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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:13,600 >> "TOSH.0" FEATURES VIDEOS FROM 2 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,300 THE INTERNET, AND IS INTENDED 3 00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:17,100 FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE. 4 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,970 COMMENTDY CENTRAL DOES NOT 5 00:00:18,967 --> 00:00:21,027 CONDONE THE ACTIVITIES PERFORMED 6 00:00:21,033 --> 00:00:21,773 AND EDITION COURAGING ANYONE 7 00:00:21,767 --> 00:00:23,167 FROM ATTEMPTING THEM. 8 00:00:23,167 --> 00:00:34,627 ENJOY. 9 00:00:34,633 --> 00:00:37,733 [APPLAUSE] 10 00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:46,473 *[MUSIC]* 11 00:00:46,467 --> 00:00:47,767 >> Daniel: NOTHING A FEW MORE 12 00:00:47,767 --> 00:00:49,367 CYCLES OF STEROIDS CAN'T FIX. 13 00:00:49,367 --> 00:00:50,797 WELCOME TO "TOSH.0". 14 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:51,930 LET'S SQUASH THE RUMORS RIGHT 15 00:00:51,933 --> 00:00:54,673 NOW AS OF NEXT YEAR, I WILL BE 16 00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:56,567 LEAVING COMEDY CENTRAL. 17 00:00:56,567 --> 00:00:58,827 TO HOST LIGHT NIGHT WITH DANIEL 18 00:00:58,833 --> 00:01:00,403 TOSH ON NBC. 19 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,700 AWE, YES, IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY 20 00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:04,800 DREAM TO BE THE NEXT JIMMY 21 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:05,800 FALLON, MAINLY BECAUSE IT 22 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:06,600 WOULDN'T BE HARD. 23 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,800 TONIGHT ON THE SHOW, I TEACH 24 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:10,800 THESE SMALL MINDED CAM WHORES A 25 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,570 LESSON, AND SHOW OFF MY SEXY 26 00:01:12,567 --> 00:01:13,897 NAUSEANT, AND I RUNNER RANDS 27 00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,900 WITH THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD. 28 00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:18,670 ALL RIGHT, LET US HOPE ALL THESE 29 00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:20,697 GUYS WILL STICK BY HIM DURING 30 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:25,300 HIS REHABILITATION. 31 00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:26,930 PROKED FLINSTONE MADE IT LOOK SO 32 00:01:26,933 --> 00:01:27,873 EASY. 33 00:01:27,867 --> 00:01:30,827 OH, IT IS GOING TO BE HARD 34 00:01:30,833 --> 00:01:31,773 TUCKING AN AIRPLANE WAYHIS TEETH 35 00:01:31,767 --> 00:01:32,967 AFTER THAT. 36 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:34,167 [BLEEP]. 37 00:01:34,167 --> 00:01:36,867 >> FROM NOW ON, IF ANYBODY IS 38 00:01:36,867 --> 00:01:39,067 LIFTING A HALF TON BOULDER LET'S 39 00:01:39,067 --> 00:01:39,927 JUST HAVE AN AMBULANCE ON STAND 40 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:40,973 BY. 41 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:42,667 THANKFULLY, NOTHING LIKE THIS 42 00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:44,867 HAS EVER HAPPENED IN OUR OFFICE 43 00:01:44,867 --> 00:01:49,367 STRONG MAN COMPETITION. 44 00:01:49,367 --> 00:01:56,897 [APPLAUSE] 45 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:58,370 [CHEERING]. 46 00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:04,797 >> COME ON. 47 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:13,600 [APPLAUSE] 48 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:27,370 [CHEERS] 49 00:02:27,367 --> 00:02:41,067 [APPLAUSE] 50 00:02:41,067 --> 00:02:44,667 [CHEERING]. 51 00:02:44,667 --> 00:02:46,167 >> ALL RIGHT, I STRUGGLED WITH 52 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,967 THAT EVENT BECAUSE I WAS SO 53 00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:51,497 GASSED FROM THE ALL IN ONE PRINT 54 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:51,800 TOSS. 55 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,870 THE REAL DANGER OF SECOND HAND 56 00:02:53,867 --> 00:02:57,067 SMOKE IS LOOKING TOO COOL. 57 00:02:57,067 --> 00:02:59,627 >> OH. 58 00:02:59,633 --> 00:03:00,233 [LAUGHTER] 59 00:03:00,233 --> 00:03:03,673 >> LLOYD, QUIT SCREWING AROUND 60 00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,127 AND GET E. ON THE PHONE. 61 00:03:05,133 --> 00:03:07,133 ME, CHINESE, ME PLAY JOKE, ME 62 00:03:07,133 --> 00:03:11,273 MAKE YOU EAT CIGARETTE SMOKE. 63 00:03:11,267 --> 00:03:12,527 THIS MEANS WITH HAVE A NEW POPE, 64 00:03:12,533 --> 00:03:17,133 AND HE'S A SWOLE LOWER. 65 00:03:17,133 --> 00:03:18,533 AND AMERICAN, THE ONLY PLACE 66 00:03:18,533 --> 00:03:20,673 WHERE YOU CAN STILL SMOKE IS 67 00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:21,367 INSIDE A LUCA BAR. 68 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:29,897 >> WHAT ARE WE SPOKING? 69 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:35,500 I USED TO BE A MODEL. 70 00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:37,800 >> THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MY 71 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,200 GUESS. 72 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,970 >> GET OFF MY T.V. TRUTH 73 00:03:39,967 --> 00:03:41,127 CAMPAIGN. 74 00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:42,703 INSTEAD OF WASTING MILLIONS ON 75 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,200 ANTISMOKING COMMERCIALS, HOW 76 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,100 ABOUT YOU JUST HANDOUT 20-DOLLAR 77 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,100 BILLS TO KIDS WHO DON'T SMOKE. 