All language subtitles for DC6x09com

[upbeat music]

ah! there you are.

you good, ancestors?

i don't want to think about
what nate and zari

were doing in there to
make you fall off my wrist

in the middle of the night.

actually, after several rounds of me

kicking your butt in "mortal kombat",

you complained of your totem being...

being too tight on my gaming arm.

so i loosened it up a little.

oh, thank goodness!

that's why you spent the
night underneath the couch.

oh.

before you go, b,

i have an important message.

it's cool, g.

we can skip my morning horoscope.

running late for another team
meeting and misplacing my totem?

couldn't be more obvious
that mercury's in retrograde.

according to the temporal chronometer,

today is your birthday.

whoa. i'm a quarter century!

happy birthday!

okay!

thanks to kayla's pod tracker,

we have a new advantage in preventing

displaced aliens from
screwing with the timeline.

gideon, can you please run a scan?

right away, co-captain sharpe.

[electronic clicking]

all right, well, i'm all in,
'cause mind-melding

with that giant sandworm
left me with a nasty migraine.

- but...
- [weapon powers up]

i suped-up my pequeña amiga

with a special surprise
for the next space vermin.

no need for surprises, guys.

uh, called it! shows up late,

wearing the clothes that he slept in,

but still had time for breakfast,

which means i am out of bathroom
cleaning rotation for a month.

- ugh.
- hey.

yeah, no surprises,

just slowly losing all
of our free will to astra.

oh, good. 'cause who needs surprises

when smoking a few bowls,
watching your favorite sitcom

on bestflix with friends
and fam will do?

mm, that sounds like
a very romantic evening

for you and nate, but,
oh, yeah, that's right.

we don't know which of
our totems he decided

- to have his sleepover in.
- pardon me,

but the pod's projected path

is vancouver, british columbia, 2023.

all right, everybody!

put on your, uh, toques
and canada goose,

because we are going
to the third-largest

metropolitan area in canada!
[whispers] ah!

[clears throat]

oh, "raincouver", babe,
it was right there.

but it made sense! it's, like...

- it's okay.
- accurate information.

oh, zari! you might
just wanna call nate.

because even in the preventing business,

we could still use all hands on deck.

got it, girl.

[engine powers up]

[phone ringing]

dad?

dad, is that you? are you okay?

yeah. why wouldn't i be?

i need to see you right
now. where are you?

uh, hold on! i keep losing track

of my stupid portal thingy.

i'll grab one.

[exhales] not how i thought

my day would go, but it's all good.

the universe has bigger plans.

what's so special about today?

it's a day that only comes
around once a year.

aw, cute affirmation.

anyway, if these "baecations"
between nate and 1.0

are gonna become the "ushe",
we need to work out a schedule.

i did not sleep a wink this weekend

because i was afraid he was just gonna

sneak attack and pop out of the totem.

look, i want nate
back today of all days.

- hey, mick.
- hey, mick.

but we don't know what's
going on in the totem.

what if he's, you know,

in flagrante delicto?

okay, this is what i'm saying.

do you not care that he's doing

god knows what on your wrist?

[sighs]

[totems whirring]

really? come on, guys.

- oh, see this is what...
- i di... no!

what?

- oh! huh?
- yep. yeah.

- did you... [suggestive noise]
- uh-huh.

- yeah, you did.
- wow, hello, hi.

- how's she doing?
- rory!

you should see her.

[electrical buzzing]

[dramatic music]

how long was i in that totem?

[exciting synth music]

♪ ♪

- synced and corrected by firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -

she's pregnant.

uh, yeah, rory, we time-jumped to 2023.

you opened a portal to lita's future.

lita, honey! it's so good to see you.

you look beautiful, congratulations!

thanks, aunt ava.

she's pregnant.

it's family reunion time!

yes, refereed by auntie ava.

mick! you're gonna be a grandpappy!

i can't believe you went
and got yourself knocked up!

got myself knocked up?

what do you call what you did with mom

in my high school gym supply closet?

- conceiving.
- really?

i haven't see you in over a year,

you don't answer any of my calls,

and that's all you have to say?

what the hell are you talking about?

you know what, here i thought

the worst had happened,

and that my baby would never

get to meet their grandfather,

but it turns out i was only half right,

because you're totally fine.

and you're still the same mick rory.

a deadbeat.

ah... [clears throat]

i am not a... i am not a deadbeat!

come back here, young lady!

yeah, okay, okay, okay.
maybe let's just try

a little less shouting
and a lot more listening

so that we can figure out
why you disappeared

from your daughter's life, mick.

i'm not shouting!

