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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,056 --> 00:00:21,226 GOOD EVENING, FIEND FANS, 2 00:00:21,226 --> 00:00:23,995 AND WELCOME TO MY CRAWLY CRYPT. 3 00:00:23,996 --> 00:00:25,831 THIS LITTLE DRAMA 4 00:00:25,831 --> 00:00:29,535 IS ABOUT ONE OF LIFE'S UNEXPECTED PLEASURES-- 5 00:00:29,535 --> 00:00:32,304 DYING, THAT IS. 6 00:00:32,304 --> 00:00:36,008 MOST OF US ONLY GET TO DO IT ONCE. 7 00:00:36,008 --> 00:00:40,179 THEN IT'S ALL OVER BEFORE YOU CAN REALLY ENJOY IT. 8 00:00:40,646 --> 00:00:44,817 BUT ONE MAN DID GET TO DIE AGAIN, 9 00:00:44,816 --> 00:00:47,118 AND HE LIKED IT SO MUCH, 10 00:00:47,119 --> 00:00:49,888 HE STARTED DOING IT FOR A LIVING. 11 00:00:50,255 --> 00:00:56,728 THIS IS THE STORY OF ULRIC THE UNDYING, 12 00:00:57,195 --> 00:00:58,596 A SIDE SHOW PERFORMER 13 00:00:58,597 --> 00:01:01,834 WHO FOUND DEATH NOT ONLY FUN, 14 00:01:01,833 --> 00:01:03,668 BUT PROFITABLE. 15 00:01:04,102 --> 00:01:08,773 IN FACT, HE'S DYING TO PUT ON A SHOW FOR YOU... 16 00:01:08,774 --> 00:01:10,175 RIGHT NOW. 17 00:01:10,609 --> 00:01:12,010 [MUSIC PLAYING] 18 00:01:12,010 --> 00:01:13,378 [CAT MEOWS] 19 00:01:13,378 --> 00:01:15,247 [MAN TALKING] 20 00:01:24,723 --> 00:01:26,158 [KIDS ON RIDE SCREAMING WITH EXCITEMENT] 21 00:01:26,158 --> 00:01:27,559 [PEOPLE TALKING] 22 00:02:03,528 --> 00:02:05,397 COME GATHER ROUND, GATHER ROUND. 23 00:02:05,397 --> 00:02:06,298 COME FROM FAR, COME FROM NEAR. 24 00:02:06,298 --> 00:02:08,634 GATHER ROUND, FOLKS, RIGHT OVER HERE. 25 00:02:08,634 --> 00:02:10,936 COME SEE THE SHOW-- 100% NATURAL, 26 00:02:10,936 --> 00:02:12,771 NOTHING ARTIFICIAL, GUARANTEED NO PESTICIDES, 27 00:02:13,271 --> 00:02:14,906 AH, BUT PERHAPS A HOMICIDE. 28 00:02:14,906 --> 00:02:16,574 TONIGHT, A SPECIAL SHOW, 29 00:02:16,575 --> 00:02:17,976 TWO SHOWS IN ONE-- 30 00:02:18,443 --> 00:02:19,811 THE TRAGEDY OF DEATH 31 00:02:19,811 --> 00:02:21,680 AND THE MIRACLE OF RESURRECTION! 32 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,882 OH! OH! 33 00:02:24,216 --> 00:02:25,651 TONIGHT, THIS MAN, 34 00:02:25,651 --> 00:02:28,420 OUR VERY OWN ULRIC THE UNDYING, 35 00:02:28,420 --> 00:02:29,821 WILL BE SEALED INTO A COFFIN 36 00:02:30,288 --> 00:02:32,123 AND BURIED IN A GRAVE 6 FEET UNDER 37 00:02:32,124 --> 00:02:34,426 TO AWAIT HIS INEVITABLE EXPIRATION 38 00:02:34,426 --> 00:02:36,194 BY THE GRASP OF SUFFOCATION. 39 00:02:36,428 --> 00:02:38,797 I CALL TO YOUR ATTENTION A CLOCK 40 00:02:38,797 --> 00:02:39,631 WHICH HANGS ABOVE HIS GRAVE. 41 00:02:39,998 --> 00:02:41,466 ULRIC WILL BE BURIED ALIVE 42 00:02:41,466 --> 00:02:42,867 AT PRECISELY THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT, 43 00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:45,170 BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA LET HIM OUT UNTIL NOON TOMORROW, 44 00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:46,571 AT WHICH TIME HIS PRECIOUS, 45 00:02:46,571 --> 00:02:48,673 PRECIOUS OXYGEN WILL HAVE BEEN EXHAUSTED. 46 00:02:49,041 --> 00:02:51,744 HA HA HA HA HA! FOLKS, THIS IS AN ESCAPE 47 00:02:51,743 --> 00:02:53,578 THAT HOUDINI HIMSELF COULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF. 48 00:02:54,046 --> 00:02:56,815 I GIVE TO YOU ULRIC THE UNDYING! 49 00:02:56,815 --> 00:02:59,051 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 50 00:03:06,491 --> 00:03:07,926 ULRIC! ULRIC! 51 00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:10,162 All: ULRIC! ULRIC! 52 00:03:10,529 --> 00:03:11,997 ULRIC! ULRIC! 53 00:03:11,997 --> 00:03:13,398 ULRIC! ULRIC! 54 00:03:13,832 --> 00:03:15,133 ULRIC! ULRIC! 55 00:03:15,133 --> 00:03:16,901 ULRIC! ULRIC! 56 00:03:16,902 --> 00:03:18,771 ULRIC! ULRIC! 57 00:03:18,770 --> 00:03:20,605 ULRIC! ULRIC! 58 00:03:20,605 --> 00:03:22,474 ULRIC! ULRIC! 59 00:03:22,474 --> 00:03:24,309 ULRIC! ULRIC! 60 00:03:24,743 --> 00:03:27,546 ULRIC! ULRIC! ULRIC! 61 00:03:32,718 --> 00:03:36,422 WHEN THEY DIG ME UP, I'LL BE DEAD, 62 00:03:36,888 --> 00:03:40,592 JUST LIKE ALL THOSE BASTARDS WANT ME TO BE, 63 00:03:40,592 --> 00:03:44,863 BUT I WON'T STAY THAT WAY. 64 00:03:44,863 --> 00:03:49,301 I REMEMBER THE DAY IT ALL BEGAN. 65 00:03:50,469 --> 00:03:52,338 [COUGHING] 66 00:03:54,172 --> 00:03:55,106 [CAT MEOWING] 67 00:03:55,107 --> 00:03:57,876 [COUGHING] 68 00:03:59,277 --> 00:04:00,645 AAH! 69 00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:03,449 WHO ARE YOU? 70 00:04:03,448 --> 00:04:05,750 WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE RICH? 71 00:04:05,751 --> 00:04:07,987 HEY... 72 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,088 RICHER THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE. 73 00:04:10,088 --> 00:04:12,424 RICHER THAN YOU EVER DREAMED OF. 74 00:04:12,858 --> 00:04:15,661 HMM. 75 00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:17,495 THIS MONEY, MY LIFE SAVINGS, 76 00:04:17,963 --> 00:04:19,832 WILL BE YOURS 77 00:04:19,831 --> 00:04:23,968 IF YOU CONSENT TO A SMALL EXPERIMENT. 78 00:04:23,969 --> 00:04:25,838 [CAT MEOWING] UH... 79 00:04:25,837 --> 00:04:28,606 HA HA HA! 80 00:04:28,607 --> 00:04:30,008 YES, MY FRIEND. 81 00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:31,376 COME. 82 00:04:33,211 --> 00:04:35,080 WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE. 83 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:38,317 WAIT A SECOND. WAIT A SECOND. 