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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,000
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.
2
00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:29,520
Yeah, there's absolutely no damage
to his eye whatsoever.
3
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:31,800
There's nothing there, OK?
-Great.
-So, listen,
4
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,640
I want you to go away and I want you
to enjoy the rest of your holiday.
5
00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,080
Well, he does have other symptoms,
actually.
6
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,040
He's got quite a lot of
different conditions.
7
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,040
Yeah, OK, well, we've examined his
eye and there's nothing wrong with
8
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,040
-his eye.
-Sorry, let me finish.
He's dyslexic
9
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:45,720
and, you know, possibly dyspraxic.
10
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:48,360
He's got some rumblings of eczema.
11
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,400
It's just a freckle, darling.
It's not a freckle. That is eczema.
12
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:52,600
I know it when I see it.
13
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,800
And he's also, erm...
Well, he's asthmatic.
14
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,200
Right, has he got inhalers?
15
00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:00,040
Yes, yes. He's got the blue pump
and the brown pump.
16
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,040
Great. And is he using
the brown pump?
17
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,160
Yes, he normally does two brown
-pumps every morning.
-Good.
18
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:06,440
And if he's feeling tight,
19
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,800
he'll squeeze in another
pump in the afternoon.
20
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,360
-OK.
-And blue pump is really
just an emergency...
21
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,560
Top-up at night...top-up pump.
Is he topping up at night?
22
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,280
-Yes.
-Not that often, though.
23
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,560
Well, no, just every night.
24
00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,320
There were some other issues.
25
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,640
I'm so sorry, but we just
had accident on the cliffs
26
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,880
and I think we're going to have
an influx of people.
27
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,360
So, we really need the bed space.
28
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,680
-That's awful, awful.
-I know,
but we need the bed space.
29
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:30,880
Come on, Archie, let's...
30
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,080
Just, I mean, quickly,
before they get here then,
31
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:36,600
I wonder if you wouldn't mind having
just a very quick look at his anus.
32
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,200
-His anus?
-Yes.
33
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,560
It's just, I'm very...
I'm actually concerned
34
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,520
that, erm, he might
have more than one.
35
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,960
-Oh.
-I love those poufs.
36
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,920
Poufs, yeah. Footstools.
37
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,720
-Yeah.
-Chairs for children.
38
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,360
-Fantastic.
-They're kind of like
elephants' feet or something.
39
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,080
Yeah. Red and white.
40
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,760
Like a bleeding elephant
-or something.
-Yeah.
41
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:07,440
Hey, guys.
42
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,200
-Hey!
-How are you?
43
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:10,240
OK.
44
00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:12,640
Amazing place, isn't it?
45
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,080
It's incredible. I love
covered arcades like this.
46
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:18,000
It's just a fantastic
-way to shop.
-Yeah.
47
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,240
Shelter.
48
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,800
What's going on?
Can I nick a rollie, actually?
49
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,240
I just really fancy one.
50
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,720
Thank you. Cheers.
51
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:30,800
I'll have one, too, actually, mate.
52
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,000
You don't smoke, Tom.
53
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,960
Thanks, Mum.
54
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,120
Your hair looks nice, Tom.
55
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,600
Yeah? Thank you.
56
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:42,120
I think of you as more receding.
57
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,480
-Bald.
-Right.
58
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:48,120
Well, I mean, it was thinning a bit,
but it's exploded back into my life.
59
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,640
So, what, it just...rejuvenated?
60
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,080
Absolutely, it's rejuvenated.
-All over?
-Pretty much.
61
00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,960
What are you, er...?
You want me to show you?
62
00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:00,920
No, it's... It's back with a bang.
63
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,760
I don't know why.
I'm not a scientist.
64
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,160
I'm not Stephen Hawking,
65
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,880
but I think maybe it's just
because I'm spending time
66
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:11,520
with someone who, er...
has such a vital energy, you know?
67
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,360
So were you completely bald?
68
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,640
No, no. I was just kind of...
69
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,760
I was thinning. You just kind
of catch a certain light
70
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,760
and you might see, you'd see scalp,
but...everyone has that.
71
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:26,480
Come here.
72
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,200
It's intriguing.
73
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,960
SHE GASPS
O-M-G.
74
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:40,440
I just love stuff like this.
I love tat and...
75
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,840
-Hi.
-Hi.
76
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,760
We're just saying what a fabulous
shop you're maintaining here.
77
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,280
It's terrific. Big congrats.
78
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,840
Is this original?
