Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:09,926
rock/pop music
2
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,985
rock music
3
00:00:28,485 --> 00:00:30,070
Na, na, na, na
4
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,948
Na, na, na, na
5
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,283
Na, na, na, na, na,
hey, hey, hey...
6
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:35,909
[Kev] Morning, Billy.
7
00:00:35,951 --> 00:00:37,370
Three bucks a shot.
8
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,747
Steady just watch
9
00:00:38,787 --> 00:00:40,539
Hands up high
as confetti gets dropped
10
00:00:40,581 --> 00:00:42,250
Go, go, can't be stopped
11
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,585
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah
12
00:00:44,626 --> 00:00:45,754
Ready or not...
13
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:48,673
I got Oxy, Vicodin,
Percocet,
14
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,968
Xanax, Adderall, morphine,
and Valium.
15
00:00:52,009 --> 00:00:55,055
Five bucks a pill,
less if you buy in bulk.
16
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,305
[Kev] No, no, no, no.
17
00:00:56,346 --> 00:00:57,599
If I can't buy
my girlfriend's mom drinks,
18
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,891
what good am I?
19
00:00:58,932 --> 00:01:00,643
No damn good.
20
00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:01,602
What do you call that?
21
00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:03,396
Death.
Bottoms up.
22
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,732
- [Tommy] Cheers.
- Cheers.
23
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,067
Motherfucker.
24
00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:09,110
Ready or not
25
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,070
Here I come
26
00:01:11,111 --> 00:01:12,739
- Oh, shit.
27
00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:14,991
[Kev] Hey.
28
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,408
[spluttering]
29
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,039
-[thunk]
-Aah!
30
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,293
[Svetlana cries out]
31
00:01:26,335 --> 00:01:27,420
Gah!
32
00:01:27,461 --> 00:01:28,754
[Svetlana cries out]
33
00:01:28,796 --> 00:01:30,256
Should we try to stop them?
34
00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,465
Not until some clothes
come off.
35
00:01:31,507 --> 00:01:32,801
Lenny, what the fuck, man?
36
00:01:32,841 --> 00:01:34,426
This isn't a litter box.
37
00:01:34,468 --> 00:01:35,637
Where did you dump
the asbestos?
38
00:01:35,677 --> 00:01:36,929
You know what?
You know what?
39
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,264
Don't tell me.
It's better that I don't know.
40
00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:39,848
[Veronica] How many mamas
we know in the hood
41
00:01:39,890 --> 00:01:41,433
still feeding their babies
titty milk?
42
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:44,020
Whoa, no IV drugs.
Pump it pure.
43
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,354
[man] Where's the keg?
44
00:01:45,395 --> 00:01:48,525
A little early to be drinking,
isn't it?
45
00:01:50,734 --> 00:01:52,402
A tough night
for the new liver.
46
00:01:52,444 --> 00:01:54,280
How much you give me...
for this?
47
00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:55,198
[dog whines]
48
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,032
Take him back right now, man.
49
00:01:57,074 --> 00:01:59,244
We left Billy here last night?
50
00:01:59,284 --> 00:02:01,204
I'm sorry about that, buddy.
51
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,623
Oh, my God, he's dead.
I touched a dead guy.
52
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:10,129
all chanting in Russian
53
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:16,510
Whoo-ee!
54
00:02:16,552 --> 00:02:18,221
Shift change.
55
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,140
Russian hour is over.
56
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:21,431
It's Kentucky time.
57
00:02:21,473 --> 00:02:23,476
Ladies and gentlemen,
58
00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:26,479
announcing the latest addition
to the Ball family,
59
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:27,896
Amy and Gemma!
60
00:02:27,938 --> 00:02:30,191
-Oh, nice!
-[bargoers cheer]
61
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,151
Why do you drink
62
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,652
[all] To get drunk!
63
00:02:33,694 --> 00:02:35,989
And why do you all smoke
64
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,365
[all] To get high!
65
00:02:40,075 --> 00:02:42,412
Now everybody
66
00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:43,705
Have you heard
67
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:46,498
All right, place your bets.
Thank you.
68
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:47,792
Nine...
69
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,710
-Thirty, thirty-one...
-[Frank] Uh-oh.
70
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,336
[Lip] Thirty-two...
71
00:02:51,378 --> 00:02:53,715
Oh!
72
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,592
driving electronic music
73
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,801
Do it!
74
00:02:57,843 --> 00:02:59,512
[groaning]
75
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,805
[officiant]
You may kiss the bride.
76
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:01,972
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
77
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,019
Yeah!
78
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,020
[laughter]
79
00:03:16,236 --> 00:03:17,864
Do you wanna open
a whorehouse?
80
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,698
No, of course not.
81
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,283
Just a rub and tug.
82
00:03:21,325 --> 00:03:23,328
Just wanna know if you, uh...
83
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,205
want a hand job.
84
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:28,457
Hey, hand me my phone,
would you?
85
00:03:28,498 --> 00:03:31,419
Might wanna toss that minnow
back into the lake, Lorenzo.
86
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,254
Holy shit, look at the hog
on Stan.
87
00:03:34,296 --> 00:03:35,715
I've heard rumors
about that thing.
88
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,217
[Kev] What's he doing
with the belt around his neck
89
00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:38,383
while he's taking a piss?
90
00:03:38,425 --> 00:03:39,593
He was jacking off, Kev.
91
00:03:39,635 --> 00:03:41,221
And strangling himself
at the same time.
92
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:42,472
Why?
93
00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:43,472
'Cause it feels good.
94
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:46,475
upbeat music
95
00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,030
[Velcro ripping sound]
96
00:03:59,071 --> 00:04:01,741
-Oh
-[murmuring, snickering]
97
00:04:01,782 --> 00:04:04,244
You said we were all doing
the full Monty.
98
00:04:08,121 --> 00:04:09,373
[Svetlana] Out.
99
00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:19,342
-[knock at door]
-[Kev] City of Chicago says
100
00:04:19,383 --> 00:04:21,510
all bars are closed
until further notice.
101
00:04:21,551 --> 00:04:22,720
-[pounding continues]
-[Veronica] Go, go, go!
102
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:23,845
Hide in the back.
This is what we practiced.
103
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,931
We are absolutely complying
104
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,225
with the mayor's
very smart decision
105
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,936
to close all bars and taverns.
106
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:35,441
-[Frank] What the fuck, Kev?
-Oh, my--come on.
107
00:04:35,482 --> 00:04:37,652
Hail, 'rona survivors!
What?
108
00:04:37,693 --> 00:04:38,695
Where is everyone?
109
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,782
rock music
110
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,450
[telephone rings]
111
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:46,869
It's our parent-teacher call,
Kev.
112
00:04:46,910 --> 00:04:49,162
Okay, be right there.
113
00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:51,873
Okay, girls.
Breakfast of champions.
114
00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:54,544
Have a good day at school.
115
00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,128
-[Veronica] Kev!
-Coming.
116
00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,924
Hi, Mrs. Cardenas.
How's it going?
117
00:04:59,965 --> 00:05:02,260
Good morning, Kev.
I was just telling Veronica--
118
00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:03,845
Amy is smart
and Gemma's a dumbass.
119
00:05:03,885 --> 00:05:05,138
-What?
-I didn't say it
120
00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:08,140
exactly like that, but...yes.
121
00:05:08,181 --> 00:05:10,310
Gemma's been falling behind
in her schoolwork.
122
00:05:10,350 --> 00:05:12,477
There's schoolwork
in kindergarten?
123
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,732
Gemma's been logging off
the Zoom call
124
00:05:16,773 --> 00:05:18,234
right after I take attendance.
125
00:05:18,275 --> 00:05:19,318
That's genius.
126
00:05:19,359 --> 00:05:21,070
-Kev.
-That's wrong.
127
00:05:21,111 --> 00:05:23,071
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
128
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,866
Is she watching
a YouTube video?
129
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,034
Looks that way from here.
130
00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:27,451
Children this age,
most parents
131
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:29,162
stay on the Zoom call
with their kids.
132
00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:30,455
The whole time?
133
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,164
That's, like, six hours
of our day.
134
00:05:32,205 --> 00:05:34,792
If you want Gemma to keep up
with the other children,
135
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:37,587
I suggest you participate
in her education.
136
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:40,881
What work could they
possibly have?
137
00:05:40,922 --> 00:05:42,008
It's kindergarten.
138
00:05:42,049 --> 00:05:43,885
-This is all my fault.
-What is?
139
00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:46,262
Why Gemma's dumb.
140
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,013
It's my eggs.
I wasn't supposed to have kids
141
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,015
in the first place.
142
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,224
soft music
143
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,727
I think we should have
our own kid.
144
00:05:52,768 --> 00:05:53,936
Could we start right now?
145
00:05:53,977 --> 00:05:55,188
[laughs]
146
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:56,104
[squeals]
147
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,815
[Kev] Veronica...
148
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,775
I got 20 minutes
left on my break.
149
00:05:59,816 --> 00:06:01,068
That should give us enough time
150
00:06:01,109 --> 00:06:03,195
to go three times, easy.
151
00:06:03,236 --> 00:06:04,321
Just--hey.
152
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,989
It's okay.
I'll do all the work.
153
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,450
-Maybe later.
-Oh, come on.
154
00:06:07,491 --> 00:06:08,743
The best part
about making a baby
155
00:06:08,784 --> 00:06:11,203
is you get to have sex
while we're doing it.
156
00:06:11,244 --> 00:06:14,039
I need to know the truth.
Can I have a damn baby or not?
157
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,794
You have a 99.999 chance
of not getting pregnant.
158
00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:22,047
jazzy music
159
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,092
[Carol]
So I'll just be carrying it,
160
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,967
and you two take it from me
when it comes out?
161
00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:27,387
-Yes, Mom.
-'Cause Lord knows
162
00:06:27,427 --> 00:06:29,679
I am too old
to be raising an infant.
163
00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:32,933
Not much in there.
164
00:06:32,974 --> 00:06:34,434
We could've used
an eyedropper.
165
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:35,811
Jeez, Kevin.
166
00:06:35,852 --> 00:06:38,688
rock music
167
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:39,857
[Kev] Bottoms up.
168
00:06:46,196 --> 00:06:47,948
[both] Are you out
of your fucking mind?
169
00:06:47,989 --> 00:06:49,575
Kev is just gonna lie down
with you
170
00:06:49,616 --> 00:06:51,076
for procreation, not sex.
171
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,244
What is the difference?
172
00:06:52,285 --> 00:06:53,955
It's clinical,
so no one enjoys it.
173
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:56,582
Millions of sperm died
in that turkey baster.
174
00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:58,792
Uh-uh, no.
Honey, this is an express bus
175
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,294
to The Maury Povich Show.
176
00:07:00,335 --> 00:07:02,587
What kind of hard liquor
you got, and how much?
177
00:07:02,629 --> 00:07:03,714
[Kev] Okay,
let's get this going.
178
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:07,051
-[Carol laughing]
-Knock it off, Mama.
179
00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:08,344
Hey, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
180
00:07:08,385 --> 00:07:10,179
W-what's with the KKK costume?
181
00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:11,638
I saw them use
something like this
182
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,765
at that super-Jewy wedding
183
00:07:12,806 --> 00:07:13,933
I went to last year.
184
00:07:13,974 --> 00:07:15,475
It keeps the skin
from touching,
185
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,977
acts as a barrier.
186
00:07:17,018 --> 00:07:19,479
[Carol] I feel
like a ghost prostitute.
187
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,816
...why she didn't cut me
a mouth hole.
188
00:07:21,857 --> 00:07:25,277
How am I supposed to--whoa!
Hello.
189
00:07:25,318 --> 00:07:28,030
Looks like I got
a visitor down there.
190
00:07:28,071 --> 00:07:29,157
Can I take this off my face?
191
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,991
No!
No!
192
00:07:31,032 --> 00:07:32,869
How many more times
are we gonna have to do this?
193
00:07:32,909 --> 00:07:34,369
Until we complete the mission.
194
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,998
You're Luke Skywalker,
and it's up to you
195
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:39,958
to shoot one in
and destroy the Death Star.
