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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:01,550
Dylan! Lauren?
2
00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:03,750
What? She's here?
Is that why we're here?
3
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,950
Give it up! You've gone mad!
4
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,550
This is May and this is Ashley.
5
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,430
Ashley. There's a lot riding
on this for me, you know.
6
00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,150
It's like a big homecoming trip, so...
7
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:14,910
I thought you were brother and sister.
8
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,550
What? You just look similar.
9
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,030
You should totally come
to May's cousin's wedding!
10
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:20,590
Dylan! I've just seen Lauren.
11
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,180
You're still stalking that bellend.
12
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,310
Where are you?
I don't know where I am, I just ran.
13
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,510
Shit!
14
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:29,710
Sean!
15
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,300
I think it was back that way, mate.
16
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,550
Police? Yes, hi.
17
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,230
I need to report a missing persons.
18
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,620
Person.
19
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,270
It's my friend Sean.
20
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,190
He...
There was a fracas and he ran off...
21
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,830
Yes, he's an adult. He's 20.
22
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:54,510
Oh, I should also mention that
I'm in China, at the moment.
23
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,160
Yes, this is all happening in China.
24
00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,830
Well, I just thought the UK police
25
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,950
could sort of cover stuff here. It's...
26
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,360
No? OK.
27
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:07,190
Do you have the number for China?
28
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,710
For the police in China!
29
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,420
OK, bye.
30
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,350
What's going on? Where are we?
31
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,430
Come on. You worry too much.
32
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,680
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
33
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,070
We are going to have lots of fun!
34
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,560
What? What is this place?
35
00:01:58,400 --> 00:01:59,510
Say hi. Hi.
36
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,350
Alcohol! You sing!
37
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,950
What? Drake! Drake!
38
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,470
Hotline Bling. Hotline Bling.
39
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:08,590
Oh, Drake!
40
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,670
Yeah! You want me to sing?
Come on, sing.
41
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:11,990
Can I use the toilet, quick?
42
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,950
What, toilet? Toilet, real quick, yeah.
43
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,590
OK. That side. Yeah?
44
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,590
Come back real soon. Come back. Yeah.
45
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,720
Drake!
46
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,390
Ah! Ah!
47
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,470
Hey!
48
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,910
I'm in love
49
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,990
My fingers keep on clicking
to the beating of my heart
50
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,670
Hey!
51
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,150
It's cos of you
52
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:57,350
The world is in a crazy hazy hue
53
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,870
My heart is beating like a jungle drum
54
00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,390
Badda-dunka-dunka, dun-dun-dun-dun
55
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:07,030
My heart is beating like a jungle drum
56
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:10,470
Raka-tukka-tukko,
katukka-rukka-tung-tung...
57
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,430
Please, just wait five more minutes.
58
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,030
We can't. I'm sorry,
but we're not going to miss our train.
59
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,070
He's probably already got
a bus to Beijers, dildo.
60
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:20,830
Yeah, come on, let's go.
Wait. We can't just leave him here.
61
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,670
Sean might, you know...
62
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,150
die.
63
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,990
What?! He's not going to die, OK?
64
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,110
Bottom line, I'm not going
to miss my cousin's wedding
65
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,870
because a British guy I hardly know
66
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,670
has gone missing at a music festival
67
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,350
in a not especially
remote area in the summer.
68
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,870
I mean, if you are that worried
about him, I don't know...
69
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,430
Don't come. What?
70
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,030
No!
I can't afford to do stuff on my own.
71
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,470
OK, great. Glad to know you care.
72
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,060
And I want to come, to support you.
73
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,760
Hope you find him.
74
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,990
Well, see you around, brother.
75
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,840
Don't go changing.
76
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,000
Wait! Wait!
77
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,390
And even if he hasn't
gone back to Beijing,
78
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:14,550
I can always go to the embassy
79
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,350
and tell them to deploy
the search chopper.
80
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,550
You won't need the embassy.
81
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,510
He's going to be fine.
I worry about him, you know.
82
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,750
He's not good on his own.
83
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,750
He once went on a geography field strip
84
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,590
and got attacked by a swan. Shit.
85
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:28,110
Did it break his arm?
Well, I just intervened.
86
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,700
Pacified it?
87
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,430
Sean! Oh, thank God, man.
88
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,990
Are you OK? Sort of.
89
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,270
I got picked up by these guys.
90
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,950
I thought they were going to kill me
or take out my liver or something.
91
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,670
Why, was it an organ trafficking thing?!
92
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,390
No, no, it's more like... karaoke.
93
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,270
Mate, I am so sorry, Sean.
94
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,270
I'm just riven with guilt about this.
95
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,950
What? Riven.
96
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,390
What does that mean?
No, no, no, it's just means full.
97
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,710
So, where are you now?
I don't know, you know.
98
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,510
I don't think we're too
far from where we were.
99
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:55,750
Mate, we need to turn around.
100
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,670
He's not in Beijing.
He's somewhere near here.
101
00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,470
What? No!
Just tell him to meet you in Beijing.
102
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,870
What? You're going to Beijing?
103
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:02,830
Yeah, I'm in the van. What, seriously?
104
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,710
You abandoned me?
No, I want to come and get you,
105
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,030
but May's worried about missing
her train to the wedding.
106
00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:08,150
Oh, yeah, great!
107
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,990
Just tell him to meet us at the wedding.
108
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:11,550
No, no, no, he can't do that.
109
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:12,750
Oh, yes, he can. Give me the...
110
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,390
No, no!
111
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,630
Hey, Sean, Hi!
112
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:16,990
It's Ashley. Hey!
113
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,950
Hey, Ashley. What happened last night?
114
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,590
You must have been shitting yourself.
115
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,910
No, I was never worried. Oh, OK.
116
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,550
So, are you coming to Hangzhou, or what?
117
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:25,910
Sorry? Hangzhou...
118
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,590
it's where the wedding is.
It's super easy from Beijing...
119
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,710
you just take one bullet
train the whole way.
120
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:33,790
Hangzhou. Hangzhou,
it's the stop right before Shanghai.
121
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:37,710
OK. Well, I'm not really sure if I
can just, you know, jump on a train.
122
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:38,950
I know you can do it.
123
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,030
Yeah? And you can be my dance partner!
