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[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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- PLEASE.
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THANK YOU SO MUCH.
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ALL RIGHT, THAT'S OBNOXIOUS.
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EASY, TOBEY MAGUIRE.
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IT WAS JUST A MOVIE.
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I'D BE MORE IMPRESSED IF IT
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DIDN'T LOOK LIKE YOU WERE IN A
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BALLET CLASS.
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BUT KEEP TRYING.
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WELCOME TO TOSH.0.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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COMEDY CENTRAL'S DIRTY LITTLE
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SECRET.
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TODAY WE GIVE THE SKATEBOARD
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GIRL A WEB REDEMPTION.
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YOUR POPCORN RESPONSE VIDEOS ARE
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IN.
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AND NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN TOSH.0
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FOOTAGE.
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AS OPPOSED TO THE NEXT HALF
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HOUR, WHICH IS ALSO
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NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN FOOTAGE.
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ALL RIGHT, LET'S FIND OUT HOW
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THAT GUY ON THE WALL'S DOING.
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- [SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
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- OH, MY GOODNESS.
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WE CAN DO ANYTHING WITH A
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COMPUTER.
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BY THE WAY, THAT'S NOT UP TO
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CODE.
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YOU NEED A STUD EVERY 16 INCHES.
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THAT'S JUST SHODDY WORKMANSHIP.
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TECHNICALLY, YOU CAN GO EVERY 24
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INCHES, BUT THAT WON'T GET
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PERMITTED.
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I LEARNED THAT ON RENOVATION
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REALITIES...
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IN HD.
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WHICH BOTHERS ME THAT COMEDY
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CENTRAL ISN'T IN HD IN MY
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NEIGHBORHOOD.
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LET'S GO, TIME WARNER.
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I WANT MY NEIGHBOR TO SEE ALL MY
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PORES.
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ALL RIGHT, THE NEXT VIDEO'S A
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GREAT EXAMPLE OF WHY CROWD
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SURFING IS FOR EVERYONE.
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[CHEERING]
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[AUDIENCE OOHS]
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I DON'T WANT TO.
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I FEEL HANDICAPPED HERE.
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BUT LET'S SEE HOW MANY COMMENTS
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WE CAN POST IN 20 SECONDS.
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TECHNICALLY, THAT'S CROWD
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SKATING.
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DON'T DROP HIM.
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HIS ARMS STILL WORK.
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I MISS BEACH BALLS.
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TREAT HIM LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND
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STEAL THE RIMS.
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I DON'T KNOW WHY HE'S SO
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WORRIED.
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IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GONNA GET
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RE-PARALYZED.
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GREAT TURNOUT.
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STANDING ROOM ONLY.
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[AUDIENCE OOHS]
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THIS GUY PUTS THE ROLL IN ROCK
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AND ROLL.
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OKAY.
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BEFORE WE PLAY THIS NEXT CLIP, I
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HAVE TO TALK TO A CERTAIN FEW
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PEOPLE AT HOME.
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WE SHOW A LOT OF PEOPLE DOING
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STUPID, DANGEROUS THINGS.
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DON'T DO THEM.
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IT'S THAT SIMPLE.
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WE DON'T DO THEM USUALLY.
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WE JUST FIND THEM, WATCH THEM,
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AND LAUGH AT THEM.
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GOT IT?
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DON'T BE A TOOL.
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AGAIN, DO NOT DO THIS.
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AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,
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IT'S TIME TO PLAY "GUESS WHAT
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HAPPENS NEXT?"
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ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE AN ASIAN KID
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WEARING SKINNY JEANS SITTING IN
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A VULNERABLE POSITION.
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I LOVE IT SO FAR.
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GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
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[AUDIENCE OOHS]
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IF YOU GUESSED THAT HE WAS GOING
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TO POUR LIQUID ALL OVER HIS
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CROTCH, THEN YOU'RE DOING BETTER
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THAN ME.
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CAN YOU GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
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[AUDIENCE OOHS]
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[BLEEP]
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I THOUGHT ASIANS WERE BRIGHT.
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DID YOU GUESS THAT THE LIQUID
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WAS LIGHTER FLUID AND HE WOULD
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SET HIS JUNK AFLAME?
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WELL, THEN YOU'RE TWO FOR TWO.
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AND GUESSING WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
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SHOULD BE A BREEZE.
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[AUDIENCE OOHS]
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[APPLAUSE]
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THAT'S RIGHT.
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IF YOU GUESSED HIS THREE FRIENDS
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WERE GONNA USE HIS CROTCH TO
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SHOOT THEIR FILM, STOMP THE
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NARD, THEN YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE A
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WIZARD.