196
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,169
rock music
197
00:07:42,210 --> 00:07:44,296
N-n-no, not there.
No.
198
00:07:44,337 --> 00:07:45,465
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
199
00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,174
You-you got a-a shoehorn
or something?
200
00:07:47,215 --> 00:07:49,385
Can you not talk, please?
Just don't say a word.
201
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,013
Come on, you piece of shit!
202
00:07:53,054 --> 00:07:54,056
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
203
00:07:55,849 --> 00:07:57,225
Mama, get on it.
204
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,143
Mm.
205
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,397
[Kevin] Oh!
Ah!
206
00:08:01,438 --> 00:08:02,315
[sighs]
207
00:08:02,355 --> 00:08:03,608
[Kev] Oh, man.
208
00:08:03,648 --> 00:08:05,066
Hold that thought.
Mom!
209
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,485
Jump in between us.
Hurry up.
210
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:08,778
Oh, yeah, that's it.
211
00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,489
Ooh, yeah, that's it.
212
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:11,574
Ooh, bring it home.
213
00:08:11,615 --> 00:08:13,493
Bring it home, baby.
Ooh!
214
00:08:13,533 --> 00:08:15,036
[gasps]
215
00:08:15,076 --> 00:08:16,495
Stop, stop.
216
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,748
-Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
-[clicking]
217
00:08:18,788 --> 00:08:20,208
-[music stops]
-Stop!
218
00:08:20,248 --> 00:08:22,375
You people wanna have a baby?
Beautiful.
219
00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:23,835
Find another way to do it.
220
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,339
I can't be working
under these conditions.
221
00:08:26,379 --> 00:08:28,173
All right, we'll call you.
222
00:08:28,215 --> 00:08:29,508
Jump, jump
223
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,301
Jump, jump for joy
224
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,802
Jump, jump
225
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,680
-[gasping]
-Oh, flex.
226
00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:35,848
Flex.
227
00:08:35,889 --> 00:08:36,932
[gasps]
228
00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:41,019
[both panting]
229
00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:46,359
[urine splashing]
230
00:08:47,317 --> 00:08:48,777
You gotta be shitting me.
231
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:50,153
Attention, people!
232
00:08:50,195 --> 00:08:51,821
Kevin is gonna be a daddy!
233
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:55,158
[bar cheers]
234
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,410
Really?
235
00:08:56,451 --> 00:08:58,162
Look at the stick, people!
236
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,038
Beware.
For the rest of the night,
237
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,209
I am stirring cocktails
with this stick.
238
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:05,210
[laughs]
239
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,588
You are doing amazing, honey.
240
00:09:07,629 --> 00:09:08,881
How would you know?
241
00:09:08,922 --> 00:09:09,757
Because you're making
all the right sounds.
242
00:09:09,798 --> 00:09:11,050
Remember that birthing video
243
00:09:11,091 --> 00:09:13,134
with the chick making
all the buffalo noises?
244
00:09:13,176 --> 00:09:14,887
You're totally making
those noises.
245
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:17,098
Would you like to stand
around here with us?
246
00:09:17,138 --> 00:09:18,306
No, I'm good.
247
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:19,432
You don't wanna watch?
248
00:09:19,474 --> 00:09:21,060
Oh, honey, I was
over there earlier,
249
00:09:21,101 --> 00:09:22,894
and I saw some...hardcore shit,
250
00:09:22,936 --> 00:09:24,312
like, horror movie shit.
251
00:09:24,354 --> 00:09:25,480
No, I'm gonna stay with you.
252
00:09:25,522 --> 00:09:27,399
[muffled groan]
253
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:29,402
Nnh!
I am so sorry I can't help.
254
00:09:29,442 --> 00:09:30,610
I'm useless at this.
255
00:09:30,652 --> 00:09:32,779
You know, Tommy says
that in some cultures,
256
00:09:32,821 --> 00:09:34,824
men aren't even allowed
near the birth,
257
00:09:34,864 --> 00:09:36,825
just a bunch of women in tents,
which makes sense,
258
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:38,160
because I would be
so much more useful
259
00:09:38,201 --> 00:09:39,494
if I was out hunting moose
or something.
260
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:40,912
Ooh, shut up.
Shut the fuck up, Kevin.
261
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,123
Please shut the fuck up.
262
00:09:42,163 --> 00:09:43,206
Okay, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
263
00:09:43,248 --> 00:09:44,458
The nurses just left them here
264
00:09:44,499 --> 00:09:46,335
like we know what the fuck
we're doing.
265
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,713
This is Amy, and that's Gemma.
266
00:09:48,753 --> 00:09:50,171
Right, now, uh, tell me again.
267
00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:52,465
Um, this one's Amy.
268
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,384
Uh...I think so.
269
00:09:54,426 --> 00:09:55,802
I mean, I know their names.
270
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,095
I'm just not 100 percent yet
271
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,263
on which one is which.
272
00:10:01,349 --> 00:10:03,311
dramatic chords
273
00:10:03,351 --> 00:10:04,269
[bell dinging]
274
00:10:08,481 --> 00:10:09,524
[buzzer]
275
00:10:09,566 --> 00:10:11,277
This is not your fault, V.
276
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,527
Gemma is not dumb.
277
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:15,196
Mrs. Cardenas has no idea
what she's talking about.
278
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,617
operatic classical
overture
279
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:22,037
[Kev] Is she drawing
on her face?
280
00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:23,830
La, la, la, la, la
281
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,042
La, la, la, la, la
282
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,460
If Gemma were in real school,
283
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,295
this wouldn't even be an issue.
284
00:10:29,336 --> 00:10:31,129
How the hell is anybody
285
00:10:31,171 --> 00:10:32,632
supposed to learn anything
on a damn iPad?
286
00:10:32,672 --> 00:10:34,508
She doesn't even have
to go to kindergarten.
287
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:36,134
It's not like it's a law
or something.
288
00:10:36,176 --> 00:10:38,303
Yeah, but I don't want her
to fall behind.
289
00:10:38,345 --> 00:10:39,805
Okay, fine.
290
00:10:39,846 --> 00:10:41,014
You homeschool Gemma.
291
00:10:41,056 --> 00:10:42,642
You're a smarty-pants.
292
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,728
jaunty music
293
00:10:45,769 --> 00:10:47,187
Wait, so you're a nurse,
Veronica?
294
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,397
-[Veronica] Used to be.
-Lying bitch.
295
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,191
Fine...
but I was offered a place
296
00:10:50,231 --> 00:10:51,691
in the nursing school.
297
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,360
Fine, but it never happened.
298
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,863
They fired her for selling
medical supplies on eBay.
299
00:10:55,904 --> 00:10:57,782
Holy crap.
300
00:10:57,822 --> 00:10:59,032
I'm a ghetto nurse.
301
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,950
Better for folks around here
to come to me
302
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,244
than wait 18 hours
in the emergency room.
303
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,498
No, no!
Always elevate extremities.
304
00:11:05,538 --> 00:11:07,333
Move before you give him
a fucking embolism.
305
00:11:07,374 --> 00:11:09,752
The nose is the most
commonly broken bone
306
00:11:09,793 --> 00:11:12,588
in boys between the ages
of 13 and 25.
307
00:11:12,629 --> 00:11:14,840
Uh, that's-that's fascinating,
but who's the old dude?
308
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,718
Eww, that's nasty.
309
00:11:17,759 --> 00:11:19,845
Almost looks like shingles.
310
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:21,180
Scabies, maybe?
311
00:11:21,221 --> 00:11:22,431
Been hiking in the woods
lately?
312
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,849
Changing your diet?
Does your throat hurt?
313
00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:25,350
-No.
-Stress rash.
314
00:11:31,648 --> 00:11:33,234
-[Fiona] V?
-[Veronica] Making a video
315
00:11:33,274 --> 00:11:35,402
for one of those
do-it-yourself websites online.
316
00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:37,696
Pays 150 bucks.
This one's on a high colonic.
317
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,322
Next week,
I bleach my exit ramp.
318
00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:41,867
What do you want?
Vicodin, morphine, peyote?
319
00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,786
-Tetrodotoxin.
-These red ones.
320
00:11:43,827 --> 00:11:44,994
Give me, uh,
the horse tranquilizer,
321
00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,413
enough to knock out
a Clydesdale.
322
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:47,498
This baby is coming.
323
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,083
-Now?
-She's crowning.
324
00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:50,209
[Debbie screams]
325
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:51,292
All right,
ambulance is on its way.
326
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:52,420
When I was having my girls,
327
00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:54,046
the doc told me to do
three quick pants
328
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,547
and then one long blow.
Okay?
329
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:57,841
-I'm gonna do it with you.
-Start pushing now, okay?
330
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,468
Push, push.
Push, baby.
331
00:11:59,509 --> 00:12:00,427
Push, push, push.
332
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:01,387
Ooh.
333
00:12:01,428 --> 00:12:02,513
[yelling]
334
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,431
Is the baby okay?
335
00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:05,974
She's great.
336
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,561
She?
337
00:12:08,601 --> 00:12:09,729
Frederick Douglass.
338
00:12:09,769 --> 00:12:10,896
-Who?
-[Veronica] Author, orator,
339
00:12:10,937 --> 00:12:11,939
escaped slave.
340
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:13,315
The life expectancy
341
00:12:13,356 --> 00:12:14,899
for an average white man is 76.
342
00:12:14,941 --> 00:12:16,152
Exactly.
343
00:12:16,192 --> 00:12:17,737
For a poor white man
from the South Side,
344
00:12:17,777 --> 00:12:19,154
it's 70 if you're lucky.
345
00:12:19,195 --> 00:12:21,322
-Jesus was a blond?
-[Veronica] No, Jesus was Black
346
00:12:21,364 --> 00:12:22,575
and had nappy hair,
347
00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:23,743
but no one ever wants
to talk about that.
348
00:12:23,783 --> 00:12:25,161
What does this have to do
with pickles?
349
00:12:25,201 --> 00:12:26,662
Pickles provide
essential vitamins,
350
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,247
minerals, and antioxidants,
351
00:12:28,288 --> 00:12:30,583
improve digestion
and liver protection.
352
00:12:30,623 --> 00:12:33,418
Your drug is like a jar
of pickles, but better.
353
00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:34,628
How do you know so much
about pickles?
354
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,921
-How'd it go?
-You are a genius.
355
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,423
If this one pill
had been around
356
00:12:38,465 --> 00:12:40,551
when my daddy was juggling
two pills and three jobs,
357
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,801
he would still be here...
358
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,888
to be a grandfather.
359
00:12:43,928 --> 00:12:45,513
Don't cry.
Please don't cry.
360
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:46,724
I'm-I'm sorry.
361
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,267
So it's one pill
instead of two, huh?
362
00:12:48,308 --> 00:12:49,976
[Veronica] What if
you were to, say,
363
00:12:50,018 --> 00:12:51,896
misplace your scrip pad?
364
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:55,983
All right, ladies.
Saddle up.
365
00:12:56,024 --> 00:12:57,526
We're going on a field trip.
366
00:12:57,567 --> 00:13:00,112
[pharmacist] Mifepristone.
You need an abortion.
367
00:13:00,153 --> 00:13:01,446
Here's my copay.
368
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,114
I'm afraid you're gonna have
to pay full price.
369
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:05,700
Medicare only covers abortion
in cases of rape, incest,
370
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:07,202
or when the mother's life
is in danger.
371
00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:08,412
I'm 80 years old.
372
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,205
Having a baby'll
probably kill me.
373
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:11,998
I was raped.
374
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,000
-Incest for me.
-Me too!
375
00:13:14,042 --> 00:13:15,377
[woman] Rape again.
376
00:13:15,418 --> 00:13:18,171
-[woman] I was raped too.
-[woman] Incest too.
377
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,965
Bullshit.
I'm not homeschooling her.
378
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:21,633
-You homeschool her.
-Fuck that.
379
00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:22,843
I got a bar to run.
380
00:13:22,884 --> 00:13:25,304
[Veronica] You run the bar?
I run the bar.
