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1
00:00:04,250 --> 00:00:08,040
Oh, I love Christmas.
Cutting down the tree,
2
00:00:08,125 --> 00:00:10,455
taking Dad to the emergency room,
3
00:00:10,542 --> 00:00:12,212
hanging up the lights,
4
00:00:12,291 --> 00:00:14,331
taking Dad to the emergency room.
5
00:00:14,417 --> 00:00:16,877
Singing Christmas carols.
6
00:00:16,959 --> 00:00:18,999
Taking Dad to the emergency room.
7
00:00:19,083 --> 00:00:21,753
It's amazing
how much his "fa la la la la"
8
00:00:21,834 --> 00:00:24,084
sounds like the mating call of a raccoon.
9
00:00:24,166 --> 00:00:25,536
(laughing)
10
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:28,375
Hey, rabies is no laughing matter.
11
00:00:29,208 --> 00:00:32,748
We're gonna mail these Christmas cards
to your nurses and doctors.
12
00:00:32,834 --> 00:00:35,174
Try not to get hurt
while we're away, honey.
13
00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:38,080
Don't worry. I'm just going
to hang these stockings.
14
00:00:38,792 --> 00:00:40,922
With this nail gun!
15
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,580
(laughing maniacally)
16
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:45,667
Chyna,
don't let your father play with this.
17
00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:46,670
Okay.
18
00:00:48,625 --> 00:00:53,245
Hey, wait! You're standing
under the mistletoe. Give me a kiss.
19
00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:54,713
Darryl...
20
00:00:56,041 --> 00:00:59,581
Come on, I dislocated
my shoulder putting that up.
21
00:01:03,583 --> 00:01:04,583
Good day.
22
00:01:04,667 --> 00:01:06,377
(chuckling) All right.
23
00:01:07,166 --> 00:01:09,326
Get out!
24
00:01:11,917 --> 00:01:12,747
(door closes)
25
00:01:18,458 --> 00:01:21,958
If you're looking for the tip
of your thumb, Mom put it in the freezer.
26
00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:25,671
I'm looking for the present your mom
got me so I know what to get her.
27
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:27,880
If I spend less than her,
I look cheap.
28
00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,959
If I spend more than her,
I make her look bad.
29
00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:35,084
To be fair, that rhinestone pantsuit
you bought her last year
30
00:01:35,166 --> 00:01:37,166
really did make her look bad.
31
00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:40,169
The point is,
if I knew what she got me,
32
00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:43,130
I could get her something
that costs exactly the same.
33
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,080
What did she buy me?
34
00:01:45,166 --> 00:01:46,706
-Nothing.
-Perfect.
35
00:01:46,792 --> 00:01:47,882
I'm done shopping.
36
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:52,380
I meant nothing yet.
She's doing her shopping over the weekend.
37
00:01:52,458 --> 00:01:56,248
That's it.
I'll secretly spy on her at the mall
38
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:57,753
to see what she gets me.
39
00:01:59,208 --> 00:02:01,248
But now it's time
to hang this wreath.
40
00:02:01,834 --> 00:02:03,384
(laughing maniacally)
41
00:02:08,834 --> 00:02:11,384
Hey, Rose.
Yeah, it's me again.
42
00:02:12,083 --> 00:02:15,333
In about five minutes,
we're gonna need an ambulance.
43
00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:19,833
♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪
44
00:02:19,917 --> 00:02:23,287
-♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪
-Whoo!
