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1
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:03,896
I JUST STARTED MY COURSE
ON GLOBAL FEMALE OPPRESSION.
2
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:05,207
OH.
3
00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:06,739
SAYS HERE IF YOU BEHAVE
THE WAY YOU DO
4
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,714
IN MOST OF THE WORLD,
HALF YOUR FACE WOULD BE GONE.
5
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:12,082
NO, NO, THEY'D LOVE ME
EVERYWHERE.
(click)
6
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,853
(blows air)
7
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:16,581
WELL, IT'S HAPPENED.
THEY'RE CHARGING FOR BAGS.
8
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,087
FROM NOW ON,
EVERY MEMBER OF THE HOUSEHOLD
9
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:20,719
WILL BRING THEIR OWN BAG
TO THE DRUGSTORE.
10
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,364
(Polly) MY STEPFATHER'S
COMEDY CLUB BUSINESS
11
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:24,360
IS BOOMING,
SO HE'S CONVINCED THE UNIVERSE
12
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:27,602
IS GONNA REWARD HIM WITH DEATH.
13
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,258
I'VE GOT EVERY OVER-THE-COUNTER
DIAGNOSTIC TEST
14
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:31,527
AVAILABLE TO MAN.
15
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,665
EVEN HAD TO FIGHT A CHILD
FOR THIS THERMOMETER,
16
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,101
BUT I GOT IT.
17
00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:37,106
GOES UNDER THE ARM,
ON THE FOREHEAD, NO ORIFICE.
18
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,738
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LEARN
THAT THE OTHER SHOE
19
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,072
IS NEVER GONNA DROP?
20
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:41,738
SHOES DROP, ELAINE.
21
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,505
REMEMBER WHEN BILLY CRYSTAL
WAS ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW,"
22
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,884
AND HE MENTIONED MY NAME?
23
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,082
LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED
TO ME THE NEXT DAY.
24
00:00:46,114 --> 00:00:47,954
BOOM. TESTICULAR CANCER.
25
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:50,951
UNIVERSE IS OUT TO GET ME.
WE WILL STOP AT NOTHING.
26
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:53,194
THE UNIVERSE DOESN'T
KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
27
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:55,361
AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?
THE UNIVERSE.
28
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,259
GOD, YOU ARE SO STUBBORN.
29
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:59,931
I BELIEVE YOU WOULD GET CANCER
JUST TO PROVE A POINT.
30
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,630
WELL, IF ONLY IT WAS
THAT EASY.
31
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,862
MAX, SPEAKING
OF MAKING POINTS,
32
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,096
COULD YOU PLEASE STOP
33
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,872
WITH THE MEDICAL PREPAREDNESS
E-MAILS?
34
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,569
I AM BOTH TOO YOUNG AND TOO OLD
TO BE TAKING DAILY BABY ASPIRIN.
35
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,973
LISTEN, LET ME TELL YOU
WHAT'S VERY IMPORTANT--
(doorbell rings)
36
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,905
BE ABLE TO CHECK SOMEBODY
TO SEE IF THEY'VE HAD A STROKE.
(monitor beeping steadily)
37
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:16,411
OKAY? THIS IS WHAT YOU DO.
YOU INSTRUCT YOUR LOVED ONE
38
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,614
TO SMILE AND STICK
THEIR TONGUE OUT. HUH?
39
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:20,476
LIKE THAT.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
40
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,924
THAT WAY, YOU CAN TELL IF THEY
HAVE A FACIAL PARALYSIS OR NOT.
41
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:26,350
SEE? HUH?
GOOD. HUH? HUH? BAD.
42
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,422
HI.
ELAINE GREEN?
43
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:33,258
OH, I JUST LOVE WHEN SOMEONE
I DON'T KNOW SAYS MY NAME.
44
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,804
(laughs)
MAKES ME FEEL FAMOUS.
45
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,799
(grunting)
46
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,771
SEE, NOW YOU'RE MOCKING ME.
47
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,800
OH, NO, THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
NO, I KNOW WHAT
I'M DOING.
48
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,835
WE'RE BEING SUED.
49
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:47,342
(rapid beeping)
WHAT?
50
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:48,505
(long beep)
51
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:55,946
WHY WOULD BARRY BERMAN
SUE US?
52
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,853
MAX PUT TOGETHER A DEAL
TO FILM COMICS FOR TV,
53
00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:00,916
BUT HE NEEDED THEM
TO SIGN A CONTRACT.
54
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,664
MY MOM WAS IN CHARGE
OF CONTRACTS,
55
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:05,330
AND SHE MADE HERSELF
VICE PRESIDENT OF THE CLUB.
56
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:06,859
HEY!
(speaks indistinctly)
57
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,364
THERE WAS NO PRESIDENT.
58
00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:09,656
I'M VICE PRESIDENT.
I KNOW, ELAINE.
59
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:10,857
YEAH.
THANK YOU.
60
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,198
OH, WHAT A FUNNY GUY.
61
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,703
IT'S HAPPENING.
(sets down papers)
62
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,774
WE'RE BEING CRUSHED,
ELAINE...
OKAY.
63
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,713
BY A GIANT CRUSHING SHOE.
64
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:20,138
I THOUGHT IT WOULD COME
IN THE FORM OF AN AILMENT,
65
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,844
BUT THE UNIVERSE DECIDED
TO MAKE IT FINANCIAL RUIN.
66
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,676
EXCUSE ME.
AS VICE PRESIDENT,
67
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,523
I HAVE LEGAL CONTRACTS
68
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:29,548
GIVING US OWNERSHIP
OF THAT MATERIAL.
69
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:33,353
THE CONTRACTS. OH, MY GOD.
THE PUTZ DOESN'T HAVE A CASE.
70
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:35,057
THERE'S NO CASE...