84 00:04:41,553 --> 00:04:43,388 THIS-- YOU'LL PARDON THE TERM-- 85 00:04:43,388 --> 00:04:44,789 IS A CAT SCAN. 86 00:04:45,223 --> 00:04:47,092 IT SHOWS BLOOD FLOW INTO THE BRAIN 87 00:04:47,092 --> 00:04:48,961 OF A HEALTHY HOUSE CAT. 88 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,664 THIS SHOWS THE BRAIN OF A CAT NEAR DEATH. 89 00:04:52,664 --> 00:04:53,965 WHAT'S YOUR POINT, DOC? 90 00:04:54,299 --> 00:04:56,635 MY POINT IS THAT THIS CAT DIDN'T DIE. 91 00:04:56,635 --> 00:04:57,936 NOT PERMANENTLY. 92 00:04:58,270 --> 00:05:00,906 AN HOUR LATER, HE WAS HEALTHY AS A KITTEN, 93 00:05:01,173 --> 00:05:03,575 AND THE SAME THING HAPPENED AGAIN AND AGAIN 94 00:05:03,575 --> 00:05:08,113 UNTIL THE NINTH TIME, WHEN HE FINALLY STAYED DEAD. 95 00:05:08,413 --> 00:05:11,249 OH. DIFFERENT CAT, HUH? 96 00:05:11,249 --> 00:05:13,118 WHAT'S ALL THIS GOT TO DO WITH ME? 97 00:05:13,118 --> 00:05:14,953 WELL, I... 98 00:05:14,953 --> 00:05:17,722 I WANT TO GIVE YOU THOSE NINE LIVES. 99 00:05:17,722 --> 00:05:19,123 DON'T TOUCH! 100 00:05:19,124 --> 00:05:21,893 THE NEXT BEST THING TO BEING IMMORTAL. 101 00:05:21,893 --> 00:05:24,195 IT'S A SIMPLE MATTER, REALLY, 102 00:05:24,196 --> 00:05:26,999 REMOVING A GLAND FROM A COMMON CAT 103 00:05:27,432 --> 00:05:28,366 AND SURGICALLY 104 00:05:28,366 --> 00:05:30,201 GRAFTING IT INTO YOUR BRAIN. 105 00:05:30,202 --> 00:05:32,071 MY BRAIN? 106 00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:33,905 OHHH... 107 00:05:33,905 --> 00:05:36,708 SO I CAN DIE NINE TIMES! 108 00:05:36,708 --> 00:05:39,010 NOW YOU'RE MAKING SENSE, DOC. 109 00:05:39,010 --> 00:05:42,714 AND THIS IS WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT, HUH? 110 00:05:42,714 --> 00:05:45,483 I'M GOING TO GET YOUR GLAND, 111 00:05:45,483 --> 00:05:48,252 AND THESE ARE THE TOOLS OF THE PROFESSION. 112 00:05:48,253 --> 00:05:50,555 HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. 113 00:05:50,555 --> 00:05:52,424 IF THIS DON'T WORK-- 114 00:05:52,424 --> 00:05:55,027 IF IT DOESN'T WORK, 115 00:05:55,026 --> 00:05:56,861 YOU'LL HAVE NO COMPLAINTS. 116 00:05:56,862 --> 00:05:57,796 UHH! 117 00:05:57,796 --> 00:05:59,631 HOLY... 118 00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:02,400 CHRIST, I'VE HAD HANGOVERS BEFORE, 119 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,269 BUT THIS IS TERRIBLE. 120 00:06:04,269 --> 00:06:05,670 MY HEAD. 121 00:06:05,670 --> 00:06:07,505 HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, DOC. 122 00:06:07,505 --> 00:06:09,807 YOU DIDN'T SAY YOU WERE GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD. 123 00:06:09,808 --> 00:06:11,677 HOW DO YOU FEEL? 124 00:06:11,676 --> 00:06:13,044 SHITTY. 125 00:06:13,511 --> 00:06:15,380 DOC, DID IT WORK? 126 00:06:15,380 --> 00:06:17,682 ABSOLUTELY. FABULOUS. 127 00:06:17,682 --> 00:06:19,050 FANTASTIC! 128 00:06:19,050 --> 00:06:24,522 YOU NOW HAVE THE NINE LIVES OF THIS POOR CAT. 129 00:06:24,789 --> 00:06:26,658 WAIT A MINUTE. 130 00:06:26,658 --> 00:06:29,327 HOW DO I KNOW I'VE GOT NINE LIVES? 131 00:06:31,930 --> 00:06:33,598 THIS OUGHT TO KILL YOU. 132 00:06:33,598 --> 00:06:36,835 NO, DOC! NO! 133 00:06:48,113 --> 00:06:49,047 [SHORT BEEP] 134 00:06:49,514 --> 00:06:51,716 [FLATLINING] 135 00:06:58,957 --> 00:07:01,726 THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. 136 00:07:02,193 --> 00:07:03,561 NO! 137 00:07:03,561 --> 00:07:06,798 WELCOME BACK TO LIFE, MY FRIEND. 138 00:07:06,798 --> 00:07:08,667 YOU--YOU BASTARD! 139 00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:10,035 YOU TRIED TO KILL ME! 140 00:07:10,035 --> 00:07:11,904 I DIDN'T TRY TO KILL YOU. 141 00:07:11,903 --> 00:07:13,738 DID KILL YOU, 142 00:07:13,738 --> 00:07:16,040 DEADER THAN KELSEY'S NUTS! 143 00:07:16,041 --> 00:07:18,844 AND YOU CAN STILL DIE EIGHT MORE TIMES. 144 00:07:19,311 --> 00:07:22,080 ALL RIGHT. IF THAT'S TRUE, 145 00:07:22,547 --> 00:07:23,915 WHEN DO I GET MY MONEY? 146 00:07:23,915 --> 00:07:26,718 AS I PROMISED, RIGHT NOW, 147 00:07:26,718 --> 00:07:31,323 BUT BEFORE YOU STAGGER INTO THE NEAREST BAR 148 00:07:31,323 --> 00:07:34,092 TO SLURP DOWN YOUR MONEY, 149 00:07:34,092 --> 00:07:39,197 HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE 100 TIMES MORE, 1,000? 150 00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:41,499 NO! NO! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO DO TO ME? 151 00:07:41,967 --> 00:07:44,736 NOTHING, DEAR BOY. I JUST THOUGHT 152 00:07:44,970 --> 00:07:45,938 PERHAPS YOUR SPECIAL TALENT 153 00:07:45,937 --> 00:07:47,806 COULD MAKE US BOTH A LOT OF MONEY, 154 00:07:48,239 --> 00:07:50,108 ENOUGH TO FINANCE MY YEARS 155 00:07:50,108 --> 00:07:51,509 OF MY LONGEVITY RESEARCH 156 00:07:51,509 --> 00:07:53,344 AND ENOUGH, OF COURSE, 157 00:07:53,345 --> 00:07:55,113 TO BUY YOU AN OCEAN OF ALCOHOL. 158 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:56,481 WHAT DO I GOTTA DO? 159 00:07:56,481 --> 00:07:57,415 FIRST, YOU NEED TO SHAVE. 160 00:07:57,415 --> 00:08:00,184 TRY NOT TO CUT YOUR OWN THROAT. 161 00:08:00,185 --> 00:08:03,722 THOSE EXTRA LIVES ARE TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE. 162 00:08:08,693 --> 00:08:10,562 WHY NOT? 163 00:08:10,862 --> 00:08:12,764 IT'D BE WORTH MILLIONS. 164 00:08:14,566 --> 00:08:16,868 NO, I'M NOT INTERESTED. I'VE SEEN ESCAPE ACTS. 165 00:08:16,868 --> 00:08:18,269 THE ONLY THING THAT DISAPPEARS IS THE AUDIENCE. 166 00:08:18,737 --> 00:08:21,039 YEAH, BUT ULRIC THE UNDYING IS DIFFERENT. 167 00:08:21,039 --> 00:08:21,973 YOU SEE, HE DOESN'T ESCAPE. 168 00:08:21,973 --> 00:08:24,742 HE ACTUALLY DIES RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES. 169 00:08:24,743 --> 00:08:26,278 THAT'S WHY WE CAN ONLY SCHEDULE 170 00:08:26,277 --> 00:08:28,146 A LIMITED NUMBER OF PERFORMANCES. 