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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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*
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>> THIS IS GOING TO BE A TOUGH
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CHALK OUTLINE TO DRAW.
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WELCOME TO TOSH.O.
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HAPPY VALENTIN'S DAY.
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IT'S MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY, ALL
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THE WOMEN I'M DATING HAVE TO
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SPEND THE DAY WITH THEIR
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BOYFRIENDS.
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YES THIS IS ZENGA, HIGH FASHION.
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TONIGHT ON THE SHOW I HELP A
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COUPLE RENEW THEIR VOWS.
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I USE A PENIS BUMP EVEN THOUGH
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YOU AND I KNOW WE DON'T NEED ONE
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AND YOU HELP ME WRITE MY WILL.
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NOW CAN WE WATCH ONE OF THE MORE
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BEAUTIFUL SUICIDE ATTEMPTS WILL
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YOU EVER SEE.
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GOOD FORM.
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NO, NO, IT'S OKAY.
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ALL OF HIS INTERNAL ORGANS BROKE
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HIS FALL.
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ONLY THREE MORE FLOORS TO THE
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LOBBY.
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>> THIS GUY IS WAY MORE FUN THAN
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A SLINKY.
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HOMELESS PEOPLE ARE HOMELESS FOR
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A REASON, THEY'RE NOT GOOD AT
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ANYTHING.
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>> THAT'S WHAT HE GETS FOR
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WEARING HIS PANTS LIKE A
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HIPSTER.
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ON THE UPSIDE THAT'S HIS FIRST
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BAT IN WEEKS.
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AT LEAST HE WILL FINALLY HAVE
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SOMETHING TO SHARE AT AA.
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THERE IS NOT A HUGE DIFFERENCE
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BETWEEN THAT AND THE GREATEST
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SKIM BORDER IN THE WORLD.
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UNLIKE THIS NEXT PERVERT I KEEP
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MY CELERY IN THE CRISPER.
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>> AND THAT'S WHY YOU WASH YOUR
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VEGETABLES BEFORE YOU EAT THEM.
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IF THAT CHIMP WERE ON HER PERIOD
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YOU WOULD HAVE ALL THE
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INGREDIENTS FOR A BROODY MARI.
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I THOUGHT THIS SAL I DID TASTED
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LIKE MONKEY [BEEP] WAS JUST A
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EXPRESSION.
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KIDS YOU'RE GOING TO DO DRUGS,
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WE KNOW THAT.
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IT'S PART OF LIFE.
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PLEASE, HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY
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NOT TO STEAL THEM FROM YOUR
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DEALER.
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>> I HAVE THE MONEY RIGHT HERE.
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[BEEP]
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[BEEP]
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[BEEP]
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>> I TRIED THE SAME THING AT
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SONIC ONCE.
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THE GUY HUNG ON FOR THREE BLOCKS
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BEFORE I PELTED HIM WITH A
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CHERRY LIMEAID.
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HE'S TAKING FOOD OUT OF A HONEST
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DRUG DEALER'S HOW THE.
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THEN I FEEL BAD FOR THE WHITE
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KID.
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YOU DON'T WANT TO DRIVE AND HAVE
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SOMEONE HANEING ONTO YOUR CAR
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LIKE YOU [BEEP] UP.
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LIKE I HAVE BEEN A CRIMINAL FOR
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A LONG TIME.
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I STILL LIKE THE WHITE GUY'S
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CHANCES IN COURT.
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BY THE WAY THEY ACTUALLY BECAME
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REALLY GOOD FRIENDS AND TO THIS
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DAY LAUGH ABOUT IT I'M KIDDING.
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HE KILLED HIM.
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NOW HIS NEXT DUMB DECISION.
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IF YOU COULDN'T OUT RUN THE
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BLACK GUY IN A CAR WHAT MAKES
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YOU THINK YOU YOU CAN DO IT ON
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FOOT.
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>> YOU SUCK.
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>> WAY TO KEEP A COOL HEAD.
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>> EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE THE
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DRUG DEALER HUNG ONTO YOUR CAR
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AND YOU WRECKED A TREE.
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LET'S GET HOME AND UP LOAD THIS
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TO THE INTERNET.
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>> NOW ONLY IF THERE WAS AN
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EASIER WAY TO GET WEED.
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BECAUSE WEED IS REALLY EASY TO
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GET.
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WHY GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS --
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THE NEXT VIDEO ISN'T THE ONE I
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WANTED TO SHOW YOU.
