFICIAL CLOCK?
216
00:10:24,162 --> 00:10:26,498
[TICKING]
217
00:10:26,498 --> 00:10:29,735
[ALARM RINGS]
218
00:10:29,734 --> 00:10:31,135
HE'S DEAD.
219
00:10:31,569 --> 00:10:33,438
HE'S OFFICIALLY DEAD.
220
00:10:34,806 --> 00:10:36,675
THANK YOU,
DR. MANFRED.
221
00:10:38,977 --> 00:10:40,378
DRAIN THE TANK.
222
00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:43,147
THIS MAY SEEM
LIKE ULRIC'S LAST PERFORMANCE,
223
00:10:43,148 --> 00:10:44,516
BUT DON'T
GO AWAY YET, FOLKS,
224
00:10:44,516 --> 00:10:47,786
FOR ULRIC IS A MAN WHO
LIVES ONLY TO DIE AGAIN.
225
00:10:47,785 --> 00:10:51,555
I GIVE YOU RESURRECTION!
226
00:10:53,291 --> 00:10:55,059
RESURRECTION!
227
00:10:57,695 --> 00:10:58,696
IS HE GONNA COME
BACK FOR DINNER?
228
00:10:58,696 --> 00:11:00,531
OF COURSE HE'S GONNA
COME BACK. RESURRECTION,
229
00:11:00,532 --> 00:11:02,200
DOC, RESURRECT!
230
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,070
RESURRECTION!
COME BACK!
231
00:11:05,069 --> 00:11:06,470
COME BACK!
[CROWD BOOING]
232
00:11:06,905 --> 00:11:09,241
FOLKS, DON'T GO AWAY.
DOC! DOC, YOU CAN
233
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:10,608
GET IN TROUBLE IN
SOME STATES FOR THIS.
234
00:11:10,608 --> 00:11:12,944
RESURRECTION!
RESURRECTION!
235
00:11:12,944 --> 00:11:14,312
FOLKS! FOLKS,
DON'T GO AWAY.
236
00:11:14,312 --> 00:11:15,713
RESURRECTION!
237
00:11:15,713 --> 00:11:18,015
I'LL BE HAPPY TO
GIVE YOU A RAIN CHECK.
238
00:11:18,016 --> 00:11:19,784
RESURRECTION!
239
00:11:20,051 --> 00:11:21,452
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
240
00:11:21,452 --> 00:11:22,820
FOLKS, FOLKS, LISTEN.
241
00:11:24,222 --> 00:11:26,524
OH! OH!
242
00:11:26,524 --> 00:11:28,393
WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED IN THERE?
243
00:11:28,393 --> 00:11:29,761
HOW COULD YOU
LET HIM DO IT?
244
00:11:29,761 --> 00:11:31,162
IT'S YOUR FAULT
HE'S DEAD.
245
00:11:31,162 --> 00:11:32,563
[SPLASH]
AAH!
246
00:11:32,564 --> 00:11:35,767
IT'S HIS FAULT
I'M RICH! HA HA HA!
247
00:11:35,767 --> 00:11:37,636
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, HONEY?
248
00:11:37,635 --> 00:11:39,470
UH...CORALEE.
249
00:11:39,470 --> 00:11:40,404
HEY, CORALEE,
250
00:11:40,405 --> 00:11:41,806
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
HAVE SOME ITALIAN FOOD?
251
00:11:41,806 --> 00:11:42,740
I'M BUYING.
252
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:43,641
THAT'D BE GREAT!
253
00:11:44,108 --> 00:11:45,509
DOC, GET ME A TOWEL.
254
00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:46,444
HE'S ALIVE!
255
00:11:46,878 --> 00:11:49,647
HEY, I'M RESURRECTED!
256
00:11:49,647 --> 00:11:52,450
DOC!
257
00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:53,818
RESURRECTION!
258
00:11:53,818 --> 00:11:54,752
HE'S ALIVE!
259
00:11:54,752 --> 00:11:56,120
RESURRECTION!
260
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,923
GATHER ROUND,
GATHER ROUND.
261
00:11:58,923 --> 00:12:02,160
HA HA HA HA!
262
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,995
JUST THINK, DOC.
263
00:12:03,995 --> 00:12:05,864
10 GRAND JUST TO LET
THEM WATCH ME DROWN
264
00:12:06,297 --> 00:12:07,231
ON THE 10:00 NEWS.
265
00:12:07,699 --> 00:12:10,001
DON'T FORGET
YOU AGREED THAT 60%
266
00:12:10,001 --> 00:12:11,870
GOES TO CONTINUE
MY LONGEVITY RESEARCH.
267
00:12:11,869 --> 00:12:14,638
HEY, DOC, RELAX.
WE GOT A PARTNERSHIP,
268
00:12:14,639 --> 00:12:16,975
AND I GOT A DATE.
269
00:12:16,975 --> 00:12:19,277
HI.
270
00:12:19,277 --> 00:12:21,112
HI.
271
00:12:23,147 --> 00:12:24,548
THAT'S ONE THING
I'LL SAY
272
00:12:24,549 --> 00:12:26,384
FOR OLD DOC MANFRED.
273
00:12:26,851 --> 00:12:29,187
HE WASTED NO TIME
GETTING ME KILLED AGAIN.