[sighs]

- okay, the pod should make landfall soon.
- _

- [electronic bleeping]
- ish.

[flicking lighter repeatedly]

[jazzy rock music]

♪ ♪

wait.

you guys here for the "bud stuy" taping?

- here you go.
- what the... what?

i knew that was imran saeed
in the back of that car!

wait, who is imran saeed, and

what is "bud stuy"?

like you didn't already know

it's my favorite sitcom

created by the saeed brothers!

- oh, right.
- gratitude overload.

faking a mission and
pretending like you forgot

today was my birthday
so you could spring

"bud stuy" tickets on me?

too good!

[quirky music]

gang!

thank you for keeping it under wraps.

it is so hard to pull this stuff off.

- [laughs]
- um, actually...

[giggles dismissively]

yeah, it was all zari's idea.

the pod tracker doesn't even work.

we love you so much. happy birthday.

yeah, so you better get
in there, birthday boy!

before i change my mind.

come on!

[under breath] what have we done?

[scoffs] wait, spooner!

not you, come on.

okay, the pod's further out this way.

[bright music playing]

what is so special about this show?

it doesn't look popular.

well, that's because it
only lasted two seasons.

in high school, behrad
used to stay up all night,

get high, and watch reruns on bestflix.

[sighs] within pop culture,

"bud stuy" had more of a cult following.

oh. sounds like a lame cult.

people with low ambition
going nowhere in life.

- ooh.
- take it easy on b.

it wasn't like any of us
were saving the world

when we were in high school.

i mean, technically, i was becoming

a global brand and building
a fortune 500 company.

[scoffs]

but it's your birthday,
so who's keeping track?

figured it was stressful enough having

one global superstar in the fam-bam.

"bud stuy's" charm was
that it wasn't trying

to appeal to everyone.

but it meant a lot to me.

and wait till you see imran saeed.

my all-time favorite actor.

oh. show's startin'. time to get hype!

whoo! yeah!

pod should be entering our
atmosphere any minute now.

[electronic beeping accelerates]

speak of the devil.

[explosion and hissing]

"bud stuy" was filmed in front
of a live studio audience.

[cheers and applause]

[dynamic music]

bro!

- whoo!
- [laughter]

i got a dj-ing gig. it's tonight!

[audience cheers]

[cheers and laughter]

wait, aren't you supposed
to be working a shift

at your parents' bakery tonight?

no, no, no. my days

of pimping jalebi to...

both: hipsters in bushwick are over.

i'm not missing out on spinning

at little joshy steinberg's bar mitzvah.

tonight he enters adulthood.

as well as the 36 chambers
of the wu-tang clan.

they're kids. just play something young

and poppy and dumb, like dragon girl.

- rude.
- damn.

how are you gonna tell your
parents you're skipping work?

oh, i'm gonna honestly explain
that i'm pursuing my passion.

i have a dream. it's
up to me to follow it.

and then i'm gonna get smacked.

[thunderous rumbling]

what do you think you're doing?

preventing.

[high-pitched whirring]

[whooshing]

[sighs] damn.

sleeping gummies, reading
gummies, naughty gummies.

you're really gonna get high?

to tell your parents you're
quitting the family business

to pursue dj-ing?

- bismillah!
- [laughter]

well, how else would i get through

such a deep, meaningful conversation?

[laughs]

life's a trip!

if you got the right
accoutrement for the ride.

[laughs]

this sounds like a terrible...

this show is too niche.

we need something to make it a mass hit.

[loud crash]

finally, something interesting
happens on this show.

this is not supposed to happen.

[electricity buzzing]

[clattering]

- [alien squeaking]
- [audience awws]

[alien warbling]

[laughter and awws]

[together] uhh...

okay, am i tripping,
or did my personal stash

get mixed up with the prop stash again?

[alien warbles]

go, go!

[alien squeaks]

[suspenseful music]

[alien growls and cries]

that was a classic!

[laughter]

and cut!

[production bell rings]

[cheers and applause]

so this "surprise" is
really starting to give off

an "improvised lie that backfired" vibe.

- listen...
- it's cool!

little tropey, but,

guess we're doing a sitcom mission.

[audience cheering]

[suspenseful theremin music]

hey, little guy.

yeah, yeah, you. yeah,
the camera loves you.

just come on over.