124
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,070
OK. Oh, God, Sean, you are the best!
125
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:44,950
OK, we'll see you there. OK?
No, give it back...
126
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,870
He can't come to the wedding!
No, no, Sean, Sean.
127
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,550
Hi, it's me again.
I'm really sorry, mate,
128
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,470
I really don't think you
should come to Hangzhou
129
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,310
Why not? Because, no offence,
mate, I just don't think you can.
130
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,590
Stop telling the others I
can't do things, Dyl, yeah?
131
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,590
I've got a charger,
I'm eating a doughnut,
132
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,670
and, no,
I don't need you to come and rescue me.
133
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:00,750
It's China, not Iraq,
134
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,150
and you're not fucking Popeye.
Yeah, but what about the Swan?
135
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,190
What swan?
The swan from the geography field strip!
136
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,630
This is what I want to do, OK?
137
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,550
You said you were all about me.
I am, it's just...
138
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:09,830
I've just sworn off love, Sean,
139
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,470
I don't massively want
to go to a wedding.
140
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,270
Yeah, well, I do,
so that's what we're doing. OK, fine.
141
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,860
See you there. Yeah, you will.
142
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,110
Well, I hope you're happy.
143
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:23,550
I am. Because now Sean is about
to get on a train on his own.
144
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,510
Oh, calm down, dildo.
145
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,830
He'll be fine. He's not a baby.
146
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,910
No, you see,
it really isn't the more the merrier.
147
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,950
We're going to a wedding,
not building a barn,
148
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,310
and I've had to work on my mom
for ages to come to this, OK?
149
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,670
So I'm not going to jeopardise
it by bringing extra men
150
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,710
who aren't invited.
Not a problem. We'll just crash it.
151
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,990
Lock up your bridesmaids,
the British are coming.
152
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,470
Wow. OK, that's a veto right there.
153
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,510
I'm exercising the
Chinese right to veto.
154
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,070
Oh, come on!
Fine, didn't want to come anyway.
155
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,390
Sorry, Greg. No, no wozzas.
156
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:55,540
I'll probably be too busy prepping
for my big Shanghai meeting.
157
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:05,720
Yi zhang. Yi zhang. Yi zhang
piao zhi Hangzhou. Zhi Hangzhou.
158
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,150
I'm going to get this ticket.
159
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,510
Excuse me. Do you speak English?
160
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,350
Hi, yeah, yeah, I'm English.
161
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:55,830
OK, great, do you have a penknife?
162
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,750
He's gotten his phone
stuck on a selfie stick.
163
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,310
Oh, no, I've got a pen though.
164
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,590
No, that won't do, but thanks anyway.
165
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:02,830
I'm Kendra, this is Eugene.
166
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,590
Hey, I'm Sean.
Kendra, come on, let's go.
167
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,590
Wait a bit.
Where are you heading off to?
168
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,190
Hangzhou?
169
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,350
Oh, yeah.
170
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,270
Do you know where I can
get a ticket or something?
171
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,310
Hangzhou is supposed to be
lovely this time of year.
172
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,390
Over there. Yeah?
We are going a different way, so...
173
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,150
We are going to Hubei province ...
the tea plantation. Oh.
174
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,190
He likes tea,
if you can believe that, Sean.
175
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,270
Oh, wow, really?
176
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,590
I've actually got some Pu-ehr
tea that's over 80 years old.
177
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,510
Oh, Jesus, Eugene.
He doesn't want to hear about
178
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:26,590
your very old fucking tea.
179
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,150
Will you stop always going on about it?
I didn't! It just came up.
180
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,790
It came up. Yeah.
Yeah, because you brought it up.
181
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,950
Oh, you're a nasty little pasty today,
aren't you?
182
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,670
Nasty? Travelling the world with you...
183
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,150
Yi zhang Hangzhou.
184
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:42,360
Yi zhang. Yi zhang Hangzhou.
Yi zhang. Yi zhang Hangzhou.
185
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:00,310
What are you doing?
186
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,390
Oh, these are the poems
that I wrote for Lauren.
187
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,310
I just want to throw
them out of the window...
188
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,990
because I hate them and I
hate who I was back then.
189
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,510
Back when? Do you mean yesterday?
190
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,350
You can't open the windows
on a bullet train...
191
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,550
it's too fast. It's not a ferry, mate.
192
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,910
You'll get sucked out.
Bloody Nanny state bullshit.
193
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,430
La la la
194
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,790
La la la...
195
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,100
Your singing is horrible.
196
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,190
Oh, yeah, sure.
197
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,520
Oh, OK.
198
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,880
Thank you! Bye.
199
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:49,510
Hi, Mom.
200
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,590
Yes, I'm checking in right now.
201
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,780
Yes, I said right now. OK.
202
00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:01,190
Hey, Greg, question, do you
really have a meeting in Shanghai?
203
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,390
Yes. Hence the briefcase
204
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,430
and the fact that I
said I've got a meeting.
205
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,270
Yes, I've got a meeting.
Yeah, no, I just...
206
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,830
You know, I thought you were lying.
I'm not here on a gap year, Ash.
207
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,830
This is what I do. I'm a proper person!
208
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,390
I buy stuff in China and I sell
it in the UK, that's my vibe.
209
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,990
OK, OK. Because I would love to see
the inside of a Chinese factory.
210
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,830
Well, come to the Chinese
factory I'm going to.
211
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,270
OK. I think they've suffered enough
212
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,270
without you sticking your
camera in their faces.
213
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,710
Actually, Ash, you could be a
witness to the counter signing.
214
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,830
That will be great.
Daisy usually does that,
215
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,910
but that particular Elvis has
left the building, as in, left me.
216
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,190
Well, yes, I can do that.
Well, totally do it then!
217
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,350
No. Yes, she says.
218
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,750
Look at my mom's itinerary.
219
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,270
Do you see any blank spaces?!
220
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,630
Anywhere?
221
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,670
We're meeting my uncle's
family tomorrow morning
222
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:43,150
and then he's taking us
to honour my ancestors.
223
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,910
Yeah, but do I have to do that bit?
224
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,640
Like, is that important?
Yes, you do and, yes, it is.
225
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,120
Oh, OK... Yeah, I'll do it.
226
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,430
Well, I can witness the contract...
Yes, Dylan, you can, mate.