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BUT THE JOKE'S ON THEM.
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BECAUSE BEFORE HE LIT HIS NUTS
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ON FIRE, HE FILLED THEM WITH
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POOP.
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AND THAT'S HOW YOU PLAY "GUESS
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WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?"
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BY THE WAY, DO NOT DO THAT AT
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HOME.
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DON'T DO IT.
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DON'T DO IT.
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ALL RIGHT, IF YOU LOVE EXTREME
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SPORTS AND YOU LOVE BABIES, THEN
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MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONSIDER A TRIP
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TO INDIA.
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[AUDIENCE OOHS]
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OKAY, I'M TOLD THEY DO THIS FOR
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GOOD LUCK.
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AND DON'T WORRY, THE KIDS LOVE
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IT.
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JUST LOOK AT THOSE TEARS OF JOY.
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[AUDIENCE OOHS]
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YOU THINK THAT'S BAD?
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IT'S NOT AS BAD AS THEIR FOOD.
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UGH, YOU CAN'T GET THAT SMELL
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OUT OF YOUR CLOTHES.
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IT'S THE CURRY.
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IT DOESN'T LOOK THAT SCARY.
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OH, YOU PEOPLE ARE [BLEEP]
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CRAZY!
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THE FALL WAS KIND OF FUN.
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IT'S THE SHAKING I HAVE A
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PROBLEM WITH.
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YOU CAN'T SHAKE CHILDREN, UNLESS
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THEY'RE CRYING AND SITTING
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BEHIND ME ON A PLANE.
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THEN SHAKE HIM TILL HE SLEEPS.
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ALL RIGHT, MOVING ON.
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- OH, WALLY.
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WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
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[LAUGHS]
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NO, NO.
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- GOOD BOY.
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GOOD BOY.
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GOOD BOY.
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HEY, AT LEAST IT WASN'T A BLACK
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LAB.
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[AUDIENCE OOHS]
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WHAT?
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BECAUSE THAT WOULD SHOW UP ON
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HER OUTFIT MORE.
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[LAUGHTER]
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THIS IS NOT WHAT CESAR MILLAN
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MEANS BY CALM SUBMISSIVE.
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LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS CRIME
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OF PASSION THRUST BY THRUST IN
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THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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COME HERE, BOY.
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OH, YOU GOT TO ADMIRE HIS
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CONFIDENCE.
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GRAMS IS PLAYING HARD TO GET,
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BUT HE TRIES TO GIVE IT TO HER
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STANDING UP ANYWAY.
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WALLY ISN'T MUCH FOR FOREPLAY.
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GEEZ, LET HER PULL DOWN HER
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DEPENDS FIRST.
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AND DOWN GOES NANA...
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IN THE ABSOLUTE WORST POSITION.
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I TAUGHT HIM THAT ONE.
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IT'S CALLED "WARMING UP THE
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OVEN".
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HE'S GONNA MAKE HIS FRIENDS
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SMELL THAT PAW FOR THE NEXT
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COUPLE OF WEEKS.
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IT'S BEEN 27 YEARS SINCE MEE-MAW
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TOOK A LOVER, BUT SHE HASN'T
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LOST A STEP.
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IT'S LIKE RIDING A BIKE, FROM
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BEHIND.
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AND LOOK AT GERTRUDE LAUGHING IT
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UP.
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DIRTY, DIRTY TRAMP.
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SHE LOVES TO WATCH.
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I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S
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HITTING THAT GOLDEN GIRL RAW.
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SHE'S LUCKY.
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THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL DOG.
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AND SUCH A GENTLEMAN.
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FINDING A PARTNER WHO LIKES TO
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CUDDLE IS RARE.
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SOMEONE FETCH GRANNY A
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CIGARETTE.
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AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, GIVE A
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MILK-BONE TO THE BESTIALITY FAN
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WHO KEPT THE CAMERA ROLLING
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THROUGH THE ENTIRE RAPE SESSION
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AND POSTED IT ONLINE.
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AND FOR THAT, WE THANK YOU.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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OKAY.
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WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE
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SKATEBOARD GIRL'S WEB
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REDEMPTION.
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BUT FIRST HERE'S WHY THE SECOND
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AMENDMENT IS SO MOTHER[BLEEP]
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SWEET.
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[ROCK MUSIC]
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- HERE WE GO.
225
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- [INDISTINCT]
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- [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
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- GO.
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- [BLEEP]
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[BLEEP]
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- GO, BAILEY, GO.
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GO, BAILEY, GO.
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YOU CAN DO IT.