381
00:13:27,013 --> 00:13:28,516
Alibi.
Alibi.
382
00:13:28,556 --> 00:13:29,474
Alibi.
383
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:30,684
I gotta go to The Alibi.
384
00:13:30,725 --> 00:13:32,186
Vamoose.
I gotta go to the bar.
385
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,396
Who wants a drink?
386
00:13:34,437 --> 00:13:36,565
Come on, V.
Free pour it like Kev does.
387
00:13:36,606 --> 00:13:38,399
That's why the bar's
losing money.
388
00:13:38,441 --> 00:13:39,652
Gonna take real money,
Frank.
389
00:13:39,692 --> 00:13:41,362
Kev's not here for you
to confuse.
390
00:13:41,402 --> 00:13:42,363
[drunk] Uhh--
391
00:13:42,403 --> 00:13:43,781
Drag him to the sober chair.
392
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:44,907
Where is everybody?
393
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,200
It's 10 a.m.
394
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,951
Shut up, Billy.
Nobody asked you.
395
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,452
[Kev] All right, you know what?
Fuck it.
396
00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:50,704
I'll homeschool Gemma.
397
00:13:50,745 --> 00:13:51,955
How hard can it be?
398
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,499
"Learning is knowing
a few tricks."
399
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:56,167
"For example,
400
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:58,503
to learn the color spectrum,
401
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,840
just remember ROY G. BIV."
402
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:02,966
"Which stands for red, orange,
yellow, green,
403
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,426
blue, indigo, violet."
404
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:06,052
What the hell is indigo?
405
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,470
Purple.
406
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,181
I thought violet was purple.
407
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:10,932
I-I don't know.
408
00:14:10,974 --> 00:14:12,976
PEMDAS,
409
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,519
which stands for "parentheses,
410
00:14:14,561 --> 00:14:15,937
exponents, multiplication,
division,
411
00:14:15,979 --> 00:14:18,356
addition, subtraction."
412
00:14:18,398 --> 00:14:20,191
Yeah, this is way too hard.
413
00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:22,862
jaunty music
414
00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:23,778
Are you calling me dumb?
415
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:24,864
No.
416
00:14:24,904 --> 00:14:26,031
Well, it sounds like you are.
417
00:14:26,072 --> 00:14:27,449
Maybe I'm just too dumb
to understand.
418
00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:28,617
I'm not calling you dumb.
419
00:14:28,658 --> 00:14:29,450
You applied it.
420
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:30,744
"Implied."
421
00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:31,787
I know.
422
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:32,912
It's not like I'm "unliterate."
423
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:33,955
Como se huh?
424
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,541
The Alibi Room.
I'm gonna buy it.
425
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,125
With what, your silver chains?
426
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,710
No, I'm gonna go
to the loan store today
427
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:39,795
and pick up some forms.
428
00:14:39,836 --> 00:14:41,129
You mean the bank?
429
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:42,089
Yeah.
430
00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:43,215
Well, does it start with an S?
431
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,966
What the fuck?
432
00:14:45,008 --> 00:14:46,384
Cat.
I know that shit, bitch.
433
00:14:46,426 --> 00:14:47,552
That's a cat!
434
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,138
You learning shit
off the TV again?
435
00:14:49,178 --> 00:14:50,471
Just a little bit of this,
honey.
436
00:14:50,513 --> 00:14:51,891
Just a little bit of this.
437
00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:54,183
[yells]
438
00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:55,853
Son of a bitch, that's hot.
439
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,646
My super "spermazoa" too much
for her?
440
00:14:57,687 --> 00:14:58,855
Spermatozoa.
441
00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:00,273
And what, now you're-you're
the arbiter
442
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,609
on where everybody's
supposed to be?
443
00:15:01,649 --> 00:15:03,192
Yeah, maybe,
444
00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:04,945
if I knew what "arbiter" meant.
445
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:05,945
GFY.
446
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,239
Eh, TGIF.
447
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,911
You realize that's not
how you spell "come," right?
448
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,913
Diplomas are overrated.
449
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,956
I didn't get a diploma,
and look at me.
450
00:15:16,998 --> 00:15:18,917
[falsetto] And don't be giving
me no shit, Kev!
451
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,835
I do not sound like that.
452
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:21,921
-[pops balloons]
-Oh!
453
00:15:21,961 --> 00:15:23,421
Takes two to tangle, you know.
454
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,008
It's "tango," and I've tried
to fuck you plenty of times.
455
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,301
They're not identical twins.
They're...
456
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,262
whatever it is when-
when you're not identical.
457
00:15:30,303 --> 00:15:32,306
-Whee! Whee!
-[giggling]
458
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,932
Separate individuals.
459
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,517
Too many damn countries
in Asia.
460
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,101
They should just make it
one country.
461
00:15:37,143 --> 00:15:38,269
No, no, no.
Heatstroke.
462
00:15:38,311 --> 00:15:40,189
Isn't that when the heat...
463
00:15:40,229 --> 00:15:41,815
strokes you gently?
464
00:15:41,856 --> 00:15:44,777
Kev, you misspelled "résumé"
on your résumé.
465
00:15:44,817 --> 00:15:47,904
[man screaming]
466
00:15:49,322 --> 00:15:50,490
[blows]
467
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,700
It was benign, but the scare
was very...
468
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,494
v--shit.
What is the word again?
469
00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:55,995
-Malignant.
-[Kev] Malignant.
470
00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:57,288
Do you remember
what the doctor said?
471
00:15:57,330 --> 00:15:59,874
They're inbred.
What if they try to eat us?
472
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,627
-I think that's cannibals.
-[Kev] Well, whatever.
473
00:16:01,668 --> 00:16:03,336
Why is it so much worse for her
474
00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:05,714
to take a tiny little pill
that makes her "crazy"
475
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,715
than it is for me to get
my testicle lobbed off?
476
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,969
[nurse] Your testicle will
not be "lobbed off," sir.
477
00:16:10,009 --> 00:16:11,595
Only your vas deferens tubes
are blocked.
478
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,805
All right.
479
00:16:12,845 --> 00:16:14,806
I think I went overboard
with my background.
480
00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:17,393
It's less cowboy
and more hick.
481
00:16:17,433 --> 00:16:20,479
Your wife is...a knockout.
482
00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,522
Hell, she could be cousins
with my wife.
483
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:24,148
Oh, that runs in the family,
too.
484
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,316
Or hillbilly.
485
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,902
Bumpkin?
I have so much to learn.
486
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,528
We need a Jesus
for the Festival
487
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,489
of St. Felicity pageant
next weekend,
488
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,825
and Mr. Ball
looks like he works out.
489
00:16:32,865 --> 00:16:35,536
You want Kev to be Jesus?
490
00:16:35,576 --> 00:16:38,998
dramatic high note
491
00:16:39,038 --> 00:16:40,665
Maybe I will go suck a dick.
492
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,000
I could be all
gender liquid like you.
493
00:16:42,041 --> 00:16:43,001
You don't know.
494
00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:44,420
You mean genderfluid?
495
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:46,337
Fluids, liquids, whatever.
496
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,588
V, what the hell
are we supposed to do again?
497
00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:49,508
Make a face story
on graham cracker?
498
00:16:49,549 --> 00:16:51,050
What have we done, Kev?
499
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,429
We have increased our demand...
500
00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:54,805
or our supply.
501
00:16:54,846 --> 00:16:56,890
One of those two things,
we've increased...
502
00:16:56,931 --> 00:16:58,017
or decreased.
503
00:16:58,057 --> 00:16:59,518
We can't keep going around
in circles
504
00:16:59,559 --> 00:17:00,893
like the "our-oh-beris."
505
00:17:00,935 --> 00:17:02,979
-[Veronica] The what?
-The "our-oh-beris."
506
00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:05,024
We keep going around
in the same circle
507
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,108
like the snake eating
its own tail.
508
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,317
The ouroboros.
509
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,987
Yes.
I was saying it wrong.
510
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:11,989
Oh, that's such a badass word.
511
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,406
Maybe we get a tutor.
512
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,866
No money, V.
513
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,286
We need somebody
that'll work for free.
514
00:17:17,326 --> 00:17:19,203
[both] Svetlana.
515
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:20,748
Too bad she isn't here
right now.
516
00:17:20,788 --> 00:17:22,874
Where's our throuple
when we need it most?
517
00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:24,751
V...
518
00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,045
Eh, what the hell?
519
00:17:26,085 --> 00:17:28,963
Uh--what the?
520
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,632
I cook.
I clean.
521
00:17:30,673 --> 00:17:32,050
Wifely duty.
522
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,594
Are you kidding?
I'm not gay.
523
00:17:33,634 --> 00:17:36,387
Tongue is tongue, no?
524
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,056
What the hell?
525
00:17:38,097 --> 00:17:39,975
I'm halfway home already.
526
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,393
Oh!
Holy fuck.
527
00:17:41,434 --> 00:17:42,728
Mother of God.
528
00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:45,814
[moaning]
529
00:17:45,855 --> 00:17:47,441
[Svetlana] Consider it
like rent check.
530
00:17:47,482 --> 00:17:49,777
I go mop now.
531
00:17:49,817 --> 00:17:52,196
[Kev] First shower.
Anybody wanna wash my back?
532
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,198
upbeat music
533
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,408
Don't use all the hot water!
534
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,576
-[Kev] Girls...
-I'll do it.
535
00:18:02,914 --> 00:18:04,458
[mutters]
536
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,421
[trainer] Four, and lift...
537
00:18:10,463 --> 00:18:11,882
Cover bar with baby?
538
00:18:11,923 --> 00:18:13,174
It's okay.
I babysit.
539
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,509
[Kev] Ah, Svet, thank--
540
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,931
[Kev] I thought we were good
in the sack,
541
00:18:18,971 --> 00:18:21,517
but she's like the Michael
Jordan of erotic stimuli.
542
00:18:21,557 --> 00:18:24,268
-It's done.
-What? How?
543
00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:25,104
I'm good with numbers.
544
00:18:25,144 --> 00:18:26,104
Since when do we have
545
00:18:26,145 --> 00:18:26,939
a karaoke machine?
546
00:18:26,979 --> 00:18:28,272
Since half-hour ago.
547
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,608
We strip now.
Pimp, watch babies.
548
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,527
Your husband fucked your mother
to make babies.
549
00:18:32,568 --> 00:18:34,696
You want to ride on high horse?
550
00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:36,698
Family meeting tonight.
551
00:18:36,739 --> 00:18:38,325
He will not be interested
in baby girls
552
00:18:38,366 --> 00:18:39,826
until they reach
at least ten years old.
553
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,871
Ready for a family meeting.
554
00:18:42,912 --> 00:18:44,789
[Svetlana] This is
about family finances.
555
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,583
Sit.
556
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,460
-[heavy pounding]
-Oh, shit.
557
00:18:49,502 --> 00:18:51,337
Fuck.
Immigration. Fuck!
558
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,672
Don't forget your lines.
559
00:18:52,713 --> 00:18:54,466
[insistent pounding continues]
560
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,384
rock music
561
00:18:56,425 --> 00:18:57,510
Coming!
562
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,225
Morning.
Lester from USCIS.
563
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,893
-Oh.
-[Lester] Immigration?
564
00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:06,562
This is the home
you and your ex share
565
00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:08,104
with your two children?
566
00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:09,397
Yes.
Yes, it is,
567
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,691
until she fell
for that no-good commie slut.
568
00:19:11,732 --> 00:19:14,318
You discovered your employee's
being deported.
569
00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:15,903
Moments later,
your live-in partner
570
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,156
of many years dumps you.
571
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,908
Can you fucking believe
that shit?
572
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:20,784
No.
573
00:19:20,825 --> 00:19:21,951
He didn't buy any of it?
574
00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:22,827
Not one word.
575
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:23,745
And when is he coming back?
576
00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:25,831
Could be tomorrow, next week.
577
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:26,873
I'm gonna break my neck
578
00:19:26,914 --> 00:19:28,208
flying down those stairs
like that again.
579
00:19:28,249 --> 00:19:30,419
Maybe you should just stay
down there.