FOR THE PUTZ.
71
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,888
POLLY'S BEDROOM
USED TO BE MY OFFICE.
72
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,734
I'M SURE THEY'RE IN THERE.
(exhales deeply)
73
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,889
UH...
74
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,898
WHY DO YOU NEED SO MANY
AB-ROLLERS?
75
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:45,231
WELL, WHEN YOU TAKE AN AMBIEN,
YOU'VE GOT A WINDOW
76
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,296
IN WHICH YOU CAN EITHER
GO TO BED
77
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:48,204
OR YOU CAN START
SHOPPING ONLINE,
78
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,566
SO I STARTED SHOPPING ONLINE--
I DON'T NEED AN ANSWER
TO THAT.
79
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:50,873
OKAY, THEY WERE
IN THE CLOSET.
80
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,344
I PUT THEM
IN THAT SHOPPING BAG
81
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,213
I USED TO USE
AS MY IRONIC PURSE.
82
00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:56,482
DID YOU TOUCH
ANY IRONIC PURSES?
83
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,150
UH, WELL, I-I NEEDED ROOM
FOR ALL MY COLLEGE STUFF,
84
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,908
AND THERE WAS
A BUNCH OF CRAP IN THERE,
85
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:02,547
SO I JUST THREW IT OUT--THREW
OUT IN THE GARBAGE. I THREW IT.
86
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,593
MAYBE NOT. IN ALL THE GARBAGE--
JUST THREW IT OUT.
(whispers) OH, GOD.
87
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,149
OKAY, OKAY, EVERYBODY TAKE
A DEEP BREATH.
88
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,517
I WASN'T VOTED
BEST LIFE COACH
89
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,916
BY "INSPIRATIONAL MAGAZINE"
FOR NOTHING,
90
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,088
SO EVERYBODY...
(breathes deeply)
THAT WAS A PROMOTIONAL MAGAZINE
91
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,685
THAT YOU SELF-PUBLISHED.
92
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:16,157
DON'T BE NEGATIVE!
WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?
93
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,726
POLLY, DID YOU SEE
A PINK SHOPPING BAG
94
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:21,026
WITH BOW HANDLES...
THE BOW HANDLE ON IT.
95
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:24,238
AND AN ODDLY SEXUAL
CARTOON CAT ON THE FRONT?
SEXY CAT ON...
96
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:31,849
YES, I REMEMBER THAT,
AND IT'S GONE.
97
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:35,079
HOW DO YOU FEEL AFTER
TAKING US INTO THE ABYSS?
ALL RIGHT.
98
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,415
I MEAN, I-I DON'T KNOW.
"ABYSS" MIGHT BE A LITTLE...
99
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,421
I NEED TO GO TO THE KITCHEN.
100
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,392
YES.
101
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,921
OH, SO THIS IS MY FAULT?
HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?
102
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:46,126
SO YOU SEE A BAG FULL OF PAPERS,
AND YOU DON'T DOUBLE-CHECK
103
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,759
TO SEE WHAT'S INSIDE?
WHAT IF IT WAS A BAG OF MONEY?
104
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,355
OH, THIS IS SO MUCH MORE
CONSTRUCTIVE THAN FIGHTING.
105
00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:53,298
LET'S ALL THINK ABOUT WHAT COULD
HAVE BEEN INSIDE THE BAG.
(cabinets opening and closing)
106
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,574
I'LL GO FIRST. KITTENS!
107
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:58,113
WHO PUTS IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS
INSIDE A SHOPPING BAG
108
00:03:58,138 --> 00:03:59,468
LIKE HOMELESS PEOPLE
109
00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:01,907
AND MENTAL PATIENTS
AND REFUGEES?
110
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,212
WHY ARE YOU OPENING EVERY
SINGLE CABINET IN THE KITCHEN?
111
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,654
BECAUSE I NEED
A CRUNCHY AND SALTY SNACK
112
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,820
TO QUELL THE TIDE
OF THIS PANIC.
113
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,449
ELAINE, WHERE IS THAT, UH,
114
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:13,324
THE CHEESY POPCORN
WITH THE UNEXPECTED KICK?
115
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,664
BEST CHEESY POPCORN EVER?
DENVER AIRPORT.
116
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,589
(bells jingling)
HEY, SO YOUR CHRISTMAS PIÑATA
NEEDS FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS--
117
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,656
OH, THEY'RE COVERED.
YOU SEE THIS CRAZINESS?
118
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:23,234
YOU SEE?
THIS IS THE DISRESPECT
119
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,773
OF OUR BELONGINGS,
OF OUR SPACE,
120
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,639
AND OF THE FACT THAT WE
WELCOMED YOU INTO OUR HOME
121
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:30,638
INTO WHAT HAS BECOME
AN INDETERMINATE AMOUNT OF TIME.
122
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:31,811
(lowered voice)
IS WHATEVER THIS MY FAULT?
123
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,339
NO.
OH, I SEE.
124
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,344
SO THIS IS ABOUT ME
LIVING HERE.
125
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:36,636
I'VE TRIED TO BE
A GOOD EXAMPLE TO YOU, POLLY.
126
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,847
I AM A MAN OF INTEGRITY,
OF DILIGENCE.
127
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,849
I'M A HARD WORKER.
128
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,821
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
MR. PERFECT.
129
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:46,020
(deep voice) OH, I BRING MY OWN
SHOPPING BAGS TO THE DRUGSTORE.
130
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,993
YOU SEE, THAT'S WHAT YOU DO,
INSTEAD OF USING ME
131
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,532
AS AN EXAMPLE, YOU DEFY ME.
YOU KNOW WHY?
132
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:53,659
BECAUSE
YOU'RE SELF-CENTERED.
133
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,534
(pats palms)
134
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:58,273
OH, I' SELF-CENTERED?
