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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,481 [car honking] 2 00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,469 [car honking] 3 00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:20,634 (Doris) WELL, IT'S RAINING AND I CAN'T GET A CAB, 4 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,470 AND I HAVEN'T ANY MONEY ANYWAY. 5 00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:23,571 [car door closing] 6 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,506 AH, WHAT THE HELL. 7 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:26,740 HE'S PROBABLY JUST SOME NICE GUY 8 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,342 WHO WANTS TO HELP A GIRL OUT. 9 00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:31,545 JUST SOME RICH, NICE-LOOKIN' GUY 10 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:34,248 WHO'LL GIVE ME A LIFT HOME. YEAH, THAT'S IT. 11 00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:36,717 NOPE, THAT AIN'T IT. 12 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,492 [car honking] 13 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,746 [door closing] 14 00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,980 [baby crying] 15 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,317 (Rapzinsky) SHERMAN! 16 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,555 (Felix) GOOD EVENING, MR. RAPZINSKY. 17 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:48,922 WHAT IS? 18 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,791 IS LETTER. 19 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,893 (Rapzinsky) PICK UP AND THROW IN GARBAGE. NO THROW ON NICE FLOOR. 20 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,895 I, RAPZINSKY, SAY THIS. 21 00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,229 [baby continues crying] 22 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:59,600 I'M SORRY TO HAVE TAKEN YOU AWAY FROM YOUR BASEMENT, MR. RAPZINSKY. 23 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,135 I KNOW HOW HARD YOU WORK, 24 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,604 KEEPING THE BUILDING ON HOUSE AND GARDEN'S ALL TIME 10-BEST LIST. 25 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,138 SHERMAN! 26 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,775 YES, MR. RAPZINSKY? 27 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,610 STILL MAKING THE NOISE. 28 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,778 WHAT NOISE IS THAT? 29 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,146 TICK TACK, TICK TACK. 30 00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,182 THAT IS THE SOUND MY TYPEWRITER MAKES 31 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,818 WHEN I PRESS DOWN ON THE KEYS. 32 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:21,489 THIS IS THE METHOD I USE TO PRODUCE THE STORIES AND THE NOVELS THAT I WRITE. 33 00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:22,590 I AM A WRITER. 34 00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,458 I GOT COMPLAINT AGAIN. 35 00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:25,759 FROM WHOM? 36 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,661 NO MATTER. SHE SAY YOU MAKIN' THE NOISE ALL NIGHT. 37 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,196 DON'T MAKE NO MORE. 38 00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,098 I, RAPZINSKY, SAY THIS. 39 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:32,500 IS THAT ALL? 40 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,002 [muttering] 41 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,870 THEN I WILL GO UP TO MY APARTMENT, 42 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,839 AND YOU CAN GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS AND SIT IN YOUR TIRE. 43 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,374 [baby crying] 44 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:44,545 *[music playing] 45 00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:46,714 [announcer chattering on radio] 46 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:35,729 [gun firing] 47 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,506 [gunfire stops] 48 00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:50,177 [gunfire continues] 49 00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,952 [man on T.V.] JUST ONE THING, LIEUTENANT. 50 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,253 DO YOU THINK VINCENT COLE DID IT? 51 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:02,690 (Lieutenant) COULD BE COLE. I DON'T KNOW. 52 00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:03,757 I DO KNOW-- 53 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,092 [gunfire continues] 54 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,564 (man on T.V.) ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 55 00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,032 YOU'RE SURROUNDED, VINCENT. 56 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,066 GIVE UP! 57 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,134 [gun firing] 58 00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,718 MR. RAPZINSKY? 59 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:31,952 MR. SHERMAN. 60 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,221 YES. 61 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,956 I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW. 62 00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,760 [knocking on door] 63 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,133 (woman) MR. SHERMAN? 64 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,135 [knocking continues] 65 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,637 MR. SHERMAN? 66 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,941 MR. SHERMAN? 67 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,076 [knocking on door] 68 00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:57,945 [dog barking on tape] 69 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,749 MR. SHERMAN! 70 00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,283 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 71 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,619 I HAVE TO SEE YOU, MR. SHERMAN. 72 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,020 WHO ARE YOU? 73 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,922 YOU DON'T KNOW ME, BUT IT'S TERRIBLY IMPORTANT. 74 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,693 OH, PLEASE. 75 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,262 WE MAKE IT A RULE NOT TO OPEN THE DOOR AFTER MIDNIGHT. 76 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,697 WE? 77 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,131 WOLF AND I. 78 00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,033 WOLF IS A DOBERMAN PINSCHER. 79 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:23,103 MR. SHERMAN, PLEASE. IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH! 80 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,872 [barking continues] 81 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,641 SIT, WOLF. COME ON, BOY. SIT. 82 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:30,010 SIT, WOLF. SIT. SIT, WOLF. 83 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,879 [tape clicks] 84 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,886 IS SOMEONE CHASING YOU? 85 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,788 (woman) I CAN'T DISCUSS IT THROUGH THE DOOR. 86 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:41,855 IT'S EXTREMELY PERSONAL. 87 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,123 ARE YOU ALONE? 88 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,224 YES. 89 00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,626 SWEAR. 90 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,194 YES, GODDAMN IT. 91 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,663 SAY, AS GOD IS MY JUDGE, I'M ALL ALONE. 92 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,031 AS GOD IS MY JUDGE, 93 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,066 I AM A LITTLE GIRL ALL ALONE HERE IN THE HALLWAY. 94 00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:04,244 HELLO, PANSY! 95 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,013 YOU, FINK--FINK PANSY! YOU, RAT! YOU, FRUITCAKE! 96 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,080 YOU, RAT FINK FRUITCAKE! 97 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,348 YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR SIZE! 98 00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,718 YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR DOG! 99 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,886 HOW DO YOU KNOW? HE COULD BE HIDING, READY TO SPRING AT YOUR THROAT. 100 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,989 'CAUSE CREEPS SUCH AS YOURSELF, MR. SHERMAN, DON'T HAVE DOGS NAMED WOLF. 101 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,258 WELL, CREEPS LIKE YOU HAVE LITTLE FAGGY, HAIRY, BITTY THINGS, 102 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,727 WITH NAMES LIKE POOKY AND DOODOO. 103 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,929 LISTEN, I THINK YOU MUST HAVE THE WRONG APARTMENT. 104 00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,831 DON'T TRY TO COP OUT ON ME, YOU SLIMY WORM! 105 00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:26,099 I GOT THE RIGHT APARTMENT. I GOT THE RIGHT FAIRY! 106 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:29,102 YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY SUFFERING FROM SOME AGGRAVATED PARANOID DELUSION. 107 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,104 WHAT DID YOU SAY? 108 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,674 I'M SUGGESTING THAT YOU'RE EXTRAPOLATING FROM YOUR SORDID AND PATHETIC-- 109 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:36,243 YOU KNOW WHAT? IF I WEREN'T SO REFINED, I'D BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU. 110 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,845 YOU'RE INSANE! 111 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,046 THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, COMING FROM A QUEER, 112 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,247 WHO PEEPS IN GIRLS' WINDOWS. 113 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,182 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! 114 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,951 I AM TALKING ABOUT A DIRTY RAT 115 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,786 WHO'S SO JEALOUS OF WHAT THE BIG BOYS ARE DOIN', 116 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,254 THAT HE SQUEALS TO THE SUPERINTENDENT, 117 00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,723 JUST 'CAUSE A GIRL IS ENTERTAINING SOME GENTLEMAN FRIEND. 118 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:52,225 AND ACCEPTING A LARGE TIP FOR HER SERVICES! [shrieks] 119 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:55,262 THAT'S A CONFESSION, YOU WEASEL! YOU SPIED ON ME! YOU'RE A PEEPING TOM! 120 00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,965 THERE'S ONLY ONE THING WORSE THAN A PEEPING TOM, AND THAT IS A SQUEALER. 121 00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,733 YOU'RE BOTH, YOU 4-EYED FAG! 122 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:02,402 LOOK, UH, I--I--I SENSE-- I SENSE THAT YOU'RE UPSET-- 123 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,404 OH! WHAT--WHAT--WHAT KIND OF WEIRDO ARE YOU? 124 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,106 YOU MUST HAVE EYES LIKE A VULTURE. 125 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,407 IF YOU'D CLOSE YOUR WINDOW SHADES-- 126 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,209 I DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY WINDOW SHADES! 127 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,310 IT'S TOO DAMN HOT IN THAT ROOM. 128 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:11,444 FRICTION, NO DOUBT. 129 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,213 WHAT'S THAT? SO, W-W-W-WHAT IS THAT? 130 00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,749 SOME KIND OF DIRTY JOKE, HUH? 131 00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:16,784 FRICTION AND... 132 00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,219 OH, YEAH. I GET IT. 133 00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,321 SOMETHIN' YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT. 134 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,724 I SUPPOSE ALL THE GUYS YOU PICK UP ARE AIR-CONDITIONED, EH? 135 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,125 LOOK, I'M STARTING TO GET ANGRY. 136 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,927 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? CLAW MY EYES OUT? 137 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,829 I'M GETTING ANGRY. 138 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:29,897 OR GET ONE OF YOUR BOYFRIENDS TO BEAT ME UP? 139 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,799 I'M ANGRY. WHERE YOU GOIN'? 140 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,068 [chuckles] 141 00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:36,103 I'M CALLING THE POLICE. 142 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,846 [phone dialing] 143 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,180 [sobbing] 144 00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:48,248 [Doris sniffling] 145 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:52,285 [Doris mumbling] 146 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,256 LOOK, PLEASE DON'T DO THAT. 147 00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,927 THERE'S NO POINT IN CRYING. 148 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,128 CRYING DOES NOT SOLVE ANYTHING. 149 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,763 WHO'S CRYING? 150 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,832 [sobbing] 151 00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:06,533 [sighing] 152 00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,936 WHY DON'T YOU JUST RETURN TO YOUR APARTMENT, GET A GOOD NIGHT'S-- 153 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:11,004 I DON'T HAVE ANY APARTMENT. THAT SON OF A BITCH THREW ME OUT. 154 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,205 WHAT? 155 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,473 THAT SON OF A BITCH RASPIN ASKED-- 156 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,507 RAPZINSKY. 157 00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,176 YEAH, HE THREW ME OUT. THREW YOU OUT? 158 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,377 IN THE STREET. IN THE STREET? 159 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,212 BECAUSE YOU WERE GONNA CALL THE COPS. 160 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,281 I WAS GONNA CALL-- WHAT ARE YOU, A PARROT? 161 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,784 NOW, LOOK, I SAID NOTHING TO RAPZINSKY ABOUT THE POLICE. 162 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:26,820 I MERELY WARNED HIM THAT SOMETHING WAS GOING ON IN ONE OF HIS APARTMENTS... 163 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,221 OH, WHY ME? WHY ME? 164 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,791 OR IS IT JUST GIRLS IN GENERAL THAT YOU HATE? 165 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:32,459 [sniffles] 166 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,061 [sobbing] 167 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,029 LOOK, COULD YOU CRY SOMEPLACE ELSE? 168 00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,031 I'M NOT CRYING! 169 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,566 COULD YOU NOT CRY SOMEPLACE ELSE? 170 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,468 YOU'RE GETTING MY TYPEWRITER ALL WET. 171 00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,804 JESUS, YOU ARE REALLY CREEPY. THE KEYS WILL RUST. 172 00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,873 WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CRY? HOW ABOUT DETROIT? 173 00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:48,308 OK, FINK. GIVE ME 5 BUCKS, AND I'LL GO FIND A ROOM SOMEPLACE. 174 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,342 [sniffs] 175 00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:52,079 DON'T WORRY, I'LL PAY YOU BACK! 176 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,546 I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY. 177 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:56,316 I WAS PAID TODAY, AND I DIDN'T CASH MY CHECK. 178 00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,853 THAT FIGURES. 179 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,188 [sniffs] 180 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,990 FINKS NEVER HAVE ANY MONEY. 181 00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,930 [sighs] 182 00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:12,900 W-W-WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY THAT YOUR, UH, YOUR FRIEND GAVE YOU? 183 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,535 RAPZINSKY-- WHATEVER HIS NAME IS, HE TOOK IT. 184 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,104 HE SAID THAT IF I GAVE HIM THE MONEY, 185 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,438 HE'D COVER IT UP WITH THE COPS. 186 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,509 THAT WAS A DESPICABLE THING TO DO. 187 00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:23,543 YEAH. 188 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,013 WHAT'S THAT MEAN? 189 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:27,447 WHAT DOES WHAT MEAN? 190 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,850 WHAT YOU JUST SAID-- "DESPICABLE." 191 00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,551 IT MEANS HE'S A NATURALLY ROTTEN PERSON. 192 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,553 THAT'S HIS EXCUSE. WHAT'S YOURS? 193 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,922 WHAT'S MY WHAT? 194 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,957 WHY DID YOU DO IT? WHY DID YOU RAT ON ME? 195 00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:39,259 WHY DID YOU COMPLAIN TO RAPZINSKY ABOUT MY TYPING? 196 00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,428 THAT'S WHY YOU DID IT? BECAUSE OF YOUR GODDAMN TYPING? 