79
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:56,120
Yes. Yes, it's,
er...an original brush.
80
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,680
Yeah? Well, it certainly works.
81
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:06,800
Thank you.
82
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,120
-Is that real pearls?
-Yeah.
83
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,560
-That is beautiful.
-Pretty.
84
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:15,600
Yeah.
85
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:20,720
Pearls are found in, erm...
-oysters.
-Really?
86
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,520
-Yes.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They occur in the sea.
87
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:27,160
Oh, my God. We should totally get
-some oysters tonight.
-Yeah! Yeah!
88
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,640
You can get some oysters from...
You can get a bag of them.
89
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,800
I can't actually have them
because of my IBS,
90
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,920
but I will definitely
watch you eating them.
91
00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:39,160
-Oh, my God.
-I don't know why I'm
whispering! They're an aphrodisiac.
92
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,280
That's a fact.
That's not an opinion.
93
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,840
But that means it's just
going to be me that's...
94
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,280
They CAN make you sexy.
95
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:52,480
I'm not complaining.
Oh, wow, that's so cool.
96
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,120
What's the...? What's the
provenance of this? How did it...?
97
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:02,680
It belonged to, erm,
Ian Astbury of The Cult.
98
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,160
(No way.)No!
99
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,120
-Pop band, '80s.
-I mean,
I don't know their music,
100
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:10,280
but I'm fully aware of the impact
they made. I mean, that's...
101
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,440
Before him, it,
it was worn by the...
102
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,600
the one-armed drummer
in Def Leppard.
103
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,640
-Def Leppard.
-Oh, God, yeah, yeah.
104
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,040
This is... He just carried
on drumming, didn't he?
105
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:23,000
With his stick jammed into his ulna.
106
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,040
Yeah.
107
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,520
So, how did Ian Astbury...
108
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,480
Did he bring it in, like he'd
had enough of it, or...?
109
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,400
I... It was in his
dressing room at the time.
110
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,760
So you... You took it?
111
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:39,920
I... I left him a note.
112
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,760
Is that...is that a real diamond?
113
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,880
Uh...
114
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,080
Y-Yes, yes.
115
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:54,480
What is that? Is that a...
It's a.....treble clef?
116
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,400
-It's a treble clef.
-Yeah.
Erm... And the bass clef....
117
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,960
Is this Ian Astbury's?
118
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,800
Uh... Yes, yes.
119
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:06,400
I have, erm...a bass clef, too.
120
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,120
So, you can have the...
121
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,440
Yeah, I mean, you can't have one
without the other, can you?
122
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,840
Actually, if you have a rummage,
there's a couple of crotchets.
123
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,880
And are they Ian Astbury's as well?
124
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:19,920
Yes.
125
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:21,960
Wow.
126
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:27,800
I could also, erm...
throw in the abacus,
127
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,600
-which is over there.
-Is that his?
128
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,400
It belonged to the band, yes.
129
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,480
Would you consider doing a deal
for the Astbury material?
130
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,280
-Yes.
-We're talking clefs,
crotchets, amulet...
131
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,200
-And the abacus.
-And the abacus.
132
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,640
Which we haven't...
Which we'd be buying unseen.
133
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,440
I mean, I haven't
actually seen it yet.
134
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,920
I could do that for you.
135
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,520
Do you know Ian Astbury?
136
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,880
-No, no.
-Look at that ring.
137
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,600
-Oh, my word.
-Yes.
138
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,360
-My word.
-It's stunning, isn't it?
139
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,600
Oh, that's gorgeous.
140
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,560
-It's good.
-Love at first sight.
141
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,320
-Yeah.
-It is, I mean,
it is absolutely stonking.
142
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:09,560
-It's Victorian.
-Mm.
143
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,480
It's actually, erm...
144
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,800
It's actually, er,
an engagement ring.
145
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,720
-Oh, I love it.
-It's incredible.
146
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,640
So, how much is it?
147
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,040
£500.
148
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:38,600
And you don't think...
I mean, that looks like, to me,
149
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,200
there's one and then a
bridge or a gap
150
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,800
or a membrane-y bridge or something
151
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:47,040
-to another one?
-No, I just
think it's a very long anus.
152
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,040
-I think that's all.
-Oh, God.
153
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,240
-Mm-hm.
-I mean, could that resolve?
154
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,880
Could that shrink down?
It's unlikely to shrink.
155
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,280
If anything, it'll probably
get bigger as he grows.