UM, THE OTHER DAY
135
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,368
I SAW YOU SAYING HELLO
TO YOURSELF
136
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,170
IN THE MIRROR
FOR, LIKE, 20 MINUTES.
137
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:06,171
(imitates Max) OH, HELLO.
HELLO. HI. HI. I'M MAX GREEN.
138
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,836
(crunching)
139
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,535
I WAS PRACTICING
BUSINESS VOICES.
140
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:12,208
BUT IF I WANNA DO VOICES,
141
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:15,475
I SHOULD HAVE THAT RIGHT
TO DO THEM WITHOUT COMMENT,
142
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:18,216
JUST LIKE I WILL LIVE
WITHOUT THE FEAR OF SOMEBODY
143
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,451
THROWING OUT
MY IMPORTANT PAPERS
144
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:23,558
OR--OR--OR USING MY ITEMS
WITH TOTAL ABANDON,
145
00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:25,361
LIKE MY MAX MUG.
146
00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:29,403
I MADE THAT FOR YOU.
THAT IS MY MUG--
PRECISELY!
147
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:30,900
NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME
TO CONSIDER DE-ESCALATING.
OKAY.
148
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,401
(coughs)
(coughs)
149
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,073
IN MY LIFE COACHING...
NOT NOW, ELAINE.
150
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,701
WE DO THIS EXERCISE.
IT'S VERY SPECIAL.
MOM.
151
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,736
NOT NOW. WE DON'T WANNA
HEAR IT. STAY OUT OF IT!
152
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:39,371
(Polly and Max
shout indistinctly)
OH, MY GOD! STOP YELLING!
153
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:41,707
I LOVE YOU! OH. (exhales)
154
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,842
I ASKED YOU IF IT WAS OKAY
IF I STAYED HERE
155
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,477
WHILE I TOOK
COLLEGE CLASSES.
156
00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:46,813
NO, NO. I BEG TO DIFFER.
YES. YES.
157
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,677
YOU ANNOUNCED THAT
YOU WOULD BE LIVING HERE
158
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,546
WHILE TAKING
COLLEGE CLASSES.
159
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:53,924
SEE, LOOK, HERE'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN ANNOUNCING AND ASKING.
160
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,224
OH.
OKAY.
161
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,915
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ELTON JOHN!
162
00:05:56,957 --> 00:06:00,257
OR... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ELTON JOHN? EW.
163
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,333
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GLAD THIS HAPPENED.
164
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,732
BECAUSE HAVING YOUR STEPDAD
YELL AT YOU
165
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:05,534
ABOUT HOW YOUR TAMPONS
SCREW UP THE PLUMBING
166
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,536
IS NOT MY IDEA
OF THE HIGH LIFE.
167
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,198
ALL RIGHT, WHO DOESN'T
KNOW THAT ABOUT TAMPONS?
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
168
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,896
I KINDA THINK THAT MAYBE
IT'S TIME TO FACE THE FACT
169
00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,438
THAT A SINGLE MOTHER IN HER 30s
LIVING WITH HER PARENTS...
170
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,513
EASY.
IS MAYBE NOT AS FANTASTIC
AN IDEA
171
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,942
AS WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE,
SO THANK YOU....
WHO SAID IT WAS FANTASTIC?
172
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,507
SO MUCH...
YOU NEEDED HELP.
173
00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:19,876
FOR TAKING ME IN,
BUT I REALLY THINK IT'S BEST
174
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,383
THAT I LIVE ON MY OWN.
175
00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:23,545
MY LAPTOP.
176
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,692
OKAY, THAT'S...
177
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:31,361
YOU MEAN THIS WHOLE TIME, SHE'S
HAD SOMEPLACE ELSE TO LIVE?
178
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,861
(Polly) I CAN HEAR YOU!
179
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,133
GOOD!
180
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,126
SO I DID THE EASY PART--
THROWING A FIT
181
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:42,468
AND STORMING OFF TO MY ROOM.
NOW I NEEDED A PLACE TO LIVE.
182
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,203
TWO BEDROOMS,
ONE AND A HALF BATHS.
183
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,637
IT'S GORGEOUS, AND...
TOTALLY OUT OF MY PRICE RANGE.
184
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:49,775
THERE'S A CRACK HOUSE FOR SALE
ON MY BLOCK.
185
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:53,250
IT'S A TOTAL STEAL IF YOU CAN
GET PAST THE CRACKHEADS.
186
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,620
CRACKHEADS, YOU SAY?
WHAT IS THE PARKING SITUATION?
187
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,090
I SPENT THE NIGHT
IN A CRACK HOUSE.
188
00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,288
MY EX TURNED OUT
TO BE A CRACKHEAD.
189
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,060
NAIVE ME THOUGHT SHE WAS
JUST AN UPBEAT ANOREXIC.
190
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,230
WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE,
YOU SEE WHAT YOU WANNA SEE.
191
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,288
THAT IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN
TO YOU.
192
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:10,097
THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S NOT, I MEAN,
SURE, I'M A LITTLE FREAKED OUT
193
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,630
'CAUSE I HAVE NOT LIVED ALONE
IN EVER,
194
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,325
AND, NO, I DO NOT POSSESS
THE SKILLS
195
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:16,066
THAT PEOPLE WHO LIVE
ON THEIR OWN POSSESS, AND, YES,
196
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,513
HAVE NOT FIGURED OUT A WAY
TO END THIS SPEECH,
197
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:21,778
BUT... THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE--
BET ON HER,
198
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:22,979
'CAUSE SHE'S GONNA MAKE IT.
199
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,910
FEELS A LITTLE PAT,
BUT I GOT THERE.
200
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,475
(door opens, bells jingle)
OH, LOOK.
201
00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:28,484
IT'S THE HAPPY COUPLE.