[alien squeaks]

come here, little guy.

you're ruining one of
my favorite episodes.

- [alien warbling]
- look, kam.

i know we've had our
creative disagreements,

but crashing the taping
with an animatronic alien?

right.

hey, buddy. come here.

wow. lookit, it's so cute.

[high-pitched screeching]

it's okay, buddy. it's okay.

- [chirps and whirs]
- there you go.

well, this animatronic
alien is adorable.

and the audience ate it up.

so if we're ever gonna be
more than a cult show

we need a gag that's
a little less foreign.

less foreign? it's a
freakin' alien, man.

- i want broader appeal.
- you want less muslim.

you don't know what
religion the alien is.

okay. this thing is freaking me out.

the puppeteer is going really method,

because this thing is way too lifelike.

remember how we got here.

i was your first audience.

the one who encouraged you

and drove you to all your stand-up gigs.

have i ever steered you wrong before?

can we at least reshoot the ending?

hell, get some vfx money,
make that crash

look a little more convincing?

we'll fix it in post.

[alien cooing]

- [alien warbling]
- aw.

that thing's adorable. see, spooner?

uh, i think i'm gonna
need a smaller gun.

hey! what are you still doing here?

come on.

oh! we're just...

hi, buddy. how's it going?

ow!

you're no animatronic.

[alien warbling]

okay, mickey, i get that

lita's pregnancy's unexpected, you know?

it feels like only yesterday
that we were watching her

grow up, but if i have learned anything

co-captaining the team on this ship,

it's that being a parent
is really just about

being cool when things
aren't really that cool, yeah?

okay, where are we at
with listening, mick?

- [grunts loudly]
- captain sharpe.

you want another try at
a sassy send-off attempt

- for the record?
- no!

ooh, why are we power walking?

oh, look, she's studying.

it's excellent, right?

hmm. hi, lita, honey.

see, she's still in school.
that's great, right, mick?

yeah, i have a big test coming up

in my intersectionality
and feminist activism class.

- it's where i met niko.
- [gasps]

you got knocked up by some
creep taking a class for women?

let's see what else you've missed.

i'm vegan. i'm over my sabbath phase.

i'm more into fiona apple.

and i'm donating all the money
you left me in the shed

to aoc's future presidential run.

wow.

is there anything else
you wanna judge me for?

you know what? why don't you tell us

how you and niko plan to raise the baby?

we're cohabitating.

the institution of marriage
is too inherently patriarchal.

oh, stupid swollen fingers.

- here.
- no, i got it.

you know, uh, gideon could
have made you something.

yeah, well, i don't
have gideon at school

just to make my life easier.

and usually niko helps
me with this stuff.

[sighs]

okay. i am rational enough

to accept defeat, hangry
enough to accept your help.

you know, uh, some jars are
like old, stubborn bastards.

they, uh, eventually open up.

[grunting]

[exhales]

tell me about niko.

[sentimental music]

ugh. would it have killed kamran

to lock his office door so
the baby alien didn't escape?

i can't believe you cut my sexy
totem time short for this.

oh, by the way. she'd
kill me if i forgot,

she said, "hey".

hm. that's sweet.

hey, girl.

what does she do in the totem,
for, like, you know, self-care?

mostly be at peace.

school the ancestors in poker,

but mainly she wanted to talk about b.

- really?
- yeah.

she wanted to know his current
hair length, is he dating,

did he beat any of her high scores?

and for whatever reason, she asked me

to keep an eye on him tonight
to make sure he didn't

party too hard... oh!

- i just got it.
- of course,

even though she's stuck
in mystical limbo,

she didn't forget his birthday.

there. you happy?

yeah. maybe one with the both of us?

i could snap it. long arms.

behrad. let's go.

you know, by catching this alien,

we're actually preventing capitalism

from creating another monster.

yeah. a monster hit.

you sound like zari.

don't tell me you think
the baby alien's cute too.

[scoffs] no, i don't think it's cute,

but there is no accounting mass taste.

look, no disrespect
to the past six years,

but this is the biggest mission ever.

i'm not gonna let this alien
ruin my favorite show.

don't be so dramatic.

all i'm saying is, your
sister's got a point.

if it doesn't make money,
it doesn't make sense.

[thumping]

[mischievous music]

♪ ♪

you the new pa?

- yeah.
- good.