45
00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:27,165
♪ Everybody's got that thingSomething different we all bring ♪
46
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:31,000
♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wingsYou got it, you got it ♪
47
00:02:31,083 --> 00:02:34,503
♪ We're on fire and we blazeIn extraordinary ways ♪
48
00:02:34,583 --> 00:02:38,213
♪ 365 daysWe got it, we got it ♪
49
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:40,331
♪ If you can dream it ♪
50
00:02:40,417 --> 00:02:41,667
♪ You can be it ♪
51
00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:43,880
♪ If you can feel it ♪
52
00:02:43,959 --> 00:02:45,789
♪ You can believe it ♪
53
00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:50,035
♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪
54
00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:53,825
♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪
55
00:02:53,917 --> 00:02:57,077
♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪
56
00:02:57,166 --> 00:03:00,916
♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪
57
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,290
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
58
00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:04,955
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
59
00:03:05,041 --> 00:03:06,251
Whoo!
60
00:03:10,959 --> 00:03:13,709
Oh, I love the holiday season.
61
00:03:13,792 --> 00:03:19,042
I don't know. To me, Christmas
has become so un-commercialized.
62
00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:22,460
No one focuses
on what this season is truly about.
63
00:03:23,375 --> 00:03:24,455
Economics.
64
00:03:25,417 --> 00:03:26,627
What?
65
00:03:26,709 --> 00:03:30,289
Seventy-eight percent of retail profits
are earned during Christmas,
66
00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:32,705
and to a lesser degree,
Chanukah season.
67
00:03:33,458 --> 00:03:37,248
Joy and good cheer won't put us
on the road to financial recovery.
68
00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:38,503
(blowing whistle)
69
00:03:39,250 --> 00:03:43,290
Attention minions!
I need to use your natural talents
70
00:03:43,375 --> 00:03:44,665
to make toys for me.
71
00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,790
Aren't you a little old for toys?
72
00:03:47,709 --> 00:03:50,879
Or, really, anything but nursing homes
and orthopedic shoes?
73
00:03:51,917 --> 00:03:54,827
I may be old,
but I'm going to outlive you!
74
00:03:56,125 --> 00:03:58,035
And the toys are not for me.
75
00:03:58,125 --> 00:04:01,495
They're for a group of needy kids
at the local orphanage.
76
00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:05,173
Aw, that's a great idea,
Principal Skidmore.
77
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:07,500
It will make their Christmas special.
78
00:04:07,583 --> 00:04:10,463
Yeah. Who wants a professionally made,
store-bought toy
79
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:13,132
when you can get something made
by an 11-year-old
80
00:04:13,208 --> 00:04:14,918
with popsicle sticks and glue?
81
00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:19,753
Merry Christmas!
82
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:28,417
Okay, we need to come up
with a toy to make.
83
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,920
What do little kids like to play with?
84
00:04:31,583 --> 00:04:35,083
Fire. Sharp objects.
85
00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:37,713
Abandoned wells.
86
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,130
How about yo-yos?
87
00:04:40,208 --> 00:04:43,668
Yo-yos?
They're incredibly dangerous!
88
00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:46,577
I made the perfect thing.
89
00:04:48,750 --> 00:04:51,290
It looks like a high school textbook,
90
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:54,125
but it's hollowed out
so the teacher can't tell
91
00:04:54,208 --> 00:04:55,958
that inside you're concealing
92
00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:58,287
a college textbook.
93
00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:01,786
Toys are supposed to be fun.
94
00:05:01,875 --> 00:05:04,285
Like these action figures of dead artists.
95
00:05:05,291 --> 00:05:08,831
Look! Here's a Salvador Dali dolly.
96
00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:12,250
(doll wailing)
97
00:05:12,333 --> 00:05:13,423
(gasps)
98
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:16,250
Ew! Why is it wet?
99
00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:17,463
I don't know.
100
00:05:17,542 --> 00:05:20,882
It's not like I slapped a mustache
on a Tinkle Time Tina doll.
101
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:25,577
True, children love
dead artists and pee,
102
00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:29,077
but maybe we can come up
with a few other ideas.
103
00:05:29,166 --> 00:05:32,916
-Okay, let's think outside the box.
-No, that's what we've been doing.
104
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,250
Maybe we should think
inside the box.
105
00:05:39,959 --> 00:05:41,829
(gasps) Hey! It worked!