202
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:33,146
HE GETS HER, AND I SLEEP WITH
A PILLOW SHAPED LIKE A WOMAN.
203
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,456
OLIVIA IS THIS GORGEOUS,
RICH SHE-LAWYER.
204
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,789
WHEN JULIAN'S WITH ME,
HE'S LIKE THIS.
205
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,485
YEAH!
UGH.
206
00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:43,197
SEE? URBAN FISHING. NO MORE
RELYING ON "THE MAN" FOR FISH.
207
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,170
THAT FISH HAS A CONDOM
IN ITS MOUTH.
208
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,028
PROBABLY. HE'S A PLAYA.
209
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,697
UM...
WHEN HE'S WITH HER,
HE'S LIKE THIS.
210
00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:51,506
DO YOU HAVE A NICE MORBIER?
BECAUSE WE ARE LOOKING FOR
211
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,709
A CHEESE TO PAIR WITH PEARS.
212
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:55,311
OH.
OH.
213
00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:56,312
OH, OH, OH.
214
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:57,783
(laughs)
215
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,181
IT WAS JOKE OF THE MONTH
IN "GOURMET" MAGAZINE.
216
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:04,183
SO HOW HAPPY I AM YOU TWO
WALKED INTO HERE. WHY DID YOU?
OH.
217
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,687
THIS IS CLOSE TO OLIVIA'S,
218
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,359
AND WE'VE BEEN CAMPED OUT THERE
ALL WEEKEND.
219
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:10,218
ACTUALLY, I HAVEN'T BEEN
IN CLOTHES SINCE FRIDAY.
220
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:11,657
AND SINCE WE'RE PRACTICALLY
LIVING TOGETHER,
221
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,692
JULIAN THOUGHT,
WHY NOT MAKE IT OFFICIAL?
222
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,357
I MEAN, I'M WEARING
HIS UNDERWEAR.
223
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,395
AH.
YEAH.
224
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,029
AND I'M WEARING HERS.
225
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,495
AND I AM WEARING A BATHING SUIT,
AS IT'S LAUNDRY DAY,
226
00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,674
SO WE ALL HAVE THINGS
TO BRAG ABOUT.
227
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,373
ANYWAY, POLLY, WHY DON'T YOU
MOVE INTO MY APARTMENT?
228
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,974
SERIOUSLY. I MEAN, I CAN'T
GET OUT OF THE LEASE.
229
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,007
IT'S SUPER CHEAP. I KNOW YOU GOT
IN THAT FIGHT WITH MAX.
230
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,712
THIS COULD BE PERFECT.
231
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,914
HOLY CRAP.
IT TOTALLY COULD.
232
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,376
ISN'T HE THE BEST?
OH.
233
00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:37,885
HOW MANY GUYS COULD HELP
THEIR EX-WIFE AND DELIGHT
234
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:39,388
THEIR... FUTURE WIFE
AT THE SAME TIME?
235
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:43,419
THIS IS... AWESOME! I...
ARE YOU SURE? THANK YOU.
236
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,056
YEAH, YEAH. MOVE IN ANYTIME.
237
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:48,032
I JUST NEED TO STOP BY
TO GET MY AMP AND MY FLARES.
238
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,431
OH, HONEY, NOBODY WEARS
FLARES ANYMORE.
239
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:52,573
NO, NO, HE MEANS ACTUAL FLARES.
240
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,840
THIS ONE IS A KEEPER.
AW.
241
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,768
YOU KNOW, FOR... YOU.
242
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,114
SO WE MOVED INTO JULIAN'S
243
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,838
VARIOUS SHADES OF BROWN
APARTMENT.
244
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,783
LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST
YOU AND ME, KID. (clicks teeth)
245
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:03,780
AND HIM.
246
00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:05,851
(squeaking)
AAH!
247
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:06,909
CLOSE THE DOOR!
248
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,617
CLOSE IT! CLOSE THE DOOR!
249
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,019
YOU DO IT! I'M THE CHILD!
250
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,220
YES, YOU ARE.
(panting)
251
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:16,094
OKAY, SO THAT WAS HORRIFIC,
BUT IT'S OVER.
252
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:18,693
AND NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS FIND ANOTHER BATHROOM
253
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,956
TO USE FOREVER, WHICH I WILL NOT
NEED FOR A WHILE
254
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,564
BECAUSE I JUST WENT
A LITTLE.
255
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,028
MEANWHILE, MAX AND ELAINE
SOUGHT SUPPORT
256
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,797
FROM THE GUY WHO MANAGED
THE CLUB IN THE '90s.
MAX GREEN!
257
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,467
UM, HANG ON.
I GOTTA PUT ON SOME PANTS.
258
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:35,275
HE'S SEEN BETTER TIMES.
259
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:39,647
WELL... THOSE LOOK DELICIOUS.
260
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,450
TAKE ONE.
I MADE IT MYSELF.
SURE. SURE.
261
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:45,392
I REMEMBER. BARRY BERMAN
SIGNED THE CONTRACT.
262
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,318
ALL THE COMICS DID.
263
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:50,464
OH, THANK GOD.
YOU JUST SAVED MY LIFE.
YEAH.
264
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,130
AND YOU'LL BE WILLING
TO TESTIFY TO THAT?
265
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:53,629
SURE.
266
00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:55,631
FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.
267
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:58,303
(laughs)
268
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,971
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE FIRED ME.
269
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,772
YOU WERE STEALING
FROM ME.
270
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:05,244
MAX, YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND.
271
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,842
BACK IN THOSE DAYS,
I WAS IN ROUGH SHAPE.
272
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,335
OKAY, ELAINE. WE'RE GOING.
OKAY.
273
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:12,346
YOU KNOW, NIRVANA, I SEE
SO MUCH FOR YOU THAN THIS.