78 00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,070 AND SO ANYONE LEFT ON THIS 79 00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:50,767 MANAGE ET UNDER THE IMPRESSION 80 00:03:50,767 --> 00:03:52,567 THAT SMOKING ISN'T BAD FOR YOU, 81 00:03:52,567 --> 00:03:54,597 YOU DESERVE A LONG SLOW DEATH. 82 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,600 NOW, LET'S LIGHTEN THINGS UP. 83 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,270 ON AVERAGE, 1200 PEOPLE A YEAR 84 00:03:59,267 --> 00:04:00,167 DIE SHOVELING SNOW. 85 00:04:00,167 --> 00:04:04,597 LET'S SEE IF LIT BE 1201. 86 00:04:05,933 --> 00:04:07,133 >> WHAT? 87 00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:09,373 HOW DID THAT GET ON OUR SHOW. 88 00:04:09,367 --> 00:04:12,227 HAPPY ENDINGS ARE NOT HOW I KEEP 89 00:04:12,233 --> 00:04:13,733 THE LIGHTS ON. 90 00:04:13,733 --> 00:04:16,233 MOVING ON, THIS NEXT KID PROVES 91 00:04:16,233 --> 00:04:17,933 THERE'S A FINE LINE BETWEEN 92 00:04:17,933 --> 00:04:24,933 SUPER MODEL AND CIRCUS FREAK. 93 00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:26,333 LET'S PUT 20 SECONDS ON THE 94 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:28,133 CLOCK, AND SEE HOW MANY FUNNY 95 00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:29,233 COMMENTS WE CAN MAKE. 96 00:04:29,233 --> 00:04:31,203 ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL OTHER 97 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,800 KIDS REALIZE THEY CAN TIE HIS 98 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,870 EYES SHUT. 99 00:04:34,867 --> 00:04:36,397 OWN THAN THIS LITTLE SIDE 100 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:37,530 EFFECT, GOOGLE GLASSES WORK LIKE 101 00:04:37,533 --> 00:04:39,503 A CHARM. 102 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,300 TAKES HIM AN HOUR EACH MORNING 103 00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:42,700 JUST TO DEEYE BUGGER THOSE 104 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:43,600 THINGS. 105 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,200 SOMEBODY PUT A SILVER BULL NET 106 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:46,570 THAT KID BEFORE THE NEXT FULL 107 00:04:46,567 --> 00:04:46,867 MOON. 108 00:04:46,867 --> 00:04:49,767 THAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU LET 109 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:50,797 ANTHONY DAVIS RAW DOG IT. 110 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,500 OKAY, IT IS NO SECRET THAT WOMEN 111 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,870 LOVE HOME MADE GIFTS. 112 00:04:53,867 --> 00:04:56,797 >> HEY. 113 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:08,570 >>> PASSING TO YOUR RIGHT IS 114 00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:10,897 JUST SOLID TABLE ETIQUETTE. 115 00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:12,370 HOW ELSE WAS HE SUPPOSED TO 116 00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:14,627 POINT OUT IF SHE IS INTO THAT? 117 00:05:17,833 --> 00:05:18,333 [LAUGHTER] 118 00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:20,073 >> NOT A BAD WAY TO GET A GIRL 119 00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:22,067 TO TAKE HER TOP OFF A. 120 00:05:22,067 --> 00:05:24,527 WHAT'S NEXT? 121 00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:27,403 >> THIS IS HOW TO HAVE A 122 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,270 TRANTRIC ORGASM ALL BY YOURSELF. 123 00:05:28,267 --> 00:05:29,927 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS THINK 124 00:05:29,933 --> 00:05:31,333 ABOUT SOMEBODY, BRING THEM INTO 125 00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:33,073 YOUR ENERGY FIELD, AND LET THE 126 00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:34,667 REST TAKE CARE OF ITSELF. 127 00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,097 I WILL SHOW YOU HOW ID DONE. 128 00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:38,330 >> YOU HAD ME AT ALL BY 129 00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:39,303 YOURSELF, YOU SHIRT LESS 130 00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:40,230 CANADIAN. 131 00:05:40,233 --> 00:05:43,833 NOW, LET'S LEARN HOW TO 132 00:05:43,833 --> 00:05:44,833 FEVERISHLY MEDITATE IN THIS 133 00:05:44,833 --> 00:05:46,303 WEEK'S BREAK DOWN. 134 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:46,700 [LAUGHTER] 135 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,770 >> MASSETER MIND JOB AND YOU'LL 136 00:05:48,767 --> 00:05:51,297 CUT YOUR LUBE BUDGET IN HALF. 137 00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:53,300 >> WRANGLERS ARE AN ODD CHOICE, 138 00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:55,930 BUT THE YOU FIT CROTCH WILL MAKE 139 00:05:55,933 --> 00:05:58,373 A GREAT RECEPTACLE. 140 00:05:58,367 --> 00:05:59,597 I WOULD RATHER JUST TAKE YOGA 141 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,070 CLASSES UNTILKY BLOW MYSELF. 142 00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:03,297 I'M THIS FAR. 143 00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,900 NOT ONLY DOES IT FEEL GREAT, IT 144 00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:06,700 IS ALSO A DISCREET WAY TO KILL 145 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,070 TIME DURING THE SLOW PARTS OF 146 00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:10,867 CHURCH. 