197 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,130 WELL, I WAS UPSET. I--I HAD A BAD DAY. 198 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:46,266 YOU HAD A BAD DAY? I LOST MY JOB, I DIDN'T GET PAID, 199 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,135 I GOT THROWN OUT OF MY ROOM, 200 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,602 I GOT NO PLACE TO GO, I'M FLAT BROKE, IT'S RAINING, 201 00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,571 AND I'M STUCK IN A ROOM WITH A PERVERT! 202 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,540 ALL RIGHT. AT LEAST YOU'VE GOT YOUR HEALTH. 203 00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,943 OH, VERY FUNNY. BOY, YOU'RE ONE HELL OF... 204 00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,315 UH... 205 00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:03,383 UH... 206 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,885 W-WAIT A MINUTE. 207 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:05,919 UH... OH! 208 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,320 L-L-LET... 209 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,056 [shrieking] 210 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,091 FOR GOD'S SAKE, IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING! 211 00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,559 YOU WERE WATCHING ME WITH THESE! 212 00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:14,494 YOU'RE NO AMATEUR PEEPING TOM! YOU'RE A PRO! 213 00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,429 ARE YOU IN TRAINING FOR THE PERVERTS' OLYMPIC GAMES? 214 00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,165 NOT SO LOUD. WITH THE NAKED EYE, 215 00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,500 IT'S JUST PLAIN DIRTY. BUT WITH THESE THINGS... 216 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:23,503 OH, MISTER, WHEN YOU HAVE TO WORK AT IT THIS HARD, IT'S FILTH! 217 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,106 YOU'VE GOT TO BE ASHAMED! YOU'RE A DISGUSTING PERSON! 218 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,140 IT JUST SO HAPPENS-- 219 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,909 DID YOU TAKE ANY PICTURES OF ME? 220 00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,944 IT'S PART OF MY WORK. IT--IT'S PART OF MY STUDIES. 221 00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,645 YEAH? YOU STUDYING TO BE A GYNECOLOGIST? 222 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,015 I HAPPEN TO BE A WRITER. I OBSERVE PEOPLE. 223 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,349 THAT IS WHAT A WRITER DOES. 224 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,918 HA! WHAT A WRITER DOES IS WRITE. 225 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,652 LOOKIN' THROUGH WINDOWS IS WHAT A PEEPING TOM DOES. 226 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,588 THIS IS INCREDIBLE. 227 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,991 I'M KNEELING HERE IN MY OWN APARTMENT BEING LECTURED TO BY A WHORE! 228 00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:46,359 [phone ringing] I'M NOT A WHORE! I'M NOT A WHORE! 229 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,528 I'M A MODEL! AND AN ACTRESS! 230 00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,530 NOW YOU'VE DONE IT! NOW YOU'VE DONE IT! 231 00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,332 WE'RE BOTH GONNA GET THROWN OUT OF HERE. 232 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:55,202 I HAPPEN TO HAVE APPEARED IN 2 TELEVISION COMMERCIALS, YOU KNOW. 233 00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,304 [groaning] 234 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,539 AND ALSO, I--I'VE APPEARED IN THE PAGES OF MANY LEADING MAGAZINES. 235 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,473 ALL RIGHT. SHUSH. 236 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,609 AND NEWSPAPERS. IT'S TRUE... SHUSH, SHUSH. 237 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:03,977 ALL RIGHT. ...I'M TELLING YOU. 238 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:07,280 HELLO. 239 00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:08,982 HI, HELLO, MR. RAPZINSKY. 240 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,619 YES, UH... 241 00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:15,022 I KNOW, I KNOW. IT'S--IT'S 3:00. 242 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,390 A FRIEND OF... 243 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:19,659 YES, I WILL. 244 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:30,570 [door slamming] 245 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:35,642 WHERE'D YOU GO, TOOTSIE? 246 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:41,014 HIDING UNDER THE COVERS FROM THE BIG, BAD LADY? 247 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,182 HMM. 248 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:49,156 [water running] 249 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,257 [knocking on door] 250 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,524 OPEN THIS DOOR, PLEASE. 251 00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,731 WHO IS IT? WHO'S OUT THERE? 252 00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,267 IT'S JUST ME, MR. SHERMAN. 253 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,568 WHO? 254 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,403 SHERMAN, FELIX SHERMAN. 255 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,072 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN' OUT THERE? 256 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,439 I--I LIVE HERE. 257 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:08,175 WHERE? HERE, IN THIS APARTMENT. 258 00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:11,378 DON'T YELL AT ME, PUNK! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? 259 00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:13,680 LOOK, UH, IF--IF I COULD JUST CLIMB THROUGH YOUR WINDOW... 260 00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:15,048 (woman) WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT! 261 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:18,685 STAY WHERE YOU ARE, MISTER! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER! I--I'VE GOT A BROOM! 262 00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:22,055 LOOK, I'VE--I'VE LOCKED MYSELF OUT. 263 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,224 [chuckling] BELIEVE ME, I'M COMPLETELY UNARMED. 264 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,725 (woman) HE'S GOING TO EXPOSE HIMSELF! 265 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,394 [door slamming] 266 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,196 *[Doris humming] 267 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,597 [banging on door] 268 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,602 SHERMAN, WHERE ARE YOU? 269 00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:38,571 (Felix) I'M OUT IN THE HALL. 270 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,107 WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' OUT THERE? 271 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,541 I'M LOCKED OUT. 272 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,577 YOU SURE IT'S YOU? 273 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,079 (Felix) POSITIVE. 274 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,114 ARE YOU ALONE? 275 00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,415 OF COURSE I'M ALONE! 276 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,482 (Doris) SWEAR. 277 00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:50,617 WHAT? 278 00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,385 SWEAR TO ME YOU ARE JUST A LITTLE FRUIT 279 00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:53,720 ALL ALONE IN THE HALLWAY. 280 00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:54,988 HUH. 281 00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:57,390 [groans] 282 00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:01,461 DID YOU HURT YOURSELF, HONEY? 283 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,831 NOW, LOOK. I THINK I'VE GOT ABOUT $1.50. 284 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,566 I'M GOING TO GIVE IT TO YOU, 285 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,168 AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO GO AWAY. 286 00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,303 A WHOLE $1.50. 287 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,239 ALMOST $1.75. 288 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,307 GOSH, NOW I CAN TAKE THAT TRIP TO EUROPE I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT. 289 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,276 WHAT ABOUT THE Y.W.C.A.? 290 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,611 FOR $1.75? THAT CHRISTIAN THE Y.W.C.A. IS NOT. 291 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,480 NOW LISTEN, IF "I, RAPZINSKY" 292 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,249 FINDS OUT THAT YOU'RE HERE, 293 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,317 HE'S GONNA THROW ME, SHERMAN, OUT OF THIS APARTMENT. 294 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,419 THAT WOULD BE JUST TERRIBLE, WOULDN'T IT? 295 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:29,656 TO GET THROWN OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? 296 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,424 NOW, LISTEN, I'M GONNA GO TO SLEEP. 297 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,493 YOU'RE NOT GONNA HEAR ANOTHER SOUND OUT OF ME. 298 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,828 I'M GONNA BE OUT OF HERE TOMORROW MORNING BEFORE YOU GET UP 299 00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:39,099 BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA LOOK AT YOUR FACE ANY MORE THAN I HAVE TO. 300 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,300 OK? 301 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:41,434 OK. 302 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:42,802 WHERE'S YOUR T.V.? 303 00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,504 I AM PROUD TO SAY I DON'T HAVE ONE. 304 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,139 YOU DON'T? WHAT AM I GONNA DO? 305 00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,507 I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP WITHOUT THE T.V. 306 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:48,608 USE YOUR SET. 307 00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,810 I CAN'T. HE BUSTED IT. 308 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,480 HE CAME CHARGING IN AND HE--AND HE RIPPED THE CORD OUT 309 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,815 WITH HIS BARE CLAWS. 310 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:59,119 I HAVE HAD THIS SET 8 YEARS. 8 YEARS NEXT AUGUST. 311 00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,187 [door slams] 312 00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:01,621 IF HE HURT IT, 313 00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:04,124 OR IF ANY OF THOSE TUBES, 314 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,659 OR ANYTHING ARE BROKEN, 315 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,495 I SWEAR, I'M GONNA MURDER HIM. 316 00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,579 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 317 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,816 YOU EXPECTING COMPANY? 318 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,352 THIS HAPPENS TO BE A VERY EXPENSIVE CREATION, YOU KNOW. 319 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,553 I HAD TO SEND AWAY FOR IT. 320 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,555 DID IT COME IN A PLAIN BROWN WRAPPER? 321 00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,424 IT'S ONE OF MY MODELING OUTFITS. 322 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,759 FOR WHOM DO YOU MODEL? THE BOSTON STRANGLER? 323 00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:43,496 LISTEN, MR. SHERMAN, IF YOU'RE NICE, I'LL LET YOU TRY IT ON SOMETIME. 324 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,365 ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT, 325 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,666 DORIS. 326 00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:47,767 (Doris) HOW'D YOU KNOW MY NAME? 327 00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:48,835 IT'S WRITTEN THERE. 328 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:49,769 [gasping] 329 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,539 WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO READ MY PANTIES? 330 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,608 GOOD NIGHT. 331 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:09,722 HEY, UM, WHAT WERE YOU GONNA SAY? 332 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:13,593 HMM? 333 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,270 CAN'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES? 334 00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,639 I CAN'T-- CAN'T GO TO SLEEP COLD TURKEY. 335 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,375 WE HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO ONE ANOTHER. 336 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,877 WE DO NOT SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE. 337 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:33,646 AW, COME ON. I WON'T HURT YA. 338 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,750 YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SCARED OF ME. 339 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,319 DO YOU MIND? [gasping] 340 00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:40,920 OOH! 341 00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,922 ALMOST CAUGHT YA, DIDN'T I? 342 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,292 WILL YOU JUST PUT DOWN THE SHADE AND GO AWAY? 343 00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:46,759 WHY? 344 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,961 YOU THINK YOU GOT SOMETHIN' SPECIAL? 345 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,398 YOU THINK YOU GOT SOMETHIN' I HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE? 346 00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,933 ONE OF THE VERY FEW, NO DOUBT. 347 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,570 YOU'VE GOTTA GET OVER THIS TERRIBLE FEAR OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. 348 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,608 WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE? 349 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,976 JUST 'CAUSE YOU LIVE IN THE TWILIGHT WORLD, SEXUALLY SPEAKING-- 350 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:07,347 LISTEN, GODDAMN IT, I'M JUST AS NORMAL AS YOU ARE. 351 00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:08,615 LET ME REPHRASE THAT. 352 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:11,784 W-WHAT ARE YOU SO ASHAMED OF? 353 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,586 (Felix) I'M NOT ASHAMED OF ANYTHING. 354 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,654 OH, YEAH? 355 00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:16,923 YEAH. 356 00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,291 YEAH? 357 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:19,992 YEAH. 358 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,194 YEAH? 359 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,534 [laughing] 360 00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,516 [continues laughing] 361 00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:06,539 [hiccups] 362 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:07,640 OH. 363 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,310 [Doris hiccupping] 364 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,378 [Doris laughing] 365 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,516 [sighing] 366 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,584 [hiccups] 367 00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,652 OH, GOD. 368 00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:21,554 [laughing] THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR LAUGHING SO HARD. 369 00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:24,657 [hiccups] 370 00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:25,725 HEY. 371 00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,429 (Doris) I'M SORRY I LAUGHED. 372 00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:30,763 [Doris hiccupping] 373 00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,368 I MEAN, HONEST. CRO-CROSS MY HEART. 374 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,404 I WASN'T LAUGHING AT YOU ANYWAY. 375 00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:39,839 [laughing] I WAS LAUGHING AT THE--THE SITUATION. 376 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:41,941 [hiccups] 377 00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,376 [sniffles] 378 00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:44,444 I MEAN IT. 379 00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:45,512 [hiccups] 380 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,514 OH. 381 00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,349 (Doris) I MEAN IT, CROSS MY HEART. 382 00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:52,452 [hiccupping] YOU'RE A PERFECTLY NICE-LOOKING PERSON. 383 00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:53,853 NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU AT ALL. 384 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,555 [hiccupping] OH. 385 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,457 (Felix) HOLD YOUR BREATH. 386 00:20:57,524 --> 00:20:58,791 IT NEVER WORKS. 387 00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,593 [hiccupping] 388 00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:01,928 [groaning] 389 00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,896 (Felix) TAKE 10 SIPS OF WATER. 390 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,767 NO GOOD. YOU GOTTA SCARE ME. 391 00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:10,470 [hiccups] 392 00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:12,071 I'VE GOTTA SCARE YOU? 393 00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:14,807 IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT WORKS. COME ON, COME ON. PLEASE. 