274
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,149
(whispers) I'M A LIFE COACH.
ELAINE.
275
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,751
CALL ME.
276
00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:19,153
OKAY, THERE SHOULD BE
A BIG TUBE UNDER THE PLATE
277
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:20,686
AT THE BACK.
278
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,521
HA HA! I SEE IT!
DOES THAT MAKE FIRE HAPPEN,
279
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,515
ME SEEING IT?
280
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,487
CAN'T WE GO BACK
TO GRANDMA AND GRANDPA'S?
(door closes)
281
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:27,956
DON'T YOU LOVE 'EM?
282
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:29,325
OF COURSE I LOVE THEM,
283
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:30,462
BUT WE WERE ONLY SUPPOSED
TO LIVE THERE
284
00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:33,527
UNTIL I FOUND A PLACE,
AND I DID.
285
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:37,536
BUT... EMOTIONAL INDEPENDENCE
BUILT ON DEFIANCE
286
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:40,310
ISN'T AS STURDY AS
EMOTIONAL INDEPENDENCE
287
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,880
BUILT ON LOVE.
288
00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:43,709
HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING
TO GRANDMA?
289
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,684
NOPE.
290
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:47,723
I MEAN, WE BOTH
WANT THE SAME THINGS.
291
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,278
CANDY?
292
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:52,386
YEAH. AND FOR YOU GUYS
TO MOVE BACK IN HERE.
293
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,219
SEE, RIGHT NOW MOMMY AND MAX
ARE IN WHAT ADULTS CALL
294
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,015
A PISSING MATCH.
295
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:59,887
I HAD ONE OF THOSE
WITH THIS KID IN PRESCHOOL.
OH, YEAH?
296
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,527
IT WASN'T FAIR,
'CAUSE HE'S A BOY.
NO.
297
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:02,701
AND WHERE IS HE NOW?
298
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:04,160
FIRST GRADE.
299
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,467
EXACTLY. ALL RIGHT,
I'M GONNA WORK ON MAX.
300
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,999
YOU WORK ON MOMMY.
301
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,565
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY
TO HER
302
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:13,142
ABOUT...
EMOTIONAL INDEPENDENCE?
303
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,643
EMOTIONAL INDEPENDENCE...
304
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,575
IS BETTER
IF IT'S BUILT ON LOVE.
305
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,350
AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK,
WE'LL DO A PRETEND KIDNAPPING.
306
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,684
(sighs)
307
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,316
HONEY,
I'M SURE YOU MISS THEM,
308
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,721
AND, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE TIMES
THAT I WANNA GO BACK, TOO,
309
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:28,524
BUT WHEN YOU'RE AN ADULT,
310
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,085
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO LIVE ON YOUR OWN
311
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,433
AND DO YOUR LAUNDRY
IN A ROOM THAT SMELLS LIKE PEE.
312
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:38,001
(The Lumineers' "Ho Hey"
playing)
313
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,601
MAX STARTED TO WONDER
HOW HE COULD TAKE BACK
314
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:43,073
ALL THE THINGS
HE NEVER MEANT TO SAY.
315
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:45,743
* HO!
* SO SHOW ME FAMILY
316
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:49,043
* HEY!
* ALL THE BLOOD
THAT I WILL BLEED *
317
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,106
* HO!
* I DON'T KNOW WHERE I BELONG
318
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,114
AS FOR ME,
NOW THAT I WAS SETTLED,
319
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:57,217
I COULDN'T STOP THINKING
ABOUT ALL THE GOOD PARTS.
320
00:11:57,250 --> 00:12:00,290
* I BELONG WITH YOU,
YOU BELONG WITH ME *
321
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,760
* YOU'RE MY SWEETHEART
322
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,931
* I BELONG WITH YOU,
YOU BELONG WITH ME *
323
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,259
* YOU'RE MY SWEET
324
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,564
* HO!
325
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,600
* HEY!
326
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:13,231
**
327
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,766
I WASN'T SURE
IF I SHOULD GIVE UP
328
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:17,812
OR STICK IT OUT
AND MAKE EVERYBODY PROUD.
329
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:22,308
YOU HAVE DONE
AN AMAZING JOB.
330
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,442
I WAS KIND OF HOPING
IT WOULD BE A DISASTER
331
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,877
AND YOU'D COME BACK HOME.
332
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:29,223
I MISS SOMEONE TALKING TO ME
IN A FEMALE VOICE.
333
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,819
MAX TRIED IT ONCE,
WENT STRAIGHT DOWN
334
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,991
THAT BAD DRAG QUEEN HIGHWAY.
335
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,490
HOW IS MAX?
336
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,561
WELL, YOU KNOW,
HE'S STRESS EATING
337
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,058
BECAUSE OF THE LAWSUIT,
338
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,490
SO IT'S A LOT OF SWEATPANTS
AND SIGHING
339
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:41,525
AND PRETENDING
HE DOESN'T MISS YOU.
340
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,096
(voice breaking)
I WASN'T GONNA CRY.
341
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,132
OH, COME ON.
YES, YOU WERE.
342
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,837
YES, I WAS.
343
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,239
I KNOW THAT YOU LOVE
DE-ESCALATING
344
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,471
AND MAKING EVERYTHING BETTER,
BUT THIS IS BEST FOR EVERYONE.
345
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,336
JULIAN'S FOUND SOMEONE
HE LOVES.
346
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:58,175
I'M GROWING UP.
IT'S LIKE THE NEXT STAGE.
(snips)
347
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:01,411
WELL, I LOVE ANY SENTENCE
WITH THE WORD "STAGE" IN IT.
348
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,348
SO...
(door closes)
349
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:03,682
HEY.
AHH.
350
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,486
(Julian)
I GUESS THAT'S EVERYTHING.