156
00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:58,280
You know, it might just
lengthen a little bit
157
00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,400
as he grows up and so on,
if he grows up.
158
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,520
Well, but...but...
I mean, what are you saying?
159
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,000
That it might get longer and
longer and longer and longer?
160
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,840
Well, no. You know,
it'll reach a maximum,
161
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,880
but then it might, kind of, start
caving in on itself, as it were.
162
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,280
But it's nothing to worry about.
163
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,120
-And what would happen then?
-Well,
he could have a small operation.
164
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:19,120
It's just vanity, no-one's really
going to be looking there anyway.
165
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,080
--I hope not.
-Happy?
-Yeah,
that's put my mind at rest.
166
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,040
OK, good. You pop
your pants up, Archie.
167
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,320
I'll be waiting out here, OK?
Robin, can you do it?
168
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:27,360
Thank you.
169
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,320
There we go.
170
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:31,680
SHE SNIFFS
171
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,000
SHE SNIFFS
172
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:38,760
SHE SNORTS
173
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:41,440
Babe, can you stop doing that?
174
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,880
Sorry. I've...
175
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,040
I've got a cold.
176
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,320
Have you brushed your
teeth this morning?
177
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:50,520
Yes, of course.
178
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,440
Why? Does... Do I...?
179
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,920
-Does it smell?
-Just a bit, yeah.
180
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:02,240
It's probably just the virus,
the bacteria in my mouth.
181
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,040
Oh, my God, baby, look.
182
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,160
-Wow.
-Lederhosen.
183
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,280
Oh, achtung.
184
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,160
You could totally pull
those off, you know.
185
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,240
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
186
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,680
You want to...pull my pork off?
187
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,640
-Hmm.
-You want some pulled pork?
188
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:36,520
You'll give me a
massive bonk-on in a moment.
189
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:39,160
Oh, my God.
190
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,880
God, I love your touch.
191
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:43,920
A-ha!
192
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,200
Can we try these on?
193
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,840
-Sure.
-Yeah?
194
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,520
Is there somewhere...?
Oh, just over there?
195
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:54,920
Me? Try them on?
196
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,520
-Yeah.
-Through...through the curtain.
197
00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:58,640
Oh, yeah.
198
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,960
But, I mean, have you come across
this kind of elongated anus before?
199
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,640
Um, yeah, there was one
gentleman during training,
200
00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:09,240
he had quite a flabby one,
201
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:12,520
but he was fine, it didn't
restrict him in life or anything.
202
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:15,280
And you don't think he'll have
sat on something at school?
203
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,200
Or a set square or
something, that's...?
204
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,720
Well, he might have, but his anus
is fine, his eye's fine.
205
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,280
-Thank you, doctor.
-That's all right.
-We'll just...calm down.
-Thank you.
206
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:27,400
They're very rude, aren't they?
207
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:30,280
Oh, Kerry, it's Fee.
Have you got the fish yet?
208
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,080
There you go. Just
don't tell your mum, OK?
209
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,440
-Good lad.
-Have you got the fish?
210
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,040
Look, have you got the fish?!
211
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:40,720
Well, why not?
212
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:44,680
Oh!
213
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,120
MOANING
214
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,320
Oh, God.
215
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:57,240
-Oh, yeah.
-Mm, mm.
216
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,040
Whoa, whoa.
217
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,520
GRUNTING
218
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:06,720
How are you getting on?
219
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,560
SLAPPING SOUNDS
220
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,840
HE GASPS AND GROANS
221
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,120
I'll see you outside, babe.
222
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:43,840
Sorry, it's a new belt.
223
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,600
This, er, this fell off. Sorry.
224
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,280
Oh, shit.
225
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,160
-I left my wallet up there.
-Oh.
226
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,680
It must have fallen out
of the hessian tote.
227
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:37,040
Ah! Erm, I-I left my wallet.
228
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,720
I really don't appreciate
people coming in here
229
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,360
and using this place like
some kind of knocking shop.
230
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,360
No, absolutely, absolutely.
231
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:47,560
Big apols. It is
the honeymoon phase,
232
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:53,560
but I am seriously in love
with all your produce here,
233
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,480
and I will absolutely
make a purchase.
234
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,120
She liked the ring.
235
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,520
Didn't she?
236
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,560
I Don't Feel Like Dancin'
by Scissor Sisters
237
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,360
Hey, guys, who wants some fizz?
238
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,320
Oh, no, well, we're not really
drinking during the day
239
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,000
because there are children present.