580
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,421
So are we gonna have
a fuck schedule,
581
00:19:32,461 --> 00:19:34,088
or a fuck calendar?
582
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:37,508
You see, like, Sunday
will be V and Kev.
583
00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:40,261
-You never hang up wet towels.
-[moaning]
584
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,681
You never refill the ice tray.
585
00:19:42,722 --> 00:19:46,852
Monday will be
V and Kev and Svetlana.
586
00:19:46,893 --> 00:19:48,269
[Kev] Ohh...
587
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:49,563
[Svetlana]
No, you cannot come yet.
588
00:19:49,604 --> 00:19:51,606
[Veronica gasping]
589
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:53,357
-[Svetlana] Now you may come.
-[groans]
590
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,027
[Kev] Tuesday will just be
V and Svetlana.
591
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,908
Am I gonna get my own night
with Svetlana?
592
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,409
Oh, shit.
That's awesome.
593
00:20:02,450 --> 00:20:04,202
Part of me wants to brag,
but the other part's like,
594
00:20:04,243 --> 00:20:06,496
"Whoa, this is
kind of freaky-deaky."
595
00:20:06,537 --> 00:20:09,290
No other dudes.
No other dudes.
596
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,001
[gasps]
597
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,711
We know about Ivan.
598
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,922
-Ivan is husband.
-So you didn't fuck your dad?
599
00:20:15,963 --> 00:20:17,382
Not since I left Russia.
600
00:20:17,423 --> 00:20:19,508
So what brings you here?
601
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:22,220
So, um...
602
00:20:22,261 --> 00:20:23,931
me and my two wives
are having trouble
603
00:20:23,971 --> 00:20:25,223
seeing eye to eye...
604
00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:26,682
eyes to eyes.
605
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,768
I cook.
I give oral.
606
00:20:28,809 --> 00:20:30,729
I protect
from dangerous Russian.
607
00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:32,230
Everything for these two.
608
00:20:32,271 --> 00:20:34,816
[therapist] Kev and V,
are you hearing Lana?
609
00:20:34,857 --> 00:20:36,777
-[Kev and V] Yes.
[therapist] What is she saying?
610
00:20:36,817 --> 00:20:38,152
She gives oral.
611
00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:41,073
I always thought you were just
some hand job whore.
612
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:42,490
[Svetlana] Oh, that's okay.
613
00:20:42,531 --> 00:20:44,242
I thought you were
illiterate bartender pimp.
614
00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:46,995
Paperwork says Svetlana Fisher
owns the joint.
615
00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:49,456
I am new owner of Alibi.
616
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:50,998
To being a family again.
617
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,250
Hoorah!
618
00:20:52,291 --> 00:20:53,919
upbeat music
619
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,962
Immigration!
Nobody move!
620
00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:58,006
[overlapping shouting]
621
00:21:02,009 --> 00:21:03,720
What the hell is going on?
622
00:21:03,761 --> 00:21:06,014
That's her.
She's the leader.
623
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,976
dramatic folk music
624
00:21:14,021 --> 00:21:16,275
Yeah, no.
I'm never doing that again.
625
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:18,777
rock music
626
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:22,405
Here's your breakfast, girls.
627
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,908
And Amy, you have a new job.
628
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,411
You are gonna teach Gemma
everything you know.
629
00:21:27,451 --> 00:21:29,371
Isn't that exciting?
It's like a game.
630
00:21:29,412 --> 00:21:32,708
You make Gemma as smart as you,
you get a big prize at the end.
631
00:21:32,748 --> 00:21:34,459
[Veronica] And make sure
that Gemma doesn't leave Zoom
632
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,460
until school is over.
633
00:21:36,502 --> 00:21:37,546
Okay?
Mommy and Daddy
634
00:21:37,586 --> 00:21:38,462
are gonna go to work..
635
00:21:38,505 --> 00:21:40,464
jaunty music
636
00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:42,217
-You think it'll work?
-[Veronica] Well, it's better
637
00:21:42,258 --> 00:21:44,177
her teaching homeschool
than us.
638
00:21:44,219 --> 00:21:45,636
It's actually my fault, V.
639
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,722
-What is?
-[Kev] Gemma.
640
00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:49,807
I was a bad student, too.
Gemma got it from me.
641
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,728
I passed on my bad student gene
to Gemma.
642
00:21:52,768 --> 00:21:54,354
Shit.
I hope I don't pass on
643
00:21:54,395 --> 00:21:56,440
my breast cancer gene, too.
644
00:21:56,940 --> 00:22:00,192
- dance music
-[whooping, whistling]
645
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,377
[man] When's the last time
you did a self-exam?
646
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,046
-[record scratch effect]
-A what?
647
00:22:22,214 --> 00:22:23,133
You have a lump.
648
00:22:23,174 --> 00:22:25,552
piano and drum music
649
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:27,636
[oncologist] There is
a four-centimeter mass
650
00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:28,805
in your right breast.
651
00:22:28,846 --> 00:22:30,556
We need to do
a biopsy immediately.
652
00:22:30,598 --> 00:22:33,852
[Randi]
Kevin, do you wanna share?
653
00:22:33,893 --> 00:22:35,687
Uh, yeah.
654
00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:36,729
Hello.
655
00:22:36,771 --> 00:22:37,730
-Hello.
-Hi
656
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,024
Glad to be here.
657
00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:41,567
Tomorrow, I get this guy
cut into.
658
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:44,028
And I got all these thoughts
swimming around my head,
659
00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:46,280
like "Will I survive surgery?"
660
00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:48,200
"Has the cancer spread?"
661
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,035
"Will I get to watch my kids
grow up?"
662
00:22:50,076 --> 00:22:52,537
"Will I ever be able to take
my shirt off again in the gym
663
00:22:52,578 --> 00:22:54,456
or let men feel me up
for tips?"
664
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:55,915
[group members] Mm?
665
00:22:55,957 --> 00:22:57,541
[Randi]
Would you be comfortable
666
00:22:57,584 --> 00:22:59,210
if we gave you a group hug?
667
00:23:01,837 --> 00:23:04,048
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
668
00:23:05,467 --> 00:23:08,720
[group] Together we stand.
Together we fight.
669
00:23:08,761 --> 00:23:11,681
We do it with power.
We do it with might.
670
00:23:11,722 --> 00:23:14,101
Cancer, you asshole,
get out of our sight.
671
00:23:14,142 --> 00:23:15,684
Cancer, you asshole, get out
of our sight.
672
00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:17,437
[quickening] Cancer, you
asshole, get out of our sight.
673
00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:18,896
Cancer, you asshole,
get out of our sight.
674
00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:20,356
Go on, make a wish.
675
00:23:23,943 --> 00:23:25,653
Shit.
676
00:23:25,694 --> 00:23:27,029
It's still there.
677
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,406
Kev, let's pray.
678
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,370
Mm.
God, please protect Kev
679
00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:35,788
during his surgery.
680
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:38,583
Let him wake up
cancer-free, God.
681
00:23:38,624 --> 00:23:41,169
And God, when I'm under,
682
00:23:41,210 --> 00:23:43,337
please, please don't let
anyone probe me
683
00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:44,756
where they're not supposed to.
684
00:23:44,797 --> 00:23:46,091
Kev...
685
00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:49,594
No, I read about it
in my cancer chat rooms.
686
00:23:49,635 --> 00:23:51,095
[heart monitor beeping]
687
00:23:51,137 --> 00:23:52,931
[starts]
V!
688
00:23:52,972 --> 00:23:55,267
What happened?
Am I alive?
689
00:23:55,307 --> 00:23:56,434
Baby, what happened?
690
00:23:56,476 --> 00:23:57,810
[Veronica] Okay, I'ma go get
the nurse, okay?
691
00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:59,604
What happened with my titty?
692
00:23:59,645 --> 00:24:02,356
Did they take my nipple?
693
00:24:02,399 --> 00:24:04,942
Oh, hey there, fella.
How are you doing?
694
00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:06,361
How do you feel, Mr. Ball?
695
00:24:06,402 --> 00:24:07,863
Does he have cancer?
696
00:24:07,903 --> 00:24:09,948
I'll get the doctor.
I'm not qualified to discuss
697
00:24:09,989 --> 00:24:11,740
what needs to be discussed.
698
00:24:13,451 --> 00:24:15,703
The fuck is that supposed
to mean?
699
00:24:15,745 --> 00:24:18,248
I don't know.
It sounded bad.
700
00:24:18,289 --> 00:24:20,749
It did sound bad, didn't it?
701
00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:22,085
Baby...
702
00:24:23,252 --> 00:24:26,172
I want you to set up a memorial
for me at The Alibi.
703
00:24:26,213 --> 00:24:29,049
Everyone drinks
704
00:24:29,092 --> 00:24:32,554
at the exact time I die
every year.
705
00:24:32,595 --> 00:24:35,222
And I want you to play
Boyz II Men "End of the Road"
706
00:24:35,265 --> 00:24:37,433
really loud.
707
00:24:38,393 --> 00:24:40,144
Sorry for the delay, folks.
708
00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:41,896
I biopsied your lump, Mr. Ball.
709
00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:44,524
It's benign.
710
00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:48,361
Why?
Why?
711
00:24:48,402 --> 00:24:50,197
What?
712
00:24:50,238 --> 00:24:51,989
What--is that good or bad?
I can never remember.
713
00:24:52,031 --> 00:24:54,409
Oh, it's good, baby.
You don't have cancer.
714
00:24:54,450 --> 00:24:55,993
I don't have cancer?
715
00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:58,037
-Oh, thank you, Lord!
-Oh, thank God.
716
00:24:58,078 --> 00:24:59,163
Not the brightest bulb.
717
00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:01,165
Well, God doesn't give
with both hands.
718
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:02,750
You have other great qualities.
719
00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:05,711
Yeah, I do, don't I?
720
00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:07,046
Like what?
721
00:25:07,087 --> 00:25:08,464
You're a great dad.
722
00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:11,425
Now, the players
in the black and white--
723
00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:13,385
they're the White Sox.
That's our team.
724
00:25:13,428 --> 00:25:15,846
And the pussies
in the gray and blue--
725
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:17,223
they're the Twins.
We hate the Twins.
726
00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:19,308
-[baby fussing]
-No, no, no, no.
727
00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:20,977
Not the baby girl twins.
728
00:25:22,895 --> 00:25:24,730
[Kev on tape]
You're the best tennis players
729
00:25:24,772 --> 00:25:26,232
on the planet.
730
00:25:26,274 --> 00:25:29,110
Gemma, you have
the number one backhand smash
731
00:25:29,152 --> 00:25:31,196
-in the world.
-[Veronica] Kev...
732
00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:32,864
I'm thinking
the subliminal message thing
733
00:25:32,905 --> 00:25:34,156
is really working.
734
00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:35,616
There is no Gemma.
735
00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:37,576
Gemma doesn't exist anymore.
736
00:25:37,618 --> 00:25:38,620
Only Amy.
737
00:25:38,662 --> 00:25:40,079
And you're devout Catholics,
738
00:25:40,121 --> 00:25:42,123
so cross yourselves a lot
like this.
739
00:25:42,164 --> 00:25:43,708
rock music
740
00:25:43,749 --> 00:25:44,875
In my house, the way
to get closer to God
741
00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:46,377
on Saturday is to play.
742
00:25:46,419 --> 00:25:49,088
-Is that in Ezekiel?
-Yeah, the updated version.
743
00:25:49,130 --> 00:25:50,422
Holy fuck.
744
00:25:50,464 --> 00:25:52,258
I'm ready for you, sir.
745
00:25:52,299 --> 00:25:53,425
Clyde usually had me
on Tuesdays,
746
00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:54,760
but if you want me
on Saturday--
747
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:56,220
No, I don't want you
on Saturdays.
748
00:25:56,262 --> 00:25:58,139
-I don't want you ever--
-Hey, Deb, we're all ready to--
749
00:25:58,181 --> 00:25:59,473
[laughing] Whoa.
750
00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:01,768
-[Liam] Hey.
-Hey, what's up, man?
