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1
00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:08,054
(LAUGHS EVILLY)
Take that!
2
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:08,090
(LAUGHS EVILLY)
Take that!
I taught him a thing or two.
3
00:00:08,093 --> 00:00:09,803
I taught him a thing or two.
4
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:11,547
But do you know
what I can't teach him?
5
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:14,012
Algebra!
That's what school is for!
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:14,184
Algebra!
That's what school is for!
A good education is
as American as
a Henry Ford automobile!
7
00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:17,352
A good education is
as American as
a Henry Ford automobile!
8
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:19,346
Don't let the goddamn flag
touch the ground!
9
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,190
I've got some
pretty big muscles,
10
00:00:21,272 --> 00:00:23,522
but the most important one
is right here.
11
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,191
Ow!
Pussy.
12
00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:26,737
Hold up! What are
we doing here?
13
00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:29,069
Cue cards?
Can I just break dance
or something?
14
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:29,241
Cue cards?
Can I just break dance
or something?
Uh, but because it's here...
15
00:00:29,239 --> 00:00:30,699
Uh, but because it's here...
16
00:00:30,781 --> 00:00:32,951
In American halls
and classrooms!
17
00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:34,736
Children just like you...
18
00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:38,117
Arrr-er-er...ee-ar...
ee-ar...
19
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,127
Learn to be real heroes!
20
00:00:40,250 --> 00:00:41,460
So, be like us!
21
00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:43,174
ALL: Stay in school!
22
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:46,880
(VOCALIZING MUSIC)
23
00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:51,257
Arrr-er-er...ee-ar...
Mmm-hmm.
24
00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:54,007
Looks like little kitty Cooch
can't read.
25
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:57,023
I got you now, Rex,
right where I... Hmm.
26
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,024
"Homeless man asks
a baby for candy.
27
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,522
"What happens next
will blow your mind?"
28
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:01,849
Yeah, I'm gonna click on that!
29
00:01:02,147 --> 00:01:04,607
(BABY CRIES)
What? That didn't
blow my mind!
30
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:06,940
They got me again!
Goddamn it!
31
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:09,530
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
32
00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,616
(BOTH GRUNT)
33
00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:17,502
You want some Cooch?
34
00:01:18,204 --> 00:01:19,544
(GASPS) Ahhh!
35
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,748
Don't get mad, get Brad!
36
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:29,797
(BEEPING)
37
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:34,088
(EAGLE SCREECHES)
38
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:52,111
Well, it looks like
that "Stay in school" PSA
39
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:52,282
Well, it looks like
that "Stay in school" PSA
has become
a national embarrassment.
40
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,110
has become
a national embarrassment.
41
00:01:54,199 --> 00:01:57,659
I am also reading about
that current event
in the newspaper.
42
00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,503
That is a BevMo insert.
43
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,538
So?
So, Kid Victory got
44
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,252
our budget approved
for another year,
45
00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:06,132
but that means we have
a lot of eyes on us.
46
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,212
Let's lock it down, people!
47
00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:09,964
Uh, Cooch, if you want
to learn how to read,
48
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,127
you could come
by my room later.
49
00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:13,425
I could, uh, tutor you.
Nice try, Brad!
50
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,049
We're through!
Oh, yeah, totally.
51
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,175
I just wanna be friends.
Friends?
52
00:02:17,263 --> 00:02:20,563
You can kick that shit
right down the road, dude!
That never works!
53
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,728
Rex, your copy
of "Men's Health" came.
54
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,600
Men... No, I didn't
subscribe to that.
55
00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:25,727
We all chipped in.
56
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:29,233
Ranger, a copy
of Tea-Bagging Monthly.
Yes! (CHUCKLES)
57
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:29,283
Ranger, a copy
of Tea-Bagging Monthly.
Yes! (CHUCKLES)
I heard this Tea Party
has some good ideas.
58
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:31,525
I heard this Tea Party
has some good ideas.
59
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,817
Holy Hell!
Someone's eating
that man's marbles!
60
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,278
That seems
like a terrible idea!