240
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,280
Well, they're not going
to be drinking, are they?
241
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,800
Well, I wouldn't mind a little glass
of fizz actually, Fay.
242
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,480
-Yeah?
-Yes, why not?
243
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,800
-Birthday fizz.
-A little bit
of 'poo on the birthday.
244
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,040
Birthday 'poo!
LAUGHTER
245
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:46,280
-Cheers.
-No, don't.
246
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,400
Kerry, do you want some
-with your juice?
-No, no.
247
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,120
I'm fine. No!
248
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,520
Adam can't, Fay.
249
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:55,880
-He's an alcoholic.
-God, I mean, tell
me about it, I'm a total alcoholic.
250
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:58,600
No, no. He has a disease.
251
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,360
-A disease?
-The disease
of alcoholism.
252
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,440
No, Adam has admitted
he's powerless over alcohol.
253
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,400
Big congrats, by the way, man.
254
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,840
God, that's such a shame.
255
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:13,960
So, have you ever tried, like,
homoeopathy or flower essences?
256
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,760
Flower essences have
alcohol in, don't they?
257
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,720
They have whisky.
Well, it's negligible I imagine.
258
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:20,920
Not if you're an alcoholic.
259
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,920
Will someone help me
build a sand castle?
260
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,600
Yes, go on, Robin.
-Go and help.
-No, no, it's fine.
261
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,840
Honestly, guys, it's fine. I can go.
262
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:28,960
Thanks, Fay.
263
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,480
-Isn't she great?
-She's really sweet.
264
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,080
Mm. That she is.
265
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:55,680
So, are...are you in touch
with Anne at all?
266
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,600
I... Bits and bobs.
267
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:02,200
Yeah, Kerry had her on the phone
about two in the morning, er,
268
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:03,920
fucking threatening to top herself.
269
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:07,320
Yeah, well, I mean, she was the
one who wanted to call it quits.
270
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,360
Yeah, but why does she always have
to call us
271
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,800
when she's feeling suicidal?
272
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,720
Exactly. I mean, you're not going
to get an argument out of me, Adam.
273
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,240
It's clearly a cry for help.
274
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,040
I mean, she wouldn't do anything.
She's got kids, hasn't she?
275
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,560
-Your kids.
-Exactly.
276
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,440
I actually really want
Fay to meet the kids.
277
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:22,480
I think, erm...
278
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:25,320
I think she's a keeper.
279
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:32,800
She's seriously clever. And not,
you know, that boring clever.
280
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,400
She's bright. She is bright.
281
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:41,320
Yeah. And she's not in-your-face,
"I'm a scientist" clever,
282
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,480
but, I mean, she's got street-smart.
283
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:44,840
Emotional intelligence.
284
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,160
Exactly, thank you. Exactly.
285
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,840
Is that intelligence, though?
286
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,400
Well, it's not
artificial intelligence.
287
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,120
I mean, this is the real thing.
288
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,480
RELAXING MUSIC
289
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,720
I just wanted to say
again, you know, like,
290
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:20,520
I'm so sorry about Archie
and everything, but... Mm, mm.
291
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,360
..I'm glad, you know, he's OK.
292
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,200
Well, he's not. I mean, that's the
point. He's not necessarily OK.
293
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:29,000
You know, I mean, he's comfortable,
but we do need to monitor him.
294
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:30,880
--Really?
-Yes.
-Is his eye
still painful?
295
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,880
Apparently, he could still
lose the sight in one eye.
296
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,480
Cos I really, I just want
to be really clear, Fee,
297
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,320
that you don't blame me.
298
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:44,160
Because, to be honest,
I noticed when I met him,
299
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,360
that his eyes looked quite loose.
300
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:49,880
What do you mean?
301
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,440
Well, just that, erm... I could
just see they're quite, sort of,
302
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,400
maybe, quite...in the sockets.
303
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,560
There was nothing
wrong with his eyes.
304
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,800
I mean, all right, that was probably
the one area that he did have
305
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,960
a normal working capacity.
306
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,640
No, I'm not... He's a cute guy, boy.
307
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,120
I just thought one of them,
308
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:12,560
particularly the one that ended up
getting hit by the ball...
309
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:14,560
Which, again, wasn't my fault.
310
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,000
As I say, it was wrong place, wrong
time, he couldn't defend himself,
311
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,040
he wasn't able to handle
the bat very well.
312
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,440
I don't know if... I know
he's got lots of medical issues.