171 00:08:28,146 --> 00:08:29,547 HE DIES? 172 00:08:29,547 --> 00:08:30,948 YES. 173 00:08:30,949 --> 00:08:33,718 OK, STRANGELOVE, I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT. 174 00:08:33,718 --> 00:08:35,553 I HOPE IT WORKS. I COULD USE THE MONEY. 175 00:08:35,553 --> 00:08:37,889 MY FREAKS NEED A NEW SHOE. 176 00:08:40,191 --> 00:08:41,959 [THUNDER] 177 00:08:43,795 --> 00:08:45,664 GATHER ROUND, GATHER ROUND 178 00:08:46,097 --> 00:08:49,367 AS ULRIC THE UNDYING DEFIES THE DROWNING CHAMBER, 179 00:08:49,801 --> 00:08:52,137 A WATERY NIGHTMARE FROM WHICH THERE IS NO ESCAPE, 180 00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:54,906 THREE MINUTES IS ENOUGH TO KILL ANY MERE MORTAL, 181 00:08:54,906 --> 00:08:56,941 BUT ULRIC WILL REMAIN UNDERWATER 182 00:08:56,941 --> 00:08:58,242 FOR A FULL HOUR, 183 00:08:58,243 --> 00:09:01,379 AS VERIFIED BY THE EMINENT DR. MANFRED MANN. 184 00:09:01,613 --> 00:09:03,048 DR. EMIL MANFRED. 185 00:09:03,048 --> 00:09:05,817 WHATEVER YOU SAY, DOC. ULRIC, ARE YOU READY? 186 00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:07,685 HUH? 187 00:09:07,685 --> 00:09:09,053 ARE YOU READY? 188 00:09:09,521 --> 00:09:10,889 OH, YEAH, I'M READY. 189 00:09:10,889 --> 00:09:13,225 OK, BOYS. FILL HER UP. 190 00:09:13,224 --> 00:09:15,059 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 191 00:09:15,527 --> 00:09:16,928 AS THE WATER ENGULFS ULRIC, 192 00:09:16,928 --> 00:09:19,030 I BEG YOU TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS. 193 00:09:19,030 --> 00:09:21,266 MAKE NO MOVE TO SAVE HIM! 194 00:09:23,034 --> 00:09:23,968 SORRY. STAND BACK! 195 00:09:23,968 --> 00:09:25,336 DO YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER AFTER? 196 00:09:25,336 --> 00:09:26,170 DO YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER 197 00:09:26,171 --> 00:09:27,539 WITH ME LATER? 198 00:09:28,039 --> 00:09:29,874 HE WAS A CHILD PRODIGY... 199 00:09:29,874 --> 00:09:31,609 DINNER. 200 00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:37,816 DINNER WITH ME LATER. 201 00:09:37,816 --> 00:09:40,619 DINNER! AHH! EAT! 202 00:09:40,618 --> 00:09:44,021 YOU WANT TO EAT WITH ME LATER 203 00:09:44,022 --> 00:09:46,358 AFTER YOU'RE DEAD? 204 00:09:46,357 --> 00:09:48,659 YOU--I'LL WAIT HERE, OK? 205 00:09:48,660 --> 00:09:50,962 [CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING] 206 00:10:00,004 --> 00:10:02,306 [SCREAMING] 207 00:10:02,674 --> 00:10:07,512 OH, OH! OH, OH, OH! OH! 208 00:10:07,512 --> 00:10:10,281 SPEED IT UP, SPEED IT UP. 209 00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:13,919 THAT'S IT! HE'S DEADER 210 00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:15,286 THAN A POSSUM ON THE INTERSTATE. 211 00:10:15,653 --> 00:10:16,587 HE'S DEADER THAN SHIT! 212 00:10:17,021 --> 00:10:17,989 DON'T WORRY, FOLKS. 213 00:10:17,989 --> 00:10:19,357 WE'RE GONNA STILL KEEP HIM IN THERE 214 00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:22,493 FOR A FULL HOUR! 215 00:10:22,494 --> 00:10:23,795 MAY I HAVE THE OFFICIAL CLOCK? 216 00:10:24,162 --> 00:10:26,498 [TICKING] 217 00:10:26,498 --> 00:10:29,735 [ALARM RINGS] 218 00:10:29,734 --> 00:10:31,135 HE'S DEAD. 219 00:10:31,569 --> 00:10:33,438 HE'S OFFICIALLY DEAD. 220 00:10:34,806 --> 00:10:36,675 THANK YOU, DR. MANFRED. 221 00:10:38,977 --> 00:10:40,378 DRAIN THE TANK. 222 00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:43,147 THIS MAY SEEM LIKE ULRIC'S LAST PERFORMANCE, 223 00:10:43,148 --> 00:10:44,516 BUT DON'T GO AWAY YET, FOLKS, 224 00:10:44,516 --> 00:10:47,786 FOR ULRIC IS A MAN WHO LIVES ONLY TO DIE AGAIN. 225 00:10:47,785 --> 00:10:51,555 I GIVE YOU RESURRECTION! 226 00:10:53,291 --> 00:10:55,059 RESURRECTION! 227 00:10:57,695 --> 00:10:58,696 IS HE GONNA COME BACK FOR DINNER? 228 00:10:58,696 --> 00:11:00,531 OF COURSE HE'S GONNA COME BACK. RESURRECTION, 229 00:11:00,532 --> 00:11:02,200 DOC, RESURRECT! 230 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,070 RESURRECTION! COME BACK! 231 00:11:05,069 --> 00:11:06,470 COME BACK! [CROWD BOOING] 232 00:11:06,905 --> 00:11:09,241 FOLKS, DON'T GO AWAY. DOC! DOC, YOU CAN 233 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:10,608 GET IN TROUBLE IN SOME STATES FOR THIS. 234 00:11:10,608 --> 00:11:12,944 RESURRECTION! RESURRECTION! 235 00:11:12,944 --> 00:11:14,312 FOLKS! FOLKS, DON'T GO AWAY. 236 00:11:14,312 --> 00:11:15,713 RESURRECTION! 237 00:11:15,713 --> 00:11:18,015 I'LL BE HAPPY TO GIVE YOU A RAIN CHECK. 238 00:11:18,016 --> 00:11:19,784 RESURRECTION! 239 00:11:20,051 --> 00:11:21,452 SHUT THE FUCK UP! 240 00:11:21,452 --> 00:11:22,820 FOLKS, FOLKS, LISTEN. 241 00:11:24,222 --> 00:11:26,524 OH! OH! 242 00:11:26,524 --> 00:11:28,393 WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN THERE? 243 00:11:28,393 --> 00:11:29,761 HOW COULD YOU LET HIM DO IT? 244 00:11:29,761 --> 00:11:31,162 IT'S YOUR FAULT HE'S DEAD. 245 00:11:31,162 --> 00:11:32,563 [SPLASH] AAH! 246 00:11:32,564 --> 00:11:35,767 IT'S HIS FAULT I'M RICH! HA HA HA! 247 00:11:35,767 --> 00:11:37,636 WHAT'S YOUR NAME, HONEY? 248 00:11:37,635 --> 00:11:39,470 UH...CORALEE. 249 00:11:39,470 --> 00:11:40,404 HEY, CORALEE, 250 00:11:40,405 --> 00:11:41,806 HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SOME ITALIAN FOOD? 251 00:11:41,806 --> 00:11:42,740 I'M BUYING. 252 00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:43,641 THAT'D BE GREAT! 253 00:11:44,108 --> 00:11:45,509 DOC, GET ME A TOWEL. 254 00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:46,444 HE'S ALIVE! 