394 00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:16,776 MAYBE YOU'LL HICCUP YOURSELF TO SLEEP. 395 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:19,946 LOOK, I GET THEM VERY DEEP! IT'S A TREMENDOUS STRAIN ON MY HEART! 396 00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:22,549 SO STOP FOOLIN' AROUND AND SCARE ME, OR I'LL SCREAM! 397 00:21:22,582 --> 00:21:23,583 COME ON! 398 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:25,485 ARE YOU SERIOUS? 399 00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:27,420 YOU'RE SITTING THERE, WAITING FOR ME TO FRIGHTEN YOU? 400 00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,055 YOU GOTTA PUT ME OFF MY GUARD. 401 00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:30,222 PUT YOU OFF YOUR GUARD? 402 00:21:30,256 --> 00:21:32,725 YEAH, OF COURSE, DUMMY. CHANGE THE SUBJECT, DISTRACT ME. 403 00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:33,993 [hiccupping] 404 00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:35,395 OK. 405 00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:36,963 NICE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING, DON'T YOU THINK? 406 00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:38,465 [hiccupping] IT'S RAINING. 407 00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:40,433 IT'S WARMER THAN IT WAS LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME. 408 00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,635 I WAS IN CHICAGO LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME. 409 00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:44,671 FASCINATING CITY. HEY, IT STINKS! 410 00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:47,073 WILL YOU COME ON, OR DO I HAVE TO HICCUP TO DEATH? 411 00:21:47,073 --> 00:21:48,441 I'M PUTTING YOU OFF YOUR GUARD. 412 00:21:48,508 --> 00:21:49,909 I AM OFF MY GUARD NOW! 413 00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:51,478 NO, YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE EXPECTING IT. 414 00:21:51,578 --> 00:21:52,745 I AM NOT EXPECTING IT! COME ON! 415 00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:54,113 [hiccups] 416 00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:56,483 [shouting] 417 00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:57,850 [laughing] 418 00:21:58,851 --> 00:21:59,919 [hiccups] 419 00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:02,455 YOU'RE RIGHT. I WAS EXPECTING IT. 420 00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:05,658 LOOK, I'M GOING TO SLEEP. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO. I'M EXHAUSTED. GOOD NIGHT. 421 00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:08,761 [hiccupping] 422 00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,498 YOU DIRTY, HEARTLESS, SON OF A BITCH! 423 00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:12,532 [hiccupping] 424 00:22:12,599 --> 00:22:13,600 [sighs] 425 00:22:14,701 --> 00:22:15,802 OUCH! 426 00:22:17,637 --> 00:22:18,938 [sighs] 427 00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:25,945 (Doris) HEY, YOU GOT ANYTHING TO DRINK? 428 00:22:25,978 --> 00:22:27,046 [Doris hiccups] 429 00:22:27,113 --> 00:22:28,448 [Doris sighs] 430 00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:29,882 YOU GOT ANY COCA-COLA? 431 00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:31,784 [hiccups] 432 00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,820 HEY, TINKER-BELL! 433 00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:35,021 (Felix) IN THE ICEBOX. 434 00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:39,526 I COULD DIE FOR ALL THAT PERVERT CARES. 435 00:22:44,163 --> 00:22:46,165 [hiccups] 436 00:22:46,232 --> 00:22:49,469 NOBODY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT ANYBODY ANYMORE. 437 00:22:49,502 --> 00:22:50,503 [hiccups] 438 00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:51,571 [growling] 439 00:22:51,638 --> 00:22:52,872 [screaming] 440 00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:55,908 [exclaiming] [groaning] 441 00:22:56,809 --> 00:22:58,645 [dog barking on tape] 442 00:22:58,711 --> 00:22:59,879 [Felix groans] 443 00:22:59,912 --> 00:23:00,913 [screams] 444 00:23:02,649 --> 00:23:04,083 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? 445 00:23:04,150 --> 00:23:06,252 YOU CRAZY OR SOMETHIN', FOR CHRIST'S SAKE? 446 00:23:06,318 --> 00:23:07,520 [Doris screaming] 447 00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:08,555 [Felix grunting] 448 00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:10,923 I TOLD YOU TO SCARE ME, NOT GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK! 449 00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:13,593 (Felix) STOP IT! STOP IT! 450 00:23:13,660 --> 00:23:14,694 [screaming] 451 00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:15,728 [dog barking on tape] 452 00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:17,096 [exclaims] 453 00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:18,164 [Doris shrieking] 454 00:23:39,051 --> 00:23:41,220 GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, YOU CREEP. 455 00:23:43,690 --> 00:23:44,957 [car honking] 456 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,028 [whistling] 457 00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:51,230 GET HER. 458 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,599 UP YOURS. 459 00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:57,269 [mumbling] 460 00:24:09,048 --> 00:24:10,883 * AT THE END 461 00:24:10,917 --> 00:24:15,588 * OF JACKSON HIGHWAY 462 00:24:19,058 --> 00:24:21,894 * WHERE THE WOODS 463 00:24:21,928 --> 00:24:26,633 * AND THE MOUNTAINS PART 464 00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:34,574 * LIVES A GAL I MET 465 00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:36,843 THIS MAKES 3. 466 00:24:38,077 --> 00:24:39,579 3 WHAT? 467 00:24:39,612 --> 00:24:41,514 3 TIMES I'VE BEEN ON T.V. 468 00:24:44,951 --> 00:24:46,919 THIS COULD BE YOUR BIG BREAK. 469 00:24:48,621 --> 00:24:50,590 [elevator door opens] 470 00:24:58,264 --> 00:24:59,265 [doorbell buzzing] 471 00:25:10,877 --> 00:25:12,679 [chuckles] 472 00:25:12,712 --> 00:25:14,113 [buzzing continues] 473 00:25:18,017 --> 00:25:19,686 WHAT HAPPENED? 474 00:25:19,719 --> 00:25:21,387 BARNEY, I REALIZE THIS IS A TERRIBLE IMPOSITION. 475 00:25:21,453 --> 00:25:22,889 WHY? WHAT HAPPENED? 476 00:25:22,955 --> 00:25:24,891 BELIEVE ME, IF THERE WERE ANY OTHER ALTERNATIVE... 477 00:25:24,957 --> 00:25:26,158 WHAT HAPPENED, FELIX? 478 00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:27,193 FELIX? 479 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,829 WE'VE-- 480 00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:31,297 WE'VE BEEN EVICTED. 481 00:25:31,330 --> 00:25:32,799 HELLO. 482 00:25:32,832 --> 00:25:34,634 HI, I'M DORIS. PLEASED TO MEET YOU. 483 00:25:34,667 --> 00:25:36,135 I'M BARNEY. 484 00:25:36,168 --> 00:25:38,838 I PLAN, NATURALLY, TO TAKE THIS TO THE COURTS-- 485 00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:40,840 WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT IN THE MORNING? 486 00:25:42,341 --> 00:25:44,644 FELIX! 487 00:25:44,677 --> 00:25:46,378 THIS IS A MOST PECULIAR SITUATION. 488 00:25:46,478 --> 00:25:47,747 ACTUALLY, WE, UH... 489 00:25:47,814 --> 00:25:49,048 DORIS AND I MET 490 00:25:49,081 --> 00:25:50,917 UH, THIS EVENING FOR THE FIRST TIME, 491 00:25:50,983 --> 00:25:53,319 ALTHOUGH WE'VE BEEN OCCUPANTS OF THE SAME BUILDING. 492 00:25:53,352 --> 00:25:56,355 I DIDN'T HAVE ANY CASH, OR, OF COURSE, WE WOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE. 493 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:58,090 WE WOULD HAVE SIMPLY GONE TO A HOTEL. 494 00:25:58,157 --> 00:25:59,225 TO SEPARATE HOTELS, 495 00:25:59,325 --> 00:26:01,027 TO--TO SEPARATE ROOMS IN THE SAME HOTEL. 496 00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:02,662 YOU'RE STRAIGHT, HUH? 497 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:09,902 BARNEY, 498 00:26:10,002 --> 00:26:12,772 YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME YOU WERE ENTERTAINING. 499 00:26:12,839 --> 00:26:15,007 I MEAN, UH, WE CERTAINLY WOULDN'T HAVE, UH, 500 00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:17,710 IN-INTERRUPTED ANYTHING. 501 00:26:17,777 --> 00:26:19,679 YOU WANNA USE THE BATHROOM? 502 00:26:19,712 --> 00:26:21,047 CERTAINLY NOT. 503 00:26:22,882 --> 00:26:24,283 THANK YOU THOUGH. 504 00:26:25,384 --> 00:26:27,053 THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. 505 00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:30,422 OH. 506 00:26:32,524 --> 00:26:33,726 [sighs] 507 00:26:42,034 --> 00:26:44,036 LISTEN, IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN-- 508 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,121 FELIX. 509 00:27:02,221 --> 00:27:02,989 YES? 510 00:27:05,057 --> 00:27:07,760 I MEAN, THAT'S REALLY YOUR NAME? FELIX? 511 00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:09,962 IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH FELIX? 512 00:27:12,999 --> 00:27:15,101 KIND OF OOKY SOUNDING, ISN'T IT? 513 00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:18,137 I'M NOT OVERLY FAMILIAR WITH THE WORD "OOKY." 514 00:27:18,170 --> 00:27:21,507 PERHAPS IF YOU COULD STRETCH YOUR MEAGER VOCABULARY ENOUGH 515 00:27:21,573 --> 00:27:23,309 TO EKE OUT A DEFINITION OF THE TERM. 516 00:27:23,342 --> 00:27:26,913 I MEAN, I MEAN, FELIX IS A--A GOOD NAME 517 00:27:26,946 --> 00:27:29,348 FOR A PET SNAIL. 518 00:27:29,415 --> 00:27:31,751 THANK YOU. I KNOW YOU'RE NOT PARTICULARLY WELL-VERSED 519 00:27:31,818 --> 00:27:33,319 IN ENTOMOLOGY, BUT-- 520 00:27:33,419 --> 00:27:35,121 YOU BET YOUR ASS I'M NOT. 521 00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:38,024 THE NAME "FELIX" MEANS "HAPPY AND LUCKY." 522 00:27:38,090 --> 00:27:39,926 YEAH, THAT'S YOU. A HAPPY, LUCKY SNAIL. 523 00:27:39,959 --> 00:27:41,861 THANK YOU, "DORIS." 524 00:27:41,928 --> 00:27:43,362 WHAT DO YOU MEAN "DORIS"? 525 00:27:43,429 --> 00:27:45,832 DORIS-- A HELPLESS, HOPELESS HUSTLER. 526 00:27:45,932 --> 00:27:47,800 OK, BUSTER. I GOT 2 THINGS TO SAY TO YOU! 527 00:27:47,834 --> 00:27:51,103 ONE, I AM NOT A HUSTLER. I'M A MODEL AND AN ACTRESS! 528 00:27:51,137 --> 00:27:53,305 I'VE APPEARED IN 3 TELEVISION COMMERCIALS, YOU KNOW. 529 00:27:53,372 --> 00:27:55,441 3? OH, MY GOD, THAT'S FANTASTIC! 530 00:27:55,474 --> 00:27:57,509 3, YOU MUST HAVE MADE ANOTHER COMMERCIAL IN THE ELEVATOR! 531 00:27:57,609 --> 00:28:00,046 OK, OK, MAYBE IT WAS ONLY 2. 532 00:28:00,112 --> 00:28:03,482 BUT I'VE APPEARED IN PAGES OF MANY LEADING MAGAZINES AND NEWSPAPERS 533 00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:06,185 AND I HAVE BEEN IN A MOVIE. 534 00:28:06,285 --> 00:28:09,989 AND IN BETWEEN ASSIGNMENTS YOU'RE FOR RENT. 535 00:28:10,022 --> 00:28:12,191 I HAVE ONLY DONE THAT A COUPLE OF TIMES, 536 00:28:12,291 --> 00:28:15,461 AND EVEN THEN IT WAS WITH PERFECTLY RESPECTABLE PEOPLE, 537 00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:18,230 YOU HEAR, UNDER EMERGENCY CONDITIONS. 538 00:28:18,297 --> 00:28:20,199 AND IT'S SOMETHING YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. 539 00:28:20,299 --> 00:28:22,468 WHAT IS? 540 00:28:22,501 --> 00:28:26,472 (Doris) THAT I MAY BE A PROSTITUTE, BUT I AM NOT PROMISCUOUS. 541 00:28:26,505 --> 00:28:28,908 (Felix) YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. IT'S A SUBTLE DISTINCTION. 542 00:28:28,975 --> 00:28:30,476 I TAKE IT ALL BACK. 543 00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:33,379 YOU'RE A FINE EXAMPLE OF CAPITALISM AT ITS MOST EFFICIENT. 544 00:28:33,412 --> 00:28:35,081 YOU MERELY TAKE NATURAL RESOURCES, 545 00:28:35,147 --> 00:28:37,049 ADD THE COST OF LABOR, 546 00:28:37,083 --> 00:28:39,485 AND SELL THE PRODUCT FOR A REASONABLE PROFIT. 547 00:28:39,518 --> 00:28:40,352 I DIDN'T FOLLOW ALL THAT, 548 00:28:40,386 --> 00:28:42,221 BUT I GET THE FEELING IT WAS AN INSULT. 549 00:28:42,254 --> 00:28:43,856 NOPE. 550 00:28:43,890 --> 00:28:45,557 IT WAS JUST A STATEMENT OF THE WAY THINGS ARE. 551 00:28:45,657 --> 00:28:47,026 HMM! 552 00:29:02,441 --> 00:29:04,276 *[humming] 553 00:29:20,559 --> 00:29:21,861 [clears throat] 554 00:29:33,439 --> 00:29:36,608 ARE YOU PLANNING TO SLEEP IN THAT POSITION? 555 00:29:36,708 --> 00:29:39,378 IT'S A HABIT I GOT FROM WATCHING T.V. AT NIGHT. 556 00:29:53,926 --> 00:29:56,062 YOU HAD 2 THINGS TO SAY TO ME. 557 00:29:56,095 --> 00:29:57,263 I DID? 558 00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,132 OH, YEAH, YEAH! 559 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:05,104 I JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW WHAT THE NAME DORIS MEANS 560 00:30:05,137 --> 00:30:07,473 BECAUSE I LOOKED IT UP. 561 00:30:07,506 --> 00:30:09,075 [sighs] 562 00:30:09,108 --> 00:30:11,277 I GUESS YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING. 563 00:30:11,944 --> 00:30:13,245 [sighs] 564 00:30:16,515 --> 00:30:19,585 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE NAME DORIS MEANS, DO YOU, DR. I.Q.? 565 00:30:24,957 --> 00:30:27,193 WOULD YOU LIKE-- WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TELL YOU 566 00:30:27,259 --> 00:30:28,594 WHAT--WHAT THE NAME DORIS MEANS? 567 00:30:28,627 --> 00:30:30,496 I MEAN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEARN SOMETHING? 568 00:30:34,166 --> 00:30:36,002 IF IT WILL HELP YOU SLEEP. 569 00:30:38,504 --> 00:30:42,441 THE NAME "DORIS" MEANS "A DORIAN WOMAN." 570 00:30:43,642 --> 00:30:46,278 AND WHAT IS A DORIAN WOMAN? 571 00:30:46,312 --> 00:30:49,315 BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. 572 00:30:49,381 --> 00:30:52,551 VERY NICE. YOU WANNA TURN OUT THE LIGHT? 573 00:30:52,618 --> 00:30:53,652 CAN'T GO TO SLEEP YET. 574 00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:55,287 BUT I CAN. 575 00:30:55,321 --> 00:30:57,456 WELL, YOU'RE A VERY FORTUNATE PERSON. 576 00:31:00,326 --> 00:31:01,327 *[humming] 577 00:31:07,066 --> 00:31:09,969 IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE TO GO TO SLEEP WHENEVER YOU WANT TO. 578 00:31:11,070 --> 00:31:12,671 [clears throat] 579 00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:13,705 [sighs] 580 00:31:13,805 --> 00:31:15,307 [coughs] 581 00:31:17,309 --> 00:31:20,646 ONCE I DO GO TO SLEEP, I--I DO SLEEP VERY SOUNDLY, YOU KNOW. 582 00:31:25,151 --> 00:31:26,485 LIKE A LOG. 583 00:31:28,487 --> 00:31:29,989 LIKE A CORPSE. 584 00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:36,062 BUT IT'S VERY HARD FOR ME TO GET TO SLEEP ONCE I'M AWAKE. 585 00:31:36,662 --> 00:31:38,264 [Doris sighs] 586 00:31:40,432 --> 00:31:42,268 I HAD THIS SHRINK ONCE 587 00:31:42,334 --> 00:31:45,104 WHO SAID IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID OF DYING. 588 00:31:46,672 --> 00:31:48,440 I DON'T KNOW, I... 589 00:31:48,507 --> 00:31:50,442 I THINK THAT, UM... 590 00:31:50,509 --> 00:31:52,011 I THINK THAT IT... 591 00:31:52,044 --> 00:31:53,512 I--I GOT THIS... 592 00:31:53,545 --> 00:31:56,415 TOO MUCH OF THIS, UH, STUFF CALLED, UH... 593 00:31:59,085 --> 00:32:00,452 AD-ADRENALINED 594 00:32:01,620 --> 00:32:03,455 THAT I GOT, YOU KNOW? 595 00:32:06,592 --> 00:32:08,260 *[whistling] 596 00:32:13,732 --> 00:32:15,301 [Doris sighs] 597 00:32:15,367 --> 00:32:18,370 SEE LIKE WHEN I'M LYING VERY STILL, 598 00:32:18,404 --> 00:32:20,106 I CAN FEEL IT, YOU KNOW, 599 00:32:20,739 --> 00:32:22,074 SORT OF 600 00:32:23,409 --> 00:32:25,077 GOING UP MY BODY 601 00:32:26,312 --> 00:32:27,646 IN ALL MY ORGANS. 602 00:32:31,250 --> 00:32:34,120 MY ARMS. MY LEGS. 603 00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:37,256 LIKE ENERGY. 604 00:32:38,557 --> 00:32:42,328 LIKE ELECTRICITY. 605 00:32:42,394 --> 00:32:46,265 LIKE LON CHANEY, YOU KNOW? IN THE MAN MADE MONSTER? 606 00:32:46,298 --> 00:32:48,767 WHERE THEY--THEY KEEP EXPERIMENTING ON LON CHANEY 607 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,470 BY GIVING HIM THESE BIGGER AND BIGGER HUNKS OF ELECTRICITY 608 00:32:51,570 --> 00:32:53,772 UNTIL HE DAMN NEAR GLOWS. 609 00:32:53,805 --> 00:32:55,474 SO, ONE DAY, AFTER HE KNOCKS SOMEBODY OFF, 610 00:32:55,507 --> 00:32:58,144 THEY PUT HIM IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR, 611 00:32:58,177 --> 00:33:01,247 WHERE THEY--WHERE THEY GIVE HIM ABOUT 50,000 VOLTS OF ELECTRICITY. 612 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,282 WELL, THIS MAKES HIM ABSOLUTELY MAD AS HELL, 613 00:33:03,315 --> 00:33:05,184 SO HE BUSTS LOOSE. 614 00:33:05,251 --> 00:33:07,353 AND YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY TRY TO GRAB HIM, 615 00:33:07,419 --> 00:33:09,288 THEY REALIZE, MY GOD! 616 00:33:09,355 --> 00:33:11,157 ALL HE HAS TO DO IS SLIP 'EM A GOOSE, 617 00:33:11,190 --> 00:33:13,159 AND THEY WOULD FRY TO A CRISP. 618 00:33:13,192 --> 00:33:15,294 JESUS, CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT SOMETHING LIKE THAT MUST BE LIKE? 619 00:33:15,327 --> 00:33:16,595 WHAT IS IT? 620 00:33:16,628 --> 00:33:18,597 WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? 621 00:33:18,630 --> 00:33:20,299 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 622 00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:22,801 I'VE BEEN UP SINCE 8:00 THIS MORNING, YESTERDAY MORNING! 623 00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:25,837 MY BODY IS YEARNING FOR SLEEP DESPERATELY. 624 00:33:25,937 --> 00:33:28,440 I HAVE THINGS I HAVE TO DO TODAY. 625 00:33:28,474 --> 00:33:31,143 I WOULD LIKE TO BE AWAKE WHEN I AM DOING THEM! 626 00:33:31,210 --> 00:33:33,779 I AM NOT BLESSED WITH AN EXCESS OF ADRENALINE. 627 00:33:33,812 --> 00:33:37,149 I AM CURSED BY THE NEED, ONCE EVERY DAY OR SO, 628 00:33:37,216 --> 00:33:40,152 TO CLOSE MY EYES AND TO ACTUALLY SLEEP. 629 00:33:40,186 --> 00:33:41,320 [groans] 630 00:33:41,353 --> 00:33:43,122 OH, TO ACTUALLY SLEEP! 631 00:33:43,155 --> 00:33:45,357 [grunting] YOU'VE GOT ME SO PUNCHY, 632 00:33:45,457 --> 00:33:46,692 I'M EVEN SPLITTING INFINITIVES! 633 00:33:46,725 --> 00:33:48,560 MY MIND IS CRACKING! 634 00:33:48,627 --> 00:33:50,862 SOON I WON'T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS. 635 00:33:50,962 --> 00:33:52,498 I'M WARNING YOU! 636 00:33:52,531 --> 00:33:53,832 YOU'RE A REAL TIGER WHEN YOU'RE AROUSED! 637 00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:55,834 PLEASE! PLEASE, DORIS! 638 00:33:57,369 --> 00:33:58,737 I'M ASKING YOU, 639 00:33:58,804 --> 00:34:01,540 IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING WE HOLD SACRED, 640 00:34:03,175 --> 00:34:04,410 GO TO SLEEP. 641 00:34:04,476 --> 00:34:06,512 I'M VERY SORRY. I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO SLEEP, 642 00:34:06,578 --> 00:34:09,581 BUT I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP WITHOUT THE T.V. ON. IT KINDA SOOTHES ME. 643 00:34:09,648 --> 00:34:11,583 HOW ABOUT A SLEEPING PILL? 644 00:34:11,650 --> 00:34:13,319 I NEVER TAKE SLEEPING PILLS. THEY'RE TOO ENERVATING. 