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COMEDY CENTRAL HAD MAJOR
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CONCERNS WITH IT.
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INSTEAD WE'RE GOING TO AIR A KID
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FARTING FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.
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>> YOU'RE RIGHT COMEDY CENTRAL.
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THAT WAS A LOT SAFER.
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THE ONLY ONE OFFENDED BY THE
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VIDEO WAS ME.
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WHAT'S NEXT?
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>> LOOKS LIKE THESE TWO ARE
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TAKING THEIR AFRICAN-AMERICAN
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STUDIES A LITTLE TOO SERIOUS LY
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NOW LET'S SEE WHAT IS SO FUNNY
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ABOUT THAT HATE CRIME IN THIS
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WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.
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I'M ALL FOR INNER RACIAL HORSE
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PLAY.
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NO GOOD CAN COME OF WHITE PEOPLE
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PINNING YOU DOWN.
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YOU USUALLY END UP WORKING FOR
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FREE SOMEWHERE.
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TICKLE TORTURE VIOLATES THE
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AGAIN EVEN A CONVENTION BUT IT'S
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WAY BETTER THAN BEING DRAGGED
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BEHIND A PICKUP TRUCK.
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WHY IS THAT GUY WORKING THE
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NECK?
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THE NECK IS NOT A TICKLE ZONE.
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>> GREAT YOU JUST KILLED YOUR
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ONE BLACK FRIEND.
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CLIPD, YOU DON'T NEED NIGHT
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STICKS TO GET THEM TO CALM DOWN.
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BY "THEM" I MEAN CRIMINALS.
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BLACK PEOPLE.
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THAT IS THE UP SIDE OF BEING
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BLACK.
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WHEN YOU PASS OUT NOBODY DRAWS
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DONGS ON YOUR FACE UNLESS THEY
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HAVE WHITEOUT.
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>> SORRY.
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NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO PLAY
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SMELL MY FINGER.
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CHECK HIS POCKETS, I'M MISSING A
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20.
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AT LEAST FIND OUT IF THEY DO
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HAVE THE EXTRA BONE IN THEIR
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TOOT.
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FOOT.
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>> NO HE WILL SHOOT OPEN --
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>> HE'S ALIVE, QUICK TICKLE HIM
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AGAIN.
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I'M JUST GLAD SOMEONE WAS THERE
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TO CAPTURE THIS IMPORTANT MOMENT
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IN BLACK HISTORY.
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FOR THAT WE THANK YOU.
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WE WILL BE BACK WITH THE WEDDING
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REDEMPTION BUT FIRST I HOPE HE
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DOESN'T EAT THAT.
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>> READY.
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>> GREAT.
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BREATH.
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>> SORRY.
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>> BREATH.
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BREATH.
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>> OH.
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OH MY GOD.
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OH, BREATH.
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>> OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO BARF.
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>> THE LITTLE THINGS ARE THE BIG
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THINGS, IT'S NEVER BEING TOO OLD
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TO HOLD HANDS.
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(THUNDER )
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>> WE WILL DO THE CEREMONY NOW.
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>> JENNIFER AND GUSTAVO TODAY
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WILL JOIN SEPARATE LIVES
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TOGETHER.
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THE TWO BOTTLES SYMBOLIZE YOUR
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SEPARATE LIVES, SEPARATE
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FAMILIES AND SEPARATE SETS OF
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FRIENDS.
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MAKE THIS QUICK, OKAY.
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BY THE AUTHORITY VESTED IN ME IN
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THE STATE OF ARIZONA.
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I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND
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WIFE.
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YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE.
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>> HE WILL LITERALLY HAVE TO
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KNOCK THE DUST OFF HER [BEEP] IN
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THE HONEYMOON SWEET.
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THEIR MARRIAGE WAS RUINED BY A
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SANDSTORM PROVES GOD HATES IT
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WHEN WHITE GIRLS MARRY MEXICANS.
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YOUR SPECIAL DAY IS MY SATURDAY.
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MY SPECIAL DAY TOO. THE ONLY
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WEDDING THERE IS A CHANCE OF ME
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GOING TOO IS MY OWN AND I STILL
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MAY SEND A GIFT.
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CREDIT PEOPLE ELOPE.
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-- ONLY BECAUSE THE DRESS WAS
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SUPER SLUTTY AND SHE HAD THE
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DECENCY TO DIE AFTER THE
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RECEPTION.