274
00:12:29,654 --> 00:12:31,122
GATHER ROUND,
GATHER ROUND
275
00:12:31,122 --> 00:12:32,957
FOR A LITTLE
FRONTIER JUSTICE
276
00:12:32,957 --> 00:12:35,293
AS OUR OWN
ULRIC THE UNDYING
277
00:12:35,293 --> 00:12:36,661
IS GONNA HAVE
A LITTLE NECKTIE PARTY
278
00:12:36,661 --> 00:12:37,595
AS HE GETS
HIS NECK STRETCHED
279
00:12:37,595 --> 00:12:38,863
BEFORE OUR VERY EYES.
280
00:12:39,197 --> 00:12:40,465
SEEMS LIKE
A NICE DAY TO DIE.
281
00:12:40,765 --> 00:12:44,068
I BECAME A SENSATION.
282
00:12:44,068 --> 00:12:46,070
CROWDS WOULD GATHER
FROM MILES AROUND
283
00:12:46,070 --> 00:12:48,873
JUST TO SEE ME
BITE THE BIG ONE.
284
00:12:48,873 --> 00:12:50,274
HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?
THANKS FOR COMIN'.
285
00:12:50,275 --> 00:12:52,110
THANKS FOR COMIN' BACK.
SEEN YOU LAST TIME HERE.
286
00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:55,647
OH, COME ON!
COME ON!
287
00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,749
LADIES, GENTLEMEN, TEXANS,
AND OTHER FAINT-HEARTED,
288
00:12:57,749 --> 00:12:59,150
YOU MAY WANT TO
TURN YOUR EYES AWAY
289
00:12:59,150 --> 00:13:01,452
FROM THIS HORRIBLE EXAMPLE
OF WHAT HAPPENS
290
00:13:01,452 --> 00:13:02,386
WHEN YOU DO THE DIRTY
291
00:13:02,387 --> 00:13:04,222
IN THE DIRTY TOWN
OF DASTARDLY.
292
00:13:04,222 --> 00:13:05,056
PULL THE LEVER.
293
00:13:05,056 --> 00:13:05,823
I SAID I DON'T
WANT TO DO IT!
294
00:13:06,257 --> 00:13:06,991
PULL IT!
295
00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:08,593
CORALEE,
PULL THE LEVER!
296
00:13:08,926 --> 00:13:09,894
YOU DO IT! I DON'T
WANT TO DO IT!
297
00:13:10,361 --> 00:13:11,829
WELL, THERE'S NOT MUCH
RIDING UPSTAIRS,
298
00:13:11,829 --> 00:13:12,730
BUT DOWNSTAIRS
IN WHAT'S COUNTING.
299
00:13:12,730 --> 00:13:15,066
CORALEE, PULL THE LEVER.
300
00:13:15,066 --> 00:13:16,901
I DON'T WANT TO
DO IT.
301
00:13:16,901 --> 00:13:17,835
I DON'T WANT--
302
00:13:21,272 --> 00:13:22,173
UH-OH!
303
00:13:23,708 --> 00:13:26,077
HE'S DEAD!
HE'S DEAD!
304
00:13:26,511 --> 00:13:28,380
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
305
00:13:37,922 --> 00:13:39,857
HE'S ALIVE!
HE'S ALIVE!
306
00:13:40,325 --> 00:13:42,627
CORALEE, THE ROPE,
THE ROPE. GRAB THE ROPE.
307
00:13:42,627 --> 00:13:43,995
CORALEE, I DON'T WANT
TO WASTE A LIFE.
308
00:13:43,995 --> 00:13:45,864
CORA--AAAAH!
309
00:13:46,331 --> 00:13:48,633
HEY, DOC, THERE'S
AN AWFUL LOT OF MONEY
310
00:13:48,633 --> 00:13:50,034
IN DYING, ISN'T THERE?
311
00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:51,869
AS LONG AS
I GET MY PERCENTAGE.
312
00:13:51,869 --> 00:13:53,738
HEY, DOC, NO PROBLEM.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL,
313
00:13:53,738 --> 00:13:55,106
YOU'RE THE GUY COUNTING
THE MONEY, RIGHT?
314
00:13:55,106 --> 00:13:56,507
HEY, ALL I WANT
IS MY SHARE.
315
00:13:56,507 --> 00:13:57,441
HI, BABY!
316
00:13:57,442 --> 00:13:59,277
HI, BABY. DOC,
THANKS A MILLION!
317
00:13:59,277 --> 00:14:01,146
THANKS
A MILLION!
318
00:14:01,145 --> 00:14:02,046
ULRIC!
[DOOR SLAMS]
319
00:14:02,046 --> 00:14:04,482
Coralee: I WANT TO
SEE MR. FRIENDLY.
320
00:14:04,482 --> 00:14:05,383
[GIGGLES]
321
00:14:05,383 --> 00:14:09,087
I FIGURED IT WAS TIME
TO BOOST MY PROFITS,
322
00:14:09,087 --> 00:14:11,890
SO I WAITED JUST FOR
THE RIGHT MOMENT.
323
00:14:15,093 --> 00:14:16,962
THINK WHAT
A STRANGE MACHINE
324
00:14:16,961 --> 00:14:17,862
THE HUMAN BODY IS,
ULRIC.
325
00:14:18,329 --> 00:14:19,730
YEAH.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
326
00:14:19,731 --> 00:14:21,132
YOU CAN KILL A MAN
BY DESTROYING
327
00:14:21,132 --> 00:14:23,901
LESS THAN 1%
OF HIS BODY.
328
00:14:23,901 --> 00:14:26,670
HE CAN BE 99% HEALTHY
AND DEAD.
329
00:14:26,671 --> 00:14:27,605
AMAZING, ISN'T IT?