351
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:06,988
YOU'RE ADORABLE.
SINGLE MOM ON HER OWN.
352
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,190
YOU'RE LIKE A '70s SITCOM.
353
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:12,362
AND WE OWE IT ALL
TO THE TWO OF YOU
354
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,192
AND YOUR CONVENIENT LOVE
FOR EACH OTHER.
355
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,857
YEAH. EVERYTHING WORKED OUT
PERFECT.
356
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:19,197
COME ON, JU-JU.
LET'S GO HOME.
357
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:21,602
THERE'S A LOT I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT MY EX-HUSBAND--
358
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,504
WHY HE COLLECTS
VINTAGE CELL PHONES,
359
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,167
HOW HE WOUND UP
IN THIS SITUATION,
360
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,536
BUT WHEN I SAW HIM
TURN FROM THAT KISS,
361
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,336
I KNEW HE DIDN'T LOVE OLIVIA,
362
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:34,048
AND HE WAS ONLY MOVING IN
WITH HER FOR ME.
363
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:36,521
YOU SAW THAT.
I SAW YOU SAW THAT.
364
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,389
UGH. WHY DID SHE HAVE TO SEE ME
SEE THAT?
365
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,234
SHE TRIED TO KISS HIM,
366
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,658
AND HE CHEEKED HER.
367
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:49,133
WELL, MAYBE SHE IS
INTO BEARDS.
368
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:52,232
I MEAN, MAYBE HE HIDES FOOD
IN THERE. HE USED TO.
369
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:55,235
WOMEN ARE INTO
ALL KINDS OF WEIRD... STUFF.
370
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:56,698
OH, YOU DON'T WANNA PLAY
THE "WEIRD STUFF" GAME WITH ME.
371
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:59,006
I MEAN, I CAN GO BLUER
AND DARKER AND LOWER
372
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,539
THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
373
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:05,054
THAT'S IT. I'M DONE.
HE DOESN'T LOVE HER.
374
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,048
YOU SAID THIS WAS ALL PART
OF THE NEXT STAGE.
375
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,050
YEAH, WELL, IF HE DOESN'T
LOVE HER,
376
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:11,922
YOUR STAGE IS...
ROTTING AND CRUMBLING,
377
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,722
AND CHORUS BOYS ARE
FALLING INTO THE PIT.
378
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:16,223
AND A-ONE AND A-TWO AND...
AAH!
379
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,356
YOU ARE JUST SAYING THAT
SO THAT MAYBE HE WILL LEAVE HER
380
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:19,491
AND THEN HE'LL HAVE
TO MOVE BACK HERE,
381
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,056
AND I WILL COME BACK HOME.
382
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,104
WELL, MAYBE, BUT YOU COULDN'T
LIVE WITH YOURSELF
383
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:27,070
IF YOU KNEW YOU WERE SACRIFICING
JULIAN'S HAPPINESS FOR YOURS.
384
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,670
SURE, I COULD. I AM
A... STONE-COLD BITCH.
385
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,213
PLEASE, YOU SAY "GESUNDHEIT"
WHEN THE DOG SNEEZES.
386
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,440
I COULD. I-I WOULD JUST
DRINK A LOT,
387
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,445
AND--AND MAYBE STOP PAYING
AS MUCH ATTENTION TO MY HAIR,
388
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:40,408
AND I'D BE THIS TORTURED,
INTERESTING PERSON
389
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,417
WITH DARK ROOTS
AND A DARK SECRET.
390
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,179
(can tab pops)
391
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,287
OH, YOU DON'T WANNA PLAY
THE DARK SECRET GAME WITH ME.
392
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,089
I ONCE WOKE UP
IN A MANNEQUIN FACTORY
393
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,721
WITH A BUCKETFUL OF HOT WINGS
AND A STEERING WHEEL IN MY HAND.
394
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:52,757
(pounds table)
STOP TOPPING ME
ON WEIRD THINGS!
395
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:56,302
JULIAN IS A GROWN MAN
WHO IS CAPABLE
396
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,469
OF MAKING MATURE DECISIONS.
397
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:01,128
REALLY? SINCE WHEN?
398
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,768
HEY, BUDDY.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
399
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:05,673
HOLD THAT.
400
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:12,708
SINCE... THE... BEGINNING
OF THIS CONVERSATION.
401
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,315
(door opens and closes)
402
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,218
ELAINE?
YEAH?
403
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,490
I'M DYING.
404
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,148
I'M... LYING?
(keys clatter)
405
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:21,647
NO.
406
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,118
MAX. (gasps) MAX.
YEAH. COME HERE.
407
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,386
LISTEN TO ME.
WHAT HAPPENED?
408
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,964
I'M DYING... ALONE.
OH, NO, NO.
409
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:30,434
I'M HERE.
I MEAN, YOU'RE HERE, BUT YOU
NEVER PAINTED ME ONE OF THESE.
410
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:31,803
SOMETHING IS--I'M HAVING...
411
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,531
OKAY, WHAT HAPPENED?
412
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,665
(whispers)
I'M HAVING A STROKE.
413
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,106
OKAY.
LET ME CHECK YOUR PULSE.
414
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,341
AM I SMILING?
415
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,975
YOU ARE SMILING.
IS MY TONGUE STRAIGHT?
416
00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:45,851
YOUR TONGUE IS STRAIGHT.
(whispers) IT'S MY TONGUE.
417
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,578
IS MY TONGUE STRAIGHT?
YES, IT IS.
418
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,624
I NEED TO HAVE
BILATERAL SYMMETRY.
(beeping)
419
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,520
YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
YOU'VE NEVER REALLY HAD THAT.
420
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,852
YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD SORT OF
A CHARACTERY FACE, TO BE HONEST.
WHAT?