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WEDDING ARE WALL TO WALL STUPID
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PREDICTION.
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THROWING RICE IS ONLY
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APPROPRIATE WHEN TWO ASIANS GET
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MARRIED.
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THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS OF FLOWERS
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BUT NOTHING MASKS THE STENCH OF
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SETTLING.
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THAT HAPPY COUPLE WANTED TO
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PROCLAIM THEIR LOVE TO THE WORLD
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WHEN MOTHER NATURE REJECTED.
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SO I GAVE THEM THE CHANCE TO
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RENEW THEIR VOWS IN HOLLYWOOD.
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>> GUYS, THIS IS THE BEST
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HONEYMOON EVER.
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>> THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE BEEN
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IN A HOT TUB WITH ANOTHER MAN?
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>> YES.
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>> YES.
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>> IT'S NOT BAD, RIGHT.
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>> NO.
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>> JUST A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
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>> WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO GET
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MARRIED IN THE ARIZONA DESSERT?
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>> BOAT OF OURS, YES.
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>> YES.
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>> IT'S ARIZONA IT RARELY RAINS.
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DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING OF IT.
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>> TELL ME ABOUT THE WEDDING AND
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THE STORM.
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>> SUPPOSE TO HAVE RAIN THAT
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DAY.
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STARTED IN PROCESSION TO THE
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WEDDING.
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THE JUDGE DID HIS THING.
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I LOOKED UP AND THAT DUST STORM
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WAS ON US.
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>> DID IT RUIN EVERYTHING?
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>> THE RECEPTION WAS INSIDE.
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SO, IT WAS JUST THE OUTSIDE FOR
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THE CEREMONY.
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>> DID IT MAKE YOU CRY?
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>> NO.
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>> MY GUEST WAS YOU LOST YOUR
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MIND.
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>> IT WAS FUN AOEFRPLT.
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>> ARE YOU LEGALLY MARRIED?
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>> YES.
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>> YES.
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>> IT SEEMS LIKE HE HURRIED UP
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AND SKIPPED QUITE A BIT.
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>> IT SEEMED THAT WAY.
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>> WHAT IS A HABUBE.
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>> A BIG WALL OF DUST.
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>> DOES IT HAPPEN OFTEN.
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>> A COUPLE OF TIMES A YEAR.
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>> COULD YOU BREATH IN IT.
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>> I WAS FACING IT.
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YOU WERE PELTED WITH DIRT.
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>> IT S. IT BAD LUCK FOR A
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WEDDING?
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>> COULDN'T TELL YOU.
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>> I THINK IT IS.
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>> RAIN IS GOOD LUCK.
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>> GOD IS THROWING TONS AND TONS
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00:11:04,367 --> 00:11:06,827
OF DIRT ON YOUR WHITE DRESS IS
268
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:07,773
NOT GOOD LUCK.
269
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,867
>> BE HONEST YOU HAD SECOND
270
00:11:09,867 --> 00:11:11,327
THOUGHTS DURING THE WEDDING,
271
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:11,603
YES.
272
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:11,900
>> NO.
273
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:12,370
>> NO.
274
00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:14,367
>> SUCH A SERIOUS DAY.
275
00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:15,897
YOUR CHAOS IS GOING ON.
276
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:16,900
>> ARE YOU MEXICAN.
277
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:17,370
>> NO.
278
00:11:17,367 --> 00:11:19,067
>> ARE YOU MEXICAN STPHEUFRPBLS
279
00:11:19,067 --> 00:11:19,267
YES.
280
00:11:19,267 --> 00:11:20,767
>> ARE YOU THINKING OF
281
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:22,727
CONVERTING TO MECHANICS ANISM?
282
00:11:22,733 --> 00:11:23,403
>> NO.
283
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,700
>> YOU WILL NOT.
284
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:25,200
>> NO.
285
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,330
>> ARE YOU GOING TO RAISE YOUR
286
00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:27,873
CHILDREN MEXICAN.
287
00:11:27,867 --> 00:11:31,597
>> I'M SURE THEY WILL HAVE SOME
288
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,770
LATINO VIBE IN THEM.
289
00:11:32,767 --> 00:11:34,667
>> MIXED CHILDREN ARE THE BEST
290
00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:35,397
LOOKING KIDS.
291
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,500
>> WE DO HAVE ONE SHE'S VERY
292
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:37,830
PRETTY.