330
00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:28,973
EVERY HUMAN BODY
331
00:14:28,973 --> 00:14:30,374
IS LIKE A WALKING
CHEMISTRY SET.
332
00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:31,743
AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENS
333
00:14:31,743 --> 00:14:34,079
TO UPSET
THAT DELICATE BALANCE...
334
00:14:34,512 --> 00:14:35,446
DEATH.
JEEZ.
335
00:14:35,780 --> 00:14:38,583
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE
SO AMAZING, ULRIC,
336
00:14:38,583 --> 00:14:40,919
BECAUSE YOUR BODY
FIXES ITSELF.
337
00:14:41,386 --> 00:14:43,688
AND IT'S GOING TO MAKE US
BOTH A LOT OF MONEY.
338
00:14:44,155 --> 00:14:45,990
WELL, DOC, YOU'RE
HALF RIGHT ABOUT THAT.
339
00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:47,391
SEE, IT'S GOING TO MAKE
ME A LOT OF MONEY.
340
00:14:47,859 --> 00:14:50,261
SEE, I GOTTA BREACH
OUR CONTRACT, DOC.
341
00:14:50,261 --> 00:14:51,162
YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE
342
00:14:51,162 --> 00:14:52,563
IN A TERRIBLE
CAR ACCIDENT.
343
00:14:54,465 --> 00:14:55,900
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? THAT'S MURDER.
344
00:14:56,367 --> 00:14:58,202
YEAH, DOC, BUT WHO'S
GOING TO SUSPECT ME?
345
00:14:58,202 --> 00:15:00,071
I MEAN, AFTER ALL,
I'LL DIE WITH YOU.
346
00:15:00,071 --> 00:15:01,439
BUT, HEY,
I'VE GOT SIX LIVES.
347
00:15:01,439 --> 00:15:05,043
ULRIC! WAIT!
SLOW DOWN!
348
00:15:05,042 --> 00:15:05,976
HA HA HA HA!
349
00:15:05,977 --> 00:15:07,278
WAIT!
350
00:15:07,278 --> 00:15:08,679
[TIRES SQUEALING]
351
00:15:08,679 --> 00:15:09,580
[SHATTERING GLASS]
352
00:15:09,580 --> 00:15:12,383
NO HARD FEELINGS, DOC.
353
00:15:12,683 --> 00:15:13,651
GATHER ROUND!
GATHER ROUND!
354
00:15:13,651 --> 00:15:15,052
TONIGHT,
A SPECIAL DELIGHT.
355
00:15:15,052 --> 00:15:15,986
THIS IS NO HOAX,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
356
00:15:15,987 --> 00:15:17,822
IN A FEW MINUTES,
OUR OWN ULRIC,
357
00:15:17,822 --> 00:15:20,591
THE MAN WHO LIVES TO DIE
WILL BE QUICK-FRIED
358
00:15:20,591 --> 00:15:22,460
WITH A BURST
OF ELECTRICAL ENERGY!
359
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:23,828
AND ONE OF
YOU LUCKY FOLKS
360
00:15:23,828 --> 00:15:25,697
IS GONNA BE THE ONE
TO PULL THE SWITCH!
361
00:15:25,696 --> 00:15:27,064
[APPLAUSE]
362
00:15:27,064 --> 00:15:29,199
CORALEE, WILL YOU DRAW
THE LUCKY NUMBER?
363
00:15:29,434 --> 00:15:30,402
THE HONORS...
364
00:15:30,401 --> 00:15:32,270
UM...
THE LUCKY NUMBER IS...
365
00:15:32,270 --> 00:15:35,039
OH! OH! 5, 2--
366
00:15:35,039 --> 00:15:36,440
THAT'S 1.
IT'S A 5.
367
00:15:36,441 --> 00:15:41,046
10590!
368
00:15:41,479 --> 00:15:42,914
AW!
AW!
369
00:15:42,914 --> 00:15:45,216
THAT'S ME!
HA HA HA!
370
00:15:45,216 --> 00:15:46,117
[APPLAUSE]
371
00:15:46,117 --> 00:15:48,453
COME UP HERE
AND CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!
372
00:15:48,453 --> 00:15:50,755
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GET
TO FRY MY BOYFRIEND!
373
00:15:50,755 --> 00:15:53,825
ULRIC! DO YOU HAVE
ANY LAST WORDS?
374
00:15:53,825 --> 00:15:55,193
YES, I DO.
375
00:15:55,193 --> 00:15:57,962
I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE
THIS DEATH
376
00:15:57,962 --> 00:16:00,765
TO THE MEMORY
OF DR. EMIL MANFRED,
377
00:16:00,765 --> 00:16:02,133
MY DEAR FRIEND,
378
00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:05,837
WHO WOULD HAVE WANTED ME
TO CONTINUE--
379
00:16:06,304 --> 00:16:08,139
SHUT UP
AND COOK HIM!
380
00:16:10,141 --> 00:16:11,576
ARE YOU READY?
381
00:16:11,576 --> 00:16:13,812
YOU BET YOUR ASS,
I'M READY!
382
00:16:14,045 --> 00:16:16,381
I'M READY TO DIE.
383
00:16:16,380 --> 00:16:18,249
HA HA HA!
384
00:16:18,249 --> 00:16:19,617
THEN NUKE HIM!
385
00:16:19,617 --> 00:16:21,752
GO FOR IT,
GRANDMA!
386
00:16:33,030 --> 00:16:34,899
SHOCKING, ISN'T IT?