'cause all we have around here
are those little coffee pods.

and we can't do that to mother earth.

totally.

- appareat coffeum.
- [magic warbling]

well, don't be shy. get in there.

maybe your hero knows where
his brother hid that thing.

[plucky string music]

astra logue, labor relations.

don't mind me. i am just here
to observe your... labor.

what if the baby alien
is in, like, alien witsec.

hiding out on earth from the big bad

that destroyed his home planet.

sounds like a season of
backstory and mythology.

just to pitch it,

the baby alien was sent to earth

on a rumspringa,

and is just trying to find
the perfect party pad.

that's just what we need.
more aliens on the show.

i don't know if, uh, caffeine
is so good for the process.

but i could get you something groovier

to help get the creative juices flowing.

- this guy knows what's up!
- [clears throat]

oh, uh, bro. labor relations.

mr. saeed, where did your
brother stash the baby alien?

you mean that stupid
puppet? i don't know.

then we're done here. [snaps]

♪ ♪

- any luck?
- negative.

but i did get a peek behind the
curtain in the writer's room.

trust me, you do not wanna know
how the sausage gets made.

[alien chirping]

oh, good. i think we found it.

meet us by the stages.

aw, hey, little guy.

hey, i can promise you,
alien hybrid to alien,

bananas, they're overrated.

everything bagels,
this is where it's at.

[alien warbling]

mm. yeah, you wanna try it?

come on. here you go.

- hey, i know.
- [grunts]

[sighs] let's get outta here.

- [alien whimpering]
- [energy blasting]

hey, astra. i don't think he likes that.

[alien warbling]

[alien screeching]

- [screeching intensifies]
- uh!

[groans]

[high-pitched ringing]

ah!

[sighs] there you are.

[clears throat] i'm
going to talk to props

about leaving things lying around.

- somebody could get hurt.
- [alien warbling]

all: what?

all right, rise and shine, everyone.

we need a new strategy. where is behrad?

late. again.

let's sweeten the pot
on the earlier bet.

if he doesn't show in
the next five minutes,

loser becomes my
personal fluff and fold.

relax, relax.

i'm right here.

is that my brother?

that's my pomade. i know
the sheen anywhere.

communal bathroom, thought
it was up for grabs.

and i just felt like shaking things up.

i knew you had "leading
man" hair in you.

all tarazis have the gene.

okay, let's just show gary the...

wow, it really is mesmerizing.

thank you.

ohh.

a gusarax!

baby gus-gus! it's
got a nice ring to it.

you're coining merchandisable
nicknames now?

why was imran's brother able to grab gus

without causing a category 5 tantrum?

well, gusaraxes are
bonded to their parents

during the, uh, developmental phase.

so if, uh, gus-gus is
bonded to imran's brother,

you'll have to get him
to bond with one of you,

but, heh, good luck with that!

they're attached to
their parents at the hip

because that is where the teat is.

ugh. don't say "teat".

captain lance, i've detected that a new

"bud stuy" draft has been
submitted to the studio.

episode titled, "first contact high".

new cup?

hm, weird. wharton
is the business school

my maman and baba think i attend.

- hm.
- [chokes]

"wharton is the business school

my maman and baba think i attend"?

what's happening to me?

i think the change in your favorite show

is having an effect on you.

he's better groomed, better caffeinated.

i'd say behrad got a free upgrade.

no, no, no, no. this is not good.

the butterfly effect from one
small change in the timeline

is too unpredictable.

that's how we lost zari 1.0.

okay, they're looking for
the role of "nosy landlord".

- [inhales]
- [inhales] he...

it's obviously me,
i'm the trained actor.

i mean, it's gonna be a nosy,
glamorous landlord, but

nate, come with, run lines?

all right, let's get you
ready for that closeup.

okay, great. zari,
once you book the part,

you'll be in position
to separate gus-gus

from imran's brother and bond with him.

astra and b, make sure that

this new script doesn't make it to air.

we have to ensure that
imran stays the star

so that behrad can stay himself.

[unintelligible chattering]

[actor growling]

what do you mean i'm not
a right fit for the r...

you don't seem super great at your job.

the writers had a very
specific vision in mind.

someone who fits the new
direction of the show.

- oh, did they?
- hey, z.

the sign by the complimentary
mints said only take one,

so, uh, keep this on the dl.

nathaniel heywood. no need
to lie about my height,

i am 6 foot...