293
00:11:37,833 --> 00:11:38,273
>> BABY.
294
00:11:38,267 --> 00:11:39,627
>> YES.
295
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:41,333
>> JENNI WAS PREGNANT.
296
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:42,873
>> PREGNANT AT THE WEDDING?
297
00:11:42,867 --> 00:11:44,567
>> I WAS PREGNANT AT THE
298
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:44,897
WEDDING.
299
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,730
>> YOU ARE PART MEXICAN.
300
00:11:46,733 --> 00:11:48,073
>> I AM NOW I HAD ONE.
301
00:11:48,067 --> 00:11:51,727
>> IS IT POSSIBLE GOD SENT THE
302
00:11:51,733 --> 00:11:54,633
SAND STORM BECAUSE YOU WERE
303
00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:55,903
PREGNANT OUT OF WEDLOCK.
304
00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:57,730
>> I HOPE NOT.
305
00:11:57,733 --> 00:12:01,773
>> DID YOU PROPOSE DURING
306
00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:02,097
KATRINA?
307
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:03,330
>> NO.
308
00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:06,133
>> EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE IDIOTS
309
00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:08,073
FORGETTING MARRIED IN THE
310
00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:10,767
ARIZONA DESERTS YOU DESERVE A
311
00:12:10,767 --> 00:12:12,467
MAKEUP ONE IN A CHURCH.
312
00:12:12,467 --> 00:12:14,067
THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW, WILL
313
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,497
YOU LET ME MARRY YOU.
314
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,370
>> YES.
315
00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:17,167
>> OKAY.
316
00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:31,327
>> GET DRUNK.
317
00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:38,703
>> IS THIS THE TRADITIONAL
318
00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:39,170
BRIDAL MUSIC?
319
00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:39,667
>> YES.
320
00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:41,427
>> SHOULDN'T WE WAIT FOR HER
321
00:12:41,433 --> 00:12:41,773
FAMILY.
322
00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:46,167
>> I DON'T THINK THEY SUPPORT
323
00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:48,267
THIS.
324
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,967
>> OH, BLOOD.
325
00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:53,627
AHHH!
326
00:12:53,633 --> 00:12:54,533
FROGS!
327
00:12:54,533 --> 00:12:57,573
THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE.
328
00:12:57,567 --> 00:13:01,167
GOD IS SENDING PLAGUES.
329
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:03,897
JENNIFER DO YOU TAKE GUS TO
330
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:04,930
DEATH DO YOU PART.
331
00:13:04,933 --> 00:13:07,073
WE HAVE LIVES.
332
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:09,097
THAT'S THREE.
333
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,600
USE THESE AND SAY I DO.
334
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,300
>> I DO.
335
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:12,730
>> OH, FLIES.
336
00:13:12,733 --> 00:13:15,933
THERE IS A BIG ONE, SORRY.
337
00:13:15,933 --> 00:13:18,073
GUSTAVO.
338
00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:22,097
>> BREATH FOR HIM LATER.
339
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:23,870
GUS, DO YOU TAKE JENNIFER TO BE
340
00:13:23,867 --> 00:13:25,797
YOUR WIFE UNTIL DEATH DO YOU
341
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:26,100
PART.
342
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:26,730
>> YES.
343
00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:28,803
>> OKAY THAT'S JUST A BOYLE.
344
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,930
PROACTIVE SHOULD CLEAR THAT UP,
345
00:13:30,933 --> 00:13:31,433
GUS.
346
00:13:31,433 --> 00:13:31,873
>> I DO.
347
00:13:31,867 --> 00:13:34,067
>> MAN.
348
00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:36,167
HAIL.
349
00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:38,867
LET'S RIDE THIS ONE OUT UNTIL
350
00:13:38,867 --> 00:13:40,627
LOCUS.
351
00:13:40,633 --> 00:13:43,073
PUT THESE ON EACH OTHER BY THE
352
00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:47,227
POWER VESTED IN ME I PRONOUNCE
353
00:13:47,233 --> 00:13:48,603
YOU MAN AND WIFE.
354
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,630
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
355
00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:55,933
>> GUS, THAT'S MY PENIS.
356
00:13:55,933 --> 00:13:57,173
THAT'S NINE PLAGUES THERE SHOULD
357
00:13:57,167 --> 00:14:03,127
BE ONE MORE.