147 00:06:10,867 --> 00:06:13,267 HEY, SINCE YOUR HANDS ARE FREE, 148 00:06:13,267 --> 00:06:16,067 WHY NOT PLAY WITH YOUR B CUP. 149 00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:17,667 IFKY EJACULATE WITHOUT USING MY 150 00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:18,767 HANDSES I WOULD EAT BUFFALO 151 00:06:18,767 --> 00:06:19,767 WINGS. 152 00:06:19,767 --> 00:06:21,197 RIGHT, BECAUSE THEY ARE SO 153 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,370 DELICIOUS, YET SO MESSY. 154 00:06:22,367 --> 00:06:24,667 >> TURNING KIND OF RED, LIKE HIS 155 00:06:24,667 --> 00:06:27,067 WHOLE BODY IS ASHAMED OF WHAT IS 156 00:06:27,067 --> 00:06:27,927 ABOUT TO HAPPEN. 157 00:06:27,933 --> 00:06:30,803 HE IS EITHER FIGHTING OFF A BIG 158 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,470 SNEEZE, OR HIS ENERGY FIELD IS 159 00:06:32,467 --> 00:06:34,727 BEING PLOWED BY SEXY GHOSTS. 160 00:06:34,733 --> 00:06:37,473 WRAP IT UP, THE FAMILY WAIT 161 00:06:37,467 --> 00:06:38,427 TOGETHER GET THEIR EASTER 162 00:06:38,433 --> 00:06:39,833 PORTRAIT TAKE SEASON A LITTLE 163 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:40,673 FREAKED OUT. 164 00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,827 YOU KNOW WHAT ALSO FEELS GREAT, 165 00:06:42,833 --> 00:06:46,973 ANOTHER PERSON. 166 00:06:46,967 --> 00:06:47,967 WHEW! 167 00:06:47,967 --> 00:06:49,227 WHEW! 168 00:06:49,233 --> 00:06:51,903 THERE YOU HAVE IT. 169 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:55,370 >> SEEMS LIKE A GOOD WAY TO GUNK 170 00:06:55,367 --> 00:06:56,427 UP YOUR ZIPPER. 171 00:06:56,433 --> 00:06:58,333 I AM JUST GLAD HE DOESN'T FEEL 172 00:06:58,333 --> 00:06:59,873 THE NEED TO PROVE IT, FOR THAT 173 00:06:59,867 --> 00:07:00,597 WE THANK YOU. 174 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,100 WE WILL BE BACK SHORTLY, BUT 175 00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:04,630 FIRST IT IS GROCERY SHOPPING 176 00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:05,673 WITH CARROT TOP. 177 00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:09,467 >> HEY, CARROT TOP? 178 00:07:09,467 --> 00:07:10,367 HUH? 179 00:07:10,367 --> 00:07:11,597 >> I GET IT. 180 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,130 THAT'S FUNNY. 181 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:23,073 [BLEEP] KILL ME, SERIOUSLY. 182 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:23,867 >> DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MY MIDGET 183 00:07:23,867 --> 00:07:24,297 CONVERSATION? 184 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:25,100 YOU KNOW WHAT WE ARE GOING TO 185 00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:26,570 TALK ABOUT, WE ARE GOING TO TALK 186 00:07:26,567 --> 00:07:27,967 ABOUT MIDGETS. 187 00:07:27,967 --> 00:07:29,627 >> MIDGETS NEVER COMMIT CRIMES. 188 00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:30,373 AND EVEN IF THEY DO -- 189 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:31,967 >> YOU KNOW WHY? 190 00:07:31,967 --> 00:07:34,067 THE ONLY REASON WHY THEY COMMIT 191 00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:34,467 CRIMES IS. 192 00:07:34,467 --> 00:07:36,167 >> BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO LITTLE 193 00:07:36,167 --> 00:07:37,467 TO GET AWAY. 194 00:07:37,467 --> 00:07:39,097 >> YOU KNOW WHAT AENEID JET WILL 195 00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:41,170 NEED TO GET IN A GET AWAY CAR. 196 00:07:41,167 --> 00:07:43,567 >> ANOTHER MIDGET. 197 00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:47,697 MIDGETS HAVE TO GO TO THEIR OWN 198 00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,400 MIDGET PRISON. 199 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:49,730 BECAUSE. 200 00:07:49,733 --> 00:07:51,503 >> THEY CAN'T FIT THROUGH THE 201 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:51,800 BARS. 202 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,530 >> THEY CAN FIT THROUGH THE BAR, 203 00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:55,773 THEY CAN'T GO TO THE REGULAR 204 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:56,697 PRISON. 205 00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,370 [BLEEP] IN A REGULAR PRISON. 206 00:07:58,367 --> 00:08:01,867 AND THAT'S WHY BECAUSE THEY ARE 207 00:08:01,867 --> 00:08:03,067 GOING TO GET [BLEEP] OUT OF THE 208 00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:03,797 [BLEEP]. 209 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,800 >> SIT OKAY TOO RAFFI A GIRL 210 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,800 JUST TO SHUT HER UP? 211 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,400 CLASSY COEDS ARE KAY LEN ASHLEY, 212 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,400 AND THEY NEED TO PICK ON SOMEONE 213 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:13,900 THEIR OWN SIZE. 214 00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:15,930 YOU NEED TO BE SENSITIVE, EVEN 215 00:08:15,933 --> 00:08:17,073 THOUGH EVERY JOKE FLIES OVER 216 00:08:17,067 --> 00:08:18,197 THEIR HEADS. 217 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,900 IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT 218 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,800 IT IS LIKE TO BE AN L.P., JUST 219 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:22,400 CATCH ONE AND ASK. 220 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,300 TO BE CLEAR, L.P. STANDS FOR 221 00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:25,600 LITTLE PERSON, NOT TO BE 222 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,100 CONFUSED WITH P.R.ES, WHICH ARE 223 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:28,200 PUERTO RICANS. 