255 00:11:46,878 --> 00:11:49,647 HEY, I'M RESURRECTED! 256 00:11:49,647 --> 00:11:52,450 DOC! 257 00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:53,818 RESURRECTION! 258 00:11:53,818 --> 00:11:54,752 HE'S ALIVE! 259 00:11:54,752 --> 00:11:56,120 RESURRECTION! 260 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,923 GATHER ROUND, GATHER ROUND. 261 00:11:58,923 --> 00:12:02,160 HA HA HA HA! 262 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,995 JUST THINK, DOC. 263 00:12:03,995 --> 00:12:05,864 10 GRAND JUST TO LET THEM WATCH ME DROWN 264 00:12:06,297 --> 00:12:07,231 ON THE 10:00 NEWS. 265 00:12:07,699 --> 00:12:10,001 DON'T FORGET YOU AGREED THAT 60% 266 00:12:10,001 --> 00:12:11,870 GOES TO CONTINUE MY LONGEVITY RESEARCH. 267 00:12:11,869 --> 00:12:14,638 HEY, DOC, RELAX. WE GOT A PARTNERSHIP, 268 00:12:14,639 --> 00:12:16,975 AND I GOT A DATE. 269 00:12:16,975 --> 00:12:19,277 HI. 270 00:12:19,277 --> 00:12:21,112 HI. 271 00:12:23,147 --> 00:12:24,548 THAT'S ONE THING I'LL SAY 272 00:12:24,549 --> 00:12:26,384 FOR OLD DOC MANFRED. 273 00:12:26,851 --> 00:12:29,187 HE WASTED NO TIME GETTING ME KILLED AGAIN. 274 00:12:29,654 --> 00:12:31,122 GATHER ROUND, GATHER ROUND 275 00:12:31,122 --> 00:12:32,957 FOR A LITTLE FRONTIER JUSTICE 276 00:12:32,957 --> 00:12:35,293 AS OUR OWN ULRIC THE UNDYING 277 00:12:35,293 --> 00:12:36,661 IS GONNA HAVE A LITTLE NECKTIE PARTY 278 00:12:36,661 --> 00:12:37,595 AS HE GETS HIS NECK STRETCHED 279 00:12:37,595 --> 00:12:38,863 BEFORE OUR VERY EYES. 280 00:12:39,197 --> 00:12:40,465 SEEMS LIKE A NICE DAY TO DIE. 281 00:12:40,765 --> 00:12:44,068 I BECAME A SENSATION. 282 00:12:44,068 --> 00:12:46,070 CROWDS WOULD GATHER FROM MILES AROUND 283 00:12:46,070 --> 00:12:48,873 JUST TO SEE ME BITE THE BIG ONE. 284 00:12:48,873 --> 00:12:50,274 HEY, HOW'S IT GOING? THANKS FOR COMIN'. 285 00:12:50,275 --> 00:12:52,110 THANKS FOR COMIN' BACK. SEEN YOU LAST TIME HERE. 286 00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:55,647 OH, COME ON! COME ON! 287 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,749 LADIES, GENTLEMEN, TEXANS, AND OTHER FAINT-HEARTED, 288 00:12:57,749 --> 00:12:59,150 YOU MAY WANT TO TURN YOUR EYES AWAY 289 00:12:59,150 --> 00:13:01,452 FROM THIS HORRIBLE EXAMPLE OF WHAT HAPPENS 290 00:13:01,452 --> 00:13:02,386 WHEN YOU DO THE DIRTY 291 00:13:02,387 --> 00:13:04,222 IN THE DIRTY TOWN OF DASTARDLY. 292 00:13:04,222 --> 00:13:05,056 PULL THE LEVER. 293 00:13:05,056 --> 00:13:05,823 I SAID I DON'T WANT TO DO IT! 294 00:13:06,257 --> 00:13:06,991 PULL IT! 295 00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:08,593 CORALEE, PULL THE LEVER! 296 00:13:08,926 --> 00:13:09,894 YOU DO IT! I DON'T WANT TO DO IT! 297 00:13:10,361 --> 00:13:11,829 WELL, THERE'S NOT MUCH RIDING UPSTAIRS, 298 00:13:11,829 --> 00:13:12,730 BUT DOWNSTAIRS IN WHAT'S COUNTING. 299 00:13:12,730 --> 00:13:15,066 CORALEE, PULL THE LEVER. 300 00:13:15,066 --> 00:13:16,901 I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. 301 00:13:16,901 --> 00:13:17,835 I DON'T WANT-- 302 00:13:21,272 --> 00:13:22,173 UH-OH! 303 00:13:23,708 --> 00:13:26,077 HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD! 304 00:13:26,511 --> 00:13:28,380 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 305 00:13:37,922 --> 00:13:39,857 HE'S ALIVE! HE'S ALIVE! 306 00:13:40,325 --> 00:13:42,627 CORALEE, THE ROPE, THE ROPE. GRAB THE ROPE. 307 00:13:42,627 --> 00:13:43,995 CORALEE, I DON'T WANT TO WASTE A LIFE. 308 00:13:43,995 --> 00:13:45,864 CORA--AAAAH! 309 00:13:46,331 --> 00:13:48,633 HEY, DOC, THERE'S AN AWFUL LOT OF MONEY 310 00:13:48,633 --> 00:13:50,034 IN DYING, ISN'T THERE? 311 00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:51,869 AS LONG AS I GET MY PERCENTAGE. 312 00:13:51,869 --> 00:13:53,738 HEY, DOC, NO PROBLEM. I MEAN, AFTER ALL, 313 00:13:53,738 --> 00:13:55,106 YOU'RE THE GUY COUNTING THE MONEY, RIGHT? 314 00:13:55,106 --> 00:13:56,507 HEY, ALL I WANT IS MY SHARE. 315 00:13:56,507 --> 00:13:57,441 HI, BABY! 316 00:13:57,442 --> 00:13:59,277 HI, BABY. DOC, THANKS A MILLION! 317 00:13:59,277 --> 00:14:01,146 THANKS A MILLION! 318 00:14:01,145 --> 00:14:02,046 ULRIC! [DOOR SLAMS] 319 00:14:02,046 --> 00:14:04,482 Coralee: I WANT TO SEE MR. FRIENDLY. 320 00:14:04,482 --> 00:14:05,383 [GIGGLES] 321 00:14:05,383 --> 00:14:09,087 I FIGURED IT WAS TIME TO BOOST MY PROFITS, 322 00:14:09,087 --> 00:14:11,890 SO I WAITED JUST FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT. 323 00:14:15,093 --> 00:14:16,962 THINK WHAT A STRANGE MACHINE 324 00:14:16,961 --> 00:14:17,862 THE HUMAN BODY IS, ULRIC. 325 00:14:18,329 --> 00:14:19,730 YEAH. HOW ABOUT THAT? 326 00:14:19,731 --> 00:14:21,132 YOU CAN KILL A MAN BY DESTROYING 327 00:14:21,132 --> 00:14:23,901 LESS THAN 1% OF HIS BODY. 328 00:14:23,901 --> 00:14:26,670 HE CAN BE 99% HEALTHY AND DEAD. 329 00:14:26,671 --> 00:14:27,605 AMAZING, ISN'T IT? 330 00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:28,973 EVERY HUMAN BODY 331 00:14:28,973 --> 00:14:30,374 IS LIKE A WALKING CHEMISTRY SET. 332 00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:31,743 AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENS 333 00:14:31,743 --> 00:14:34,079 TO UPSET THAT DELICATE BALANCE... 334 00:14:34,512 --> 00:14:35,446 DEATH. JEEZ. 335 00:14:35,780 --> 00:14:38,583 THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SO AMAZING, ULRIC, 336 00:14:38,583 --> 00:14:40,919 BECAUSE YOUR BODY FIXES ITSELF. 337 00:14:41,386 --> 00:14:43,688 AND IT'S GOING TO MAKE US BOTH A LOT OF MONEY. 