358
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:05,973
>> AHHH!
359
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:08,067
>> IMMIGRATION IS THE TENTH
360
00:14:08,067 --> 00:14:08,367
PLAYING.
361
00:14:08,367 --> 00:14:10,267
>> YES, LOOKS THAT WAY.
362
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,967
NOW LET'S GET BACK TO YOUR HOTEL
363
00:14:12,967 --> 00:14:14,067
ROOM AND USE THAT BATH.
364
00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:20,727
>> I GOT THAT SWEET HAT AT LIDS.
365
00:14:20,733 --> 00:14:23,433
YOU WOULD BE SHOCKED HOW MUCH
366
00:14:23,433 --> 00:14:26,403
CHILD PORN YOU CAN HIDE IN THOSE
367
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:26,730
THINGS.
368
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:28,933
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK, BUT FIRST
369
00:14:28,933 --> 00:14:32,403
I'M SURE THE BIG GIRL IS SAVING
370
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,070
IT FOR STATE.
371
00:14:34,067 --> 00:14:36,427
>> WHY DIDN'T SHE GO?
372
00:14:43,533 --> 00:14:46,333
>> HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE
373
00:14:46,333 --> 00:14:47,503
BATHMATE INTRODUCTION VIDEO.
374
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:49,930
THE BATHMATE WORKS BY FORCING
375
00:14:49,933 --> 00:14:51,973
BLOOD INTO THE SPOPB GEE TISSUE
376
00:14:51,967 --> 00:14:52,767
IN YOUR PENIS.
377
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:55,067
THIS MEANS WHEN YOU HAVE AN
378
00:14:55,067 --> 00:14:56,667
ERECTION YOUR PENIS WILL BE
379
00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:58,397
LONGER, THICKER AND MORE STAPL
380
00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:58,700
THAT.
381
00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:03,330
THINK OF IT AS YOUR PERSONAL
382
00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:04,103
PENIS EXERCISE TOOL.
383
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:06,800
>> MOST OF OUR CUSTOMERS LIKE TO
384
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,200
INCORPORATE THE BATHMATE
385
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:09,870
EXPERIENCE WITH THEIR HYGIENE.
386
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,367
ONE, SHOWER FOR A WHILE.
387
00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:14,797
TWO, PLACE YOUR PENIS IN THE
388
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,900
UNIT AND PUMP A FEW TIMES.
389
00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:20,070
THREE, WITH REGULAR INTERVALS
390
00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:22,097
CREATE MORE PRESSURE BY PUMPING
391
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:23,400
THE BATHMATE.
392
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,830
FOR BEGINNERS TAKE IT SLOW.
393
00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:28,073
JUST AS AT THE GYM YOU WOULDN'T
394
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:31,067
PICK UP 200-KILO WEIGHTS RIGHT
395
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:31,427
AWAY.
396
00:15:31,433 --> 00:15:36,073
AFTER 15-20 MINUTES PRESS THE
397
00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:36,727
RELEASE VALVE.
398
00:15:36,733 --> 00:15:40,133
>> HOW IS THAT NOT FRONT PAIGE
399
00:15:40,133 --> 00:15:40,473
NEWS?
400
00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:42,827
WE HAVE CURED SMALL [BEEP]
401
00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:43,203
DISEASE.
402
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,630
I WILL BE HONEST I LIKE HOW MY
403
00:15:46,633 --> 00:15:49,233
PENIS LOOKS FLACCID.
404
00:15:49,233 --> 00:15:52,073
WHEN IT GETS ERECT IT LEAVES
405
00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:54,127
SOMETHING TO BE DESIRE.
406
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:55,973
I DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO
407
00:15:55,967 --> 00:15:59,227
INCORPORATE THE BATHMATE INTO MY
408
00:15:59,233 --> 00:16:01,073
REGULAR WORKOUT ROUTINE.
409
00:16:01,067 --> 00:16:02,627
>> THAT'S THREE.
410
00:16:02,633 --> 00:16:03,133
WHAT'S NEXT?
411
00:16:03,133 --> 00:16:05,233
>> FOCUS ON LOWER BODY NOW.
412
00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:06,373
>> YOU'RE KILLING ME.
413
00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:07,427
>> ALRIGHT.
414
00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:13,503
>> OH, THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE.
415
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,970
>> WIPE IT DOWN.
416
00:16:15,967 --> 00:16:17,697
SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO COMMON
417
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:25,070
COURTESY.