227
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,990
I've actually got a really
beautiful signature, so... Lovely.
228
00:10:58,040 --> 00:10:59,510
Well, you can do that then, brother.
229
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:03,350
And then, after which, we can tear
Shangers a new one. Yes, please.
230
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,470
Oh, phone.
231
00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:09,110
Sean. Hi, are you here?
232
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,750
No, I'm on the train, I'm on the train!
233
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,470
Are you on the right train?
Can you check.
234
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,590
Yeah, I'll check, I'll check, yeah.
235
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,630
Yeah, yeah, one second, one second.
236
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:21,550
Hey, Hi. Hi, sorry,
this train goes to Hangzhou, right?
237
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,350
Hangzhou? Hongjiu. Hongjiu. Hongjiu.
238
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,400
Hongjiu. Hongjiu.
239
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,320
Yes! Thank you.
240
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,950
Yeah, man, too easy, I'm bossin' it.
241
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,830
OK,
so when are you going to get here then?
242
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,390
Tomorrow. Why tomorrow?
243
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,430
I think it's a sleeper.
You sure it's a sleeper?
244
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:41,670
Er, because there are
beds with people sleeping?
245
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,230
Look, look, I've got this.
246
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,150
Please, can you just check? I just...
247
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,070
Yeah, it's all good.
248
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:49,550
Actually, it's better than good.
249
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:50,750
I've been given wine!
250
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,190
Wine? Why have you been given wine?
251
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,780
I don't know, because I'm a legend!
252
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,590
I will call you when I get in, yeah?
253
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:02,140
Please, be careful,
I know what you're like. Cool.
254
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,190
Hey!
255
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,150
Hi. Oh, hi, what are you doing here?
256
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,910
I thought you were headed to Hangzhou?
Yeah, I am.
257
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,150
I was just going to say, though,
258
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,950
I think you guys are on the wrong train.
259
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,470
Er... No, don't think so, fella.
Let me see your ticket.
260
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,870
Well,
I asked the waiter guy and he told me
261
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,630
we were going Hangzhou, so...
262
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,110
Yeah, this is for Yi Chang.
263
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,510
Yi Chang? Where the fuck is Yi Chang?
264
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,190
A couple of stops after Wuhan.
265
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,430
That's where we're going.
How did you not spot it?
266
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,190
It's on there, look.
267
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,870
Oh... I thought Yi Chang meant ticket.
268
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,430
How can...?
Is there a town called ticket?
269
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:59,310
Ticket's actually piao,
but zhang is the measure word.
270
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,030
Yi zhang piao...
271
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,550
one ticket.
God, Eugene, will you shut up?
272
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,070
I asked the guy several times
if we were going to Hongjiu.
273
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,430
They gave you red wine because
that's how you say red wine.
274
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:10,990
Hongjiu.
275
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,780
Fuck you, China!
276
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:14,750
Sorry. I mean,
277
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:19,310
we will be driving near there
after this tea-picking bullshit,
278
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:22,430
so we can always drop you off in
Hangzhou after that, if you want?
279
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:23,750
OK, yes, yes, please! Thank you.
280
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,230
What, just drop him off?
281
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,470
It's another 200 miles.
So? You said you liked driving.
282
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:29,550
I do! I do like it!
283
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,330
Then you should be pleased!
You could always fall asleep,
284
00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:32,890
it's the only peace I get.
285
00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:33,990
Oh, grow up, will ya?
286
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,310
How does burning fake money honour
your ancestors? I don't know.
287
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:41,030
I guess, it doesn't, obviously.
But that's how they do it here.
288
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,670
Well, the irony is that your family
does in fact have money to burn.
289
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,470
Don't go saying shit
like that to my uncle.
290
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,950
My mom says he can be a bit touchy.
Relax!
291
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,470
Chinese people love me, remember.
292
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,950
Oh, here we are, Dildo.
293
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,400
Yes, please, Louise. That is lovely.
294
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,510
Oh, Shanghers, you do your bit.
295
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,120
Ooh, look!
296
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,150
Looks like a bottle opener.
297
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,300
I am selfie-ing the shit out of that,
my friend.
298
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,860
Yeah, bang that up on the old wall.
299
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:30,110
Daisy will know what it means,
of course. And she'll hate it.
300
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,590
You'll get it when you find out
what the product is I'm buying.
301
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,640
Is it a bottle opener?
302
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,110
Well,
my product is to the bottle opener,
303
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,160
what the alarm clock is
to the bloody sundial.
304
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,470
Dylan.
305
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,270
Oi!
306
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,310
Sorry, I'm just...
307
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,150
reading these poems
that I wrote for Lauren
308
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,670
and some of them are really moving.
309
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,920
Right, are they? Yeah.
310
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,270
What are you doing?!
Helping you out, mate. Come on.
311
00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,150
How?! Come on. Off we pop.
312
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,590
What's going through your head, man?
What do you mean?!
313
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,380
Get rid. Going to get me suit measured!
314
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,660
You're going to be great.
315
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,510
Hi!
316
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,310
Shushu, ni hao. Wo shi May.
317
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,550
Hi. Ni hao. I'm Ashley, May's friend.
318
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,740
Really great to meet you.
319
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,510
I have liwu.
320
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,430
Ah, liwu. Yeah!
321
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,920
Hi... Ni hao. Wo shi May.
322
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,870
Oh, my God!
323
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,150
My mum told me about this.
324
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,870
My great-grandfather
made this table himself.
325
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:47,230
Wow. This is amazing.
326
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,190
Aw, that kid is so cute. Hi!
327
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,150
Didi, ni hao.
328
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,870
It may be a bit tucked away,
Dylan, but what this guy
329
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,230
doesn't know about cloth just
isn't worth knowing at all.
330
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,750
I'm a philosophy student though,
Greg, I'll never need a suit.
331
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,430
Yes, you will, though. For the wedding.
332
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,830
How are you going to pick up any
of the hot totty if you pitch up
333
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,670
dressed in a short-sleeved shirt,
like some kind of Australian?
334
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,870
But we're not going to the wedding,
are we?
335
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,470
May made it extremely clear
that she doesn't want you there.
336
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:19,670
No, she didn't, Dylan,
337
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,270
she made it extremely clear she
doesn't want me hitting on anyone.