224 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,570 THEY ARE JUST AS SHORT BUT 225 00:08:29,567 --> 00:08:34,167 LOUDER. 226 00:08:34,167 --> 00:08:35,727 INFORM THERE ARE WERE A MOUNT 227 00:08:35,733 --> 00:08:39,473 RUSH MOORE OF L.P.'S IT WOULD 228 00:08:39,467 --> 00:08:43,167 HAVE BRIDGET THE MIDGET, AND 229 00:08:43,167 --> 00:08:44,367 REESE WITHERSPOON. 230 00:08:44,367 --> 00:08:47,367 IT WOULD BE BE MORE OF A HILL 231 00:08:47,367 --> 00:08:49,167 THAN A MOUNTAIN. 232 00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:52,467 THERE'S A 25% CHANCE FOR AN L.P. 233 00:08:52,467 --> 00:08:53,197 COUP TOLL HAVE AN AVERAGE SIZE 234 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,770 KID, BUT IT'S 100% IMPOSSIBLE 235 00:08:55,767 --> 00:08:57,067 FOR THEM TO TELL THAT KID WHAT 236 00:08:57,067 --> 00:08:57,927 TO DO. 237 00:08:57,933 --> 00:08:59,573 DID YOU KNOW THAT A DWARF ORGY 238 00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:02,067 IS CALLED A WESOME. 239 00:09:02,067 --> 00:09:03,327 TECHNICALLY, IT'S LEGAL TO BE 240 00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:05,903 DOWN WITH L.P.P., BUT DON'T BE 241 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:07,230 SURPRISED WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO 242 00:09:07,233 --> 00:09:08,473 LEAVE YOU ALONE WITH THEIR 243 00:09:08,467 --> 00:09:09,297 CHILDREN. 244 00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:12,800 BEING AN L.P. ISN'T ALL BAD, YOU 245 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,330 SAVE A TON OF MONEY SHOPPING AT 246 00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:16,433 BABY GAP. 247 00:09:16,433 --> 00:09:18,233 AND RIDING A GOLDEN RETRIEVER IS 248 00:09:18,233 --> 00:09:19,303 GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT. 249 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,500 DEEP DOWN, KALIN AND ASHLEY ARE 250 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,200 GOOD PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST BEING A 251 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,630 LITTLE SHORTSIGHTED, THAT'S WHY 252 00:09:24,633 --> 00:09:27,073 I DECIDED TO BE THE BIGGER MAN 253 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,197 AND FLY THEM TO L.A. FOR SOME 254 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,600 SMALL TALK IN THIS WEEK'S WEB 255 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:32,070 REDEMPTION. 256 00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:34,227 >> ALL RIGHT, SO YOU KNOW WE 257 00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:36,073 THINK ABOUT MIDGETS. 258 00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:36,627 >> YEAH. 259 00:09:36,633 --> 00:09:38,403 >> KNOCK IT OFF, YOU DO NOT WANT 260 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,900 TO MAKE FUN OF THOSE PEOPLE. 261 00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:43,530 LADIES THEY ARE VERY HE TEN. 262 00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:44,773 >> KAYLA AND ASH ALLY. 263 00:09:44,767 --> 00:09:45,367 >> YES. 264 00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:46,427 >> WHERE ARE YOU FROM? 265 00:09:46,433 --> 00:09:46,873 >> SAN DIEGO. 266 00:09:46,867 --> 00:09:47,727 >> ARE YOU IN SCHOOL. 267 00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:48,173 >> YES. 268 00:09:48,167 --> 00:09:49,927 >> I GO TO S.S.U. 269 00:09:49,933 --> 00:09:51,703 >> I GOT TO A COMMUNITY COLLEGE. 270 00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,070 >> OH,'M SORRY. 271 00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:54,297 HOW LONG AGO WAS THIS VIDEO. 272 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,570 >> TWO MONTHS AGO. 273 00:09:55,567 --> 00:09:58,597 >> WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS. 274 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,500 >> SO WE SAW THIS BUILDING AND 275 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,670 IT WAS EARLIER THAT DAY. 276 00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:07,167 AND ID HAD BARBED WIRE, SO THEN 277 00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:09,197 WE WENT OUT TO DOWNTOWN, AND WE 278 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,830 GOT REALLY DRUNK, SO I GUESS OUR 279 00:10:11,833 --> 00:10:14,373 DRUNK RAMBLINGNESS JUST STARTED 280 00:10:14,367 --> 00:10:15,667 RAMBLING ABOUT MIDGET PRISONS. 281 00:10:15,667 --> 00:10:17,367 >> FIRST, LET'S CLEAR THIS UP. 282 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,067 YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO 283 00:10:19,067 --> 00:10:20,997 IN THIS DAY AND AGE, SAY THE M 284 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:21,570 WORD. 285 00:10:21,567 --> 00:10:22,397 >> LITTLE PEOPLE. 286 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,030 >> DID YOU KNOW THAT OR NOT KNOW 287 00:10:24,033 --> 00:10:24,333 THAT. 288 00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:27,873 >> I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A 289 00:10:27,867 --> 00:10:28,327 SOCIAL CLASS. 290 00:10:28,333 --> 00:10:29,833 >> YOU WERE UNAWARE THAT THEY 291 00:10:29,833 --> 00:10:31,633 FIND THAT TERM DISRESPECTFUL. 