61
00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:37,031
(GRUNTS) I guess
I could use it.
62
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:41,119
Odd. Another kit of Proactiv
for one C.J. Wheelahan.
63
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,327
Oh! I...I know C.J.
He's a friend of mine.
64
00:02:43,706 --> 00:02:46,826
Uh, he gets a lot of acne
because of my mask...
His mask!
65
00:02:47,543 --> 00:02:50,213
Cooch, a postcard
from... Claudette?
66
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:51,298
Sweet! Let me see that thing!
67
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,172
See ya!
Cooch, show some respect.
68
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,508
That woman raised you.
69
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,683
Yeah, when
I was a regular cat.
70
00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:01,271
I left that life behind!
I don't want to hear about
her jankyass life!
71
00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:01,345
I left that life behind!
I don't want to hear about
her jankyass life!
Plus you can't read.
That is a factor,
but who gives a shit?
72
00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:04,309
Plus you can't read.
That is a factor,
but who gives a shit?
73
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,596
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
74
00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:12,401
Sergeant Agony,
what are you doing here?
75
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,784
I saw your PSA!
76
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,201
And Cooch looked like
a damn horse
with peanut butter
77
00:03:16,281 --> 00:03:17,821
in its mouth
talking out its butthole!
78
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:21,196
She's illiterate!
Section A, chapter 37B.
79
00:03:21,286 --> 00:03:22,786
"Every member of
the League of Freedom
80
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,040
"must have a high school
diploma or higher."
81
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:27,748
Oh, she's a cat!
The law is the law, Rex!
82
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,668
An education is not a joke!
83
00:03:29,752 --> 00:03:30,882
Take her away, boys!
84
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:32,295
It's okay, Rex.
85
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:34,300
I knew this gig
was too good to be true.
86
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:37,255
Don't go into my closet,
okay? That poodle
was dead when I found it.
87
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:40,756
Wait. It says here that
government employees
are exempt
88
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:44,306
if they're actively
pursuing a diploma from
an accredited institution.
89
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:45,391
Hmm.
90
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,646
Oh, hell no.
No, no, no, no!
91
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,809
Agony, release Cooch
this instant.
92
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,518
By what authority?
Mine,
93
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:55,358
as acting principal
of Super Mansion High!
94
00:03:55,486 --> 00:03:57,276
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
95
00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:01,244
All right, team.
Agony's administering
Cooch's GED on Friday.
96
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:05,578
We have exactly one week
to get some sort of education
to stick to her brain!
97
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:09,288
Ranger, putting aside
the 70 year gap where
you were in a time tunnel,
98
00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:11,335
you are the perfect candidate
to teach history.
99
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,048
It would be my honor!
Jewbot.
100
00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:16,798
I look forward to teaching
Cooch about dead poets
and igniting her passions.
101
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:19,342
You're teaching Home Ec.
Well, I guess I'll go
fuck myself.
102
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:19,433
You're teaching Home Ec.
Well, I guess I'll go
fuck myself.
Brad, you still know your way
around a chemistry set?
103
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:22,217
Brad, you still know your way
around a chemistry set?
104
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:24,345
Are you a cop?
Uh, I mean, yeah, yeah.
105
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:26,312
And Black Saturn...
As the cool bully!
106
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:26,388
And Black Saturn...
As the cool bully!
Yeah, no. We're not
gonna have that.
107
00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:27,982
Yeah, no. We're not
gonna have that.
108
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,438
(LAUGHS) Suck it,
Principal Wreck!
(REX GROANS)
109
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,981
Get back here!
110
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,112
Looking like
a circus already.
111
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,694
You running
a clown college, Rex?
112
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:36,936
What are you wearing?
113
00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:40,159
You're gonna play principal,
then say hello to
your superintendent.
114
00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:42,199
Let's lay the cards
on the table, Agony.
115
00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:44,325
You don't care if Cooch
has a diploma or not.
116
00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,160
You hate
the League of Freedom.
117
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,326
I'm not a fan, no.
118
00:04:47,497 --> 00:04:48,617
Well, let me
tell you something,
119
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:52,206
when you come after
one of my members,
you kick the hornet's nest.