645 00:34:13,319 --> 00:34:15,321 [Felix sobbing] 646 00:34:15,387 --> 00:34:16,488 DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID? 647 00:34:16,522 --> 00:34:18,157 WHAT? 648 00:34:18,190 --> 00:34:19,858 I SAID PILLS ARE TOO ENERVATING. 649 00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:21,693 YES, I HEARD THAT. 650 00:34:21,727 --> 00:34:23,229 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, ENERVATING? 651 00:34:23,262 --> 00:34:25,397 YES, I DO. 652 00:34:25,431 --> 00:34:27,599 MOST PEOPLE THINK IT MEANS JUST THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT IT MEANS. 653 00:34:27,666 --> 00:34:29,168 DO THEY? 654 00:34:29,201 --> 00:34:30,402 BUT IT DOESN'T. 655 00:34:30,502 --> 00:34:32,204 NO, WORDS RARELY DO. 656 00:34:33,004 --> 00:34:34,540 DO WHAT? 657 00:34:34,573 --> 00:34:35,907 MEAN THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY MEAN. 658 00:34:36,007 --> 00:34:38,344 MY GOD, I'M BEGINNING TO TALK LIKE HER! 659 00:34:38,344 --> 00:34:40,746 [sobbing] 660 00:34:40,846 --> 00:34:43,515 HEY, MAYBE YOU COULD BORROW A T.V. SET FROM NEXT DOOR. 661 00:34:44,383 --> 00:34:45,551 [inaudible] 662 00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:57,929 WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? 663 00:34:57,963 --> 00:35:01,467 [mimicking young man] THEN THERE'S NO WAY TO PROVE MY INNOCENCE? 664 00:35:01,533 --> 00:35:04,203 [mimicking old man] DON'T WORRY. JUST BEFORE HE DIED, 665 00:35:04,236 --> 00:35:07,373 THE OLD INDIAN CONFESSED, HE TOLD US EVERYTHIN'. 666 00:35:07,406 --> 00:35:08,807 EVERYTHIN'? 667 00:35:08,874 --> 00:35:10,642 YES, YES, EVERYTHIN'. 668 00:35:10,709 --> 00:35:13,779 A-ABOUT THE MONEY, UH, THEY FOUND IT WHERE HE BURIED IT 669 00:35:13,879 --> 00:35:16,415 NEXT TO THE OLD CROSS ON THE HILL. 670 00:35:16,448 --> 00:35:18,317 AND ABOUT LOUISE... 671 00:35:18,384 --> 00:35:20,219 [mimicking young man] LOUISE? IS SHE... 672 00:35:20,286 --> 00:35:22,954 [mimicking old man] YES, BUT SHE'LL NEVER WALK AGAIN. 673 00:35:23,054 --> 00:35:24,756 NEVER? 674 00:35:24,790 --> 00:35:27,426 AT LEAST NOT UNTIL NEXT WEEK 675 00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:30,796 WHEN SHE WALKS DOWN THE CENTER AISLE OF THE CHAPEL WITH YOU. 676 00:35:30,896 --> 00:35:32,731 BUT, DAD, I--I THOUGHT... 677 00:35:32,764 --> 00:35:34,766 NO, NO, SON. 678 00:35:34,833 --> 00:35:38,670 YOUR MOTHER AND I FOUND HER MANY YEARS AGO, A TINY THING. 679 00:35:38,737 --> 00:35:41,573 SHE WAS HALF DEAD WITH EXPOSURE AND EXHAUSTION 680 00:35:41,607 --> 00:35:43,442 IN SAMSON'S GULCH. 681 00:35:43,509 --> 00:35:44,743 [mimicking boy] THEN... 682 00:35:44,776 --> 00:35:48,280 THAT'S RIGHT, SON. LOUISE IS NOT YOUR SISTER. 683 00:35:48,347 --> 00:35:50,816 BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY. 684 00:35:50,849 --> 00:35:54,286 * DA DA DA DA DA DA 685 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,488 [mimicking announcer] JUST TIME FOR A WRAP-UP OF 686 00:35:56,522 --> 00:35:59,358 THIS EVENING'S LATEST HEADLINES BEFORE WE SIGN OFF. 687 00:35:59,425 --> 00:36:02,428 THE BODY OF WRITER FELIX SHERMAN WAS FOUND EARLY THIS MORNING 688 00:36:02,461 --> 00:36:03,662 IN A NEW YORK APARTMENT. 689 00:36:03,762 --> 00:36:05,464 AUTOPSY REPORTS INDICATE 690 00:36:05,497 --> 00:36:08,634 THAT THE CAUSE OF DEATH WAS AGGRAVATED EXHAUSTION. 691 00:36:08,667 --> 00:36:11,670 AND THAT'S THIS EVENING'S HEADLINES. 692 00:36:11,770 --> 00:36:13,672 TONIGHT'S SERMONETTE DEALS 693 00:36:13,705 --> 00:36:16,308 WITH ONE OF GOD'S GREATEST GIFTS TO MAN: 694 00:36:16,342 --> 00:36:18,477 THE POWER OF SLEEP. 695 00:36:18,510 --> 00:36:22,281 SLEEP THAT REFRESHES THE BODY AND NOURISHES THE MIND. 696 00:36:22,314 --> 00:36:26,017 SLEEP THAT KNITS UP THE RAVELED SLEEVE OF CARE. 697 00:36:26,117 --> 00:36:29,955 SLEEP THAT SEIZES MINISTER, PRIEST AND RABBI ALIKE, 698 00:36:29,955 --> 00:36:33,459 WITHOUT REGARD FOR COLOR OR NATIONAL ORIGIN. 699 00:36:33,492 --> 00:36:36,895 * LA DA DA DA DA DA DA * 700 00:36:36,962 --> 00:36:39,698 * OH, SAY, CAN YOU SEE 701 00:36:39,798 --> 00:36:41,700 * AND THE ROCKETS' RED GLARE * 702 00:36:41,733 --> 00:36:43,635 [mimicking explosion] 703 00:36:43,669 --> 00:36:47,639 THIS IS F-E-L-I-X-T.V., THE SHERMAN STATION, 704 00:36:47,673 --> 00:36:50,509 SIGNING OFF FOREVER. 705 00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:57,716 OH. OH, THAT WAS TERRIFIC. THAT WAS REALLY TERRIFIC. 706 00:36:57,749 --> 00:36:58,817 YOU'RE NOT GETTING UP. 707 00:36:58,850 --> 00:37:00,352 DID YOU MAKE ALL THAT STUFF UP? 708 00:37:00,386 --> 00:37:01,420 YOU MUST BE A TERRIFIC WRITER. 709 00:37:01,487 --> 00:37:02,754 PLEASE DON'T GET UP. 710 00:37:02,821 --> 00:37:04,490 I'VE GOTTA GET A DRINK OF WATER. 711 00:37:04,523 --> 00:37:06,358 WHAT DID YOU WRITE FOR? FOR TELEVISION? 712 00:37:06,425 --> 00:37:07,759 MY GOD, SHE'S UP. SHE'S UP. 713 00:37:07,826 --> 00:37:09,661 DID YOU? DID YOU WRITE FOR T.V.? 714 00:37:09,728 --> 00:37:12,898 NO, I DID NOT EVER WRITE FOR THE LOBOTOMY BOX. 715 00:37:12,998 --> 00:37:14,833 WHAT'D YOU WRITE FOR? FOR--FOR MOVIES? 716 00:37:14,866 --> 00:37:16,502 NO, I DIDN'T WRITE FOR MOVIES. 717 00:37:16,535 --> 00:37:17,869 OH, THAT'S TOO BAD. 718 00:37:17,936 --> 00:37:19,771 THEY DON'T SEEM TO THINK SO. 719 00:37:19,838 --> 00:37:23,008 AH, I LOVE THE MOVIES. I USED TO GO EVERY NIGHT 720 00:37:23,008 --> 00:37:25,076 TO 40, UH, TO 42ND STREET, 721 00:37:25,176 --> 00:37:27,346 BUT, UM, TROUBLE IS, THERE WAS ALWAYS SOMEBODY, YOU KNOW, 722 00:37:27,379 --> 00:37:29,748 SITTIN' NEXT TO ME TRYING SOMETHING WEIRD. 723 00:37:29,848 --> 00:37:31,450 DID YOU EVER TRY READING? 724 00:37:31,517 --> 00:37:32,918 THAT WOULDN'T STOP 'EM. 725 00:37:32,951 --> 00:37:34,453 NO, I DON'T MEAN IN THE THEATER. 726 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,588 DID YOU EVER TRY READING A BOOK? 727 00:37:37,856 --> 00:37:40,025 A BOOK! OH, YEAH, YEAH. 728 00:37:40,091 --> 00:37:41,927 I USED TO READ PLAYBOY ALL THE TIME UNTIL I GOT MAD AT THEM. 729 00:37:42,027 --> 00:37:44,029 (Felix) WHY? 730 00:37:44,062 --> 00:37:46,732 WELL, YOU KNOW, I POSED FOR THESE, UH, TERRIFIC, UH, 731 00:37:46,765 --> 00:37:48,467 PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH THING, YOU KNOW? 732 00:37:48,534 --> 00:37:50,536 YEAH, WHAT HAPPENED? 733 00:37:50,602 --> 00:37:52,938 THEY SENT 'EM BACK. 734 00:37:52,971 --> 00:37:54,706 I KNOW THE FEELING. 735 00:38:05,884 --> 00:38:07,886 HEY, FELIX. 736 00:38:07,919 --> 00:38:08,920 HMM? 737 00:38:12,724 --> 00:38:14,393 WANNA FOOL AROUND? 738 00:38:16,762 --> 00:38:18,930 NO, I DO NOT WANT TO FOOL AROUND. 739 00:38:20,566 --> 00:38:21,667 OK. 740 00:38:23,469 --> 00:38:25,571 WANT A DRINK OF WATER? 741 00:38:25,604 --> 00:38:28,440 DORIS, I KNOW THIS IS GONNA COME AS A GREAT SURPRISE TO YOU, 742 00:38:28,474 --> 00:38:30,108 BUT I THINK I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO SLEEP. 743 00:38:30,141 --> 00:38:31,677 HEY, COULD YOU TELL ME A STORY? 744 00:38:31,743 --> 00:38:33,645 IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 745 00:38:33,745 --> 00:38:34,946 JUST TELL ME A STORY, 746 00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:37,983 AND I SWEAR I WILL GO TO SLEEP. 747 00:38:38,016 --> 00:38:40,185 WHAT--WHAT KIND OF A STORY? 748 00:38:40,251 --> 00:38:43,088 OH, YOU KNOW, LIKE A--A--A--A GOOD MOVIE STORY. 749 00:38:43,121 --> 00:38:44,623 I'M EXTREMELY SORRY, 750 00:38:44,690 --> 00:38:46,958 BUT I DO NOT KNOW THE STORY OF THE SOUND OF MUSIC. 751 00:38:46,992 --> 00:38:48,827 OH, NO, NOT THAT TERRIBLE THING. 752 00:38:51,029 --> 00:38:53,198 YOU THOUGHT THE SOUND OF MUSIC WAS TERRIBLE? 753 00:38:53,264 --> 00:38:55,100 4 TIMES I SAW THAT TERRIBLE MOVIE. 754 00:38:56,768 --> 00:38:58,203 YOU MUST'VE REALLY HATED IT. 755 00:38:58,269 --> 00:38:59,771 DAMN NEAR KILLED MY FRIEND ELEANOR. 756 00:38:59,771 --> 00:39:02,040 IT DID? 757 00:39:02,107 --> 00:39:03,775 IN THE BALCONY OF THE R.K.O., 86TH STREET, NOW TORN DOWN. 758 00:39:04,776 --> 00:39:05,944 YES? 759 00:39:05,977 --> 00:39:08,146 IT WAS PLAYING CONTINUOUS. 760 00:39:08,179 --> 00:39:09,848 NO INTERMISSION. 761 00:39:10,716 --> 00:39:11,883 GET IT? 762 00:39:13,685 --> 00:39:15,687 NOT QUITE. 763 00:39:15,721 --> 00:39:17,022 HER BLADDER BURST. 764 00:39:20,191 --> 00:39:22,193 THERE'S A LESSON THERE FOR ALL OF US. 765 00:39:22,293 --> 00:39:24,463 HEY, WHAT ABOUT MY STORY? 766 00:39:24,496 --> 00:39:26,865 I'M PLANNING TO HAVE A NIGHTMARE. YOU CAN LISTEN IN. 767 00:39:26,965 --> 00:39:29,167 WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE STORIES YOU GOT IN YOUR SUITCASE? 768 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,803 THEY ARE WORKS IN PROGRESS. 769 00:39:31,837 --> 00:39:34,205 WELL, LISTEN, READ ME SOME OF YOUR WORKS IN PROGRESS. 770 00:39:34,305 --> 00:39:35,874 I'M INTERESTED. I REALLY AM. 771 00:39:35,907 --> 00:39:37,876 YOU WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND MY WORK. 772 00:39:37,909 --> 00:39:38,910 HOW YOU KNOW? 773 00:39:38,977 --> 00:39:40,646 IT HAS NO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, 774 00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:42,681 NO HIT SONGS, NO HAPPY ENDING. 775 00:39:44,650 --> 00:39:47,486 MAYBE I COULD SHOW YOU WHERE YOU WENT WRONG. 776 00:39:47,519 --> 00:39:49,020 I KNOW WHERE I WENT WRONG. 777 00:39:49,054 --> 00:39:51,757 I WENT WRONG WHEN I OPENED MY FRONT DOOR AT 2:00 THIS MORNING. 778 00:39:51,823 --> 00:39:53,525 COME ON, READ ME SOME OF YOUR STUFF, 779 00:39:53,592 --> 00:39:55,527 AND I PROMISE I'LL NEVER ASK YOU ANYTHING AGAIN. 780 00:39:55,561 --> 00:39:56,995 LISTEN, I DIG THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE. 781 00:39:57,028 --> 00:39:58,029 HONEST. 782 00:39:58,096 --> 00:39:59,264 IT'S VERY ENERVATING. 783 00:39:59,330 --> 00:40:01,166 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 784 00:40:01,166 --> 00:40:02,868 OH, I TOLD YOU. 785 00:40:02,934 --> 00:40:06,037 COME ON, READ ME A STORY. 786 00:40:06,071 --> 00:40:08,774 I DON'T WANT TO READ YOU MY STORY. 787 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,677 ISN'T THERE ANY OTHER WAY YOU CAN FALL ASLEEP? 788 00:40:13,011 --> 00:40:14,045 I'LL READ YOU MY STORY. 789 00:40:14,112 --> 00:40:15,113 GREAT. 790 00:40:16,948 --> 00:40:19,250 I'M A TERRIFIC AUDIENCE, YOU'LL SEE. 791 00:40:19,284 --> 00:40:21,753 I BET I'M ASLEEP BEFORE PAGE 2. 792 00:40:21,787 --> 00:40:23,522 (Felix) THAT WOULD BE A COMPLIMENT. 793 00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:35,233 *[humming] 794 00:40:35,934 --> 00:40:37,102 [coughing] 795 00:40:39,237 --> 00:40:40,238 [sighs] 796 00:40:48,747 --> 00:40:52,584 "SCREAM, CHAPTER ONE, THE CITY." 797 00:40:52,618 --> 00:40:55,587 SCREAM. OH, THAT'S THE TITLE, RIGHT? 798 00:40:55,621 --> 00:40:56,788 SCREAM? YES. 799 00:40:58,123 --> 00:40:59,290 "THE CITY." 800 00:40:59,390 --> 00:41:01,627 [sighing] THAT'S A WILD TITLE. 801 00:41:01,660 --> 00:41:02,828 THANK YOU. 802 00:41:02,894 --> 00:41:05,230 "THE CITY CAME TO LIFE. 803 00:41:05,263 --> 00:41:08,600 "THE SUN SPIT MORNING INTO JULIAN'S FACE. 804 00:41:08,634 --> 00:41:12,137 "TRAFFIC'S SYMPHONY RESPONDED TO DAY'S DOWNBEAT. 805 00:41:12,237 --> 00:41:15,006 "AS A MILLION SOULS WRAPPED IN THE COCOON OF SLEEP--" 806 00:41:15,073 --> 00:41:17,643 "SUN SPIT MORNING"? 807 00:41:17,676 --> 00:41:19,578 "AS A MILLION SOULS WRAPPED IN THE COCOON--" 808 00:41:19,611 --> 00:41:21,146 WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. 809 00:41:21,246 --> 00:41:25,183 THE SUN SPIT MORNING INTO THIS GUY'S FACE? 810 00:41:25,250 --> 00:41:27,252 THAT WAS THE IMAGE, YES. 811 00:41:27,252 --> 00:41:28,787 HIS FACE 812 00:41:28,854 --> 00:41:31,122 THAT MORNING SPIT INTO IT. 813 00:41:31,156 --> 00:41:32,991 I TOLD YOU, YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT. 814 00:41:33,091 --> 00:41:34,926 NO, YOU DIDN'T. YOU SAID I WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT. WELL... 815 00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,663 I UNDERSTAND IT OK, BUT I DON'T DISLIKE IT. YOU DON'T? 816 00:41:37,763 --> 00:41:39,865 I HATE IT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "THE SUN SPIT MORNING"? 817 00:41:39,931 --> 00:41:41,132 IT WASN'T WRITTEN FOR YOU. 818 00:41:41,166 --> 00:41:42,801 WHO WAS IT WRITTEN FOR? 819 00:41:42,834 --> 00:41:44,302 YOU DON'T HAVE TO RAISE YOUR VOICE. 820 00:41:44,335 --> 00:41:46,672 WHAT RIGHT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY A TERRIBLE THING LIKE THAT? 821 00:41:46,772 --> 00:41:48,607 "THE SUN SPIT MORNING!" 822 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:50,976 CALM DOWN. WHAT ARE YOU YELLING ABOUT? IT'S A VERY SIMPLE METAPHOR. 823 00:41:51,042 --> 00:41:52,711 THE SUN SPIT MORNING, THAT'S ALL. 824 00:41:52,778 --> 00:41:54,012 THAT IS NOT ALL. 825 00:41:54,045 --> 00:41:56,548 THE SUN SPIT MORNING INTO THIS GUY'S FACE! 826 00:41:59,217 --> 00:42:01,720 BARNEY. WE DIDN'T WAKE YOU, DID WE? 827 00:42:01,787 --> 00:42:04,890 OH, NO. NO, NOT AT ALL. 828 00:42:04,956 --> 00:42:07,959 WE THOUGHT WE'D GO DOWN, AND WATCH THE GARBAGE COLLECTORS AT WORK. 829 00:42:08,026 --> 00:42:11,296 GET A JUMP ON THE CROWD. 830 00:42:11,329 --> 00:42:14,332 I'M SORRY IF, UH, WE--WE CAUSED YOU ANY DISTURBANCE. 831 00:42:14,365 --> 00:42:16,167 NO, NO, REALLY. 832 00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:20,071 WE PLANNED TO TAKE A DRIVE TODAY IN THE COUNTRY ANYWAY. 833 00:42:20,138 --> 00:42:22,641 AND SINCE THE SUN HAS BEGUN TO SPIT, 834 00:42:22,674 --> 00:42:24,342 YOU KNOW, WE JUST THOUGHT WE'D GET OUT THERE EARLY 835 00:42:24,409 --> 00:42:26,912 AND CATCH SOME OF THE MORNING DROOL. 836 00:42:31,082 --> 00:42:32,383 [door closing] 837 00:42:36,421 --> 00:42:39,691 I SURE HOPE I DIDN'T EMBARRASS YOU WITH YOUR FRIEND. 838 00:42:43,328 --> 00:42:45,664 HEY, THAT'S NOT HIS OLD LADY, IS IT? 839 00:42:48,233 --> 00:42:50,268 HE'S A VERY NICE-LOOKING PERSON. 840 00:42:54,906 --> 00:42:57,876 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT SO BAD YOURSELF. I'M NOT KIDDING. 841 00:43:00,511 --> 00:43:02,447 HEY, AREN'T YOU GOING TO TALK TO ME ANYMORE? 842 00:43:02,513 --> 00:43:03,682 HMM? 843 00:43:04,883 --> 00:43:06,051 HELLO? 844 00:43:08,519 --> 00:43:11,890 LISTEN, I'M SORRY IF I USED ALL THAT VULGAR LANGUAGE, 845 00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:14,760 AND I'M SORRY THAT YOU GOT BOUNCED OUT OF YOUR PLACE AND EVERYTHING. 846 00:43:14,793 --> 00:43:17,295 IT'S JUST THAT I WAS SO GODDAMN-- I MEAN, GOSH-DARN MAD. 847 00:43:17,362 --> 00:43:19,030 YOU HAD EVERY RIGHT TO BE UPSET. 848 00:43:19,030 --> 00:43:22,033 CONSIDERING THE FACTS, YOUR CONDUCT WAS EXEMPLARY. 849 00:43:23,534 --> 00:43:25,871 YOU SURE KNOW SOME TERRIFIC, BIG WORDS. 850 00:43:25,904 --> 00:43:27,405 LANGUAGE IS MY BUSINESS. 851 00:43:27,438 --> 00:43:28,439 [screams] 852 00:43:28,539 --> 00:43:30,141 YOU OK IN THERE? 853 00:43:30,208 --> 00:43:31,209 YES. 854 00:43:33,378 --> 00:43:34,880 [water running] 855 00:43:36,381 --> 00:43:38,283 WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? 856 00:43:38,383 --> 00:43:40,118 (Felix) BRUSHING MY TEETH. 857 00:43:40,151 --> 00:43:41,319 [sighs] 858 00:43:41,386 --> 00:43:43,221 MAKE MUCH MONEY AT IT? 859 00:43:43,221 --> 00:43:46,057 [muffled] BRUSHING--BRUSHING MY TEETH IS--IS NOT THE ATTRACTION 860 00:43:46,091 --> 00:43:47,793 THAT IT USED TO BE. 861 00:43:47,893 --> 00:43:50,161 NO, DUMMY, I MEANT WRITING. 862 00:43:50,228 --> 00:43:52,230 I DON'T WRITE TO MAKE MONEY. 863 00:43:52,230 --> 00:43:54,833 (Doris) BUT YOU'D TAKE IT IF THEY GAVE IT TO YOU, WOULDN'T YOU? 864 00:43:54,900 --> 00:43:56,401 YES, BUT IT WOULD BE INCONSISTENT 865 00:43:56,434 --> 00:43:59,270 WITH MY AESTHETIC RESPONSIBILITIES. 866 00:43:59,337 --> 00:44:02,073 I UNDERSTAND "WITH" AND "MY." 867 00:44:02,107 --> 00:44:05,276 THEY WOULD GIVE ME MONEY TO WRITE THEIR WAY. 868 00:44:05,343 --> 00:44:07,979 I WANT TO WRITE MY WAY. 869 00:44:08,013 --> 00:44:10,481 WELL, I GUESS THEY FIGURE IT'S THEIR MONEY. 870 00:44:13,351 --> 00:44:15,954 YES, I THINK THAT'S THE WAY THEY FIGURE. 871 00:44:32,804 --> 00:44:34,272 GOOD NIGHT, DORIS. 872 00:44:37,375 --> 00:44:38,443 [door opening] 873 00:44:50,856 --> 00:44:52,023 [thudding] 874 00:45:01,632 --> 00:45:03,134 WHY DID YOU DO THAT? 875 00:45:03,134 --> 00:45:04,803 THIS IS A DOUBLE BED. 876 00:45:04,836 --> 00:45:07,338 I KNOW. 877 00:45:07,405 --> 00:45:10,408 I ALWAYS FEEL SO SELFISH SLEEPING ALONE IN A DOUBLE BED, 878 00:45:10,475 --> 00:45:13,311 WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE IN CHINA SLEEPING ON THE GROUND. 879 00:45:13,344 --> 00:45:15,346 NOW I'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE IT UP ALL OVER AGAIN. 880 00:45:15,380 --> 00:45:16,481 I'LL DO IT. 881 00:45:16,514 --> 00:45:18,249 I'M QUITE CAPABLE OF DOING IT MYSELF. 882 00:45:18,316 --> 00:45:21,920 LOOK, I UNMADE IT, I'LL MAKE IT! 883 00:45:21,987 --> 00:45:23,521 I SAID I'LL DO IT, AND I'LL DO IT. 884 00:45:23,588 --> 00:45:24,823 LOOK... 885 00:45:24,856 --> 00:45:25,857 [grunts] 886 00:45:25,924 --> 00:45:26,925 MMM. 887 00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:29,060 DORIS! 888 00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:31,096 OH, I GOTTA ADMIT, YOU KINDA GET TO ME. 889 00:45:31,162 --> 00:45:32,163 COME ON, DORIS. 890 00:45:32,197 --> 00:45:33,932 OH, BABY, I AM COMING ON. 891 00:45:33,999 --> 00:45:36,501 I'M ABOUT TO GIVE YOU A SOUND THRASHING. 892 00:45:36,567 --> 00:45:37,903 I DIG TOUGH GUYS. 893 00:45:38,003 --> 00:45:39,871 BUT VIOLENCE IS AGAINST MY PRINCIPLES. 894 00:45:39,905 --> 00:45:42,007 I DIG GENTLE GUYS. LOOK, BABY, I KNOW YOU WANT IT. 895 00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:43,942 NO, DORIS, I'M NOT AN ANIMAL. 896 00:45:44,009 --> 00:45:45,844 COME ON, SWEETHEART. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT. 897 00:45:45,877 --> 00:45:47,345 I AM NOT GOVERNED BY MY APPETITES. 898 00:45:47,378 --> 00:45:48,947 I AM INTELLECTUAL. 899 00:45:49,014 --> 00:45:51,449 MY LIFE IS GOVERNED BY--BY MY MIND. 900 00:45:51,516 --> 00:45:52,951 (Doris) LOOK, BABY. 901 00:45:53,018 --> 00:45:55,253 I AM NOT BABY. I AM FELIX. 902 00:45:55,353 --> 00:45:57,622 I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHAT YOU DID IN THE PAST. 903 00:45:57,688 --> 00:45:59,624 I'VE BEEN WITH GUYS WHO WERE A.C./D.C. 904 00:45:59,690 --> 00:46:02,260 GODDAMN IT, DORIS, I AM NOT A.C./D.C. 905 00:46:02,293 --> 00:46:04,462 CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? I AM TOTALLY D.C. 906 00:46:04,529 --> 00:46:06,597 LOOK, IF YOU WANT TO, JUST GIVE ME YOUR HAND. 907 00:46:06,697 --> 00:46:08,366 IF YOU WANT TO GIVE ME YOUR HAND. 908 00:46:08,366 --> 00:46:10,301 YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND I'M A GUY, 909 00:46:10,368 --> 00:46:11,602 A GUY WITH A SCREWED-UP SHAPE. 