387
00:16:42,206 --> 00:16:43,474
GO FOR THE BURN!
388
00:16:47,445 --> 00:16:48,846
LOOKS LIKE
THAT'S THE END
389
00:16:48,846 --> 00:16:50,614
OF OLD ULRIC, EH?
390
00:16:54,986 --> 00:16:56,354
SHAKE AND BAKE.
391
00:16:56,654 --> 00:16:58,022
RESURRECTION!
392
00:16:58,289 --> 00:16:59,223
OR ARE YOU GOING
TO MAKE
393
00:16:59,223 --> 00:17:00,157
A LIAR OUT OF ME?
394
00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:01,526
RESURRECTION!
395
00:17:01,526 --> 00:17:03,962
OK, ULRIC.
396
00:17:04,161 --> 00:17:05,596
ULRIC?
397
00:17:05,596 --> 00:17:06,997
ULRIC!
398
00:17:06,998 --> 00:17:08,766
RESURRECTION!
399
00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:09,667
JUST A GAG, FOLKS.
HE'S A KIDDER.
400
00:17:09,667 --> 00:17:10,601
COME ON, ULRIC,
RESURRECTION.
401
00:17:10,601 --> 00:17:11,535
Audience member:
RESURRECTION!
402
00:17:11,536 --> 00:17:14,305
SHE DID IT!
THE CHAMP!
403
00:17:14,305 --> 00:17:17,074
GRANDMA KILLED
MY BOYFRIEND!
404
00:17:17,074 --> 00:17:18,475
YAY!
405
00:17:18,476 --> 00:17:20,311
THERE'S NO PULSE HERE.
406
00:17:20,311 --> 00:17:23,014
HE'S GOING FOR
A NEW WORLD RECORD!
407
00:17:23,281 --> 00:17:26,151
THAT'S ONE THING
I HADN'T FIGURED.
408
00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:28,452
SOME RESURRECTIONS
TAKE LONGER THAN OTHERS.
409
00:17:33,090 --> 00:17:34,491
APPRECIATE
YOUR BUSINESS.
410
00:17:34,492 --> 00:17:35,860
ALL RIGHT, NOW.
411
00:17:35,860 --> 00:17:37,695
FIRST WE DRAIN--
412
00:17:37,695 --> 00:17:39,096
LADIES AND--
413
00:17:39,096 --> 00:17:40,497
AAAH!
414
00:17:41,966 --> 00:17:43,901
DON'T! YOU CAN'T
EMBALM HIM!
415
00:17:44,368 --> 00:17:46,203
HE'S, UM...
HE'S NOT REALLY DEAD.
416
00:17:46,203 --> 00:17:47,137
WELL, YOU COULD
HAVE FOOLED ME.
417
00:17:47,138 --> 00:17:48,539
NOW, PLEASE EXCUSE ME.
418
00:17:48,539 --> 00:17:49,907
I HAVE
A VERY TIGHT SCHEDULE.
419
00:17:49,907 --> 00:17:52,710
AAAAH!
420
00:17:52,710 --> 00:17:54,545
HEY, HONEY.
WELCOME BACK.
421
00:17:54,545 --> 00:17:55,946
CORALEE, BABY,
WHAT WAS OUR TAKE?
422
00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:57,781
OH! 50,625!
423
00:17:57,782 --> 00:17:59,183
ALL RIGHT!
424
00:17:59,183 --> 00:18:01,018
WORTH DYING FOR, HONEY,
WORTH DYING FOR.
425
00:18:01,018 --> 00:18:01,952
LISTEN, I MISSED YOU
WHILE I WAS DEAD.
426
00:18:01,953 --> 00:18:02,887
DID YOU MISS ME?
427
00:18:02,887 --> 00:18:04,622
OH, I MISSED YOU!
428
00:18:04,855 --> 00:18:07,224
OOH, THAT ONE--WHOO!
THAT ONE, THAT ONE--WHOO!
429
00:18:07,224 --> 00:18:09,093
THAT ONE WAS
TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT.
430
00:18:09,093 --> 00:18:10,928
I MEAN, IF THIS GUY
EMBALMS ME,
431
00:18:10,928 --> 00:18:12,296
I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN COME BACK.
432
00:18:12,296 --> 00:18:14,665
AND EVEN IF I CAN...UGH.
433
00:18:15,099 --> 00:18:19,270
SO THE NEXT TIME, I MADE
SPECIAL ARRANGEMENTS.
434
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:22,039
CORALEE WAS GOING TO
GET MY BODY NO MATTER WHAT.
435
00:18:22,406 --> 00:18:24,108
GATHER ROUND!
GATHER ROUND!
436
00:18:24,475 --> 00:18:27,511
SHOOT AN ARROW,
LAY THE BEAR IN THE GROUND!
437
00:18:27,745 --> 00:18:30,881
NOW FOR YOUR PLEASURE,
FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY,
438
00:18:30,881 --> 00:18:34,451
IS YOUR CHANCE TO KILL
A REAL LIVE HUMAN BEING!
439
00:18:34,919 --> 00:18:36,254
COME ON,
I'M DYING TO DIE!
440
00:18:36,587 --> 00:18:38,322
COME ON, HIT ME,
HIT ME. AHHHHHH!
441
00:18:38,522 --> 00:18:40,357
IN THE HEART!
IN THE HEART!
442
00:18:40,358 --> 00:18:42,594
GIVE HIM A "HEART" ON,
AS IT WILL. HA HA!
443
00:18:42,593 --> 00:18:43,494
YEAH!