106
00:05:42,458 --> 00:05:44,958
I've got the perfect idea! Check this out.
107
00:05:45,792 --> 00:05:49,132
(Chyna) ♪ All around the Christmas treeFrom Boston to Atlanta ♪
108
00:05:49,208 --> 00:05:52,828
♪ Saint Nick comes down the chimneyPop goes the Santa! ♪
109
00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:57,747
I have an idea!
We can make jack-in-the-boxes!
110
00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:00,790
Nice!
111
00:06:01,375 --> 00:06:02,785
(exclaims)
112
00:06:02,875 --> 00:06:06,375
That was my idea.
I was just demonstrating it.
113
00:06:06,458 --> 00:06:10,538
Come on, Chyna, it's not about taking
credit. It's about helping the orphans.
114
00:06:11,959 --> 00:06:13,129
With my good idea.
115
00:06:17,625 --> 00:06:20,495
Hi, Lexi. You got a Christmas job?
116
00:06:20,583 --> 00:06:23,083
I'm so impressed with your work ethic.
117
00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:26,786
Thanks! I'm saving up
to get my own butler.
118
00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:32,210
Anyway, I want you to wrap
this special gift I bought.
119
00:06:34,417 --> 00:06:36,287
It's a sweater for my sister.
120
00:06:38,959 --> 00:06:40,579
Do you hate your sister?
121
00:06:42,208 --> 00:06:43,128
Yes!
122
00:06:44,291 --> 00:06:46,921
She thinks she's so pretty.
123
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,750
We'll see how pretty
she looks in this sweater.
124
00:06:54,375 --> 00:06:56,035
Darryl, what are you doing?
125
00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:59,745
I'm not Darryl, I'm a snowman!
126
00:07:06,875 --> 00:07:07,995
Sorry I'm late.
127
00:07:08,083 --> 00:07:09,753
What are you wearing?
128
00:07:09,834 --> 00:07:13,544
You said we were hired to be rappers,
so I came dressed as one.
129
00:07:14,709 --> 00:07:16,669
Yo, can I get a beat?
130
00:07:18,709 --> 00:07:21,579
Just kidding,
I brought my own!
131
00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,293
(music playing)
132
00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:35,707
Congratulations!
We have made 100 jack-in-the-boxes!
133
00:07:35,792 --> 00:07:37,332
(all whooping)
134
00:07:37,417 --> 00:07:39,167
(music playing)
135
00:07:44,125 --> 00:07:47,875
Congratulations!
We have made 99 jack-in-the-boxes!
136
00:07:50,166 --> 00:07:52,576
Who's in charge of quality control?
137
00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:53,627
He is.
138
00:07:53,709 --> 00:07:55,959
(snoring)
139
00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:59,793
Guys, check out this early Christmas gift
I got from my aunt.
140
00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:03,785
It's a jack-in-the-box!
141
00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:05,415
(music playing)
142
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:06,540
Whoa!
143
00:08:08,709 --> 00:08:12,209
It's our jack-in-the-box.
Where did your aunt get this?
144
00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:13,171
A website.
145
00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:17,330
Uh... "Skidmore's Hand-Crafted Toys."
146
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,248
Hey, that's our principal's name!
147
00:08:25,041 --> 00:08:27,831
Skidmore's selling
the boxes we made for profit,
148
00:08:27,917 --> 00:08:29,537
and the orphans get nothing!
149
00:08:30,458 --> 00:08:33,128
Wow, I resent being forced to work
150
00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:36,418
in sweatshop-like conditions
under false pretenses!
151
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:42,377
But I must say, I do admire her
entrepreneurial spirit.
152
00:08:42,458 --> 00:08:44,378
Very Christmas-y.
153
00:08:49,208 --> 00:08:50,668
(humming)
154
00:08:53,375 --> 00:08:56,035
Principal Skidmore,
we know what you've been up to.