292 00:10:31,633 --> 00:10:33,903 >> WE REALIZE WE WERE BEING 293 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:34,200 RUIZ. 294 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:34,730 >> YOU REALIZE IT. 295 00:10:34,733 --> 00:10:38,233 >> YEAH, I THINK WE WERE BEING 296 00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:38,633 SARCASTIC. 297 00:10:38,633 --> 00:10:40,073 >> WHEN YOU ARE SARCASTIC, HOW 298 00:10:40,067 --> 00:10:41,467 DO YOU REFER TO BLACK PEOPLE. 299 00:10:41,467 --> 00:10:43,767 >> I DON'T SAY THE N WORD. 300 00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:44,967 >> BECAUSE IT IS OFFENSIVE? 301 00:10:44,967 --> 00:10:46,067 >> BECAUSE THEY CAN DO SOMETHING 302 00:10:46,067 --> 00:10:47,927 ABOUT IT. 303 00:10:47,933 --> 00:10:49,273 BECAUSE YOU GET IN TROUBLE FOR 304 00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:49,767 THE VIDEO. 305 00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:51,997 >> WE HAD TWO DISLIKES ON 306 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:52,330 YOUTUBE. 307 00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:53,773 >> MOST PEOPLE THOUGHT IT WAS 308 00:10:53,767 --> 00:10:55,227 FUNNY, SOME PEOPLE SAID WE WERE 309 00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:56,773 ANNOYING BUT NO LITTLE PEOPLE 310 00:10:56,767 --> 00:10:57,997 SAID ANYTHING TO US ABOUT IT. 311 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,730 >> HOW COULD YOU TELL WERE THEY 312 00:10:59,733 --> 00:11:01,233 IN LOWER CASE? 313 00:11:01,233 --> 00:11:02,633 IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK. 314 00:11:02,633 --> 00:11:05,603 >> JUST YOUR THEORY OF LITTLE 315 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,830 PEOPLE, AND THEIR PRISON, YOU 316 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,603 SAID THEY COULD DON'T TO PRISON 317 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,400 BECAUSE THEY WOULD SLIP THROUGH 318 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,200 THE BARS. 319 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,800 THEIR HEADS ARE THE SAME SIZE IF 320 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:14,230 NOT LARGER. 321 00:11:14,233 --> 00:11:16,703 >> I DIDN'T TAKE INTO 322 00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:17,700 CONSIDERATION THEIR LARGER 323 00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:18,070 HEADS. 324 00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:20,097 >> DO YOU KNOW THE TWO MAIN 325 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:21,230 TYPES OF DWARFISM. 326 00:11:21,233 --> 00:11:22,933 >> SMALL AND SUPER SMALL. 327 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:25,603 >> PROPORTIONAL AND 328 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:26,730 DISPROPORTIONATE, CAN YOU 329 00:11:26,733 --> 00:11:27,073 DEFINE. 330 00:11:27,067 --> 00:11:28,267 >> THE FEAR OF MIDGETS IN. 331 00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:28,767 >> NO. 332 00:11:28,767 --> 00:11:29,867 >> LITTLE PEOPLE? 333 00:11:29,867 --> 00:11:32,867 >> NO, EVERYTHING YOU SAY SOUNDS 334 00:11:32,867 --> 00:11:33,727 SOMEWHAT OFFENSIVE. 335 00:11:33,733 --> 00:11:35,103 DO YOU KNOW WHAT LITTLE PEOPLE 336 00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:36,230 REFER TO YOU GUYS AS. 337 00:11:36,233 --> 00:11:37,073 >> PROBABLY A GIANT. 338 00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:38,327 >> I'M SIX-FOOT. 339 00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:40,303 >> YOU ARE SIX FEET, THEY CALL 340 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,600 US AVERAGE. 341 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:42,500 AVERAGES. 342 00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:45,070 WOULD EITHER ONE OF YOU HAVE SEX 343 00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:45,667 WITH A LITTLE PERSON. 344 00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:47,127 >> I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS IT 345 00:11:47,133 --> 00:11:47,973 DEPENDS. 346 00:11:47,967 --> 00:11:48,627 MOST LIKELY NO. 347 00:11:48,633 --> 00:11:50,103 >> I PLEAD THE FIFTH. 348 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,300 >> HAVE YOU HAD SEX WITH A 349 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:51,730 LITTLE PERSON. 350 00:11:51,733 --> 00:11:52,203 >> I HAVE NOT. 351 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,930 >> I ASSUME YOU DATE BLACK 352 00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:54,273 PEOPLE. 353 00:11:54,267 --> 00:11:55,927 >> NO, WHY WOULD YOU ASSUME 354 00:11:55,933 --> 00:11:56,233 THAT. 355 00:11:56,233 --> 00:11:57,333 >> BECAUSE YOU ARE ABOVE 356 00:11:57,333 --> 00:11:57,703 AVERAGE. 357 00:11:57,700 --> 00:11:58,800 >> NO, I DON'T BLACK PEOPLE. 358 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,700 >> I MEAN I DOES HE WANT -- NOT 359 00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:02,330 THAT, I JUST NEVER HAVE. 360 00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:03,133 >> YOU HAVE NEVER DATE ADD BLACK 361 00:12:03,133 --> 00:12:03,473 PERSON? 362 00:12:03,467 --> 00:12:04,667 >> HAVE YOU EVER FOOLED AROUND 363 00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:05,267 WITH EACH OTHER. 364 00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:05,597 >> NO. 365 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,800 >> WILL YOU NO. 366 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:07,330 >> NO. 367 00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:08,373 >> ON CAMERA FOR MONEY. 368 00:12:08,367 --> 00:12:08,697 >> NO. 369 00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,630 >> HAVE EITHER ONE OF YOU EVER 370 00:12:10,633 --> 00:12:14,333 SEEN L.P. IMPORTANT. 