444
00:18:43,761 --> 00:18:44,562
YES, COME ON UP HERE!
445
00:18:44,829 --> 00:18:45,797
OH! OH! A MAN OF THE SEA.
446
00:18:46,230 --> 00:18:47,131
COME ON.
447
00:18:47,131 --> 00:18:48,032
COME ON UP HERE, SON.
448
00:18:48,032 --> 00:18:48,933
COME ON UP HERE,
ADMIRAL.
449
00:18:48,933 --> 00:18:50,701
COME ON, NAVY,
LET'S GO!
450
00:18:50,701 --> 00:18:52,937
SHOW THAT BIMBO
WHAT YOU'VE GOT!
451
00:18:53,337 --> 00:18:55,072
THAT WILL BE $1,000,
PLEASE.
452
00:18:56,841 --> 00:18:57,775
COME ON, COME ON!
WHAT'S $1,000
453
00:18:58,209 --> 00:18:59,010
WHEN YOU GET TO KILL
A REAL HUMAN BEING?
454
00:18:59,243 --> 00:19:00,010
YEAH!
COME ON!
455
00:19:00,511 --> 00:19:01,679
WHAT ARE YOU,
AFRAID?
456
00:19:01,946 --> 00:19:04,782
YES? NO? WELL, THEN,
ANCHORS AWAY, POPEYE.
457
00:19:04,782 --> 00:19:05,683
OK, MOVE AWAY. MOVE AWAY.
458
00:19:06,050 --> 00:19:07,051
COME ON, LET'S GO!
WHO'LL BE NEXT?
459
00:19:07,051 --> 00:19:08,653
COME ON!
WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY!
460
00:19:08,853 --> 00:19:10,688
OH, HERE'S A MACHO MAN!
HA HA HA HA!
461
00:19:11,155 --> 00:19:12,456
YOU'VE BEEN PUMPING IRON,
I SEE, HUH?
462
00:19:12,456 --> 00:19:14,258
UH, YES, WE DO TAKE
CREDIT CARDS.
463
00:19:14,258 --> 00:19:15,593
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!
464
00:19:15,593 --> 00:19:16,494
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
465
00:19:16,494 --> 00:19:18,096
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
466
00:19:18,362 --> 00:19:20,231
WELL, OK, STEP RIGHT UP
THERE, SON. TIME IS MONEY.
467
00:19:20,231 --> 00:19:21,299
COME ON, BONZO!
468
00:19:21,298 --> 00:19:22,633
DON'T PLAY TO THE CROWD.
PLAY TO THE BEAR.
469
00:19:22,633 --> 00:19:23,534
THAT'S THE ONE
YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL.
470
00:19:23,534 --> 00:19:25,302
COME ON. HE'S DYING
TO DIE! HA HA HA!
471
00:19:25,302 --> 00:19:27,905
COME ON, ASSHOLE!
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT HAT?
472
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:29,240
SHOOT HIM!
473
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:30,141
HIT THE BEAR!
474
00:19:30,141 --> 00:19:32,910
ONE SHOT! ONE SHOT
YOU HAVE HERE. COME ON, BOY!
475
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,712
YOU CAN DO IT!
I KNOW YOU CAN!
476
00:19:34,712 --> 00:19:36,013
THE BEAR'S OVER THERE.
THE BEAR'S OVER THERE.
477
00:19:36,013 --> 00:19:36,914
Man: I'M GETTING
OUT OF HERE!
478
00:19:37,381 --> 00:19:38,515
Woman: AH! HE'S
GONNA KILL US ALL!
479
00:19:38,516 --> 00:19:39,517
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.
YOU READY? ARE YOU READY?
480
00:19:39,517 --> 00:19:41,819
AIM! FIRE!
481
00:19:42,253 --> 00:19:43,254
[JEERING, BOOING]
NICE SHOT!
482
00:19:43,688 --> 00:19:46,024
OH! SO NEAR
AND YET SO FAR!
483
00:19:46,023 --> 00:19:47,791
AS THE FRENCH SAY,
ZE TOUGH SHIT!
484
00:19:47,792 --> 00:19:49,160
HA HA HA HA HA!
485
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,362
WHO'S NEXT? COME ON,
FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!
486
00:19:51,829 --> 00:19:53,164
JUNIOR'S GOING
TO GIVE IT A TRY!
487
00:19:53,497 --> 00:19:55,232
A FATHER AND SON TEAM!
488
00:19:55,433 --> 00:19:57,702
YOU CAN DO IT. COME ON,
I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.
489
00:19:57,702 --> 00:19:58,603
WHAT DO WE OWE YOU,
$1,000?
490
00:19:59,070 --> 00:20:00,038
$1,000, PLEASE.
491
00:20:00,037 --> 00:20:00,938
WELL WORTH IT
FOR MY SON.
492
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:01,806
COME ON, JUNI--
493
00:20:01,806 --> 00:20:02,707
I DON'T WANT TO.
494
00:20:02,707 --> 00:20:04,042
JUNIOR, DON'T BE
A SISSY NOW.
495
00:20:04,041 --> 00:20:04,942
I DON'T WANT TO.
JUNIOR...
496
00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:05,810
LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER, SON.
LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER.
497
00:20:06,277 --> 00:20:07,178
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
I'M GONNA GET YOU
498
00:20:07,178 --> 00:20:08,846
A JUNIOR MEMBERSHIP
IN THE N.R.A.
499
00:20:09,213 --> 00:20:10,915
SOME KIDS KILL RABBITS.