155
00:08:56,125 --> 00:08:59,535
You know we've been serving
porcupine milk at the cafeteria?
156
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,170
Uh, not that.
157
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:06,580
You know we've been serving
porcupine meat in the cafeteria?
158
00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:07,787
No!
159
00:09:07,875 --> 00:09:09,325
You know that we've been...
160
00:09:10,291 --> 00:09:12,921
Why don't you just tell me
what you know.
161
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,420
We know you've been selling
our jack-in-the-boxes for profit.
162
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:19,330
-You said you were helping the needy.
-I am.
163
00:09:19,417 --> 00:09:20,707
I'm needy.
164
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,037
I need money!
165
00:09:24,208 --> 00:09:26,538
I can't believe you'd do
something like this.
166
00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:27,915
Especially at Christmas.
167
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,540
I am disgusted.
How do you sleep at night?
168
00:09:31,625 --> 00:09:34,285
I don't. I sleep during the day.
169
00:09:34,375 --> 00:09:37,955
At night, I go prowling
for silver foxes at the discotheques.
170
00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:41,880
I'm now more disgusted.
171
00:09:46,709 --> 00:09:47,829
Uh, excuse me,
172
00:09:47,917 --> 00:09:51,207
I'm here about the Santa Claus job.
I'm looking for the manager.
173
00:09:53,542 --> 00:09:57,832
Ho, ho, ho!
That would be me. The name's Nick.
174
00:09:57,917 --> 00:09:59,827
Uh, Darryl Parks.
175
00:09:59,917 --> 00:10:02,037
Darryl, good to meet you.
176
00:10:02,125 --> 00:10:05,785
I've been looking high and low
for someone who could pass as Santa.
177
00:10:07,417 --> 00:10:09,127
I think you might fit the bill.
178
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:13,668
Okay. So, I would get to sit up
on that chair and spy on everybody?
179
00:10:14,917 --> 00:10:17,127
I mean, to see who's naughty or nice.
180
00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:22,037
I'd like to hire you,
but you have to provide your own elf.
181
00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:25,377
-My own elf?
-Yes, and good luck.
182
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,748
I've been trying to find one for months.
183
00:10:27,834 --> 00:10:32,584
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got
a meeting with my assistant manager.
184
00:10:34,917 --> 00:10:37,747
Don't worry.
I know where to find an elf.
185
00:10:40,458 --> 00:10:43,788
Dad, you promised I'd never
have to dress like an elf again
186
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:47,705
after that time you made me live
in the tree house and bake cookies.
187
00:10:47,792 --> 00:10:52,792
I know, but I need your help
for a top secret police investigation.
188
00:10:52,875 --> 00:10:55,325
So secret, you can't tell anyone.
189
00:10:55,417 --> 00:10:56,577
Not even Mom?
190
00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:58,748
Especially not Mom.
191
00:10:58,834 --> 00:11:01,884
Last time I told her a secret,
she blabbed it to everyone.
192
00:11:01,959 --> 00:11:04,499
You wear pink underpants.
193
00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:11,171
I can't believe Skidmore.
194
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:14,000
(sighs)
Christmas is supposed to be about love,
195
00:11:14,083 --> 00:11:16,383
and joy, and kindness to your fellow man.
196
00:11:17,583 --> 00:11:20,133
Let's pound her into a fine,
powdery paste!
197
00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:23,705
We need to teach Skidmore a lesson!
198
00:11:23,792 --> 00:11:26,632
And not something she'd enjoy,
like trigonometry!
199
00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:31,210
We should teach her a lesson.
200
00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:34,876
And I think I know just how to do it.
201
00:11:35,625 --> 00:11:39,325
♪ As your gift for ChristmasThis year I hope you get the measles ♪
202
00:11:39,417 --> 00:11:42,577
♪ You have a heart that's made of stoneTake this, you weasel ♪
203
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:55,000
I've got it! We rig the next batch
of jack-in-the-boxes
204
00:11:55,083 --> 00:11:57,753
with booby traps
to go off in Skidmore's face.