120
00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:55,455
I'm gonna shove Cooch's
diploma down your throat!
(GRUNTS)
121
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,547
If you'll excuse me,
I think I have
a spitball in my ear.
122
00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:04,222
Ready for your
first day of school?
123
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,724
Hell, yeah!
Marjorie got me
a bunch of PeeChees,
124
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,887
and I already got dongs
drawn on most of 'em.
125
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:11,147
Uh, that's great, Cooch,
126
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:14,858
but make sure you're
focusing on your lessons.
Can you do that for me?
127
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:17,033
Focus? Yeah, Rex.
128
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,487
No problem.
129
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:20,361
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
All right, class,
130
00:05:20,446 --> 00:05:22,236
let's start our day with
our morning prayer.
131
00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,908
Dear heavenly
white Christian Father...
Uh-uh, Ranger!
132
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:26,952
Keep your church
outta my state!
133
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,325
Marjorie, where's
your hall pass?
134
00:05:28,413 --> 00:05:29,463
Don't you run
away from me, girl.
135
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,168
All right, let's start
with the good stuff.
136
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,081
WW2, the big one.
137
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:34,417
American was a sleeping giant.
138
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,301
COOCH: You know what?
Why are there leprechauns?
139
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,959
They need to get
more marshmallows in a box.
That's what I get.
140
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,917
Maybe they cash in
the gold for marshmallows.
141
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,388
Cashing in gold, that's true.
142
00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,258
Cooch! Are you
paying attention?
143
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:46,847
Yep. The answer is...
rainbow gold!
144
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,767
No! This is serious!
145
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:52,059
I had no idea what happened
to this great nation
after World War II.
146
00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,064
RANGER: Have you heard
of this Bay of Pigs?
147
00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,806
Ow!
Wake up, freshman!
148
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,318
Man, quit your shit!
(LAUGHS) No can do.
149
00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,941
Bullying is a big part
of the high school experience.
150
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:02,235
Flick!
Ow!
151
00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:04,108
This must be
a science fiction book.
152
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,994
What's this
Iran Contra bullshit?
153
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,080
Reagan funded
Osama bin Laden?
154
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:10,001
There has to be some
good news in this thing!
155
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,458
This John F. Kennedy
seems like just the man
to right the ship.
156
00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:14,423
Oh no! Why would anyone...
157
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,630
Nixon seems like
a straight arrow.
158
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,879
(SCREAMS) What the hell
does 911 mean?
159
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,797
Spying on our own citizens?
Collapse of the new class?
160
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,087
"Joe Millionaire?"
161
00:06:24,469 --> 00:06:28,179
And that's the story...
of America.
162
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:36,517
Uh, this bullshit gonna
be on the test?
163
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:43,403
So, the fire pretty much
gutted the place. That was
my last day of school.
164
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:43,573
So, the fire pretty much
gutted the place. That was
my last day of school.
Hey, what's our policy
on dating students?
165
00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:45,951
Hey, what's our policy
on dating students?
166
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,316
I'm sure it's frowned upon.
167
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,987
What if you've
nailed them already?
168
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,539
I really don't feel
comfortable having
this conversation.
169
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,500
NAFTA. (MUMBLING)
Hey, buddy, are you okay?
170
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,331
Mitch McConnell's eyes.
171
00:06:56,416 --> 00:07:00,126
(CRYING)
♪ God bless America ♪
172
00:07:01,506 --> 00:07:03,256
(CRIES)
Where do you think
you're going?
173
00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:05,632
To find out if
the American dream
still has a pulse.
174
00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:09,561
Just me, the open road,
and a quality
American made motorbike.
175
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,063
(ENGINE SPUTTERS)
Come on, now.
176
00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:13,349
Here we go!
Make sure that you prime it.
177
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,273
Yes, I primed it!
I know how to do it!
Okay, okay.
178
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:18,524
Now come on.
AGONY: My Kawasaki always
just starts right up.
179
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:21,525
Shut up! It just needs to...
Come on, come on.