YOU CAN KILL PEOPLE.
500
00:20:11,182 --> 00:20:12,183
COME ON, NOW.
PUT YOUR HANDS UP.
501
00:20:12,183 --> 00:20:13,484
I DON'T WANT
TO KILL ANYBODY.
502
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,986
I'VE BEEN KILLING PEOPLE FOR
YEARS AND NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.
503
00:20:16,253 --> 00:20:17,154
COME ON,
YOU CAN LINE IT UP.
504
00:20:17,154 --> 00:20:18,055
NO.
STEADY.
505
00:20:18,489 --> 00:20:19,657
NOW!
506
00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:20,724
[CROWD MURMURING]
507
00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:22,760
OH!
OH!
508
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,128
YOU DID THAT
ON PURPOSE, JUNIOR.
509
00:20:24,128 --> 00:20:25,463
I DIDN'T DO IT, DAD.
510
00:20:25,463 --> 00:20:26,798
YOU DID IT
ON PURPOSE, JUNIOR.
511
00:20:26,797 --> 00:20:28,132
I DIDN'T MEAN TO HIT
HIM IN THE BALLS.
512
00:20:28,499 --> 00:20:29,467
You little fat fucker.
513
00:20:29,467 --> 00:20:30,802
ALL RIGHT, WHO'LL BE NEXT?
514
00:20:30,801 --> 00:20:32,169
COME ON!
A PERSONAL CHECK?
515
00:20:32,169 --> 00:20:33,771
YES, WE TAKE
PERSONAL CHECKS.
516
00:20:33,771 --> 00:20:35,973
I'LL NEED TWO PIECES
OF IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE.
517
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:38,309
OH, LOOK AT THIS!
LOOK AT THIS!
518
00:20:38,309 --> 00:20:41,612
STATE FAIR
ARCHERY CHAMPION 1987!
519
00:20:41,612 --> 00:20:45,015
OOH!
YAY!
520
00:20:45,216 --> 00:20:46,617
WELL, IF ANYONE CAN HIT HIM,
I GUESS HE CAN, HUH?
521
00:20:46,617 --> 00:20:48,819
GO GET HIM, SIR,
AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
522
00:21:01,766 --> 00:21:04,002
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
523
00:21:13,911 --> 00:21:16,480
SWEET DREAMS, ULRIC!
524
00:21:21,485 --> 00:21:22,486
HE'S DEAD!
525
00:21:22,486 --> 00:21:24,688
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
526
00:21:26,056 --> 00:21:27,291
SO WHAT DO I WIN?
527
00:21:29,627 --> 00:21:33,197
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THE LOVELY CORALEE.
528
00:21:33,197 --> 00:21:34,065
CONGRATULATIONS, SIR.
529
00:21:34,498 --> 00:21:36,834
AWESOME!
OH, YEAH!
530
00:21:36,834 --> 00:21:38,169
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
531
00:21:38,169 --> 00:21:39,504
HOW MUCH
DO YOU WANT FOR IT?
532
00:21:43,073 --> 00:21:44,841
I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME
MOVE THE BODY.
533
00:21:44,842 --> 00:21:46,644
I'M SORRY, BUT
YOU CAN'T MOVE HIM.
534
00:21:46,644 --> 00:21:50,681
I HAVE A SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT
WITH THE DECEASED.
535
00:21:51,115 --> 00:21:51,983
DOESN'T MAKE
ANY DIFFERENCE.
536
00:21:51,982 --> 00:21:55,118
HE TOLD ME
TO GIVE YOU THIS
537
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:58,689
IF THERE WAS
ANY OBJECTION.
538
00:21:58,689 --> 00:22:00,958
HOLY SHIT.
539
00:22:01,458 --> 00:22:02,793
THIS IS MORE MONEY
THAN I MAKE IN A YEAR.
540
00:22:02,793 --> 00:22:03,694
YOU'RE WELCOME.
541
00:22:04,161 --> 00:22:05,129
CAN I HELP
MOVE THE BODY?
542
00:22:05,129 --> 00:22:06,030
YEAH.
543
00:22:09,133 --> 00:22:10,901
YOU MADE
THE FRONT PAGE!
544
00:22:12,703 --> 00:22:14,038
SHITTY PICTURE.
545
00:22:14,471 --> 00:22:15,839
HOW YOU FEELING,
HONEY?
546
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,042
BABY, THIS DYING SHIT'S
TAKING YEARS OFF MY LIFE.
547
00:22:18,042 --> 00:22:18,943
OH, POOR BABY.
548
00:22:18,943 --> 00:22:19,844
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
549
00:22:20,277 --> 00:22:22,079
I'LL GET IT.
WHO IS IT?
550
00:22:23,414 --> 00:22:24,749
GATHER ROUND.
GATHER ROUND.
551
00:22:24,748 --> 00:22:26,984
HERE WE GO. 80% OF
THE BOX OFFICE TAKE,
552
00:22:26,984 --> 00:22:27,852
PAYOLA FROM HBO,
553
00:22:27,852 --> 00:22:29,654
AND SOME SIDE BET
MONEY, TOO.
554
00:22:29,653 --> 00:22:30,554
[SNAPS]
555
00:22:30,554 --> 00:22:31,422
YOU KNOW,
ULRIC BUBBY,
556
00:22:31,889 --> 00:22:32,790
ON A MORE
PERSONAL NOTE,
557
00:22:32,790 --> 00:22:34,558
I WANT YOU TO
SINCERELY KNOW HOW--
558
00:22:34,558 --> 00:22:35,459
HOW MUCH I--
559
00:22:37,661 --> 00:22:38,562
60 GRAND.
560
00:22:40,364 --> 00:22:42,600
MIES SU CARNY.