205
00:11:59,959 --> 00:12:01,829
Fletcher, you are on fire!
206
00:12:06,750 --> 00:12:08,750
"Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
207
00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:11,004
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas."
208
00:12:12,125 --> 00:12:14,285
This story's a little repetitive.
209
00:12:17,458 --> 00:12:19,958
"Printed in the Philippines."
210
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,828
Wow, what a twist ending.
211
00:12:26,208 --> 00:12:27,328
Excuse me, ladies?
212
00:12:27,417 --> 00:12:30,167
Have either of you seen
anything out of the ordinary?
213
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,380
Besides you in tights?
214
00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:39,495
Hi, Mrs. Parks. I wrapped
that ugly sweater for you.
215
00:12:39,583 --> 00:12:42,633
Your sister will be so surprised.
216
00:12:52,583 --> 00:12:55,883
Cameron? What are you doing?
217
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:01,250
(in high voice)
I'm not Cameron, I'm an elf!
218
00:13:07,083 --> 00:13:08,833
So, in exactly two hours,
219
00:13:08,917 --> 00:13:13,037
our jack-in-the-boxes
are set to go off in Skidmore's face!
220
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:13,955
Fletcher,
221
00:13:14,041 --> 00:13:16,501
-I'm still in awe of your genius.
-What?
222
00:13:18,458 --> 00:13:22,418
Kids,
I thought about what you said to me,
223
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:25,380
and last night
I had an awful dream
224
00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:28,078
where I was visited
by the ghost of my Christmases
225
00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:30,376
past, present, and future.
226
00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:31,788
In one night?
227
00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:36,583
I would think your past alone
would take a good month.
228
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:41,881
Given your age,
I'm surprised you even had a future.
229
00:13:42,542 --> 00:13:43,962
Shut it!
230
00:13:44,041 --> 00:13:46,751
The point is I've decided to be nice!
231
00:13:48,875 --> 00:13:50,875
To make amends,
I have donated
232
00:13:50,959 --> 00:13:54,129
the entire last batch of toys
to the orphanage.
233
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,328
What?
234
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:59,667
I just dropped them off.
And I've got to say, it felt good.
235
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:06,542
This is terrible.
We've got to find a way to sneak in
236
00:14:06,625 --> 00:14:09,915
and get those boxes back
before they go off in the orphanage!
237
00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:11,875
I've got it!
238
00:14:12,583 --> 00:14:15,713
You can get on my shoulders,
and Chyna, on your shoulders,
239
00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:20,042
we can put on a trench coat,
and pretend to be the orphanage inspector.
240
00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:26,078
That's ridiculous.
We'll never find a trench coat that long.
241
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:32,250
But there might be another way
for us to sneak in.
242
00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:48,127
You know the front door
was unlocked, right?
243
00:14:48,208 --> 00:14:50,998
Yeah, we know.
What's fun about a door?
244
00:14:53,083 --> 00:14:55,543
(groans)
Let's go get those jack-in-the-boxes.
245
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,210
Which ones are they?
All these boxes are the same size.
246
00:15:02,291 --> 00:15:04,541
Maybe we could tell by shaking them.
247
00:15:06,625 --> 00:15:07,915
(glass breaking)
248
00:15:09,083 --> 00:15:10,753
Okay, that's not one of them.
249
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,464
Yeah, yeah, I heard you, man.
250
00:15:19,542 --> 00:15:22,632
Video games, a new bike,
world peace, blah blah blah.
251
00:15:23,834 --> 00:15:25,584
Where do you think
you're going?
252
00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:29,167
Santa's just going to the bathroom
to deliver a lump of coal.
253
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:32,210
Well, ho-ho-hold it in!