180
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,530
Start! Start, start, start!
AGONY: Give it some gas.
181
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:24,568
Start! Start, start, start!
AGONY: Give it some gas.
How did
American History go, Cooch?
182
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,570
How did
American History go, Cooch?
183
00:07:26,656 --> 00:07:28,776
Pretty good.
I learned about leprechauns,
184
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:31,451
marshmallows,
that history shit.
185
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:34,365
Well, that doesn't sound
like American history at all.
186
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,084
Are you paying attention?
COOCH: Damn, I'm hungry.
187
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,415
What was that? That a mouse?
Nah, that's a stapler.
188
00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:42,552
I need sport pants.
I'm hungry.
Where are the quesadillas?
189
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,550
Cooch! What did I just say?
190
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,588
You were saying
such as words and vowels
191
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,597
and phrases and... See ya!
192
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:53,099
You wanted
to see me, Principal?
193
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:56,518
I did not.
You will when you see
the graffiti in the bathroom.
194
00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,692
I hear you're
a real good time.
195
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,860
Saturn, what are you trying
to accomplish here?
196
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:02,479
(PHONE RINGS)
I have be... Ugh!
197
00:08:02,692 --> 00:08:05,492
Hello?
BRAD: Uh, yeah, I'm looking
for a good time.
198
00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,613
Brad, did you get
this number from the bathroom?
199
00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:09,445
Brad? Brad!
200
00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:11,867
I've got to get back
to the heart of
this great nation.
201
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:15,914
The place where good
old American know how
thrives and industry reigns!
202
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,499
I've got to get back
to... Detroit!
203
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,575
(POLICE SIREN WAILS)
This can't be right.
204
00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:20,634
(POLICE SIREN WAILS)
This can't be right.
What happened to
the flourishing Motor City?
205
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,496
What happened to
the flourishing Motor City?
206
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:26,258
A Master Blaster owns
Detroit Town now!
207
00:08:26,591 --> 00:08:28,261
Okay.
208
00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:30,302
Mr. Ford will have
some answers for me.
209
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,525
Japan? Dear God!
210
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:50,489
The America I knew, gone!
211
00:08:50,573 --> 00:08:51,953
(METAL CLATTERS)
(GASPS)
212
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,702
Ah! Come on, girl.
There we go!
213
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:57,123
Come back here,
you son of a bitch!
214
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,544
What have you done
to the Ford company?
215
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:01,671
What have you done
to the Ford company?
What have you done to America?
216
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:05,127
What have you done to America?
217
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:08,092
It wasn't me, man!
I stuck around after
everyone left!
218
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,966
I had nowhere else to go!
219
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,588
I know the feeling.
220
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:13,854
(GROANS)
221
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:15,638
What happened here?
222
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,427
America, it's sick
in its soul, man.
223
00:09:18,768 --> 00:09:20,308
Just like you,
from the looks of it.
224
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,354
That's very perceptive, uh...
Reggie.
225
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:25,609
Name's Americ...
Well, I guess it's
just Ranger now.
226
00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,397
The American dream is dead.
227
00:09:27,652 --> 00:09:28,782
No, it's not dead.
228
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,911
It's just sleeping off
a bad trip, man.
229
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,031
Here. This'll lighten
the load, stranger.
230
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:39,410
One hit of this and
everything becomes
the American dream, man.
231
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:41,251
I just want to remember.
232
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:43,883
Oh!
233
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:49,088
Now, take your cookbooks
and tear them in half.
234
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:52,303
Cooch, this is
very inspirational.
Are you paying attention?
235
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,719
Uh, yeah. No.
236
00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:57,635
Maybe I am just a dumb cat.
Hold on.
237
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,680
Cooch, according
to my brain scan,
238
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:04,437
you have a case of ADD
I can only call apocalyptic.
239
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,610
Cooch, it's not your fault.
Cool!
240
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:07,777
Cooch, it's not your fault.
Cool!
It's not your fault.
Got it!
241
00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:09,145
It's not your fault.
Got it!
242
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,494
It's not your fault.
You can start crying now.