338 00:14:44,155 --> 00:14:45,990 WELL, DOC, YOU'RE HALF RIGHT ABOUT THAT. 339 00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:47,391 SEE, IT'S GOING TO MAKE ME A LOT OF MONEY. 340 00:14:47,859 --> 00:14:50,261 SEE, I GOTTA BREACH OUR CONTRACT, DOC. 341 00:14:50,261 --> 00:14:51,162 YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE 342 00:14:51,162 --> 00:14:52,563 IN A TERRIBLE CAR ACCIDENT. 343 00:14:54,465 --> 00:14:55,900 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THAT'S MURDER. 344 00:14:56,367 --> 00:14:58,202 YEAH, DOC, BUT WHO'S GOING TO SUSPECT ME? 345 00:14:58,202 --> 00:15:00,071 I MEAN, AFTER ALL, I'LL DIE WITH YOU. 346 00:15:00,071 --> 00:15:01,439 BUT, HEY, I'VE GOT SIX LIVES. 347 00:15:01,439 --> 00:15:05,043 ULRIC! WAIT! SLOW DOWN! 348 00:15:05,042 --> 00:15:05,976 HA HA HA HA! 349 00:15:05,977 --> 00:15:07,278 WAIT! 350 00:15:07,278 --> 00:15:08,679 [TIRES SQUEALING] 351 00:15:08,679 --> 00:15:09,580 [SHATTERING GLASS] 352 00:15:09,580 --> 00:15:12,383 NO HARD FEELINGS, DOC. 353 00:15:12,683 --> 00:15:13,651 GATHER ROUND! GATHER ROUND! 354 00:15:13,651 --> 00:15:15,052 TONIGHT, A SPECIAL DELIGHT. 355 00:15:15,052 --> 00:15:15,986 THIS IS NO HOAX, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 356 00:15:15,987 --> 00:15:17,822 IN A FEW MINUTES, OUR OWN ULRIC, 357 00:15:17,822 --> 00:15:20,591 THE MAN WHO LIVES TO DIE WILL BE QUICK-FRIED 358 00:15:20,591 --> 00:15:22,460 WITH A BURST OF ELECTRICAL ENERGY! 359 00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:23,828 AND ONE OF YOU LUCKY FOLKS 360 00:15:23,828 --> 00:15:25,697 IS GONNA BE THE ONE TO PULL THE SWITCH! 361 00:15:25,696 --> 00:15:27,064 [APPLAUSE] 362 00:15:27,064 --> 00:15:29,199 CORALEE, WILL YOU DRAW THE LUCKY NUMBER? 363 00:15:29,434 --> 00:15:30,402 THE HONORS... 364 00:15:30,401 --> 00:15:32,270 UM... THE LUCKY NUMBER IS... 365 00:15:32,270 --> 00:15:35,039 OH! OH! 5, 2-- 366 00:15:35,039 --> 00:15:36,440 THAT'S 1. IT'S A 5. 367 00:15:36,441 --> 00:15:41,046 10590! 368 00:15:41,479 --> 00:15:42,914 AW! AW! 369 00:15:42,914 --> 00:15:45,216 THAT'S ME! HA HA HA! 370 00:15:45,216 --> 00:15:46,117 [APPLAUSE] 371 00:15:46,117 --> 00:15:48,453 COME UP HERE AND CLAIM YOUR PRIZE! 372 00:15:48,453 --> 00:15:50,755 CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GET TO FRY MY BOYFRIEND! 373 00:15:50,755 --> 00:15:53,825 ULRIC! DO YOU HAVE ANY LAST WORDS? 374 00:15:53,825 --> 00:15:55,193 YES, I DO. 375 00:15:55,193 --> 00:15:57,962 I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS DEATH 376 00:15:57,962 --> 00:16:00,765 TO THE MEMORY OF DR. EMIL MANFRED, 377 00:16:00,765 --> 00:16:02,133 MY DEAR FRIEND, 378 00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:05,837 WHO WOULD HAVE WANTED ME TO CONTINUE-- 379 00:16:06,304 --> 00:16:08,139 SHUT UP AND COOK HIM! 380 00:16:10,141 --> 00:16:11,576 ARE YOU READY? 381 00:16:11,576 --> 00:16:13,812 YOU BET YOUR ASS, I'M READY! 382 00:16:14,045 --> 00:16:16,381 I'M READY TO DIE. 383 00:16:16,380 --> 00:16:18,249 HA HA HA! 384 00:16:18,249 --> 00:16:19,617 THEN NUKE HIM! 385 00:16:19,617 --> 00:16:21,752 GO FOR IT, GRANDMA! 386 00:16:33,030 --> 00:16:34,899 SHOCKING, ISN'T IT? 387 00:16:42,206 --> 00:16:43,474 GO FOR THE BURN! 388 00:16:47,445 --> 00:16:48,846 LOOKS LIKE THAT'S THE END 389 00:16:48,846 --> 00:16:50,614 OF OLD ULRIC, EH? 390 00:16:54,986 --> 00:16:56,354 SHAKE AND BAKE. 391 00:16:56,654 --> 00:16:58,022 RESURRECTION! 392 00:16:58,289 --> 00:16:59,223 OR ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE 393 00:16:59,223 --> 00:17:00,157 A LIAR OUT OF ME? 394 00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:01,526 RESURRECTION! 395 00:17:01,526 --> 00:17:03,962 OK, ULRIC. 396 00:17:04,161 --> 00:17:05,596 ULRIC? 397 00:17:05,596 --> 00:17:06,997 ULRIC! 398 00:17:06,998 --> 00:17:08,766 RESURRECTION! 399 00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:09,667 JUST A GAG, FOLKS. HE'S A KIDDER. 400 00:17:09,667 --> 00:17:10,601 COME ON, ULRIC, RESURRECTION. 401 00:17:10,601 --> 00:17:11,535 Audience member: RESURRECTION! 402 00:17:11,536 --> 00:17:14,305 SHE DID IT! THE CHAMP! 403 00:17:14,305 --> 00:17:17,074 GRANDMA KILLED MY BOYFRIEND! 404 00:17:17,074 --> 00:17:18,475 YAY! 405 00:17:18,476 --> 00:17:20,311 THERE'S NO PULSE HERE. 406 00:17:20,311 --> 00:17:23,014 HE'S GOING FOR A NEW WORLD RECORD! 407 00:17:23,281 --> 00:17:26,151 THAT'S ONE THING I HADN'T FIGURED. 408 00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:28,452 SOME RESURRECTIONS TAKE LONGER THAN OTHERS. 409 00:17:33,090 --> 00:17:34,491 APPRECIATE YOUR BUSINESS. 410 00:17:34,492 --> 00:17:35,860 ALL RIGHT, NOW. 411 00:17:35,860 --> 00:17:37,695 FIRST WE DRAIN-- 412 00:17:37,695 --> 00:17:39,096 LADIES AND-- 413 00:17:39,096 --> 00:17:40,497 AAAH! 414 00:17:41,966 --> 00:17:43,901 DON'T! YOU CAN'T EMBALM HIM! 415 00:17:44,368 --> 00:17:46,203 HE'S, UM... HE'S NOT REALLY DEAD. 416 00:17:46,203 --> 00:17:47,137 WELL, YOU COULD HAVE FOOLED ME. 417 00:17:47,138 --> 00:17:48,539 NOW, PLEASE EXCUSE ME. 418 00:17:48,539 --> 00:17:49,907 I HAVE A VERY TIGHT SCHEDULE. 419 00:17:49,907 --> 00:17:52,710 AAAAH! 420 00:17:52,710 --> 00:17:54,545 HEY, HONEY. WELCOME BACK. 421 00:17:54,545 --> 00:17:55,946 CORALEE, BABY, WHAT WAS OUR TAKE? 422 00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:57,781 OH! 50,625! 423 00:17:57,782 --> 00:17:59,183 ALL RIGHT! 