233
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DON'T FALL.
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DON'T FALL.
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[AUDIENCE OHHS]
236
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- SHE SAID DON'T FALL.
237
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DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING AT ALL.
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SHE'LL BE FINE.
239
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YOU CAN STILL BE A SUCCESS WITH
240
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A BUSTED FACE.
241
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JUST ASK JULIA STILES.
242
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[AUDIENCE OOHS]
243
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A LITTLE TIP, YOU SHOULDN'T
244
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SKATEBOARD WITH FLIP-FLOPS.
245
00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:45,067
YOU ALSO SHOULDN'T SKATEBOARD
246
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:47,727
WHEN YOU SUCK AT SKATEBOARDING.
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00:08:47,733 --> 00:08:48,673
BUT IT'S IMPORTANT TO POINT OUT
248
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THAT SHE DIDN'T FALL BECAUSE
249
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SHE'S A GIRL.
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WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING MEN CAN
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DO, EXCEPT MATH, CHESS, RUNNING,
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JUMPING, LIFTING STUFF, FIXING
253
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THINGS, MAKING MONEY, HOCKEY,
254
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SURFING, DRIVING, MAKING
255
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DECISIONS, BEING TALL, TAKING
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OUT THE GARBAGE, TIPPING,
257
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FISHING, BEING FUNNY ON PURPOSE,
258
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REAPING A MAP, LISTENING TO GOOD
259
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BANDS, WRITING, RUNNING THE
260
00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:15,570
COUNTRY, INVENTING ANYTHING
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IMPORTANT, OR BEING FUN TO HANG
262
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OUT WITH.
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DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE
264
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WOMEN.
265
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:21,870
I JUST THINK THEY SHOULD DRINK
266
00:09:21,867 --> 00:09:24,927
FROM A SEPARATE WATER FOUNTAIN.
267
00:09:24,933 --> 00:09:26,803
OKAY, ACTUALLY WOMEN MAY BE EVEN
268
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,730
BETTER THAN MEN, BUT WE'LL NEVER
269
00:09:28,733 --> 00:09:30,673
REALLY KNOW SINCE THEY'RE
270
00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:33,967
SWINGING AT BIGGER BALLS,
271
00:09:33,967 --> 00:09:37,127
PLAYING FROM CLOSER TEES, DOING
272
00:09:37,133 --> 00:09:38,873
PUSH-UPS FROM THEIR KNEES,
273
00:09:38,867 --> 00:09:39,697
TAKING HALF THE BEATLE'S MONEY.
274
00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:41,700
BITCHES, PLEASE!
275
00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:45,070
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
276
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:49,697
THANK YOU.
277
00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:50,430
BUT ONE THING WE CAN ALL AGREE
278
00:09:50,433 --> 00:09:51,173
ON IS THAT WOMEN ARE CAPABLE OF
279
00:09:51,167 --> 00:09:53,897
AMAZING THINGS.
280
00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:55,270
[AUDIENCE CHUCKLING]
281
00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:56,327
- YEAH!
282
00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:57,973
- SO WHEN I SAW BAILEY FAIL TO
283
00:09:57,967 --> 00:09:59,067
BREAK THROUGH HER OWN PERSONAL
284
00:09:59,067 --> 00:09:59,767
GLASS CEILING, I BROUGHT HER OUT
285
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:01,867
TO L.A.
286
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:04,127
TO GET HER BACK ON THAT BOARD IN
287
00:10:04,133 --> 00:10:04,933
THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.
288
00:10:04,933 --> 00:10:08,333
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
289
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:09,003
BAILEY!
290
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,230
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
291
00:10:10,233 --> 00:10:12,033
I'M COMING!
292
00:10:12,033 --> 00:10:14,033
OH!
293
00:10:14,033 --> 00:10:15,633
[BLEEP] BITCH.
294
00:10:15,633 --> 00:10:17,473
SORRY I'M LATE.
295
00:10:17,467 --> 00:10:17,997
I HEELIED HERE.
296
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:18,570
HI, BAILEY.
297
00:10:18,567 --> 00:10:19,897
- HI.
298
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,500
- THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS.
299
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:22,570
- NO PROBLEM.
300
00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:23,297
- YOUR FACE IS A LOT PRETTIER
301
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:24,170
THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE.
302
00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:24,997
- THANKS.
303
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:25,700
- AND YOU HAVE ALL YOUR TEETH.
304
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,900
- YEAH.
305
00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:29,670
- USUALLY WHEN PEOPLE FALL TO
306
00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:31,927
THEIR FACE, THEIR FIRST INSTINCT
307
00:10:31,933 --> 00:10:33,503
IS TO PUT THEIR HANDS DOWN.