421
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:57,817
(whispers indistinctly)
EMERGENCY PEOPLE?
422
00:15:57,857 --> 00:15:59,327
I'M DYING.
I'M HAVING ONE.
423
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:00,929
HELLO!
HEY.
424
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,200
COME ON IN.
(gasps)
425
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,700
I KNOW, RIGHT?
426
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:07,201
UM...
427
00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:10,274
SO, NAT, ARE YOU EXCITED
ABOUT DADDY NIGHTS?
428
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:13,013
YEAH.
DID YOU KNOW
THAT OLIVIA HAS A STABLE?
429
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,210
THERE ARE HORSES OUT BACK
IF YOU WANNA GO PET THEM.
430
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:16,712
(gasps)
COOL.
431
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,153
I CAN GET USED TO THIS.
432
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:22,848
A STABLE? UH, THIS IS
KIND OF AMAZING.
433
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,882
YOU MUST BE SO HAPPY HERE,
RIGHT? YOU'RE SO HAPPY HERE?
434
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,517
WELL, IT DOESN'T SUCK.
435
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,323
DOESN'T SUCK. AWESOME.
OKAY, SO I WILL, UH,
436
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:30,055
PICK UP NAT FIRST THING
IN THE MORNING.
OKAY.
437
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,790
AH, HEY, POL.
438
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,234
JU-JU, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,
BUT THERE'S NOT REALLY
439
00:16:34,261 --> 00:16:35,861
A PLACE
FOR THESE OLD PHONES,
440
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,895
SO I'M GONNA HAVE JULIO
TAKE 'EM TO THE DUMP.
441
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,800
(box thuds)
442
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:40,902
(strained voice) OKAY.
443
00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:44,969
JU-JU... I HOPE
I'M WRONG-WRONG,
444
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,344
BUT I'M KINDA GETTING
A LITTLE BIT OF A FEELING
445
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:49,043
THAT MAYBE YOU'RE NOT
SO INTO OLIVIA.
446
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,906
I MEAN, IS THERE ANY WAY THAT
YOU'RE JUST LIVING HERE WITH HER
447
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:53,253
BECAUSE OF ME
AND MY SITUATION?
448
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,320
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
THAT I DON'T LOVE HER, OKAY?
449
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,218
SHE'S GREAT.
I SAW YOU CHEEK HER, JULIAN.
450
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,920
SHE LEANED IN TO KISS YOU,
AND... YOU CHEEKED HER.
451
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,922
IS THAT EVEN A THING?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
452
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:04,494
OKAY, YOU BE YOU,
AND I'LL BE OLIVIA.
OKAY.
453
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:05,664
SO I LEAN IN, AND IT LOOKS
LIKE I'M GONNA KISS YOU,
454
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,662
LIKE THIS.
LIKE, YEAH. MM-HMM.
455
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:08,864
MMM.
456
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,495
WHAT THE (bleep)?
457
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,760
NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
HONEY.
458
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,368
NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S NOT.
459
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,370
I ONLY DID THAT BECAUSE I WAS
TRYING TO DEMONSTRATE TO HIM
460
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:17,602
WHY I THOUGHT HE WASN'T
REALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.
YEAH, AND--AND--
461
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,507
I DIDN'T GET IT.
HE DIDN'T GET IT.
462
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,069
HE DIDN'T GET IT.
SO I STILL DON'T REALLY
UNDERSTAND IT.
463
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:22,378
HE LEANED IN TO KISS YOU
LIKE THIS...
464
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:25,249
YEAH. IT'S LIKE THIS. MMM.
465
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,778
STOP DOING THAT!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING!
466
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:30,424
I DON'T KNOW--OW!
OKAY, BOTH OF YOU, GET OUT.
467
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,520
NO, OLIVIA, PLEASE, CAN NATALIE
JUST RIDE THE HORSES
468
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,952
FOR A LITTLE BIT? I MEAN,
YOU'RE GONNA BREAK HER--
469
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,187
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL GET HER.
I'LL GET HER.
HE'S GONNA GET HER.
470
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,234
(cell phone rings)
471
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,628
(ring)
472
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:41,730
I'M JUST GONNA TAKE THIS.
473
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:42,931
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
(ring)
474
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:45,132
WHAT, HE HAS TO GO GET HER.
(ring)
475
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:48,935
HEY, MOM. (sighs)
476
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:52,068
WHAT? WELL, WAIT.
WHERE ARE YOU?
GOT HER.
477
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:54,205
OKAY. UM...
478
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,481
(beep)
WE HAVE TO GO.
479
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:56,938
WE HAVE TO GO.
YEAH.
480
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,276
YEAH. I-I JUST SAID
YOU HAVE TO GO.
481
00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,881
BYE, LADY!
482
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,612
MY NAME'S OLIVIA.
(Natalie) BYE, OLIVIA!
483
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:02,948
I'LL CALL YOU LATER
AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.
484
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:04,652
POLLY'S RIGHT.
485
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,224
I REALLY SHOULD BE GOING.
OKAY? THIS WOULD NEVER WORK.
486
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,324
UNLESS YOU WANNA JUST HOOK UP
EVERY--
JUST GO!
487
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:10,686
IT'S A BAD IDEA. I'LL SEE YA.
488
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:17,162
OKAY, I WANT YOU
TO GET ME A PRIEST.
489
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:18,827
HONEY, WE'RE JEWISH.
490
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:21,495
I UNDERSTAND.
I'M COVERING ALL MY BASES.
491
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:24,504
I NEED FOR SOMEONE
TO HEAR ME SAY GOOD-BYE
492
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:27,137
TO POLLY AND NATALIE
IN MY MIND.
493
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:28,614
I WOULD LOVE SOME CHIPS.
494
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:31,811
I'M DYING
FOR SOME CHIPS AND SALSA.