338
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:23,670
It's very different.
339
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,910
And that's probably cos she
fancies me anyway. Come on, Greg!
340
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,270
Huh? "Come on, Greg."
341
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,270
If you are serious about
getting over your ex,
342
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,350
you need to do the right thing.
You need to shop.
343
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,910
When Daisy finished with me,
I bought, genuinely, four jackets.
344
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,500
Now, do you want to move on or not?
345
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,470
Dylan?
346
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,270
Right, go on then. Go on then.
347
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,670
We're going to look like brothers, mate.
348
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,110
'And then I sat there
349
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,630
'just listening to what he was saying.
350
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,270
'It struck me, and I don't know why,
but that I was being lied to.
351
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,670
'You know when you can just tell.
There's that feeling you get
352
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,590
'on the back of your neck,
hairs stand up...'
353
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,070
What is this talking thing?
Oh, it's True Crime podcast. Oh.
354
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,470
Pretty much the only thing
355
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,270
keeping our relationship together
right now. Don't say that!
356
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,430
Joking! I was joking, Eugene.
357
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,990
Jesus!
358
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,230
'.. and I felt like that...'
So, what's the story then?
359
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,910
What, with our relationship?
No, no, no. God no. The podcast.
360
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,670
This is episode 11 of 14. We're not
going to summarise the whole thing.
361
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,950
All right, Eugene, don't be a dick.
I'm not being a dick...
362
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,230
I'm being... the opposite of a dick.
363
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:22,510
What, a cunt?
364
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:27,830
'So, OK, then I decided what I would
do is go back to the park myself
365
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,980
'and I discovered something
quite interesting.'
366
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,390
So, Sean, do you have a girlfriend?
367
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,630
Oh, no. No.
368
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,750
Or a boyfriend. What? No.
369
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,630
No. Well, there is a girl
I kind of like an Hangzhou.
370
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:44,870
Her name's Ashley.
371
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,350
Ah, oh! Tell me about her.
372
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:52,390
Um, well, she's... She's beautiful.
373
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,430
She's funny. Hmm. She's American.
374
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,390
Basically, out of my league.
375
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,040
I doubt that.
376
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,350
Right. Well, well...
377
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,870
maybe find out when we get there.
378
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,950
When do you think that'll be,
by the way?
379
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,470
Cos Ashley really wants me to
go to this wedding, you see.
380
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,590
Yeah, as I said, it's several hours,
it's an enormous detour.
381
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,470
You can't get away from us that easily,
Sean.
382
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,590
No, I'm not trying to...
383
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,750
You are such a...
Yeah, don't worry, princess.
384
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,800
I am grand. Like the sound of your
negativity. You're so selfish.
385
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,470
Wow, thank you! Those look great.
386
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:43,390
So, Uncle,
do not need to head to the cemetery?
387
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,510
All in good time, May.
We've got booze to abuse first.
388
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,230
Piaoliang.
389
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,270
What was that?
She's saying you're beautiful.
390
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:55,710
Oh, cool, thanks! Xiexie. Xiexie.
391
00:18:55,760 --> 00:19:02,110
Oh, Uncle, these are zhaopian of
you and my mom before she left.
392
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,900
Oh, he speaks English? Oh, my God!
393
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,550
And how old are you, Didi?
394
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,950
I am nine years old. Yes, nailed it!
395
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,270
No, you are five.
What's your favourite subject in school?
396
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,830
I think that's to advanced,
he can't even say how old he is.
397
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,590
I like algebra.
398
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,910
No way! I've freakin' love algebra!
399
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,160
Yes!
400
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,310
Are you sure that he's five?
401
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:32,960
I know they get them learning math like,
in the womb here, but still...
402
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,510
Yeah, I think we're in the wrong place.
403
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,870
What, like the wrong uncle or,
like, the wrong everything?
404
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,990
The wrong everything, I think.
405
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,870
I was going to say, I definitely
have seen this table at IKEA.
406
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,720
Don't keep eating!
407
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,510
Bottle opener and music...
408
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,270
together at last.
409
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:14,870
It's a winner.
410
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,830
Yeah. Yeah? Um...
411
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,990
Is that Maroon 5 She Will Be Loved?
No, that's Auld Lang Syne.
412
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,310
Clearly.
413
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:24,550
Nessun Dorma, maybe.
No, I just said, that's Auld Lang Syne.
414
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:25,990
Trust me, you're too young, mate.
415
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,790
Not really. I've heard it loads.
Well, yes.
416
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,110
I've heard it more, haven't I?
417
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,710
I've heard it twice as much as you,
that's Auld Lang Syne.
418
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,830
Honestly, I swear, come Christmas time,
419
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,310
these will be flying off
the shelves of London.
420
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,070
I think you're hearing
what you want to hear.
421
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,550
Yeah, I am hearing what I want to hear,
422
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,150
I want to hear Auld Lang Syne,
and fortunately that's playing it.
423
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:43,940
Hello, Miss Gong.
424
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:45,790
Lovely.
425
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,440
Let me at it.
426
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,840
The usually gobbledygook, of course.
427
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,920
I'll take them.
428
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,870
Look, Greg... Dylan, just sign it.
429
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:03,360
As much as I really want help
you stick to your ex, I just...
430
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:05,710
.. I think she might be right,
431
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,860
and these bottle openers are dog shit.
Eeh.
432
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,230
I don't need that from you, Dylan.
These are good.
433
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,070
These are a sure-fire bet.
People will always need bottle openers!
434
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,590
Yeah, but they don't need them
to play music, no-one needs that.
435
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,630
Yes, by that rationale,
we don't need iPods.
436
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,150
I want them!
437
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,590
I like them!
438
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,190
I'm getting them! End of.
439
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,640
Please... witness my signature.
440
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,510
Lovely. Ooh, it's a big one.
441
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,190
Thank you, Miss Gong.
You're welcome. Sean.
442
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,270
Sean, hi. Yeah.
443
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:41,990
God, I knew it.
444
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,300
OK, so where did you end up, then?
445
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,230
Wuhan?!
446
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,390
Well, where the fuck is Wuhan?!
447
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,350
Dyl, Dyl, calm down.
448
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,310
Yeah, I'm on my way.
449
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:56,430
Yeah, I met some people
to drive me to Hangzhou.