371 00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:14,603 >> . 372 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,870 >> LOOK IT UP, DO YOU WANT TO BE 373 00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:17,467 A MOTHER ONE DAY. 374 00:12:17,467 --> 00:12:17,797 >> YES. 375 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,230 >> YOU KNOW YOU WILL BOTH HAVE 376 00:12:19,233 --> 00:12:19,903 L.P.ES FOR KIDS. 377 00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:21,230 >> KARMA. 378 00:12:21,233 --> 00:12:22,833 >> YOU GUYS CLEARLY HAVEN'T 379 00:12:22,833 --> 00:12:24,433 LEARNED YOUR LESSON, SO I'M 380 00:12:24,433 --> 00:12:26,173 THINKING THAT I SEND YOU TO 381 00:12:26,167 --> 00:12:27,527 LITTLE PERSON PRISON, IN A NEW 382 00:12:27,533 --> 00:12:29,073 PROGRAM CALL ADD LITTLE SCARED 383 00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:29,827 STRAIGHT. 384 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,833 AND YOU LEARN A LITTLE 385 00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:33,603 PERSPECTIVE, MIGHT BE NEXT TIME 386 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:34,430 YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND SHOVE AS 387 00:12:34,433 --> 00:12:36,233 CAMERA IN YOUR FACE, YOU DON'T 388 00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:38,373 RAMBLE ON WITH HATE SPEECH 389 00:12:38,367 --> 00:12:39,067 INSTEAD, YOU WHIP OUT THOSE 390 00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:44,927 SWEET LITTLE THAT THATS. 391 00:12:44,933 --> 00:12:45,333 [LAUGHTER] 392 00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:50,733 >> WELL, LOOKKY HERE. 393 00:12:50,733 --> 00:12:54,573 SOME LIGHTBULB CHANGES. 394 00:12:54,567 --> 00:12:56,727 YOU ARE IN MY HOUSE, YOU GIANT 395 00:12:56,733 --> 00:12:57,703 PITCHES. 396 00:12:57,700 --> 00:12:59,100 YOU EVER HEAR OF THE ROCK? 397 00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:00,830 WELL, WELCOME TO THE PEBBLE. 398 00:13:00,833 --> 00:13:02,673 GUARDS, GET THESE FREAKS OUT OF 399 00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:04,267 MY FACE. 400 00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:07,067 >> NICE PROPORTIONS. 401 00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:08,867 >> THAT'S FORWARD AND CENTER, 402 00:13:08,867 --> 00:13:11,427 THE BIGGEST PITCHES IN THE 403 00:13:11,433 --> 00:13:11,773 WORLD. 404 00:13:11,767 --> 00:13:15,167 >> I'M SURPRISED AM IDA HASN'T 405 00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:15,867 FLOWN PLANES INTO THE TWO OF 406 00:13:15,867 --> 00:13:18,167 YOU. 407 00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:21,897 >> GOOD EVENING LADIES WELCOME 408 00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:23,370 TO SHORT SHANK. 409 00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:24,727 YOU WANT TO BE HERE, YOU HAVE TO 410 00:13:24,733 --> 00:13:26,373 KNOW THIS WHOLE THING IS 411 00:13:26,367 --> 00:13:27,127 CONTROLLED BY GANGS, YOU HAVE 412 00:13:27,133 --> 00:13:29,333 YOUR DWARFS, YOUR HOB BITS AND 413 00:13:29,333 --> 00:13:34,603 DON'T FORGET THE LOLLIPOP 414 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:34,930 GOALED. 415 00:13:34,933 --> 00:13:36,833 BUT THE ONES YOU REALLY HAVE TO 416 00:13:36,833 --> 00:13:40,073 WATCH OUT FOR ARE THE UMPA LUM 417 00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:41,127 PAS. 418 00:13:41,133 --> 00:13:43,873 BUT DON'T WORRY I HAVE AN ESCAPE 419 00:13:43,867 --> 00:13:44,167 PLAN. 420 00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:44,897 >> THAT HOLE IS WAY TOO SMALL. 421 00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:47,070 >> IT TOOK ME 40 YEARS TO GET IT 422 00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:47,927 THAT BIG. 423 00:13:47,933 --> 00:13:50,473 THEY GIVE US REALLY TINY SPOONS, 424 00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:51,827 WELL, LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE SCREWS. 425 00:13:51,833 --> 00:14:00,973 GOOD NIGHT. 426 00:14:00,967 --> 00:14:08,767 [LAUGHTER] 427 00:14:08,767 --> 00:14:11,527 HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? 428 00:14:11,533 --> 00:14:13,103 GET BACK ON THE BEAN STOCK WHERE 429 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:13,500 YOU BLOCK. 430 00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:14,430 >> IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HURT. 431 00:14:14,433 --> 00:14:17,073 >> THAT DOESN'T EVEN LEAVE A 432 00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:20,367 BRUISE, AND I BRUISE EASY. 433 00:14:20,367 --> 00:14:25,767 >> GIRL, YOU AREN'T GOING TO GET 434 00:14:25,767 --> 00:14:26,867 A WORK OUT WAYTHAT. 435 00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:28,897 >> I KNOW, BUT IT IS SO LIGHT 436 00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:33,470 AND TINY. 437 00:14:33,467 --> 00:14:36,497 >> I GOT ZERO. 438 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,300 >> EEW, QUIT IT. 439 00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:40,330 OHNY GOSH, THAT IS SO CUTE. 440 00:14:40,333 --> 00:14:42,973 >> GOOD NEWS, LONG FINGERS, YOUR 441 00:14:42,967 --> 00:14:44,527 TIME HERE HAS COME TO AN END. 442 00:14:44,533 --> 00:14:45,103 >> GOOD. 443 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,370 >> BECAUSE TOMORROW MORNING YOU 444 00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:48,267 ARE GOING TO BE WALKING THE 445 00:14:48,267 --> 00:14:49,227 GREEN 116TH OF A MILE. 446 00:14:49,233 --> 00:14:50,433 >> WHAT'S THAT? 447 00:14:50,433 --> 00:14:52,933 >> THAT'S OUR VERSION OF DEATH 448 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,833 ROW. 449 00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:57,673 >> HERE IS YOUR LAST MEAL, 450 00:14:57,667 --> 00:15:01,827 LADIES. 