254
00:15:35,625 --> 00:15:37,035
Cameron! Psst!
255
00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:41,134
I have reason to believe
your mother may be
256
00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:44,078
the mastermind
behind this whole crime spree.
257
00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:47,916
I knew it! She's been acting
very suspicious lately.
258
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:51,040
The other day I saw her wiping
the refrigerator door.
259
00:15:51,125 --> 00:15:54,325
I asked what she was doing,
and she said,
260
00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:57,418
"Getting rid of these fingerprints."
261
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,038
Exactly! She's over there.
262
00:16:01,125 --> 00:16:04,455
Now, follow her, see what's in her bag,
and report back to me.
263
00:16:04,542 --> 00:16:05,712
I'm on it.
264
00:16:11,041 --> 00:16:12,331
(grunts)
265
00:16:20,083 --> 00:16:22,883
Pink underpants?
Dad will love these!
266
00:16:26,208 --> 00:16:28,708
And I'm sure
they'll look good on you too...
267
00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:29,632
sir.
268
00:16:38,792 --> 00:16:41,382
Ugh! No jack-in-the-box
in this one, either.
269
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,918
I can't believe
how many presents there are.
270
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,000
Yee-haw!
271
00:16:46,083 --> 00:16:49,333
Oh, come on!
Can you guys please help me?
272
00:16:49,417 --> 00:16:52,327
These jack-in-the-boxes
are going to go off any minute!
273
00:16:52,417 --> 00:16:53,417
Hey, careful!
274
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:56,670
Can't you see we're in the middle
of a congressional hearing?
275
00:16:58,542 --> 00:16:59,922
Yee-haw!
276
00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:05,037
Okay, here's that wrapping paper
you wanted wrapped.
277
00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:07,667
Great gift, by the way.
278
00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:12,746
I need a little help here.
279
00:17:13,291 --> 00:17:14,251
Paisley?
280
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:20,293
I couldn't wrap this rocking chair,
so I went with Plan B.
281
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:24,293
You wrapped yourself?
How is that Plan B?
282
00:17:24,875 --> 00:17:27,785
Well, when the family opens me
on Christmas morning,
283
00:17:27,875 --> 00:17:32,125
I'll say, "Hey, you got a really cool
rocking chair, but I couldn't wrap it.
284
00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:37,254
And can I use your bathroom?
I've been under your tree all night."
285
00:17:49,917 --> 00:17:53,497
Ho, ho, ho.
What would you like for Christmas?
286
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:59,423
Well, let's see.
I want a dolly, and I want a tea set,
287
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:02,330
and I want to know
what the heck you're up to, Darryl!
288
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:07,206
Dad, don't let that dude
with the beard sit in your lap.
289
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,790
Wow, the likeness is uncanny.
290
00:18:14,083 --> 00:18:16,213
I want to know
what's going on right now.
291
00:18:16,917 --> 00:18:20,287
Normally, I would lie to you,
but since it's Christmas,
292
00:18:20,375 --> 00:18:23,875
I decided to pose as Santa Claus
to find out what you were buying me.
293
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,290
What? I'm not on an undercover
top-secret mission?
294
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,540
So I guess this badge is fake too?
295
00:18:33,166 --> 00:18:34,996
I can't believe you!
296
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,580
Ha! You missed me by ten feet!
297
00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:41,793
You hit that candy cane.
298
00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:43,625
-(creaking)
-Uh-oh.
299
00:18:48,125 --> 00:18:51,535
Rose? It's me.
We're going to need another ambulance.
300
00:18:57,625 --> 00:19:01,575
Great! Now, where am I gonna find
a Santa Claus and an elf to fill in?
301
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:06,330
Of course! It's so obvious!
302
00:19:09,083 --> 00:19:11,543
This is my worst nightmare.
303
00:19:11,625 --> 00:19:14,415
I'm chubby and I have facial hair!