243
00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,700
It's not your fault.
And now we hug.
244
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,084
Get off of me!
Are you gonna help me
out or what?
245
00:10:17,159 --> 00:10:20,499
I'm afraid my programing
won't allow me
to prescribe drugs.
246
00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:24,423
Unless you know someone who
might have some black-market
Adderall, you're out of luck.
247
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:25,667
Huh.
248
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,713
Hey!
You're early.
249
00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:29,383
Students have to wait outside.
250
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:31,843
I mean, if we were friends,
I could let you sit down.
251
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:34,929
Come on, man.
I was just joshing you
about the friends thing.
252
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,852
You want to be friends?
Boom! We're friends.
253
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,720
Wow! That's great, because...
You got any Adderall?
254
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:40,807
Oh, yeah.
255
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:44,941
I mean, I only take 'em when
I need to think, you know,
or function on any level.
256
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:46,690
For 20 bucks, I...
Cool!
257
00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:48,194
Bombs away!
258
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:51,320
COOCH: Small Wonder
still on? Peas are gross.
259
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,321
When did those
Circus Peanuts get in here?
260
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:02,076
(BUZZING)
261
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:07,923
Cooch!
Sorry, I was just...
262
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,251
I think I was learning...
263
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:12,840
Stuff.
264
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:15,301
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
265
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:16,589
Hey, Ranger!
266
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,796
(CHUCKLES) What say we go
easy on the ganja?
267
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:22,677
You got a better way
to fill the hole in my soul?
268
00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:24,307
We're going
to see Hawkfeather!
269
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,851
He's gonna heal
your spirit, man!
270
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,518
Whoo-hoo!
271
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,145
(EXCLAIMING)
272
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,400
(MOTORCYCLE STALLS)
Aw, shit!
273
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,702
No, no, no, no, no!
Goddamn it!
274
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:36,992
Come on, now.
275
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,410
(CAR HORN HONKS)
I'm trying! Come on!
276
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,039
My Yamaha always starts.
You know what, Reggie?
277
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:44,084
(ENGINE STARTS)
(LAUGHS) Oh! Whoa!
278
00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,458
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
279
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,341
Cooch, do you have
your homework?
280
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,629
Shit yeah. I got
tomorrow's loaded up too!
281
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,383
This all appears
to be accurate.
282
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:58,184
Here's my extra credit
on protons.
283
00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,850
And it's good!
You sure?
284
00:12:00,930 --> 00:12:02,890
Positive.
(BOTH LAUGH)
285
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:07,887
Ooh, sorry!
I didn't see you there.
286
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,058
Oh, that's okay.
287
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:12,316
Adolescent aggression
is just the result
of deep insecurities.
288
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:15,149
What?
I don't know. Maybe you got
a small wang, dude. See ya!
289
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,906
Hawkfeather should be
right over that playa.
290
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,117
You just take...
Are you huffing paint?
291
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,202
This high is all I've got!
292
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,213
American paint
at least they got
one thing right.
293
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:30,959
(GRUNTS)
Reggie?
294
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:33,166
Reggie!
(COUGHS)
295
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:35,758
Guess that wound from
the terrible bike accident
296
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:38,509
wasn't as superficial
as we thought.
297
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,802
Don't you leave me, Reggie!
Please God!
298
00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:43,806
I'll do anything!
I'll just take one hit
off that can?
299
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,309
Hello, no! I'm almost out!
300
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:46,890
(STRAINS)
301
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,694
Reggie!
302
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:53,727
Rere!
(EAGLE SCREECHES)
303
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:56,687
What? What's that?
It's a sign...
304
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,066
That I'm as high as shit!
305
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,951
Still, good looking eagle.
306
00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:05,988
RANGER: Where the hell
is that eagle?
Come back to me!
307
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:07,865
Where did you go, eagle?
308
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:12,213
Excuse me, sir.
Did you see where
that handsome eagle went?
309
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,002
There are no eagles
in this part of the country.
310
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:16,165
Only you.
311
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:21,379
Professor Hawkfeather,
New Mexico State University,
and you are American Ranger.