308
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,530
AND YOU WENT FOR MORE OF A
309
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,873
NESTEA PLUNGE.
310
00:10:36,867 --> 00:10:37,597
- I PLAY VOLLEYBALL, SO I'M--I
311
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:38,370
PLAY--
312
00:10:38,367 --> 00:10:39,267
I FALL ALL THE TIME.
313
00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:39,867
- YOU'RE USED TO DIVING.
314
00:10:39,867 --> 00:10:42,427
- I DIVE, YEAH.
315
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:43,133
- HAVE YOU SKATEBOARDED SINCE?
316
00:10:43,133 --> 00:10:44,873
- EASY ANSWER, NO.
317
00:10:44,867 --> 00:10:45,497
- THAT WAS YOUR LAST RIDE?
318
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:46,800
- YEAH.
319
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,600
- OH, THIS IS GONNA BE EXCITING.
320
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,470
WHAT A BETTER TIME THAN ON
321
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:52,467
TELEVISION WITH ZERO PRESSURE?
322
00:10:52,467 --> 00:10:53,997
WHO UPLOADED THAT VIDEO?
323
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,770
- EITHER ALEX OR TAYLOR.
324
00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:56,497
- ARE YOU THINKING OF PRESSING
325
00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:56,870
CHARGES?
326
00:10:56,867 --> 00:10:59,097
- NO.
327
00:10:59,100 --> 00:10:59,870
THEY'RE MY FRIENDS, SO, I MEAN--
328
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:02,067
IT GOT ME HERE.
329
00:11:02,067 --> 00:11:05,367
- YEAH, YOU'VE MADE IT.
330
00:11:05,367 --> 00:11:06,497
- YOU KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT YOUR
331
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:07,770
WEB REDEMPTION SHOULD BE?
332
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:08,667
INSTEAD OF SKATEBOARDING, IT WAS
333
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:09,467
I GIVE YOU A COUPLE HUNDRED
334
00:11:09,467 --> 00:11:10,327
DOLLARS AND TELL YOU TO GO TO A
335
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:11,073
MALL LIKE A NORMAL 17-YEAR-OLD
336
00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:12,327
GIRL.
337
00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:13,603
- [CHUCKLES]
338
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:14,870
- ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE CLEARLY
339
00:11:14,867 --> 00:11:15,767
DRESSED FOR THIS, AND I THINK
340
00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:16,397
IT'S TIME WE GET YOU ON A
341
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:17,930
SKATEBOARD.
342
00:11:17,933 --> 00:11:18,833
OKAY, BAILEY, THIS IS PART OF
343
00:11:18,833 --> 00:11:20,133
YOUR TRAINING.
344
00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:20,873
FIRST, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO LOSE
345
00:11:20,867 --> 00:11:21,927
YOUR ORIGINAL BOARD.
346
00:11:21,933 --> 00:11:23,473
I APPRECIATE YOU BRINGING IT OUT
347
00:11:23,467 --> 00:11:24,127
HERE, BUT YOU'RE GONNA GET
348
00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:25,503
KILLED ON THAT THING.
349
00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:26,530
THIS OUTFIT ACTUALLY DOES FEEL
350
00:11:26,533 --> 00:11:28,073
GOOD FOR SKATEBOARDING.
351
00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:29,167
THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT
352
00:11:29,167 --> 00:11:30,127
SKATEBOARDING'S ABOUT.
353
00:11:30,133 --> 00:11:31,303
WHOA.
354
00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:33,430
A LITTLE SPEED WOBBLE THERE.
355
00:11:33,433 --> 00:11:34,433
[LAUGHS]
356
00:11:34,433 --> 00:11:37,303
YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.
357
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:38,200
THREE HOURS ON HERE IS THE
358
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,070
APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF CARDIO.
359
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:39,927
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
360
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:40,773
- OKAY.
361
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:44,567
- OKAY, KEEP IT GOING.
362
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:47,597
MY FRIEND, CHRIS FAIRBANKS,
363
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:48,330
GREAT COMEDIAN ALSO THINKS HE'S
364
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:53,403
A GREAT SKATEBOARDER.
365
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,570
I'M GONNA HAVE HIM TRY TO OLLIE
366
00:11:54,567 --> 00:11:55,227
KICKFLIP ON THIS AT A HIGH
367
00:11:55,233 --> 00:12:00,073
SPEED.
368
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:04,667
[LAUGHTER]
369
00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:05,727
YOU ALMOST MADE IT.