2.

uh, currently living? here and there.

i travel a lot for work.

is this for the cw?

well, so much for plan z.

but nate's getting his big break.

finally, a win for straight, white men.

well, if i was rebooting a show
with a flop first season,

you'd be my pick.

[exhales sharply]
who says stuff like that?

i don't wanna become
some materialistic jerk

with a roth ira, driving
a car that burns gas,

and pounding red eyes!

if this show is going off the rails,

you need to talk to the person

at the top of the food chain.

[sighs, groans]

[soft dramatic music]

"faiz, it's the nosy landlord.

hide all the bongs.

and the baby alien".

[scoffs]

as your boss, i gotta tell you,

i'm good on the pharmaceuticals, bro.

at least until this makeup sets.

you can't sell out, man!

growing up, my mom and dad looked at me

and saw a future
business school graduate.

the world saw a weird, muslim kid

they couldn't bother to figure out.

but seeing you on tv, imran,

was the first time i saw me.

that's great.

but i gotta do what my brother tells me.

no, you don't.

dude, i flipped burgers, spun signs,

but the gig i have now,

it's the sweetest gig ever.

just had to let you know, i
wouldn't have ended up here

if i hadn't seen you on
"bud stuy" so carefree.

it's like you gave me
permission to leave home

and go on the craziest
adventure of my life.

please, don't change your show.

it's perfect the way it is.

you must really love being a pa.

like a lot.

[under breath] oh, come on.

[alien quietly grunting]

imran, the studio loves the
baby alien in the new draft.

and you're gonna love the
casting for the nosy landlord.

kam, this isn't working out.

i promise, the new guy pops.

this show was supposed
to be about the things

that make us laugh.

my life. i know, it's not for everyone.

but to the people who get it,

it's life-changing.

you really not believe in that anymore?

what about the people
who pay us to make a hit?

the studio's threatening to cancel us.

[alien sneezes]

[laughter and awwing]

[alien warbling]

yeah, well, i'd rather have
one person laughing

in the audience than
be a complete sellout.

don't do this.

i quit.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[groaning]

[sighs]

you okay?

oh, yeah. i'm just trying to wrap

behrad's birthday gifts.

you know, the edges have to be perfect,

or the whole presentation
is thrown off, that's all.

[light, anxious music]

i'm so sorry, honey.

[chuckling] are you okay?

yeah. i'm just looking for my dad.

i should head out soon.

so i take it you two
buried the hatchet, then?

well, you know mick.
he runs a little hot,

but he cools down eventually.

- oh, really?
- yeah.

he was even asking all
these questions about niko,

like, where he grew up,
and his class schedule,

and he's really interested
in his cross-country training.

even down to the hours and the routes.

niko wants to compete in the olympics.

aw. see, i knew he'd come around.

so, should we start planning
a baby shower, then?

or a funeral!

look, take it from a trained assassin,

you wanna murder
somebody without a trace,

you gather as much intel as possible.

lita, your dad is gonna
kill your boyfriend.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[heatgun powering up]

what do you mean, mr. saeed's
"booked for the day"?

- un-book him.
- and make it quick

because she's the nice one.

- you don't want to upset me.
- it's true.

good girl.

[sighs] where's behrad?

relax, he's just pulling
himself together

after imran quit.

the timeline hasn't changed that fast.

hm.

[whooshing]

[hip-hop music]

♪ for real, king's beat! ♪

♪ i just let that money talk ♪

♪ take it to the end ♪

my parking needs validating.

i didn't know you had it in you.

try to keep up.

♪ i just let that money talk ♪

♪ talk, talk, talk, talk, talk ♪

wow. who is...

are you kidding me?

the possibilities are endless...

let me call you back.

'scuse me, can i help you?

you're gonna wanna try-com.

we're members of the puppeteers union.

yeah. we're gonna need to see proof

that you're using
union-certified puppeteers

to operate the baby alien.

i mean, unless you
have something to hide.

okay, it's not a puppet.

i swear, i was just
waiting to get publicity

all lined up before i broke the news.

the world's first alien
tv star is a gold mine.

and you're just willing to stab
your brother in the back

for success?

well, he does have a point.

gus-gus is a vertical
integration vehicle.

i'm talking dolls, branding deals,

you can build an entire universe
out of this little guy.

the synergy's all there.

i like the way you think.

and we are leaving.

thank you so much for your time.

- [cellphone ringing]
- hey, what the hell was that?

you wanna make something of your life?

it takes a little ambition.

speak.