910 00:46:11,702 --> 00:46:13,204 MMM-MMM. 911 00:46:16,307 --> 00:46:19,044 OH, WOW! THAT WAS TERRIFIC! MMM! 912 00:46:19,911 --> 00:46:21,279 [moaning] 913 00:46:25,083 --> 00:46:26,251 [both muttering] 914 00:46:27,585 --> 00:46:29,387 NO, I'LL GET IT. NO, I'LL GET IT. 915 00:46:29,420 --> 00:46:31,289 I GOT IT! NO, LET ME DO IT. 916 00:46:31,389 --> 00:46:33,224 (Felix) LET ME UNTIE IT. I CAN DO IT. 917 00:46:33,224 --> 00:46:35,894 (Doris) LET ME DO IT. I'M USED TO THIS SORT OF THING. 918 00:46:35,927 --> 00:46:37,095 LET ME UNTIE IT. 919 00:46:37,162 --> 00:46:38,296 LET ME HELP, BABY. 920 00:46:38,329 --> 00:46:39,330 LET ME HELP. 921 00:46:40,731 --> 00:46:42,133 OH, LET ME DO IT. 922 00:46:42,167 --> 00:46:43,935 YOU'RE MAKING IT TIGHTER! 923 00:46:43,969 --> 00:46:45,971 [Doris sighing] 924 00:46:47,472 --> 00:46:48,907 I GOT IT. 925 00:46:48,940 --> 00:46:50,976 [Doris panting] 926 00:46:51,076 --> 00:46:52,110 [Felix yelling] 927 00:46:53,078 --> 00:46:54,980 WATCH IT! WATCH OUT! 928 00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,115 OH, SHIT! 929 00:46:57,148 --> 00:46:58,316 [screams] (Doris) WAIT A MINUTE. JUST-- 930 00:46:59,284 --> 00:47:00,451 OH, YOU MOTHER! 931 00:47:00,518 --> 00:47:02,187 (Felix) DON'T POINT DOWN! 932 00:47:02,253 --> 00:47:03,621 WAIT A MINUTE! 933 00:47:03,654 --> 00:47:04,956 EASY. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 934 00:47:04,990 --> 00:47:06,091 ALL RIGHT. OK. 935 00:47:06,124 --> 00:47:07,158 AH, HERE IT IS. 936 00:47:07,258 --> 00:47:08,259 [shrieks] 937 00:47:10,028 --> 00:47:12,197 YEAH! MMM. 938 00:47:12,263 --> 00:47:13,298 MMM. 939 00:47:14,765 --> 00:47:16,601 NO, THAT'S NOT IT. NO, THAT'S NOT IT. 940 00:47:16,634 --> 00:47:17,635 NO, NO, NO, YOU'RE... 941 00:47:17,702 --> 00:47:20,939 (Felix) GIVE ME A HINT. A HINT. 942 00:47:20,972 --> 00:47:23,208 NO, YOU HAVE TO UNDO IT. IT'S A--IT'S A... 943 00:47:23,274 --> 00:47:25,210 DOES IT HINGE OR SOMETHING? 944 00:47:25,276 --> 00:47:27,312 YEAH, YEAH. NO, NO, THAT'S NOT IT. COME ON, BABY. WILL YOU-- 945 00:47:27,378 --> 00:47:29,214 WHAT DO I DO? DO I HAVE TO SAY A SECRET WORD? 946 00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:30,548 LET ME HELP YOU, WILL YOU? 947 00:47:30,615 --> 00:47:31,950 CAN I HELP-- CAN I PLEASE HELP? 948 00:47:31,983 --> 00:47:33,284 LOOK, DON'T TEAR IT! 949 00:47:33,318 --> 00:47:35,153 WHAT IS THIS THING, A DECAL OR SOMETHING? 950 00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:36,521 I'LL DO IT, I'LL DO IT! 951 00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:03,214 (Doris) WHAT DO YOU THINK? 952 00:48:04,582 --> 00:48:06,217 [sighing] 953 00:48:06,251 --> 00:48:08,086 MMM, YEAH. 954 00:48:08,153 --> 00:48:10,521 YEAH. MMM-MMM. 955 00:48:13,058 --> 00:48:14,559 OH, DO THAT SOME MORE. 956 00:48:14,659 --> 00:48:16,394 DO THAT SOME MORE. OH, COME ON, BABY. 957 00:48:16,427 --> 00:48:18,029 OH, COME ON, BABY. 958 00:48:18,063 --> 00:48:19,664 NOT BABY. COME, ON. 959 00:48:19,697 --> 00:48:21,599 OH, KEEP IT UP, KEEP IT UP, LOVE. KEEP IT UP. 960 00:48:21,666 --> 00:48:23,568 WELL, NO, NOT LOVE. YEAH, OK. 961 00:48:23,668 --> 00:48:25,236 OH, YEAH. 962 00:48:25,270 --> 00:48:27,072 OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 963 00:48:27,105 --> 00:48:29,074 OH, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. 964 00:48:29,107 --> 00:48:30,108 OH, ATTABOY! ATTABOY! 965 00:48:30,175 --> 00:48:31,409 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 966 00:48:31,509 --> 00:48:33,078 OH, VERY GOOD. 967 00:48:33,111 --> 00:48:34,012 OH, WAIT, PUT YOUR HAND THERE. 968 00:48:34,045 --> 00:48:36,047 PUT YOUR HAND UNDER THERE. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 969 00:48:36,081 --> 00:48:37,082 (Felix) DORIS, PLEASE! 970 00:48:37,182 --> 00:48:39,517 OH, GOOD. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, LET ME GET MY LEG OVER. 971 00:48:39,517 --> 00:48:40,518 LET ME GET THIS LEG OVER. 972 00:48:40,585 --> 00:48:42,220 (Felix) DORIS. YEAH? 973 00:48:42,253 --> 00:48:45,056 (Felix) DORIS. UH, OH, GOOD. OH! 974 00:48:45,090 --> 00:48:46,557 HOW DOES THAT FEEL? 975 00:48:46,591 --> 00:48:49,260 OH. HOW DOES THAT FEEL, HUH? IS IT GOOD, GOOD? 976 00:48:49,294 --> 00:48:50,561 (Felix) COULD YOU PLEASE 977 00:48:50,595 --> 00:48:53,264 REFRAIN FROM TALKING SO MUCH? 978 00:48:53,364 --> 00:48:56,201 IT'S RUINING MY-- MY CONCENTRATION. 979 00:48:56,201 --> 00:48:57,402 WHAT AM I, A CHESS PROBLEM? 980 00:48:57,468 --> 00:48:58,469 JUST SHUT UP! 981 00:48:58,536 --> 00:48:59,704 OK, OK, OK, OK! 982 00:49:00,538 --> 00:49:01,606 [grunting] 983 00:49:04,575 --> 00:49:07,412 (Felix) DORIS, DORIS, PLEASE. 984 00:49:07,478 --> 00:49:09,047 PLEASE, DORIS. 985 00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:10,081 (Doris) MMM. 986 00:49:10,148 --> 00:49:11,482 COME ON, DORIS. 987 00:49:14,085 --> 00:49:15,486 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 988 00:49:15,553 --> 00:49:18,056 JUST A SIMPLE RESPECT FOR TRADITION. 989 00:49:19,124 --> 00:49:20,158 [laughs] 990 00:49:20,225 --> 00:49:22,060 ANYTHING YOU SAY, MR. SHERMAN. 991 00:49:26,564 --> 00:49:27,565 MMM. 992 00:49:42,247 --> 00:49:44,115 WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME? 993 00:49:47,918 --> 00:49:49,354 WAVERLY. 994 00:49:50,588 --> 00:49:51,622 (Felix) ARE YOU SURE? 995 00:49:53,291 --> 00:49:55,260 SURE I'M SURE. 996 00:49:55,293 --> 00:49:57,462 IT'S JUST THAT YOU--YOU ASKED ME SO SUDDENLY. 997 00:49:59,430 --> 00:50:02,433 WELL, ACTUALLY, 998 00:50:02,467 --> 00:50:04,635 I AM IN BETWEEN NAMES RIGHT NOW. 999 00:50:05,603 --> 00:50:07,372 I TRIED, UM, 1000 00:50:07,438 --> 00:50:09,774 WADSWORTH FOR A WHILE, 1001 00:50:09,807 --> 00:50:11,309 AND WELLINGTON, 1002 00:50:12,443 --> 00:50:14,279 BUT AT THE MOMENT IT'S-- 1003 00:50:14,945 --> 00:50:16,847 IT'S WAVERLY. 1004 00:50:16,881 --> 00:50:18,783 WHY DO YOU KEEP CHANGING IT? 1005 00:50:19,650 --> 00:50:22,120 WELL, 1006 00:50:22,153 --> 00:50:24,822 IT'S VERY IMPORTANT FOR AN ACTRESS TO HAVE A CATCHY NAME, YOU KNOW? 1007 00:50:24,889 --> 00:50:27,492 SOMETHING THAT THE AUDIENCE CAN REMEMBER. 1008 00:50:27,525 --> 00:50:29,360 AND THAT SOUNDS KINDA CLASSY, 1009 00:50:29,394 --> 00:50:30,695 DON'T YOU THINK? 1010 00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:33,464 WELL, 1011 00:50:33,498 --> 00:50:35,800 I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR AN ACTRESS TO HAVE SOME TALENT... 1012 00:50:35,833 --> 00:50:37,135 I GOT TALENT, BELIEVE ME. 1013 00:50:37,168 --> 00:50:38,403 OH, I DIDN'T MEAN... 1014 00:50:38,469 --> 00:50:40,305 I GOT PLENTY OF TALENT! 1015 00:50:40,371 --> 00:50:42,173 JUST 'CAUSE I DON'T TALK AS GOOD AS YOU, 1016 00:50:42,207 --> 00:50:43,708 JUST 'CAUSE YOU THINK I'M DUMB. 1017 00:50:43,741 --> 00:50:46,677 DORIS, I AM TELLING YOU, YOU ARE NOT DUMB. 1018 00:50:48,813 --> 00:50:50,848 YOU'RE NOT JUST BEIN', UH, POLITE? 1019 00:50:50,881 --> 00:50:52,550 NO. 1020 00:50:52,650 --> 00:50:56,321 WELL, YOU'RE WRONG. 1021 00:50:56,321 --> 00:50:59,357 HALF THE TIME, YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN'. 1022 00:50:59,424 --> 00:51:01,359 ALL THOSE BIG WORDS YOU USE, THEY REALLY BUG ME. 1023 00:51:01,392 --> 00:51:03,561 DORIS, BIG WORDS ARE NOT INTRINSICALLY... 1024 00:51:03,661 --> 00:51:05,830 AH! YOU DID IT AGAIN. YOU SEE, YOU JUST HIT ME WITH ANOTHER ONE. 1025 00:51:05,863 --> 00:51:07,198 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 1026 00:51:07,232 --> 00:51:08,233 WHY DO YOU GET ANGRY? 1027 00:51:08,333 --> 00:51:09,667 WHY DO I GET ANGRY? 1028 00:51:09,667 --> 00:51:12,170 LOOK, SUPPOSE I SAID TO YOU 1029 00:51:12,203 --> 00:51:14,539 I SPENT A LOT OF TIME STOOBULATING, WHAT WOULD YOU THINK? 1030 00:51:14,572 --> 00:51:17,708 I WOULD THINK THAT THAT SHOWS THAT YOU HAVE IMAGINATION. 1031 00:51:19,277 --> 00:51:20,778 YEAH? YES. 1032 00:51:20,845 --> 00:51:23,581 NOT ANYBODY CAN MAKE UP A WORD LIKE STUBULATING. 1033 00:51:23,614 --> 00:51:24,615 STOOBULATING. STOOBULATING. 1034 00:51:24,682 --> 00:51:25,916 AND THE FACT THAT YOU GET UPSET 1035 00:51:26,016 --> 00:51:28,253 WHEN--WHEN THERE ARE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, 1036 00:51:28,286 --> 00:51:30,555 JUST SHOWS THAT YOU HAVE CURIOSITY. 1037 00:51:31,522 --> 00:51:32,723 YEAH? 1038 00:51:32,757 --> 00:51:34,425 YEAH, THAT'S A VERY GREAT ATTRIBUTE. 1039 00:51:34,459 --> 00:51:35,926 WATCH IT. 1040 00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:37,428 QUALITY. 1041 00:51:37,862 --> 00:51:38,863 OH! 1042 00:51:45,970 --> 00:51:48,639 HEY. 1043 00:51:48,706 --> 00:51:51,209 I REALLY DO LIKE TALKIN' TO YOU, YOU KNOW? 1044 00:51:51,242 --> 00:51:52,610 THANK YOU. 1045 00:51:55,413 --> 00:51:56,414 I BET... 1046 00:51:58,449 --> 00:52:00,751 IF WE HAD A GOOD CONVERSATION, SAY, 1047 00:52:01,386 --> 00:52:03,721 ONCE A DAY, 1048 00:52:03,754 --> 00:52:07,325 BET I COULD LEARN A HELL OF A LOT. 1049 00:52:07,392 --> 00:52:10,728 WELL, I'M SURE THERE ARE CERTAIN ASPECTS OF LIFE I COULD LEARN FROM YOU. 1050 00:52:10,761 --> 00:52:12,430 YOU BET YOUR ASS. 1051 00:52:13,431 --> 00:52:15,400 [Doris chomping] 1052 00:52:15,433 --> 00:52:17,502 L-LISTEN, DORIS, L-LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. 1053 00:52:17,568 --> 00:52:18,769 (Doris) HOW DO YOU LIKE WASHINGTON? 1054 00:52:18,836 --> 00:52:19,837 WHAT? 1055 00:52:19,904 --> 00:52:22,440 WASHINGTON. YOU LIKE IT? 1056 00:52:22,507 --> 00:52:23,941 WELL, IT'S AN EXCITING TOWN, 1057 00:52:23,974 --> 00:52:25,643 BEING THE SEAT OF OUR GOVERNMENT-- 1058 00:52:25,676 --> 00:52:27,678 WASHINGTON! DORIS WASHINGTON. 1059 00:52:30,415 --> 00:52:32,917 OH, THAT'S VERY NICE. 1060 00:52:32,950 --> 00:52:35,786 LISTEN, DORIS WASHINGTON, TELL ME SOMETHING. 1061 00:52:36,587 --> 00:52:39,324 (Doris) WHAT? 1062 00:52:39,424 --> 00:52:41,692 I CAN'T HELP BEING CURIOUS ABOUT... 1063 00:52:44,495 --> 00:52:45,763 NO, NEVER MIND. 1064 00:52:45,796 --> 00:52:47,798 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT IS IT? 1065 00:52:47,832 --> 00:52:49,500 FORGET IT, REALLY. IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS ANYWAY. 1066 00:52:49,534 --> 00:52:51,769 I'LL TELL YOU IF IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. ASK ME. WHAT? 1067 00:52:53,638 --> 00:52:55,840 WELL, YOU, UH, 1068 00:52:55,940 --> 00:52:58,042 YOU-- YOU'VE BEEN WITH A GREAT MANY MEN, I SUPPOSE. 1069 00:52:58,108 --> 00:52:59,444 NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 1070 00:52:59,444 --> 00:53:01,312 I UNDERSTAND. YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT? 1071 00:53:01,379 --> 00:53:03,448 LOOK, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU. 1072 00:53:03,481 --> 00:53:05,983 WHO'S UPSET? AH, YOU THINK A DUMB THING LIKE THAT COULD UPSET ME? 1073 00:53:06,050 --> 00:53:07,051 WHAT ARE YOU SHRIEKING FOR? 1074 00:53:07,117 --> 00:53:09,554 I DON'T SHRIEK. I TALK LOUD, BUT I DON'T SHRIEK. 1075 00:53:09,620 --> 00:53:10,621 OK, OK. 1076 00:53:10,655 --> 00:53:12,557 IT'S NOT OK. 1077 00:53:12,623 --> 00:53:14,559 OH, CHRIST. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO AND ASK ME 1078 00:53:14,625 --> 00:53:15,960 A QUESTION LIKE THAT FOR, ANYWAY? 1079 00:53:15,993 --> 00:53:17,628 LET'S FORGET THE WHOLE THING. 1080 00:53:17,662 --> 00:53:19,797 I WAS CURIOUS, THAT'S ALL. 1081 00:53:19,830 --> 00:53:21,966 IT'S A PRETTY PECULIAR THING TO BE CURIOUS ABOUT, ISN'T IT? 1082 00:53:21,999 --> 00:53:24,569 I MEAN, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I ASKED YOU A QUESTION LIKE THAT? 1083 00:53:24,635 --> 00:53:26,971 I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T GET SO DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT. 1084 00:53:27,004 --> 00:53:29,674 THAT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE THE ANSWER WOULDN'T BE VERY INTERESTING, RIGHT? 1085 00:53:29,740 --> 00:53:31,041 YOU'RE MAKING THIS VERY PERSONAL. 1086 00:53:31,075 --> 00:53:32,510 HMM, I AM. 1087 00:53:32,543 --> 00:53:34,579 OH, JESUS, I-- I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT. 1088 00:53:34,645 --> 00:53:36,414 I DIDN'T MEAN TO ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION. 1089 00:53:36,481 --> 00:53:38,549 AFTER ALL, THE QUESTION YOU ASKED ME WASN'T PERSONAL! 1090 00:53:38,649 --> 00:53:41,986 TELL ME ABOUT THE 5,000 OR 6,000 GUYS YOU SLEPT WITH? 1091 00:53:42,019 --> 00:53:43,654 BUT DORIS, IN YOUR CASE-- 1092 00:53:43,688 --> 00:53:45,356 IN MY CASE? OH, YEAH. 1093 00:53:45,390 --> 00:53:47,658 I'M THAT--THAT SPECIAL CASE, RIGHT. 1094 00:53:47,692 --> 00:53:50,495 AND I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT 5,000 OR 6,000 GUYS. 1095 00:53:50,528 --> 00:53:52,363 THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE THINKING! 1096 00:53:52,430 --> 00:53:53,764 [truck honking] 1097 00:53:55,900 --> 00:53:57,735 RIGHT? 1098 00:53:57,835 --> 00:53:58,936 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 1099 00:53:59,003 --> 00:54:00,738 NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS. 1100 00:54:00,771 --> 00:54:01,772 IS THE TRUTH THAT DISTURBING? 1101 00:54:01,839 --> 00:54:02,873 WHAT TRUTH? WHAT TRUTH? 1102 00:54:02,940 --> 00:54:04,842 IF YOU'RE SO CONCERNED ABOUT THE TRUTH, 1103 00:54:04,875 --> 00:54:06,877 WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME WHAT YOU REALLY WANTED TO ASK ME? 1104 00:54:06,911 --> 00:54:08,513 AND WHAT IS THAT, PRAY TELL? 1105 00:54:08,546 --> 00:54:10,448 I'LL PRAY TELL YOU WHAT THAT IS. 1106 00:54:10,515 --> 00:54:12,850 WHAT YOU REALLY WANTED TO KNOW IS HOW YOU STOOD UP TO THE COMPETITION. 1107 00:54:12,917 --> 00:54:14,919 HOW YOU RATED. 1108 00:54:14,952 --> 00:54:16,854 YOU WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU PASSED THE COURSE, RIGHT? 1109 00:54:16,887 --> 00:54:19,089 IF YOU SAY SO, TEACHER. I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE GIVING LESSONS. 1110 00:54:19,189 --> 00:54:21,426 YEAH, WELL ORDINARILY I DON'T HANDLE BEGINNERS. 1111 00:54:21,459 --> 00:54:23,628 NO, I IMAGINE A PRO LIKE YOU WOULDN'T. 1112 00:54:23,694 --> 00:54:25,963 AND I KNOW WHAT YOUR NEXT QUESTION WOULD HAVE BEEN, TOO. 1113 00:54:26,030 --> 00:54:28,899 BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME DUMB QUESTION THAT EVERY TRICK ASKS. 1114 00:54:28,966 --> 00:54:32,069 YOUR NEXT QUESTION WOULD HAVE BEEN, UM, UH, 1115 00:54:32,102 --> 00:54:35,940 DID YOU REALLY LIKE THAT? I MEAN, UH, DID YOU ACTUALLY GET A THRILL AND ALL, 1116 00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:37,542 AFTER ALL THE TIMES YOU'VE DONE IT? 1117 00:54:37,575 --> 00:54:40,077 I MEAN, A PIECE OF WOOD LIKE YOU, A--A THING LIKE YOU? 1118 00:54:40,144 --> 00:54:43,047 YOU REALLY COULDN'T ENJOY DOING IT WITH AN HONEST, CLEAN-LIVING, 1119 00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:45,816 UPRIGHT, HOTSHOT CITIZEN LIKE ME! RIGHT? 1120 00:54:47,885 --> 00:54:48,886 WHY DON'T I KNOW BETTER? 1121 00:54:48,919 --> 00:54:50,921 HOW COME I NEVER LEARN? 1122 00:54:50,955 --> 00:54:53,891 I--I'M NOT GONNA BE TREATED LIKE A THING. I AM A REAL PERSON. 1123 00:54:53,924 --> 00:54:56,093 I AM A PERSON NAMED DORIS WILGUS. 1124 00:54:56,827 --> 00:54:58,095 WILGUS? 1125 00:54:58,128 --> 00:54:59,430 [sighs deeply] 1126 00:54:59,464 --> 00:55:03,801 AND YOU CAN TAKE YOUR BEADY EYES OFF ME WHILE I TELL YOU SOMETHING. 1127 00:55:03,901 --> 00:55:06,070 LAST NIGHT--LAST NIGHT I THOUGHT 1128 00:55:06,070 --> 00:55:07,938 SOMETHING REAL NICE WAS HAPPENING. 1129 00:55:08,005 --> 00:55:10,675 I MEAN, YOU--YOU REALLY SEEMED TO BE A NICE GUY AND ALL. 1130 00:55:10,741 --> 00:55:13,077 BUT I'LL TELL YA-- I'LL TELL YA, I FALL IN LOVE ALL THE TIME. 1131 00:55:13,143 --> 00:55:16,013 ALL THE TIME, YA HEAR? SO IT'S NO BIG DEAL. 1132 00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:19,817 BUT, UH, YOU WERE VERY NICE THERE FOR A WHILE, YOU SAID SOME REAL SWELL THINGS. 1133 00:55:19,917 --> 00:55:21,619 SO I GUESS ALL IT GOES TO PROVE 1134 00:55:21,652 --> 00:55:24,455 IS THAT YOU'RE A BETTER ACTOR THAN I AM. I MEAN "ACTRESS." 1135 00:55:24,489 --> 00:55:26,491 WELL, YOU'D KNOW MORE ABOUT THAT THAN I WOULD 1136 00:55:26,524 --> 00:55:28,826 SINCE MOST OF YOUR ACTING HAS BEEN DONE IN BED. 1137 00:55:28,859 --> 00:55:32,096 AFTER ALL, MR. SHERMAN, SOMEONE'S GOTTA LOOK LIKE THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING. 1138 00:55:32,129 --> 00:55:34,499 SORRY IF I DIDN'T MEASURE UP TO YOUR HIGH STANDARDS. 1139 00:55:34,599 --> 00:55:36,100 DO I GET GRADED ON A SCALE OF 10? 1140 00:55:36,133 --> 00:55:37,668 SURE, IF YOU ACCEPT FRACTIONS. 1141 00:55:37,768 --> 00:55:39,203 LISTEN, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED? 1142 00:55:39,269 --> 00:55:41,472 I'M NOT INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU THINK I NEED. 1143 00:55:41,506 --> 00:55:43,841 YOU NEED THE SERVICES OF A COMPETENT PSYCHIATRIST, WHO MIGHT, 1144 00:55:43,941 --> 00:55:47,111 IF HE HAS UNLIMITED TIME, BE ABLE TO ASSEMBLE THE PIECES OF YOUR JUMBLED MIND. 1145 00:55:47,144 --> 00:55:48,479 BULLSHIT! 1146 00:55:48,513 --> 00:55:50,114 OH, THAT'S A TECHNICAL TERM YOU PICKED UP 1147 00:55:50,147 --> 00:55:52,650 IN THE THEATRICAL PROFESSION, NO DOUBT. 1148 00:55:52,683 --> 00:55:55,185 LISTEN, MR. KNOW-IT-ALL- FROM-READING-A-LOT-OF-BOOKS, I DID MY TIME ON THE COUCH. 1149 00:55:55,219 --> 00:55:58,222 WELL, IF A BED ISN'T HANDY... HA, HA. VERY FUNNY. 1150 00:55:58,288 --> 00:56:01,526 ANYWAY, THAT SHRINK WAS JUST LIKE YOU. ALL TALK AND NO ACTION. 1151 00:56:01,559 --> 00:56:03,728 AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID? 1152 00:56:03,794 --> 00:56:07,164 HE SAID, "DORIS, DO WHAT YOU WANT, AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU UNHAPPY." 1153 00:56:07,231 --> 00:56:09,734 SO I DID. I DIDN'T PAY MY BILL. 1154 00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:12,136 DIDN'T MAKE ME UNHAPPY AT ALL, BUT IT SURE MADE HIM MAD AS HELL. 1155 00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:14,004 WHY DIDN'T YOU LET HIM TAKE IT OUT IN TRADE? 1156 00:56:18,843 --> 00:56:19,977 GIVE ME A DOLLAR, PLEASE. 1157 00:56:21,879 --> 00:56:22,913 IF YOU CAN MANAGE IT. 1158 00:56:25,583 --> 00:56:27,217 JUST SO I CAN GET A CAB SOMEWHERE. 1159 00:56:31,522 --> 00:56:33,190 WHERE DO I SEND IT? FORGET IT. 1160 00:56:33,223 --> 00:56:35,693 IF YOU WERE A MILLIONAIRE, I WOULDN'T FORGET IT. YOU WORKED FOR IT. 1161 00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:37,027 WHICH IS MORE THAN YOU DID. 1162 00:56:37,061 --> 00:56:39,229 IF YOU PUT IN A FULL DAY, YOU CAN EARN 9 OR 10 MORE. 1163 00:56:39,263 --> 00:56:42,567 I'LL JUST COME BACK HERE. YOUR FRIEND BARNEY'LL TELL ME. 1164 00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:44,935 SEND IT TO DOUBLEDAY'S. 53RD AND 5TH. 1165 00:56:50,107 --> 00:56:52,009 IS THAT WHERE YOU WORK? 1166 00:56:52,777 --> 00:56:54,111 IN DOUBLEDAY'S? 1167 00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:56,847 IN A BOOK STORE? 