451 00:15:01,833 --> 00:15:03,133 PEP RONNY HOT POCKETS. 452 00:15:03,133 --> 00:15:11,203 >> WAIT, ISN'T THIS A TOTINOS 453 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:11,630 PIZZA ROLL. 454 00:15:11,633 --> 00:15:15,603 >> ALL PITCHES WALKING. 455 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,270 >> YOU MAJESTIC REDWOODS HAVE 456 00:15:18,267 --> 00:15:18,927 ANY LAST WORDS. 457 00:15:18,933 --> 00:15:20,833 >> I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO 458 00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:23,303 ALL THE LITTLE PEOPLE OUT THERE. 459 00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:24,800 I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW OFFENSIVE 460 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:25,570 THE VIDEO WAS. 461 00:15:25,567 --> 00:15:26,597 >> YEAH. 462 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,070 I'M SORRY TOO. 463 00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:29,767 I JUST WISH I COULD LIFT ALL OF 464 00:15:29,767 --> 00:15:32,327 YOU UP AND GIVE YOU A BIC HUG. 465 00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:33,303 >> WELL, THAT JUST WARMS MY 466 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,700 HEART. 467 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,630 BUT NOW YOU ARE ABOUT TO 468 00:15:37,633 --> 00:15:39,673 EXPERIENCE THE MOST SEVERE L.P. 469 00:15:39,667 --> 00:15:40,897 PUNISHMENT THERE IS. 470 00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:43,230 YOU ARE GETTING TOSSES. 471 00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:48,703 MAY GOD HAVE MERSION YOUR SOULS. 472 00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,500 HEAVE HO. 473 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,430 [APPLAUSE] 474 00:15:52,433 --> 00:15:54,673 >> OH. 475 00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:57,367 YOU KNOW TIM CON WAY, IF YOU 476 00:15:57,367 --> 00:16:00,067 DON'T KNOW WHO DWARF IS JUST ASK 477 00:16:00,067 --> 00:16:02,727 YOUR GRANDFATHER TO FIRE UP THE 478 00:16:02,733 --> 00:16:03,103 VCR. 479 00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:05,070 HERE IS TAKING OUT THE TRASH 480 00:16:05,067 --> 00:16:06,397 WITH CARROT TOP. 481 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,800 >> HEY, CARROT TOP I THOUGHT YOU 482 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,930 COULD BUILD A JOKE OUT OF MY 483 00:16:10,933 --> 00:16:11,303 GARBAGE. 484 00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:16,400 >> COME ON. 485 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,430 ACTUALLY -- I CAN PROBABLY USE 486 00:16:17,433 --> 00:16:19,903 THE HOCKEY STICK FOR SOMETHING. 487 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:51,430 >> ALL RIGHT. 488 00:16:51,433 --> 00:16:52,173 [LAUGHTER] 489 00:16:52,167 --> 00:17:08,967 *[MUSIC]* 490 00:17:08,967 --> 00:17:10,967 >> HE IS LUCKY HE IS NOT A FOOT 491 00:17:10,967 --> 00:17:11,767 MAN. 492 00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:13,367 YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO 493 00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:16,127 GET THE BELT OFF A TREADMILL. 494 00:17:16,133 --> 00:17:18,373 YOU CONSTANTLY COMPLAIN. 495 00:17:18,367 --> 00:17:21,367 TAKE NOTE IF YOU MAKE ONE THAT 496 00:17:21,367 --> 00:17:22,797 DOESN'T SUCK I WILL PUT IT ON 497 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,370 FOR FREE. 498 00:17:23,367 --> 00:17:25,127 WHILE YOU ARE AT HOME WATCHING I 499 00:17:25,133 --> 00:17:27,633 GAVE EVERY LUCKY MEMBER OF MY 500 00:17:27,633 --> 00:17:29,633 AUDIENCE A SAMPLEBLE ONE. 501 00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:32,673 GO AHEAD, SMELL YOUR FINGERS. 502 00:17:32,667 --> 00:17:33,327 DELIGHTFUL, RIGHT? 503 00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:34,873 COME ON. 504 00:17:34,867 --> 00:17:36,497 YOU ARE NOT A TRUE CELEBRITY 505 00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:39,470 UNTIL YOU HAVE YOUR UNSAINT. 506 00:17:39,467 --> 00:17:42,227 ADAM LAVIGNE JUST CAME OUT WITH 507 00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:43,933 HIS MCGRAW HAS FOUR, AND I'M 508 00:17:43,933 --> 00:17:46,603 PRETTY SURE TWO OF THEM ARE 509 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:47,100 BARBECUE SONSES. 510 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,730 SO TURN ON YOUR SMELL VISION, 511 00:17:48,733 --> 00:17:50,373 BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO INTRODUCE 512 00:17:50,367 --> 00:17:51,897 THE WORLD TO MY SIGNATURE 513 00:17:51,900 --> 00:18:06,270 STABILITY. 514 00:18:06,267 --> 00:18:19,527 *[MUSIC]* 515 00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:22,533 *[MUSIC]* 516 00:18:22,533 --> 00:18:41,833 [CRYING]. 517 00:18:41,833 --> 00:18:43,833 >> RED TIDE, THE MOST WOMAN 518 00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:44,873 LICEANT. 519 00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:45,727 PERIODS. 