370
00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:09,873
- WALK IT OFF.
371
00:12:09,867 --> 00:12:10,927
- BAILEY, I WANT YOU TO MEET
372
00:12:10,933 --> 00:12:11,573
LYN-Z, THREE-TIME GOLD X
373
00:12:11,567 --> 00:12:12,197
CHAMPION.
374
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,170
- HI.
375
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,067
- VERT SKATER.
376
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,397
I NEED, LYN-Z, YOU JUST TO GIVE
377
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,100
HER SOME ADVICE FOR BOMBING A
378
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:19,830
BIG HILL.
379
00:12:19,833 --> 00:12:22,173
- KEEP YOUR WEIGHT REALLY
380
00:12:22,167 --> 00:12:22,867
CENTERED AND JUST STAY REALLY
381
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:23,227
SOLID.
382
00:12:23,233 --> 00:12:23,903
- I THINK, BAILEY--
383
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:24,900
I THINK--
384
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:26,100
OH, YOU'RE IN GREAT HANDS.
385
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:27,430
THIS IS GONNA BE FLAWLESS.
386
00:12:27,433 --> 00:12:29,733
WELCOME TO DEVIL'S BACKBONE.
387
00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:30,473
THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW, ARE YOU
388
00:12:30,467 --> 00:12:33,067
READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?
389
00:12:33,067 --> 00:12:33,597
[LAUGHS]
390
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:34,870
NO, I'M KIDDING.
391
00:12:34,867 --> 00:12:35,597
IT'D BE AWESOME IF YOU WENT FOR
392
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,930
IT THOUGH.
393
00:12:38,933 --> 00:12:39,673
OKAY, BAILEY, I THINK THIS IS A
394
00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:40,797
MORE MANAGEABLE HILL FOR YOU.
395
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:41,570
- I THINK SO.
396
00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:42,327
- ARE YOU NERVOUS?
397
00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:43,673
- YEAH, A LITTLE.
398
00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:44,427
- WELL, WE HAVE YOUR FATHER
399
00:12:44,433 --> 00:12:45,103
HERE.
400
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:46,100
HE'S WAITING AT THE FINISH LINE.
401
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:46,670
GIVE HIM A WAVE.
402
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:47,427
- HEY, DAD.
403
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,133
- YEAH.
404
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,073
ARE YOU EXCITED?
405
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:50,067
- YEAH.
406
00:12:50,067 --> 00:12:50,727
- WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN
407
00:12:50,733 --> 00:12:52,073
HAPPEN?
408
00:12:52,067 --> 00:12:56,467
- I DON'T THINK ANYTHING COULD.
409
00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:57,197
- WELL, THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW,
410
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:57,930
ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER
411
00:12:57,933 --> 00:12:58,703
SHOT?
412
00:12:58,700 --> 00:12:59,370
- I THINK SO.
413
00:12:59,367 --> 00:13:01,567
- YOU'RE GONNA DO GREAT.
414
00:13:01,567 --> 00:13:02,727
I KNOW IT.
415
00:13:02,733 --> 00:13:03,333
GIVE YOU A LITTLE PUSH.
416
00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:04,903
- OKAY.
417
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:06,770
WHEE.
418
00:13:06,767 --> 00:13:09,567
- SKATEBOARDING.
419
00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:12,967
LOOK AT HER GO.
420
00:13:12,967 --> 00:13:14,897
OUI, OUI, PARIS.
421
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:18,730
THE GREAT WALL.
422
00:13:18,733 --> 00:13:20,073
THE BIG APPLE, YA [BLEEP].
423
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:21,867
- WOW, THIS IS SO COOL.
424
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,527
- FRISCO.
425
00:13:23,533 --> 00:13:26,903
- WHOO!
426
00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:29,930
OH, MY GOD!
427
00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:33,073
- THE TOUR DE FRANCE.
428
00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:34,927
PETER GALLAGHER'S EYEBROW.
429
00:13:34,933 --> 00:13:35,703
- JUST STAY CENTERED.
430
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:37,530
YEAH!
431
00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:38,973
- OH, MY GOODNESS.
432
00:13:38,967 --> 00:13:42,067
THANK YOU.
433
00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:46,967
- KATIE COURIC'S COLON.
434
00:13:46,967 --> 00:13:48,527
- BAILEY, GO TO YOUR FATHER.
435
00:13:48,533 --> 00:13:51,433
GO TO YOUR FATHER.
436
00:13:51,433 --> 00:13:54,303
GO TO YOUR [BLEEP] FATHER.
437
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:57,630
- CATCH ME, CATCH ME.