450
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,220
Yeah, they're...
451
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:01,670
.. fine.
452
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,630
They're fine, yes.
453
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,630
Look, I've got this, Dyl.
454
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,150
All right.
455
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,110
So...
456
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,270
we should get a move on,
the wedding is this afternoon.
457
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,550
I'm going as fast as I can.
458
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,500
No, not that one.
459
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,110
Do you think we look alike? Me and you?
460
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,710
No, me and Kendra.
461
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,030
Oh. You can be honest. Oh, uh...
462
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,910
Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Why?
463
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:40,440
Someone said something,
and it freaked her out, about us.
464
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:43,750
We've been married three weeks now.
465
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:47,390
Congratulations. It was a mistake. OK.
466
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:50,180
I think we did it to avoid breaking up.
467
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,230
Do you like her?
468
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:53,630
Kendra.
469
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,350
Mm-hm. Yeah, yeah, I like you both.
470
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,940
I think you're both great people...
471
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,350
What? No.
472
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,670
I haven't got anywhere.
I was just about to!
473
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,480
Stop rushing me!
474
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,590
Can you believe my uncle
moved 15 years ago?
475
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,750
I mean,
I knew they weren't exactly close,
476
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:20,390
but my mum, she didn't even speak to
him when arranging for me to come,
477
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,310
it was all done through his PA.
478
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:25,870
So it isn't your fault that you
didn't know they'd moved, it's hers.
479
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,070
Sean went to Wuhan. Excuse me?
480
00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:30,470
See, this is why you shouldn't
have told him to go on his own,
481
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,430
you don't know him,
you don't know what he's like,
482
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:33,590
this is what he does.
483
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,550
Can you not do your whole furious
Gordon Ramsay thing right now?
484
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,070
My family's getting here any second.
485
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:41,120
OK, fuck, that's them.
486
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,350
I'm sorry about earlier.
487
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,830
My mum, she didn't tell
me that you guys had moved
488
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:52,870
and so that's why I was...
489
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,110
Pleased to meet you, cousin.
490
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:59,150
I'm Ming Ming, this is Molly,
and we are the bride and groom.
491
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,270
Hi.
492
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:06,150
He is unhappy that you
missed the ancestor visit.
493
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,390
Yeah, me too.
494
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,550
I'm sorry about that.
495
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:11,950
Oh, but look!
496
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,590
I have presents. Liwu for you.
497
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:20,080
Congratulations on the wedding. Gong xi.
498
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:26,470
You know what? I haven't
noticed this is unwrapped. What?
499
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:30,390
Hello. Hi, I'm Ashley.
I am May's friend from college.
500
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,390
Hello. Ming Ming. Hi, nice to meet you.
501
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,470
Congratulations. Ashley. Hello, sir.
502
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,310
Oh, no, no need for that.
503
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:39,230
You can just ignore those two,
they're not supposed to be here.
504
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,990
She asked if you can be a bridesmaid.
505
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,180
Oh! Oh, there you go!
506
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,270
Yes, of course!
507
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,400
So, not you, the American.
508
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,390
Oh. She says you are very beautiful.
509
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,560
I... I don't know.
510
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:06,070
Yeah, sure, of course she can.
OK, yes, I'll do it! Yes! Thank you!
511
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:09,230
Oh, in fact,
if I'm going to be your bridesmaid,
512
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,070
maybe you can find some
space for our friends here?
513
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,110
Oh, yes! We're in!
514
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,830
Wonderful, thank you. Away we go.
515
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:19,630
Sorry about this.
516
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,110
I think it's just, you know,
a big deal for them to have me here.
517
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,430
You're a white American,
Ashley, not a white rhino.
518
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:29,430
No, I know, I just think that
they're kind of fascinated by me.
519
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,030
Hi.
520
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:38,430
Oh, she says you look like a dolly.
521
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,240
Great. Yeah.
522
00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:46,760
Are we here?
523
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,270
Hangzhou is for further than we thought
524
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,870
so we're not going to make it tonight.
What? But it's only 6.30.
525
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,520
Yeah, and Eugene doesn't like
driving in the rain, so...
526
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:03,870
Well, I could drive.
527
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,710
No, no, no, you can't drive.
528
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,350
It was a bloody nightmare trying
to get Eugene his licence, so...
529
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:13,630
Right, I'm going for a walk.
OK, no problem. What, in this?
530
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,630
Yeah, yeah, it's not that bad.
531
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,790
Kendra,
I told Ashley I'd get there tonight.
532
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,670
So you get there tomorrow,
it's no big deal.
533
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,070
Tonight will be fun.
534
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,190
Come on, let's check in.
535
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,030
Ni hao, welcome, yeah.
536
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,070
All aboard the expensive express.
537
00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:30,590
Oh, ni hao.
538
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,350
Love is hell. Ni hao, welcome.
539
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:35,950
Ni hao.
540
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,390
You look nice.
541
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:55,910
So do you.
542
00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,150
OK, so a bit of the situation.
543
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,070
Greg. Huh? Over here, please, Greg.
544
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,070
We need to give them a wedding present.
What?
545
00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,110
Couldn't we just give them
the stuff in the bag, no?
546
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,470
No, it doesn't count. We need to
give my uncle cash in one of these.
547
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,110
Well, didn't your mum give you the
money for that or...? Yeah, yeah.
548
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:16,070
But you spent the last week dipping
into it for ice creams and stuff,
549
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:18,310
so I have no idea how much it was.
550
00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:20,830
I mean, this is nothing.
551
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:25,830
Come on, seeing as you guys muscled
your way in here, you can help out.
552
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,470
I wouldn't call it muscle.
Quickly, quickly. I've got fuck all.
553
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,160
That's 10. Hmm. Muscled my...
554
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,070
Great. Maybe ask your mum how
much it was, I don't know.
555
00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:39,220
I am not waking her up
to get screamed at again.
556
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,340
Or you could use a fake money.
557
00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:48,190
No, this is fine.
558
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,590
I'm the one who came all this
way to be treated like shit,
559
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,390
they should be giving me a present.
560
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,950
Anyway, they won't know who gave what.
561
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:00,430
Good luck.
562
00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:06,870
Hi. Hello.
563
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,160
For you. Thank you.