495
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:35,654
ASK HER. ASK HER.
NURSE, MY HUSBAND
NEEDS CHIPS AND SALSA.
496
00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:37,522
(curtain rings swoosh)
OH, MY GOD!
497
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:39,920
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
ARE YOU OKAY?
OH! OH, YES, YES.
498
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,862
OH, MY GOD.
I AM SO HAPPY YOU ARE--
499
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,689
WE'RE HERE.
LOOK, YOU ARE HERE.
SO HAPPY YOU'RE--
500
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,655
I WAS WORRIED
THAT THE LAST THING
501
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:51,134
YOU WOULD HAVE HEARD ME DO
WAS YELL.
502
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,334
HI, GRANDPA.
503
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:53,495
HI, GORGEOUS.
504
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:54,933
(chuckles and kisses)
505
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,267
LOOK AT THESE EARS.
506
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:57,873
THOSE ARE BUNS.
507
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:03,644
OH, MY. AND YOU, WHERE IS
YOUR SEXY SUGAR GIRL MAMA?
508
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:07,346
OH. POLLY HELPED ME REALIZE
THAT I WAS MAKING A MISTAKE.
509
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:10,050
YEAH, WELL, OF COURSE SHE DID,
BECAUSE YOU ARE SELFLESS.
510
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:11,682
OH.
AND YOU PUT EVERYBODY
BEFORE YOU.
511
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,688
AND I DIDN'T MEAN ANY OF THAT
STUFF THAT I SAID.
512
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,360
I DIDN'T MEAN ANY OF IT.
513
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,688
OH, MAX, I LOVE YOU.
I'M SO SORRY.
514
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,734
I'M SORRY. I'M THE--
I LOVE YOU.
NO, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
515
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,889
COME HERE.
516
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,858
(whispers) SAGE WORKS.
517
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:27,726
POLLY, IF I DIE HERE...
MM-HMM?
518
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:31,737
(whispers) I NEED YOU TO ERASE
THE HISTORY ON MY COMPUTER.
519
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:32,971
(normal voice)
EVERYBODY, COME ON.
520
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,735
OH. CAN WE DO THIS?
YEAH?
521
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,544
GET IN RIGHT HERE. GET IN.
COME ON. NURSE.
522
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:37,976
NO, THAT'S SOMETHING--
523
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,650
COME. OKAY.
THANKS.
524
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,219
UH, WE GOT YOUR BLOOD WORK
BACK, MR. GREEN.
YES.
525
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:45,549
YOU'RE FINE. YOU'RE JUST
REALLY, REALLY HIGH.
526
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:47,845
I'M WHAT?
OH. (chuckles)
527
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,187
(laughs)
YOU'RE HIGH.
528
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:52,192
THAT IS... (snorts)
YOU'RE HIGH?
529
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,585
CRAP.
530
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:56,096
SO I MOVED BACK IN
WITH MY PARENTS.
531
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:59,828
ARE YOU REALLY SURPRISED?
AND ON THIS MOMENTOUS OCCASION,
532
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,926
WHICH SEEMS
TO HAPPEN REGULARLY,
533
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:04,068
I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST...
534
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,103
OKAY, NAT...
535
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,007
TO MY DAUGHTER NATALIE.
536
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,539
I GUESS SHE WANTED
MY IRONIC PURSE, TOO.
537
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,777
THE IRONIC PURSE.
THE CONTRACTS. OH!
538
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:13,952
OH!
539
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:14,950
OH!
HA HA!
540
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,521
OH, THE CONTRACTS!
541
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,289
MWAH!
542
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:21,088
(both laughing)
543
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,760
(Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic
Zeros) * MAN, OH, MAN
544
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:24,259
* YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND
545
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:26,561
TO MY STEPFATHER MAX--
WHEN HE CAME DOWN,
546
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,703
I KNEW THINGS WERE BACK
TO NORMAL BETWEEN US
547
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,128
WHEN HE WROTE ME
AN E-MAIL SUBJECT LINE--
548
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:35,403
"FIVE WAYS TO TELL IF YOUR
PASTRY HAS BEEN TAMPERED WITH."
549
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,965
* PLEASE ME MORE THAN YOU
550
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:41,614
* HOME, LET ME COME HOME
551
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:43,741
TO MY EX-HUSBAND JULIAN...
(ring)
552
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,306
I MAY NOT WANNA BE
MARRIED TO HIM,
553
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,545
BUT I'M LUCKY HE'S IN MY LIFE.
(ring)
554
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,780
HELLO? YOUNG JULIAN?
555
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:50,776
* HOME
556
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,287
IS THAT YOU?
557
00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:53,919
* HOME IS WHEREVER
I'M WITH YOU *
558
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:56,793
AND FINALLY, TO MY MOTHER--
WHOEVER THOUGHT
559
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,223
SHE'D FINALLY
DE-ESCALATE THINGS
560
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,127
BY ACCIDENTALLY DOSING
MY STEPDAD?
561
00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:02,759
I'M SURE I'LL GET MY OWN PLACE
ONE DAY,
562
00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:04,795
AND NOW I KNOW I CAN DO IT.
563
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:07,801
BUT UNTIL THEN,
THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE
564
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:11,704
THAN LIVING WITH THE PEOPLE
WHO CARE ABOUT YOU THE MOST.
565
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,270
(door closes)
566
00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:16,678
I LOVE HAVING HER BACK,
567
00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:18,849
BUT STARING AT US
WHILE WE'RE SLEEPING?
568
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:22,148
I KNOW. WHAT IF WE WERE NAKED?
OR WHAT IF--
569
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:23,751
(Polly) I CAN HEAR YOU!
570
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:27,023
GO TO YOUR ROOM!
WE KNOW!
43327
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