1168 00:56:58,883 --> 00:57:00,885 WHAT ARE YOU, A CLERK? 1169 00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:01,952 HUH? 1170 00:57:03,554 --> 00:57:05,756 HEY, GET A LOAD OF THAT! 1171 00:57:05,856 --> 00:57:09,293 THE BIG-TIME WRITER IS A BOOK CLERK. 1172 00:57:09,359 --> 00:57:11,195 OH, CHRIST, THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. 1173 00:57:11,228 --> 00:57:12,930 I'M GLAD SOMETHING CAN SATISFY YOU. 1174 00:57:13,030 --> 00:57:14,565 HAPPY BOOKSELLING, MR. SHERMAN. 1175 00:57:14,599 --> 00:57:17,702 HAPPY STREETWALKING, MISS WHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-IS. 1176 00:57:17,735 --> 00:57:19,269 MAYBE I'LL, UM, 1177 00:57:19,369 --> 00:57:21,639 I'LL COME INTO THE STORE SOMETIME, AND UH, 1178 00:57:21,706 --> 00:57:24,041 TAKE A LOOK AT THE 2-BIT BOOK PEDDLER 1179 00:57:24,074 --> 00:57:26,243 WHO PRETENDS TO BE A WRITER, BUT WHO NEVER WILL BE. 1180 00:57:26,276 --> 00:57:28,546 HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? FIRST YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO READ. 1181 00:57:28,579 --> 00:57:30,080 I'LL TELL YOU HOW I KNOW. 1182 00:57:30,114 --> 00:57:32,550 I KNOW THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE A WRITER 1183 00:57:32,583 --> 00:57:34,985 NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU PRETEND, MR. SHERMAN, 1184 00:57:35,052 --> 00:57:36,887 BECAUSE GODDAMN IT, 1185 00:57:36,954 --> 00:57:39,790 THE SUN DOES NOT SPIT! 1186 00:57:40,891 --> 00:57:43,661 *[music playing] 1187 00:58:00,945 --> 00:58:04,014 [announcer chattering on T.V.] 1188 00:58:04,081 --> 00:58:06,150 (announcer) ...THE 38-YARD LINE! 1189 00:58:11,756 --> 00:58:13,290 WHAT A BALL GAME! 1190 00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,663 3RD AND 7. JONES TO PASS! 1191 00:58:18,696 --> 00:58:19,964 [crowd roaring] 1192 00:58:22,867 --> 00:58:24,334 [announcer continues chattering] 1193 00:58:26,036 --> 00:58:27,538 [increasing volume] 1194 00:58:37,347 --> 00:58:39,016 (announcer) NOW, DO YOU EAT UP THE CLOCK 1195 00:58:39,049 --> 00:58:40,851 AND PLAY FOR A SURE FIELD GOAL, 1196 00:58:40,885 --> 00:58:42,620 OR DO YOU GO ALL-OUT FOR THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN? 1197 00:58:42,653 --> 00:58:44,154 THAT'S WHAT JONES IS DISCUSSING NOW. 1198 00:59:26,396 --> 00:59:29,667 (announcer) NOW THE CLOCK'S STOPPED WITH LESS THAN A MINUTE REMAINING. 1199 00:59:29,700 --> 00:59:32,169 HOW'D YOU LIKE TO BE IN THAT HUDDLE? WOLVES, TRAILING BY 3, 1200 00:59:32,202 --> 00:59:33,270 HAVE A FIRST DOWN AT THE 25-- 1201 00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:38,275 [amplifier reverberating] 1202 00:59:38,342 --> 00:59:41,111 AAH! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT, YOU FUCKING LUG, YA? 1203 00:59:41,178 --> 00:59:43,948 (announcer) ONE MORE TIME. MY, OH, MY, IT'S BEEN A DANDY. 1204 00:59:44,014 --> 00:59:45,082 [glass shatters] 1205 00:59:46,884 --> 00:59:49,219 [screaming] 1206 00:59:52,256 --> 00:59:55,125 * WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' 1207 00:59:55,192 --> 00:59:57,194 * WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLIN' * 1208 00:59:59,730 --> 01:00:02,232 * WHERE ARE YA GOIN' 1209 01:00:02,299 --> 01:00:04,635 * WHEN ALL THE FUNDS AIN'T GROWIN' * 1210 01:00:07,805 --> 01:00:10,140 * NO ONE IS WAITIN' 1211 01:00:10,207 --> 01:00:12,409 * FOR YOU TO FIND YOUR WAY 1212 01:00:14,378 --> 01:00:17,882 * MAKE YOUR OWN LIFE YOUR OWN WAY * 1213 01:00:20,550 --> 01:00:22,152 SCREW? 1214 01:00:22,219 --> 01:00:23,220 I BEG YOUR PARDON? 1215 01:00:39,069 --> 01:00:41,906 (Doris) MAYBE I'LL JUST ASK HIM FOR ONE DRESS. 1216 01:00:41,939 --> 01:00:44,474 AND I COULD EXPLAIN TO HIM HOW I'M AN ACTRESS, 1217 01:00:44,574 --> 01:00:46,911 AND HOW IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR HIS BUSINESS 1218 01:00:46,911 --> 01:00:48,746 FOR ME TO BE WEARING ONE OF HIS DRESSES, 1219 01:00:48,779 --> 01:00:51,782 AND HE'LL GIVE ME ONE ON CREDIT. 1220 01:00:51,816 --> 01:00:56,120 * YOU'VE BEEN ALONE FOR SO LONG * 1221 01:00:56,153 --> 01:00:59,023 * AND IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE 1222 01:01:02,860 --> 01:01:07,097 * YOU'LL BE ALONE JUST AS LONG * 1223 01:01:07,131 --> 01:01:11,335 * AS YOU FIND LOVE SO STRANGE * 1224 01:01:11,435 --> 01:01:13,537 * GET IT TOGETHER 1225 01:01:13,603 --> 01:01:16,974 * SEE WHAT YOU COULD SEE RIGHT NOW * 1226 01:01:18,475 --> 01:01:20,144 * YOU BETTER LOOK UP 1227 01:01:22,279 --> 01:01:24,514 * BE WHAT YOU COULD BE NOW * 1228 01:01:27,284 --> 01:01:28,786 I WONDER IF YOU COULD TELL ME-- 1229 01:01:28,819 --> 01:01:30,487 WHAT, MISTER? 1230 01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:32,356 COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT TIME-- 1231 01:01:32,456 --> 01:01:33,457 WHAT, MISTER? 1232 01:01:38,128 --> 01:01:41,031 WHAT TIME DOES CYCLE SLUTS GO ON? 1233 01:01:41,065 --> 01:01:42,066 WHAT, MISTER? 1234 01:01:43,968 --> 01:01:45,803 CYCLE SLUTS! 1235 01:01:45,870 --> 01:01:46,904 YES, YES. 1236 01:01:50,374 --> 01:01:54,311 I WANT TO SEE CYCLE SLUTS. 1237 01:01:54,344 --> 01:01:55,813 SLUTS NOW. 1238 01:02:02,987 --> 01:02:05,055 OVERCOAT? I DON'T HAVE ONE. 1239 01:02:05,089 --> 01:02:06,223 YOU WANT TO RENT ONE? 1240 01:02:10,060 --> 01:02:11,896 [motorcycle revving] (Doris on screen) OH, TERRIFIC! 1241 01:02:11,929 --> 01:02:13,864 [man on screen laughs] 1242 01:02:13,898 --> 01:02:15,933 IF YOU LET ME PUT SOME MONEY DOWN ON ONE OF THE DRESSES-- 1243 01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:18,102 I DIDN'T COME DOWN HERE TO SELL NO DRESS. 1244 01:02:18,168 --> 01:02:20,437 I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF CRAZY STUNT YOU'RE TRYING TO PULL, 1245 01:02:20,504 --> 01:02:23,540 BUT IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR TROUBLE, THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA FIND. 1246 01:02:23,607 --> 01:02:25,275 RELAX, RELAX. DON'T GET SO TWITCHY. 1247 01:02:27,444 --> 01:02:29,279 [sighing] 1248 01:02:29,346 --> 01:02:31,248 WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING NOW? 1249 01:02:33,217 --> 01:02:35,252 I THINK I'M GONNA GO IN HERE FOR A SECOND. 1250 01:02:35,352 --> 01:02:36,353 OK? 1251 01:02:37,187 --> 01:02:38,856 OK, BUT I-- 1252 01:02:38,889 --> 01:02:40,590 I'LL GIVE YOU 30 SECONDS TO GET OUT OF THERE. 1253 01:02:40,690 --> 01:02:42,526 I MEAN, IT'S GETTING LATE, YOU KNOW? 1254 01:02:42,526 --> 01:02:44,028 AND I'VE REALLY GOTTA GET HOME, 1255 01:02:44,094 --> 01:02:45,262 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? ME TOO. 1256 01:02:49,099 --> 01:02:50,600 YOU'RE A VERY NEAT PERSON, AREN'T YOU? 1257 01:02:50,700 --> 01:02:53,203 OH. 1258 01:02:53,203 --> 01:02:56,206 YEAH, WELL, I HAPPEN TO BELIEVE A MAN'S CLOTHES ARE HIS MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION. 1259 01:02:56,240 --> 01:02:57,574 (Doris) OH, BOY. 1260 01:02:57,607 --> 01:02:58,943 (man on screen) BRING HER IN HERE. 1261 01:02:59,043 --> 01:03:00,144 (Doris on screen) NO, NO. 1262 01:03:00,210 --> 01:03:01,311 YEAH, TO THE ROOM. 1263 01:03:01,378 --> 01:03:03,047 NO, NOT TO THE ROOM! 1264 01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:05,582 DON'T TRY THAT, YOU DIRTY LITTLE SLUT. 1265 01:03:05,615 --> 01:03:07,051 YOU WANT SOME OF THIS? 1266 01:03:07,084 --> 01:03:08,585 NO, NO. I BEG OF YOU. 1267 01:03:08,652 --> 01:03:11,621 HOLD HER WHILE I OPEN THE DOOR TO THE ROOM. 1268 01:03:11,655 --> 01:03:13,323 NO, NO, PLEASE! 1269 01:03:13,390 --> 01:03:15,893 YOU'LL STAY IN THERE UNTIL YOU LEARN SOME DISCIPLINE. 1270 01:03:15,960 --> 01:03:17,895 [panting] (Doris) OHH! 1271 01:03:17,928 --> 01:03:20,230 [door creaking] 1272 01:03:20,264 --> 01:03:22,099 (Doris) WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 1273 01:03:22,166 --> 01:03:24,434 WH-WH-WHAT'S THAT FOR? 1274 01:03:24,468 --> 01:03:26,170 WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT? 1275 01:03:27,304 --> 01:03:29,339 WHAT-WHAT'S THAT THING? 1276 01:03:29,406 --> 01:03:30,908 AND WHAT'S THAT OTHER THING? 1277 01:03:30,941 --> 01:03:31,842 [man groaning] 1278 01:03:31,909 --> 01:03:33,610 WHERE DO YOU PLAN TO PUT THAT? 1279 01:03:33,677 --> 01:03:36,413 WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE! HOLD IT! YOU CAN'T DO THAT. 1280 01:03:36,446 --> 01:03:38,248 [Doris screaming] NO, NOT WITH BOTH OF THEM! 1281 01:03:38,282 --> 01:03:39,283 [man moans] 1282 01:03:39,349 --> 01:03:40,284 YOU CAN'T, I TELL YOU. 1283 01:03:40,317 --> 01:03:42,987 YOU CAN'T! YOU CAN'T-- CAN YOU? 1284 01:03:43,020 --> 01:03:45,622 OH! MAYBE YOU CAN. 1285 01:03:45,655 --> 01:03:48,292 OH, MY GOD, YOU COULD. 1286 01:03:48,325 --> 01:03:50,094 [man laughs] 1287 01:03:50,127 --> 01:03:51,996 [toilet flushing] 1288 01:04:02,206 --> 01:04:03,307 I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. 1289 01:04:04,308 --> 01:04:05,442 WHAT? 1290 01:04:07,544 --> 01:04:11,215 I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE GONNA TAKE THIS, BUT, I MEAN, 1291 01:04:11,281 --> 01:04:12,950 I THINK YOU GOT A RIGHT TO KNOW. 1292 01:04:13,617 --> 01:04:14,952 KNOW WHAT? 1293 01:04:19,623 --> 01:04:22,126 I JUST FLUSHED YOUR PANTS DOWN THE TOILET. 1294 01:04:22,126 --> 01:04:23,293 [crying childishly] 1295 01:04:37,374 --> 01:04:39,509 WE CLOSE IN 5 MINUTES. 1296 01:04:39,543 --> 01:04:41,678 CAN I--CAN I HELP YOU FIND SOMETHING? 1297 01:04:48,652 --> 01:04:50,587 ARE YOU SURE I CAN'T HELP YOU? 1298 01:04:51,588 --> 01:04:53,690 WE CLOSE IN 4 MINUTES. 1299 01:04:53,723 --> 01:04:54,724 I'M ELEANOR. 1300 01:04:54,824 --> 01:04:56,660 I SEE. 1301 01:04:56,693 --> 01:04:58,428 DON'T MEAN MUCH TO YOU, DOES IT? NOT A GREAT DEAL, NO. 1302 01:04:58,495 --> 01:05:00,497 YEAH, WELL I DON'T THINK TOO MUCH OF YOU, EITHER. 1303 01:05:00,564 --> 01:05:02,066 I MEAN, TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST, 1304 01:05:02,099 --> 01:05:04,268 I DON'T EVEN BEGIN TO FIGURE WHAT SHE SEES IN YOU. 1305 01:05:04,334 --> 01:05:06,236 ELEANOR, I CERTAINLY APPRECIATE YOUR HONESTY BUT-- 1306 01:05:06,270 --> 01:05:07,504 I THINK YOU'RE A DUMP. 1307 01:05:07,537 --> 01:05:09,373 A WHAT? A DUMP. 1308 01:05:09,406 --> 01:05:11,575 AFTER THE WAY YOU TREATED HER. 1309 01:05:11,608 --> 01:05:13,177 NOW WAIT A MINUTE, AFTER THE WAY I TREATED WHOM? WHO IS HER? 1310 01:05:13,210 --> 01:05:15,045 DORIS. DORIS? 1311 01:05:15,079 --> 01:05:17,414 I DON'T KNOW ANY... OH, DORIS. 1312 01:05:17,447 --> 01:05:19,349 AH. I GET IT. DORIS. 1313 01:05:19,383 --> 01:05:22,119 WELL, LOOK, ELEANOR, YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG DUMP. 1314 01:05:22,186 --> 01:05:23,753 YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY. 1315 01:05:23,853 --> 01:05:26,190 WELL, THIS TIME, THEY'RE ALL TELLING THE TRUTH. 1316 01:05:26,223 --> 01:05:27,624 YOU WANT FELIX. 1317 01:05:27,691 --> 01:05:29,259 YOU'RE NOT FELIX? MMM-MMM. 1318 01:05:29,359 --> 01:05:31,095 YEAH, DOWNSTAIRS-- 1319 01:05:31,128 --> 01:05:33,397 LISTEN, THEY SAID DOWNSTAIRS THAT FELIX WAS UP HERE. 1320 01:05:33,430 --> 01:05:34,431 WELL HE IS. 1321 01:05:37,401 --> 01:05:38,568 THAT'S FELIX? 1322 01:05:38,602 --> 01:05:40,104 DISAPPOINTING, ISN'T IT? 1323 01:05:40,204 --> 01:05:42,372 WHEW. WHAT'S HE, SLEEPING? 1324 01:05:42,406 --> 01:05:44,241 UH, NO. HE'S DEAD. AH, COME ON. 1325 01:05:44,308 --> 01:05:47,144 NO, HE PASSED AWAY ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO, 1326 01:05:47,211 --> 01:05:49,779 AH, BUT THE FOLKS HERE AT THE STORE WERE SO FOND OF HIM 1327 01:05:49,879 --> 01:05:53,550 THAT WE ALL GOT TOGETHER AND WE DECIDED TO HAVE HIM STUFFED. 1328 01:05:53,550 --> 01:05:55,319 HELL OF A GOOD JOB, DON'T YOU THINK? 1329 01:05:55,385 --> 01:05:56,987 AH, CUT THE CRAP. 1330 01:05:58,155 --> 01:05:59,389 OH! 1331 01:05:59,423 --> 01:06:00,724 FELIX SHERMAN? 1332 01:06:02,126 --> 01:06:03,293 I THINK SO. 1333 01:06:07,731 --> 01:06:09,566 WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? 1334 01:06:09,599 --> 01:06:11,601 NOT MUCH, THE WAY I HEARD IT. 1335 01:06:13,437 --> 01:06:14,438 YOU'RE NOT-- 1336 01:06:15,672 --> 01:06:17,341 A-ARE YOU... 1337 01:06:17,407 --> 01:06:18,808 I'M ELEANOR. 1338 01:06:18,908 --> 01:06:20,744 ELEANOR. YOU'RE ELEANOR. 1339 01:06:20,777 --> 01:06:22,579 BARNEY, THIS IS ELEANOR. 1340 01:06:22,612 --> 01:06:25,282 DON'T TOUCH ME. I GOT A CONDITION. 1341 01:06:25,349 --> 01:06:27,517 WHERE'S--WHERE'S DORIS, ELEANOR? 1342 01:06:27,584 --> 01:06:30,487 ALL RIGHT, I GOT THIS MESSAGE FOR YOU. 1343 01:06:30,520 --> 01:06:32,356 DORIS DOES NOT WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 1344 01:06:32,422 --> 01:06:33,823 THAT'S WHY I CAME INSTEAD. 1345 01:06:33,857 --> 01:06:35,692 SHE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU 1346 01:06:35,759 --> 01:06:37,761 THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN, 1347 01:06:37,761 --> 01:06:40,330 AND, UH, OR ANYTHING. 1348 01:06:40,430 --> 01:06:42,766 EVEN IF YOU SHOULD SEE HER ON THE STREET, 1349 01:06:42,766 --> 01:06:45,202 OR IN A STORE BY ACCIDENT, 1350 01:06:45,269 --> 01:06:47,104 UH, INCLUDING 1351 01:06:47,137 --> 01:06:48,705 WHERE SHE IS RIGHT THIS MINUTE, 1352 01:06:49,639 --> 01:06:51,375 WHICH IS, UM, 1353 01:06:51,441 --> 01:06:54,444 WHICH IS HAVING A HAM SANDWICH 1354 01:06:54,511 --> 01:06:57,514 AT RIKER'S, ON THE CORNER OF 6TH AVENUE AND 57TH STREET. 1355 01:06:57,547 --> 01:06:59,116 VERY GOOD. YOU GOT IT ALL OUT. 1356 01:07:39,856 --> 01:07:41,658 YOU RAN ALL THE WAY, HUH? 1357 01:07:46,563 --> 01:07:48,732 I--I WAS WONDERING-- LISTEN, I-- 1358 01:07:48,765 --> 01:07:50,367 WHAT--WHAT WERE YOU GONNA SAY? 1359 01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:51,901 NO, NO, NO, YOU GO AHEAD. 1360 01:07:52,001 --> 01:07:55,839 I WAS WONDERING WHERE YOU'VE BEEN STAYING THIS PAST WEEK. 1361 01:07:55,872 --> 01:07:57,874 YEAH? THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU. 1362 01:07:57,941 --> 01:08:00,610 ARE YOU-- ARE YOU STILL AT, UM, BARNEY'S PLACE? 1363 01:08:00,677 --> 01:08:02,846 NO, I'VE-- I'VE RELOCATED TEMPORARILY. 1364 01:08:02,912 --> 01:08:04,614 SAME HERE. 1365 01:08:04,681 --> 01:08:06,850 I'VE BEEN STAYING WITH MY FRIEND ELEANOR. 1366 01:08:06,883 --> 01:08:09,419 SHE'S GOT THIS PLACE DOWN ON 14TH STREET. 1367 01:08:10,387 --> 01:08:11,688 SHE SEEMS, UH, 1368 01:08:12,689 --> 01:08:15,259 AGREEABLE. YEAH, YEAH. 1369 01:08:15,359 --> 01:08:17,794 DORIS, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU, 1370 01:08:17,861 --> 01:08:19,396 AND IT CONCERNS BOTH OF US. 1371 01:08:19,429 --> 01:08:20,430 (woman) WHOO-WHOO. 1372 01:08:20,530 --> 01:08:21,765 AND IF IT'S NOT-- 1373 01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:25,302 WHO WAS THAT? 1374 01:08:25,369 --> 01:08:26,703 GOT ME. 1375 01:08:26,736 --> 01:08:28,472 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? SHE SAID HELLO TO YOU. 1376 01:08:28,538 --> 01:08:30,374 NO, SHE DIDN'T. SHE SAID, "WHOO-WHOO." 1377 01:08:30,407 --> 01:08:32,909 ARE TOTAL STRANGERS IN THE HABIT OF SAYING, "WHOO-WHOO" TO YOU? 1378 01:08:32,942 --> 01:08:34,211 NOT UNTIL TONIGHT. 1379 01:08:34,244 --> 01:08:35,245 [clears throat] 1380 01:08:35,312 --> 01:08:36,313 NOW, LOOK, DORIS-- 1381 01:08:36,380 --> 01:08:37,914 YOU REALLY LOOK LOUSY, YOU KNOW? 1382 01:08:37,981 --> 01:08:39,449 I DO? 1383 01:08:39,483 --> 01:08:41,485 YEAH, LIKE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN SLEEPING TOO MUCH. 1384 01:08:41,551 --> 01:08:43,387 ACTUALLY, I HAVEN'T BEEN SLEEPING TOO WELL. 1385 01:08:43,420 --> 01:08:44,654 HAVE YOU TRIED HOT BATHS? 1386 01:08:44,721 --> 01:08:47,924 YES, I HAVE. I FIND HOT BATHS TOO ENERVATING. 1387 01:08:47,991 --> 01:08:48,792 ENERVATING, HUH? 1388 01:08:51,828 --> 01:08:54,398 HEY, I MADE YOU LAUGH. THAT'S ONE FOR ME. 1389 01:08:54,431 --> 01:08:57,301 DORIS, I WANT YOU TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY. 1390 01:08:57,401 --> 01:09:00,570 I HAVE STRUGGLED FOR 31 YEARS TO ESTABLISH-- 1391 01:09:00,570 --> 01:09:02,639 IS THAT HOW OLD YOU ARE? 31? YES. 1392 01:09:02,739 --> 01:09:05,809 I HAVE TRIED TO ESTABLISH THE SUPREMACY 1393 01:09:05,842 --> 01:09:09,313 OF THE INTELLECT OVER THE PHYSICAL SIDE OF LIFE. 1394 01:09:09,346 --> 01:09:10,847 YOU MEAN TO TELL ME 1395 01:09:10,914 --> 01:09:12,982 THAT YOU RAN ALL THE WAY TO RIKER'S JUST TO TELL ME THAT? 1396 01:09:13,016 --> 01:09:15,352 I DIDN'T RUN ALL THE WAY. I JOGGED. 1397 01:09:15,419 --> 01:09:17,254 YOU COULD HAVE SENT ME A LETTER. 1398 01:09:17,287 --> 01:09:19,289 I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR ADDRESS! 1399 01:09:19,356 --> 01:09:21,458 YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN IT TO ELEANOR. 1400 01:09:21,491 --> 01:09:23,327 I WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 1401 01:09:26,763 --> 01:09:28,932 I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE OTHER NIGHT. 1402 01:09:28,998 --> 01:09:31,268 NO, NO, THAT WAS ALL MY FAULT. 1403 01:09:31,301 --> 01:09:32,636 I SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN SO MAD. I GOT A TERRIBLE TEMPER. 1404 01:09:32,702 --> 01:09:34,504 YOU WERE PERFECTLY JUSTIFIED. 1405 01:09:34,538 --> 01:09:37,040 I HAD NO RIGHT IN--IN--IN ASKING CERTAIN QUESTIONS-- 1406 01:09:37,106 --> 01:09:39,543 SURE YOU DID, SURE YOU DID. YOU'RE A WRITER, AREN'T YOU? 1407 01:09:39,609 --> 01:09:42,045 I MEAN, A WRITER'S GOT TO FIND OUT STUFF. 1408 01:09:42,111 --> 01:09:43,813 AND IF YOU DON'T, YOU KNOW, ASK QUESTIONS, 1409 01:09:43,847 --> 01:09:45,782 HOW ARE YOU GOING TO ASSIMILATE? 1410 01:09:47,817 --> 01:09:48,818 WHAT? 1411 01:09:50,119 --> 01:09:51,355 I SAID, 1412 01:09:51,388 --> 01:09:52,956 "IF YOU DON'T ASK QUESTIONS, 1413 01:09:52,989 --> 01:09:55,459 HOW ARE YOU GOING TO ASSIMILATE?" 1414 01:09:55,492 --> 01:09:56,660 ASSIMILATE? 1415 01:09:57,727 --> 01:09:58,895 NOT BAD, EH? 1416 01:10:00,697 --> 01:10:02,532 "YOU AND YOUR VOCABULARY." 1417 01:10:02,566 --> 01:10:04,568 I GOT IT AT THE CORNER APOTHECARY. 1418 01:10:04,634 --> 01:10:06,570 THE CORNER APOTHECARY. 1419 01:10:06,636 --> 01:10:08,305 PRETTY IMPECCABLE, HUH? 1420 01:10:09,573 --> 01:10:11,375 IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE. 1421 01:10:13,009 --> 01:10:15,545 I TRY AND LEARN-- I MEAN, NO, I TRY AND-- 1422 01:10:15,645 --> 01:10:18,415 AND ASSIMILATE 5 NEW WORDS A DAY. 1423 01:10:18,482 --> 01:10:19,983 AND THAT WAY, I FIGURE 1424 01:10:19,983 --> 01:10:22,552 PRETTY SOON I'LL BE ABLE TO TALK AS GOOD AS YOU. 1425 01:10:22,652 --> 01:10:23,987 WOULDN'T THAT BE SOMETHING? 1426 01:10:24,020 --> 01:10:25,355 IT WOULD BE WONDERFUL. 