564
00:28:24,540 --> 00:28:26,010
Yes, bruv.
565
00:28:48,660 --> 00:28:49,930
Hello.
566
00:28:54,140 --> 00:28:57,450
Oh, amazing.
567
00:28:57,500 --> 00:28:59,330
Kind of just keep turning it left.
568
00:28:59,380 --> 00:29:03,930
Oh, my, I am such a dumb-dumb.
569
00:29:03,980 --> 00:29:05,410
Thanks for that, sorry to bother you.
570
00:29:05,460 --> 00:29:06,570
Yeah, no worries, any time.
571
00:29:06,620 --> 00:29:10,130
It's just Eugene is still on his walk,
so...
572
00:29:10,180 --> 00:29:12,090
Yeah. Mm.
573
00:29:12,140 --> 00:29:13,330
That's fine.
574
00:29:13,380 --> 00:29:15,210
Oba-Mao.
575
00:29:15,260 --> 00:29:16,530
I get it.
576
00:29:16,580 --> 00:29:18,090
What... What are you doing?
577
00:29:18,140 --> 00:29:20,820
Oh, you know, living my life.
578
00:29:22,300 --> 00:29:23,930
Oh. Is this wise?
579
00:29:23,980 --> 00:29:26,290
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's grand. Relax.
580
00:29:26,340 --> 00:29:27,970
Yeah? Yeah. Really?
581
00:29:28,020 --> 00:29:29,050
Erm...
582
00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:30,970
It doesn't feel it.
583
00:29:32,260 --> 00:29:34,860
Kendra, I'm not sure we should be...
584
00:29:36,740 --> 00:29:38,700
Oh, anyhow...
585
00:29:43,180 --> 00:29:45,850
You're so tense. Relax.
586
00:29:45,900 --> 00:29:47,810
Yeah, go with it.
587
00:29:48,860 --> 00:29:50,970
No! Shh! Shh! Sean, it's OK.
588
00:29:51,020 --> 00:29:52,890
It's OK. It's OK.
589
00:29:52,940 --> 00:29:54,890
We talked about it.
Not with me, you haven't!
590
00:29:54,940 --> 00:29:56,330
I'm not into this.
591
00:29:56,380 --> 00:29:57,810
Oh, God, Sean.
592
00:29:57,860 --> 00:29:59,050
Come on!
593
00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:02,090
Eug, for fuck's sake,
you're supposed to let me lead it.
594
00:30:02,140 --> 00:30:03,810
How was that not you leading it?
595
00:30:03,860 --> 00:30:05,930
I won't just watch you have
sex That's no good for me.
596
00:30:05,980 --> 00:30:09,050
Well, it might have actually
helped you remember how it's done.
597
00:30:09,100 --> 00:30:11,580
Oh, that's low. That is very low.
598
00:30:25,100 --> 00:30:27,490
You get that feeling
that people are maybe...
599
00:30:27,540 --> 00:30:29,930
That their voice betrays an uncertainty.
600
00:30:29,980 --> 00:30:31,320
Shut up!
601
00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:44,650
What?
602
00:30:44,700 --> 00:30:45,770
What car?
603
00:30:45,820 --> 00:30:47,690
Dyl, Dyl, Listen, she jumped me.
604
00:30:47,740 --> 00:30:50,940
She asked me to fix her
shower and she jumped me.
605
00:30:53,180 --> 00:30:55,730
I know, right, really porny.
606
00:30:55,780 --> 00:30:59,250
No, but it got weird.
Yeah, it got really weird.
607
00:30:59,300 --> 00:31:01,690
Yeah. Yeah, no, no, I'm good.
I'm good. Just...
608
00:31:01,740 --> 00:31:04,210
Just... Just don't tell Ashl...
The others. OK?
609
00:31:04,260 --> 00:31:06,260
Do not tell the others.
610
00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:08,690
Yeah. All right.
611
00:31:08,740 --> 00:31:10,930
In 50 metres, take the exit. Oh, shit.
612
00:31:10,980 --> 00:31:12,650
Dyl, Dyl, Dyl, I've got to go.
613
00:31:12,700 --> 00:31:14,530
I got to go, Dyl.
614
00:31:14,580 --> 00:31:15,980
Oh, shit.
615
00:31:18,340 --> 00:31:19,610
Erm...
616
00:31:21,420 --> 00:31:23,530
Hello, I'm Greg. Hi.
617
00:31:23,580 --> 00:31:26,330
I'm from England. Land of Adele.
618
00:31:26,380 --> 00:31:27,370
And, erm...
619
00:31:27,420 --> 00:31:29,050
stainless steel.
620
00:31:29,100 --> 00:31:30,890
Erm... Oh, there it is.
621
00:31:30,940 --> 00:31:34,170
I'm married. Yes, as am I, technically.
622
00:31:34,220 --> 00:31:36,160
Separated, but, yeah.
623
00:31:37,540 --> 00:31:40,290
Very much been there, done that.
624
00:31:40,340 --> 00:31:41,330
Excuse me.
625
00:31:41,380 --> 00:31:43,410
Oh, no, no, I can do that.
626
00:31:43,460 --> 00:31:44,970
Yes, please.
627
00:31:45,020 --> 00:31:46,890
Thank you. Oh.
628
00:31:51,740 --> 00:31:53,410
Auld Lang Syne.
629
00:31:54,500 --> 00:31:55,970
It's Auld Lang Syne.
630
00:31:56,020 --> 00:31:57,370
But this is not Auld Lang Syne.
631
00:31:57,420 --> 00:32:00,370
No. No, that's Auld Lang Syne.
632
00:32:00,420 --> 00:32:01,690
No.
633
00:32:01,740 --> 00:32:03,090
Yes. There or thereabouts.
634
00:32:03,140 --> 00:32:05,610
This is a Communist Party song.
635
00:32:05,660 --> 00:32:08,290
You what, sorry?
It's very famous in China.
636
00:32:08,340 --> 00:32:11,280
Thank you, Greg.
637
00:32:16,900 --> 00:32:18,570
Sh-hh. Shut up.
638
00:32:18,620 --> 00:32:20,170
Uncle, hi.
639
00:32:20,220 --> 00:32:21,850
What a great dinner.
640
00:32:24,780 --> 00:32:25,810
Yum.