561
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,802
60,000.
CORALEE, BABY.
562
00:22:45,269 --> 00:22:46,170
YEAH?
563
00:22:46,170 --> 00:22:47,938
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE TAKE A VACATION?
564
00:22:48,372 --> 00:22:50,608
GO TO VEGAS,
CATCH WAYNE NEWTON'S ACT,
565
00:22:50,608 --> 00:22:51,509
HOP OVER TO THE BAHAMAS,
566
00:22:51,508 --> 00:22:53,744
AND THEN WE'LL SKIP
OVER TO PARIS.
567
00:22:53,744 --> 00:22:55,079
DID I TELL YOU?
568
00:22:55,079 --> 00:22:57,315
POLANSKI WANTS
TO FILM MY LIFE STORY.
569
00:22:57,314 --> 00:22:58,182
ALL OF 'EM.
570
00:22:58,182 --> 00:23:03,120
YEAH? THAT SOUNDS
WONDERFUL!
571
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,623
BUT I HAVE
AN EVEN BETTER IDEA.
572
00:23:05,823 --> 00:23:08,192
I'LL GO
ON VACATION...
573
00:23:08,659 --> 00:23:09,960
AND YOU...
574
00:23:11,328 --> 00:23:13,096
...CAN STAY HERE!
575
00:23:13,530 --> 00:23:14,965
[ECHOES] STAY HERE!
STAY HERE!
576
00:23:14,965 --> 00:23:16,133
ECCH!
577
00:23:17,301 --> 00:23:20,771
[HISSING]
578
00:23:25,309 --> 00:23:28,445
UH, SORRY. UH...
579
00:23:28,445 --> 00:23:30,681
UM, I'VE GOT
TO GO NOW.
580
00:23:30,681 --> 00:23:32,016
NO HARD FEELINGS,
HOWEVER, OK?
581
00:23:32,016 --> 00:23:33,818
'CAUSE, UM...
582
00:23:33,817 --> 00:23:34,685
JUST, YOU KNOW,
583
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,822
ENJOY THE REST
OF YOUR, UM...
584
00:23:37,821 --> 00:23:39,156
OH, BYE, MR. FRIENDLY--
585
00:23:39,156 --> 00:23:40,491
THE REST
OF YOUR LIVES.
586
00:23:40,791 --> 00:23:43,093
YES! LOOK OUT, VANNA.
587
00:23:44,862 --> 00:23:50,234
GRRR!
588
00:23:50,534 --> 00:23:53,270
THAT BITCH
DOUBLE-CROSSED ME.
589
00:23:53,270 --> 00:23:55,572
SHE KILLED ME
AND TOOK THE MONEY
590
00:23:55,572 --> 00:23:57,374
THAT I DIED FOR.
591
00:23:57,808 --> 00:24:00,477
WELL, I STILL HAVE
ONE LIFE LEFT.
592
00:24:00,477 --> 00:24:03,613
AND THIS LIFE IS GOING
TO PAY ME PLENTY.
593
00:24:03,614 --> 00:24:05,382
YOU WANT WHAT?
594
00:24:05,382 --> 00:24:06,717
I WANT EVERYTHING.
595
00:24:06,717 --> 00:24:08,485
ALL OF THE PROFITS,
100%.
596
00:24:08,485 --> 00:24:11,188
100%? BUT THAT'LL LEAVE ME
WITH PRACTICALLY NOTHING.
597
00:24:11,188 --> 00:24:12,956
LOOK, ASSHOLE,
DON'T YOU REMEMBER
598
00:24:12,957 --> 00:24:14,325
WHAT A SHITHOUSE
THIS PLACE WAS
599
00:24:14,325 --> 00:24:15,193
BEFORE I SHOWED UP?
600
00:24:15,192 --> 00:24:16,994
BESIDES, I CAN'T
HELP BUT THINK
601
00:24:16,994 --> 00:24:17,895
WHAT WILL
THE AUDIENCE DO
602
00:24:17,895 --> 00:24:18,763
WHEN THEIR STAR
ATTRACTION
603
00:24:18,762 --> 00:24:19,663
PULLS A NO-SHOW.
604
00:24:20,097 --> 00:24:21,465
THAT'S BLACKMAIL.
605
00:24:21,465 --> 00:24:23,667
THAT'S RIGHT.
606
00:24:24,134 --> 00:24:25,469
ALL RIGHT.
607
00:24:25,469 --> 00:24:26,804
ALL RIGHT, WHAT?
608
00:24:26,804 --> 00:24:29,473
ALL RIGHT, 100%.
609
00:24:30,808 --> 00:24:34,378
MAN, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU
CAN LIVE WITH YOURSELF.
610
00:24:34,378 --> 00:24:36,146
I DON'T.
611
00:24:37,514 --> 00:24:40,617
[KIDS ON RIDE SCREAMING
WITH EXCITEMENT]
612
00:24:40,617 --> 00:24:42,853
THAT SUCKER.
613
00:24:42,853 --> 00:24:44,655
IF I WANTED,
I COULD HAVE GOT A SHARE
614
00:24:44,655 --> 00:24:47,324
FROM HIS CORN DOG
CONCESSIONS.
615
00:24:47,624 --> 00:24:49,726
HA HA HA HA!