1427 01:10:31,695 --> 01:10:33,997 IT'S--IT'S ALWAYS AN ADVANTAGE 1428 01:10:34,030 --> 01:10:36,400 TO--TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF CLEARLY. 1429 01:10:36,500 --> 01:10:37,834 [horn honking] 1430 01:10:37,867 --> 01:10:39,503 (man) HEY, LADY! WANNA GO FOR A RIDE? 1431 01:10:39,536 --> 01:10:41,037 [whistling] 1432 01:10:41,070 --> 01:10:42,906 AND I--I THINK IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME AS AN ACTRESS TOO. 1433 01:10:43,006 --> 01:10:44,508 DON'T YOU THINK? RIGHT? 1434 01:10:44,541 --> 01:10:45,875 YES. LANGUAGE IS, UH-- 1435 01:10:45,942 --> 01:10:48,111 HEY, BABY, WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH? 1436 01:10:48,177 --> 01:10:50,780 LANGUAGE IS ONE OF THE PRIMARY TOOLS OF THE--THE ACTOR'S ART. 1437 01:10:50,847 --> 01:10:53,417 GET RID OF THE 4-EYED FREAK, AND WE'LL SHOW YOU SOME ACTION. 1438 01:10:53,450 --> 01:10:54,718 [whistling] 1439 01:10:54,751 --> 01:10:56,620 I--I--I COULD DO THINGS I COULDN'T DO BEFORE, 1440 01:10:56,686 --> 01:10:59,689 BECAUSE I--I WASN'T ABLE TO EXPRESS MYSELF SUSSINTLY. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 1441 01:10:59,723 --> 01:11:01,791 SUCCINCTLY. SUCCINCTLY, YEAH. 1442 01:11:01,858 --> 01:11:03,727 YES, REMEMBER THAT LANGUAGE IS POWER. 1443 01:11:03,793 --> 01:11:05,529 I WILL. I WILL. I'LL REMEMBER THAT. 1444 01:11:05,562 --> 01:11:07,631 (man) HEY, SWEETHEART, WE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU. 1445 01:11:07,697 --> 01:11:09,399 WOULD YOU--WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT? 1446 01:11:09,466 --> 01:11:10,900 [men hooting] 1447 01:11:10,934 --> 01:11:12,769 JUMP IN. COME ON. 1448 01:11:12,802 --> 01:11:15,639 I--I BEG YOUR PARDON, BOYS, BUT, UM, 1449 01:11:15,705 --> 01:11:17,741 YOU ARE INTRUDING ON MY PRIVACY. 1450 01:11:21,611 --> 01:11:23,447 FELIX! COME ON. 1451 01:11:30,787 --> 01:11:32,389 [screaming] 1452 01:11:55,512 --> 01:11:57,847 (Doris) JESUS, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE SO TOUCHY THESE DAYS. 1453 01:11:57,914 --> 01:11:59,148 YOU GOTTA WATCH EVERY WORD. 1454 01:11:59,182 --> 01:12:00,684 [dog barks] 1455 01:12:00,750 --> 01:12:02,919 DORIS, WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU? HOW DO YOU MEAN? 1456 01:12:02,952 --> 01:12:04,954 IS YOUR LIFE ALWAYS SO--SO VOLATILE? 1457 01:12:04,988 --> 01:12:06,956 WHO? VOLATILE. 1458 01:12:08,992 --> 01:12:09,993 VOLATILE. 1459 01:12:10,660 --> 01:12:11,661 VOL... 1460 01:12:12,596 --> 01:12:14,764 VOL-A-TILE. 1461 01:12:14,831 --> 01:12:18,167 HERE IT IS, HERE IT IS. "EXPLOSIVE--EXPLOSIVE, FILLED WITH ENERGY." 1462 01:12:18,201 --> 01:12:21,438 YEAH, I GUESS SO. I GUESS IT'S BECAUSE I'M REAL TEMPERAMENTAL, YOU KNOW? 1463 01:12:21,471 --> 01:12:23,139 AND IT GETS ME INTO TROUBLE. LIKE, UM, 1464 01:12:23,172 --> 01:12:25,609 ONE TIME I HAD THIS TERRIFIC FIGHT WITH THIS GUY 1465 01:12:25,642 --> 01:12:27,644 'CAUSE HE WOULDN'T PAY ME WHAT HE AGREED ON, SO-- 1466 01:12:27,711 --> 01:12:29,713 PAY YOU? IT'S NOT--IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. 1467 01:12:29,779 --> 01:12:32,449 ANYWAY, I GRABBED HIM BY HIS SMOCK, AND-- SMOCK? 1468 01:12:32,516 --> 01:12:34,851 YEAH. I WAS READY TO GIVE HIM HIS-- WHY WAS HE WEARING A SMOCK? 1469 01:12:34,951 --> 01:12:38,121 HE DIDN'T WANT TO GET HIS SUIT MESSED UP WHEN HE WAS LAYING ON THE FLOOR. 1470 01:12:38,121 --> 01:12:40,790 ANYWAY, I WANT TO TELL YOU-- WHY WAS HE LAYING ON THE FLOOR? 1471 01:12:40,857 --> 01:12:42,992 SO HE COULD AIM BETTER, SEE? SO ANYWAY, I GRABBED HIM-- 1472 01:12:43,026 --> 01:12:45,462 HOLD IT, HOLD IT! WHAT WAS HE AIMING AT? 1473 01:12:45,495 --> 01:12:47,163 AT ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK? I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU. 1474 01:12:47,230 --> 01:12:48,798 DORIS, I'M GETTING VERY UPSET. 1475 01:12:48,832 --> 01:12:49,966 OK, ALL RIGHT! 1476 01:12:51,635 --> 01:12:54,638 OH, MY GOD. WILL YOU LET GO? 1477 01:12:54,671 --> 01:12:58,141 OUCH! JESUS, YOU GOT VERY STRONG HANDS FOR A GUY WITH SUCH THIN WRISTS. 1478 01:12:58,174 --> 01:13:00,477 NOW, START AT THE BEGINNING AND GO STEP BY STEP. 1479 01:13:00,510 --> 01:13:02,178 IT'S NOT THAT INTERESTING, I'M TELLING YOU. 1480 01:13:02,211 --> 01:13:03,847 I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT. 1481 01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:06,049 WELL, THIS GUY, YOU KNOW, SOME KIND OF BUSINESSMAN, 1482 01:13:06,149 --> 01:13:07,917 ABOUT 50 YEARS OLD, 1483 01:13:07,984 --> 01:13:09,719 WITH THIS BIG OFFICE ON MADISON AVENUE 1484 01:13:09,753 --> 01:13:11,755 THAT'S GOT THIS LONG HALLWAY WITH A MARBLE FLOOR. 1485 01:13:11,821 --> 01:13:13,156 AND? 1486 01:13:13,189 --> 01:13:14,858 EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, HE GIVES ME $50 1487 01:13:14,924 --> 01:13:17,226 TO SIT IN A CHAIR AT THE OTHER END OF THE HALL. 1488 01:13:17,260 --> 01:13:18,828 JUST TO SIT IN A CHAIR? 1489 01:13:18,862 --> 01:13:21,998 YEAH, IN MY RAINCOAT. 1490 01:13:22,031 --> 01:13:24,033 YOU JUST SAT THERE IN A CHAIR IN YOUR RAINCOAT? 1491 01:13:24,067 --> 01:13:26,235 YES, YES. WITH MY HANDS TIED BEHIND ME, YES. 1492 01:13:26,335 --> 01:13:27,904 I SEE. 1493 01:13:27,937 --> 01:13:30,039 AND--AND WHAT WAS HE DOING? 1494 01:13:30,073 --> 01:13:33,910 HE-HE WAS IN HIS END OF THE HALL 1495 01:13:33,943 --> 01:13:36,045 ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES IN HIS SMOCK! 1496 01:13:36,079 --> 01:13:37,614 AND? 1497 01:13:37,681 --> 01:13:39,516 AND--AND I JUST HAVE TO YELL "BOMBS AWAY" 1498 01:13:39,549 --> 01:13:41,618 WHILE HE ROLLED HARD-BOILED EGGS AT ME. 1499 01:13:41,685 --> 01:13:42,919 SAY THAT AGAIN? 1500 01:13:43,019 --> 01:13:44,888 I SAID, "I--I--I HAVE TO YELL 'BOMBS AWAY' 1501 01:13:44,921 --> 01:13:46,723 WHILE HE ROLLED HARD-BOILED EGGS AT ME!" 1502 01:13:46,756 --> 01:13:48,191 HE ROLLED EGGS AT YOU? 1503 01:13:48,224 --> 01:13:49,793 HARD-BOILED. I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T MUCH. 1504 01:13:49,859 --> 01:13:51,528 DORIS, THAT'S DISGUSTING! 1505 01:13:51,595 --> 01:13:52,696 WHY? WHY? 1506 01:13:52,729 --> 01:13:54,764 BECAUSE IT'S... 1507 01:13:54,864 --> 01:13:57,033 I--I CAN'T FIND THE WORD. IT'S--IT'S-- 1508 01:13:57,767 --> 01:13:59,202 [hyperventilating] 1509 01:13:59,235 --> 01:14:00,236 [Felix groans] 1510 01:14:00,303 --> 01:14:01,971 [running up stairs] 1511 01:14:05,909 --> 01:14:06,976 HEY, WHERE ARE WE, ANYWAY? 1512 01:14:17,721 --> 01:14:18,822 HEY, WHERE ARE WE? 1513 01:14:21,625 --> 01:14:23,793 WHO LIVES HERE? 1514 01:14:23,827 --> 01:14:26,896 WHAT IS--WHAT IS THIS PLACE, HUH? WHOSE PLACE IS THIS? 1515 01:14:26,930 --> 01:14:30,099 THIS IS THE HOUSE OF MR. AND MRS. WEYDERHAUS. 1516 01:14:30,133 --> 01:14:33,069 THEY ARE, RESPECTIVELY, THE FATHER AND MOTHER OF MS. ANN WEYDERHAUS. 1517 01:14:33,102 --> 01:14:35,905 MS. WEYDERHAUS IS A, UH, CONCERT PIANIST. 1518 01:14:35,939 --> 01:14:38,107 SHE IS ALSO MY FIANCEE. 1519 01:14:40,143 --> 01:14:41,310 YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED? 1520 01:14:41,344 --> 01:14:43,146 WE WENT TO SCHOOL TOGETHER. 1521 01:14:43,179 --> 01:14:45,181 WE DECIDED WE'D BE MARRIED 1522 01:14:45,248 --> 01:14:47,083 AS SOON AS I SOLD MY FIRST NOVEL. 1523 01:14:49,252 --> 01:14:50,920 WHEN'S THAT? 1524 01:14:50,954 --> 01:14:52,789 AT THE RATE I'M GOING, SOMETIME LATE IN THE NEXT CENTURY. 1525 01:14:52,822 --> 01:14:54,157 AW, WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? 1526 01:14:54,190 --> 01:14:56,259 WHO AM I TO ARGUE WITH EVERY PUBLISHER IN NEW YORK? 1527 01:14:56,292 --> 01:14:58,294 AW, HELL, FELIX, WHAT DO THEY KNOW? 1528 01:14:58,361 --> 01:15:00,830 SOMETHING I DON'T, APPARENTLY. 1529 01:15:00,864 --> 01:15:04,200 HEY, YOU'RE AWFUL HOT, YOU KNOW THAT? HOW DO YOU FEEL? 1530 01:15:04,267 --> 01:15:05,935 I THINK MY HAIR IS ON FIRE. 1531 01:15:05,969 --> 01:15:08,638 COME ON. YOU'VE GOT TO GO TO BED. 1532 01:15:08,672 --> 01:15:11,274 FELIX IS A BAD BOY. FELIX HAS TO GO TO BED NOW. 1533 01:15:11,307 --> 01:15:13,176 OH, DON'T TALK WEIRD. IT SCARES ME. 1534 01:15:13,276 --> 01:15:15,979 FELIX IS A WEIRD BOY. HE SCARES PEOPLE. 1535 01:15:16,012 --> 01:15:18,347 KNOCK IT OFF, WILL YOU? YOU DO THIS, AND I'LL GET YOUR SHOES. 1536 01:15:18,381 --> 01:15:19,649 [gasps] 1537 01:15:19,683 --> 01:15:21,685 I'LL TELL YOU THE TROUBLE WITH FELIX. 1538 01:15:21,718 --> 01:15:23,887 FELIX WENT TO A GOOD COLLEGE 1539 01:15:23,953 --> 01:15:25,722 AND HE TOOK A LOT OF FINE COURSES 1540 01:15:25,789 --> 01:15:28,725 IN--IN MODERN LITERATURE AND HE LEARNED A LOT OF LONG WORDS. 1541 01:15:28,792 --> 01:15:31,160 BUT HE DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING, REPEAT, DID NOT LEARN ANYTHING 1542 01:15:31,194 --> 01:15:32,662 ABOUT ROLLING HARD-BOILED EGGS! 1543 01:15:32,696 --> 01:15:36,032 JUST SHUT UP ABOUT THAT! 1544 01:15:36,065 --> 01:15:39,002 FELIX IS REGRESSING. HE'S FORGOTTEN HOW TO DO BUTTONS. 1545 01:15:39,035 --> 01:15:40,203 HERE, LIFT YOUR LEGS. 1546 01:15:40,303 --> 01:15:43,139 FELIX WILL NOW LIFT HIS LEGS. 1547 01:15:43,172 --> 01:15:46,242 HEY. IS THERE A--A THERMOMETER AROUND HERE? 1548 01:15:46,309 --> 01:15:48,044 UH, BATHROOM? POINT! 1549 01:15:52,181 --> 01:15:54,684 HEY, ARE THE WEYDERHAUSES RICH? 1550 01:15:55,752 --> 01:15:56,853 LOADED. 1551 01:16:04,694 --> 01:16:05,695 OPEN. 1552 01:16:06,395 --> 01:16:07,731 CLOSE. 1553 01:16:13,903 --> 01:16:15,371 THIS HER? HMM? 1554 01:16:18,942 --> 01:16:20,777 THIS MS. WEYDERHAUS? 1555 01:16:20,844 --> 01:16:22,078 MMM-HMM. 1556 01:16:24,180 --> 01:16:26,182 SHE LOOKS PARTIALLY ATTRACTIVE. 1557 01:16:27,350 --> 01:16:31,855 I MEAN, I CAN ONLY SEE, UM, PART OF HER FACE, 1558 01:16:31,888 --> 01:16:33,923 BUT I GUESS SHE PLAYS PRETTY GOOD, HUH? 1559 01:16:34,023 --> 01:16:37,426 SHE'S MAKING DEBUT WITH BOSTON SYMPHONY LAST NIGHT. 1560 01:16:37,460 --> 01:16:38,962 THAT WHERE THE FAMILY IS? 1561 01:16:40,730 --> 01:16:41,731 MMM-HMM. 1562 01:16:44,868 --> 01:16:46,035 HOW IS SHE IN BED? 1563 01:16:49,138 --> 01:16:50,239 I SAID, HOW IS SHE IN BED? 1564 01:16:51,274 --> 01:16:53,376 THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 1565 01:16:53,409 --> 01:16:55,078 NO GOOD, HUH? 1566 01:16:55,144 --> 01:16:57,246 THIS MAY BE DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND, 1567 01:16:57,280 --> 01:16:58,948 BUT OUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT BASED ON THAT. 1568 01:16:59,048 --> 01:17:00,784 WHAT'S IT BASED ON? 1569 01:17:00,817 --> 01:17:02,886 A MUTUAL APPRECIATION OF CERTAIN THINGS. 1570 01:17:02,919 --> 01:17:04,921 THE ARTS. LITERATURE. 1571 01:17:04,988 --> 01:17:06,222 SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO? 1572 01:17:06,255 --> 01:17:08,157 MUSIC IS HER WHOLE LIFE. 1573 01:17:08,224 --> 01:17:10,226 SWELL. WHERE'RE YOU GONNA HONEYMOON, SAM GOODY'S? 1574 01:17:10,293 --> 01:17:12,729 I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. 1575 01:17:12,762 --> 01:17:14,831 THEY ARE VERY FINE PEOPLE, THE WEYDERHAUSES. 1576 01:17:14,898 --> 01:17:18,735 THEY HAVE A VERY SINCERE AND OLD-FASHIONED MORAL OUTLOOK. 1577 01:17:18,802 --> 01:17:19,936 YEAH, I KNOW THE TYPE. 1578 01:17:19,969 --> 01:17:21,437 I DON'T THINK YOU DO. 1579 01:17:21,470 --> 01:17:22,972 YOU'RE NOT NORMAL. 1580 01:17:23,072 --> 01:17:24,774 JUST WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? 1581 01:17:24,808 --> 01:17:26,810 LOOK, 94. 1582 01:17:26,910 --> 01:17:28,077 YOU GOTTA GO TO BED. 1583 01:17:28,978 --> 01:17:29,979 [sobbing] 1584 01:17:30,079 --> 01:17:31,981 MY BODY HATES ME. COME ON. 1585 01:17:36,185 --> 01:17:37,186 IN YOU GO. 1586 01:17:52,035 --> 01:17:53,803 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? 1587 01:17:53,837 --> 01:17:55,004 LIGHT A FIRE. 1588 01:17:57,306 --> 01:17:59,308 [sighs] 1589 01:17:59,342 --> 01:18:01,878 WHAT HAPPENS IF MY TEMPERATURE KEEPS GOING DOWN? 1590 01:18:01,945 --> 01:18:04,113 DON'T WORRY. I'LL GET AN ICE PICK. 1591 01:18:06,382 --> 01:18:07,483 [whimpering] EGGS! 1592 01:18:07,516 --> 01:18:09,018 WHAT? 1593 01:18:09,118 --> 01:18:10,186 WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 1594 01:18:10,219 --> 01:18:12,355 WHAT DOES WHAT MEAN? 1595 01:18:12,388 --> 01:18:14,157 [match lighting] 1596 01:18:14,190 --> 01:18:16,359 WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN HE WAS ROLLING THE EGGS AT YOU? 1597 01:18:16,392 --> 01:18:19,796 I THOUGHT ABOUT THE $50 I WAS GONNA GET. 1598 01:18:19,829 --> 01:18:22,365 SAME THING I THOUGHT ABOUT WHEN I DID THAT COFFIN BIT. 1599 01:18:22,465 --> 01:18:26,535 WHAT, I AM HORRIFIED TO ASK, IS THE "COFFIN BIT"? 1600 01:18:26,569 --> 01:18:28,337 WELL, UM, 1601 01:18:29,305 --> 01:18:31,407 SEE, I WALK INTO THIS ROOM, 1602 01:18:31,474 --> 01:18:33,977 AND TURN THE LIGHTS ON, 1603 01:18:34,010 --> 01:18:38,181 AND, UH, THERE'S THIS GUY LYING IN A COFFIN, YOU KNOW. 1604 01:18:38,247 --> 01:18:40,917 HANDS FOLDED, FACE ALL MADE UP. 1605 01:18:40,984 --> 01:18:42,819 TOTAL CORPSE TIME, SEE? 1606 01:18:42,886 --> 01:18:44,520 AND I WALK OVER TO HIM, 1607 01:18:44,553 --> 01:18:47,323 AND SUDDENLY HE OPENS HIS EYES AND HE SAYS, "GOOD EVENING." 1608 01:18:47,356 --> 01:18:50,226 AND I, UM, LET OUT A SCREAM AND... 1609 01:18:50,994 --> 01:18:52,328 THAT'S IT! 1610 01:18:53,863 --> 01:18:55,264 $50! 1611 01:18:55,331 --> 01:18:57,500 OR ELSE, THERE'S THIS OTHER GUY THAT WANTS ME 1612 01:18:57,566 --> 01:18:59,368 TO WRAP HIM UP IN CELLOPHANE AND CRINKLE HIM. 1613 01:18:59,402 --> 01:19:01,370 THEN THERE'S ONE THAT, UM, 1614 01:19:01,404 --> 01:19:04,373 LIKES ME TO WATCH HIM THROUGH A KEYHOLE 1615 01:19:04,407 --> 01:19:06,109 WHILE HE EATS A CUCUMBER. 1616 01:19:06,175 --> 01:19:09,012 THEN THERE'S THIS GUY WHO TAKES POLAROID SHOTS OF ME 1617 01:19:09,045 --> 01:19:12,115 WHILE I'M LYING ON A TABLE, AND THIS PARAKEET'S WALKING AROUND ON MY BACK. 1618 01:19:13,116 --> 01:19:15,051 [whispers] DORIS? 1619 01:19:15,084 --> 01:19:17,053 YOU'RE A SEXUAL DISNEYLAND. 1620 01:19:19,055 --> 01:19:20,857 WELL, IT TAKES ALL KINDS. 1621 01:19:32,368 --> 01:19:34,070 I'M GOING TO L.A. WHAT? 1622 01:19:35,238 --> 01:19:36,472 I'M GOING TO CALIFORNIA. 1623 01:19:37,273 --> 01:19:38,274 WHY? 1624 01:19:41,044 --> 01:19:43,880 WELL, I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING TOO GOOD HERE, YOU KNOW? 1625 01:19:43,947 --> 01:19:46,049 AND THAT'S WHERE ACTRESSES SHOULD GO, 1626 01:19:46,082 --> 01:19:47,884 'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE ALL THE WORK IS. 1627 01:19:47,917 --> 01:19:51,587 JUST LIKE YOU GOTTA STAY HERE, 'CAUSE YOU'RE A WRITER. 1628 01:19:51,654 --> 01:19:53,890 WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH STAYING HERE? 1629 01:19:53,923 --> 01:19:56,259 THE CITY IS WHAT YOU WRITE ABOUT, ISN'T IT? 1630 01:19:56,325 --> 01:19:58,995 LIKE IN YOUR STORY SCREAM? 1631 01:19:59,062 --> 01:20:01,130 I REMEMBER HOW MUCH YOU LIKED IT. 1632 01:20:01,164 --> 01:20:02,265 I KNOW. 1633 01:20:02,298 --> 01:20:04,633 NO, I--I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT. 1634 01:20:04,667 --> 01:20:06,635 SEE, I DIDN'T GET IT AT FIRST, YOU KNOW? 1635 01:20:06,669 --> 01:20:09,172 LIKE ABOUT THE SUN "SPITTING MORNING"? 1636 01:20:09,238 --> 01:20:11,074 BUT I COULD... I REALLY SEE IT NOW. 1637 01:20:11,074 --> 01:20:12,075 YOU CAN? 1638 01:20:12,141 --> 01:20:13,476 OH, YEAH. SURE. 1639 01:20:14,643 --> 01:20:16,279 SEE, THE SUN, 1640 01:20:16,312 --> 01:20:18,081 LIKE A BIG FACE-- 1641 01:20:19,648 --> 01:20:21,350 HERE IT COMES, HERE IT COMES, 1642 01:20:22,185 --> 01:20:24,253 REAL SLOW 1643 01:20:25,321 --> 01:20:27,323 OVER THE EDGE OF THE WORLD 1644 01:20:29,025 --> 01:20:32,461 AND IT LOOKS OUT OVER THE CITY 1645 01:20:32,495 --> 01:20:33,997 AND IT GOES... 1646 01:20:35,999 --> 01:20:37,000 [spitting] 1647 01:20:42,605 --> 01:20:43,606 SEE WHAT I MEAN? 1648 01:20:50,679 --> 01:20:53,049 WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? 1649 01:20:53,116 --> 01:20:54,117 I'M NOT SURE. 1650 01:20:56,052 --> 01:20:57,553 WELL, WOULD YOU MIND DOING IT AGAIN? 1651 01:20:57,620 --> 01:20:59,622 I WASN'T READY THE FIRST TIME. 1652 01:21:13,236 --> 01:21:15,371 IT DOESN'T BUCKLE, IT SNAPS. 1653 01:21:19,642 --> 01:21:21,577 LISTEN, FELIX, 1654 01:21:21,644 --> 01:21:23,512 MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE IT EASY. 1655 01:21:23,546 --> 01:21:26,249 GET YOUR TEMPERATURE UP. 1656 01:21:26,315 --> 01:21:27,383 (Felix) IT'S GOING UP. 1657 01:21:28,217 --> 01:21:29,986 I CAN FEEL IT. 1658 01:21:30,019 --> 01:21:32,188 YEAH, BUT YOU'RE EXHAUSTED, REMEMBER? 1659 01:21:33,522 --> 01:21:36,059 PARTS OF ME ARE WIDE AWAKE. 1660 01:21:39,162 --> 01:21:41,497 (Doris) THIS COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS. 1661 01:21:41,530 --> 01:21:43,099 A PERSON AS SICK AS YOU. 1662 01:21:43,166 --> 01:21:46,035 I'M GONNA STOP ANY MINUTE NOW. 1663 01:21:46,102 --> 01:21:47,370 YOU DO, AND I'LL KILL YOU. 1664 01:21:57,546 --> 01:21:59,182 *[piano playing] 1665 01:22:32,615 --> 01:22:34,150 DO YOU THINK SHE'S PRETTY? 1666 01:22:36,385 --> 01:22:38,054 MS. WEYDERHAUS, THE CONCERT PIANIST. 1667 01:22:38,887 --> 01:22:40,423 [sighs] 1668 01:22:40,456 --> 01:22:41,790 *[playing off-key] 1669 01:22:46,495 --> 01:22:48,297 DOES SHE HAVE A NICE BODY? 1670 01:22:48,331 --> 01:22:50,166 SHE'S VERY DELICATE. 1671 01:22:50,233 --> 01:22:52,101 OH, YEAH? 1672 01:22:52,168 --> 01:22:54,137 SHE'S EXTREMELY FRAGILE. 1673 01:22:54,170 --> 01:22:57,140 SHE GOT A STICKER ON HER THAT SAYS, "THIS END UP"? 1674 01:22:57,173 --> 01:22:58,174 NOT FUNNY. 1675 01:23:01,510 --> 01:23:02,511 YOU THINK I'M PRETTY? 1676 01:23:06,915 --> 01:23:08,117 YES. 1677 01:23:10,919 --> 01:23:13,256 I'M NOT REALLY. I JUST MAKE YOU THINK I AM. 1678 01:23:14,257 --> 01:23:15,424 HOW DO YOU DO THAT? 1679 01:23:16,159 --> 01:23:17,660 IT'S A TRICK. 1680 01:23:17,693 --> 01:23:20,196 IT-IT'S, UH, IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN. 1681 01:23:20,263 --> 01:23:21,764 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 1682 01:23:22,765 --> 01:23:24,100 WELL, 1683 01:23:25,334 --> 01:23:26,335 UH, 1684 01:23:27,870 --> 01:23:31,540 IT--IT'S KIND OF LIKE ACTING, YOU KNOW? 1685 01:23:31,607 --> 01:23:33,776 I MEAN, Y-YOU GOTTA ACT PRETTY. 1686 01:23:35,278 --> 01:23:36,879 I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN. 1687 01:23:36,945 --> 01:23:38,114 WATCH THIS. 1688 01:23:44,887 --> 01:23:46,622 NOW I LOOK PRETTY, RIGHT? 1689 01:23:48,657 --> 01:23:50,159 RIGHT. 1690 01:23:50,193 --> 01:23:51,227 NOW, WATCH THIS. 1691 01:23:58,367 --> 01:24:00,703 OH, THAT'S AMAZING. 1692 01:24:00,736 --> 01:24:03,206 THAT'S 2 COMPLETELY DIFFERENT GIRLS. 1693 01:24:03,239 --> 01:24:05,541 YOU'RE PUTTING ME ON. 1694 01:24:05,574 --> 01:24:07,243 NO, I MEAN IT! IT'S FANTASTIC. 