641
00:32:33,340 --> 00:32:35,250
He is saying this is an insult.
642
00:32:35,300 --> 00:32:36,890
I mean, your mother's a millionaire.
643
00:32:36,940 --> 00:32:38,970
For her to give this
is an insult to him.
644
00:32:39,020 --> 00:32:40,970
She left us here with nothing.
645
00:32:41,020 --> 00:32:43,210
She ignores us for years.
646
00:32:43,260 --> 00:32:44,770
And she sends you to see us now.
647
00:32:44,820 --> 00:32:45,890
OK.
648
00:32:45,940 --> 00:32:47,290
She didn't send me.
649
00:32:47,340 --> 00:32:49,890
I wanted to come. I wanted to meet you.
650
00:32:49,940 --> 00:32:53,730
And I didn't know about any of this,
so I'm sorry.
651
00:32:53,780 --> 00:32:55,490
What do you want?
652
00:32:55,540 --> 00:32:58,140
What does he want me to freaking do?
653
00:33:02,700 --> 00:33:04,370
It's all there.
654
00:33:37,940 --> 00:33:40,690
Hi, Daisy. It's Greg.
655
00:33:40,740 --> 00:33:42,880
It's me. Greg. Obviously.
656
00:33:44,220 --> 00:33:45,290
No, no, no, no.
657
00:33:45,340 --> 00:33:47,210
I'm not. I'm not. I'm just...
658
00:33:47,260 --> 00:33:50,770
I'm not, I'm just...
I'm at a wedding, that's all.
659
00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:56,530
I'm at an absolutely classic wedding
and, erm, just thought of you.
660
00:33:56,580 --> 00:34:00,490
I bought the bottle openers.
661
00:34:00,540 --> 00:34:03,610
They play a Chinese
Communist song in the end.
662
00:34:03,660 --> 00:34:05,730
This is what happens when
you're not here, Daisy.
663
00:34:05,780 --> 00:34:07,650
It all goes tits up.
664
00:34:08,660 --> 00:34:11,210
No, I'm not blaming you, Daisy.
665
00:34:11,260 --> 00:34:12,810
I'm not blaming you.
666
00:34:12,860 --> 00:34:15,260
I'm blaming myself, if anything.
667
00:34:16,380 --> 00:34:18,720
That's all. I'm just saying...
668
00:34:19,580 --> 00:34:21,050
I'm just...
669
00:34:21,100 --> 00:34:23,500
I'm just saying I... I miss you.
670
00:34:24,500 --> 00:34:26,410
And if...
671
00:34:26,460 --> 00:34:28,090
Yeah, OK.
672
00:34:28,140 --> 00:34:29,410
Sorry.
673
00:34:39,500 --> 00:34:41,050
Oh, ah!
674
00:34:41,100 --> 00:34:43,090
Hey.
675
00:34:43,140 --> 00:34:45,330
You getting away from all the craziness,
too?
676
00:34:45,380 --> 00:34:47,210
I'm escaping the hordes.
677
00:34:47,260 --> 00:34:48,890
You OK? Yeah.
678
00:34:48,940 --> 00:34:49,930
Yeah, I'm fine.
679
00:34:49,980 --> 00:34:51,450
Just been dominating the dance floor.
680
00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:53,500
Tearing that a new one.
681
00:34:55,140 --> 00:34:56,570
You all right?
682
00:34:56,620 --> 00:34:57,820
Yeah.
683
00:35:00,820 --> 00:35:02,410
No.
684
00:35:02,460 --> 00:35:05,530
This has been a total disaster.
685
00:35:05,580 --> 00:35:07,210
You know... You know everyone hates me.
686
00:35:07,260 --> 00:35:08,970
My relatives.
687
00:35:09,020 --> 00:35:11,130
Basically everyone in China, so...
688
00:35:11,180 --> 00:35:12,250
May, it's all right.
689
00:35:12,300 --> 00:35:13,770
Hey, May, May, May, May.
690
00:35:13,820 --> 00:35:14,970
Come here, come here.
691
00:35:15,020 --> 00:35:16,360
Ah. May.
692
00:35:22,860 --> 00:35:24,730
Oh, no, no, no, no.
693
00:35:25,820 --> 00:35:28,650
Nothing can happen between us.
694
00:35:28,700 --> 00:35:32,770
What? I mean, for a start off,
I'm old enough to be your, erm...
695
00:35:32,820 --> 00:35:35,560
Well, not father, but doctor, certainly.
696
00:35:37,380 --> 00:35:38,580
Yeah.
697
00:35:39,500 --> 00:35:40,690
You're right.
698
00:35:40,740 --> 00:35:42,250
Les just let's just be friends.
699
00:35:42,300 --> 00:35:45,210
Yes, exactly.
700
00:35:45,260 --> 00:35:47,090
Never say never.
No, I think we're right.
701
00:35:47,140 --> 00:35:48,810
We should say never.
702
00:35:48,860 --> 00:35:50,170
I'm off to Vietnam.
703
00:35:50,220 --> 00:35:51,410
Yes.
704
00:35:51,460 --> 00:35:55,810
My Chinese visa runs out,
so I'm going to leg it.
705
00:35:55,860 --> 00:35:57,860
If you want to join...
706
00:36:16,340 --> 00:36:19,980
Now, you sing American song.
707
00:36:22,540 --> 00:36:23,930
Oh, no, no, no, no.
708
00:36:23,980 --> 00:36:25,610
I'm... Yeah. Sing. Yes, sing.
709
00:36:25,660 --> 00:36:27,400
Sing. Words, yes.
710
00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:31,410
Sing!
711
00:36:31,460 --> 00:36:33,330
Sing! Sing! Sing!
712
00:36:33,380 --> 00:36:34,890
Sing!
713
00:36:34,940 --> 00:36:36,290
Sing! Sing!
714
00:36:36,340 --> 00:36:38,410
Oh, dance. Yes.
715
00:36:38,460 --> 00:36:40,530
I'm sorry, do what?
716
00:36:40,580 --> 00:36:41,690
Dance.
717
00:36:41,740 --> 00:36:43,450
American dance.
718
00:36:43,500 --> 00:36:44,970
No, no, no.
719
00:36:45,020 --> 00:36:46,530
No, no, no, no.
720
00:36:46,580 --> 00:36:47,720
OK.