751
00:26:01,809 --> 00:26:03,269
What are you doing?
752
00:26:03,310 --> 00:26:05,104
Giving Santiago
more of an American look
753
00:26:05,145 --> 00:26:06,565
before we go to The Alibi.
754
00:26:06,605 --> 00:26:09,108
Final touch.
755
00:26:09,150 --> 00:26:10,235
How's he look?
756
00:26:10,277 --> 00:26:11,361
Like a cheesy American.
757
00:26:11,402 --> 00:26:14,114
[crowd cheers]
758
00:26:14,154 --> 00:26:15,824
Kid brought the heat.
759
00:26:15,864 --> 00:26:17,366
My God,
he's got a cannon!
760
00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,118
This is gonna be
the best summer ever.
761
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,412
[Amy and Gemma yipping]
762
00:26:21,453 --> 00:26:22,872
Come on.
Come on, let's go.
763
00:26:22,913 --> 00:26:24,332
-What are you doing?
-[Kev] We're gonna go
764
00:26:24,373 --> 00:26:25,374
play fetch.
765
00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:26,750
It worked
for that dog walker lady.
766
00:26:26,793 --> 00:26:28,127
Maybe it'll work for our kids.
767
00:26:28,169 --> 00:26:30,212
Okay, girls, you ready?
You ready?
768
00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:32,382
Go get it!
Go get it!
769
00:26:32,423 --> 00:26:34,300
Bring it back.
Run fast.
770
00:26:36,635 --> 00:26:37,886
Okay, drop it.
771
00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:39,055
Drop it.
Drop it.
772
00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:42,851
You have rocking bod,
773
00:26:42,892 --> 00:26:45,437
and you know how to stick
the stones to me real good.
774
00:26:45,478 --> 00:26:46,979
Well, I am a genius
in that department.
775
00:26:47,021 --> 00:26:48,355
[Veronica laughs]
776
00:26:48,398 --> 00:26:50,107
Get naked...now.
777
00:26:50,150 --> 00:26:50,983
peppy music
778
00:26:51,026 --> 00:26:52,443
[Veronica] Yes! Yes!
779
00:26:52,485 --> 00:26:53,944
Oh, sorry.
I came in the back way.
780
00:26:53,987 --> 00:26:55,529
[Veronica]
You're not the only one.
781
00:26:55,572 --> 00:26:59,534
[laughing]
782
00:26:59,575 --> 00:27:00,618
Debbie?
783
00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:01,786
No, stay focused, baby.
784
00:27:01,827 --> 00:27:03,287
Are the Gallaghers
in our bathroom?
785
00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:08,168
Don't know where you been
786
00:27:08,209 --> 00:27:09,501
[Kev moaning]
787
00:27:09,544 --> 00:27:10,629
Take off your clothes
788
00:27:10,670 --> 00:27:11,880
and get on the bed
on all fours.
789
00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:13,964
Now I will spank you
with this paddle...
790
00:27:14,007 --> 00:27:16,050
you bad wife.
791
00:27:19,554 --> 00:27:20,846
French fry.
French fry.
792
00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:21,972
Just a really quick French fry.
793
00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:23,266
V, I don't really
wanna hurt you,
794
00:27:23,307 --> 00:27:25,643
-but this could scar you.
-It's not gonna scar.
795
00:27:25,684 --> 00:27:26,978
Okay.
796
00:27:27,019 --> 00:27:28,354
Okay, I can do this.
797
00:27:28,395 --> 00:27:31,357
Now, brace yourself
for my wrath,
798
00:27:31,399 --> 00:27:33,902
because it's paddle time.
799
00:27:33,942 --> 00:27:36,863
funky music
800
00:27:36,904 --> 00:27:37,989
French fry.
801
00:27:39,114 --> 00:27:41,200
Oh!
802
00:27:41,241 --> 00:27:42,410
Oh, sorry.
803
00:27:42,451 --> 00:27:44,245
-Ow.
-Yeah, take it, you old gimp.
804
00:27:44,287 --> 00:27:45,997
Turn over.
Mama's gonna give you an exam.
805
00:27:46,038 --> 00:27:47,164
Ah.
806
00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:49,668
-[slap]
-That didn't hurt half as much
807
00:27:49,709 --> 00:27:51,502
as I thought it would.
808
00:27:52,379 --> 00:27:55,006
You're a sharp businessman.
809
00:27:55,798 --> 00:27:57,174
-Uh-oh.
-What uh-oh?
810
00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:59,594
Sometimes your plans can be
a little crazy-pants, Kev.
811
00:27:59,635 --> 00:28:01,095
[Lip] Oh, ho, ho, ho!
812
00:28:01,136 --> 00:28:02,096
What?
813
00:28:02,137 --> 00:28:03,515
We may need to sell some pot.
814
00:28:03,556 --> 00:28:04,723
Isn't that what we always do?
815
00:28:04,766 --> 00:28:05,933
A lot of pot.
816
00:28:07,059 --> 00:28:07,935
[groans]
817
00:28:07,977 --> 00:28:09,437
I know.
Baby, I know.
818
00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:10,521
I got carried away.
819
00:28:10,563 --> 00:28:11,855
Isn't it wonderful?
820
00:28:11,897 --> 00:28:14,275
Mr. Kevin is gonna help
all the old people
821
00:28:14,316 --> 00:28:16,068
who are going blind.
822
00:28:16,111 --> 00:28:17,277
What can I get you, champ?
823
00:28:17,319 --> 00:28:18,738
Lemon-lime shot,
chocolate chip cookie bar,
824
00:28:18,779 --> 00:28:20,656
-and a Molson's.
-Molson's?
825
00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:23,034
We sell American beer here
to children of age.
826
00:28:23,075 --> 00:28:24,993
Come back for a Bud Light
when you're 16.
827
00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:26,954
Two Buds and a spliff, please.
828
00:28:26,996 --> 00:28:28,498
-How old are you?
-[child] 15.
829
00:28:28,539 --> 00:28:29,915
Here's four fives.
Keep the change.
830
00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:31,418
Raise your arms.
831
00:28:31,459 --> 00:28:33,670
Come back when you grow
some hair in your pits.
832
00:28:33,711 --> 00:28:35,171
Well, it's dorms, right?
833
00:28:35,212 --> 00:28:36,839
I mean, they're
our permanent ice cream truck.
834
00:28:36,881 --> 00:28:39,258
I always wanted to go
to college.
835
00:28:39,299 --> 00:28:41,260
[partygoers cheering]
836
00:28:41,302 --> 00:28:44,264
upbeat rock music
837
00:28:46,807 --> 00:28:47,726
[all cheer]
838
00:28:52,479 --> 00:28:54,606
I'm a gentleman, Lip.
I'm just escorting them home.
839
00:28:54,649 --> 00:28:56,985
Our rape blocker to the rescue.
840
00:28:57,026 --> 00:28:58,611
I'm here
about the bartending job.
841
00:28:58,652 --> 00:29:01,614
upbeat dance music
842
00:29:08,121 --> 00:29:11,583
[overlapping shouting,
whooping]
843
00:29:14,335 --> 00:29:15,920
[onlooker] Oh!
844
00:29:15,961 --> 00:29:18,547
Come on, Milo.
Push that 60.
845
00:29:18,589 --> 00:29:20,341
There you go.
You gotta work off
846
00:29:20,383 --> 00:29:22,218
that Avocado Kombucha smoothie,
847
00:29:22,259 --> 00:29:23,595
or whatever the fuck you drink.
848
00:29:23,635 --> 00:29:25,095
Full rotations, man.
849
00:29:25,137 --> 00:29:27,931
Do you want your name
under "Pussy of the Day"?
850
00:29:27,973 --> 00:29:30,393
Is that what you want, Jasper?
851
00:29:30,434 --> 00:29:31,935
Way to go, Oscar.
852
00:29:31,978 --> 00:29:33,229
Puke is pride.
853
00:29:33,270 --> 00:29:35,899
I wanna join.
Uh, you take Amex?
854
00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:38,567
Cash only.
ATM is right there.
855
00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:39,818
We could open up a dry cleaner.
856
00:29:39,861 --> 00:29:40,944
-No.
-[Kev] Mattress store.
857
00:29:40,987 --> 00:29:41,821
[Veronica] Uh-uh.
858
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:42,905
Think tank.
859
00:29:42,947 --> 00:29:44,073
[Veronica] What the hell
is a think tank?
860
00:29:44,114 --> 00:29:46,159
It's where people sit around
and think.
861
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,076
[Veronica] That's The Alibi.
862
00:29:48,118 --> 00:29:49,953
Got some TVs fell off
the back of a truck.
863
00:29:49,996 --> 00:29:51,288
This where you sell stuff?
864
00:29:51,331 --> 00:29:53,624
No, this is not the place
that...
865
00:29:53,665 --> 00:29:55,794
sells stolen goods
as a side hustle.
866
00:29:56,376 --> 00:29:57,796
That's a relic.
867
00:29:57,836 --> 00:29:59,005
I'll give you five for it.
868
00:29:59,046 --> 00:30:00,798
Pleasure doing business
with you.
869
00:30:00,839 --> 00:30:02,800
rock music
870
00:30:02,842 --> 00:30:05,886
Check it out!
Sister wives.
871
00:30:05,929 --> 00:30:07,305
Whoo.
872
00:30:07,346 --> 00:30:08,806
All right, stop.
You're gonna give me
873
00:30:08,847 --> 00:30:11,351
-a big head.
-[laughs]
874
00:30:11,392 --> 00:30:12,977
What are we gonna do
about Gemma?
875
00:30:13,018 --> 00:30:14,229
Well, at least we got
one good one.
876
00:30:14,269 --> 00:30:16,314
-Kev.
-I'm joking.
877
00:30:16,355 --> 00:30:18,816
I love those girls the same,
but I do feel better that Amy's
878
00:30:18,857 --> 00:30:20,485
probably gonna take care of us
when we're older.
879
00:30:20,527 --> 00:30:22,444
-Mm.
-[Amy and Gemma laugh]
880
00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,572
Mama, how do I look?
881
00:30:24,614 --> 00:30:25,656
Amy?
882
00:30:25,698 --> 00:30:27,534
Gemma did my makeup.
883
00:30:27,575 --> 00:30:29,076
What?
How?
884
00:30:29,117 --> 00:30:32,412
Binge watching
Huda Kattan YouTube videos.
885
00:30:32,454 --> 00:30:34,998
What's a Huddacatan?
886
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:35,999
Is that what you've been doing
887
00:30:36,041 --> 00:30:37,125
instead of going
to Zoom school?
888
00:30:37,168 --> 00:30:38,377
Uh-huh.
889
00:30:38,419 --> 00:30:39,962
jaunty music
890
00:30:40,004 --> 00:30:42,172
God doesn't give
with both hands.
891
00:30:42,214 --> 00:30:44,467
No, she doesn't.
892
00:30:44,508 --> 00:30:45,927
There you go.
893
00:30:48,095 --> 00:30:51,891
Wow.
I look great.
894
00:30:51,932 --> 00:30:53,601
Thank you.
895
00:30:53,643 --> 00:30:55,269
My baby does a good job, huh?
896
00:30:55,310 --> 00:30:57,188
I'd say so.
[laughs]
897
00:30:57,229 --> 00:30:58,355
That'll be $25,
898
00:30:58,398 --> 00:30:59,691
plus whatever tip
you'd like to leave.
899
00:30:59,731 --> 00:31:01,942
Mm, here is $30.
900
00:31:01,985 --> 00:31:03,361
Thank you.
901
00:31:03,402 --> 00:31:04,696
-See you again?
-[Kev] Definitely.
902
00:31:04,737 --> 00:31:06,698
Pimping out your daughter?
903
00:31:06,739 --> 00:31:08,365
Hell no.
904
00:31:08,408 --> 00:31:10,450
I don't objectify women.
You know me.
905
00:31:12,161 --> 00:31:13,287
What the hell?
906
00:31:13,328 --> 00:31:14,454
They made a list
907
00:31:14,497 --> 00:31:16,457
of the rapiest bars
in the South Side,
908
00:31:16,498 --> 00:31:18,209
and The Alibi's number one?