424 00:17:59,183 --> 00:18:01,018 WORTH DYING FOR, HONEY, WORTH DYING FOR. 425 00:18:01,018 --> 00:18:01,952 LISTEN, I MISSED YOU WHILE I WAS DEAD. 426 00:18:01,953 --> 00:18:02,887 DID YOU MISS ME? 427 00:18:02,887 --> 00:18:04,622 OH, I MISSED YOU! 428 00:18:04,855 --> 00:18:07,224 OOH, THAT ONE--WHOO! THAT ONE, THAT ONE--WHOO! 429 00:18:07,224 --> 00:18:09,093 THAT ONE WAS TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT. 430 00:18:09,093 --> 00:18:10,928 I MEAN, IF THIS GUY EMBALMS ME, 431 00:18:10,928 --> 00:18:12,296 I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN COME BACK. 432 00:18:12,296 --> 00:18:14,665 AND EVEN IF I CAN...UGH. 433 00:18:15,099 --> 00:18:19,270 SO THE NEXT TIME, I MADE SPECIAL ARRANGEMENTS. 434 00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:22,039 CORALEE WAS GOING TO GET MY BODY NO MATTER WHAT. 435 00:18:22,406 --> 00:18:24,108 GATHER ROUND! GATHER ROUND! 436 00:18:24,475 --> 00:18:27,511 SHOOT AN ARROW, LAY THE BEAR IN THE GROUND! 437 00:18:27,745 --> 00:18:30,881 NOW FOR YOUR PLEASURE, FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, 438 00:18:30,881 --> 00:18:34,451 IS YOUR CHANCE TO KILL A REAL LIVE HUMAN BEING! 439 00:18:34,919 --> 00:18:36,254 COME ON, I'M DYING TO DIE! 440 00:18:36,587 --> 00:18:38,322 COME ON, HIT ME, HIT ME. AHHHHHH! 441 00:18:38,522 --> 00:18:40,357 IN THE HEART! IN THE HEART! 442 00:18:40,358 --> 00:18:42,594 GIVE HIM A "HEART" ON, AS IT WILL. HA HA! 443 00:18:42,593 --> 00:18:43,494 YEAH! 444 00:18:43,761 --> 00:18:44,562 YES, COME ON UP HERE! 445 00:18:44,829 --> 00:18:45,797 OH! OH! A MAN OF THE SEA. 446 00:18:46,230 --> 00:18:47,131 COME ON. 447 00:18:47,131 --> 00:18:48,032 COME ON UP HERE, SON. 448 00:18:48,032 --> 00:18:48,933 COME ON UP HERE, ADMIRAL. 449 00:18:48,933 --> 00:18:50,701 COME ON, NAVY, LET'S GO! 450 00:18:50,701 --> 00:18:52,937 SHOW THAT BIMBO WHAT YOU'VE GOT! 451 00:18:53,337 --> 00:18:55,072 THAT WILL BE $1,000, PLEASE. 452 00:18:56,841 --> 00:18:57,775 COME ON, COME ON! WHAT'S $1,000 453 00:18:58,209 --> 00:18:59,010 WHEN YOU GET TO KILL A REAL HUMAN BEING? 454 00:18:59,243 --> 00:19:00,010 YEAH! COME ON! 455 00:19:00,511 --> 00:19:01,679 WHAT ARE YOU, AFRAID? 456 00:19:01,946 --> 00:19:04,782 YES? NO? WELL, THEN, ANCHORS AWAY, POPEYE. 457 00:19:04,782 --> 00:19:05,683 OK, MOVE AWAY. MOVE AWAY. 458 00:19:06,050 --> 00:19:07,051 COME ON, LET'S GO! WHO'LL BE NEXT? 459 00:19:07,051 --> 00:19:08,653 COME ON! WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY! 460 00:19:08,853 --> 00:19:10,688 OH, HERE'S A MACHO MAN! HA HA HA HA! 461 00:19:11,155 --> 00:19:12,456 YOU'VE BEEN PUMPING IRON, I SEE, HUH? 462 00:19:12,456 --> 00:19:14,258 UH, YES, WE DO TAKE CREDIT CARDS. 463 00:19:14,258 --> 00:19:15,593 ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER! 464 00:19:15,593 --> 00:19:16,494 HA HA HA! HA HA HA! 465 00:19:16,494 --> 00:19:18,096 HA HA HA! HA HA HA! 466 00:19:18,362 --> 00:19:20,231 WELL, OK, STEP RIGHT UP THERE, SON. TIME IS MONEY. 467 00:19:20,231 --> 00:19:21,299 COME ON, BONZO! 468 00:19:21,298 --> 00:19:22,633 DON'T PLAY TO THE CROWD. PLAY TO THE BEAR. 469 00:19:22,633 --> 00:19:23,534 THAT'S THE ONE YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL. 470 00:19:23,534 --> 00:19:25,302 COME ON. HE'S DYING TO DIE! HA HA HA! 471 00:19:25,302 --> 00:19:27,905 COME ON, ASSHOLE! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT HAT? 472 00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:29,240 SHOOT HIM! 473 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:30,141 HIT THE BEAR! 474 00:19:30,141 --> 00:19:32,910 ONE SHOT! ONE SHOT YOU HAVE HERE. COME ON, BOY! 475 00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,712 YOU CAN DO IT! I KNOW YOU CAN! 476 00:19:34,712 --> 00:19:36,013 THE BEAR'S OVER THERE. THE BEAR'S OVER THERE. 477 00:19:36,013 --> 00:19:36,914 Man: I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE! 478 00:19:37,381 --> 00:19:38,515 Woman: AH! HE'S GONNA KILL US ALL! 479 00:19:38,516 --> 00:19:39,517 THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. YOU READY? ARE YOU READY? 480 00:19:39,517 --> 00:19:41,819 AIM! FIRE! 481 00:19:42,253 --> 00:19:43,254 [JEERING, BOOING] NICE SHOT! 482 00:19:43,688 --> 00:19:46,024 OH! SO NEAR AND YET SO FAR! 483 00:19:46,023 --> 00:19:47,791 AS THE FRENCH SAY, ZE TOUGH SHIT! 484 00:19:47,792 --> 00:19:49,160 HA HA HA HA HA! 485 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,362 WHO'S NEXT? COME ON, FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY! 486 00:19:51,829 --> 00:19:53,164 JUNIOR'S GOING TO GIVE IT A TRY! 487 00:19:53,497 --> 00:19:55,232 A FATHER AND SON TEAM! 488 00:19:55,433 --> 00:19:57,702 YOU CAN DO IT. COME ON, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. 489 00:19:57,702 --> 00:19:58,603 WHAT DO WE OWE YOU, $1,000? 490 00:19:59,070 --> 00:20:00,038 $1,000, PLEASE. 491 00:20:00,037 --> 00:20:00,938 WELL WORTH IT FOR MY SON. 492 00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:01,806 COME ON, JUNI-- 493 00:20:01,806 --> 00:20:02,707 I DON'T WANT TO. 494 00:20:02,707 --> 00:20:04,042 JUNIOR, DON'T BE A SISSY NOW. 495 00:20:04,041 --> 00:20:04,942 I DON'T WANT TO. JUNIOR... 496 00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:05,810 LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER, SON. LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER. 497 00:20:06,277 --> 00:20:07,178 ALL RIGHT, COME ON. I'M GONNA GET YOU 498 00:20:07,178 --> 00:20:08,846 A JUNIOR MEMBERSHIP IN THE N.R.A. 499 00:20:09,213 --> 00:20:10,915 SOME KIDS KILL RABBITS. YOU CAN KILL PEOPLE. 500 00:20:11,182 --> 00:20:12,183 COME ON, NOW. PUT YOUR HANDS UP. 501 00:20:12,183 --> 00:20:13,484 I DON'T WANT TO KILL ANYBODY. 