312
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,218
You know my name!
What else do you know?
313
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,813
Well, I know you're
a man with a broken spirit.
314
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,809
Reggie told me.
Hey, where is Reggie?
315
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:28,978
Reggie told me.
Hey, where is Reggie?
He's back there somewhere.
Anyway, were you going to
heal my soul or something?
316
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:32,396
He's back there somewhere.
Anyway, were you going to
heal my soul or something?
317
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,650
Your spirit animal
is restless.
318
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:37,608
You'll tame it...
or die trying.
319
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:41,111
Sure. I'm all out of paint.
Let's do that.
320
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,778
The capital
of Slovakia is Bratislava.
321
00:13:45,034 --> 00:13:47,914
Pi equals 3.14, repeating.
322
00:13:48,913 --> 00:13:52,833
Ah! My girl's looking
pretty good out there,
huh, Agony?
323
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,956
Care to make a little wager?
(PHONE RINGS)
324
00:13:55,044 --> 00:13:56,174
Hello?
(GIBBERING OVER PHONE)
325
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:58,173
No, I am not a good time!
326
00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,420
Who the hell is this?
Marjorie?
327
00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:03,763
I have noticed you're
spending an awful lot
of time with Brad.
328
00:14:03,928 --> 00:14:06,968
If he is being inappropriate,
you can always come to me.
329
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:09,265
Uh... I don't wanna
talk about it. See ya!
330
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,273
Hmm.
331
00:14:12,061 --> 00:14:13,021
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
332
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,983
Hey, Brad, today's
the big day. Need that reup!
333
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:18,654
Oh. Uh...
Come on, man,
gimme the pills!
334
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:22,403
BRAD: All right.
Pills first, then we can...
Oh, I don't think so.
335
00:14:23,072 --> 00:14:24,952
Providing a student
with birth control,
336
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,662
that is where
I draw the line.
337
00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,871
Birth control?
Je... Jewbot, no!
338
00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:30,199
There!
339
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,907
Motherfucker!
That was my Adderall!
340
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:33,084
Motherfucker!
That was my Adderall!
Oh... You need that.
341
00:14:33,082 --> 00:14:35,422
Oh... You need that.
342
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:37,424
(GROWLS)
343
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:40,379
What's the matter?
You look nervous.
344
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,632
Yeah, nervous for you!
345
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:46,216
Yeah. You wanna bet
those fancy new arms
Cooch passes this test?
346
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,223
You have one hour.
(WATCH TICKING)
347
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,175
"Two cars are traveling
at the same rate of speed.
348
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:53,016
"One car is..." Uh...
349
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:56,560
COOCH: And the other car's
a leprechaun!
350
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:59,106
Peanut! Do jellybeans
feel pain? How do
pandas protect their...
351
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,740
Banana burn!
Where does the moon go
during the day?
352
00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:04,612
Uh... Hey, look! A leprechaun!
353
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,826
See ya!
Cooch? Cooch!
354
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,285
Claudette? You in there?
355
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,919
Coochiepaw!
I never thought
I'd see you again.
356
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:24,255
Yeah, well, things
didn't really work out.
357
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,049
Yeah, I knew they wouldn't.
358
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,639
Hey, shit stains!
Your sister's back!
(CAT MEOWS)
359
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,425
(PURRS)
Damn, Slimer, you're
looking good!
360
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,604
You get a second coat?
(SCREECHES)
361
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,062
Uppity piece of shit.
362
00:15:35,144 --> 00:15:37,064
Oh, they're just jealous
you got out.
363
00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:39,982
Check out my new digs.
Got a couple of new frames.
364
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,025
That's a new bathroom.
It's just a bucket.
365
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,985
Bedroom's just
the way you left it.
(DOG BARKS)
366
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:46,110
Except for all
the Chows.
367
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:49,156
Chewed your stuff up
pretty bad. (LAUGHS)
368
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,620
Got a few rusted out
Suzuki Samurais
you can sleep in.
369
00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:56,292
Oh. Cool.
Yeah, just have
to fight off the Chows.