1695 01:24:07,310 --> 01:24:08,644 [giggling] 1696 01:24:10,313 --> 01:24:11,647 WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 1697 01:24:11,680 --> 01:24:13,682 MMM, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD. 1698 01:24:14,717 --> 01:24:16,519 I KNOW WHAT THAT IS. 1699 01:24:16,552 --> 01:24:18,354 IT'S GONNA PUT YOU IN A VERY GOOD MOOD. 1700 01:24:18,387 --> 01:24:20,389 I DON'T--I DON'T WANT TO BE A PARTY TO THIS. 1701 01:24:20,489 --> 01:24:21,690 OH, DON'T BE SUCH A TIGHT-ASS. 1702 01:24:21,724 --> 01:24:23,326 I AM NOT A TIGHT-ASS. 1703 01:24:23,359 --> 01:24:26,529 I--I--I MERELY BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE--ARE CERTAIN LIMITS. 1704 01:24:27,896 --> 01:24:29,232 I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL. 1705 01:24:29,332 --> 01:24:31,167 ABSOLUTELY NOT. 1706 01:24:31,200 --> 01:24:33,536 LISTEN, A COUPLE OF HITS ON THIS, 1707 01:24:34,937 --> 01:24:36,272 AND I... 1708 01:24:36,339 --> 01:24:37,440 [whispering] 1709 01:24:48,917 --> 01:24:50,586 OF COURSE, IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED-- 1710 01:24:50,619 --> 01:24:51,720 GIVE ME THAT. JUST GIVE ME. 1711 01:24:51,754 --> 01:24:54,790 THIS IS JUST--JUST TO DEMONSTRATE 1712 01:24:54,857 --> 01:24:56,559 THAT I HAVE A CERTAIN FREEDOM OF CHOICE, 1713 01:24:56,625 --> 01:24:58,294 THAT I AM NOT A SQUARE PERSON, 1714 01:24:58,361 --> 01:25:01,930 AND I AM, IF I WISH TO BE, PERFECTLY HEP. 1715 01:25:01,964 --> 01:25:03,399 MMM-HMM. I'M HIP, YOU'RE HEP. 1716 01:25:03,432 --> 01:25:04,600 [inhales deeply] 1717 01:25:20,616 --> 01:25:22,751 HOW DO YOU FEEL? 1718 01:25:22,785 --> 01:25:26,722 HOW COME YOU AND MS. WEYDERHAUS DON'T MESS AROUND? 1719 01:25:26,755 --> 01:25:27,923 I TOLD YOU! 1720 01:25:27,956 --> 01:25:28,957 [chuckles] 1721 01:25:32,895 --> 01:25:33,929 HEY. HMM? 1722 01:25:35,631 --> 01:25:37,966 HOW COME YOU AND MS. WEYDERHAUS DON'T MESS AROUND? 1723 01:25:39,335 --> 01:25:40,336 I TOLD YOU. 1724 01:25:41,904 --> 01:25:44,307 [giggling] OH, BECAUSE SHE'S FRAGILE? 1725 01:25:44,407 --> 01:25:45,974 YEAH, SHE'S FRAGILE, RIGHT? 1726 01:25:46,008 --> 01:25:49,312 NO, SHE'S WORRIED-- SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT HER HANDS. SHE HAS... 1727 01:25:49,345 --> 01:25:51,514 SHE DOESN'T WANT TO HURT HER HANDS. 1728 01:25:51,580 --> 01:25:53,482 SHE COULD WEAR BOXING GLOVES. 1729 01:25:55,751 --> 01:25:57,586 THEY'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL, HER HANDS. 1730 01:25:59,522 --> 01:26:00,623 SHE OILS THEM. 1731 01:26:01,490 --> 01:26:02,658 SHE OILS THEM? 1732 01:26:04,092 --> 01:26:05,761 LIKE THE TIN WOODSMAN? 1733 01:26:06,929 --> 01:26:08,864 EXACTLY. TO KEEP THEM SUPPLE. 1734 01:26:10,933 --> 01:26:14,303 SHE'S AN EXTRAORDINARY HUMAN BEING. 1735 01:26:14,337 --> 01:26:15,871 SHE SOUNDS LIKE A DRAG. 1736 01:26:18,874 --> 01:26:20,643 YES, SHE DOES. 1737 01:26:20,676 --> 01:26:21,677 [door slams] 1738 01:26:24,613 --> 01:26:26,782 IS THAT A DOOR? 1739 01:26:26,815 --> 01:26:28,817 I THINK THAT WAS A DOOR. 1740 01:26:30,686 --> 01:26:32,655 DID, UH, SOMEBODY COME IN? 1741 01:26:34,790 --> 01:26:36,659 UNLESS ONE OF US WENT OUT. 1742 01:26:36,725 --> 01:26:38,327 (Mrs. Weyderhaus) FELIX? 1743 01:26:39,628 --> 01:26:41,830 THAT IS A DEFINITE PERSON. 1744 01:26:42,798 --> 01:26:44,300 CORRECT. 1745 01:26:44,333 --> 01:26:47,670 (Mrs. Weyderhaus) FELIX, ARE YOU THERE? 1746 01:26:47,736 --> 01:26:50,539 YOU ARE ABOUT TO MEET MRS. WEYDERHAUS. 1747 01:26:50,573 --> 01:26:52,308 (Ms. Weyderhaus) MOTHER, IS FELIX HERE? 1748 01:26:52,341 --> 01:26:53,642 AND MS. WEYDERHAUS. 1749 01:26:53,676 --> 01:26:55,644 (Mrs. Weyderhaus) HIS CLOTHES ARE ALL AROUND. 1750 01:26:55,678 --> 01:26:56,879 COULDN'T WE PUT IT OFF FOR A WHILE? 1751 01:26:56,979 --> 01:26:57,980 [knocking on door] 1752 01:26:58,013 --> 01:27:00,048 (Mrs. Weyderhaus) ANYONE IN THERE? 1753 01:27:00,148 --> 01:27:03,552 THEY'RE REALLY VERY UNDERSTANDING. JUST BE YOURSELF. 1754 01:27:03,586 --> 01:27:05,421 (Mrs. Weyderhaus) ANYBODY THERE? I DON'T HAVE MUCH CHOICE. 1755 01:27:05,488 --> 01:27:07,490 [gasps] 1756 01:27:07,523 --> 01:27:08,757 (Felix) MRS. WEYDERHAUS. THIS IS DORIS WELLINGTON, 1757 01:27:08,824 --> 01:27:10,526 A FRIEND OF MINE. 1758 01:27:10,593 --> 01:27:12,395 HI, MRS. WEYDERHAUS. 1759 01:27:12,428 --> 01:27:14,062 MOTHER, MY BED IS BROKEN, AND-- 1760 01:27:14,096 --> 01:27:16,365 [gasps] 1761 01:27:16,399 --> 01:27:18,934 ANN WEYDERHAUS, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET DORIS WASHINGTON. 1762 01:27:19,001 --> 01:27:23,005 HELLO, MS. WEYDERHAUS. I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU 1763 01:27:23,071 --> 01:27:25,408 FROM FELIX HERE. 1764 01:27:25,441 --> 01:27:27,410 (Mr. Weyderhaus) WHAT'S GOING ON? WELL, WHAT'S UP IN THERE? 1765 01:27:27,443 --> 01:27:28,444 (Felix) MR. WEYDERHAUS. 1766 01:27:29,678 --> 01:27:31,380 (Felix) ALLOW ME TO-- 1767 01:27:31,414 --> 01:27:33,015 DORIS! DORIS? 1768 01:27:33,048 --> 01:27:34,750 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DORIS? 1769 01:27:36,685 --> 01:27:37,686 DORIS? 1770 01:27:37,753 --> 01:27:40,088 JESUS CHRIST! 1771 01:27:40,122 --> 01:27:42,458 THAT'S "BOMBS AWAY"! 1772 01:27:42,525 --> 01:27:43,759 THAT'S THE GUY WITH THE SMOCK. 1773 01:27:43,792 --> 01:27:46,429 YOU KNOW--YOU KNOW, WITH THE HARD-BOILED EGGS! 1774 01:27:46,462 --> 01:27:48,063 [Felix and Doris laugh] 1775 01:27:48,096 --> 01:27:49,097 [shrieks] 1776 01:27:54,470 --> 01:27:55,471 (Doris) WHERE ARE YOU RUSHING? 1777 01:27:56,872 --> 01:27:59,041 JESUS, YOU WALK SO FAST! 1778 01:27:59,041 --> 01:28:00,543 WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? 1779 01:28:00,609 --> 01:28:01,910 I DON'T KNOW. 1780 01:28:03,546 --> 01:28:05,748 PLEASE STOP FOLLOWING ME. I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU. 1781 01:28:05,814 --> 01:28:07,983 I JUST HAPPEN TO BE GOING IN THE SAME DIRECTION YOU ARE, 1782 01:28:08,050 --> 01:28:09,818 BUT YOU'RE GOING FASTER THAN I AM. 1783 01:28:09,885 --> 01:28:11,620 DORIS, I WANT TO BE ALONE NOW. 1784 01:28:11,720 --> 01:28:14,657 WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU? 1785 01:28:14,723 --> 01:28:15,891 WHAT IS IT? 1786 01:28:15,891 --> 01:28:16,792 YOU'RE JUST DEPRESSED NOW 1787 01:28:16,892 --> 01:28:19,094 BECAUSE Y-Y-YOU'RE NOT USED TO SMOKING GRASS. 1788 01:28:19,127 --> 01:28:20,796 YES, DOCTOR? 1789 01:28:20,896 --> 01:28:22,931 AND YOU GOT VERY HIGH, AND NOW YOU'VE COME DOWN REAL HARD. 1790 01:28:22,965 --> 01:28:24,967 THAT COULD BE VERY DEPRESSING. SEE WHAT I MEAN? 1791 01:28:25,067 --> 01:28:26,635 LISTEN, THE FIRST TIME I GOT STONED, 1792 01:28:26,669 --> 01:28:28,771 I CAME DOWN SO HARD I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A HUMAN BEING. 1793 01:28:28,804 --> 01:28:30,639 I FELT LIKE SOME KIND OF COCKROACH OR SOMETHING. 1794 01:28:30,673 --> 01:28:31,674 KAFKA. 1795 01:28:31,740 --> 01:28:33,909 YEAH, LIKE A KAFKA. 1796 01:28:33,976 --> 01:28:36,979 YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL. 1797 01:28:37,012 --> 01:28:38,981 I'M GOING TO BE CAREFUL FROM NOW ON. 1798 01:28:39,014 --> 01:28:42,618 I'M GONNA BE EXTRA-CAREFUL NOT TO BECOME INVOLVED IN ANYBODY'S LIFE. 1799 01:28:42,651 --> 01:28:44,820 IT'S NOT GOOD FOR THEM, AND IT'S NOT GOOD FOR ME. 1800 01:28:44,920 --> 01:28:47,590 WHAT ABOUT LAST NIGHT? WHAT ABOUT LAST NIGHT? 1801 01:28:47,590 --> 01:28:49,758 WHEN WE MADE LOVE, WASN'T THAT GOOD FOR YOU? 1802 01:28:49,792 --> 01:28:52,528 YOU'VE GOT YOUR TERMINOLOGY CONFUSED, DORIS. THAT WAS NOT MAKING LOVE. 1803 01:28:52,595 --> 01:28:54,997 WHATEVER IT WAS, IT BEAT THE HELL OUT OF DRYING THE DISHES. 1804 01:28:55,097 --> 01:28:56,765 WHAT WE DID WAS TO GET A FAST THRILL. 1805 01:28:58,701 --> 01:29:00,769 ONE TIME IS A FAST THRILL. 1806 01:29:00,803 --> 01:29:03,472 6 TIMES IS MAKING LOVE. 1807 01:29:03,506 --> 01:29:04,940 YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE DID? 1808 01:29:04,973 --> 01:29:07,042 COME ON. I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT WE DID. 1809 01:29:07,109 --> 01:29:08,444 WHAT? FELIX. 1810 01:29:08,477 --> 01:29:10,012 COME ON, I'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING. COME ON. 1811 01:29:11,514 --> 01:29:13,516 LOOK. LOOK OVER THERE. 1812 01:29:13,549 --> 01:29:14,650 [dogs yelping] 1813 01:29:14,683 --> 01:29:16,719 THAT'S WHAT WE DID. 1814 01:29:16,785 --> 01:29:18,120 WITH JUST AS LITTLE SENSE OR PURPOSE. NO. 1815 01:29:18,186 --> 01:29:20,022 OF COURSE, MAYBE THAT'S WHAT YOU AND I ARE ALL ABOUT. 1816 01:29:20,122 --> 01:29:21,557 MAYBE THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GOOD FOR. 1817 01:29:21,624 --> 01:29:22,991 WHAT? 1818 01:29:23,025 --> 01:29:25,561 BEING EACH OTHER'S PETS. WOULD YOU ENJOY THAT? 1819 01:29:25,628 --> 01:29:27,730 PEOPLE LOVE THEIR PETS. 1820 01:29:27,796 --> 01:29:29,665 YOU WANT TO BE MY PET, DORIS? 1821 01:29:29,732 --> 01:29:31,567 THAT'S NOT SUCH A BAD IDEA. 1822 01:29:31,634 --> 01:29:34,136 YOU COULD WEAR A NICE COLLAR AND SLEEP IN A CORNER IN A BOX. 1823 01:29:34,169 --> 01:29:36,539 OF COURSE, I'D HAVE TO LOCK YOU UP AT NIGHT IN THE BATHROOM. 1824 01:29:36,639 --> 01:29:38,541 WOULDN'T WANT YOU RUNNING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 1825 01:29:38,574 --> 01:29:40,576 I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 1826 01:29:40,643 --> 01:29:42,678 AND I COULD WASH YOU, AND BATHE YOU-- 1827 01:29:42,745 --> 01:29:45,013 SAY, WE'VE ALREADY DONE THAT, HAVEN'T WE? 1828 01:29:45,047 --> 01:29:47,883 I KNOW. I COULD TEACH YOU SOME TRICKS. DON'T TALK LIKE THAT. 1829 01:29:47,916 --> 01:29:51,086 YOU COULD LEARN TO SIT UP, PLAY DEAD, ROLL OVER-- YOU'RE SCARING ME. 1830 01:29:51,153 --> 01:29:54,256 WHAT ABOUT RETRIEVING? THAT'S AN EASY ONE. RETRIEVING IS AN EASY ONE. 1831 01:29:54,322 --> 01:29:56,258 LET ME JUST... COME ON. LET ME JUST GET A STICK. 1832 01:29:56,324 --> 01:29:58,160 STOP IT! YEAH, HERE'S A STICK. OK? 1833 01:29:58,193 --> 01:30:00,195 STOP IT, FELIX. STICK, STICK. THERE'S THE STICK. 1834 01:30:00,262 --> 01:30:03,599 OK, OK! FETCH! FETCH! GO AHEAD, FETCH! 1835 01:30:03,666 --> 01:30:05,167 [panting] 1836 01:30:05,200 --> 01:30:07,836 THAT'S TOO TOUGH, HUH? IS THAT TOO TOUGH? 1837 01:30:07,870 --> 01:30:09,738 STOP IT! SOMETHING REAL SIMPLE. ALL RIGHT. COME ON. 1838 01:30:09,838 --> 01:30:11,940 GIVE ME YOUR PAW. GIVE ME YOUR PAW. 1839 01:30:12,007 --> 01:30:13,275 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME. 1840 01:30:13,341 --> 01:30:15,077 I WANT YOU TO BE A GOOD LITTLE GIRL 1841 01:30:15,110 --> 01:30:16,745 AND GIVE DADDY YOUR PAW. 1842 01:30:16,779 --> 01:30:19,081 DON'T FORGET, I ASSIMILATED IMPECCABLE. 1843 01:30:19,114 --> 01:30:22,084 RIGHT. THAT WAS A GOOD TRICK. NOW I'M TRYING TO TEACH YOU ANOTHER ONE. 1844 01:30:22,117 --> 01:30:23,552 IF YOU CAN'T LEARN IT FROM ME, 1845 01:30:23,586 --> 01:30:25,721 I'M GONNA HAVE TO SEND YOU TO OBEDIENCE SCHOOL. 1846 01:30:25,754 --> 01:30:26,755 NOW GIVE ME YOUR PAW. 1847 01:30:26,855 --> 01:30:28,123 WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? 1848 01:30:28,190 --> 01:30:30,025 PETS DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. 1849 01:30:30,058 --> 01:30:32,127 THEY DO WHAT THEY'RE TOLD. OTHERWISE THEY ARE GIVEN AWAY. 1850 01:30:32,194 --> 01:30:34,029 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? 1851 01:30:34,096 --> 01:30:36,799 DO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU AWAY TO SOME POOR FAMILY WHO'LL BEAT YOU? 1852 01:30:36,865 --> 01:30:39,267 NOW, JUST DON'T STAND THERE LIKE A HUMAN BEING. GIVE ME YOUR PAW. 1853 01:30:39,367 --> 01:30:41,269 IF I DO, WILL YOU QUIT ACTING LIKE THIS? 1854 01:30:41,303 --> 01:30:43,305 WE MAKE NO DEALS WITH PETS HERE. 1855 01:30:43,371 --> 01:30:45,574 I'M WARNING YOU. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE. 1856 01:30:45,608 --> 01:30:46,609 GIVE ME YOUR PAW. 1857 01:30:46,709 --> 01:30:47,976 [sniffles] 1858 01:30:57,219 --> 01:30:58,621 [children chattering] 1859 01:30:59,722 --> 01:31:00,889 [dogs barking] 1860 01:31:13,602 --> 01:31:14,970 [siren wailing] 1861 01:31:19,241 --> 01:31:20,242 [sniffles] 1862 01:31:23,411 --> 01:31:24,580 HEY, FELIX. 1863 01:31:26,281 --> 01:31:28,584 [dogs barking] 1864 01:31:28,617 --> 01:31:30,619 NAME'S NOT FELIX. 1865 01:31:30,653 --> 01:31:32,588 WHAT DID YOU SAY? I DIDN'T HEAR YOU. 1866 01:31:34,356 --> 01:31:36,859 MY NAME IS NOT FELIX. 1867 01:31:36,925 --> 01:31:38,326 I DON'T GET YOU. 1868 01:31:39,161 --> 01:31:40,295 MY NAME IS FRED. 1869 01:31:42,931 --> 01:31:45,934 THAT'S RIGHT. THE PERSON YOU ARE STARING AT IS NAMED FRED SHERMAN. 1870 01:31:45,968 --> 01:31:48,136 NOT FELIX. FRED. 1871 01:31:48,170 --> 01:31:50,205 SHORT FOR FREDERICK. 1872 01:31:50,272 --> 01:31:53,308 JUST LIKE WASHINGTON, WELLINGTON, WADSWORTH AND WAVERLY, 1873 01:31:53,375 --> 01:31:56,011 "FELIX" IS JUST ONE MORE POMPOUS, EMPTY NOTION, 1874 01:31:56,044 --> 01:31:58,180 ONE MORE HOPELESS PRETENSE. 1875 01:31:58,213 --> 01:32:00,182 "F" IS FOR FRED. 1876 01:32:00,215 --> 01:32:02,217 IT ALSO STANDS FOR 1877 01:32:02,284 --> 01:32:03,819 "FAKE" 1878 01:32:03,852 --> 01:32:05,654 AND "FRAUD" 1879 01:32:05,688 --> 01:32:06,989 AND-- PHONY? 1880 01:32:08,791 --> 01:32:12,160 AND "FAILURE." THAT'S RIGHT. 1881 01:32:12,227 --> 01:32:15,998 THAT'S WHAT IT REALLY STANDS FOR, THE GOOD OLD AMERICAN FAILURE STORY. 1882 01:32:16,031 --> 01:32:18,701 OH, FELIX-- FRED, GODDAMN IT. 1883 01:32:18,801 --> 01:32:21,136 GIVE ME A CHANCE, WILL YOU? I'M USED TO FELIX. 1884 01:32:21,169 --> 01:32:23,305 I CAN'T JUST ASSIMILATE FRED ALL OF A SUDDEN. 1885 01:32:23,338 --> 01:32:25,007 STOP USING WORDS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 1886 01:32:25,040 --> 01:32:27,042 USE WORDS THAT ARE INDIGENOUS TO YOUR BACKGROUND. 1887 01:32:27,142 --> 01:32:29,311 YOU STOP USING WORDS I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 1888 01:32:29,344 --> 01:32:32,347 THEN MAYBE I'LL UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND. UNDERSTAND? 1889 01:32:34,482 --> 01:32:36,018 WHERE'RE YOU GOING? HUH? 1890 01:32:41,824 --> 01:32:43,191 WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? 1891 01:32:44,326 --> 01:32:46,729 IT WAS EITHER HIM OR ME. 1892 01:32:46,829 --> 01:32:49,364 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THAT WAS YOUR TYPEWRITER. 1893 01:32:49,397 --> 01:32:51,834 SON OF A BITCH WAS TRYING TO KILL ME. 1894 01:32:51,867 --> 01:32:54,703 WHO WAS? WHO WAS? WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 1895 01:32:54,770 --> 01:32:57,072 WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT? 1896 01:32:57,105 --> 01:32:59,074 DON'T TURN AROUND. WHAT? 1897 01:32:59,107 --> 01:33:02,210 JUST STAND THERE. STAND THERE AND COUNT TO 50. UNDERSTAND? 1898 01:33:02,244 --> 01:33:03,946 ONE... I-I DON'T UNDER-- DO WHAT I SAY. 1899 01:33:04,012 --> 01:33:05,948 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 1900 01:33:06,014 --> 01:33:08,383 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 1901 01:33:08,450 --> 01:33:09,785 21, 22, 23, 24, 25-- 1902 01:33:09,852 --> 01:33:11,086 JUST--JUST KEEP COUNTING. 1903 01:33:11,186 --> 01:33:12,755 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 1904 01:33:12,788 --> 01:33:14,022 [inhales] 1905 01:33:14,056 --> 01:33:17,860 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 1906 01:33:17,893 --> 01:33:21,229 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48... 1907 01:33:21,296 --> 01:33:23,131 NOW LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY. 1908 01:33:24,900 --> 01:33:27,803 MY NAME IS FRED. FRED SHERMAN. 1909 01:33:27,870 --> 01:33:28,904 [sniffles] 1910 01:33:28,971 --> 01:33:30,138 WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 1911 01:33:32,908 --> 01:33:34,276 DORIS. 1912 01:33:34,376 --> 01:33:35,443 DORIS WHAT? 1913 01:33:36,244 --> 01:33:37,746 DORIS WAVERLY. 1914 01:33:37,780 --> 01:33:39,815 I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T--I DIDN'T HEAR THAT. 1915 01:33:39,882 --> 01:33:41,884 LET ME--LET ME ASK YOU AGAIN. 1916 01:33:41,917 --> 01:33:43,051 WHAT IS YOUR NAME? 1917 01:33:47,055 --> 01:33:48,223 DORIS. 1918 01:33:48,256 --> 01:33:49,257 YES? 1919 01:33:51,226 --> 01:33:52,327 WATCH IT. 1920 01:33:54,797 --> 01:33:56,298 YES? YES? 1921 01:33:58,133 --> 01:34:01,269 WILGUS? WILGUS! 1922 01:34:01,303 --> 01:34:05,307 WHAT A NICE NAME. IT'S--IT'S VERY REAL. 1923 01:34:05,407 --> 01:34:07,409 [chuckling] YEAH, IT'S THAT, ALL RIGHT. 1924 01:34:07,409 --> 01:34:11,413 UH, I WORK IN A BOOKSTORE. I'M A CLERK. 1925 01:34:11,446 --> 01:34:14,449 ACTUALLY, I'M IN LINE FOR THE ASSISTANT MANAGERSHIP. 1926 01:34:14,482 --> 01:34:16,151 NO KIDDING? YEAH. YEAH. 1927 01:34:16,184 --> 01:34:18,086 WELL, I WORK NIGHTS, AND, UH, 1928 01:34:18,120 --> 01:34:21,123 I THOUGHT I'D SPEND MY DAY LOOKING FOR AN APARTMENT. 1929 01:34:21,189 --> 01:34:23,425 GEE, THAT'S A COINCIDENCE. I DON'T LIVE ANYPLACE EITHER. 1930 01:34:23,458 --> 01:34:25,994 REALLY? WHAT DO YOU DO? 1931 01:34:26,094 --> 01:34:28,263 I'M A MODEL AND AN ACTRESS. 1932 01:34:37,205 --> 01:34:38,841 BUT I WAS FORMERLY A HOOKER. 1933 01:34:42,310 --> 01:34:44,980 BUT ALSO, I WAS IN 2 TELEVISION COMMERCIALS. 1934 01:34:45,047 --> 01:34:47,449 I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR. 1935 01:34:47,482 --> 01:34:49,151 [giggles] 1936 01:34:49,217 --> 01:34:51,987 HEY, I'M VERY PLEASED TO ACTUALLY MEET YOU, MISS WILGUS. 1937 01:34:53,521 --> 01:34:55,390 VERY NICE TO MEET YOU, FRED. 1938 01:35:04,867 --> 01:35:06,334 [dogs barking] 1939 01:35:12,074 --> 01:35:14,242 (Doris) A-ACTUALLY, 1940 01:35:14,309 --> 01:35:16,979 THERE WAS ONLY ONE COMMERCIAL. 1941 01:35:17,012 --> 01:35:18,246 DO YOU STILL LOVE ME? 1942 01:35:20,215 --> 01:35:21,516 (Felix) WHO KNOWS? 1943 01:35:21,549 --> 01:35:23,551 WE MIGHT EVEN FIND A PLACE WITH A TELEVISION SET. 1944 01:35:23,651 --> 01:35:25,020 OH, I NEVER WATCH TELEVISION. 1945 01:35:25,053 --> 01:35:26,388 REALLY? 1946 01:35:26,488 --> 01:35:28,556 YEAH. IT'S TOO GODDAMN ENERVATING. 1947 01:35:28,590 --> 01:35:32,160 * JUST WANT TO MENTION IN PASSING * 1948 01:35:32,194 --> 01:35:34,329 * THERE'LL BE FOOD AND DRINK 1949 01:35:34,362 --> 01:35:36,999 * THERE'LL BE MOONLIGHT DANCING * 1950 01:35:37,032 --> 01:35:40,068 * IF YOU COULD SEE TO IT SOMEHOW * 1951 01:35:40,168 --> 01:35:42,337 * COULD YOU LEND YOUR PLACE 1952 01:35:42,370 --> 01:35:45,507 * OR A HOTEL ROOM NOW 1953 01:35:45,540 --> 01:35:50,012 * I WANT TO REMIND YOU, MIND YOU * 1954 01:35:50,045 --> 01:35:53,849 * NOW'S THE TIME YOU CAN CELEBRATE * 1955 01:35:53,882 --> 01:35:57,285 * I WANT TO IMPLORE YOU, FOR YOU * 1956 01:35:57,352 --> 01:35:59,254 * JUST CAN'T WAIT 1957 01:36:09,031 --> 01:36:12,400 * JUST WANT TO MENTION IN PASSING * 1958 01:36:12,467 --> 01:36:16,638 * THERE'S A BOAT THAT'S LEAVING HERE FOR ROMANCING * 1959 01:36:16,704 --> 01:36:20,208 * LET'S JUST LEAVE IT TO FATE, NOW * 1960 01:36:20,208 --> 01:36:22,310 * WE CAN ALL GO HOME 1961 01:36:22,377 --> 01:36:26,381 * TIME TO CELEBRATE 131975