438
00:13:57,633 --> 00:13:58,703
[UPLIFTING MUSIC]
439
00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:00,770
WHOO!
440
00:14:00,767 --> 00:14:01,967
- GOOD JOB.
441
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:03,197
GOOD JOB.
442
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,130
- YEAH.
443
00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:05,373
- YAY!
444
00:14:05,367 --> 00:14:06,467
YAY.
445
00:14:06,467 --> 00:14:08,067
YAY.
446
00:14:08,067 --> 00:14:08,797
- DAN.
447
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:09,970
- OH, SORRY.
448
00:14:09,967 --> 00:14:14,127
- REDEEMED.
449
00:14:14,133 --> 00:14:14,873
DO YOU EVER WONDER HOW WE PICK
450
00:14:14,867 --> 00:14:16,267
PEOPLE FOR OUR WEB REDEMPTIONS?
451
00:14:16,267 --> 00:14:17,067
IT'S USUALLY THE PEOPLE THAT SAY
452
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:20,627
YES.
453
00:14:20,633 --> 00:14:21,673
NOW HERE'S OUR WEB REDEMPTION'S
454
00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:28,367
MOST WANTED LIST.
455
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,297
- STOP IT! STOP IT!
456
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:33,130
[GUNSHOT]
457
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:33,873
- SHOOTS IT, AND BOOM GOES THE
458
00:14:33,867 --> 00:14:34,497
DYNAMITE.
459
00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,230
- EW!
460
00:14:36,233 --> 00:14:42,633
- [GROANING]
461
00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:46,773
- LED TO CHRIS WOODS' DEATH.
462
00:14:46,767 --> 00:14:47,397
[GAGS]
463
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,070
[BLEEP]
464
00:14:48,067 --> 00:14:51,767
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
465
00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:52,327
- DON'T JUST BE SORRY.
466
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:53,533
THINK FOR ONE [BLEEP] SECOND.
467
00:14:53,533 --> 00:14:54,333
[HONKING SOUND]
468
00:14:54,333 --> 00:15:00,273
- AHH!
469
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:01,297
- HE'S A [BLEEP]!
470
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:04,330
HE'S A [BLEEP]!
471
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:05,673
- OH, WOW.
472
00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:06,427
FOR THE RECORD, I THINK
473
00:15:06,433 --> 00:15:08,773
TOURETTE'S GUY IS DEAD.
474
00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:10,567
BUT IF YOU CAN HELP US WITH
475
00:15:10,567 --> 00:15:11,627
ANYBODY ELSE, I'D LOVE IT.
476
00:15:11,633 --> 00:15:13,073
IF YOU KNOW ANYONE THAT NEEDS A
477
00:15:13,067 --> 00:15:14,067
WEB REDEMPTION, HAVE THEM
478
00:15:14,067 --> 00:15:16,227
CONTACT US AT
479
00:15:16,233 --> 00:15:17,073
COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0 AND
480
00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:19,497
WE'LL GIVE THEM A SECOND CHANCE.
481
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:22,830
OR IN HIS CASE, A FOURTH CHANCE.
482
00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:24,073
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOUR
483
00:15:24,067 --> 00:15:25,697
POPCORN RESPONSE VIDEOS.
484
00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:26,670
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
485
00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:27,197
MALE ANNOUNCER:
486
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:27,970
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE PRANK
487
00:15:27,967 --> 00:15:31,067
OF THE WEEK.
488
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:32,097
- AH!
489
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:34,070
- [BLEEP]
490
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,527
[BLEEP] WHOA.
491
00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:37,903
- [LAUGHS]
492
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:38,870
ANNOUNCER: AND THAT WAS THE
493
00:15:38,867 --> 00:15:40,097
PRANK OF THE WEEK, BROUGHT TO
494
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:47,330
YOU BY BURGER KING.
495
00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:48,533
- EVERYTHING LOOKS COOLER.
496
00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:54,633
- THROUGH A FISHEYE LENS.
497
00:15:54,633 --> 00:15:55,333
- YOU'RE WATCHING ME CHECK MY
498
00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:56,103
EMAILS - THROUGH A MOTHER[BLEEP]
499
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:56,730
FISHEYE LENS.
500
00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:57,803
- YOU'RE WATCHING ME BREW A CUP
501
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,170
OF GREEN TEA WITH PEPPERMINT.
502
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:00,827
- THROUGH A FISHEYE LENS.
503
00:16:00,833 --> 00:16:01,503
- YOU'RE WATCHING ME HANG A
504
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:02,670
T-SHIRT.
505
00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:05,467
- THROUGH A FISHEYE LENS.