520 00:18:45,733 --> 00:18:47,533 >> IF YOU WANT TO BARGAIN HEAD 521 00:18:47,533 --> 00:18:48,733 TO THE AIRPORT BOOK AN 522 00:18:48,733 --> 00:18:49,733 INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT AND BUY A 523 00:18:49,733 --> 00:18:52,103 COUPLE OF BOTTLES OF RED TIDE AT 524 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:53,130 THE DUTY FREE SHOP. 525 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,333 AND WHILE YOU ARE THERE, TREAT 526 00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:57,703 YOURSELF TO ONE OF THOSE GIANT 527 00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:58,700 SIZE TOBLER ROAN BARS BECAUSE 528 00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:00,070 HEY, YOU DESERVE IT. 529 00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:02,527 NOW U IT IS TIME FOR THE HEART 530 00:19:02,533 --> 00:19:03,403 AND SOUL OF THIS SHOW. 531 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,330 HERE IS THIS WEEK'S WINNER. 532 00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:06,973 >> HEY, STEPHANIE, WHERE DOES 533 00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:08,067 YOUR WATER COME FROM. 534 00:19:08,067 --> 00:19:10,467 >> CRYSTAL GEYSERS OWN 535 00:19:10,467 --> 00:19:11,127 PROTECTIVE MOUNTAIN SPRING. 536 00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:12,573 >> WHERE DOES YOUR WATER COME 537 00:19:12,567 --> 00:19:12,867 FROM? 538 00:19:12,867 --> 00:19:13,927 >> THE TAP. 539 00:19:13,933 --> 00:19:14,333 >> GROSS. 540 00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:16,933 >> TAP WATER. 541 00:19:16,933 --> 00:19:19,503 DISGUSTING PIECE OF [BLEEP]. 542 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:24,270 >> I'M SURE THEY WEREN'T THAT 543 00:19:24,267 --> 00:19:26,467 GOOD OF FRIENDS TO BEGIN WITH, 544 00:19:26,467 --> 00:19:27,397 THEY NEVER ARE. 545 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,900 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF 546 00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:39,070 THE A LIST. 547 00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:41,467 WELCOME BACK, I'M HERE, I'M IN 548 00:19:41,467 --> 00:19:43,067 CASHMERE, GET USED TO IT. 549 00:19:43,067 --> 00:19:45,667 NEXT WEEK ON THE SHOW I SHAKE MY 550 00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:46,927 LITTLE TUSH ON THE CAT WALK WITH 551 00:19:46,933 --> 00:19:48,403 THIS LADY. 552 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,730 *[MUSIC]* 553 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,333 >> SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. 554 00:19:53,333 --> 00:19:56,103 CHECK IT OUT. 555 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:56,500 [LAUGHTER] 556 00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:59,630 >> WALK MUCH? 557 00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,733 FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER, KEEP UP 558 00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:04,203 WITH OUR BLOG, AND IF YOU AREN'T 559 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,730 DOING ANYTHING THIS SUMMER, COME 560 00:20:05,733 --> 00:20:08,773 SEE ME DO STAND UP ON THE JUNE 561 00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:10,397 GLOOM TOUR, WITH SPECIAL GUEST 562 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,470 JARROD CARMICHAEL. 563 00:20:12,467 --> 00:20:14,927 THAT'S NOT JARROD. 564 00:20:14,933 --> 00:20:16,603 THAT FEEDS OFF THE SOULS OF 565 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:17,230 CHILDREN. 566 00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:19,273 I LEARNED ABOUT IT BY SKYPEING 567 00:20:19,267 --> 00:20:20,497 WITH A PROFESSOR, THIS ISN'T 568 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,870 EVEN FUNNY, YOU SHOULD -- HE IS 569 00:20:22,867 --> 00:20:27,197 HERE. 570 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,100 BEFORE WE GET OUT OF HERE I WANT 571 00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:33,700 TO THANK MY FRIEND CARROT TOP TO 572 00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:36,400 TAG ALONG AND SEE HOW AWFUL IT 573 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,270 IS TO BE A COMEDY ICON BECAUSE 574 00:20:38,267 --> 00:20:41,897 OF ALL YOU ANNOYING FRIENDS. 575 00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:44,500 NEED PROOF, PURPOSING GAS WITH 576 00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:45,900 CARROT TOP. 577 00:20:45,900 --> 00:20:47,070 HEY, CARROT TOP, THANK YOU FOR 578 00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:53,867 INVESTING FROSTIES. 579 00:20:53,867 --> 00:20:56,727 LET IT GO, LET IT GO. 580 00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:57,333 >> LET IT GO. 581 00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,273 >> I CAN'T DO IT ANY MORE. 582 00:20:59,267 --> 00:21:01,227 >> THAT IS A VERY SILLY LIGHTER. 583 00:21:01,233 --> 00:21:03,233 ALL RIGHT, I HOPE YOU ARE TAKING 584 00:21:03,233 --> 00:21:04,573 NOTES BECAUSE THIS IS ALL GOING 585 00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:06,097 TO BE ON NEXT WEEK'S TEST. 586 00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:06,700 >> OH. 587 00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:08,900 >> GOOD NIGHT. 588 00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:10,330 [APPLAUSE] 589 00:21:10,333 --> 00:21:17,133 *[MUSIC]* 590 00:21:17,133 --> 00:21:18,373 >> DO YOU THINK SAYING THE M 591 00:21:18,367 --> 00:21:19,897 WORD IS JUST AS BAD AS SAYING 592 00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:20,530 THE N WORD. 593 00:21:20,533 --> 00:21:22,233 >> I DON'T THINK IT IS AS BAD. 594 00:21:22,233 --> 00:21:23,973 >> IT CAN'T BE EQUAL. 595 00:21:23,967 --> 00:21:25,267 >> IT IS STILL OFFENSIVE. 596 00:21:25,267 --> 00:21:27,667 >> I MAY I GUESS YOU CAN 37154

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