502 00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,986 I'VE BEEN KILLING PEOPLE FOR YEARS AND NOW IT'S YOUR TURN. 503 00:20:16,253 --> 00:20:17,154 COME ON, YOU CAN LINE IT UP. 504 00:20:17,154 --> 00:20:18,055 NO. STEADY. 505 00:20:18,489 --> 00:20:19,657 NOW! 506 00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:20,724 [CROWD MURMURING] 507 00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:22,760 OH! OH! 508 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,128 YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE, JUNIOR. 509 00:20:24,128 --> 00:20:25,463 I DIDN'T DO IT, DAD. 510 00:20:25,463 --> 00:20:26,798 YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE, JUNIOR. 511 00:20:26,797 --> 00:20:28,132 I DIDN'T MEAN TO HIT HIM IN THE BALLS. 512 00:20:28,499 --> 00:20:29,467 You little fat fucker. 513 00:20:29,467 --> 00:20:30,802 ALL RIGHT, WHO'LL BE NEXT? 514 00:20:30,801 --> 00:20:32,169 COME ON! A PERSONAL CHECK? 515 00:20:32,169 --> 00:20:33,771 YES, WE TAKE PERSONAL CHECKS. 516 00:20:33,771 --> 00:20:35,973 I'LL NEED TWO PIECES OF IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE. 517 00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:38,309 OH, LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT THIS! 518 00:20:38,309 --> 00:20:41,612 STATE FAIR ARCHERY CHAMPION 1987! 519 00:20:41,612 --> 00:20:45,015 OOH! YAY! 520 00:20:45,216 --> 00:20:46,617 WELL, IF ANYONE CAN HIT HIM, I GUESS HE CAN, HUH? 521 00:20:46,617 --> 00:20:48,819 GO GET HIM, SIR, AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU! 522 00:21:01,766 --> 00:21:04,002 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 523 00:21:13,911 --> 00:21:16,480 SWEET DREAMS, ULRIC! 524 00:21:21,485 --> 00:21:22,486 HE'S DEAD! 525 00:21:22,486 --> 00:21:24,688 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 526 00:21:26,056 --> 00:21:27,291 SO WHAT DO I WIN? 527 00:21:29,627 --> 00:21:33,197 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THE LOVELY CORALEE. 528 00:21:33,197 --> 00:21:34,065 CONGRATULATIONS, SIR. 529 00:21:34,498 --> 00:21:36,834 AWESOME! OH, YEAH! 530 00:21:36,834 --> 00:21:38,169 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 531 00:21:38,169 --> 00:21:39,504 HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT FOR IT? 532 00:21:43,073 --> 00:21:44,841 I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME MOVE THE BODY. 533 00:21:44,842 --> 00:21:46,644 I'M SORRY, BUT YOU CAN'T MOVE HIM. 534 00:21:46,644 --> 00:21:50,681 I HAVE A SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT WITH THE DECEASED. 535 00:21:51,115 --> 00:21:51,983 DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE. 536 00:21:51,982 --> 00:21:55,118 HE TOLD ME TO GIVE YOU THIS 537 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:58,689 IF THERE WAS ANY OBJECTION. 538 00:21:58,689 --> 00:22:00,958 HOLY SHIT. 539 00:22:01,458 --> 00:22:02,793 THIS IS MORE MONEY THAN I MAKE IN A YEAR. 540 00:22:02,793 --> 00:22:03,694 YOU'RE WELCOME. 541 00:22:04,161 --> 00:22:05,129 CAN I HELP MOVE THE BODY? 542 00:22:05,129 --> 00:22:06,030 YEAH. 543 00:22:09,133 --> 00:22:10,901 YOU MADE THE FRONT PAGE! 544 00:22:12,703 --> 00:22:14,038 SHITTY PICTURE. 545 00:22:14,471 --> 00:22:15,839 HOW YOU FEELING, HONEY? 546 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,042 BABY, THIS DYING SHIT'S TAKING YEARS OFF MY LIFE. 547 00:22:18,042 --> 00:22:18,943 OH, POOR BABY. 548 00:22:18,943 --> 00:22:19,844 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 549 00:22:20,277 --> 00:22:22,079 I'LL GET IT. WHO IS IT? 550 00:22:23,414 --> 00:22:24,749 GATHER ROUND. GATHER ROUND. 551 00:22:24,748 --> 00:22:26,984 HERE WE GO. 80% OF THE BOX OFFICE TAKE, 552 00:22:26,984 --> 00:22:27,852 PAYOLA FROM HBO, 553 00:22:27,852 --> 00:22:29,654 AND SOME SIDE BET MONEY, TOO. 554 00:22:29,653 --> 00:22:30,554 [SNAPS] 555 00:22:30,554 --> 00:22:31,422 YOU KNOW, ULRIC BUBBY, 556 00:22:31,889 --> 00:22:32,790 ON A MORE PERSONAL NOTE, 557 00:22:32,790 --> 00:22:34,558 I WANT YOU TO SINCERELY KNOW HOW-- 558 00:22:34,558 --> 00:22:35,459 HOW MUCH I-- 559 00:22:37,661 --> 00:22:38,562 60 GRAND. 560 00:22:40,364 --> 00:22:42,600 MIES SU CARNY. 561 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,802 60,000. CORALEE, BABY. 562 00:22:45,269 --> 00:22:46,170 YEAH? 563 00:22:46,170 --> 00:22:47,938 WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TAKE A VACATION? 564 00:22:48,372 --> 00:22:50,608 GO TO VEGAS, CATCH WAYNE NEWTON'S ACT, 565 00:22:50,608 --> 00:22:51,509 HOP OVER TO THE BAHAMAS, 566 00:22:51,508 --> 00:22:53,744 AND THEN WE'LL SKIP OVER TO PARIS. 567 00:22:53,744 --> 00:22:55,079 DID I TELL YOU? 568 00:22:55,079 --> 00:22:57,315 POLANSKI WANTS TO FILM MY LIFE STORY. 569 00:22:57,314 --> 00:22:58,182 ALL OF 'EM. 570 00:22:58,182 --> 00:23:03,120 YEAH? THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL! 571 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,623 BUT I HAVE AN EVEN BETTER IDEA. 572 00:23:05,823 --> 00:23:08,192 I'LL GO ON VACATION... 573 00:23:08,659 --> 00:23:09,960 AND YOU... 574 00:23:11,328 --> 00:23:13,096 ...CAN STAY HERE! 575 00:23:13,530 --> 00:23:14,965 [ECHOES] STAY HERE! STAY HERE! 576 00:23:14,965 --> 00:23:16,133 ECCH! 577 00:23:17,301 --> 00:23:20,771 [HISSING] 578 00:23:25,309 --> 00:23:28,445 UH, SORRY. UH... 579 00:23:28,445 --> 00:23:30,681 UM, I'VE GOT TO GO NOW. 580 00:23:30,681 --> 00:23:32,016 NO HARD FEELINGS, HOWEVER, OK? 581 00:23:32,016 --> 00:23:33,818 'CAUSE, UM... 582 00:23:33,817 --> 00:23:34,685 JUST, YOU KNOW, 583 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,822 ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR, UM... 584 00:23:37,821 --> 00:23:39,156 OH, BYE, MR. FRIENDLY-- 585 00:23:39,156 --> 00:23:40,491 THE REST OF YOUR LIVES. 