506
00:16:05,467 --> 00:16:06,227
- YOU'RE WATCHING ME PUT ON LIP
507
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:06,673
BALM.
508
00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:07,297
- THROUGH A MOTHER[BLEEP]
509
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,070
FISHEYE LENS.
510
00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:10,667
- YOU'RE WATCHING ME USE HAND
511
00:16:10,667 --> 00:16:11,367
SANITIZER TO PROTECT ME FROM
512
00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:12,127
GERMS.
513
00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:13,073
- THROUGH A MOTHER[BLEEP]
514
00:16:13,067 --> 00:16:16,327
FISHEYE LENS.
515
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:17,703
- YOU'RE WATCHING ME REFILL A
516
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:18,430
STAPLER.
517
00:16:18,433 --> 00:16:20,933
- THROUGH A FISHEYE LENS.
518
00:16:20,933 --> 00:16:21,873
- YOU'RE WATCHING ME EAT CEREAL
519
00:16:21,867 --> 00:16:22,397
WITH 1% MILK.
520
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,070
- THROUGH A FISHEYE LENS.
521
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,227
- YOU'RE WATCHING ME READ AN
522
00:16:25,233 --> 00:16:27,203
OP-ED PIECE BY THOMAS FRIEDMAN.
523
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:28,070
- THROUGH A FISHEYE LENS.
524
00:16:28,067 --> 00:16:33,627
[ROCK MUSIC]
525
00:16:33,633 --> 00:16:34,373
- EVERYTHING'S COOLER.
526
00:16:34,367 --> 00:16:37,067
- THROUGH A FISHEYE LENS.
527
00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:40,527
- YEAH.
528
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,373
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
529
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:43,067
EVERYTHING.
530
00:16:43,067 --> 00:16:46,667
FOR REAL?
531
00:16:46,667 --> 00:16:48,227
YOU GOTTA GET A HYPE MAN.
532
00:16:48,233 --> 00:16:49,573
HEY, GO TO OUR WEBSITE AND
533
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:52,697
UPLOAD YOUR OWN FISHEYE VIDEOS.
534
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,470
I CANNOT WAIT TO WATCH THOSE,
535
00:16:54,467 --> 00:16:55,127
AMERICA, AND CANADA, A WEEK
536
00:16:55,133 --> 00:16:57,803
LATER.
537
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:58,770
AND SPEAKING OF HOMEWORK, LAST
538
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,127
WEEK WE DEBUTED MY POPCORN
539
00:17:00,133 --> 00:17:01,133
CHALLENGE VIDEO, AND I ASKED YOU
540
00:17:01,133 --> 00:17:03,503
TO MAKE YOUR OWN.
541
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:04,900
WELL, WE GOT A LOT OF
542
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,730
SUBMISSIONS.
543
00:17:06,733 --> 00:17:07,473
AND I LEARNED THAT OUR FANS ARE
544
00:17:07,467 --> 00:17:08,797
SEVEN.
545
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,500
HERE'S SOME OF THE HIGHLIGHTS.
546
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,770
- THIS IS THE POPCORN CHALLENGE.
547
00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:23,827
[TECHNO MUSIC]
548
00:17:23,833 --> 00:17:27,333
[AUDIENCE OOHS]
549
00:17:27,333 --> 00:17:52,303
- YES!
550
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:52,930
- YES!
551
00:17:52,933 --> 00:17:53,473
YES!
552
00:17:53,467 --> 00:17:54,427
- OH, MY GOD, WE DID IT!
553
00:17:54,433 --> 00:17:55,733
- THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
554
00:17:55,733 --> 00:17:59,073
YES!
555
00:17:59,067 --> 00:17:59,727
- OH, COME ON.
556
00:17:59,733 --> 00:18:00,473
ACT LIKE YOU'VE BEEN THERE
557
00:18:00,467 --> 00:18:03,097
BEFORE.
558
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:03,800
THANKS, AND KEEP THE VIDEOS
559
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:04,830
COMING.
560
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,973
DON'T FORGET TO GO TO OUR
561
00:18:06,967 --> 00:18:08,967
WEBSITE COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0
562
00:18:08,967 --> 00:18:10,127
AND UPLOAD YOUR OWN VIDEO FOR A
563
00:18:10,133 --> 00:18:10,873
CHANCE TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF
564
00:18:10,867 --> 00:18:11,927
THE WEEK.
565
00:18:11,933 --> 00:18:13,903
THIS WEEK'S SUBMISSION COMES TO
566
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:19,200
US FROM ADAMBOBROW.COM.
567
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:19,700
- WHOO!