304
00:19:15,417 --> 00:19:17,287
I don't worry
about the way I look,
305
00:19:17,375 --> 00:19:19,955
I have high elf-esteem.
306
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,670
Look! It's Santa and the elves!
307
00:19:31,959 --> 00:19:34,209
And they're stealing our toys!
308
00:19:36,291 --> 00:19:39,881
Let's get 'em! Orphan style!
309
00:19:40,667 --> 00:19:44,287
(gruffly) Oh, well,
we're not stealing. We're...
310
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:49,210
fixing some broken toys
from my workshop.
311
00:19:49,792 --> 00:19:53,292
Come on! We've got to stop
these toys before they explode!
312
00:19:53,417 --> 00:19:54,917
(exploding)
313
00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:05,787
(coughing)
314
00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:10,746
Aw, Santa!
What kind of cookies did you eat?
315
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:12,500
(all laughing)
316
00:20:16,709 --> 00:20:20,919
These are the greatest toys ever!
Thank you so much!
317
00:20:21,542 --> 00:20:22,632
(chuckling)
318
00:20:22,709 --> 00:20:25,039
(gruffly) Well, I'm glad you like them.
319
00:20:25,875 --> 00:20:28,915
(in squeaky voice)
We made them in the North Pole.
320
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,080
(in squeaky voice)
Yeah, we're a team here,
321
00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:34,076
but they were all my idea.
322
00:20:34,875 --> 00:20:37,455
That's not true, you filthy liar!
323
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:42,130
These tags say they're
from someone named Ms. Skidmore.
324
00:20:42,792 --> 00:20:46,252
She must be the nicest person
in the whole wide world.
325
00:20:46,792 --> 00:20:49,212
-What are you talking about? She's...
-An angel.
326
00:20:52,041 --> 00:20:53,081
It's Christmas.
327
00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:57,626
Merry Christmas, kids!
328
00:21:07,417 --> 00:21:10,957
I'm so glad this Christmas
we decided to buy something together,
329
00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:13,537
-for the both of us.
-Mmm.
330
00:21:13,625 --> 00:21:15,495
I love this hammock.
331
00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:18,673
Yeah. Too bad they were out
of the self-rocking ones.
332
00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:23,920
How much longer
do I have to do this?
333
00:21:25,542 --> 00:21:28,292
All right.
Go on, Cameron, open your present.
334
00:21:41,625 --> 00:21:45,165
Aw, that's so cute! (laughs)
335
00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:47,250
This is my present?
336
00:21:47,875 --> 00:21:50,575
Remember when you were telling
Santa what you wanted,
337
00:21:50,667 --> 00:21:53,747
and you thought I wasn't listening?
Look in the box.
338
00:21:57,166 --> 00:22:00,376
(gasps) Two tickets to the 49ers game!
339
00:22:00,458 --> 00:22:02,248
Dad, I love it!
340
00:22:02,333 --> 00:22:03,543
(exclaims happily)
341
00:22:05,083 --> 00:22:07,633
Mom, me and you
are going to a football game!
342
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:18,960
Okay. Well, Daddy, now you've got
to open your present from me.
343
00:22:19,041 --> 00:22:20,041
(chuckling) Ah!
344
00:22:20,875 --> 00:22:21,825
My baby.
345
00:22:21,917 --> 00:22:24,877
It's a gift card
for your favorite restaurant.
346
00:22:24,959 --> 00:22:29,289
The hospital cafeteria!
I love it! Thank you, sweetie!
347
00:22:31,208 --> 00:22:33,498
Chyna, your turn.
Open your present.
348
00:22:33,583 --> 00:22:35,923
Oh, I can't wait to see what I got!
349
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,250
Okay, let's...
350
00:22:42,959 --> 00:22:45,669
You got a tuba, but I couldn't wrap it!
351
00:22:48,458 --> 00:22:49,918
Where's the bathroom?
352
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,540
Right up there.
27166
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