721
00:36:49,020 --> 00:36:52,570
We kissed I fell under your spell
722
00:36:52,620 --> 00:36:56,610
A love no-one could deny
723
00:36:56,660 --> 00:37:01,010
Don't you ever say I just walked away
724
00:37:01,060 --> 00:37:05,090
I will always want you
725
00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:09,010
I can't live a lie running for my life
726
00:37:09,060 --> 00:37:11,330
I will always want you...
727
00:37:13,180 --> 00:37:14,890
No, sweet Jesus, no.
728
00:37:14,940 --> 00:37:17,850
I came in like a wrecking ball
729
00:37:17,900 --> 00:37:21,610
I never hit so hard in love
730
00:37:21,660 --> 00:37:26,010
All I wanted was to break your walls
731
00:37:26,060 --> 00:37:30,730
All you ever did was wreck me
732
00:37:30,780 --> 00:37:35,530
Yeah, you, you wreck me
733
00:37:35,580 --> 00:37:38,810
I put you high up in the sky...
734
00:37:38,860 --> 00:37:40,330
Shall we do something? Like what?
735
00:37:40,380 --> 00:37:42,580
Take her out with a sniper?
736
00:37:43,220 --> 00:37:47,330
Don't you ever say I just walked away
737
00:37:47,380 --> 00:37:50,210
I will always want you...
738
00:37:57,820 --> 00:38:01,810
I came in like a wrecking ball
739
00:38:01,860 --> 00:38:05,490
I never hit so hard in love
740
00:38:05,540 --> 00:38:09,250
All I wanted was to break your walls
741
00:38:09,300 --> 00:38:10,850
All you ever did was wreck me...
742
00:38:10,900 --> 00:38:13,210
Get her, brother!
743
00:38:13,260 --> 00:38:16,610
I came in like a wrecking ball...
744
00:38:16,660 --> 00:38:18,460
Ashley, everybody!
745
00:38:21,060 --> 00:38:23,570
Yeah!
746
00:38:23,620 --> 00:38:25,450
All I wanted was to break your walls
747
00:38:25,500 --> 00:38:28,940
All you ever did was wreck me...
748
00:38:30,540 --> 00:38:31,970
I never meant to start a war War
749
00:38:32,020 --> 00:38:33,220
Sean!
750
00:38:37,060 --> 00:38:40,050
Yeah, I'm getting the fuck out of here.
751
00:38:40,100 --> 00:38:41,570
Oh, my God!
752
00:38:42,500 --> 00:38:45,130
Oh! So glad to see you.
753
00:38:45,180 --> 00:38:46,370
Nice dance moves.
754
00:38:46,420 --> 00:38:47,930
You took your sweet time.
755
00:38:47,980 --> 00:38:49,450
Hey, Sean.
756
00:38:50,700 --> 00:38:52,330
Your family are assholes.
757
00:38:52,380 --> 00:38:53,370
Tell me about it.
758
00:38:53,420 --> 00:38:56,250
Forcing people to sing for your
amusement is a form of torture.
759
00:38:56,300 --> 00:38:58,500
So's listening to it, love.
760
00:38:59,500 --> 00:39:01,010
You know, I might say something.
761
00:39:01,060 --> 00:39:03,660
No, it's cool. Stay here, I got this.
762
00:39:05,940 --> 00:39:08,450
Uncle. Hi.
763
00:39:08,500 --> 00:39:09,690
So, I'm taking these back.
764
00:39:09,740 --> 00:39:11,770
I decided I don't want you to have them.
765
00:39:11,820 --> 00:39:13,450
Oh, it's OK.
766
00:39:13,500 --> 00:39:14,770
I'll buy them off you.
767
00:39:14,820 --> 00:39:17,890
Really stoked I came
6,000 miles to meet you.
768
00:39:17,940 --> 00:39:20,210
Fake money for a fake family.
769
00:39:23,540 --> 00:39:25,610
Yeah, and this is all tea. Sweet.
770
00:39:25,660 --> 00:39:28,370
Can't believe you actually went here.
We've seen shit.
771
00:39:28,420 --> 00:39:31,130
And... Tell them.
772
00:39:31,180 --> 00:39:32,770
Sean had sex earlier, as well.
773
00:39:32,820 --> 00:39:35,730
Bloody hell, Seanos! Yes, player!
774
00:39:35,780 --> 00:39:37,010
No, well... It...
775
00:39:37,060 --> 00:39:38,770
It wasn't sex, officially. It was...
776
00:39:38,820 --> 00:39:41,330
You haven't got any photos of that,
have you?
777
00:39:41,380 --> 00:39:45,370
OK, can we now get as
drunk as we possibly can?
778
00:39:45,420 --> 00:39:46,490
Always.
779
00:39:46,540 --> 00:39:49,130
I want this wedding to cost
my uncle a freaking fortune.
780
00:39:49,180 --> 00:39:50,450
Way to go, May.
781
00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:51,970
OK, who's dancing?
782
00:39:52,020 --> 00:39:53,330
Dildo?
783
00:39:53,380 --> 00:39:55,730
Lead the way, Mamma.
784
00:39:55,780 --> 00:39:58,780
I could be tempted.
I'll leave these here.
785
00:40:00,740 --> 00:40:03,050
Erm... Huangjiu.
786
00:40:03,100 --> 00:40:05,180
Huangjiu.
787
00:40:35,820 --> 00:40:38,490
Nope, not dealing with that right now.
788
00:40:51,210 --> 00:40:52,210
God, I love Nam.
789
00:40:52,260 --> 00:40:54,170
I think I can still smell the napalm.
790
00:40:54,220 --> 00:40:56,360
This is the dungeon sweet.
791
00:40:57,220 --> 00:41:00,410
Your complimentary fruit bowl, sir.
792
00:41:00,460 --> 00:41:02,130
Can I join you?
793
00:41:05,660 --> 00:41:09,450
Get back on that fence,
or I will literally tell your mommy.
794
00:41:09,500 --> 00:41:10,690
OK.
795
00:41:11,330 --> 00:41:12,330
Ow.
796
00:41:12,380 --> 00:41:15,010
This place is total chaos.
The kids ran off!
797
00:41:15,060 --> 00:41:17,580
You're not even supposed
to be with the kids!58369
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