586 00:23:40,791 --> 00:23:43,093 YES! LOOK OUT, VANNA. 587 00:23:44,862 --> 00:23:50,234 GRRR! 588 00:23:50,534 --> 00:23:53,270 THAT BITCH DOUBLE-CROSSED ME. 589 00:23:53,270 --> 00:23:55,572 SHE KILLED ME AND TOOK THE MONEY 590 00:23:55,572 --> 00:23:57,374 THAT I DIED FOR. 591 00:23:57,808 --> 00:24:00,477 WELL, I STILL HAVE ONE LIFE LEFT. 592 00:24:00,477 --> 00:24:03,613 AND THIS LIFE IS GOING TO PAY ME PLENTY. 593 00:24:03,614 --> 00:24:05,382 YOU WANT WHAT? 594 00:24:05,382 --> 00:24:06,717 I WANT EVERYTHING. 595 00:24:06,717 --> 00:24:08,485 ALL OF THE PROFITS, 100%. 596 00:24:08,485 --> 00:24:11,188 100%? BUT THAT'LL LEAVE ME WITH PRACTICALLY NOTHING. 597 00:24:11,188 --> 00:24:12,956 LOOK, ASSHOLE, DON'T YOU REMEMBER 598 00:24:12,957 --> 00:24:14,325 WHAT A SHITHOUSE THIS PLACE WAS 599 00:24:14,325 --> 00:24:15,193 BEFORE I SHOWED UP? 600 00:24:15,192 --> 00:24:16,994 BESIDES, I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK 601 00:24:16,994 --> 00:24:17,895 WHAT WILL THE AUDIENCE DO 602 00:24:17,895 --> 00:24:18,763 WHEN THEIR STAR ATTRACTION 603 00:24:18,762 --> 00:24:19,663 PULLS A NO-SHOW. 604 00:24:20,097 --> 00:24:21,465 THAT'S BLACKMAIL. 605 00:24:21,465 --> 00:24:23,667 THAT'S RIGHT. 606 00:24:24,134 --> 00:24:25,469 ALL RIGHT. 607 00:24:25,469 --> 00:24:26,804 ALL RIGHT, WHAT? 608 00:24:26,804 --> 00:24:29,473 ALL RIGHT, 100%. 609 00:24:30,808 --> 00:24:34,378 MAN, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN LIVE WITH YOURSELF. 610 00:24:34,378 --> 00:24:36,146 I DON'T. 611 00:24:37,514 --> 00:24:40,617 [KIDS ON RIDE SCREAMING WITH EXCITEMENT] 612 00:24:40,617 --> 00:24:42,853 THAT SUCKER. 613 00:24:42,853 --> 00:24:44,655 IF I WANTED, I COULD HAVE GOT A SHARE 614 00:24:44,655 --> 00:24:47,324 FROM HIS CORN DOG CONCESSIONS. 615 00:24:47,624 --> 00:24:49,726 HA HA HA HA! 616 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,328 BY THE OLD CLOCK ON MY WRIST, 617 00:24:51,328 --> 00:24:53,096 IT SEEMS THAT HIS HOUR HAS APPROACHED. 618 00:24:53,564 --> 00:24:54,899 COME ON, BOYS. THE TIME HAS COME. 619 00:24:55,366 --> 00:24:58,402 LOWER HIM DOWN. THERE WE GO. 620 00:24:58,702 --> 00:25:00,070 HEY, LISTEN, ULRIC, WHEN YOU GET TO HELL, 621 00:25:00,070 --> 00:25:00,971 DON'T FORGET TO WRITE. HA HA HA! 622 00:25:01,372 --> 00:25:05,409 HEY, HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE. HA HA HA! 623 00:25:05,409 --> 00:25:08,112 Ulric: ALTHOUGH I DO FEEL A LITTLE BAD ABOUT THE DOC, 624 00:25:08,545 --> 00:25:09,980 EH, BUT, WHAT THE HAY? 625 00:25:10,414 --> 00:25:12,216 I'M ALREADY SET FOR LIFE. 626 00:25:12,216 --> 00:25:15,352 AND ALL BECAUSE OF THAT POOR LITTLE KITTY. 627 00:25:16,653 --> 00:25:19,789 POOR DEAD LITTLE KITTY. 628 00:25:19,790 --> 00:25:21,225 TOO BAD HE HAD TO DIE-- 629 00:25:24,128 --> 00:25:26,464 WAIT A MINUTE. 630 00:25:26,463 --> 00:25:29,700 THAT CAT...IT DIED. 631 00:25:31,101 --> 00:25:33,904 IF IT ALREADY DIED ONCE... 632 00:25:33,904 --> 00:25:35,572 [INHALES DEEPLY] 633 00:25:35,572 --> 00:25:36,940 IT ONLY HAD EIGHT LIVES LEFT. 634 00:25:38,475 --> 00:25:39,443 [INHALES DEEPLY] 635 00:25:39,443 --> 00:25:41,211 OH, MY GOD! 636 00:25:41,211 --> 00:25:42,112 [INHALES DEEPLY] 637 00:25:42,112 --> 00:25:44,314 I DON'T HAVE NINE LIVES. 638 00:25:44,314 --> 00:25:47,450 HEY! HEY, SOMEBODY! 639 00:25:47,785 --> 00:25:49,587 WELL, HE OUGHT TO BE 640 00:25:49,586 --> 00:25:51,455 ABOUT OUT OF AIR BY NOW. 641 00:25:51,455 --> 00:25:52,356 ARE YOU KIDDING? 642 00:25:52,823 --> 00:25:55,025 GORLOFF, IT'S ALL A FAKE. 643 00:25:55,025 --> 00:25:55,926 YEAH, YOU THINK SO? 644 00:25:55,926 --> 00:25:56,827 OF COURSE. YOU DON'T THINK 645 00:25:57,261 --> 00:25:58,529 THEY'D REALLY LET SOMEONE DIE DOWN THERE? 646 00:25:58,862 --> 00:26:00,297 SOMEBODY WAIT! 647 00:26:00,297 --> 00:26:02,099 I DON'T HAVE NINE LIVES! 648 00:26:02,533 --> 00:26:04,402 [EERIE YOWL] 649 00:26:09,306 --> 00:26:11,074 DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING, AL? 650 00:26:11,075 --> 00:26:13,778 NAAH. PROBABLY JUST A CAT. 651 00:26:13,777 --> 00:26:15,545 YEAH...RIGHT. 652 00:26:15,546 --> 00:26:17,782 JUST A CAT. 653 00:26:23,587 --> 00:26:27,157 SOMEBODY! I DON'T HAVE NINE LIVES! 654 00:26:27,157 --> 00:26:28,859 SOMEBODY! 655 00:26:29,093 --> 00:26:32,330 LET ME OUT! 656 00:26:32,329 --> 00:26:35,799 [GASPS] 657 00:26:35,799 --> 00:26:37,301 [EERIE YOWL] 658 00:26:37,501 --> 00:26:38,936 [MEOWS] 659 00:26:46,443 --> 00:26:48,445 THERE, THERE. 660 00:26:48,445 --> 00:26:51,949 NICE KITTY. 661 00:26:51,949 --> 00:26:52,917 GET! 662 00:26:52,916 --> 00:26:55,919 HA HA HA! 663 00:26:57,921 --> 00:27:03,427 HOPE YOU ENJOYED OUR LITTLE BEDTIME STORY, KIDS! 664 00:27:04,928 --> 00:27:09,933 ALAS, POOR ULRIC, MISSED A BET, 665 00:27:09,933 --> 00:27:13,437 DYING FOR DOLLARS COULD HAVE BEEN 666 00:27:13,437 --> 00:27:15,439 A POPULAR GAME SHOW. 667 00:27:15,439 --> 00:27:17,942 THEY COULD HAVE PUT IT IN BETWEEN 668 00:27:17,941 --> 00:27:22,946 WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE THE NEWLY DEAD GAME! 669 00:27:22,946 --> 00:27:24,948 HA HA! 670 00:27:24,948 --> 00:27:27,951 UNLESS THEY BURIED IT IN THE WRONG TIME SLOT. 671 00:27:27,951 --> 00:27:31,455 HA HA HA! 672 00:27:38,328 --> 00:27:41,331 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. 673 00:27:41,331 --> 00:27:44,334 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org-- 41517

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