370
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:59,043
They're in there pretty good.
Wanna see something?
371
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:04,052
You saved all
my newspaper clippings?
372
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,554
No, I save every newspaper.
373
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,466
It's a debilitating illness.
374
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,967
We will begin
the ceremony now.
375
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:12,969
I'm ready.
376
00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:16,135
I never asked you to undress.
377
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:19,766
Oh, should I...
I can put this back on,
but it'll take a while.
378
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:22,274
Forget it. It's fine.
Let's just keep going.
379
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:24,574
What's this?
A Native American
back scratcher?
380
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:28,148
It's a blowdart gun,
and I guess it's yours now.
381
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:30,660
(CHANTING)
382
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:38,075
Focus hard on
the animal inside.
383
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:40,128
That gives you power.
384
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:41,999
(GRUNTS)
385
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:47,674
Your spirit animal,
there is much madness in it,
386
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:51,337
like your soul is poisoned
with cheap spray paint!
387
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,431
I...I don't see
what that has to do
with anything!
388
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,473
(CREATURE ROARS)
389
00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,064
Holy hell!
390
00:16:58,227 --> 00:16:59,937
(ROARS)
(SCREAMS)
391
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:08,112
Cooch? Sleeping
in a Suzuki Samurai?
392
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:09,445
You're better than that.
393
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:10,864
This is my home now.
394
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,990
Well, me and the Chows.
They pretty much run the show.
395
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,664
Can't talk back to the Chows.
396
00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:18,578
Cooch, why did you run away?
397
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,623
You were doing so good!
No, I wasn't!
398
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,668
It was just the pills
Brad gave me.
Made me smart.
399
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,878
Cooch, Adderall doesn't
make you smart.
400
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:29,045
Actually,
it's legalized cocaine.
401
00:17:29,258 --> 00:17:32,338
It wasn't the pills, Cooch.
That was you learning.
402
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,139
You still have a shot
at passing that test!
403
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:35,258
You still have a shot
at passing that test!
Come back with us, Cooch.
404
00:17:35,264 --> 00:17:36,354
Come back with us, Cooch.
405
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:39,061
I promise I'll keep
bullying you like
nothing happened.
406
00:17:39,143 --> 00:17:40,313
Will you stop it!
407
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:44,058
We promise to help you study
all night if need be.
408
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:47,605
I'm sorry.
This is my home now.
409
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,992
(DOGS BARKING)
Shit! The Chows are loose!
410
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,199
Oh, shit! They saw you!
Let's roll!
411
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:52,237
Oh, shit! They saw you!
Let's roll!
COOCH: Chows, man...
(SCREAMS)
412
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:54,239
COOCH: Chows, man...
(SCREAMS)
413
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:59,158
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
414
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:17,429
(YAWNS) Ow! Thanks, man.
415
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,774
Well, you ready
for this, Cooch?
416
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,939
Uh... I can't remember
nothing, Rex!
417
00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:24,558
I need those pills!
418
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:27,357
We told you. The pills
didn't make you smart.
419
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,230
They were, uh...a placebo!
420
00:18:29,318 --> 00:18:31,278
Well, then get me
another placebo!
421
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:34,198
Here. This is
a special smart helmet.
422
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:37,244
Well, shit! I can't lose.
423
00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,985
Let's fuckin' do this!
424
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,590
(MACHINE WHIRS)
(BEEPS)
425
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,510
Oh, no, no, no.
This can't be right!
A passing grade?
426
00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:57,053
ALL: All right, Cooch!
427
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,846
Whoa! Uh-oh! Oh, dear.
428
00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:01,768
There's no name on this test.
429
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,691
Agony, you know damn well
that's Cooch's test!
430
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,270
Now, how am I
supposed to know that?
431
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:09,608
I mean... Why, anyone
could've submitted this.
432
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:13,147
I'm sorry, but
I have to ask Cooch to
get the fuck out!
433
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:13,322
I'm sorry, but
I have to ask Cooch to
get the fuck out!
Let me tell you
something, Agony.
It's okay, Rex.
434
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,410
Let me tell you
something, Agony.