[stammering]

[energy blasting]

come on, niko, pick up.

oh, my god. lita, look.

rory's strangling him!

wait, are they...

hugging?

huh!

i really wanna thank you
for looking after my daughter

while i was...

away.

dad!

i thought you were gonna kill him!

- i was.
- dad!

no, no! it's okay.

we talked it out.

mr. rory came around to
seeing how bad it would look

if the author of post-feminist
empowerment lit

killed his daughter's boyfriend.

oh, really?

i want my grandchild to
have something i didn't.

two loving parents.

you see?

you never told me
your dad was this cool.

he totally understands how we
got caught up in the moment.

he said the same thing
happened to him and kayla.

you mean you and mom?

wait.

you and kayla?

[crying softly]

are you okay?

[sniffles]

are you crying?

- no!
- it's...

it's okay, mr. rory.

let those toxic man-tears flow.

rest in peace, kayla.

um, okay. i'll see you later.

i'm just gonna make sure
he gets home okay.

he's been acting really strange lately.

[sighs] yeah.

real strange.

[engine decelerating]

[ominous music]

your keys, sir.

[magic zapping]

behrad, wait.

we're trying to get the timeline

back on track, remember?

who's this tool?

what?

hand over the keys.

unless you wanna take a ride, babe.

if you call me babe

one more time.

okay, that's enough.
you need to come with us.

come on.

that's a lawsuit, brah.

- [scoffs]
- sure you can afford that?

where is your totem?

totem?

it's a rollie.

[suspenseful music]

[magic whooshing]

[sighs] nate.

what happened? where'd it go?

when he joined the team, he
stole the totem from home.

if he never did that, th...

you're coming with us!

my girlfriend's in that totem, you tool.

who lives in this dump?

it's kind of hard to explain, but...

i need you to chill while i
go take care of something.

chill? i don't chill.

i got money moves to make.

money moves?

is that why you sabotaged
the meeting with kamran?

you're not the only one who
understands mass appeal.

gus-gus is going to
be a global superstar.

i'm bringing "bud stuy"
to a whole new audience.

jealous?

no. because the behrad i know

isn't some calculating business bro.

yeah, well, maybe you
don't know me at all.

[magic whooshing]

zari, what's going on?

[sighing] i'm sorry, behrad.

you can't leave me in here, zari!

i'm not leaving you. i'm fixing this.

[electronic bleeping]

[door whooshing]

it's gonna be all right.

is it?

at least when your zari lost behrad,

it wasn't her fault.

enough with the "your zari" stuff.

- you're my zari too.
- no, nate.

your zari is gone,
and without the totem,

so is everything she
sacrificed her life for.

a decision i doubt she would
have made if she knew

she was being replaced
by a version of her who...

[sighs] who didn't realize how

a sitcom literally
changed her brother's life.

z, we all messed up,
but we gotta get moving.

when this timeline catches up to behrad,

there's no telling who
we're gonna be without him.

so, when were you gonna
tell me about kayla?

sounds like you really cared about her.

and do not leave out any details.

like, uh, when you got
caught up in the moment...

cover your ears, lita...
were there any, uh...

tentacles involved?

whoa!

you dated an alien?

we didn't date.

we, uh, we almost died.

but then we, uh, then i...

gross, dad.

so there were tentacles involved?

yeah. lots. it was mind-blowing.

you jealous? now, get out of here!

i wanna spend some more
time with my daughter.

kamran.

ugh. now what?

listen, i know you worked
your ass off for this moment.

and our hard work is rarely celebrated.

so i get how badly you
wanna be seen, but...

you know this isn't right.

have you ever seen the show?

my brother wasn't exactly
making television

that we could be proud of.

well, you know what,

he doesn't have to be a
torch-bearer for all of us.

that expectation is, honestly,

unrealistic and, frankly, annoying.

your brother inspired people,

not by trying to inspire people, but...

just by being himself.

well then too bad that he quit.

and-and that's how you
wanna leave things?

don't let this be the fight that
changes things between you,

because once that happens,

- you could lose him forever.
- [production bell rings]

which diaper do you wanna
go with for the baby alien?

picture's up!

two, i like the extra cushion.

look, picture's up. like, right now.

there's nothing i can do.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

instead of lighting up
in the dark, all alone,

you need to get your ass in there
and take back your show.

you know, you're really
pushy for labor relations.

you can't make me go back!