616
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,328
BY THE OLD CLOCK
ON MY WRIST,
617
00:24:51,328 --> 00:24:53,096
IT SEEMS THAT HIS HOUR
HAS APPROACHED.
618
00:24:53,564 --> 00:24:54,899
COME ON, BOYS.
THE TIME HAS COME.
619
00:24:55,366 --> 00:24:58,402
LOWER HIM DOWN.
THERE WE GO.
620
00:24:58,702 --> 00:25:00,070
HEY, LISTEN, ULRIC,
WHEN YOU GET TO HELL,
621
00:25:00,070 --> 00:25:00,971
DON'T FORGET TO WRITE.
HA HA HA!
622
00:25:01,372 --> 00:25:05,409
HEY, HERE'S MUD
IN YOUR EYE. HA HA HA!
623
00:25:05,409 --> 00:25:08,112
Ulric: ALTHOUGH I DO FEEL
A LITTLE BAD ABOUT THE DOC,
624
00:25:08,545 --> 00:25:09,980
EH, BUT, WHAT THE HAY?
625
00:25:10,414 --> 00:25:12,216
I'M ALREADY SET FOR LIFE.
626
00:25:12,216 --> 00:25:15,352
AND ALL BECAUSE OF
THAT POOR LITTLE KITTY.
627
00:25:16,653 --> 00:25:19,789
POOR DEAD LITTLE KITTY.
628
00:25:19,790 --> 00:25:21,225
TOO BAD HE HAD TO DIE--
629
00:25:24,128 --> 00:25:26,464
WAIT A MINUTE.
630
00:25:26,463 --> 00:25:29,700
THAT CAT...IT DIED.
631
00:25:31,101 --> 00:25:33,904
IF IT ALREADY DIED ONCE...
632
00:25:33,904 --> 00:25:35,572
[INHALES DEEPLY]
633
00:25:35,572 --> 00:25:36,940
IT ONLY HAD
EIGHT LIVES LEFT.
634
00:25:38,475 --> 00:25:39,443
[INHALES DEEPLY]
635
00:25:39,443 --> 00:25:41,211
OH, MY GOD!
636
00:25:41,211 --> 00:25:42,112
[INHALES DEEPLY]
637
00:25:42,112 --> 00:25:44,314
I DON'T HAVE NINE LIVES.
638
00:25:44,314 --> 00:25:47,450
HEY! HEY, SOMEBODY!
639
00:25:47,785 --> 00:25:49,587
WELL, HE OUGHT TO BE
640
00:25:49,586 --> 00:25:51,455
ABOUT OUT OF AIR
BY NOW.
641
00:25:51,455 --> 00:25:52,356
ARE YOU KIDDING?
642
00:25:52,823 --> 00:25:55,025
GORLOFF,
IT'S ALL A FAKE.
643
00:25:55,025 --> 00:25:55,926
YEAH, YOU THINK SO?
644
00:25:55,926 --> 00:25:56,827
OF COURSE.
YOU DON'T THINK
645
00:25:57,261 --> 00:25:58,529
THEY'D REALLY LET
SOMEONE DIE DOWN THERE?
646
00:25:58,862 --> 00:26:00,297
SOMEBODY WAIT!
647
00:26:00,297 --> 00:26:02,099
I DON'T HAVE NINE LIVES!
648
00:26:02,533 --> 00:26:04,402
[EERIE YOWL]
649
00:26:09,306 --> 00:26:11,074
DID YOU HEAR
SOMETHING, AL?
650
00:26:11,075 --> 00:26:13,778
NAAH. PROBABLY
JUST A CAT.
651
00:26:13,777 --> 00:26:15,545
YEAH...RIGHT.
652
00:26:15,546 --> 00:26:17,782
JUST A CAT.
653
00:26:23,587 --> 00:26:27,157
SOMEBODY!
I DON'T HAVE NINE LIVES!
654
00:26:27,157 --> 00:26:28,859
SOMEBODY!
655
00:26:29,093 --> 00:26:32,330
LET ME OUT!
656
00:26:32,329 --> 00:26:35,799
[GASPS]
657
00:26:35,799 --> 00:26:37,301
[EERIE YOWL]
658
00:26:37,501 --> 00:26:38,936
[MEOWS]
659
00:26:46,443 --> 00:26:48,445
THERE, THERE.
660
00:26:48,445 --> 00:26:51,949
NICE KITTY.
661
00:26:51,949 --> 00:26:52,917
GET!
662
00:26:52,916 --> 00:26:55,919
HA HA HA!
663
00:26:57,921 --> 00:27:03,427
HOPE YOU ENJOYED
OUR LITTLE BEDTIME STORY, KIDS!
664
00:27:04,928 --> 00:27:09,933
ALAS, POOR ULRIC,
MISSED A BET,
665
00:27:09,933 --> 00:27:13,437
DYING FOR DOLLARS
COULD HAVE BEEN
666
00:27:13,437 --> 00:27:15,439
A POPULAR GAME SHOW.
667
00:27:15,439 --> 00:27:17,942
THEY COULD HAVE PUT IT
IN BETWEEN
668
00:27:17,941 --> 00:27:22,946
WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE
THE NEWLY DEAD GAME!
669
00:27:22,946 --> 00:27:24,948
HA HA!
670
00:27:24,948 --> 00:27:27,951
UNLESS THEY BURIED IT
IN THE WRONG TIME SLOT.
671
00:27:27,951 --> 00:27:31,455
HA HA HA!
672
00:27:38,328 --> 00:27:41,331
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.
673
00:27:41,331 --> 00:27:44,334
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--
41517
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