It's okay, Rex.
435
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,829
I knew I didn't belong here.
436
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:21,828
Everyone's smart or civilized.
437
00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:24,541
(DOOR SLAMS)
(SCREAMS) Run! Run!
438
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:27,539
My nightmares have taken shape
and haunt my waking hours!
439
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:28,875
Oh, hello.
440
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,040
Where the hell have you been?
441
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:33,258
Oh, just doing
a little drug fueled
soul searching,
442
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,170
which may or may not
have opened a portal to hell.
443
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:37,219
(ROARS)
(SCREAMS)
444
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,102
(GROWLS)
445
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,760
(GRUNTS)
446
00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,269
Will you stop it?
(ROARS)
447
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:46,140
What the fuck is that?
Oh, it's my spirit animal,
448
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:48,860
which apparently
is a murderous buffalo,
quite unstoppable.
449
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,898
We'll see about that.
No!
450
00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:52,442
(ROARING)
451
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:53,525
Ooh!
452
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:57,361
REX: (GRUNTING)
Help me! Help me!
453
00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:59,568
Cooch, could I have a moment?
What is that on your head?
454
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:02,367
It's my smart helmet.
That can't possibly be true.
455
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:05,872
Yes, it is!
I used it to pass my GED!
456
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:09,537
My God! A cat from
the streets, through hardwork
and determination,
457
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,379
betters herself
through education?
458
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:14,463
My America still exists!
It's in you, Cooch!
459
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,377
God bless America!
460
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,309
(ROARS)
461
00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:27,942
Cooch! You've healed my soul!
462
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,937
Sergeant Agony,
you're not taking
this cat anywhere!
463
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:35,234
Sorry! Unless you can pull
a diploma out of your ass,
you lose.
464
00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:37,105
Maybe I can help.
465
00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:41,026
I was back behind that wall
not cowering in fear
466
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:46,698
and what I saw
was this weird cat thing
healing my friend.
467
00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:48,289
What does that
have to do with anything?
468
00:20:48,289 --> 00:20:48,369
What does that
have to do with anything?
Professor Hawkfeather of
New Mexico State University.
469
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:51,833
Professor Hawkfeather of
New Mexico State University.
470
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:56,302
An honorary degree
from New Mexico
State University?
471
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:56,467
An honorary degree
from New Mexico
State University?
I believe you said
Cooch required a high school
degree or higher,
472
00:20:56,465 --> 00:21:00,295
I believe you said
Cooch required a high school
degree or higher,
473
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,390
even only slightly higher.
474
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:06,269
Son of a bitch!
You got me again, Rex!
475
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:06,385
Son of a bitch!
You got me again, Rex!
Is this the exit?
Where's the exit?
476
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:07,601
Is this the exit?
Where's the exit?
477
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:14,112
I'm proud of you, team.
We stuck together and didn't
let them take one of our own.
478
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:16,980
Well, not you, Ranger.
You freaked out and almost
killed us all.
479
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:18,988
Well, shit got real.
What can I say?
480
00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:21,532
Do we need the hat on
to the duration of the day?
481
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,784
You gonna wash that paint ring
off of your mouth?
482
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:26,371
Oh, damn it.
Is that still there?
483
00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:30,038
Hey, Cooch, think
I could get that 20 bucks
for the Adderall?
484
00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:32,833
Sorry, Brad, I don't
lend money to friends.
485
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,250
Aw. Wait,
486
00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:37,507
I'm not asking for a loan.
You owe me 20 bucks.
See ya!
487
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:39,545
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello?
488
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:42,842
(GIBBERING OVER PHONE)
No! I'm not interested
in giving you a good time!
489
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:45,506
(DOGS BARKING)
Wait, are those Chows?
490
00:21:45,596 --> 00:21:47,966
Saturn! Did you use
the bathroom at Claudette's?
491
00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,097
Flick!
492
00:21:49,518 --> 00:21:51,728
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
493
00:22:08,537 --> 00:22:10,327
(MONKEY CHATTERS)
MAN: Stupid Monkey.
39259
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