909
00:31:18,250 --> 00:31:19,376
I haven't raped anybody
in here.
910
00:31:19,419 --> 00:31:21,421
No one's ever raped
anyone in here,
911
00:31:21,461 --> 00:31:22,588
at least not on the inside.
912
00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:23,797
Out in the alleyway, maybe.
913
00:31:23,839 --> 00:31:25,383
Who says we're rapey?
914
00:31:25,424 --> 00:31:26,550
Some stupid article.
915
00:31:26,593 --> 00:31:28,052
I mean, look around.
W-w-what-
916
00:31:28,094 --> 00:31:30,012
what's so rapey
about this place, anyway?
917
00:31:30,054 --> 00:31:31,890
Do your thing, girl
918
00:31:31,931 --> 00:31:33,348
What's your preference?
919
00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:35,727
Man of your dreams
or a death wish
920
00:31:35,768 --> 00:31:38,270
Somebody
to live on the edge with
921
00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:40,523
Girl, I teach you
oh so special
922
00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:43,442
I get nasty,
boys get raspy
923
00:31:43,483 --> 00:31:44,943
I don't know, V.
Maybe this place is
924
00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:46,069
-a little rapey.
-[Veronica] You think?
925
00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:47,614
Craig has his dick out
right now.
926
00:31:47,654 --> 00:31:48,698
Craig!
927
00:31:48,739 --> 00:31:50,783
I have two daughters.
928
00:31:50,825 --> 00:31:52,785
What kind of father am I
if I'm also the owner
929
00:31:52,826 --> 00:31:53,912
of the local rapery?
930
00:31:53,952 --> 00:31:55,579
The bottom line is that
931
00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:57,248
the bar can't be rapey anymore.
932
00:31:57,289 --> 00:31:59,625
If women stay away,
933
00:31:59,666 --> 00:32:01,085
bad for business.
934
00:32:01,126 --> 00:32:03,671
Plus rapey is wrong.
935
00:32:03,712 --> 00:32:05,589
And-and more importantly,
rapey is wrong.
936
00:32:05,632 --> 00:32:08,593
cheerful music
937
00:32:11,470 --> 00:32:12,764
[Veronica]
You don't think someone
938
00:32:12,805 --> 00:32:14,097
could misinterpret that sign?
939
00:32:14,140 --> 00:32:15,098
[Kev] What?
940
00:32:15,141 --> 00:32:16,683
How?
If you have a vagina,
941
00:32:16,726 --> 00:32:18,478
you're safe.
Vagina safe zone.
942
00:32:18,518 --> 00:32:22,272
There's no way we are still
on that rapiest bar list.
943
00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:24,150
We have all the signed
sex consent forms.
944
00:32:24,191 --> 00:32:26,027
We took down
all the rapey posters
945
00:32:26,068 --> 00:32:27,694
and the bondage stuff.
946
00:32:27,737 --> 00:32:29,529
You're the, uh, Vagina Safe
guy?
947
00:32:29,572 --> 00:32:31,156
Yes.
948
00:32:31,199 --> 00:32:33,575
I'm Bill Doyle.
I own the Spread Eagle
949
00:32:33,617 --> 00:32:34,451
on 52nd.
950
00:32:34,493 --> 00:32:35,370
Oh, yeah, I know the place.
951
00:32:35,411 --> 00:32:36,746
Uh, deep-fried pickles, right?
952
00:32:36,787 --> 00:32:38,456
I was number two
on the rapey bar list.
953
00:32:38,498 --> 00:32:39,623
Then you got off it,
954
00:32:39,665 --> 00:32:40,999
so now I'm number one.
955
00:32:41,041 --> 00:32:43,044
You already got women
coming in.
956
00:32:43,085 --> 00:32:45,837
Wow.
How'd you turn it around?
957
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,798
I had to take
an honest inventory
958
00:32:47,839 --> 00:32:49,508
about how The Alibi
was contributing
959
00:32:49,549 --> 00:32:51,219
to the oppression of women
960
00:32:51,259 --> 00:32:53,136
and helped furthering
the patriarchy.
961
00:32:58,101 --> 00:33:01,062
bluesy music
962
00:33:05,857 --> 00:33:06,985
[Bill] Hey, how you doing?
963
00:33:07,026 --> 00:33:08,152
Hi.
964
00:33:08,193 --> 00:33:09,653
What can I get you?
965
00:33:09,696 --> 00:33:11,572
May I have
a vodka cranberry, please?
966
00:33:11,614 --> 00:33:14,741
[Bill] Vodka cranberry
coming right up.
967
00:33:25,795 --> 00:33:27,046
[Kev] Hey.
968
00:33:30,508 --> 00:33:32,509
How you doing?
969
00:33:32,552 --> 00:33:34,804
Would you like
a little lime with that, or...
970
00:33:34,845 --> 00:33:36,681
-Please.
-[Bill] All right.
971
00:33:40,727 --> 00:33:43,855
[quietly] Four topless mermaids
with nipples exposed.
972
00:33:46,899 --> 00:33:50,694
Approximately 41 pairs
of panties
973
00:33:50,736 --> 00:33:53,698
hanging from the ceiling.
974
00:33:53,739 --> 00:33:56,743
Centerfold pinup
behind the bar
975
00:33:56,783 --> 00:34:00,455
with dart sticking out
of her posterior area.
976
00:34:04,082 --> 00:34:06,209
Man at end of bar
visually undressing
977
00:34:06,252 --> 00:34:07,754
subject Veronica.
978
00:34:10,964 --> 00:34:13,259
Subject Veronica going
to bathroom
979
00:34:13,301 --> 00:34:16,928
as planned.
980
00:34:16,971 --> 00:34:20,433
No one following her
into the bathroom as of yet.
981
00:34:20,475 --> 00:34:22,602
Hold on.
982
00:34:22,642 --> 00:34:25,730
Man approaching
subject's cocktail.
983
00:34:30,609 --> 00:34:32,779
Man has slipped
unknown pharmaceutical
984
00:34:32,819 --> 00:34:35,823
into subject's cocktail.
Assume a roofie.
985
00:34:37,950 --> 00:34:41,120
Second man approaching
subject cocktail,
986
00:34:41,162 --> 00:34:43,997
also dropping
unknown pharmaceutical
987
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,627
into drink.
988
00:34:47,667 --> 00:34:50,587
Third man approaching
with unknown pharmaceutical,
989
00:34:50,629 --> 00:34:53,299
and he has dropped
unknown pharmaceutical
990
00:34:53,341 --> 00:34:55,551
into her drink.
991
00:34:58,471 --> 00:34:59,888
[clears throat]
992
00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:05,770
[mouths silently]
993
00:35:06,645 --> 00:35:09,357
To satisfy my soul
994
00:35:09,397 --> 00:35:12,359
[mouthing words]
995
00:35:18,366 --> 00:35:22,328
I wanna hug all women,
996
00:35:22,370 --> 00:35:25,163
all of them,
997
00:35:25,205 --> 00:35:26,373
everywhere I see them,
998
00:35:26,415 --> 00:35:28,625
to apologize.
999
00:35:28,667 --> 00:35:31,671
A random hug
from a giant white stranger
1000
00:35:31,712 --> 00:35:34,422
ain't gonna make us feel
any more comfortable about men.
1001
00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:39,303
But we will capitalize
on their strengths.
1002
00:35:39,345 --> 00:35:41,180
We got two good ones, babe.
1003
00:35:41,221 --> 00:35:43,181
[Kev] Yeah, we do.
1004
00:35:43,223 --> 00:35:44,850
It's all my fault.
1005
00:35:44,892 --> 00:35:46,560
-What is?
-How great they are.
1006
00:35:46,602 --> 00:35:48,855
No, it's not your fault.
That's my fault.
1007
00:35:48,895 --> 00:35:51,941
funky music
1008
00:35:55,402 --> 00:35:57,696
My baby daddy can take care
of me!
1009
00:35:57,738 --> 00:35:59,239
And your baby,
and your mama's baby.
1010
00:35:59,281 --> 00:36:01,951
Ooh-hoo, we a regular
modern family, baby.
1011
00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:04,245
[both laughing]
1012
00:36:04,287 --> 00:36:05,997
[Kev] Hey!
1013
00:36:08,540 --> 00:36:10,084
And I'm sorry,
1014
00:36:10,125 --> 00:36:12,669
but I would never leave you,
1015
00:36:12,712 --> 00:36:14,087
ever.
1016
00:36:14,129 --> 00:36:15,506
You gotta know that.
1017
00:36:15,547 --> 00:36:16,841
I'm putting a force field
around us now.
1018
00:36:16,883 --> 00:36:18,091
Babe.
1019
00:36:18,134 --> 00:36:20,218
Taking care of what's mine.
Come here.
1020
00:36:20,261 --> 00:36:22,221
Get in my force field.
1021
00:36:22,263 --> 00:36:25,223
I'm really sorry I didn't
fuck you before, but...
1022
00:36:25,265 --> 00:36:27,185
I really, really wanna
fuck you now.
1023
00:36:27,225 --> 00:36:30,020
I borrowed Lip's
school computer to get online,
1024
00:36:30,062 --> 00:36:32,189
and I found that porn
that we made,
1025
00:36:32,230 --> 00:36:33,774
and then I jerked off to it.
1026
00:36:33,816 --> 00:36:34,984
That's so sweet.
1027
00:36:35,026 --> 00:36:37,986
heavy metal music
1028
00:36:40,323 --> 00:36:42,325
That's what I'm talking about.
1029
00:36:42,366 --> 00:36:44,368
-Yeah!
-[Kev] Aww.
1030
00:36:44,410 --> 00:36:46,412
[laughing]
1031
00:36:46,453 --> 00:36:47,830
You!
1032
00:36:48,747 --> 00:36:49,998
Oh, my gosh.
1033
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:51,250
Ask me.
1034
00:36:51,292 --> 00:36:52,877
Veronica Fisher,
1035
00:36:52,919 --> 00:36:54,127
will you marry me?
1036
00:36:54,169 --> 00:36:55,546
Yes.
1037
00:36:55,587 --> 00:36:58,256
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
1038
00:37:00,259 --> 00:37:01,801
[Kev squeals]
1039
00:37:01,843 --> 00:37:03,428
Oh, shit!
1040
00:37:03,471 --> 00:37:04,513
That's cold!
1041
00:37:04,555 --> 00:37:06,223
What the hell?
Veronica!
1042
00:37:06,265 --> 00:37:07,850
There's no hot water.
1043
00:37:10,810 --> 00:37:12,897
Fucking Gallaghers.
1044
00:37:12,939 --> 00:37:14,732
No wonder those foster kids
are messed up.
1045
00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:17,651
That's why they need
a positive influence.
1046
00:37:17,692 --> 00:37:19,904
Where's my damn toaster?
Huh?
1047
00:37:19,946 --> 00:37:21,988
-You live here now?
-Toaster.
1048
00:37:22,031 --> 00:37:23,241
My cell's gone.
Help me look for my cell.
1049
00:37:23,281 --> 00:37:24,575
-It's gone.
-I gave Lip your cell
1050
00:37:24,616 --> 00:37:25,660
so he could call around,
see if anybody knew
1051
00:37:25,701 --> 00:37:26,576
where Frank was.
1052
00:37:26,618 --> 00:37:27,662
So now both my bills
1053
00:37:27,703 --> 00:37:28,913
are being run up over there.
1054
00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:30,497
We need more time.
Can you stall him?
1055
00:37:30,538 --> 00:37:31,790
[car alarm blaring]
1056
00:37:31,832 --> 00:37:33,584
Chopped up some leftover chuck
1057
00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:35,169
for a bolognaise ragout.
1058
00:37:35,210 --> 00:37:36,921
I hope everybody is good
and hungry.
1059
00:37:36,962 --> 00:37:38,547
Hey, Kev, you got
a Bears jersey I can borrow?