418
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,867
>> OH, GOOD.
419
00:16:27,867 --> 00:16:29,097
GOOD.
420
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:30,500
FEEL THE BURN.
421
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:33,100
THAT'S GOOD.
422
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:35,570
>> IMAGINE HOW GOOD IT'S GOING
423
00:16:35,567 --> 00:16:37,727
TO FEEL RUNNING AROUND WITH THAT
424
00:16:37,733 --> 00:16:39,403
HUGE [BEEP] BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS.
425
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,600
DON'T PUSS OUT ON ME.
426
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,500
ONE MORE.
427
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,070
>> ALRIGHT I'LL SPOT YOU.
428
00:16:43,067 --> 00:16:46,697
>> OH.
429
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:47,500
OH ...
430
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,870
>> I PRAY THAT THING IS
431
00:16:49,867 --> 00:16:51,167
DISHWASHER SAFE.
432
00:16:51,167 --> 00:16:54,697
DON'T FORGET TO GO TO OUR BLOG
433
00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:58,930
FOR A CHANCE TO BE OUR VIEWER
434
00:16:58,933 --> 00:17:00,573
VIDEO.
435
00:17:00,567 --> 00:17:03,227
THIS IS FROM DILLON SAILOR AND
436
00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:07,133
ANTHONY ROMANO.
437
00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:44,097
>> I HAVE SEEN THAT VIDEO TEN
438
00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:46,400
TIMES AND I ALWAYS FORGET HOW IT
439
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:46,730
ENDS.
440
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,473
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
441
00:17:49,467 --> 00:17:52,227
IN SO MANY KNEE YACK WITH DAVE
442
00:17:52,233 --> 00:18:00,403
VITEL.
443
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,100
*
444
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:04,870
>> WELCOME BACK, ALL MY
445
00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:05,267
VALENTINS.
446
00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:06,497
IF YOU'RE HOME ALONE TONIGHT
447
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:07,630
CREDIT THAT A WIN.
448
00:18:07,633 --> 00:18:09,803
NEXT WEEK THE 14-YEAR-OLD WHO
449
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,400
DROVE HIS DAD'S MUSTANG GETS A
450
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,870
WEBB REDEMPTION.
451
00:18:13,867 --> 00:18:16,267
>> OH MY GOD!
452
00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:18,597
>> PASS ME THE KEYS.
453
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:23,600
>> WHOA.
454
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:30,470
>> WHOLLY [BEEP].
455
00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:32,567
>> I ACTUALLY LIKE THEIR HOUSE
456
00:18:32,567 --> 00:18:33,267
BETTER NOW.
457
00:18:33,267 --> 00:18:36,497
IT'S MORE OF A OPEN CONCEPT THAT
458
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:37,630
FLOWS BETTER INTO THE KITCHEN.
459
00:18:37,633 --> 00:18:39,803
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER TO LIVE
460
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,200
CHAT DURING THE SHOWS.
461
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:47,200
KEEP UP WITH OUR SHOW ON-LINE.
462
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,100
EVERY DAY WHEN I COME TO WORK
463
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:50,600
HERE I THINK ABOUT THE SWEET
464
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:51,870
POSSIBILITY I MIGHT DIE.
465
00:18:51,867 --> 00:18:54,267
SINCE I HAVE NEVER BEEN VERY
466
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,367
FOND OF MY FAMILY I DECIDED TO
467
00:18:56,367 --> 00:18:58,397
DO THE RESPONSIBLE THINGS BY
468
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,670
GETTING MY AFFAIRS IN ORDER AND
469
00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:04,167
LET YOU MY FANS WRITE MY WILL.
470
00:19:04,167 --> 00:19:06,867
HERE IS HOW I STARTED IT.
471
00:19:06,867 --> 00:19:09,727
PLEASE, BECOME PASSIONATE WHEN
472
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:13,573
YOU WRITE MY WILL.
473
00:19:13,567 --> 00:19:17,067
I BE KWAOEGT MY DILDO COLLECTION
474
00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:19,627
TO MY OWN BUTTHOLE.
475
00:19:19,633 --> 00:19:21,903
I WILL KNOW WITHIN THREE HOURS I
476
00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:24,470
RECEIVED CLOSE TO 3000 TO 4000
477
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:25,897
REFERENCES OF WHAT I WOULD DO
478
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:29,370
WITH MY DILDOS, ETCETERA,
479
00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:30,467
ETCETERA, WE CHOSE THIS BECAUSE
480
00:19:30,467 --> 00:19:33,067
IT WAS THE FIRST ONE TO COME IN
481
00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:33,727
UNDER 8 SECONDS.