[suspenseful music]

[grunts]

♪ ♪

"bud stuy" was filmed in front
of a live studio audience.

[cheers and applause]

- [knocking]
- oh, no!

it's the nosy landlord!

i have to hide the bong

and the baby alien!

[laughter]

- [alien warbling]
- sorry, buddy.

[laughter]

i didn't know it was inspection day!

[laughter]

[whispering] that's why it's called

a surprise inspection.

that's why it's called
a surprise inspection!

[muted laughter]

i'm nick hunter.

intergalactic alien law enforcer.

what the hell is the
nosy landlord doing?

no. [laughing nervously]

you're the nosy landlord.

it's called a plot twist,

amateur.

now where's gus-gus?

[suspenseful music]

- ah-ha!
- [alien chirps]

[engine revving]

♪ ♪

[bystander screams]

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

- [alien warbling]
- oh.

set this bad boy to stun.

[audience grumbling]

[radio bleeps]

hey, hey! ugh!

[dramatic music]

and this. won't. hurt. a. bit.

- [alien chomps]
- ah!

[alien chirping]

[tires squealing]

♪ ♪

[alien screeching]

[audience gasping]

[warbling]

[audience gasping]

caught you, you little finger-biter.

- [alien shrieking]
- no, no, no, no!

don't cry, don't cry, don't cry!

just a little boo-boo.

[shrieking intensifies]

- [shrieking diminishes]
- [shushing]

there we go.

you beautiful alien baby.

[alien chirping]

[audience awwing]

faiz, what did i tell you about having

the right accoutrements?

[audience laughing]

take a couple of these for
the road, nosy landlord.

[laughter]

have a nice trip, gus-gus.

[laughter]

[mouthing words]

i'm just glad things are back
to normal around here.

[cheers and applause]

[laughing]

it looks like the audience hated it.

but that's why i believed
in you in the first place.

[both laugh]

[plucky music]

[electronic bleeping]

you guys!

[shushes]

[alien snoring quietly]

shh.

♪ ♪

[whispering] happy birthday.

[whispering] thanks!

[swelling sentimental music]

my first time using a cell phone

was the day behrad was born.

i was trying to take a selfie,

but my annoying baby
brother photo-bombed.

every eid, he wanted
to be in the kitchen.

and he wasn't just
sneaking maman's fesenjoon.

he was learning.

no wonder he cooks
the best team dinners.

he's on his own weird
and special wavelength.

i love him just the way he is.

he is priceless.

and somehow i forget that
someone really amazing

gave up everything for him to be here.

for me, behrad's birthday
became a reminder

of everything he missed out on.

it makes me happy to see he's
had a chance to really live.

well, you know, we're throwing
a party for him right now

and you should really get going
before all the cake is gone.

i know how you love cake.

what about the timeline?

well, i heard that finding loopholes

is kind of your thing, so i had
a chat with the ancestors.

turns out, two air totems have never

existed at the same time before.

they think if only one
of us is out at a time,

behrad should be safe.

i say we try it out for a few weeks.

what are you waiting for?

behrad's probably looking for someone

to take shrooms with as we speak.

oh, you know how to imitate

maman's disapproving death stare, right?

yeah. yeah.

good.

thank you.

- look at this guy.
- aww.

[upbeat music playing]

i heard you committed grand theft auto.

yeah.

did all that for little old me?

i did it for everyone.

we couldn't breathe
around the douchier you.

too much cologne.

is that sandalwood and frankincense?

i like sandalwood and frankincense.

all right.

my little brother is all grown up.

[laughing] oh!

happy birthday.

[alien snoring]

no.

[uplifting music]

♪ ♪

so avalance is engaged, congrats.

sara has a new set of
healing powers, sweet.

gary's been an alien this whole time.

not at all surprising.

lita's expecting.

oh, and a baby alien
imprinted on my boyfriend.

cool, cool, cool.

hm, well, guess i can count on you

to never change, mick.

cheers.

[bottle crashing]

whoa.

the hell are you doing?

when you and kayla got
caught up in the moment,

her tentacle entered your ear canal,

and she laid eggs in your head,

and now you're growing a brood...

pouch.

[alien squealing]

so you're saying my dad is...

pregnant?

yep.

[studio audience laughter]

all: gideon?

sorry, i can't help it.

this is the laugh i was programmed with.

wow.

that i did not see coming.

[upbeat suspenseful music]

- synced and corrected by firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -

greg, move your head.