313
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:23,880
Yes, he does have medical issues,
314
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,120
which is why you should
have taken a lot more care.
315
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,600
And it was made clear to you
that he had medical issues,
316
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,240
so I don't understand why you
would go at it like that.
317
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,680
No, I wasn't going at it.
-You went at it.
-I really wasn't.
318
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,120
Well, from where I was, you
were going at it quite hard.
319
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,000
It sounds like I was having sex
with him or something.
320
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,520
-I just really resent
the implication
321
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,040
that you think I'm just...
322
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,240
I wasn't for a moment
implying you were...
323
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,200
What?! Sorry, I don't even
want to think about that.
324
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,040
God.
325
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,360
You're it!
THEY LAUGH
326
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,840
Robin is a really sweet guy.
327
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,640
-Hm.
-Yeah, you've done well, there.
328
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,840
Well, he's done well, too.
329
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,240
It's not a question of...
who's done the best, is it?
330
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,840
Is he naturally grey?
331
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,920
Well, I don't... I don't know anyone
who would be unnaturally grey.
332
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,600
-You know?
-Hm.
I mean, he was ginger.
333
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,240
Aww..
334
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,360
Yeah, I've never been out
with a ginger guy, actually.
335
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,520
Erm...
336
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,680
I've been out with an Indian guy.
337
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,200
He was very, very small, erm...
338
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:41,680
and sort of dry,
very, very tiny penis,
339
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,800
which, you know, which is why it's
nice to be with somebody like Tom.
340
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,120
Mm.
341
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,840
He's a bit more sort of chunky.
342
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,440
I imagine Robin's quite chunky.
343
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:58,080
Right. I think probably this fish
isn't going to get bought
344
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:01,120
unless I go right
-now, so excuse me.
-Oh.
345
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,760
46, 47, 48, 49,
346
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,800
50, 51, 52, 53, 54...
347
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,840
Hey, you've got the flow.
348
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,240
-Nice.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but...can you do this?
349
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:25,600
-Wow, that is amazing.
-Right?
350
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,200
Yeah, yeah.
351
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,800
Cool, edgy stuff.
352
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,320
It's a bit more street, Archie.
353
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,680
Do you know what I mean?
Football, it's a bit passe.
354
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,240
Plus, you can also DUNK on someone!
355
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,120
You can get right up.
Are you all right?
356
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,720
-Yeah, I'm fine.
-You've just got to
keep watching cos I might come in.
357
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,920
Let's let the kids play.
358
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,680
ACOUSTIC GUITAR
359
00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:04,200
♪ Out, out, out, why don't
you leave me alone?
360
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,840
♪ Shout, shout... ♪
361
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,200
SHE TRAILS OFF TIMIDLY
362
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:17,360
♪ Out, out, out,
why don't you leave me alone?
363
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:23,720
♪ Shout, shout, shout,
baby, get off my phone
364
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:32,080
♪ Doubt, doubt, doubt,
it's young men only
365
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:39,400
♪ Trout, trout, trout,
you're going to hook me again
366
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:44,480
♪ Out, out, out, why don't
you leave me alone? ♪
367
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,000
You're full of surprises.
368
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,600
Such an amazing vocal.
369
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,040
The fish cost double
what they quoted.
370
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,400
I'll be paying for the whole weekend
at this rate.
371
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:06,640
Oh, my God. Fee, let me chip in.
372
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,240
Oh, thanks.
373
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,440
Where's the wallet, babe?
374
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:14,080
I think it's in the hessian tote.
OK.
375
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,480
Oh, God.
376
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,640
So, it... Whoops! Oh, God.
377
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,840
I think it's still partly alive.
378
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,560
-Oh, my God.
-Damn, babe.
379
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,680
It was meant to be a surprise!
380
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,120
-Oh, my God.
-No, no, no. Don't...
381
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,640
-I had to get it.
-Oh, my God.
382
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:34,680
I had to get it.
383
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,360
Thank you.
384
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,400
-Do you like it?
-Yeah.
385
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,840
-I love it.
-Put it on.
386
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,880
Oh, my God, I can't believe it.
387
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,440
It's like it's part of you already.
I'm literally shaking.
388
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:48,520
It's like a...
389
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,120
..sixth finger.
390
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,440
I really want to bonk you
with that ring on.
391
00:21:58,480 --> 00:21:59,480
Oh, my God.
392
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:02,240
OK.
393
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,760
Guys...
394
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,240
Tom and I have got an announcement.
395
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,640
Do we?