568
00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:20,700
YEAH!
569
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,200
WHOO!
570
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:22,900
YES!
571
00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:34,470
YES!
572
00:18:34,467 --> 00:18:44,697
- OH, MY GOD.
573
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:45,430
- YOU LOST, YOU LOST, YOU LOST.
574
00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:47,473
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LOSE?
575
00:18:47,467 --> 00:18:47,967
[GRUNTING]
576
00:18:47,967 --> 00:18:50,627
WHOO! WHOO!
577
00:18:50,633 --> 00:19:07,803
[GRUNTS]
578
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:16,430
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
579
00:19:16,433 --> 00:19:20,273
- OH, I SMELL A RALLY.
580
00:19:20,267 --> 00:19:21,767
THANKS, ADAM.
581
00:19:21,767 --> 00:19:22,897
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
582
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:26,230
WEEKENDS AT THE D.L.
583
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:35,873
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
584
00:19:35,867 --> 00:19:36,197
- OH.
585
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,300
WELCOME BACK, MEAT SPINNERS.
586
00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:40,100
MAKE SURE YOU GO TO OUR WEBSITE
587
00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:44,070
COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0 TO KEEP
588
00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:44,767
UP WITH OUR BLOG AND SEND US
589
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:45,327
YOUR VIDEOS.
590
00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:46,173
PLEASE FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AND
591
00:19:46,167 --> 00:19:48,067
CHECK MY TOUR SCHEDULE.
592
00:19:48,067 --> 00:19:49,767
AND NOW THE MOMENT YOU HAVE ALL
593
00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:50,897
BEEN WAITING FOR, SOME
594
00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:51,570
NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN FOOTAGE.
595
00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:57,067
ENJOY.
596
00:19:57,067 --> 00:20:12,467
[SOFT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
597
00:20:12,467 --> 00:20:13,097
DID YOU ORDER A CODE
598
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:16,670
RED?
599
00:20:16,667 --> 00:20:17,327
WHY DID THAT NOT MAKE AIR?
600
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:18,373
OH.
601
00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:19,497
IF YOU CAN GUESS WHAT WE WERE
602
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:20,230
LOOKING AT, WE WILL PUT YOU ON
603
00:20:20,233 --> 00:20:23,473
TELEVISION.
604
00:20:23,467 --> 00:20:24,567
HEY, I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE WE'VE
605
00:20:24,567 --> 00:20:26,197
REACHED A MILESTONE.
606
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:26,900
WE ARE NEARING THE END OF
607
00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:30,630
EPISODE NUMBER TEN.
608
00:20:30,633 --> 00:20:31,333
SO THANK YOU TO EVERYONE, BUT
609
00:20:31,333 --> 00:20:32,073
MAINLY THE EXECUTIVES AT COMEDY
610
00:20:32,067 --> 00:20:32,727
CENTRAL, BECAUSE THEY HAVE
611
00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:34,873
ORDERED MORE.
612
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:43,727
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
613
00:20:43,733 --> 00:20:44,473
YES, I KNOW.
614
00:20:44,467 --> 00:20:44,827
THANK YOU.
615
00:20:44,833 --> 00:20:45,373
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
616
00:20:45,367 --> 00:20:46,597
OKAY.
617
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:47,330
SO I THOUGHT WE'D CELEBRATE BY
618
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:47,973
TAKING A LOOK BACK AT THE
619
00:20:47,967 --> 00:20:48,697
GREATEST MOMENTS FROM THE SHOW
620
00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:50,230
SO FAR.
621
00:20:50,233 --> 00:20:51,003
THANKS FOR COMING OUT, YOU GUYS.
622
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:51,600
I APPRECIATE IT.
623
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:52,200
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
624
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,030
GOOD NIGHT.
625
00:20:53,033 --> 00:20:53,633
GOOD NIGHT, YOU GUYS.
626
00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:54,333
I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
627
00:20:54,333 --> 00:20:55,133
GOOD NIGHT.
628
00:20:55,133 --> 00:20:56,333
SEE YOU GUYS NEXT WEEK.
629
00:20:56,333 --> 00:20:57,103
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
630
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:58,000
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
631
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:58,800
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
632
00:20:58,800 --> 00:20:59,570
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
633
00:20:59,567 --> 00:21:00,227
GOOD NIGHT.
634
00:21:00,233 --> 00:21:00,873
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
635
00:21:00,867 --> 00:21:01,397
GOOD NIGHT.
636
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,070
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
637
00:21:03,067 --> 00:21:04,697
GOOD NIGHT.
638
00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:20,370
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
38385
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