1060
00:37:38,589 --> 00:37:40,591
Borrow as in I get it
right back,
1061
00:37:40,633 --> 00:37:43,176
or borrow as in you plan
to keep it forever
1062
00:37:43,218 --> 00:37:44,428
and forget it isn't yours?
1063
00:37:44,470 --> 00:37:45,888
He wants me to come over
to his place tonight.
1064
00:37:45,930 --> 00:37:47,430
Oh.
You should go.
1065
00:37:47,473 --> 00:37:49,600
I'll keep an eye on the kids.
I need the kid practice now.
1066
00:37:49,642 --> 00:37:51,685
-Yeah, times two.
-Oh.
1067
00:37:51,727 --> 00:37:52,812
[whispering] What about her?
1068
00:37:52,852 --> 00:37:54,062
[Fiona]
You're not gonna get fired
1069
00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:55,814
for letting us borrow
an old lady, right?
1070
00:37:55,855 --> 00:37:56,941
Or what?
1071
00:37:56,982 --> 00:37:58,401
[Veronica] Ah, shit.
1072
00:38:01,361 --> 00:38:02,696
Can you watch him
for 15 minutes?
1073
00:38:02,738 --> 00:38:03,948
Damn, Fi, you see I'm
in the middle of doing my--
1074
00:38:03,989 --> 00:38:05,283
[Fiona] Thanks.
1075
00:38:05,323 --> 00:38:06,491
Okay, sure.
1076
00:38:06,533 --> 00:38:07,701
Hey.
1077
00:38:08,410 --> 00:38:09,495
Who the fuck are you?
1078
00:38:09,537 --> 00:38:10,788
Is this that missing kid?
1079
00:38:10,830 --> 00:38:11,705
[Fiona] Debbie stole him,
1080
00:38:11,747 --> 00:38:12,622
and now we have to figure out
1081
00:38:12,665 --> 00:38:13,790
how to give him back
1082
00:38:13,832 --> 00:38:14,875
without giving her
36 months of juvie.
1083
00:38:14,917 --> 00:38:16,294
I'm not sure what's going on
with her.
1084
00:38:16,334 --> 00:38:18,004
Oh, maybe it's 'cause
your mom bailed
1085
00:38:18,044 --> 00:38:20,297
and Frank's a big drunk.
1086
00:38:20,339 --> 00:38:21,464
Oh, what, I'm the asshole now?
1087
00:38:21,506 --> 00:38:22,633
She's the one who stole a baby.
1088
00:38:22,674 --> 00:38:23,801
[Lip] Kev, what time
you going to work today?
1089
00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:25,468
Uh, I go in at 6:00.
1090
00:38:25,511 --> 00:38:26,721
All right,
you're going in early.
1091
00:38:26,761 --> 00:38:27,971
You should go in,
tell them you saw
1092
00:38:28,013 --> 00:38:29,180
a little boy
in a Superman costume
1093
00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:30,890
walking down Grand Avenue.
1094
00:38:30,933 --> 00:38:31,892
I was walking to work,
1095
00:38:31,933 --> 00:38:33,477
and I saw this cute little kid
1096
00:38:33,518 --> 00:38:35,145
wearing a Superman costume.
1097
00:38:35,187 --> 00:38:36,980
Cute little kid.
1098
00:38:37,022 --> 00:38:38,316
A little kid
in a Superman costume?
1099
00:38:38,357 --> 00:38:40,067
Superman costume.
Sandy hair.
1100
00:38:40,109 --> 00:38:41,401
That's the little boy
that's missing.
1101
00:38:41,444 --> 00:38:42,319
Where did you see him?
1102
00:38:42,361 --> 00:38:43,654
On Grand.
I just passed him,
1103
00:38:43,696 --> 00:38:44,821
like, five minutes ago.
1104
00:38:44,863 --> 00:38:45,948
[sighs]
Well, we have to call that in,
1105
00:38:45,989 --> 00:38:46,866
Kev.
1106
00:38:46,906 --> 00:38:48,326
Yes, we do.
1107
00:38:48,366 --> 00:38:49,826
Two virgin piña coladas.
1108
00:38:49,868 --> 00:38:50,953
Thank you, Kate.
1109
00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:53,330
I had no idea
people I knew could die.
1110
00:38:53,372 --> 00:38:55,082
Honey, he was old.
1111
00:38:55,123 --> 00:38:57,917
Yeah, but that means
my family is gonna die, too,
1112
00:38:57,959 --> 00:38:59,502
and then I'll be all alone.
1113
00:38:59,544 --> 00:39:01,464
Debs, there
are way too many things in life
1114
00:39:01,504 --> 00:39:02,964
you gonna have to worry about.
1115
00:39:03,006 --> 00:39:04,924
Don't stress about this
right now.
1116
00:39:04,966 --> 00:39:05,968
What's wrong with me?
1117
00:39:06,009 --> 00:39:07,218
What?
1118
00:39:07,261 --> 00:39:08,678
Ethel's got a boy into her,
1119
00:39:08,721 --> 00:39:10,180
and she's already has
a husband.
1120
00:39:10,221 --> 00:39:12,767
You're a guy.
Don't spare my feelings.
1121
00:39:12,808 --> 00:39:14,517
Are you sure you're sending
strong enough signals?
1122
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:15,770
I've tried.
1123
00:39:15,810 --> 00:39:17,270
Guys are pretty dumb.
1124
00:39:17,312 --> 00:39:19,230
Sometimes you have to put
something shiny in a window
1125
00:39:19,272 --> 00:39:20,441
to get them to the store.
1126
00:39:20,482 --> 00:39:21,567
Thanks, Kevin.
1127
00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:22,776
So you gonna tell me
what happened?
1128
00:39:22,817 --> 00:39:24,527
Why do you wanna know anyway?
1129
00:39:24,569 --> 00:39:26,279
'Cause you been running
your ass around here
1130
00:39:26,321 --> 00:39:28,281
like a Black Scarface,
and I care about you, okay?
1131
00:39:28,323 --> 00:39:30,408
That stupid dumbass.
1132
00:39:30,451 --> 00:39:32,370
He seemed scared, Kev,
made me swear
1133
00:39:32,410 --> 00:39:33,370
that I wouldn't tell Fiona.
1134
00:39:33,412 --> 00:39:35,705
Oh, no, no, no, no.
1135
00:39:35,747 --> 00:39:36,873
That's why you're here.
1136
00:39:36,915 --> 00:39:38,417
Well, we have to do something.
1137
00:39:38,459 --> 00:39:39,709
No, you want me
to do something.
1138
00:39:39,752 --> 00:39:41,127
I promised
I wouldn't say anything.
1139
00:39:41,169 --> 00:39:42,546
You know I can't keep secrets.
1140
00:39:42,587 --> 00:39:45,508
Exactly, so you'll tell Fiona.
1141
00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:46,966
God damn it, V.
1142
00:39:47,009 --> 00:39:48,803
-May I see some ID, please?
-What, are you kidding me?
1143
00:39:48,843 --> 00:39:51,596
Show me something.
I gotta cover my ass.
1144
00:39:54,140 --> 00:39:55,892
Thank you, Dwayne Foster.
1145
00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:58,520
What if we adopt Lip
as our own?
1146
00:39:58,562 --> 00:40:00,189
Wouldn't that change
everything?
1147
00:40:01,439 --> 00:40:03,274
I'll go chase the rats
out of the cooler.
1148
00:40:03,317 --> 00:40:04,401
Hey, guys.
1149
00:40:04,442 --> 00:40:06,654
[Kev yelling, rats squeaking]
1150
00:40:06,694 --> 00:40:08,071
Dude, who the hell around here
is gonna go to school
1151
00:40:08,113 --> 00:40:09,573
if the one really smart guy
quits?
1152
00:40:09,614 --> 00:40:12,158
Go to school and enjoy
being smarter than everyone
1153
00:40:12,201 --> 00:40:13,743
and become master
of the universe.
1154
00:40:13,785 --> 00:40:14,620
I mean, fuck.
1155
00:40:14,662 --> 00:40:15,453
Well, what if I don't wanna be
1156
00:40:15,495 --> 00:40:16,413
master of the universe?
1157
00:40:16,455 --> 00:40:17,665
[Kev] Tough.
You gotta be
1158
00:40:17,705 --> 00:40:19,834
one of those ridiculously rich
successful dudes
1159
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:21,960
and put my kid
through college someday.
1160
00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:23,337
No pressure.
1161
00:40:23,379 --> 00:40:25,339
Joking, right, about not going
back to college?
1162
00:40:25,381 --> 00:40:26,464
[Lip] Serious.
I'm done.
1163
00:40:26,506 --> 00:40:27,758
College is a racket, huh?
1164
00:40:27,799 --> 00:40:29,259
Well, guess what.
1165
00:40:29,301 --> 00:40:30,928
There's no one better
at beating the system than you.
1166
00:40:30,970 --> 00:40:32,596
Hell, man, you got them
to give you
1167
00:40:32,638 --> 00:40:34,140
four fucking years for free.
1168
00:40:34,180 --> 00:40:36,183
Why don't you get
your damn diploma,
1169
00:40:36,225 --> 00:40:38,768
spit in their faces,
and have a fucking future?
1170
00:40:38,810 --> 00:40:40,104
You know, I'm getting
pretty damn tired
1171
00:40:40,145 --> 00:40:41,605
-of everybody telling--
-Stop making them have to.
1172
00:40:41,647 --> 00:40:44,066
Grow the fuck up.
1173
00:40:44,107 --> 00:40:45,567
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I told her.
1174
00:40:45,609 --> 00:40:47,111
Lip, you can't tell her
that shit.
1175
00:40:47,152 --> 00:40:48,904
That's like waving the flag
in front of the bull.
1176
00:40:48,946 --> 00:40:50,406
Well, hide the car keys,
1177
00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:52,741
stop showering,
and you tell her nothing,
1178
00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:54,410
and whatever you do,
1179
00:40:54,451 --> 00:40:56,370
do not--Lip,
1180
00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:58,413
do not let her bone you,
1181
00:40:58,455 --> 00:41:00,248
because that oxytocin stuff
1182
00:41:00,290 --> 00:41:01,625
makes them adhesive.
1183
00:41:01,667 --> 00:41:03,544
You got it?
1184
00:41:03,585 --> 00:41:07,381
upbeat rock music
1185
00:41:07,422 --> 00:41:08,466
[Carl] Shit.
1186
00:41:08,506 --> 00:41:11,093
Jesus.
1187
00:41:11,134 --> 00:41:13,053
[Veronica] She's fine.
Just passed out.
1188
00:41:13,095 --> 00:41:14,638
Sweet dreams, baby girl.
1189
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,390
Well, she's all yours.
1190
00:41:16,431 --> 00:41:17,808
We gotta get back
to the bar.
1191
00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:21,979
[laughing maniacally]
1192
00:41:22,020 --> 00:41:23,564
[Kev] Holy Jesus.
1193
00:41:23,605 --> 00:41:25,524
Are you okay?
1194
00:41:25,566 --> 00:41:27,567
I can't tell
if you're laughing or crying.
1195
00:41:27,609 --> 00:41:29,402
I'll help you out in here.
1196
00:41:29,444 --> 00:41:31,363
You'll help me out in here.
1197
00:41:31,404 --> 00:41:32,823
You're on.
1198
00:41:32,864 --> 00:41:33,823
I brought help.
1199
00:41:33,866 --> 00:41:34,825
[Tommy] Everybody shovel
1200
00:41:34,866 --> 00:41:36,201
all this broken tile out.
1201
00:41:36,243 --> 00:41:37,368
Get it the hell out of here.
1202
00:41:37,410 --> 00:41:38,913
[crowd cheering]
1203
00:41:41,873 --> 00:41:43,250
Oh, fuck off!
1204
00:41:43,292 --> 00:41:45,084
Have you examined your breasts
in the shower
1205
00:41:45,127 --> 00:41:46,127
this morning, Fiona?
1206
00:41:46,169 --> 00:41:47,462
It's not just here.
1207
00:41:47,504 --> 00:41:50,049
It's here too,
and under the arms here.
1208
00:41:50,089 --> 00:41:51,133
All right?