396
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:15,760
We're engaged.
397
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,160
-Oh, wow!
-Congratulations.
398
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:21,680
-Where is Archie?
-Do you remember
399
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,480
when you proposed,
my beautiful wife?
400
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,000
No, sorry, where is Archie?
401
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,880
I thought he was with you.
402
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,200
Oh, my... Oh, my, God.
Where is Archie?!
403
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,040
Archie!
404
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,480
Oh, my God, he's missing.
He's been abducted!
405
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,880
-I knew it!
-He was here a minute ago.
Why weren't you watching him?!
406
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:39,440
You bloody fool!
407
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,960
Archie! Oh, my God!
408
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,520
Archie! Archie!
409
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:48,520
-Archie! Archie!
-Archie!
410
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,720
Fee, he's here!
411
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,280
What? Oh, thank God.
412
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,520
Oh, thank God, oh. Oh, my poppet.
413
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:01,360
Oh! Where were you?
414
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:03,360
What's that?
415
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,640
-A lolly.
-Right,
-where did you get that?
-The man.
416
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:10,600
The...the man?!
417
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,040
All right, what man?
418
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,360
What man?
The man that touched my bottom.
419
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:17,680
Jesus Christ.
420
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,480
Where did he touch you, sweetie?
421
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:23,600
-In my bottom.
-Oh, my God!
422
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,120
Oh, my God...
423
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,760
No, this is happening.
This is actually happening.
424
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,920
Oh, my God. Right, where,
what did the man...
425
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,640
-Somebody call the police!
-Fee! Fee!
I don't think...
426
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,640
Shut up, this is your fault!
427
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:38,200
Ow!
428
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,560
All right, it's all right,
sweetheart.
429
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,000
It's just that Mummy
has hurt her hand.
430
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,280
Now, do you want some squash
or something?
431
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,280
Can we get him some squash?
432
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,880
Do you have any of that ice?
433
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,240
Put the fish on it.
-I'll get the fish.
-OK.
434
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,600
This is in ice, Robin.
435
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,480
OK.
436
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,320
It's all right. Yeah, I'm fine.
437
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,360
OK, that'll bring the swelling down.
OK, thanks, darling.
438
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:10,320
-At least it's all right.
-Just hold
it in place for yourself, will you?
439
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:12,240
PANTING AND GROANING
440
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,520
Oh, my God. It's most beautiful ring
in the world.
441
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:28,520
It's twinkly, like a distant moon.
442
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,840
Oh, God. It makes you look like
fucking Cinderella.
443
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,000
I'm totally bonking your brains out
-with the ring on.
-Oh, my God.
444
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,080
God, I wish you could
wear it on your cock.
445
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:40,400
-Like a cock ring?
-Yeah.
I could definitely do that.
446
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:44,160
-Won't it be too small?
-No. I think
it's made of pretty flexible metal.
447
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,960
Oh, God.
448
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,160
Maybe I could
stuff it up your Jap's eye.
449
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,760
I was thinking that, too.
450
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,760
But I think there's a risk of
infection.
451
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:56,680
-You might get an infection?
-Exactly.
We are so on the same page sexually.
452
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:58,320
Oh, my God.
453
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,440
Show me the ring, show me the ring.
I'm showing you the ring.
454
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:05,600
No, show it to me
in a different way.
455
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,960
Oh, God, that's so hot.
456
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,280
I'm going to kiss the ring.
457
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,120
Oh, God.
458
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,720
How does my cock feel?
459
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,000
Like a big pencil.
460
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,160
Oh, God.
461
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,520
Like, where is it?
In a pencil thing?
462
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,800
In a pencil case.
Yeah, exactly, a pencil case.
463
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,560
Like it's bursting out. And
all the pens are flying everywhere.
464
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,480
Oh, shit. And there's other stuff
-in there?
-Yeah, like rubbers.
465
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,360
And, maybe, like, a little troll.
466
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,480
You're like a wordsmith.
467
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,240
Now, baby,
468
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,000
-you know I love the ring.
-Oh, God.
469
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,720
And you love the ring too, right?
Yeah.
470
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:43,520
I just want to clarify... Yeah.
471
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,160
You know the ring?
472
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:50,160
I meant it like more as a gift
than an engagement ring.
473
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,800
Oh, oh!
474
00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,040
Uhh.
475
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,280
-Did you come?
-No.
476
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:12,560
Me too.
477
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:38,600
Subtitles by Ericsson
478
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,240
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