482
00:19:33,733 --> 00:19:36,673
I GIVE FORTH MY FIVE GROW HOUSES
483
00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:38,827
ACROSS THE UNITED STATES TO
484
00:19:38,833 --> 00:19:41,573
THOSE LITTLE KIDS IN AFRICA
485
00:19:41,567 --> 00:19:43,727
SMOKING ON SWAG.
486
00:19:43,733 --> 00:19:47,103
DONATE MY BODY TO ANY GAY
487
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:47,470
SCIENCE.
488
00:19:47,467 --> 00:19:51,627
I DONATE EVER TO THE PATRICK
489
00:19:51,633 --> 00:19:52,873
SWAYZE FOUNDATION.
490
00:19:52,867 --> 00:19:54,297
WHAT IS HALF OF NOTHING?
491
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:56,200
LEAVE THAT TO MY MOM.
492
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,270
MY TELEVISION SHOW WILL GO TO
493
00:19:58,267 --> 00:19:58,967
CHRIS ROCK.
494
00:19:58,967 --> 00:20:01,897
HIS FIVE MINUTE GUESS SPOT HAD
495
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:06,430
BETTER RATINGS THAN MY FIRST TWO
496
00:20:06,433 --> 00:20:09,133
SEASONS COMBINED.
497
00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:14,973
WAFFLES, WAFFLES, CRISPY GOLDEN
498
00:20:14,967 --> 00:20:17,327
WAFFLES WILL BE STUFFED AND
499
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:20,133
BURNED.
500
00:20:20,133 --> 00:20:24,903
GO MY SEMEN SAMPLES TO BEN AND
501
00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:25,270
JERRY'S.
502
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,167
I KNOW A SCHOOL TEACH WHORE
503
00:20:27,167 --> 00:20:28,297
WOULD LOVE THAT FLAVOR.
504
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:29,770
I DO, DO I.
505
00:20:29,767 --> 00:20:35,267
HE WAS MY TEACHER, TOTALLY
506
00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:35,727
MISUNDERSTAND.
507
00:20:35,733 --> 00:20:38,703
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, SOMETHING RACE
508
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:40,300
IS, HIGH FASHION.
509
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:44,270
I BE KWAOEGT MY SCARF COLLECTION
510
00:20:44,267 --> 00:20:46,367
TO NORV TURNER TO COVER THE
511
00:20:46,367 --> 00:20:47,627
GROWTH SCROTUM NECK.
512
00:20:47,633 --> 00:20:49,303
YOU THINK HE WAS AT HOME GOING,
513
00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:50,470
I WILL GET A SHOT.
514
00:20:50,467 --> 00:20:53,197
I GIVE UP ON WILL WRYING THIS
515
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,470
[BEEP] IS TOO HARD.
516
00:20:54,467 --> 00:20:56,797
I LEAVE NOTHING TO NOBODY.
517
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,070
BURY MY [BEEP] WITH ME.
518
00:20:58,067 --> 00:21:01,197
IF YOU WANT NICE THINGS GET YOUR
519
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:01,470
OWN.
520
00:21:01,467 --> 00:21:02,797
DON'T WAIT FOR ME TO DIE.
521
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,200
I'M GETTING THAT NOTARIZED THIS
522
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:05,530
WEEK.
523
00:21:05,533 --> 00:21:06,473
OKAY.
524
00:21:06,467 --> 00:21:07,867
SHOWER ME WITH YOUR LOVE.
525
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:09,227
GOOD NIGHT.
526
00:21:19,100 --> 00:21:22,770
>> GUS DOES YOUR FAMILY ACCEPT
527
00:21:22,767 --> 00:21:23,127
JENNIFER?
528
00:21:23,133 --> 00:21:24,433
>> YES, YES THEY TKOFRPLT.
529
00:21:24,433 --> 00:21:26,073
>> HOW ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?
530
00:21:26,067 --> 00:21:27,467
>> THEY ACCEPT HIM.
531
00:21:27,467 --> 00:21:29,067
>> YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY?
532
00:21:29,067 --> 00:21:31,867
>> THEY ACCEPT HIM BUT I HAVE
32698
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