1209
00:41:54,553 --> 00:41:55,638
Last one.
1210
00:41:55,678 --> 00:41:56,971
If I had a dime for every time
1211
00:41:57,013 --> 00:41:58,765
I heard you say that...
1212
00:41:58,806 --> 00:42:00,058
I'd have exactly one dime.
1213
00:42:00,100 --> 00:42:01,352
W-Wendy!
1214
00:42:01,392 --> 00:42:02,645
-Give me the phone!
-[Wendy] Hello? Hello?
1215
00:42:02,685 --> 00:42:03,729
You're not gonna slap me,
are you?
1216
00:42:03,770 --> 00:42:05,105
[Debbie] No.
1217
00:42:05,147 --> 00:42:06,607
Usually, after Veronica
asks me to level with her,
1218
00:42:06,649 --> 00:42:07,816
she slaps me.
1219
00:42:07,857 --> 00:42:09,109
My husband fucked my mother
to get pregnant.
1220
00:42:09,151 --> 00:42:11,611
Sorry we can't all have
our baby the normal way!
1221
00:42:11,654 --> 00:42:13,531
Just remember,
if you're gonna sit on my face,
1222
00:42:13,571 --> 00:42:15,114
I have that sinus thing.
Okay?
1223
00:42:15,156 --> 00:42:16,283
I thought that's what
you ladies wanted,
1224
00:42:16,325 --> 00:42:18,243
is shared housework,
wage equality,
1225
00:42:18,285 --> 00:42:19,578
and all that Hunger Games
1226
00:42:19,620 --> 00:42:21,538
Lady Gaga girl power shit.
1227
00:42:21,580 --> 00:42:22,872
Don't haggle with a woman
1228
00:42:22,915 --> 00:42:24,625
who looks this fly
in a power suit.
1229
00:42:24,667 --> 00:42:26,042
Let's get those bitches
tugging.
1230
00:42:26,084 --> 00:42:28,879
Here's to good old-fashioned
American capitalism.
1231
00:42:28,921 --> 00:42:30,297
You can keep a man down,
1232
00:42:30,339 --> 00:42:32,966
but you can never keep him
from getting it up.
1233
00:42:33,008 --> 00:42:35,051
-Yes, sir! Ow!
-[Kev] Mm.
1234
00:42:35,093 --> 00:42:37,053
Boom, there it is.
1235
00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:38,973
Boom, there it is.
1236
00:42:39,013 --> 00:42:40,390
Toilets?
Toilets.
1237
00:42:40,431 --> 00:42:42,058
Kids drown in toilets
all the time.
1238
00:42:42,100 --> 00:42:43,477
Close the lid.
1239
00:42:43,518 --> 00:42:45,562
You gotta be on it
all the time.
1240
00:42:45,604 --> 00:42:48,399
I mean, what kind of person
doesn't worry about this shit?
1241
00:42:48,439 --> 00:42:50,484
Fine.
I will go home
1242
00:42:50,526 --> 00:42:51,944
and fuck my husband.
1243
00:42:51,986 --> 00:42:53,988
Maybe with
a little more enthusiasm?
1244
00:42:55,029 --> 00:42:56,698
I'm more like a refugee
who sells weed.
1245
00:42:56,739 --> 00:42:58,408
Lots of noises in the ghetto.
1246
00:42:58,450 --> 00:43:00,660
Automatic gunfire, people
begging for their lives...
1247
00:43:00,703 --> 00:43:02,162
I changed your diaper,
so I know
1248
00:43:02,203 --> 00:43:04,163
your little pudding pop
ain't never been chocolate.
1249
00:43:04,205 --> 00:43:06,332
Four hundred years
of oppression makes you Black,
1250
00:43:06,375 --> 00:43:08,502
and if you keep up
with this wigger bullshit,
1251
00:43:08,544 --> 00:43:10,629
I'm gonna reverse
George Zimmerman your ass.
1252
00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:11,964
They're a day old, but no mold.
1253
00:43:12,006 --> 00:43:13,381
I checked.
Praise Jesus.
1254
00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:14,799
I've been dealing
with toddlers all day,
1255
00:43:14,841 --> 00:43:16,551
talking ABCs,
1256
00:43:16,593 --> 00:43:18,846
telling them what sounds
a cow makes.
1257
00:43:18,886 --> 00:43:21,098
It's moo, motherfucker.
It's moo.
1258
00:43:21,140 --> 00:43:22,765
Is this really her aunt,
1259
00:43:22,808 --> 00:43:23,808
or are we gonna find her
fucking her in our bed
1260
00:43:23,850 --> 00:43:24,977
a week from now?
1261
00:43:25,018 --> 00:43:26,312
When I started dating Kev,
I was like,
1262
00:43:26,352 --> 00:43:27,812
"You're my man, I'm your girl,
1263
00:43:27,855 --> 00:43:29,022
and if you're not happy
with that,
1264
00:43:29,064 --> 00:43:30,149
I'll kill you in your sleep."
1265
00:43:30,189 --> 00:43:31,274
It's true.
1266
00:43:31,317 --> 00:43:33,026
Too tired to jump
up and down with me?
1267
00:43:33,067 --> 00:43:35,696
Yeah, but if it helps,
this is my happy face now.
1268
00:43:35,738 --> 00:43:37,363
You're madder than a hornet
in a Coke can.
1269
00:43:37,406 --> 00:43:40,658
"Well, slap my ass
and call me Sally."
1270
00:43:40,701 --> 00:43:44,163
"Well, sit on my face
and call me Bernard."
1271
00:43:44,203 --> 00:43:45,538
Look at you two.
1272
00:43:45,580 --> 00:43:48,667
You're like two friends
from that old show...
1273
00:43:48,709 --> 00:43:50,335
Friends.
1274
00:43:50,377 --> 00:43:52,879
Nipple piercing.
It's small but meaningful.
1275
00:43:52,921 --> 00:43:54,631
I would legit not say hello
to you
1276
00:43:54,672 --> 00:43:55,758
if I saw you in public.
1277
00:43:55,799 --> 00:43:58,009
V!
1278
00:43:59,803 --> 00:44:01,221
V!
1279
00:44:01,263 --> 00:44:02,513
Holy shit.
1280
00:44:02,555 --> 00:44:04,183
You had sex with her, too.
1281
00:44:04,223 --> 00:44:06,477
V, that-that is...
1282
00:44:06,517 --> 00:44:07,895
really hot.
1283
00:44:07,935 --> 00:44:09,145
My husband's a slut.
1284
00:44:09,187 --> 00:44:10,480
V, that's a little harsh.
1285
00:44:10,522 --> 00:44:12,316
Kev, what the hell
are you talking about?
1286
00:44:12,357 --> 00:44:13,442
God damn it, V.
1287
00:44:13,484 --> 00:44:14,609
Love you, Kev.
1288
00:44:14,651 --> 00:44:16,277
Marriage is
a sacred institution.
1289
00:44:16,319 --> 00:44:17,321
Did she go down on you?
1290
00:44:17,363 --> 00:44:18,613
Yes!
1291
00:44:18,656 --> 00:44:20,031
Did she do that thing
with her tongue?
1292
00:44:20,073 --> 00:44:21,491
[Veronica] Yes.
1293
00:44:21,533 --> 00:44:22,533
Did you come a lot?
1294
00:44:22,576 --> 00:44:23,701
-Kev...
-[Kev] Right.
1295
00:44:23,743 --> 00:44:24,995
You two just...
1296
00:44:25,037 --> 00:44:27,163
lick each other like cats
all day while I'm gone.
1297
00:44:27,205 --> 00:44:28,873
The guy offered me $4,000
1298
00:44:28,915 --> 00:44:30,000
for an hour with you.
1299
00:44:30,042 --> 00:44:31,000
Mm.
1300
00:44:31,042 --> 00:44:32,169
He thinks I'm a whore?
1301
00:44:32,210 --> 00:44:33,169
-Of course.
-No.
1302
00:44:33,212 --> 00:44:34,337
It's just
a misunderstanding, V.
1303
00:44:34,379 --> 00:44:35,881
That's all.
1304
00:44:38,133 --> 00:44:41,178
[Veronica] Kev,
can you come up for a sec?
1305
00:44:52,605 --> 00:44:54,857
V, look how hard I am for you.
1306
00:44:54,899 --> 00:44:56,109
[Alison]
You Kevin Ball?
1307
00:44:56,151 --> 00:44:57,319
You a health inspector?
1308
00:44:57,361 --> 00:44:58,486
Uh, no.
1309
00:44:58,529 --> 00:45:00,029
Jehovah's Witness?
1310
00:45:00,071 --> 00:45:01,614
-No.
-IRS?
1311
00:45:01,656 --> 00:45:02,741
No.
1312
00:45:02,783 --> 00:45:04,410
Then yes, I'm Kevin Ball.
1313
00:45:08,413 --> 00:45:09,997
Kev.
1314
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:11,375
[snores]
Uh, what?
1315
00:45:11,417 --> 00:45:12,375
V?
V!
1316
00:45:12,417 --> 00:45:14,085
V, your mom's here.
1317
00:45:14,127 --> 00:45:15,837
V, don't start that shit.
1318
00:45:15,879 --> 00:45:16,964
-Kevin...
-V!
1319
00:45:17,004 --> 00:45:18,549
-Kevin Ball.
-V!
1320
00:45:18,589 --> 00:45:19,674
No, I'm done.
No more breastfeeding.
1321
00:45:19,716 --> 00:45:21,051
Kev, wake up.
1322
00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,428
V, we're doing it, baby.
1323
00:45:22,468 --> 00:45:23,470
[Veronica laughs]
1324
00:45:28,517 --> 00:45:30,143
V, we gotta talk.
1325
00:45:30,185 --> 00:45:31,895
Kevin?
Kevin?
1326
00:45:31,937 --> 00:45:33,312
Kevin?
Kevin!
1327
00:45:33,355 --> 00:45:35,107
Kevin Ball, get your ass
down here.
1328
00:45:38,109 --> 00:45:39,402
What the fuck, V?
1329
00:45:39,444 --> 00:45:40,946
Kev, please stop talking.
1330
00:45:40,988 --> 00:45:42,613
Snookums...
1331
00:45:42,656 --> 00:45:43,991
[Veronica] Kev, come on.
We're gonna be late.
1332
00:45:44,031 --> 00:45:45,408
Kevin Ball,
1333
00:45:45,451 --> 00:45:47,243
get your ass out here
right now
1334
00:45:47,285 --> 00:45:49,163
before I Lorena Bobbitt you
myself.
1335
00:45:53,207 --> 00:45:55,334
Kev, no one needs to know
about our sex life.
1336
00:45:55,377 --> 00:45:56,669
-[Kev] Uh...
-Kev?
1337
00:45:56,712 --> 00:45:58,464
Kev?
Kevin?
1338
00:45:58,504 --> 00:45:59,506
-Kevin.
-[Kev] Mm.
1339
00:45:59,547 --> 00:46:01,008
-V?
-Kev!
1340
00:46:01,049 --> 00:46:02,384
I'm coming.
1341
00:46:02,426 --> 00:46:03,384
-Kev!
-Shh.
1342
00:46:03,426 --> 00:46:05,178
-Come on.
-Let me have this.
1343
00:46:05,220 --> 00:46:06,388
-Kev?
-Yeah?
1344
00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:08,556
[Veronica] Kev?
1345
00:46:08,598 --> 00:46:10,225
Kevin.
1346
00:46:10,267 --> 00:46:11,893
Hey, hey, hey.
1347
00:46:13,979 --> 00:46:15,355
[quietly] V.
1348
00:46:15,397 --> 00:46:18,192
La la la la la
1349
00:46:18,232 --> 00:46:20,359
Stupid in love
1350
00:46:20,401 --> 00:46:23,071
La la la la la la
la la la
1351
00:46:23,113 --> 00:46:26,116
La la la la la la la la
1352
00:46:26,158 --> 00:46:29,453
La la la la la
la la la la
1353
00:46:29,495 --> 00:46:32,663
La la la la la la la
la la
86343
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
